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UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST The Most Unusual Digest in America!

.com

FREE

February 2014

You’ll L VE Your Smile NEW lways Patients A m Welco e!

when you visit:

TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES 27 Millett Drive, Auburn

784-1577 Taylorbrookdental.com Armandsab@aol.com

"Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use." – Charles M. Schulz

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA February 2014 Wednesday, Feb 5th Grid Iron 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 12907) 1567 Lisbon St, Lewiston $8 Member; $8.50 Guest Tuesday, Feb 11th Dairy Queen 4pm -7pm (Chapter 12749) 661 Minot Ave, Auburn $4.50 Member; $5 Guest Saturday, Feb 15th KC Sacred Heart Bean Supper 5pm (Chapter 14346) 8 Sacred Heart Pl, Auburn $4 Member; $5 Guest Wednesday, Feb 19th Rolly’s Diner 7am – 10am (Chapter 10589) 87 Mill St, Auburn $3.50 Member; $4.50 Guest

Dick Courtemanche 207-786-3622 Lewiston

Timothy Graham* 207-892-0302 Standish

Forest Cluff* 207-725-4606 Brunswick

Sunday, Feb 23rd Flagship Cinema (Chapter 8609) Lewiston/Auburn $4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest Tuesday, Feb 25th Village Pizzeria 11:30am- 1pm (Chapter 10929) 16 Pleasant St, McFalls $5.50 Member; $6 Guest

Paul Colasante* 207-782-8823 Lewiston

Michael Courtemanche* 207-783-8921 Lewiston

Jean Fournier 207-784-5453 Lewiston

Thursday, Feb 27th The Green Ladle Noon (Chapter (14437) 156 East Ave – Lewiston High School $8 Member; $9 Guest TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED

Patrick Linehan* 207-465-4800 Oakland

Ron Ouellette* 207-786-3612 Lewiston

Kim Pelkey* 207-786-2573 Lewiston/Norway

Deb Wagemann* ChFC 207-783-8804 Auburn

*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC.

Bring ideas in and entertain them royally for one of them may be the king.

Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed. ************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898

www.UncleAndys.com Staff JIMBO Who’s on First?

UNCLE ANDY What’s on Second?

MAGGIE MAY I Don’t Know is on Third...

THOMAS I Don’t Give a Darn is at Shortstop.

I'm an expert at multitasking. I can cheat on six diets at the same time.

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES Affordable Dentures Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service! Also see us for: • Full Dentures • Immediate Dentures • Rebases • Relines • Repairs

PAMMY Tomorrow is on the Mound.

TANMAN Today is the Catcher.

GENE-O Why plays Left field.

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again! We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted We also accept Credit & Debit Cards

FREE CONSULTATIONS

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 801 Webster Street, Lewiston

514-0660 SmileAgainDentures.com

Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists

Or email us at: smileagaindentures@gmail.com

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

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Jimbo

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They put a new machine in at my gym that provides for all my needs. Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers.

Hunting Dog

Today is the last day of your life so far.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

KITCHENSolutions DESIGN & SALES CENTER

Jimbo and Uncle Andy are going hunting. Jimbo says to Uncle Andy, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting." Bella comes back and barks twice. Jimbo says, "Well I'm not going to go out. She only saw two ducks out there."

Why not use your Income Tax Return and save BIG!

WE HAVE PRICING FOR EVERYONE’S BUDGET!

995 Center St. Auburn Next to Appliance Warehouse and Gamache & Lessard Window Decorators

784-3100

Visit our brand new showroom Specials on Cabinets & Granite Countertops

Bruce

Quartz Counter tops starting at $54.99/ LF Installed!

Stacy

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.

Uncle Andy says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Uncle Andy doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!" Jimbo says, "Well, I got her from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too." Uncle Andy goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Jimbo has. The breeder obliges and Uncle Andy brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts whacking Uncle Andy. (continued on next page)

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I've got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date. Outraged, Uncle Andy takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!" The breeder asks Uncle Andy what the dog did. Uncle Andy tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth, shaking it around and hitting him with it!.

Auto Repair Done Right Brakes • Engines • Suspension & More • Call for a free estimate!

Body Work Collision Repairs • Complete Re-sprays Custom Paint & More Discounted towing w/ shop repairs

Towing available 24/7 845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn • 782-5500

The breeder says, "Uncle Andy, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"

Garbage Collector Submitted by Thomas Hill

A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," replied the boy's father.

It’s Valentines... Which is more important, flowers or a gun?

His friend thought for a moment and responded, "That's a strange ambition to have for a career." "Well," said the boy's father, "he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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Roger Caldwell

481 Maine Street, Poland Spring • 998-2806 Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty are "XL".

If you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

WELCOME TO THE TEAM Maine Oxy, New England’s leading supplier of industrial & specialty gases, welding and safety supplies, is proud to welcome Ron Eugley to the team. He will be part of the technical sales support team. Ron brings over 40 years of industry experience with him into this position. Previously holding positions in outside sales in central & coastal Maine, in addition to inside sales and customer service including technical support. James Richards, retail store manager reflected on Ron’s character, “Ron brings a vast knowledge of all aspects of our industry. Everyone is very excited that Ron is joining the Maine Oxy technical customer support team.” Ron is highly trained in all aspects of the industry including: Welding Supplies & Industrial gases; certifications include American Welding Society (AWS), and has attended leading training schools including Miller & Lincoln. Welcome to the team, Ron!

Ron Eugley

Out ’n About at the SkillsUSA Competition at Lewiston Regional Technical Center The senior class at LRTC competed in a Carpentry Challenge. Each had to build a 6’ long x 4’ high wall section 16” o.c. with a window opening. They had to draw, create a cut list, materials list and submit a bid price for the wall section. All students did a great job under the tutelage of the carpentry instructor, Jason Merritt.

22 Albiston Way, Auburn

www.maineoxy.com

784-5788 1-800-377-9433

Pencil sharpeners have a tough life - they live off tips.

Congratulations to the 2013 Gipper’s Scholarship Winners Colby Tremblay A speed square and a sharp pencil should keep me in the running...

L to R: Rachel Gagne (Edward Little), Bethany Fox (St.Doms), Tom Fournier (Gippers) and Natalie Rousseau (Lewiston). Rachel is attending Simmons College and studying Biology. Bethany is enrolled in the Elementary Education program at St. Joe's College and Natalie is studying Biology at Florida Southern. They each received a check for $750 at a reception held for them and their families at Gippers.

It's scary when, in the morning, you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

Nick Fortin Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

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When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed they're not it.

Eat In or Take Out!

Counseling Services

for Lunch or Dinner

Accepting New Clients All Ages, families & Veterans Welcome Trauma counseling through EMDR & DBT

Andy Jarman, LCPC

624-1132

Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi 730 Center Street, Auburn • Auburn Plaza • 376-4855 NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA

1288 Roosevelt Trail • Ste 5B (back of building) • Raymond

Tardy Uncle Andy went into work an hour late, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. “What happened to you?” Jimbo asked. “I fell down two flights of stairs,” Uncle Andy said. Jimbo was aghast. “That took you a whole hour?”

jasminecafemaine.com

Taking care of your sweethearts vehicle is one of the best gifts, EVER!

Tony D.

Cathy Call for an appointment. Your sweetheart will LOVE you for it!

Ron

353-9862

Tony G. 183 Lisbon Street • Lisbon qualitycareautorepair.com

Visa is everywhere you want to be...except out of debt. I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'. Back in the days when the guillotine was first used, people wondered, is this what we may beheaded for in the future? Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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See Us For All Your Fabric & Metal Fabrication From repairs to large projects! We can do it! • Canvas • Upholstery • Metal Fabrication

• Residential/Commercial Awnings

Canvas & Upholstery 41 Millett Drive • Auburn, Maine 04210

783-5600 NyQuil - The sniffling, sneezing, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

Spring & Summer dates are filling fast - Book NOW!

