03-30-2011 by Hope College Library

VOL. 124 NO. 2 0

EPOH • H O L L A N D . M I C H I G A N

YE OLE RANCHOR"

M A R C H 3 0 . 1866 • SINCE 1866

Doc Brown here! Rumor has it that you want to learn about the history of Epoh College? Well, Great Scott, let's hop in my DeLorean and get started! First stop, the 1860s when Epoh was getting its start in Danlloh, Chim...

Scandalous attire on campus

Fifty cent tuition hike angers Epoh students Rachel Berry YOUR AVERAGE TEENAGE D R E A M

P H O T O BY C I N D Y L O U W H O

T H E R I G H T TO B A R E ANKLES— Epoh female students have bucked a long-standing tradit i o n of m o d e s t y a n d dignity. The f e m a l e s t u d e n t s above w e r e not c o u r a g e o u s e n o u g h t o a t t a c h t h e i r f a c e s t o t h e i r shameless a c t of r e b e l l i o n but Epoh a d m i n i s t r a t o r s have p r o m i s e d a s w i f t and a p p r o p r i a t e p u n i s h m e n t t o any f e m a l e s t u d e n t s c a u g h t f l a s h i n g th e i r a n k l e s on c a m p u s g r o u n d s . Dnalloh p o l i c e have also been i n s t r u c t e d t o r e p o r t any Epoh s t u d e n t s e n g a g i n g in s u s p i c i o u s activity.

Elphaba THE GREEN MONSTER

A d i s t u r b i n g t r e n d has b e s e t Epoh College in t h e past days, weeks, m o n t h s a n d yes, even years. The f e m a l e s t u d e n t s of this institution are s h a me f u l l y engaging in s c a n d a l o u s attire. O n O c t . 3, Epoh f o u n d e r Dr. Sutrebla X. Nav Etlaar n o t i c e d a gaggle of female s t u d e n t s striding t h r o u g h t h e recently r e n a m e d

M a r k e t S q u a r e with th e ir a n kles—yes, their ankles—exposed. This o u t r a g e o u s behavior goes against t h e principles E p o h was f o u n d e d on. "The fact t h a t these f e m a l e s consider themselves above t h e rules and s t a n d a r d s of propriety deeply s a d d e n s me," a still-shaken Dr. Nav Etlaar said. "There h a s been general u n r e s t a m o n g s t our growing s t u d e n t b o d y a b o u t t h e school's policy o n dress."

W h e n q u e s t i o n e d a b o u t a rec e n t revision of t h e little k n o w n Policy for S t u d e n t Dress, t h e president d e c l i n e d to c o m m e n t . The 17 s t u d e n t s of E p o h s e e m t o have mixed feelings about t h e n e w policy. M a n y of t h e p r o t e s t e r s are female. " W h y should t h e m e n of this fine institution be p e r m i t t e d t o e x p o s e a sliver of their shins w h e n t h e g a r t e r fails and yet I a m called SEE ATTIRE, PAGE 2

Y O U R AVERAGE TEENAGE D R E A M

E p o h College will celebrate its fifth c o m m e n c e m e n t cere m o n y this S u n d a y at t h e local R e f o r m e d church. The class of 1869 h a s 10 s t u d e n t s , four of w h o m are n o n - D u t c h . The college prides itself o n its diversity. The first E p o h graduating class w a s o n e - t h i r d Japanese. Each c o n c u r r e n t class h a s h a d an i m p o r t a n t element of diversity, with s t u d e n t s f r o m different backgrounds. T h o u g h t h e Holland c o m m u nity is almost 95% Dutch, Epoh c o n t i n u e s to attract s t u d e n t s of o t h e r e t h n i c b a c k g r o u n d s to t h e college. This creates a v i b r a n t learning c o m m u n i t y w h e r e stud e n t s are able t o learn f r o m each other's cultures.

W H A T ' S INSIDE

"We find it very i m p o r t a n t t o have n o n - D u t c h s t u d e n t s in t h e college. The class of 1869 h a s a G e r m a n s t u d e n t , t w o Irish s t u d e n t s a n d a Japanese stud e n t . Epoh prides itself o n being a place w h e r e e v e r y o n e is welcome," said President Pilihp Splehp. Epoh's diversity hasn't been w i t h o u t struggle. M a n y s t u d e n t s can attest to t h e occasional strain between students. 'T don't have a p r o b l e m going t o school with n o n - D u t c h students, b u t I k n o w s o m e of m y f r i e n d s find it difficult to u n d e r s t a n d o t h e r s t u d e n t s ' cultures, especially w h e n they don't share o u r s a m e religious convictions," said G e n e Poole (70). Poole brings u p an i m p o r t a n t diversity issue at t h e college: religion. T h o u g h most s t u d e n t s

I OUTSIDE EPOH

ARTSLESS 4

identify w i t h t h e R e f o r m e d C h u r c h of America, t h e r e are approximately 5 o u t of 40 s t u d e n t s w h o are of s o m e o t h e r C h r i s t i a n d e n o m i n a t i o n , such as Christian Reformed. "Though we are a school r o o t e d in t h e R e f o r m e d church, we w e l c o m e t h o s e of all faith b a c k g r o u n d s . W e feel as if their perspectives help o u r s t u d e n t s to see G o d in all people," a d d e d Splehp. S t u d e n t s are p e r h a p s m o r e enthusiastic a b o u t religious and cultural diversity at E p o h t h a n t h e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n . M a n y stud e n t s have expressed interest in having s t u d e n t s of n o n - E u r o p e an descent a n d o t h e r religions at t h e college. "1 like learning a b o u t o t h e r SEE DIVERSITY, PAGE 2

for t h e m t o ouy coal. Have t h e janitors go m i n e it themselves," said Barb E. Dahl ('82). Brighton Early ('81) agreed with Dahl, but added, "I t h i n k my p a r e n t s can swing t h e extra 50 cents, but I k n o w t h a t m a n y s t u d e n t s are u p s e t and left t h e address worried. S o m e w e r e crying. 1 feel terrible for those t h a t can't afford it." " M a y b e t h e r e will b e m o r e scholarships this way," said Crystal Ball ('83). 'Epoh can b e SEE TUITION, PAGE 2

Beginnings of a rivalry? Reporter witnesses Epoh-Nivlac faceoff Mr. Shankly A

Non-Dutch minority growing Rachel Berry

E p o h College recently ann o u n c e d its first tuition increase in t h e history of t h e college. Tuition will increase f r o m $10 to $10.50 in t h e 1880-81 school year. T h e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n cites rising coal a n d labor costs for t h e increase. T h e college is also interested in setting aside f u n d s t o possibly expand t h e college t o t w o buildings in t h e c o m i n g years, providing s o m e relief to t h e c r o w d e d Van Vleck Hall. "We want to continue providing t h e best e d u c a t i o n at Epoh possible," said President Selrahc "Hoct in his address t o s t u d e n t s . "Raising tuition was o u r only o p t i o n t o keeping stud e n t s w a r m in t h e winter and t h e c o m p l e x clean a n d tidy." S t u d e n t s are n o t thrilled a b o u t t h e increase, believing that Epoh already costs t o o m u c h t o begin with. "I can't believe t h a t Ttocs h a s increased o u r tuition. 50 c e n t s is t h r e e m o n t h s pay. There must be some other way

