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whine line - TOM TOMORROW - LETTER TO THE METRO SPIRIT - INSIDER - AUSTIN RHODES metro - AUGUSTA TEK - SIGHTINGS - RUFFIN’ IT - NY TIMES CROSSWORD - FEATURE are you not entertained - CALENDAR slab - ASTROLOGY - IN MUSIC the8 - BALL - AMY ALKON: ADVICE GODDESS - JENNY IS WRIGHT

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COVER DESIGN | KRUHU.COM

Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

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METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11

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WHINELINE To all those affiliated with the churches in Atlanta, who cancelled their Christmas Day services so that their staff members with young children could be at home to open presents: If I ever hear you say “Jesus is the reason for the season,” I will find you and personally beat the crap out of you. happy holiday I am seeing lots of just tall grasses around certain obviously abandoned houses that are caving in. When the city takes those lots finally, can we get prisoners or maybe school classes to adopt the lots to use to grow foods? If the White House can do it and feed not only their guests but also a soup kitchen, why can’t we work out something like that? hope you’re following _unclebilly on twitter. Thumbs-Up to Alec Baldwin? An American treasure? The guy’s a talentless, self asorbed, selfish dip-wad. I have a good friend who is suffering right now because his son was murdered but the murderer is getting to eat, drink and watch TV and other things in a prison. We should have a law that permits the relatives of murder victims of the imprisoned murderer to get to visit for at least 10 whole uninterrupted minutes where the prisoner has no where to go in a room but listen to whatever the victim’s relatives wish to yell and scream at them. I think that should be justified psychological time assigned to every victims’ close relatives/direct kin for at least 10 minutes each birthday, wedding anniversary and death date of the victim. How about it?

enough people helped out the angel trees: I looked at the tags and was horrified to see those requests for Xbox and video games and other expensive items that were not really “needy.” Clothes and maybe food items are necessary but certainly not electronic devices. So I didn’t bother picking up a single tag to treat. Next year, stop the list at only clothes and other true necessities, like maybe bandage items, but leave off expensive wants. You know what’s funny and yet scary? Your article about the cameras in use on the roads didn’t even slightly mention the PRIVACY concerns of people! Come on folks! You guys are supposed to keep our gubmint officials honest! Isn’t anyone else concerned that Big Brother is becoming TOO BIG??!! On whose authority are they Just like the Patriot Act, yeah, sure, let’s just call it Security! “We are only doing this for your OWN good! We are doing this to PROTECT you from the Terrorists! And Criminals! Don’t you WANT to be safe?? You can thank us now.” Let’s just put cameras everywhere! Put them in our houses! Wouldn’t that make it safer for all of us? Yes!!! WE NEED MORE CAMERAS! MORE AND MORE CAMERAS EVERYWHERE!!!

Lighten Up Does anyone really care what New Year’s resolutions Buddha might have made or which ones fail most often? No, we don’t. It’s too depressing. Hell, it’s depressing even trying to come up with one on our own. So why not visit moninavelarde.com/newyears/ and let someone else come up with one for you? Hit enter after that web address and you’ll be directed to a site that says “This Year I Will…” Choices include things like “Be Me,” “Lighten Up” and “Moisturize,” but if you don’t like what you’re given, you can always hit the “gimme more” button till you find something you like. Thank God somebody finally understands that even the lazy want resolutions they can actually keep… maybe.

WERECOMMEND

To the ones who complained that not

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WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

LETTER TO THE METRO SPIRIT Salvation Army Accomplished Much with Community Support

up THUMBS

On behalf of The Salvation Army of Greater Augusta, we want to thank you for your support during the past year, especially during the Christmas Season. Through your donations of time and gifts, in the past year The Salvation Army of Greater Augusta was able to serve over 120,000 meals to those who were hungry and provide almost 40,000 nights of shelter to those with no safe place to rest. Because of your generosity, just last week we were able to provide Christmas gifts to 2,352 needy children that otherwise might not have had any Christmas gifts at all. We pledge to you to continue our mission in 2012 and beyond. Thank you for your support — and we wish you all a safe and happy New Year.

Christmas is over!

down THUMBS

Oh, wait... Christmas is over.

Captain Todd Mason Administrator, Salvation Army of Augusta

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B U R G E R S

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INSIDER

INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

Parked

Mason’s arrest could have him derailed Given his arrest Tuesday on a domestic battery charge, it seems as if the A-Train might have pulled into the station for good. Obviously, Mason is innocent until proven guilty, and certainly voters in the past have shown a remarkable ability to forgive (or forget) when it suits them, but politically speaking, he’s certainly lost a lot of momentum, especially if he was gearing up a mayoral run. Anyone really think he wasn’t? Anyone? Mason has provided consistently strong and occasionally blistering opposition to several of the white majority’s plans over the last year, and of course he never passes up an opportunity to grab a headline, but he’s also been trying his hand at more nuanced leadership, like last week’s attempt to maneuver Mayor Deke Copenhaver into endorsing the redistricting plan he wasn’t around to vote on. Though Copenhaver resisted the opportunity to bite and who knows if the move earned him any points, the fact that he tried showed some that he was spreading his wings. Now, it seems as if he might need those wings for flying away from more personal issues. Survivor Man Maybe it’s the delegation that got small We received some blowback from last week’s Insider regarding Ben Harbin’s diminished role in the legislature. “He is a consummate politician,” they said. “He knows how to get things done.” “The fact he is still there shows just how good he is.” True, he has survival skills. He also has the good sense to listen to good advice. After all, he did heed the warnings about Robin Williams and put a lot of miles of Georgia blacktop between them. But, it remains to be seen if Augusta’s legislative team in Atlanta is going to regain the stature it used to enjoy. The stature that came crumbling down under the weight of one subpoena after another. Allen Wrench

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Is the candidate turning minds or just campaign dollars? Is Rick Allen up to snuff? We hear he is working the phones quite aggressively, with his treasurer following up with an emailed donation form less than an hour later. That’s impressive coordination. However, we’ve also that while many people are donating to his campaign, off the record they’re saying that they wouldn’t vote for him if he was the only man on the ballot. Concern that a backroom mover and shaker might not be able to take center stage enough to get things done in the collegiate, good ol’ boy system seems to be making him a non-starter for many. The Color Lines Redrawing the map could redraw the city The new commission map is headed to Atlanta with our aforementioned delegation, which is making some local politicians and businesspeople a little nervous. Conventional wisdom has it that Matt Aitken will be turned out and replaced with a person of color no matter what. But the new map practically guarantees that another black commissioner will be coming on board, giving a six to four advantage to the black commissioners. Then, if a black mayor were elected — and Alvin Mason notwithstanding, there are still a few very strong candidates out there — then the pendulum could really be swinging in the next few years. (Only in the south can this paragraph be written or make any sense at all).

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SAYWHAT?

A Christmas Miracle

Or, how a marriage was saved in 31 words and a Johnny Cash lyric When it comes to Christmas, there’s crunch time and then there’s Crunch Time, and it doesn’t get much more Crunch Time than when your wife calls you on your way into work reminding you that you promised to get a photo developed for her… a week ago. Crunch Time becomes a full-fledged crisis when she calls back a mile later, saying she needs it within the hour. A single man might question how something as seemingly minor as failing to deliver on a promise to develop a photo could rise to the level of a crisis, but a married man knows better. Fail to do anything you’ve been told and it’s pretty much a capital offense. Fail to do it during Christmas and she’ll be going all Marley’s Ghost on your eternal soul. The photo was for the woman who gave us our cat, Perot (pear-oh). Perot, who has a fondness for sitting on your shoulder, was named Perot under the mistaken assumption that the name was French for parrot. It’s actually closer to the Spanish word for dog. Anyway, the woman was leaving to visit her grandchildren in less than 40 minutes and would not be back until after the holidays. “Where’s the quickest place to get a photo developed?” I asked Jenn, the publisher’s assistant, as I busted through the waiting room on my way to download the photo from my computer. I didn’t wait for a response and immediately began scrolling through the hundred or so photos of Perot I’d taken for the occasion. Only two of the hundred were in focus — one where she’s drinking from the toilet and one where she’s looking down from an embarrassingly cluttered kitchen table. I downloaded the kitchen table photo onto a thumb drive, though, to be honest, the composition of the toilet photo was much better and the action was more representative of the cat we’d been given. Thumb drive in hand, I flew out of the office, listening for Jenn’s recommendation on my way out the door. “Try a drugstore,” she said. In 10 minutes I was cruising to the back of my drugstore of choice, only to observe signs on top of both photo-processing workstations. The only words I could make out as I approached were SORRY and CANNOT PRINT. With time of the essence, I spun around and headed for the door and the next nearest drug store. While I’d like to think it was an illustration of the speed of my walking, it’s more likely an example of the slowness of my cognitive abilities that I was nearly out the door when it dawned on me that nowhere between SORRY and CANNOT PRINT had I read anything about photos. There was mention of calendars and personalized Christmas cards, but nothing specifically about photos. I spun back around. “Can you print just photos?” I asked the guy working in photo processing from about 30 feet away. He answered in the affirmative, and V. 22 | NO. 70

while it may have been a thumb drive in my pocket, I can not deny that I was happy to see him. Though I had created a special folder for my photo, the workstation chose to load all 636 photos on the drive anyway. I checked my watch. “How long to print a photo?” I asked, not looking up from the screen. Thankfully, all 636 photos loaded quickly, but that left me trying to figure out just how they had loaded — chronological, reverse chronological, alphabetical. I explained my predicament — the wife, the week, the deadline — and he nodded his head. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ve got this.” Guys are often accused of being uncommunicative and aloof, but this is a perfect example of how inaccurate that perception really is. Through the solidarity of our maleness, we established a bond that was absolute and instantly

understood, and because nothing more was required, I wasted no time expressing my gratitude. Our understanding had freed me to move on. “Frames?” I barked, closing out the screen and cyber-shooting my order to my newfound friend. “Up front,” he replied, springing into action. I quickly chose my frame, then returned toward the center of the store, passing a female employee who was bucking the season by humming the lyrics to a Johnny Cash classic rather than Frosty or Rudolph or “The Little Drummer Boy.” “I fell into a burning ring of fire,” she hummed. “I went down, down, down and the flames went higher,” I responded. “Now, where are the gift bags?” She pointed, and I grabbed a bag and some tissue paper, then headed back to photo processing, where the guy held out

my order like a baton. “Good luck,” was all he said. I took the photo and gave him a determined nod. Anything more would have cheapened the moment. After paying, I unloaded everything into the back of my hatchback and began assembling. Unfortunately, the pre-matted frame I’d chosen required me to tape the photo in place. Damn. Back inside, “Ring of Fire” Lady was still humming when I blew by her like a doctor headed to the ER. “Scotch tape?” “Aisle Seven,” she said. “Got it.” And I did. I had it. It may have been a photo of a cat called dog who was supposed to be named parrot, but thanks to the folks at the drug store, I had what I needed, and my Christmas, my marriage and my eternal soul was saved. METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11

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AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

Alvin Mason Should and Can Recover… If… I often wonder if the average citizen has any earthly idea what kind of absolute havoc can be wrought by a simple phone call to the police. Ask Augusta Commissioner Alvin Mason; he can tell you all about it. Something happened between Al and his wife on the night of December 23. What exactly happened, I do not know, but I would be willing to bet it was not worth a call to the police, much less worth ruining his personal and professional reputation. As I write this, I am not sure who made the call, and frankly it does not matter. When the lawman responded to the residence, Mason was not home, but his wife Velma was, and she reported to the officer that an altercation had taken place, and allegedly, that he “grabbed her neck and threw her against a wall.” Folks, have you seen Al Mason? The police report lists him as 6’2 and 258 pounds, and I think they are being kind. He is bigger, and I don’t mean “fatter.” Simply put, he is huge... some would say a giant. Okay, maybe only a short person would call him that, but still, he is

a very tall and thick gentleman. Retired military guy, too, and not by many years. And while Velma is not exactly built like Twiggy, there is no way she would come out of a serious physical altercation with her husband without sporting a helluva lot worse than the “red marks and small cut” that was noted by the responding deputy. But the severity of what the deputy saw does not come into play. State law mandates that an officer responding to a domestic violence call must write up a warrant on the apparent aggressor if there is any physical evidence of such violence. The law takes the decision to draw up that warrant out of the hands of local cops, basically saying, arrest the aggressor and let the judge figure it out. I am told this particular piece of the Georgia state code (The Family Violence Act) has only been around a few years, but truth be told it was written up for one reason and one reason only: to prevent battered wives from allowing their tormenting husbands to get away with abuse because, after the bleeding stops, they refuse to press charges.

A noble cause to be sure (and yes, I am sure there are some husbands who are on the receiving end of such beatings), but it is a law that trips up many an innocent person who in no way, shape or form deserves to be prosecuted for domestic violence. Mason’s political position inspired some to cry favoritism when it was learned the altercation occurred the 23rd, but he was not booked until the 27th. According to my information, that was the fault of a magistrate court clerk who was unsure their office had the legal authority to draw up such a warrant on a sitting commissioner. It was a legitimate question. There are several constitutional officer holders whose arrest requires a Superior Court judge signing off on the warrant and not just a Magistrate judge. Combine that question and a holiday weekend and you get a four-day delay. It was determined eventually that a warrant on a local commissioner did not require a higher ruling. My sources tell me Alvin Mason was in constant contact with sheriff’s officials beginning the morning of the 24th, up until the paperwork was signed and it

was time to be booked. He appeared for booking within an hour of being told to come in. They also tell me that Velma has explained they have fully reconciled and that she “regrets” the call to police. As this story broke, the internet was full of anonymous idiots calling for Alvin’s head on a platter and planning the funeral for what was once a fine political career. Both conclusions are way out of line. A man doesn’t start beating his wife at age 49. Mason has been a public figure for a long time, and there are plenty of folks who hate his guts. If there were anything in his background to suggest he is capable of such behavior, I think there would be a much bigger trail than one phone call to the cops after a heated holiday argument. If Mason and his wife come forward with a smile and an explanation, I say he gets over this thing and still runs for mayor. If he doesn’t come clean, or if there is another such episode... well hell... Charles Walker beat a future U.S. attorney (Ed Tarver) in a political race while under federal indictment. So who knows?

