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MEN'S HEALTH

MAY 2016

TONS OF USEFUL STUFF

10

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Your Personal Lust List

Forget those to-do lists and bucket lists: your lust list needs attention. Think big. Bigger than that. Then go out and do it. Stuck for ideas? Here are some great ones

Five Sex Adventures You Have to Try

These are the five sex experiences every couple needs to have. Whip out your pen and start crossing them off your list today

SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

These Are the Kinds of Porn Men and Women Watch the Most

Need some inspiration? Take a look at what kind of porn you watch, what she’s most likely to watch, and where those genres cross over

STYLE & GROOMING

If you’re going to be living the lifestyle, you’ve got to look the part. Here’s how to look like a million dollars without spending it

WORKOUT

The Libido-Boosting Benefits of Exercise

FOOD & NUTRITION

You can’t make your sexual fantasies come true without keeping your body in tune. Here’s how exercise can prime your body and mind for sex GET YOUR DAILY DOSE OF MEN’S HEALTH 8 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

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The sound of perfection Medicine heals the body but music heals the soul and lifts our mood whenever we need it.

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gym that I avoid. Truth is, it exposes all my weaknesses and, honestly, I’d rather just do without it. I’m fully aware that revealing this will now force me to confront it and I guess that’s partly why I’m putting it out there. Deep down I know the stuff I fear the most holds the secret to the biggest rewards but whenever I’ve met a challenge head-on, it’s only resulted in a (generally) positive outcome. Still, it’s tough to walk through a door you know will lead you into unknown territory and perhaps expose some vulnerability. And most of us, most of the time, will – naturally – take the easier route. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting a constant search for unnecessary challenges to make life difficult. But you’ll know when these moments present themselves and require you to make a stand-up decision. Reading “Just Go” (p88) about a couple who chucked in their cushy day jobs to travel around the world on a shoestring for a year struck a chord with me. A number of years ago I was offered a job in another country that required starting from zero. It came at a time when I was pretty damn happy, with no reason to upset the applecart. After way too much internal debate, I took it. Looking back, it was one of the best career and life decisions I’ve ever made. But I admit that I struggled with the thought of leaving my comfort zone and trading it all for the unknown. My trainer’s mantra of “mental before physical” and reminders to “not be afraid to go to a dark place, Jason” are not lost on me. Rather than reckless macho mumbo, I see it more as encouragement to confront my fears and overcome the demons, whatever they might be. To find that mental reserve I know I have, even though it’s easier to ignore and just press snooze. While I might be philosophical from my desk right now, I’m going to need to gather my wits to walk into next Wednesday’s class. What scares you? Drives you? Challenges you? A bad-ass boss, boring job, important pitch, scary race, big wave, massive risk, unsure path or incredible opportunity? There’s no stopping you. All the tools you need are right in front of you. But let’s chat again next month. Enjoy.


Ask MH TM

LIFE’S QUESTIONS, ANSWERED

I’m circumcised – but wish I weren’t. Does foreskin reconstruction surgery work? Not worth it. That snipped tip of yours is an asset. For starters, being circumcised can be safer. The inner surface of the foreskin is rich in immune system cells called Langerhans cells, which “attract” the HIV virus during intercourse, says Julia Samuelson of the World Health Organisation’s Department of HIV. The foreskin is also prone to microtears that can let in pathogens; a 2015 study found that circumcised men were 74% less likely to have the human papillomavirus (HPV), which causes genital warts in some cases. Maybe you’re just hoping to score more feeling during sex? Our advice stands. Your nerves are concentrated in the head of your penis, and according to a 2015 Sexual Medicine study, circumcised men feel as much as uncut guys do. 14 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

How can I convince my folks that exercise will help them enjoy their retirement more? DARREN, GRAHAMSTOWN

Consider this a two-step operation: make it easy for them to get moving, and give them a reason to care. For step one, maybe buy them some exercise clothing, a gym membership, or even a treadmill – whatever you think will inspire them (or at least limit their ability to make excuses). For step two, skip the preaching and cut to a heartfelt personal plea. Tell them how much they mean to you or the grandkids and how you need them to stay healthy

so you can have as much time together as possible. “People are more receptive to changing if you make them feel valued,” says Rene Dailey, who researches interpersonal communication at the University of Texas at Austin. If you still need ammo after that, just explain how exercise will keep them sharp: according to University of Maryland research, older people who improved their fitness by walking for 30 minutes four times a week showed increased thickness of their cerebral cortex, a part of the brain that helps with memory, awareness and motor skills.

P H O T O G R A P H J O N AT H O N K A M B O U R I S

ALAN, STANFORD


Ask MH

AM I NORMAL? Most of my mates say they’re ass men. I prefer breasts. FEZEKILE, VANDERBIJLPARK

The mystery of anatomical proclivities starts with our ancestors, says David Puts, a professor of anthropology and human sexuality at Penn State. A woman’s curves signal the presence of fertility hormones and the ability to carry and nurse big-brained babies when food is scarce. So it makes sense that men would develop the uncanny ability to track the movements of curvaceous women. But your preference for breasts over buns may have to do with your personal experiences, especially while you were young. Maybe you stayed up late fantasising about your sister’s busty friends while your pals were spanking it as they fixated on the well-rounded backside of the babysitter. Those early moments of lust create an enduring impression that can last a lifetime. WEIRD

NORMAL

You can write about kale all you want, but I still hate it. Give me a hand here. THABANI, MIDRAND

Your genes dictate how sensitive you are to bitter flavours. If the bitterness is often too intense for you, then you’re probably revolting against kale’s glucosinolates – pungent combos of glucose, amino acids and sulphur compounds that may offer protection from cancer and high blood pressure. To soften the flavour, break up the trio. It’s easy: just cook the greens until your kitchen starts to stink, says Cornell flavour expert Gavin Sacks. The glucose will stay in the leaf while the sulphurous compounds vaporise. “Once you get a whiff of that pungent sulphurous smell, you know the bitterness is starting to cook out,” 16 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

says Sacks. “The longer you cook it, the more you’re degrading the glucosinolates.” Got it? Now try this method from Tony Conte, owner of a pizza restaurant in Maryland: boil the leaves in water with dashes of salt and sugar, then quickly transfer them to an ice bath to keep them firm. When you’re ready to eat, warm the kale in a dry skillet, toss it on a pizza or breakfast sandwich, and relish the fact that you’re finally eating like an adult.

Should I put different stuff in my shake if I drink it before versus after my workout? JOHN, KRUGERSDORP

There’s no reason to specialise. Just make sure that you’re downing at least one scoop of whey protein powder at least 20 to 30 minutes before or

after you lift. This will give your body the amino acids it needs to help slow tissue breakdown while enhancing muscle recovery and growth, says the director of nutrition at Peak Performance, Mike Roussell.

When I’m on a treadmill, I can hear how heavily I run. How can I teach myself to be lighter on my feet? FAIZAL, RICHARDS BAY

Baby steps. Right now your strides are probably too long and too few, says exercise physiologist Adam St. Pierre. That can cause an aggressive heel strike that puts you at risk for stress fractures, knee pain and shin splints. The fix is simple: take faster, shorter steps. A metronome app like Run Tempo (iOS) or RunningCadence (Android) can help you time out your stride. Aim for at

least 160 beats per minute. Then, without increasing your speed, raise the cadence by 5% and adjust your stride rate to match it. After a couple of minutes, go back to your original cadence and notice how different it feels. “Running at a higher cadence should feel smoother and lighter,” says St. Pierre.

I’ve working out pretty regularly, but haven’t added strength or muscle in months. What can I do to bust through this plateau? RIAAN, PRETORIA

Own your numbers, says David Jack, the owner of Activlab in Phoenix. In the higher-rep sets, most guys don’t use a heavy enough weight. Warm up, pick a safe exercise – like the dumbbell bench press or dumbbell split squat – and then grab a weight you think you

can lift 10 times. Now go for broke: if you really push, you’ll not only meet but probably exceed your repetition goal. Surprising, right? From there, select an exercise for every body part and try lifting various loads until you find your true 10-rep max weight for each move. Over the next four weeks, complete 3 or 4 sets of 10 reps of those exercises once a week. In the end, you’ll have the balanced power necessary to make additional gains.

Are leftovers any less nutritious?

NOAH, PORT SHEPSTONE

No. Roussell, author of The Six Pillars of Nutrition Mike, says leftovers don’t degrade nutritionally the longer they sit in the fridge. But your risk of catching a foodborne illness from them does. In general, meat-based leftovers will last about four days in the cooler before they start to turn, says the USDA.

Apply the same rule to your veggie-based meals. If you don’t plan on finishing them within that time, just stash them in the freezer – they’ll last for about four months.

Why is female ejaculation such a turn-on? ISAAC, NEWCASTLE

That’s easy – it’s an unmistakeable sign that you’ve satisfied her. Research in BJU International found that of more than 300 women who ejaculate, nearly 80% stated that it enriched their sex lives. But there’s a difference between female ejaculation (a little fluid) and squirting (diluted urine). The latter is often seen in porn; not every woman can do it. So just take her word for it that she’s satisfied.

Got a question? Drop us a line at tellmh@media24.com and we’ll get the answers

My wife sees a gynecologist regulary. Should I be seeing a urologist? AHMED, AMANZIMTOTI

The differences between your “ologist” and hers involve more than just stirrups and speculums. A majority of women start having annual gynecological checkups when they’re teenagers. As a result, these doctors tend to pull double duty as both women’s health specialists and primary care physicians, says Bradley Leibovich, a urologist for the Mayo Clinic. Along with performing a pelvic exam and Pap smear, gynecologists feel for breast lumps, check for STDs, manage general health issues and do a basic physical. For male teenagers, a general physician handles system checks, such as hernia and testicular exams. Only if an actual problem popped up would you be referred to a urologist. Same goes if you ever noticed blood in your urine, a testicular lump or any other plumbing issue. That’s the chain of (care) command until you turn 50, the age at which your prostate cancer risk increases (or 40 if you’re black or have a family history of the disease). At that point, talk to your doctor about whether you should start checking in with a urologist for a prostate-specific antigen test, or PSA. To find out more about it, visit cansa.org.za


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NEWS THAT IMPROVES YOU

Bulletins

YOUR SWEET HEART

MAY 2016

Eat your heart out: the darker, the better

P H O T O G R A P H G E T T Y/ G A L L O I M A G E S

A “TREAT” FOR HEART ISSUES

Don’t throw out the slabs with the rest of your bad habits. A UK study has found that chocolate may reduce your stroke risk. People who ate at least 14g of chocolate a day (but didn’t gorge on the stuff, of course) had a 22% lower risk of suffering a stroke than abstainers. The study authors speculate that the one-two punch of flavonoids (in the cacao) and fatty acids and calcium (in the milk) could help maintain healthy blood lipid levels and blood pressure, thereby warding off strokes. Go dark: we recommend at least 70% cocoa. Reward yourself and your health by eating a square daily.

May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 19


Bulletins/ Health

For up-to-the-minute health news and tips, go to mh.co.za/health

TV’s Deadly Cost

The Crime Scene Your couch The Victim You Yes, TV can kill: in an American Journal of Preventive Medicine study, people who watched three to four hours of it a day were 15% more likely to die over the 14-year study period than those who watched little to none. The Verdict No need to deliberate: inactivity for long periods isn’t healthy. The evidence is below. (We’re not sure what’s behind the suicide connection, but it almost certainly has something to do with Keeping Up with the Kardashians.)

Diabetes Suicide Parkinson’s Liver disease COPD Influenza/pneumonia Heart disease Cancer

In a Harvard study, people who ate a daily serving of cereal were 24, 30 and 13% less likely to die of heart disease, diabetes and digestive cancer, respectively, than those who ate none. Credit the fibre, which diversifies gut microbiota, helps control weight and fights inflammation and cholesterol.

% RISE IN RISK PER 2 HOURS OF TV A DAY 56 43 35 33 28 24 23 7

31

PERCENTAGE DECREASE IN THE RISK OF HIGH-BLOOD PRESSURE BY EATING YOGHURT AT LEAST FIVE TIMES PER WEEK

Source: American Heart Association’s Epidemiology/Lifestyle 2016 Scientific Sessions

Drinking liquor or white wine can increase your skin cancer risk. Study participants who had one drink a day had a 24% higher risk of basal cell carcinoma than abstainers. Compounds in alcohol may affect the skin’s sensitivity to light. (There was no increased risk with beer and red wine.)

HAIR OF THE (HEALTHY) DOG

BREAKING BAD HABITS

SIT TI NG TI M E BOM B

YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE (YEARS)

The more you sleep and sit, the sooner you may die, a study found. People 45 and older who get less than 150 minutes of physical activity a week, sleep more than nine hours a day and sit more than seven hours a day are four times as likely as people on the healthier side of those numbers to die within six years.

20 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

IS YOUR DRINK THE RISKY KIND?

Like police procedurals? Don’t star in one

Your hangover cure may be doing more than just helping you keep down your breakfast. According to a study published in JAMA, researchers have found that regularly taking a small amount of aspirin could lower your risk of developing cancer – and we’re talking about any type – by 3%. The same dose can also further reduce your colorectal and gastrointestinal cancer risks by 19 and 15% respectively.

P H O T O G R A P H S J O N AT H O N K A M B O U R I S , I S T O C K P H O T O I C O N F R A N K H E R M U S

CAUSE OF DEATH

CRUNCH YOUR WAY TO HEALTH


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Bulletins/ Sex

For up-to-the-minute sex news and tips, go to mh.co.za/sex-women

Say goodbye to “McLovin”

How Your Name Gives You Game

There’s a reason your buddy Brett might be seeing more Tinder action than you are. Research from the dating app The Grade reveals that a higher percentage of users swipe right on people whose names are considered by many to be more conventionally feminine and masculine than others. The big winners: Brianna, Erika, Lexi and Brooke among women, and Brett, Tyler, Corey and Andy among men. It’s partly about your childhood, which was probably populated by cartoon characters that locked in those name stereotypes, says Ohio University psychology professor James Bruning. Similar thinking applies beyond the dating world, he says. Try using your full first name at the office (you’re bound to seem more professional) and an abbreviated one when you’re at the bar, to show you’re fun too.

9.3

Many men are unaware of the potential side effects of radical prostatectomy – the surgical removal of all or part of the prostate gland. A study found that three in 10 patients didn’t know that the surgery can result in an inability to ejaculate or in dry ejaculation.

THE AVERAGE NUMBER OF SEXUAL PARTNERS A GUY WILL HAVE IN HIS LIFETIME

Source: Health Survey for England

Porn to Be Wild

The first rule of porn: if you can imagine it, somebody’s filmed it, probably in HD, and it already has 2 million views. There’s an audience for virtually every sex act, suggests a new study in the Journal of Sex Research. But which subcategories are most appealing? For men, it’s amateur. “The women seem more attainable and can be perceived as less promiscuous,” says Bryant Paul, a media researcher at Indiana University. “Also, variety drives sexual arousal for men, and amateur porn represents infinite possibilities.” Women, meanwhile, love threesomes, both FMM and MFF. “The fantasy is being the object of desire of multiple male partners at once,” says Paul. “Also, women are more likely to be aroused than men by same-sex sex. Watching a threesome may be a safe alternative to lesbian content.” 22 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

TOP PORN PICKS

Women THREESOMES ORAL SEX SOFTCORE GANG BANG LARGE PENISES

Men AMATEUR ORAL SEX BIG BREASTS THREESOMES ANAL SEX

P H O T O G R A P H S G E T T Y/ G A L L O I M A G E S , I S T O C K P H O T O

THINK BEFORE YOU CHOP


Bulletins/ Weight Loss

For up-to-the-minute weight loss news and tips, go to mh.co.za/weight-loss

?

Don’t supersize yourself

BIG BODY, SMALL THINKING

For every two units your BMI exceeds 25, your left hippocampus shrinks by nearly 1%. Brain diseases like Alzheimer’s are associated with early and fast hippocampus shrinkage. So at that rate, a moderately obese man may tip into dementia two years earlier than a lean guy. Fat can produce inflammatory molecules that are toxic to neurons.

Sugary Drinks Can Lead to Dangerous Flab

People who regularly guzzle sugary drinks have more visceral fat – the kind that forms around abdominal organs and raises the risk of diabetes and heart disease, a study found. Sugary drinks were not linked to subcutaneous fat, the less harmful kind found under the skin. And diet soda was not linked to either kind of fat. E ATI NG FOR ON E?

THE BIG FAT ISSUE WITH LIVING ALONE

Having a wife or roommate could do wonders for your waistline. Living solo leads to poor eating habits, an Australian review suggests. Men on their own tend to eat more junk, fewer fruits and vegetables, and less fish than those who share an abode, says study author Katherine Hanna. Dinner for one? Remember that cooking is better than takeout for your mind, body and wallet.

P H O T O G R A P H S G R E AT S T O C K / C O R B I S I M A G E S , I S T O C K P H O T O I C O N F R A N K H E R M U S

SIP HERE FOR SIZE

1 900 AVERAGE NUMBER OF EXTRA KILOJOULES MEN CONSUME FROM FRIDAY TO SUNDAY VERSUS ANY THREE-DAY PERIOD DURING THE WEEK

Source: Annals of Epidemiology study

May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 23


Bulletins/ Muscle

For up-to-the-minute muscle news and tips, go to mh.co.za/fitness

Fitness May Help Memory

Work your heart to see benefits in your brain

Scientists studying people’s aerobic fitness have found a link between fitness and high volume of a brain region called the entorhinal cortex, which is associated with memory function. A possible reason: cardio work helps generate more blood vessels in the brain, the scientists speculate.

6

PERCENTAGE LEG MUSCLE GROWTH OF MEN WHO DO AT LEAST THREE HOURS OF CARDIO A WEEK.

AM FOOD DEBT = PM PROBLEMS

Skipping breakfast can hinder your exercise performance as much as nine hours later. When 10 men skipped the morning meal (but ate lunch), their afternoon cycling performance lagged 4.5% behind the days when they ate both meals, according to a recent UK study.

LIGHT ’EM UP

FIGHT DIABETES WITH DUMBBELLS

LI F T TO LOSE

LIFTING HELPS YOU BURN MORE FAT

Lift to get lean: if you’re out to melt fat, weight training may work better than cardio. In a University of South Carolina study, overweight people who lifted weights lost more body fat over the course of a year than those who ran. Their increase in “functional capacity” – that is, the ability to perform everyday tasks – may have also led to an overall boost in their daily activity and calories burned. Try to lift three days a week, but don’t cut out cardio altogether. 24 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

People with diabetes can ease their symptoms by lifting weights. A study review found that people who pump iron are better able to control their blood sugar levels, probably because weight training improves insulin sensitivity. The effect was strongest in recently diagnosed people.

P H O T O G R A P H S G E T T Y/ G A L L O I M A G E S , I S T O C K P H O T O I C O N F R A N K H E R M U S

Source: Exercise and Sports Sciences Review


YOUR PLEASURE IS A MATTER OF PRECISION.

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Malegra THE BEST WAY TO SPEND YOUR TIME AND MONEY

Wesley Randles at home in the kitchen of The Pot Luck Club, Woodstock

26 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016


ms Ed i t e d by K i e ra n Le g g

Fuel Your Fire

What drives you? Top chef Wesley Randles teaches you how to stoke the coals of your ambition BY KIERAN LEGG • PHOTOGRAPHS GARRETH BARCLAY NOTHING GOOD HAPPENS AFTER MIDNIGHT.

It’s the seedy underbelly of the day, a place ruled by questionable drinks, greasy foods and bad habits. And it’s this world that Wesley Randles walks into when he exits the sweltering confines of his kitchen, wiping a sleeve over a sweat-covered brow after another service. “You can’t go for a run, or call up your mates to hit the gym,” says the chef. “It’s either open a beer or get to bed.” He heads up The Pot Luck Club, which has almost singlehandedly gentrified the industrial district of Woodstock. To land a table during the coveted evening service you’ll have to book months in advance. And soon he’ll be branching out and starting his own restaurant. In short, the 29-year-old knows what it takes to be a top chef. He also knows all about the trappings of working in a high-pressure environment. In the kitchen, they prep gourmet dishes using painstakingly-sourced ingredients, labouring over every single detail, right down to the garnish. But by the time the last customer has left and the kitchen has been scrubbed clean, there’s no energy left. It’s been spent over the stove. It’s midnight and all your friends are drunk and your family is bundled up in bed. “It’s just survival instinct at this stage. You get round to feeding yourself and you’re just looking for fuel,” says Wesley. For some it’s a takeaway burger or whatever can fit on the frier. For the young chef, who often works 18-hour shifts, it was coffee – a lot of it. “There were times when all I had in my system was caffeine,” he says. “I was so wired, I didn’t even know how I was standing up anymore.”


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WESLEY BEGAN WORKING

in restaurants when he was a teenager, after his parents had pushed him into manual labour. “I think they wanted to punish me,” he laughs. He worked as a busboy at a little Thai joint, later picking up shifts as a sculler, then tending to the bar before moving into the front-ofhouse as a waiter. Mom and pop were getting what they wanted, he says – well, sort of. “They were firm believers that all teenagers were lazy; they wanted me to suffer a little bit, kind of beat the sloth out of me. But I started enjoying it more than school.” He was fascinated by the industry. He’d study how the best waiters earned their keep, or grill the chefs on everything from ingredients to the conception of a dish. But it wasn’t just the business drawing him back to that Thai restaurant six nights a week. “The people you work with start to feel like a second family,” he says, “which, for me, meant quite a lot. My parents split up when I was young and there was a lot of shit going on at home.” It’s a situation where many kids will turn to drink, drugs or aggression as rebellion. Not for Wesley. He found his escape at the restaurant. He could bury his head and drown out the white noise. All that mattered was the this service and the next order. “I ended up doing something positive,” he says. “And I did it for myself, not the money, but because it made me happy.” Wesley’s decision to pursue a career in the food industry would be his rebel moment. His dad, a chef himself, had warned him against following in his footsteps. “My response?” he laughs, “I said I’ll do whatever I want.”

He finished school and switched cities, moving from Durban to Cape Town and enrolling at the Silwood School of Cookery. He’d toyed with working in the front of house but made a gut call: “I didn’t have the temperament. But food... food I understood.” The hands-on culinary school put him straight to work. He had stints at various restaurants but never felt fulfilled. Eventually

he wound up at La Colombe. That’s where he first met Luke Dale-Roberts, the British chef heading up the eatery, who would change the trajectory of the aspiring cook’s career. “For the first time I saw what food could be,” says Wesley. “He was showing me dishes that were far beyond what I thought was possible.” Soon, it was named the best restaurant in Africa and the Middle East by Acqua Panna and

KITCHEN GEAR

Invest to Impress The ragtag crew of utensils in your cutlery drawer isn’t going to cut it if you want to become a hero in the kitchen. Here are Wesley’s picks

28 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

Blow Off Steam

A bamboo steamer makes short work of cooking up vegetables. A single batch will take eight minutes max. Want to get the most out of this tool? “Swap plain boiling water with a homemade vegetable stock to enhance flavour,” says Wesley. You could also start making your own dumplings – and never order greasy takeaways again. Typhoon Steamer R429, loot.co.za

Up the Pressure

Once you get the hang of using a pressure cooker you’ll whip up meals almost twice as fast. It may seem daunting, especially if you remember the screeching cooker your parents used to break out, but the tech has come a long way, so you don’t have to worry about your dish ending up on the walls. Russell Hobbs 6L Pro-Cook R1 286, loot.co.za.

Grab a Cuppa

That steaming brew is the most important part of the day for Wesley. You don’t want to start your morning with burnt grounds or dieselflavoured java. This one brews a perfect cup every time, looks like something you’d see at Vida, and its built-in milk frother can serve up flat whites and cappuccinos. Breville Bean to Cup Espresso Machine R7 999, yuppiechef.co.za

Make the Cut

When it comes to his cleaver, Wesley sticks to Japanese steel: “I can feel the soul in every blade,” he says. Take proper care and a quality knife will last you forever. Our pick? This cutter was handcrafted in Seki City, a place with a rich history of making some of the world’s best Samurai swords. Kai Shun Chef’s 6-inch blade R2 950, fineandfabulous.co.za


ranked 12th in the San Pellegrino World’s Best Restaurant list. It’s a testament to Dale-Roberts’s vision that when he resigned, Wesley left with him. “It was a crazy moment,” says the young cook. “I knew I didn’t want to be there if Luke wasn’t running things. But then I panicked. What do I do now?” His answer came a week later when he got a call from Dale-Roberts, who had bought a

“I’D RATHER FAIL AT TRYING SOMETHING GREAT THAN FAIL AT MEDIOCRITY” space at the Old Biscuit Mill. It wasn’t much, it just had room for a glass table and a few chairs. “It was just going to be a development kitchen, he told me. We’d create dishes and sell the recipes to other businesses. He pitched it in this fantastic way, said we’d only work two nights a week. The bastard.” The idea started to morph. Soon they were bringing in more furniture, starting their own lunch service, then dinner – suddenly Wesley was one of two sous chefs managing a bustling kitchen. It was hard work – the guy was putting in 18-hour days with a three-strong skeleton crew. He spent five months waking up, knocking back coffee, cooking, and going back to bed.

