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100% USEFUL!

Hard Muscle Fast!

Real Guys, Insane Results


HeartSaving Foods

No Flu forYou!

(Outwit WinterBugs) Ultimate MH Guy 2016 ER Doc Jed Ballard

P. 104

Eat This for a Flat Belly

StressProof Your Sleep P. 33

3-D Abs in Three Moves NOVEMBER 2016 $4.99 US DISPLAY UNTIL NOV. 22

Fine-Tune Your Brain P. 114


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MIKE FOOTE Men’s THERMOBALL™ Hoodie Bariloche, Argentina

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EVERYONE CAN BE SOMEONE’S HERO. John Pearson and his son Cooper, New York City.


114 Fine-Tune Your Brain Keep your noggin running right. BY JOHN BRILEY

118 Roll with the Tide Alabama’s strength secrets revealed. BY TED SPIKER

126 Time for a Change These watches are smart and sexy. BY BRIAN BOYÉ

130 Protect Your Privates Cringe-inducing threats to avoid. BY ERIC SPITZNAGEL


Norman Lear On social change with a laugh track.

140 Get Bama Strong!


11.16 The Ultimate Issue! Meet the inspiring finalists of our Ultimate Men’s Health Guy contest—men like Lt. Col. Otis Hooper, a pilot who transformed his body and his life. Our winner is Jedidiah Ballard (on the cover), a physician and U.S. Army Ranger. Plus: Jed’s 3 moves for 3D abs. BY MIKE DARLING

/ PAGE 104

In just 60 minutes. BY SCOTT COCHRAN


November 2016 | 7


Useful Stuff

Weight Loss 33/ Best Sleep Ever Your 3-part guide.



36/ How to Appear Successful at Work Stash these 5 items in your desk drawer. 38/ Hotter Sex in 2 Seconds! Simple gestures can boost your love life. 40/ No Flu for You! Easy ways to stay well this winter.

83/ Slay Postworkout Hunger Work out without pigging out.

42/ Have Fun with Sharp Objects The best tools for splitting wood.

86/ Eat This for a Flat Belly! Foods that help you lose weight.

46/ Spitz Take Could we ever have another JFK?

Food + Nutrition





Health 89/ Hey, What Is That? Find out if that weird growth should worry you. BY BRIELLE GREGORY

92/ Get the Massage What you need to know about hands-on therapy. BY PAUL INGRAHAM

96/ 5 Heart-Saving Foods Your next grocery list will be much smarter. BY K. ALEISHA FETTERS

49/ The New Age of Fitness Want some workout wisdom? Ask the over-60 crowd. BY MICHAEL EASTER

56/ 4 Secrets of NBA Strength How J.J. Redick raises his game. 58/ Is the Deadlift for You? Simple ways to find out.

10 | November 2016

63/ Make It Fast, Cook It Slow 3 delicious crock-pot recipes. 68/ Decode the Deli Counter Where super sandwiches start. 70/ Protein, Hold the Meat Are “fauxteins” good for you?

Sex + Relationships 99/ Lessons from Escorts What they can teach you about a happy marriage. BY BOB LARKIN

STYLE + GROOMING Dress for Any Weather These items will keep you feeling and looking good. PAGE 73 Ace Her Sniff Test Which cologne is for you? We asked women for help. PAGE 78

ON THE COVER Jedidiah Ballard, photographed by John Loomis. Styling by Brian Boyé, Sandra Nygaard, and Dan Michel; grooming by Bruce Dean/Mac Cosmetics/Wilhelmina; hair by Song Hee/Oribe Hair Cares/Bryan Bantry. Jockey T-shirt and shorts.

C l o c k w ise f ro m to p l e f t: T H E VO O R H E S , J i m Zu c ke r m a n /G e t t y I m ag e s , S A M K A P L A N , J E N S M O R T E N S E N , G I AC O M O F O R T U N ATO

Fitness + Muscle


The Ultimate Issue Q THIS IS OUR FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR—BUSY BUT INSPIRING. We pore over hundreds of readers’ entries to identify the Ultimate Men’s Health Guy. That’s a ton of work, but then the inspiration kicks in: part pride, part adrenaline. These guys are our mission sprung to life—men who are working every day to be better in all aspects of their lives. Enjoy, and maybe you’ll be next!

2/ Mix inspiration and motivation and you get an intimidating shade of crimson. Our man Ted Spiker convinced strength coach Scott Cochran of the University of Alabama to reveal his motivational secrets in “The Bama Muscle Factory” (page 118) and to let ace photographer Giacomo Fortunato capture the team’s intensity. Cochran makes a drill sergeant look like Mother Teresa. Motivation matters more than training technique, he told us, and we wouldn’t dream of arguing with that. As one of his linemen told Ted, “I am from nothing, I got nothing, I’m going to give everything.” That’s the kind of sweet deal every strength coach loves to hear.

MH’s Nora Garrity flanked by (from left) winner Jed Ballard, finalists Tommy Tucker and Otis Hooper, and features editor Ben Court.


“Embrace tofu. If you loathe it, it’s because you’re not eating it like an Asian. I like it panfried with soy sauce and oyster sauce, plus minced pork. If you always eat chicken, think of tofu as a nice change of pace.” 12 | November 2016

adversity, made mistakes, and dealt with disappointment. That’s why we chose them—their challenges gave them strength and motivated them to lift up others on the job, at home, and in their communities. Starting on page 104, you’ll meet them all: a pilot who performed a perfect takeoff—of 50 pounds—while raising four boys in a blended family; a security contractor who uses mindfulness to deal with stage IV cancer and help others facing life-changing illnesses; and Jedidiah Ballard, our winner and this month’s cover guy. An ER doctor and Army Ranger, Ballard also teaches lifesaving procedures to physicians in Latin America and helps young burn survivors in Colorado heal emotionally while they recover physically. We love telling stories like Jed’s, about real men who make a difference. Special thanks to our sponsors Isopure and Jockey. Our contestants were well fueled, and their shorts didn’t ride up!

Pushy photographer Giacomo Fortunato always gets his shot.

3/ Do not spread peanut butter on your privates. Finally, because “health” and “men” are in our name and we are men with a healthy regard for our manhood, we had executive writer Eric Spitznagel (that’s him on the left, witnessing something disturbing) pull together a package on your favorite organ. “How Not to Snap, Crush, or Otherwise Mangle Your Privates” begins on page 130. Inspirational? Not really. Important? Oh yes. Read it and wince. Anyway, details inside.

Clock wise from top: Soul Brother; cour tesy Giacomo For tunato; cour tesy Eric Spit znagel; Kahmun/My th Studio, grooming: K F Bong

International Tip of the Month

1/ These guys look great, but they’re not perfect. Our finalists have faced






The Prescription News you can use from the Men’s Health team of expert advisors.


You Think Your Teeth Are Clean?


Help for an Agonizing Decision



ThinkAhead and You Might Live Longer

See Clearly with a Spinach Omelet

It’s tough enough for a man to hear he has prostate cancer. But then he often faces tough choices about how or even whether to treat it. Now there’s a new series of molecular tests for prostate cancer. We send tissue to a specialized lab, and we can see the gene expressions within the tumor. This information helps us fine-tune the decision on whether to recommend treatment, such as radiation or surgery, or just leave it alone and monitor it. The test also helps us predict which treatments will work best and how aggressive a treatment should be. If you’re given a prostate cancer diagnosis after a biopsy, ask about tests like Decipher, Prolaris, and Oncotype DX GPS.

This might sound like wishful thinking, but it’s science: Envisioning a bright future may help you live a longer, healthier life. In fact, studies suggest that optimism may even reprogram your genes on a cellular level. The prescription: Work on cultivating an optimistic but realistic mindset. Count your blessings or keep a gratitude diary. Or try focusing on solutions instead of problems. I get out early in the morning (around 5:30 a.m.), do a sun salutation yoga pose, and kick a soccer ball around for 45 minutes. It gives me energy and the right mindset to start the day. I also recommend having coffee or lunch with one interesting new person every week.

An antioxidant called lutein is found in leafy greens, yellow and orange fruits and vegetables, and egg yolks. We’ve known for a while that people who eat more lutein have a lower risk of eye problems like cataracts and age-related macular degeneration. But here’s a new discovery: Lutein supports brain function in addition to helping your eyes. Older people who scored best on cognitive performance tests had the highest brain concentrations of lutein. While lutein isn’t the only thing making you smart, this research is exciting. The optimal dose of lutein is 6 to 10 milligrams a day. Start with an egg a day and a serving of spinach stir-fried in oil and you’re good.

Mark Wolff, D.D.S., Ph.D., is a professor of cariology and comprehensive care at NYU’s College of Dentistry.

Judd Moul, M.D., F.A.C.S., is director of the Duke Prostate Center and a professor of urologic surgery at Duke University.

Murali Doraiswamy, M.D., is a professor of translational neuroscience at Duke University School of Medicine.

Jeffrey Blumberg, Ph.D., is a professor of nutrition science and policy at Tufts University.

The Horizon: A Vaccine for Clogged Arteries 14 | November 2016

“Hepatitis C is a big deal, and men aren’t being screened for it. About 3.5 million Americans have hep C, and up to 75 percent of them are unaware they have it. It’s a leading cause of liver cancer and the top reason for liver transplants. In 2013, the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force recommended screening for everyone born between 1945 and 1965. That age group had the highest risk of catching hep C in early adulthood; the disease can take years to develop. Before then, we weren’t screening at all. But now there’s medicine that can cure hepatitis C. We can stop the disease if we test for it. If you’ve had multiple sexual partners or have used drugs, get tested.”

Ted Epperly, M.D., is a former president of the American Academy of Family Physicians.

Imagine dispatching the number one killer of men with a shot. My lab team has developed vaccines to slow or halt the buildup of artery-clogging plaque that causes heart attacks, strokes, and sudden death. In mice, the vaccines can reduce blood pressure and prevent aortic aneurysm ruptures. Testing in humans could start in two or three years. —Prediman Krishan (P.K.) Shah, M.D., is director of Oppenheimer Atherosclerosis Research Center at Cedars-Sinai Heart Institute in L.A.

S A M P E E T ( i c o n s) , M I C H A E L H O E W E L E R ( p o r t r a i t) , G e t t y I m a g e s (m o u s e)

Ever wonder how dentists take care of their own teeth? Here’s my routine: I brush for two minutes with Colgate Optic White. Then I spit out the toothpaste—but I don’t rinse. That way the fluoride in the paste has more time to work, protecting my teeth from decay. Your big enemies are the acid-producing bacteria that cause tooth decay. We’re at the beginning of an exciting new era in dentistry, and someday soon we’ll tailor products based on a patient’s individual oral bacterial profile. We’re already seeing products on store shelves that target specific bugs. SmartMouth, for example, uses zinc in its mouthwash to block the action of the germs that cause bad breath.


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MICHAE L COT TONE Adoptive father to Vincent shows the gift of family

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BILL STUMP Executive Editor BILL STIEG Deputy Editor BEN COURT Features Editor MELISSA JEWSBURY Managing Editor BJ GADDOUR Fitness Director ERIC SPITZNAGEL Executive Writer MIKE DARLING Senior Editor PAUL KITA Food & Nutrition Editor MICHAEL EASTER Fitness Editor JULIE STEWART Health Editor JERILYN COVERT Associate Editor BRIELLE GREGORY Assistant Editor MEGAN DiTROLIO, JULIANNE JONES, JAMES NOSEK, DAN ROE Interns

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Rodale Inc. 400 South 10th St. Emmaus, PA 18098-0099 Men’s Health carries the very latest health, fitness, and nutrition reporting and taps the world’s foremost experts so you can be more knowledgeable about your health. But every body is different. Take what you read here as general information; individual diagnoses and treatments can come only from a health care practitioner.






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Bulova celebrated the 45th anniversary of the Apollo 15 mission with the launch of its special edition Moon Watch, replicating the original chronograph that went to the moon. On August 2nd, Feldmar Watch hosted a crowd of watch aficionados, each received a customized Bulova clock commemorating the mission -- and one lucky raffle winner was awarded a name-engraved seat with the stars at Griffith Observatory!

STICK IT TO WINTER Introducing the Merrell Capra Glacial Ice+ with Vibram® Arctic Grip® outsole. This new, groundbreaking sole technology is specifically designed for wet ice. Discover a whole new world of grip and performance on slippery, wet ice. Arctic Grip is the most advanced cold weather gripping system Vibram has ever created. Now you can tread everywhere in confidence.

Men at Work Stepping up: James Park uses his Fitbit to track his health goals (seven hours of sleep and a resting heart rate in the 50s).

DISCIPLINE YOUR DAY Efficiency tips from the CEO who put fitness on your wrist. By Dan Roe 18 | November 2016

James Park lives by the clock. To go toe-to-toe with behemoths like Apple and Under Armour in the wearable fitness market, Park, 39, manages every minute with ruthless intention. You might never think that a man who every day wakes up more or less at the same time (7 a.m.), eats basically the same breakfast (a banana), and knows his daily commute down to the minute (14) could come up with the idea for Fitbit while lying on his sofa. Park grew Fitbit from two guys in an apartment in 2007 to a $3 billion company with more than 1,000 employees today. He jumped into the deep end of the American startup culture and learned to swim. He devours words at warp speed, always delegates, and minimizes meeting length to maximize his team’s individual efforts. He’s only off when he’s recharging (sleeping)—just like the device he created. Boost your own productivity by adopting Park’s brand of daily discipline. P H O T O G R A P H S B Y C O DY P I C K E N S


Park uses lunchtime to conduct interviews, go to meetings, and eat.


Escape from Email Hell Here’s how Fitbit’s James Park deals with the daily avalanche that clogs his inbox.

1,000 1/ Address Your Anxiety

3/ Peer-Review the Pitch

5/ Make Exercise Count

To face a high-stress situation— like a major presentation or a live interview on national TV— Park modifies a psychology hack known as exposure therapy. Basically, you desensitize yourself to the object of your fear by gradually ramping up your exposure to it. Park practiced his initial public offering speech almost 100 times. A good strategy is to start with no audience and then build up to a room full of colleagues. “Really, the only thing to keep you from being nervous is good preparation,” he says.

Nothing diminishes the luster of a brilliant idea like a long, confusing explanation. “It’s all about clarity and brevity,” says Park, who bootstrapped his startup by sweet-talking investors. The keys: First, get outside your own head. “When you just think about the pitch yourself, you don’t have a lot of people understanding the problem.” Review your pitch with multiple colleagues to make sure it’s clear and easy to comprehend. Second, keep it short and sweet—20 to 30 seconds max.

Target the bottom line—and your waistline—with efficient workouts. Park says he maximizes his sweat time with all-out effort as often as possible. “I run for 10 to 20 minutes and then do 10 to 15 minutes of calisthenics— pushups, pullups, things like that,” he says. Throw in commuting to work on foot, which Park does as often as he can, and it’s easy to understand why the man is in the best shape of his life. He now runs a mile in about 6½ minutes—that’s 30 seconds faster than his high school time.

2/ Speed Up Meetings

4/ Prevent Procrastination

6/ Unplug Strategically

Some meetings at Fitbit last just 20 minutes, and none of them runs longer than 50. Park prefers that a clear-cut agenda be set ahead of time, which ensures efficiency. “Cutting down on the number and length of meetings makes people think about which meetings are valuable,” he says. Park also carves out no-meeting, deep-thinking periods. They’re often scheduled in the afternoon. “People appreciate long stretches during which they can focus and do concentrated work,” he says.

Park admits that he tends to put things off, so he’s learned how to deal with it. “One way is having aggressive deadlines,” he says. A fast pace has several benefits: It helps team members hone their skills and demands creative thinking and problem solving. Plus, if you do fail, you’ve at least made progress so it’s not a total waste. To stay on track, create mini deadlines for segments of larger projects, and bake in the evolution, with deadlines for an initial draft, a run-through, and a final draft.

Schedule time to think. It sounds obvious, but who really does this, and when was the last time you saw that on an Outlook calendar? “Time for reflection is important because in meetings you’re in react mode,” Park says. To focus on real priorities at work and in life, Park puts on his headphones and listens to music for a 30-minute walk along the San Francisco Bay Trail. “Thinking about the longterm vision for the company— I can really only do that when I have time for myself.”

20 | November 2016

That’s how many emails Park can receive in a 24-hour period. He starts shoveling early. “I wake up and check my email in bed to see what popped up overnight. I get a quick sense of any emergencies.”


That’s the approximate number of emails Park sends every day. “A lot of my emails are informative. I only respond to the ones I need to take action on.” But he does actually look at all of them, he says, speed-reading throughout the workday and at night.


That’s how many folders Park uses to corral his correspondence. It’s a radical organizing approach: “I never delete or move emails. I just have one gigantic inbox with several hundred thousand. I use the search feature if I need to find anything.”

I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y E R I C B . M O R T E N S E N


Professional driver on closed course. Do not attempt. Prototype shown with options. Production model will vary. ©2016 Toyota Motor Sales, U.S.A., Inc.

Ask Men’s Health Definitive Answers to Life’s Essential Questions


I hate to iron. What’s a quick, simple way to get wrinkles out of my clothes? TROY, BALTIMORE, MD

Easy fix here, Troy. Just grab a bath towel, soak it in water, wring it out, and toss it into the dryer with a few of your wrinkled items for 10 minutes on high. “The water in the towel turns to steam, and that moisture, combined with the tumbling, pulls the wrinkles out of your clothes,” says Leslie Reichert, author of The Joy of Green Cleaning.

“Damn Men’s Health. My muscles have gotten too big for this shirt.”


So I’ve got high triglycerides. What are they, and should I go on meds? CHARLIE, IRVING, TX

Triglycerides are a type of fat in your blood, and you’re among the nearly third of U.S. men whose number is higher than 150. (If you’re keeping score, that’s milligrams per deciliter.) These fats are as risky to your heart as bad cholesterol is, but before you start thinking about pharmaceuticals, try a teaspoon of cinnamon in your morning coffee. This simple trick can cut your levels significantly, says Michael Miller, M.D., a cardiologist and the author of Heal Your Heart. Then there’s the trifecta of triglyceride trimming: exercise, carb reduction (to below 50 percent of your diet), and weight loss. Each one works and reinforces the others. But start with the cinnamon. Check your blood in six months to see how you did. HEALTH


In theory, if you gargled an alcohol-based mouthwash several times a day, you could 22 | November 2016


I’m seeing flavored fizzy water in stores lately. Are these healthy? RANDY, NEW YORK, NY

If you’re trying to cut back on soda and lose weight, flavored carbonated water is a great swap. It has a similar taste without the calories and sugar, and it hydrates as well as plain water does. Although some research points to tooth enamel erosion caused by citric acid and CO2 turning into carbonic acid, that’s only if you’re guzzling cases of it. Even then, it’s easily avoided by chewing sugar-free gum after. That’ll generate saliva to wash it off.

Cavan Images/ Offset

My girlfriend said mouthwash might cause cancer. Is that true?

become more vulnerable to oral carcinogens, says Brian Schmidt, D.D.S., M.D., Ph.D., of NYU College of Dentistry. “We think alcohol probably makes cells more permeable to carcinogens,” he says, which is why oral cancer rates are particularly high among heavy drinkers who smoke. But everything is relative: Heavy drinkers are exposing their oral cavity to a lot more alcohol than mouthwash swishers are. Plus, mouthwash has been proven to fight gum disease and tooth decay. If you’re at risk for either, try an alcohol-free product, such as Colgate Total Advanced Pro-Shield mouthwash.

Ask Men’s Health

red chips feel stronger and more competitive and self-assured. Next, track glances: Eye movements can reveal the strength of a hand. In one study, players with high-value hands tended to look to the right, while those with weaker hands tended to look left. (The reason is unclear.) Finally, watch your buddies’ arms: The “smoothness” of a player’s arm movement can tip off how good a hand is. Jerky or hesitant movement shows indecision and a weak hand, while fluidity suggests confidence. HEALTH NUTRITION


Can certain foods actually burn fat?

Every month I play poker with my buddies, and every month I lose. How can I turn that bad luck around?


Unfortunately your body just doesn’t work that way. The idea is that if you eat the right foods, your metabolism—your body’s furnace—hits overdrive and magically burns your fat stores. “Carbs, fat, and protein do increase metabolism slightly, but it’s still a relatively small increase in the long run,” says dietitian Chris Mohr, Ph.D., R.D. When you eat, your metabolism speeds up to digest and use the food’s calories for your body’s various functions. “No one food can elevate your metabolism for extended periods,” Mohr says. Although hot peppers and celery have been touted as fatburning foods, research shows that they don’t cause any huge metabolic change.


First, look at the bright side: If the room is smoke-free and the stakes aren’t high enough to put you behind in rent payments, you’re already a winner. Studies show that spending time with friends is among the best (and easiest) ways to boost physical and mental health. Now, to stick it to the bums and win big, follow these three hot tips: First, raise or bluff with red chips. A study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that a player is more likely to fold when an opponent bets a red chip, regardless of its value. Red is an intimidating color associated with potential danger. And players betting

How do I ask my doctor if I really need that antibiotic— without being a wise guy? PAUL, OMAHA, NE

About 30 percent of antibiotic prescriptions are unnecessary, according to the CDC. That only adds to the growing problem of antibiotic-resistant superbugs. But you don’t want to disrespect your doctor’s professional expertise by being confrontational, of course. So ask “What do you see as the advantage of an antibiotic over a different approach?” Richard Street, Ph.D., who researches health communication at Texas A&M University, says a good doctor will appreciate your curiosity about the rationale behind a medical decision. Have a question? We’ve got answers! Ask at


The pushup-to-balance complex is ideal. Follow MH fitness director BJ Gaddour’s six-step drill: 1/ Do a pushup; then, from the up position, lift your left hand for 1 second. 2/ Do a pushup and lift your right hand for 1 second. 3/ Do a pushup and lift your left leg for 1 second. 4/ Do a pushup and lift your right leg for 1 second. 5/ Do a pushup; then pivot both feet to the left, rotate your torso 24 | November 2016

to the right, and extend your right arm straight up. 6/ Do a pushup; then pivot both feet to the right, rotate your torso to the left, and extend your left arm straight up. That’s 1 round; do 5 to 10. You could also set a timer and do as many rounds as you can in 2 minutes, or extend the balance time to 3 seconds. This hits your chest, arms, hips, glutes, lower back, obliques, core, and shoulders while delivering some cardio.

Ali Eaves takes your questions on sex, love, lust, and relationships. I accidentally liked a friend’s old bikini photo on Facebook. Do I bring it up? CHRISTOPHER, BEND, OR

No way! You’ll only make things awkward. And you have nothing to worry about anyway. She probably assumed you were just giving a friendly thumbs-up to her Maui vacation (or even her toned beach bod, who cares?) and then forgot about it the moment she clicked off the notification. She won’t think you’re a creep unless you give her a reason to—like if you said, “Sorry I was three years deep into your tagged photos at 2 a.m. last night.” That’s when she might start to wonder what you were up to with your other hand.

I’d like to give her some jewelry for Christmas, but it’s too soon for the ring. Any suggestions? GARRETT, SILVER SPRING, MD

The good news: You don’t need to splurge on precious bling. Personally, I’d rather unwrap a pair of turquoise statement earrings than a generic diamond heart necklace, and I’m willing to bet most women would feel the same way. The bad news: You’ll have to figure out what the hell “statement earrings” are. (They tell her you know her intimately.) Is your girl more into gold or silver? Chunky or dainty? Modern or boho? There’s a world of options out there, and choosing can be confusing. So enlist the assistance of one of her girlfriends, who will gladly come to your rescue. The recon will pay off: You’ll be that rare man with great taste who totally gets her. She’ll love it. Follow Ali on Facebook at MHGirlNextDoor, and on Twitter at @MHGirlNextDoor.

C lo ck w ise from top lef t: Roy M c M ahon/G et t y I mages , M at t Rainey, P hil B o or man/G et t y I mages


I travel a lot. What’s an exercise routine I can do in my hotel room that works my whole body?


Jimmy the Bartender Straight-up advice on women, work, and other things that drive men crazy.

What’s the half-life of a broken heart? Peter, Riverside, CA Almost all couples who break up were doomed from the get-go, which is the state of most new relationships these days. When a romance that started on Thanksgiving ends before the playoffs, it’s not a broken heart, son. It’s a bruised ego or hurt feelings or jealousy, and those vanish within a year—or when the replacement shows up, whichever happens first. A genuine broken heart? That’s a killer. The sentence is life plus 20.

Jimmy, you look exactly like you did 25 years ago. What’s the secret to never aging?

Yes, and don’t make a wisecrack. The whole point of splitting a restaurant check is to avoid discussing money when you all should be talking about what a swell night it’s been. It’s one of those we’re-all-friends gestures that really serves to raise the curtain on reality: Three pasta dishes? Friends. Giant lobster meal? Not a friend. But sometimes reality is worth a few extra bucks. And do this among yourselves, with cash. The etiquette of the split tab is to not expect your waiter to be your CPA.

Jimmy Calls BS on... 26 | November 2016

Labradoodles Look, I get the idea: Cross a Labrador with a poodle and you get a dog that won’t make people sneeze. But I don’t like to see people mess with nature, crossing this and breeding that. It’s like a limequat—we don’t need that. Me, I’m a simple dog guy. Give me a border collie that will read me to sleep and I’m good.

Do women really care about the car a guy drives? Will she think I’m sexier driving a Corvette than my Subaru? Terry, Hastings, NE When she’s sitting by your side out there on the highway of life, she thinks how you drive is a lot sexier than what you drive. Here’s the deal, Terry: Your car should never be sexier than you are. If you think your car can make up for a lack of personal sex appeal, you’re wrong. So if you drive a ’Vette, you’d better have the sexiness of an Aston Martin,

Jim, what are the rules of swearing? Jack, Battle Creek, MI This is a pet peeve. I mean, I think I run a pretty quiet, comfortable bar. Nothing quite breaks the atmosphere like some guy effing this and essing that. Usually men swear because they’re not very good with language. To be emphatic, you can either say the f-word or you can be imaginative and articulate. The French are brilliant at this; I used to have a customer from over there. No simple obscenity for him. He’d go on for an entire paragraph with references to Satan in bordellos and the names of twenty gods of crap and stuff like that, and it sounded great. That’s cursing.

Is paying my kids for good grades ever a good idea? Del, St. Louis, MO Nah. Since when is it smart to pay people to do what’s in their own best interest? Just explain to your kids that if they don’t get good grades, they won’t get good jobs, which means you’ll have to support them. That’ll help them understand why instead of paying them for good grades, you’re charging them for bad grades.

F r o m t o p : M i c h e l l e P e d o n e , B r i a n F i n k e / G a l l e r y S t o c k , Ys b r a n d C o s i j n / S h u t t e r s t o c k

What’s the etiquette on splitting tabs? Do we have to go even-steven when I had the pasta and my wife’s friend had the 2-pound lobster? Glen, Troy, NY

Richard, Boston, MA Photoshop. I’ve been using it ever since I became a 23-yearold Italian motocross racer on the Internet. Here’s a tip: Avoid the “crinkle” filter.

because your sexySubaru self will only disappoint. If, on the other hand, you’re sexier than your Subaru, you’ll do. In other words, if your car is sexier than you are, my advice is to downshift.

©2016 glacéau. glacéau®, smartwater® and label are registered trademarks of glacéau.

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v ap o r- d is tille d water , i nspi red by t he clouds .

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Useful Stuff Tons of tips, tricks, and strategies for life.

“When you get blue and you’ve lost all your dreams, there’s nothing like a campire and a can of beans.”