SICKENING W R E C K

It a p p e a r s t h a t this r e p o r t e r h a s l a n d e d himself in t h e 1860s via his t i m e - t r o u n c i n g device. I d o h o p e t h a t my very presence h e r e has n o p e r n i c i o u s effect o n t h e veritable progression of history. Instead I h o p e t h a t I can merely gain ins i g h t into t h e n o b l e history of this d e a r college that I attend. U p a h e a d 1 think I m a y be viewing an event of s o m e significance. Two gentlemen, o n e a d o r n e d in s h a d e s t h a t hold a verisimilit u d e t o h u m a n waste, and t h e o t h e r in noble blue and o r a n g e garb. T h e y a p p e a r t o b e e m barking o n a h e a t e d dispute. I will t r a n s c r i b e their e x c h a n g e for posterity. "Begone f r o m h e r e you ill-

spirited ne'er-do-well," said Arthur, t h e blue a n d o r a n g e b e d e c k e d hero. "My father. Ye O l d e President N a m t l u b , is t h e head of this e s t a b l i s h m e n t and h e will see that you a n d y o u r fellow b r o w n and yellow c l o t h e d hooligans are indefinitely b a n ished f r o m these grounds." "I hold great fault with you," said Franklin, t h e rival trespasser. "You have debased the good n a m e of m y m o t h e r in your sland e r o u s a t t e m p t at wit." "You are simply angry because t h e fair lady that you o n c e s o u g h t to c o u r t has instead t r a n s f e r r e d , and accepted my h a n d in marriage. As cust o m decrees, we will w e d rapidly, prior to o u r exit f r o m this fine establishment of learning," said Arthur. SEE RIVALRY, PAGE 2

SERUTAEF 5

CLASSIFIEDS 6

STROPS

- e o r a story Idea? Well don't bother using email or the phone! They h a y e n j j g e n j r w t e g r ^

NEWS FROM THE OLDEN DAYS

THE RANCHOR

MARCH 3 0 , 1 8 8 2

Tuition increases, student Omsoc, Amgis follow Lanretraf as Social Clubs protests turn violent

HAPPENINGS ABOUT CAMPUS

COTILLION TO BE HELD

Cindy Lou Who

• TUITION, from page 1

Debutantes, it's that time of year again. Time to find a nice gentleman to escort you to our formal dance. This can be particularly difficult considering there are only five gentlemen currently attending our fine school. N o sultry dancing lest you b u m in eternal hellfire.

SAVED CHRISTMAS

be pretty stingy." In r e s p o n s e t o t h e increase, s o m e s t u d e n t s are organizing a protest. Signs have been f o u n d in t h e library and dining hall. However, it is n o t clear w h o is responsible or what exactly they have planned. W h e n asked t o c o m m e n t

SLEIGH RIDES Remember, if you need a ride around the campus grounds long past sunset, there will be a dodgy gentleman offering sleigh rides to your place of residence. In addition there will be horse and buggy rides offered to the general store and apothecary in town.

FEATS OF STRENGTH A handful of gentlemen will be conducting a game of tug of war. They encourage others to view this light-hearted athletic contest and value the sportsmanly tun. They sincerely hope that no one in the future will take this tradition far too seriously.

CAMPUS FOXHUNT We've imported these adorable creatures just so you can celebrate the noble art of the hunt.

a b o u t these activities, President T t o c s said, "I don't k n o w w h o these s t u d e n t s are, but they have n o right to protest such logical measures. The increase is necessary and it's going t o h a p p e n . There's n o t h i n g m o r e to discuss."

This spring, t h e Lanretarf literary club was forced to t u r n away potential n e w m e m b e r s for initiation into t h e organization. "We've simply gotten t o o large, a n d we c a n n o t allow every m a n in who wishes to serve this b r o t h e r h o o d . We hate to be t h e bad guys, b u t it had to happen," an organization m e m b e r said a b o u t t h e t u r n of c o n s i d e r rescinding t h e policy. A similar p r o t e s t o c c u r r e d o n events. Historic, intellectual and t h e c a m p u s of Nivlac College cohesive, t h e Lanretarf men's last s e m e s t e r ; t h e six s t u d e n t s inliterary club w a s f o u n d e d in 1834. volved were led away with r o p e s Since its f o u n d i n g , Epoh College tied a r o u n d t h e ankles to e n s u r e has diversified exponentially no e x p o s e d skin. Van Tassel has high h o p e s t h a t t h e Epoh faculty (several n o n - D u t c h s t u d e n t s have recently enrolled). W i t h will u n d e r s t a n d her intentions. "I d o not t a k e issue with any- this diversity c o m e s a n e e d of o n e at this w o n d e r f u l college," m o r e o r g a n i z a t i o n s for m e n of t h e Lanretarf nature. Lanretarf s h e said. "I merely d e m a n d t h e right to dress in t h e m a n n e r t h a t I has a d o p t e d t h e m o t t o , "The d e e m a p p r o p r i a t e . The discrimi- Few a n d Chosen," a n d has t h u s n a t i o n against t h e f e m a l e f o r m is d e c i d e d they have t h e sole b a c k w a r d s a n d it is t i m e for t h e p o w e r t o c h o o s e m e n for their m e m b e r s of Epoh to appreciate organization. W h i l e their c h o o s i n g of w h a t b o t h m e n and w o m e n can certain individuals h a s potential offer." to c a u s e an uproar, those w h o were t u r n e d d o w n have c h o s e n t o begin a n e w organization. The college s u p p o r t s g r o w t h in this arena, as t h e results of a Greek

Women of Epoh stand up to discrimination by lifting their skirts • ATTIRE, from page 1

a harlot w h e n t h e wind blows my skirt up?" asked M e r e d i t h Van Tassel (78). Male s t u d e n t s s e e m t o be largely in s u p p o r t of t h e policy, stating that t h e female f o r m is a c o n s t a n t distraction a n d they feel t h a t they will b e closer t o G o d if t h e f e m a l e f o r m is not a c o n s t a n t distraction. A protest has b e e n s c h e d u l e d for W e d n e s d a y in t h e forested area of c a m p u s with t h e p i n e trees just west of VanVleck. Van Tassel, along with three o t h e r female s t u d e n t s , p l a n s t o raise h e r skirt and reveal her ankles until t h e f o u r Epoh faculty m e m b e r s

literary society has fructified life on campus. President N a m t l u b declared, "If I w e r e a s t u d e n t at Epoh, I would join this organization in a heartbeat; I love w h a t they stand for and what they do. There is w o r d of a similar g r o u p buzzing, and 1 will s u p p o r t t h e creation of a n o t h e r healthy, intellectual g r o u p of y o u n g men." W h i l e Lanretarf remains primarily Dutch, the new literary club (unofficially titled Omsoc) seeks to promote "Unity t h r o u g h Diversity" Their goal is to accept n e w m e m b e r s regardless of ethnicity. They still need official approval f r o m E p o h a d m i n i s t r a t i o n b u t h o p e t o be instated by 1890. The s t u d e n t s b e h i n d O m s o c said, " W e like w h a t Lanretarf has d o n e for this college. It provides an outlet of creativity, as well as a m e a n s of socialization. F o r m i n g O m s o c will m a k e this o p p o r t u n i t y available t o m o r e s t u d e n t s . It can only be a positive thing." W h i l e t h e w o m e n of Epoh remain few in n u m b e r , t h e r e have already b e e n m u r m u r s of a similar c l u b starting for w o m e n . F a r t h e r behind in t h e process, these w o m e n h o p e t o instate Samgis by 1906.

AKO

"Unity through,, Diversity"

Beyond Dutch: Campus experiences diversity • DIVERSITY, from page 1

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• RIVALRY, from page 1

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HAVI

As Epoh celebrates c o m m e n c e m e n t and looks f o r w a r d to g r a d u a t i n g m o r e diverse classes every year, there is m u c h t o be p r o u d of in t h e Epoh c o m m u n i t y regarding the diversity and a c c e p t a n c e of all s t u d e n t s .

Two students provoke lasting rivarly

5 5 0 BONELESS WINGS

616.399.9461

C h r i s t i a n faiths. I t h i n k it brings us all t o g e t h e r more," said H a r r y Beard (72). " T h o u g h 1 enjoy going to Epoh, I wish we had m o r e stud e n t s , m a y b e s o m e of color o r of a n o n - P r o t e s t a n t religion," said a s t u d e n t , w h o wished t o r e m a i n nameless.