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METRONEWS

ROBERTLONG

Back on the Ice

Augusta’s youth hockey hopes for resurgence with rink re-opening Though we haven’t yet been around for an entire year, this week will be the first time we’ve actually flipped the calendar page here at the new Metro Spirit, and as anyone who’s attained any amount of seasoning will agree, flipping the calendar page brings about a certain degree of introspection. For the first half of their season, Augusta’s Junior RiverHawks Bantam (14 and under) team practiced their shots in the basement of their coach’s house, on a slab of plexiglass greased with Pledge shine. Since the Augusta Ice Center reopened in December, the team has been able to practice more on real ice. The closing of Augusta’s only public ice skating rink this past summer forced the Junior RiverHawks to rely on off-ice training to supplement the few times they could practice in Columbia or at the James Brown Arena. “You have to have the ice,” says coach Tim McEnery, who is also president of the Augusta Ice Hockey Association. “The rink re-opening is integral to us potentially having success in the future.” He notes that the Junior RiverHawks’ opponents around the Southeast typically enjoy several on-ice practices a week. With half of the season remaining, he hopes that getting back on the ice can be a pivot point not just for his team but for the Augusta hockey community as a whole, which includes younger divisions and a developmental program for younger kids who want to learn skating and hockey. When the Augusta Ice Center shut down after legal and financial wrangling between its owner, Duncan Crerar, and creditor, ITC Commercial Funding, Augusta’s youth hockey program took a hit. Scott Blevins, who coaches a 10-andunder in-house team and manages all house (non-travel) play, says that only half of the 16 kids previously in the 10-and-under division have returned since the reopening. The most recent shutdown marks the second time the rink had closed. The first closing, several years ago, was to redo the ice. Interest in hockey takes a while to develop, McEnery explains. Kids have to first learn to skate and get V. 22 | NO. 70

comfortable on the ice, a trait rare among Southerners. “You have a kid and the parents invested in teaching the kid how to skate, and all of a sudden the rink goes away,” says McEnery. “And once you lose a kid like that, it’s hard to bring them back in.” But the Augusta Ice Hockey Association plans on taking full advantage of the return of the rink with vigorous outreach in the community. The Augusta Hockey Association had a board meeting on Tuesday the 27th, where they planned marketing and outreach. “Our goal is to go ahead and rebuild this program,” says McEnery. He

estimates that several years ago, before the rink closed down the first time, there were 200 kids involved in youth hockey, with 15 in the developmental program alone. Now, there are around 60. “It affected the program as a whole,” he says. “It’s a dramatic hit on the youth program.” Now they hope to get the word back out, with help from their partners, the Augusta RiverHawks, now entering their second season of play in the Southern Professional Hockey League. The RiverHawks will also profit from the rink’s reopening — they have also had to travel to Columbia to practice when the James Brown Arena was not available. Augusta youth hockey is still reeling from the departure of the Lynx, who played in the James Brown Arena from 1998 until folding in the middle of

their 2008 season. “The programs work almost hand in hand,” says McEnery. “It’s really hard to maintain either one without both, especially in the South. The Lynx leaving — that obviously hurt a little.” RiverHawks players often help with coaching, and also go around to different elementary schools to introduce kids to hockey during PE class, he says. McEnery hopes to get such outreach efforts going full force in the coming year. For example, on Friday, December 30, Blevins plans to have the 10-andunder league scrimmage on the ice during the intermission of the RiverHawks game at the James Brown Arena. Exposure of this sort is the key to success, says McEnery. “Hockey doesn’t flourish like it does in the North,” he says. “It’s not something that’s traditionally found in the South.” He notes that many people in the CSRA still do not know about the Ice Center or the RiverHawks. “With my work on marketing,” he says, “I’m trying to change that.”

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ERICJOHNSON

Papers Filed, Papers Served Case by Terror Town workers moves forward On December 22, Jack Long, attorney for the Terror Town haunted house workers who claim they weren’t paid for their labor over the Halloween season, filed suit against Terror Town owner Jimmy Collier, his parents, Kawanis and Betty Collier, manager Robert Rampulla and manager Tyler Topher. The complaint alleges that the defendants disregarded the provisions of the Fair Labor Standards Act by using the services of the workers and willingly and intentionally failed to pay wages owed for the work performed by them. Most of the more than 60 plaintiffs are teenagers, and while some are claiming they made more than $1,200, the average per employee is around $800. On Monday, November 14, Topher met with angry workers and parents to discuss their grievances. After that meeting, several of the workers went public with their frustrations, claiming Topher, Collier and Rampulla had told them they would be compensated at the end of the season for the hours they worked. In the November 24 issue of the <<IT>>Metro Spirit<<IT>, Jimmy Collier disputed the idea that the workers were told they were getting paid, claiming they were volunteers who knew they were such, and while he did acknowledge that there was talk of payment swirling among the kids, he said any expectation of pay could not have come from management. “It was one person there and not even a manager who said everybody’s gonna get paid,” Collier said. Later in the interview, he also disputed the number of hours the kids V. 22 | NO. 70

claimed they worked. “Why would a parent let a teenage kid be out of the house until 1:30 on a school night?” he asked “See, their stories don’t add up.” Now that the papers have been filed, answers to these questions should be forthcoming. “We have had four of the five defendants served,” Long said early Tuesday night. “According to our investigator that served them, two were not surprised and two were surprised.” The defendants have 30 days from the day they were served to respond to the complaints, and each will have to respond to each separate allegation in the complaint. “If I had to guess, I would say they’re probably finding lawyers to answer a 90-paragraph complaint,” Long said. According to the law, each of the plaintiffs is entitled to significantly more than the amount they’re owed. As part of the federal wage and labor law, if you can prove the employer failed to pay wages, there is a statutory penalty, which is liquidated damages in the amount of the wages. “That’s what we’re seeking,” Long said. “The number of hours they worked times minimum wages, times two, plus any other damages.”

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ERICJOHNSON

Through New Year’s Eve with your cash, your dignity and your future Unless you’re a serviceman stationed at Fort Gordon, chances are you don’t know all that much about riding in a taxi. This is Augusta, after all. We’ve all got cars — or friends with cars — and regardless of what certain city officials might say, there’s plenty of parking just about anywhere you need to go. But when you’re talking New Year’s Eve — and make no mistake, that’s exactly what we’re talking about — you’d better be thinking taxi. Why? Because not thinking taxi can be costly. A DUI — a firstoffense DUI — can end up costing you upwards of $10,000, what with the cost of a lawyer, court fees, DUI school and the changes in insurance. And that’s just the monetary cost. Throw in how it can affect your relationships, your dignity and your freedom and you really can’t put a price on it. And all that’s assuming you get pulled over before you do any physical damage to yourself or anyone else. So, given the necessity, let’s go through a little Taxi 101. First of all, ride smart — all cabs in Augusta are regulated by the Augusta Tax Commission, which means cabs operate at a set rate that is the same for all companies: $2.10 per mile with a $2.65 set up fee. Note: that number is per cab, not per person. Let’s do the math before you’ve popped the champagne. If the ride home is 13 miles and six people share the cab — and given the fact that many taxi companies operate vans, this will be entirely possible — the total fare will be roughly $30. Divide that by six and the whole thing is reduced to a very reasonable $5 per person. Of course, that’s not including the

tip, which though voluntary is highly recommended, given the fact that six drunk people in a vehicle of any kind can’t be any fun for the sober guy who’s driving you. (If you reach your destination and your finger math doesn’t quite add up, remember that each cab also charges seven percent sales tax in addition to the cost per mile). Now, the rules of the road: Unless you want to find yourself waiting with all the other drunks, call ahead. Like an hour ahead. Even better, call for your cab at 8 p.m. and order it for 1:30 a.m. If you order ahead, though, remember that the cab coming for you is being dispatched specifically for you, which means it’s passing up other paying fares. So don’t just wander outside and get in the first one you stumble upon. Get a leg up on the karma thing and find the one that came for you. If you forget to order ahead, at least step outside when you call. Not only are you slurring your words, but Pitbull is drowning you out. And before you leave home for the night, consider the fact that everyone and their uncle is going to be trying to do the same thing you are. So head out with more than a couple of numbers on you. Or better yet, tear off the taxi strip on the cover and take it with you — that way you’re covered if the first couple of companies are busy. And though it shouldn’t need to be said, don’t forget the last two very important rules — no smoking and get your puking done at the bar. Most cabs charge a pre-set fee for pukers, and since you’re puking, you’ve probably already spent that extra money on booze. V. 22 | NO. 70

GREGBAKER

The SOPA Debate Continues A couple of events regarding the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) occurred during the past week. As a reminder, this bill seeks to provide the government the ability to shut down foreign internet access to destinations that are suspected of engaging in copyright infringement activities. While the objective is commendable, this bill provides broad power to the government to regulate internet access and censor content. The final committee vote on this bill was originally scheduled to occur before the end of the year; however, House Judiciary Chairman Rep. Lamar Smith decided to postpone further committee action on the bill until after the holidays. Also this week, we learned that the SOPA bill contains language to ban any “product or service” that “circumvents” internet blockades erected against alleged infringing websites. The definition of “product or service” is very broad and could conceivably include anything from a dedicated software package to the simple /etc/hosts file such as found on every Linux, Mac or Microsoft operating system. Ironically, many experts agree that the Tor Project would be banned. Here’s the irony… Tor was formed by the U.S. Naval Research Lab and continues to be partially funded by multiple federal agencies in the hope that users in China and other repressive regimes can bypass their countries’ respective censorship firewalls. The fate of this bill will likely be determined within the first couple of months of next year. The Senate version of the bill (“Protect IP”) has already passed, and a floor vote is scheduled for January 24. House Judiciary hearings will continue next month, and as seen during the last round of meetings, the bill enjoys considerable support in the committee. Stand by for more… Last week, an over-the-air update for Kindle Fire was released to address some

of the swipe performance and browser speed issues. So far, the results I’ve seen have been marginal. A bigger item for Amazon is the software update for the iPad Kindle app. The update provides a major upgrade to the viewing of magazines and newspapers on the iPad. Overall, the 7-inch display of the Fire and the Nook seems to be a winner with the public over the holiday season. Of course, the price point is a major consideration for these devices. The iPad 3 is likely to be announced soon. We’ll see what happens then. So how many folks out there remember Rebecca Black? Or what about Maria Aragon? Both of these young performers hit it big earlier in 2011 when their videos went viral. Still scratching your head trying to figure out who the heck I’m talking about? Pop over to youtube.com/rewind and take a look at the videos that defined this past year. YouTube presents all the popular videos of the past year in a timeline format. Catch up with Charlie Sheen’s rants, enjoy all the K-Pop performances and see if you can finally figure out what the whole Nyan Cat thing is all about. My top three from last year are: 3) Ultimate Dog Tease, 2) The Force Volkswagen commercial and 1) Talking Twin Babies. Due to popular request from the rest of my family, an honorable mention goes out to Cat Mom Hugs Baby Kitten. Fear Factor is back! Monday @ 9pm! Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet!

AUGUSTATEK

Gregory A. Baker, Ph.D., is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits.

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Call today to schedule your pre-season checkup. 706.722.5304 www.sigcox.com V. 22 | NO. 70

METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11 13

SIGHTINGS

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Stevie Swan, Anastasia Baker and Heather McCulloch at the Playground.

David Alcaraz, Stephanie Chang, Chelsie Head and Ashley Burke at the Little Black Dress Party at Bar on Broad.

Mai Nguyen, Rebekah LeMay and Alaina Doran at the Little Black Dress Party at Bar on Broad.

SIGHTINGS

Lorraine Lillis, Flora and Pete Boyzuick and Christy Clark at John Berryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Joy to the World Christmas Show at the Imperial Theatre.

Heidi and Peyton Haerle with John Berry at his Joy to the World Christmas Show at the Imperial Theatre.

SIGHTINGS

Kristin Landry, Sarah Daniel and Kayleigh Marx at French Market Grille.

Tiffany Belding, Thomas Conn and Brittany Callison at The Country Club.

David Sherman, Amy Sherman, Kathryn Freemon and Jason Freemon at the Festivus of Bands 2011 at Sky City.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Keith Brigham, Becky Beul and Katherine Beul at Bar West.

Serving Augusta for 28 years

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>HAPPY HOUR : MON-FRI 4:30 P.M. - 7:00 P.M. DRINK SPECIALS V. 22 | NO. 70

JOSHRUFFIN

Ringing in the New Year Pugilistic Dementia and Japan

RUFFIN’IT

You guys, my love for combat sports borders on mania, and because I’m visiting my parents, it’s become an easier beast to feed. My folks have a cable package that provides roughly 36,000 channels, including HDNet, which broadcasts not only Sting concerts and “JAG” in high-definition, but also every single Podunk semi-pro MMA card from across the country. I watch every single one, and I don’t even fight. I mean, I used to train a little bit, but haven’t for 10 years, and my current fighting style would probably resemble an experimental sex-bot swatting bees away. For god’s sake, I’m listening to Paul Simon while I write this. Anyway, HDNet. They also broadcast the annual NYE fight card from Japan (typically co-promoted by several leading organizations). For some reason this year it’s being referred to as “Fight for Japan: Genki Desu Ka Omisoka 2011,” which translates roughly to “How are you? Peter Falk and bear panties.” For me, this thing is like Second Christmas. Japanese MMA takes all my dreams and nightmares, combines them with spandex and the color pink, and inevitably comes up with something awesome. Yeah, UFC 141 is on the previous night; I’ll probably watch it, if only to see Brock Lesnar get turned into a cartwheeling beef sack for the third straight time by Alistair Overeem. But Japan is the only country that might be legally insane, and so its brand of MMA, inspired by equal amounts of pro wrestling and Hello Kitty, is incomparable. This year’s NYE show is stepping it up even more: a nine-hour broadcast featuring a combination of MMA, kickboxing and pro wrestling matches. Wrestlers will compete in actual fights! Actual fighters will “wrestle!” There will be dresses on menfolk, and the “crazy, nastyass honey badger” will make his professional debut against Iron Chef Morimoto. As a tribute to this annual display of what-the-f***ery, here are the three most insane fights from the show’s rich, forehead-slapping history:

Ikuhisa Minowa — aka “Minowaman” — began his career as a professional wrestler before parlaying that popularity into an MMA career, which has benefitted from his refusal to take himself too seriously. He wears red briefs during his fights, sports a mullet and trains his reflexes and cardio by dodging baseballs in a river. His life is the most perplexing training montage ever. Thing is, he’s actually not that bad, proving himself a capable catch wrestler and submission artist, scoring a KO win over feared striker Sokoudjou, and amassing a career record thus far of 51-32. Zuluzinho, on the other hand, is what you get when drunken geneticists crossbreed a man and a beach ball filled with chocolate ganache. The dude is 400 pounds of resolve and wet gelatin. He lost to Fedor in 26 seconds, which is nothing to be ashamed of. Later, he lost by kimura arm-lock to super-heavyweight boxer and cream cheese planetoid Butterbean, which is kind of like losing a footrace to a squash. As far as Japanese booking goes, this was actually somewhat standard fare. Zuluzinho would eventually secure a stoppage win late in the third round, which is about two and a half rounds more than it should take for a killer tomato to defeat a cartoon.

3. Fedor Emelianenko vs. Yuji Nagata (Inoki Bom-Ba-Ye 2003) Though his legacy is slightly marred by his recent three-fight losing streak, Fedor will go down as perhaps the greatest heavyweight mixed martial artist of all time. With his emotionless demeanor and cold, calculating brand of destruction, he is what cyborgs have nightmares about. He debuted in the PRIDE organization in 2002, beating future three-time kickboxing champion Semmy Schilt, Heath Herring and Antonio Rodrigo Noguiera to capture the heavyweight title. His aura of invincibility was constructed from pure adamantium. So obviously it was a good idea to pit him against 0-1 professional wrestler Yuji Nagata, whose only previous MMA fight ended in a 21-second KO loss to top ten heavyweight and Angel of Death Mirko Cro Cop. This was such an epic mismatch, all of Germany sent an apology card to Poland. It had to be a clerical error, but the fight went ahead, with Fedor winning in under one minute, and Nagata never competing again. To make things even more pathetic, Nagata wore his trademark mask. It was like watching a Spetsnaz officer execute a trick-or-treater.

