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Concerning yourself with others to escape from you can only work for so long. From the day you were born the common denominator in everything has been you. *** Are you going to make your short-comings someone else’s fault today? *** It takes true emotional maturity to see the future. Knowing the self is a crystal ball. *** Can we cut to the part where we don’t talk anymore? *** Take responsibility for the way you feel. *** Shut the fuck up. *** What selfishness it is to drag others through your problems. *** I am careful in what I say to you. Not out of fear of repercussion, but because finally words have meaning. *** Let’s run away together. *** I miss you. Do you miss me? *** Holy has new meaning when I’m with you. Prayer and sin do too. *** I want the word “tender” struck from the human tongue. There is nothing tender about this. *** I am only strong now that I have no soft parts. They have been torn from me. I am left with machinery and bone, raw nerve endings. *** Who am I but someone marvelously upset? *** “Girl” is a costume.


*** The passing terror of being female in form but male in motive and mind. Men are deeply frightened by anything resembling their own behavior. Especially when it wears that shade of red. *** I’m covered in blood only I can see. Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me. *** Every day someone wakes up out of love. *** Telling someone they are only their age makes it seem like surviving is not impressive. *** The stained glass window pardons you of your sins. *** Men are not nurtured to be tactful. They are but bulls in a china shop. Women are nurtured so to be china. *** Always lusted, never loved. *** You couldn’t be further away from me. Even death is not this distant. *** I will not apologize for how I survive. *** You asked me to bleed for you. I did. You yelled at me for having a scar in the shape of your name. *** Nothing is so obsessive as to crave love. You will burn the world down for this addiction. *** What do you do about your self loathing? *** Oh yes, another sunrise. Lighting up the empty spot in the bed you left behind. ***


Have you thought about me even once since then? When you hold a cigarette do you hear my voice echoing in your head, Coming up with similes about your grace? Am I dead to you? *** You should have been gone hours ago. This will cost you extra. *** Opposites attract is an idiotic metaphor. Cats can’t mate with dogs, now can they? *** Pain is not a side effect of love. The spider does not love the fly. It could never. *** Someone who is lauded only as nice often has no other redeemable qualities. I don’t care how nice you are if I want to puncture my eardrums when you talk. *** You want everyone to be lonely like you. *** I am lost in the wilderness of my life. I do not hope to return from this. *** You will never be the same. *** How could you want me? I’m immensely flawed *** I can’t stand to hear people talk. *** I know that I’m worthless. *** I want to cry but I can’t. *** I never get to feel things when it’s appropriate. *** Always looking for rejection.


*** Self loathing is being trapped in a room with people who hate you and are not shy about it. *** Anxiety has my head in a vice. *** I act confused when people abandon me. As if I don’t know I’m repulsive. *** Desperate to find out what your insecurities look like. Do you weep? Is it loud or silent? *** I can look at you and see anything. A man. A mother’s love. A father’s shame. A festering open wound. *** Show me you believe in your life. *** I’m a scared child trapped in the body of a monster created to protect me. *** Not all vampires sustain on blood. Some choose drugs. Others sex, Or worse, Love. *** Scorpions are only dangerous when they choose to be. Mercy is so elegant. *** I have sealed off parts of myself. I can’t open up to you because I am locked out too. *** What’s done is done. *** You don’t listen. You hear but you don’t listen. ***


I’m sure you’ve thought of everything but try again. *** Why would you lie to me? I thought we told each other everything. *** Spin the chamber and pull the trigger. It’s fun, I swear. *** You always get stuck cleaning up a mess. *** He’s leaving and you can’t go with him. *** This was just an escape from real life. *** I watched her shoot up. *** The shower isn’t hot enough to wash away any of this. *** Hungover and in love. *** Your eyes keep me alive. *** She keeps crying. *** I think you’re perfect. *** You love her, don’t you? *** I owe you one. *** You think I’m crazy. *** You came here to die, didn’t you? ***


I couldn’t take it anymore. *** I’m never going home. *** I fell in love here. *** I had to leave, I’m so sorry. *** I am running out of things to say to you. *** This is about getting away and being free. *** I could stop. I just don’t want to yet. *** I waited for you to wake up before I left so you wouldn’t know what I’m capable of. *** I wish I could tell you how much I adore you. I hope you’ve realized it on your own. *** Why won’t you tell me how you feel? *** If you’re afraid, you should leave. *** His past is terrorizing you. *** If you really loved her you wouldn’t be here with me. *** Going away won’t change how you feel. It won’t change how they feel about you, either. *** I will never stop running. *** If we’re all supposed to be afraid of something why aren’t I trembling at night?


I sleep like a baby. *** Your jealousy is self inflicted. You pour salt in your own wounds. *** If you’re not angry then what are you? *** You get less human every time I see you. *** A heart like that will get you killed. *** I want to see all the ugly parts of you. *** I am incapable of being loved. I’m a broken toy, I hold no interest. *** Was this just about sex to you? *** How do I get out of here? *** Where do you think you’re going? *** Now is not the time for one of your breakdowns. *** I would burn in Hell for you. *** I fight to stay alive. I fight to enjoy life. *** I loved you so much, I was too pathetic to do anything about it. *** There is no way I’m going home with you. After all that you’ve put me through? ***


Listen. I could talk for hours about you. About your eyes and your lips and the way you smile. How loving you could really give my life purpose. How moved and inspired I’ve become by your presence in my world. I won’t do that though. I can’t let myself. I have constructed a noose from my hopes too often. Been cut down from hanging off my dreams by so many people. I lack conviction. I lack faith. I will take convincing. You will not enjoy this. You will try and see zero progress. You will be come disheartened. Followed by disenchanted. Then finally disappointment will set in. You will leave. You won’t look back. I won’t be able to convince you to stay. Years will pass. We will grow into two different things. Alive in separate worlds. You will apologize. I won’t feel a thing when you do. You’ll buy me a drink. I will fuck you. You will cry. I will sneak out of your house while you sleep. You will burn with a hatred for me the rest of your days. You will be on your deathbed when you realize it is actually love.

Profile for 2.13.96

Motel  

A short collection of micro-poems, mostly. I end this with a long piece. The concept is that you’re looking at a hotel and you can get ever...

Motel  

A short collection of micro-poems, mostly. I end this with a long piece. The concept is that you’re looking at a hotel and you can get ever...

Profile for 2.13.96
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