Negotiating the Norms That Bind: A Winding Road
and control over women when they feel their position is threatened (Connell and Messerschmidt 2005). In the urban focus groups, in particular, both men and women marked the stressful conditions for households and communities brought on by higher costs of city living and more unemployed or underemployed men. In response, women are stepping up their economic role and, as a result, may be expecting more authority and cooperation. Focus groups from a bustling peri-urban neighborhood of Hyderabad (Andhra Pradesh), India, perceived that domestic violence was intensifying due to these forces. The women from Hyderabad reported that, although tension between couples often has economic roots, any trifling reason—real or imagined—that men perceived as defying their authority (or altering women’s prescribed conduct) may ignite violence: Even if the husband is not drunk, there may be quarrels at home for different reasons. When the household faces financial crisis, he thinks that any talk about finances points to his failure. The wife cannot avoid talking about the lack of money because basic needs, like food, school fees, rent, or medicines cannot be ignored. She becomes an “irritant” when she lists what they must have, so he starts fighting. He may take anything as a pretext to show his anger and then he beats her. Sometimes he starts a fight over whether the food is not tasty or is too salty.
The Hyderabad men’s accounts of violence were surprisingly similar to the women’s. They concurred that “lack of money” was a principal factor, that “men abuse women at the slightest pretext,” and that “when abuses fly thick and fast, the man storms out to have a drink.” Men expressed awareness of women’s rights, but they clearly felt that women invited the violence and, hence, it was implicitly justified: “The fights carry on for a longer time and sometimes the women succumb to pressure and agree that they were wrong.” Although norms for gender roles are clearly relaxing in this Hyderabad neighborhood, the process seems to be fraught with stress for many households. Domestic life is changing and many women now work for pay, but the c ommunity continues to value and award prestige to couples who play their traditional roles. Earlier in the focus group discussion, before the topic of marital conflict was introduced, a man lamented about the change in local women’s attitudes and behaviors: “They want power. They want jewelry. They always want more and they are highly demanding. ... They always want more.” The men also expressed exasperation with women who get together “to compare jewelry and tales of beatings.” The men favorably recalled the wives of their father’s generations who were “good” and “sacrificing,” unlike today’s wives who “[c]ould not give time to children and family,” made “no sacrifices,” and “asked for rights.” For their part, women were happier with the changes in gender roles and reported that men are better now at showing their love for their children. The women cautioned, however, that a good wife should not pick fights with her husband for “silly reasons.” Indeed, women in many communities conceded they also played a part in marital conflict. Women in a neighborhood of Rafa Governorate in Gaza said they were less submissive than in the past and that violence sometimes happened On Norms and Agency • http://dx.doi.org/10.1596/978-0-8213-9862-3
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