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METRO SPIRIT Dec. 18-24 Vol. 15 No. 20

Augusta’s Independent Voice

Got Chip?

Page 15

New Year’s Eve Package $55 per person

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INCLUDES: A Bottle of Champagne STARTER: • Lobster Bisque CHOICE OF HORS D’OEUVRES: • Buckwheat Blinis - with smoked salmon, caviar and sour cream • Cajun Crab Cakes - Louisiana style cakes served with jalapeño corn relish • Stuffed Mushrooms - Mushrooms with lump crabmeat, topped with white cheddar • Carpaccio Fume - Smoked N.Y. Strip served very rare with cracked pepper, chopped onion, extra virgin olive oil, remoulade sauce and toasted French bread • Oyster Rockefeller - Fresh oysters with creamed spinach and parmesan cheese, baked in their shells • Baked Brie - Mini wheel, oven-softened and served with roast garlic, fresh fruit and French bread toast CHOICE OF SALAD: • Garden Salad • Endive Salad

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M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 1 8

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Contents Metro Spirit

D E C . 1 8 - 2 4 • F R E E W E E K LY • M E T R O S P I R I T. C O M

ON THE COVER

Got Chip? By Brian Neill

Visions of Sugar Plums Danced in Her Head Homemade Cakes, Pies, Cookies & More!

M E T R O S P I R I T D E C

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15

Cover Design: Natalie Holle Cover Art Courtesy of Greg Whitesell

1 8

1034 BROAD STREET • LOCATED BETWEEN BLUE SKY & METRO • 722-4937

FEATURES

Quirky Holiday Gift Guide By Brian Neill

5

. . .20

Opinion Whine Line .............................................................. 6 Words ..................................................................... 6 This Modern World ..................................................6 Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down ......................................8

Metro

Commission Rules Against X-Mart .........................10 Trying To Keep Kuhlke and Wall Around .................12 ANIC Responds to Criticism ...................................13

Bite

Local Bakeries Dish Up Holiday Pies With Homemade Flavor..........................................22

Events

8 Days a Week .....................................................27 Cinema

Arts Will Fahnoe: A Work in Progress.............................34 Christmas in the Slave Quarters.............................36

Cinema

Movie Listings ......................................................38 Review: “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” ...........................................................40 Review: “Something’s Gotta Give” .........................41 Movie Clock ..........................................................42

Music

Santa’s Got a Brand New Bag of CDs.....................24 blink-182 Growing Up? Well, Sort Of......................43 Music by Turner ......................................................44 Music Minis ............................................................46 Night Life ...............................................................47

Stuff News of the Weird ................................................50 Brezsny's Free Will Astrology ................................51 New York Times Crossword Puzzle .......................51 Amy Alkon: The Advice Goddess ...........................52 Date Maker ...........................................................53 Classifieds ............................................................55

“The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .40

Cinema

Review: “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” . . . . . .40

EDITOR & PUBLISHER David Vantrease ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Rhonda Jones STAFF WRITERS Stacey Eidson, Brian Neill ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Joe White ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE Kriste Lindler PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Smith GR APHIC ARTISTS Stephanie Bell, Natalie Holle, Erin Lummen ACCOUNTING MANAGER/CLASSIFIEDS Sharon King ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT ASSISTANT Lisa Jordan SENIOR MUSIC CONTRIBUTOR Ed Turner CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Amy Alkon, Rob Brezsny, Amy Fennell Christian, Rachel Deahl, David Elliot t, Chuck Shepherd CARTOONISTS Tom Tomorrow

METRO SPIRIT is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks of the year. Editorial coverage includes ar ts, local issues, news, enter tainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publishers. Visit us at www.metrospirit.com. Copyright © Metro Spirit, Inc. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. Phone: (706) 738-1142 Fax: (706) 733-6663 E-mail: spirit@metrospirit.com Letters to the Editor: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, Ga. 30914-3809

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Whine Line W

hy is it that if an individual normal citizen is caught with prescription drugs that are not in his/her name, they are arrested and charged and could end up with time in jail and a large fine? Yet Rush Limbaugh is caught and gets his hands slapped. Rush is a smart person and should have known he was breaking the law. If he continued his back pain problems, he should have remained under his doctor’s care for his medication. Undoubtedly they decided not to continue writing prescriptions to avoid him developing a habit, yet he decided he was smarter than his doctors and took it on his own to handle the situation. After lodging a legitimate complaint with the Georgia Public Service Commission, and receiving an unsatisfactory response (a generic form letter from someone who wouldn’t even sign their name), I got angry and called to talk to a warm body, hoping to get some answers. Do you know what I was told? This person said the Georgia PSC doesn’t work for the taxpaying citizens of the state of Georgia; that their function is to enforce legislation directed at public utilities. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t government work for the taxpaying citizens? Call me crazy, but wasn’t that supposed to be the purpose of having a government, to speak for and work on behalf of taxpaying citizens? I’m totally flabbergasted. When are we, as taxpaying citizens of this country, going to stand up and do something about our bloated government and its inefficiencies! My dentist has a picture of Broad Street of the distant past in his office. This photo shows an extremely busy business district. I realize that the Regency Mall had much to do with the downfall of the old Broad Street businesses. Well, that mall is gone. Why can’t/won’t those hustling, bustling businesses return to downtown?

Re: “Is $74 Million Too Much for a Courthouse?” This article states “the actual cost of the building is estimated to be less than $55 million.” Apparently the majority of the additional cost is for “environmental remediation.” OK, just who was the last owner who was responsible for this pollution? He should foot the clean-up bill. If he is bankrupt, then we should seek federal assistance, perhaps from the EPA. Either way, why tear down a perfectly good, usable facility such as the Civic Center? Some people out there have some strange idea that young people have no work ethic and act like serving customers is doing them a favor. Let me tell you something: Some companies demand and enforce that kind of behavior. A company I used to work for constantly told me, “You spend too much time on customers. They don’t matter. Just get rid of them as fast as you can.” It won’t do you any good to complain. The Powers That Be will just nod, pretend to listen and keep regarding you and all other customers as trash. Why do people look up to and admire police officers and military? All the police officers I have known are arrogant, violent people who are more interested in promoting their own ego than they are in public safety. I just finished reading Brian Neill’s “Augusta Blogger Offers Curious Insights” feature. I think you guys may have missed something. My friend Brandon Mullis has been running a massive web site for five years, offering insights, making films around the Augusta area and featuring Augusta in short stories, rants and seasonal pages like “Christmas on Broad Street.” He exhibits everything from toilet humor to serious political columns, and gets over 200 hits a day with no advertising. Give motherbuster.com a visit, and see if you like it as much as “Violent Nation.”

Words “Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.” — The quote heard ‘round the world on the morning of Dec. 14 after the U.S.’s administrator in Iraq, Paul Bremer, announced that former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein had been captured.

Well, last night while flipping through the channels I decided to check out yet another awards ceremony. Nothing changes. Actors and musicians will create an awards ceremony for no reason at all, other than patting one another on the back.

in South Augusta. We have too many Waffle Houses on Highway 25. Can somebody please help get us one down here? We have plenty of space and plenty of other restaurants, but we need an IHOP.

I always key the cars of those who take up more than one space in their parking arrogance. So take heart in that fact when you see a brand new luxury car doubleparked, that it will be scratched regardless of its driver’s tactics. Merry Christmas!

Marion Williams is such a small-minded, mean and vindictive individual. He is truly pathetic. He is so jealous of George Kolb that he will do anything in his attempts to damage Kolb’s reputation. I wonder if Williams really reads the Bible, especially the parts pertaining to jealousy, hate and loving your brothers. Practice what you preach Williams; your actions speak much louder than your words.

I have a solution about a new Civic Center. Mr. Morris and Mr. Lawrence, you have enough money to build it yourselves and own it. If it turns to profit in the first year, then the county can buy it from you. My gripe is against George Bush. When he became governor of Texas, he had a $6 billion surplus and, when he left that government, he had a $10 billion deficit. So I see a pattern here and our government is the same thing: He cuts taxes and spends like a liberal. I think we should put a stop to it.

Am I the only one fed up with the annual “benefactor by proxy” giving? This happens when some prominent hack gets in front of the cameras and presents a large donation check to charity, subtly taking credit for it, like somehow he was responsible. The truth is, those most able to give give nearly nothing, especially if it isn’t a tax write-off. Poor people give a disproportionate amount to charity. The rich guy gets the face time while the poor carry the

Help! Help! We need an IHOP restaurant

continued on page 8

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D E C 1 8

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Thumbs Up So, it looks like the late Senator Strom Thurmond’s segregationist views applied everywhere except the bedroom. Just like plantation owners who used to sleep with their slaves, it seems Thurmond had no problem ranting about the black race while sleeping with its women. This came to light recently when a

woman claiming to be the late senator’s mixed-race daughter came forward and talked to the media. The 78-year-old woman, Essie Mae Washington-Williams, should be applauded for finally coming forward after all these years to set the record straight.

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Thumbs Down Perhaps The Augusta Chronicle’s “City Ink� column has gotten too flashy for its own good. Though the paper deserves credit for exposing Augusta Neighborhood Improvement Corp.’s dealings with a bonding company accused of fraud, the blood in the water seems to have made the paper too eager for the kill. In the most recent “City Ink,� the paper had much fun at ANIC’s expense regarding its failure to contribute financially to the Augusta Common project, as it had agreed. Trouble is, that information turned out to

be false, as was revealed in a recent ANIC meeting at which a letter from Richmond County Public Works Director Teresa Smith was produced, showing ANIC had made a first installment on its $750,000 obligation, with another payment due in January. That new information was surprisingly absent from the paper’s next-day story. Even the column’s cutesy suggestion that the plaque at the Common be chiseled over to read “BotANICal� was shoddy. The plaque bears the organization’s name fully spelled out. Seems like a case of flair vs. fair.

ZZZJRER[FRP continued from page 6 burden anonymously. Nothing new there.

