I Don’t Know

the deal with Herbie: Fully Loaded, and what is Herbie, the Love Bug anyway? What the fuck is The Love Bug, and what is the mystery about Herbie Rides Again? Not a clue.

Films based on novels are a mystery to me. What’s up with Tow Truck Pluck, and what on earth is Black Narcissus?

I also don’t know about Dutch-language films. Tropic of Emerald – not my area of expertise. And don’t ask me what To Play or to Die is. Wouldn’t know. Mijn nachten met Susan, Olga, Julie, Piet en Sandra – I don’t know what that is. What the hell? Allemaal naar Bed? Come again? Never heard of it. De Pijnbank – not my field.

I’ve never heard of Dutch films. The Hypocrites – what is that? And I couldn’t tell you about The Human Centipede First Sequence. I haven’t the foggiest idea.

I don’t know what people mean by ‘Splatter films’.

Zombie Women of Satan – doesn’t ring a bell.

I’m also not familiar with Zombie comedy films. I’m certain that I’ve never heard of Die You Zombie Bastards! or what the mystery about SARS Wars is.

And I know nothing about Cannibalism in fiction. A Boy and His Dog – I don’t understand that. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 – never heard of it. Couldn’t say.

I also don’t know anything about Sequel films. How am I supposed to make sense of Saw 3D? And I don’t know any Films directed by Kevin Greutert.

I have no idea what Jessabelle is or why people are so interested in Saw VI or how to make sense of it.

I’m completely ignorant of Films shot in Toronto. The 149