BAR

T O BE

HERE'

" W h y you tottering, lilly-livered lout! You are simply jealous t h a t your bard w h o a d o r n s h i m self with wings n o w r e f u s e s t o even s t e p foot u p o n t h e p u t r i d g r o u n d s of your place of learning," said Franklin. "I o u g h t to strike you u p o n t h e cheek with this gauntlet and thereby ignite a rivalry b e t w e e n o u r c a m p s w h i c h will in f u t u r e g e n e r a t i o n s be c o m m e m o r a t e d in t h e playing of h e a t e d tests of athleticism," said Arthur. " U n h a n d m e you dogy knave! You have s t r u c k me," said Franklin. "It is n o w settled you artless and tottering beef-witted brute. We are e t e r n a l rivals, and o u r a c a d e m i c d e s c e n d e n t s will e n s u r e t h a t t h e f l a m e of this everlasting h a t r e d b u r n s strong in

their hearts," said Arthur. "You haughty, vain, fitful rapscallion! You have t h e arr o g a n c e t o t h i n k t h a t your imp u d e n c e h e r e will have s o m e d e g r e e of lasting i m p a c t o n the c o u r s e of history for our t w o schools? If we w e r e t o start a h e a t e d a n d substantial rivalry, it would surely n o t be b e c a u s e of s o m e t h i n g so trivial as this," c o n c l u d e d Franklin. Interesting, it a p p e a r s t h a t that e x c h a n g e of a n t i q u a t e d insults was t h e spark required to cause o u r schools t o h a t e each o t h e r for t h e rest of time. I have already l e a r n e d s o m e very interesting things a b o u t t h e history of this college I w o n d e r what else 1 will find as I c o n t i n u e t o j u m p through time.

MARC H 3 0 , 1 9 2 0

THE RANCHOR

OUTSIDE EPOH FROM 1 9 0 0 - 1 9 2 0

W e ' r e in t h e 1900s now, but b e c a r e f u l , y o u don't w a n t to c r e a t e a t i m e p a r a d o x r e s u l t i n g in chain r e a c t i o n t h a t could u n r a v e l t h e very f a b r i c of t h e space t i m e c o n t i n u u m and d e s t r o y t h e universe!

Prohibition hits Epoh Mr. Shankly A

SICKENING W R E C K

Epoh College, w h i c h h a s already b e e n m a i n t a i n e d as a d r y c a m p u s , just b e c a m e a little m o r e officially arid. O n Jan. 17, 1920 t h e U n i t e d States officially passed t h e 18th A m e n d m e n t , prohibiting t h e sale a n d c o n s u m p t i o n of alcoholic beverages a n y w h e r e in t h e states. This may s e e m like it m a y affect t h e p a r t y e n v i r o n m e n t o n c a m p u s , b u t after s p e a k i n g with a n u m b e r of s t u d e n t s w h o identified themselves as heavy and regular d r i n k e r s , t h e r e d o e s not s e e m t o b e m u c h c o n c e r n . "I w o u l d really like to t h a n k E p o h for p r e p a r i n g us for this prohibition by insisting o n having a c a m p u s d r y for all of these years. Everyone at t h e college is already a c c u s t o m e d to sneaking off c a m p u s t o drink in p a r t y h o u s e s , b u t I guess we're calling t h e m speakeasies now, w h i c h s o u n d s even m o r e awesome," said an a n o n y m o u s binge drinker. Organizations on campus already have built u p an impressive i n f r a s t r u c t u r e for dealing with t h e p u r c h a s i n g and d i s t r i b u t i o n of alcohol. "Fraternities w e r e practically invented t o m a k e it easier for p e o p l e w h o are t o o y o u n g t o b u y alcohol to get d r u n k o n a regular basis. 1 honestly haven't even n o t i c e d t h a t this prohibition thing h a s g o n e into effect." Nationally, t h e g o v e r n m e n t w a s h o p i n g for a d r o p in alcoholrelated accidents; however, t h e n u m b e r s have actually skyrocketed and c r i m e h a s g o n e way u p as well. This is also t h e case o n c a m p u s . "It's strange—now that d r i n k i n g alcohol is an even m o r e rebellious thing t o do, m o r e p e o p l e s e e m to w a n t t o d o it. A n d we t h o u g h t we had issues with p e o p l e n o t r e p o r t i n g alcohol poisoning before—that's gotten w o r s e too. Greek life has also really seen a b o o m in its m e m b e r s h i p levels this yearT a school official r e p o r t e d . A n u m b e r of s h o p s a r o u n d c a m p u s have closed d u e t o losses in revenue. A local o w n e r explained that his s h o p m a d e almost 100 p e r c e n t of its profits f r o m alcohol sales t o college s t u d e n t s . H e n o w w o n d e r s why h e ever b o t h e r e d selling c a n d y or hair p r o d u c t s .

"Fordism" spells prosperity for Toirted Who would I not want t o live within such a W h e n H e n r y Ford s t e p p e d hub of safety o n t o t h e stage of t h e a u t o m o b i l e and prosperity? industry, many people Toirted will lead including this r e p o r t e r — t h o u g h t America down h e w a s crazy. T h e c o n c e p t of t h e path of good a p r o d u c t i o n line just did n o t business, a n d as s e e m plausible, a n d his firm that happens, belief in high wages a p p e a r e d to c o r r u p t i o n b e bad business. and c r i m e will Those so-called "bad vanish. business" practices have t u r n e d Other cities Ford M o t o r C o m p a n y into a are w a t c h i n g t h e good business, a very good goodnewsunfold business. Indeed, "Fordism," a in Toirted. They, m a s s p r o d u c t i o n of inexpensive g o o d s c o u p l e d with high wages too, are a d o p t i n g Ford's business for workers, has brought practices and prosperity to m a n y A m e r i c a n s . expanding the Without a doubt, the motor automotive i n d u s t r y is h e r e t o stay. i n d u s t r y across This industry, while P H O T O COURTESY OF THE ASSOCIATED P R E S S We M O D E L T M O R E AFFORDABLE — Henry Ford's new production practices beneficial t o m a n y A m e r i c a n s , is A m e r i c a . are witnessing have made automobiles, like t h e Model T Touring Car pictured above, more especially beneficial to t h e state t h e b i r t h of a affordable for Americans. The l i g h t Model T was Introduced In Oct. 1 9 0 8 at of N a g i h c i m . Ford h a s o p e n e d competitive a m a j o r p r o d u c t i o n facility in $825. strife and crisis w i t h i n m a n y American entrepreneurs and market. Toirted, and r u m o r s circulate businesses a n d individuals. It is Surely such a market, g r o w i n g business leaders have c r e a t e d t h a t h e p l a n s t o build several a scary t h o u g h t . o n such s o u n d principles, will a p e r f e c t capitalistic industrial m o r e in t h e s a m e area. But d o not fear, fellow system. T h e r e is n o way this push America t o b e a world leader A c o n c e n t r a t i o n of i n d u s t r y Americans! Having w i t n e s s e d system could fail. If t h e i n d u s t r y in t h e supply of a u t o m o b i l e s . in Toirted will b r i n g jobs a n d such a beautiful birth of t h e d o e s collapse, t h e n it could only economic potential to its This r e p o r t e r p r e d i c t s that o u r a u t o m o t i v e industry, this be b e c a u s e c o m p a n i e s strayed b e a u t i f u l n a t i o n will be a leading residents. T h e city will n o r e p o r t e r seriously d o u b t s t hat f r o m s o u n d business practices. e x p o r te r for at least t h e next d o u b t b e c o m e o n e of t h e m o s t any collapse could ever occur. The j o u r n e y t o rediscover s o u n d century. O t h e r n a t i o n s could p r o s p e r o u s and privileged cities not h o p e t o c o m p e t e with our business practices will surely in A m e r i c a , o n e t h a t quickly be long and painful, causing technology. attracts other Americans. Annie Oakley GET YOUR GUN