Weddings • Summer Parties Reunions Indoors • Outdoors • We do it all!

Professional service at an affordable price Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!!

Dad’s Place Catering Division 345-9009

DadsPlace.info

FREE

COFFEE FRIDAY! Free 20 oz. coffee with purchase of Breakfast Sandwich every Friday.

Baby, it’s cold outside! $ Our 10 GIANT one-topping pizza is sure to warm you up!!

Not to be combined with any other special.

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

Expires 2.28.14

d’s...

NEW at Da

Pay at the Pump!

Out ’n About at the SkillsUSA Competition at Lewiston Regional Technical Center

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

My tape measure keeps me on center.

Derek Montminy

Jake Matson

Chris Poisson Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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I want my children to have all things I couldn't afford: Then I'll move in with them.

My school colors were clear. We used to say, "I'm not naked, I'm in the band."

True Love Submitted by Thomas Hill

Mike Morin’s

Auto Center

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon If the Farmer’s Almanac is accurate we could see more cold for Feb. and March. Get your FREE Winterization Check here!

LIKE us on Facebook Receive

OIL CHANGE

$10.00

$24.95

Discount!

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

Mike Morin

FRONT END ALIGNMENTS $79.95

You can tell your getting old when all the names in your little black book end in M.D.

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 I Love You cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. He said, “I'm a divorce Lawyer.”

Dumb Waiter Submitted by Jimbo

A waiter brings the customer the steak dinner he ordered with his thumb holding the meat down.

We’d love to take care of your fur-baby. Take a look at our ad on page 45.

"Are you crazy," yelled the customer, "sticking your thumb on my steak?!"

Jessica & Russ Boisvert Owners of Howling Hill Dog Boarding in New Gloucester

I installed a skylight in my apartment... The people who live above me are furious!

"What," answers the waiter, "Would you prefer it fell on the floor again?" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 11

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.

Out ’n About at the SkillsUSA Competition at Lewiston Regional Technical Center

A tool belt is a must for any carpenter.

2011 Toyota Highlander

2009 Chevrolet Traverse

2011 Toyota Sienna

2013 Chevrolet Equinox

Gray, 3.5L, Auto, AWD 31k

Gray, 3.6L V6, Auto, FWD, 65k

Silver,3.5L V6, Auto. 6spd., 62k

Black, 2.4L 4cyl., Auto., AWD, 18k

our price

our price

our price

our price

$20,995

$27,995

Tanner Marston Eye protection is vital in this environment!

Vincent Callgiuri

$25,995 $15,995 2011 Toyota Rav 4

2012 Ford Focus

2009 Toyota Venza

2009 Honda Odyssey

Black, 2.5L 4cyl, Auto, 4WD, 35k

Blue Candy Metallic, 2.0L 4cyl., Auto., 57k

Gree, 3.5L V6, Auto 6 Spuds., AWD, 49k

3.5L V6, Auto., FWD minivan, 73k

our price

our price

our price

our price

$22,995

$13,995

$19,995

$20,995

Isaac Lane Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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“I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.” – Thomas Hill

Radar spelled backwards is radar. They get you coming and going.

Out ’n About at the SkillsUSA Competition at Lewiston Regional Technical Center Feel the power... Argh, Argh, Argh!

2012 Chevrolet Malibu

2011 Toyota Camry

2010 Nissan Maxima

2013 Chevrolet Tahoe

Gold, 2.4L 4cyl., Auto, 39k

Sandy Beach Metallic, 2.5L 4cyl., 17k

Black, 3.5L V6, CVT, 4 door, 27k

Silver, 5.3L V8, 6 speed, 4WD, 10k

our price

our price

our price

our price

$12,995

$15,995

$20,995

$39,888

2012 Dodge Avenger SE

2011 Toyota Camry SE

2011 Toyota Prius

2012 Toyota Tundra

Nick Fortin

Josh Melnick Redline 2 coat Pearl, 2.4L 4cyl, Auto., 37k

Cosmic Gray Mica, 2.5L 4cyl., 18k

Blue, 1.8L 4cyl., Hybrid, 34k

Silver, 5.7L, V8 Auto, 4WD, 13k

our price

our price

our price

our price

$15,995

$19,595

$17,995

$33,995

We have a very talented group of seniors this year!

Jason Merritt LRTC Construction Teacher

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

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Saying Grace Submitted by Thomas Hill

Little Johnny and his family were having a Sunday dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started to eat right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer," said his mother. "I don't need to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook."

Valentine’s Day Special for TWO • Bottle of Wine or 2 Beers • Shared appetizer Choice of 3 meals:

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

WOW!

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

$

12

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

e m o r d l o l Ro

Since 1954

Where Good Skaters Meet

LE R SCHE20D+ U WINTNiEgh 30 7: -10pm ts - Ages

Thursday 30 - 10:00 - All Skating 7: Friday Nights pm 30 - 4:00 Sat. & Sun. - 1: t 7:30 - 10pm - Family Nigh ts gh Ni ay Saturd 30 - 10pm - All SK8 • 7: Sunday Night ua br ry 19th m Wednesday Fe ing 1:30 - 4p at Sk n tio School Vaca

Available for private parties

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940

www.rollodrome.com

Every Mon. Night $6.99 Burger Special w/ 2 sides

Join Our Mug Club 21 Draft beers Buy $25 Gift Certificate and get $5 Extra in Firehouse Bucks

Bring your ticket in before or after any

Beef Tips w/ garlic onion wine sauce,

home game and receive

Seafood Baked Stuffed Haddock or Chicken Marsala

15% OFF!

choice of starch, veg. or salad

Split a dessert $

49.95

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Try our Homemade Baxter Beer Battered Onion Rings! Firehouse Grille • 47 Broad Street, New Auburn 376-4959 • thefirehousegrille.biz

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

of the Ho me e Co. Eng in er rg u B

More than 1,000,000 Earths could fit inside the Sun.

The Four Cats Submitted by Thomas Hill

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer, the second an Accountant, the third a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm Fri. 8am-4pm

Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D. Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit with results that you will be proud to show off.

Visit us at our newly renovated state of the art office at:

730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351 Same Day Emergency Care

We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

To show off, the Engineer called his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.” T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, “Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your thing.”

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8oz. without spilling a drop (continued on next page)

Too small for the role of Pistachio, not curly enough to be a Cashew...The Almond.

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into the glass. Everyone agreed that was pretty good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?” The Government Employee called his cat Coffee Break and said, “do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet... He drank the milk ate the cookies, and then beat up the other three cats. Later he claimed he injured his back while doing so, so he filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

New Generation

It was so cold... When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream!

A-PLUS AUTO REPAIR Get your car fixed at A-Plus Auto Repair before I unleash these Karate chopping hands on you!

Located @ 747 Minot Ave. in Auburn (Behind Fastenal Services)

• Computer Diagnostics • Maine State Inspection Station • Brake Pads & Rotors

• Shocks & Struts • Oil Changes • Exhaust Repair • $50/hr Labor Rate Bring in this ad & receive

A-Plus Auto Repair 747 Minot Ave, Auburn

Chance

786-0522

10% OFF Your✃ Total bill!

Expires 2.28.14

It was so cold... When we parked the dog sled, we either had to plug in the dogs, or keep them running in place! Photo credit: Artistic Touch Photography

Submitted by Jimbo

Needing to look up a phone number at a friend’s house, my teenage daughter asked for a phone book. She might as well have asked for a papyrus scroll. “A phone book?” asked her friend. “You know,” said my daughter. “A book with numbers in it.” “Oh,” said her friend as it dawned on her. “You mean a math book.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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Sophie from The Doggz Inn would like to wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day!

It was so cold... We had to chop up the piano for firewood, and we barely hit one chord.

It was so cold... Hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!

Out ’n About at the SkillsUSA Competition at Lewiston Regional Technical Center Some great work here for sure. Pretty impressive for high school kids!