A n d r e w G e i g e r /G e t t y I m a g e s

Tom Waits

Split wood like a pro, page 42.

November 2016 | 29

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60 Minimum number of minutes you need to walk (briskly!) to ofset the negative health efects of sitting for eight hours. So take an outdoor break. Source: The Lancet

Great Guns in 3 Moves Classic exercises with smart variations: Boom! Massive size and power. By BJ Gaddour, Men’s Health fitness director Strong biceps aren’t just for appearances—they’re essential. Your biceps engage whenever you pull weight, like when you’re rowing (dumbbells or a boat) or deadlifting (with a barbell or a birdseed sack). Add these moves to your workout; then practice your flexing.


Plasma Therapy for Hair Loss



3 - WAY B I C E P S C U R L

A close grip shifts the load from your lats to your biceps and increases your range of motion, making your biceps bulge. Once you can do 6 reps, add a weighted vest or a dipping belt with weight. Do It Hang from a bar, palms facing you, hands 6 inches apart. Pull your chest to the bar; lower yourself. That’s 1 rep. Do 3 to 5 sets of 3 to 5 reps; rest 1 to 2 minutes between sets.

This classic move is also great for your core and upper back because your body has to fight to counterbalance the load. Do It Load a barbell and grab it using an underhand, shoulderwidth grip. Curl the bar, pause, and lower it. That’s 1 rep. For strength and size, do 3 sets of 6 to 8 reps, taking 3 seconds to lower the weight. For endurance, do 100 reps (or as many as you can) with an empty bar.

Changing your grip hits your muscle from diferent angles, and 2 full minutes under tension promotes muscle growth. Do It Hold dumbbells at your sides, palms in. Do each variation for 40 seconds: First, curl so your palms face forward at the top. Then curl with your palms facing each other. Finally, turn your palms toward you at the top (shown). Rest 1 minute. Do this 2 to 4 times.

Yes! For some men, anyway. Platelet-rich plasma therapy can be used in combination with topical hair-growth products like Rogaine. Your blood is spun in a centrifuge so only platelet-rich plasma remains. That powerful plasma (chock-full of growth stimulants) is then injected or “microneedled” into your scalp, where it revives lazy hair cells. “This is not some kind of miracle where you’re completely bald and have a full head of hair six months later,” cautions dermatologist Cameron Rokhsar, M.D. “This is for people who have some decrease in density and want to make their hair thicker.” Insurance won’t pay, so expect to pony up about $1,000 per treatment. Your takeaway: It’s a good option if you have thinning hair and want to add some body, but if you’ve already gone full Michael Chiklis, look into transplantation. Or just embrace it.

A Simple Way to Eat Better People who decide on their meal in advance eat fewer calories than those who choose just before dining, a 2016 study found. Planning ahead makes you less impulsive and more likely to choose healthy foods. Running errands? Grab your phone and use the order-ahead option at a chain like Panera, Starbucks, or Chipotle (we like salad with chicken). 32 | November 2016

C u l t u r a / I m a g e S o u r c e /G a l l e r y S t o c k ( s h i r t l e s s m a n ) , A m y Lo m b a r d ( G a d d o u r ) , M i n d s p a c e /G e t t y I m a g e s ( c o m b - o v e r ) , C h a r l e s S c h i l l e r /C h i p o t l e M e x i c a n G r i l l ( s a l a d ) , ST E V E S A N F O R D ( i l l u s t r a t i o n s )

Another cool new technology? It’s called a razor. May be worth a try.


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Sleep Deeper, Feel Better Falling asleep? No problem. But staying asleep can be tough. Follow our three-part guide to getting your best night’s sleep ever. By Brielle Gregory Prepare Seize the Daylight Start the day right: Early-morning sun helps set your body clock. When the alarm sounds, open the blinds! Or better yet, get outside. Install a Nightlight Put it in the bathroom so you don’t have to hit the overheads if nature calls. Or invest in a lighted toilet seat ($70, Stay Up Clock says it’s bedtime, but you’re not tired? Wait until you’re naturally sleepy and then go to bed.

Why Does Booze Wake You Up? A nightcap knocks you out but can also wake you up. Why? It boosts slow-wave sleep early on, so you sleep deeply at first and wake up later in the night. Plus, when the alcohol is done processing (this happens fast), your brain continues to expect the sedative that it’s no longer getting. Give your body time to metabolize the booze before bed (one hour per drink).

Bedtime Turn On a Fan It’ll keep you cool (essential for staying asleep), and the white noise blocks out disruptive sounds. Evict Sparky Hey, we like dogs too. But if yours keeps you up, put him in a crate outside the room. He’ll be happier with a well-rested owner anyway. Listen to Music Doing this before bed can improve sleep quality; it’s something to focus on besides your thoughts. Stick to classical or instrumental. Ditch the Clock No phone or watch either. Put it in a drawer, under the bed—wherever. Number watching in the middle of the night will only stress you out.


i S t o c k p h o t o /G e t t y I m a g e s ( s l e e p e r ) , ST E V E S A N F O R D ( i l l u s t r a t i o n )

If You Wake Up Anyway... Relax Try progressive muscle relaxation: Start with your toes and work your way up, tensing and then releasing muscles throughout your body. Take Melatonin If all else fails, take a low dose (1 milligram, max) during the night to remind your brain that you’re supposed to be sleeping.

Number of people with sleep problems who are dissatisfied in their relationship. (For sound sleepers, it’s 14 percent.)

Source: Andrew Spector, M.D., neurologist and sleep medicine specialist, Duke Health

Best Free Sleep Apps These MH-tested picks can help you snooze better, and you won’t lose sleep over the price tag.

Source: National Sleep Foundation




Sleep Cycle It tracks your sleep phases and wakes you when you’re sleeping lightest. “It almost felt like I woke up naturally,” our tester said.

Naturespace Sounds ranging from rolling surf to rustling leaves bring nature into your bedroom. Our tester liked “Night at Lake Unknown.”

To Bed This iPhone-only app asks your age and the time you want to get up, then sets an alarm for bedtime. Our tester: “Simple yet efective.”

November 2016 | 33

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“Your tastebuds are confused. All that salt and butter means you’ve forgotten what food tastes like.”

Make the Pounds Vanish

Your Privates Physician ELIZABETH K AVA L E R , M . D.

Will my penis shrink with age?

Penn Jillette was bloated and unhealthy until he learned how to eat. Now the magician reveals the secrets behind his flab-disappearing act.

1/ Socializing doesn’t mean eating. “If you want to get together with somebody, it’s always ‘Let’s have dinner and coffee.’ I’ve started this crazy thing where I’ll say, ‘Let’s take a walk.’ Not to a restaurant or coffee shop. We just walk and talk. It’s crazy how you can talk to another human being without having to jam stuff into your mouth.”

3/ You won’t miss a thing! “We’re talking about adding a few foods to the menu besides cheeseburgers. I love cheeseburgers and pizza and ravioli and popcorn, but there are another 5,000 kinds of food that are delicious and aren’t made of the same six ingredients. You should experience them before you die.”

2/ Salt and butter hide lavor. “When I used to eat corn on the cob, I was really having butter and salt. Now I eat corn on the cob and it’s the sweetest thing I ever put in my mouth. Lay off salt and butter and fat for three weeks. You think you know what green beans taste like, but you really don’t. It will blow your fucking mind.”

4/ Moderation is for idiots. “Dylan doesn’t record songs in moderation. You shouldn’t lose weight in moderation. Throw yourself into it. I lost 100 pounds by making better choices. By not soaking everything in a bath of salt and butter. The way I eat food is not in moderation. It’s just not eating like a dumbass American anymore.”


Mothballs in the Closet Bad idea, Mom. That (literally) toxic smell from your childhood is either naphthalene or paradichlorobenzene, active ingredients that kill wool-chomping clothes moths and their larvae. They’re also possible carcinogens. But you can use mothballs in a low-risk way if you avoid contact and keep them and the target clothes sealed up tight so the fumes can work. Just popping mothballs into a drawer or closet won’t eliminate moths but will stink up the place. A safer way: Vacuum the closet and shelves, and then put items in the dryer (or sun) to kill any remaining larvae. Store the clothing in a garment bag or airtight box. 34 | November 2016

What’s the Diff? White potatoes and colorful ones are all loaded with B6 and potassium. But purple signals anthocyanins, good for blood pressure and immunity. Red means carotenoids for sharp eyesight. White ones are high in vitamin C. So eat ’em all—skins on for fiber, of course. Source: Cassandra Forsythe, Ph.D., R.D., Central Connecticut State University

Is “breaking the seal” a real thing? BRUCE, CHICAGO, IL

Sort of. The reason you feel like that first pee in a night of drinking opens the floodgates is twofold. First, you’re pouring lots of fluid into your body, and alcohol is a diuretic. But then you can make it worse by waiting to hit the head for the first time. The longer you wait, the more the deep muscles of the pelvis clamp down around your bladder. Once you unzip, those stressed-out muscles go into spasm, and those spasms drive the urge to urinate over and over. Next time you’re headed to the bar, try making a pit stop before you order your first drink. Elizabeth Kavaler is a urologist with a private practice in New York City.

D a n i e l B e r g e r o n /C o n t o u r b y G e t t y I m a g e s ( J i l l e t t e ) , A s h l e y Le v e l ( K a v a l e r ) , I m a g e S o u r c e /G e t t y I m a g e s ( t o p p o t a t o ) , S t o c k b y t e /G e t t y I m a g e s ( m i d d l e p o t a t o , b o t t o m p o t a t o ) , ST E V E S A N F O R D ( i l l u s t r a t i o n )

A few years ago, the vocal half of the magic act Penn & Teller was on his way to an early grave. The 6'7" Penn Jillette was 330 pounds and on “massive doses of about six blood pressure meds,” or so he claims in his new book, Presto! How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales. But then he dropped weight. A lot of weight. He was down to 229 in just four months—nearly a pound a day. That kind of rapid weight loss can be considered risky, but it is impressive. Jillette’s advice, just like the man himself, is equal parts controversial and thought-provoking. He says, for instance, “I didn’t get thin until I stopped exercising,” which, hey, is definitely not the MH way. The real genius isn’t how he did it (Two weeks of eating only potatoes? Hmm...) but how he makes us reconsider our relationship with food. Here’s what he learned.


No. Your penis is made of collagen and blood vessels, which don’t change over a lifetime. However, it might start to look smaller if you’re not careful. Imagine a shovel sticking up out of the snow. Now more snow falls; the shovel’s the same size but looks smaller because it’s partly buried. That can happen with age as the patch of fat over your pubic bone, the mons pubis, fills out. Moral of the story: Keep your weight under control.

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Make the smart choice. Get your free quote from GEICO today.


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Eat the bowl! Tuna salad in a delicious, all-natural container.

4 Tips for a Smoother Trip


But Do Google This Type in “easiest way to get to...” and “best way to avoid lines at...” While you’re at it, visit those lame-looking state and local tourism websites, which can often be loaded with restaurant and museum discounts.


Share Suitcases Pack half of your clothes in your wife’s suitcase, and have her put half of hers in yours. One of the bags could get lost; losing both is highly unlikely. But snap photos of your bags (and passport, boarding pass, and prescriptions) just in case.

A Man, a Can, a Plan This quick tuna salad recipe kicks up the flavor with fiery pickled jalapeños and is served in a convenient, heart-healthy “holder.” What You’ll Need 1 can tuna (such as Wild Planet’s Wild Skipjack Light Tuna), drained 1½ Tbsp plain 2% Greek yogurt 1 rib celery, with leaves, diced

Desk Drawer, Fully Loaded Details matter: A survey by the Center for Talent Innovation found that sloppy grooming can hurt your career advancement. Stock your sliding drugstore with these supplies.

Tbsp chopped pickled jalapeño slices, plus 1 Tbsp of the pickled jalapeño juice ½ avocado, pitted, not peeled 1

Electric Razor Nobody will say you missed a spot, but it’s all they’ll see. That saps power from your presentation, the survey says. This is Plan B. Philips Norelco Oneblade, $35,

36 | November 2016

Talk to People Instead of rushing to ground transport, take 15 minutes to hit an airport bar or restaurant to clear your head, avoid the baggage-claim scrum, and gather tips from locals about where to eat and what to see. Ask your cabby to drive by his favorite spots on the way to your hotel.

How to Make It In a medium bowl, add everything except the avocado and mix well. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Then scoop the tuna salad into the avocado half. Dig in with a spoon. Feeds 1 Per serving 407 calories, 65g protein, 8g carbs (5g fiber), 14g fat

Hand Lotion Nothing like scaly, reptilian skin to make your handshake unforgettable—in a bad way. Soften those rough mitts with a dab of lotion. Anthony Hand Cream, $16,

Colgate Wisp Before rushing of to a face-to-face meeting, use one of these mini brushes to extract the romaine from your teeth and freshen garlic breath. Colgate Wisp, pack of 24, $5,

Face Wipes Yo, Slick, one swipe of this towelette will strip away dirt and oil with a formula of aloe vera, rosemary, and witch hazel. Ursa Major Essential Face Wipes, $24 for 20,

Nail Clippers You want to make sure your claws are kempt. One out of three honchos agree: Clean nails, well-kept shoes, a close shave, and manicured facial hair are crucial to a professional look.


F o o d s t y l i n g : J a m i e K i m m ( t u n a s a l a d ) ; R i c h a r d C o o m b s / E y e E m /G e t t y I m a g e s ( s m a l l a v o c a d o ) , Vo v a s h e v c h u k /G e t t y I m a g e s ( t u n a ) , J u a n M o n i n o /G e t t y I m a g e s ( j a l a p e ñ o s ) , B l e n d I m a g e s /G a l l e r y S t o c k ( s u i t c a s e ) , M I TC H M A N D E L ( g r o o m i n g p r o d u c t s )

Use an Agent, Not the Web The thrill of bargain-fare searching eventually fades. Travel agents do this for a living, often for free. Three details to share: why you’re going away, how much you travel, and your all-time best and worst vacations.

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They just met 10 seconds ago. That’s how good our advice is.

Hey,Why Do I Like That? Making lists is irresistible. Why? It’s adaptive behavior, a satisfying way of adjusting to tough times, says Penn psychologist Sudeep Bhatia, Ph.D. Modern life throws more at us than our brain can store. Writing a to-do list lets us focus on one task and return to others later. Plus, when you cross off “milk,” your brain generates a reward-like response, says Harvard psychologist Sam Gershman, Ph.D. Picking up milk is a “subtask,” a smaller job leading to a reward. “Shopping may not be intrinsically rewarding, but it’s necessary for breakfast.”

3% Projected speed increase if you drink 2 cups of cofee 45 minutes before a run. So if your usual 5K is 25 minutes, you’d shave of 45 seconds.

More Sex in 2 Secs Listening? Good start. Women are easier to impress than you think. Simple gestures can improve your relationship—and your sex life. Why It Works

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Showing kindness toward others is a huge turn-on. It’s evolutionary: A recent study found that altruism signals to potential partners that you’re capable and resourceful—a good mate.

Leave a big tip or help someone who’s struggling to carry groceries.

Bring up that really nice thing you did.

Hug, hold hands. Nonsexual skinto-skin contact boosts oxytocin.

Follow up with your “cute” pelvic nudge.


“One of our basic needs is affection—giving and receiving it,” says Sean Horan, Ph.D., a communication expert at Texas State. So you’re fulfilling her needs and yours at the same time.


Or praise any of her fine qualities—something specific to her, though. That morale boost will make her feel sexier and want to be more intimate, says sex therapist Dawn Michael.

Make her laugh. A sense of humor is hot, studies show.

Do your Gilbert Gottfried when ordering drinks.


Old-fashioned romantic gestures (flowers, dinner, love notes) still work. The trick is to focus on what she’ll respond to, says Steven Arnocky, Ph.D., author of the altruism study.

Your note cleverly riffs off the card; intelligence is a top desirable trait.

Let Hallmark do all the talking.


The combination of soft and strong is a compelling one, says Brandy Engler, Psy.D. “This demonstrates passion for her, or a savoring of her that lets her feel seen and appreciated.”

Don’t instigate sex. The buildup heightens arousal.

Unbutton her shirt. Or worse, your pants.

38 | November 2016


Green Bean Casserole This holiday classic is just mushroom soup, some milk, green beans, soy sauce, and pepper, all topped with the best part: those crispy fried onions. It’ll cost you 206 calories for a half-cup serving, nourish you with a wholesome vegetable, and unite your family, if only for that one sweet moment when you all agree that it tastes incredible.

F r o m t o p : I a n M a d d o x / t h e l i c e n s i n g p r o j e c t . c o m , B r i a n H a g i w a r a /G e t t y I m a g e s

2-Second Tip

Source: International Journal of Sport Nutrition and Exercise Metabolism


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Beef Jerky The market is flooded with boutique brands of our favorite lean protein. MH staffers chewed (and chewed) through it all to find the best.

No Flu for You! Step one: Man up and get stuck. Step two: Outsmart insidious viruses with our guide. By Brielle Gregory

Quick Change BY BR I A N BOY É

“This fever dream is almost worth the pain and congestion.”


I like my No-Shave November beard, but my wife doesn’t. Any suggestions? DEAN, SANTA BARBARA, CA

There’s a reason this stuff is sold at convenience stores across America. In our blind taste test, which included 177 varieties, our discerning judges proclaimed Oberto All Natural Original beef jerky “balanced” and “campfirey.” That’s thanks to the light hand on the sugar and a vinegar equalizer to round out the flavor. $7 for 3.25 oz

Jack Link’s Peppered It’s thick and chewy— and not so peppery that you end up spitting flames for the next half hour. $7 for 2.85 oz

1/ Get the Flu Shot Tired of hearing this? We’re tired of saying it. You’ll protect not only yourself but also your vulnerable grandmother and her pinochle posse at Shady Village.

3/ Kill Keyboard Bugs The Valley of Eww between your computer keys is where germs like to hang out during flu season. Go at it with a disinfecting wipe (which will also kill viruses).

5/ Carry Your Own Pen In fact, let’s make a blanket rule for the entire winter: No using other people’s things. Do you know who’s fondled that bank pen? We don’t either, and it ain’t talking.

2/ Get the Flu Shot See what we did there? Vaccination is your best defense, and it comes with a bonus: It may lower your risk of heart trouble (atrial fibrillation), dementia, and stroke.

4/ Go of the Rails Handrails, we mean. Just think of the hundreds of hands that were there, each raising your odds of contamination. Use your elbow instead if you need support.

6/ Also, Listen to Mom You should stay home and keep your germs to yourself. And chicken soup really can ease inflammation and combat flu. No word yet on her apple pie.

Source: Jeffrey Cain, M.D., University of Colorado School of Medicine

The Perfect Cross-Trainers Sweetwood Teriyaki This beef jerky avoided the most common pitfall of the teriyaki types we tasted: a cloying sugar rush. $8 for 2 oz

40 | November 2016

Winter is coming. Bring your workout back indoors with a strong foundation. A good pair of cross-trainers—shoes that are designed to handle everything from running to lifting—can help you perform better and avoid injury, says Doug Kechijian, D.P.T., of Resilient PT in New York City. But before you buy, manhandle them a bit. Check the toebox (it should be flexible), midfoot (inflexible), and heel (stiff). Add those features together, and here’s what you get: the Reebok JJ1, JJ Watt’s signature shoe. $100,

I see people wearing coats with labels on the sleeve sometimes. Mistake, right? HOWARD, BOSTON, MA

For sure. I have to fight the urge to tell total strangers they’re committing a style blunder. The tag is there to help retailers quickly identify the brand of a suit or coat when it’s hanging in the store. Once you’ve bought it, lose the tag. Other things to remove: the stitching along the shoulder and on the back vents, which is meant to hold things in place during transit from the factory. Also, if the exterior pockets are stitched closed, gently remove the thread using small scissors or a pocketknife (not your fingers, lest the lining tear). Brian Boyé is the executive fashion and grooming director of Men’s Health.

RYA N O . ( O b e r t o , J a c k L i n k ’s , s h o e ) , M AT T R A I N E Y ( S w e e t w o o d ) , G e o r g e M a r k s /G e t t y I m a g e s ( n u r s e ) , M e r e d i t h J e n k s ( B o y é )


In the spirit of the event, let the beard go—but once you hit 10 days, keep it trimmed to that length. In fact, that’s the length women find most attractive, an actual study found. After the scratchy phase (about five days), apply a few drops of beard oil daily. I like Recipe for Men Beard Elixir, which smells like pine and lemongrass. For longer whiskers, try Proraso Hot Oil Beard Treatment; it’ll soften the hairs and hydrate the skin. Oh, and kudos to you for helping to raise cancer awareness.

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Split Decision


Chopping firewood warms you twice, Northerners like to say. It can also boost your testosterone, scientists say. Got your flannel shirt? Let’s go!


Let’s Talk Chop

Charlie Blinn, Ph.D., University of Minnesota Forest Resources

42 | November 2016

2/ Gränsfors Large Splitting Axe Be careful swinging this hickoryhandled Swedish beauty—you might sprout a beard and start using umlauts. At 27.5 inches and 5 pounds, it’s shorter and lighter than a maul. The blade is thin and concave for splendid splitting. $165, 3/ Estwing E24A Sportsman’s Axe This is basically the same made-inUSA hatchet your dad brought on camping trips to pound tent stakes and cut wood for the campfire. The lacquered leather handle was ergonomic before anyone knew what that meant. $35,


Illustration by STEVE SANFORD

Stand 18-inch logs on a stumplike base. Bend your knees; if you’re right-handed, grip the end of the handle with your left, keeping your right hand near the head. Raise the tool overhead, aim at a crack, let your right hand slide down the handle, and swing into the log. Stack your wood and let it season for a year—ideally two.

1/ Stihl Pro Splitting Maul If you’re a blunt-force-object guy, use a maul. You’ll want what this one has: a 35-inch straight handle and 6.6 pounds of punch. Physics turns those numbers into power. Splitting firewood is not precision work, and the steel collar saves the shaft when you miss. Sharpening is optional. $103,

Useful Stuff


There can be power in upending the conventional wisdom.

Nutrition Know-It-All

Percentage of singles who’ve received an explicit image, then shared it. Pro tip: Don’t trust anyone.

M I K E R O U S S E L L , PH.D.

Some guy at the supplement store told me that lettuce will slow my metabolism. Is this true?

Source: Sexual Health


Grab a rubber band and take aim at these four wardrobe emergencies. Pants too big Cinch two belt loops in back and double-knot them together with the rubber band. Cover with sweater or jacket. Pants too tight Loop the band around the button, into the hole, and back to the button. Stretch waistband! Sleeves too long Pull the sleeves up and use rubber bands like garters around your upper arms to hold them in place. (Add jacket.) Sleeves too short Unbutton each cuff; they’ll appear longer. Shoot the rubber band at anyone who questions your style choices.

Easy Tweak, Hard Muscle By now you’re swinging a kettlebell in practically every workout. That’s perfect—now change. Hold it upside down when you do overhead presses, squats, and lunges. You’ll challenge your core muscles even more and work your shoulders, hips, and grip harder than the traditional way.

WORKS FOR US I love camping. But I don’t love how early it gets dark in the fall. On a backpacking trip in the Adirondacks, I brought Luci along, and she came through. The collapsible Luci Outdoor 2.0 lantern is incredibly bright and light (4.4 ounces). Just hang it on your pack so the sun can charge it. Come nightfall, 10 LEDs flood your tent with light so you can play cards or check a map. It has four levels of brightness and lasts up to 18 hours. I’m the art director at MH; I design stuf. This is great design. $20, —Pete Sucheski 44 | November 2016

What the heck are FODMAPs? My buddy says he avoids them and feels great now. GENE, TULSA, OK

Your friend is up on the trends. The acronym stands for “fermentable, oligo-, di-, monosaccharides and polyols.” These are the short-chain carbohydrates that some people have trouble digesting. Curtailing your intake of them is a good first step to troubleshooting digestion problems like irritable bowel syndrome. But it’s also a tough diet to stick to: no avocados, no apples, no broccoli, no beans, and no garlic, for starters. If you want to try it, see a nutrition professional. Mike Roussell, Ph.D., is author of The Six Pillars of Nutrition and a nutrition advisor for Men’s Health.


G r o o m i n g : B r i t t a n y S p a u l d i n g / Tr u e B e a u t y M a r k s ( k e t t l e b e l l ) ; J a m e s Wo j c i k / Tr u n k A r c h i v e ( r u b b e r b a n d s ) , c o u r t e s y M i k e R o u s s e l l ( R o u s s e l l ) , ST E V E S A N F O R D ( i l l u s t r a t i o n )

Hack Your Style in a Snap

No, lettuce will not slow your metabolism. Eat all the iceberg, romaine, and radicchio you want. In fact, lettuce is a great food to help aid weight loss (assuming you’re not using it to top nachos). Credit the high water content and fiber, and maybe the slower pace of eating due to all that chewing. Also, remember the number one rule about supplement stores: Don’t listen to anyone who works at a supplement store.


Ask your doctor if a medicine made by Gilead is right for you. © 2015 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. UNBC1850 03/15

Useful Stuff


Why JFK Still Matters He’s been gone for more than half a century, but his life (and illusions) remain relevant. By Eric Spitznagel National nostalgia about John F. Kennedy is inescapable, and next year our 35th president’s 100th birthday will trigger the usual reexamination. Why does the Kennedy mystique endure? Sure, the man was handsome and rich and there was the whole Camelot thing. But it wasn’t like his political career was astounding. He talked about going to the moon and dodged nuclear war, but that’s not why politicians love comparing themselves to him. It can’t be the sex, can it? Okay, maybe it’s a little bit the sex. Steven Watts, Ph.D., a history professor at the University of Missouri, dissects Kennedy’s enduring allure in his new book, JFK and the Masculine Mystique. Watts examines Kennedy as a cultural figure rather than a political one. Kennedy, he writes, promised to “revive the modern American man as youthful and individualistic, cool and vigorous, masculine and urban, tough-minded and athletic, and a sexual conquistador.” In other words, everything every man wishes he could be.

46 | November 2016

We may never find out how many lovers he had. I really don’t know that we will. Apparently he could have any woman he wanted at any time just by snapping his fingers. This became the reality for him. I don’t think he thought twice about it. Do you think Kennedy gave generations of men permission to cheat? He got away with it so spectacularly. There were never consequences. I think there’s some truth to that. To some extent, Kennedy had a bigger cultural influence than a political one. So it’s entirely possible that men would look at him and say, “If Jack could get away with that, why can’t I?” As I did the research for this book, I couldn’t believe the sheer scope and recklessness of his sex life. I heard stories of how the president, several times during his administration, would hole up in a hotel with prostitutes. In this day and age, it’s just a mind-blower to think that the leader of a global power like the United States would get away with something like that. Is there anything about Kennedy that makes him a good role model for men? He had a cool detachment that was remarkable. In politics, or in explaining all those hotel receipts to Jackie? In everything, but especially when it came to politics. He could take a contentious issue and take the emotion out of it. Wow. That seems unthinkable these days. Nobody does that anymore. An elected official who says, “Okay, let’s all calm down and be rational about this”? Kennedy was a cool customer. We could all stand to be a little more like that, to not always be driven by our emotions.