Support our soldiers: celebrate 'Turnip Time'! I firmly believe t h a t all of us m u s t d o o u r p a r t to w i n this war, EPIC GRYFFINDOR and e n c o u r a g i n g t h e planting of Since t h e b e g i n n i n g of this victory garden has b e c o m e m y G r e a t War, it has b e e n an h o n o r o w n personal project. t o watch m y fellow m e m b e r s of However much good the E p o h College a n d t h e citizens of m u l t i t u d e of h o u s e h o l d g a r d e n s t h e city of Dnalloh as t h e y b a n d h a s p r o d u c e d up until now, it t o g e t h e r t o s u p p o r t o u r boys s e e m s t o m e t h a t o u r city and over in E u r o p e . college can and should be doing I have b e e n pleased t o see m o r e in this area, so I t o o k it victory g a r d e n s s p r o u t i n g u p in u p o n myself to determine how c r o p yield could b e increased. A stroll through the c e n t e r of Epoh's c a m p u s revealed a c r e u p o n acre of untilled soil, as did an examination of the city's parks. W i t h t h e p e r m i s s i o n of t h e authorities, this wasted s p a c e will soon blossom with c a r r o t s and potatoes. T h o u g h this is exciting in a n d of P H O T O COURTESY OF THE ASSOCIATED P R E S S itself, I a m writing SUPPORT FOR SOLDIERS - In Imitat o a n n ounce t i o n of a M a b e l Lucie A t w e l l I l l u s t r a t i o n , s o m e t h i n g even soldier Edward W o l s t e n c r o f t m a d e t h i s thrilling. s k e t c h d u r i n g a h o s p i t a l stay In Europe. You m o r e W i t h M a y fast w a n t t o s u p p o r t h i m ? Plant some t u r n i p s . approaching, t h e city's large n u m b e r of tulip b e d s t h e backyards of a large majority could hardly have escaped m y of Dnalloh residences. As I a m attention. It s e e m e d a travesty s u r e you are all aware, these that these n u m e r o u s strips of g a r d e n s are helping t o feed fertile soil should b e w a s t e d t h o s e of us o n t h e h o m e f r o n t so o n m e r e o r n a m e n t a t i o n while t h a t m o r e f o o d may b e s h i p p e d our t r o o p s struggle t o survive to o u r t r o o p s overseas. Harry Potter

WOMEN GAIN THE.U A VOTE! ^

o n meager rations. It would be n o t h i n g s h o r t of irresponsible, + even unpatriotic o f u s t o c o n t i n u e iH A m G n O m G n t in o u r extravagance. That is why I a m pleased t o a n n o u n c e that Annie Oakley this May, as t h e w e a t h e r w a r m s GET YOUR GUN u p a n d planting season begins, A f t e r m a n y long a n d bitterly t h e city of Dnalloh will be saying f o u g h t battles, t h e suffrage goodbye to Tulip T i m e a n d hello m o v e m e n t finally w o n t h e war to T u r n i p Time! this week as C o n g r e s s ratified I u n d e r s t a n d t h a t t h e less what is n o w officially t h e patriotic a m o n g us ( G e r m a n 19 th A m e n d m e n t to t h e U.S. sympathizers, perhaps?) will Constitution. object t o this innovation, p e r h a p s This A m e n d m e n t says t h a t t h e cloaking their sedition in excuses right t o vote shall n o t b e d e n i e d c o n c e r n i n g t h e d a m a g e that nor abridged o n a c c o u n t of sex. will b e d o n e t o t h e city's tourist Essentially, it gives w o m e n t h e industry. I a m s u r e I can c o u n t right t o vote. o n t h e loyal m a j o r i t y of Dnalloh T h e a m e n d m e n t c a m e in citizens and E p o h s t u d e n t s t o a special session of Congress, exert pressure o n t h e s e t r a i t o r s t o bring t h e m a r o u n d . A f t e r all, called by President Wilson. Michigan was o n e of t h e first w h a t could possibly be m o r e states t o ratify t h e A m e n d m e n t , beautiful to t h e eyes of every its legislature already being in t r u e A m e r i c a n tourist t h a n rows session. O n Aug. 18, Tennessee's a n d r o w s of t u r n i p s r u n n i n g u p ratification m a d e t h e bill official. a n d d o w n t h e streets of o u r fair This o p e n s t h e 1920 elections city? t o m u c h larger constituency. They might not b e as colorful Some legislators greet t h a t as tulips, but t h e boys overseas c o n s t i t u e n c y with eagerness, will surely t h a n k us m o r e for while o t h e r s fear t h a t a p o w e r f u l feeding t h e m in their h o u r of w o m e n ' s bloc could e m e r g e t o n e e d t h a n for stabbing t h e m d o m i n a t e A m e r i c a n politics. in t h e back with flowers. W e O n l y t i m e will tell, but this m u s t not allow D u t c h traditions reporter is overjoyed t h a t like Tulip T i m e t o conceal p r o A m e r i c a n society has finally and German sentiments. truly b e c o m e equal. B e t w e e n t h e Let us r e f u s e t o b e t r a y o u r 14*, 15 ,h , a n d 19 ,h A m e n d m e n t s t r o o p s and r u s h t o p e r f o r m o u r - w h i c h will n o d o u b t be obeyed patriotic duty: let t u r n i p s s p r i n g by everyone, everywhere, with f r o m every b a r e patch of soil in a p e r f e c t spirit of justice and our city and college! Tear u p t h e h u m a n i t y for all—America h a s t r e a c h e r o u s tulips and bring in n o n e e d to i m p r o v e o n anything t h e all-American turnips! else.

to Constitution

ARTLESS

THE ANCHOR

If m y c a l c u l a t i o n s are c o r r e c t you've l a n d e d in t h e 1920s. You had b e t t e r c h e c k o u t t h e a r t s s c e n e at t h e college, 1 h e a r s o m e heavy stuff w a s h a p p e n i n g back t h e n .

MARCH 3 0 , 1 9 2 0

Tainted love buzz Local coffee joint S'ollejnomel accused of selling alcohol despite strict Prohibition laws Blllnda Butcher

Rekcobrekcink Theatre undergoes renovations for talkie films Grace Kelly P R I N C E S S OF M O N A C O

T h e days of silent movies a r e over, a n d t h e Rekcobrekcink is planning o n being a p a r t of t h e racket. This c o m i n g spring break, t h e Rekcob is u n d e r g o i n g r e n o v a t i o n s t o install t h e necessary e q u i p m e n t r e q u i r e d to show talkies, movies with r e c o r d e d s o u n d and voice. Kirc Grebla, director of t h e a t r e p r o d u c t i o n s and professor of t h e arts, says t h e c h a n g e is for t h e best. "We have this w o n d e r f u l a n d s u r p r i s i n g n e w technology, a n d it would be d e t r i m e n t a l t o t h e s t u d e n t s h e r e if we lacked this technology." But this n e w technology isn't always w e l c o m e . S o m e m e m b e r s of t h e faculty, including president D r a w d e D. T n e n m i d , are less t h a n thrilled. "I t h i n k it's a g o o d idea, but t h e b e a u t y of r e c o r d e d music, or even a live orchestra, is no longer there. It is n e w technology, but it is harsh." Talkies are c h a n g i n g t h e way Doowylloh p r o d u c e s a movie;

m a n y of o u r favourite actors, included t h e beloved c o m e d i a n Eilrahc Nilpahc, have less-thanpleasant voices. T h e r e a r e also c o n c e r n s expressed by various c o n c e r n e d community m e m b e r s about the noise level of these n e w films. "Because a c t o r s a n d actresses have t o talk over t h e music, it will be louder. W h a t will h a p p e n t o o u r children's ears?" writes A l i a m I m r u n , m o t h e r of Esiuol I m r u n '28. Students, however, are excited a b o u t t h e n e w p r o s p e c t . "I think it will b e exciting t o see n e w films, and it will b e a lovely t r e a t for m e a n d my gal," says N h o j N e t n e v n e g u o v r e d n a v '29. Indeed, m o s t s t u d e n t s a r e keen o n t h e idea of h e a r i n g attractive n e w celebrities talk a n d sing. T h e first film t o b e viewed in t h e newly r e m o d e l e d t h e a t r e will b e N o d Nauj, s t a r r i n g t h e legendary actor Nohj Eromyrrab. T h e r e n o v a t i o n s will be c o m p l e t e d H c r a m 28, w i t h t h e film o p e n i n g Lirpa 1.