Randy Swan of Randall Swan Construction judge the students work

Chris Poisson

Vincent Callgiuri 'Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.' - W.C. Fields

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

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A day of the Dogs

Reality leaves a lot to the imagination. – John Lennon

Playing ball in the snow... a perfect day!

Bella

Marley

Sophie Uncle Andy said to the Gym instructor, "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?" Uncle Andy said, "I can't make Tuesdays." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude. – Ralph Marston

She walked to the altar so many times, they're trying to make her pay for the carpet.

Out ’n About at Sound Effects

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

NO PROBLEM!

Big or small we install ‘em all.

• Appointments required • Fully warranteed & certified • $60/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

333-0364

You’ll be smiling too after our daddy fixes your car at a reasonable price!

Marek & Mallory age 7

age 4

Big Keith

February Valentine’s Dance 2014 Friday, Feb. 14th 8pm - Midnight

New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn 782-9039

Live Music by

!

Lost & Found Band

& L’il Chris

get Ladies First 50 emmed st a long a great rose & ize! door pr

Members’ Meeting Sunday, Feb. 23rd 3:00pm

Scott & Isaac Feldman

Remote Heated Starters & Seats

216 Center Street, Auburn Next to Republic Jewelry Parking in back of building

777-3339 www.soundeffectsmaine.com

Doctor: “Drink a glass of milk after a hot bath.” Uncle Andy: “I don't think I'll have space left.”

Yeah, I’m looking at competing in the 2018 Winter Olympics

Isaac Feldman Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

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Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

Sasseville Chiropractic Wellness Center,

Great Winter Specials going on NOW!

now located at 416 Sabattus Street in Lewiston, is excited to welcome Dr. Grant Lemire to their office. He will be offering chiropractic care, more treatment times and a special new technique called the Active Release Technique! Call the office at 777-3333 to schedule an appointment today! Dr. Grant Lemire, a Livermore Falls native, followed his dream to Davenport, Iowa and completed his Doctorate of Chiropractic at Palmer College of Chiropractic in 2013. He is a full body certified Active Release Technique (ART) practitioner which is a soft tissue system/movement based technique that is used to restore smooth movement of tissues and to release trapped nerves. Dr. Lemire uses manual adjusting, flexion-distraction, and activator methods. He has a special interest in sports medicine/rehabilitation and wellness (nutrition, exercise, and positive thinking) and is pursuing post graduate studies in Fascial Distortion Model (FDM). He is a member of the ACA (American Chiropractic Association) and ICA (International Chiropractors Association). He enjoys staying active and is an avid New England sports fan. See their ad on page 60 for more information. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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Slept like a log last night... Woke up in the fireplace.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 OUR TIRES

Scooter

• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections

60 Minot Ave • Auburn

782-6666 or 783-2026

A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot.

Musical Money Submitted by Jimbo

AUTO BODY COLLISION REPAIR & PAINTING We are a professional collision repair and painting facility. All work is guaranteed! Free estimates.

Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," Little Johnny said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas present I ever got." That's great," smiled his uncle. "Have you learned how to play it yet?"

SNOW, SLEET, ICE... WE’RE HERE FOR YOU!

"Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day, and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night."

782-6515 1111 Center Street, Auburn ~ Next to Jim’s Auto Sales ~

Tasha Pelletier, Model

Dr. Chandra Sasseville

Baby Phenom Attempts Dead Lifting World Record*

*Editor’s note: This came from Uncle Andy, so do you really believe anything that comes out of his mouth?

Don't worry about what people think of you, they don't do it very often.

The staff at Sasseville Chiropractic Wellness Center is proud to announce that Dr. Chandra Sasseville has been appointed to the Board of Chiropractic Licensure! “Thank you Dr. Sasseville for your commitment to ethics and your unbending attitude to the prudent deliverance of care to the Lewiston/Auburn Community!” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

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Birthing Class Submitted by Jimbo

“Ok everyone,” said the instructor at the birthing class trying to get everyones attention. “We are going to do an exercise now, that’s purpose is to help the men sympathize with their partners.” “Here we have a pregnancy suit,” said the woman instructor, holding up an artificial stomach with a strap. “This imitates the feeling of being pregnant. Which husband would like to volunteer to be the first one to try it on?” “I will,” said one man, taking the suit and trying it on. “This isn’t too bad said the man walking around. I think I could get used to this.” “Ok”, said the instructor smiling, “now I would like you to bend down and pick up my pen from the floor.”

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

J.T. REID’S GUNS

GUN SHOW Buy • Sell • Trade • Concessions

When: Saturday, February 15th Time: 9:00am - 5:00pm Where: Ramada Inn 490 Pleasant St. Lewiston

Cost: $5/person (under 16 & active duty military FREE) This is guns and ammo show only featuring dealers from New England. Contact J.T. Reid’s Guns for more information.

“You want me to pick it up?” he said hesitantly, ”just as I would if I was pregnant?” “Yes!” said the instructor. “Honey,” said the man turning to his spouse “do you mind picking up that pen for me?” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

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Concealed firearms prohibited in show even with permit.

J.T. Reid’s Guns Full Line Gunsmith Service Jamie Pelletier, Manager

jtreidsgunshop.com

86 Court St., Auburn 777-3579 jtreidsguns@yahoo.com 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat John Reid, Owner

Take the mystery out of driving....use your turn signal.

Excuse me for driving so closely in front of you.

Sweetheart Loans Available Here! Spring is right around the corner! Whether it’s a 4-wheeler, a motorcycle or any other vehicle we’ve got you covered!

Out ’n About at the L-A Harley Chili Cook-off Come on down here and get some good bikes!

Gabby Martin, Geremy Bubier & Clay Bubier

Call Dane, Ken, or Michele today!

Great Falls Federal Credit Union

Gino Cote & Bert Asselin 2 neighborhood buddies

John Story, the owner of L-A Harley is one great guy!

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500 *Restrictions & qualification apply

www.GreatFallsfcu.com My mail is a little slow. Last month my flower seeds came as a bouquet.

John Taylor Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 23

Our NEW expansion is now OPEN!

20% OFF BURGERS Every Monday in February

30% OFF All Draft Beers Every Monday in February

u n e l M y, & a i c e a d i Sp r F e rs ay, v d o s r L Th u ay f o r 15) rd . 13,14, &ns now! u t a S (Feb servatio

i n c $25 lude pp s app sou p ent o r s e t i ze re e r a & de l ad , , s se rt ! Come watch your favorite sporting event e re Mak

in our brand new 1300 sq. ft. bar area. 11 TV’s • 16 beers on tap • Full menu all the time!

Mac’s Grill 1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885

THE place to be for lunch or dinner any day of the week!

Bring your sweetheart to Mac’s, you’ll LOVE it!

macsgrill.com

Whoever said not to cry over spilled milk has obviously never had to pump before.

Out ’n About at the L-A Harley Chili Cook-off

Lori Walsh

Sonny Daggett I love Harleys! Brrruuuummm...

Kathy & Phil Cunningham The shoemaker did not deny his apprentice anything he needed. He gave his awl.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

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Out ’n About at the L-A Harley Chili Cook-off Yes, I can see me sitting on my new Harley and you’re there too, honey.

Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word.

My Sweet Valentine

Make Reservations NOW for this Valentines Special Bring your sweetie to Shooter’s on Feb. 14th & enjoy this amazing package: All you can eat spaghetti & meatballs, garlic bread & salad, a pitcher of domestic beer, a box of chocolates, 2 glasses of champagne & roses... ALL for $40. WOW!! Live entertainment starts at 8:30 so you can dance the night away with your honey!

Harold & Tracy Small

128 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls • 345-7040 According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

It’s cold out there...