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I have always been infuriated at people who assume that tattoos and piercings symbolize emotional injury or clamoring for attention. Just because someone’s personal aesthetic does not match what’s run-of-themill in society doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them. People who think this way are most likely brainless morons who let “GQ� and “Cosmopolitan� tell them exactly what to wear and how to wear it all the time. Aesthetics do not involve following orders. If these people actually thought for themselves, they would understand all this. This report of Strom Thurmond’s having an illegitimate daughter; let the dead rest in peace! We got SADDAM! What a Christmas present! There is a SANTA CLAUS! I must be a masochist. I continue to watch Falcon’s football. Last Sunday’s game was a farce. Yeah! That’s those “dirty birds�!

Governor Dean is the Democratic nominee, it will be like another McGovern race. Has anyone ever thought how much better off this nation would have been if McGovern had been elected? We would not have had a president and vice president resign in disgrace. We would have gotten out of Vietnam with honor instead of being chased out. Many of our military men would still be alive if the war had ended sooner. Regarding Augusta’s proposed new civic arena. I would like to say that most of us might not be interested in horses or sports, but we are interested in entertainers who can bring us music. These entertainers are appearing all around us in other cities but, for some reason, they are never invited to Augusta. A good example is Debbie Reynolds, an aging star with a lot of talent. She comes to Myrtle Beach, Jacksonville and other cities. Why doesn’t Augusta bring talent like that? We will buy the tickets; after all, we love music and the stars. Who are you going to invite to this arena, or have you even thought about it? Give some thought to what a civic center should be to the taxpayers before you build it for its majesty and glory and power.

Like the rat coward he is, Saddam is found hiding in a hole in the ground. They should have called an exterminator!

Saddam has been caught, like a rat, underground.

I have a suggestion for the new park on Fleming Avenue: A police substation, staffed with police 24 hours a day to keep the crack dealers from taking over. Republicans have been stating that if

— Call our Whine Line at 510-2051 and leave your comments. We won’t use your name. Fax your whines by dialing (706) 733-6663 or e-mail your whines to whine@metrospirit.com.

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9 M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 1 8 2 0 0 3

10 M E T R O S P I R I T

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Commission Rules Against X-Mart

By Stacey Eidson

W

hile Augusta Video X-Mart has become one of the most hated businesses in town since it officially opened last January, according to its owners, it’s also one of the most popular, bringing more than 100 visitors a day to the store. But on Dec. 16, the Augusta Commission decided to do whatever it could to put an end to the highly controversial adult bookstore located on Gordon Highway. With a vote of 8-1, commissioners approved revoking X-Mart’s business tax certificate in an attempt to permanently close its doors. However, Tom Maddox, an attorney from Tucker, Ga., representing the Florida-based company that owns X-Mart, assured the commission that the city was fighting a losing battle. Maddox began his presentation to commissioners by saying that he didn’t understand why they were contemplating taking action against X-Mart when the outcome of the store’s federal case against the city is far from over. Last January, a U.S. District Court judge ruled that the city’s adult entertainment ordinance adopted by the commission was invalid, thereby allowing X-Mart to temporarily open. But in late October, the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals overturned that decision, ruling in favor of the city and its ordinance. Following that decision, X-Mart attorneys stated that their clients intend to file additional motions in the case and wish to challenge the constitutionality of the city’s adult entertainment ordinance. “I must say, I am a bit confused about what is exactly before the council this afternoon,” Maddox told the commission and approximately 100 other citizens from Augusta’s religious community who opposed the adult bookstore. Maddox said that the commission may be a little premature in discussing whether the city should revoke X-Mart’s business tax certificate. “When you got the injunction from the district court (last Jan.), I guess you could say we won the first round,” Maddox said. “The city has won the second round (with the court ruling in October). But this is a 12- to 15-round fight. It’s not over.” Maddox said X-Mart has a lot of support in the Augusta community and the business’ owners don’t intend on leaving the area.

“I’m personally convinced y’all (X-Mart) would set up if you could find a spider hole.” – Augusta Mayor Bob Young

“The people of Augusta and Richmond County have voted with their feet and with dollars for the last 12 months,” Maddox said. “You have 98 (religious) folks here today; my clients have that many and more in the store each day.” Several individuals in the audience scoffed at Maddox’s claim. “It’s a fact,” Maddox said. “I think everyone needs to understand where we are. The

only thing that we’re here today about, and the only thing that is going to be litigated and take up this community’s time, effort and money from here on out, is — where.” Maddox explained that even the city’s attorneys, Jim Wall and Harry Revell, know that there is no question that an adult entertainment establishment has the right to open in Augusta. “As Mr. Revell and Mr. Wall will tell you,

to take the position that a business like Augusta Video cannot exist anywhere in Richmond County simply cannot be upheld by any court,” Maddox said. “So, the only thing left before the district court is not if, but where. Where will Augusta Video be located?” Maddox warned that if the commission voted to revoke X-Mart’s business tax certificate, not only would Augusta face a lawsuit in federal court, but it would also wind up in Richmond County Superior Court. Jokingly offering his free legal advice, Maddox told the commission not to get involved with two court cases. “I’ve made recommendations before and you’ve ignored them in the past and I understand that, but my recommendation is, keep this in one court,” Maddox said. “I do not believe having two lawsuits over the same issue would be beneficial to the citizens of Richmond County.” While Augusta Commissioner Willie Mays commended the large number of citizens from local churches who attended the meeting to oppose X-Mart, he told them they would probably not want to hear what he had to say. “This may be unpopular, but sometimes unpopular things need to be discussed,’ he said. Mays explained that, according to a map provided by the city’s planning and zoning department, there are a number of areas in Richmond County where X-Mart would be allowed to operate if it were forced to relocate. Such areas, like land near River Watch Parkway, Mike Padgett Highway and Doug Barnard Parkway, were highlighted in red on the city’s zoning map. “There are too many red dots on that map were they can exist under our current ordinance,” Mays said. “They could very well open a business in those areas that are highlighted, which are far more populated and far more visible corridors in this community.” Mays said if the commission revoked XMart’s business tax certificate, the adult store could relocate in an even less desirable location. “What sounds good and what’s popular and will get a big clap from the audience, that’s good for today,” Mays said. “But we need to be honest with constituents and be honest with people about what could happen.” However, Wall informed commissioners

rounds with you.” The audience exploded in applause. Hankerson made a motion to revoke XMart’s business tax certificate and the commission voted 8-1 in support of his motion. Only Mays voted against it. “Mr. Mays made some very good points in clarity to what can happen, but my faith is just a little bit strong,” Hankerson said. “I know that with God, we can win this battle.” Maddox warned the commission that XMart was not going to be run out of Augusta. “You cannot pretend to be moral on hypocritical grounds,” Maddox said. “My clients are making so much money in Richmond County, they will find areas that are both in compliance and available.” Augusta Mayor Bob Young told Maddox that clearly his clients are willing to do whatever they can to operate in Augusta. “I’m personally convinced y’all would set up if you could find a spider hole,” Young said.

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11 M E T R O

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that X-Mart may find it difficult to locate in some of the places zoned on the map. “The locations that have been identified on the map, yes they are permissible as far as building locations are concerned, but it may very well cost the plaintiff a considerable amount of money to build an adult entertainment establishment out in the middle of Warren Lake, for instance,” Wall said. “That’s one red dot that’s on that map. They can build it there, but it might cost them more than it’s financially feasible for them to do it.” Another zoned location was a site along Bobby Jones Expressway that is currently home to Pepsi-Cola Bottling Co. “They can buy the Pepsi-Co Bottling plant and open an adult establishment,” Wall said, clearly suggesting that would not be feasible for X-Mart. Augusta Commissioner Bobby Hankerson said he was not afraid to go to war against X-Mart if that’s what it takes to keep them out of Augusta. “Goliath has already spoken and said they will go 15 rounds,” Hankerson said. “I’m going to be like David: I’m going 15

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D E C 1 8 2 0 0 3

12 M E T R O S P I R I T

Metro Beat

Trying To Keep Kuhlke and Wall Around

By Stacey Eidson

D E C 1 8 2 0 0 3

W

hile several Augusta commissioners are still debating whether they should permanently say goodbye to City Administrator George Kolb or extend his contract for another year, others are doing everything they can to try and hold on to two other old friends, namely Augusta Commissioner Bill Kuhlke and City Attorney Jim Wall. The Dec. 16 meeting was supposed to be the last full commission meeting for both Kuhlke and Wall, but if several commissioners have their way, the two may be around a little longer. Kuhlke’s term as commissioner of the 10th District is set to expire at the end of the year, but Augusta Commissioner Bobby Hankerson requested, since Kuhlke spent the last two years serving as chairman of the commission’s judicial center advisory committee, that he remain on that committee even though he will no longer be on the commission. Hankerson said that the commission is too close to making a final decision about the judicial center to lose Kuhlke’s leadership and professional expertise. Kuhlke runs a family-owned construction business called Kuhlke Construction & Associates. “Since we are at the peak of the project, I think it would be wise for us to allow Mr. Kuhlke to continue to remain as chairman of the judicial center committee until we deem necessary,” Hankerson said during the Dec. 16 meeting. “I just don’t think it would be wise for us to change right in the middle of this, when crucial decisions must be made.” Augusta Mayor Bob Young told Hankerson that he had already had a conversation with Kuhlke about remaining on the judicial center committee. “I believe in September, I received a letter of resignation from Mr. Kuhlke as chairman of the judicial center committee,” Young said. “Subsequent to receiving that letter, he and I discussed the potential of him staying on after his term on the commission expired. Mr. Kuhlke then indicated to me he was willing to stay on after his term expires.” While most of his colleagues were relieved to hear that Kuhlke would remain on the board, Augusta Commissioner Marion Williams said he had other plans for Kuhlke’s position on the judicial center committee. “I had really high hopes for Commissioner (Elect) Jimmy Smith to kind of step in that position,” Williams

“You’ve got my colleague in position now where he won’t even be able to get his tobacco money.” – Augusta Commissioner Willie Mays

said. “We got to understand, life goes on. Bill has done a great job and I think we ought to pat him on the back for that. But I think we have a man who is coming on the commission that will do an equally good job.” Smith, who was seated behind Williams, simply smiled and shook his head no, indicating he wasn’t anxious to take over that hot spot on the judicial center committee. But one of the reasons Williams said that he was concerned about Kuhlke staying on as chairman of the judicial center committee was because of a potential conflict of interest that Kuhlke could have if his company was interested in bidding on the judicial center’s construction contract. “What happens if he sits on this board, in this position and work comes up that could include his firm?” Williams asked. “Is that going to exclude him from having the opportunity to make money?” “Because that’s his middle name,” Williams added, joking with Kuhlke. “I mean, it’s all about money when it comes to Bill. Let’s get real now.” While Williams was having some fun at Kuhlke’s expense, he was serious about any potential conflict Kuhlke could have if he continues to serve as chairman of the committee.