F r o m l e f t : R y a n O . , To n i F r i s s e l l /S h o r p y . c o m

MEN’S HEALTH: Could we ever have another John F. Kennedy? Or have we become too cynical? STEVEN WATTS: I think we probably could. A man of his charm, rhetorical gifts, shrewd political judgment, good looks, and sophisticated style would still carry a lot of water in modern politics, I think. But there’s one giant caveat: the 24-hour news cycle and the way the media has saturated our culture. Given Kennedy’s philandering, he would be in enormous trouble very, very quickly. There’s a question your book didn’t answer. Could JFK have resisted tweeting a dick pic? [Laughs.] We’ll never know. But at the same time, he was a master of image manipulation and surrounded himself with people who were masters at distracting from what was actually happening to create this magical, romantic ideal. It’s easy to see why people fell in love with him. He represented the new frontier, beautiful young people coming to power in the new age. Which was bullshit. Well, it wasn’t all bullshit. But it certainly wasn’t the entire truth. In some ways, don’t we all have a little JFK in us? On the Internet, everybody tries to create these ideal but fictional versions of themselves. That’s true. It’s very human to want to control

that presentation of self. With somebody like Kennedy, who was very much in the public eye, everything had to be in shiny capital letters. We all do the same thing to a smaller extent. We can’t all be Kennedy. No. But for me, the big question of Kennedy, of how he relates to our lives right now, is how authentic are these inauthentic lives? Is everything you give to the world a big fraud, or is there some grain of truth in there? Did he ever find the right balance? I don’t know. I think Kennedy raises questions for men about how much image really matters. It seems like he had it all. He had wealth, he had movie star good looks, he had a beautiful wife, he had a wonderful family, he had millions of people who adored him, and he was president of the greatest country in the world at a very crucial time. Here’s a guy who had everything you could possibly imagine. Yet he still led a double life. Exactly! With all the philandering, you have to wonder how happy he really was in his marriage. He constructed this perfect image of the happy family man. But maybe if he had spent less time protecting his image and more on figuring out his marriage, well, I don’t know. You wrote in the book that he had a “guilt-free conscience” about his infidelity. His father was an open philanderer, and that’s what Kennedy knew from a young age about male behavior. The combination of his wealth, his unique position in American society, and the fact that he was so good looking and charming made cheating a little too easy for him.



Andy (left) and John taught me the truth: It’s not indoor cycling. It’s meditation.

SWEATING WITH THE OLDIES What can a young man take away from a week of workouts with the over-60 set? We sent our 29-year-old fitness editor to find out. By Michael Easter



Noon on a Thursday, my new friend Andy emails to ask if I want to join him and some pals at a local sports bar for dinner. Sure, I reply, figuring it’d be a chance to meet some of the guys from the new gym I just joined. Plus, it’s all-you-can-eat prime rib night. By 7:30, the five of us are sitting around a table devouring slabs of rare beef. Andy, I learn, is a financial guy. Art’s a retired urologist, Scott is from the dental industry, and John was an IT specialist with a medical lab. They all look fit, especially Art, who has the long, lean build of a Michael Phelps.

I ask Art what he does in the gym. “I don’t go to the gym much anymore,” he replies. “I own 10 acres of land, and taking care of that is my workout.” “You sure had a lot of ‘workouts’ after that winter storm back in 2000,” says John. “No, that’s not the right year,” Andy says. “Sure it is,” John insists. Soon everyone is bickering and pointing their forks to make points and trying to remember the chronology. These four gentlemen, all over age 60, some retired, will be my mentors for the week.

November 2016 | 49


When my boss gave me the assignment to ditch my typically intense, CrossFit-type routine and start exercising with old folks, I was perplexed. What could the fitness editor of the world’s largest men’s magazine possibly learn from guys who can’t even remember the last big blizzard? “Would anyone like more prime rib?” asks the waitress. “Yes, please,” says Scott. Unbelievable, I think. Where do these old guys put it? But when another massive strip of meat arrives, Scott takes two small bites and then asks for a to-go box. “I always order an extra one to split with my dog,” he says. I signal the waitress. Maybe there are a few things I can learn from these guys.

1/ Be social once in a while.

50 | November 2016

2/ Don’t make it rocket science. I’m the kind of guy who plans and researches every little thing and can overcomplicate a trip to 7-Eleven for a gallon of milk. And since I’m in the business, that tendency applies to my exercise. I once spent more time planning a workout than doing the workout. Andy is telling me about his all-time favorite stationary bike routine. “I pedal hard for a bit, then rest for a bit,” he says, “and I keep doing that for 30, 45, or even 60 minutes.” I stare blankly. “Yeah, like intervals,” I say. “I’ve been doing that workout for 35 years,” he says, “and I’ve always called it ‘exercise.’” Point taken. At the end of the day, it’s all just “exercise.”

3/ Train to live, but live. One day Andy was early, as always, for the indoor cycling class, warming up on his usual bike, when in walked this new woman who started pitching a fit because there weren’t any bikes left. If it were me, I’d have avoided her gaze and stayed put. The idea of conceding a

scheduled workout to someone who came late is as unthinkable as JFK telling Khrushchev, “You know what? Take Florida.” So I was surprised to hear what Andy did. “I gave her my bike,” he says. “I figured, I take this class 300 times a year. I’ll be okay if I only take it 299 times.” Last year I flew home to spend Thanksgiving with my mom. That day I did burpees alone in the garage. My time with her is limited. In retrospect, I realize that it was one hour we could have spent reconnecting. This Thanksgiving, that won’t happen.

4/ Use your strength. My approach to fitness aligns with what’s popular in the industry today—harder is better and improvement requires suffering. If this philosophy were a bumper sticker, it would read, “The harder the workout, the harder the man.” No pain, no gain. Then I meet Clair. He’s 92 and goes to Steel Fitness Premier every day. Back in World War II he was drafted into the military, and as a paratrooper he would jump out of planes to fight the enemy on the ground in Europe.

Lo c ation: S teel F i tness P remier/sfpremier hw.c om

I meet Andy at Steel Fitness Premier, a bigbox gym attached to an orthopedic center. Andy—bald, muscular, gold cross—is the mayor of the place. He’s shaking hands, saying hello, and catching up with everyone. Health club mingling is a new experience for me. Usually when I’m at the gym, I exercise with headphones and avoid eye contact. But that’s not an option when you’re with Andy. As we work out, he introduces me to Jay, an orthopedist who sees me doing pullups and suggests I straighten my arm out in front of me, palm up, like I’m asking for change, and with my other hand pull my fingers toward my body. That may help me avoid elbow pain from imbalances caused by doing too many reps, he says. Next I meet a guy who’s doing a kettlebell carry while holding the kettlebell bottom up. Doing that requires you to grip firmer and stabilizes your shoulder, he says. Then Andy interrupts a 70-something guy who’s exercising harder than anyone else, doing mountain climbers at a savage pace. But the man is happy to take a break and share his secret to exercising into old age— basically, picking activities that feel good. In other words, forget about trying to motivate yourself with workouts you dread or doing exercises you hear are great but that don’t feel right. Just do what you enjoy. Before I realize it, 90 minutes have passed. I’ve only exercised for a third of that time, but maybe the mayor is onto something. For one workout a week, I might unplug, forget the clock, and actually talk to people. The friendships I form and the tips I hear might keep me coming back for the long haul. In fact, researchers in Brazil found that people who interact with others during exercise are more likely to stick with it. “Hey,” says Andy as we’re leaving the gym. “You want to grab a burger?”


Cooking in the gym’s hot tub was an opportunity to recover and soak up wisdom.

7/ Know that personal records aren’t the only barometer of improvement.

The idea of a gym workout causing “suffering” suddenly seems almost comical, and I start to feel about as tough as an overripe banana. Exercise can be uncomfortable, sure. It needs to be work. But my interpretation of suffering—quickly picking up heavy stuff in a temperature-controlled building next to a Wendy’s—is anything but. In fact, this smiling old man makes me wonder why I’m really exercising so hard. In today’s comfortable society (no small thanks to Clair and his military colleagues), do tough workouts fulfill some existential need that men have to prove they’re really men? I mention this to my friend, MH fitness advisor David Jack. “If you want to be tough like Clair, you can still exercise hard, but don’t leave your strength in the squat rack,” he says. “There are probably 100 people within a 5-mile radius of your gym who need the physical strength you have. Do some good in the world. Look for some volunteer opportunities to help them.” Build strength not just for strength’s sake, but to serve. New bumper sticker?

5/ Be mindful of the importance of being mindless. John used to take 13 indoor cycling classes a week—676 a year—until the gym cut its schedule back. I initially think this is insane. So when he invites me to join him for a class, I hesitate. Understand that I use cardio machines primarily to warm up for and occasionally cool down from weight workouts, and I’ve never spent more than 30 minutes on one. So I don’t know what to expect. John, who looks like an aging hippie with his white beard and spectacles, doesn’t help by confessing that he listens to rare live Jefferson Airplane recordings to help fight the boredom. I think of one of the few Jefferson Airplane lyrics I know: “...and all the joy within you...dies!”

But it’s not as bad as I expect. In fact, it’s more than just heart-boosting cardio. It’s head-calming meditation. As I pedal, I focus on my breathing and turn inward, brainstorming my career and troubleshooting my life, eventually just losing myself in the sweat and the cycling. It’s been a long time since I sat with my thoughts for 60 uninterrupted minutes. Most of my workouts are so focused that it’s a welcome change to just zone out. And the benefits are tangible: A study from Finland suggests that long cardio workouts actually improve brain health more than high-intensity intervals do.

6/ Warm up your body—and mind. I’m at the gym waiting to meet one of the guys. To kill time I hop on an elliptical and turn on the TV. Next to me is Bob Barker’s doppelgänger—a slender, gold-skinned, white-haired, veneered gentleman. He’s working the stair climber at a fast-but-comfortable pace while flipping through a book. “What are you reading?” I ask, remembering Old Guy Lesson #1. “The Winds of War,” he says. “It’s a novel about World War II, but it’s historically accurate, so you learn a lot.” I tell him that the Second World War fascinates me, and I’ll be sure to read the book. He lifts his bushy eyebrows and glares at the TV screen on my machine. It’s tuned to Dog the Bounty Hunter, courtesy of the last person who used it. Dog is tasing someone who appears to be a meth head. Bob closes his book and heads for another machine, but he leaves me thinking. I have a bad habit of blasting through my cardio warmup. Reading a novel or the day’s news would not only stretch my mind but also ensure that I don’t go overboard: If at any point I have trouble reading, I’ll know my warmup is becoming too intense. And book learning keeps you mentally fit, of course.

I’m steeping in the gym’s hot tub with Andy and three of the other guys after a workout. They’re delighted to have a fresh addition to their old-man soup. Me? I’m wishing I’d worn a wetsuit. When it comes to fitness, I’ve always believed that continually moving the dial forward is the key to improvement, and I say so. “But here’s what’s wrong with that,” says Andy. “Let’s say your goal is to lift 200 pounds. So you work really hard and eventually reach your goal. Where do you go from there? You try for 210, then 220, but you can’t keep doing that forever.” Your quest for more, more, more will eventually lead to injury. “And once you’re hurt, you have to sit out, and you end up in worse shape than if you’d just stuck to that 200-pound weight.” Why is Andy so sure of this? He’s been there, and he’s seen it in old friends who’ve spent time at the weight rack. In fact, he’s in this hot tub to make sure he recovers adequately. You can bounce back when you’re young, he says, but eventually you reach an age when the injuries stick and affect your long-term quality of life. I stew on this awhile. I have no reason to push the envelope other than my ego and the upward curve on an Excel chart. Maybe there’s a lesson here too: When doing inherently risky exercises, such as deadlifts, maybe I should start valuing perfection over pounds. Instead of judging improvement by weight, perhaps I should gauge it by form, movement, and tempo. After all, who’s fitter? The guy who can lift 250 pounds until he tries for 260 and shatters, or the guy who can lift 200 pounds until the day he dies?

8/ Stay fit, stay young. After spending hours hanging out at the gym with these gentlemen, I’m shocked at how they seemed to “de-age” before my eyes. What I perceived as old just a week ago no longer holds. Andy, Scott, Art, John, Clair, Bob Barker, and their fellow gym geezers move well and live with vitality. Then it occurs to me: They aren’t the same breed of seniors I see shuffling into the diner for 4:30 dinners, or the ones camped in front of casino slots with oxygen tanks on their motorized chairs. These guys are enjoying the benefits of decades of healthy living, having watched their diets, controlled their weight and, most important, stayed active. Suddenly, “old” doesn’t seem so agespotted and off-putting to me. Exercise— no, smart exercise—creates a new type of aging, and in 40 more years I wouldn’t mind being just like these guys. November 2016 | 51


How J.J.Redick Keeps His Edge The Clippers guard, now 32, must stay fitter and smarter than the kids. By James Nosek

Old-Guy Strength Pushups and pullups are Redick’s go-to moves, but he loves variations that add challenge. Like this one: From a pushup position with his feet on a slide board, he spreads his legs as he lowers his body and then brings them together on the way back up. Make your own pushups more core-intensive by altering your leg position—one foot elevated or one leg to the side. For more of Redick’s strength moves, see “Raise Your Game, No Weights Needed” on page 138.

REDICK’SRISE The former college sharpshooter built a body to withstand the rigors of the 82-game NBA season. He has improved over the course of his 10-year career.


“You’ve never arrived. You’re always becoming.”

Young-Man Flexibility “As I’ve gotten older, I’ve had to figure out a balance between working hard and not overworking,” says Redick. Two days a week, he and his trainer focus on flexibility, mobility, and power. Redick has had a few back injuries during his career, so he stretches with yoga and practices Pilates to decompress his back and ward off injury. Some days he goes swimming— an excellent cardio workout that’s easy on the joints.

Bottomless Endurance

Smart Eating

A sharpshooter like Redick must be constantly on the move for a clean look at the basket. “I want people to have to chase me,” he says. So he hits a local middle school track to run ladders like this one: 800 meters, two 400s, three 200s, and four 100s. He rests for the time it takes to run each. During the season, he sprints the court. “This is my least favorite thing to do,” Redick says, “but I need to be in better shape than others.”

Redick’s mother is a nutritionist, so he grew up with good eating habits, some of which he lost in college. Now he starts the day with a breakfast of eggs and oatmeal with almonds and blueberries. He and his wife cook dinner most nights; Tuesday is farmers’ market night, with grilled fish or roast chicken. “I want to stay around 195,” says Redick, who’s 6'4". “I like how I look and feel at that weight.” Which is just 5 pounds over his college weight.

Averages 26.8 points per game during his senior year

Starts careerhigh 78 games

2002–2006 Duke

2006–2013 Orlando Magic

2013–2016 L.A. Clippers

Naismith College Player of the Year

8.9 points per game, 3-point shooting: 39.5%

16 points per game, 3-point shooting: 43.6%

Milwaukee Bucks 56 | November 2016

(a brief 28-game stop in 2013)

C l o c k w i s e f r o m t o p : J e s s e D . G a r r a b r a n t / N B A E / G e t t y I m a g e s , A n d r e w D . B e r n s t e i n / N B A E / G e t t y I m a g e s , M i c h a e l H i c k e y / U S A T O D AY S p o r t s , S t r e e t e r L e c k a / G e t t y I m a g e s

During J.J. Redick’s rookie season after a hotshot college career, a coach took him aside. “You’re in the NBA now,” he told the Duke All-American. “To stay, you have to get better every summer.” Redick, now with 10 seasons of experience, still remembers—and uses summers to stay a step ahead of the rookies, who seem to get younger every year. Here’s how the smart veteran spends the off-season.




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Deadlifts hurt? Maybe it’s your anatomy, not your form.

Is the Deadlift for You? For some guys, it’s the king of all exercises. For others, it’s a ticket to pain and suffering. Find out if the deadlift is right for you. By Andrew Heffernan

58 | November 2016

That was the fourth time in 10 years the deadlift had me flat on my back for a day or longer. It wasn’t serious; a doctor found no herniations or major trauma. But given my history, he said, perhaps I should consider easing up on deadlifting. It was the same suggestion I’d gotten from other doctors after my past injuries. Finally I was ready to heed the advice of the experts. It felt like breaking up with the gorgeous but crazy girlfriend. Our long love affair with this borderlineabusive move is a storied one: On the Greek island of Santorini, a 1,056-pound stone bears the inscription “Eumastas, son of Critobulus, lifted me from the ground.” The words are said to be 2,500 years old. Today, inspired perhaps by heavy-lifting-based

Neustockimages/Get t y Images

I remember the exact moment I dumped the deadlift. It was a Tuesday in March 2016. I was three months into a six-month program to hit my goal of deadlifting 350 pounds. Fourth set, 185 loaded on the bar. My first and second reps: Clean. Third rep: I noticed a tiny, unnerving shift in the right side of my lower back. Then the hurt began. It spread across my lower back like a toxic puddle of pain. Kicked-by-a-mule, knife-sharp, what-thehell-just-happened pain. That’s it, I vowed as I curled into a fetal position on the gym floor. I don’t care who says this is the king of all exercises. I’m a certified trainer and movement specialist, and I just can’t pull off this friggin’ exercise without hurting myself. I’m done with it.

training methods like powerlifting and CrossFit, some 2 million aspiring Eumastases have paid tribute to the art of the #deadlift on Instagram. Make no mistake: If you can perform it safely, the deadlift is a terrific move. Trainers classify it as a “hip hinge” exercise. It targets your glutes, lower back, and hamstrings, but in truth it hammers nearly every muscle in your body, including your upper back, quads, and traps. It also strengthens your grip. Pulling all that muscle mass at once has systemic benefits as well. “Anytime you use that much muscle in one movement, you’re working your cardiovascular system and burning a ton of fat too,” says Ben Bruno, an L.A.-based trainer and MH fitness advisor. As the morbid name suggests, however, there’s a dark side to deadlifting. According to exercise physiologist Dean Somerset, C.S.C.S., some people just don’t have the anatomy to do deadlifts without risking injury. One limiting factor, says Stuart McGill, Ph.D., the author of Back Mechanic, is the thickness of your spine. That’s a trait you `


Some people just don’t have the anatomy to perform deadlifts safely no matter how they’re coached. inherit. The thicker your spine, the heavier the load the bones in your back can handle, while a thinner spine is more flexible but can’t handle heavier loads consistently. Another critical factor is hip structure. Some people have thigh bones that sit farther back in their hip sockets, Somerset says, so when they try to hinge forward, the sockets essentially act as doorstops. “That makes it harder for them to get into the correct setup position for the deadlift,” he says. It also greatly increases the lifter’s odds of straining, pulling, or herniating something when he performs the exercise. It’s hard to definitively verify spine thickness or hip structure without an MRI. But either trait can help explain an unusual and stubborn deadlifting handicap. Based on factors like these, Somerset concludes, “10 to 20 percent of the population may not do well with the deadlift no matter how you coach it.” That’s a pretty hefty slice of the weight-training population who can’t—or shouldn’t—tangle with this so-called essential exercise. My years of courting deadlift-related disaster have led me to conclude that I’m probably in that 10 to 20 percent. Here’s how you can figure out if you are too. If your back gets cranky when you do deadlifts, the first step is to check your form and mobility: It’s entirely possible that a few minutes of self-coaching or a few weeks of stretching could pay off in big numbers for you. (See “Nail Your Form, Not Your Spine” and “Test Your Deadliftability” on this page.)

But suppose your form and mobility check out and you still can’t deadlift from the floor or from a rack without pain. In that case, your problem may be anatomical. That’s significantly tougher to solve. If you do decide to throw in the towel, there are lots of great alternatives, says Craig Rasmussen, C.S.C.S., a competitive powerlifter. “There’s no reason to be heartbroken just because you can’t do one exercise.” (To learn the best deadlift alternatives, see “Four Smart Swaps for the Deadlift,” page 139.) Somerset agrees. “When you’re chasing one exercise, there’s a point of diminishing returns. You could spend six months trying to figure out what’s going on with your deadlift, or you could spend six months training hard using other exercises that don’t cause you pain and suffering.” I’m going for the second option. Sure, I could get an MRI and a full physiological workup. I could go for counseling with a sports performance psychologist in case the problem is in my head, another possibility Somerset mentions. But why go to all the trouble? I’m as interested in exceptional fitness as anyone, but I’m not a powerlifter. For me, the deadlift is just a tool and not an end in itself. Now that I know this particular tool doesn’t work for me and actually hinders my progress toward better health and more strength, it’s easy enough for me to throw it away and use different tools that work better. If an exercise doesn’t work for you, move on. Sometimes discretion in the weight room is the better part of valor.

Test Your Deadliftability Try these tests to see if you should pull heavy iron. TEST #1

Standing Toe Touch Stand with your legs straight and feet parallel and shoulder-width apart. Bend forward as you reach for your toes. It’s okay to round your back as you descend and reach. Pass: You can touch your toes without bending your knees.


Active Straight-Leg Raise Lie on your back with your legs straight and toes pointed toward the ceiling. Raise one leg as high as you can, noting how far your leg travels upward. Lower it; test the other leg. Pass: You can raise your leg so it’s perfectly straight and forms a 90degree angle with your body.

RESULT Pass both tests? Then you’re cleared for takeoff—that is, flexible enough to do deadlifts. If you failed either one, check out the moves on page 139. Their strength and muscle-building benefits are similar to those of the deadlift, but with a lot less risk. You’ll end up with the body you want while keeping yourself off the injured list.

Nail Your Form, Not Your Spine Dial in your deadlift form with tips from powerlifter Craig Rasmussen, C.S.C.S. 1/ Nail the Setup

60 | November 2016

2/ Shin Up to the Bar

3/ Hold a Natural Arch

As you lift and lower the bar, try to keep it as close to your body as possible. “The farther out the bar goes, the greater the stress you place on your back,” says Rasmussen. Wear long socks so the bar won’t scrape your shins.

Throughout the movement, keep your lower back in a natural arch, which transfers most of the stress of the exercise onto the proper muscles. Not sure you’re doing it right? Take a video of yourself deadlifting and share the clip with an expert.


“The bar should be directly above the bow on your shoelaces, and your shoulder blades should be above the bar,” Rasmussen says. Your torso, arm, and hip should form a triangle when viewed from the side.



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©2016 Twinings North America, Inc. •

Every cup of Twinings® Pure Black Teas is a journey, and every sip is a step. From the fertile plains of Kenya to the foothills of the Himalayan Mountains, our nine Master Blenders travel the world in search of the finest ingredients available, then skillfully cra each blend to give you an unbeatable taste experience any time of day.

Explore all of our 50+ varieties

Food+Nutrition Orange chicken, from the same appliance Mom used for her tuna casserole.

YOU CAN COME HOME TO THIS Three good reasons why a load of crock can be a very tasty thing. By Mike Darling The first time I used a slow cooker, I thought I’d burn down my apartment. I didn’t trust the device—first patented during the Roosevelt administration— to cook my food, unsupervised, while I was at work. But later that evening, I arrived home to find not only my worldly possessions intact but the air fragrant with the savory smell of a gently simmered creation that I could enjoy for days. I’ve been a fan of the slow cooker ever since—and judging by its popularity, I’m not the only guy on board. No wonder, because slow-cooked meals trounce frozen dinners in terms of nutrition and flavor. And prep-it-and-forget-it cooking is perfect for people like me who love good food but hate standing over a stove. Hungry for more, I reached out to the Rodale Test Kitchen for healthy meals to make in my slow cooker. Here are three worth rushing home for.


November 2016 | 63

Food + Nutrition This hearty a.m. starter is fortified with hash browns. Plus, a serving has 25 grams of protein.


Sausage, Hash Brown, Roasted Red Pepper, and Spinach Breakfast Bake In the morning I usually fry up three eggs before running out the door because that’s all I have time for. This breakfast sticks with me way longer—and if I let the cooker work overnight, it’s faster too. What You’ll Need 12 eggs 1 cup whole milk 1 bag frozen hash browns (32 oz) ½ lb uncooked Italian chicken sausage, casings removed, crumbled 1 cup drained and chopped roasted red peppers 2 cups baby spinach 2 Tbsp chopped chives

How to Make It

In a medium bowl, whisk the eggs with the milk and a little salt and pepper. Grease a 6-quart slow cooker with cooking spray or butter. Layer half the spuds, half the sausage, half the red peppers, and half the spinach. Repeat. Pour the egg mixture on top. Cover and set the slow cooker to low. Cook until the eggs set, about 7 hours. Top with chives before serving. Feeds 6 PER SERVING 346 calories, 25g protein, 31g carbs (3g fiber), 14g fat

2 Mexican Chili The secret ingredient? Unsweetened chocolate. This reheat-and-eat lunch will stave off afternoon cravings, and it’s even better the second day.


How to Make It

Combine all the ingredients in a 6-quart slow cooker. Cover and cook until the chili thickens, about 8 hours on low or 4 hours on high, stirring occasionally if you can. Season to taste with salt. Mix in extras of your choice, such as chopped cilantro, baby spinach, sour cream, cheddar cheese, tortilla strips, and fresh lime juice. Feeds 6 PER SERVING 385 calories, 40g protein, 28g carbs (9g fiber), 12g fat

Food st yling: Jamie Kimm

What You’ll Need 2 lb organic lean ground beef, crumbled by hand 2 cans (15 oz each) diced tomatoes with liquid 2 cans (15 oz each) no-salt-added kidney beans, drained and rinsed 1 medium yellow onion, chopped 3 Tbsp unsweetened chocolate, chopped 3 Tbsp chili powder 3 garlic cloves, minced

Food + Nutrition

OJ and a little brown sugar lightly sweeten this new take on an old takeout staple.

3 Amazing Crock-Pot Tricks Your slow cooker is good for so much more than slow cooking. Enlist its powers for these tasks. Refresh the Air Does your kitchen smell like a Taco Bell dumpster? Easy fix: Pour a cup of water into your slow cooker and add two cinnamon sticks. Turn it on low. Soon it’ll smell like the Cinnabon store at the mall. Do it in the living room, basement, and bathroom too.

Remove Paint D’oh! Your DIY project left paint splatters on your hinges and knobs. Forget solvents: Put a few drops of dish soap in the cooker, fill with H2O, add the hardware, and cook on low overnight. Remove the stuff with tongs and rub away the paint.

3 Orange Chicken and Broccoli On lazy Sundays, I find it almost impossible not to succumb to ordering greasy Chinese from the delivery place around the corner. This recipe cuts out all the crap while keeping the flavor intact. Plus, I feel less guilty feasting on the leftovers. 66 | November 2016

What You’ll Need 1 cup low-sodium chicken broth 1 orange, zested and juiced (1 Tbsp zest, ½ cup juice) ½ cup low-sodium soy sauce ¼ cup packed brown sugar 2 garlic cloves, minced 1 tsp red-pepper flakes 2 lb boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cut into 2" chunks ¼ cup cornstarch 2 bags (12 oz each) fresh broccoli florets scallions and sesame seeds, for garnish

How to Make It

In a 6-quart slow cooker, stir together the broth, orange zest and juice, soy sauce, brown sugar, garlic, and redpepper flakes. In a large bowl, toss the chicken chunks in the cornstarch and then stir them into the sauce. Cook on low until the chicken is done and tender, 3 hours. Stir in the broccoli florets and cook until they’re bright green, about 20 minutes longer. Serve over brown rice with thinly sliced scallions and sesame seeds, if you want. Feeds 4 PER SERVING (without rice) 446 calories, 52g protein, 38g carbs (7g fiber), 10g fat

Grow Food If your slow cooker ever goes on the fritz, don’t toss the ceramic insert. This sturdy vessel is the perfect size for an indoor herb garden. Fill it with soil and add basil or chive plants. Note: Don’t do this if the slow cooker is already full of chili.

