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GJ-eeaded?
(A STUDY OF THE ECONOMIC S ITUATION)
I t seems to me that the thing for all of us to do right now is to sit down and take a hurried check on just where we are headed. In view of the recent banking laws enacted and the everpresent "depression," it is very necessary that we, the people of the United States, should get a pretty clear viewpoint of the financial crisis that is rapidly nearing us. For example, we shall take the average American, who might be you or I. For the sake of convenience, let us take myself for instance. I can STILL remember, when I was STILL a child, my mother telling me to keep out of the cookie jar. Now, I know you are all wondering just what connection a cookie jar and a depression might have. To tell you the truth , I just can't remember myself. You see, a man explained the whole thing to me; for in MY youth my mother didn't have a cookie jar, and naturally it WOULD confuse me. There must be a similarity somewhere, however, or the man wouldn't have told me all about it. In order not to confuse you further, we'll forget all about the cookie jar and use something else for an example. Now suppose we had a cup of sugar and we would drop a teaspoon full of water into it. The water would sink into the sugar and apparently disappear, wouldn't it? The thing for us to do, then, is for some expert to buy up a lot of sugar, change the depression into water, and pour it into the sugar. I realize this is a rather silly example, but I hope you can see my point. The thing IS, we MUST get rid of t hese serious problems! You probably see what I am referring to, a nd if you don't, you probably never will, so I might as well choose another example.
Now, for instance, the old wood range, that not so long ago used to grace every kitchen, but which in the last few years has been supplanted by the electric and gas range, can now be considered. This, of course, is just another inroad that modern science has made upon the living conditions of the average American. This is an example of the terrible- er-now you migh t wonder what the old-fashioned range has to do with a depression. The truth is, I didn't mean range at all. What I was referring to was a saxophone. Music, as we all know, is the salvation of the country. Laughter is another salvation. ( I f any of you can think of other salvations, write in to the Salvation Army; they're great on that sort of thing.) Now, if we combine the laugh and music into one instrument we will probably have the saxophone. just why I believe THAT, is very apparent, to me a t least. Certainly it is a musical instrument, and it is certainly laughprovoking. If you don't believe me, look at one the next time you're down at the grocer's buying gin. Aren't they the silliest looking things; like great big pipes. only they make noises. Also a person can make all kinds of jokes up about them. I guess now you'll have to concede me the point that they are funny. To make them even more laugh-provoking, we might get some "funny looking men" to play the things. This fact alone would probably employ about half the " Phi Betes" that are now haunting the bread lines. Ex-presidents, ex-senators, ex-stock brokers, peddlers, as well as bank presidents, football players, and insurance salesmen could all be trained easily and quickly for a position like this. In fact the possibilities of this field are amazingly broad. "Crooning," even, could be studied on the side until this nation of ours, as well as the entire world, would not be a place of strife and struggle, but a land of harmony. (Ha, ha, a pun!) This is a theory that I have been considering for some time. I realize it is unconventional and not a bit conservative, but in t imes of stress urgent measures are sometimes required. "Any port in a storm" is the old adage, and I believe that as long as we're thinking about depressions and that sort of thing, it does help out quit e a bit by advancing solutions. So after reading this article, if you are stimulated to the extent of further solutions, please write them in to me. The editor will probably throw them away, with mine, but it will be fun for you and probably will keep you out of mischief for a little while anyway. Ain't depression great? And I do so love the beautiful, succulen t grass. 321