“We were swimming the deep end. I’d never been trained for this position. People take years to work their way towards what I was doing. Luke told me: just do it,” he says. He’d wake up some mornings feeling like an impostor, anxiety gnawing at his stomach as he opened the Test Kitchen for another service. What was he doing here? Could he live up to his mentor’s high expectations? “You really start to doubt yourself,” he says. “But I realised, I’d rather fail at trying something great than fail at mediocrity. Put on your game face. Go for it.” It was this attitude that took the restaurant from a rudimentary lab to a full-scale restaurant. Diners flocked to the eatery and major awards soon followed. For Wesley the honours were secondary to what really mattered. “Between the anxiety, stress, doubt and fear, I was doing something I really loved. This was my passion and I was making it happen.” When Dale-Roberts later opened up The Pot Luck Club in Woodstock, a restaurant founded on the philosophy of plate-sharing meals inspired by international cuisines, Wesley was made head chef. He faced new challenges, but this time he was battle-hardened, and the new eatery quickly rose up the rankings, snapping up industry prizes along the way. But while he nurtured his talents in the kitchen, his life outside was suffering. He stayed on his feet sipping on cups of black coffee, and by the time the clock struck midnight he was either stumbling off to bed or knocking back a beer. For a man surrounded by food, it was ironic that he was dropping weight. At the back of his mind he knew something had to change: one of those nagging thoughts that are difficult to translate into action. “What it took in the end was a throwaway comment from my friends. They said that taking time to eat healthily was one of the best things I could do for myself and my career.” It flicked a switch. He woke up the next day and made a concerted effort to sit down for meals, bringing a new philosophy to the kitchen at the Pot Luck Club. “The problem with kitchens is there is always something to do or to focus on. You eat on your feet, and that means you end up guzzling down anything you can lay your hands on.” Now the staff sits down before service to eat together. It’s brought the idea of a family unit full circle, and it’s helped everyone relax. “I’ve noticed a huge mental change,” he says. “There’s a real benefit to consuming real food. I have the energy to go surfing or to hit the gym. I’m skipping the beers at midnight so I can get a quick start on the next day.” It’s a fresh mindset that will be vital as he takes the next step in his career. At the age of just 29, Wesley will be opening his own restaurant. It’s not just his reputation, his body, his psychology on the line – he’s now putting his money where his mouth is. “I can’t imagine a better way to spend my life.”

COOK UP A QUICK FIX

Eat Like a Chef

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20-MINUTE ENERGY BOOST SUSHI RICE It’s a hardcore carb, but you’ll need that quick-release energy if you’re hitting the gym or the track. Pair it up with your choice of fishy protein, and you’re onto a winner, Wesley says. YOU’LL NEED 4 CUPS SHORT-GRAIN JAPANESE RICE 5 CUPS WATER 1 STICK KOMBU 1 CUP RICE VINEGAR 1 TSP SUGAR 1 TSP SALT METHOD

Rinse the uncooked rice in a strainer until the water runs clear. Meanwhile, add 4 cups of water to a pot and bring to the boil, then remove it from the heat. Now throw in the rice, cover with tinfoil and cook on medium to high heat for 12 minutes. Then, remove from heat, stir in the rest of your ingredients and allow to steam for a few more minutes. Serves 4

2/

15-MINUTE LIFESAVER MISO SOUP Seaweed will keep you heart ticking and your thyroid functional. Wesley says it’s worth scouring markets for these ingredients. Just a small bowl will boost your immune system. YOU’LL NEED

4 CUPS WATER 5 STICKS KOMBU ½ CUP KATSUOBUSHI 4TBSP WHITE MISO 50ML SOYA SAUCE 50ML SAKE METHOD

Slowly heat up a bowl of water, adding the Kombu. When the seaweed rises to the surface and the water is about to boil, remove and add the Katsuobushi flakes. Remove from heat and allow to settle before straining through a fine sieve into another pot. Reheat your stock to a boil, stir in the miso, sake and soya sauce, adding cubed carrots, tofu and mushrooms to taste. Serves 4 May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 29


Malegrams

Uncommon Knowledge

Invite a Pig to Dinner

There are lots of bad ways to roast a pig: rather make your own pit from cinder blocks! BY PAUL KITA

BLACK HOG DOWN

Build a Fire Pit

This might prompt a few concerns along the lines of “You’re ruining my roses” – but it’s worth it. Think of all the electricity you’ll be saving, and the endless potential of romantic nights under the stars, around the warmth of a vintage boma… Get the idea? Well, here’s how to get it done. 1/ First off, it needs to be far away from your thatch roof. One stray spark could ruin it all, so plan the location of your pit carefully. 2/ Find a rod of some kind and stand it upright in the middle of where you want your pit to be. Mark out a circle around it, no bigger than you'd want your fire to be.

First, make sure you have a grill that can handle the hog — that is, an extra-large cooker with at least 45cm x 75cm of grate estate. You can even rent one at a party supply store. Go with propane to maintain a steady temp. Next, call a butcher and ask for a gutted 9-kg suckling pig. It’s a special order, so call a week ahead. Also grab thick rubber gloves, a box of heavy-duty aluminum foil, and a full tank of fuel.

2/ Prep Ms. Piggy

Preheat your grill to a steady 190°. Place Porky on an extra-large baking sheet and rub olive oil over the skin and inside the carcass. Season the swine liberally on both sides with salt and pepper. Using the tip of a sharp knife, cut a small incision in the skin and tuck in a peeled garlic clove. 30 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

Repeat this process until the entire bulb of garlic is gone.

3/ Heat Up the Hog

Line the hot grill with a layer of foil. Put on your gloves, hoist the pig directly onto the grill, and close the lid. Every 15 minutes, open the cooker and, using your gloves, rotate the meat 45 degrees to ensure even cooking. When the skin has crisped and charred, about 60 to 90 minutes, put on your gloves, flip the pig over, and repeat the process. If any vittles start to burn, wrap them in foil.

4/ Create Your Grub Seasoning Expect 2 to 3 hours of cooking time. Meanwhile, retrieve a large bowl and mix up a rub from ingredients you probably have on hand. Apply this spicy sweetness to the meat after you carve.

YOU’LL NEED 1 KG BAG OF DARK BROWN SUGAR ½ CUP KOSHER SALT 2 TBSP EACH OF PAPRIKA, GARLIC POWDER, ONION POWDER AND GROUND ALLSPICE 1 TBSP EACH OF GROUND CAYENNE FRESHLY GROUND BLACK PEPPER GROUND MUSTARD

5/ Butcher the Beast

You’re done when the skin is crispy and the flesh is tender. (Insert your meat thermometer into the thickest part of the shoulder and leg; it should read at least 70°.) Slide a large baking sheet under the pig and lift the beast from the grill to a nearby table lined with foil. Let it rest at least 30 minutes. Then cut and pull everything into bite-sized chunks, and knead in the spice blend. Turn to page 59 for some swine-dining recipes.

4/ Stack bricks in a circle around the edge of the circle, to make a retaining wall about four or five bricks high. Don’t think you need a wall? You really do. Not only will it look nice and neat, but it’s essential for insulation. 5/ Add some gravel to make a floor, and don’t be cheap either: it’ll keep the damp out and help aerate the flames. 6/ Now get braaing. Wood works best (you’ll want big flames) and you may want to invest in an extra-large gridslash-grate to enhance the experience.

I L L U S T R AT I O N B R I T T S P E N C E R

1/ Herd Your Supplies

3/ Dig like you’re El Chapo escaping from prison (again) – all the dirt inside that circle needs to come out. You’re looking for a depth of 30cm or more, and it needs to be as even as you can get it.


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T’S G O

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exploring to do. Let’s head downtown

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Keys to Your City Out of bed and out the door – you’ve got some

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BY GRAHAM WOOD & KIERAN LEGG

Get your engine running at Daleah’s in De Beer Street. Try the Oats Are Not for Goats, or an energypacked salad called The Rad One, which lives up to its name. The nutrient-rich smoothies are great too. Hey, it’s the most important meal of the day. Do it right.

6am/ Hit the Streets It’s time to get moving. Braam offers an interesting on-your-feet challenge, with hills aplenty to get the quads pumping. No road has the same gradient, so your workout won’t plateau. The Adidas Runbase app is all the GPS you need, with a comprehensive guide to the area’s best urban running routes. The Nike Running Club is a good bet too, with a wellestablished community, and Puma Trac works for anywhere, but Runbase is Braam-specific, which will come in handy when you’re looking for secret side streets even the taxi drivers don’t know about. (runners.adidas3stripes.co.za). Once you’ve nailed that new 5K PB, it’s time for coffee. One of the best things about Braamfontein is that all roads lead to java. A lot of people reckon Cape Town is the country’s caffeine Mecca – not true. Great options include Father Coffee and Post Breakfast Lunch – which opens at 6:30am – but our big winner is Doubleshot (doubleshot.co.za). They roast their beans in small, seasonal batches, so you’re getting big flavour and big benefits too. 32 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

11am/ Saddle Up Juta Street at the heart of Braam just happens to double up as the starting line for the country’s best urban cycling routes, like Critical Mass, Jozi Hustle and the Freedom Ride. It also hosts Hunter Cycling (huntercycling.co.za), a bike gear and cycling concept store that offers a pilot bike-share scheme. Just drop in, pick one up and head on out. Or, if it’s rest day but you’re keen to exercise your competitive spirit, The Hill Café at 16 Kotze Street on Constitution Hill offers 10% off your bill if you win one of their games, from chess to poker and even table tennis.

CULTURE CLUB

Off the Beaten Track

A Norwegian survey of nearly 50 000 people found that cultural engagement makes you feel healthier and happier. Braamfontein is something of a cultural hotspot. Explore: First Thursday The best night to hit Braam is the first Thursday of each month, when art galleries in the city stay open till late. Grab a map online or at the first venue you go to, and hit the rest of the city on foot. There’s Stevenson (stevenson. info) right at the top of Juta for excellent local contemporary art, Kalashnikovv (kalashnikovv.co.za), the punk antihero of the precinct, and Grayscale (grayscalestore.co.za) which champions graffiti and street art. Critical Mass If your legs aren’t still jelly from the your bike ride, lead your lady on a tour of the city by night. Critical Mass takes place on the last Friday of each month at 7pm, and starts at the corner of Juta and De Beer, and stops for a drink at Maboneng, and back via Hillbrow. Go slow and enjoy yourself. You’re looking at 20 to 25km. Fixies welcome. (jhb.criticalmass.co.za)

I L L U S T R AT I O N W E R N E R V I L N

9am/ Break the Fast


Healthiest City

Malegrams

3pm/ Straight to the Source It’s time to see some sights. Braam's best features are all in within walking distance, so skip the Uber fare and stay on your feet. Your first stop: the Neighbourgoods Market for an array of heirloom veggies and organic fruits, to keep your cupboards stocked with the good stuff. There's also live entertainment, food stands and craft beer – as well enough shoes, dresses and local-made jewellery to keep your girl happy. Still got energy for a walkabout? Check out Fourthwall Books for a rare reading experience, Aware Records for new and secondhand vinyl, and Adidas’ Area3 concept store for well, everything else. (neighbourgoodsmarket.co.za)

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1pm/ Feeding Time

6pm/ Hit the Gym

If you’re looking for something healthy, head over to Love Food, a hole in the wall-type spot inspired by seasonal ingredients. Head straight for the big harvest table, where salads are piled high and the fish is the freshest in Jozi. (Score points with your companion by mentioning that the place reminds you of Yotam Ottolenghi – she’ll know who that is.) But they don’t call it Braaifontein for nothing; this place is dude-food heaven. Great Dane at 5 De Beer St serves up some hardcore grilled protein, in the form of the country’s best boerie rolls – think chilli beef, or masala and poppadum, or frankfurter and marrow bone. (lovefoodkitchen.com)

8pm/ Winding Down Supper can get specific, we know. Maybe you’ve got that postworkout burn going and looking for quantity, not quality, or maybe you’re trying to impress a new flame on that vital first date. Either way, in Braamfontein, pub grub isn’t going to cut it. You have two options: Mr Big Stuff (87 Juta Street) will fill you up with

Not quite sold on yoga? Spend an hour sweating on the Yoga Works rooftop in Juta Street and you'll quickly change your mind. Give them a call to find out more about tickets and that sort of thing – it’s a serious sweatathon with legit instructors and an impressive view. Of the skyline! Jeez. Up the ante at 5E Fitness in Parktown – it’s a 10-minute run, so that's your road work done. They offer a range of classes designed to test your fitness level, strength and technical ability. And there’s a weightlifting and powerlifting gym next door, in case you’re looking to unleash your inner Thor. (yogaworks.co.za, 5efitness.co.za)

massive, protein-powered burgers that pack 120g beef patties – and you can double them up for just R16. On the other hand, The Orbit is all about atmosphere – the vibe is electric and you’ll get a chance to hear some of the best music Jozi has to offer. Go early and have dinner before the music starts, so you can have a bit of conversation, then enjoy the jazz as the crowd packs in. (theorbit.co.za) May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 33


Woman

They’re fine for the beach, but swap them out for a real set of kicks when you’re on the plane. The thwack and slap of a pair of slops in the aisle is a turn-off, says Meyer. “I don’t get it! I’ve seen so many guys board the plane in these. Just don’t.”

3/ Don’t Flip-Flop

Ticking boxes is no way to experience a new city. Meyer says her best moments came from hitting the streets without a plan. “You’re forced to absorb what’s around you. It also makes you look free spirited and ready for anything,” adds the model. Just make sure you have your phone and an offline map app.

2/ Ditch the Itinerary

There’s nothing attractive about a man lugging around three suitcases. Stick to one – plus a backpack. Battling with the burden? Model and pro jet-setter Nicole Meyer says smaller luggage will switch your mindset from cram to calculated.

1/ Pack Light

BY KIERAN LEGG

Want to land a girl like this? Learn to travel like a pro

Stay Fly

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NICOLE MEYER

Get to Know Her


Travelling alone sucks. Meyer has found pairing up with another traveller makes the ride much easier. “It’s great having someone to vent to when everything goes wrong,” says the model. “And even better when things are going well.”

8/ Pair Up

You snooze, you lose – and Meyer has found that out the hard way. She says long-haul flights can be exhausting and she’s missed multiple connections nodding off in the terminal. An app like TravAlert will keep track of your travel schedule and wake you up in time to board your next flight.

7/ Set an Alarm

This goes for bungie jumping, toilet breaks, and especially showering. Meyer says stepping under a jet of water immediately improves her mood. Plus, other passengers won’t have to deal with your well-travelled odour.

6/ Seize Every Chance

If someone offers you a breath freshener, take it. Chances are they’re trying to tell you something. Don’t be offended, delays and layovers can leave a bad taste in your mouth. Meyer says she’s sat next to guys whose bad breath kept her awake all night.

5/ Stay in Mint Condition

Sleeping comfortably when you’re slumming it in economy is near impossible. For Meyer, who has spent countless hours battling with stiff seats, the real heroes were guys who offered up their shoulders as makeshift pillows. “Seriously, talk about lifesavers.”

4/ Drop the Shoulder

You know Nicole Meyer, right? The LiquiFruit girl. What about her legs? Yeah, you’ll recognise them. This 24-year-old model is racking up as many frequent flier miles as modelling gigs, for top brands such as Guess and Daniel Hechter. But downtime for her isn’t spent on the sands in Zanzibar: instead, you’ll spot her in Cape Town as she puts the brakes on an early burnout. Born in Wellington, she says there’s no calmer place in the world than South Africa’s coastal province. “Sometimes you just have to chill, and there is nowhere better to do that than home.”


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Gear

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Don’t Burn Out

Sometimes matches break and lighters fail. Carrying flint is a failsafe when it comes to starting a fire. Strike the flint hard, like you mean it, and direct the sparks towards the tinder. Bear Grylls Fire Starter R285, Outdoor Warehouse

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Survive the Apocalypse

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R O T H C O PA R AC O R D R 140 S H A R P E D G E . C O. Z A

CA R D S H A R P K N I F E R 250 CA P E U N I O N M A R T

M AG L I T E M AG - TAC R 2 2 0 0 TA K E A LO T. C O M

L E AT H E R M A N W I N G M A N R720 OUTDOOR WA R E H O U S E

ROTHCO WHISTLE R 6 6 S H A R P E D G E . C O. Z A

C O G H L A N ’ S WAT E R P R O O F M AT C H E S R 4 5 O U T D O O R WA R E H O U S E

ROTHCO POLARSHIELD E M E R G E N CY B L A N K E T R 5 7 S H A R P E D G E . C O. Z A

It can handle 250kg of weight (more if you wrap it up) and will pull you out of any sticky situation, whether it’s using it as a makeshift tow rope or laying a booby trap for the army of undead on your tail. A survival essential.

Folds into a credit cardsized sheet to stash in your wallet. You’ll never be stranded without a decent cutter (it’s made from surgical steel). Good news if your father-in-law is serving up his signature overcooked steaks.

The night-time toilet run, or being caught in the dark during a hike – you’ll need to get lit. This flashlight comes at a price, but you’re buying reliability. It’s the difference between a blackout and making it back to your tent.

Packing a multitool is never a waste of space. Why? With 14 tools including pliers, screwdriver – and most importantly, a bottle opener – built into its pocket-sized frame there isn’t much the Leatherman can’t do.

Three short blasts – the international call for help – will alert anyone nearby that you’re in a bind. Also perfect for distracting the zombie, um, camping hordes. This one has a thermometer and compass for good measure.

When the weather turns bad, regular matches just won’t do the job. This waterproof set will still strike up a flame whether it’s bucketing down or you dropped the bucket all over your gear, you clumsy git.

Veteran hiker Gavin Raubenheimer says an emergency blanket will save your life if you find yourself lost without a light. It keeps you insulated and can double up as an extra layer for your sleeping bag when temps drop.

PHOTOGRAPHS JAMES GARAGHTY STYLING WERNER VILN

Or camping with the in-laws. These tools will have your back


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Worth Your Time

Winter Is Coming

You have 150* hours of free time this month. Don’t squander them Jozi Craft Beer Fest

DOOM

If you want to drink like you’re sitting inside the Great Hall at Winterfell – but at least upgrade from the piss-poor ale they give the troops – this annual beer festival serves up some of the country’s best craft brews. The journey north is less of a trek and more of quick Uber away. Visit jozicraftbeerfest.com for info.

The Red Lady is getting ready to conjure up some fresh demons for the latest Thrones season. Put in quality couch time and dismember, gun down and crush the hordes of hell. It will feel cathartic after a shadowy beast inevitably kills one of your favourite characters (Please, not Tyrion). Available on PC, Xbox One and PS4. 13 MAY

Captain America: Civil War

COMRADES MARATHON

Allied with the Winter Soldier, Captain America is a full-blooded Stark. All he’s missing is a wolf and an ending where he loses his head. Uncle Sam’s spandex-clad banner man finds himself on the wrong side of Tony Stark and the rest of the crew. It’s a chance to watch superheroes slug it out and it’ll set the scene for the final Avengers blockbusters. Get your tickets and pick a side. 6 MAY

You’ll find the King’s Road in Durban this year: 89km of it to be precise. Join 20 000 like-minded runners and start marching. Best part? There isn’t an army waiting for you at the other end, and you’ll get to boast about conquering one of the country’s toughest races. Visit comrades.com to find out how to enter.

SCHALK BEZUIDENHOUT: SECOND LANGUAGE

No court is complete without its jester. The dry and questionable-sweater-wearing comedian is set to perform at the Baxter in Cape Town. His shows are always worth your time. Check out Computicket for seats.

Good Food & Wine Show

Lannisters love knocking back red wine, gorging themselves on sprawling feasts and murder. Tick off the first two in Cape Town. Visit goodfoodandwineshow.co.za.

18, 21 MAY

27-29 MAY

Off With Their Heads Season 6

starts 25 April, M-Net Edge. We’re hoping these guys get the axe

38 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

RAMSAY BOLTON

He makes Joffrey look like a kitten – it’s about time this brat got his own Red Wedding

CERSEI LANNISTER

This incestuous spin doctor caused all of Westeros’ problems in the first place

RED LADY

Deserter, arsonist and full-time creeper, Melisandre’s meddling has gone on far too long

LITTLEFINGER

Throwing Sansa to wolves was when we ran out of patience for Lord Baelish

PSHOOUTR * OCGER A S TAT P H SXSXAX. G XO X V. X XZ X A, 2001

IRON MAIDEN

This the type of music the Greyjoys would blast from their ships. But you don’t have to venture into the Iron Islands to rock along. The kings of metal are live in Cape Town and Joburg. Computicket. com has tickets. 


Malegrams

Tech

Your New Reality

It’s finally here and it's not just for videogames, VR will change how you work out, watch movies and see the world. Here’s how BY KIERAN LEGG

TRAIN

RIDE

TAKE OFF

Your dreams of being an astronaut disappeared with your toy collection, but VR will give you a chance to explore the galaxy. The Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum let visitors strap on VR headsets and travel into the great unknown on board the Ranger craft (that’s the one seen in Interstellar).

TRY IT OUT

Head Space

TRAVEL

JUMP

Battling with vertigo or just a fear of spiders? Researchers are looking at how this new tech could help fight your phobias. Studies have shown that facing our fears is the quickest way to beat them.

WATCH The film industry is already cottoning on to the potential of VR immersion. A headset will transport you into the action. It won’t be long until you’re pissing yourself in a creaky room of a haunted cabin.

Saving up for plane tickets is hard work – so start by exploring your dream destination without leaving the couch. Virtual tours have evolved with VR giving you the full 360 of exotic locales. Best part? Your virtual view of the world will move with your head. You’ll find countless VR-ready tours at round.me

Google Cardboard

Samsung Gear VR

option has everything you need. Slot in your phone and press go.

to your phone, this headset is one of only a few cordless options.

R250 THEVIRTUAL. SPACE This no-frills

R1 999 TAKEALOT. COM Hooking up

Sick of your old cycling route? New tech will let you hook up a bike trainer to your VR headset giving you the sensation of riding in another city – we’re talking Rome, Paris, you name it – without the risk of being T-boned by a manic motorist. It’ll up the resistance when you’re tackling a climb and dial it down for the descents. Never cycle in the same spot again. Find out more at wildrun.com

HTC Vive

$799 HTCVIVE.COM

This headset hooks up to your PC and uses room-scale tech to track where you’re standing.

PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES

If you’re looking for a personal trainer, you won’t just find them at the gym. Many companies are serving up virtual workouts that will take you through your paces, analysing how well you perform. And the best part is that your digital coach doesn’t charge an hourly rate, or want you to feel his biceps.


How To

Put it on Lock

Malegrams

IPHONE CONFIDENTIAL

All of your valuable stuff is online. We know, we’ve seen it. Jokes! Here’s how to protect it BY KIERAN LEGG

For Your Eyes Only

Unless you’re a Luddite waiting out Armageddon in a basement somewhere, you need security. Meet your new secret-keepers

Mobile Vault

Stash your data somewhere no one will find it. This app encrypts your pictures, messages and videos, hiding them all behind a randomly generated password. nq.com

Call Control

Whether you’re trying to dodge telemarketers or your SMS-happy ex, this app will screen your incoming calls and messages, dumping the ones you’ve scratched into your blacklist. everycaller.com Looking to avoid a brush with cybercrime? According to a Symantec study, three in four South Africans have fallen victim to an online attack, with thieves making off with passwords, personal info and cash. Basie van Solms, the director of the Centre of Cyber Security at the University of Johannesburg, says follow these simple steps to safeguard your digital space:

I L L U S T R AT I O N I S T O C K P H O T O

1/ Clean Up

Chances are your device is already teeming with viruses. (In 2014, Alcatel-Lucent’s Motive Security Labs reported that over 16 million mobile devices had been hit by

malware.) Solms says most guys don't know there could be backdoor software lurking on their phones, beaming Internet activity to a hackers. Your solution: download a free app like AVG (iOS, Android) and run a virus scan.

2/ Fortify

Remember those Scrabble words that didn’t pass the dictionary test? Those are your secret weapons. Studies have shown that if it’s in the dictionary, even the most lethargic hacker will be able to brute force your code in minutes. Solms says it’s time to play fast and loose with the English language (or ditch it en-

tirely). Throw in a few numbers, uppercase letters and symbols. Better yet, use an app like LastPass (right) to generate uncrackable passwords.

3/ One-Two Step This isn’t just a timeless dance move; it’s a safeguard against online attacks. Twostep verification, which adds an extra hurdle to the login process (making you confirm your sign-in) is being implemented by most big sites – like your bank and even Facebook. Solms says even if a hacker figures out your password, they’ll hit a wall. You’ll add a few seconds to your sign-in, but it’ll shave down the risks.

4/ Stay Notified

Most sites will let you receive login notifications. So when you spot a 3am sign-in from Abu Dhabi, it’ll give you a chance to put everything on lockdown. Solms says he’s surprised by how many guys just bury their head in the sand: “Keep track of what’s going on with your online accounts, or they might not belong to you much longer.”

5/ Stay Sharp, Brew If you’re a regular browser on your local coffee spot’s Wi-Fi, it’s time to rethink your online habits. Public networks are easy targets for hackers, says Solms. Never enter sensitive info

while you’re hooked up, especially your card details. And when you’re online, look out for a lock near the URL: it’s a sign that you’re speaking to a secure server and not a suspicious one.

6/ Surf

Anonymously Every time you visit a site, you’re leaving behind a footprint, says Solms – and all roads lead back to your stuff. Stop the stalkers by going anonymous with a secure VPN service, such as NordVPN. It’ll cost around $6 a month, but for that price you’re buying a masked connection that will let you browse without a trace.

Prey

Lost your phone? This app will help you track it down. Prey can be installed across multiple devices, from your tablet to your smartwatch, and will give you live updates on your phone’s last location. preyproject.com

LastPass

Generate random, nearuncrackable passwords for your websites and apps and store them all inside this little piece of software. You’ll only need to remember the master key. lastpass.com May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 41


Malegrams

Guy Wisdom

JIMMY THE BARTENDER Straight-up advice on women, work, and other things that drive men crazy.

Absolutely, but only if the woman you’re answering works for the Red Cross. With anyone else, you’re on the spot, my friend. In fact, it’s a dumb question. Because the answer is always “you” – unless she’s actually not your type. In that case, think like a politician and stammer something meaningless, because the honest answer should not be spoken.

Why do so many drinks have idiotic names, like Buttery Nipple and Sex on the Beach?

My buddy brings his crying kid everywhere we go. I can’t stand it. Should I mention it?

Hey, that’s his boy you’re talking about there. You think that if you lodge a formal complaint, he’ll just leave the tyke at home more often? That’s never going to happen. Here’s a thought: maybe Junior is wailing because Daddy’s buddy is a jerk. The small fry can sense that stuff, you know. Why don’t you try talking to the little nipper? Or just make goo-goo eyes at him, if he’s still a babbler. No patience for that? Then the kid’s right – you’re a jerk. The way I see it, you have two options here: take an interest, or do everyone a favour and bail. 42 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

We bartenders have a theory about this. If you spend eight-plus hours a day selling people things that make them stupid, then a certain creativity with nomenclature starts to shape your product line, if you know what I mean. Near closing time, you look out at your sea of sots and think, “What would these folks like to buy – a Poke Up the Backside? Or a Gibson?” Once you figure it out, it’s just a matter of following the market.