Our Food Will Warm You Up!! Daily Specials: Monday: Ham Italian ...................sm. $1.59 lg. $2.59 Tuesday: 10” 1-topping Pizza ............................$3.99 Wednesday: Chicken Salad ..........................sm. $1.99 ........................................................................lg. $3.49 Thursday: BLT Bowl of (Chili $3.99) ......................................................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49 Friday: Tuna Italian ......................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49 Saturday: Baked Beans ................qt. $3.59 pt. $2.59 Sunday: .................................$2.00 off any large pizza

Valerie & Mike Doze with their son, Mikey

Brad & Angela

Try us once, you’ll be a regular!

GE PIZZA

BUY 1 LAR

* E GET 1 FRE

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET 2 Main Street, Sabattus Leo Simoneau Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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375-8502

other special ined with any Not to be comb

Expires 2.28.14

*equal or lesser value

A cannibal's favorite game is 'swallow the leader'.

OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm

I finally got rid of that nasty electrical charge I've been carrying. I'm ex-static!

Unique Treasures See Us for Collectibles • Antiques • Vintage

Bookkeeping Plus QuickBooks Classes Offered

Classy Elegance & Second Hand Treasures 32 Riverside Dr. • Auburn • 998-5525

Bookkeeping Services 9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124

“Doing business without advertising is like winking in the dark, you know what you’re doing but nobody else does.” – Guerrilla Marketing

Join all the other smart business owners you see in this magazine... you’ll be glad you did! UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST 783-7039 • editor@UncleAndys.com

HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

Call us! No Separating Required!

Quality Used Furniture

743-3891 HARRIS BROS.

at affordable prices! Buying Single Items or Entire Estates! 386 Minot Avenue • Auburn 312-9139 • past2presentfurniture@gmail.com

Past 2 Present Furniture

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

Don’t Stress in that Dress! VISIT RachelVerrillEvents.com or Call 740-1409

GOT HEAT?? FREE winter Checkup With Ad

“She did our wedding. Absolutely AMAZING JOB! Highly recommended! Thank you for everything you made our special day so much better!" – Josh Tice

Photo taken by La Belle Vue Photography

The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

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Fixing the Golf Swing Submitted by Jimbo

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says, "How is the singing career going?" Stevie Wonder says, "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how is the golf." Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I'm still making a bit of money. I have some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now." "I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be all right," says Stevie.

A golf course is a site to be holed.

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

I love the big portions you get at Rolly’s!

Their Veggie Omelette is fantastic! One of my favorites!

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu

87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 Major League Baseball Play Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm from MAINE Sunday 7 am – noon

Ben & Marge Lizotte eat at Rolly’s Diner everyday!

I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours.

Rubbing Elbows with Big Leaguers

"You play golf!?" asks Jack. Stevie says, "Yes, I have been playing for years." "But I thought you were blind; how can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks." I get my caddie to stand in the middle of (continued on next page)

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Tanner Marston, senior starting catcher at Poland Regional High School is flanked by Ryan Reid, left, who is a graduate of Deering High School and went on to play at James Madison University. He was drafted by the Tampa Bay Rays in the 7th round in 2006. Ryan (RH pitcher) was picked up off waivers by the New York Mets in December 2013. Charlie Furbush, right, graduated from South Portland High School, played college ball at LSU. Charlie is a crafty lefty who was drafted by the Detroit Tigers in the 4th round in 2007. He now pitches for the Seattle Mariners.

A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out.

(continued from previous page)

Math teachers have lots of problems.

the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands the caddie moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice," explains Stevie.

Out ’n About at the Crystal Lake Ice Fishing Derby

It was a perfect day for an ice fishing derby. The Maine Warden Service was proud to take part in it.

"But how do you putt?" Nicklaus wondered.

yers

Don Morrison, Lt. Adam Gormely & Jason Hall

"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball to the sound of his voice." Nicklaus says, "What is your handicap?" "

I went to the store to buy some soup but they were out of stock.

VOTED #1: Best Sports Pub & Best Burgers in L/A area!

Come watch your favorite team on our 13 plasma TVs!

$6.99 Lunch Specials Mon. - Fri.

Valentine’s Day Specials for 2 all day!

Come Check it out! HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm • Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight

120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com A pat on the back is only a foot short from a kick in the butt.

Well, I play scratch golf," Stevie assures Jack. Nicklaus is incredulous and says to Stevie, "We must play a game sometime." Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a hole." Nicklaus thinks it over and says, "OK, I'm up for that. When would you like to play?" "I don't care - any night next week is OK with me." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 29

First Day of Class

Can a physicist read the periodic table? Isotope so.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Happy Valentine’s Day

One day a college professor was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and asked if anyone in the class was a moron, and if they were, they should stand. After a minute a young man stood up. The professor then asked the kid if he actually thought he was a moron. The kid replied, “No, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”

Here are the winning catches from the Crystal Lake Derby: Adult Trout 1.#256 Matt Boolt 4.20lb 2.#187 Lucas Rodrigue 2.66lb 3.#899 Albert Holden Jr. 2.10 lb 4.#909 Greg Massey 1.92lb

Adult EEL 1.#570Bobby Reed 1.74lb

Adult Bass

from All of Us at Kutters Korner! Purchase a Gift Certificate for your sweetheart & be entered to win a door prize!

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

786-4311

Any Set of 2 for $25

Hours: Tues. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Wed. 6am - 5pm Fri. 8:30am - 3pm Sat. 8am - 1pm

Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn't resistor.

Out ’n About at the

Maine Game W ardens always have yo ur back

Crystal

Lake Ice Fishing Derby

1.#269 Freeman Forbs 5.74lb

Adult Pickerel 1.#394 Dave Thibeault 1.28lb

Adult Perch 1.#659 John Tibbets 1.01lb

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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February 2014

on H

Ja s

1. Emily Hassey 3.09lb

783-7039

& Debra m

Kids Bass

30

all

Ru

1.#180 Alexis Larracey 1.19lb 2.#200 Andrew Shaw 1.16lb 3.#135 Anthony Ales 1.16lb

y er

Kids Trout

The Crystal Lake Ice Fishing Derby was a huge success and a lot of fun! They received enough fish to feed 100 people through the Wayside Food Program in Portland. Fish for A Cure Derby was held on February 1st in Sabattus, February 8th in Phippsburg, and February 15-16 is the big Sebago Derby.

Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other, "How do you start this thing?"

I'm so bright my mother calls me son.

Calling All Lovers

Out ’n About at the L-A Harley Chili Cook-off

Join us for dinner Valentine’s Weekend We’ll have a special menu that weekend for LOVERS in our loft with a specified wine for each meal.

Join us Thursday, Friday or Saturday (Feb. 13, 14 or 15th) for a Valentine’s Special Dinner! in the main restaurant or ask about our

I heard Digest fans also LOVE 107.5 Frank FM.

LOFT LOVERS SPECIAL! (our private dining area upstairs with music, wine & lovers menu)

Call us to make reservations or for more info!

A.J. Ridley & Dawn Bergeron

Village Inn, 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Brian Lovering won 2nd Place for his Devil Dog Chili

Out ’n About at the SkillsUSA Competition at Lewiston Regional Technical Center The seniors at LRTC pose with one of the wall sections built during the competition. The winner will move on to the state competition in Bangor in mid March. The winner of that moves on to represent the state of Maine in June in Kansas City. Pictured are Isaac Lane, Jake Matson, Derek Montminy, Josh Melnick, Tanner Marston, Colby Tremblay, Chris Poisson, Nick Fortin, Vincent Callgiuri & Jason Merritt (Construction Teacher).

60 cows can produce a ton of milk each day.

George Gardner III & Letitia Laverdiere Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 31

Out ’n About at the L-A Harley Chili Cook-off

I do a lot of spreadsheets in the office so you can say I'm excelling at work.

Sarah Verrill Go Air Force!

Jen & Steven Bowdich won 3rd Place with their chili

Randy & Debbie Smith Hottest chili

Always drink upstream from the herd. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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Affordable Office Solutions • 550 Lisbon Street in the Pepperell Mill, Lewiston (formerly S When I'm feeling tired at work I just use my smart phone to download a nap.