“I don’t think we ought to put him in that box and not allow his firm or his businesses to be able to bid on the project or be a part of the process,” Williams said. “There’s a lot of money that is going to be spent and we are all talking about using hometown businesses, but then we are going to have him serve on that board that excludes him from bidding?” Wall agreed that Kuhlke would have a conflict of interest serving on the judicial center committee if he was serious about bidding on the project. “It would just mean he would have to make a choice (between serving on the board and bidding on the judicial contract),” Wall explained. After hearing Wall’s legal advice, Mays said that the commission shouldn’t ask Kuhlke to continue to serve on a committee that could impact him financially. “You’ve got my colleague in position now where he won’t even be able to get his tobacco money,” Mays said, also making fun of Kuhlke on his last day as a commissioner. Kuhlke, who has been known to chew a little tobacco every now and then, has served on the commission since 1996. The mayor said it was nice to see so many commissioners concerned about Kuhlke’s welfare.

“I know Mr. Kuhlke appreciates everyone’s concern for his finances,” Young said, as the commission voted to keep Kuhlke on the judicial center committee. Up next was the future of the city attorney’s position. Earlier this year, Wall informed the commission that he would not seek reappointment to the city attorney position in 2004. Currently the commission is accepting resumes from attorneys interested in the position. Again, Hankerson was concerned whether the commission could have a smooth transition into hiring a new city attorney in January without Wall’s assistance. In his notification letter to the commission dated Oct. 11, Wall agreed that he would be willing to help with the transition if necessary, but when Hankerson suggested that the commission approve asking Wall to agree to a 90-day transition period, the long-time city attorney was reluctant to commit that amount of time. “I don’t want to get into a 90-day time period to assist with all matters that come before the commission,” Wall said. “I don’t think that’s a transition. What I have expressed a willingness to do is to work with whomever is selected for a transition. “That may involve five hours a week; it may involve 40 hours a week. I don’t know. It depends on the attorney.” The commission instead agreed to ask Wall to assist the new city attorney for a time period acceptable to both Wall and whomever is appointed to the position in January. Young asked if Wall would also agree to serve as the commission’s legal counsel during the first commission meeting in January when commissioners are scheduled to select a new attorney. “I’ll serve until y’all select a successor, unless I resign, which I’m not going to do,” Wall said, laughing. Mays, who’s been a long-time supporter of Wall, pointed out that the attorney may have just signed up for some extra work. “I’m glad he committed himself to be here (next meeting), but he might have gotten himself into some trouble there,” Mays said smiling. “Didn’t you say that you’d be here until we got a successor?” Wall quickly reiterated the last part of his arrangement with the commission. “I said, ‘unless I resign,’” Wall jokingly said.

13

Metro Beat

M E T R O

ANIC Responds to Criticism

S P I R I T

By Stacey Eidson

D E C 1 8

A

ugusta Neighborhood Improvement Corp. has always faced scrutiny by the media because its board is headed by one of the most controversial men in town, former state Sen. Charles Walker. But after The Augusta Chronicle reported last month that Global Bonding Co. of Las Vegas – the surety bond company that was supposed to be backing ANIC’s $1.7 million office building on Laney-Walker Boulevard – is allegedly a fraudulent company that has managed to con more than $42,000 from ANIC, all of a sudden public skepticism of the group quickly moved past mere speculation. ANIC had some serious questions to answer. On Dec. 15, during a meeting of the nonprofit housing organization’s board, ANIC CEO Robert Cooks tried to reassure the board and the public that the problems ANIC has encountered with the construction of the new office building aren’t as controversial as they appeared in print. When the ANIC building was first proposed and the city of Augusta agreed to lease office space in the facility, it was scheduled to be completed by the end of September 2002. Instead, the ANIC board did not even choose the construction company, Pat Mathis Construction of Savannah, Ga., until November 2002. The groundbreaking ceremony for the building was Dec. 10, 2002. “In January 2003, we signed a construction agreement prepared by our legal counsel and began construction,” Cooks explained to the board. “In hindsight, which is always 20/20, we needed to do a better job in dealing with the building as for the issue of Global Bonding.” Global Bonding, which is now under criminal investigation by the state, was brought into the picture by Pat Mathis’ firm to ensure payment on the building. Following the 2002 groundbreaking, the new timeline for the completion of the ANIC office

“I must reiterate, ANIC has never and never will have any contractual relationship with Global Bonding.” – ANIC CEO Robert Cooks

building was the end of September of 2003. That did not happen. The project began experiencing severe delays involving extreme weather and changes in the construction contract. The delivery date on the building was again pushed back to Nov. 30. Then, the allegations against Global Bonding arose. But while the situation may sound bad, Cooks pointed out that at no time did ANIC have any direct agreement with Global Bonding. “I must reiterate, ANIC has never and never will have any contractual relationship with Global Bonding,” Cooks said. “It is important that we recognize that the approval of the change order (revisions to the construction contract) for the bonding premium was as a result of the delay of the construction. “In looking at the bids that were prepared and submitted and actually accepted by the board, I made an administrative decision to approve the change order.” In approving the change in the contract, Cooks acknowleged, he did not thoroughly

investigate the reputation of Global Bonding. “If I could change it, I would, because we should have done better due diligence,” Cooks said. “But this is the circumstance we have on the table.” Cooks explained Pat Mathis Construction is now in default of its work agreement, the state insurance commissioner has issued a ceaseand-desist order against Global Bonding and the project is yet to be completed. “It’s 70-percent completed and 63-percent funded, which means we are ahead of the contract,” Cooks said. Nicholas Dickinson, the architect for the project, explained to the board that ANIC has paid Pat Mathis Construction more than $1.1 million for the work on the building. Despite the fear of moving ahead on the project without a bonding company, most ANIC board members felt they didn’t have a choice. “Unintentionally, we have not had a bond,” ANIC board member Paul Menk said frankly. “So, to shut this project down now, especially where the contract is, we might as well put a knife to our throats. That’s not an option.”

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ANIC’s attorney, Pete Fletcher, also advised the group to move forward with the current contractor. “The building is 70-percent complete,” Fletcher said. “There are no liens on the building, so Pat Mathis Construction Company has been working fairly diligently. The problem is, we don’t have a bond that’s reliable.” The ANIC board decided the only thing left to do was negotiate with Pat Mathis Construction on how the company plans to get ANIC’s money back from Global Bonding and establish a firm completion date for the project. On Dec. 17, ANIC’s finance committee met to discuss such details with Pat Mathis, herself. Mathis agreed that she would pursue legal action against Global Bonding in order to reimburse ANIC’s money. She also submitted the “move-in” date for the tenants of the building as Feb. 27. “Have y’all examined these dates carefully?” ANIC Vice Chairman Charles Walker asked. “Yes sir,” Mathis said. With that assurance, Walker proposed a motion to set the final completion date for Feb. 28, and if the project was not complete by that date, Mathis would face a $1,000-a-day penalty. Mathis quickly got nervous. “It was my understanding that the $1,000 a day was not a fixed number; it was proposed or just for a discussion point rather than ...” Mathis said before being immediately cut off by Walker. “I just asked you were those dates current,” Walker said, referring to her agreement that Feb. 27 was her set completion date. “They are firm (dates),” Mathis responded. “Then it shouldn’t be a problem,” Walker bluntly replied. However, since Feb. 27 was actually a Friday, the finance committee agreed to give Mathis until that next Monday, March 1, to complete the building. “It’ll be done,” Mathis said.

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14 M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 1 8 2 0 0 3

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Got Chip? By Brian Neill

M

atthew Cossolotto doesn’t have a chip on his shoulder. It’s in his arm. The right one — in the triceps area, to be exact. You could consider Cossolotto a human guinea pig of sorts. He’s also the spokesman for a company that recently sent shockwaves through conspiracy theorist and privacy rights communities when it unveiled an implantable chip, the size of a grain of rice, that would allow people to conduct financial transactions without so much as swiping a credit card. Christian groups on various Internet chat sites are proclaiming that the new Veripay chip, announced in November by Florida-based Applied Digital Solutions (ADS), is the “mark of the beast,” prophesied in the Bible’s Revelations. Privacy groups maintain that this is just the beginning of a move toward a global system capable of tracing the movements, purchases and habits of every man and woman on Earth. Though it arguably does carry some chilling implications, Cossolotto maintains that Veripay is merely a device whose time has come. “I think there’s kind of a knee-jerk reaction to this, without giving it some thought,” Cossolotto said by phone. “This might be, in fact, one of the best ways to help protect people’s privacy and protect people against financial fraud.” ADS, a publicly traded company on the NASDAQ exchange, garnered much attention when, in May of 2002, the “Today” show featured a family who had volunteered to be “chipped,” each receiving one of the company’s Verichip products. Similar to the Veripay concept, the Verichip contains an identifying number unique to the individual, which can be picked up by a handheld reader. The device, among other things, has been promoted as an accurate way to identify lost children or Alzheimer’s sufferers who have wandered from home. ADS’ chip is inserted via a quick, day-surgery procedure using a local anesthetic. The insertion procedure and cost of the chip, combined, is about $200 and the company also charges a $10 a month fee to maintain the individual’s name and information in a database. Cossolotto, who had his Verichip implanted in May of last year, said he has a hard time finding it on his body now. “I look around, I can’t feel it,” Cossolotto said. “Maybe eventually you can say it looks like a little freckle under the skin, but it’s difficult to locate.” ADS is also awaiting approval from the Food and Drug Administration to move forward with marketing a Verimed chip that would link the

chipped individual to his or her medical records and physician. The chip, whether used for the Veripay, Verichip or Verimed applications, would essentially be the same in appearance, and one chip could offer all three services, Cossolotto explained. “What’s on the chip is simply an identification number, or a code or a verification number,” Cossolotto said. “How that number is used, really depends on the application. So that number could link to a bank account, or it could link to a building-access security system, or with FDA approval, medical records that I might want a doctor to have access to.”