My dad always believed in working hard and following your dream. His name was Josh and he was my hero. I made this wine in his honor. It’s big and vibrant but always approachable, like him. — Joseph Carr, Napa Valley Vintner & Son

LONG LIVE Josh Carr, circa 1948

Food + Nutrition


Supermarket Decoder

Keep It Clean Insist that the server at the deli counter use new gloves and a clean sheet of paper to weigh your order. Cross-contamination can increase your risk of foodborne illness.

The Deli Counter Mystery ingredients, needless sugars, and cheap fillers hide behind the deli case glass. Read our tips and take a ticket—without punching yours early.

Opt for Organic

Stop Sugarcoating

Watch the Water

Don’t Fear Nitrates

Processed meats, such as bologna, can contain fillers and proteins from various animals, says Phil Lempert of “Sectioned and formed” meats are less processed but still have nonmeat additives. Whole cuts are meat plus spices. If it looks like it was cut from an animal, it likely was.

Organic cold cuts must come from animals that were given no antibiotics or growth hormones, per USDA regulations. Plus, producers that raise organic turkeys or chickens for lunchmeat must give them 100 percent organic feed—no animal byproducts. Remember, the FDA has no definition for the word “natural.”

Beware of adjectives like “glazed,” “maple,” or “honey,” code words for sugar. For instance, Dietz & Watson Maple & Honey Turkey Breast has 2 grams of sugar in about four slices. Butterball Honey Ham has 4 grams. If you’re eating a sandwich every day, that sugar can add up. Stick with no-sugar options.

It’s legal for deli meat producers to add water to processed cold cuts as long as they admit to it, says Lempert. You can save cash by steering clear of lunchmeats labeled “enhanced with up to a 10% solution.” Otherwise you’ll end up paying for a pound of water for every 10 pounds of meat you purchase.

Neither the American Cancer Society nor the National Research Council claims that nitrates and nitrites definitely cause cancer. Even food manufacturers that say they don’t add nitrates usually do, often in the form of “natural” celery juice or celery salt. Plus, nitrates and nitrites help prevent botulism!

Your Top 3 Cuts Pick a pack of protein that contains the fewest ingredients. Avoid added sugars; favor organic.

68 | November 2016




Applegate Organic Black Forest Ham 50 calories, 10g protein, 0g sugar

Applegate Organic Roast Beef 80 calories, 12g protein, 0g sugar

Organic Prairie Roast Turkey Breast 70 calories, 15g protein, 0g sugar


F r o m l e f t : R YA N O . , M A T T R A I N E Y, M I T C H M A N D E L

Buy Unblended Cuts

Food + Nutrition

Meet the Meatless Proteins Innovative food producers promise a “fauxtein revolution” with their pea powders and cricket flour. But is the stuff any good for us? By Rowan Jacobsen This morning I drank a glass of algae. Two spoonfuls of powdered pond scum swirled into almond milk. It looked like dried egg yolk and tasted faintly of pistachios. I chased it with a midmorning shake of Way Better Than Whey, a supplement containing rice, pea, flaxseed, hemp, quinoa, and sacha inchi (a.k.a. “the Inca peanut”).

Lunch was a cricket bar (Exo PB&J, five crickets per bite) and crackers (Crickers, Classic Sea Salt) with hummus. Dinner was a fungi burger, heavy on the ketchup. How did I feel? Let’s just say I swam a mile, split a cord of wood, wrote two hours’ worth of scintillating prose, and still had enough mojo in the tank for an evening of ardor. In my quest to go lean and green on a diet of faux protein—“fauxtein,” if you will—I’m aces so far. Of course, it’s only been a few months. And I haven’t entirely dumped meat; we’re just taking a little break from each other. I’d like to proclaim that my main motivation was to be environmentally responsible by going meatless. But I’ll be honest: It began because I kept noticing cute, smart vegetarian women. These were not the unwashed hippies of yore firing on two cylinders of brown rice and tofu. These were the BMW i3s of humanity, zooming down the fun lane on cutting-edge alt fuels like pea burgers, hemp smoothies, and bug bars. My previous resistance to a meatless diet was two-pronged: First, it seemed hard to

get enough protein without overdosing on carbs; and second, I didn’t want to spend my life prepping and cooking. I’m a writer. I bounce around the planet with regularity— and my kitchen doesn’t. But now a number of companies are breaking into the market with new products that can supposedly make healthy, high-protein, small-footprint eating more convenient than ever. I had all the standard suspicions. I try to avoid highly processed foods and always consider unfamiliar foods guilty until proven innocent. Would fauxteins turn me into a histamine-addled pufferfish? Would rare amino acid deficiencies leave me the color of my algae smoothie? Would I lose muscle? Then there’s the question of complementary proteins. We humans need to consume all nine essential amino acids—the molecular components of protein. Various friends and experts had warned me that this wasn’t easy on a meatless diet. Meat, a complete protein, provides the entire set of nine in sufficient quantities; most plant-based proteins are missing some. Old science: You

Could pea-powered burgers outmuscle your taste for beef?




Hemp powder, cricket bars, vegan mayo, meatless chicken, and vegan eggs are just a few options.

need to assemble “complementary” plant foods in just the right ways (such as rice and beans) at every meal to get all the amino acids your body needs. New science: That’s a myth. According to the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, “not only is it possible to get enough protein from plant sources but there are other nutrition benefits as well, including a greater intake of fiber, potassium, and disease-fighting phytonutrients.”

As money and expertise pour into alternative proteins, we’re seeing new creations that in both ambition and scope leave Tofurky in the breakdown lane. I didn’t blink at the flax shakes, mycoprotein burgers, and cricket-flour pizzas that became part of my life. It felt easy and uneventful. More important, I felt energized. Perhaps it’s simply the result of my food smelling like pond weed and crickets, but I lost a couple

of pounds on my modified diet. My wife, however, was less enamored. Let’s just say clouds of methane gas from a fibrous diet aren’t exclusively produced by cows. If fauxteins have a downside, it’s the same one shared by “classic” protein supplements made from milk, egg white, and soy: They aren’t actually whole foods. Artificially removing protein from whole foods can change its nature. Most protein isolates, fauxtein or otherwise, are extracted using chemicals and solvents that can make them less nutritious or even toxic. “In general, the quality of proteins that are not sourced from animals isn’t as high,” says Stuart Phillips, Ph.D., a protein researcher at McMaster University in Ontario. In other words, fauxteins may not deliver all the essential amino acids you need. As for me, I’m several months in and still a believer. I keep thinking about gorillas: body by bamboo, yet completely ripped. I’ve found that I adore a well-made veggie burger and can’t get enough bug bars. That said, I still hear the siren song of meat. Most of my eating these days falls into the plant and “freakish” categories, but I’ll gladly go with the flow at a dinner party, and when I do, I find that I have a new perspective. Plants will never taste as good as bacon and burgers do. I crave those meats. And when I get them, I’m very, very happy. But maybe that’s a good way to be: Spend most of your days tooling along in the electric Bimmer lane, and every now and then take the exit to Flesh Alley. The world is full of beautiful and varied proteins. Who wouldn’t want to get to know them all?

The Meaty Truth About the Latest “Fauxteins”

Food st yling: Jamie Kimm

A stampede of trendy new meatless proteins made from whole foods are hitting the market. Before you start cheating on your rib-eye, here’s what you need to know about some of the popular ones. ALGAE



What It Is

These plants form the base of the marine food chain. Some producers ferment algae cells and dry them; then companies add the powder to shakes, breads, bars, pasta, etc.

Because hemp protein is made from whole hemp seeds, it also has a decent amount of fiber and vitamins. Yes, it’s usually Cannabis sativa. No, it won’t get you high.

Crickets, the bugs du jour, are raised on farms and then typically frozen, dried, and ground. They have about as much protein as chicken, with extra fatty acids thrown in.

How to Find It

TerraVia ( has customized algae grown in its retrofitted breweries. It’s also the main ingredient in Follow Your Heart’s fake huevos, VeganEgg. Taste: Like pond weeds

Many supplement and health-food stores carry hemp protein powders. Good powders are made from cold-processed, raw hemp seeds. Taste: Slightly vegetal

The standouts here are Crickers, Classic Sea Salt crunchy-nutty crackers (, and Exo’s line of protein bars ( Taste: Surprisingly subtle

MYCOPROTEIN These microscopic fungi are fermented in a tank, just like beer. Then they’re dried, flavored, and shaped into patties, “burgers,” “sausages,” and other products. Quorn products can be found at most big box stores. Though the FDA has cleared it for consumption, some people have GI issues after eating it. Taste: Kind of like meat

PEA PROTEIN Derived from the Canadian yellow pea (think split pea soup), pea protein is easily digestible, though it may not have as much lysine, a key amino acid, as meat. Vegan mayo, cheese, cereals, burgers, and energy shakes can contain pea protein, or it can stand alone in protein supplements. Taste: Needs masking

©2016 P&G





Layering a down vest, suit jacket, and turtleneck makes an overcoat unnecessary.

Style+ Grooming

YOUR FORECAST: VERY COOL Build an all-weather wardrobe for less by focusing on performance fabrics. By Sandra Nygaard Warm, wintry, windy, wet—the changing weather this time of year can be hard to keep up with. So let your clothes do the work. “It’s called seasonless dressing, and if you do it right, you’ll save money and make life easier in the long run,” says Michael Williams of A Continuous Lean, a style site for men. Williams’s key: smart performance fabrics, versatile colors, and shopping for whole outfits rather than grabbing items piecemeal. Start by narrowing your selections to these essentials that’ll always work no matter what the forecast is.


Stay sharp when everyone else looks soggy: Many suits now come with water-resistant finishes.




Look for shirts with performance details, like moisture wicking and stretch, to ease your commute.

Tropical-Weight Wool Suit

Most field jackets are made from regular cotton, but a waterrepellent version can stand up to rain and slush.

Wool doesn’t spring to mind when you think “tropical,” but this fabric has an open weave, so air moves freely inside. It’s also light—about 7 ounces a yard versus the 11- to 13-ounce fabrics that trap heat. “Tropicalweight wool can work for three seasons if you layer it properly,” says Kevin Harter, vice president of fashion direction for Bloomingdale’s. Wear with... Checked shirt and wool tie Turtleneck and down vest Crisp white polo shirt and slip-ons Graphic tee and sneakers

2 Down Vest A down vest shouldn’t scream “ski instructor” but whisper “my cabin in the mountains.” A thin one layers nicely under a spring coat or a dress jacket. “Avoid a hood if you’re going high-end,” Williams says. “It’ll look too sporty.”

3 Oxford Shirt Oxfords blend in anywhere, so they’re great for traveling. You can dress one up with a knit tie, but it’ll remain more casual than the starched shirts in business class. “A few wrinkles can even make it look better,” Williams says. Wear with... Thin crewneck sweater Chunky cardigan and jeans Knit tie and chinos Well-worn tee and shorts

Previous page: Patagonia vest, $199 J.Hilburn suit, $825. Billy Reid sweater, $395 Coach Bleecker Slim watch, $250 This page: Filson jacket, $375. Grayers hoodie $98. Lululemon shirt, $108. Joe’s Jeans classic, $198. Grand Voyage shoes, $195

74 | November 2016

4 Field Jacket This military-inspired look has been popular for decades. Pull it off correctly to keep the streak alive. Stick to traditional olive; lighter colors restrict you to a season. Throw on a light technical vest and a scarf to add warmth without bulk, or pair it with a concert tee and jeans come spring. Start a size smaller than what you usually wear or try one that cinches a little at the waist to look more tailored, Williams suggests. Wear with... Thick sweater or hoodie, oxford shirt, and jeans Wool suit Hoodie, T-shirt, and khakis PH OTO G R A PH S BY JENS MORTENSEN

P r e v i o u s p a g e: B r i a n B o y é (s t y l i n g), D a n i e l l e S e l i g ( p r o p s t y l i n g); t h i s p a g e a n d n e x t p a g e: J o h n O l s o n / H a l l e y R e s o u r c e s (s t y l i n g)

Wear with... Hoodie, sport coat, and jeans Tweed suit Cotton pants, waterproof jacket

MERRELL and the M Circle Design are registered trademarks of Wolverine Outdoors, Inc., a subsidiary of Wolverine World Wide, Inc. ©2016 Wolverine Outdoors, Inc. All rights reserved. Vibram® is a registered trademark of Vibram S.P.A., all rights and registrations are intellectual of property Vibram S.P.A.











A water-repellent shell keeps this cotton-nylon blend blazer from wilting in the rain.

5 Unstructured Sport Coat Soft as a hoodie and just as informal, an unstructured sport coat is your go-anywhere jacket. “You’ll look dressy but feel comfortable,” Williams says. “It’s almost like wearing a sweater.” Solid, dark colors like navy, brown, or black work from spring through fall. Wear with... V-neck pullover sweater, dress shirt, and tie Chambray shirt and chinos Cotton tee and jeans

6 Lightweight Sweater For the most versatility, go with cashmere or fine-gauge merino; both will keep you warm whether you’re wearing the sweater over a T-shirt or under a tweed coat. Navy and light gray go with everything, says Harter. “Make sure it’s fitted,” he says. “A baggy fit limits your layering options, while streamlined shapes fit more comfortably under jackets.” Wear with... Button-front shirt Wool suit and dress boots Cotton jacket Anything; tie it around your waist


Technical cashmere stretches without losing its shape. Plus, it’s machine washable.

Stash your ironing board. With wrinkle-free fabrics, you’ll always look crisp.


Cotton Chinos These are your go-to trousers when you want to look more refined than you would in jeans. Most chinos are the ideal weight to wear yearround, says Harter. Adjust your top layer as temperatures change. Dark hues work best, so skip pastels or bright colors. Wear with... Flannel shirt and chunky boots Fair Isle sweater and wool blazer Striped nautical knit Simple white tee and boat shoes

Victorinox Swiss Army jacket, $295 Kit and Ace sweater, $128. Original Penguin shirt, $89. Savane pants, $68 To Boot New York shoes, $395

76 | November 2016

TRIPLE FAT GOOSE THE EBERLY PARKA A long, rainproof parka like this one from Triple Fat Goose not only shuts out the snow but also keeps you warm with a down interior and fleece trim. Snap buttons and an inner waist adjuster allow you to move comfortably when you’re braving the cold. $500,

MY INCOME WILL INCREASE 20% WITH EVERY YEAR I STAY IN SCHOOL. Globally, 62 million girls are not in school and even more are fighting to stay there. Girls empowered with an education will delay marriage, have fewer children, earn a higher income, and are more likely to invest in their families and communities. When girls gain skills, knowledge, and confidence, they break the cycle of poverty and help strengthen societies. EDUCATE GIRLS, CHANGE THE WORLD.


Take action to support the initiative: Learn more at LETGIRLSLEARN.GOV Get involved at DONATE.PEACECORPS.GOV Tell your friends: #letgirlslearn and @peacecorps

Style + Grooming “Sophisticated and sexy—I love it. I’d buy it for my husband.” “It smells like wildflowers but still seems masculine—like a lumberjack with a soft side.” “It’s a fun scent— it makes me think of a guy who’s well-read and smooth.”

—jacqueline azria, creative director

—cathryne keller, associate editor

—marissa gainsburg, associate fitness editor

Ace Her Sniff Test By Dan Michel 78 | November 2016


Prop st yling: Danielle Selig

Gain a biological advantage in the game of love with one of these new scents.

The fastest way to make a great impression with women may not require uttering a single word. “Biologically speaking, women are more influenced by how a man smells than how he looks or his social status,” says psychologist Rachel Herz, Ph.D., author of The Scent of Desire. Smells are processed through the amygdala and hippocampus, Herz says, brain regions that are tied to emotion and memory. That’s why you might want to choose a fragrance she’s never smelled before. “If I find you attractive, it’s going to strengthen the positive association I have with that scent,” she says. Select your personality type on the next page, and then heed the insights of our friends at Women’s Health to settle on a scent that suits you best.

We started UNTUCKit because YGJCFVTQWDNGƂPFKPIUJKTVU that looked good untucked. +VoUCFGEGRVKXGN[FKHƂEWNV look to get right. Shirts just aren’t designed that way. So we decided to make a better shirt for the untucked man. A ECUWCNUJKTVƂVHQTEQOHQTVPQV EQPXGPVKQPCPFFGUKIPGF to fall at the perfect length. NYC • Chicago • Los Angeles

Style + Grooming

The Outdoorsman

The Gentleman

The Executive

Consider these the fragrance equivalents of a good handshake—traditional and masculine, but without holding on too long.

If you’re the type who wears a tuxedo or consults a sommelier on a regular basis, these scents will help you own the room.

Refreshing and not too complicated, these are perfect options that’ll transition nicely from the office to dinner and drinks.

Jo Malone London Basil & Neroli

Montblanc Legend Spirit

The Art of Shaving Vetiver Citron

Jimmy Choo Man Intense

Basil supplies an olfactory wake-up call with this clean, refreshing fragrance. White musk imparts just the right amount of complexity and mystery to make her want to know more. $130,

Something about a whiff of grapefruit can make you seem healthy and energetic. In this brisk scent, it captures the freedom of a guy who’s about to cut loose after work. $85,

This invigorating fragrance combines three of our all-time favorite smells into one bottle: fresh wood, spicy pepper, and earthy vetiver— a clean, safe bet for any occasion. $100,

As the name suggests, some of its ingredients, like mandarin and patchouli, are not for the timid. Reach for it when you’re feeling confident enough to be the center of attention. $90,

Amber—an earthy, masculine aroma— keeps this scent grounded and accessible. But its subtle floral notes make it light and sophisticated enough to fit in smoothly at any fancy occasion. $98,

Acqua di Parma Colonia Quercia

Apolis Cyprus Fig

Armani Code Profumo

Byredo Super Cedar

Salvatore Ferragamo Uomo

If the bottle is darker than old leather, the scent probably isn’t meant for a day at the beach. The spicy tobacco notes are perfect, though, for closed doors and strong pours. $110,

You can’t be Clooney, but you can at least channel his spirit. One WH editor who sniffed this aromatic fusion of wood and rose said, “This guy dresses better than me, but I’m okay with it.” $230,

Ferragamo’s famous loafers express sophistication without trying too hard. This bold blend of orange and sandalwood does the same, every bit as effortlessly. $95, parfums.

Oak moss, which sounds like something Ron Swanson would grow, forms the foundation of this woody fragrance. It’s potent stuff, so keep it to one spritz— two, tops. $286,

Lemon verbena and vanilla bourbon could be the start of a tasty cocktail. Here it’s the secret to turning heads. As with high-proof booze, though, it’ll only end badly if you use too much. $148, store.

Are you stuck in an olfactory rut? Bust out of it by signing up for one of these affordable monthly subscriptions. 80 | November 2016

Debonair Scent Fill out a short profile and the experts at this service will pick out three samples that suit your personality, along with a $15 promo code in case you want to buy more. $15 a month,

ScentBird Cure fragrance boredom with a one-month supply from ScentBird’s stock of 450-plus scents. It comes in a travel-friendly spray, and you get $15 off a full-size purchase. $15 a month,

Versace Dylan Blue Women who took a whiff of Versace’s light, citrusy scent deemed it “classic” and “no frills.” Dab it on before a meeting to give yourself a subconscious shot of can-do. $86,

Issey Miyake L’Eau D’Issey Pour Homme Fraîche If heavy fragrances aren’t your thing, this lightweight is easy to love. The subtle hint of grapefruit, described as manly and sexy, won WH editors over. $86,

Olfactif Take the risk out of trying lesserknown niche brands. Olfactif will send you three surprise samples each month, along with an $18 credit toward the one you like best. $15 to $18 a month, PH OTO G R A PH S BY J EN S M O RT EN S EN

Prop st yling: John Olson/Halley Resouces

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Weight Loss This is an actual photo of our fitness editor after his noon burpee routine.

SLAY YOUR WORKOUT HUNGER Exercise can make you overeat. Follow this guide. Refuel smarter. By Chris Mohr, Ph.D., R.D. I’ll remember that milkshake forever. It was the summer of 2008, and my training partner and I were grinding through the soul-crushing dregs of a 100plus-mile bike ride in preparation for Ironman Louisville. We finished that ride at an ice cream shop where I proceeded to suck down a milkshake the size of my quads. I’m a dietitian, so this was like a radiologist chain-smoking a pack of Luckies. Yet those cold, liquid calories were satisfying my every need at that moment. You’ve felt this feed-me-now urge. Many of my clients don’t know what true hunger is until they feel it after exercise. But then they fill up on nutrients they don’t need (like sugar from milkshakes) instead of ones they do. It’s difficult. Let’s look at how your brain, body, and stomach conspire to sabotage your training goals. Then you can start losing weight.

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Weight Loss

No matter what you eat after a workout, chug plenty of water.

Why Am I So Ravenous? Here’s the weird thing: Immediately after a workout, your brain doesn’t let you feel hungry. Researchers call this “anorexia of exercise.” This blunting of hunger can last for 30 minutes to four hours after a workout, says Heather Leidy, Ph.D., a nutrition researcher at Purdue University. Exercise, she explains, increases your body’s heat production (a.k.a. metabolism), so blood is diverted from your gastrointestinal tract to other parts of your body that need it more. Then what’s behind the postworkout munchies? Two things: Some men feel compelled to eat because their brain motivates them to replenish the energy their body lost. This is called homeostatic eating. Other men eat for pleasure, or to manage their emotions. This is known as hedonic eating. Being able to know the difference is the key to refueling in a way that assists your weight-loss effort instead of undermining it.

How Not to Eat Like an Animal Rule Number Duh: Unless you’re training for an Ironman, lay off the milkshakes. It’s easy to fall into the “reward” trap of eating anything you want after a workout. You earned it, right? Well, most people overestimate not only the intensity of their workouts but also the amount they should eat later. And although the heavier you are, the more calories you burn during exercise (as the graph below shows), you might outeat your exercise even if you’re overweight. So level with yourself: Splurging on that burger, fries, and shake from a fast-food joint cancels out the calorie deficit you just created from working out.

How a Human Should Eat After exercise, think of your body as a dry sponge. Intense activity sucked out the elements that allow your systems to do their jobs. Everything from your nervous system to your urinary system demands recalibration. So let’s break it down by nutrient. Protein Working out damages muscle; taking in protein builds it back up. How much protein do you need? “Twenty-five to 35 grams of high-quality protein per meal seems to maximize the building and repairing of muscle,” says Doug Paddon-Jones, Ph.D., a professor of nutrition at the University of Texas Medical Branch. Turn to chicken, fish, seafood, beef, and milk. Carbohydrates Your body processes carbohydrates into glycogen, which serves as its primary source of energy for exercise. After a workout, try to consume at least as much carbohydrate as you do protein—say, a carbto-protein ratio between 1:1 and 2:1.

If you’re heavy, you may burn more calories than someone who’s skinnier because you’re moving more mass. Here are the stats.

160 lb man 200 lb man Source: The Compendium of Physical Activities Tracking Guide

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907 726



726 635







Bicycling (leisurely)

Weight Training

Rope Jumping

Running (8 mph)

Swimming Laps

J i m Z u c k e r m a n / G e t t y I m a g e s ( p r e v i o u s p a g e ) , R i c h a r d P h i b b s / Tr u n k A r c h i v e ( t h i s p a g e )

The Clydesdale Advantage

Sodium Without enough sodium, your cells operate without the necessary electrolytes, prolonging soreness and disrupting hydration levels. If your workout leaves a puddle of sweat on the floor, allow yourself an extra shake of salt. Or add a snack of salted nuts. Potassium Like sodium, this electrolyte helps you stay hydrated. Most men don’t consume even close to the recommended amount (4,700 milligrams a day, per the National Institutes of Health). Yes, the average banana has 422 milligrams, but you can also go with a skin-on baked potato (about 900 milligrams), 3 ounces of salmon (534), or 8 ounces of whole milk (322). Water You need to replace every pound lost during your workout with 2 cups of water. Weigh yourself before and after. Do the math. Then drink up. Here’s your postworkout menu: one palmsize serving of protein, one fist-size portion of carbs, and one piece of fruit or a handful of vegetables. Then just add water! That meal could look like a pork chop, baked potato, and spinach salad, plus water. Follow these portion guidelines and you won’t have to go nuts counting calories. If you can do this at a fast-food joint, that’s okay too: At Wendy’s, a grilled chicken salad with baked potato would be great. Just hold the fries and soda. What’s important is finding the strategy that best aligns with your hunger timeline. Otherwise, hedonic eating starts to slap around your drive for homeostatic eating—and it can get ugly. You also want to know when to eat. Some guys still think they need to eat within an hour after exercise to maximize nutrient absorption, but there’s no reason to keep to that window. Hydrate as soon as you can, and let your stomach tell you when to eat. And, sure, every once in a while, when you really deserve it, treat yourself to a massive, creamy milkshake.

Weight Loss

Flat-Belly Foods You Need Now




Fermented Pickles


Miso Soup

Fish Sauce



Ice cream, beer, that extra slice of pizza...they all conspire to grow your gut. Now meet their nemeses— the helpful bacteria known as probiotics. By Julie Stewart WHAT THEY DO Probiotics are live, beneficial bacteria, and your digestive system is rife with them. You know this because yogurt companies won’t shut up about probiotics, and doctors often prescribe them for gurgling bowels. What you may not know is that these buggers can help you lose weight. According to a recent study review from China, people who consumed probiotics for at least eight weeks lost almost 2 pounds more, on average, than those who didn’t. HOW THEY WORK The throngs of bacteria in your gastrointestinal system mainly fall into two squads: Firmicutes and Bacteroidetes. Research suggests that overweight people tend to have more of the former, while in slim people the latter variety holds sway. The theory is that probiotics rebalance your gut ecology, which means you have less inflammation and less fat accumulation while still feeling full. Result: less overeating and a faster metabolism. WHAT TO EAT Try to eat one serving of a cultured or fermented food every day, suggests Gerry Mullin, M.D., author of The Gut Balance Revolution. Plain kefir, miso soup, sauerkraut, and kombucha (a kind of tea) all fit the bill. Yogurt is great too; research indicates that people who eat it on a regular basis control their weight better. The good bacteria in yogurt deserve part of the credit, but its filling protein may also play a role, says Simin Nikbin Meydani, Ph.D., a professor of nutrition and immunology at Tufts University. Look for plain Greek yogurt, not the sugary, fruit-on-the-bottom stuff. If you need a hit of sweetness, add some thawed frozen berries or a scattering of dark chocolate chips or dried fruit pieces. 86 | November 2016

Three More Ways Probiotics Can HelpYou 1/ They Cut Blood Sugar

2/ They Calm You Down

3/ They Unclog Arteries

People with diabetes who regularly took probiotics saw an average 16-point reduction in their fasting blood sugar, a Chinese study review found. That’s a lot. The theory is that probiotics may inhibit glucose absorption in your intestine, so less glucose ends up in circulation. That’s especially important for maintaining regular, stable blood glucose levels and avoiding dangerous spikes and plunges.

Stressed-out med students who sipped a Lactobacillus casei Shirota beverage daily had lower spikes in the stress hormone cortisol than those who swilled a placebo, a study from Japan found. Beneficial bacteria might quell gut-brain signals that activate cortisolsecreting glands. Find the strain in Yakult Probiotic Beverage. (Jimmy the Bartender doesn’t have this; search for stores at

In a Brazilian study, people with metabolic syndrome who consumed a probiotic bacteria called Bifidobacterium lactis HN019 9 daily reduced their bad cholesterol by an average of 17.5 points. Blood cholesterol might bind to the cells of good bacteria, leaving less to gunk up your blood vessels. Find this strain in the supplement UP4 Ultra Probiotic Immune Health Vegetable Capsules ($30,







The 2015 Dietary Guidelines for Americans remove the daily limit on dietary cholesterol and include eggs in all three recommended healthy eating patterns. Crack open an egg! It can help you build a healthful diet.