A guy became so good with a chainsaw that he was promoted to branch manager.

Join us for our...

Out ’n About at the L-A Harley Chili Cook-off

Jack Brooks Watch out for #1!

March 1st, 2014 in our NEW Location! 550 Lisbon Street in the Pepperell Mill, Lewiston Cathy & Bob Rivard

Special Sale Prices All Day! 10% OFF Entire Purchase to our first 10 Customers Enter Our Grand Prize Drawing for a chance to WIN a FREE Eurotech Task Chair

Stop in a nd talk to the PR EMIER Office So lutions Speciali sts in th e state!

Sherm Arnolds Flooring & Kitchen) • www.cubiclesinmaine.com • 783-4820 or 1-866-464-CUBE

How could I trust the ceiling fan installer when I knew he was always screwing up.

Jamie & Lucy Reynolds I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 33

Letter from Boot Camp

Yes some people claim to enjoy exercise, but then some people claim to have been abducted by aliens.

Submitted by Jimbo

Dear Ma and Pa, I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 am. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

596 Main St., Oxford • 539-8811 maine-lyaction.com

We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to (continued on next page)

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It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

(continued from previous page)

My eyelids are so beautiful, I can't keep my eyes off them.

Many Hands Make Light Work A Request for YOUR Help We are GROWING and so is our need for more Board Members! We are coming to our supporters with a great need. As many of you already know, a board of directors is crucial to a non-profit agency. The success or failure of Habitat is significantly due to our volunteers. Without a board of directors, there will be no Habitat in Androscoggin or Oxford County for people to volunteer with. We have been blessed with a very hard working, but extremely small, group of individuals. Those individuals need some assistance in order for us to thrive and grow in Androscoggin and Oxford Counties. We have to get more individuals involved on a basic and ground level, or better known as the board of directors. Our current board wants to ensure that Habitat can successfully support the members and families of Androscoggin and Oxford Counties. WE CAN NOT DO THAT WITHOUT YOUR HELP!! New board members don’t have to be on the nuts-and-bolts of home construction (though they certainly can if they wish). We are looking for new board members who can meet monthly to help guide our overall efforts for AHFH, and help attract the people and energy we need to ensure a vibrant, sustainable future for the families we serve. We are looking for individuals who care about the housing needs of low income families, and about making our community a better place for these hard-working men, women and children. You might be a teacher, a student, a business owner or vendor, a corporate officer, a stay-at-home mom or a retiree. It doesn't matter what you do for a living, what matters is what you are willing to give back to your community. We hope for diversity of experience to help make us stronger. Would you be willing to help? Or do you know someone who would be a good addition to the Habitat Board? We appreciate all referrals! If you have any questions, or would like to express interest, please call or write Kim Veilleux at Androhabitat@roadrunner.com or 786-2598.

Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it'll always get you the right ones.

WE’RE BETTING You’ll LOVE our food! We’re right on the way to the casino, stop in for a bite. Wall of Fame Inductees!

Family-style restaurant serving breakfast & lunch every day! Home of the Double Yolker

Egg-ceptional Restaurant 5 Pigeon Hill Road (Route 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577

Jonathan & Shane Corcoran of Gray & Poland

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

I'm going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.

harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges They come in boxes. Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from (continued on next page)

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(continued from previous page)

over in Silver Lake, I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8″ and near 300 pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.. Your loving daughter, Alice

Crazy Maine Laws Did you know that your shoelaces must be tied when walking down the street in Portland?

I've just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There's no menu, we just give you what you deserve.

Jim’s Rent It

• Car Rentals • Passenger Vans with • Pickup Truck Rentals 7,8,12,15 Seating Capacity • Convertibles

Lowest priced car rental in the area! Car accidents, no problem! We offer insurance-paid car rentals

Call 784-5438 for details 1097 Center St., Auburn If you are running next to me on the treadmill, the answer is YES, we are racing.

A Leg Up Submitted by Thomas Hill

An Old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg. “I am afraid it’s just old age,” replied the doctor, “there is nothing we can do about it.”

Out ’n About at the SkillsUSA Competition at Lewiston Regional Technical Center

“That can’t be,” fumed the old man, “you don’t know what you are doing.” “How can you possibly know I am wrong?” countered the doctor. “Well it’s quite obvious,” the old man replied, “my other leg is fine, and it’s the exact same age!” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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e Hebert Simon Hebert & Mikstu dents work ge the

of Hebert Construction jud

Action - Actions speak louder than words, with fewer lies and not so often!

Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.

Featuring

Out ’n About at the Crystal Lake Ice Fishing Derby It takes Moxie to get me out in this cold weather...

131Vendors Open

7 Days a Week

9 AM - 5 PM We honor:

M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149

s Alway g n i y u B

500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

The Colonial Cupboard

Handmade Shaker Furniture Next to the Undercover Flea Market

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK”

Moxie the Moose with Debra Rumery Here fishy, fishy, fishy.

Regular Paperbacks $1/each

In-stock items finished & unfinished Need a certain special piece? We do custom orders and sizes; quick turnaround, quality craftsmanship, and reasonable prices. Open Sat. & Sun. 9am - 5pm thecolonialcupboard21@gmail.com

207-595-7774

INVENTORY REDUCTION

SALE!

Ice fishing is my favorite sport.

20% - 75% OFF

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market! Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping! My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. “We'll see about that.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

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Iron Man

I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

An owner at a local club was so sure that his bouncer was the strongest man around that he offered a standing $1,000 bet that no could beat him.

Willow Tree Primitives

The challenge was that the bouncer would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a glass. He would then hand the lemon to the customer, and the first one who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.

754-8784

850 Main Street, Lewiston www.willowtreeprimitiveshop.com Open 7 Days a Week 10am - 5pm

Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weight lifters, karate masters, and all had failed. Then one day this geeky little fella with heavy black rimmed glasses came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge. After the laughter had subsided the club owner said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so the bouncer picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done, he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice into the glass. Everyone looked on in

Your One Stop Shop For All Your Insurance Needs

9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls

(207) 345-8711 or 1-800-339-0414

Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!

Jeff & Nora Cummings Diane Morissette • Joline Waite

Check out our new website:

www.CummingsAgency.com

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For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.

(continued from previous page)

Maine is almost as big as all the New England states combined in size.

Family Friendly Dentist ~ Right in Your Backyard ~ Serving Poland & Surrounding Areas Since 1997

Accepting New Patients!

amazement as the owner handed over the prize and asked "What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a construction worker, weightlifter, what?" "No" the man replied, "I work for the IRS."

WINNERS!

James F. Weigand, DDS General Dentistry 364 Maine Street Poland Spring • 998-4587 (Located at the Poland Community Health Center at the Corner of Rt. 26 & 122

Most Insurances Accepted

Deb Leonard winner of a 4 pack of tickets to a Portland Pirates game. Deb won a caption contest on the Uncle Andy’s Digest Facebook page.

Awesome Sequence Photography

Breakfast Sandwich

Only $1.00 Thin

ing! k Spr

Egg, cheese, & ham, bacon or sausage on our own homemade roll!

Not to mention Breakfast Pizza, Muffins, Donuts & More... all made fresh on premises!

Spend $20 & get a FREE pastry tray!

Georgio’s

d y owne Locall ated 740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981 & oper Open daily 5am-9pm • www.mygeorgios.com

In 1623, America's first sawmill was established in York, Maine.

Scott & Brayden Corriveau Another winner of a 4 pack of tickets to a Portland Pirates game.

Our Facebook page is rockin’ - LIKE us and YOU might win, too! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 39

Out ’n About at the Allure Hair & Nail Salon Open House

She's happy to make a pair of pants for you, or at least sew its seams.

L AU N DROMAT • C LE ANE RS • CO I N -O P Behind Rite Aid off Union Street Bypass

COMING IN FEBRUARY

Julie Belanger This is my first time appearing in this great magazine!