1. Shinya Aoki vs. Yuichiro “Jienotsu” Nagashima (DREAM/K-1 Dynamite!! 2010) Shinya Aoki has had one of the most inexplicably successful careers in combat sport history. Despite having little to no striking game to speak of, Aoki has secured nearly 30 wins and multiple Japanese titles solely on the strength of his otherworldly grappling. He’s won by gogoplata — a borderline mythical shin choke that you have to beat the devil into granting you the power to perform — twice, and is responsible for more mangled limbs than a demonic wheat thresher. The year before, he snapped the arm of Sengoku lightweight champion Mizuto Hirota, then flipped off the entire arena. He’s like Charlie Sheen trapped inside an invincible Shaolin monk. “Jienotsu” Nagashima is every cultural stereotype we harbor against the Japanese. He’s a martial artist, androgynous even when dressed normally, and a fanatical cosplay devotee, typically making his ring entrances in a schoolgirl outfit complete with pigtailed wig, and schoolgirl backup dancers. But he’s also a world-champion kickboxer, which is probably the only occupation that’s allowed him to make it to the age of 27 alive. The two were scheduled to meet in a “mixed rules” bout: the first round would be three minutes of kickboxing, the second a five-minute MMA round. In the first, Aoki did everything he could to avoid engaging in a striking battle. He flopped to the ground, did pro wrestling-style dropkicks and even blatantly shot in for takedowns. It was like watching a cat trapped in a man’s body and playing with six different toys at once. The crowd roared its disapproval, but Aoki made it out of the round. At the start of the second, Karma decided it had had enough of this s***. Aoki shot in for a takedown, and was promptly beheaded by a perfectly-timed flying knee from Nagashima only four seconds in. It was the sweetest justice this side of High Plains Drifter. DREAM officials are hoping they can revive Aoki in time for his lightweight title defense this weekend.

2. Ikuhisa Minowa vs. Zuluzinho (K-1 Premium Dynamite!! 2007)

ASU and Metro Spirit alum Josh Ruffin is a published journalist and poet, who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

V. 22 | NO. 70

METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11 15

AGAIN?

By Patrick Merrell / Edited by Will Shortz 106 It’s found between the shoulders 108 Rubber man? 109 Lunch inits. 110 “Consider it done!” 115 Air pump setting: Abbr. 116 What black holes swallow to bulk up? 119 “Horatio, thou art ___ as just a man …” 120 “___ ride” 121 10E and 40 long, e.g. 122 Former Red Sox star Garciaparra 123 Lines with crossings: Abbr. 124 Utopias 125 Mai ___ (drinks) 126 Purchase that’s canceled DOWN 1 Fashion 2 “No guarantees” 3 “Yikes!” 4 Mil. unit below a division 5 Give a shot 6 A to Z, e.g. 7 University of ___, where Andrea Bocelli earned a law degree 8 Italian article 9 Engulfs 10 It may get stuck in an eye 11 Small batteries 12 Desert and rain forest 13 Material in old mah-jongg sets 14 Common break hour 15 Kook 16 Less stressful 17 Brit’s bumbershoot 19 Neglect 23 Trapped like ___ 24 Shore bird 29 Some terra cotta 31 Precipitating 32 Drink for a toddler 33 Unwanted swimming pool bit 34 What rakes may do 35 Tilt 36 Kind of disc 38 Unidentified people 41 Marx Brothers, e.g. 43 Yahoo! alternative 44 FEMA part: Abbr. 46 The Tigers of the N.C.A.A. 47 Tombstone figure 48 2000 musical with the song “Every

Story Is a Love Story” 49 Singer Anthony 50 Bro 51 13th, at times 52 40 million-member org. founded in 1958 55 Not so prevalent 58 Cleanup org. 60 Gigayear 61 Fairly 63 Unseat 64 “For ___ us a child …” 65 Rembrandt van ___ 67 Shoe named for a cat 68 LAX data 69 Romance novelist Roberts 72 Geoffrey the Giraffe’s store 73 “I suppose so” 76 Core 77 Paid sports spectator 79 Title of veneration 81 Justin Bieber and others 82 Ponytail locale 84 Newsman Marvin or Bernard 85 Cube creator Rubik 86 When Juno and Gold Beach were assaulted 88 Think too much of 89 “Look ___ hands!” 91 They’re often sold by the dozen 93 One who works with canines 95 Hold back 96 It gets the lead out 97 Prepares a bow, with “up” 99 Monastery heads 100 Casting locale 101 Naked 102 Festoons 104 Writer Zora ___ Hurston 105 Like much of Fire Island’s shore 107 Decides 110 Foe in the first Indiana Jones film 111 Unseat 112 Certain bean 113 Dutch cheese town 114 Car sticker letters 117 Coal container 118 “Three Days of the Condor” org.

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♭ WA T I M O D I P E N

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T E R E R

♭ E C A A V R E

R O N C O

E N G I N E E R E N R E T E S O D T S C A R T P E E I L A A L M

O B J T R U E O C O T N A Y S

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PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

ACROSS 1 Natives of the land known as Aotearoa 6 One with eyes for a cook? 10 Implied 15 Silken construction 18 Pasty 19 Share a view 20 Split 21 Plant’s grain-bearing part 22 Dislike of the son of Mary, Queen of Scots? 25 Prefix with bar 26 It’s hard to understand 27 Heavy metal rock? 28 Springtime calendar hunk 30 Suffragist Carrie Chapman ___ 31 Catwalk no-show? 33 March sisters’ creator 37 Threatened ferociously 39 Conservative 40 Take the plunge 41 Southwest natives 42 “No introduction needed” phrase 45 Soft-spoken prayer ending? 48 Build a publishing empire? 53 Mosaicist, e.g. 54 First Arab country to have sanctions imposed on it by the Arab League 56 Poet Pablo 57 Radioactivity unit 59 Mag space seller, e.g. 62 Golf cup name 63 Not just my 66 Practical joke used on squirrels? 70 Things may be picked up with this 71 Cohesion 74 Brown, maybe 75 Highlighter colors, often 78 Catholic university in Philly 80 County on one side of the Golden Gate Bridge 83 Hauled, in a way 87 What sweaty dancers create at an annual awards show? 90 Rush to get on the train? 92 Jewish mourning period 93 Dwarf with a purple hat 94 Arm part 95 Mein ___ 98 Like some cookware 101 “Lumber” collector in a park 103 Where worms don’t last long?

118

J A N E E R A S W I N K ♯ E N E T I R A T E L A S S L S T ♮ K E A U E Y P E R O S S O C I H E L I S L E C T R S I S T S ♮ E S G L O A E R S

T E A R E R H E L I C E S L A B I L E

S S T S

C A U O S I S E H A S O M P A ♯ E N ♭ I O L S T Y A ♭ R E T V E C E D O R N D E O E T T X T E

H O R N S H A L L O A F O R

A R T I E R

L E O V I C I N E T

T O R T

S C O T L A K E S O R A N E D P S L ♯ I E E S S S C C T I Z E N I R A N I O R N O T N I E L S

GOT FUNERAL PLANS?

Elliott Sons Funeral Homes ELLIOTTFUNERALHOME.COM

16 METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11

V. 22 | NO. 70

ERICJOHNSON

Flipping the Page

We turn the page on our first calendar Though we haven’t yet been around for an entire year, this week will be the first time we’ve actually flipped the calendar page here at the new Metro Spirit, and as anyone who’s attained any amount of seasoning will agree, flipping the calendar page brings about a certain degree of introspection. Over the course of the last eight months we’ve accomplished something. Through words and pictures printed on newsprint, we’ve endeavored to provide Augusta with the broad-based news and insightful commentary it expects, and in doing so, we brought the Spirit back to its roots. Is the paper different? Of course. Does it miss its mark? Occasionally — but that’s going to happen anytime you try to be more than you can easily be. But what we’ve done, what the Spirit has always tried to do, is give Augusta a viable alternative to what it already has. Our first issue, though. That was rough by any account. Though the editorial content was generally first rate, our execution — the look of the paper — left many, including us, scratching our heads. The combination of new digs, a new alignment of team members, mismatched equipment that stubbornly refused to communicate with each other and an ambitious new vision that had us doing much more with far less forced us to limp toward that first finish line in a way that embarrassed us all. Predictably, the next issue’s Whines didn’t let us off the hook.

aspects of the tournament, the National decided to terminate its relationship with Cunningham just over a month before the 2011 tournament.

signature pimento cheese sandwich during the 2012 Masters tournament. This was a significant story because Cunningham acknowledged that

“I think they have pretty much brought everything in-house,” Cunningham said. “They have built several kitchens on-site and I think they are doing some things there, their own food line. I guess they just decided that as the tournament got bigger they just wanted to have some control over things.” But what kind of control does he expect

WifeSaver had been quietly supplying the National’s pimento cheese for several recent tournaments, but, ever consolidating its control over all

to see out of the National, should he go through with his plan to sell one of the most beloved traditions of one of the most

I’ve always really enjoyed the Metro Spirit. I was really unhappy when I saw that it wasn’t going to be printed anymore and I’m definitely glad that it’s back. However, the new look of the paper is terrible. Just… terrible. The first new issue has the same amount of style as a free clinic waiting room. We took our lumps over that first issue, but we learned. We may have hit the ground hard that first week, but we got up running, and it didn’t take us long to find our stride. Almost immediately, we told you that WifeSaver owner Chris Cunningham was considering taking on the Augusta National by selling the National’s V. 22 | NO. 70

revered sporting events and one or all of his eight WifeSaver locations? “I haven’t really thought about that,” he said after a pause as long as the 15th hole. “There are thousands of people who make pimento cheese. You can buy it in the grocery stores. You can buy Paula Dean’s pimento cheese. Nobody’s got a patent on pimento cheese.” We also thoroughly and consistently tracked the administrative changes at the Westobou Festival, talking with former Executive Director Kathi Dimmock after she was let go following a restructuring before this year’s festival and then picking up with Artistic Coordinator Molly McDowell, who explained how she hoped the changes she was implementing this year, particularly the festival’s narrowing emphasis and its new date, would make it more user friendly and self sufficient. As the festival approached, we checked in with McDowell again and reported how she hoped to get the chance to put her mark on upcoming festivals as well. Then in November, after she was announced at the executive director at a town hall meeting for programming partners, we outlined the structure of the new festival would take under her control, which is something that could transform the festival in a way not yet seen. Covering Westobou the way we did — producing our own events guide and putting the festival twice on the METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11 17

cover — was a calculated challenge to the Augusta Chronicle’s exclusivity contract, in which the Chronicle prevents festivals, seasonal attractions and charitable events from purchasing advertising or using complimentary advertising space from any other newspaper or print publication. We published the sponsorship package they’re offering as well as comments from local business leaders and charity organizations critical of the restrictions. We provided the same unsolicited exposure for Arts in the Heart and have yet to exhaust our appetite for revisiting this stifling practice. Westobou was far from the only longrange story we chronicled, however. We have been particularly determined with our commission coverage, both in Augusta and in Columbia County. By providing readers with an ongoing narrative that allows them to experience the personalities and how they interact with each other, we feel we can bring a more immediate and

overt display of wealth, especially here in Augusta, especially while much of the rest of the country was struggling to make ends meet, was offensive.

emotional understanding of what’s going on. We also took readers places they might have always wondered about, like the so-called glass toaster atop the Lamar Building, telling the remarkable tale of how millionaire Eugene Holley transformed the penthouse of the former Southern Finance Building into a playground in the clouds.

formerly the notorious Osaka Spa, which was engaging in illegal massages and masturbation for hire. However, Bo Bo wasn’t the only so-called Asian spa in the area, so we sent a writer inside to get a first-hand account of what really goes on.

Helicopters were a common sight along Broad Street during this time. Holley would use his helicopter the way the rest of Augusta would use a car, commuting back and forth from his house on Flowing Wells Road. And while such flamboyance certainly captured people’s imagination, it also made him a prime target for the naysayers, who felt such an

18 METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11

More than a simple history, the story followed Kelley New, who still lives in the building, while he lived a life of excess few could imagine. As designer, New was third in priority for the use of the aviation department, which consisted of several airplanes and two helicopters. If he needed to go shopping in New York, he took the little Learjet because it was the fastest. If he needed to buzz back to Hilton Head, he could request one of the helicopters. Budgets never mattered, and whenever he landed, there was always a red carpet leading to the vehicle that was there to receive him. Just before the Masters, Richmond County deputies very publically raided Washington Road’s Bo Bo Spa,

“It’s 2:30 in the afternoon and I’m standing naked in the middle of a dimly lit room, waiting for a woman who is not my wife to reenter. Moments earlier, that woman, a pretty Asian girl with long black hair and a distant but not disinterested look on her face, repeated the question the older Asian woman had asked me when she ushered me back to the room, one of several along a hallway. “You been here before?”

It was very quiet and very dark inside the room, and I told her what I told the older woman. “No,” I said. “I’ve never had a massage before. I don’t know what to expect.” The writer gets a massage, but it ends far short of its time limit, leaving him to negotiate for the rest of the massage. ”You want more?” she asks again, and her voice, which has never been loud, falls into a whisper. “You want…” Here, the pretty Asian girl simulates sex. It looks a little like skiing, or a dog paddle, but it’s unmistakable and electric in the little room. I pantomime another option, which she pantomimes back, eyebrows raised. “You want?” “How much?” I whisper, pantomiming once more. “With clothes or without?” There’s a price for everything, I learn, and if I want her to finish the massage

without her clothes, it will cost me an additional $100. I agree, and by the time I dig the money out of my wallet, she’s already naked. Another story that had been glossed over, one that people were talking about without really having anything to say, was the strange case of David Fry, who was arrested in 2009 on two counts of bribery. Not only did we talk to Fry, we explored his possible motivations, which ranged from altruism to personal gain to serving as a fall guy for powerful local interests. What’s clear, however, is that none of the scenarios are particularly flattering to a government many already consider ethically challenged. And until the facts

are revealed — until Fry explains himself or the tape recordings are played — the doubts about the people maneuvering at the upper reaches of the Augusta power structure will continue to run rampant. And if the court system manages to somehow allow this case to fall though the cracks, everyone will be elegantly let off the hook. Though the Spirit has always emphasized its news coverage, the paper is far more than a news organ. Almost by definition it’s the primary destination for those interested in arts coverage, food writing and finding out what’s going on around town. And then there are the columnists, the varied voices that shed such unique light on life in Augusta. Longtime columnist Austin Rhodes signed back on, providing the distinctive voice readers have come to expect, like him or not. Aside from reviving local music columns and including syndicated

movie reviews, we also have Matt Lane’s local sports column, Ball. Lane has been with the new Spirit from the get-go and continues to give readers the opportunity to understand what’s going on at the local level. In Music columnist Matt Stone started out as our podcast reviewer, but we soon decided that he would be a natural to write about music, one of the cornerstones of any alt weekly. His understanding of the music scene and his unique delivery continues to be an asset to the publication and, we hope, a must-read for Augustans. And then, of course, there’s Sightings photographer Michael Johnson, who continues to give us the crisp, clear photos that have made Sightings one of the first things people fan to. V. 22 | NO. 70