15

More Information than “They” Need? ADS executives and supporters of such technology see the array of services offered on the chip as a way to ensure the safety of family members and also protect individuals from everincreasing instances of identity theft. But those like Lee Tien, senior staff attorney for privacy group, the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF), think such so-called good ideas can quickly turn bad. “The ability to track people is intrinsically risky ... all technologies for tracking people are useful for repressing individuals and even populations,” Tien said by e-mail. “Unlike a mere ID card, however, the ordinary person with an implanted ID cannot escape surveillance. EFF believes that perfect surveillance, even without deliberate abuse, tends to chill political, artistic and scientific activity.” Tien suggests that technology like ADS’ chip could easily be adapted for less benevolent uses, a situation known in privacy-group circles as “function creep.” “Even when introduced for seemingly ‘good’ purposes, person-tracking technologies create an enabling infrastructure for later repression,” Tien said. “Great Britain, for instance, began issuing wartime ID cards in 1939 in order to administer rations. In 1952, the system was discontinued because police had too much discretion to stop people for ID checks — and they were using it. This exemplifies function creep.” Cossolotto says he’s heard the function creep argument, but doesn’t believe it applies any more to his company’s product than to existing technology. “First of all, the proprietary (ADS) technology would have to be accessed somehow by the police. Now I don’t know what the laws will be, but a lot of the function creep argument seems to suggest there won’t be any laws governing this,” Cossolotto said. “And right now, just to use an

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continued on page 16

“The ability to track people is intrinsically risky ... all technologies for tracking people are useful for repressing individuals and even populations.” Special/Greg Whitesell

— Lee Tien, senior staff attorney for the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a privacy group, referring to emerging technology that involves implanting ID chips in humans.

M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 1 8

16 continued from page 15 M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 1 8 2 0 0 3

analogy, your cell phone conversations or probably even our wire-line conversations, could technologically, easily be wiretapped and picked up by fairly inexpensive devices. People can listen into all your conversations right now. It happens to be against the law for them to do that. Now do 150 million cell phone users in the U.S., are they daily worried about their cell phone conversations being picked up? No. I think mostly they don’t worry about it.” “I’ve seen some articles where they say, ‘Your (identification) papers please,’ and that’s what this chip is all about,” Cossolotto added. “Well, I don’t see anybody recommending that we outlaw paper. Paper is just something that things get printed on.” But the policing scenario did not seem all that far-fetched when, in December of 2001, then-ADS CEO Richard Sullivan suggested that immigrants to the United States be implanted with the chips in the wake of Sept. 11. “Man today is more than ever converging with technology,” Sullivan, who has since retired from ADS, said at the unveiling of Verichip, according to an article in the Palm Beach Post. “I think the positives overwhelmingly overcome any small negatives. The government is more prepared, for the overall benefit of the citizens, to advocate some of these changes.” The article also quoted a legal director of the ACLU’s Miami chapter who said Sullivan’s idea was “unconstitutional” and went “way too far outside the realm of what we believe in as a society.” Up until that time, ADS’ products had been

Ho! Ho! Ho!

used to identify and track animals. Some privacy groups are waiting to see if future incarnations of ADS’ chip will allow it to be tracked by a global positioning system. Judging by an ADS press release, they may not have to wait too long. The release, dated May 13, states that ADS is already working on a prototype of what the company believes is the first-ever, subdermal, GPS “personal location device,” or PLD. Currently the size of a pacemaker — about 2.5 inches in diameter and a half-inch thick, the company already plans to make the device smaller. “As the process of miniaturization proceeds in the coming months,” the release states, “the company expects to be able to shrink the size of the device to at least one-half and perhaps to as little as one-tenth the current size.” Naturally, plans to track humans by satellite through their implanted microchips invokes that Orwellian adjective. Of “chipping” in general, Declan McCullagh, chief political correspondent for CNET, an online magazine devoted to advents in technology, wrote in a January column: “It’s difficult to imagine a more ruthlessly effective way to track every American. I doubt it’s likely, but it’s possible to imagine a future where ‘getting chipped’ starts as a way to speed your way through lines at ATMs and airports — and ends up being mandatory.” For all the arguments about invasion of privacy, however, there are also plenty of “what-if” scenarios supporting human trackability that are being bandied about on the Web. Cases like Elizabeth Smart and Daniel Pearl, the journalist executed by his Middle-Eastern kidnappers last year, are at

the forefront of such discussions. How many kidnappers, supporters of the technology ask, would be instantly foiled at the push of a button if trackable chips were implanted in their victims’ bodies? But as it currently stands, Verichip and its other-functioning cousins can only be read, at most, from a distance of about a foot, Cossolotto said. Cossolotto said he’s seen articles about the new Veripay chip suggesting that desperate thieves, no longer able to steal a person’s wallet or purse, would resort to cutting the Veripay chip out of a victim.

Special/Greg Whitesell He thinks such a scenario would stand a better chance of playing out in a movie script than reality. “If, in the course of trying to steal something from somebody, they resort to physical assault with a scalpel, well that’s a pretty serious crime,” Cossolotto said. “And then, if they go and use your chip illegally, they’ve committed a pretty serious crime and they will be prosecuted. “Now, can I say definitively that no one will ever try to do that? It would be hard to say that, but I think it’s extremely unlikely that that sort of thing will happen.”

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Tiny Tags Speak Volumes ADS’ chips rely on a technological innovation that is, itself, at the center of controversy. It’s called Radio Frequency Identification, or RFID. An RFID device consists of a small chip about the size of a piece of glitter at the center of a network of copper or other metal that functions as an antenna. In some instances, these RFID devices are roughly as thin as a piece of paper. Manufacturers have already begun placing RFID tags on their products in a move that’s been touted as a revolutionary way to track inventory and prevent loss and theft. Promotional material for RFID tags states that they can accurately track products from their distribution to destination points and also allow in-store merchandise to simultaneously be inventoried with one sweep of an RFID reader. Some corporations, however, have also found themselves in hot water over more controversial usage of the RFID tags. Gillette, for instance, following an organized boycott of its products, ceased an anti-shoplifting program it was testing at a Wal-Mart in Massachusetts and a shopping center in England involving “smart shelves.” Sensors in the shelves detected when RFIDtagged packages of Mach 3 razors were removed, triggering a hidden camera to snap pictures of the people taking them. A second camera at the checkout would also photograph the individuals to ensure that they had paid for the product. Gillette, which also markets Duracell batteries, was blasted by the media for the alleged invasion of privacy (details of the Gillette boycott and photos of the RFID tags can be seen at

“I’ve seen some articles where they say, ‘Your (identification) papers please,’ and that’s what this chip is all about. Well, I don’t see anybody recommending that we outlaw paper. Paper is just something that things get printed on.” — Matthew Cossolotto, spokesman for Applied Digital Solutions, a company that recently announced an implantable microchip that allows people to conduct financial transactions. www.boycottgillette.com). At the time, according to a story in The Washington Times, Gillette had entered into a contract to purchase roughly 500 million of the tags from a California-based company called Alien Technology. A representative from Alien Technology did not return a phone call seeking comment about its products. Katherine Albrecht heads a privacy activist group called Consumers Against Supermarket Privacy Invasion and Numbering, and also led the charge against Gillette’s alleged snooping. She also followed the company’s supporting role in the formation of the Auto-ID Center, a joint project between the Massachusetts Institute

of Technology and leading corporations that recently completed research into developing a replacement for the Universal Product Code (UPC) or bar code. The new code, called the Electronic Product Code (EPC), would be linked through RFID tags in a way that would uniquely label every product manufactured on Earth, down to the last light bulb, Albrecht said. “A bar code on a can of Coke has the same bar code on every can of Coke, so all 12-ounce cans of Coke share the same UPC number,” Albrecht said by phone. “The EPC number would actually create a unique number for each can of Coke, so every can of Coke would have a different number from every other can of Coke and no

other item on the planet would share that number. “So the idea here is that every can of Coke, every pencil, every light bulb, every pack of gum would have its own unique ID number, different from everything on the planet.” What’s wrong with that? On the surface, some would say, nothing. But Albrecht feels that in the near future, individuals will be more easily identified and linked to their purchases through the EPC and RFID tags. She pointed to a Texas Instruments Web page (www.ti.com/tiris/docs/solutions/pos/loyalty.shtm l) that provides an illustrated scenario whereby a customer’s identity and past purchases are immediately relayed to store personnel the minute she walks through the door, via an RFIDembedded ID card in her purse. “The technology can tell retailers exactly who’s in their store at any given moment while offering full purchase histories for each shopper,” the page reads. “In addition, stores will know what the consumer bought at their last visit and what they might need for accessories.” Albrecht thinks that information about future customers may also be gleaned from RFID tags actually woven into their purses or the clothing they’re wearing. She said some clothing manufacturers have already begun weaving the tags into their labels for tracking and inventory purposes. She also sees the potential for the government to use RFID readers to assist it in secretly monitoring events like protests. “So you’re at this event that perhaps the government would like to keep tabs on, in total continued on page 19

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Happy Holidays from our Staff to You

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706-737-4120 803-867-9190

We’d like to thank our over 20,000 customers for another wonderful year!