Wash, Dry & Fold Service! #

1

DROP OFF YOUR LAUNDRY

#

2

WE WASH

#

3

WE DRY

#

4

WE FOLD

Call or inquire within for more information.

Muriel Bureau

! y s u B s i e f i L !! p l e h Let us Watch for Specials on our Facebook page Search: Beal’s Laundromat & Cleaners

Jackie Ricker Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?

I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.

Out ’n About at the Allure Hair & Nail Salon Open House

Looking for a NEW Place to do Your Laundry & Dry Cleaning? We’re Open EVERY Night until 9pm! 34 Washers from 10 lb to 80 lb capacity 40 Dryers!

Stephanie Nadeau

Katilynn Strong This open house had something very Allure-ing about it.

Our customers say, “Beal’s is the cleanest Laundromat in L/A!” Mon.-Fri 7am-9pm • Sat. & Sun. 8am-9pm

L AU N DR O MAT • CLEANERS • C OIN-OP The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

Dee Kelley Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

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Cold Water Submitted by Thomas Hill

When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband"

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?" His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!" For lunch the old man made hamburgers. (continued on next page)

Out ’n About at Doggz INN

There’s always room at our INN.

Ashley, left holding Baby Girl & Chloe holding Caesar. Sophie is in the chair. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

(continued from previous page)

If you're only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet? – Robin Alumbaugh

BATTERY & CORE Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler Nobody pays higher prices than us! Stop by and find out for yourself!!

My job is to write you a big check!

Automobile & Truck Batteries Die Cast Alloy Rims #1 Steel Prepared/better grading/better payout Starters & Alternators Catalytic Converters

Cell Phone Scrap Computer Towers Stainless Electronic Scrap

Computer Board Scraps Copper • Aluminum • Insulated Wire

Mother Boards • Cores Brass • Alternators Starters • Motors • Pumps

Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions

Paying TOP prices for computer scraps! We pay EXTRA for copper & brass from LARGE businesses with LARGE quantities!

Always paying the best prices! (prices subject to market changes) Mon - Fri 7am - 7pm

15 Pierce Street, Auburn Across from Maine Oxy. • Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

6 1 5 - 7 0 57 o r

795-8887

Action - A man ordinarily has the time to do all the things he really wants to do.

Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!" Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandpa, your dog won't let me get to my car." Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted... "COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!"

Did You Know? Jethro Tull is not the name of the rock singer responsible for such songs as "Aqualung" and "Thick as a Brick." Jethro Tull is the name of the band. The singer is Ian Anderson. The original Jethro Tull was an English horticulturalist who invented the seed drill. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

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Out ’n About at the L-A Harley Chili Cook-off

You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you!

Auburn Exchange Club’s 38th Annual Twin Cities Daniel Brandon

Mary Kay Marston

GUN SHOW SAT. MARCH 29th 9-4 SUN. MARCH 30th 9-3 at the

Lewiston Armory Central Ave., Lewiston

Rembert Lessard

Dealers from throughout d New Englan

OPEN TO THE PUBLIC • 250 Tables of Guns & Related Items • Firearm Laws Will Be Observed • CONTEMPORARY & ANTIQUE GUNS OF ALL KINDS • KNIVES & OTHER RELATED ITEMS

Kamden, Missy & Ken Moore Dawn Bergeron hugs her grandson, Kamden Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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Admission: Adults: $8 Children under 12: Free with adult Yes, Boss, I'm now saving my coffee breaks. When I have enough together I'm taking Friday off.

The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine. – Mike Murdock

Don’t Forget YOUR Valentine! Come and experience our 1 hour spa pedicure

ONLY $40 (a $60 value) for the month of February!

Your Make ent tm appoin y! Toda

Gift Cards Available! Come experience Customer Service at its BEST! our Ask about m! a gr ro p referral

185 Webster St., Lewiston • 783-0200

Like us on Facebook • AllureStudioLewiston.com

Kim

Lisa

Little Known Fact Charles Richter was born near Hamilton, Ohio, in 1900. Richter is most famous as the creator of the Richter magnitude scale that, until the development of the moment magnitude scale in 1979, quantified the size of earthquakes.

Out ’n About at the Allure Hair & Nail Salon Open House

Angella Brissette & Cody Watson

I thought my itchy palms meant I was coming into some money... Now I hear it’s just dry winter skin. Oh well, I’ll just enjoy the hot wax treatment.

We love wine while we’re dipping in paraffin.

Christine Robichaud & Melanie Thompson

Come Get the Most Bark for Your Bucks! Doggie Daycare $13/Day Only $9 for 2nd Dog! Overnights also available! Family owned & operated. Owners live on premises!

Howling Hill Dog Boarding

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113A Fish Hatchery Road, New Gloucester

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ots Available Find us on Facebook

What do you call a group of crows staring at a bird feeder? A tempted murder.

"If it falls your lot to be a street sweeper, sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures, like Shakespeare wrote poetry, like Beethoven composed music; sweep streets so well that all the host of Heaven and Earth will have to pause and say, Here lived a great sweeper, who swept his job well." – Martin Luther King, Jr. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

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Brains vs. Brawn

Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! Being the soup, chowder & salad guy is cool. I’ve been here 5 years & like the fact my co-workers are laid back. I eat here everyday and suggest you do the same!

DAILY SPECIALS SUN. Baked Scallops . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99 w/maple dijon butter

MON. Turkey Dinner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99 w/potato, peas, squash, stuffing, gravy & rolls

TUES. Chicken Parmesan . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99 w/salad or cole slaw & rolls

WED. Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6.99 w/potato & rolls

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

Scott Footer of New Gloucester

Accept We Now rds! Credit Ca

Sugar plays more roles in jams and jellies than just sweetening the fruit. Sugar helps to preserve the fruit in jams and jellies from its ability to "tie up" water in the mixture and inhibit the growth of microorganisms and bacteria. Q. What can you never eat for breakfast? A. Dinner. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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w/ corned beef, potato, cabbage, carrots, turnip, beets & rolls

FRI. & SAT. Fried Haddock . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99 Prime Rib Au Jus . . .sm. $14.99 lg. $17.79

Join us on Friday & Saturday Nights for Live Music! Happy Hour 3-6pm Daily 14 Beers on Tap! Full Bar!

“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.” The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “all right, get in.”

THURS. New England Boiled Dinner . . . . .$9.99

64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • ColeFarms.com

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote! “The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

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OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.

A whopping 542,629 acres of Maine is a part of national and state parks.

DAD’S PLACE REDEMPTION

e Come see th emp Cleanest Red ississippi! East of the M

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 Located in the building behind Dad’s Place

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on all 5¢ returns with this coupon. (must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

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The state of Maine is estimated to contain 6,000 lakes and ponds.

SAVE $1,000! y Sweet Februar Deal!

Just add it to my to do list...

When you use your income tax return on any above ground pool See store for details

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1525 Minot Ave, Auburn • 795-7222 • poolbuildersofmaine.com My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve. He kept returning it.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

Jimbo UncleAndys.com 47

Out ’n About at the Allure Hair & Nail Salon Open House

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one. – Andy Rooney

Mothering comes natural to me... but Lisa is not my daughter, Jimbo!!!

Linda Caouette I like to take a dip every once in a while.*

To be held at

Poland Regional High School to benefit 2014 Project Graduation Saturday, March 1, 2013

Jimbo *A little paraffin dip that is.

(storm date March 2)

Doors open at 5:00 pm Show starts at 6:00 pm Tickets available at: PRHS Mechanic Falls Town Office $6/advance $10/door Minot Town Office

Yup, that’s my mommy!

Kim Galgovitch & Kourtney Francoeur Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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All ticket sales are final - no refunds

I purchased a microwave bed recently, 8 hours sleep in 10 minutes.

There is a cannery in Wilton, Maine that cans and imports only dandelion greens.

Out ’n About at the Allure Hair & Nail Salon Open House

Pauline Guimond

Tarantula spiders can survive 2 and a half years without food.