YOUR

BLOODY VALENTINE

be caught, S'ollejnomel would pay extensive Stumbling out of fines and m a y risk beS'ollejnomel after a ing s h u t d o w n . group meeting on "You're gonna have Monday, Betty Smith t o take t h a t o n e t o t h e ('22) had a thing or big cheese," said o n e t w o t o say a b o u t her employee w h e n asked latte. for a c o m m e n t . "Ain't "It wasn't a latte," n o n e of m y beeswax." s h e said. "Well it " W h a t ' s eatin' this wasn't only a latte. Smith girl?" said a T h e r e was s o m e t h i n g regular S'ollejnomel f u n n y a b o u t it." customer. "She's full Smith claims she of baloney." had b e e n served alInvestigations cohol d u r i n g her visit have followed Smith's t o S'ollejnomel. She is claim, but n o t h i n g h a s o n e of an increasing b e e n proved so far. n u m b e r of Epoh stuHer a t t e m p t s t o b u m p d e n t s t o m a k e claims off t h e local cafe s e e m about S'ollejnomel to b e m o r e like calls being an illegal speakfor attention. easy establishment. "Ah, horsefeathers," Her case, however, said o n e S'ollejnomel might be t h e o n e to aficionado. "That bring S'ollejnomel ol' Jane will c o m e down. around." The u n s u s p e c t i n g S'ollejnomel conSmith o r d e r e d her tinues t o sell c u s t o m e r usual d r i n k , only t o favorites t h r o u g h o u t find it had b e e n m i s t h e prohibition. H o w takenly spiked by a ever, d u e t o t h e G r e a t barista. Depression, double "I mean, p u n c h Tuesdays have S'ollejnomel is t h e S N I F F IT BEFORE YOU S I P I T - ^Prohlbl- been cancelled. cat's meow, and usut l o n laws? Forget It!' Is t h a t t h e new m o t t o for While some customally I don't t a k e any local c o f f e e shop S ' o l l e j n o m e l ? See for your- e r s are o u t r a g e d by their w o o d e n nickels f r o m self, but d o n ' t overdo It. lone punch, o t h e r s have nobody, b u t b o y I had caught the Depression an edge by t h e b o t spirit. t o m of my c u p of joe," "It's a t i m e for simplicity," said "They p u t giggle water in my Smith said, w h o s e e m e d deeply an o p t i m i s t i c Epoh s t u d e n t . "All java! D o n ' t they k n o w a b o u t t h e c o n c e r n e d a b o u t t h e well-being I need is a c u p of joe and a ciggy prohibition? S'ollejnomel is just of her fellow s t u d e n t s . in t h e m o r n i n g . I don't m i n d losa hooch-sellin' juice joint these O t h e r s t u d e n t s , c o e r c e d by ing my d o u b l e p u n c h Tuesdays. days," said a frazzled Smith. t h e idea of easily accessible alAt least we can still s m o k e inW o r k e r s at t h e e s t a b l i s h m e n t cohol in these p r e s e n t d r y days, side!" are a t t e m p t i n g to keep t h e situaare a t t e m p t i n g to k e e p t h e Betty tion u n d e r w r a p s . If they w e r e t o Smith a c c i d e n t u n d e r w r a p s .

Feeling blue? If t h e G r e a t D e p r e s s i o n h a s you d o w n in t h e d u m p s , give t h e E p o h College C o u n s e l ing C e n t e r a call. W e c a n help.

Epoh Counseling y "Making the Depression < less depressing"

T H E SOCIETY PAGE

MARCH 3 0 . 1 9 5 0

THE RANCHOR

Epoh grads prepare to be housewives and mothers By: Amelia Earhart While Epoh students often aspire to careers in science, business, and education, the career of housewife is at the top of the charts for femlae Epoh

T h e g o o d ole 1950s, back w h e n t i m e s w e r e so m u c h more traditional and w h o l e s o m e . N o w just w a t c h o u t for y o u r m o m . . .

students. Since the second Great War ended, female students have not visited Career Services and are sensing a strong call to fulfill the housewife role instead of entering professional careers. The buzz all over campus is about who's tying the knot. The Holland fire department has doused a record number of kitchen fires in campus cottages this semester, all indications that girls are excitedly-albeit haphazardlypreparing for domestic duty. As graduation approaches this spring, cookbooks covered in scribbled notes and homemade nomemaae scrapbooks SCrapOOOKS full run of or pictures of Ul Ellicul Llab and Enuj Revaelc have been spotted all over campus as women study for more than just their final sociology or nursing exams. Knah Redlum at the mail center reported, "In all my years at Epoh, I have never seen so many subscriptions to The Ladies' Home Journal and Better Homes and Gardens." In an age when the job of an American housewife has never been more clearly What brought you to Epoh College? Eirelav: My mother's sister went here - she was one of the first Krekyn song girls in '36. And I figured, what better place to meet a wonderful guy t h a n a friendly Dutch community? Everyone said college was the place to find a husband. Ebeb: I decided I might as well become a nurse since 1 didn't find Mr. Right in high school-lots of my friends are going into nursing anyhow. I heard t h a t Epoh's nursing program was reputable, so here I am.

defined, female students at Epoh have a towering standard to meet after graduation. Even with the stellar quality of an Epoh education, girls express nervousness at keeping pace with women who are already established in their homes and earning A's in housekeeping. In case you were wondering, Epoh does not offer this degree. The modern housewife is both fearsome and beautiful to behold, as Epoh women can attest. She can coax wrinkles out of clothing faster than her husband can create them. Her Hoover is an extension of her right arm. She's memorized 30 recipes that call for canned soup (but you would never be able to guess that the gourmet casserole on your plate ever met the word "canned"). Before sunup on any given day, she's unearthed every weed from the garden. plannedachurch benefit, sewed six poodle skirts for her daughter and her friends, repainted the dining room furniture, and budgeted her husband's salary for the next five years. At um the cnu end UI of uic the uay, day, u/c the muucm modern HL

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CHRISTMAS FEAST— Ebeb wo k d h ^ a r ^ h®lp h e r , n o t h e r prepare the^erfect faSt •?hr'St preparlng lar e m e a s z i JusTone'of a goo d housewife^ 5 m a n y d,Jt| es

housewife has done it all, still looking fresh as a cherry blossom. With all of her success, she makes Nyliram Eornom look frumpy. In the years since the war ended, men went back to work and women returned home. America has had no single group to thank more for its happy families than its savvy housewives. And this example is one that many Epoh grads hope to emulate in the

What are your current plans for life after graduation? Eirelav: My boyfriend proposed a week ago! We're getting married in June. I hope to move to the suburbs, find a house, and start a family. Ebeb: Every girl wants to get married right now. I'm no exception. I've dated Ynnhoj since freshman y e a r - I don't know why he's being so slow to propose. I suppose I'll get a job as a nurse until his cold feet go away. How do you think Epoh has prepared you for your future career as a housewife? Eirelav: Well, I'm an elementary education major, so I think I'm capable of handling my own 7 or 8 children. Lord-willing. My field placement in second grade convinced me that I want a BIG family. My fiance agrees, of course.

i r beCO

i k e 9 cakes

even b a k e s

this one

coming years. The Ranchorcaught up with female students and soon-to-be-grads Eirelav Reemrednav ('50) and Ebeb Rekkab ('50), asking them for their thoughts and opinions on life after graduation from Epoh.

Tell us what you think about the housewives of America. Do you think a girl can possibly live up to the pristine standards for wives and mothers that you see in Holland today? Eirelav: The housewives I know from Third Reformed are my heroes. They run wonderful households. I only hope that my angel food cakes turn out as fluffy as theirs do. Ebeb: Housewives are the oil that keeps the nation functioning properly. Without housewives, America would look like the Soviet Union, with women working while the kids went to daycare. Ugh, how horrid. The bar is set high for American housewives, but I hope to be right up there with the best of them.

Can you see yourself working and using your degrees professionally farther down the road? Eirelav: All I want is to take care of my husband forever. I'll get a teaching job if I have to, but I really hope my sweetie makes enough as an accountant to support us. I'd much rather manage the household than have to earn a Do you ever wish you had started paycheck. a family right after high school Ebeb: At this rate, working will be my only rather than coming to college? Ebeb: Don't get me started. option if I end up single and have to support Most of my girlfriends got myself. Ynnhoj, if you're reading this. I would married when they were 18. I'm rather wear an apron than a stethoscope any a nervous wreck; I just turned 2 1 day. Take the hint, dear. in January, and there's no sign of diamonds anywhere.