Eggs contain zero carbs and no sugar. That means you can eat a well-rounded breakfast during the week. Plus, they’ve got all nine essential amino acids. No big deal.














Did you know eggs have 6 grams of highquality protein? They do. Every single one of them. And kicking off the morning with protein helps sustain mental and physical energy throughout the day. So if you’re the kind of person who wants to have productive days, just remember, eat more protein (like eggs), get more done.

Unlike most cereals and yogurt, eggs don’t come with a complicated ingredient list because they don’t have one. They’re just “eggs.” And at 20 cents a serving, eggs are one of the least expensive sources of high-quality protein there is.





Just because you may not have heard of choline doesn’t make it any less important. Eggs are rich in the stuff, which promotes normal cell activity, liver function and the transportation of nutrients throughout the body. Think of it as a commuter train for vitamins and minerals.

Let’s not forget that on top of tasting good, eggs are free from chemicals and preservatives with no added hormones. Not only that, they are fresh as most eggs leave the farm within 24-36 hours of being laid.

INCREDIBLE, ISN’T IT? Most cereals and yogurts don’t have the nutrients eggs do. So next time someone asks how you like your eggs, say you like ‘em a whole heck of a lot. Wake Up To Eggs!

Find recipes at



The Riddler liked it; his dermatologist had a different opinion.

SHOULD YOU BE WORRIED? Lumps, splotches, weird colors—your body can be baffling. Which symptoms deserve attention? By Brielle Gregory It was the size of a marble on my neck. My lump started like a skin tag, but after three months it had quadrupled in size; turning my head was unbearable. Given my family history of cancer, I was certain: This had to be the end. Before getting my affairs in order, I went to an urgent care center. I simply had an infected cyst, easy to excise. The relief alone was worth a co-pay. “What if the person with the lump that turned out to be cancer blew it off?” asks Alfred Sacchetti, M.D., chief of emergency services at Our Lady of Lourdes Medical Center in New Jersey. Too careful is better than too casual. Here’s a guide to what deserves professional attention.


November 2016 | 89


Squiggly Artery on Your Temple Worry. That bulge may be the hallmark of a Lewis Black–style rant, but it’s not a funny sign. The squiggly artery can signal something called giant cell arteritis, blood vessel inflammation that leads to blindness in 20 percent of cases. See a doctor, who might prescribe steroids to curb the swelling. Otherwise the inflamed vessel could leak, causing vision loss or stroke.

Unexplained Bruises

Green or Yellow Snot

Don’t sweat it—yet. Marks that appear after a night out are often from booze, which can expand your blood vessels and promote bruising, says James Zehnder, M.D., a professor of pathology and medicine at Stanford. Bruising can also occur if you often take aspirin or ibuprofen; both decrease clotting by inhibiting platelet function. But if you notice increased bruising with bleeding gums or bloody urine, get a blood test. These can signal leukemia.

Don’t sweat it. Watery snot that was clear before turning colors is a classic symptom of a cold. “An awful lot of people come in saying it’s a sinus infection,” says Wanda Filer, M.D., president of the American Academy of Family Physicians. “But that yellow or green is part of the normal process. It’s dead cells being pushed out with mucus.” Now, a nose that drips for weeks or causes facial pain is worth a doctor’s visit. It could indicate a bacterial infection.

90 | November 2016

Swollen Calf

Blackened Nail

Hair Loss

Worry. Many of us build up fluid in our legs thanks to sedentary office work. But unusual swelling could be a harbinger of heart failure or a sign that your veins aren’t shuttling blood properly; call your doctor. If you see swelling in just one leg, go right to the ER. “Don’t sit on it,” says Martha Gulati, M.D., chief of cardiology at the University of Arizona College of Medicine. “It could be deep vein thrombosis (DVT), which can kill you.” This dangerous blood clot can form during a long car ride or flight. To cut your risk, get out of your seat and walk every two to three hours during your trip.

Worry—unless you whacked your hand or foot on something hard. A dark line on a fingernail or toenail is cause for concern; consult a dermatologist. It could be melanoma, which is the deadliest form of skin cancer. Melanoma tends to grow from the nail outward, causing a deep-brown streak. “If you notice a new streak and it’s growing slowly, that’s concerning,” says Joshua Zeichner, M.D., director of cosmetic and clinical research in dermatology at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. “But if it suddenly happens overnight, that’s not cancer.”

Don’t sweat it—yet. If you get that glossy crown in your 40s, blame genetics. If it’s happening in your 20s or 30s and premature balding doesn’t run in your family, get checked for prostate cancer, says Judd Moul, M.D., director of the Duke Prostate Center. You’ll need a digital rectal exam and/or PSA (prostatespecific antigen) test. In one study, men exhibiting male pattern baldness by age 45 had an increased risk of prostate cancer. Scientists believe the link is related to androgens, hormones involved in both hair loss and prostate cancer development.

Earlobe Creases Worry. Your heart may need attention. Studies suggest that men with diagonal earlobe creases are 30 percent more likely to have hypertension. If this trait is combined with balding at the hairline or crown of your head or yellowish fatty deposits around your eyes, your heart attack risk is increased. Ask your doctor for a cardiovascular risk test, says Dr. Gulati. I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y J O H N B U R G OY N E

3 Signs of Pain in Your Future

Skin Spots

Burn Worry, depending. Maybe your Guy Fieri impression at the grill last night was a bit too enthusiastic. If you see anything you shouldn’t (like muscle) because of your burn, go to the ER. “The deeper the burn, the more serious it is,” says Jason Reichenberg, M.D., chief of dermatology at UT Austin’s Dell Medical School. But for a superficial burn (red, tender, minor blisters), run it under cool water, apply Neosporin, and cover it.

Worry—maybe. A splotchy skin tone, especially on your face, chest, or back, may just be the effects of the sun or aging. But a small, new, uneven patch popping up or an old mole changing needs to be checked for melanoma right away, says Dr. Reichenberg. Although booking with a dermatologist can be tough, many offices will try to accommodate people with concerning marks. Remember the classic ABCDE rules of melanoma: If the spot is asymmetric, has border irregularity, color variation, a diameter greater than 6 millimeters, or is evolving, insist on an appointment.

Believe it or not, you can be too flexible. People with hypermobility— unusually bendy joints—may be prone to chronic joint pain and injuries. Try the yoga poses below to see if you fall into the category. If you do, says Forrest Yoga instructor Jambo Truong, take care with activities that test your joints. 1/ Triangle Spread your feet 4 to 5 feet apart. Turn your right foot 90 degrees, pointed out, with your left foot planted. Put your left hand on your left shin and reach your right hand up. HYPERMOBILITY WARNING Your right knee pops backward.

Tick Bite

Lump (Pea or Marble Size)

Swollen Toes or Knuckles

Don’t sweat it—yet. “If it never gets bigger than a quarter, it’s likely just a bite,” says Thomas Mather, Ph.D., director of the TickEncounter Resource Center at the University of Rhode Island. “Watch it for seven to 10 days. If it grows and starts to develop into a red or bull’s-eye rash that expands to larger than a 50-cent piece, see a doctor.” That’s a sign of Lyme disease. Be wary of any tick rash that lasts past 10 days. Given early, a course of antibiotics will prevent Lyme’s debilitating fatigue.

Don’t sweat it—yet. It’s probably a cyst or something called a lipoma, both of which are typically benign. “Most of the time, most lumps are fine,” says Dr. Reichenberg. “But it’s hard to tell just by looking or feeling if you don’t have medical experience.” If you notice the lump changing—especially if it’s changing rapidly— or you have a family history of cancer, have it checked. Surprising rule: If the lump is painful, it’s probably benign. Lumps that don’t hurt are the ones you should jump on.

Worry. Unless those knobby knuckles came courtesy of a boxing workout, they’re bad signs. Swollen, painful joints, especially in your hands and feet, can often indicate rheumatoid arthritis, an autoimmune disease that attacks joints. “If left untreated, it can evolve in many joints of the body,” says Duke rheumatologist Ankoor Shah, M.D. See a doctor if you notice swelling, especially with morning stiffness. Drugs such as prednisone or NSAIDs can help curb inflammation.

White Bumps on the Back of Your Throat Don’t sweat it. Sprouting what looks like gravel on the back of your throat is probably just a case of tonsil stones. These form when particles of food harden over time in your tonsils’ crevices (known as crypts). It’s gross but not dangerous. The rocks will dissolve over time, but you can accelerate the process by gargling with warm water in the morning and brushing regularly. “If you notice swollen glands under your neck with these spots, and they don’t improve, then make sure you visit your doctor,” says Dr. Filer. Tonsillitis is a likely cause, though it could be neck cancer if you smoke or use snuff.

2/ Forward Bend Sit on the floor and move your left leg forward as if you’re doing a hamstring stretch. Place your right foot inside your left thigh. Sit up straight. Place your hands on the floor. HYPERMOBILITY WARNING Your left heel comes off the floor when you try to straighten your left leg.

3/ Mountain Pose Stand with your feet together and your toes spread, pressing into the floor. Inhale and raise your arms straight up. HYPERMOBILITY WARNING Your knees lock.

November 2016 | 91

Health Relax and enjoy. A good therapist will have your back.

Get More From Your Massage Hands-on therapy has officially gone mainstream. Follow our instructions to maximize the benefits of your next session. By Paul Ingraham

92 | November 2016


Finding a good therapist is difficult. SOLUTION Between 300,000 and 350,000 massage therapists and massage school students are currently working and studying in the United States, according to the American Massage Therapy Association. Unfortunately, training and certification standards differ by state, and four states have no regulations at all. To improve your odds of a quality experience, look for LMT, RMT, or CMT after the therapist’s name. This means he or she is licensed, registered, or certified with an official body, although requirements vary. Some professional organizations publish directories of their members, and these can be a good place to start. Try searching for local pro-

viders in the American Massage Therapy Association’s database. (Find it at Call prospective therapists and ask them about their training and style; any competent therapist will be more than happy to elaborate on his or her credentials and techniques. In the past decade or so, national chains such as Massage Envy, Elements Massage, and Hand & Stone have entered the market, offering convenience (walk-ins welcome, accessible locations) and often lower prices than a spa or independent therapist might charge. Like gyms, they even sell memberships. The downside is that they may have higher staff turnover, so ask plenty of questions before you book. You can also request a trial membership before committing to a multiple-visit package.


I don’t know which of the health claims to believe. SOLUTION Keep your expectations reasonable. Massage feels great, so that’s a plus, but the specific biological benefits are still being studied, says psychologist Christopher Moyer, Ph.D., coeditor of Massage Therapy: Integrating Research and Practice. The plethora of styles complicates matters. (See our guide on the next page.) Here’s what we know and don’t know so far: Massage boosts mood and eases stress. Of all the claims, this one is on the firmest scientific footing. “Studies show that massage can substantially reduce depression and anxiety,” says Moyer. But we still don’t know how that’s accomplished. The experts used to think mas-

Michael Loewa /laif/Redux

I was a massage therapist in Vancouver for 10 years and gave more than 10,000 rubdowns to every kind of client you could possibly imagine—from the bodybuilder twice my size who winced and pleaded for mercy to the doctor who was so calmly demanding that I needed a massage myself afterward. Of course, every job has its share of characters, but I’ve always been surprised by the high rate of dissatisfaction with massage among male clients. Men often made appointments for help with injuries, pain, performance, recovery, stress, or depression, but all too often they ended up leaving with lighter wallets and unhappy endings instead of relief from the problems they came in with. With massage therapy now a $12-billion-a-year industry and chains such as Massage Envy opening more than 1,000 franchise locations across the United States, it’s easy for consumers to get confused about what they really need. During my years in the business, I kept track of the most common client complaints about massage therapy. Now you can reap the benefits of my firsthand research and make sure your next (or first) massage delivers everything you want.


sage lowered levels of the stress hormone cortisol and/or stimulated production of feel-good endorphins, but the research is inconclusive. Plus, there’s no consensus on just how often massage needs to be done to achieve this benefit. Massage probably promotes circulation. Many studies seem to agree that it boosts bloodflow, but not enough research points to definite proof. In fact, Moyer contends, “Any circulatory effects are probably no greater than what a brisk walk would do for you.” Massage does not detoxify the body. The idea that you can rid yourself of toxins through massage, sweating, or a dietary cleanse has no basis in science. In fact, the latest research is showing that our bodies are full of microbes we need for good health. Even validation of the long-held belief that massage removes lactic acid from overworked muscles is waning. Massage may or may not enhance exercise performance or muscle recovery. This is a shocker because so many therapists insist that it does and so many athletes swear by the results. But no clear scientific evidence confirms any of this. Massage seems to ease chronic pain from back problems. Whether it’s effective for other chronic pain is unknown. “Back pain in particular might benefit,”

Moyer says, “but the science is mixed even for that.” Massage may or may not help during rehab from injury. This is surprising, since massage is often prescribed; no definitive research supports a rehab advantage. The perception may stem from the mood boost. So where does all this scientific controversy leave us? “I encourage people to try it and see,” says Moyer. “Massage is low risk and generally pleasant, and it may be effective.” PROBLEM 3


There’s not enough (or too much!) pressure.

I won’t be able to afford regular rubdowns.

SOLUTION This was the most common complaint I heard as a massage therapist; 75 percent of new clients said it. While a good therapist is adept at gauging the right pressure, a better one will check with you, especially when working in and around injured and sensitive tissue. To find and stay in your sweet spot, establish a 1-to-10 intensity scale with your therapist before the massage starts, with 1 being “very light” and 10 “very strong.” Ballpark the massage level beforehand (“I feel like a 5 today”) and then tweak on the table (“better dial back to a 3 on that calf”). A massage should never be painful. You only want it to hurt good—that strange, sweet ache that’s intense but not truly

SOLUTION Good massage therapists are athletes. It’s a physical job that wears people down, and they don’t have long careers— about a decade on average. So expect to pay about $60 to $100 an hour for a professional massage. Spas tend be toward the top of that scale because they’re also selling atmosphere, and somebody has to pay for that koi pond. Conversely, massage chains tend to be at the lower end or even below that. To get the most for your dollar, visit a clinic or independent therapist. If you’re lucky, your insurance might even pay for a massage or two. (Read your policy or check with the provider and your insurance company for any conditions that may apply.)

Here’s what to expect from the most common types of massage.

Sports Basically Swedish but with deeper, faster strokes for a more invigorating experience. Deep Tissue Essentially, “strong”; try it if other styles feel too gentle.

94 | November 2016

Relaxation The light, soft strokes are great for stress relief. Hot Stone Warm rocks are placed on the body for an indulgent spa treat. Trigger Point (or) Neuromuscular For stubborn aches and pains, it targets stiff spots in muscles and “releases” them.

Myofascial Release This stretching/ pulling of connective tissue, or fascia, is often strong; best if you need help stretching or have chronic pain. Medical It emphasizes the health benefits of massage and is more like physical therapy; used for injury rehab or support during illness.

Shiatsu Japan’s house style is an intense hybrid of triggerpoint work and acupressure. Chair It’s a quick, seated tension reliever to work out the kinks at the airport. Reflexology This foot massage has alleged benefits for organs. (Not for the ticklish!)

6 Awkward Massage Questions, Answered Should I get naked or keep my shorts on? That’s up to you; undress to your level of comfort. Going commando is fine, but please get under the sheet for professionalism’s sake. What if I pitch a tent? Ignore it. And resist the urge to crack a joke. (Those attempts always sound a little creepy.) How do I tell if a happy ending is being offered? The only place you’ll get this option is in a brothel thinly disguised as a massage parlor. What if the therapist is a man and I’m not comfortable with that? Give it a chance. Most male therapists are better suited for delivering strong treatments. What if my therapist won’t shut up? Get really quiet yourself. Don’t ask questions. If the chatter keeps coming, drop a hint about feeling sleepy. How do I cut ties with my therapist? Just don’t rebook. People have their own legitimate reasons to move on, and most therapists get that.

From top: R . K IKUO JOHNSON , Jeanet te Dietl/Shut terstock

Swedish The original—it’s best for almost everyone, especially first-timers.

Find Your Style

painful. Ignore all justifications for brutality, like “fascial release takes some force, but it’s worth it” or “a trigger point must be damaged to be deactivated.” No scientific evidence justifies the assertion that painful is helpful with massage. In fact, adding pain to chronic pain can contribute to “central sensitization,” a neurological condition that leads to more pain with less provocation. If you’re really sore a day or two afterward, the therapist went too far.


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Don’t toss the beet greens! They’re packed with potassium.

The 5 Best Foods to Fight Heart Disease Mother Nature has developed her own treatments. Eat your heart out. By K. Aleisha Fetters

Wild-caught salmon is a more nutritious choice than farm raised.

Nutty science: Magnesium in almonds keeps your ticker on track.



Fatty Fish


Inflammation in your artery walls can increase the risk of a heart attack, says cardiologist Adam Skolnick, M.D., of NYU Langone Medical Center. “You can counter that process by eating at least a cup of blueberries a day,” he says. Their inflammationbattling antioxidants are the heroes here. If you can’t find fresh, frozen berries work. Deploy them in your breakfast cereal or yogurt.

These purple roots unleash helpful compounds called nitrites into your blood, expanding your vessels and improving bloodflow, Dr. Skolnick says. In a study in the journal Hypertension, these benefits helped lower blood pressure and arterial stiffness in people with high BP. Try Love Beets, which come prepeeled and precooked. Chop and toss ’em into salads and shakes.

Almonds, walnuts, and pecans are all good. People who ate a handful of nuts five or more times a week were 29 percent less likely to die of heart disease than those who avoided nuts, a New England Journal of Medicine study found. Nuts contain heart-healthy fats, protein, and fiber. Snack on unsalted raw nuts, nut mixes, and nut butters to improve your heart health.

Salmon, sardines, herring, and canned light tuna are rich in omega-3 fats, which are shown to improve cardiac capacity during exercise. Twice a week, eat a serving of fatty fish about the size of your smartphone, says Heather Garza, R.D., of the Stanford Preventive Cardiology clinic. For your lunch, replace chicken salad with canned salmon or canned tuna.

Think of beans and lentils as buckshot loaded with soluble fiber. In your gut, soluble fiber binds to cholesterolladen bile acids and carries them out of your body, says Kate Patton, R.D., of the Cleveland Clinic. Aim to eat 5 to 10 grams of fiber a day; a cup of legumes provides 2 to 6 grams. Use canned black beans with red onion, cilantro, lime juice, and salt to make a healthy salsa.

96 | November 2016


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WHAT ESCORTS CAN TEACH A MARRIED MAN The secret to long-term happiness is simple: Think of your marriage as a business transaction. By Bob Larkin There’s an old saying, “If you treated your wife the way you treated your hooker, you’d have the world’s strongest marriage.” Haven’t heard that chestnut? Then you probably haven’t talked to enough prostitutes. Yes, they say things like that. And they’re not kidding. They’ve got tales that’ll make you cringe, many of which involve some pretty freaky sexual requests. But many of their stories are shockingly...sweet. The way many hookers talk about their johns makes the relationship, such as it is, sound almost like a marriage— a happy one at that. Melody, an escort in Indianapolis, estimates that 90 percent of her clients are married. And while a man will certainly visit a prostitute for the chance to be with a naked woman who isn’t his wife, Brianna, a sex worker in New York City, says her job is “95 percent emotional labor and 5 percent sex.” And that labor is a two-way street. Some married men try harder to please their prostitutes than they do the women they promised to love and honor as long as they both shall live. We asked 10 high-end escorts— women who earn more per hour than many doctors—for a few valuable pointers that’ll guarantee you’ll never have to leave cash on a strange nightstand.



Have Sex During Your Lunch Break Married men rarely visit prostitutes at night and never on weekends. That’s how sloppy johns get caught. Guys who want to be surreptitious do it when they’re supposed to be at work— that’s the perfect alibi. “One of my regulars tells his assistant he’s going to the library,” says Dakota, an escort based in Denver. “I think that makes it naughtier. You’re getting laid on company time.” Remember when sex with your wife was like that? You two would sneak off and keep your filthy little secret from the world. “The best sex feels like you’re getting away with something,” says Deb, an escort in Fort Wayne, Indiana. “You need that sense that you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing.”


When you pay for sex, there are no games. If you want something, you ask. “One guy wrote me a three-page letter explaining every detail about his fetish,” says Heather of Orlando. There’s really not much mystery about what an escort will or won’t do. “It’s all there on my website,” Heather says. “No disgusting fetishes. No physical pain.” Married people expect their mate to read their mind, says Cecilia Dahl, an Austin-based escort. She can’t grasp why mar100 | November 2016

THE EXPERTS SAY These prostitutes might be onto something, says Michael Bennett, M.D., a Boston psychiatrist and coauthor of F*ck Feelings. Just don’t take their advice too literally. “The sex worker or Starbucks employee knows he or she can invite customers to ask for what they want,” says Dr. Bennett. “Not just because the transaction is impersonal, but because no matter how demanding the request is, they’re getting paid.”

You’re not paying your wife for sex, so you can’t walk into your bedroom tonight and make requests as if you’re picking options from a menu. But there is some value in talking about the things you want—sexually and otherwise—with a bit more openness and bluntness. Take the emotion out of it, Dr. Bennett says. “Stay away from expressing your need for sex or your attitude that you deserve it.” Instead, talk about what you think has been lacking in the sack recently, without making it personal. “Tell her you want to know what gives her pleasure, and she should know what works for you, because it’s good for the relationship,” says Dr. Bennett.

P i c t u r e G a r d e n /G e t t y I m a g e s ( p r e v i o u s p a g e), S to c k b y te /G e t t y I m a g e s (t h i s p a g e)

Always Ask for What You Want

ried guys aren’t more honest with their wives. “It’s weird,” Dahl says. “You’ll make sure a Starbucks cashier knows exactly what you want. But you won’t tell your wife you like oral.”

THE EXPERTS SAY Many married men visit hookers for the adrenaline rush they’ve lost at home. “The risk is exciting,” says Wendy Fader, Ph.D., a psychologist and sex therapist. A date night, by contrast, comes with zero risk. The worst that can happen is the babysitter cancels. So how do you revive that excitement? “Add an element of the unexpected,” says Fader. “You need a mental amphetamine, like trying things that make you uncomfortable.” Is your date night usually on a weekend? Cancel it. Instead, ask her to rendezvous with you for a quickie during your lunch break. Book a hotel room and see what happens. Or if you have to do a weekend, wait until your in-laws are on their way over, and then see if you can master the complicated positions necessary to have car sex with her in your unlocked garage before they arrive. Are you seriously doing this? Hell yes. You’re a bad man. It’s about time you remembered what that feels like again.





Don’t Fight About Money

Give Your Armpit an Extra Whiff

Accept That the Grass Isn’t Greener

Be a Little Selfish Sometimes

Savannah from New York City has never had a disagreement with a customer about money. “Some guys who come in here want to negotiate,” she says. “I always win. You don’t like the price? Get the hell out.” She thinks all financial negotiations between men and women should happen this way. Things cost what they cost. You pay or you don’t. And if you don’t pay for it, you don’t get it.

Think the only thing prostitutes care about is dough? “The money is great, but I’ll give up the biggest payday if he smells like a dumpster,” says Crystal of Los Angeles. Escorts do talk to one another; that’s how they gauge a new client’s trustworthiness. But they don’t talk about who’s a big spender or who has an enormous schlong. “None of that matters,” Crystal says. “The best recommendation you can get is if she says, ‘He shows up on time, and he’s clean.’ That’s like music to an escort’s ear: ‘Oh my god, he’s clean?’”

Every so often one of Savannah’s regulars goes through a horrifying transformation. “He gets that stupid look in his eyes,” she says, “and then he starts making little jokes about how we should run away together. And I’m like, oh no, this poor bastard is catching the feelings.” The problem isn’t the impracticality of it, even though we all know divorce is messy enough without adding a prostitute lover into the mix. And it isn’t even that the guy is confusing fiction like Pretty Woman with reality. The problem is that prostitutes are people too. And people get more annoying the more you’re exposed to them. “They don’t know what I’m really like,” says Brandy of New York City. “It’s very easy to be on your best behavior for an hour or two.”

Amber of New York City prefers married clients because they seem happier. “One talks about his kids, how great his home life is,” she says. “He’s like, ‘I work hard, I provide for my family, so let me just have this one thing.’” It sounds reasonable, until you remember his “one thing” is putting his dick inside another woman. “I asked one married guy about it,” Amber says. “He said, ‘I’ve made a lot of sacrifices for my family. We moved to a city I don’t like. We got the house she wanted, near the perfect school for our son. I’ve done everything for them. I need something that’s just for me.’”

Illustrations by JOHN BU RGOY NE

THE EXPERTS SAY Squabbling over finances? You could be on the road to Splitsville, says Sonya Britt, Ph.D., of Kansas State University. Britt and her team analyzed data from more than 4,500 couples and linked arguments over money with lower relationship satisfaction and a higher likelihood of divorce. In fact, all that yelling about the bank account could play into extramarital relationships, Britt speculates. Which is kind of fitting. Fighting about money could lead you into the arms of a prostitute, with whom you never fight about money. It all comes down to treating your wife with the same respect you’d have for a woman who’s charging you extra to tickle your balls.

THE EXPERTS SAY It’s not that you don’t bathe enough. You’re not a train hobo from the ’30s, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have body odor, and she might notice something you don’t. “In general, women are more sensitive to odors than men are,” says George Preti, Ph.D., of the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia. “A woman will notice an unpleasant smell before a man will. She may even notice something he can’t smell at all.” In Preti’s study evaluating whether fragrance chemicals could block perceptions of armpit stench, only two of 32 fragrances prevented women from detecting an odor, while 19 of them fooled the men. Just because you can’t smell something doesn’t mean it isn’t there. So what’s the solution? Don’t be overconfident about your odor profile. “Ask your partner,” Preti says. “I’d trust a partner before I’d trust my own nose.”

THE EXPERTS SAY There’s nothing wrong with escape fantasies, says Fader. Even the most happily married couples daydream about getting out. “That’s human nature,” she says. “But in a solid relationship, you might look at your coworker and think she seems really cool and hot and interesting. But then you keep your dick in your pants and you go home to your wife.” Enjoy your fantasies. Imagine how wonderful it’d be to skip town with that mystery woman, create a new life, and start over. But don’t act on it. It’s the same reason you can have revenge fantasies but not actually poison your boss’s coffee. Because you’re not crazy. (Right?)

THE EXPERTS SAY Having a hobby that maybe your wife doesn’t know about or even approve of is cool—as long as it doesn’t result in gonorrhea. “I call it enlightened selfishness,” says Diana Wiley, a Seattlebased therapist. “It’s about taking care of yourself first. On planes they even advise securing your own oxygen mask first before helping your child.” In essence, Amber’s married client had the right idea. It’s okay to be selfish. “When we feel energized, without resentments, this flows into the primary relationship,” says Wiley. Treat yourself to something special—play hooky from work and go to a baseball game, for instance—and don’t tell your wife. It could be anything, as long as it doesn’t involve your penis making contact with a person who isn’t your spouse.