Why do I feel so bummed when I go back to my old varsity bar? I used to love that place.

It’s called growth. If you fight it, you’re in for a world of disappointment. Just move on, the way you should have the moment you realised the place wasn’t doing it for you anymore. Few things in life are sadder than being a passive ornament at your old haunt, the

scene of your greatest triumphs, and watching a new crowd of party animals creating their own memories. You had some good times in that joint. Now it’s time to venture out into the light of life so you can have some more.

Just as I grew to like my sister’s boyfriend, they broke up. Can we still be friends?

Let me see if I’m hearing this right: you want to know if your friend can stay your friend even though your sister dropped him like a hot rock? Sure, why not? But there’s a big “but”: if she ditched him because he screwed around behind her back or did something nasty, then screw him. Otherwise, know that shit happens. You’re not the referee here. If they put you in the middle, give them both the cold shoulder.

What’s the biggest difference between guys today and guys you grew up with?

I hate to begin a story with “back in my day,” but back in my day men went to bars and got drunk and ended up all confused about what it is to be a man. These days, guys arrive at the bar already confused, then drink to get more confused until either I toss them out or the cops come. It’s a lot harder to be a man today. But it’s just as easy to get drunk.

Follow Jimmy on Twitter @MensHealthJimmy

JIMMY CALLS BS ON

SELFIES

Watching a guy frame up his own drunk face is like watching a dog take a dump on a city street – even the dog looks ashamed. And I’ve seen those photos. They’re crap. They produce an out-of-body pointof-view. If that’s what you’re looking for, just buy a rye double. And then give me the camera. I’ll take the damn picture.

25 000 The number of selfies the average millennial will take during their lifetime, according to a Luster Premium White study.

27

The number of selfierelated deaths and injuries reported online in 2015.

271 million The number of pictures filed under #selfie on Instagram as of March 2016.

4%

The percentage of Grams that fit the criteria of a self portrait, according to Selfiecity.

P H O T O G R A P H G E T T Y/ G A L L O I M A G E S I L L U S T R AT I O N I S T O C K P H O T O

When a woman asks “What’s your type?” is there a right answer?


ON WAYNEPHSERTENS

PHOTOGRA r: 4681273843 Voyager Membe

s Business Clas ANNESBURG DURBAN - JOH G G - HONG KON JOHANNESBUR G JOHANNESBUR HONG KONG G - DURBAN JOHANNESBUR

CUB3D/SAA245

ed: 61 800 Total Miles earn ld s: Go Voyager statu : Reward Option LIGHT HELICOPTER F

AROUND THE WORLD, AND BACK REWARDS THAT KEEP ON GIVING

You’ve come to expect exceptional rewards from SAA Voyager: exclusive lounge access, hand-picked partners and Business Class upgrades. For us, only excellence is good enough, so we’ll keep finding better ways to reward you. You can use your Miles to pay for the fare and fuel levy on any SAA-operated flight. Plus only Voyager members get invited to JourneyBlitz redemption seat sales - where a ticket costs you up to 85% less Miles than normal. Just one of the many new ways we are Forever part of your journey! Visit www.flysaa.com to join Voyager or find out more.


Muscle Fitness

C o mp i l ed by A r t h u r J ones

TRAINING WITH THE FITTEST MAN ON EARTH CrossFit Games champion Ben Smith shares his fitness secrets BY MICHAEL EASTER • PHOTOGRAPHS JOHN LOOMIS


Give yourself a goal and train for it daily, and you’ll never plateau, says Ben Smith

May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 45


Muscle + Fitness

IF YOU RAN INTO THE FITTEST MAN ON EARTH

at the supermarket, you could mistake him for the builder who finished your roof, or a maths teacher who also takes PT class. Ben Smith, 25, just doesn’t look the part: he’s 182cm and 85kg and has the kind of physique you might build doing manual labour. But he’s as legit as they come. Ben earned the title by winning the 2015 CrossFit Games in July (and is preparing to defend his title in two months’ time). I’m about to witness why. I’m with Ben at the box he owns, CrossFit Krypton. Country music blares as Ben stands with a 180kg barbell resting on his back. In one fluid motion, he shifts his hips, bends his knees and drops his ass to his ankles. His torso remains rigid and vertical. Then he shoots back to standing, the reverse movement just as smooth, just as flawless. He does two more precise reps and returns the bar to the rack. He repeats this every minute for 25 minutes. That means he just lifted 8 tons in the time it takes to watch a Modern Family show. This is an impossible feat for most guys. Yet Ben isn’t sweating or even breathing hard. THE 40 MEN WHO QUALIFY FOR THE CROSSFIT

Games each year are freaks of fitness. They all squat and deadlift in the 180kg range. They all 46 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

crush Fran, a workout composed of 45 pullups and 45 barbell thrusters, in roughly two and a half minutes, or less. Each has a rare combination of mutant genes and savage drive. Otherwise they couldn’t sustain the motivation to train for the Games, which requires grinding through three to five workouts a day for months or years. Ben won on his seventh attempt. So how did he manage to edge out the other guys? One word: efficiency. “The cleaner your mechanics, the less effort you have to expend with each rep,” says Kelly Starrett, creator of the fitness blog MobilityWOD. “Over the course of a competition like the CrossFit Games, consistently clean movement is how you win.” Think of it this way: doing cleaner reps is like using higher-octane gas in your car. Each rep creates a bit more power and takes a little less out of your tank. Ben says that during the final workouts, he knew he was going to win. “We were all exhausted by the last day of the competition,” he says. “But I felt confident.” Good form is like good cardio. You may be able to run marathons now, but if you stop running long distances, you’ll lose that ability. Likewise, muscles weaken and tighten if you don’t use them. That’s why in every workout, Ben,

who’s training to defend his title this summer, puts his body in the positions CrossFit requires: squatting, hanging, lifting his arms overhead and carrying heavy objects. If he’s lacking range of motion anywhere, he does daily drills to mobilise the area. But there’s another key to Ben’s success, an X factor of sorts: he surrounds himself with people who make him better. Ben exercises every morning with his two younger brothers, both competitive CrossFitters. Then he has lunch at a local organic burrito joint with buddies, after which he does two or three more workouts. Throughout the day family and friends drop by to hang out, check on things, and maybe join a workout. Though he’s intense while exercising, Ben also knows how to relax – proof that a laid-back lifestyle can contribute to fitness. For athletes who train regularly, stressors such as work can lead to injury just as often as physical stress can, say researchers at the University of Missouri. Ben’s preferred chill-out activities: playing sport and spending time with friends. Use the four tips on the next page to upgrade your efficiency. Then try his workout. Soon you’ll notice improvements in your mobility – and be able to lift more too.


THE FITTEST MAN’S FAVOURITE WORKOUT GEAR SUIT UP LIKE SUPERMAN

Reebok CrossFit Nano 5.0 These lightweight yet stable training shoes are on Ben’s feet pretty much all day, every day. He especially likes them for doing high-intensity conditioning circuits and intervals. Totalsports, R1 999

Progenex More Muscle LEFT No excuses: Ben Smith trains outside rain, shine or blizzard.

1/ Find a Gym You Love

The right gym can play a huge motiva­ ting role and also help you work out more consistently – fitness game­changers. If you live near a CrossFit box, problem solved. If not, seek out a place with a fun, empow­ ering atmosphere. Do some homework: explore all your local facilities, and don’t be afraid to travel a bit further for the right one. Try a boxing or powerlifting gym, or a boot camp. And think about training with a like­minded lifting partner. The bonds you create will push you to make even bigger gains.

2/ Reach for the Sky

Your high school PT teacher’s weightlifting pointers – “arch your back,” “extend your hips” – could actually be hindering your progress. When you focus internally on isolated body parts, you run the risk of overthinking the exer­ cise. Instead, imagine the external environ­ ment changing with your movement: you’re pressing the floor away, squeez­ ing the bar into dust, reaching for the sky. This trick often leads to increased perfor­ mance, according to research in the Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research.

3/ Expand Your Core Curriculum

If mobility is the yin, then stability is the yang. Indeed, your limbs need a solid base from which to generate power. Add five 10­second sets of isometric planks, side planks, and bird dogs to each work­ out. These exercises strengthen your core, and a strong core is paramount: it can prevent back pain and improve everything from your running speed to your lifting power, say Canadian researchers. Want to make the moves even more powerful? Breathe slowly and deeply during each set, Ben suggests.

ABOVE Brothers in big arms: Ben and his brother Dane push each other to press on in the gym.

Ben keeps a bottle of this whey protein on hand at all times. It delivers 30g of protein – perfect for jumpstarting muscle growth. Visit progenex.co.za for details

4/ Roll the Tightness Away

Everyone is tight somewhere. But if you sit all day in an office, you’re proba­ bly tight everywhere. That can sabotage your athletic per­ formance whether you’re compet­ ing in the CrossFit Games or playing in a touch rugby game. To improve the effi­ ciency of your move­ ments, you need to free up that tension, Starrett says. The solution is simple: as you’re winding down for the evening in front of the TV, pick a muscle group that feels tight – your hips, or glutes – and roll it out with a cricket ball for 10 minutes.

Olympic Bar

As one of CrossFit’s best Olympic lifters, Ben needs a reliable bar. His favourite has great “whip,” helping his lifts feel smooth and powerful. Try the WOD Olympic Bar from rebelstore.co.za, R3 495

Neoprene Knee Sleeves

These knee-hugging sleeves can minimise swelling and promote bloodflow. With regular use, they may reduce pain and boost performance. Rehband RX Line 5mm. R370 per sleeve, rehbandsa.co.za May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 47


Muscle + Fitness

Work Out Like the Fittest Man on Earth

This workout from 2015 CrossFit Games champion Ben Smith will melt your gut, build lean muscle, and crank your fitness into overdrive

Do each group’s exercises back-to-back. Perform 21 deadlifts and 21 push-ups, then 15 deadlifts and 15 push-ups, and finally 9 of both. Rest for 5 minutes and repeat the same pattern with the thrusters and burpees (Group B). Track your progress by timing yourself each workout DIRECTIONS

WARMUP Row on a rowing machine for 1 minute. No rower? Jog on a treadmill. Then kick up into a handstand, resting your feet against a wall for stability, and hold the position for 1 minute. Too long? Work up from 15 seconds. That’s 1 round. Do 5 rounds.

GROUP A

Deadlift

Bend at the hips and knees and grab a barbell with a mixed grip, your arms outside your legs. Stand up, pulling the bar and thrusting your hips forward. Try 100kg; if that’s too hard, start lighter and work up to it. (Switch your mixed grip each round.)

Push-Up

Assume a high plank position, your body perfectly straight. Keep your elbows tucked in close to your body as you bend your arms and lower your chest to the floor. Push back up. If push-ups are too easy, scale up to handstand push-ups. 48 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016


GROUP B

RECOVER FROM ANY WORKOUT After your session, hold the couch stretch for 3 minutes on each leg. Afterwards, do 10 reps of the shoulder mobiliser.

1 Couch Stretch

Thruster

Hold a barbell at shoulder height and rest it against the front of your shoulders and upper chest with your elbows bent. Squat until your knees are bent at least 90 degrees. Explosively push back up, pressing the bar overhead. Try 43kg (20kg barbell with 10kg plates and clips), or use a weight you can handle according to your strength and conditioning.

Assume a lunge position with your left knee forward and your right knee behind you on the floor close to a box or wall; your right shin should be roughly parallel to the box. You’ll feel your right hip stretch. Switch legs; repeat.

Burpee

Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. Squat as deeply as you can and place your hands on the floor. Kick back into a push-up position. Do a push-up, and then jump your feet forward to return to the squat. Stand up, jump, and clap. That’s 1 rep. FINISHER Ride a stationary bike for 1 minute at a hard effort. Next, do as many sit-ups as you can in 1 minute. That’s 1 round. Do 5.

2 Shoulder Mobiliser

Grab a pipe, dowel or exercise band and hold it in front of you with your arms straight and hands twice shoulderwidth. Slowly arc it up, overhead, and behind you. May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 49


Muscle + Fitness

For many cases of man boobs, the solution is in the gym

The Cure for Man Boobs

Gynecomastia is incredibly embarrassing – and shockingly common. But it is treatable BY LOU SCHULER • PHOTOGRAPH TRAVIS RATHBONE

WITH HIS SHAVED HEAD, LEAN TORSO AND

broad shoulders, Kevin Larrabe looks like a l ot of fitness professionals. As a personal trainer, the 30-year-old fits right in with the crowd. But back when he was a t  eenager, Larrabee stood out for the wrong reasons. For one thing, he was overweight at 9  5kg. And he had another problem: man boobs. “I just thought I had the chest of a fat kid,” says Larrabee. So at age 15, he decided to lose the excess kilos. He ditched the junk food and embraced a healthier, lower-kilojoule diet. He exercised “a ridiculous amount.” In three months he dropped to 79kg. But somehow he still had those womanly breasts. What Larrabee didn’t know was that his condition, gynecomastia – known colloquially as man boobs, mannary glands, moobs, or, if you’re 50 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

especially unkind, chesticles – was caused by breast tissue, an artefact of the hormonal big bang that hits all boys at puberty. He also didn’t know that 50% of his peers had developed gynecomastia as well but that in most of them it later receded to unnoticeable levels. “I knew it wasn’t right, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it other than try to lose more weight,” he remembers. “I was as far as I could get with the knowledge I had.” Your body is not always a perfect regulator of your hormones, says Adrian Lo, a plastic surgeon based in Philadelphia who specialises in gynecomastia. In fact, out-of-whack hormones are what cause the formation of excess tissue in the first place: your testicles produce both estrogen and testosterone, but in early puberty you may not have enough free testosterone (the

hormone that builds muscle) to counteract the oestrogen. That imbalance allows glandular tissue to form. “In puberty, many boys have ‘breast buds,’” Lo explains. “Usually that tissue shrinks to nothing as they grow out of puberty.” For a few, however, it remains. And men can grow breasts in other ways; in fact, as many as 60% develop them at some point in their lives. Some are guys with pubescent gynecomastia that never went away, while others develop man boobs because of medications (see “Breast Medicines”, right). Then there are the men carrying excess body fat that enlarges their breast tissue, creating the dreaded condition. A guy with a bosom born of chest fat instead of tissue has a condition known as pseudogynecomastia. This is the type often seen in


overweight men, whose moobs can resemble anything from the perky proto-breasts of your middle-school girlfriend to those deflated National Geographic specimens. Working out or losing weight may help those disappear. With true gynecomastia, as Kevin Larrabee learned, no amount of exercise or diet vigilance will help. “Once you have it, you have it,” Dr Lo says. “The only way to take care of it is surgery.” He performs four or five of those procedures a week. “The men I see are usually pretty fit,” he says. “But most men with gynecomastia qualify for surgery even if they’re not an ideal weight.” A sliver of breast tissue the size of a coin can be enough to make the areola soft and puffy. Then the patient needs to decide whether it bothers him enough to do something about it. Larrabee was bothered. All through his teen years, he would try to cover up his chest with creatively layered T-shirts and sports jackets. Earnings from his part-time jobs were spent on spot-reducing creams and sprays. “I wasted so much money on that stuff,” he says. In the gym, he built his workouts around chest exercises. He avoided any situation where he might be

THE BEST CHEST MOVE

P H O T O G R A P H G R E AT S T O C K / C O R B I S I M A G E S I L L U S T R AT I O N S + I S M

If you’re trying to shrink breast fat and sculpt your pecs, make the dumbbell bench press your go-to move. Here’s how to do it: lie on a bench holding a pair of dumbbells with your arms straight above your chest, palms facing forward. Lower the dumbbells to the sides of your chest, pause and then push them back up to the starting position. That’s 1 rep.

1

2

GYNECOMASTIA IS CAUSED BY BREAST TISSUE, AN ARTEFACT OF THE HORMONAL BIG BANG THAT HITS BOYS AT PUBERTY expected to take off his shirt. But despite his best efforts, people noticed. Finally, at university, Larrabee googled “fat chest” and learned that surgery was his only option. After pleading with his parents to help pay for it, he had the operation in 2007, during his Christmas break. The first time he saw his new chest was an emotional moment. He compares the experience to looking in the mirror and seeing a different face staring back. “It was unbelievable,” he says. “I had a flat chest. I couldn’t wait for summer.” Like cosmetic breast implants, gynecomastia surgery is rarely covered by medical aid. It costs anywhere from R50,000 to R80,000. But for Larrabee, it was a bargain. “At the end of the day,” he says, “it was a miracle that worked.”

BREAST MEDICINES THIS 4-STEP PLAN MAY HELP DOWNSIZE YOUR MAN BOOBS 1/ Trim Some kJs

Eating less can help you lose man-boob fat, but don’t go overboard. A very low-kolijoule diet is bad for many reasons; for one thing, starvation wreaks havoc on your hormones. That may actually increase your risk of gynecomastia when you start eating again. “Cut 4 000 to 8 000 kJ a day. Eat plenty of protein, fruits, and vegetables,” says nutrition expert Mike Roussell.

2/ Straighten Your Posture

Rounded shoulders make a soft chest look even softer. Rehab specialist Dean Somerset recommends the band pull-apart to draw your shoulders back into their natural posture. Hold an exercise band straight out in front of you with your arms shoulder-width apart. Pull your arms out to your sides while lifting your sternum and pulling your shoulder blades down and together. Do 3 or 4 sets of 10 to 12 reps every day – especially after sitting.

3/ Ease Up on the Partying

Both marijuana and alcohol have been linked to gynecomastia, due to the testosteronelowering effect of heavy use. But it all comes down to the genetic luck of the draw. “Everyone’s sensitivity level is different,” Lo says. “Some people can smoke pot forever and not get gynecomastia. Others smoke one joint and their breasts will swell up and get tender.”

4/ Bench Press It Away

The fat that causes pseudogynecomastia tends to accumulate on the whole breast. (Actual gynecomastia is just behind the nipple.) Sculpting your pecs can cut chest flab. So do dumbbell bench presses (see instructions, left) two days a week. “Don’t even count the reps; just think about making your chest as full as possible,” advises personal trainer Ethan Benda. Do 5 sets, using a weight you can lift about 20 times. Extra credit: follow with 3 sets of cable flies, keeping the reps controlled. Finish with 3 sets of heavy barbell bench presses, using a weight you can lift 4 times. May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 51


Muscle + Fitness

Real Life Success Story

The Better Body BluePrint Construction man

Chris Sugden’s gut had grown out of proportion. Here’s how he remodelled it BY ARTHUR JONES PHOTOGRAPHS ANGELOS PAPAKONSTANTINOU

HIDDEN AWAY IN AN AREA CALLED

Sun Valley in Noordhoek lies a small but potent training lab. It’s equal parts sweat, science and proven bodyweight training, and it’s the main cause of Chris Sugden’s impressive weight loss. The burly ex-rugby player has always been a big man but when he stopped training and playing the 15-man game, the paunch came piling on. “In 2013, the alarm bells started to ring when I weighed in at a whopping 142kg at the age of 38,” says Sugden. Sugden’s salvation came through a combo of trainers, including Darren Clarke and Lee-Ann Dawson of the Athlete Development Centre, but it was mostly thanks to the expertise of Niel Zietsman, owner and head coach (3sfunctionaltraining.co.za) of the little lab in Sun Valley, where Chris still trains. Here’s how to start your own body-construction plan.

AGE / HEIGHT

40 / 1.88m LOCATION

Noordhoek, Cape Town WEIGHT BEFORE

142kg

WEIGHT AFTER

108kg

TIME TO GOAL

12 months

Sugden used his building skills to create this outdoor rig for his coach Niel Zietsman


The initial rewards were the reactions of friends and family. Now it’s about my running results

FRESH AIR MOVES FOR A BETTER BODY STRENGTH / Pull-Ups

This classic exercise builds your arms and back, and all you need is a bar. If you can’t do strict ones, get yourself a rubber band for assistance. Mix up your grip and hand width, and always hold a hollow position – tense your core, quad and glute muscles, keep your legs straight, and point your toes. POWER / Box Jumps

1 2 3 4 The Problem

The Change

The Strategy

The Result

“When I moved to South Africa and started my own construction company at the age at 30, I stopped playing rugby and exercising. I also had two young daughters and a long list of excuses not to train. In my twenties, I was a pretty constant weight of around 105kgs. In 2013 I hit rock bottom when my scale said I weighed 142kg at the age of 38.” THE LESSON There is always going to be work, family, and social pressure. The biggest danger is becoming complacent and ignorant of the dangers of piling on the kilograms. The reality check is tough, but you need it to start.

“I picked up a rugby ball again in 2013 and played in the Cape Town Tens for my local club, Masiphumele RFC, in the Vets league, and it wasn’t until I played that I realised just how unfit I had become. I was way off the pace and struggling to breathe.” THE LESSON Being overweight isn’t just about appearances. The more you’re carrying around the middle, the more risk you face of cardiovascular disease, and the more your fitness will be affected. If you’re struggling to set goals, rather aim for realistic performance rather than figures on the scale. An easy example? Stay on the field for a full rugby game.

“I started with baby steps. I did three weekly 60-minute long cardio sessions on a rugby field, and three strength training sessions. Initially I struggled to run a lap of two fields without stopping. I slowly built on this. I also saw a dietician to learn how to read food labels. I’d always eaten relatively well (or so I thought) but my portion control was totally out. I then cut out binge drinking. I now limit my beer intake and tend to drink whiskey and water or vodka and soda if I go out.” THE LESSON A visit and meal plan from a dietician is worth more than a month full of personal training.

“The initial rewards were from friends and family passing compliments. Now I see the real rewards when running. On my 40th birthday last year I ran my first half marathon and finished in 2.13, and then finished my first full marathon in 4.52, (with the first 21km in 2.09). My body is still changing: my waist size has gone from 42 inches to 36. THE LESSON Don’t stop taking on challenges.

It’s a brilliant move for explosive speed and power, and all you need is a box or raised platform. Use your arm swing to generate extra power, and aim to land softly (knees bent). CONDITIONING / Mountain

Climbers

Do these simple moves properly, and you’re rewarded with a killer core. Start in a push-up position, and then drive your left knee up towards your left elbow. Then do the same on your right. Repeat for 60 seconds, and do 5 sets. Count the reps, and aim to improve each time you do it. SECRET WEAPON / Pyramid

Sprints

A rugby field is the perfect place for pyramid sprints as it has all the lines already set up. Start at the deadball line and sprint to the try line, touch both hands to the ground, and sprint back to the deadball line. Then sprint to the 22 line, and back to the deadball line, then to the 10m and back. Do this all the way to the opposite deadball line and then work your way back. Start with one pyramid, and work up to three.

READY TO LOSE YOUR BELLY? USE THIS PLAN TO TRANSFORM YOUR BODY – START TODAY AT BELLYOFF.CO.ZA We want to hear your weight loss and personal success stories! Email us at tellmh@media24.com. The next winner earns a Reebok training gear hamper worth R3 000, including groundbreaking trainers. Visit reebok.co.za for info.

May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 53


Muscle + Fitness

Kick Your Own Ass

Friends, colleagues, women... they’re going to love to watch you leave

BY BJ GADDOUR PHOTOGRAPH SEAN LAURENZ

01

Hip Thrust

This move teaches you to generate power from your hips instead of your lower back – the key to avoiding lifting injuries. Knock off 10 to 20 reps as a warmup before squats or deadlifts. Or do 3 to 5 sets of 10 to 20 reps with a heavy barbell. Be sure to tighten your glutes with every thrust.

54 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

02

Kettlebell Swing

The swing is a total-body move that melts fat and trains you to activate your glutes. My favourite way to do it: pick a goal number of reps (say, 500) and complete them over the course of a day. Do 50 swings every hour. Or try a 25-minute workout of 20 swings every minute, on the minute.

03

Step-Up

A step-up is a natural movement that can help balance and improve the strength and mobility in your legs while you build strong glutes. I often end my workouts with 10 minutes of continuous alternating step-ups. That helps bulletproof my knees and builds killer lower-body stamina.

MODEL LUKE (FULL CIRCLE), GROOMING JOSEPHIN MARTENS (INFIDELS), CLOTHING TRAINING T SHIRT (PUMA), SHORTS (OAKLEY), T R A I N E R S ( A S I C S AT T O TA L S P O R T ) , WAT C H ( T I M B E R L A N D ) , K E T T L E B E L L ( S P O R T S M A N ' S WA R E H O U S E )

MORE MUSCULAR GLUTES MAKE YOU

stronger and leaner all over. In fact, a great rear can even reduce your risk of injury. Want to seem taller? Tighten your butt, stand up straight, and amaze all your followers. Bonus: you just fixed your posture too. Bulk up your backside – fast – with these three moves.


Muscle + Fitness

01

Drop In

Crank the treadmill up to a 10% incline, let the belt get up to speed, then hop on using the hand rails. Land with your forefoot first – the impact will be absorbed by your quads, rather than your joints.

02

Knees Up

As soon as your foot touches, drive up with your back knee to power forward in a big stride. Imagine a line reeling in from shoulder to knee; more leaping gazelle, less Team America puppet.

03

Go Hard

Landing with the opposite foot, repeat the motion with your other leg; you’re aiming for a constant, fluid pace you can sustain for 30 seconds at a time. Rest for 30 seconds after each sprint and do 10 in total.