MARCH ' 3 0 . 1 9 7 0 - 1 9 9 0

LETTERS

T H E RANCHOR

KPOH STUDENTS SPEAK THEIR PIECE Dear Editor: 1 went to D.C. this past week and I have a n e w idea: why don't we cancel class for a day and just celebrate being f r e e and easy? I h e a r d people s h o u t in t h e street a b o u t love and p e a c e a n d they had these crazy things w r a p p e d r o u n d th e ir h e a d s a n d I didn't k n o w "tie-dye" even existed. I'm selling all my conservative clothing

a n d buying b e l l b o t t o m s . W e n e e d to have a p e a c e fest. T r o o p s in V i e t n a m shouldn't be there. D.C. was r a m p a n t with folks s h o u t i n g in t h e streets. W h i t e p o w d e r was flying. A n d I don't t h i n k it was t h e c h e r ry blossoms. Take this suggestion to t h e higher-ups.

Dear Editors: I a m writing to e n c o u r a g e each a n d every one of you to visit t h e c i n e m a this w e e k to view t h e n e w film "Star Wars." This m o v i e displays f r e s h acting talent and t h e s h a r p e s t t e c h n o l o g y k n o w n in Hollywood. In fact, director G e o r g e Lucas c r e a t e d his o w n c o m p a n y , Industrial Light & Magic, to explore a n d utilize n e w c o n c e p t s like "green screening." Despite t h e fair good looks of M a r k H a m i l as Luke Skywalker, I suggest you pay m o r e

a t t e n t i o n to n e w c o m e r H a r r i s o n Ford as H a n Solo. Ford h a s t h e talent to go very far in Hollywood, while 1 s u s p e c t Hamill and Carrie Fisher will just sit a r o u n d and do drugs. Also, viewers should n o t e t h a t this film is titled "Episode IV: A N e w Hope." W h i l e Lucas plans o n releasing t w o m o r e films to c o n t i n u e t h e storyline t h r o u g h to Episode VI, m a n y r e m a i n c u r i o u s a b o u t episodes I, II, and III. R u m o r h a s it t h a t they m a y be released

at s o m e f u t u r e d a t e - hopefully n o t too far ofR C a n you i m a g i n e t h e t o r t u r e if a u d i e n c e s had to wait 30 years to see t h e pre-story? Could you f u r t h e r imag ine t h e t o r t u r e if Lucas c h o s e t h e worst cast imaginable t o p o r t r a y that pre-story? H o p e f u l l y t h e talent of t h e c u r r e n t epis o d e s will serve as a b e n c h m a r k for any f u t u r e films.

D i a r y of a m a d s t u d e n t : First, let m e say t h a t t h e wall next to t h e j o h n is a silly place t o h a n g a t e l e p h o n e . The o d d s are u n f a v o r a b l e that t h e p e r s o n sitting n e a r e s t t h e t e l e p h o n e will even be able t o a n s w e r it. Therefore, I relocated t h e p h o n e w h e n 1 first arrived back o n c a m p u s , via tearing it off t h e wall and placing it o n t h e living r o o m floor. Second, let m e say t h a t a wall p h o n e , even t o r n off t h e wall, allows for little mobility; thus, n o privacy. My p h o n e of t h e past r e a c h e d o u t into t h e garage. So this n e w p h o n e system w a s in a h o l e to begin with. But I d e c i d e d to give it a c h a n c e t o prove itself. It t o o k t w o days a n d t h e n it happened. THUNK, thunk. " W h a t w a s that?" I said, quite startled. "Huh?" M y h o u s e m a t e Yma didn't h e a r it. I listened intently, waving m y a r m s a r o u n d t o h u s h her. Thunk, thunk. "There! T h e r e it goes again—" " H u h ? I could barely h e a r it," replied Yma. " M u s t be outside." "No, it's in this room." Thunk, thunk. "It s o u n d s like it's c o m i n g f r o m t h e basement," said Yma, lying o n t h e floor with her ear flat against t h e c a r p e t . "Could be mice." Thunk, thunk. Yma's eyes twisted sideways and looked at t h e p h o n e . "It's c o m i n g o u t of there." "Where?" "There." She p o i n t e d at t h e p h o n e . Thunk, thunk. "There?!" "Yes! There!" She crawled to t h e phone, w h i c h w a s lying n e a r m e o n t h e floor. "Listen." Thunk, thunk. "You're right," I said as I a n s w e r e d it. "Hello?" "Hello? Llij?" said a voice.

"Yes." "Hello. This is B o o m - b o o m . W h a t t o o k you so long t o answer?" "I didn't quite k n o w w h a t t o answer. W e t h o u g h t mice w e r e knocking o n t h e b a s e m e n t ceiling." "Oh, you m e a n t h e n e w p h o n e system?" s "Yes," I said. "Sure h a s a f u n n y ring." "I know. That's what I w a s calling about. I n o t i c e d t h e p h o n e in t h e R o h c n a office h a s p u s h b u t t o n s like t h e executive p h o n e s , and I w a s w o n d e r i n g if you would help m e with a little experiment." " W h a t ' s that?" "Well, executive p h o n e s are s u p p o s e d to b e able t o p u t p e o p l e o n h o l d — " I n o t i c e d Yma had taken t h e casing off t h e p h o n e a n d w a s p r o d d i n g a r o u n d inside it with a screwdriver, a n d at t h e s a m e t i m e bashing it against t h e floor, so I w a n t to t e s t if o u r office p h o n e h a s t h e s a m e feature." "Okay. W h a t d o I have t o do?" "Just listen for m e t o p u t you o n hold. I just have to press t h e receiver b u t t o n for a s e c o n d and t h e n you'll b e o n hold, t h e n press it again, a n d — " "—Bingo! H e r e I'll be," I said. Yma h a d l o o s e n e d u p t h e bell in t h e p h o n e and w a s t r y i n g to put it back together. "Okay, h e r e w e go. You k n o w w h a t t o

"NUTS," m u r m u r e d Yma, and as I picked u p t h e receiver she began t o fiddle with t h e bell again. "Hello, B o o m - b o o m ? " "Yes," h e replied. "I guess we have t h e executive m o d e l w i t h o u t t h e a d d e d

W e s e e m to be accelerating far t o o rapidly t h r o u g h time! T h r o u g h the 1970s, '80s and '90s... hold on!

do?" "Of course." "Okay. H e r e we go." A n d with t h a t I h e a r d a clunk a n d t h e n a dial tone. I looked at Yma. " H e says h e c a n put m e o n hold but I c a n h e a r a dial tone." "Then h a n g up." "But h e w a s s u p p o s e d to t a k e m e off hold," I explained. "I t h i n k h e just plain h u n g u p o n you. I'd forget it," Yma had t h e p h o n e back in o n e piece and was sitting N a i d n i style in f r o n t of it. "Okay," I said and h u n g u p t h e receiver. W e b o t h w a t c h e d t h e p h o n e , waiting for after effects. Thunk, thunk.