Enjoy your fantasies. Imagine how wonderful it’d be to skip town with that mystery woman. But don’t act on it. November 2016 | 101





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Meet Jedidiah Ballard, 34, emergency medicine physician, U.S. Army Ranger, mentor, mountain climber, diver, cabin builder, good son, and—well, you know, kind of an Ultimate Men’s Health Guy. BY MIKE DARLING AND THE MH STAFF | PHOTOGRAPHS BY JOHN LOOMIS | P. 105

FOR THE THIRD YEAR in a row, it’s our pleasure to announce the results of the Ultimate Men’s Health Guy competition. This is our chance to showcase you, the MH reader, and shine a spotlight on the finalists and winner. These men are terrific examples—but not perfect examples—of men who are committed to being more and doing more. We love to champion healthy, fit guys, but our passion is honoring men who help others—men who raise families, strengthen communities, and serve their country. You’ll meet them on the following pages. If you’re like us, you’ll come away a bit humbler, a bit wiser, and a bit more committed to making a difference in the world.

Ballard (here and above right) at the Cheley/Children’s Hospital summer camp in Colorado for burn survivors.

CHRISTMAS DAY, 2010. JEDIDIAH Ballard, D.O., a relatively new intern on duty at Augusta University Medical Center in Georgia, got the 3 a.m. call to rush to the ambulance bay. “I sprinted outside,” recalls Ballard, “and found a man in the passenger seat of a pickup truck, blood gushing from his neck,” apparently the result of a knife fight over a girl. The guy’s jugular had been nicked. Ballard knew that if he didn’t act immediately, the man in the truck would become the dead body in the truck. “I shoved a T-shirt into the wound and kept my hands there, applying pressure on his neck until we were in the operating room,” he says. “Three days later the guy walked out of the hospital, totally fine. It was the first time I realized I could do this—that I really was an ER doctor.”

air squats for hours,” he says. “Then we got one hour of sleep and had to hike 12 miles in under three hours with a 45-pound rucksack.” Of the 386 men who signed up for Army Ranger School, just 31 made it to graduation. Ballard was one of them. “I’m not going to lie. It sucked,” he says, laughing. “But the experience gave me a valuable perspective on life. Whenever I’m extremely tired or hungry or working late, I can always look back and say, ‘Shut up, Ranger. You’ve been through much worse.’” His Army days may be behind him, but his Ranger perspective goes with him everywhere. For example, along with his ER duties, Ballard has completed a Special Forces medical tech dive course in Key West, won a 17-mile adventure race, finished the World’s Toughest Mudder—a punishing 24-hour obstacle race—

Whenever I’m extremely tired or hungry or working late, I can always look back and say, ‘Shut up, Ranger. You’ve been through much worse.’ ” Soon after his residency, Ballard found himself in another life-or-death environment. He served two years as a battalion surgeon with the Rangers in Afghanistan, taking care of the medical needs of both his group and the Afghan Special Operations soldiers his unit was tasked to help train. Then he survived U.S. Army Ranger School, the notoriously demanding course that pushes candidates to their absolute mental and physical limits for 61 days. But at 32, Ballard was nearly a decade older than most of the other Ranger trainees, and with his shaved head he was just another grunt, not a doctor. The course is tough enough for guys in their 20s; more than a third fail in the first four days. “One time we stayed up all night doing

and climbed Mt. Hood by himself in a $20 pair of Walmart boots. These efforts reflect the man Ballard has become—one who prioritizes education and fitness—and they’ve paid off. Take that six-pack: Ballard works out six days a week and has a few favorite ab moves. These include flutter kicks (lie on your back, raise your legs, and kick 400 times); hanging buddy punches (hang on a bar and have a friend lightly hit you in the abs and obliques for 30 seconds); and floor sweepers (lie on your back, raise a 135-pound barbell over your chest, and lift your legs to the bar 30 times, switching from right to middle to left). But if you ask Ballard about the best use he’s made of his free time, he’d probably tell you November 2016 | 107


Your Mind Is Your Weapon

about his volunteer work in Peru and Panama, where he goes, often at his own expense, to teach doctors how to use ultrasound equipment to diagnose blood clots and other conditions, such as appendicitis. “We train them in the technology so they can take better care of their people,” he says. “While we’re there, we’ll also give people free diagnostics.” In one patient they found a pulmonary embolism that might have gone undetected until it was too late. “We were able to immediately give her anticoagulants and improve her condition,” he says. If he’s not way, way down south, Ballard is at a burn survivor youth camp in Colorado. During one trip, he remembers helping a kid with compromised respiration climb a mountain for the first time—literally a breathtaking experience. The boy had to go slower than the rest of the group, so Ballard hung back to help him along. It was very slow going, one wheezing step at a time, until they eventually reached the top of the mountain. “The sun’s coming up and we finally get to the summit—way behind everyone else—and like 80 other kids are there running around having a CONTINUED ON P. 142


Sergeant, Alameda County, California, Sheriff’s Office 18 years on the force DOB: June 28, 1971

One reason I joined the force was that I knew I couldn’t do an ordinary job. It would be boring. I’m not knocking anyone who sits in a cubicle, but I need to be out among people. I love to be the reason why somebody has a better day. It feels good when someone says, “Thank you, officer.” My father told me, “You can find the cure for cancer or you can be in the movies, or you can even become president. But the greatest thing you will ever do is be a father to your children.”

You have to accept the fact that there’s a possibility you might not come home. Being a police officer is an awesome responsibility. You have the power to take someone’s freedom away. And, God forbid, you have the power to take someone’s life. The possibility of a life-or-death situation is always on your mind. You can’t let anything get in the way of your performance on duty that day.

most people reside somewhere in the middle. People have a right to protest. We’re all responsible for our own actions, no matter what ethnicity, religion, or culture you come from or whether you wear a uniform or not.

I support the Second Amendment, but I also believe in gun safety. My gun is a piece of equipment I bring every day to work. I know how to use it. I also do everything I can so I don’t have to use it.

One time my partner and I answered a call— there’s a guy with a knife locked in the bathroom with his girlfriend, and she’s crying and he’s threatening to kill her. You have to think on your feet; my partner and I quickly devised a plan. We told the guy through the door, “You need to drop your weapon to the ground. On the count of three, we’re going to open the door.”

A lot of people say hateful things or call you names because you’re a police officer, but I don’t internalize it and think they hate me—they don’t even know me as a person. Everything seems so polarized now, but I think

So what we did was I only counted to one—and then we opened the door and caught him off guard. That’s my favorite war story because it shows how the brain is the most powerful weapon a police officer has at his disposal.


St yling: Brian Boyé, Sandra Nygaard, and Dan Michel; grooming: Bruce Dean/Mac Cosmetics/ Wilhelmina; hair: Song Hee/Oribe H a i r C a r e s / B r y a n B a n t r y ( p o r t r a i t s t h r o u g h o u t); l o g o b y M I K E Y B U R T O N (o p e n i n g s p r e a d); J o c ke y T- s h i r t a n d s h o r t s (t h i s p a g e)

Growing up in Oakland, I always had a strong sense of wanting to do the right thing. That comes from my parents. My dad worked for Mobil and later for the probation department. My mother was a teacher and principal. My parents always taught me to give back to the community and to be proud of where I come from.


Strong and Steady, Every Single Day Dale Bruhn, 92, bucked the contest rules and sent his entry by snail mail. Thank goodness.

Boost a Kid’s Self Esteem

Stay Positive Despite Disaster

Share Your Skills and Change Lives

Adam Felkey, 34

Kyle Fogle, 29

Huy Pham, 31

A bonfire accident burned 70 percent of his body, but Kyle Fogle learned to stay positive. Most of his burns were third-degree, and doctors feared Fogle, then 20, might not make it. “I wanted to improve every day and left the hospital after 33 days,” says Fogle, who’s now a teacher in LaSalle, Illinois. “I know negativity only makes things worse.”

As a trainer, Huy Pham transforms the bodies of his clients. But when he earned a $50,000 grant, he set out to transform a whole community. He founded a youth fitness program in New Orleans, his hometown, and now he mentors local teens on everything from food choices to career paths while prioritizing fitness. Here’s how he gets results.

As a teacher, track coach, and single dad, Adam Felkey helps kids overcome obstacles every day. At dropoff every morning, he asks his 5-year-old son, “How fast do you run?” His son always responds with a line from Dad: “As fast as I can.” Felkey says that too often our children are told to slow down. “That keeps them from reaching their full potential.” 1/ SHOW INSTEAD OF TELL


Model the way you want your kid to be. “If I ask my son, ‘What would you like for dinner?’ his typical response is ‘chicken, asparagus, and peppers,’” says Felkey. “He sees that’s what I eat. You have to walk the walk.”

Fogle’s mother was by his side in the hospital every day. She learned how to wrap his wounds and would help peel off dead skin. “She helped me more than anyone. I still talk to her every day,” he says.




For Fogle, it was faith. In the intensive care unit, he was often kept awake by other patients’ screams. “You’re up all night and you have no one to talk to,” he says. “So I spent a lot of time talking to God.”

Whether it’s in the gym or the kitchen, Pham does exactly what he asks of his mentees. “A good mentor is one who leads by example,” he says. If he asks the kids to do 50 sets, he’ll be doing them too.



“If he wants to color a horse purple, so be it,” says Felkey. “We’re limiting innovators from doing the spectacular because we’re afraid of failure. They learn just as much from failure as they do from success.”

Por trait illustrations by JOEL KIMMEL


“The worst message we can send our children is not to cry,” says Felkey. “When we embrace their trials as much as their successes, it gives them the freedom to come to us when they’re struggling.”

Fogle was too scared to try modeling until he found Live Out Loud Charity, a group he could participate in without being ashamed of his body. “If you know something will benefit you, just do it,” he says.


“I aim to build confidence in all the kids and make them feel as if they can do anything,” he says. “I encourage them to push their so-called limits in the gym and in all aspects of their lives.”

A huge part of being a mentor is knowing where your mentees are coming from. “When you want to speak, hold back and listen,” Pham says. Earn trust by asking questions and seeking understanding.




Don’t underestimate your role as a father, says Felkey. But don’t act superhuman either. He doesn’t hide his past struggles with anxiety. “I tell my son (and students) it’s something I’ve overcome, and I explain how.”

Fogle also volunteers with Live Out Loud Charity, which focuses on suicide prevention. The cause means a lot to him since he lost two friends. “If you’re worried about someone, reach out. Help them feel less alone.”

Pham’s teens knew nothing about fitness. Now they’re pushing even his limits. “Strive to be better,” he says. “Don’t worry about when you’ll get there. Focus on progression; results will be inevitable.”

A 2-mile walk, a quartermile swim, and 125 leg lifts. That’s how WWII Navy veteran Dale Bruhn begins most of his days in Delray Beach, Florida, now that he’s finally decided to slow down a little. “I used to swim a mile a day,” he says. But that was before a few heart scares. And it takes a lot to scare Bruhn. In 2002 he lost Norma, his wife of 56 years, to Alzheimer’s, but that didn’t mean he was going to pull over for faster traffic. “I have a purpose every day.” That includes helping really old folks. He visits Bernard Oatley, a 97-year-old buddy, and helps him with errands every week. “Sometimes we go to lunch or dinner to get him out.” Bruhn also hangs out with another pal, Pat Geschwind, and they play their recorders. “We do hymns and arrangements for two hours,” he says. He also sings with his church choir, teaches cooking classes, and plays bridge. Bruhn has a motto, courtesy of the inspirational poet Kahlil Gibran: “You give little when you give of your possessions. It’s when you give of your time that you truly give.”

November 2016 | 109

Otis Hooper in the cockpit of a 737, Washington, D.C.


“Chunky Daddy” Is No Laughing Matter LT. COL. OTIS HOOPER, 39, pilot, D.C. Air National Guard, served eight tours of duty but was 50 pounds over his fighting weight. A prod from his son led to a transformation.

Talk with his kids about working hard, playing hard, and eating smart, his 9-year-old, Izaac, jabbed a finger into his belly. “What about you?” he asked. “Izaac was laughing,” Hooper says. “I laughed too, but then I thought, Actually, maybe this isn’t so funny.” Hooper came to the same realization that a lot of fathers eventually reach: He was being watched. All the time. More important, he was being imitated. His cockpit responsibilities, which had included transporting such VIPs as the First Lady, meant little in comparison

J o c ke y s h o r t s (o p p o s i te)

As the father of four boys, Otis Hooper found his diet and fitness standards starting to slip under the double pressure of work and parenthood. “Hoop,” a 17-year veteran U.S. Air Force pilot, had eight deployments under his belt, and his career had shifted. He was flying less and working in an office more. “I was so busy that I’d eat whatever was convenient—usually fast food.” The devastating fallout from those emptycalorie bombs didn’t go unnoticed. One morning two years ago, as Hooper was having a Dad

with what his sons observed. What his kids saw was a tired, out-of-shape guy who wasn’t keeping up the way he used to. “I owe a lot to my kids for helping me see potential in myself and inspiring me to become a better man and a better commander for my troops,” he says. Then, around the same time, Hooper’s good friend Joel, a fellow Air Force pilot, was diagnosed with cancer of the appendix. He almost died. “Instead, Joel not only beats cancer but goes on to complete an Ironman. I told him, ‘I want to do that with you when I turn 40.’ Another Air Force buddy shared his training and meal plans with me, and that’s what kicked off my transformation.” Hooper started eating smarter and exercising more efficiently. In a year and a half he dropped 50 pounds of fat and added 25 pounds of muscle. According to Izaac, he went from “chunky daddy” to “ripped daddy.” His attitude changed along with his physique. “Your motivation can change, CONTINUED ON P. 142


Seeing the Good in People Always do more. When you strive to exceed expectations, you not only feel good about your service but also know you gave 100 percent.”


Detective, Winter Haven, Florida, PD Violent Crimes Unit; SWAT team member Five years on the force DOB: June 16, 1983

I graduated from the University of Central Florida with a bachelor’s in political science and worked at an insurance company for a couple of years. Then I went to law school. I felt like I needed something more exciting. You know how you can get that gut feeling that you’re meant to do something else? That’s what happened to me. I wanted to have a job I would love. When you get into policing, you know you’re not going to change the world, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make an impact. For every person who shoots you the bird as you drive by, you get an equal number of people who will come up to you and shake your hand.

work. There are a few bad apples and they make the news. Someone on my patrol bought a hotel room for a homeless person so he could take a shower. That kind of stuff never makes the news. A lot of people are like, “F the police.” But when your home alarm goes off, who do you want to show up? Your neighbor? The stress of police work can get to you. I just turn to the people I love. My wife knows when something is bothering me. I talk to her about it. Luckily, she’s a great listener.

We deal with the worst two percent of people. The majority of people are good. I remind myself of that every day.

I would say the hardest part of my job is relaxing to go to sleep. If you’ve had a busy night and been drinking coffee, and you’ve had a few incidents—a few adrenaline surges in your body— it’s hard to wind down. It takes an hour, sometimes an hour and a half.

The public only sees the bad instances of police

One of my hobbies is black powder shooting.

I have a flintlock musket and some pistols. I shoot better groupings at the range than some guys who use modern weapons. I’ve seen some gory stuff. My first year we had this double homicide where a 30-year-old guy shot three 18-year-old kids. They were his “friends.” There was blood everywhere. Two were shot in the stomach and then again in the head with a 9-millimeter pistol. One kid got away; the other two were each in a corner, dead. Later the suspect said he shot the kids because he had a “dark feeling.” I handcuffed the suspect. While I was putting him in the back of the patrol car, his daughter crawled out from under a coffee table. She was like 7 years old. I think I still remember her name. She told my partner, “Daddy went crazy and killed everybody.” That was a night when it was hard to fall asleep.

November 2016 | 111

The motto I live by is WIN. The W stands for work ethic. You have to keep working hard. The I means be inspirational. And the N is for never quit.” Escape from Depression

Strengthen Your Relationship

Frank Appah, 40

Devan Kline, 29

When Frank Appah, M.D., Ph.D., was in medical school at Columbia University, he spent hours in the lab but struggled to prove some of his hypotheses. He felt himself sliding into depression. “You have a lot of ambitions and dreams and when they don’t pan out, it’s tough.” Here’s how Dr. Appah, now a psychiatrist at Yale School of Medicine, stays upbeat. 1/ STAY CONNECTED

“Often guys don’t know they’re lonely,” says Dr. Appah. Men tend to hide in their careers or bad relationships to escape the darkness. “Connecting with family and friends daily can rejuvenate your spirits.” 2/ SCHEDULE SOLO TIME

Having moments to yourself— waking up before your family does, or taking a walk alone— can be critically important. “We are defined by how we relate to other people,” Dr. Appah says. “The self can get lost in that.” 3/ BE MORE ACTIVE

Exercise helped Dr. Appah escape depression. “It gets your mind in a different place,” he says. He installed a pullup bar in his lab (and can perform moves like the flag) and includes yoga in his routine. 4/ EXPLORE YOUR HEAD

Meditation can clear your subconscious mind, letting you identify thoughts and patterns that may cause conflict. “See and experience what thoughts arrive while you sit without distractions,” Dr. Appah says. 112 | November 2016

Devan Kline was 12 when he first met Morgan, the girl who later became his wife. At the time, Kline’s mother was doing hard drugs and his father was doing time for alcohol-related offenses. “Morgan is my foundation,” he says. Now the two have a baby daughter and a fitness company, Burn Boot Camp, based in Huntersville, North Carolina, with 152 locations. 1/ WORK OUT TOGETHER

“If you sweat together, you stay together,” says Kline. Although he and his wife have hectic schedules, they still find the time to work out together in their home gym. “Fitness is a gateway to happiness.” 2/ SET FUN GOALS

Devan and Morgan set targets both together (to train six times a week), and individually. Devan’s goal weight is 215 pounds with 8 percent body fat; Morgan’s is to be in the best shape of her post-baby life. 3/ FIND YOUR GLUE

The couple shares the load raising their new family member. “We bicker less,” he says. “Our daughter is a culmination of everything we’ve been through.” His father is even embracing the role of granddad. 4/ VALUE HONESTY

“Having somebody who has the honesty to call you out when you’re being negative is a powerful thing,” Kline says. “You contribute to the physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing of your partner.”

Avid yogi Tommy Tucker in New York City’s Central Park.


How Cancer Is Making Me Stronger J o c ke y T- s h i r t a n d s h o r t s (o p p o s i te a n d a b o v e)

TOMMY TUCKER, 42, a security contractor and U.S. Marine, is thriving through meditation, exercise, and simple serenity despite his diagnosis of stage IV cancer.

Square-jawed and silver-haired, tribal tattoos on his arms, Tommy Tucker doesn’t look like the kind of guy who would begin his morning with a deep, meditative breath and a moment of peaceful solitude. But it’s what Tucker sees that matters. As he fills his lungs with air, the 42-year-old pictures that air entering his body, rushing to heal the cancer afflicting his liver and pancreas. He holds his breath for a few seconds before exhaling, imagining the disease leaving his body, while repeating a simple man-

tra: Om Shri Dhanvantre Namaha—another way of saying that the healing we receive may not always look the way we thought it would look. It’s a popular mantra, frequently used in India, when people are cooking and want to bless the food with healing power. That routine—and the realization that it brought—is part of what centers Tucker and gives him what he needs to start his day working as a security contractor protecting government embassies around the world—even while living with cancer.

“Every day I wake up carrying a life-threatening disease inside me,” he says, “but now I use it as a reminder to focus on the present, everything that’s good in my life.” Not all men could take such a chill approach to being given a CT scan that revealed inoperable stage IV neuroendocrine cancer. He spent six months undergoing chemotherapy in Finland, where he was working at the time he was diagnosed. Then Tucker took his treatment from West to East and now follows a variety of Eastern and alternative therapies, including acupuncture, meditation, exercise, and a diet that emphasizes vegetables. Tucker’s mindset—and his motto—has evolved since his diagnosis. His motto used to be “I will not become a victim of cancer. I will make it my victim. Cancer has fucked with the wrong Marine!” It was an inspiring line that stirred people to give him high-fives and hearty slaps on the back. But after a few months, Tucker realized CONTINUED ON P. 143

In the coming decades, millions of men will be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and other brain disorders. Tap the latest science to avoid becoming one of them. BY JOHN BRILEY | PHOTOGRAPH BY THE VOORHES | P. 114




a high-level IT professional and father, noticed his memory slipping. He was 51. “I used to have no problem recalling entire conversations,” says the New Jersey resident, “but that became so hard I started recording some of them.” He asked for a less demanding job—no small step for a high achiever. But before the transfer was set, Borghoff was hospitalized with a stomach virus and facial twitching. Doctors were stumped by his trouble with memory, speech, language, and cognition. After months of frustration, Borghoff went to Columbia University Medical Center. His doctor looked at his family history, questioned his wife, and did spinal fluid and neuropsychological testing. The diagnosis: early-onset Alzheimer’s, a disease that had struck his father, grandfather, and uncle. Borghoff is no longer employed, but he belongs to the Alzheimer’s Association Early-Stage Advisory Group and follows its recommendations. He walks, jogs, and cycles. He’s watching his diet and is learning to play a musical instrument. He and his doctor are optimistic that a cure will be found soon. Something needs to happen, because Alzheimer’s cases could nearly triple by 2050. Fortunately, the past few years have brought new discoveries, tests, and treatments, plus more effective strategies for brain health. Read on for 14 exciting new developments.


Healthy Heart = Healthy Brain

Some people think the brain operates outside the rules that govern the rest of the body. “Nothing could be further from the truth,” says neurologist David Perlmutter, M.D., the author of Grain Brain. Many factors that raise your risk of heart disease (unhealthy cholesterol levels, high blood pressure, smoking, diabetes, obesity, sedentary lifestyle) threaten brain health. These factors can lead to restricted bloodflow, inflammation, and clots. DON’T FORGET Think of your next blood test as a report card on your brain as well as your heart. Likewise, view your cardiologist as an early-warning neurologist, says MH advisor Murali Doraiswamy, M.D., a professor of translational neuroscience at Duke School of Medicine.



The damage antibiotics can do to the beneficial microbes in your gut is well established. And now it appears that antibiotics can also negatively affect your brain. A recent animal study in the journal Cell Reports suggests that they may inhibit new cell growth in the brain region associated with recall. DON’T FORGET Take antibiotics only when necessary at the direction of your doctor. You may want to pair them with a probiotic supplement, which might help restore the good gut bugs killed by the medicine.


This Simple Sniff Test Is an Early-Warning System for Alzheimer’s

Mayo Clinic researchers gave a standardized smell test to 1,430 people with an average age of 80. The sniff test was designed to assess how accurately the oldsters could identify a dozen scents, including cherry, lemon, soap, and roses. Those who scored lowest had the highest risk of developing memory problems and/or Alzheimer’s disease. Experts speculate that the brain’s smell and memory centers may be linked. DON’T FORGET Take a whiff of Jif if you’re older or have Alzheimer’s in your family. Peanut butter is one of the scents scientists have used to test for developing brain disorders. In a University of Florida study, people in the early stages of Alzheimer’s were less able to detect PB with their left nostril than with their right nostril. If you failed the test, don’t panic, but say something to your doctor.

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EXERCISE IS LIKE MIRACLE-GRO FOR THE BRAIN Physical activity can spur growth of new neurons in parts of the brain that control memory. In a study of seniors published in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease, researchers found that even moderate exercise, such as gardening and dancing, promoted the formation of neurons in these brain areas and reduced Alzheimer’s risk by half. Aim for 150 minutes a week of cardio, spread over three to five days. Ronald Petersen, M.D., Ph.D., director of the Mayo Clinic Alzheimer’s Disease Research Center, advises using some of that time for interval training— spurts of intense effort alternating with active recovery periods. “Exercise may turn out to be one of the best things we can do to protect ourselves from Alzheimer’s disease,” he says.

Marijuana Might Someday Clear Foggy Brains

If you looked through a microscope at Alzheimer’s patients’ brains, you’d see clumps of protein, called beta-amyloid plaques, gumming up the works. While scientists suspect that beta-amyloid is a major player, its precise role is unknown. New studies suggest that it may be helpful initially, arriving in the brain to surround and subdue viruses, bacteria, or other invaders, like a pearl forming around a sand grain. But eventually it turns destructive. “Are plaques the tombstones of the disease, or an early warning?” asks Dr. Petersen. “We just don’t know yet.” DON’T FORGET Compounds in marijuana, including THC, might promote the removal of beta-amyloid, suggests research from the Salk Institute. Don’t try it just yet, though; the results are preliminary.


Alzheimer’s Screenings Will Soon Be Routine

Part of the diagnostic challenge with Alzheimer’s is that doctors can’t easily see what’s going on. That’s changing. “We can now successfully image Alzheimer’s proteins in the brain,” says Dr. Petersen. That’s a major advance. The research is helping neurologists develop therapies to stall the progression, just as cardiologists do with arteriosclerosis. “We’re trying to detect the ‘cholesterol of Alzheimer’s,’” he says. Imaging technology can also show brain shrinkage, reduced cell activity, and amyloid plaque buildup. DON’T FORGET Until these tests go mainstream, take periodic standardized tests to evaluate memory, problem-solving, and thinking skills. Ask your doctor about these.


Germs Take the Blame for Some Brain Problems

No matter how clean we try to keep our thoughts, our brains contain tens of thousands of dormant microbes, says Dr. Doraiswamy. Scientists suspect that some bad bugs can be roused by triggers such as stress or certain drugs, after which they contribute to the development of Alzheimer’s. DON’T FORGET Numerous microbes—like the ones associated with herpes, toxoplasmosis, HIV, Lyme disease, and the human form of mad cow disease—could infect your brain and hijack your cognitive processes. In fact, Alzheimer’s and other dementias may turn out to be bug-induced in some way that’s not yet fully understood. In other words, you could conceivably “catch” a brain disorder.

I llus trations by PAU L B LOW; Evan K afka /G aller y S to c k (b aby)

Gut bacteria produce mood-influencing chemicals, such as serotonin and dopamine, which reach the brain via the bloodstream. Scientists are developing bacterial treatments in the hope of rebalancing brain chemicals to treat conditions like depression and anxiety. Until then, eat more fermented foods packed with good bacteria. Flip back to page 86 for some examples.

Antibiotics Could Compromise Memory





Make Sure Diabetes Doesn’t Raise Your Risk

The diabetes link to cognitive problems is no secret, but the connection is growing stronger. One of the earliest brain deficits in people at risk for Alzheimer’s is an inability of the nerve cells to use glucose, their main fuel. Dr. Doraiswamy calls this “diabetes of the brain.” Scientists are testing exercise, lowglycemic-index diets, and antidiabetic drugs as preventive approaches to Alzheimer’s. DON’T FORGET Get tested for diabetes, and if you have it or are at risk, work with your physician on lifestyle changes.


Learn More Stuff to Offset Mental Decline

Continually challenging yourself with new and complex tasks—chess, a new sport, a second language, a musical instrument— can strengthen or open new lines of communication among neurons. With piano lessons, for example, neural networks will expand between your brain’s hearing and movement centers. Becoming a serial learner creates a reserve of brainpower. “Even if disease knocks out part of the brain, you have kind of redundant cellphone towers as backup,” says Dr. Doraiswamy. DON’T FORGET In July, a 10-year study showed that a brain game that shortens your response time may also reduce your dementia risk. “If these findings can be replicated, it will be a game changer,” says Dr. Doraiswamy.



The brains of people who ate the Mediterranean way—fruits, vegetables, legumes, nonprocessed grains, fresh fish, olive oil, and red wine—were younger-looking in autopsy studies, says Dr. Doraiswamy. In one study, people on the so-called MIND diet, which focuses on plant-based nutrition, had up to a 53 percent lower risk of Alzheimer’s.