Perhaps the most unexpected voice to come out of our columns, however, is Jenny is Wright, which takes the observations of a very perceptive woman and gives them a humorous everywoman spin. Jenny on the carpool lane: One day, it was particularly quiet and I was craning my neck, looking for some entertainment. A lady a couple of cars over was seemingly picking her teeth but with some flair that caught my eye. With further investigation (what is wrong with that back tire? I should get out and check.), she was actually removing her teeth, over and over, in and out. All of her teeth. Jenny on missed kumbaya opportunities: Being a parent brings out the best in us. We smile more, love more, hug more. We are more tolerant and patient. However, in this episode of Parents Behaving Badly, we’ll examine two instances when we might have been

one breastpump away from a brawl. Jenny on a Midwestern friend being rejected from the “Hip Momas” mom group: The Hip Momas wanted to know basic things, like Corey’s interests and what they like to do in their spare time. Not thinking it was a big deal, she used silly answers, saying that she drank Dr. Pepper a lot and fed her daughter nothing but Oreos while watching TV. Little did she know being funny isn’t a requirement to join and apparently isn’t even allowed. So why are we, as women, so hard on each other? Why do you have to point out that your kid was breastfed until she was 15 and is superior to mine? So what if my kids had donuts for breakfast this summer? Aren’t we all trying to do the V. 22 | NO. 70

same thing here? We should be sharing tips on bedtime routines, finding the right nanny, carpooling (boy, do I have some suggestions) and what to cook for dinner. Another unique voice that’s all ours, Josh Ruffin, took over The Download, the weekly podcast column, when Matt Stone moved to music, and by October Josh had moved to the front of the book and had his own space, Ruffin’ It. Boy did he run with it. Were I to point out how much Facebook has contributed to the condensing of the world into a single bolus of fast-tracked, hyper-connected, schizo-paranoid quazihumanity, I wouldn’t be telling you anything you don’t already know. That was his first sentence of his first Ruffin’ It column, and he just went on from there. On the chain of events that

eventually spawned the Tea Party: In America, one thing is certain. If a good idea, noble pursuit or constructive movement gestates long enough, it’s going to get bastardized, or at least give way to horrible, unforeseen consequences. “The Real World,” which in its infancy dealt sensitively with topics like the AIDS epidemic and racial politics, now plays second fiddle to clap-riddled cousin “Jersey Shore.” Plastic, a relative miracle and testament to human ingenuity that was initially mass-produced for cockpits in WW2 fighter planes, spawns refuse that now infects our environment all the way down to zooplankton. The civil rights movement and MLK laid the foundation for racial equality, but it also gave us Tyler Perry. You get the idea. Our modern-day “Tea Party,” on

the other hand, which purports to call attention to governmental overreach, is basically a knee-jerk reaction of the far right to a black man being elected president. Am I relying on sensationalism? Okay then: someone please explain to me why these selflabeled ‘patriots’ were standing around with their thumbs up their asses while previous administrations (not, I promise you, limited to Bush’s) ran roughshod over the Bill of Rights and were complicit in laying the groundwork for both the current economic crisis and the ever-widening divide between the wealthy and the impoverished. A good technology column has always been difficult to pull off, especially in this day and age with major changes occurring at light speed, but when we found out that real life rocket scientist Greg Baker wore a bowling shirt, we knew we had our guy. Baker’s Augusta Tek is a guide to all things technological, sorting through

On the implications of social media in the wake of the Arab Spring and the Occupy Movement: Social networks provide the People a tremendous amount of power due to their ability to amplify and project the voice of the individual and groups. History shows that those uncomfortable with the People exercising their voice are generally inclined to silence the People. As James Madison stated in Federalist #10, ‘But it could not be less folly to abolish liberty, which is essential to political life, because it nourishes faction, than it would be to wish the annihilation of air, which is essential to animal life, because it imparts to fire its destructive agency.” Restrictions by the government upon the access and use of social networks are akin to restrictions of free speech and liberty. The People need to keep watch and stay vigilant. Of course not everything from the beginning has stood the test of time. Thrifting, a very short thrift store

the chatter of modern existence to advise those of us non-rocket scientists how to navigate the Information Age.

piece, had a brief run, but not as brief as What Are You Looking At, a piece that defies description.

On security: Keep the personal stuff to a minimum on LinkedIn. It’s great to hear about new happenings at your business, but it’s probably not the right place to whine about how many changes of the light it took to get through the Bobby Jones-Washington Road intersection. Stay on FB for that. (Or just keep it to yourself!)

Our legacy column, The Insider, was certainly not going anywhere, and in its new beefed up incarnation, it took on its share of targets, from the high and mighty all the way down to A.C.A.V.E., the group of dissatisfied community activists whose Facebook implosion played out like some kind of low-rent Shakespearian tragedy.

On privacy: Do the necessary controls exist for online privacy? We’re probably not there yet, but I think it has more to do with the maturation of new technology than an overt conspiracy to destroy our privacy.

Sometime in the night of Sept. 8, A.C.A.V.E. was disabled. At 9:29 a.m. on Sept. 9, ACAVE was born (note the subtle difference… punctuation is everything). For the first few hours (it was a Friday METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11 19

And though nothing was off limits to the Insider — not the baseball

be ignoring. It gave special attention to the slick deals and questionable appointments of Gov. Nathan Deal. Included in this was the way Deal marched through the state ethics commission, his selling of his bankrupt Habersham County sporting goods

to be the only place in town to care that Deal had appointed seven white men to the controversial Immigration Enforcement Review Board, among them former Augusta Chronicle editorial page Editor Phil Kent, who besides being a well-known and unapologetic

stadium, not the racial frustrations of the Augusta commission — the Insider paid special attention to the state officials the rest of Augusta seemed to

store to a California pornographer and his campaign’s use of his own aircraft company’s fleet. Specifically, the Insider seemed

anti-immigration advocate is also, the Insider alleges, a right-wing opportunist capitalizing on the conservative reputation he built here years ago to

morning) it was like watching people stumbling around after an earthquake. “I’m here!” some said. “Where am I?” others asked.

hawk insurance. As with most of the stuff you read between these pages, if you hadn’t heard about it here, you might not have heard about it at all.

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Professional Virus & Spyware Removal Services $69.95 About Us | Services | Virus and Spyware Removal | Custom Built Computers | Point of Sale Systems | Driving Directions | Contact Us Copyright 2011 ComputerOne Technology, Inc., All Rights Reserved - Website developed, hosted and maintained by Southfire, Inc. 2825 Washington Rd., Fairway Square Shopping Center, Augusta, GA 30909 - 706.667.9009

20 METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11

V. 22 | NO. 70

Ring in the New Year

Celebrate 2012 with one of our advertisers

New Year’s Eve Dinner

Stay the Night

Party the Night Away

The Bee’s Knees Tapas and cocktails, with limited reservations accepted. 706-828-3600 beeskneestapas.com

The Partridge Inn Dinner from 5-9 p.m., a party with live music by Dot Gaddy Band from 9 p.m.-1 a.m. Want to stay? Book their Celebration Package and enjoy the evening’s festivities and breakfast the next morning. 706-737-8888 partridgeinn.com

Bar West Doors open at 4:30 p.m. for the New Year’s Masquerade Party, with two for one shooters all night.

French Market Grille West Special dinner menu, plus regular dinner menu. No reservations required. 706-855-5111 frenchmarketwest.com

The Cotton Patch 706-724-4511 eatdrinkbehappy.com Polka Dot Pig Gastropub 706-496-2930 polkadotpiggp.com TGI Friday’s 706-736-8888 tgifridaysaugusta.com Wild Wing 706-364-9453 wildwingcafe.com

V. 22 | NO. 70

The Doubletree Celebrate New Year’s with their famous seafood buffet and a live band. 706-855-8100

The Sheraton New Year’s Eve package includes four course dinner for two, live music, champagne toast, party favors, deluxe guest room and breakfast buffet the next morning. 706-396-1000

Bar on Broad Doors open at 8 p.m. Featuring live music with Dirty Blue Dress and Acid Wash. 706-955-7954

Somewhere in Augusta College football during the day and a champagne toast at midnight. 706-739-0002 somewhereinaugusta.com 1102 Downtown Bar & Grill 706-364-4075 The Country Club 706-364-1862 augustacountry.com Surrey Tavern 706-736-1221

METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11 21

ENTERTAINMENT

Collect your cans (and they don’t have to be Campbell’s) and bring them to the First Annual Canned Soup Drive at the Euchee Creek Branch Library on Tuesday, January 3. For more information, call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Arts

Winter Classes, for adults and teens ranging in subject from visual arts to bridge and yoga, begin in January and run through the end of March at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Preregistration, which is required for all classes, is going on now. Call 803-6419094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com. 22 METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11

Exhibitions

Aiken Visitors Center and Train Museum Special Opening is Monday, January 2, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Free. Donations welcome. Call 803-644-1907.

“Local Color: Photography of the South” shows through January 29, 2012, at the Morris Museum of Art, and features work by some of the South’s most important photographers. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

“From Mild to Wild,” an exhibit by Ron Buttler, shows January 2-30 at Hitchcock Health Center in Aiken, and features oil landscapes and mixed media. Call 803278-0709 or visit aikenartistguild.org.

“Working South: Paintings and Sketches” by Mary Whyte shows through March 11 at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

John Glave Photography Exhibit shows January 2-30 at Aiken Center for the Arts, and features an opening reception Thursday, January 12, from 6-8 p.m. Call 803-278-0709 or visit aikenartistguild.org.

“Eclectic Visions: Art by Educators in the Savannah River Area” continues through December 31 at the Morris Museum of Art’s Education Gallery, and features work by art educators at public and private schools in Richmond, Columbia, Wilkes, Aiken and Edgefield counties. Call

706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. The Annual Doll Exhibition shows through December 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. $2-$5. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.org. The Annual Quilt Exhibition shows until December 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Call 706-7243576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. December exhibitions at the Aiken Center for the Arts include “T’is the Season Invitational” of pieces $300 and under, the Plein Air Painters, and Judy Adamick and Anne Rauton Smith. Call 803-6419094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. V. 22 | NO. 70

GOLD’S GYM: DECEMBER 2011 |p.1

Fighting Obesity One Person at a Time

GOLD’S GYM: DECEMBER 2011 |p.3

A letter from Physician Weight Management Solutions President and CEO Wendel Bowie

Physician Weight Management Solutions (PWMS) is honored to partner with Gold’s Gym to assist in opening the Weight Loss and Metabolic Testing Center at the health club’s Walton Way Extension location. PWMS is providing this service through danbarforlife. com, a web-based weight management, nutrition and fitness education support program that is enhanced by the one-on-one weight loss counseling and personal training provided by the Weight Loss and Metabolic Testing Center in collaboration with Premier Fitness Personal Training. PWMS is looking forward with great anticipation to providing individuals with the knowledge and education they need to make the important lifestyle changes to improve their health and weight-loss goals. Obesity has become a serious problem in this country and throughout western society. However, it has not been adequately addressed and managed properly over the last generation due to an inaccurate understanding of what obesity really means. According to the National Library of Medicine definition, obesity simply means having too much body fat. It is different from being overweight, which means weighing too much for a given height. Furthermore, the additional weight may come from muscle, bone, fat and/or body water, which makes proving a clear understanding of the condition even more difficult to ascertain. Both terms mean that a person’s weight is greater than what’s considered healthy for a person’s height. Obesity occurs over time when one consumes more calories than the individual uses. The balance between calories-in and calories-out differs for each person. Factors that might tip the balance include your genetic

makeup, your metabolism, overeating, eating lots of high-fat foods and being physically inactive. Being obese increases your risk of diabetes, heart disease, stroke, arthritis and some cancers. If you are obese or significantly overweight, losing even five to 10 percent of your weight can delay or prevent some of these diseases, according to the Institute of Medicine. At PWMS, we believe that metabolism testing is the first step in knowing how to approach weight loss and living a healthier lifestyle. “True knowledge lies in knowing how to live,” said Baltasar Gracian (16011658), a Spanish philosopher and writer. Thus, the first step in a client’s visit to the Augusta center will be to test a client’s resting metabolism and assess their personal weight-loss goal to determine the individual’s daily energy or caloric need. The knowledge of one’s metabolic rate will set them on the course to make lifestyle adjustments and to living a healthier quality of life. We believe that the old admonition that one should “first, know yourself” is critical to an individual’s success. Knowing your baseline metabolism helps participants to gain that invaluable insight. But that one piece of information is not enough in and of itself to have success. Gold’s Gym, Weight Loss and Metabolic Testing Center and PWMS similarly believe that there must be continuous education, structure and support to sustain healthy living, optimal weight loss and health management. And we are here to help those who seek it to find success. Galileo Galilei (1564-1642), the Italian astronomer and mathematician, once stated, “You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself.” Our aim and focus is to help bring out the

winner in our program participants through educational empowerment, emotional and nutritional support, and structured nutrition and personal training. The program is unique in that it encourages and invites the participation and guidance of each individual’s primary physician and their medical staff to help clients work to attain their weight loss and health improvement goals. Over the past generation, we have seen a dramatic shift in the level of obesity, as well as the overall weight and health status in our communities. This program isn’t just about how much people weigh, but it also helps people with serious health problems like diabetes and hypertension. These are the conditions that are driving up health-care costs, as well as putting our neighbors at risk. It is important to note that, with the exception of Michigan, the 10 most obese states are in the south. The northeast and west reported the lowest obesity rates, according to recent national reports. In addition, in eight states, more than 10 percent of adults suffer from type 2 diabetes, according to the National Institute of Health report. Our educational program focuses on how to get started on the right track to losing weight: It highlights the risks of obesity, stresses the importance of proper nutrition and emphasizes the benefits of exercise and the importance of lifestyle management as well as many more subtopics which will be reinforced with personal weight-loss counseling, training and coaching on these principles. The online educational empowerment program is designed to reinforce and enhance the professional counseling and personal training, as well as provide an online reference tool. The educational program

Frustrated

by DIETS that just don’t work?

Maybe it’s your

Metabolism.

METABOLIC TESTING - The exact measurements you need to succeed!

Call for a free consultation: 706.993.2469

More Energy All Day Long was developed by Dr. Omar Danner, an Atlanta bariatric If your typical day is so draining that you’re practically comatose by dinnertime, then try this all-daysurgeon and weight management expert, and his team of highly energy makeover from health.com. talented weight management and wellness-focused healthcare Recharge while you’re awake with these seven simple tips from Mary Ann Bauman, M.D., author of professional team, through extensive training, research and “Fight Fatigue: Six Simple Steps to Maximize Your Energy.” This almost hour-by-waking-hour guide helps clinical expertise. Dr. Danner is a fellowship trained bariatric you power through your killer schedule and may even help you sleep better when you finally get the chance. surgeon and surgical critical care specialist. PWMS has partnered with Allen Childs, Tony Dempsey and the leadership of Gold’s Gym of Augusta to deliver this state-of-the-art weight loss system. It is our hope and Skip the French toast sticks and hash browns — a quick rush of vision that this type of program will start a revolution of simple sugars that can leave you tired hours later — and reach for six how people approach the issues of weight and health ounces of Greek yogurt. Mix in a cup of fruit and a few tablespoons in our homes and communities across the nation. Our of granola for a light meal that’s rich in protein and healthy fats. hope is that every experience is a great experience where the people who participate will walk away with knowledge and understanding of how to live healthy and live well. We look forward to the opportunity to bring more knowledge and support tools through this collaboration and other partnerships, and to become an integral part of this invaluable Staying hydrated fends off sluggishness by moving nutrients through service to the surrounding community. We look the body. Plus, water has no problem ingredients like sugar (extra forward to working with Gold’s Gym, via the calories) or caffeine (a diuretic that can leave you jittery), so make Weight Loss and Metabolic Testing Center, and this the first of several fill-ups. the many individuals embarking on a new and healthier lifestyle. PWMS would like to thank all those in advance who will give us the opportunity to be of service in this important area of your lives.

>8:00am | DO BREAKFAST RIGHT

>10:00am | FILL YOUR WATER BOTTLE

Wendel Bowie, President & CEO Physician Weight Management Solutions

>11:00am | CHECK IN WITH A FRIEND

Mentally changing focus at least once a day fights brain fatigue. Now’s the time to take a break and call or email a friend. (Don’t feel guilty about it.) Try to keep the conversation upbeat.