YOUR SCOREBOARD

Feel sick? Thought so. Check your pace to give yourself a lift 13KPH AVERAGE

AT THIS SPEED (AVERAGE JOGGING PACE) YOU’D TAKE 27 SECONDS TO RUN 100M, ADMITTEDLY UPHILL 17.5KPH FIT HITTING THIS SPEED FOR 30 SECONDS OVER 10 ROUNDS IS A GOOD EFFORT 19.3KPH ADVANCED

Trade Secrets

The Terrible Treadmill 10

An NFL “favourite”, this month’s crucible tests speed endurance: specifically, the length of time you can stay at peak sprint BY JACK HART • PHOTOGRAPH PHIL HAYNES

THIS LEVEL PLACES YOU IN A MUSCLEBUILDING ZONE, NEARLY QUADRUPLING GROWTH HORMONE. YOU CAN ALMOST TICK THIS SESSION OFF AS LEG DAY. ALMOST 21.7KPH ELITE AVERAGE SPEED CLOCKED BY TOP NFL RUNNING BACKS. YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER A CAREER CHANGE. OR AT LEAST SWAP A FEW OF THOSE 10K RUNS FOR TRACK MEETS May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 55


Muscle + Fitness

Workout of the Month

The Beginner’s Guide to Push-Ups Repping push-ups ad nauseam gets you nowhere. Deployed in pyramid sets, however, this bodyweight staple can build as much strength as a session on the bench, while decimating body fat in the process. Want lean mass? There’s no faster way than this BY ALEX HARRIS • PHOTOGRAPH PHIL HAYNES

01A

02A

03A

01B

HOLD IT You’re probably terrible at push-ups. Don’t

take offence; most people are. A few pointers: your hands should align with your shoulders, your elbows must brush your sides (no flaring) and if your hips sag, the set is over. Combining different variations creates an efficient workout you can do anywhere. Start at the bottom-left of the pyramid and work your way up, then down, performing the reps indicated. Complete the workout twice and enjoy your triangular physique. MUSCLES TARGETED Chest, Arms, Shoulders, Core, Calves WORKOUT TIME 10 Minutes LEVEL Easy RESULTS IN 2 Weeks 56 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

02B

01

02

Done right, push-ups build the kind of body that keeps gymnasts in shape. Start by testing your balance. Raise one leg (A), then perform your pushup (B). You’ll need good core stability. Switch legs for the second set of 10.

For this variation, start with your hips up (A). Then pull your body forward, lower your hips, bend your elbows and straighten your arms in a swooping motion (B). Keep your shoulders retracted to activate your back and chest.

SINGLE LEG 10 Reps

DIVE BOMB 9 Reps


03B

05A

04A

04B 05B

03

KNEE TO CHEST 8 Reps

One for the six-pack. As you press up, bring a knee toward your chest (A). Alternate knees with each rep to work the obliques on each side of your body (B). If you can feel muscles you didn’t even know you had burning, it’s working.

04

CLAPPING 7 Reps

You’ve likely tried this one before, but form is no less important here. Do a push-up (A), but launch up with enough force to launch off the floor and clap in mid-air (B). Keep rigid with your core tensed as you land, and lower again.

05

YOUR PYRAMID BREAKDOWN

KNEE TO ELBOW 6 Reps

This is the knee-to-chest’s angry cousin. Do a push-up (A), but touch your knee to your elbow at the bottom (B). Aim to look like Spider-Man on the floor and you’ll match his agility soon enough.Alternate sides each rep.

6 7 8 9 10

KNEE TO ELBOW CLAPPING KNEE TO CHEST DIVE BOMB SINGLE LEG

6 7 8 9 10

May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 57


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Food Nutrition

Swine & Dine

Looking for a guaranteed crowd-pleaser? Blow the whole damn house down. It’s time to pig out BY THOMAS OKES • PHOTOGRAPHS MICKY HOYLE

May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 59


Food + Nutrition

1

Pulled Pork and Slaw Serves 6

It’s on every gastropub menu for a reason – this is quintessential man food. Bring that little piggy home from the market yourself and make it your own way. Your secret sauce: a little sugar, and a lot of spice.

INGREDIENTS PORK

¾ CUP TOMATO SAUCE ¾ CUP WATER ¼ CUP APPLE CIDER VINEGAR 1 TSP PAPRIKA, DRIED MUSTARD POWDER ¼ TSP GROUND CUMIN 1 TSP CHILLI POWDER, TOASTED FENNEL SEEDS CUP BROWN SUGAR ½ CUP FINELY CHOPPED ONION 1 CLOVE MINCED GARLIC 1.7KG BONE-IN PORK SHOULDER COLESLAW 1 EACH WHITE & RED CABBAGE, FINELY SLICED 3 CARROTS, GRATED 10G TOASTED FENNEL SEEDS 70G CASTER SUGAR JUICE OF 2 LEMONS 70ML OLIVE OIL 100ML OF WHITE WINE VINEGAR 100ML OF CIDER VINEGAR

HOW TO MAKE IT

1/ Heat the oven to 150°. 2/ Combine the sauce ingredients in a pot and bring to a boil. 3/ Reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes. 4/ Season the pork well and place in a deep roasting pan. 5/ Pour the sauce over the pork, cover with foil and place in the oven. 6/ Cook for 4 hours or until the pork is soft and falling apart. 7/ Shred the pork, pour over the sauce and set aside. 8/ Mix the cabbage, carrots, and toasted fennel seeds together in a large bowl. 9/ Put all the dressing ingredients into a jar and shake well. 10/ Pour over the slaw until just coated. 11/ Serve as is, or pile the pork and slaw on toasted brioche rolls.

2

Pork Larb in Lettuce Cups Serves 4

Get date night off to a good start. Forget snacks or even tapas. This is the kind of finger food that makes a lasting first impression: there’s not a huge amount of meat, so it’s not too heavy, and just enough green to make you feel like you’re on an island in East Asia.

INGREDIENTS

4 WHOLE GEM LETTUCES 2 TSP OF SUNFLOWER OIL 1 RED CHILLI, FINELY CHOPPED 2 STALKS OF LEMONGRASS, OUTER LEAVES REMOVED AND FINELY CHOPPED 2 SHALLOTS, SLICED (USE NORMAL ONION IF YOU CANT FIND SHALLOTS) 2 CM KNOB OF GINGER, GRATED 300G OF PORK MINCE SMALL HANDFUL OF MINT, CHOPPED SMALL HANDFUL OF CORIANDER, FINELY CHOPPED 1 TBSP FISH SAUCE OR TO TASTE JUICE OF ONE LIME 1 TSP CASTER SUGAR OR TO TASTE 4 SPRING ONIONS, FINELY SLICED CUP OF ROASTED PEANUTS ½ CUP OF POMEGRANATE PIPS

HOW TO MAKE IT

1/ Cut the base off the gem lettuces and separate into leaves. 2/ Refrigerate until ready to use. 3/ Heat a wok or large frying pan over a high heat. 4/ Add the oil, chilli, lemongrass, shallots and ginger and stir fry for a minute. 5/ Add the pork and cook for a further 2-3 minutes or until just cooked. 6/ Toss in the herbs, fish sauce, lime juice, caster sugar and spring onions and cook for another minute or until the liquid has evaporated. 7/ Adjust the seasoning if needs be. 8/ Pile a spoonful of pork into the lettuce leaves and sprinkle with a few peanuts and pomegranate pips and serve immediately.


3

Ginger Pork Fillet with Wilted Greens Serves 2

When the weather's turning and the fire's going, you want comfort food. Look to garlic and ginger for warmth, and a bed of spinach for all the right stuff to ward off a winter cold.

INGREDIENTS

¼ CUP HONEY

2 CM KNOB OF GINGER, GRATED 2 CLOVES OF CRUSHED GARLIC ½ FRESH CHILLI, CHOPPED (OPTIONAL) ¼ CUP SOY SAUCE ¼ CUP RICE WINE VINEGAR 1 PORK FILLET 400G FRESH ASSORTED SPINACH

4

Crispy Citrus Sage Pork Chops Serves 4

The secret to good pork chops? Thickness. Aim for about 2cm, or ask your butcher to cut them for you. Cook them in a heavy-based, cast-iron pan, and turn them every minute until crispy. Finish off with a whack of salty butter.

INGREDIENTS

4 THICK CUT PORK CHOPS 1 TBSP OLIVE OIL 8 SPRIGS OF FRESH SAGE ½ CUT LEMON ½ CUT SMALL ORANGE 2 TBSP OF SALTED BUTTER

F O O D S T Y L I N G B R I TA D U P L E S S I S

SEASONING

HOW TO MAKE IT

1/ Season the chops both sides with salt and pepper. 2/ Heat the olive oil in a large heavy cast iron pan over a medium high heat. 3/ Cook the chops a minute a side, flipping continuously for about 4-6 minutes or until done. 4/ You want your chops just cooked on the inside but crispy brown on the outside. 5/ Remove from the chops from the pan and set aside. 6/ Crank up the heat an add the sage and butter to the pan 7/ Cook until the butter is foaming. 8/ Add a squeeze of fresh orange and lemon and spoon the butter and citrus juice over the chops. 9/ Serve with smashed potatoes or a light green salad.

HOW TO MAKE IT

1/ Preheat the oven to 180°C. 2/ Combine honey, ginger, garlic, chili, soy sauce and vinegar in a bowl and stir. Pour over meat and let sit. 3/ Remove fillet from marinade and pour the leftover sauce into a pot. 4/ Heat a cast-iron pan over medium heat and brown the fillet. Remove from heat and place in oven for 10 minutes. 5/ Remove from pan and let rest. Bring the remaining marinade to the boil and cook for 10 minutes or until reduced. 6/ While the meat is resting, toss the spinach into the same hot pan, add a dash of water and cover to steam the greens until just wilted. 7/ Toss through a knob of butter, season and serve with the fillet, drizzled with sauce.


Food + Nutrition

A man’s guide to portion control BY LEAH POLAKOFF

PHOTOGRAPH SAM KAPLAN

THE USDA’S NEW MYPLATE NUTRITION

recommendations are universally applicable (and much easier to understand than the old Food Pyramid) but they still underdeliver on requirements for active men. With the help of Brian St. Pierre, director of performance nutrition at Precision Nutrition, we designed the Men’s Health Plate.

¼

½

“Protein helps you build muscle mass while maximising fat loss,” says St. Pierre. Fill a quarter of your plate with short ribs, chicken wings, eggs, fish or whatever protein your muscles desire. That’s two servings, each about the size and shape of your palm, he says.

Eat two handfuls of fruit, beans, tubers (like white or sweet potatoes), or whole grains such as brown rice or quinoa at each meal. The right amount of carbohydrates can power you through your workout and help prevent snack attacks afterward.

Yes, fats! Shoot for a roughly equal ratio of starches to healthy fats, like avocado or nuts, at each meal, or simply cook with a sploosh (about a capful) of olive oil. These fats help your cells do their job and kick your immune system into high gear. Plus, fats are delicious.

Fibre makes you feel full, vitamins and minerals support proper cellular function, and antioxidants battle disease. So go ahead and load up about half your plate with two fist-sized servings of vegetables, such as brussels sprouts or cauliflower, says St. Pierre.

PROTEIN

QUALITY CARBS

HEALTHY FATS

VEGETABLES

Green vegetables help protect you from type 2 diabetes, a UK study found

62 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

FOOD STYLING BRETT KURZWEIL

What to Eat Now


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Food + Nutrition

6 Juicy Secrets to Winter Health

The colder months bring frost, rain and... fresh citrus. These fruits are at their peak right now BY MICHELLE MALIA • PHOTOGRAPHS SAM KAPLAN

64 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

APPLES GET ALL THE DOCTOR-THWARTING ACCOLADES.

But the next time you find yourself roaming the fruit and veg section, consider citrus. Numerous peer-reviewed studies from the past two years suggest that citrus fruits may play a role in lowering blood pressure, preserving brainpower, and cutting cancer risk. According to nutrition expert Mike Roussell, they’re loaded with three key protective ingredients: vitamin C, potassium and fibre. Vitamin C may help form and power your white blood cells, which fight off bacteria, while potassium can help regulate blood pressure.


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And a 2014 USDA review found that fibre can improve gut health. Of course, citrus delivers a hefty flavour payload for slim kilojoules. And don’t sweat the natural sugars: “A significant portion of citrus sugar is fructose, which goes directly to your liver for processing rather than into your bloodstream,” Roussell explains. That means it doesn’t bring on the same blood sugar spike that the processed sugar in, say, lemon-lime soda does. Those spikes trigger cravings, which can lead to overeating and weight gain, increasing your risk of diabetes. SO HOW DO YOU ADD MORE CITRUS

to your diet? Seek out a wider variety of the fruits and use the prep tips on these pages, courtesy of Valerie Aikman-Smith, coauthor of the cookbook Citrus, out now. So chop ’em, pop ’em, zest ’em, and reap the bounty of their benefits.

Pomelo

Grapefruit

Mandarin Orange

This massive Southeast Asian flavour grenade explodes with a tart-sweet taste that’s one punch grapefruit, one kick orange. Slice through its thick hide with a sharp chef’s knife and quarter it. Then wring out the juice, strain it into a glass and enjoy a simple, singleingredient breakfast drink. If you want to eat it in segments, peel off the bitter pith (the white stuff) first.

Cocktail party factoid: grapefruits are so named because they grow in hanging clusters like grapes. Try the fruit, halved, charred slightly in a medium-hot grill pan and drizzled with honey. As for health perks, eating grapefruit may help you beat high blood pressure if you’re overweight, according to 2015 research in Critical Reviews in Food Science and Nutrition.

This insta-snack tastes great segmented and mixed into a slaw of thinly sliced apple, fennel, and green olives. Or juice the segments into ice cube trays and drop the frozen cubes into sparkling water for a virtually kJ-free soda alternative. Antioxidant-rich mandarins may have anticancer properties, according to a 2015 study in Nutrition and Cancer.

GO MINTY Pomelos taste great with fresh mint. Use this combo in mixed drinks or salads.

MAKE AN EASY SALAD Combine peeled grapefruit slices with kale and diced avocado.

TASTE THE GROVE Try its relatives too: satsumas have more tang, while clementines are sweeter.

FOOD STYLING BRETT KURZWEIL STILLS MITCH MANDEL ICONS HUBERT TERESZKIEWICZ

Food + Nutrition


Lime

Lemon

Blood Orange

It’s more than a tequila chaser. Limes are rich in antioxidants called flavonoids, according to a 2014 Italian study. And don’t trash the peel. Mix 2 cups of almonds, the zest of 3 limes, 1 Tbsp of chilli powder, ½ cup of packed brown sugar and ¼ cup of maple syrup. Roast on a sheet pan at 190° till browned, about 8 minutes. Sprinkle with sea salt; snack away.

When life gives you lemons, say thanks. Almost any dish, from grilled salmon to homemade hummus, can benefit from the acidic blast of freshly squeezed lemon juice. Mix the zest and juice of 1 lemon and 2 Tbsp of chopped dill into a cup of Greek yoghurt, and serve with poached eggs. Or mix the zest and juice into mayo and spread it on a chicken sandwich.

Its reddish-purple flesh comes from the presence of anthocyanins, a class of potent disease-fighting antioxidants. The fruit is supple, slightly sweet, and incredible mixed into a simple rocket and feta salad. (Peel and cut it into 1 cm-thick slices.) For a quick dressing, mix the juice of a blood orange with ¼ cup of olive oil and freshly ground pepper to taste.

PUT ON THE SQUEEZE Try fresh lime juice over chili, Indian curries or Asian noodle dishes.

GET FRESH Don’t zest too deep. Citrus rind packs freshness, and citrus pith tastes bitter.

CALL ON HERB Try blood orange chilled with some thinly sliced fresh basil as a simple dessert.

NUTRITION KNOW-IT-ALL By Mike Roussell

Are out-of-season veggies less nutritious than in-season stuff? JAKE, WINDHOEK Slightly, but that doesn’t mean you should eat only the peak-season stuff. Summer strawberries are more delicious and a little higher in vitamin C than December strawberries, for sure. But all fruits and vegetables, no matter what the time of year, are high-fibre and lowkilojoule. The bottom line? Think of inseason produce as a bonus, not a necessity. Is fat a good source of energy? WILL, JOBURG Yes. Because it’s high in calories, it helps you feel full and won’t lead to crashes like some carbs do. But fat won’t give you a fast jolt, which is one of the many reasons why marathoners don’t carry sticks of butter. As a general rule for overall health, swap out some fast-burning starches and grains (rice, pasta, bread) for slow-firing fats (nuts, avocado, olive oil).

Mike Roussell is a nutrition consultant based in New York. Tweet him: @mikeroussell

May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 67


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Health Wellness

The Cure for Baldness (Yes, It’s Finally on Its Way) More than half of men lose some hair by age 50. Two decades later, 80% of us are sporting a skullet. But don’t despair. A handful of hairraising solutions are sprouting

WHEN SOMEONE IS TRYING TO POINT ME

out in a room, I’m “the bald guy over there.” But even then, I don’t stand out, since an estimated 40% of South African men aged between 20 and 65* have something called androgenetic alopecia, more commonly known as male-pattern baldness. Losing your hair in your twenties and thirties might seem like the end of the world at the time, but I’m here to tell you it isn’t. Forget the fear that beautiful women won’t date a man whose hairline has turned and fled. A few years ago, a study from UPenn’s Wharton School found that guys with shaved heads were perceived as being more dominant than those with full heads of hair. Check out John Malkovich or Vin Diesel for proof.

BY DAN FOSTER

May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 69


Health + Wellness

WE’VE BEEN PROMISED A CURE FOR YEARS. WHERE ARE THEY?

NOT YOUR OLD RUG

All these celebs are rumored to be sporting toupees. Can’t tell? That’s the point The opening scene of American Hustle is a painful 90 seconds. You see Christian Bale before a mirror, carefully covering his bald spot with a 1970s-era toupee. He glues the hair into place, coifs it, and then hits it with hair spray. The scene aims to stain Bale’s character with the mark of dishonesty. It works, too. But why? Is the toupee really that bad? It’s hard to imagine Jason Statham or Patrick Stewart wearing one, but plenty of other celebrities do it. And maybe that’s fine. The old days of toupees so obvious they could be spotted from a Landsat 7 satellite are gone, and so are the days of gluing them on. Today’s hairpieces are mostly undetectable. The process of attaching them and blending them with existing hair is painstaking and expensive, and as the natural hair grows, everything needs to be readjusted every week or so. Are we saying you should buy a rug? No. But if you do, no one will ever know. CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT:

Jeremy Piven, Jason Alexander, Kevin Costner, John Travolta 70 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

JAK Inhibitors THE WAIT 3 TO 5 YEARS

Healthy hair grows in cycles. A follicle produces a hair; the hair hangs out looking sexy for a while; then the hair falls out. When that happens, the follicle goes temporarily dormant before sprouting anew. The number of cycles is supposed to be unlimited, but in balding men, the new hair grows back finer each time, until it’s like peach fuzz. The hair isn’t gone; it’s just imperceptible. In October, Christiano began using a class of drugs called JAK inhibitors, which target inflammatory cell pathways, to stimulate follicles back into robust growth cycles. She did this successfully in mice and in human cells. Whether it’ll work on real men remains to be seen. Since the meds are already FDA-approved in the US for other purposes, they have cleared major safety hurdles and could be in clinical trials for hair loss soon.

TWO HAIRREPLACEMENT PRODUCTS TO AVOID Nioxin

If wishful thinking is a commodity, consider Nioxin its primary purveyor. The company that makes this line of topical treatments claims that it can rid your scalp of follicleclogging sebum and surface residue. While the claim may be true, it’s irrelevant for balding men. “Every shampoo does that,” says Papri Sarkar, a dermatologist. “Sebum is simply an oil produced by your sebaceous glands. Getting rid of it does nothing to help reduce male-pattern hair loss.” So why do some men insist they’ve seen results? It’s probably because they’re initially washing their hair more often, which leads to fewer hairs clogging the drain. “If you wash your hair every three days, you might lose 300 hairs per wash,” says Sarkar. “But when you do it daily, you’ll lose only 100 hairs.” Plus, clean hair has more body than greasy hair, so it looks thicker.

Hair-Loss Supplements

The hair you see is dead tissue. Feeding it won’t bring it back to life any more than fertiliser will revive the dried-out plant in your office. Don’t bother googling “supplements for hair loss” because all you’ll get are bogus claims and “reviews” from tricksters working for companies that sell overpriced rubbish. The FDA is clear: “Based on evidence currently available, all labeling claims for OTC hair-growers and hair-loss prevention drug products for external use are either false, misleading or simply unsupported by scientific data.”

P H O T O G R A P H G E T T Y/ G A L L O I M A G E S I L L U S T R AT I O N S Z A C H G R A H A M

Still, most bald guys, given a choice, would prefer to have more hair to comb rather than more hair in the comb. We’ve been promised for more than a decade that a cure for thinning hair is just around the corner, and frankly our patience is now thinning too. Sometimes, despite the huge and lucrative potential market for an affordable and effective hair-loss remedy, it seems as if nobody is even trying to find one. Since 1997, the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved zero new drugs for baldness and a few laser contraptions. An online trawl through some hair-loss forums led me to a few interesting underground “remedies,” including scalp tattooing (camouflage that bald spot!), caffeine-laced shampoos (make those follicles so jittery they have to produce something!), and various herbal concoctions containing capsaicin, the compound that makes peppers hot (flush out your scalp with fresh, oxygenating blood!). According to a National Enquirer story – and who am I to doubt them? – Leonardo DiCaprio regularly smears his handsome noggin with all kinds of stuff, including lemon juice, horseradish, and spice mixtures. Evidently, it’s so smelly that some of the models he chats up have complained. Before you make a titanic mistake by spending lots of your hard-earned money on any of these solutions, understand that none of them will restore your once-flowing mane or fill in your bald spot in a way that preserves your respectability. But legitimate treatments are coming, says Angela Christiano, a Columbia University professor who specialises in researching hair loss and its potential remedies. In fact, sometime in the next decade, I may be able to choose from several good options to regrow my mane and once again enjoy the distinction of being identified at parties as “the guy with the great head of hair over there.” Here’s what’s on the horizon.


Stem Cells THE WAIT 5 YEARS

For quite some time, researchers have been betting big on the potential for stem cells to grow human hair. But when hair-follicle stem cells are grown in the lab, they lose their capacity to induce new hair follicles when placed back into the scalp. These hairfollicle stem cells don’t seem powerful enough to do the trick on their own. One solution, says Christiano, is to find ways to restore their inductive properties, by growing them in special conditions in the lab and coaxing them back into a potent state. Scientists at the Sanford Burnham Prebys Medical Discovery Institute recently discovered they could grow new follicles by using a type of human skin cell derived from pluripotent stem cells. So far, only mice have been enjoying the fruits of these findings. Regardless, researchers believe pluripotent cells could be used to grow new hairs. Human trials are scheduled to begin in the near future.

Hair-Follicle Engineering THE WAIT 5 TO 8 YEARS

Right now, the best way to restore a receding hairline is via hair transplant surgery. The days of corn-rowed hair plugs are long gone, sometimes replaced by robot-assisted microsurgery devices that can create a remarkably natural look. But these procedures aren’t cheap (a new hairline can cost R100 000+), and rather than creating new hair, transplants merely move existing follicles from the back and sides of the head to the front of the scalp. If you’ve been balding for a while, your remaining hair may be too sparse to provide enough donor sites. But what if you could take just 100 follicles and clone them into 100,000 – the number most men are born with on the scalp? In 2012, a Japanese group reported preliminary success cloning follicles. According to Christiano, the field of regenerative medicine is rapidly advancing, so you might have the opportunity to become a successful farmer soon.

Fibroblast Growth Factor

Quorom Sensing

THE WAIT ABOUT 8 YEARS

THE WAIT AT LEAST 10 YEARS

Conventional wisdom says we’re born with all the hair follicles we’ll ever have, and some of us are simply destined to have clogged shower drains in our future. But in a study in Nature Medicine, George Cotsarelis, a University of Pennsylvania dermatologist, reported on a possible way to grow new follicles by wounding the scalp and treating it with a substance called Fgf9, or fibroblast growth factor 9. The process produced hairier mice by creating new follicular stem cells in an area of the epidermis called the bulge. The problem is that humans don’t have much Fgf9. The solution, says Dr. Cotsarelis, is a combo treatment that involves “microwounding” the scalp and then applying a drug with synthetic Fgf9. Dr. Cotsarelis is involved with a startup company, Follica, that’s exploring the feasibility of doing the same thing with men.

What if the cure for baldness involved yanking out your few remaining hairs? Counterintuitive, yes, but science backs this theory. Last year, researchers at the University of Southern California discovered that removing about 200 individual hairs induced the regrowth of about 1,200 dormant hairs – again, only in mice. Still, there’s hope. The science behind this has to do with a process called “quorum sensing,” where a group of stem cells responds to an injury afflicting its colleagues. The resulting inflammation signals the surviving stem cells to wake the hell up, get busy, and grow more hair. For this procedure to sprout significant coverage in humans, researchers say they need to figure out how to deploy stem cells to foster controlled regrowth. So be patient. Someday soon we may finally have a legitimate reason to go pluck ourselves.


The Gym , Snob s Lexicon Welcome to workout dictionary corner and prepare to get Susie Dench (don’t worry, all will become clear). This is where we explain the most common training jargon you’re likely to hear on the gym floor, from pro to bro, and set the record straight

BRO SCIENCE

GONE ARE THE DAYS WHEN THE ONLY

72 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

Noun —

AMRAP

Abbreviation —

As Many Reps As Possible: a brutal protocol, usually combined with a time limit in which you rest as often as you need, but as little as possible. NB: you’d be better off focusing on the quality, not quantity of your reps.

BEAST Noun —

What you are when you crush your workout and make bare gains. Or bear gains.

Verb —

What a sadistic trainer does to you when they crush you with a potent workout.

Training misconceptions arising from a twisted logic that because you’re jacked, you must know what you’re talking about. A school of thought rooted in a great deal of PhD (the whey supplement brand, not the one they hand out at universities). — See also: Brofessor Stephen Hulking

BULKING Noun —

Building muscle by lifting weights and eating. Lots. While kilojoules, here, are your friends, it’s best done “clean” to minimise fat gain. “Dirty” bulking is the preserve of doughy door staff with kegs, not six-packs.

T E X T J A M I E M I L L A R I L L U S T R AT I O N S B E N M O U N S E Y

soundtrack playing at the gym was the satisfying clang of steel on steel and the accompanying chorus of beastial grunts. Nowadays, the only sound distinguishable over the blaring, generic house megamix is the incomprehensible gibberish emanating from the mouth of Brosef Stalin and his comrades in bulging arms. A mixture of opaque acronyms and the kind of language not uncommon in a scientific paper, this chatter can be confusing, to say the least. And as if lifting heavy objects and getting uncomfortably hot in a low-ceilinged sweatbox wasn’t daunting enough, this complex vocabulary alone is enough to put the uninitiated gym-goer off ever venturing back into the weights room. For starters, who is this Serge Gainzbourg you keep hearing about? Where on Earth is Gainzville? And why are people not more concerned about the oncoming EPOCalypse? Admittedly, some of this terminology is about as useful as tying your shoelaces together before a set of alternating lunge jumps. There are words, phrases and abbreviations in common use, however, that are not only worth understanding,but valuable additions to your own personal vocabulary. Knowing your ROM from your DOMS might just help propel you through that fitness plateau. Read on, and the only definition you’ll be worrying about is around your midsection.