Testosterone May Be a Brain Booster

Testosterone therapy is often touted as a fountain of youth. And in the brain of someone with low T, adding the hormone appears to help prevent damage from oxidative stress—the buildup of harmful byproducts produced by aging cells. But there’s a catch: Once that stress reaches a certain threshold, adding T can actually accelerate brain damage, warns Rebecca Cunningham, Ph.D., who studies hormones at the University of North Texas Health Science Center. DON’T FORGET “The only way to know if androgen therapy is right for you is to see a doctor who knows your full health profile and history,” says Cunningham. Low testosterone is one of many risk factors for brain disease, not a guarantee you’ll develop it.


Researchers Now Recognize the Concept of “Mixed Dementia”


Eli Lilly’s solanezumab and Biogen’s aducanumab are being studied for early Alzheimer’s. Both attack amyloid plaques in the brain, usually considered the culprit behind reduced mental performance. In early studies, people on each of those drugs seemed to show less cognitive decline than the placebo groups did.

In the early stages of vascular dementia, patients show declines in judgment, decision making, planning, and reasoning. Symptoms of early-stage Alzheimer’s are chiefly memory related. But as each disease progresses, the symptoms overlap. Doctors now recognize that many people have a blend of the two, known as mixed dementia. DON’T FORGET Knowing the relationship between the conditions could help doctors manage the disease, says Dr. Doraiswamy.

A BABY WHO WILL NEVER GET ALZHEIMER’S That’s the hope of his parents, who spent nearly $40,000 on a new treatment to protect him. When Jim’s mother died of early-onset Alzheimer’s at age 61, it was a wake-up call. “The disease has hit every generation of my family,” says Jim, a software engineer. (He and his wife requested anonymity.) “I thought, ‘If there’s anything we can do to prevent this from happening to our kids, we should do that.’”


Turns out there is. Jim, 36, learned that he could be tested for gene mutations that cause early-onset Alzheimer’s. Through in-vitro fertilization (IVF), he and his wife, Melissa, could then screen their embryos and implant one that lacked mutations. The decision to do these “preimplantation genetic diagnostics”

was agonizing. “You realize that once you know the information, you can’t unknow it,” says Melissa. But they proceeded. Jim tested positive for the presenilin 1 mutation. “It’s pretty intense to be told you’ll get Alzheimer’s in 15 years,” he says. “I’ve always planned life assuming it was going to happen, but there’s something different about it being definitive.” Three of the couple’s viable embryos lacked mutations. The first one doctors implanted in Melissa didn’t take,

but the second one did, and the couple now has a healthy 14-month-old son. Genetic analysis is available for a suite of diseases, says Svetlana Rechitsky, Ph.D., of Reproductive Genetic Innovations, the company that did Jim and Melissa’s screening. Jim and Melissa know their son isn’t immune to Alzheimer’s, since lifestyle factors are involved, but they feel fortunate that they’ve been provided with the opportunity to reduce the odds in their family tree. —J.B.

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Linebacker Keaton Anderson digs deep on a power clean.



The nation’s dominant football power is driven by muscle and motivation. Meet the human engine that revs the bodies and minds of the national champion Crimson Tide. BY TED SPIKER P H OTO G R A P H S B Y G I AC O M O F O R T U N ATO P. 119

Grass drills help players forge fourthquarter stamina.

I need burst! 120 | November 2016

“Make today count. Get your mind right! Hate me now, thank me later. Light that fire. Let’s roll! —ALABAMA STRENGTH COACH SCOTT COCHRAN

Scott Cochran yells, “I need buuurrrrrssst!” It’s a little past 6:30 a.m. on the green practice fields of the University of Alabama, and the assistant athletic director for strength and conditioning is a walking-talking-bouncing verb of a man to the 100-plus players he’s directing through a series of drills and sprints. He butt-slaps, shoulder-bumps, chestpounds, growls, curses, challenges, inspires, and wakes up the defending national champs with his workouts and his words. “Make it happen now!” “That line means something! That line means something!” “Somebody’s gotta get in the end zone right here, right now!” “This is the separation game. Separates the men from the...”

But instead of the b-word that would normally follow, the 37-year-old Cochran opts for another b-word as the team darts down the field for another sprint. Cochran has been at Alabama since 2007, but it’s only during the past few years that cameras have zeroed in on him for his high-energy sideline show and for being, in the words of players and coaches alike, “The Man.” This is the man who’s credited with honing muscle and motivation in a team that’s won four national titles in the past seven years. The man whose voice has the thunder of a fighter jet and the tone of a blender. The man whose salary is north of $500,000, more than many NCAA head football coaches earn. The man who once rubbed Icy Hot all over his body to fire himself up, literally—and fire up the rest of his team in the process. (“A little dab’ll do ya. The armpit is a beast,” he says.) This is the foreman of the Alabama muscle factory, a position he holds not because of any unique approach to fitness but because he knows how to push the right buttons of college kids as young as 18 who are expected to perform at a championship level all day, every day. “We’re basically doing the same program we’ve been doing for a long, long time,” says head coach Nick Saban, who’s in his 10th year at Alabama. “It’s someone’s ability to effectively implement the plan with the players that separates the really good guys from the just-okay guys. Scott’s really, really good at that.” In the weight room later that day, Cochran leads the group through a lift while another

group of several hundred cheerleaders from out of town are doing their thing next door. He’s louder than them all, hollering at the guys when they don’t do something right and celebrating them when they do. He meets with some players in his office. He sends them all motivational videos about excellence. Ultimately, Cochran tries to spend individual time with his players. He wants to know about their problems and their lives. The training challenge comes because every player is different. Some need to gain weight; others need to lose it. They all need to be more explosive, and many have psychological hurdles they’ve never had to deal with—like being in the best condition of their lives yet maybe never seeing the field because the Bama roster is stuffed with high school All-Americans. The strength coach is one of the most important roles on a collegiate staff. He has more contact with players than anyone else because of NCAA regulations imposed on other coaches during the off-season. He’s with them in summer, though workouts are limited. (Alabama does four runs and three lifts a week.) Cochran works with a cadre of athletic trainers and nutritionists to prepare the players for competition. But he would argue that while conditioning is about putting on the armor to ready their bodies for football, it’s not all about the reps, sets, and moves. True to his more-poet-than-scientist persona, Cochran offers a seemingly random anecdote that helped him gain perspective. He recalls hearing that when former Alabama receiver November 2016 | 121

Wide receiver Robert Foster embraces the pain.

Amari Cooper signed with the Oakland Raiders, he had to rely on public transport because he couldn’t rent a car until he was 25. “I looked into it and found the brain isn’t really fully developed until the age of 25,” he says. “They’re still young and they make mistakes. We’re here to help them learn from those mistakes. The players already have the thought that they want to be great, but what does that even look like?” What he’s learned is that pushing buttons boils down to trust. “You’ve got to know who you’re talking to. I have to know them to help them if they’re fighting injury or dealing with personal problems,” he says. Cochran makes sure the players know him and realize that what he’s doing is in their best interest. “They’re all trying to get somewhere because they love the sport,” he says. “A lot of times they haven’t seen a male figure in their lives consistently. When they see the consistency that Coach Saban and I bring every single day, they thrive off it.” Because the guys talk to Cochran about their physical and mental struggles, they trust those “push it” screams on the field and in the weight room. They understand that those exhortations come not from some rah-rah motivational book but from having a genuine relationship. And that influences performance. “It’s the intangibles: effort, mental toughness, being responsible for doing what you need to do,” Saban says. “It does require a tremendous amount of physical conditioning to sustain those things. People loaf when they’re tired. Fatigue makes cowards of us all. That’s Vince Lombardi’s saying.” Cochran, who learned his craft at Louisiana State and with the New Orleans Hornets, says when he was about 10 he told his father he wanted to go into strength coaching. He’d seen a Michael Jordan interview about what it takes for a team to achieve goals, and he said he wanted to help athletes do that. But Cochran’s brothers were all physical therapists and he figured he’d be one too. His dad, though, said no: “You’re going to volunteer at the high school because you told me that you wanted to do this and you haven’t even tried it yet.” It wasn’t long before Cochran was hooked. He says, “I saw a kid doing a power clean wrong and it drove me up the wall.” The players have responded. When 6 a.m. rolls around, Cochran is their set of jumper cables. “Man, this guy is always into it. He’s always intense,” says O.J. Howard, a tight end who has packed on some 30 pounds of muscle during his time at Alabama. While ultimately Cochran oversees the plans that get players bigger, faster, and stronger, the details of how they do it are less important than getting them to believe they can do it. “There’s no magic,” Cochran says. “It takes what it takes.” 쐍 122 | November 2016


Early-Morning Internet Searches Cochran looks for inspiring videos to share with the players, such as a Navy SEAL talking about making mistakes (so we can learn from them), and the actor Denzel Washington discussing dreams and goals. A 6 a.m. Pick-Me-Up Workout Cochran does a circuit just before he leads the team. “I just try to find the energy they need from me to get them started.” Feeding Off the Players’ Needs He understands the stakes. Lineman Dalvin Tomlinson once told him, “I am from nothing, I got nothing, I’m going to give everything.” His Quest to Help Them All “I’m not trying to get one. I’m trying to get 100 percent. Get one, my ass. Get ’em all.”


The King-of-theBeasts Warmup “Have you ever seen a lion grab a band and stretch before he gets up and chases a gazelle?” Cochran asks. “Hell no, son.” They just do enough to get the body ready to move. After all, you do need a little to get going. Moves that mimic the exercise at a lower intensity for 3 minutes prepare your muscles to roar.

The Most Important Muscle Builder The bench press is the glamour lift, but it’s all about the glutes for these guys. Glutes bring strength, speed, power, and more. That’s why they do back squats—one day of light weights (5 sets of 10, 8, 6, 4, and 2 reps) and one heavy day (5 sets of 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1 rep). “Little ass, unemployment line. Big ass, big paycheck.”

How to Hit the Wall and Keep Going To build stamina and the will to push past fatigue, the players do 16 sprints (110 yards each) with a 45-second rest. “Number nine is harder than 15,” says tight end O.J. Howard. “When you get that second wind, you need to know what it feels like. That way when you hit the wall, you know what it feels like to get past it.”

Will You Get Hurt? A 30-Second Test The coaches use GPS data and detailed metrics to evaluate the players, but they also use a 30second single-leg wall sit. “The inability to hold a single-leg wall sit—or a discrepancy between right and left leg—for 30 seconds reveals an increased risk of soft-tissue injury,” says head athletic trainer Jeff Allen. November 2016 | 123

Running back Xavian Marks gets some love from Cochran.

“The old saying is ‘there’s no I in team,’ but there is an I in ‘win’ because the individuals make the team what it is. It’s not the other way around. —HEAD COACH NICK SABAN


THE AWESOME OMELET “The number one problem our incoming athletes have is not eating breakfast,” says Amy Bragg, the team’s director of performance nutrition. Players often eat fourto six-egg vegetable omelets. That’s at least 28 grams of protein.

THE FIVE-MEAL PLAYBOOK Alabama players consume quality nutrition sources five times a day. “What we don’t want them to do is power through the day and then eat a big meal at night,” says Bragg. Typical snacks: protein smoothies, trail mix, beef jerky.

THE MUSCLE SMOOTHIE Customized shakes are staples, Bragg says. She uses Muscle Milk protein powder, Greek yogurt, frozen fruit, 100 percent juice, milk, and water to create individualized shakes to meet each player’s nutrition needs and palate.

THE PERFECT DINNER PLATE Nothing beats the salmon, sweet potato, and broccoli trifecta, Bragg says. “Those are foods players will eat.” This meal contains high-quality carbohydrates and protein, and healthy fats, along with some fiber and antioxidants.


The Fantastic Four

M I C H A E L B R A N D O N M Y E R S (i c o n s), S A M K A P L A N (s a l m o n p l a t e) , f o o d s t y l i n g: M i c h e l l e G a t t o n /S t o c k l a n d M a r t e l


Pack on New Muscle O.J. Howard came to Alabama hungry—for knowledge and to add muscle. It’s taken the 6'6" tight end four years to bulk up from 220 to 250 pounds. His lifts in the gym mimic his role on the field. “Every time I power clean, I think about going up to catch the ball,” he says.

Forge Explosive Power “I’m not the tallest or biggest or strongest,” says Dalvin Tomlinson, a 6'3", 305-pound defensive lineman. “Somebody’s always going to be stronger or faster.” That’s why technique is so important. For Tomlinson, improving technique means generating lights-out power.

Speed Up Your Moves

Shed Extra Baggage

A quarterback in high school, ArDarius Stewart switched to receiver at Alabama. The 6'1", 200-pound junior added about 15 pounds of muscle and now boasts a faster time in the 40-yard dash. In the SEC, the “littles” have to balance strength and speed.

In high school, Da’Ron Payne weighed about 345 pounds. The 6'2" defensive lineman now plays around 310. The biggest changes came in his diet. He replaced the junk with real food. “When I left the house, my momma and my grandma weren’t cooking for me,” he says.

Put nutrition first. Howard eats five times a day— “good things, like steak, salmon, and potatoes.” He supplements with three protein shakes.

Perfect the power clean. Work with a trainer to master this Olympic lift. It requires you to focus on technique, which eventually leads to strength gains.

Add resistance to moves. He does three rounds of pullups, the first two with a weight vest to failure. The third is with no vest. His target: 50 reps.

Redefine “rest time.” When guys have to lose weight, Cochran has them jump rope between weightlifting sets. Most guys can do 100 reps.

Work your legs more. “You’ve got to attack the legs,” Cochran says. Twice a week, the squad does lots of power cleans and back squats.

Master the clapping pushup. This move helps integrate power training into a strength builder. The big guys do 3 sets of 10; skill guys do 3 sets of 20.

Box-jumpstart for speed. Spark fast-twitch muscles with box jumps. In spring, players do 5 descending sets (5 reps, then 4, 3, 2, 1) from a 28"-to-48" box.

Do more cardio. Guys will walk, bike, or swim. The key is finding an activity that is low-impact. That’s why swimming is so popular.

Have a jammer session. The team uses a jammer machine—a total-body thrust— because it requires simpler technique than an Olympic lift.

Hop to it. In the rabbit drill, players face each other in pairs; the rabbit side-shuffles and jukes; the other player mirrors him.

Calibrate your eating. Everyone lifts, no matter what. The weight gainers eat 8,000 calories a day while the maintainers stick to 4,000.

Sprint stadium stairs. He does short snakes—sprinting up a short side and jogging down. Those five seconds of explosive power lead to gains.

November 2016 | 125

Movado Circa Motion With its black dial, rose gold case, and dark leather strap, this watch looks as classic as your grandfather’s chronograph at first glance. But there’s much more beneath its tough sapphire crystal. Use the crown of this Bluetooth-enabled device to access its sleep and step trackers, and watch it automatically sync as you cross time zones. $1,295

Time for 126 | November 2016



Apple Watch Series 2 The latest model may look familiar, but with welcome updates, it’s faster and more efficient than ever. For starters, this watch is water-resistant to 50 meters and has a built-in GPS. Apple’s new operating system launches apps instantly, and the watch tracks everything from your resting heart rate to your workouts. $399

The biggest names in the watch industry are battling tech’s titans in the war for your wrist. Here are a few that are worth a glance.


Not using this after two years? You can trade it in for a mechanical one.

128 | November 2016



Solar cells under the dial mean you’ll never again need a new battery.


Before heading out for a run, use an app with this watch to plan your route.

1 Citizen Proximity This watch was among the first light-powered analogs to seamlessly integrate Bluetooth technology with both Apple iOS and Android. Our favorite feature: Once the watch is synced, its hands automatically adjust whenever you cross into a new time zone. $595

2 Casio WSD-F10 Smart Outdoor Watch If you’re a fisherman, Casio’s new Android-enabled watch can let you know the best times to cast a line based on conditions and predicted fish activity. Hiker? It’ll show you altitude and atmospheric pressure. Now if it could only collect the firewood. $500

3 TAG Heuer Connected Powered by a superfast Intel processor and Android tech, the Connected mimics the iconic design of TAG’s mechanical Carrera collection. The titanium bezel is durable and lightweight, and it’s easy to swap dials and download a wide range of apps. $1,500

St yling: Brian Boyé, prop st yling: Danielle Selig

When high-tech timepieces like the Apple Watch and the Samsung Gear S2 first started hitting the market, people were forced to make a choice. Suddenly you were either a smartwatch guy or a traditionalist. (And if you could afford to be both, you were buying the next round of drinks, friend.) In all likelihood, that decision came down to your priorities. Men who valued aesthetics over all else wore precision-crafted Swiss watches because they’re beautiful and built to last—and they lend an air of authority around the conference table. Other men were drawn to the sleek, modern look of a smartwatch—and the ability to quickly check whether they logged enough miles to justify ordering the extra-large nachos. No matter how you feel about smartwatches, however, one thing is certain: They’re not just a fad. Last year, for the first time, shipments of smartwatches surpassed those of their traditional Swiss counterparts. And this year alone, smartwatch purchases are expected to jump from about 30 million to 50 million. In fact, says Kirk Parsons of J.D. Power and Associates, “they may completely replace traditional watches within a generation.” Rather than submit to the high-tech takeover, traditional watchmakers and luxury designers are innovating. What they’ve come up with is a revelation: a new breed of beautifully designed watches equipped with extras like heart rate monitors, step trackers, and LED screens to display emails and text messages. “They’re getting to know their enemy,” says Paul Boutros, senior vice president of watches for Phillips. “And they’re fighting back.” So whether you prefer an edgy new touchscreen or a dignified chronograph, one of these models could be your smartest buy.



The thin bezel packs in a helpful LED light to guide you in the dark.

Woke up bored? Swap out the strap and dial face for a whole new look.

Use this aviationinspired watch to track flight times and appointments.



Opening spread: Luigi Bianchi Mantova suit, Eton of Sweden shir t, Thomas Mason tie, Four Laps tank, Mammut backpack

Pair this with the Trace winter sports tracker to detect every flip of your snowboard.

4 Fossil Q Marshal All it takes is a quick swipe to customize this watch’s face with the color and design of your choice. Plus, it connects with apps like Google Fit, and with the built-in mic and speaker, you can issue Bond-style voice commands to respond to messages when your hands are tied up. $295

5 Michael Kors Access Dylan Smartwatch The pop of rose gold, silver, or black is a standout. So is the oversized, 46-millimeter customizable display face. There’s also an activity tracker so you can count your steps when you’re running from your watch admirers. $350



Breitling Exospace B55

Nixon The Mission

Designed for pilots, this sleek, titanium-encased Breitling has plenty of extras to keep you busy while you’re grounded. The LCD screen shows your calendar, emails, and incoming calls, while the Connected app allows you to set as many as seven different alarms. $7,685

Billed as the world’s first “action sports” smartwatch, The Mission constantly updates you with the latest surf and snow conditions. It’s also made from surgical-grade stainless steel and is water-resistant to 100 meters, so it’ll keep on ticking should you wipe out. $400






GICALLY REMOVED ISN’T WATCHING A PENIS BEING SUR terrifying and bloody it’s , at all like you’d expect. Sure d against your crotch han a h brus to t wan you and makes ched. But the worst atta still is just to make sure yours being guillotined from its part about watching a penis takes so damned long. ess proc owner is that the whole swift slice. But that’s We imagined it coming off in one es, one little chunk piec in off es not what happens. It com Picture cutting away the of flesh and muscle at a time. a slice here and a slice take You brown parts of an apple. salvage. can you h muc how ng there, seei t,” says Gregory Bales, “It’s like a rotted piece of frui University of Chicago Medical M.D., a urologist at the ess a penectomy—a penis Center who invited us to witn throw the fruit away. But amputation. “You could just nd this patient really, t—a frui if you want to keep the t—you want to minimize really wants to keep his frui the tissue loss.” ent, a man in his 50s The smell coming from the pati with his legs in stire tabl g ratin who is lying on the ope filled with maysock tube a like It’s ng. geri rups, is stag in summer. Up lot king par onnaise left on a Florida ch the entire wat wed to close—and yes, we were allo ’s reach of arm in with re edu proc excruciating four-hour igured. If disf and is is gray the action—the patient’s pen is what this is, pen a had s Ring Gollum from Lord of the it would look like. P.13 1

The surgical team cuts away increasingly larger chunks of the rotting penis, leaving a morbid pile of ashen globs on the patient’s belly.

WHAT HAPPENS Guys find some crazy ways to injure their genitals, and the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission tracks a sample of them. Between 2012 and 2015, here’s how guys hurt their junk.

132 | November 2016



Mauled by a Dog

Smashed in a Bike Crash

Here’s a haunting scenario: You’re throwing a ball around with the kids. Someone’s dog tries to join. He leaps for the ball but never catches it. He gets frustrated and lunges at you, fangs ripping through your scrotum as if it’s tissue paper. Kenneth Phillips, a Beverly Hills lawyer who handles dog bite claims, has had several cases like that. “These attacks range from lacerations to penises being ripped off or eaten,” he says.

Penis injuries from bicycle accidents sent about 6,500 Americans to the ER between 2002 and 2010, according to research by Benjamin Breyer, M.D., chief of urology at San Francisco General. While most are minor, some are downright ugly. “I treated a few ‘degloving’ injuries where a bicyclist had the penile skin sheared off the shaft,” he says. “The force of the impact [sliding along the top tube] literally pulled the skin off.” Having a hard tube just inches below your groin leaves you vulnerable to something equally devastating if you dismount quickly or crash.

PROTECT YOUR PACKAGE First, know why dogs aim for the nuts. “They zero in on the pheromone-rich crotch area during a confrontation,” says Nicholas Dodman, B.V.M.S., a professor of animal behavior at Tufts. Be wary of all dogs, even your own. “Seventy-five percent of the time, it’s a dog the victim knew and trusted,” Phillips says. Around any pooch, stand with your left leg forward and right leg back. That makes a straight line to the groin more difficult, says selfdefense trainer Loren Christensen. If you sustain even a minor nip, have it evaluated right away. “A dog’s jaw and mouth are really dirty, so a serious infection is always possible,” says Andrew Kramer, M.D., a urologist at the University of Maryland Medical Center. And lay off the spreadables. One urologist we spoke to said, “Nine times out of 10, if a dog bites somebody’s crotch, it’s because the victim’s penis was covered in peanut butter.”

PROTECT YOUR PACKAGE Make sure your bike fits; most shops will help you out with that for free. On a bike that’s too big, you’re more likely to lose control and have an accident— and that top tube will be perilously close to your boys. You should have 1 to 2 inches of clearance above the top tube, so if you take a spill you’re less likely to catch your junk. Get fitted for a saddle while you’re at it. Make sure it’s the right width for your frame. You want most of the pressure on your “sit bones,” not on your package. Next, add padding. Snug bike shorts that have a padded crotch will help shield your goods. Finally, install a dropper seatpost so you can raise or lower your saddle on the fly. It helps you get that saddle out of the way on steep descents or in dicey situations.











hit in balls by balls

like rings, wire, or antenna inserted into or stuck around the penis

weights or furniture









activities other than weight training

bicycle, mower, bull, e.g.

onto or off objects

like a door or elbow

Illustrations by JOHN UEL AND, icons by Michael Brandon Myers

“The poor guy had a pretty bad understanding about what was happening to him,” says Joe, one of the resident assistants. “We talked him through what was involved in the surgery, and he asked, ‘Am I going to have sex after this?’ I was like, ‘Are you kidding me, dude? You’re not going to have any sex again.’” When you watch a man’s favorite organ get sliced away, you realize how vulnerable this piece of flesh dangling between your legs really is. How can you make sure something like this never happens to you? That’s fairly simple. But this man is uncircumcised and has a condition called phimosis, when the foreskin doesn’t fully retract behind the glans. That alone is treatable, but he didn’t practice the best hygiene. Too many missed showers ultimately led to a fungal infection. “His penis is literally being eaten away,” says Dr. Bales. Men who lose their penises are not always morons who take wild risks. They aren’t always the guys who tried to holster loaded guns in their waistbands or thought, “I wonder if I should stick my dick in this toaster.” Sometimes they’re guys who didn’t make a doctor’s appointment soon enough or didn’t realize that a soapy washcloth to the nuts could make a world of difference. “It’s the little things that can be the most dangerous,” says Dr. Bales. The first part of the surgery is almost over. What was once a penis is now just splayed tissue. The surgeons next try to determine where they’ll create his new urethra. “How’s this?” Joe asks, poking at a soft spot on the lower part of the patient’s testicles. “That’s really low,” says Jake, another resident. “You can’t pee out of your ball sack.” “It has to be that low,” Joe counters. “Otherwise, when he tries to pee, he’ll just spurt all over his feet.” Dr. Bales shakes his head. “It’s tragic,” he says. “For the rest of his life he’s going to pee like a girl. And if he’d responded sooner, if he’d recognized that this was a problem, it would have been a hundred times better. He would have at least had a chance of saving his penis. But that’s how guys are. They don’t want to go in and have the doctor give them bad news. But if you wait too long”—he pauses to pick up the mangled flesh that used to be a penis—“this could happen to you.” Here are common ways guys destroy their packages and, most important, how to protect yours.





Kneed or Kicked

Snapped During Sex

Chewed by a Zipper

Sliced While Shaving

Every man’s been blindsided at least once. Paul Wood, a British rugby player, took an “accidental knee” to the groin during a match and ruptured a testicle, which had to be removed. That’s a happy ending compared to the case of Willie Cannon of Cleveland, who was kicked in the balls during an attempted robbery at a birthday party. His ruptured testicle developed gangrene and he died a month later. (His assailant was indicted for murder.)

Chris from Los Angeles vividly recalls the day he broke his penis. He and his girlfriend were having rough sex at a hotel. “When we finished, I looked down at my crotch and it looked like a murder scene,” he says. Blood wasn’t the only problem. His penis was also bending in a new direction. Yes, this can happen easily. “You pull out, and when you try to slip back in, you hit her pelvic bone,” explains Dr. Steixner. That tears your penile membrane, and the blood from the erection leaks into the skin. “It looks like an eggplant,” he explains. Sometimes blood can also leak from the urethra.

When Ben Stiller got his frank and beans painfully stuck in his zipper in There’s Something About Mary, it was easy to laugh and think, “I’m certainly not that stupid.” But zipper mishaps are shockingly common. Dr. Breyer’s research found that those tiny metal teeth bit 17,616 penises in one eight-year period.

Nearly half of the women in a Journal of Sexual Medicine study prefer a man with all or some of his pubic hair removed, so we can see why a guy might want to manscape. But your balls don’t shave as easily as your face. “The skin on the scrotum has nooks and crannies that can trap huge amounts of bacteria,” says Dr. Steixner. “Even a minor cut or laceration can bring bacteria inside there, which can cause cellulitis, abscesses, and, in rare cases, Fournier gangrene, which is like flesh-eating bacteria of the balls.”

PROTECT YOUR PACKAGE Be cautious around kids. Adults rarely kick each other down there, says Brian Steixner, M.D., director of the Institute for Men’s Health at Jersey Urology Group. “It’s always some kid kicking his dad in the nuts.” Then invest in underwear. While it’s never wrong to wear a jockstrap or cup, you probably don’t need one unless you’re the catcher or goalie, says Dr. Kramer. For activities during which a kick to the balls is a possibility, wear undershorts that fit snugly to your scrotum and thighs. If you hurt your balls anyway, don’t ice them for long. “You can get freezer burn on your scrotum or even kill a testicle,” says Dr. Kramer. Take ibuprofen; then lie down, close your eyes, and wait it out. With most minor testicular injuries, the pain subsides in less than an hour, says Dr. Kramer. But if it persists and there’s significant swelling and bruising, get to a doctor ASAP.

