Get Those pieces of $**T off my yard!!!
Part 3 Of 12
21st Century Sandshark Studios Presents
Impossible Space Tales Of
The Last Pit Stop Part Three Lloyd Conceived written and art by: Dan Nokes
Impossible Space Tales of The Last Pit Stop Part 2 GILBERT, Published January 2013 st 21 Century Sandshark Studios All Characters, stories, and concepts are the intellectual property of Dan Nokes 2013
Here is a brief synopsis Of what happened in the the first TWO ISSUES Alan Grissom is a low paid service worker, gaining employment at the local convenience store, and living in a dilapidated trailer home in the middle of nowhere, Nevada. Like many of this state, he hates his job, loathes his routine, and laments his life in general. The big difference is that his job is at the fabled AREA 51, which contains THE LAST PIT STOP: A convenience store for aliens. Its here that Alan ply's his trade alongside fellow employees Bud: An incect humanoid who enjoys chemical ingestion, disrespecting authority, and being surly and disrespectful to customers and coworkers, Margaret: The human assistant manager who is anal retentive and trying to get into the corporate ladder, Maylene: A sweet alien girl next door that Alan has a crush on, and Portis: An slug like humanoid who claimed to be a peace officer at one time. He is the current general manager of the store. They were joined by enthusiastic but annoying new employee Gilbert! That about sums it up in a bow! Hereâ€™s chapter 3 enthusiastic readers!
The Last Pit Stop Area 51 8:02 pm
The “Miserable old bastard” Bud is talking about is lloyd.
Have fun with the miserable old bastard! I’m gonna do something more constructive , like…I dunno… watch dust settle?! He is area 51’s one and only permanent resident.
He’s the reason any of this is here in the first place..
Mind you this fact does nothing to improve the codger’s disposition or manners… You better have my smokes and brew, if you’re even considering stepping on my nice clean lawn, ya’ prattling hairless chimp!
You do that in any case bud!
I do! And don’t worry! The beer is nice and cold this time! I come to his place a lot on my lunch breaks. Gives me a sense of perspective…
That and were contractually obligated to provide and deliver his groceries for free for lifeâ€Ś
Well? You gonna just stand there and gawk like the ugliest lawn ornament I have ever laid eyes upon?
My beerâ€™s not getting any colder?!
You want me to drop these off on the counter.?
Tak’em up to the roof! There’s some BBQ up there. help yourself kid.
You have any tourists stop by?
TALMARCHIAN INTERSTELLAR CULTURAL HERITAGE CENTER AND RESERVE
You’d miss them if they left altogether?
Thankfully no! Nice quiet day devoid of those damn parasites!
That Earth Humor? Explain why you hairless chimps haven't gotten past your own moon?!
A few moments laterâ€Ś
So I got another comunik from those morons at PIT that there have been some complaints about my â€œLack of friendliness and positive attitude?â€?
Hell no! What are those greedy pencil pushers gonna do to me?!
Can they penalize you for anything?
Im the reason they can do any of this kid! I go, the gas station goes with me!
A few hundred thousand miles from Earth 65.2 million years ago.. Hi kids! This is Lloyd! Iâ€™ll be narrating this portion of yerâ€™ funny book! So sit back and shut the hell up! Now where to begin?
You see, Hyperdrives cost money. Hyperbaric chambers cost money. Crews cost money. Our good friends at the P.I.T*. found out millions of years ago, that they could save a fortune in transport costs by employing my people at near slave wages!
I was one of those stupid Talmarchians that was too thick and unmotivated to get a decent job. So I became a space trucker.
My kind. The TALMARCHIANs, have unusually long life spans as life forms go: A few billion earth years on average. That and the fact that we can go centuries at a time without food sleep. Or water made us perfect for the interstellar shipping industry.
*P.I.T.- Phytocom Intergalactic Tricorporate
I was lugging nEUTANIUM from Orkram IV to the central processing world. Without hyperdrive it takes about 1000 years to cover the distance
Now like I said, our species lives a few billion years. A bonus of that is that we tend to percieve time differently than most other beings. Being in space this long for most others would drive them mad..
Doesn’t mean it was a bowl of smiles and happy fun times…
Now I did occasionally tend to “rest my eyes” for a minute or two
No big deal for the most part.
Except two other things my employers didn’t install on these rigs.
Autopilot and long range sensors..
Woke up to a nasty meteor storm
Ship got dinged to high heaven…
I didn’t have much time to react. I was about to become a screaming smores courtesy of Earth’s atmosphere!