Health + Wellness

CIRCUIT

Eccentric Adjective

Noun —

A series of exercises performed in quick succession without rest. The upshot is hogging as much space and equipment as possible. Good for keeping your heart rate up and your muscles guessing. COMPOUND Adjective —

An exercise that hits several muscle groups, e.g. the “swoly trinity” of bench press, squat and deadlift. Praise be.

DOMS

Abbreviation —

Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness: tiny tears in the muscle that make you walk funny the day after legs day. Often accompanied by tiny tears leaking from your eyes as you drag yourself out of bed. Your muscles adapt over time, hence why DOMS is worst after a new activity or one you haven’t done for a while (e.g. legs).

— See also: inflammation, myositis, leg day

DROP SETS Noun —

1. Completing your reps then immediately dropping the weight down and continuing until you can’t do any more. Good for increasing the volume of work (and of your muscles). Just don’t do it every session or you’ll overtrain.

— See also: muscle confusion

2. Completing your reps then immediately and loudly dropping the barbell to display how heavy it was. As you’ve probably worked out, this isn’t what you should be doing in the gym. Lower it with control for more muscle benefits.

— 1. The lowering portion of an exercise. Unlike dropping the weights on the floor, it can further increase strength and size, especially if you use a weight that would normally be too heavy to lift. Try jumping up into the top of a pull-up then lowering yourself down in a slow, controlled manner. See also: negatives — 2. What you look like doing squats on a Swiss ball. Or using the sauna naked.

EMOM Abbreviation

— EVERY MINUTE ON THE MINUTE: a training pattern where you complete a given task, er, every minute on the minute, and rest for the remaining seconds. Assuming there are any. E.g.: do 10 burpees, rest, then start a new set when the second hand swings back to 12 o’clock. The bleep test of burpees, if you will.

FAT-BURNING ZONE

55-65% —

The heart rate (as percentage of max) at which your body prefers fat for fuel. Now largely ignored in favour of HIIT, which burns more kJs for longer and in considerably less time than, say, a 90-minute jog. — See also: steady-state, low-impact

FUNCTIONAL Adjective —

Training to do things other than just look good (though, happily, that’s a payoff), usually through compound exercises. Frequently misused to apply to exercises with no practical application, e.g. doing squats on a Swiss ball.

GIANT SET

Acronym —

High-Intensity Interval Training: a trendy modality whereby you alternate going hard for a set period, then less so, and then repeating it all. Has been proven to elicit gains faster than steady-state. — See also: Tabata

Noun —

Similar to a circuit in that it’s a series of exercises performed in quick succession, but “synergistic” – i.e. focused on one muscle group. The rewards are greater muscle growth and, again, hogging as much space and equipment as possible.

EPOC Abbreviation

— EXCESS POSTEXERCISES OXYGEN CONSUMPTION: what your body needs to replenish your energy stores and lower your metabolism after intense exercise. The greater the EPOC, the greater the kJ burn. As a result, you napalm kilojoules for up to 72 hrs – literally “for days”. See also: HIIT, metcon

HIIT

GAINS (ALSO GAINZ) Noun —

A catch-all term for one’s improvements in strength, size and body composition.

DYEL Abbreviation

DO YOU EVEN LIFT:

interrogative used insultingly to cast aspersions on one’s weight training prowess or to imply that they are applying bro-scientific principles, especially online. Most commonly prefixed by “bro”. — “I only want bigger pecs, so I don’t bother with legs. I just use the chest press machine.” — “Bro, DYEL?”

— See also: gain train, Gainzville

May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 73


Health + Wellness

HYPERTROPHY

METCON Abbreviation

Noun —

The sports science term for building muscle – from the Greek hyper (“excessive”) and trophe (“nourishment”) – usually by eating and lifting. Basically Greek for “bulking diet”. Adonises take note: low reps (3-5) are better for strength and high ones (8-12) for growth. — See also: bulking, gains, swole

— METABOLIC CONDITIONING: resistance moves at high intensity with minimal rest that get you sweaty and out of breath, thereby building fitness and burning fat while maintaining muscle – a.k.a. “the dream”. The only snag? It hurts. See also: circuit, Tabata, burpees

MYOSITIS

Noun —

Muscular pain and soreness due to post-training inflammation; it hits roughly 1 to 2 days later. Occurs when you haven’t trained for a very long time, and then get too eager in your first session. — See also: DOMS

MYOFASCIAL RELEASE

Noun —

Fancy words for massaging your muscle-stabilising connective tissue (fascia), usually with a foam roller, to reduce post-exercise soreness and increase mobility. Can be performed as a warm-up, cool-down or, if you’re cheating, instead of actually training.

MOBILITY Noun

ISOLATION Adjective

— An exercise that targets one muscle and is not very effective for metcon, but is enjoyable, e.g. bicep curls. See also: loading the guns

LOW-IMPACT Adjective —

1. A form of cardio that, compared to weight-bearing activities like running, reduces the wear and tear on your chassis (like cycling or swimming).

2. A reducedintensity session (the steam room counts) that gives your nervous system a break and is still better than doing nothing.

74 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

— 1. The quality of proper movement that can be impeded by factors such as poor flexibility, stiff connective tissues or inflammation. See also: DOMS — 2. Corrective exercises that restore the above, thereby improving performance, reducing injury risk and enabling you to become a supple leopard (do an online search for the book of the same name). See also: myofascial release, foam rolling, Kelly Starrett — 3. What you don’t have after leg day.

MODALITY Noun

— An extremely pretentious way of saying “programme”. — “My predominant training modality is metcon, but I might switch to a classic hypertrophy protocol.”

PAIN CAVE Noun —

1. The place you go to get through a particularly gruelling workout. PLYOMETRICS

Noun —

A training modality favoured by elite athletes that involves jumping or bounding, like box jumps and clap push-ups. Highly effective for developing power, improving athletic performance, and showing off.

2. The garage or shed where you keep your Concept2 rower.

PROPRIOCEPTION

Noun —

Your body’s non-visual sense of where all its parts are in space at any time. Enhancing it, usually by balance exercises with your eyes closed, improves athletic performance and prevents injuries. Think Van Damme in Bloodsport.


NICE WOD!

SPOT REDUCTION Noun

PRE-WORKOUT NUTRITION

Noun —

Supplements taken during training; e.g. sipping a sports drink or protein shake, or swallowing BCAAs. Probably not necessary unless your session is particularly long and intense (over an hour) or you’re trying to get freak-beast big. — Disambiguation: peri-peri workout nutrition (a cheeky Nando’s after gym)

RESOLUTIONARY

Noun —

One of the hordes of new gym members who invade in January, making it impossible to get on any of the equipment that you want to use for your giant set. Thankfully, they’ll have given up by the time you read this. — See also: newbie, working in

ROM

Abbreviation —

Range of Motion: 1. The full 2. Lack of extent of an mobility in a exercise that joint that premakes it more vents you effective and completing challenging, the above. — e.g. lowering See also: to a dead hunchback hang in a pull-up, or thighs below parallel when squatting. — See also: ass to grass, partial reps

— 1. The outmoded, disproven notion that exercises targeting specific muscle groups (e.g. hitting abs with crunches) can burn fat in that area. In fact, full-body moves, like squats and deadlifts hammer your metabolism and chisel abs far more effectively than lying on a mat. See also: compound, bro science — 2. What happens when your spotter starts absentmindedly checking Instagram mid-set.

STEADY-STATE Noun + Adjective

— Cardio at a continuous (usually lower) intensity. Not a total waste of time for, say, endurance, recovering from high-intensity training, or just creating an overall calorie deficit for fat-burning without burning out. See also: LISS (low-intensity steady-state) Antonym: HIIT

SWOLE Adjective

— Extremely muscular; especially pumped up immediately after a workout. From “swollen”. See also: swelfie (what you take when you’re swole), swoldier (someone who is swole), swolemate (training partner),

WOD

TABATA

Adjective —

1. Iconic HIIT protocol named after the Japanese professor who found that four minutes (20 seconds on, 10 seconds off x8) at max, gut-chucking effort was more effective than longer durations at lower intensity. E.g.: burpees, hill sprints.

2. Fashionable, risibly short workout where “max effort” is replaced by 20 seconds of lacklustre planking.

Workout of the Day: in CrossFit (which loves an acronym), a prescribed workout, often with a girl’s name, that everybody in the “box” (CrossFit for “gym”) completes as a group. A bit like a disgustingly sweaty suicide pact. WORK IN Verb —

Take turns on equipment that is already occupied. NB Only request this if the user is hogging it and there is no alternative. Moving the pin in a weight stack is acceptable; swapping plates on a bar is just poor form. —

TRAPS

“Mate, how many sets have you got left to go? Mind if I work in?”

Trapezius Muscle: these are the largest muscles of the back and neck. Serious lifters have huge traps, and that’s why they don’t seem to have necks. These muscles draw your head backwards and rotate your scapula (shoulder blades).

YOKED

Abbreviation —

SUPERSET Noun

— Two exercises performed back to back to accomplish more work in less time, usually focusing on “antagonistic” (read: opposite) muscle groups so that one rests while the other works, e.g. chest and back.

Abbreviation —

Adjective —

Same meaning as “jacked”: well-built and ripped. As in, “that guy is yoked!” YOKE CARRY

VASCULARITY

Noun —

Increase in size and number of observable veins. This is a hallowed goal for bodybuilders.

— See also: striations (the grooves or ridge marks that are seen just under the skin in guys with very body low fat)

Verb —

Used mainly by strongmen, you pile weights onto the yoke and carry it by walking with the crossbar resting on your upper back and shoulders. It’s similar to a farmer’s walk, but without the emphasis on grip strength. May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 75


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Subscribe to Men’s Health and win 1 of 4 LG G5 Smartphones valued at R13 999 each* The LG G5 is the first all-metal unibody flagship mobile device from LG, but with a twist. Unlike your typical unibody design, the G5 retains both microSD and a removable battery as a key feature on the phone. The modular aspect of the LG G5 has been the biggest talk of 2016. Press the release button on the side of the phone, and you'll pull out the phone's bottom module together with the battery. You can then exchange it with a different module accessories “friends” which interacts with the phone, like LG’s 360 CAM. The handset features bevelled glass on the front, 5.3-inch QHD display, Android 6.0 Marshmallow and a 32GB storage, with microSD for expansion. It’s unlike anything used on any Android device on the market.

Discovery Vitality members can subscribe to Men’s Health for R216 for 12 issues. Visit www.discovery.co.za, click on Vitality and then Vouchers and subscriptions, then click on Buy now under Magazines. Remember you can pay using your Discovery Card, Discovery Miles or a combination of both. The number of magazines you can subscribe to annually at a reduced rate depends on your Vitality status. The Discovery Vitality offer is only available to active Vitality members. You cannot receive the discount if you take up the Vitality magazine offer. Discounts available to subscribers with an SA postal address only. Discovery Vitality (Pty) Ltd is an authorised financial services provider. Registration number: 1999/007736/07. Terms and conditions apply.

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THE LUST LIST SMART / SEXY / BEAUTIFUL

THE GREATEST PLEASURES IN LIFE DON’T GROW OLD. THIS YEAR, WE’RE LUSTING AFTER GADGETS AND GETAWAYS WITH TIMELESS APPEAL

By Kieran Legg, Eric Adams and Arthur Jones / Photographs by Miko Lim


URAL GEAR-UP SIDECAR MOTORCYCLE

These classic bikes have been built in Irbit, Siberia, since World War II, but this is their first true update. They now have all-new electronic fuel injection, power steering, and disc brakes, along with great cargo and passenger space and tough two-wheel drive. Yeah, it’s expensive (see the site for proof), but this is the perfect escape vehicle for two. imz-ural.com


MAKE BETTER MEMORIES Fly headfirst into new experiences, then come back with the pictures and videos to prove you went there.

NIKON 1 AW1 CAMERA

It can go where no other interchangeable lens camera has gone before: under water. Or even tumbling down a hill – in the snow. It’s shockproof, waterproof and freezeproof and has the same stellar photo chops as the original Nikon 1, with a slew of outdoor-oriented bonuses, including a depth gauge and altimeter. R17 400, wantitall.co.za


SHOOT

LUSTVENTURE: NAMIBIA AFRICA’S WILD WEST IS A PHOTOGRAPHER’S PLAYGROUND. TRAVEL WITH YOUR FINGER ON THE BUTTON

FISH RIVER CANYON Dare to go where few have gone before: descending 550 metres into the world’s second largest canyon. A scenic five-day hike will take you along its snaking ravine, while a tripod and quality camera will let you shoot dramatic “starscapes” during your downtime. Book a hike at footprint.co.za

FUJIFILM X-T10

POLAROID

KINGSTON DIGITAL

XSORIES MINI

MIRRORLESS

CUBE

MOBILELITE FLASH

DELUXE TRIPOD

CAMERA

Forget clunky DSLR cameras; mirrorless snappers are the new kids on the block. And with good reason. Not only are they lighter, but they pack the same image quality and features into a smaller frame. With its ability to shoot 1080p videos and stream them straight to your computer over Wi-Fi, the Fujifilm X-T10 is one of the best. R11 595, ormsdirect.co.za

DUNE 7 This mammoth mass of sand in Walvis Bay is where you’ll hop onto a dune board, clip on an action cam and hurtle towards the coastline. Bringing the family along? Dial it down with a quad bike ride. Visit dune7adventures.com for all the details.

READER G2

At just 35mm tall, it’s small. But you aren’t sacrificing anything. This cube-shaped camera will still shoot HD footage and can be stashed away with the rest of your stuff as soon as you hit the pause button. Best part? You won’t need a mount. A magnet lets you stick it to any metallic surface. R1 699, Homemark

This wireless media hub streams hi-def content to your mobile devices and can serve as storage (via USB stick) for your digital files. But you’ll get the most out of it as a transfer tool for your photos and videos. Just pop in your camera’s memory card and beam your snaps straight to your phone or tablet, ready to edit and share. R855, laptopdirect.co.za

You might think you have a steady hand, but those blurry pictures tell a different story. This tripod, complete with adjustable legs that will grip onto any surface – and we’re talking rocky outcrops, shifting sands, you name it – makes easy work of low-light shots and time lapses. It’s a small investment with big gains for your pictures. R265, easybike.co.za

DAMARALAND Namibia is a snap-happy safari for most tourists, but the crowds can get in the way of your lens. This area is one of the country’s best-kept secrets and is crawling with black rhino, lions, zebra, giraffe, elephants and gemsbok. Pack a camera with a decent zoom lens, plus a spare battery or two. M E N ' S H E A LT H LU ST L I ST 2016 81


ESCAPE

PITCH YOUR TENT

P H O T O G R A P H G R E AT S T O C K / C O R B I S

See that tent behind her? (Trust us; it’s there). We set it up in three minutes on our first try. That’s the definition of user friendly outdoor gear.

82 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016


MSR HUBBA

OSPREY

BLACK DIAMOND

LEATHERMAN

FIRST ASCENT

HUBBA NX TENT

AETHER 70L

APOLLO

TREAD

ICE BREAKER

LANTERN

BRACELET

SLEEPING BAG

Don’t get caught in the dark. This lantern shines for 15 hours on full settings. Flick the dimmer switch to mood-lighting levels and you’ll get an extra 45 hours of juice out of it – perfect for, um, reading in your tent. Folddown legs will let you increase the Apollo’s radius. Pro tip: pick up a set of NRG Rechargeable batteries and you’ll stay lit for the whole trip. R639, takealot.com

This isn’t bling, this is your answer to everything. Packing 29 tools into its wrist-fitting frame, it’s the first and only wearable multitool on the market. Strap up and you’ll have screwdrivers, cutting hooks and a bottle opener right at your fingertips. It’s less fiddly than the pocket variety and is made from stainless steel that will tough it out in the wild. R3 999, Cape Union Mart

You don’t need to choose between packing light and staying warm anymore. Because even with layers and layers of Microtex material (that’s code for cosy as all hell) this down sleeping bag weighs less than 2kg. Face and chest baffles will shield your body from the elements and pockets sewn into the lining will let you safely stash away your valuables. R3 499, firstascent.co.za

P H O T O G R A P H S M I T C H M A N D E L ( S M A L L P L AT E S ) P R O P S T Y L I N G S H A R O N R YA N / H A L L E Y R E S O U R C E S

Out in the wild, your new abode should be light, roomy and stay standing whether there’s a sandstorm or a South-Easter. This two-person shelter features a built-in rain gutter, two doors and a colour-coded huband-pole system for easy setup. It weighs just under 2kg and packs smartly into a well-designed sack. Pack this first. R14 851, touratech.co.za

Heading for the hills? This bag keeps things simple. With 70 litres of space, it practically swallows gear. Throw in adjustable straps that will help the Aether stick snugly to your body (eliminating sway and the fatigue that comes with it) and you have your new favourite travel companion – don’t tell your dog. The hood will keep your gear dry if the weather turns. R3 499, quenets.com

LUSTVENTURE: KENYA WHERE THE GRASS REALLY IS GREENER

LAKE BOGORIA Set up shelter on the shores of this shimmering lake, crack open a brew and watch the sunset. You won’t see another soul for miles. When you’re ready for a bath, hop into the steaming waters at one of the local hot springs.

MASAI MARA Filled to the brim with exotic wildlife, including lions, cheetahs and leopards, pitching a tent and facing the elements is the only way to experience this game reserve. Go to masaimara.com to book a spot.

M E N ' S H E A LT H LU ST L I ST 2016 83


LISTEN UP

FIND THE PERFECT SOUNDTRACK Great music is essential to great living. Make sure you’re hearing yours to the fullest. We’ve got your gear, starting with this set of speakers.

MARSHALL

CAMBRIDGE

BOSTON

BOSE SOUNDSPORT

KILBURN

AUDIO MINX

ACOUSTICS

IN-EAR

XI

CS260II

HEADPHONES

Stop dicing with dodgy MP3s; high-res audio is the new gold standard for music quality. You’ll need the right streamer to decode all formats. This player comes with a hefty price tag, but that’s understandable when everything from the sound drivers to the final screw are geared towards delivering the best audio. R12 591, ultrasound.co.za

Want to get a fuller range of sound? A pair of floor-standing speakers is mandatory. Multiple drivers will mean your songs are hitting high notes while not compromising on the lows. That’s the definition of dynamic. Add graphite-injected polymer woofers, and you’ve got speakers that won’t bottom out when you’re jamming out. R5 990, ultrasound.co.za

Built from a weather and sweat-resistant material and engineered to cling to your ears, these cans will keep up whether you’re sprinting along a trail or dangling from a rock. But it’s not all just hardwear: underneath the rugged surface you’ll get a balanced audio experience that doesn’t go too heavy on the bass. R2 400, shopandship.co.za

Retro stylings make this portable speaker look like you’re ready to shred. It’s a showstopper fit for your next house party. Hook up your phone via Bluetooth and sit back as this device pumps out a rich sound at volume levels loud enough to drown out the stress. Bass and treble knobs will let you play DJ and tailor your sound. R4 599, thegadgetshop.co.za 84 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

LUSTVENTURE: ZANZIBAR FORGET SCENERY. YOUR EARS NEED AN ADVENTURE TOO

SAUTI ZA BUSARA Looking for new tunes or genres to upgrade your ailing playlist? Discover the best at this music festival that has become synonymous with the island’s chilled vibe and tropical rhythm. Scoop up tickets at busaramusic.org


SENNHEISER MOMENTUM ON-EAR HEADPHONES

Crystal-clear sound quality and a stylish finish.You can't go wrong with these cans (R4 299, takealot.co.za). Prefer not to be tied down by cords? Switch to the Sennheiser RS 175 RF wireless headphones. Bundled with a transmitter that can broadcast your tunes over 100m, your music will follow you wherever you go – whether you’re stuck doing the dishes or chilling on the balcony. R5 100, loot.co.za


DRIVE

HUG THOSE CURVES We drive for work. We drive for pleasure. Here are our car choices that will drive you wild.

CHEVROLET CORVETTE STINGRAY Z51

This hunk of US-made muscle metal is typically gratituous – but in this case we love the excess. The soundtrack is pure testosterone and the lines are striking and undeniably masculine. Muscle cars are conventionally great in a straight line, but terrible in corners – this bucks that trend beautifully. Now think about this: zero to 100 in 3.8 seconds, for less money than its supercar peers. This is the high-paced mix of insanity, efficiency and value we want shipped over here. chevrolet.com

LUSTVENTURE: ROAD TRIP VISIT DRAKENSBERG FOR TAR AND TRAIL HEAVEN

BERG AND BIKE ROUTE Pack your MTB (ideally the Specialized on the right) and take the R71 out of Winterberg towards Sterkfontein, and then turn left onto the R74. A fast, curvy route with epic scenery. 86 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

BMW M2 COUPE

VOLVO XC90

FORD FOCUS RS

AUDI RS6 AVANT

Snarling yet sophisticated. Necksnap-fast but refined. This rearwheel drive beauty encapulates the best of BMW’s driving ethos and hallowed M badge: it’s been created for driving pleasure, and every single metal bit reflects that. Oh, and it does 0 to 100 in just 4,3 seconds. From R791 000, bmw.co.za

The 2016 Wesbank SAGMJ (South African Guild of Motor Journalists) Car of the Year deserves the praise: it’s a beautifully designed car that’s incredibly luxurious, safe and filled with more gamechanging tech than Elon Musk’s office. If you need an SUV, this is it. R820 200, volvocars.com/za

It’s not the most powerful hatchback (though it’s got plenty of juice: 257kW, 440nM of torque) and it’s not the prettiest either – but man, this is most unrestricted fun you can find on four wheels, thanks to a smart chassis and four-wheel drive system. This is bluecollar madness. From R600 000, ford.co.za

Now this is our kind of station wagon. With one of the biggest boots ever created (565l of space, 1 680l with seats down), this is pure practicality, but mixed with a 4l turbocharged engine (412kW and 700Nm) and epic Quattro all-wheel drive. Watch out supercars, family car coming through. R1 465 000, audi.co.za


PLAY

INVEST IN HAPPINESS Combine the right toys with some fresh air, and you have all the ingredients you need to escape stress.

LUSTVENTURE: LESOTHO SNOW, MOUNTAINS AND PLENTY OF FRESH AIR. VISIT NATURE’S PLAYGROUND FOR THE ULTIMATE ESCAPE

SANI PASS This infamous pass is the perfect offroad challenge for 4x4 enthusiasts. Hire yourself the right machine (or drive your own), and then when you reach the top and the roof of Africa, have a beer at the highest pub on the continent (2 874m above sea level): the Sani Mountain Lodge.

AFRISKI Thanks to the plunging Rand, overseas ski trips are becoming scarce. If you’re lucky still to be collecting passport stamps, then invest in some Wagner skis. But if you want something more affordable, look closer to home: this mountain resort offers a great snow experience, and some of the best MTB and trail routes in SA. afriski.net

WAGNER

ONE WHEEL

K-WAY KILI

SPECIALIZED

CUSTOM SKIS

ELECTRIC RIDE

SOFTSHELL

STUMPJUMPER FSR

Wagner’s custom skis are costly – but they’re tailored to your size, abilities, and aspirations and use “Calibrated Visco Carbon” damping technology. What’s that mean? You’ll enjoy the smooth, agile performance in powder and off-piste conditions alike – with 30% less weight. wagnerskis.com

Yes, it only has one self-balancing wheel, but that tough tyre and high board heigh gives it amazing offroad ability. You can speed across beach sand, conquer single trail and even climb up slight inclines thanks to the powerful motor (it has a top speed of 24kph). From R24 000, onewheel.com

In most cases in South Africa, you don’t want more layers – you just want smarter layers that do more. This hooded jacket is windproof, sheds water quickly, has four way stretch, reinforced waterpoof seams and is vapour permeable – so you won’t be collecting sweat underneath it all. R2 599, Cape Union Mart

It’s got a history as one of the best trail bikes ever created, and it’s got better with every update. We like the FSR Expert 29 option, but you can opt for the fat bike version. Either way, you’re going to be guaranteed the most fun on two wheels – whatever the surface. R82 999, specialized.com/za

SEMONKONG It translates into “The Place of Smoke”, which describes the Maletsunyane Falls, one of the highest, single dropping waterfalls in Africa. For the best views, abseil down the falls, which according to the Guinness Book of Records, the longest commercially operated single-drop abseil in the world (204m). Pack the right jacket (see left) – it can get cold here, quickly. placeofsmoke.co.ls M E N ' S H E A LT H LU ST L I ST 2016 87


28 611km

35 507km /

75 396km / Burj Al Arab / Dubai

61 094km / Taronga Zoo / Australia


m / Umbria / Italy

65 380km / Western Australia

84 586km / Pisa / Italy

JUST GO Munich / Germany

Quitting your job and hopping on a plane: it’s what you dream about between the deadlines. This couple had the guts to do it. Do you? BY KIERAN LEGG

35 499km / Octoberfest / Munich

0km / Johannesburg / South Africa


31 408km / Istanbul / Turkey

As the doors closed behind him, Stevo Dirnberger felt his world come crashing down. What the hell had he just done? Behind him was his office, a high-flying advertising job and a lucrative pay cheque. It’s how he had afforded a comfortable life in an upmarket Bryanston flat. How he’d filled that same home with shiny appliances and plush furniture. But now he and his girlfriend Chanel Cartell had taken a leap of faith – they were leaving it all behind, trading the job security for jet-setting, an urban stasis for nomadic freedom. And it would turn out to be best thing they ever did.


“Everything about our lives kind of got to us,” says Chanel. “It wasn’t just our jobs.” They’d followed the script: get a degree, find gainful employment, start investing in a future and ultimately settle down. After both ended up rising to the top in advertising, they asked themselves, “What was next? Probably buy a house, get married, have kids. It was incredibly predictable and almost too comfortable,” she says. They could see where their lives were headed and most days it felt like they were just ticking boxes. The formula started to loom over them, suffocating their inspiration and killing the creativity that had seen them climb to the top at their agencies. They were sinking into a comfort zone and the challenge had gradually disappeared. “I’d learned a lot working in the ad industry,” says Stevo. “But it was extremely draining on my mind. Advertising is relentless, you need new ideas every day and I felt I wasn’t able to keep producing the goods. I needed to re-energise.”