PROTECT YOUR PACKAGE Forget about reverse cowgirl (woman on top, facing away). It’s the position most likely to do damage. “There’s a reason porn actors are always cracking their penises,” says Dr. Steixner. “Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.” In fact, be a straight shooter in any position. “Avoid torquing the penis,” says Cleveland Clinic urologist Drogo Montague, M.D. Think of it as an arrow. You’re shooting toward a bull’s-eye, not around a corner. If you slip out during sex, don’t let your penis find its way back alone. “You or your partner should manually guide it back inside,” says Dr. Montague. In the event of a mishap, get checked. Left untreated, tears in the penile membrane can lead to permanent curvature.

PROTECT YOUR PACKAGE Sounds simple, but bears repeating: Don’t zip mindlessly. Use the kind of caution you’d use to cross a busy highway. “All it takes is a split second,” says Dr. Breyer. Although he says there’s no common denominator in zipper accidents, he suspects “overzealous zipping” is a major culprit. If you’re not a button-fly guy, think about switching to briefs. The open fly on boxers makes it easier for your penis to slip out unnoticed, says L.A. fashion designer Nick Verreos. Here’s what not to do if you end up getting pinched: Don’t just give a swift pull in the opposite direction. That could tear the flesh. Instead, squeeze the entire shaft of your penis as hard as you can, says Dr. Kramer. “That’ll reduce the swelling and fluid buildup.” Wait for the swelling to subside and then work the skin out of the zipper little by little. If that doesn’t work, use wire cutters to carefully snip the zipper’s median bar—the little bridge atop the slider that connects the inner and outer face plates. The whole zipper will fall away. Just be careful!

PROTECT YOUR PACKAGE A half hour beforehand, stash your shaving cream (ideally an alcohol-free gel containing aloe) in the fridge. Then, while you’re shaving, use cold water; this tightens the skin on your sack, making the terrain less bumpy, says Dr. Steixner. Always shave in the direction of hair growth, says dermatologist Anthony Rossi, M.D., of Weill Cornell Medical College. This will help prevent the trapping of ingrown hairs, which can lead to infections. Don’t manscape on a whim. Set aside at least an hour and take your time. Dr. Steixner says the worst cases of scrotal butchering usually occur on the weekend, when guys are preparing to go out and decide to “give the boys a quick shave” in the shower. “The next thing they know it’s Sunday and they’re in the ER with no nuts,” he says.












extreme grinding

tick, dog, spider

from infections or soaps

tight jeans














cuts from jewelry (either party’s)

bent penis

All in the Family didn’t fool the bigots. They knew the joke was on them.”

The creator of All in the Family, The Jeffersons, and Good Times flew more than 50 bomber missions in World War II. Then he came home to fight bigotry and racism with a much different kind of weapon—satire. BY ERIC SPITZNAGEL

NORMAN LEAR HAS IRON BALLS. THAT’S REALLY the only way to say it. It’s not enough to describe him as a mere TV writer and producer, even if you name his many hits—shows like All in the Family, Maude, and The Jeffersons, to name a few. People tend to forget just how risky All in the Family was when it premiered in the early 1970s. This was a show that depicted a racist—an actual racist, who used words like “spade,” “spook,” “chink,” and “coon”—in order to make fun of racists. Lear also created the first U.S. sitcom about an African American family—Good Times—and tackled social issues, like homosexuality, women’s rights, and abortion, that most TV writers go out of their way to avoid. (Lear’s Maude Findlay had an abortion in late 1972, two months before Roe v. Wade.) 134 | November 2016

Lear was so far ahead of his time that he’s still ahead of his time. Think about it: If All in the Family came out today, nobody would say, “This feels like a show from the 1970s.” We’d call it daring and subversive and wonder if audiences were ready for such an honest, unflinching satire about the American psyche. Is there anything else from 1970 that feels too dangerous and modern for 2016? Lear, an Air Force vet—he flew 52 bombing raids in Europe during World War II—was so dangerous that Richard Nixon was caught on tape complaining about All in the Family’s blatant glorifying of homosexuality. The evangelist Jerry Falwell once called Lear “the greatest threat to the American family in our generation.” Falwell and Nixon are gone now, but Lear, at 94, is still with us. And he’s

A r t S t r e i b e r /A u g u s t ( Le a r ) , C B S / c o u r t e s y N e a l Pe t e r s C o l l e c t i o n ( A l l i n t h e F a m i l y )

not running out the clock in a home for aging satirists. He’s featured in a new documentary about his life, Just Another Version of You, and has written a book, Even This I Get to Experience. Currently he’s executive producing a remake of One Day at a Time, a show he created in the ’70s. Its Cuban American cast will star Justina Machado and Rita Moreno, and it premieres in early January on Netflix. MEN’S HEALTH: Have you ever thought about doing an updated version of All in the Family? Archie Bunker circa 2016? NORMAN LEAR: I’ve thought about it because there’s been a lot of interest. But I’m not interested in doing another version of Archie Bunker. When you get a performance like Carroll O’Connor gave us, you don’t fool with that. It was too indelible. But if there were another Archie Bunker and he somehow lived up to the original, would modern audiences care? Would they embrace a lovable bigot who throws around racial epithets? If he was as outrageously funny as Carroll O’Connor made Archie Bunker, then yes. Funny is funny, and an audience laughing is an audience laughing. But sometimes people laugh for the wrong reasons. At least a few viewers probably loved the racial slurs in Mel Brooks’s Blazing Saddles. Do you think anybody loved Archie Bunker because they agreed with him? Well, of course. But I never got a piece of mail from anybody who shared Archie’s worldview who didn’t also say to me “Jew bastard go back where you came from” or some ugly thing. They knew the joke was on them. All in the Family didn’t fool any bigots. But did it change any minds? [Long pause.] I don’t know if it did. That’s for other people to say. I want to think that we did, but I don’t know. That might be asking too much. It is true Archie Bunker was based on your dad? Yeah. Well, it was based on a British show, Till Death Us Do Part. But when I heard about this idea, a bigoted father arguing with his son, I immediately identified with it. Not because it was a great idea, although it absolutely was, but because I’d lived it. Your dad even had a favorite chair like Archie? That’s right. He had a red leather chair. We didn’t use a red leather chair in the series because it was too expensive. [Laughs.] We were a family in the Depression and didn’t have a nickel. But somehow my dad had a red leather chair. It was his throne. As a kid, did you want to grow up to be like him? Quite the opposite. I wanted to be a provider. That was an important idea for me. I wanted to be somebody you could count on, because my father wasn’t anybody I could count on. So who was your role model? My Uncle Jack, my father’s brother. I remember whenever he visited he would flick a quarter at me. That was just incredible to me at the time. I wanted to grow up and become a guy

who could flip a quarter at his nephew. It was more than I got from my dad. My dad made these grand promises all the time. “I’m going to take you and your mother on a trip around the world. We’ll be gone a year.” But of course it never happened. Was he as big a bigot as Archie Bunker? Maybe not a full-on bigot, but he had his moments. He used to call me the laziest white kid he ever met. That would just set me off. I’d scream at him, “Why would you say that? Why put down a whole race of people just to insult me?” And he’d say, “That’s not what I’m doing at all. You’re also the dumbest white kid I ever met.” [Laughs.] Was there anything in All in the Family that came straight from your relationship with him? Bits and pieces. But there was one episode, where Archie and Mike are locked in a cellar. They’re locked in a storage room all night, and they drink and talk about their fathers? Yeah, yeah, that’s the one. Everything about that conversation was very truthful. The way Archie talks about his dad cuts right to the bone, the way we idolize and sometimes mythologize our fathers. Yeah. What was the line? “How can you doubt any man...?” “How can any man who loves you tell you anything that’s wrong?” That’s the one. Is there a guy alive who can’t relate to that? It still rings so true for me. My dad told a lot of lies. He cheated. He stole. He went to prison for it. He was out of my life for three years because of a really bad decision. But I never stopped loving him. Was it cathartic to write about him from the fictional distance of Archie Bunker? Fictional distance? You’re not really writing about your dad, you’re writing about a fictional guy, Archie. So you’re dealing with these issues at arm’s length. Sure, there’s some truth to that. I watched the storage room episode again recently, and I cried. I cried as much as I did when we first shot it. I cried when we did it in rehearsal. But it’s not because I’m relating it to my own life. I cry because it’s such a wonderful scene, with performances that were just glorious. So you’re not crying about your father, you’re crying about Archie Bunker? Right. Who isn’t and has never been real? Well, he is real. For me, he’s very real. I’ve lived with him for so long, he’s so much a part of who I am. All of these characters, they’re all real to me. They’re my family. Were you the Meathead to your father’s Archie? Did you argue with him, try to change his mind? Oh yes, oh yes. Did it ever work? I don’t think so. He never changed. I remember he used to say, “I’ve been everywhere where the grass grows green, and I’ve seen everything.” That was his way of winning any argument. I would say, “Dad, that’s not fucking true!”

FAMILY MAN Lear’s edgy, unflattering depiction of a blue-collar bigot broke new ground for ’70s TV.

The world is filled with Archie Bunkers. How do we reach them, change their minds? Well, you start by realizing they’re not all that different from you. I really think every person on the planet, every single one, is just another version of you. That’s what we have to understand to make any progress. We are all versions of one another. And then you start listening. You listen to everybody. Nobody ever came into my office that I didn’t care to listen to. Didn’t the Black Panthers once pay you a surprise visit? Yes, that’s right. Back in the ’70s. They didn’t like what they’d seen on Good Times, so they just showed up. My secretary tells me, “There are some guys in the lobby who say they want to see the garbage man, and that’s you.” I invite them in, and they tell me all their complaints, that they’re pissed that the only black father on television is struggling so hard, has to take three jobs. I listened to everything they said, and tried to really hear it. It gave me the inspiration for The Jeffersons. So listening paid off? It did. I wouldn’t know how to be a writer without being a listener. Somebody wiser than me once said, “Each man is my superior in that I may learn from him.” There’s not a lot of listening happening in the country right now. We feel more divided than ever. Is it hopeless? It depends. We’ve made huge leaps forward in the LGBT arena. We’ve still got a long way to go with race relations. But if it happened for LGBT issues, it can happen for other things. Maybe we’ll look back someday and think, “Wow, how did we get here? Look at what happened with racial harmony, racial healing.” You look at the world, and we have a lot of reasons to complain. But we also have evidence that being hopeful isn’t the same as naïveté. I wouldn’t wish to wake up in the morning if I don’t have hope. You seem like a pretty happy guy. If I had a complaint about my life, I’d be an ingrate. 쐍 November 2016 | 135



T U N E I N S U N D AY N O V E M B E R 6


Chiquita, Dunkin’ Donuts, Fitbit, Foot Locker, Gatorade Endurance, Hospital for Special Surgery, iHeartMedia, NY Apple Association, Poland Spring, PowerBar, Runner’s World, Snyder’s of Hanover, Sports Illustrated, TAG Heuer, The New York Times, Tiffany & Co., UPS

“ Take pride in what you do. Make each lift count.”

The Workouts

Scott Cochran, University of Alabama strength coach

P. 138

Raise Your Game Do the moves that got NBA star J.J. Redick to the top. No weights required. P. 139

Four Smart Swaps for the Deadlift They deliver totalbody gain while saving you from pain. P. 140 RISING TIDE

Teammates bring the motivation for defensive lineman Da’Ron Payne.


Bama Strong in 60 Minutes A championship hour of power to get you fit, fast, and tough.

November 2016 | 137

The Workouts (from page 56)

Raise Your Game, No Weights Needed Improve your athleticism, vertical jump, and injury resistance with this workout that borrows exercises from NBA star J.J. Redick’s routine. DIRECTIONS Perform the exercises in the order shown. Do all your sets and reps of one move before continuing on to the next. Rest as needed throughout.

Trainer: Jim Ferris, a Philadelphia fitness professional who works with pro basketball players Time: 15 to 20 min.

2 Reactive Pushup

3 Seated Jump

Stand with your feet hip-width apart. With your right leg, lunge in this order, returning to the starting position each time: forward, straight out to the right, backward, back behind your left leg (like a curtsy, between 7 and 9 o’clock), and to the right while turning your torso right. That’s 1 rep; do all your reps and then switch legs, swapping directions. Sets: 2 to 3 Reps: 4 to 5

Assume a pushup position. Bend your arms and lower yourself until your chest is just above the floor. Push back up, but as you do, lift your right hand and touch your left shoulder. Place your hand back on the ground. Do another pushup, this time touching your left hand to your right shoulder on the way up. That’s 1 rep. Sets: 2 to 4 Reps: 6 to 8

Sit on a bench or chair, your feet firmly on the floor and arms hanging by your sides. In one motion, throw your hands upward and explode up from the chair, jumping as high as you can. That’s 1 rep. Sets: 4 to 6 Reps: 3

4 Single-Leg Sit-to-Stand

5 Around-the-World Pullup

Sit on a bench or box with your arms at your sides. Place your right foot on the floor and your left foot out in front of you. Stand without touching your left foot to the floor and then slowly sit back down, keeping your left foot elevated. That’s 1 rep. Do all your reps and repeat on your other leg. Sets: 2 to 4 Reps: 6 to 8

Hang from a pullup bar. Pull your chest to the bar and lower yourself. Now pull your chest up to your right hand and lower yourself. Then pull your chest up to your left hand and lower yourself. That’s 1 rep. Sets: 3 to 5 Reps: 2 to 3

138 | November 2016


G r o o m i n g : B r i t t a n y S p a u l d i n g / Tr u e B e a u t y M a r k s; J e s s e D . G a r r a b r a n t / N B A E / G e t t y I m a g e s ( i n s e t)

1Multidirectional Lunge

The Workouts (from page 58)

Four Smart Swaps for the Deadlift So you want to build muscle, melt fat, and keep yourself injury-free? No need to perform deadlifts. Just do these four exercises once a week.

1 Barbell Rack Pull

2 Farmer’s Walk

WHY IT WORKS You’re mimicking the mechanics of deadlifting from the floor but eliminating the first

WHY IT WORKS It targets your grip, upper back, and core without putting force on your lower back. HOW TO DO IT Grab a heavy dumbbell or kettlebell in each hand and walk slowly forward for 30 to 60 seconds. That’s 1 set; do 4.

part of the movement—the part that’s typically most problematic. HOW TO DO IT Set up blocks or a power rack so the bar is at mid-shin to knee height (or higher). Bend at your hips and knees and grab the bar overhand, your arms just outside your legs. Now stand up, thrusting your hips forward as you pull the bar from the blocks or rack. Do 3 sets of 6 reps.

G r o o m i n g : B r i t t a n y S p a u l d i n g / Tr u e B e a u t y M a r k s ; Neustockimages/Get t y Images (inset)

Trainer: Ben Bruno, MH advisor and L.A. strength guru

3 Barbell Hip Thrust

4 Single-Leg Dumbbell Romanian Deadlift

WHY IT WORKS It places a huge load on your glutes and hamstrings with less

WHY IT WORKS You’re challenging your posterior chain (lower back, glutes, hamstrings, calves) without using backbreaking weight. HOW TO DO IT Stand holding a heavy dumbbell in each hand and shift your weight to your left foot. Hinge forward on your left leg until the dumbbells come close to the floor, keeping your right leg in line with your torso and your right foot pointed toward the floor. Your back should stay straight throughout. Reverse the move and repeat. Do 4 sets of 10 reps; then switch legs and repeat.

of the lower-back stress associated with a traditional deadlift. HOW TO DO IT Sit on the floor with your back against a bench and a heavy barbell across your hips. (Using a pad or towel can make it more comfortable.) Grip the bar, bend your knees, and plant your feet flat on the floor directly under your knees. Now thrust your hips up and squeeze your glutes as if you’re cracking walnuts between your butt cheeks. Slowly lower the bar back to the starting position. That’s 1 rep; do 3 sets of 8.

November 2016 | 139

The Workouts (from page 118)

Bama Strong in 60 Minutes Alabama players dominate on the gridiron because strength coach Scott Cochran builds them up off the field. Here’s a workout inspired by how the Tide rolls.

Double Kettlebell Clean

GHD (Glute-Ham Developer)

Grab a pair of kettlebells. Push your hips back, flexing your knees and dropping the kettlebells between your legs. Then explosively pull them up and “catch” them at shoulder height as you rise to a standing position; keep your knees slightly bent. Reverse the motion and repeat. That’s 1 rep.

Kneel with both knees on the floor. Pin your feet under something heavy, such as a loaded bar, or have a partner pin your feet to the floor. Keep your hips forward and torso straight as you slowly lower your body toward the ground. When you can go no farther, stop and return to the starting position. You may only be able to go forward a few inches at first.

Plank to Side Plank

Swiss Ball Leg Curl

Barbell Back Squat

Lie on the floor with your calves resting on a Swiss ball and your arms outstretched. Squeeze your glutes to raise your hips off the floor until your body is in a straight line from shoulders to ankles. Pause, and then bend your legs to roll the ball toward your butt. Straighten your legs to roll the ball away from you; then lower your body to the floor. That’s 1 rep.

Hold a barbell across your back. Keeping your head up and chest high, push your hips back, bend your knees, and lower your body until your thighs are at least parallel to the floor. Push back to the starting position.

140 | November 2016

G r o o m i n g : B r i t t a n y S p a u l d i n g / Tr u e B e a u t y M a r k s ( e x e r c i s e s ) ; G I A C O M O F O R T U N A T O ( i n s e t )

Assume a pushup position, but bend your elbows and rest your forearms on the floor. Your body should form a straight line from ankles to shoulders. Tighten your core and hold that position for 30 seconds. Now rotate onto your side and prop your upper body on your forearm, keeping your hips raised so your body forms a straight line. Hold for 30 seconds; repeat on the other side.


Jump Rope

Hang at arm’s length from a chinup bar, using an overhand grip that’s wider than your shoulders. Squeeze your glutes and “tuck” your pelvis. Pull your neck up to the bar. Pause, and slowly lower your body back to the starting position.

Grab a jump rope. Grip its handles tightly. Swing the rope over your head and then beneath you, hopping over it as it passes under your feet.


Start with a 5- to 10-minute warmup of your choice; then do the moves in the combinations shown below. Complete all your sets and reps before transitioning to the next combo. In exercises that list more than 1 rep, the rep corresponds with the set. For example, you’ll do 5 reps for your first set of barbell back squats, 4 reps for the second, and so on until you do 1 rep for the fifth set. Rest as needed throughout.






Barbell Bench Press Load a barbell and lie on a bench. Using an overhand grip that’s just beyond shoulder width, hold the bar above your sternum, keeping your arms straight. Slowly lower the bar to your chest, and then explosively push it back to the starting position.




Barbell back squat


5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Jump rope


30 seconds

Double kettlebell clean



Jump rope


30 seconds

Bench press


5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Plank to side plank


30 seconds

Swiss ball leg curl







As few as possible

50 reps total

Trainer: Scott Cochran, strength coach, University of Alabama Time: 60 minutes

November 2016 | 141



142 | November 2016

You’re only given so many chances to help and truly change someone’s life. You have to seize them.” cabin on a bluff in Montana for his parents, a place where they could live rent-free. “My family started the place when I was growing up,” he says. The project stalled, and after over a decade it was languishing. So earlier this year, Ballard hired one of his best friends to finish the job. Ballard helped with the foundation and stacked logs. The result: a 5,000-squarefoot lodge sitting on 10 acres with views of Glacier National Park. “Now they can live out their days,” he says, “and I’ll always have an amazing place to go back and visit.” Enter Zech. The kid was given a multiplechoice quiz: Would you rather 1) slop hogs? Or 2) get support to go back to school? Zech aced the exam, so on the spot, Ballard made him a proposal: If he’d help around the cabin, maintain at least a 2.5 GPA, and not use drugs, he could live there rent-free while attending high school. Zech accepted. “He’ll also probably have to help my dad fix up some old cars,” Ballard says, laughing. Asked why he would trust a total stranger to live with his aging parents, he pauses briefly. “You’re only given so many chances to truly change someone’s life,” he says. “You have to seize them.” 쐍


Kit and Ace

Billy Reid



Michael Kors Access



Citizen Watch



Original Penguin





Grand Voyage

TAG Heuer


To Boot New York


Victorinox Swiss Army

Joe’s Jeans MEN’S HEALTH Vol. 31, No. 9 (ISSN 1054-4836), is published 10 times per year (monthly except for January and July) by Rodale Inc., 400 South 10th St., Emmaus, PA 18098–0099; (800) 666-2303. Copyright 2016 by Rodale Inc. All rights reserved. In U.S.: Periodicals postage paid at Emmaus, PA, and at additional mailing offices. Postmaster (U.S.): Send address changes to Men’s Health magazine, Customer Service, P.O. Box 26299, Lehigh Valley, PA 18002-6299. IN CANADA: Postage paid at Gateway, Mississauga, Ontario; Canada Post International Publication Mail (Canadian Distribution) Sales Agreement No. 40063752. Postmaster (Canada): Send returns and address changes to Men’s Health magazine, 2930 14th Avenue, Markham, Ontario, L34 5Z8. (GST# R122988611). Subscribers: If the postal authorities alert us that your magazine is undeliverable, we have no further obligation unless we receive a corrected address within 18 months. For licensing and reprints, contact Nick Iademarco at Wright’s Media, (877) 652-5295 ext. 102, or

P h o to g r a p h s b y J O H N LO O M I S (t h i s p a g e a n d o p p o s i te); J o c ke y s h i r t (o p p o s i te)

party, and he got to join in the fun.” The sheer exhilaration of such experiences cuts to the core of why Ballard became a physician and a Ranger. “Sure, I love traveling, seeing new places, and helping people,” he says. “But I also feel really lucky. I grew up lower-middle class—literally in a barn at one point—and now I’m a doctor. America has been good to me. I have the desire to give back.” That’s ultimate enough, you may be thinking. Nobody gives that much time and energy without wanting something in return. A lot of people use altruism as fuel for their ambitions— whether it’s a local mayor serving soup to win votes or, just maybe, a good-hearted doc who wants to be on the cover of Men’s Health. But those who know Ballard best insist that his dashboard-saint persona isn’t a put-on. “Jed is always optimistic,” says Dan McCollum, M.D., assistant residency director at the Medical College of Georgia. “He’s perpetually ready for adventure, and he never lets tough circumstances bring down his mood.” Ballard’s also perpetually on the lookout for chances to do more of what he does best—help people. On one of his trips home from Colorado he met Zech, an 18-year-old who’d dropped out of high school and was living on his own. Rather than finish school, Zech’s plan was to work on a pig farm to help cover his rent. Despite the appeal of a pig-farming paycheck, Zech was able to consider an even better idea. Ballard had recently finished building a huge

I learned, and you have to be willing to change with it. For me it used to be about getting better for my boys. Now it’s also about giving back and helping other men.” Hooper started entering bodybuilding competitions and giving training advice to other veterans and friends. “Every day is an opportunity to improve.” With that prod from Izaac and support from his wife, Ganielle, Hooper grasped the life-changing power of working out with something bigger than himself in mind. “What you think your ‘why’ is—the reason you’re doing something—can evolve,” he says. “What you’re searching for is often also searching for you, but it’s up to you to find it.” Now he shares this advice with his crew and boys: Always do more. “When you strive to exceed expectations, you feel good about helping someone else, and at the end of the day you can also look yourself in the mirror and know that you gave 100 percent no matter what the outcome.” 쐍


that this adversarial mindset was getting in the way of something he thought was more useful: simple acceptance. “Most patients describe themselves as cancer warriors, and that’s fine if that works for you,” he says. “For me to move on, I had to give it love, crazy as that sounds. I actually had to say, ‘Thank you for being inside of me and for forcing me to realize I was not on the right path.’ It’s made me stronger.” That resolve faced no bigger challenge than last July, when in a dark turn of fate Tucker’s father died of cancer. “They caught it late. It started in his lungs and spread,” he says. “He went from 180 pounds to 120 pounds in two months. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried, but that’s when I finally lost it.” Even in the face of the deepest personal tragedy, however, Tucker became determined to stay optimistic and to serve as an inspiration to others dealing with struggles of their own. He’s getting back into training others to be fit, and recently launched a website,, where he posts instructional fitness videos and offers personal outreach to people living with chronic illness. “There are a lot of things that happen in our lives that can take us to a dark place,” he says. “But you can take that struggle and turn it into triumph. That’s how I’m growing. I fought it, I accepted it, and I thanked it. And now I’m on a true path to healing.” 쐍

MORE MEANING. MORE FULFILLMENT. MORE MONEY. Let’s be honest: Most of us aren’t exactly “special.” At best we’re underdogs fighting a system that stacks the odds against us. So how do we find a way to break free and achieve fulfillment and success on our terms? One way: We hustle. HUSTLE teaches you how to look at reality through a new lens—one based on fearless doing, demanding more (from ourselves and others), and never giving up on what’s important in our lives.




Cofounder of Crazy Egg and Hello Bar

New York Times bestselling author of The Lean Entrepreneur and founder of Superpowered Inc.

Creative media consultant, producer, and writer for global startups and billiondollar companies

Neil Patel, Patrick Vlaskovits, and Jonas Koffler are three marketing experts and entrepreneurs who have used their own success and experiences to help more than 100 startups and businesses gain more revenue, grow their customer base, and achieve better overall success.

NEILPATEL.COM/HUSTLE • Follow us @rodalebooks on Available wherever books are sold


The List 21Decisions You Instantly Regret 4 

Agreeing to help any male friend over the age of 25 move into a new place.

Figuring that somebody should finally tell your nephew that Santa Claus isn’t real, and it might as well be you.


Thinking to yourself, “I’ll just answer this text real quick,” while driving.


Deciding to answer the phone anyway when you don’t recognize the number.

Congratulating or acknowledging that any woman is or might be pregnant. Even if she obviously is. Even if she’s currently giving birth.


Not voting because it’s a hassle, and besides, what’s the worst that could happen?

 7 1 

Thinking you can get your ass over that barbed wire with a wide, awkward straddle.


Having an answer, any answer at all, when she asks you, “Which one of my friends would you sleep with?”

Opting to not walk over and introduce yourself to that amazing-looking woman at the bar, because hey, the night is young, you’ll get to it eventually, and it’s not like anybody else is talking to her right now.

Starting a conversation with the guy at the next urinal.

Telling any joke that begins with “This may sound sexist, but...”


Being the guy at the party who declares to the room, “We should do some shots.”


12 13

Dropping in on your daughter at college.

Going in for a hug seconds before realizing your buddy’s going in for a handshake.

Thinking “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” is some kind of law.

14 144 | November 2016

Telling your barber that it’s time to “get creative and try something new.”


18 19 20

Bringing up politics with an Uber driver. Bringing up politics to anybody, ever.

Setting up one or both parents with a Facebook account so they can check out all your updates, like all your photos, and be up in your business all the time, and oh my god, what have you done? Being the guy in the friendly pickup hoops game with work buddies who decides he’s a warrior and he’s gonna show these punks how this game is played!


N i s i a n H u g h e s / G e t t y I m a g e s ( h a i r) , J o h n L u n d / S a m D i e p h u i s / G e t t y I m a g e s (f e n c e) , J o h n R e n s t e n / G e t t y I m a g e s (s h o t s) , J o r d a n S i e m e n s / G e t t y I m a g e s ( b a s k e t b a l l) , A n d y S a c k s / G e t t y I m a g e s (u r i n a l)

Reading something on Twitter that you disagree with, and crafting a thoughtful, measured response that of course the other person will take in the spirit of healthy debate.

“This time do a three on the sides and a Rod Stewart on top.”