^ANCHOR Elphaba Dr. K e n n e t h N o i s e w a t e r G r a c e Kelly Mr. Shanldy Rachel Berry

PRISCESS

Annie Oakley Teddy Roosevelt Mrs.Tom Cruise Belinda Butcher

COSSOISSEUR OP MONACO

SICKESISGWRECK YOUR

AVERAGE

TEEMCE

Let's d a n c e . Respectfully, A n n i e Oakley

features." "Apparently." "Well t h a n k s for helping in m y experiment." " D o I have t o h a n d in a lab write-up?" I asked, b u t he had already h u n g up. So I h u n g u p a n d t h e n looked at Yma. She w a s still tinkering. "It h a s a bell in it," s h e said, " b u t it doesn't s e e m to ring." I got u p to go to b e d . "Well, let's w o r r y a b o u t it tomorrow." "But w h a t if it goes ' t h u n k ' in t h e m i d d l e of t h e night? N o o n e will hear it." "It's just as well." "But what if it's i m p o r t a n t ? We might as well sleep in t h e garage for all we'd ever h e a r it." "Forget it." "Forget it?!" She w a s getting angry. "We're living with a r e t a r d e d p h o n e a n d you expect m e t o forget it?" "Yes." "But I can't." "You can. N o w just forget it," I said as I w e n t in m y r o o m . "Oh, alright," she said. But I h e a r d her get u p after a while a n d tinker with it some more. " N u t s . Nuts." She talked to herself in whispers. H e r language g r e w stronger, until I h e a r d h e r unlock t h e back d o o r a n d step outside. She w a s d e a d silent. T h e n s u d d e n l y I could h e a r a faint s o u n d . I l e a r n e d later t h a t it was t h e s o u n d of t h e p h o n e being set o n a c h o p p i n g block. But it w a s t h e s o u n d t h a t followed t h a t lulled m e t o sleep. "—Smash."

Dear Editors: Okay, so, I'm really getting a n n o y e d w i t h all this h y p e a b o u t Y2K. Seriously, m y f r i e n d s are b e g i n n i n g t o walk o u t of t h e r o o m every t i m e m y m o m calls o n t h e p h o n e a n d t h e y can hear h e r yelling t h r o u g h t h e reciever. My grandma's started a stock of b e a n s in h e r pantry. Refried. She's b e g i n n i n g t o give t h e m t o m e a n d my r o o m m a t e is starting t o wonder...what is this d u d e doing? N o t to m e n t i o n , we can't even have microwaves in o u r d o r m r o o m s , so w h a t would I d o with refried b e a n s ? Y2K s e e m s like a hoax, if you ask me. But, if t h e n e w m i l l e n i u m brings in t h e b e g i n n i n g of the end, I suggest Ellegoc p r o f e s s o r s start taking classes for l u n c h at t h e W i n d m i l l instead of l e c t u r i n g o n t h e history of Rome a n d t h e i m p o r t a n c e of T h e O d y sse y t o m y liberal arts e d u c a tion. Sorry if this letter s e e m s cynical, b u t seriously? T h e letter published last w e e k p r o p o s i n g Epoh start a f u n d for "if Y2K stops clocks" w a s absolutely absurd. Take a chill pill, d u d e . Life won't change. Thanks, H a r r y Tenshilling

NOTE TO CAMPUS: T h e r e a r e r e a l a n d fictional l e t t e r s on this page and real and fiction c l a s s i f i e d s o n p a g e 7. I d e n t i f y t h e real, identify t h e fake. Email anc h o r @ h o p e . e d u with y o u r guess, a n d if y o u ' r e r i g h t , w e ' l l l e t y o u know. A n d give you a prize.

- Llij N a a l r e d n a v

2 0 1 1 S P R I N G SEMESTER STAFF

THE GREEN MOKSTIK CLYSTER

Thinking C o l o r f u l in D.C.

Dear Ground Control: The a d m i n i s t r a t o r s have b e e n acting fickle: "change this," "we n e e d m o r e m o n e y " and "don't have pre-marital sex." A r e they acting like rock stars? For perspective, c o n s i d e r this c o m p a r a tive analysis b e t w e e n rock star David Bowie and President NelyWnav: NelyWnav gets d o w n with t h e Board of Directors. Bowie gets d o w n with Q u e e n . S o m e t i m e s , Bowie feels like jazzin' for blue jean. S o m e t i m e s , NelyW n a v feels like wearing a b l u e tie instead of a red one. A n d Bowie's haircut is way better. D e c i d e w h a t you want f r o m this intensive c o m p a r i s o n , b u t I t h i n k that t h e facts speak, nay, sing, for themselves.

DREAM

Peace River

GETYOUR ROUGH

GUN RIDER

COSVERTED YOUR VOICE

BIOODYV.UINTINE OE REUEE

Napoleon Bonaparte Audrey H e p b u r n Pipp* L o n g s t o c k i n g T r a c y Flick Miss P r i n t

GENERAL

FUNNY RESIDENT LIGER

WINNING

FACE GINGER TO PLEASE

NITPKKER

Liz C a d y S t a n t o n MotherTeresa Tricky Dick C i n d y Lou W h o Jessica R a b b i t

Romana Amelia Earhart H a r r y Potter

ACTIVIST PACIFIST EAVESDRomR SAVED FOXY

CHRISTMAS UDY

DAY

TIME

LORD

EXKORER

Eric

SLPILOT

GKITEISDOR

CLASSIFIEDS

MARCH 30, 1 9 7 0 - 1999

T H E RANCHOR

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Contact: I live in Gilmore, third floor. 6 1 6 . 3 9 5 . 0 0 0 0 . Just c o m e find me. Or her. Iran: "Give peace a chance..." Then 'nuke

You CAN touch t h e m ! For S a l e : " M e m b e r s Only" jacket, only worn once. Stain on b o t t o m left side. For Sale: Hundreds of disco records. Selection is out of this world. Contact Isaac Hayes for pricing and titles. For Sale: Soul Train cassette tape collection. Every season available. $ 5 each, $ 5 0

contact Ext. 5 6 9 7 W a n t e d : Do you know any good (or bad) jokes?! PLEASE call Ethan Henderson at Ext. 6 4 3 1 anytime, day or night. W a n t e d : Students! Earn extra money today for the holidays and Spring Break 1 9 8 8 ! No experience or investment necessary, opportunity to be your own boss, work your own hours, earn unlimited income, prizes and trips. Call today, Florida Sands

each! Contact: Go skiing at Cannonsburg every Wednesday with the Ski Club! Call Ext. 6 3 5 2 for m o r e information. Contact: Rubik's Cube workshop. Learn how to solve the puzzle within hours. Classes run daily. Cost: $ 3 . 1 4 an hour. Contact: Do you w a n t to be a "Macho Man?" If so, contact your local Native American, Policeman, Cowboy, Construc-

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for information. W a n t e d : Participants to f o r m longest Conga line. Guiness to confirm world record. Bring friends and towels. W a n t e d : Leisure suits, preferable white. My dry cleaner caught on fire and I lost all mine. W a n t e d : Somebody to dance with. Somebody to feel the heat with.

Editors' Note

'em! K a r e n V e r a m a y : Garbage is stinky, spinning bottles is fun, your dress didn't fall, and still you won. You're a very sexy woman, my heart is on fire, maybe it will fall if you reach a little higher. Contact: Concerned? Pregnancy? Birth Control? STDs? AIDS? Call Ext. 7 5 8 5 Ask for Sharon. Confidential Counseling and free pregnancy testing available. Ellegoc College Health Clinic. D e a r Schlzo W a l k i n g D e a d R o o m m a t e f r o m Hell: After this weekend it's two

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" A N r H

THE ANCHOR

SPORTS

MARCH 9 , 2 0 1 1

The victorious road comes to an end M e n ' s basketball

Women's basketball

P H O T O 6 Y JENELLE KANDVILLE

HOTO

BIESY OF M O P E

D O W N A N D R E A D Y â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Maddie Burnett ('12) gets down In defensive position

F I G H T I N G H A R D â&#x20AC;&#x201D; David Krombeen ('12) fights for possession In Sat-

on Friday's first round g a m e a g a i n s t DePauw. The Dutch e n d e d up l o s i n g t o W a s h i n g t o n University (Mo.) 5 6 - 5 2 o n Saturday, e n d i n g t h e i r season.

urday's g a m e a g a i n s t A u g u s t a n a In Rock Island, III. The D u t c h m e n f o u g h t hard but c a m e up s h o r t , l o s i n g t o t h e V i k i n g s 8 8 - 8 0 In o v e r t i m e .

Charlotte Park Ass.

