the number by Amie Barrodale
“The thing is,” Daniel blurted out, “why is she wearing sweatbands?” “What?” “Do you like my new glasses?” Daniel reread the line. “Do you like my new glasses?” What is this shit, Daniel wondered. And then he typed, “Yes.” At lunch, a tanned Californian woman in a newly purchased Tibetan chupa and several flashy malas around her neck spoke about her private audience with the Sakyong. “He had us take a vow. One person in the audience stood up and said, ‘I really love wine. Do I have to give that up?’ And he said, ‘Can you only have one glass?’ and the man said he could, and the Sakyong said, ‘Just don’t get drunk.’” The woman beamed. The others at the table told stories of meetings with gurus that suggested alternate views on wine. Then Chris joined them. Daniel watched her. He noticed the stretch of skin from her elbow to her wrist. It was covered in violent eczema. Chris took the forearm in her hand and said, “This comes out when I’m worried.” “Why are you worried?” She met Daniel’s eyes. “I was afraid.” She let the words hang. “I’d come here before, but never for good. This time, it’s for good, and that generated a lot of hopes and fears.” She shrugged. Daniel leaned back in his chair and called up the photographs of The Number in her sweatbands. Then his father began to explain about slicing open his gums and the spiked bar. “What’s wrong?” Chris said. “What? Oh. It’s these—I got these emails. It’s just some drama. Some home drama.” And he didn’t know why, but Chris laughed.
c
hris had the door open, and Daniel began without any strategy. He walked in and said, “I’m very upset.” She looked up from her bed, “Daniel.” “Can I sit down?” He sat on her bed. She said, “Oh dear.” She stood and closed the door to her room. Then Daniel told Chris about the past three years of his life, and how he had fallen in love with a woman, and now he kept this phone with him, that he had left his job and he was confused and, “What it is, is that I want to have sex with you. I think it would be really good for me to have sex with you. Because, I never had—I never end up actually having sex with people—and I think—obviously, I’m not a virgin. I have sex. I have sex, you know, with women I meet at bars. I mean, I’m not going to marry you, or I’m not an asshole. I think if you were my age, I’d end up thinking like that.” Chris handed him a tissue. He wiped his eyes and talked. He said too much, and he turned to look at her.
“How am I supposed to respond to that?” she asked. “I really don’t know.” Out the window a dog barked on the lawn. She started to make a comment about the dog, but stopped. She said, “Well, I’m attracted to you. For sure.” Daniel smiled. “It’s not like I haven’t thought about it.” She explained her situation. Her husband had died one year before and she had been celibate since. She said, “While I’ve thought of how pleasurable it might be to have sex with you, my first good thought is of you, and whether or not it would be in your best interest. I’m considerably older than you. I am also a bit crazy right now, even though you don’t know it.” “It’s in my interest,” Daniel said.
t
he following afternoon, Daniel was sitting in the courtyard with his father. His father was trying to blow the thighbone trumpet he had borrowed from the Californian woman, the one with the chupa. Chris came out of the smaller temple. Under one arm she carried a comb-bound sadhana. Daniel caught up with her on the steps. She said, “Have you thought anymore about our discussion?” “I’m not the one who has to think.” “I thought you were very brave to talk about your feelings.” “Mm.” “I did,” she said. “Well, what do you want to do?” “I need some more time to determine if it’s in your best interest.” “If that’s the only problem, then there is no problem. But if you are afraid, I can understand it, because I am, too.” She appeared to swoon. Her eyes rolled back, and she rocked onto her heels. “Well, OK, goodnight,” she said. He watched her walk away. Then he heard his father coming up behind him. He was out of breath. “What do you think about that Chris woman?” “Ah, she’s great. She’s beautiful.” “That’s what I’m thinking, too. That’s a fine piece of ass. Notice how she keeps circling around us? That’s no coincidence, Son. I think I’ll ask her to circumambulate the stupa tonight. If you know what I mean.”
c
hris called Daniel the next day at noon and asked him to come to her room. When Daniel looked at her, he could see she had made up her mind. The answer was no. She said, “I don’t want a love affair, Daniel.” Then he saw it was the other way. Four minutes later, he had taken her clothes off, and they recalled the simple truth of it.
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