>The Growing Need For Serious Fitness

• Obesity is a global problem that affects 300 million people worldwide. • Nearly two-thirds, or 130 million adults, in the United States are overweight, and nearly one-third, or 61 million, are obese. • Approximately 15 percent of children and adolescents are overweight. • Forty percent of U.S. adults are sedentary. • Risk for heart disease and high blood pressure is two to four times higher among the 18 million Americans with diabetes. • An estimated 70 percent of diabetes risk in the U.S. can be attributed to excess weight. • Heart disease is the No. 1 cause of death in American women, killing six times as many as breast cancer. • Annual medical spending for the treatment of overweight and obese people is nearly $100 billion a year, approximately nine percent of U.S. health expenditures. • As many as 300,000 adult deaths in the United States each year are attributable to unhealthy dietary habits or physical inactivity. • Exercise helps prevent heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke, arthritis, osteoporosis, insomnia and cancer. • Exercise has been proven to reduce stress, anxiety and depression and increase energy, focus and stamina. • People who exercise regularly are happier, healthier and live longer.

Statistics courtesy of International Health, Racquet and Sportsclub Association, National Institute of Diabetes & Digestive & Kidney Disorders, discoverfitness.com, womenheart.org, Reuters 5/26/04.

>Noon | SELECT SMART CARBS

When you’re slammed, it’s tempting to sub an instant-energy candy bar for a real meal. Not so fast. “The carbs in sugary foods will give you only a short burst of energy,” Bauman says. Instead, try a dose of energizing complex carbs, perhaps some turkey and light Swiss cheese on whole-wheat bread, plus a few apple slices.

>2:00pm | LET THE SUNSHINE IN

Our bodies are synced to the circadian rhythm of daylight and darkness, so taking 10 minutes to soak up some rays offers a natural wake-up call. Even cloud-filtered light can stave off sleepiness. If weather permits, add a brief, brisk walk to get your blood circulating.

>4:00pm | PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK

About now, it’s easy to fixate on unfinished tasks. But beware of these “energy thieves,” Bauman’s term for thoughts that annoy or disappoint us. Make a quick list of today’s accomplishments — even “I got to work on time!” counts.

>6:00pm | DODGE THE COUCH

The energy-wise will get their 20 minutes (or more) of jogging, strength-training or yoga now. Exercise can actually help you sleep well, which, Bauman says, is the key to starting the next day with power to spare.

GOLD’S GYM: DECEMBER 2011 |p.5

New Year’s Resolutions Two Gold’s Gym members prove that anyone can accomplish their goals

It’s that time of year again, the time to make New Year’s resolutions to eat right, take better care of ourselves, exercise more and give up all the vices that we’ve become so accustomed to. And a few weeks from now, reports will start surfacing about how all those good intentions have flown right out the window. Before you decide to give up before even getting started, however, you might want to take a look at Bill Wilson and Dwain Moss. These two local men lost an incredible amount of weight in just 12 weeks, and both said all it took was a Gold’s Gym membership and the motivation of a personal trainer from Premier Fitness PT.

>Bill Wilson Pounds lost: 57 Why He Decided to Lose Weight

“The main reason was I was going on a cruise next summer and some of the side excursions are weight based, so I knew I had to get the weight off in order to get in the float plane or take the raft down the river or ride the horses. But it was also for my own health. I’ve had two knee replacements and a lot of it’s because of my weight so I need to improve my health.”

What He Thought Was the Best Thing About Gold’s Gym

“My trainer. He will make me accountable to him if I don’t do what is right. I want him to push me to my limits.”

>Dwain Moss Pounds lost: 71 Why He Decided to Lose Weight

“I just wanted to lose weight. I want to feel better, look better, you know, and get it off before I turn 30 and start having health issues.”

What He Thought Was the Best Thing About Gold’s Gym

“I think the motivation of seeing others lose weight, seeing the reaction others have, was a positive influence on me and it helped me get more motivated to do this.”

per month

$10

The Fit To Be Gold 12-week fitness challenge is sponsored by Gold’s Gym, Premier Fitness PT, The Augusta Chronicle, Fox 54 and Moving Canvas Media. The Fit To Be Gold season 4 contest will begin in February 2012. Those interested can contact fittobegold@hotmail.com for more details.

no commitment | month - to - month

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Knowing your caloric needs can help, whether you’re working out or trying to lose weight

KANE’S 2012 PREDICTIONS

Metabolic Testing

South Carolina RB Marcus Lattimore will Did you know that your metabolism can differ by hundreds of calories from people of the exact same height, win the Heisman Trophy. weight, age and gender? The Braves will trade RF Jason Heyward. For the first time, technology previously available only in research facilities and hospitals is available Charl Schwartzel will slip the Green Jacket at the Weight Loss and Metabolic Testing Center at Gold’s Gym’s Walton Way Extension location. onto Adam Scott’s shoulders. This technology makes it possible for your metabolic rate to be accurately measured through a simple, The Augusta RiverHawks will hoist the SPHL 10-minute breathing test. President’s Cup. Trying to lose weight without knowing how many calories you burn every day is like attempting to True freshman Keith Marshall will be Georgia’s balance your checkbook without knowing how much money you have coming in. In addition to helping starting RB when the Bulldogs open the season against you lose weight, metabolic-rate measurement is crucial when it comes to successful weight maintenance. Buffalo. Without an accurate picture of their metabolic needs, over 90 percent of people who lose weight gain Tim Tebow will lead the Broncos to the Super Bowl, it all back. Once we know our bodies’ precise requirements, we can avoid eating any more than our win the Nobel Peace Prize and solve the nation’s debt budget allows, or less than we can afford. crisis. In Tebow we trust! This exclusive service is available by appointment at our office. The Ohio Bobcats will make the Final Four. Hey, if VCU We recommend you undergo the metabolic test as part of a full nutritional evaluation, so that can do it... why not Ohio? This coming from a proud Ohio the results may be discussed in the context of your individual health goals. However, you also University alum. have the option of checking your metabolic rate now and integrating it with your health goals at I will see Jack’s Mannequin in concert. Never heard of them? a later time. Google it and thank me later. Charles Howell III will win his first PGA tournament since the 2007 Nissan Open. Eddie Fogler will come out of retirement and lead the South When a client visits the Weight Loss and Metabolic Testing Center, they receive a Carolina Gamecocks to the NCAA tournament. comprehensive printed metabolic report answering the following questions: An SEC team will win the BCS National Championship football • Is my metabolism fast or slow? game. I’m pretty sure I’ll get this one right. • What is my daily calorie budget? Mark Fox will call the LA Clippers and ask if Travis Leslie and • How can I achieve energy balance? Trey Thompkins can return to Athens for one more year. Former Augusta State All-American Garret Siler will dunk on A consultation to discuss: LeBron James. • What your energy balance looks like (are you burning more or less than you’re Tiger Woods will not win a major. eating?) Albert Pujols will demand a trade from the Angels — $254 million • The most effective ways to boost your metabolism only goes so far in SoCal. • How soon to re-test your metabolic rate to check for improvements Honey Badger will still be the coolest nickname in college football. • Food suggestions and meal planning for ultimate weight loss Miami will not win the NBA championship. • Online education and testing for possible insurance rate reduction The Boston Red Sox will fire Manager Bobby Valentine. The BCS computer will pick two SEC teams to play in the 2013 National Championship football game. Why? Because ESPN says so! The goal at Gold’s Gym’s Weight Loss and Metabolic Testing Center is to measure A healthy Jonathan Broxton (Burke County High School) will regain your metabolic rate at a true resting level; we recommend the following preparatory steps. his form with the Kansas City Royals. • Avoid eating a meal 3-4 hours before the test Augusta golfer Scott Parel will win a nationwide tour event. • Avoid exercising on the day of your test Madonna will have a wardrobe malfunction during her Super Bowl • Avoid the use of stimulants such as caffeine on the day of the test halftime performance. It will snow in Augusta. The USC-Aiken women’s basketball team will reach the Elite 8. News Channel 6 anchor Brad Means will replace Matt Lauer on During testing at the Weight Loss and Metabolic Testing Center, you will be invited to “The Today Show.” recline in a comfortable position. You will be given a mask or a mouthpiece to breathe Tyler Colvin (North Augusta High School) will hit 20 home runs for into. You will be breathing in air from the room, but the gas that you breathe out will go the Colorado Rockies. into the metabolic analyzer to measure your metabolic rate. Missouri will win the NCAA basketball championship. Why? I have • Relax and close your eyes during the test. You deserve a break — enjoy it! no idea, but it’s fun watching Tigers point guard Phil Pressey. • Hold the mask snug over your mouth and nose, or your lips sealed lightly around the Clemson WR Sammy Watkins will catch 20 touchdown passes. mouthpiece. It is important that all the air you breathe out is analyzed. Kasey Kahne will win the NASCAR Sprint Cup Championship. • In just 10 minutes, your metabolic rate will be measured, and those results will be used Hey Kasey, change the spelling of your last name to KANE! to calculate your daily calorie budget. This budget will be printed out in an easy to Shot putter Reese Hoffa (Lakeside High School) will win the gold understand format that will outline for you just how to use your metabolism to help you medal at the London Olympics. lose weight. Actor Alec Baldwin will get kicked off another flight. After losing to Michigan, Ohio State head football coach Urban Meyer will retire. After thinking about it for 12 hours, Urban Meyer will unretire. • Anyone who is starting a weight management program I will run the Augusta Half Marathon in under two hours… • Anyone who is starting a weight-training program dare to dream. • Anyone who is starting a workout program  Happy New Year! • Anyone who is halfway through a weight management program • Anyone who has reached a plateau either in their weight-loss, weight-training or workout program • Anyone who has stopped making progress, even though you feel you are doing everything right • Anyone who is interested in knowing how to feed their body for optimum health and weight management • Anyone who needs to know their ideal calorie level for weight loss • Anyone who needs to know their ideal calorie level for weight management

>What You Get

>How to Prepare for the Test

>What to Expect During the Test

>Who Should Be Tested

To make an appointment at the Weight Loss and Metabolic Testing Center, please call 706-993-2469 or check out the website at weightlossandmetabolictesting.com.

>Kane’s Fitness Tip of the Month

Always bring your own towel to the gym.

Transform Your Metabolism

GOLD’S GYM: DECEMBER 2011 |p.7

Think you can’t lose weight? Here are seven tricks that will help

You don’t need a magic pill to boost your metabolic rate. It takes just seven minor adjustments to turn your body into a calorie-burning machine.

>1. Graze Like a Sheep

You’ve probably heard that six small meals a day are better than three larger ones, but Ben Greenfield, author of “100 Ways to Boost Your Metabolism,” takes it a step further and suggests eating 10 times a day. If you eat frequently, he says, you maintain a higher metabolic rate because the physical act of digestion raises your metabolism.

>2. Go Organic — When Necessary

The Nutrition Twins® Lyssie Lakatos, R.D., and Tammy Lakatos Shames, R.D., say it’s not important (or always in the budget) to buy everything organic, but some heavily-sprayed nonorganic fruits and veggies can alter your metabolism by interrupting your endocrine system. Buy these 12 items organic: apples, bell peppers, celery, cherries, imported grapes, nectarines, peaches, pears, potatoes, red raspberries, spinach and strawberries.

>3. Twitch and Fidget Off Calories

A study conducted by the Mayo Clinic showed that leaner people spend more than two hours a day fidgeting, standing and walking compared with obese people. That translates to a difference of 350 calories a day. Keep your metabolism revved up with small, frequent movements like tapping your feet, rolling your neck in circles or shrugging your shoulders.

>4. Beat Stress to Defeat Fat

Elevated stress levels could be holding you back from achieving your highest metabolic rate, says Elizabeth Stein, founder of Appetite for Healthy Living, a health and wellness practice in New York City. “Stress leads to increased levels of cortisol, which leaves fat accumulation in the body,” she says. So relax! Take five deep breaths before every meal and practice a few yoga moves daily.

>5. Turn Into a Top Chef

Big shocker: Cruising through the drive-through or phoning in for pad thai won’t help you burn any calories. When you prepare your own meals, you’re not only burning calories in the kitchen, you’re also controlling what goes into your dishes. Experiment with spices — your metabolism responds to heat by increasing your body temperature and metabolic activity.

>6. Pump Iron with Active Rest

A pound of muscle can burn up to nine times as many calories as a pound of fat, so the more muscle you have, the more calories your body burns (even while you sleep). Greenfield suggests doing exercises that use the most body parts in the least amount of time, such as squats, lunges, rows, push-ups and pull-ups. Extra boost: Instead of waiting 45 seconds to a minute between reps, do jumping jacks or lunge jumps.

>7. Try Two-Minute Cardio Bursts

Breaking up a long workout into two shorter, spaced-out ones burns more calories because of “post-exercise metabolic effect,” or the increase in calorie burn for hours after exercise, Greenfield says. For the best metabolism boost, incorporate interval training; a few two-minute bursts of speed or added resistance throughout your 30-minute workout will burn more calories during and after.

“Making Something Ancient of the New,” sculpture by Kath Girdler Engler, shows through January 8, 2012, at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Rochelle “Cissie” Levy’s show of mixed media work is on display through December 31 at the Aiken Thoroughbred Racing Hall of Fame and Museum. Free and open to the public. Call 803-6427758 or visit aikenracinghalloffame.com. David Swanagin and Mike C. Berry Exhibit shows through December 31 at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. Call 706-8264700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org.

Music

Dixie Echoes Quartet Holiday Concert is Friday, December 30, at 7 p.m., at Bible Fellowship Church. Free. 706-922-5314. The Martins Performance is Sunday, January 1, from 6-8 p.m., at The Sanctuary of Augusta. Free. Call 706364-8284 or visit mysanctuary.org. Auditions for the Columbia County Choral Society’s 2012 spring season, featuring John Rutter’s “Requiem,” are Tuesday, January 3, and Tuesday, January 10,

V. 22 | NO. 70

from 6-7 p.m., at First Baptist Church of Evans. Call 706-650-2311 or visit ccchoralsociety.org. The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706364-4069 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Literary

Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual poetry contest. Cash prizes will be given out. Categories are middle and high school, adults and seniors. Visit poetrymatterscelebration.com. Nook tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a Nookcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com. Call for Authors! Headquarters Branch Library is hosting its inaugural Augusta Literary Festival March 3, 2012, and is looking for authors to read and sell their published work. Visit ecgrl.org.

Dance

Real Dance Music is every Thursday from

8-11 p.m. at Rosehill Estate in Aiken, and features jazz and party music. Call 803-648-1181 or email stephen@ rosehillestate.com. Belly Dance Class is every Tuesday at 4 p.m. at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Augusta International Folk Dance Club meets Tuesday nights from 7:30-9:30 p.m. at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No par tners needed. First visit free. Call Tim at 706-399-2477.

Theater

Local authors are invited to submit original scripts for Quickies 2012, the short play festival at Le Chat Noir. Scripts should be 10-15 pages; all styles and subject matters considered. Deadline is December 31. Mail scripts to Quickies, c/o Le Chat Noir, 304 Eighth Street, Augusta, GA, 30901, or email them to info@lncaugusta.com.

Flix

“Rodelinda,” presented by Opera Shows Streamed Live from The Met, is Wednesday, January 4, at 6:30 p.m., at Regal Augusta Exchange Stadium 20 and

IMAX. $18. Call 706-667-9713 or visit regmovies.com.