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Picture Mail is easy to use. SM

So you won’t miss a thing this holiday season. Katherine Albrecht violation of your First Amendment rights to assemble and be there,” Albrecht said. “Now, a law enforcement agent could walk through that event with a backpack reader and collect all the EPC numbers associated with that event — wandering around getting 50 from you, 60 from that guy, 40 from the other guy, and just accumulating them all into this big data dump.” Albrecht said agents could then link those unique products to the people who purchased them through retailer databases. Even if a person paid cash, Albrecht theorizes, their EPC numbers could still be exploited. “Let’s say they couldn’t get ahold of that database. What they could then do is say, ‘These EPC numbers were at a questionable event and therefore these EPC numbers are going to be essentially danger signals,’” Albrecht said. “You could take those numbers and you could simply send them to the airport and say, ‘If any of these EPC numbers shows up, detain the person and don’t let them fly.’ As with the implantable chips, however, not everyone sees such gloom and doom in this technology. For instance, a 2001 article in the Christian Science Monitor posed a scenario in which products bearing RFID tags lined a smart shelf in an individual’s home pantry. The smart shelf would be linked to the Internet and the person, while still at work, could check if he or she had all the ingredients for that night’s dinner before reaching home. If ingredients were lacking, the shopper in this futuristic scenario would later arrive at the store to find the needed items already in the shopping cart, the list having been sent over the Internet to the grocer by the smart shelf system. An RFID reader-equipped checkout would instantly scan and tally the entire contents of the cart and the consumer would swipe a smart card (or maybe even pass through with a Veripay chip in his arm) and be on his way. Supporters of RFID also see a world in which homes couldn’t be entered, cars couldn’t be driven and guns couldn’t be fired unless an electronic, identifying signal was received from their rightful owners. For those like Albrecht, however, the potential good this technology may bring doesn’t transcend the dire implications they see in it. “I think that this is one of the most powerful technologies that we have ever developed,” Albrecht said. “And it has the potential to absolutely change the way we live. I do believe that. I think it has tremendous potential for misuse and abuse and I think it poses enormous dangers to society.”

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Only at Sprint Stores and select locations listed below, you can get a $50 BLOCKBUSTER GiftCard® with in-store purchase and activation of any new PCS handset and a two-year PCS Advantage Agreement. GiftCard not available with PCS Add-A-Phone. Limit one GiftCard per customer. Offer valid while supplies last. Offer only available at Sprint Stores and select locations listed below.

$30 Trade-in

Credit & Donation to Sprint Project Connect

When you trade in any active handset from a wireless service provider other than Sprint, you will receive a $30 trade-in credit, and your phone will be donated to Sprint Project Connect. Through Sprint Project Connect, donated wireless phones are either recycled or resold with 100% of net proceeds going to charity. The Wireless Foundation shares the net proceeds with Easter Seals and the National Organization on Disability (N.O.D.). $30 service credit will be applied by your third monthly bill. Offer only available at Sprint Stores and select locations listed below.

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AUGUSTA National Hills Shopping Center 2701 Washington Rd. (706) 396-7200 M – Fri. 10am-7pm Sat. 10am-6pm Nationwide network reaches over 240 million people. Offers subject to change. See stores for details. Terms and conditions apply. Phone availability may vary by location. Instant Savings: Requires in-store purchase and activation of two PCS phones by 12/31/03. Savings may not exceed total purchase price of phone. Mail-in Rebate: Requires purchase and activation of eligible phone by 12/31/03. Rebate may not exceed total purchase price of the phones. Account must be kept active for 30 consecutive days to qualify. BLOCKBUSTER GiftCard Offer: $50 GiftCard available with in-store purchase and activation of any new PCS handset with a two-year PCS Advantage Agreement. GiftCard not available with PCS Add-A-Phone. Limit one GiftCard per customer. Offer valid while supplies last. Offer expires 12/31/03. Membership rules and certain restrictions apply for rentals if applicable. GiftCards cannot be used to purchase GiftCards. GiftCards redeemable at participating stores. Use of GiftCards is subject to terms and conditions printed on packaging and back of GiftCards. BLOCKBUSTER® name, design, and related marks are trademarks of Blockbuster Inc. ©2003 Blockbuster Inc. All rights reserved. Offer excludes (1) any DVD boxsets that consist of 3 or more discs or are priced higher than $29.99 and (2) any previously rented movies or games for sale. Trade-in Credit: $30 trade-in credit available when an active handset from a competitive wireless carrier is traded in for activation on a PCS Phone. Trade-in credit received will apply to the purchase of a PCS Phone from Sprint and is not to exceed total purchase price of phone. Credit will be applied by your third monthly bill. PCS Vision: PCS Vision Packs are limited to Sprint Vision-enabled PCS Phones and are not available with any device used as a modem. Additional charges for premium content apply. Service Plan: Subject to credit. $150 early termination fee applies to each line. $36 phone activation fee waived through 12/31/03 at the above listed Augusta locations. A deposit may be required. Copyright ©2003 Sprint Spectrum L.P. All rights reserved. Sprint and the diamond logo are trademarks of Sprint Communications Company L.P.

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Quirky Holiday Gift Guide By Brian Neill Time is quickly running out for those of you who’ve put off braving the malls and aisles of Target and Wal-Mart until the last moment. Oh, what to get? What to do? Well, fret no more. Leave the Norelco razors to those middle-aged suburbanites. Perfume, schmerfume. Behold, a list that will leave the badly feigned, “Wow, just what I wanted” to the fathers opening yet more Christmas ties from the kids. A list that will cause others sitting around the Christmas tree to drool with envy as they watch your chosen recipient opening his or her gift. So get to shopping people. The future of $400,000 robot couples is in your hands.

Ever seen those inspirational posters hanging in places like government offices? You know, the ones with the breathtaking photographs of soaring eagles and snowcapped mountaintops underscored by lofty words like, “Determination” and “Aspiration”? Well, Despair, Inc. has something totally different and hilarious in mind. Its “Demotivational” posters feature the same type of wonderful photographs, but the messages they carry are nothing a mid-level manager would want her staffers to abide by. One lithograph poster features a spawning salmon leaping upstream toward a grizzly bear’s mouth. Beneath it are the words, “AMBITION: The Journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.” Another features a sunset over a pristine lake and rocky shore, with the message, “MOTIVATION: If a pretty poster and cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.” The posters, measuring 24 x 30 inches, are $15.95. They also are available in notecards (6 for $9.95); framed, 5x7 “Desktoppers” ($15.95); and 24 x 30-inch lithographs in ebony wood frames with glass ($109.95). Despair, Inc. also offers a variety of T-shirts and novelties sure to put a smile on even the most morose of you out there. (www.despair.com; 1-877-DESPAIR).

Augusta being a golfing town, what better Christmas present to give than a set of gag golf balls from Baron Bob Gifts. The company offers a $9.95 set of three: The Exploder, which blows up in a cloud of smoke-like powder; The Jetstreamer, which, upon impact, changes into 15 feet of streaming, spiraling ribbon; and The Unputtaball, which wobbles, skids and gyrates, never going in a straight line. Baron Bob’s also has some other choice gifts, like a gasoline-powered blender with handlebars and throttle ($254.95, plus $20 S&H). There’s also a glowing, life-like brain floating in a see-through, bubbling, self-contained unit reminiscent of those often featured in 1950s horror films ($225). “It’s great as an office oddity, or Halloween effect,” reads the online catalog description. “The constant bubbling can even be relaxing.” Yeah, if you could manage to forget for a moment there was a fake brain floating around in there. (www.wonderfullywacky.com).

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Never one to be outdone by competitors with the extravagance of its gifts, Neiman Marcus has once again outdone itself with its 2003 Christmas Book. For a cool $400,000, you can have His and Hers robots. Each standing nearly six feet tall, these robots are capable of relaying messages, answering the door and ... well ... Look, if you’ve got 400 grand to drop on His and Hers robots, do you really care what all they can do? Or perhaps you’re out to rekindle that old spark this Christmas. Make the Mrs. feel a little sexy with Neiman Marcus’ mermaid suit. “The custom-designed prosthetic suit fits over the hips and envelopes the legs, creating an extremely realistic blend of female and fish,” the catalog listing reads. Hand-crafted from professional-grade urethane, the suit was designed by Thom Shouse, who has more than 20 years of experience creating mermaid suits for film and television. And for just a splash in the bucket — if that splash happens to amount to $10,000 — it can be yours. The purchase price includes a consultation, custom fitting and expert training in swimming with the suit on. (www.neimanmarcus.com).

SEASONS GREETINGS FROM

706-312-3000 THE PROFESSIONALS

IN

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If you plan to get into the spirit in its bottled form this Christmas, you may want to invest in the nifty Digital Alcohol Breath Analyzer from The Sharper Image ($99.95). The analyzer operates on two AAA batteries and is said to estimate an individual’s blood-alcohol content with an accuracy range of within .001 percent. The analyzer features a mouthpiece-free, blow-in vent design. Another neat gadget from The Sharper Image is a HUMMER Shake Flashlight ($29.95). Simply shaking this battery-free flashlight for 30 seconds gives five minutes of bright illumination, according to the catalog blurb. The flashlight works by a built-in magnet sliding between metal coils. The friction causes the flashlight’s capacitor to recharge. What’s more, the LED bulb never needs replacing. Aside from the fact it’s emblazoned with the HUMMER name, synonymous with crass consumption and narcissism, it’s a pretty nifty gift that seems environmentally sound, to boot. (www.sharperimagebest.com).

The weather outside might be frightful, but that’s what heaters are for, and winter’s no excuse for not eating ice cream. And what better way to get it than by mail? That’s right. For $54.95, Ben & Jerry’s will ship six pints of its most popular flavors to your door. Currently, mail order flavors include Chubby Hubby, Peanut Butter Cup, Cherry Garcia, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Phish Food and Chocolate Fudge Brownie. The company also allows you to pick your own six flavors, including selections from its organic ice cream line. Orders are shipped by second-day, FedEx. Ben & Jerry’s also offers overnight shipping for an additional $10 charge. (http://store.benjerry.com; 866-BJ-Gifts).