Angella Brissette

Did You Know? Blueberries are grown in 35 states in the US, which produce over 90% of all of the blueberries in the world. Trivia buffs: The Native Americans taught the pilgrims to use blueberries in many ways. Blueberries were dried in the sun and ground into a powder. The powder was used to make a pudding called Sautauthig, and to season meat as a spice rub.

5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

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Out ’n About at Firehouse Grille with the Lewiston Fire Dept.

Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

They were raising money for the American Lung Association and supporting the 12 Lewiston firefighters that did the Fight for Air Climb that happened at One Boston Place on February 1. These firefighters climbed 41 stories in full turnout gear joined by 500+ other firefighters from all over New England.

I am just so excited to be part of this great cause!

Bridget Cailler gives Dave Beaule a medal because his father Armand is awesome.

Firefighters Dave Beaule & Mike Laliberte

Firefighter Matt Wiers & wife, Stephanie Wiers Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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The 'black box' that houses an airplanes voice recorder is actually orange so it can be more easily detected amid the debris of a plane crash.

The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.

BACKGROUND CHECKS

Out ’n About at Firehouse Grille with the Lewiston Fire Dept.

Pre-Employment Local, State, National and Federal Criminal History

includes: • SSN Verification/Address Verification • InstaNational Criminal History • Federal Criminal History • Maine SBI Criminal History • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list

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includes: • SSN verification/Address verification • InstaNational criminal History • Maine SBI criminal history • Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states • Interpol / FBI most wanted • Terrorist watch list • Trans Union Credit Report w/ credit score • National Eviction Check (Civil courts, all states)

A La Carte Pricing National Criminal History including Sex Offender all states ................................$18.99 SSN Address Verification.................................................2.75 Employment Credit report ...............................................9.00 Tenant Credit Report w/ score ........................................9.00 State of Maine SBI check...............................................24.00 State of ME drivers license history .................................9.00

Personal and professional reference checks ..............$10.00 Education verification....................................................15.00 Prior Employment verification......................................10.00 Professional License verifications.................................10.00 Single state Eviction check...............................7.00 per state National Eviction Check ................................................11.00

Other verification and Private Investigator services are available. All searches are conducted and filtered by a licensed private investigator to meet FCRA regulations to reduce your liability. Pre-adverse and adverse action letters and consumer copies provided at no extra charge to help you stay compliant with current FCRA regulations. Volume pricing is available. Volume customers can be set up to run reports right from their own office for their convenience.

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com A relief map shows where the restrooms are.

Justin Shink We were told these firefighters have sad punums because they shaved their mustaches recently. We can only assume they had to shave them for less wind drag while sprinting up 41 flights of steps. Maybe it shaved off a few tenths of a second?

Jimmy: Mmmmm! That turkey smells good and it's not even done yet. How long will it be? Mom: About the same length as it was before I put it into the oven, I suppose. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

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Little Known Fact The American popcorn king was born in Brazil, Indiana. He and his partner, Charlie Bowman, tried tens of thousands of hybrid strains of popcorn before achieving success. Trivia buffs: The hybrid was initially called RedBow but they were advised by an advertising agency to use the name Orville Redenbacher to market the corn.

The trampoline was on sale for 50% off. Needless to say I jumped on the offer.

Ann’s Flowers 14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457

annsflower.com

Let Ann’s Flowers help make your sweethearts Valentine’s Day memorable!

I wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden. It didn't have much of a plot. Thank you to everyone who attended our Open House! What a great turn out!!

Out ’n About at the Allure Hair & Nail Salon Open House

Christine Robichaud (of Panache), Kim Galgovitch & Lisa Olmstead (both own Allure)

We’re proud of our little girl. This is a very nice salon.

Linda Tardif, Kim Galgovitch, Sonny & Sylvia Tardif (Kim’s parents) Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Get out! We don't want your type in here."

If you work in a bakery you may have to take on many roles.

Let us Wrap Your Sweetheart’s Gift! See the Experts in Vehicle Wrapping

Out ’n About at Firehouse Grille with the Lewiston Fire Dept. It almost brings me to tears thinking about a world without our brave firefighters!

After oking We’re already bo ! ng ri Sp into the

!! Call us TODAY 1052 Sabattus St. Lewiston • 783-9021 • eastcoastsigndesign.com

Gloria Shoemaker Hey, I’ve got my eyes on that “rare” Lost Valley poster on page 54!

FIRESIDE STOVE SHOP

WOOD • COAL • GAS • PELLET Sale on es Harman Stov

50 Save up to $2 FM Call or stop in 4 Sale ends 2.24.1

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Quiet, clean, elegant stoves. Several styles to choose from. 1220 Center St., Auburn

784-9249 www.firesidestoveshop.com How do you make antifreeze? Steal her blanket.

Firefighter & stair climber Bob Cailler In 1599, lightning struck and destroyed a church steeple in Germany. Between that time and 1783, the steeple was rebuilt and struck by lightning three more times... always on April 18th! Uncle Andy’s Digest...with February 2014

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Pre-Flight Entertainment

I saw this guy chatting up a cheetah; I thought, He's trying to pull a fast one.

Submitted by Thomas Hill

At the airport for a business trip, Maureen settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then she heard the voice on the public address system saying, 'We apologize for the inconvenience, but BOAC Flight 937 will board from Gate 41.'

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Maureen picked up her luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told her that Flight 937 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.

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All monies go to the American Lung Association

So, again, Maureen gathered her carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as she was settling down, the public address voice spoke again, 'We would like to thank all passengers for participating in BOAC's physical fitness program.'

Little Known Fact In 1999, Billy Mitchell of Fort Lauderdale, Florida, played the first perfect game of the Pac-Man arcade video game at Funspot Arcade in Weirs Beach, New Hampshire. He scored 3,333,360 points, the maximum possible. The entire six-hour game was videotaped. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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111 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 782-4104 Raffle Tickets only available at The Hairem

We’re doing this to help support the Lewiston Fire Department’s Stair Climbing Team.

(drawing will be held on March 1st) Limited edition poster $

$

1st Prize: Lost Valley Print ( 500 value); 2nd Prize: 150 Gift Basket; 3rd Prize: Slump Bottom Creations

Used Commercial Buildings for Sale bout Ask a ry and e Delivet-up S

Starting at $5.50/sq ft & up

For more info. Call 207-515-1119

The plumber had to quit his job because it was too much of a drain.

The promises of some tailors are pure fabrication.

Out ’n About at Firehouse Grille with the Lewiston Fire Dept. Yes, we fight fires but there’s no way I can douse Bridget’s enthusiasm!

Firefighter & stair climber Justin Shink & Bridget Cailler

Paul & Carmen Laliberte with son, Firefighter Mike Laliberte

Firefighter Tim Pelletier, his wife Karen and their daughter, Jillian

"When it comes to your marriage, if the grass looks greener somewhere else, it's time to water your own yard!" – Craig Groeschel

Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.

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Out ’n About at Firehouse Grille with the Lewiston Fire Dept.

Retired LFD Captain Larry Morin & wife, Connie Happy Birthday, Kathy!

Have you ever read a book by Shakespeare? No only by candlelight.

For the month of February

One Hour Massage For Couples Rose Scented Pedicures Complimentary Strawberries & Chocolate Champagne with every side by side service Cassiels.com • 71 East Ave. Lewiston • 783-3321 I'm not late boss, I just took my coffee break before coming in.

Sisters Bridget Cailler & Kathy Buckingham You’re probably wondering how I got to be so tall in such a short time?

Troy Cailler Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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Almost 90% of the nation's lobster supply comes from Maine.

'I went to the doctors the other day and I said, “Have you got anything for wind?” He gave me a kite.

Cussing Deacon

Out ’n About at the L-A Harley Chili Cook-off

Submitted by Jimbo

A preacher had a deacon in his church who had a bad habit of cussing.

Daddy, we want to go for a ride! We’re serious, Daddy!!