DESTINATION: UNKNOWN Top New York graphic designer Stefan Sagmeister has a crazy theory: taking a sabbatical is one of the best things you can do for your career. It’s why every seven years, the creative genius shuts down his studio for a year to pursue what he calls “little experiments”. The thinking is that he’ll come back inspired, fulfilled and ready to bring new ideas to his old job. The couple heard Sagmeister speak during the Design Indaba in 2014. It’s when the what-ifs started. What if we quit today? What if we sold off our stuff, bought plane tickets and just disappeared for a year? What if we just let it all go? It’s the type of conversation most couples have over glasses of red wine, ambition growing with every empty bottle, the grand plan sealed with another pop of a cork and a clink. But when the buzz wears off, so do the ideas. For Chanel and Stevo the dream turned into a plan, and then into reality. “We were going to go for it, travel the world and create things as we went along,” says Chanel. They decided to save up as much money as they could. For a year, they pulled together all their savings and cut back their spending. It was a complete shift of focus. There was no more shopping or collecting stuff (two habits that were hard to ditch). Now it was: “How do we live with less?” “It was this mindset that made it much easier to save,” says Chanel. “It set us up for our journey, living with only four bags to our names.” Funding their trip required meticulous planning but there was no itinerary for the journey itself. The couple says they wanted to keep it fluid and spontaneous

– and a spreadsheet was just going to box them in. “We did very minimal planning,” says Stevo. “We just secured a few volunteer jobs to cover our accommodation and food, looked at flight and transport costs, and the rest we booked on the go.” Preparation was hard work, but it was taking the plunge that would be the biggest challenge. Stevo says it was surreal, saying goodbye to their friends and family, selling everything they had collected over the years and resigning from their jobs. It was a daunting feeling: fear and excitement rolled into one big moment of “what the hell are we doing?” “But there was this intuition, a kind of gut feeling inside me that said this was something I – we – just had to do. We would find a way to make it work,” says Stevo. Chanel adds that “it really only hit us a couple of weeks into the trip that this was it – these bags in our hands were all we had. The companies we worked for were carrying on without us and we had no obligations, nowhere to be and everywhere to go. It was super, super crazy.” In March 2015 they boarded a plane to Austria. It’s a moment the stress melted away, the weight of responsibility lifting as they took flight.

FIND YOUR BEARINGS

THE WANDERLIST Hike up the Fløyen in Bergen, Norway Climb Mount Fuji, Japan Have a pizza in Perugia, Italy Photograph the Northern Lights Walk the bridge connecting Asia and Turkey in Istanbul

An update on their blog signalled the couple’s arrival in Austria. “Friends! We’re alive!” typed Chanel. “With the sound of music.” They were in Seekirchen am Wallersee, living in the cosy attic of a three-storey home. It’s a small town blanketed with snow, where dense forests dominate the landscape and the local radio station only plays the classics. Not only were they 8 340km from home, but their lives couldn’t have been more different. Instead of waking up to a blaring alarm, hurriedly getting dressed before piling into rush-hour traffic, their mornings start with a slow breakfast of bread rolls and all the trimmings. “Our days are now filled with eating, walking, cycling, eating, drinking beer, dusting snow off our clothes, eating, walking, taking photos and enjoying the fresh Alps’ air. But mainly eating,” says Chanel. Stevo admits that when they first started planning the trip, part of him was certain it would all go down in flames. They’d manage a couple of weeks before their funds dried up or their plans hit an insurmountable roadblock and there would be no other option than to pack it up and go home. “But if that was the worst-case scenario we could say we still got to see a bit of the world and then head back. Not bad.” It was in the oldest settlement in Austria that both Stevo and Chanel realised that this wasn’t just a pipe dream. This was going to work out. May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 91


FOLLOW THE LEADER

was the best way to travel and we would recommend it to anyone. Being together and experiencing the highs and lows was the best part. I think we grew, as people and as a couple,” adds Chanel. “There’s something special about being really vulnerable in a completely foreign place, and having your person there with you experiencing the same thing. You share these moments that you’ll never forget, and it can only bring you closer together.” Stevo says the trip is something he couldn’t fathom doing alone. Having Chanel with him made it the memorable, fulfilling experience that it was. “You share everything, even your meals when the budget is tight,” he says, laughing.

Invigorated by their first stop, the pair rode a wave of energising momentum, travelling through Europe and then on to the rest of the world. Chanel, who had met Stevo on a blind date almost six years ago, during her “say yes to everything” phase, found herself embracing that same attitude again. When they came across the aquamarine lakes snaking through Austria, they saw more than a picture opportunity – it was a chance to dive in and splash in the ice-cold waters. In the Arctic Circle, the pair didn’t just tick the destination off their list; they wound up caring for a pack of Huskies. In Norway, they paired up with one of the country’s top chefs to cook up 12-course meals for his guests. In Sweden, 3am drives gave them a new view on an old land, as they coasted along the country’s winding lakes, spotting fox cubs, reindeer and moose in the bush. They saw the Greek Isles from the deck of a sailing boat, hiked in waist-deep snow in the German Alps in search of an elusive icy cave, and returned to Africa to trek 2km into the sprawling Namib Desert. They went where they wanted to. There was no more formula or script, just their curiosity, a worn map and their so-called Wanderlist: a personal inventory of experiences designed to direct their travels. But this journey was not without its challenges. The month they spent in Sweden was really, really tough, says Chanel. Having decided to go unplugged for 30 days, the couple ditched their phones and laptops, buckling down to earn their accommodation by cleaning toilets and folding laundry. “We’d wake up every morning to clean. It was challenging not to explore or stay connected to our families or friends, but we came out on the other side stronger people – and our relationship grew,” says Chanel. It was their first taste of the reality of letting everything go. For every hour spent on the sunny deck of a sailing boat, there was another spent chopping up and stacking THE WANDERLIST wood in Norway, scooping up dog shit in Italy or scrubbing loos in a Scandinavian city. Go down the wooden slide in Hallstatt, This is what made their journey possible: Austria how they survived with a tight budget that Go dune surfing often saw them eat jam and crackers for in Merzouga, Morocco dinner, or hike for hours with heavy bags Appreciate the instead of hailing a cab. architecture in But Chanel says all of this was a small Oslo, Norway price to pay. “We spent maybe four hours Catch the sunset max each day doing work; the rest of the in Umbertide, Italy time we were free to explore, create, brainHave a Guiness storm, photograph and film our surroundin Dublin, Ireland ings, and enjoy our time living with locals. It 92 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

AT HOME ON THE ROAD It’s been over a year since the couple first set off, but their journey is not close to being completed. Their original Wanderlist has grown from 70 destinations to include close to 500 unique experiences. It was inevitable, says Chanel, who has let the list evolve organically – first with suggestions from each of the 116 new friends they made during their travels, and then the thousands of online followers who were inspired by howfarfromhome.com. But even though they have only ticked off 33 items, their perspective on life has shifted dramatically. Before, they measured their self-worth by their collected possessions. “Now we realise there’s no need to have all these things, and bigger things to house the smaller things,” says Chanel. “We’re happier, lighter and more focused and productive with the few things we do have and that’s the life-changing experiences.” “You don’t need half the stuff you think you do,” adds Stevo. “Throughout our travels we left things behind – clothing, books, toiletries. You really can travel light. People are more awesome than you think. So many people helped us out when we were struggling; some gave us food, others a place to stay or even just a map when we were lost.” The narrative has changed. Where before their home stood as a monument to their success, now their values are tied to vivid memories and chance encounters in farflung places. “No one should think for a second this is out of their reach,” says Stevo. “We did the necessary planning and saving, made a few sacrifices along the way and now we’re living what feels like a dream.” For a couple, who worked their asses off for close to a decade to afford the opportunity of leaving it all behind, being able to say just that has made it all worth it. “We did something a little – okay, probably very – crazy,” says Chanel. “And it’s been the most rewarding experience of my life.”


HOW TO

MAKE IT HAPPEN WANT TO DROP YOUR JOB TO JET OFF ON AN INDEFINITE VACATION? HERE’S HOW

FUND IT Start saving. It’s time to learn to live with less, a lot less. Chanel says they started skipping luxuries and focused on the bare necessities, funnelling every bit of leftover cash it into their holiday fund. They didn’t struggle. Instead, they swapped eating out for nights in. It’s an excuse to eat home-cooked dishes and binge-watch series. Use an app like Urge (myurge.com) to keep track of your savings.

LIVE FREE You’ll gut your bank account in a few days if you to stay at the big hotels. And while sites such as Airbnb will let you couch-surf for weeks, you’ll keep your vacation afloat forever with a few hours of manual labour. Through workaway.com, this couple landed jobs at guest houses across Europe, doing a bit of dirty work in the morning in exchange for a roof over their heads. Stevo says they’d be busy for two hours and have the rest of the day to themselves.

105 538km / Muizenberg / Cape Town

TAKE IT SLOW You won’t be flying everywhere, so get used to that. A single plane ticket will already swallow up a significant part of your budget. Chanel says they were happy to explore the world one stretch of road or river at a time. It meant they were often hitching rides on the back of bakkies, bicycles or even just tracking down their accommodation on foot. “The cost of two return flights from Joburg to London would’ve covered almost all of our expenses.” May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 93


By BJ Gaddour and Mike Roussell

Photographs by James Dimmock

MEN’S HEALTH MAY 2016

P.

94

THE 21-DAY

M E T A


S H R E D We asked a nutrition genius and a muscle master to join forces on a total-body transformation programme. It will ignite your metabolism, torch fat and build the body you’ve always wanted


THE FAT-LOSS FUNDAMENTALS BY BJ GADDOUR

I’ve been training clients and working on my own body for the past 15 years. I once was a pudgy 125 kilograms and wore 112-cm pants. Today I’m a ripped 100 and slip into 32-inch jeans. I tried every fat-loss method imaginable, from highly researched fitness advice to underground bodybuilding methods. I’ve helped men with zero training lose triple-digit fat, and seasoned lifters drop that last stubborn 5kg. The 21-Day MetaShred – a workout DVD I created – represents the culmination of every hard truth I’ve learned on the front lines of fat loss. It combines cutting-edge science with tried-and-true training advice to attack your flab with no mercy. I’m going to share five of the programme’s most potent techniques here. You can simply fold them into any of your typical workouts, or you can apply the principles to this issue’s pullout workout poster,“MetaShred Your Body”.

TECHNIQUE 1 TABATA TORCHERS

Why It Works Tabatas (brief, high-intensity inter-

val workouts named after Japanese researcher Izumi Tabata) can burn about 60 kilojoules a minute, say scientists at the University of Wisconsin. But instead of doing them with just one exercise, choose two – an upper-body exercise and a lower-body move – and alternate between them. That way you can keep the intensity high throughout the session and push for longer than just 4 minutes. How to Do It Pick an upper-body move and a lower-body move and set a timer for 4 minutes. Do the upper-body exercise for 20 seconds; rest 10 seconds. Then do the lower-body exercise for 20 seconds, again resting 10 seconds. Continue following this pattern until your time’s up. Afterwards, choose different exercises and repeat. 96 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

TECHNIQUE 2 METABOLIC BURNOUTS

Why It Works Taking longer rests earlier in a

workout lets you warm up with an intense first circuit, helping you reach your “oxygen threshold”. Then, for each subsequent circuit, you have to work even harder, with less rest, progressively digging yourself deeper into “oxygen debt”. So your metabolism will still be cranking to replace your oxygen stores long after you’ve hit the showers, up to 39 hours later. The bigger your debt, the more kilojoules your body burns, during and after your session. How to Do It In any timed circuit, decrease your rest each round. For your first round, you might start with 30 seconds of work and 30 seconds of rest. But each round thereafter, you’ll take 5 seconds off your rest until eventually you have no rest between your 30-second bouts of work.

TECHNIQUE 3 VARIABLE-TEMPO TRAINING

Why It Works If you change up the speed of

your repetitions, you’ll tap into a totally new muscle-building stimulus. (Let’s face it, you’ve probably lifted at just one speed your entire training career.) Taking longer to lift and lower the weight – or simply pausing at certain points during the lift – is an old-school bodybuilding secret that works different fibres, increases the time your muscles spend under load and can help you pack on mounds of lean muscle. How to Do It Start by taking 3 seconds to lower the weight or 3 seconds to raise it. Or hold the midpoint for 3 seconds. Then get creative! Once you feel comfortable, you can mix in different tempos. For example, take 5 seconds to lift, pause 3 seconds at the top and take 4 seconds to lower it back down.


TECHNIQUE 4 FIVE-MINUTE SHRED SETS

TECHNIQUE 5 SIX-PACK SUPERSETS

Why It Works In a typical 3-sets-of-10 workout,

your muscles spend only about 90 seconds under load. That’s why simply doing as many reps as possible in a given time is so powerful – you end up doing far more than your standard 30 or so reps. Which means your muscles spend significantly more time actually working, triggering renewed fat loss and muscle gains. How to Do It Select an exercise, and grab a weight that you think you can lift about 20 times in a set. Now do as many reps as you can in 5 minutes. You probably won’t be able to work through the full 5 minutes at first. But try to increase your total reps over time. Pro tip: in the beginning, aim to crank out a specific number of reps (for example, 12) every minute, on the minute.

Why It Works This six-pack hack wakes up your

KEEP THE INTENSITY HIGH THROUGHOUT THE SESSION AND PUSH FOR LONGER

key muscle groups, creating a mind-muscle connection that should help you “feel” and better activate your abs and glutes in every exercise of your workout. So each exercise you perform thereafter – whether it’s a squat or a bench press – will work your abs and glutes even harder. As a result, you’ll be better able to recruit and build more muscle and incinerate more calories. How to Do It Before you perform a total-body move – such as a squat, deadlift, or bench press – do 30 seconds of a core or glute exercise. Rest 15 seconds; then go directly into your big-lift set. For example, prior to your next bench set, do hip thrusts. Preengaging your glutes will help you “drive” the bar off of your chest with more force.


Suffering through a diet is pointless. My weight-loss plan employs the latest science to control kilojoules – and your hunger. It’s a two-phase programme that uses the keep-it-simple rules below. The trick? Eat until you’re satisfied, not stuffed. That means following my “eat and eat again” rule: eat as much as you want – if you think you could eat that much again two or three hours later. Ready? Let’s do this.

RULE 1

RULE 2

Eat Protein at 3 Meals

Go Green At Every Chance

That’s right: three squares a day. Plan on breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and make a fistsized chunk of protein front and centre. It’s more satiating than carbohydrates or fat and triggers a metabolic cascade that leads to improved blood sugar control. Eating protein also stimulates muscle growth and is crucial to burning fat and becoming lean. And because protein helps your body rebuild between workouts, you can train harder in your next workout. Spreading out your protein intake gives you a 25% advantage in muscle building over the average guy, who tends to favour low-protein breakfasts and lunches and a protein-rich dinner.

The key to uncovering your abs? Pounding vegetables! The verdict is clear: vegetables crowd out the unhealthy carbs and other highcalorie options, and they’re packed with nutrients. So fill your trolley. If you’re not cruising the produce section of the supermarket, you’re in dangerous territory – the vast middle of the store, with its stacks of processed foods that will give you a vast middle. Green vegetables like spinach, broccoli, and asparagus are your full-belly all-stars, and they mix well with role players like tomatoes, carrots, mushrooms, and squash. Throw down a piece or two of fruit a day too.

Meat and Other Powerful Protein Picks

THE SIMPLE EATING PLAN BY MIKE ROUSSELL

The Good Carbs: Vegetables to Stock Up On

Lean red meat

Squash

Pork

Broccoli

Poultry

Legumes

Wild game

Carrots

Fish

Mushrooms

Shellfish

Leafy greens

Plain Greek yoghurt

Brussels sprouts

Cottage cheese

Celery

Protein powder

Peppers

Eggs

Tomatoes


RULE 5

Have a PostGym Shake

Snack On Fat and Protein

Sure, exercise burns kJs and builds muscle, but it also affects the way you process nutrients. Your goal is to spike protein synthesis (a.k.a. muscle building) throughout the day. Consuming 20 to 30 grams of whey protein after you train enhances this process. It’ll flood your system with accessible, fast-digesting amino acids and also put the brakes on muscle breakdown – so you’ll make gains faster.

Don’t be like the average guy, who tends to snack on sodium-laden refined carbs. In this plan, a protein-and-fat-combo snack acts as a nutritional bridge between two meals separated by five hours or longer (usually lunch and dinner). This way your body is forced to draw on stored fat for energy, which is good, and you’ll fight hunger while keeping your blood sugar within the ideal range. Speaking of fat, you should include a variety of sources in your diet (oils such as olive, peanut and canola; nuts like almonds, pecans, walnuts, pistachios and cashews; and dairy such as Greek yoghurt or butter). That fat will keep you from caving in to hunger; add fiber for an assist. Warning: measure your oil when cooking. For meals with starch, use 1 tsp of oil; for nonstarch meals, use 1 to 1½ Tbsp (less if you’re adding nuts or cheese to the meal).

RULE 4

Eat Starches to Refuel Exercise turns your muscles into carbohydrate sponges. The postworkout window is the only time you can direct carbohydrates toward your muscles (instead of, say, fat cells). This window starts to close after 60 minutes, but eating a carb-rich meal within two hours of your workout is good enough. So you can have rice, bread, and pasta (in moderation) about three days a week. Note: this applies only to Phase 1 (the first 30 days). Read about the Phase 2 changes in “How to Use This Plan”, right.

Postworkout Starches and Grains Whole-grain pasta Sprouted-grain bread Sweet potatoes White potatoes Brown rice Kamut

HOW TO USE THIS PLAN

For Phase 1, the first 30 days, simply follow the five rules. For Phase 2, the next 30, make two changes: first, cut out those post-training starches; all your carbs will come from fruits and vegetables. Second, don’t snack on workout days, but you can still have your postworkout shake. I’ve found that this pushes most people over a stubborn plateau and prevents the body from panicking at the loss of kilojoules.

Snacks That Combine Protein, Fat and Fibre Plain Greek yoghurt and flaxseed meal Cheese sticks and a small apple Smoked salmon and almonds Celery and cashews A handful of any type of nuts

Wheat berries

Cottage cheese and baby carrots

Quinoa

Low-carb protein bar

Corn tortillas Oats

100 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

1

3

5

2

6

4

6 Foods That Boost Your Metabolism Transformation starts in your fridge. Stock yours with these better-body staples 1/ Rotisserie Chicken You already love it, right? Go ahead: it’s ready-to-eat, high-quality protein. Pair it with a vegetable if you’re ever in a pinch for a meal. 2/ Precut Vegetables Supermarkets these days make preparation a snap. From diced peppers and onions to shredded Brussels sprouts, you can find any vegetable ready to toss into a roasting pan or skillet. 3/ Precooked Sausage, like Chorizo New flavours, lean protein. Heat, then eat. Can’t find it at the supermarket? Check your butcher. 4/ Plain Greek Yoghurt, or Kefir It’s time to give these immigrants a home in your fridge. Plain Greek yoghurt offers twice the protein of traditional yoghurt and about the same number of carbs, making it a great snack or starting point for breakfast. Kefir is a fermented milk product that falls between cream and yoghurt. The plain version contains almost a 1:1 ratio of protein to carbohydrates and has enough probiotics to keep your digestive tract happy. 5/ Smoked Salmon Okay, you weren’t expecting this. That’s part of what makes it great. It’s ready to eat, carb-free and full of satiating protein and fat. Having smoked salmon in the middle of the day will quickly change your concept of “diet food” snacks. 6/ Cheese Sticks Portable protein, properly portioned. Whether they’re string cheese (mozzarella) or Swiss, these should always be in your fridge. Pair them with a small piece of fruit for a snack, or chop ’em up and toss them on a salad with some rotisserie chicken to round out a fat-burning meal.

F O O D P H O T O G R A P H S A M K A P L A N I L L U S T R AT I O N B R A N D O N M Y E R S

RULE 3


MetaShred Your Body

DESIGNED BY

BJ Gaddour BEST FOR

Building lean muscle, burning stubborn body fat, and improving fitness across the board.

The 8 exercises on this pullout hit every muscle. Flip it over to find the fat-blasting combinations that work best for you

EQUIPMENT

Dumbbells; bench or box

BY MICHAEL EASTER / ILLUSTRATIONS +ISM

1/ Dead-Stop Push-Up

Assume a push-up position with your feet together, your body straight, and your hands below but slightly wider than your shoulders. Lower your body all the way to the floor. Lift your hands, pause, then place them back on the floor and push up explosively.

2/ Goblet Squat

Hold a dumbbell in front of your chest, cupping the top end with both hands. Push your hips back and bend your knees, performing a squat. Pause; then push back up.

3/ Bear Crawl

Assume a push-up position and then walk your feet forward until your hips and knees are both bent 90 degrees. This is the starting position. Now keep your arms straight as you “step” your left hand and right foot forward a few inches. Repeat with your right hand and left foot. Keep crawling forward.

4/ Hip Thrust

Place your upper back against a box or bench with your knees bent and feet flat on the floor. Then squeeze your glutes and raise your hips until they’re in line with your body. Return to the starting position and repeat.

May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 101


5/ Bulgarian Split Squat

6/ Skater Hop

7/ Dumbbell Swing

8/ Dumbbell Row

Stand with your back to a bench or box. Place the top of your right foot on the bench. This is the starting position. Keeping your torso upright, bend your left knee and lower your body until your left leg is bent at least 90 degrees; raise your arms as you lower. Push your body back to the start.

Hold a dumbbell handle with both hands. Bend at the waist, push your hips back, and lower your torso, swinging the dumbbell between your legs. Thrust your hips forward and swing the weight to shoulder height; then immediately pull it back between your legs. Keep swinging.

Stand on your right foot with your right knee slightly bent and your left foot just off the floor. Lower your body and then bound to your left by jumping off your right leg. Land on your left foot and cross your right foot behind you. Now reverse the move and continue hopping side to side.

Holding a pair of dumbbells, bend at your hips and knees and lower your torso until it’s almost parallel to the floor and the dumbbells are hanging in front of you. Bend your elbows and pull the weights to the sides of your torso. Pause, and then slowly lower them.

CHOOSE YOUR METASHREDDING WEAPON

These insanely effective combos employ the exercises shown on this pullout. They’re a proven way to help you torch more fat and build mounds of muscle in less time TABATA TORCHERS

METABOLIC BURNOUTS

VARIABLE-TEMPO TRAINING

5-MINUTE SHRED SETS

SIX-PACK SUPERSETS

Select a pair below. Do the first move for 20 seconds and rest 10. Now do the second move for 20 seconds and rest 10. Repeat the pattern for 4 minutes. Pick another pair and repeat; do as many as you want.

Do each exercise below in order for 30 seconds, resting 30 seconds between moves. That’s Round 1. For each ensu­ ing round, take 5 sec­ onds off your rest; keep going until you’re not resting at all (Round 7).

Pick three exercises. Per­ form them as a circuit with 60 seconds of work and 60 seconds of rest. Complete 5 circuits. Each circuit, take 3 sec­ onds to lower or raise the weight or hold the mid­ point of the move.

Pick an exercise below and do as many reps as you can in 5 minutes. (For weighted moves, use a weight you can lift about 20 times in a regular set.) Then pick another exer­ cise and repeat; do as many moves as you like.

Do the first exercise in the pair for 30 sec­ onds; rest 15 seconds. Do the second exercise for a minute; rest 15 seconds. That’s Round 1. Complete 4 rounds and then do the remain­ ing pairs the same way.

Exercises 1+2; 1+7; 8+6; 5 (alternate legs)

4, 1, 2, 8, 6, 7

1, 2, 4, 5, 8

1, 2, 3, 5, 7

1+2; 3+2; 4+7; 6+7

102 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016


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TheRules

HaveChanged.

104 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016


LuckyYou! Your ideas of what’s taboo are outdated. Who says? Most women, for a start. We’ve run the numbers: women are way ahead of you when it comes to living out their sexual fantasies. Want to have hotter sex? Follow her lead By Thomas Okes Additional Research Alice Paulse Photographs Jacques Weyers Statistics based on the Men’s Health Sex Survey 2016


“There’s someone I’d like you to meet” An overwhelming 92% of MH readers are pretty sure your girl would never say yes to a threesome. That’s a lot of you. And you’re all wrong.

+ 45% of women admitted to kissing another girl in a Journal of Sex Research study, while 50% admitted to having fantasies about other women.

“Overwhelming evidence suggests women have fluid sexual orientation,” says Dr. Eve. Your key to capitalising on her desires: honest communication.

60% of women are attracted to other women


May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 107


“Let’s explore a little” Only half of you say your girl would be game with having sex outdoors. But she’s more adventurous than you think.

82% of women want to get it on outside* + 2011 Lelo survey found 73% of women were open about having had sex in their cars – and half of them have even done the deed in a public park.

SOURCE MH SEX SURVEY 2016

Dr. Eve says this just shows how men underestimate women’s desire for novelty. “Public spaces offer mind-blowing experiences.”


“Go on – tie me up” Over half of you have never – ever – brought some kind of bondage into the bedroom. Stop tying yourself down.

75% of women can’t wait to try out those handcuffs* + two out of three women reported to having experimented with bondage and spanking, according to a 2012 More magazine survey. “Women say this is their ultimate fantasy,” says Dr. Eve. “So be confident. Handcuffs make her feel powerless in the most powerful way.” May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 109


“Wanna play?”

76% of women want you to use a sex toy – on them + 78% of women say they’re unable to orgasm without clitoral stimulation*. + 40% of WH women said bringing toys into the bedroom was something they’d love to try, but were too nervous to ask. “Sex toys lost their stigma years ago,” says Dr. Eve. “They are a great way to share in your partner’s pleasure – and a fun way to learn more about her body.”

110 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

SO U RC E 2 0 1 4 L E LO G LO BA L S EX S U RV EY

Over half of MH readers said they hadn’t considered making sex toys a part of their sex lives. But chances are, she wants to play with more than just your joystick.


“Let’s film this” Two thirds of you have not yet dared to film your sexcapades. She’s not nearly as camera-shy.