Experience Christmas at New Hope as the Worship Arts Ministry presents: “New Hope for the Holidays,” an evening of celebration and reflection, sharing the miracle of God’s love in the lives of His people.

Sun., Dec. 21st, at 6:30 PM Mon., Dec. 22nd, at 7:30 PM

Expert Packing & Crating Services • Free Estimates • Insured & Bonded Guaranteed Pick-up & Delivery Dates • Quality Service & Sensible Rates John Dowdy • John Dowdy, Jr. • David Williams

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Bite

Local Bakeries Dish Up Holiday Pies With Homemade Flavor

S

o … it’s a week before Christmas and you’re behind. Way behind. There are presents still to be bought, not to mention wrapped. Hell, half of the ornaments still haven’t made it onto the tree and are still sitting in a box in the hallway, staring at you reproachfully every time you walk by. And now, still feeling the effects of that office holiday party, you have to begin thinking about what you’re going to fix on the big day. The turkey, the dressing, the vast array of side dishes and, as if you could forget, the desserts. The triumvirate of Southern holiday pies — pecan, pumpkin and sweet potato — is something no holiday table should be without and you know you’ll get an earful from your relatives if you don’t have at least one. Not looking forward, with Martha-like zeal, to a day spent baking pies from scratch? Neither are we, so, instead, a Metro Spirit representative went undercover to pay impromptu visits to a few local bakeries. Our goal? To see if we could procure the goods with as much ease and for about the same amount of money as a grocery store would charge. Then, difficult as it was, a taste test was in order, just to make sure the quality made it worth you going out of your way to get to these sometimes hidden spots. The answer? Trash the evidence before your guests arrive and it’ll just be our little secret. Pecan Pie Smoak’s Bakery and Catering 2058 Walton Way (like you didn’t already know) Price: $7.50 Walking into this Augusta landmark on a busy Friday afternoon, I was pleasantly surprised to see that they had at least two of all three kinds of pies sitting in the case just waiting for me. While debating which to buy, the employee let me sample a pecan tassie to aid in my decision making. Did I ever make the right decision, as I discovered when I later tried a piece of what is possibly the best pecan pie I’ve ever tasted. Baked perfectly, the crust was dark and crunchy with a rich buttery flavor. All the pecans in the filling had risen to the top, leaving a perfectly smooth, chocolately-brown custard underneath. I had to fight back the urge to demolish the entire slice and go back for seconds. This pie doesn’t need any sort of topping and doesn’t even need to be heated up. Smoak’s has a selection of treats available for purchase, but it’s probably wise to call in your holiday order a day or so in advance.

’ Lil

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By Amy Fennell Christian

Pumpkin Pie Lil’ Dutch Bakery 3830 Washington Road Price: $7.99 I happened to call before visiting Lil’ Dutch, a Mennonite bakery in the Big K shopping center on Washington Road. It’s a good thing I did, too, since they only had one extra pumpkin pie available. The crust of this pie was the lightest of the three, a pale beige color, and wasn’t as crunchy or as flavorful as the others. The mocha-colored filling, however, benefited a great deal from a hefty dose of cinnamon. There was even a light dusting of cinnamon on top of the pie. Good as it was, it would probably be even better heated up. An employee at Lil’ Dutch told me that if Christmas is anything like their Thanksgiving was, when they couldn’t keep up with demand, they’ll have to stop taking advance pie and cake orders and those unlucky enough not to have thought ahead will have to hope that they happened to have a spare one in the case. Sweet Potato Pie Idella and BJ’s 1708 15th Street Price: $5 Not as familiar with this spot as the others, I called ahead and discovered they had a sweet potato pie that I could buy a slice of. When I arrived a couple of hours later, however, they had sold out but were in the process of baking more. Undeterred, I returned even later and was given a pie straight out of the oven. I snapped it up for the bargain price of $5. This was easily the most interesting of the three pies. I always thought that a sweet potato pie was simply a pumpkin pie with a different filling, but this one didn’t have any of the spices like cinnamon, cloves and ginger normally found in its cousin. Instead, this bright orange pie tasted strongly of lemon (or orange — I’m still not sure) and vanilla and was only marred by a slightly overcooked crust which, even so, still had the best texture of the three. This light and airy pie might be the best suited of the three to end a heavy holiday meal. This little known bakery and lunch spot bakes a variety of cakes and pies, which they sell whole or by the slice. They don’t keep anything in their bakery case, however, so you’ll have to call ahead or take a chance and get lucky like I did.

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We will close after lunch on Christmas Eve, Wed, Dec. 24 and remain closed through Christmas Day. We will be open on Fri, Dec. 26 and Sat, Dec. 27.

Lavender Lane Gallery, Inc Opening Soon 1127-A Broad Street 706-592-6376 706-495-7325 cell

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL OUR CUSTOMERS!

To include Paintings & Antiques Portraits done on premises Wood & Ceramic Sculptures Handmade & Antique Jewelry Antique Clothing Artists in store

Lorna, Les & Staff

Gourmet Coffees & Desserts Sandwiches, Salads & Soups Available Hours of operation: Tues-Sat 12-10 Sun 3-10

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24 M E T R O S P I R I T D E C

Arts

& Entertainment

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Santa’s Got a Brand New Bag of CDs

A

re we there yet? Are we in the festive mood? C’mon, set aside the road rage and give in to the twinkling lights and falling snow, even if only in your mind. Need a nudge? Ivan Pavlov and I suggest baking peanut-butter cookies and getting lost in the spell of new holiday music, from sentimental to silly, softly soulful to house rocking. This year’s “Santa sack” holds the perfect tune for every Tiny Tim, fat with new releases and cool compilations to enrich the changing of the season. Here are picks for new Christmas CDs sure to become annual holiday favorites. Long ago, kitchen table lyricists and pop radio junkies devoured hokey magazines that flourished in the day, reprinting popular song lyrics and publicity photos to an information-starved audience. With pages of ostentatious advertisements that rival comic books, one sort of ad never missed an issue — an encouraging plea for the homespun songsmith to send their original lyrics to the city lights of Music City USA or New York, and allow a professional ensemble of studio musicians to record your song.

For the right price, every Walter Mitty with a loose-leaf pad of ramblings could maybe, possibly, hopefully, be a star. From all walks of life, sentimental dreamers with a pen and certified check waited nervously for the finished product: their very own song — interpreted at the mercy of the studio musicians in generic styles. Known now as “song poems” by those who collect and search out these surreal American creations, a collection of holiday-themed song-poems tops my list of the best Christmas CD of the season. Entitled “Daddy, Is Santa Really Six Foot Four?”, the Bar None Records release is delicious in absurdity and glee, tingling in the Dada and expectations of these songwriters. So this Christmas, why not open up your home to the music of those who dared to dream. From groovy to lonesome and from benevolent to pensive, each of these 21 tracks is refreshing and nutty, with studio vocalists trying to keep up with stream of consciousness rhymes and awkward lyrical phrasings. One highlight, The Sisterhood’s Midwestern disco interpretation of “Ole

by John M. James

Year Christmas,” pops with Talking Heads consumer shout-outs — “World of skeptical buyers! Sanders! Blenders! Menders! Next of kinders!” Some must have daydreamed about the merchandising possibilities of a new character to reach the hearts of children with “Maury the Christmas Mouse,” “Randy, the Lil’ Elf” or “Evelyn Christmas.” Sorry, fella, but I don’t think Maury made it. I’m surprised at how devilishly sexy some of the numbers are, like the sly possible meaning of “Christmas Treat, Peppermint,” the glossy vamp of “Baby, It’s a Cold Night in December” or the lush breath of “The New Year Song.” Other highlights reaching for the stars include the Elvis tones of “A New Year’s Dawning” with lines like “Youngsters stop your fawning, and stop that yawning,” or the mental picture of “Snowbows” with the unforgettable “If rain can make a rainbow/With colors way up high/Then snow can make a snowbow/You’ll see them if you try.” And only a Grinch could frown at the hipster “Santa Goes Modern,” percolating and finger-snapping cool.

Who needs castor oil to lubricate those creakin’ winter joints? Thirty seconds of The Christmas Jug Band will turn any malcontent into a percolating, dancing elf, swaying under the boogie-woogie skiffle-swing of Dan Hicks and his San Francisco combo. Celebrating the band’s 25th anniversary, the indie Globe Records label offers up a new Christmas Jug Band CD and a reissue of their 1987 debut, “Mistletoe Jam.” The new disc, “Uncorked,” is a musician’s dream project featuring the tastiest of Commander Cody/Hot Licks alumni revolving around the legendary Hicks, with guests Mike Duke of Wet Willy, Maria Muldaur and Norman Buffalo. Like a cross between Duke Tumatoe and Louis Prima, the bluesy wit is clever and captivating, like on their lively original “Santa Lost a Ho” or smokin’ covers of Freddie King’s “Lonesome Reindeer Blues” and Brook Benton and Dinah Washington’s “Santa, You’ve Got What It Takes.” Also packed with slick playing is “The Jethro Tull Christmas Album” by Ian Anderson and company. Featuring nine original compositions and a few traditional songs like “God Rest Ye Merry