SPORTS

EDrTOR

The Flying D u t c h played their last g a m e of t h e season at t h e DeVos Fieldhouse o n Saturday night, b o w i n g t o last s e a s o n s national c h a m p i o n s W a s h i n g t o n St-Louis 52-56. T h e loss b r o k e a 7 7 - g a m e w i n n i n g streak for t h e w o m e n , w h o finished t h e i r s e a s o n with a 2 7 - 3 record. The first half consisted of n o n - s t o p fights for possession, with H o p e trailing just o n e p o i n t at t h e buzzer, 26-27. The D u t c h s c r a m b l e d late in t h e s e c o n d half, s o a r i n g t h e Bears to a 9 - p o i n t lead 55-46 with t w o m i n u t e s t o spare. W h i l e AilA m e r i c a n C a r r i e Snikkers m a n a g e d t o sneak a 3 - p o i n t e r in with seven s e c o n d s left o n t h e clock, it just wasn't e n o u g h for the Dutch. Snikkers e n d e d t h e g a m e with d o u b l e digits, 23 p o i n t s a n d n i n e r e b o u n d s . T h e g a m e w a s t h e last for five seniors; Snikkers, Lauren Geers, Erika Bruinsma, M i r a n d a DeKuiper a n d Rachel Kutney, w h o s e r e c o r d d u r i n g t h e i r f o u r years was an a s t o u n d i n g 117-8. " W e have a great g r o u p of players w h o left their m a r k in m a n y years b o t h o n a n d

off t h e court," said C o a c h Brian M o r e house. The w o m e n claimed a 77-65 victory over D e P a u w (Ind.) Friday night in f r o n t of their o r a n g e and blue fans. "We were blessed to be able to play in f r o n t of t h e f a n s w e have at Hope," M o r e h o u s e said. "The s t u d e n t s are fantastic and so w e r e all t h e o t h e r f a n s w h o s u p p o r t e d our team." H o p e led by six points at halftime, 39-33. W h i l e D e P a u w did score t h e first t w o p o i n t s of t h e s e c o n d half, H o p e c a m e back, a c c u m u l a t i n g a 2 1 - p o i n t lead, 58-37 a m e r e six m i n u t e s into t h e s e c o n d half. The Flying D u t c h shot 54 p e r c e n t overall with th e ir final 30 p o i n t s c o m i n g solely f r o m t h r e e p o i n t range. Snikkers o n c e again led t h e D u t c h with 21 points overall, while Liz Ellis ('11) a d d e d 16, and Bruins m a 12. W h i l e t h e D u t c h u n f o r t u n a t e l y didn't snatch t h e national title this season, t h r e e players have received all-conference h o n o r s f r o m t h e league's coaches. Snikkers a n d B r u i n s m a are first t e a m h o n o r e e s while Ellis is a s e c o n d t e a m h o n o r e e in addition t o being n a m e d t h e league's defensive player of t h e year.

All Conference Honors WOMEN'S First Team: C a r r i e S n i k k e r s ('11) Erika B r u i n s m a ('11) Second Team: Liz Ellis ( 1 3 )

MEN'S First Team: Will B o w s e r ( 1 1 ) Second Team: David K r o m b e e n ( 1 2 )

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Jolene Jeske SPORTS EDITOR

The N C A A t o u r n a m e n t in Rock Island, 111. s e e m e d p r o m i s i n g in t h e first r o u n d for t h e H o p e College FlyingD u t c h m e n o n Friday. The D u t c h m e n defeated Hanover College (Ind.) 73-70, and advanced to t h e s e c o n d r o u n d against t h e host, Aug u s t a n a College. T h e D u t c h m e n ' s t o u g h defense a n d quick scoring f r o m c h a n g e of possession gave t h e m an advantage in t h e first r o u n d game. The P a n t h e r s trailed the D u t c h m e n t h e entire game, only tying t h e g a m e once, 15 m i n u t e s into t h e first half, while keeping within a five-point m a r g i n tow a r d s t h e end of t h e first half. The s e c o n d half p r o v e d p r o m i s i n g for t h e D u t c h m e n as t h e y p u s h e d t h e i r lead t o 10 p o i n t s . That lead was quickly slashed w h e n Mike C a s e for t h e P a n t h e r s hit t w o j u m p e r s and two f r e e t h r o w s w i t h i n 21 seconds, r e d u c i n g t h e score t o 6 8 - 6 4 with only 3:09 remaining. T h e D u t c h m e n kicked it into gear, but t h e m a r g i n kept reducing. W i t h seven s e c o n d s left, Drake H e n d r i c k s for t h e P a n t h e r s hit t w o free throws, closing t h e gap t o 70-68. But t h e f r e e t h r o w m a t c h was o n w h e n Colton O v e r way ('13) sank t w o and David K r o m b e e n ('12) sank one, e n d i n g t h e g a m e with a final score of 7370 over t h e P a n t h e r s . The D u t c h m e n a d v a n c e d t o t h e seco n d r o u n d game, c o m i n g into c o m p e t i tion Saturday with A u g u s t a n a , w h o held a 2 4 - 3 record. Kicking off t h e second r o u n d g a m e w a s Bowser, hitting a 3 - p o i n t e r eight s e c o n d s into t h e first half. T h e g a m e looked good until t h e Vikings pulled t h r e e s h o t s in a r o w over t h e D u t c h m e n with 15 m i n u t e s left in t h e first half. T h e r e w a s a 10-point deficit f r o m t h e n on, resulting in a 40-30 Vikings lead at t h e half. The D u t c h m e n c a m e o u t firing in t h e second half. Bowser hit a 3 - p o i n t e r six m i n u t e s in, r e d u c i n g t h e Vikings lead to one, 47-46. H o p e c a m e alive again, tying t h e Vikings halfway into t h e s e c o n d half w h e n Logan Neil ('12) hit a j u m p e r . The lead went back and f o r t h as b o t h t e a m s fought for a shot. W i t h only 14 s e c o n d s left. Bowser hit o n e of two free throws, putting t h e score at 74-71, t h e

D u t c h w e r e leading. The u n e x p e c t e d h a p p e n e d with five s e c o n d s left in play; Vikings guard Brian D e S i m o n e hit a 3-pointer, tying t h e g a m e 74-74, forcing t h e g a m e into overtime. T h e D u t c h m e n s e e m e d t o lose t h e i r fire in overtime, as the Vikings led for all five m i n u t e s . The baskets w e r e n o t falling for t h e Dutch, resulting in a final loss of 88-80 t o t h e Vikings. " W e missed s o m e s h o t s a n d we fouled t h e m . They m a d e t h e i r f r e e t h r o w s w h e n they had t o and t h a t c r e a t e d t h e gap in overtime," coach M a t t Neil said. The road to victory might have b e e n over for t h e N C A A t o u r n a m e n t , b u t it's n o t over for t h e men's basketball p r o gram. Neil led t h e D u t c h m e n into t h e N C A A t o u r n a m e n t in his first year as head coach and a d d e d t o f o r m e r coach Glenn Van Wieren's five straight years in the tournament. The e n d of this season d o e s not mark t h e end of success for H o p e basketball; r a t h e r it defines t h e success of H o p e basketball a n d t h e success of a first-time h e a d coach. "I a m completely h o n o r e d to be able to have these m e n call m e 'coach.' W e end u r e d a lot of e m o t i o n a l ups and d o w n s this season, and our m e n discovered t h a t mental t o u g h n e s s is necessary t o b e successful, n o m a t t e r t h e endeavor," Neil said. Neil also expressed his appreciation for t h e c o m m u n i t y and fans. " O u r basketball p r o g r a m would like to t h a n k t h e e n t i r e H o p e College c o m m u n i t y for t h e s u p p o r t and encouragem e n t d u r i n g t h e season. W e a i m t o serve o u r college in a way that r e p r e s e n t s t h e loyalty of o u r f a n s a n d wish t o t h a n k t h e D e w C r e w for setting t h e tone," Neil said. As for t h e seniors, they had a great year. Special recognition goes to Will Bowser, A n d y Venema, Ty Tanis and A d a m Dickerson for their c o n t r i b u t i o n s t o H o p e men's basketball. O t h e r r e c o g n i t i o n s include Bowser m a k i n g M I A A first t e a m h o n o r s , as well as t e a m m a t e David K r o m b e e n ('12) m a k i n g M I A A second t e a m h o n o r s .