61% of women want to make their own porn + 60% of women would be keen to bring a camera into the bedroom – if asked – says a 2014 IFOP Survey Institute/Cam4 study.

H A I R & G R O O M I N G A L I C E C O L O R I T I / I N F I D E L S , M O D E L S N I C O L E M E Y E R / O U T L AW S , N I C P L E T T S / B O S S M O D E L S

“Filming each other is exciting and intimate,” Dr. Eve says. “Women are keen to add arousal and fun to their sex lives through DIY porn. But be aware of the risk of exposure.”

May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 111


Man to Man

She was everything he’d ever fantasised about. Young. Lithe. Sexy. Passionate. But he never dreamed how tough it would be to keep up BY AMOS MALONE

112 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

PHOTOGRAPH TRUNK ARCHIVE

Woman On Top

WHO IS YOUR FANTASY SEXUAL PARTNER? MINE IS A SWIMSUIT MODEL

who makes her own porn. Insatiable. Adventurous. Flat stomach. Yogaflexible, hangup-free, and orally fixated. And she’s my actual girlfriend. I’m not bragging here (okay, maybe a little), because I’m no Calvin Klein model. I’m a divorced father of two in my forties. My hair is going grey, my skin wrinkling. Natalie, on the other hand, is a decade younger and physically flawless. When my marriage fell apart, the one silver lining I saw was the possibility of dating a woman like her: someone who would make me feel like a testosterone-crazed teenager all over again. Maybe I’d finally join the Mile High Club. And then along came Natalie, seemingly heaven-sent. We met at a writing workshop; I was her teacher. For everything in the bedroom, though, I would be the student. During one of our first sexual encounters, she had her long, tanned legs gymnastically spread in a way that really shouldn’t be anatomically possible, while I went down on her. When she scissored her legs around my neck, I thought of a nature video of a female praying mantis decapitating her lover during copulation. “You’re getting, like, 10% of me here,” she growled. I tried to imagine the last 90%. Perhaps I should get some rest first. “I’m in my sexual prime now,” Natalie explained afterward. “You’re not. That’s just reality. I’m not going to be ashamed of my desires. If I want to be pleasured by five men at once, I get to have that fantasy.” Clearly, it’d be a challenge to go one-on-one with a woman who’s ready to take on a basketball team, and not feel outmanned. How could I, a mere aging mortal, expect to satisfy this woman’s Olympian desires? She was also smart, funny, creative – and, compared with other women I’d known during my checkered romantic past, incredibly sane. I was falling hard and fast. And yet my first declaration of love was met with 24 hours of radio silence. I killed the time imagining all the ways she could pleasure five men at once. Did I mention that she has uniquely dexterous feet?


I'd stumble into work late, jelly-legged after being devoured for breakfast. My first email of the day was often a picture of Natalie touching herself She finally called. “I’ve longed for a man with the courage to claim me for his own.” (Yes, she really talks this way.) The next day, she christened our commitment by blessing me with the blowjob of my life, searching out every nerve ending with surgical precision. It didn’t occur to me to wonder how many times she must have performed this very operation to become so skilled. And really, was it any of my damn business? “You’re getting maybe 60% of me now,” she said one day while we were making love. Our courtship was still young then, but Natalie’s habit of ranking the intensity of our lovemaking was starting to get old. “I want all of you,” I huffed, double-timing our pace. Natalie smiled. “Think you’re ready to dance with the dragon?” Ah, maybe. The dragon soon appeared as a fire-breathing vixen that made inhuman sounds as she raked her nails down my back, drawing blood. Her imagination and hunger seemed limitless. I would stumble into work late, jelly-legged after being devoured for breakfast. My first email of the day was often a picture of Natalie touching herself: “Waiting for you...” I thought of Nelson Rockefeller and wondered how many men expire during sex every year. “I punched a man once,” she confessed out of the blue one day. She never hit me, but she did KO my lower back. One morning, after weeks of nightly marathons, I couldn’t get out of bed. It took me two weeks to get back on my feet. “Fuck me... fuck... oh God!” Natalie convulsed with a seismic orgasm. Unfortunately, I hadn’t given it to her. She sighed as she withdrew her White Knight, a pearlescent vibrator a size larger than my own Pink Pawn. We had moved in together, and she’d brought along the Knight and a boxful of other old friends. “Are you okay?” I was not. But I also wasn’t going to admit that I felt emasculated by her toys. “Sweetheart, it’s okay,” she said. “A lot of guys get freaked out by toys.” “You’ve used toys with a lot of guys?”

Natalie gave me a maternal hug. “Baby, is hearing more about my sexual history really going to be good for you right now?” “I just don’t want to share what we do in bed with anybody from your past, okay?” I said. “If there’s a toy you’ve had a playdate with before, can you get rid of it?” Natalie understood – and got rid of her toys. Every last one of them. “You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” I demanded. “Haven’t you?” She had. But I had too. And yet my jealousy was getting the best of me. Natalie covered up and turned off the video camera. We’d shoot no tripleX footage today. Instead, we agreed to purge all photos and videos of past lovers. I spent an hour rooting through old emails and hard drives. It took Natalie the better part of a day. “What are you, Pornhub?” I asked. “I’m a photographer,” she bristled. “I photograph things. I’m only keeping 20 nudes of Nick, but it’s just a work thing. A fine-art project.” Nick was her most recent ex, with a body apparently suitable for framing. By all accounts, he was a decent man who treated her well. But even though we’d never met, I couldn’t stand him. I had the feeling that he was in bed with us. I pictured him as a dead ringer for Michelangelo’s David with a Swiss Army sex toy for a penis. The more I obsessed over getting 100% of Natalie, the more I felt I was losing her – and a bit of myself. Why sneak in the back door when you’ve been invited in the grand entrance? That was my take on anal sex before I met Natalie. But the idea that Nick had explored that part of her made me need to plant my flag there. “Dude, you should totally tap that,” I imagined Nick saying. “Turns her into an animal.” I tried, really. But by the time I’d work out the position, I’d lose my erection. Soon it was gone for good. The truth about erectile dysfunction is that the harder you fight it, the softer you become. I was afraid Natalie would be disappointed; her reaction was worse. She was hurt. “This always happens,” she wept. “I’m too much for men!” I saw a therapist who specialises in sexual dysfunction. “Most men can’t deal with hearing about their partner’s sexual experience unless she’s saying how big or great he is,” she told me. “Remember, no one gets amazing at anything, including sex, without a lot of practice. You should write a thankyou note to every one of her former lovers for all she learned with them.” Dear Nick: thank you for not perforating my girlfriend’s colon. Maybe we wouldn’t be pen pals, but I saw the therapist’s point. Loving Natalie meant loving all the experiences that made her the amazing person – and blessed superfreak – she is today. NATALIE WROTE NICK IN LARGE BLOCK LETTERS IN

the sand. His name joined a long list of our exes scrawled across the beach. As the tide washed the names away, we mentally thanked our exes for all they’d given us. The therapist had suggested this as a cleansing ritual. It was hokey, but I can’t deny it worked. I was more accepting of the truth: I wouldn’t be a teenage horndog again. I would never resummit my sexual peak. Maybe I’m even a lousy lay. But none of that changed this: Natalie chose me, wrinkles and all. After I quit multitasking in bed – giving my ego a hand job while making love to her at the same time – a funny thing happened. I saw delicious details I’d overlooked. How caressing the skin behind her knees made her purr like a kitten, how grinding her slow and deep made her yodel with delight, and after all my foreplay, how kneeling in bed with her ankles airborne and thrusting like a freight train made me the little engine that could, 100%, take her to the promised land. I’d be lying if I said that being the first man who could bring her to orgasm without toys or gadgets didn’t bring me a certain pride. The irony is that my pride nearly ruined it. I’m not the man I used to be, and that’s a good thing. It’s what brought us together, hopefully forever. Besides, Natalie says my grey hair makes me look like a professor at an oddly specific Ivy League school. The mere thought of it, it turns out, makes her hot for teacher.

N

May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 113


Twenty Sexteen


Mandy May is thinking about sex (as usual) and it turns out that she’s not the only one. The modern woman’s perspective on sex may just be more radical than you think... and that’s only the bits suitable for print By Mandy May Illustrations Werner Viln

My girlfriends screamed when I told them I hadn’t had sex in months. It was a pterodactylpitched screech of pain, pity and a by-proxy predatory hunger that silenced diners at other tables in the restaurant, made the waiter hurry over with a fresh bottle of wine, echoed over hills and valleys, and somewhere, kilometres away, made a lone man grope at his junk for reassurance without exactly understanding why. “No, man!” I shushed them. Of course, if the definition of having a sex life is engaging in semi-regular penis-in-vagina intercourse – along with the scattering of dinner dates and “Where is this going?” conversations that seem part and parcel of a consistent carnal routine – I’m screwed. Or not. Indeed, I would’ve been close to flatlining and the handwringing and pitiful clucks might have been appropriate, but the year is 2016 and surely no one thinks about sex in such biological, hardand-fast terms anymore? (Not that I have anything against hard and fast, mind you.) May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 115


I’m only a “good girl” when being bad has earned me a spanking.

A male friend laughed when we were discussing this. “Anecdotal evidence,” he said. “It’s way more. Women are a bunch of remorseless orgasm machines.” And it’s not just anecdotal either: books like Cacilda Jethá and Christopher Ryan’s Sex at Dawn (2010) and Daniel Bergner’s What Do Women Want? Adventures in the Science of Female Desire (2013) argue that conventional wisdom concerning human sexuality – particularly female sexuality – couldn’t be further from the truth. “Science Proves That Women Want Sex Just As Much As Men Do”, “The Truth About Female Desire: It’s Base, Animalistic And Ravenous”, “Turns Out Women Have Really, Really Strong Sex Drives. Can Men Handle It?” These headlines are hardly breaking news anymore, and while dudes in lab coats might still be debating the matter, I know for a fact that I’m only a “good girl” when being bad has earned me a spanking. So if we are indeed “remorseless orgasm machines” (I kinda love this description because it removes that perceived emotionality that makes most women roll their eyes and cringe) – what oils our gears? What gets our engines purring? If we’re that into it, why isn’t everyone getting laid way more often? THERE WAS A COOL STUDY BACK IN THE EARLY 2000s by psychologist Meredith Chivers, now director of the Queen’s University Sexuality and Gender Lab, which looked at the differences in the ways in which men and women get turned on. The things that turned hetero dudes on were pretty predictable: put a naked woman on screen and their arousal levels soared. Only naked men and suddenly not so much. And the things that turned women on? Everything. Well, almost. When shown a selection of porn clips, including sex between men and women, women and women, and men and men, as well as clips of a muscle-bound naked man walking along a beach and a pair of bonobo chimpanzees mating, increased vaginal wetness and blood flow were measured in almost every case across women both straight and lesbian, bar the scene of the limp-dicked Chippendale going for a languid stroll. There are two noteworthy impressions here: we’re not aroused by the sight of a flaccid penis, no matter how many other muscles it’s attached to (a mental note to make for any future dick pics you plan on sending); and even so, the scope of sexual stimuli that women respond to, regardless of our sexual preferences, is far beyond that of men and beyond what we are even consciously aware of. The takeaway of that second point is particularly important: women are not “built” to attach sex to emotion, and it’s not only in response to romance that we get a warm tingling between our thighs. We don’t need to fall in love with you to want to bang your brains out on a fierce and primal level.

P H O T O G R A P H G R E AT S T O C K / C O R B I S C O V E R I M A G E T R U N K A R C H I V E

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TAKE THE WOMAN I’VE BEEN sleeping with for the last four months – and I use the word “sleeping” incredibly broadly because she frequently wakes me up at 4am, or sometimes 5am if I’m lucky, with gentle kisses whose motive is always betrayed by the more insistent grinding of her hips, and our moans and whimpers escalate with the birdsong before sunrise brings a sweaty, satisfied slipping back into slumber. Or there’s my friend-withbenefits who every few weeks will invite me over to watch series, yet more often than not I’ll leave his place hours later with a peck on the cheek, his taste still in my mouth, my underwear bunched up in my handbag and hickeys in secret places, with everything but the TV having been turned on. And of course there’s the man on the other side of the planet – the one who first let me answer to his demands with “Yes, sir” and now lets me call him “Daddy” – who I’ve never shared bodily fluids with, but with whom I exchange such graphic and detailed sexts that I frequently shudder to orgasm in the quiet moments between chores, social engagements and time zones, one hand wrapped around my smartphone and the other jammed down my panties. As I’ve counted the months on my fingers without a penis in my vagina, I’ve learnt more about sex than I would’ve thought possible. Our bedroom narratives are changing along with our relationship ones – and just as we’re realising the only options for intimacy don’t have to involve diamond rings and white picket fences, so we’re learning the only act of intimacy is not just what the dictionary defines as sex. The first part of understanding these new narratives is recognising the one-dimensionality of what’s left behind. In a story where women are good girls (i.e. passive, demure, more emotionally driven than men and less libidinous) and those who are not are broken, deviant – sluts – there’s little room in the plot for our needs to converge, for that coming together of all the factors necessary for a climax. But in case my friends’ genuine concern at the intimation of a dry spell or my Sapphic sweetheart’s nocturnal nudges aren’t evidence enough, let me spell out one of the greatest misconceptions about women. We don’t like or desire sex as much as men do. Bullshit.


But if it’s not love and emotional intimacy we’re looking for in sexual partners, and it’s not necessarily the visceral pleasure of an erect dick sliding into us, what is it? The confusing part is that it’s not not those. Not always. We’re not just “remorseless orgasm machines” and sex is not simply a means to an end – certainly not just one end anyway. It’s not an equation where one thing must surely lead to another or some sort of trade exchange of “I’ll lick yours if you lick mine”. This is what I love about my lovers, I told my placated girlfriends. The other diners continued with their conversations, the waiter no longer hovered so close that I felt the need to pay his therapy bills, crickets chirped under the stars and that lone man somewhere kilometres away scratched his balls in idle contentment.

EACH PERSON THAT I’VE NOT-BEEN-HAVING-SEXwith-if-you-want-to-get-technical-about-it is fulfilling a need or desire of their own by fulfilling one of mine, and there’s something profoundly gratifying about that. Naturally they agreed. (“I love when a dude just friggin’ worships my pussy, like it’s some sort of honour I’ve bestowed upon him. Once a guy said, ‘Oh my God, your pussy is beautiful,’ and then was basically super stoked to eat it. It stands out as one of my hottest moments ever.”) It all points to the fact that like stimulation, satisfaction is not a simple formula: it’s an extensive experience that can expand far beyond the spaces between our legs and that’s something worth exploring and – as importantly – worth communicating, whether it’s with a one-night-stand or a long-term lover. It’s the man who spends hours with his tongue between my legs not because he expects me to return the favour but because this, he tells me, is where he could “die happy”. It’s the smile we exchange when I get up to rinse the mascara off my cheeks and fix my hair so that the doorman downstairs doesn’t think that I’ve been crying. It’s the woman who will sleepily open her eyes and pull me closer in the dark when I nuzzle into her neck, whisper her name and run my hands over her bed-warmed breasts and tummy and hips and ohhh… And the distant dude who in carefully chosen words can get me panting without so much as touching me. And if you needed any more incentive to share your turn-ons, as my friend then succinctly put it: “I love being with guys who appreciate me. My sense of humour, my personality, my body – being effusive in your appreciation for me doesn’t make you a wuss, it makes me want to fuck you senseless.” There’s a new frankness in the ways we talk about sex, whether with our friends, our lovers or even our potential conquests. We’re emboldened by instant messaging, dating apps, and the ubiquity of sex in mainstream media. The message that we can have everything is constantly being reinforced; “settle for nothing less”. But there’s a difference between knowing and communicating what’s good for you and gets you turned on, and being attached to a particular outcome. One thing has struck me about almost every dysfunctional relationship I’ve ever been involved in (and this includes even the most casual no-strings encounters, because you are nothing if not relating on some level even as you’re fumbling with zips and buttons, reaching for condoms and mentally reminding yourself not to call out the wrong name) and that is the disparity between what we expect and the sometimes very different reality. Ravenous sexual beings we might be, it’s easy to forget that even though most of us now laugh at the notion of holding out until marriage or anything quite so old-fashioned, sex still carries the weight of social conditioning, our upbring-

R

ings, our previous histories and our future hopes. As we attempt to steer our sexual narratives on courses more conscious, trying to sort real desire from what we think we ought to desire, we are often exploring uncharted territory – be it emotionally or just physically. We’re hungry to discover what pushes our buttons; sometimes it’s cautiously, slowly, and sometimes it’s with a reckless mash of the remote control.

RECENTLY A GUY I’D BEEN FLIRTING WITH FOR SOME time sent me a WhatsApp. “So do you feel like actually having sex at some stage?” My answer was a nebulous but honest “I don’t know”. I don’t know, and that’s okay. We get into all kinds of shit by thinking we understand exactly how our minds connect to our genitals and not just that, but thinking we can predict it. We’re remorseless orgasm machines but the catch is that the users’ manual is getting torn up and redrafted with each erotic epiphany, usually discovered not through science, books or articles such as this one, but through that glorious trial and error of getting naked with someone. What I feel fairly confident about in my assessment of my own and other women’s current perspectives on sex is that we’re learning by doing and that most of us need little more than to allow ourselves and others to be whatever kinds of freaks we want to be. We’re all still figuring ourselves out and you know what, it’s pretty damn exciting. Rather than instructing you on exactly how to touch me, I want sex to be about seeking out all the different and wondrous ways in which I can be touched – the surprise discoveries of the things that make you groan. Let’s just fuck, and think about it in the epistemological wet spot. May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 117


Not NSFWA

Learn from their mistakes

Anywhere Zoohander When former model Tyson Beckford decided to rub one out in an online video chat, he reckoned his privates were private. Then his accomplice leaked the recording. Yeah, she shouldn’t have done that, but he should have seen it coming – because now we all have.

I’mma Let You Finish Self-proclaimed a-hole Kanye West digs a digit up his derriere. Now, we don’t judge... but y’all do. His preference was exposed on Twitter after a public row with his ex, Amber Rose. Pro tip: don’t call out your former flame if she’s packing that calibre of ammo. U Got It Bad Filming your sexcapades is fun. But keep that homemade footage homeward bound, or you’re in trouble. R&B star Usher found this out the hard way, when his laptop went AWOL, and his video went, well, everywhere. 118 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

Don’t Become a Wiener Joke ... which is what happened to former congressman Anthony Weiner, after it was found that he had sexted images of his dick to a few strangers. He had to step down, obviously, and deal with all the jokes too.

#Winning? Nope Charlie Sheen turned his carnal adventures with pornstars and prostitutes into a hashtag. Turns out all that time he was hiding his positive HIV status. Cue more than a few well-deserved lawsuits.

120

The number of affairs Tiger Woods confessed to. (Seriously, we’re not kidding with that number.) Get help, man.

Little Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure Paul Reubens in a porn theatre is one thing. The real problem (including a public indecency charge) is that Pee-Wee Jr. made an appearance too. Keep it in your pants.

Don’t Be Like Bieber The baby-faced pop star lost his towel on a Bora Bora beach. How do we know this? Paparazzi – and papa, too, who tweeted all about his kid’s schlong. Can we buy these guys some class? The Even Later Show David Letterman had an affair with an intern. Really, bro? Really? The only thing more cliched is the divorce that followed, which cost him a few hundred million. Dishonourable Discharge Former US VP-candidate John Edwards didn’t only have an affair with his campaign videographer, but had a kid with her too. Oh, and his wife had breast cancer at the time. Not happy in your marriage? Man up and talk about it.

T E X T M H S TA F F P H O T O G R A P H S G E T T Y/ G A L L O I M A G E S , G R E AT S T O C K / C O R B I S I M A G E S , I S T O C K P H O T O

Safe for

These 11 guys let the whole team down.

Peek-a-Boo is for Pervs Rock ’n roll legend Chuck Berry installed cameras in the ladies’ of his restaurant, for “security”. He was sued for millions, so remember: a camera is only fun when she knows about it.


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WARNING

E-CIGARETTES MAY HELP YOU QUIT SMOKING AND SAVE YOUR LIFE. THEY MAY THEN BECOME HABIT-FORMING AND KILL YOU ANYWAY

BY J I M T H O R N TO N A N D N EC H A M A B R O D I E

R O B E RTO PA R A DA

P.121 M AY 2016


THE FIRST THING MY MOTHER ALWAYS DID AFTER WAKING UP WAS GRAB A CIGARETTE. I’D REACH FOR A DIFFERENT DRUG: AN ANTI-HISTAMINE I’D BEEN SWIGGING SINCE CHILDHOOD TO LESSEN THE COUGHING AND SNEEZING CAUSED BY HER CHAIN-SMOKING.

On the morning of my first trip home from university, I woke with a familiar sore throat and sinus pain and quickly downed two gulps. But the cherryflavoured elixir was proving no match for Mom’s volume of smoke. By the time I reached the living room, I was coughing and sneezing so hard it felt like a seizure. Then my nose started bleeding. I yelled something horrible at my mother, who I assumed was puffing away in the kitchen. But she’d gone shopping. This was when I had a eureka moment. Instead of wadding toilet paper up my nostrils – my standard remedy every time her smoking triggered a nasal haemorrhage – I stripped to my underwear and let the gusher go. Soon my chest was slick with blood, my elbows and wrists as crimson as a suicide victim’s. If finding her son like this didn’t shock her into quitting, I figured, nothing could. But 10 minutes later, anger gave way to pity and sorrow. The truth is, I loved my mother and wanted to spare her a heart attack, not give her one. I mopped the floor and took a shower that looked like the scene from Psycho. THREE DECADES LATER AND THOUSANDS OF KILOMETRES FROM

our family home, a pharmaceutical researcher in Beijing was struggling to quit his own pack-a-day habit after watching his father die of lung cancer. To reduce his cravings, Hon Lik, then in his forties, used a common form of nicotine-replacement therapy: the nicotine patch. When he sometimes forgot to remove the patch at night, it invariably triggered nightmares. In one dream, now legendary among e-cigarette users worldwide, Hon claims to have seen himself drowning at sea. Then, without warning, the water transformed into harmless clouds of vapour. He woke and jotted down a description of his salvation. A year later, Hon had invented the world’s first commercially viable electronic cigarette. At first glance, his e-cig looked much like the cancer stick so many of us have grown to know and loathe. But on the inside were no shredded, ammonia-treated tobacco leaves ready to combust into some 7 000 chemical compounds, hundreds of toxins, and at least 69 known carcinogens. Instead, the first generation of e-cigs spawned by Hon’s novel device contained just three parts: a small lithium battery, a prefilled cartridge containing “e-juice” (that is, nicotine with or without flavourings 122 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

HOW MUCH SMOKING C A N C O S T YO U AS A MAN

330%

Rise in a smoker’s risk of damage to his Y chromosomes, compared with nonsmoking men.

24%

Income disparity between smoking and nonsmoking guys. (Guess which group earns more.) Sources: Science, Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta

in a solution of propylene glycol, glycerin and distilled water), and an “atomiser” to heat the liquid and convert it to a vapour (hence the term “vaping”). The devices, dubbed “cigalikes” because of their resemblance to traditional cigarettes, reached the US in 2007. Their hit-and-miss distribution, inconsistent quality, and high cost led many early consumers to shun them as a gimmick. But as early adopters began swapping success stories about a new high-tech way to quit smoking, annual sales increased exponentially. Soon, armchair tinkerers and independent e-cig companies entered the market with a new array of products. Unlike Hon’s cigalikes, which were meant to be used up and discarded, innovative second- and third-generation devices had rechargeable batteries, replaceable and/or refillable tank-style cartridges, and more powerful atomisers – all to produce more heat, larger vapour clouds, or, for those looking for it, even stronger nicotine hits. By early 2014, some 466 e-cigarette brands and 7 764 flavours – from peach schnapps to kidfriendly “gummy bear” – were available online. Addicted smokers could inhale energy drinkflavoured puffs of the nicotine they were craving, and in the same “hand-mouth-cloud” ritualistic manner they were used to, without worrying about tobacco smoke’s toxins. Added to the mix, you could even get electronic versions of hookahs or hubbly-bubblies, “e-Shisha” sticks; or, if you preferred, e-cigars. It all sounds like Hon’s dream come true. That is, unless you listen to e-cig critics, who believe vapers need to wake up to the uncertainties of what they’re sucking down. “We won’t know the long-term effects [of e-cigarettes] for the next 10 or 15 years,” says pulmonologist Richard van Zyl-Smit, head of the Lung Clinical Research Unit at the University of Cape Town Lung Institute. After all, it took us half a century to “figure out that [tobacco] cigarettes would kill you”. Van Zyl-Smit says that, to try and understand the short-term effects of e-cigarettes, they use clinical modelling – a contrived controlled experiment, using either rats or human cells in a lab – to show whether it has an effect or not. “Clinical modelling has shown that e-cigarette use potentially causes emphysema,” he says, “but that is using mice nebulised with an e-cigarette liquid for six weeks. How that relates to the human user, no-one knows yet.” Then there is the fact that not all e-cigarettes are born equal. “There are thousands of different e-cigarettes, different liquids,” van Zyl-Smit says. “Not all of them are the same: some are ‘pure’, some are less so. You find all sorts of weird stuff in unregulated liquids. E-cigarettes do contain some cancer-causing agents, but at a fraction of what is in a tobacco cigarette. But,” he adds, “why expose yourself to even a fraction of the risk?” Dr Yusuf Saloojee, executive director of the National Council Against Smoking, says that even though we “know e-cigarettes contain


fewer harmful chemicals than ordinary cigarettes, they still do contain chemicals that are harmful.” And here’s the problem: “You don’t have to take 4 500 chemicals to do harm. Just one can be harmful.” You would be hard-pressed to find anything more dangerous than a traditional cigarette. “Let me put it this way: if you smoke cigarettes, you are jumping out of a building from the 20th floor,” says Saloojee. “With e-cigs, you’re jumping from the third or fourth. It’s still not safe.” Those in the “harm reduction” camp argue that if eradicating a known danger is impractical, then reducing its impact is better than waiting for ideal solutions that may never materialise. “My position is that it’s no good to just compare cigarette smoking with e-smoking,” says Saloojee. “We need to compare it to non-smoking. The one way to make sure you reduce your risk of heart disease and cancer is just to stop smoking. I would keep e-cigarettes to a small group of people who have tried to stop smoking and failed. For the majority, though,” he adds, “quitting smoking seemed easier than they thought it would be – after they had done it.” Whether e-cigs turn out to be boon or bane, their impact will disproportionately affect men, especially younger ones. In a 2013 survey of 18 406 US students, for instance, male high-schoolers were nearly 60% more likely to have vaped in the month leading up to the survey than their female peers were. Another study of 4 444 university students, published in the journal Drug and Alcohol Dependence, suggests that this gender gap persists at least into the early twenties. The study also reports that these numbers are consistent with greater male participation in other unconventional tobacco practices, such as hookah smoking. E-cigs, they speculate, may be especially intriguing to “novelty seekers” with a penchant for risk taking. Or, as we like to call them, “guys”.