Gentlemen” and “Greensleeves,” the pace of Anderson’s flute is quick and masterful, drawing out all riches of a medieval forest Christmas. With Martin Barre’s stellar guitar work and guest viola and cello, this is a classical Christmas CD that’s not stuffy or boring. Audio cut-up chemists and DJ mix masters will feel at home with Six Degrees Records’ “Christmas Remixed,” a regrooving of vintage dried chestnuts through twin turntables by the video fire, all cozy with martinis, muggles and beer nuts. Like long lost radio signals come bouncing back into the penthouse satellite dish, this space-age hip-hop mish-moshes vocal loops of oldie-moldies over modern beats with surprising results. Classics by Andy Williams, Mel Torme, Kay Starr and Dean Martin go under the splicing knife, holding onto the integrity of the original melody, while spinning, dipping, and funkin’ through a Wizard of Oz dust storm of electronic reinterpretation. One highlight is NMO’s remix of Charles Brown’s “Merry Christmas Baby,” selecting just a snatch of his vocal passages and tumbling them into a rotating, drunken groove. Sometimes it’s creepy how cool the remix feels, like the sexy cartoon taunt of Louis Armstrong and Velma Middleton’s “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” reinvented by Mulatto Beat. Other remixers include Dan the Automator, Mocean Worker, Attaboy and Robbie Hardkiss. Another music re-animator has taken a different route, letting his fab-four flag fly. Tom Marolda of The Toms hides behind “St. Nick’s Lonely Hearts Band,” a wellexecuted CD tribute to the studio sound of The Beatles. In what might be considered an impossible challenge, he reinterprets 13 classic Christmas songs like “Frosty the Snowman” and “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” by performing them one by one in the style (and in the order) of the songs on the Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album. Strange but true, the Not Lame Records’ release contains two bonus originals. Slowing things way down into the rhythm of a snowfall at night, Mobile Records offers up a dreamy and pensive “Seasonal Greetings: A Compilation of 13 Christmas and Winter Songs.” Opening with Low’s underwater masterpiece, “Long Way Around the Sea,” the tender set heaves with sad strings and ethereal electronic pulses. Lovingly crafted from new songs by Orso, Badly Drawn Boy, Opiate and others, the collection also features rarities like Saint Etienne’s 1993 seven-inch B-side “My Christmas Prayer,” and Komeit’s “Atomized” from 2000. A nice surprise is housed in the CD’s booklet — a reprinting of Paul Auster’s “Auggie Wren’s Christmas Story,” first published in the New York Times on Christmas Day 1990. Keeping it icy cool is another holiday project from Om Records, “hOMe For the Holidays.” A collection of downtempo interpretations of classics and new smooth originals, the 11 tracks blend hip-hop beats with acid jazz loops of Christmas themes. As hypnotic as the label’s namesake tone, these runway

backdrops and funky swells are as sparkling as the flutter of snowflakes at night. Scratch fanatics and mix masters stand clear — Colossus’ “Charlie Brown Cut Up” is wicky, wicky, wicked. Other highlights include the rolling dream of J Boogie’s “Under the Christmas Tree” and the acid fantasia of Casey Nefcy’s “Psyonics Night,” with magical dancing teapots a la Raymond Scott. “The Very Special Christmas” CD series expands to a sixth edition this year with the “Very Special Acoustic Christmas” collection on Lost Highway Records. Benefiting Special Olympics, the cover contributions and originals are from top-shelf singer/songwriters on the Southern side of the tracks, like Willie Nelson, Ralph Stanley, Alan Jackson, Dan Tyminski and Rhonda Vincent. One cosmopolitan cut stands out — Norah Jones’ beautiful rendition of Horace Silver’s “Peace.” If you want your Christmas vibe classic and tasteful, check out jazz pianist Eric Reed’s new “Merry Magic,” the second release in the new holiday series from Max Jazz Records. All instrumental with the exception of a few smooth vocal tracks like the romantic “What Are You Doing on New Year’s Eve,” this 13track CD from the child prodigy and his trio is candlelight jazz heaven. A classy caress in its softer selections, this one should come wrapped in mistletoe. Other traditions that run through their fingers include “Santa Baby,” “The Christmas Song” and Sammy Cahn’s “Christmas Blues.” The most mainstream new compilation, Nettwerk Records’ “Maybe This Christmas Too?”, packs songs from Rufus Wainwright, Sixpence None the Richer, the Dave Matthews Band and Barenaked Ladies, but the most fantastic must-hear Christmas track of the season is nestled within. Simple, brave, and free in its hopefulness, the Flaming Lips’ cover of Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas” is like an outtake from the “Eraserhead” soundtrack; the words rise through the night air like children holding helium balloons as Wayne Coyne’s warbling croon wishes well his fellow man. Speaking of the Flaming Lips, their recent “Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell” EP features a new yuletide nugget, “A Chance at Christmas (Say It Isn’t So).” Other cool Christmas tracks are found scattered among a handful of new CDs. The return of Pat Benatar with her new “Go” album on the Bel Chiasso label features a hidden bonus track, the thankful and somber “Christmas in America” from 2001, written in response to the September 11th terrorist attacks. Oregon native Tom Heinl shares his holiday ditty, “Christmas Tree on Fire,” on his new “With or Without Me” CD on the Leisure King imprint. Heinl introduces his new “Stereoke” concept on the disc, as the CD contains both a vocal and vocal-free version so you can sing along the next time you try to fight a family room blaze with a tube sock and a couch cushion.

LUNCH STARTS JANUARY 7th! Expanded Menu

25 M E T R O

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DaysA Week

Auditions

“IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY” will be per formed by the Aiken Community Playhouse in February and March. Auditions held Dec. 18, 7 p.m. at the Washington Center for the Per forming Ar ts in Aiken. Par ts available for seven men and five women. Call (803) 648-1438 for information. ENOPION THEATRE COMPANY is looking for volunteers to act, sing, sew, build and more for their new musical, “Creation.” Applications are available at www.imaryproductions.com or by calling (803) 442-9039. SWEET ADELINES HARMONY RIVER CHORUS OPEN REHEARSAL for singers each Thursday at 7 p.m. at Church of Christ, 600 Mar tintown Rd. in Nor th Augusta. They are on the lookout for voices in the lower ranges. Rehearsals will not be held during the end of December. Contact Mary Norman at (803) 279-6499.

Education

ISRAELI DANCE WORKSHOP at the Augusta Jewish Community Center Sunday af ternoons, 4-5 p.m. Open to teens and adults; no experience or par tners are necessary. Cost is $2 per session, with the first session free. For information or to schedule a pre-class beginner/refresher session, contact Jackie Cohen, 738-9016. ART CLASSES AND WORKSHOPS are offered year-round at the Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t. Classes and workshops are open to toddlers through adults and feature instruction in drawing, painting, photography, pot tery, weaving and sculpture. For a newslet ter or detailed information on registering for classes at the Ger trude Herber t, call 722-5495. The Ger trude Herber t Institute of Ar t also offers educational tours; for information, contact the education director at the above telephone number.

Creative Impressions presents “Behold the Star” Dec. 20 at the Bell Auditorium.

Exhibitions WORKS BY D. HASKELL CHHUY are on display at the Aiken Thoroughbred Racing Hall of Fame and Museum through Dec. 25. Call (803) 642-7650 for information. “R ABIN REMEMBERED” photographic exhibition highlighting the life and accomplishments of Prime Minister Yitzchak Rabin at the Augusta Jewish Community Center. Free admission. 228-3636. PAINTINGS BY LINDA BAACK will be at the Gibbs Library throughout December. 863-1946. ANNUAL DOLLS EXHIBITION through Dec. 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. For additional information, visit www.lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. AT BROADSTROKES ART GALLERY in December: works by Marilyn Landers and Jim Fir th. For more information, call Broadstrokes at 774-1026.

“CITY COWS AND COUNTRY DOGS” exhibit of works by Rober t Marinich at the Banker Dearing Gallery through Dec. 31. Call 823-1060.

“THE LOW COUNTRY: PAINTINGS BY PRESTON RUSSELL” will be on display at the Morris Museum of Ar t through Jan. 11. For more info, call 724-7501.

HOLIDAY EXHIBITION featuring the works of 21 ar tists through Dec. 21 at the Mar y Pauline Galler y. Call 724-9542.

“BABY-BOOM DAYDREAMS: THE ART OF DOUGLAS BOURGEOIS” will be on exhibit at the Morris Museum of Ar t through Feb. 15. Call 724-7501 for information.

THE POTTERY OF NELLIE ANDREWS PIERCE will be at the Ar t Factory through Jan. 9. Call 731-0008 for info.

“EDWARD RICE: RECENT MONOTYPES” exhibit at the Morris Museum of Ar t runs through Jan. 4. Call 724-7501.

“LET’S PLAY: PASTIMES FROM THE PAST” through Feb. 15 at the Augusta Museum of History. For more information, call 722-8454. “ANGELS ALL AROUND” exhibit through Dec. 31 at Aiken County Historical Museum. For information, call (803) 642-2015.

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Arts

ART CLASSES FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS at the Ar t Factory. The Ar t Factory also has a homeschool program and scholarships are available. Programs include voice lessons and pantomime workshops, as well as classes in dance, theater, music, visual ar ts and writing. Call 731-0008 for details.

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AT THE ETHERREDGE CENTER through Dec. 19: Billy S. exhibits in the Upper Gallery, Ar thur Lien exhibits in the Lower Gallery. (803) 641-3305.

Dance

A&E DANCE STUDIO CHRISTMAS SHOWCASE 8 p.m. Dec. 20 at the Imperial Theatre. Tickets are $10-$25 for adults and $5 for children. Visit www.imperialtheatre.com or call 722-8341 for tickets.

“DEANNE DUNBAR: OBJECTS OF DESIRE” will be on display at the Rabold Gallery in Aiken through Feb. 14. For more information, call (803) 641-4405 or e-mail raboldgallery@bellsouth.net.

THE DANCES OF UNIVERSAL PEACE held the first Saturday of every month, 7-9 p.m., at the Unitarian Church of Augusta, honor the religious traditions of the world through song and movement. Call (803) 643-0460 for more information.

AVIS LYLE AND MARY ALICE LOCKHART exhibit in the ar t hall at Sacred Hear t Cultural Center throughout December. Call 826-4700.

AUGUSTA CHAPTER OF THE UNITED STATES AMATEUR BALLROOM DANCERS ASSOCIATION holds a dance the first Saturday of each month, from 7:15-11 p.m. Cost is $7 for members and $10 for non-members. Held at the BPOE facility

Elkdom Cour t. Contact Melvis Lovett, 733-3890, or Jean 28 on Avery, 863-4186, for information.

HISTORIC COTTON EXCHANGE WELCOME CENTER: Open Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Sun. 1-5 p.m. Riverwalk. Free. Call 724-4067.

M E T “STANDING IN THE SHADOWS OF MOTOWN” at the R O Bell Auditorium has been rescheduled for Jan. 17.