Engines were severely damaged
Not much time to react…
I’d figured I’d rather get canned for derelict of duty. Then fry to a crisp.
So I bailed my cargo and hoped for the best
Unfortunately the trailer made their way into the lower atmosphere.
Now Neutonium is like nitro on crack. Times an assload of hurt.
Their kept in special containers that keep them stable.
WARNING: HAZARDOUS MATERIAL Product is not to be opened without special equipment and by level 5 materials handler. Materials are hazardous, toxic, flammable, and dangerous. This item is a schedule 1 item by the 4th Interstellar confrence. Mishandling or illegal posession can result in 20 cycles in prison and a 100,000 credit fine. But hurtling smack dab into a planet at super sonic speed tends to ding and bend even the best containers.
Meanwhile I managed to crash-land nearby..
I was salvageable. My ride however…not so much.
I thought the worst of it was over…
Not even friggin close!
Now while some of you may think what is about to transpire here, makes me some sort of incompetent destroyer of worlds. Consider this!
If my accidently dumping of 300 tons of toxic mega explosives hadn't of killed the dinosaurs. None of you would be here reading this right now.
Food for thought eh?
Fortunately I was just out of range of the worst of the blast!
Mind you: my barely unsalvageable ride was now upgraded to total piece of crap!
Also took me a day or two to dig myself out?
I was breathing in and out though. So I guess that counted for something?
I immediately sprung into action, took stock of my provisions, and waited for a rescue.
Well this most likely is gonna come out of my last paycheckâ€Ś
I got a signal out. I figured the local authorities would have me in a decade or two tops..
So you’re the dominant life form now? You don’t look like much!?
I managed to recover the emergency shelter from the wreck! That lasted a while.
But after a geologic epoch or two went by. I thought I might of got lost in the system…
Hey Skippy! That’s my fruit tree! Bad..Er! Whatever the hell you are!
About 50 or 60 million years I started to get bored.
Got damp around here awfully quick?
I thought I saw everything this planet had to offer…
Then the hairless chimps arrived!
Sentient life! Just friggin dandy!
They were sporadic and harmless at first…
But then you decided to get annoying with that society, culture and religion thing?
By The last few centuries I just decided to use my mental abilities to scramble what lone traveler or caravan crossed my path…
Really! You primates will make anything your god given half that chance?!
Well lookie what I see! That firewater in Carson city works a powerful mojo I reckon! Keep it up zeke! I’ll have you thinking you’re a cactus on fire in no time flat!
By a decade or four ago. I was having serious doubts about my rescue
Heh! Bunch of amateurs!
Then in 47’ I got a rude awakening!
Name was General Martin Chambers
I don’t think weve met before mister monkey?
I had an impromptu meeting with the good general and a rep from the PIT. Some hack from Legal with a smile as fake as a 3 dollar bill!
I get stranded for a couple of eons and all hell breaks loose?
Pleasure to m eet you sir!
I don’t really give a flying one! I don’t care about your cargo either! Just get me my damn ride home!
Mister Belskin! This is RELDTANKIIN TARG.
TARG? I thought the Krelgs were running the pit?
I would like to do that mister Belskin! But there are a few…complications.
Im afraid first off your homeworld was destroyed in a super nova eons ago?
But we have an exciting proposal for you sir!
That little “mishap” with your cargo created an anti-matter rift right around this spot you live on!
I’d like you to stop touching me while I process this.
You sir, as far as we know, are the last survivor of the Talmarchian race.
Now as much we would like to tap that resource, this world is class 5 and off limits to us
However: Mister Targ’s people have found a loophole..
As such the Interstellar conference with consent from a well compensated U.S. Government, have declared this area a cultural reservation and under the jurisdiction of the Ministry of tourism and cultural heritage..
Meaning with your cooperation. I believe we can find an agreement we can all benefit from.
So that’s how this place became a 3rd rate tourist trap complete with lukecrappy stop and shop, Come see the last Talmarchian, gas up and grab some sugary snacks in one go?!
So you killed the dinosaurs?
In my opinion they had it coming anyway…
Look son! The last Talmarchian! Behold his majesty
Your first tourists of the day I believe?
Let me get gussied up and greet my public.
This is beyond lame dad!
I gotta get back to work Lloyd. I’ll see you when I get off at midnight.
Excuse me! But can my son take a quick picture with you! It would mean so much to him!
Whatever kid! Have fun and smok’em if ya’ got’em!
Yea whatever? Hold yer damn horses!
End Chapter 3