Andy, Danielle, Addie & Bella

L-A Harley has the best customer service!

Owen, Dwayne & Denise Wood

90% of the toothpicks available in America are manufactured in Maine.

In his attempt to help the deacon overcome this terrible habit, the preacher decided he should spend some personal time with him. So, he invited him to go fishing. They were both out in a boat and had their lines in the water when the preacher hooked a big one. He worked it for a long time and finally got the fish up to the edge of the boat when the line broke and the fish got away. Thoroughly disgusted, the preacher looked over and said, “Deacon, something needs to be said!”

Little Known Fact In 1881, Wyatt Earp, his two brothers, and Doc Holliday fought with the Ike Clanton gang in Tombstone, Arizona. Three members of the Ike Clanton gang were killed while Earp's brothers were wounded. The most common bit of trivia associated with this is that the gunfight didn't take place at the OK Corral, but near the corner of Third and Fremont Streets.

The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it. – Richard Bach

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Dog Grooming Daycare & Boutique 65 Washington St., Auburn, ME 04210 • (207) 333-3640

Est. 2008

thedoggzinn@gmail.com • facebook.com/thedoggzinn

http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com Our professional cage-free grooming salon & spa offers a variety of grooming services for your four legged family member. Our stylists use only professional grooming products designed for each individual coat type. Your dog will be massaged and hand dried to ensure a safe & enjoyable experience. All of our Spa services include teeth-brushing, premium shampoos & conditioners. For the month of February visit us and receive 10% off all grooming services! We have very flexible & friendly scheduling and we look forward to serving you!

10% OFF

Jessica Kennagh

grooming services for the month of February!

featuring Mitch The only fully-staffed, cage-free, one-stop shop doggy daycare facility that offers 6,000 sq. ft. of climate-controlled indoor play area, and 20,000 sq. ft. of outdoor play area for small, medium and large dogs!

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

I probably have blind spots, but I don't see them.

We understand that caring for a loved one who has fallen ill, while managing the demands of your own life can be stressful and tiring. There’s no need to go at it all alone, let Assisted Home Care help you.

- We Offer • Personal Care • Medication Reminders • Meal Preparation • Mobility/Walking Assistance • Light Housekeeping & Maintenance • Personal Laundry & Linen • Errands • Companionship • Toileting, Bathing, & Personal Hygiene • Shopping • Socializing & Visits with friends • Respite Care

Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week Highly qualified staff - Certified Nurses’ Aides, Medical Technicians, Residential Medication Aides, Personal Care Assistants supervised by a Registered Nurse.

Cost-Effective service • Rapid Response to Referrals Continuity of Care - We strive to meet requests, ensuring consistent staffing, and working as part of a healthcare team Consistent staffing - We see ourselves as a family, a family that wants to assist you and your family in your time of need

Assisted Home Care II

Serving out community for over 16 years

(207) 783-7375 • (207) 212-6736

~ Nancy Merrill, Administrator

I want to grow my own food but I can’t find any bacon seeds. Baseball players of all ages turned out for a pitching clinic put on at the Edge Academy in Portland recently. The clinic was hosted by Maine Major League Baseball players Ryan Reid & Charlie Furbush.

I could not pull out of my parking space, so I used my back up plan.

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Did You Know? The first full moon to occur on the winter solstice, Dec. 22, commonly called the first day of winter, happened in 1999. Since a full moon on the winter solstice occurred in conjunction with a lunar perigee (point in the moon's orbit that is closest to Earth), the moon appeared about 14% larger than it does at apogee (the point in it's elliptical orbit that is farthest from the Earth). Since the Earth is also several million miles closer to the sun at that time of the year than in the summer, sunlight striking the moon was about 7% stronger making it brighter. Also, this was the closest perigee of the Moon of the year since the moon's orbit is constantly deforming. In places where the weather was clear and there was a snow cover, even car headlights were superfluous.

Full of Hot Air

Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

Find Us at Our

Here we are folks!

NEW Location! By mid February we will be in our NEW Location at:

416 Sabattus Street in Lewiston

Sasseville Chiropractic Our NEW office will be better for our patients in so many ways: • Better Parking Accep • Handicap Accessible ting NEW • More Space Patien • New Doctor on Staff ts! • Onsite X-rays • Same Day New Patient Appointments • And Much, Much More!

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Waiting for an elevator at a local hospital, I was standing next to a maintenance person holding a bicycle pump. Noticing my curious stares, he looked at me and remarked with a smile, "It's the newest HMO oxygen program." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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In the room the curtains were drawn, but the rest of the furniture was real.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210

Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings Uncle Andy’s cubicle after a recent computer training session.

Bart Kelsea, President

(207) 784-6413

There’s room on the table for more trophies!

Boston Red Sox World Series trophies ’04, ’07 & ’13

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

Service Rental Sales

Do not neglect your Septic System For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.

CALL US TODAY TO SET UP AN APPOINTMENT

G.A. DOWNING CO., INC. Stewart Guilford & Friends at Hadlock Field in Portland

"Life has got a habit of not standing hitched. You got to ride it like you find it. You got to change with it. If a day goes by that don't change some of your old notions for new ones, that is just about like trying to milk a dead cow." – Woody Guthrie Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

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111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500

We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.

B EwiAt h Ta R eTmoHtEe StCarOt eLr D Lifetime Guarantee

1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston

Many Pricing Options. Call for details

754-7873

It is better to light just one candle...than to clean the whole apartment.

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a “World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.

Glenda Mitchell: 514-1136 • gmitchell@redlon-johnson.com Tim Fox: 514-1137 • tfox@redlon-johnson.com Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail

Dr. Rose of Center Street Dental

Tiny Teeth with Important Jobs

Partnering with Professionals Showroom Hours: Mon. Tues. Wed.Fri. 8am 4:30pm Open Thurs. until 6PM APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED

3 Middle Street, Lewiston showroom.redlon-johnson.com

When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

Why are your child's baby teeth important if they are just going to fall out anyway? It may seem obvious that your child's teeth allow them to eat and smile, but did you know that baby teeth are also essential for language and permanent tooth development? Teeth help our lips and tongue make sounds properly and this learning occurs while your child still has baby teeth. Amazingly, baby teeth also help guide permanent teeth into position, keeping them from growing in crooked. This is why Center Street Dental is excited to be celebrating National Children's Dental Health Month in February. We will be visiting schools and talking to the kids about the importance of brushing, flossing, eating healthy, and visiting the dentist. Unfortunately, dental decay is the most common chronic childhood disease, with more than 16 million kids suffering from tooth decay in the U.S. (American Dental Association). So keep in mind, it's very important for your child to be introduced to the dentist early to protect their tiny but important teeth! To find out about our “Sharing Smiles” poster contest with scholarship prizes, see page 50! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with February 2014

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Come On In & Find Out What We’re All About! Hours: Mon- Fri 8:30am - 5:00pm • Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm

865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004

Did You Hear The BUZZ Coming From Liquid Sunshine? CAR WASH & DETAIL

LIQUID SUNSHINE

When two zebras stand side by side they usually face each other in opposite directions to keep an eye out for predators.

Bring us your tax return! We’ll Double Your Down Payment!* EXAMPLE $200 down = $400 down $300 down = $600 down $400 down = $800 down

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2007 Ford Focus ZX3 SE

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2009 Chevrolet Cobalt LT1

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2007 Ford Edge SEL

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Auto, AWD, Alloy Wheels, Leather, Heated Seats, Roof

$9,990

2008 Jeep Compass Sport

4WD, Manual, Alloy Wheels, CD Player, AC

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2006 Saab 9-7X 5.3i

Auto, AWD, Alloy Wheels, Leather, Heated Seats, Roof

$7,990

2007 Saab 9-5 2.3T

$7,990

Auto, FWD, Alloy Wheels, Heated Seats, Roof, AC, CD Player

$9,490

867 Center Street, Auburn

753-0033 LakeCityExports.com When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve.


UAD February 2014