Special Events

Comedy Explosion, featuring Nephew Tommy, Lavell Crawford and Earthquake, is Friday, December 30, at 8 p.m., at the Bell Auditorium. $47-$77. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com. New Years Eve Party is Saturday, December 31, at 6:30 p.m., at the American Legion Post 63, and features dinner, champagne and music by the Highway 104 Band. $30. Call 706-7339387 or visit americanlegionpost63.org. Brown Bag History Series Lecture is Wednesday, January 4, from 12:30-1 p.m., at the Augusta Museum of History, and features a talk by Nancy J. Glaser on how the museum has evolved. Bring lunch as early as 11:30. Free for members; $3 for nonmembers. Visit augustamuseum.org. Augusta Genealogical Society meets Thursday, January 5, at 3 p.m., at the Augusta Museum of History, and features a talk by R. Douglas MacIntyre: “Revolutionary Charles Town: Characters, Connections, and Conflict in America’s

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Richest City.” Call 706-722-4073. Christmas Tree Recycling by U.S. Army Corps of Engineers is going on now at Riverside Middle School. Trees must be free of all decorations. Call 800-5338478 or visit sas.usace.army.mil/lakes/ thurmond/index.html. Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com. Tours of the Boyhood Home of President Woodrow Wilson are Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., on the hour, at 415 Seventh Street, and feature Civil War era holiday decorations by Charleston Street Fine Flowers and Events and a Christmas tree by students at C.T. Walker Traditional Magnet School. $3-$5; free for children under 5. Groups of 10 or more need a reservation. Call 706-724-0436 or visit historicaugusta.org. Lights of the South continues daily through December 30 from 6-10 p.m. at 633 Louisville Road, and features light displays, hay rides, Santa and holiday treats. $7.50, adults; $4, children ages 4-17. Call 706-825-6441 or visit lightsofthesouth.com.

Health

Childbirth Preparation class begins Monday, January 2, from 7-9:30 p.m., at University Hospital Women’s Center (third floor classroom), and features a four-week session for expectant parents. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-774-2825 or visit universityhealth.org. Weight Loss Surgery and You is Tuesday, January 3, at University Heart and Vascular Institute (Classroom 2). Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706774-8931 or call universityhealth.org. Lymphedema Education class is Tuesday, January 3, at noon, at University Hospital Breast Health Center (Professional Center 2, Suite 205). Visit universityhealth.org. Total Joint Replacement class is Tuesday, January 3, from 1-3 p.m., at University Hospital (Levi Hill III Auditorium). Free. Call April Matthews at 706-774-2760 or visit universityhealth.org.

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Breastfeeding class is Wednesday, January 3, from 6-8 p.m., at Aiken Regional Medical Center (sixth floor

classroom). Available for ARMC patients only. Pre-registration required. $5 per individual or couple. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com. Ready & Able begins Tuesday, January 3, from 7-9:30 p.m., at Doctors Hospital (Suite 310, Medical Office Building 1), and is recommended for late pregnancy. Intended to be taken with Showing and Glowing. Preregistration required. Call 706-651BABY or visit doctors-hospital.net. Team Lean begins Thursday, January 4, at 11:30 a.m., at Euchee Creek Branch Library, and features a 12-week weight loss competition led by fitness experts. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Cribs for Kids, presented by Safe Kids East Central, is Thursday, January 5, from 5:45-8 p.m., at Georgia Health Sciences Children’s Medical Center (Building 1010C), and teaches caregivers how to provide a safe sleep environment. $10 per child. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit georgiahealth. org/safekids. Center for Women Tour is Thursday, January 5, from 7-8 p.m., at Doctors Hospital (Suite 310, Medical Office Building 1). Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-BABY or visit doctorshospital.net. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class meets every Monday and Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y. Free for members; $3 for non-members. For more information and registration, call Claudia Collins at 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Adapted Wii Special Populations are available by appointment at the Wilson Family Y and feature individual ½-hour classes for physically and developmentally challenged individuals of all ages. $10, members; $20, nonmembers. Call Claudia Collins 706-9229662 or visit thefamilyy.org. Free HIV/AIDS testing will be given all month long in various locations in the CSRA. Contact 706-721-4463 or visit csrasafetynet.org for a list of locations and dates. Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday from 11-11:45 a.m., at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706V. 22 | NO. 70

481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Child Safety Seat Inspections, offered by Safe Kids East Central, are available by appointment at either MCGHealth Building 1010C or the Martinez Columbia Fire Rescue Engine Company 3. Call 706-721-7606 for an appointment at MCGHealth or 706-860-7763 in Martinez. Car seat classes are also available by appointment at these two locations, and those interested should call 706-721-7606 for an appointment. Visit georgiahealth.edu. Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of MCGHealth. Visit georgiahealth.edu.

Support

Parents Healing Together meets Monday, January 2, at 7 p.m., at University Hospital (Dining Room 2), and features support for parents, families and friends who have lost infants through miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy or death. Free. Call 706-774-2751 or visit universityhospital.org. Burn Support Group meets Tuesday, RIVERWATCH & I-20

January 3, from 10:30 a.m.-noon, at Doctors Hospital (Lori Rogers Nursing Library, JMS Building). All burn survivors, and their families and friends, are invited. Call Tim Dorn at 706-651-6660 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Pink Ribbonettes, presented by Aiken Regional Medical Center, meets Tuesday, January 3, from 10:30 a.m.-noon, at Millbrook Baptist Church in Aiken and features support for women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer and caregivers. Call Irene at 803-649-9267 or visit aikenregional.com. A-Team Autism Spectrum Disorders Support and Resource Group meets Tuesday, January 3, from 6-7 p.m., at Georgia Health Sciences Children’s Medical Center (Family Resource Library, room 1801). Free. Call 706-721-5160 or email ddrakele@georgiahealth.edu. CSRA Huntington’s Disease Support Group meets Tuesday, January 3, from 6:30-8 p.m., at MCG Movement Disorders Clinic Conference Room, and features a discussion and Q&A session with Dr. John Morgan. Call 706-721-2798 or visit georgiahealth.edu.

Spine Education and Support meets Wednesday, January 4, from 9:3011:30 a.m., at University Hospital (Levi Hill III Auditorium), and helps prepare patients for spinal surgery. Free. Call April Matthews at 706-774-2760 or visit universityhealth.org. The Lunch Bunch Bereavement Grief Suppor t meets Thursday, January 4, from noon-1 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center (Cafeteria Dining Room A, first floor), and features suppor t for adults who have lost a loved one. Pre-registration required. Call Cathy Cole at 803-641-5389 or visit aikenregional.com. Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at MCGHealth Building 1010C. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org. CSRA Dream Catchers meets the first Monday of each month from 6-7 p.m. at Walton Options for Independent Living, 325 Georgia Avenue, and features support and advocacy for those dealing with trauma brain injuries and other disabilities. Call 803-279-9611 or visit csradreamcatchers.com.

Weight Loss Support Group meets the first and third Thursday of each month at 7 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta (Sister Mary Louise Conference Room). Call 706-481-7298 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. AA meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center’s Aurora Pavilion, and features an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com. Narcotics Anonymous, sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. Call 706-8552419 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Education

Southside Community Outreach Tutorial Program is Thursday, December 29, from 3-7 p.m., at Mount Vernon Baptist Church, and features tutorial sessions for students in grades 2-12. Free, with proof of income and student progress report at registration. Call 706-736-8078. Registration for Adult Education Courses is Tuesday, January 3, at 9 a.m., in Aiken County. Call 803-641-2476 or visit aiken. k12.sc.us.

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G R E U B E L M M A . C O M

METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11 25

Richmond County Evening School Registration is Wednesday, January 4-Friday, January 6, from 3:30-6 p.m., at Tubman Education Center. Copy of high school transcript and $10 application fee required for registration. Call 706-7964965, ext.1303 or 1311.

803-279-3363 or visit ecgrl.org.

Mouse and Keyboarding Computer Class is Wednesday, January 4, at the Headquarters Branch Library. Registration and a PINES card required. Call 706-821-2604 or visit ecgrl.org.

Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item, which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Computer classes are offered every Thursday, at 6 p.m., at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. GED Classes at Headquarters Branch Library are offered every Monday and Thursday at 6 p.m. Registration not required. You must have a PINES library card. Call 706-863-1946. Classes are also offered at the Harlem Branch Library every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at 8:30 p.m. Call 706-5569795 or visit ecgrl.org. ESL Classes at Headquarters Branch Library are offered every Wednesday at 6 p.m. To register, call Charles Garrick at

Benefits

First Annual Canned Soup Drive is Tuesday, January 3, at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Holiday Pet Food Drive, going on through New Year’s weekend, has drop-off locations at Animal House, Boots, Bridles and Britches, Pet Safari, Grovetown Seed and Feed, Paw Perfect Grooming Salon, Martinez Animal Hospital, National Hills Animal Hospital, Dr. Utermark’s office, Transportation Solutions, Midtown Market and Vineyard Wine Market. Those wishing to donate can also call 706-8632067 for pickup.

Sports-Outdoors

New Year’s Trail Ride is Thursday, December 29-Sunday, January 1, at Lakeview Plantation in Fairfax, S.C.,

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Weddings Receptions Rehearsal Dinners Meetings Concerts Catering Bar Service

adults, but open to mature students as young at 14. The class meets on Thursdays from 6-7 p.m. beginning January 12, and is $150 will all equipment provided. Call 706-722-8878. Lakeside Rideouts at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are each Sunday beginning at 1:30 p.m. on a first-come, first-served basis. The ride, which begins at 2 p.m., is a two-hour guided ride to Wilkerson Lake. $45-$50. Call 706-7914864 or visit fortgordon.com.

Take a class at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Classes begin in January and registration is going on now.

available for rent. Call 803-584-0689 or visit lakeviewplantation.com. Augusta Riverhawks vs. Fayetteville FireAntz hockey game is Friday, December 30, at 7:35 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $9-$17. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com. Augusta Riverhawks vs. Columbia Cottonmouths hockey game is Saturday, December 31, at 4:35 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $9-$17. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com. New Year’s Day Outing, presented by the Western Carolina Group Sierra Club, is Sunday, January 1, from 11 a.m.-4 p.m., and features a 10-mile trip down Black River, near Andrews, S.C. Free. Intermediate paddlers only. Email ipaddle4fun@gmail.com. Aiken Winter Classic Horse Show is Wednesday, January 4-Sunday, January 8, beginning at 8 a.m. each day, at Highfields Event Center. Call 803-649-3505 or visit psjshows.com/ highfields.php.

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and features camping, over 80 miles of marked and unmarked trails, and evening entertainment. Horses are not

Augusta Riverhawks vs. Hunstville Havoc hockey game is Thursday, January 5, at 7:35 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. $9-$17. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com. Registration is now open for a 10-week class in beginning foil fencing at the Augusta Fencers Club. Designed for

Guided Trail Rides at Hilltop Riding Stables at Fort Gordon are available Saturdays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m., noon, 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m.; Sundays at 9 a.m., 10:30 a.m. and noon; and WednesdayFriday at 11 a.m. with reservations 24 hours in advance. All trail rides are on a first-come, first-served basis, and participants should arrive 30 minutes prior to the trail ride starting for sign in procedures. $23-$30. Call 706-7914864 or visit fortgordon.com. Christmas in Hopelands continues through Friday, December 23, from 6-9:30 p.m., at Hopelands Gardens in Aiken, and features more than 100,000 holiday lights and refreshments. Free. Visitors should ride the shuttle from Fred’s parking lot on Whiskey Rd. All ages welcome. Children must be accompanied by an adult. Call 803-642-7630. Civil War 150th Anniversary Petersburg Boat Tours are Saturdays and Sundays, at 10 a.m. (Saturday) and at 1:30 and 4:30 p.m. (Sunday). This one-hour tour explores the role the canal played during the war. $12.50. Visit augustacanal.com. Saturday Historic Trolley Tours are Saturdays from 1-4:15 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. $12. Call 706-724-4067. The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878. Nacho Mama’s Group Run is each Wednesday at 5:30 p.m., and features food and drinks afterwards. Threeand four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@ enduranceconcepts.com. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride V. 22 | NO. 70

begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com. Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706826-5809 or email alsalley@wrh.org. Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered daily at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturday

Sunset Cruises, lasting three hours, are at 5 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Branch Library meets every Tuesday at 4 p.m. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. The Spirits of the Holidays Historic Trolley Tours continue Fridays and Saturdays through December 31, at either 7 or 9 p.m., and feature tours of downtown Augusta and North Augusta Christmas lights, and Merry Scary Christmas Karaoke and Holley-Trolley Dessert Tour. $12-22. Pre-registration required. Call 706-364-6608 or visit augustaghosttrolley.com.

Kids

Constance W. McGeorge, while viewing paintings by Mary Whyte, and then will learn to create magical effects with watercolor. Free for members; $4 per person for nonmembers. Pre-registration required. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Holiday Day Camps, presented by The Family Y, continue through December 31 in Aiken, Augusta, Evans, North Augusta and Thomson, from 7 a.m.-6 p.m., and feature activities for children ages 5-12. $25-$110. Register at any Family Y location, or visit thefamilyy.org. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Wildlife in Winter is Tuesday, January 3, at 10 a.m., at the Headquarters Branch Library, and features information about what various animals do in winter. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

Fencing for Kids, and introduction to foil fencing 10-week course for those ages 9-12, meets Tuesdays at 5:30 p.m. beginning January 10. $150. Call 706722-8878.

Toddler Time: Magical Materials! is Thursday, January 5, from 10-11 a.m. and 11:15 a.m.-12:15 p.m., at the Morris Museum of Art. Children and their parents will enjoy the story “Snow Riders,” by

Drop and Shop is Monday-Friday in December, from 9 a.m.-noon, at the Family Y of North Augusta, and features childcare for children 6 months-12 years of age. $9 per child

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per day for members; $15 per child per day for non-members. Register at any Family Y or visit thefamilyy.org. Mother’s Morning Out is every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Wilson Family Y, for children ages 3-4. The schedule follows the Richmond County school calendar. $90 a month for members; $110 a month for nonmembers. Register at any Family Y or visit thefamilyy.org. Tuesday’s lap-sit at the Columbia County Library is at 11 a.m. and is for children under 2. Story time for two-year-olds is every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at 10:15 a.m. and for preschoolers at 11 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. wwwThe Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706854-0149 or visit augustasoccer.com.

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Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and

Augusta Mall. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays, at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m., and Wednesdays, at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803-613-0484.

Seniors

Volunteer at the Headquarters Branch Library (and get a lot of perks in return!). Sign-up is going on now.

Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday at 9 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., and Canasta on Tuesdays and Fridays from 11:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the

Silversneakers I is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m.,

while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 1011 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Yoga I and II are offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:306:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Hobbies

Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-3645762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Volunteers

Augusta Public Library is looking for volunteers. Friends of the library receive a 10 percent discount at The Book Tavern, complimentary dessert at French Market Grille, one free Petersburg Boat Ride, free coffee and discounts at Sundrees Market, and bogo admission at the Woodrow Wilson House. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Hospice Care of America’s Augusta office needs administrative and patient care volunteers. No experience necessary; training will be provided. Call Rich Boland at 706-447-2626 or email rboland@ msa-corp.com.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

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Thursday, December 29 Live Music

What’s Tonight?

Coyote’s - Jeremy Graham French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground – Cliff Bennett One Hundred Laurens - Kenny George Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston and Sandra Wild Wing – Funk You The Willcox - 4 Cats in the Dog House

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s

What’s Tonight?

Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Saturday, December 31 Live Music The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Country Club – New Year’s Eve Bash w/ Jared Ashley Malibu Jack’s - South Atlantic P.I. Bar and Grill - Not Gaddy Jazz

Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Loft - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Steve Cheeks, An Evening with Mr. Funn Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke Pizza Joint, Evans - DJ Kris Fisher The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Polo Tavern - DJ Nirvana Shannon’s - Karaoke Villa Europa - Karaoke The Vue - DJ Kris Fisher Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

Sunday, January 1 Live Music 5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice The Willcox - Mike Frost and Lauren Meccia

What’s Tonight? Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jacks - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, January 2 What’s Tonight?

Friday, December 30 Live Music Cotton Patch – Chad Nichols Country Club – Ross Coppley Coyote’s – Dallas Martin Band French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground – The Candice Hurst Band Laura’s Backyard Tavern – Shameless Dave & The Miracle Whips Malibu Jack’s - Tony Williams Blues Express Wild Wing – Under the Sun V. 22 | NO. 70

Coyotes – New Year’s Eve Party Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday The Vue - DJ Kris Fisher Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim Polo Tavern - Robbie Ducey Band Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Robbie’s - Artemia, DJ Richie Rich Tropicabana - Latin Friday The Vue - DJ Kris Fisher

Playground -The Atom Blonde Funk/Fusion Jazz – Red Pepper Cafe Sky City - New Year’s Eve Funk You & Disco Hell Wild Wing – New Year’s Eve Party w/ the Tony Williams Band

Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Wild Wing - ’80s Karoke

Tuesday, January 3 Live Music

What’s Tonight?

Cocktails Lounge - Live Music The Highlander - Open Mic Night The Willcox - Piano Jazz

Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night

What’s Tonight? METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11 29

Bell Auditorium February 9 Winter Jam Tour - James Brown Arena February 9 Rhonda Vincent & The Rage – Imperial Theatre February 10

Wednesday, January 4 Live Music 209 on the River - Smooth Grooves Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock

What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Coyote’s - Drink N Drown & DJ Jeff Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad - Jazz DJ The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell

Upcoming Jeremy Graham – Coyote’s January 5 Jim Perkins – Carolina Ale House January 6 Daniel Lee Band – Country Club Janyary 6 Obraskai - Playground January 13 Galen Kipar Project - Stillwater Taproom - January 13 Xerxes, Code Orange Kinds, Barrow, Von Wolfe, Apart, Chondro, Panic Manor, Narratives, Dead End Sons, Dreameater - Sector 7G January 13 Jerry Seinfeld - Bell Auditorium January 19 She N She - Playground January 20 Mountsin Heart w/ Tony Rice - Imperial Theatre January 20 SidAerial - Playground January 27 Those Darlins - Sky City February 1 POPS! At the Bell w/ The Temptations 30 METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11

Elsewhere Mike Willis, Connor Rand, Clay Evans, Noah Collins - Eddies Attic, Atlanta December 29 B. B. King - Fox Theatre, Atlanta December 30 Jason and the Scorchers - Smith’s Olde Bar, Atlanta December 30 Jim Perkins - Gnat’s Landing, Athens December 30 Mother’s Finest - Melting Point, Athens December 30 North Mississippi All Stars - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta December 30 Futurebirds, Washed Out - Buckhead Theatre, Atlanta December 30 Kylesa - The Jinx, Savannah December 30 Perpetual Groove - Center Stage, Atlanta December 30-31 Against Me - Masquerade, Atlanta December 31 Zac Brown Band - Philips Arena, Atlanta December 31 Cake - Fox Theatre, Atlanta December 31 Sofia Talvik - The Sentient Bean, Savannah January 5 Drive-By Truckers - 40 Watt Club, Athens January 12-14 Bitch Please, Dope Dialect - Live Wire Music Hall, Savannah January 14 Widespread Panic - The Tabernacle, Atlanta January 26-29 Blake Shelton - Convention Center at Gwinnett Center, Duluth January 27 Blackberry Smoke - Buckhead Theatre, Atlanta January 28

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

In Botticelli’s The Birth of Venus, the goddess is shown arriving on dry land for the first time. Naked, she is trying to cover her private parts with her hand and thigh-length hair. Her attendant, a fully clothed nymph, is bringing a cloak to cover her up. Art critic Sister Wendy suggests it symbolizes the fact that since we humans can’t bear the confrontation with sublime beauty, we must always keep it partly hidden. Retrain yourself so that you can thrive in the presence of intense, amazing and transformative beauty.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Do you find it hard to defeat an addiction that saps your energy and weakens your ability to live the life you want? Are there institutions that you help sustain even though they cause harm to you and others? Is it hard for you to change or end your relationships with people who are no damn good for you? Discover what these oppressors are and then summon all your intelligence and willpower to escape them.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

California engineer Ron Patrick put a jet engine in his silver VW Beetle. Now he’s got a 1,450-horsepower vehicle — but it’s not legal for him to drive on public highways. You’ll be tempted to try something similar but, if you do, please make sure that you can actually use it to improve your ability to get around and make your life better.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

In North America, a farmer who grows wheat gets only five percent of the money earned by selling a loaf of bread made from his crop. When my band recorded an album for MCA, we received just seven percent of the net profits. Push for a much bigger share than that for the work you do in 2012. Raise the levels of respect you have for your own gifts, skills and products — and to ask for that increased respect, as well.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

For much of the 19th century, aluminum was regarded as a precious metal more valuable than gold. Until the 1890s, it was difficult and expensive to extract aluminum from its ore. Then a new technology was developed that made the process very cheap. In 2012, a goodie or an asset will become more freely available to you because of your increased ability to separate it from the slag it’s mixed with.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

The coming year will be a good time for you to consider investigating the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Devotees of this religion call themselves Pastafarians. Their main dogma is the wisdom of rejecting all dogma. Having such a lighthearted approach to spiritual matters would be quite healthy for you to experiment with. For extra credit, you could draw inspiration from a church member named Niko Alm. He convinced authorities to allow him to wear a pasta strainer on his head for his driver’s license photo.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

Terrence Malick’s “The Tree of Life” is an ambitious work that deviates from formulaic

FREEWILLASTROLOGY

Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Denny

approaches to filmmaking. Some observers hated its experimental invocation of big ideas, while others approved. New York Times critic A.O. Scott compared the movie to Herman Melville’s “Moby Dick.” “Mr. Malick might have been well advised to leave out the dinosaurs and the trip to the afterlife and given us a delicate chronicle of a young man’s struggle with his father and himself. And perhaps Melville should have suppressed his philosophizing impulses and written a lively tale of a whaling voyage.” Treat 2012 as a time when you will be like Melville and Malick. Trust your daring, expansive vision.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

I love the way they celebrate the New Year in Stonehaven, Scotland. A procession of revelers swings big flaming baskets around on the ends of long chains. Carry out a comparable ritual as you barge into 2012. The coming months should be a kind of extended fire festival for you — a time when you faithfully stoke the blaze in your belly, the radiance in your eyes and the brilliance in your heart. Are you ready to bring all the heat and light you can to the next phase of your master plan?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Historian David McCullough wrote “The Greater Journey,” telling the stories of ambitious young American artists who relocated to Paris between 1830 and 1900. They had to move away because their home country had no museums or art schools at that time. As you seek out the resources that will help you follow your dreams, be prepared to look beyond what you already know and what’s immediately available.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Professional basketball player Ron Artest petitioned the court to let him change his name to “Metta World Peace.” “Metta” is a Buddhist term that signifies loving-kindness and benevolence. Metta World Peace sealed a radical shift away from his old way of doing things, symbolized by the time he leaped into the stands in the middle of a game to punch a fan in the head. Initiate a rite of passage that will expedite an equally dramatic transformation.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Many of the questions we had as children never got resolved or answered to our satisfaction. Meanwhile, fresh queries keep welling up within us as the years go by. Some of us regard this as a tangled problem that weighs us down, while others see it as a sparkly delight that keeps making life more and more interesting. Where do you stand? If you’re in the latter group, you will be fully open to the experiences that will be flowing your way in 2012.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

The first half of 2012 will be an excellent time to for you to exorcize any prejudices you might be harboring toward anyone who lives or thinks differently from you. You’ll be able to see your own irrational biases with exceptional clarity, and are also likely to have exceptional success at scouring yourself free of them. This will give you access to new reserves of psychic energy you didn’t even realize you were shut off from. Rob Brezsny

FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM

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32 METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11

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N ew Years 2012

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METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11 35

The Best of 2011? Find Out Before the World Ends in 2012.

TWENTY TWELVE

NYE

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INMUSIC

NEW YEARS EVE

To close out 2011, I decided to put together a brief list of some of my favorite highlights, basically the stuff that I cared about this year. My column each week is basically that, stuff I care about, and stuff I like to make fun of. Throughout this year I’ve made fun of a lot of musicians, but I’ve also talked about some of the best. Am I talking in circles yet? I think so. So let’s get this list started. I’ll kick off with my easiest decision of this whole list: best concert. Hands down, it goes to the Foo Fighters. A set that covered every song you have ever heard from those guys, totaling up at two hours and 40 minutes. To rock music, Dave Grohl is God. They put out a great album, “Wasting Light,” and toured around the world in 2011. And what’s even better is that, in a recent interview, Dave promised another new album in 2012. I’m already excited. The Foo Fighters did put out a great album but, for me, it wasn’t the best. Best album of 2011 goes to The Black Keys’ “El Camino.” These guys are awesome. It’s said as easy as that. Their previous album, “Brothers,” put them on the map in terms of radio and commercials. I think the song “Tighten Up” was used in at least three commercials itself. I bet that was a nice payday. Anyway, the band comes back this year with “El Camino” and hasn’t missed a beat. Breakout band of the year goes to Bombay Bicycle Club. Thanks to Pandora, I found out about this northern London-based band. Check out their album, “A Different Kind of Fix,” which hit stores back in September. And pardon the name; they’re foreign. Changing pace now to best mental breakdown. Remember that year Britney Spears shaved her head and then beat a van with an umbrella? Now that was a good breakdown. This year’s winner doesn’t go as far as that, but it was still pretty good. I’m referring the Kings of Leon canceling their tour because of “exhaustion.” That’s right, exhaustion after three shows on that tour. Reports later came out that lead singer Caleb Followill had been hitting the booze pretty hard, and so they took a break. The most surprising thing is that the band went back out on tour two months later and actually finished it this time. They also released a documentary this year, “Talihina Sky,” chronicling the band’s rise to fame. Two things I learned from that documentary: the band is going to break up soon and it will be Caleb’s fault. I do have a couple local awards, starting with best concert in Augusta. Hands down it’s Lady Antebellum… haha, I’m just kidding. I’m sorry, but those shows are boring. The best quote when leaving a Lady A show: “Hey, did you hear them sing that song and play guitar? Yeah, that was awesome.” No, you need a good quote when you leave a show, like: “Holy s***, I’m surprised they didn’t set the building on fire.” And on that note, best concert in Augusta goes to Avenged Sevenfold. The CSRA hasn’t seen anything like that since the days of Motley Crue rolling through. Now all we can hope is that the same caliber bands make a return. Side note: If you want to “see them sing that same song and play that same guitar,” Lady A is back in Augusta for two nights in May. Best band to booze with goes to The Eskimojitos. It’s fun, you have to try it. And to close it out, I figured I should pick best local band. Which is a hard thing to do. I have friends in local bands and they’re all great. But this time, I went for someone new, someone I have seen a couple times this year and have been impressed with every time, it has to be Matt Stone and the Danny Tanner Experience. Just kidding, it goes to Funk You. What will come in 2012 besides the end of the world? Who knows, it’s Augusta. You never know what to expect. Matt Stone can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock. V. 22 | NO. 70

THEEIGHT BOX TOPS

Can’t get enough of Tom Cruise? Apparently, you’re not the only one. RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

1

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE-GHOST PROTOCOL

$29,500,000

$61,935,000

2

3

2

SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS

$20,260,000

$79,014,000

2

1

3

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

$12,750,000

$21,126,000

1

-

4

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: CHIPWRECKED

$12,650,000

$49,590,000

2

2

5

THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN

$9,705,000

$17,712,000

1

-

“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”

AMYCHRISTIAN

Cheree Franco Lots of sex woven throughout this gripping Swedish tale David Fincher’s interpretation of “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” — the first in Stieg Larsson’s Millennium Trilogy — is gorgeous, haunting, compelling and, for those of us who saw the Swedish version released in this country two years ago, redundant. The Hollywood adaptation would have greater impact if the Swedish film had not been so well received. There is little variation in scenes, even down to the manner in which certain flashbacks are staged. Niels Arden Oplev managed to do with $13 million what Fincher did with $100 million. So Larsson’s novel seeded a great Swedish movie. And now, it has seeded a great American movie. The secretive character of Lisbeth Salander required an actress without loads of Hollywood baggage, and Rooney Mara is spectacular in the breakout role. She owns nearly every scene in which she appears — and not only because, half the time, she’s flashing skin. The film is a 158-minute detective story, slowly unfurled against the draconian beauty of rural Sweden and intercut with flashy bits of sex, violence and chase. The result is a Hollywood thriller, stretched into an impressionistic blur. As the film opens, Swedish investigative journalist Michael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig) has narrowly escaped prison after losing a libel case. Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer), the patriarch of a fading industrial family, invites Blomkvist to live on his family’s private island and take a shot at solving the 40-year-old murder of Harriet Vanger, his teenage grandniece. Blomkvist retreats to a monastic cabin on the frozen, inaccessible island and busies himself unraveling a web of Old Testament lore, sexual perversion, misogyny and deep rooted anti-Semitism. When Blomkvist asks for a research assistant, the misanthropic Lisbeth Salander joins him in the cabin. She’s a 23-year-old waif and computer savant with antisocial tendencies and a photographic memory. Her violent retaliation against a childhood trauma led the state to claim her as a ward. Salander already knows everything about Blomkvist, because she was hired by Vanger to perform his background check. In the process of illegally pilfering his hard drive, she develops an understated obsession with the journalist. This bit of “girl moons over boy” convention lends Salander a displaced aura of sentimentality. Otherwise, she quickly becomes a graphic-novel-style heroine — fiercely loyal, adhering to her own moral code and displaying disconcerting physical strength when necessary. While sequestered in the cabin, Salander pragmatically offers herself to Blomkvist. This initiates an Ayn Randian series of sexual encounters — lukewarm, bearing vaguely recognizable traces of emotion. She’s in control, she’s a bit cheeky, she’s more into it than he is. In one instance, Blomkvist is so distracted that he tries to discuss work while Salander straddles him. Sex in many (often unsavory) varieties supplies the psychological backbone of the film. In one scene, Salander is anally raped by her guardian. With heavy piercings, bleached eyebrows and spiky hair, she resembles a hip urban clothing model. She’s a pixie punk, a projection rather than a reality, an easy object of lust. There’s an element of titillation, familiarity and voyeurism as she writhes, chained to a bed, while her underwear is ripped off and her bare ass flashed on-screen. It’s a pornographic trope, a Hollywood depiction of an anti-Hollywood moment. The

V. 22 | NO. 70

scene unleashes its full horror only after her paunchy, middle-aged guardian becomes an unavoidable part of the act. And there’s nothing enticing or sexy afterward, as Salander limps home. Later, she offers her own version of restitution, echoing and even surpassing her rapist’s brutality. But because the subject of the act is not a hot, twentysomething female, the scene lacks the conflict or gratuitousness of the one in which she is victim. All of this sex weaves through an engaging storyline, couched in symbolic sets, darting edits and smooth cinematography. Photos zip across Salander’s laptop, lightening quick and laser sharp, mirroring the workings of her fingers and her mind. And many scenes involving Harriet’s brother, Martin Vanger, take place in his mid-century Swedish home — a marvel of economic luxury and clean lines, with interiors that radiate a warm orange or cool white. It’s a metaphor for Martin himself — calculatedly showy, impenetrable and methodical. More than the serial killer plot mystique, Lisbeth Salander and, to a lesser degree, Mikael Blomkvist propel “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” By the end of the film, Salander is an incongruous character, switching her allegiance to the protection of women to the protection of one man. Maybe the certain sequels will contain surprises, even for those familiar with the Swedish films.

METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11 37

THE8ERS

ONE donation SAVEs THREE local lives

Movie times are subject to change.

Masters 7 Cinemas

Every two seconds someone needs blood and your blood donation with Shepeard is needed now to support patients here.

December 30-31 A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas (R) 4:30, 9:45; In Time (PG-13) 7:15, 9:55; Puss in Boots (PG) 12:30, 2:40, 4:50, 7, 9:25; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 4:30, 9:55; Footloose (PG-13) 1:30, 7:30; The Ides of March (R) 1:45, 7:15; Real Steel (PG-13) 1, 4, 7, 9:45; Courageous (PG-13) 12:45, 3:45, 6:45, 9:35; Dolphin Tale (PG) 1:15, 4:15; Moneyball (PG-13) 12:45, 3:45, 6:45, 9:35

Shepeard partners with you to support patients in 20 local hospitals within the CSRA.

FREE

Evans Cinemas

TICKETS December 18-23 & 26-31 | Jan 2nd

Visit any Shepeard center or bloodmobile and receive a free movie ticket.

To find a place to donate, log on to shepeardblood.org and click on Blood Drive Calendar. Also, all December donors will receive a KISS THE DONOR apron and will be entered for a chance to win a $1,000 Visa Gift Card.

Shepeard partners with you to provide blood transfusions for critically ill patients in 18 local hospitals.

38 METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11

Shepeard Community Blood Center

December 30-31 The Darkest Hour (PG-13) 12:55, 3:10, 5:30, 7:45, 10:05; War Horse (PG-13) 12:15, 1:35, 3:15, 4:45, 7, 8; We Bought a Zoo (PG) noon, 1:10, 2:30, 4:20, 7:05, 9:50; The Adventures of Tintin (PG) noon, 12:45, 2:30, 3:15, 5, 7:30, 10; The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (R) 1:15, 4:30, 7, 8:15, 10:15; Mission: ImpossibleGhost Protocol (PG-13) 1, 2:40, 4, 5:30, 6:30, 7, 9:30, 10; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) 12:05, 12:45, 2:15, 4:40, 5:35, 6:50, 9; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (PG-13) 1:25, 2:50, 4:15, 7:15, 8:15, 10:10; New Year’s Eve (PG13) 7:30, 10:15; Arthur Christmas (PG) 4:10; The Muppets (PG) 1:05; My Week with Marilyn (R) 12:10,

C E R WE

5:10, 7:30, 9:55; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn-Part 1 (PG-13) 10

Regal Exchange 20

December 30-31 The Darkest Hour (PG-13) 11:10, 1:25, 4:35, 7:30, 9:45; War Horse (PG-13) 11:25, 2:35, 5:45, 7:15, 9, 10:30; We Bought a Zoo (PG) 11:15, 1:15, 2:15, 4:20, 5:10, 7:10, 8:05, 10, 10:50; The Adventures of Tintin (PG) 11, 11:35, 12:10, 1:35, 2:10, 2:45, 4:45, 5:25, 7:25, 8:05, 10, 10:40; The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (R) 11:50, 12:45, 3:40, 4:10, 7:05, 7:35, 10:35, 10:55; Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol (PG-13) 1, 4, 4:15, 7, 7:30, 8, 10:15, 10:45, 11:15; Alivin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) 11:55, 12:40, 2:10, 2:55, 4:25, 5:10, 7:10, 7:40, 9:25, 9:55; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (PG-13) 12:50, 1:50, 4:05, 5:05, 7:20, 8:20, 10:25, 11:15; New Year’s Eve (PG-13) 4:30, 7:35, 10:20; The Sitter (R) 7:40, 10:10; Young Adult (R) 12:25, 2:50, 5:20, 7:45, 10:05; Arthur Christmas (PG) 12:05, 2:35, 5:05; Hugo (PG) 11, 1:55, 4:50; The Muppets (PG) 11:05, 1:35, 4:20; Happy Feet Two (PG) 12:55; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn-Part 1 (PG-13) 11:15, 2, 4:45, 7:30, 10:15

D N E M M O

“Manhattan Murder Mystery” Woody Allen is garnering a lot of praise, and possibly a few Oscar nominations, for this year’s “Midnight in Paris,” but our favorite in the Allen oeuvre has to be 1993’s “Manhattan Murder Mystery” an endearingly silly departure from his usually angst-filled movies. Containing lots of Hitchcock references and throwing back to Nick and Nora Charles of The Thin Man series, it is the story of Carol (Diane Keaton) and Larry (Woody Allen) Lipton, who live in New York and are suffering from empty nest syndrome after sending their son Nick (Hi, Zach Braff!) off to college. When one of their elderly neighbor’s wife dies, they — or, more precisely, Carol — become convinced that the husband did it and set about proving it. They are joined by their friend Ted, a dashing Alan Alda, who Larry is convinced is helping only because he has a thing for Carol. It’s goofy, madcap and is a pretty good mystery to boot. Not a bad choice for a blustery day off from work, when all you want to do is sit around, eat leftovers and not think about those impending New Year’s resolutions. V. 22 | NO. 70

V. 22 | NO. 70

METRO SPIRIT 12.29.11 39

Matt Lane is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @Mattlane28.

Going Bowling

This week’s matchups offer a little something for everyone

ONTHEBALL

Georgia Tech vs. Utah in the Sun Bowl: Saturday, December 31, 2 p.m. CBS

The Yellow Jackets head to El Paso, Texas, and look to take down the Utah Utes in the Sun Bowl. Although both teams are not exactly where they thought they would be before the season started, there is much to gain for both teams, believe it or not. For Utah, a flashy win against an ACC school could usher in an impressive recruiting class — as two teams that finished in front of them in the final standings of the Pac 12’s South region are replacing their head coaches. For Tech, they desperately need a bowl win if to do nothing but dispel the constant rumblings of the triple-option offense not working when the other team has a month to prepare for it. You could also tune in to see how beautiful El Paso is this time of year.

No. 20 Nebraska vs. No. 9 South Carolina in the Capital One Bowl Monday, January 2, 1 p.m. ESPN

When Marcus Lattimore was lost for the remainder of the season after tearing up his knee in the Mississippi State game, I think I can speak for everybody on the planet in thinking the team would spiral into a depressing, grief-stricken mess. Somehow it didn’t. The Gamecocks rallied behind run-first quarterback Conner Shaw and freshman running back Brandon Wilds to finish 4-1 in their last five games with the exclamation point coming from a drubbing of in-state rival Clemson 34-13. Departed though is defensive coordinator Ellis Johnson to Southern Miss, and the Cornhuskers have one of the most dynamic runners in college football in quarterback Taylor Martinez. It’ll be interesting to see how the defensive unit responds after losing one of their fiery leaders.

No. 17 Michigan State vs. No. 16 Georgia in the Outback Bowl Monday, January 2, 1 p.m. ABC

In terms of non-BCS bowls, this matchup is one of the more intriguing to watch in my eyes. It pits two teams that lost their conference championship games, but left viewers impressed in the process. A rare feat. This is a talented Michigan State squad who ended up here after a brain fart against Notre Dame and were caught with their pants down on the road against Nebraska. The matchup will be a great test for Georgia, who looked as impressive as you can in a conference championship game won by the opposing team by a 32-point margin. The Dawgs finished the regular season on a high note, though, after impressively reeling off 10 straight victories after their loss to South Carolina. This is also a rematch of the Capital One Bowl from the 2008 season, which ended with Georgia winning 24-12. Both teams play a similar physical style of football that translates into a very watchable matchup even if you don’t follow either of these teams.

No. 23 West Virginia vs. No. 15 Clemson in the Orange Bowl Wednesday, January 4, 8:30 p.m. ESPN

Don’t be deterred by the lack of ticket sales leading up to this game, this will be one of the better offensive battles of any bowl game this year — or at least it appears that way on paper! Both teams employ ambitious and complex offensive schemes with coaches and coordinators that have had a month to draw up whatever crazy trick plays they’ve thought up in those big brains of theirs. Clemson can play with anybody in the country when they are interested in doing so — it was their Achilles heel all season after they captured our hearts with their inspired play the first eight games of the year, and then proceeded to look bored and like they had stopped watching tape on the opposing team and were trying to wing it every week. Pro tip: If you are going to drag your girlfriend to a bar to watch a game, it should be this one. Lots of scoring, cool uniform colors and plenty of shots of South Beach and the oceanfront clubs that are packed with guys who are better looking than you or I.

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ADVICEGODDESS

Brief-Stricken 

A divorced male friend and I recently became “friends with benefits.” However, I’m not receiving the same, uh, level of benefits as he is. He isn’t giving me orgasms from intercourse, and his pleasuring of me is measured in seconds rather than minutes, despite my telling him that this is a problem. (I haven’t felt this pressure before: “You’ve got 60 seconds to orgasm!”) He also keeps reminding me that he doesn’t want any kind of commitment. I get that, and I keep telling him so, but he’s persisted with the warnings to the point where I have to say stuff like, “I hear and understand the boundaries of this relationship and am in agreement with them.” I’ve known him since we were 8, and he isn’t a player. Part of me thinks he isn’t attracted to me. He’s fit and I’m… less-than-fit and have big boobs, and I think they freak him out. However, out of bed, we laugh and have fun and connect. Oh, what to do… — Bothered

This guy treats pleasuring you like it’s something on a chore wheel. Bizarrely, you’re in “friends with benefits” relationship that’s short on benefits, which is like buying a blender that doesn’t blend, a Cuisinart that doesn’t cuise. Unfortunately, the elusive female orgasm is especially persnickety when one’s partner sets up a sexual ambience reminiscent of one of those movies where Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson are staring down a ticking time bomb: “Hey, baby, just relax, lay back and let it happen — anytime before this kitchen timer I’ve placed on your nightstand strikes :60!” Sure, poor Booboo might have niggling fears you’ll get attached, but it isn’t like you’re buying baby clothes and leaving wedding magazines around. It’s unlikely he’d force numerous icky conversations about boundaries on some chickie of his more recent acquaintance. But, probably because he’s known you forever, he feels free to go manners-optional and let his worries all hang out: “Don’t take your coat off. You won’t be staying. And by the way, I’d prefer if you’d fake your orgasms. It would be so much less work for me.” Yep, this boy toy of yours is a real animal in bed — a rat gnawing away at your self-confidence. Why are you still involved with him? Well, there’s a tendency to try to fix a thing instead of just bailing and to get so caught up in the momentum of your efforts that you neglect to consider whether the thing should just be put out on the curb. In continuing to get in bed with a man who can keep his hands off you and pretty much does, you’re a co-conspirator in your feeling like crap. It’s really damaging to be with somebody who isn’t into you. Even in an FWB situation, you need a man who finds you hot — or at least is enough of a friend to give you the sense that he’s undressing you with his eyes, not using them to drop a refrigerator box over you.

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I’ve had a crush on a guy who’s been flirting with me at my neighborhood coffeehouse. Today, he sat by the door, watching as four elderly people struggled to go out — a couple pushing walkers and, about five minutes later, a couple who were all hunched over and using canes. I was seated in the back, but when I saw nobody was helping them, I ran over and held the door. Is his behavior a clear sign that he’d be bad boyfriend material? — Door Closing Sometimes it’s hard to know what to do when you see somebody in need. A person falls down on the sidewalk in front of you. Do you just step over him? Or do you stop and take his wallet and then step over him? In assessing people, I tend to go with F. Scott Fitzgerald’s notion: “Action is character.” Or, in this case, inaction. I personally don’t know how you sit back and enjoy the view as a parade of infirm elderly people struggle out a door, but I do know that things aren’t always as they seem. Maybe it looked like he was looking but he was in some sort of fugue state. Maybe he has a cranky, independent granny who sees any help as an insult: “Why don’tcha just throw me in a hole and stick a wreath over my head?!” If you end up going out with him, do what you should with any guy you date: Look closely at his behavior, especially when he thinks nobody’s watching. Be honest with yourself if it seems a fundamental lack of empathy kept him in his seat — much as you’d like to believe that there’s a rash of pranksters going around to coffeehouses and gluing all the hot guys’ feet to the floor.

©2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email adviceamy@aol.com. Also visit advicegoddess.com and read Amy Alkon’s book: “I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society” (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).

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Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

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have wine twice per week. I will be nicer to my husband, even if I’ve had a bad day. I will stick to the budget. The list goes on and on. For the first few days, I join the masses at the gym, waiting my turn for a treadmill. As the weeks pass, I come up with a different excuse for why I can’t go work out. Before I know it, I’m back to my lazy ways. In some ways, I hate the idea of resolutions. We set ourselves up for failure by making a list of so many things we want to improve, only to discover that we don’t have the willpower or the time to follow through. We’re left with nothing but that pesky muffin top and defeat. Don’t get me wrong. Goals are a great idea. I just think we need to be realistic. We need to understand that sometimes we will cheat, fail or even just forget what we promised. I’d love to keep up with my entire aforementioned list. I would be the perfect wife, the perfect mom and the perfect friend. I’m not perfect, though. I can only do my best. Besides, if I really follow through with all of those things, I’d have to decrease my wine intake, which would make most of those other things impossible. I’m kidding. I don’t need to drink wine before going for a run. This year we have quiet plans at the lake. We invited another family, so it’s kid friendly and laid back. I’m not making any resolutions or promises I can’t keep. I’m only hoping we can stay up long enough to see the ball drop. Cheers!

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The presents are opened. I ate too much butter. I poured (and drank) an extra glass of wine. The tree is dried out and saggy, and scraps of wrapping paper seem to come out of nowhere. Santa came, and The Kids had a great Christmas. What’s next? Ah, yes. New Year’s Eve. Amateur night. Plans made for NYE are never as fun as we think they’ll be, especially if they cost a bunch of money or require formal attire. Someone usually barfs, and cabs are hard to find. So are babysitters, and they cost an arm and a leg. It’s impossible to get dinner reservations, but I never want to cook. We usually end up gathering with friends, having drinks by a fire and counting down with champagne at midnight. Low key is our style. And then we resolve to do better in 2012 (do you say twenty-twelve or two thousand twelve?). For some, it means closing out a rough year. Loved ones have passed, and first holidays were celebrated without them. An illness was diagnosed, treatment plans prepared. Jobs were lost, requiring major budgetary changes. Out with 2011 and in with a new year. A fresh start. Others look back, remembering a special wedding, the birth of a grandchild or the purchase of a new home, a first Disney trip, or a found job, wondering how 2012 could be any better. Either way, NYE is a time to reflect. And drink champagne. And make lofty goals. I’m always filled with bright ideas. I’ll learn to be runner, and finally lose those extra 10 pounds. I will eat healthy foods. I will only spend time with people who enrich my life. No more drama. I will be more patient with my children, or only

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