H AC K YO U R LUNGS

Once you kick the smoking habit, it takes a decade to halve your risk of lung cancer death. Want to help the healing? In a Johns Hopkins study, ex- smokers who ate diets rich in cruciferous vegetables (think broccoli and Brussels sprouts) had about a 20% lower risk of lung cancer than those who ate the least. “The benefit increases with greater consumption,” says author Anthony Alberg. So eat broccoli like you smoked cigarettes: every day. —KATIE MACDONALD

WHILE IT’S TRUE THAT E-CIGARETTES ARE STILL

too new for us to accurately predict what their health effects will be on users five, 10 or 20 years from now, researchers have already uncovered a few possible smoking guns. In the American Heart Association’s 2014 policy statement, published in the journal Circulation, experts looked at the latest research on compounds found in e-cigarette liquids and vapour. Relative to the rogue’s gallery of toxins found in processed tobacco, they

W

acknowledged, tobacco-flavoured “e-juice” has comparatively few ingredients: nicotine, flavours, water, glycerin and propylene glycol. Heating this mix, the authors noted, can unleash other chemicals into the resultant vapour, though for the most part at levels “deemed too low to cause human risk”. As reassuring as this may seem, a single toxin can kill as effectively as dozens. Both the AHA review and another study analysis conducted by tobacco-control researchers at UC San Francisco red-flagged several potential molecular villains that might turn lethal with long-term exposure. Start with the vapour: this is created by heating propylene glycol, sometimes with glycerin, into an aerosolised mist. Both chemicals fall into a “generally recognised as safe” category and are commonly used to maintain moisture in various consumer products, from food and medicine to cosmetics. When ingested or applied to the skin in small amounts, both are considered non-toxic. But chronic inhalation could prove a different story. Propylene glycol, for instance, is a key ingredient in the “fog” used in concerts and theatrical shows. Among workers who are regularly exposed to it, the chemical has been linked to eye and respiratory tract irritation. And a 2013 PLOS One study found that the vapour in some e-cig brands also contains metals, such as tin from the device’s solder joints and nickel from its wires. In addition, a chemical analysis published in Tobacco Control detected formaldehyde, toluene and other toxins in the vapour. Finally, certain flavourings used in e-juice have damaged human cells in lab tests. Inhalation of one flavourant in particular, diacetyl – which is found in up to three-quarters of

It’s Time to Kick Butt Three ways to break a smoking addiction before it breaks you Know when to stick it to yourself. In a 10-week Duke University study, people who began using a nicotine patch two weeks before they stopped smoking were twice as likely to quit as those who put down the cigs and picked up the patch at the same time. Dr Benjamin Toll, a professor of psychiatry at Yale School of Medicine, says getting your fix from another source may make lighting up less pleasurable. 124 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

The Gum

Want to blow bubbles, not smoke? Note the time of your first cig of the day. According to a study in Nicotine & Tobacco Research, if it’s within a half hour of waking, your best bet is a 4-milligram dose of nicotine gum. Quit rates of smokers who used this strategy were double that of smokers who didn’t. Your am start time is a better gauge of how hooked you are than your daily cigarette count, says Toll.

The Imitator

Let’s be clear: Jonathan Foulds, a professor of public health sciences at Penn State, doesn’t advocate using e-cigs to quit smoking. But if you’re set on trying them, he suggests going with the secondand third-gen kind; they deliver more nicotine than “cigalikes” making the transition from regular smokes easier. Then wean off e-cigs by gradually switching to liquid with lower and lower nicotine. —K.M.

I L L U S T R AT I O N S Z A C H G R A H A M

The Patch


WITHIN THE NEXT DECADE, THREE TOBACCO COMPANIES WILL CONTROL 75% OF THE E-CIGARETTE MARKET. flavoured e-cigarettes – is associated with a respiratory disease known as “Popcorn Lung”. (It was first noticed in factory workers who inhaled artificial butter flavour while processing microwave popcorn.) A 2015 study on e-cigarette liquids conducted by researchers at Harvard’s TH Chan School of Public Health, published online at Environmental Health Perspectives, found high levels of diacetyl and two other potentially harmful related compounds in flavoured liquids, particularly candy-flavoured e-cigarettes. Dr Stanton Glantz, director of the Center for Tobacco Control Research and Education at UC San Francisco and lead author of the UCSF review, suspects that the biggest danger may come from the ultra-fine particles generated by aerosolisation. These, he says, penetrate deep inside the lungs and cross over into the bloodstream. The impact on human tissues remains unknown. “But there is strong evidence,” he says, “that frequent exposure to these – in tobacco smoke and air pollution – can contribute to inflammatory processes and increase risk for cardiovascular and respiratory disease and death.” Finally, there’s the sole tobacco ingredient actually found in e-cigarettes: nicotine. On the cardiovascular side, nicotine causes the adrenal glands to release stress hormones, such as adrenaline. These in turn boost heart rate and blood pressure, constrict arteries, increase insulin resistance and worsen blood lipid levels. “Nicotine itself is not immunologically neutral,” adds Van Zyl-Smit, who has previously published data showing how tobacco smoke impairs immune system function in tuberculosis (TB) cases. He recently presented new data, in Cape Town, “that shows e-cigarette vapour in a lab also impairs some of the responses to TB”. “Does this mean e-cigarettes cause TB? No. Does it mean all e-cigarette smokers will develop TB? No. But it does raise a concern that e-cigarettes may impact on the function of the immune system and a possibly higher risk of TB infection.” As for cancer, animal studies have found that nicotine can interfere with apoptosis, a.k.a.“programmed cell death,” allowing malignant cells to proliferate unchecked, says Aruni Bhatnagar, chairman of the American Heart Association. In animal models, nicotine also promotes angiogenesis, or the growth of new blood vessels, another building block of tumours. As Bhatnagar notes, “these effects raise concerns that nicotine could promote the development and spread of cancer and accelerate atherosclerotic disease.” Concern, yes; panic, no. In studies of ex-smokers who’ve stayed on nicotine-replacement therapy over the long term, for instance, no adverse effects have surfaced. Moreover, a 2010 study in Tobacco Control found that an e-cig can deliver a quantity of nicotine similar to that of medicallyapproved nicotine inhalers. In a rather persuasive editorial (titled “E-cigarettes save lives”) for the UK’s Spectator, leading anti-tobacco advocate Derek Yach – who helped develop South Africa’s own anti-tobacco policies in the 1990s and led the development of the World Health Organisation’s framework on Tobacco Control – wrote that, faced with an estimated billion tobacco-related deaths by 2100, we needed to be reminded of the “simple reality that smoking kills and nicotine does not”. The issue is more subtle. As Van Zyl-Smit explains, is that because it is a “generally accepted estimate that more than 50% of smokers will die prematurely of a smoking-related illness – so anything that can reduce that risk is good. Because smoking is horrendous for you. Given that half of

smokers are going to die from the habit anyway, if e-cigarettes are just half as bad, if they only and kill a quarter of users, you potentially save millions of lives. That’s a very compelling argument, ‘to switch to something safer’, and many hold that position.” But it also has the effect of “re-normalising” smoking, says Salojee – particularly in public places like restaurants, or parents around their children. Policing the latter might become particularly problematic, he says – as an example, a parent who smokes while driving in a car with a child. In terms of South African tobacco legislation, this is no longer legal [when children under the age of 12 are passengers] for regular cigarettes. But the lack of regulation around e-cigarettes means that it is left ambiguous – not only for the casual observer, who may not be able to tell the difference between a cloud of vapour and tobacco smoke, but also for a parent who assumes vaping around children is safe. While e-cigarette proponents have pointed out that increased e-cig use (across countries and regions) has been accompanied by a growing decrease in tobacco smoking, it is also worth considering that the hard-won decline in smoking is something that long preceded Hon Lik’s designs, and were in fact brought about by a much stronger regulatory environment. Saloojee says that, since 1994, when new tobacco laws were introduced in South Africa, the numbers of people smoking cigarettes have dropped by half. “That is the good news: that now only about 17% of adults smoke.” The bad news? This represents between six and seven million smokers. Dr Saloojee says that, based on information from South Africa e-cig producers and distributors (there are no official surveys), there are currently around 200 000 e-cigarette users in the country. “The appeal to the e-cig manufacturers,” he says, “is if you can turn 200 000 people into seven million, then that is an enormous amount of profit.” One afternoon in 1992, my mother returned home from playing golf and took a last drag on her “light” cigarette. At the time I was living in a blissfully smoke-free home 1 500 kilometers away with my wife and our 4-year-old son. Two decades had passed since my aborted attempt at a blood-soaked intervention. But during our weekly long-distance chats, I never failed to make the case for her quitting, bolstering my arguments with the latest cigarette horror story in the news. My mother was a brilliant woman who’d worked as an undergrad in Dr Jonas Salk’s lab when he pioneered the polio vaccine. I’m certain she knew she was addicted and that smoking was ruining her health. She never conceded either point to me, but I noticed that whenever Big Tobacco brought out a new and “safer” cigarette to the market, from allegedly superior filters to low-tar “light” cigs touted as healthier, she always made the switch. In any event, sometime May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 125


around 4pm that beautiful autumn afternoon, her back stiffening after the earlier 18 holes, she entered the same shower where I’d washed off my blood so many years before. As she later told my dad, she felt a tickle in her throat and started coughing. This intensified until she felt something dislodge inside her chest, and blood began cascading from her airway. My father called an ambulance, and they took her to the hospital.

HOW MANY KIDS WILL START OFF USING E-CIGS BUT THEN BE TEMPTED LATER INTO TRYING OUT THE REAL THING?

“NO ONE HAS TOLD ME THAT THEY NEVER

smoked before, then tried e-cigarettes, got addicted to nicotine, and switched to real cigarettes,” says Dr Michael Siegel, a professor of community health sciences at Boston University. “It always goes in the opposite direction: they smoked for decades, tried everything to quit but couldn’t, then tried e-cigarettes and haven’t smoked a cigarette in years.” Opponents of e-cigs admit that such success stories do exist, but insist that they’re far from typical. Plus, says Glantz, “What the population-level data shows is that smokers who use e-cigarettes are less likely to quit smoking than those who don’t use them.” Glantz bases this on several longitudinal and cross-sectional studies that suggest that most smokers who try vaping end up using it in addition to (and not instead of) cigarettes. However, research has associated vaping with a significant reduction in cigarettes smoked per day – in one study, the average dropped from of 20.1 to 16.3. Moreover, some of the other studies Glantz references did not assess how nicotine-dependent the study participants were, nor whether they were trying to quit. Nevertheless, he says, “the chance of getting five or six independent studies all pointing in the same direction is like flipping a coin six times and getting heads six times. It’s very unlikely that they’re all wrong.” That’s not necessarily true, counters Dr Siegel, who cites a recent University College London study in the journal Addiction in which 5 863 smokers who’d tried to quit at least once in the previous year were polled about which method they’d chosen. The results: those who’d opted for e-cigarettes were roughly 60% more likely to have succeeded than those who’d tried to stop either cold turkey or with the help of nicotine gum or patches. To date, the largest trial to directly compare e-cigs with nicotine patches found the former slightly more effective in helping smokers quit after six months of use, with 7.3% being certified tobacco-free versus 5.8% on the patches. “They can be modestly effective,” acknowledges Bhatnagar, “but not much more than approved therapies. They are also much more likely to promote dual use.” Glantz seemed to confirm these concerns when, earlier this year, he co-authored a major review and meta-analysis of e-cigarettes and smoking cessation studies, which was published in The Lancet. This review found that, based on information from hundreds of studies, the odds of quitting cigarettes were “28% lower in those who used e-cigarettes compared with those who did not use e-cigarettes”, and that, as they were currently being used, e-cigarettes were generally “associated with significantly less quitting among smokers.” “There is actually no convincing evidence that e-cigarettes help you to quit,” says Van Zyl-Smit. “But quitting smoking is so different for each individual, there is a lot of anecdotal evidence to the contrary. In the smoking cessation world, some things work and some things don’t. For an individual who is really struggling, it might be worth a try – it might be worth it for you. That’s where people are so desperate, and so disappointed. If they could help people quit it would be fantastic. But there is little compelling data to support that kind of stance.” Even Salojee says that he would “confine e-cigarettes to a very small group of people who have tried, repeatedly, to stop smoking and not been successful.” But, for the vast majority of ex-smokers, he adds (and this is important), “stopping smoking was easier than they thought it would be before they quit.”

N

T H E TA L E O F T H E VA P E

11%

Number of current vapers who believe e-cigs are “absolutely harmless”.

58%

Number of people who report at least one side effect from e-cigs, such as sore throat or dry mouth.

79%

Number of former smokers who worry they’ll slip back to tobacco if they ever stop vaping. Sources: International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, Addiction

As soon as my Dad called to tell me about my mom’s hospitalisation, I booked the first flight home, bringing a small picture with me. By the time I reached the intensive care unit, my mom was hooked up to IVs and oxygen. The day before, surgeons had cracked open her rib cage and removed a cantaloupe-size mass from her chest. The tumour had entirely supplanted her left lung and invaded deep into her chest wall. We talked for a while, and then I pulled out the picture I’d brought her: a black-and-white ultrasound of my second son, Jack. His due date wouldn’t come for another three months, but my mom’s grey eyes lit up. We both knew this was as close as she’d come to meeting her second grandchild. Patients in extremis sometimes suffer a transient phenomenon called ICU psychosis that can cause delirium. Suddenly Mom glanced away from Jack’s picture and pointed towards the monitor deck, where she imagined my son Ben was perched. “Oh, catch him, please, he’s going to fall!” she begged me. So I pretended to grab the little guy in my arms. “See, he’s safe,” I said, cradling him. At this, my mom slowly relaxed and drifted off to sleep. She woke later, her mind again lucid, and begged me to protect both my boys from the horror that brought her here. I promised. She died the next morning. Ben and Jack are now both in their 20s and neither, thank God, has taken up smoking. Statistics, Bhatnagar tells me, suggest that 98% of all smokers begin before age 26, so the odds are good my sons will never start. I still worry about them, though. Might e-cigarettes lure them into giving nicotine a try – a first innocent step on a ruinous path? And if not my sons, what about their own sons or daughters someday? When I consider loved ones who aren’t lost yet but still could be, it’s difficult for me to view e-cigarettes as anything but menacing. But thinking of those, like my mom, who are already gone, I can’t help but wish that Hon Lik’s invention had come decades sooner. May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 127


SWIPE DON’T GET LEFT BEHIND. HERE’S HOW TO MAKE HER LOOK TWICE

BY AZEEZ JACOBS PHOTOGRAPHS JONATHAN TAYLOR

128 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016


RIGHT It’s a Match The jeans-and-T-shirt look still works. But don’t stop there, says Amaria Carstens, fashion editor at Sarie: to stand out, go with distressed denim, a fitted Henley and a timeless leather jacket.

LEATHER JACKET R3 800 ISSA LEO T-SHIRT R269 ZARA METAL LINK WATCH R9 999 LUMINOX AT TREGER BRANDS SLIMFIT JEANS R2 499 DIESEL STAN SMITH MID SNEAKERS R1 299 ADIDAS ORIGINALS


Gallery Ready Rugged still rocks. “A denim shirt will grab my attention,” says Mbali Soga, fashion director at True Love. A medium wash in a light fabric can be worn with a suit if the fit is right. No tie required. BLAZER R899 ZARA DENIM SHIRT R699 COUNTRY ROAD CANVAS STRAP WATCH R699 TEMPO AT AMERICAN SWISS BELT R499 BEN SHERMAN TUX CHINOS R4 200 REPLAY SUEDE BOOTS R1 995 TOSONI AT SPITZ


Break the Ice A crisp white buttonup can take you from a black-tie event to kicking back on the weekend. You want tailored, long-lasting and versatile. Don’t forget the fit: a baggy shirt will ruin your first date.

SUNGLASSES R2 280 PERSOL AT LUXOTTICA UNSTRUCTURED BLAZER R1 499 H&M SHIRT R795 KURT GEIGER POCKET SQUARE R599 EDGARS SOLAR WATCH R34 950 SEIKO AT TREGER BRAND BELT R139 AT EDGARS 505 JEANS R699 LEVI’S AT EDGARS

May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 131


“COLOUR IS A GREAT WINGMAN,” SAYS SASKIA NELSON, FOUNDER OF DATING SITE HE YSATURDAY. CO.Z A.“EITHER IN WHAT YOU WE AR OR IN THE BACKGROUND, STRONG COLOURS WILL MAKE THOSE PHOTOS JUMP RIGHT OFF THE SCREEN.”

Make a Moment For a great first impression, nothing beats a statement jacket. But the fit is vital: aim for slim, but not too tight, to give you a trim silhouette, says Amaria.

132 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

HARRINGTON JACKET R2 299 BEN SHERMAN GOLFER R995 KURT GEIGER CHINOS WITH BRACES R3 700 SCOTCH & SODA CANVAS STRAP WATCH R699 TEMPO AT STERNS


Keep It Casual Going formal will give you a sophisticated edge, but don’t go back in time. Sneakers lend a particular youthfulness to a suit, and an interesting twist shows you’re not all business all the time. BLAZER R1 099 AND PANTS R1 099 BOTH ZARA SHIRT R980 ADRIAAN KUITERS AT AKJP COLLECTIVE BELT R399 BEN SHERMAN LEATHER STRAP WATCH R2 150 SWATCH GROUP SUPERSTAR 80S SNEAKERS R1 599 ADIDAS ORIGINAL


Play It Cool The most versatile piece in your wardrobe: the cardigan. Catch an eye or two with patterns, says Mbali. “But If the design is busy, keep the rest of your look simple.” JET CARDIGAN R599 OLD KHAKI FITTED T-SHIRT R229 ZARA LEATHER BELT R139 EDGARS WEEKENDER CHRONO WATCH R1 999 TIMEX AT TREGER BRANDS JEANS R2 300 TED BAKER AT STUTTAFORDS SUPERSTAR SNEAKERS R999 ADIDAS ORIGINALS AT SPORTSCENE


“HAVING YOUR EYES IN PIN-SHARP FOCUS WILL DRAW GIRLS TO YOUR PHOTOS FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS,” SAYS SASKIA.

Double Your Chances Good denim is your workhorse, says Anja Joubert, fashion editor at Women’s Health. But a dualdenim look needs a bold contrast – your jeans should be dark, not distressed.

DENIM BOMBER JACKET R5 999 DIESEL V-NECK JERSEY R650 ISSA LEO RUBBER STRAP WATCH R1 560 SWATCH GROUP BELT R499 BEN SHERMAN SLIMFIT JEANS R2 499 BEN SHERMAN


A Smart Choice A long-sleeved polo looks great with denim, chinos and even shorts. Navy is the safest, sexiest style bet in the book and it’s easy to liven up too, says Mbali. KNITTED GOLFER R1 900 TED BAKER AT STUTTAFORDS ATACAMA ANALOG WATCH R14 999 LUMINOX AT TREGER BRAND BELT R139 EDGARS JONAS CHINOS R699 OLD KHAKI SOCKS R80 FALKE AT STUTTAFORDS LEATHER BOOTS R1 899 GREEN CROSS

ADIDAS ORIGINALS 021 421 8272 AKJP COLLECTIVE 021 424 5502 AMERICAN SWISS 021 421 1776 BEN SHERMAN 021 425 8996 BHH BOUTIQUE 021 418 1889 CHOPARD BOUTIQUE 021 421 4296 CLICKS 0860 254 257 COUNTRY ROAD 021 419 2609 CRABTREE & EVELYN 021 425 2493 DIESEL 011 630 4000 DISCHEM 0860 0347 243 EDGARS 0860 692 274 GREEN CROSS 021 551 0200 H&M 021 826 7300 ISSA LEO 021 426 2757 KURT GEIGER 011 447 7262 LUXOTTICA 0861 486 100 OLD KHAKI oldkhaki.co.za REPLAY 021 418 8507 SCOTCH & SODA 011 784 3233 SORBET MAN 011 202 7940 SPITZ 0860 109 321 SPORTSCENE sportscene.co.za SPREE spree.co.za STERNS 021 938 1250 STUTTAFORDS 011 879 1000 SWATCH GROUP 011 911 1200 TREGER BRANDS 011 089 6000 WOOLWORTHS 0860 022 002 ZARA 021 446 8700

M O D E L S S I G B J O R N AT B O S S , D A N E AT M O D A , J E R M A I N AT 2 0 M A N A G E M E N T G R O O M I N G S U A A D AT O N E L E A G U E

STOCKISTS


Style + Grooming

2 With these blades you’ll save money – and face too

1

A Cut Above

3

Keep your friends close, and your shave closer. These will never let you down

PHOTOGRAPH JAMES GARAGHTY

BY AZEEZ JACOBS

1 / BEST INVESTMENT

2 / BEST TECH

3 / BEST DISPOSABLE

BLUEBEARDS REVENGE SCHEMITAR RAZOR

THE GILLETTE FUSION PROGLIDE FLEXBALL

SCHICK XTREME 3 SENSITIVE

THE PITCH

Created by someone who was fed up with having a five o’clock shadow by lunchtime, this three-piece, all-metal razor helps you slice through stubble with precision – you know, the way your grandpa did.

This new and improved gadget with Flexball technology swivels for maximum contact, which means fewer missed spots. The aloe enriched strips provides a very comfortable shave in the shower.

Minimise nicks and cuts with this disposable razor. It features 3 blades that flex and pivot while shaving, optimising contact with your skin to give you a close shave while guarding against razor burn.

BEST FOR

Men with sensitive skin or coarse hair.

Guys who think scruff is for slackers.

A low-maintenance, simple shaving routine.

WHY IT STANDS OUT

This double-edge safety razor weighs in at 67g and is 93mm long, giving a substantial feel when in the hand. The razor fits standard double-edge blades, which you change out by unscrewing the top cap.

Reengineered low-cutting force blades feature thinner, finer edges with advanced low-resistance coating to cut effortlessly through hair with less tug and pull than traditional fusion razors.

This razor is designed with an ergonomic rubber handle that’s easy to manoeuvre across the skin. It also includes a comfort strip and guard bar with lubricant to keep your skin extra slick.

USE IT IF

You’re fighting a losing battle against shaving bumps and skin irritation, and this aftershave balm will restore freshly shaved skin.

You’re looking for a durable, well designed upgrade to your everyday blade and use this transparent oil to shape and trim your stubble.

Best for travelling, or to keep on hand for touch-ups, this double-action balm soothes irritation and keeps your skin firm.

THE PRICE

Razor R1 628 Sorbet Man and R680 Crabtree & Evelyn Aftershave Balm

Razor R110 Dis-Chem and R275 ClarinsMen Shave Ease Two-in-One Oil at Edgars

Razor R40 for 4 Clicks and R90 Nivea Men Double Action Balm at Dis-Chem May 2016 | MH.CO.ZA 137


THE LIST

It’s unlikely that we will ever notice your new haircut unless you point it out. And when you do point it out, please don’t make it an accusation.

9

You think we’re driving too fast now? You ought to see us when you’re not in the car.

14

We cry. But it has to be worth our tears. Like Field of Dreams – worthy. If Colin Firth makes a film about baseball and fathers, then fine, we’ll bawl along with you.

heels even when you know that the evening is going to involve a lot of walking. We’re all irrational creatures, so let’s just let everybody have his or her thing, okay?

1

Balls are a huge nuisance. They shift left, they shift right. It’s like having a sweaty beanbag chair in your pants. So please refrain from chiding us if we occasionally feel the need to rearrange our boys.

2

We weren’t looking at your friend’s cleavage. We were looking at cleavage. Cleavage is its own self-contained entity. It doesn’t matter what body it’s attached to. (Unless it’s Mom’s.)

3 4

Your expectations? They’re all yours. We don’t need ’em!

5 6

Yes, actually, we think it does make you look fat.

We don’t care if you had a lot of boyfriends before us. The number doesn’t matter. What we really care about is that those boyfriends were all unemployed mouth-breathing heathens who couldn’t find your clitoris if you put your finger on it.

Complaining that we never ask for directions is like us complaining that you wear

138 MH.CO.ZA | May 2016

7

Two things we will never fail to notice: car wrecks and side boob.

15 10

Being able to pee anywhere – literally, anywhere – is like a superpower. So of course we’re going to test its limits. We’ll pee outside, pee in a sink, pee against a tree, let’s try it all. Don’t fence us in. It’s like being granted the ability to fly and then someone says, “You can only do this indoors.”

You know your favourite teacher from high school, the one you still remember with exaggerated nostalgia? That’s how we feel about the first porn we ever saw.

16

We just think farts are funny, especially when a kid lets one rip in the movies. And yes, we know it’s juvenile, and no, we don’t care.

17

In our world, if you say “nothing’s wrong”, that means “nothing’s wrong”. Because if you believe, as we do, that language is a form of communication in which a linguistic system of symbols or sounds is used to convey ideas and feelings, then maybe you should just say what you mean already!

11

Every one of us is well aware that we’re whiny babies who can’t take care of ourselves when we’re sick. But hey, it works, doesn’t it? (Thanks in advance for being our sexy nurses.)

12

Actually yes, we do admire you for your brains. And also, a little bit, the way they sprout your incredibly sexy hair.

13

We’re completely different people at the office.

18

Actually, we don’t hate shopping. You just pick all the wrong shops.

P H O T O G R A P H S G E T T Y/ G A L L O I M A G E S , I S T O C K P H O T O

18Things WeWish Women Knew About Us

8


AN ICON JUST GOT LARGER

THE NAVITIMER 46 mm

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