Music

THE EZEKIEL HARRIS HOUSE: Deemed “the finest 18th century house surviving in Georgia” by the “Smithsonian Guide to Historic America.” Open Saturday, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. General admission is $2; senior admission is $1 and children get in for 50 cents. For more information, call 724-0436.

Tickets are $34 for floor seats and seating in par ts of

S the balcony and $28 in the rest of the balcony. Call P 722-3521. I R I T

Museums

Theater

MASTERWORKS OF SOUTHERN ART TOUR 2 p.m. Dec. 28 at the Morris Museum of Ar t. Free admission. 724-7501.

“‘TWAS THE LAST MAILING DAY BEFORE CHRIST-

D MAS” Dec. 21, 6:30 p.m. at First Baptist Church, 3500 E Walton Way. Call 733-2236 for information. C 1 8

“ART AT LUNCH: A CAJUN CHRISTMAS” Dec. 19 at the Morris Museum of Ar t. Docent Peggy Ruth Geren shares the traditions of Christmas, New Orleans-style. Program begins at noon. Enjoy Creole cuisine or bring a brown-bag lunch. Admission is $10 for members and $12 for non-members. Reservations required. Call 724-7501.

Attractions

2 0 0 3 AUGUSTA CANAL INTERPRETIVE CENTER: Housed in

“CELEBRATION OF FLIGHT” exhibit at For t Discovery’s Knox Gallery runs through Jan. 31. Admission to the exhibit is free with paid general admission to For t Discovery. For more information, visit www.NationalScienceCenter.org or call 821-0200.

Enterprise Mill, the center contains displays and models focusing on the Augusta Canal’s functions and importance to the textile industry. Hours are Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m. and Sun., 1-6 p.m. Admission is $5 adult, $4 seniors and military and $3 children ages 6-18. Children under 6 admitted free. Guided boat tours of the Augusta Canal depart from the docks at Enterprise Mill at 11 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Tour tickets are $6 adults, $5 seniors and $4 students and children. For tour information, call 823-7089. For other info, visit www.augustacanal.com or call 823-0440. THE BOYHOOD HOME OF WOODROW WILSON: Circa 1859 Presbyterian manse occupied by the family of President Woodrow Wilson as a child during the Civil War and Reconstruction. Original and period antiques, restored house, kitchen and carriage house. 419 Seventh Street. Open 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Tues.-Sat. Tours available; groups of 10 or more by appointment only. Admission is $5 adults, $4 seniors, $3 students under 18 and free for ages 5 and under. 722-9828. AUGUSTA GOLF & GARDENS OF THE GEORGIA GOLF HALL OF FAME features beautiful display gardens, as well as bronze sculptures of some of golf’s greatest masters. Available for rent for a variety of functions. Group discount rates available. Closed Mondays; open from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Tues.-Sat.; open from 1-5 p.m. on Sunday. Admission is $5.50 for adults; $4.50 for students, seniors and military; $3.50 for children (4-12); free for children 3 and under. Sundays are two for one with a Super Sunday coupon.

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Holiday

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HOLIDAY ESCAPE 2-4 p.m. Dec. 21 at the Morris Museum of Ar t. Enjoy holiday refreshments and live music by Jim McGaw. Free admission. 724-7501.

Josh Kelley plays the “Acoustic Christmas” show to benefit Toys for Tots Dec. 19 at the Imperial Theatre.

Annual garden memberships are available. Call 724-4443 or 1-888-874-4443. Also, visit their Web site at www.gghf.org. NATIONAL SCIENCE CENTER’S FORT DISCOVERY: Children and adults alike can immerse themselves in the wonders of science through live demonstrations, virtual realities, Starlab, KidScape and more than 250 hands-on exhibits. General Admission: $8 for adults; $6 for children, seniors and active military. Group rates available. Operating hours: Mon.-Sat., 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Sunday, noon-5 p.m. Call 821-0200, 1-800-3255445 or visit their Web site at www.NationalScienceCenter.org.

REDCLIFFE STATE HISTORIC SITE: 1859 mansion of S.C. Governor James Henry Hammond, held by the family for three generations until 1975. Grounds and slave quar ters are open Thursday-Monday, 9 a.m.-6 p.m. House tours will be offered at 1, 2 and 3 p.m. Admission to the grounds is free. Fee for house tours is $3 for adults and children ages 6-17. For more information, call (803) 827-1473. 181 Redcliffe Road, Beech Island. SACRED HEART CULTURAL CENTER is offering tours of its 100-year-old building. Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-5 p.m. $1 per person, children free. 826-4700.

THE GERTRUDE HERBERT INSTITUTE OF ART in Ware’s Folly exhibits works by local and regional ar tists. Ar t classes, workshops and other educational programming for children, youth and adults are held in the Walker-Mackenzie Studio. Open Tuesday-Friday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Saturday by appointment only. Admission is free, but a donation of $2 for adults and $1 for children and seniors is encouraged. Call 722-5495 or visit www.ghia.org for more info. THE AUGUSTA MUSEUM OF HISTORY hosts permanent exhibition “Augusta’s Story,” an award-winning exhibit encompassing 12,000 years of local history. For the younger crowd, there’s the Susan L. Still Children’s Discovery Gallery, where kids can learn about history in a hands-on environment. The museum also shows films in the History Theatre and hosts a variety of programs. Located at 560 Reynolds Street. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sunday 1-5 p.m. Admission is $4 adult, $3 seniors, $2 kids (6-18 years of age) and free for children under 6. Free

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admission on Sundays. Call 722-8454 or visit www.augustamuseum.org for more information. THE MORRIS MUSEUM OF ART hosts exhibitions and special events year-round. Open Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sundays, noon-5 p.m. Closed on Mondays and major holidays. 1 Tenth Street, Augusta. Call 724-7501 or visit www.themorris.org for details. THE MUSEUM OF LAUREL AND HARDY OF HARLEM, GEORGIA features displays of various Laurel and Hardy memorabilia; films also shown. Located at 250 N. Louisville Street in downtown Harlem. Open 1-4 p.m. ThursdayMonday. For more information, call 556-3448. LUNCH AT NOON LECTURE SERIES held the second Wednesday of every month at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum of Black History, 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Call the museum at 724-3576 for more information.

“FANTASY IN LIGHTS” holiday light show at Callaway Gardens in Pine Mountain, Ga., through Dec. 28. For ticket info, call 1-800-CALLAWAY.

ANNUAL K WANZA A FESTIVAL 6-10 p.m. Dec. 27 at Julian Smith Casino. Tickets are $10 per person and include traditional Kwanzaa dinner feast, lighting of the Kwanzaa candles, guest speaker and live enter tainment. Call Jerr y Smith, 582-5249, or Sylvia Robinson, 774-6905, for tickets.

AT THE GEORGIA MUSEUM OF ART in Athens, Ga.: “Enchanting Modern: Ilonka Karasz, 1896-1981” through Feb. 8; works by Armin Landeck through Feb. 8. Visit www.uga.edu/gamuseum or call (706) 542-4662 for info.

CHRISTMAS IN HOPELANDS 6-9 p.m. Dec. 19-23 and 25-27 at Hopelands in Aiken. Light displays, ar tisans’ showcase and holiday concer ts. Free admission, but donations are appreciated. Shut tle buses run from the parking lot of the Goodwill Store on Whiskey Road and Winn Dixie on York Street. (803) 642-7631. “‘TIS THE SEASON” show at the Dupont Planetarium Dec. 19-20, 23, 27, 30 and Jan. 2-3 at 7 and 8 p.m. Prices are $4.50 adults, $3.50 senior citizens and $2.50 students K-12. Call (803) 641-3769. FANTASY OF LIGHTS at Augusta Golf and Gardens through Dec. 24. Admission is $4 adults, $2 children. Kids in strollers admitted free. Call 724-4443 or 667-9695. BOOK SIGNING WITH STEVEN EUIN COBB Dec. 20, 26 p.m. at Waldenbooks. Cobb will be signing copies of “Plague at Redhook.” Call 737-4287 for information. MCDUFFIE FRIENDS OF ANIMALS holds pet adoptions each Saturday, 1-3 p.m. at Superpetz on Bobby Jones Expressway. Call 556-9090 or visit www.pet finder.com. COLUMBIA COUNTY HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. and every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. at PetsMar t. For more info, call 860-5020. RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL AND AUGUSTA ANIMAL RESCUE FRIENDS hold pet adoptions at Superpetz off Bobby Jones Expressway every Sunday from 1-4 p.m. Call AARF at 364-4747 or visit www.aarf.net. Adoptions also held at the Richmond County Animal Control Shelter, Tues.Sun., 1-5 p.m. Call the shelter at 790-6836. THE CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY holds pet adoptions every Saturday from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. and every Wednesday evening from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Pet Center located behind the GreenJackets Stadium on Milledge Rd. 261-PETS.

Out of Town NEW YEAR’S EVE PEACH DROP Dec. 31 at Underground Atlanta. Celebration starts at noon with live entertainment by The Temptations Review featuring Dennis Edwards, The Drifters, Cherish, Princess and Seven Sharp Nine. For more information, call (404) 523-2311. “A CHRISTMAS CAROL” will be presented at The New American Shakespeare Tavern in Atlanta through Dec. 21. Call (404) 874-5299. WORKS BY SHISHIR CHOKSHI AND RAOUL PACHECO will be on display at The Kalmanson Gallery in Swainsboro, Ga., through Dec. 23. Call (478) 237-2592 for information or 828-0334 for directions.

“THE HOLLY AND THE IVY” holiday celebration at Biltmore Estate in Asheville, N.C., through Jan. 4. For information, call 1-800-922-0046 or (828) 225-1333 or visit www.biltmore.com.

S P I R I T

TRUNK SHOW GOING ON

“ATLANTA BALLET’S NUTCRACKER” will be performed by the Atlanta Ballet through Dec. 27 at the Fox Theatre in Atlanta. For tickets, call (404) 817-8700.

Special Events

“CHRISTMAS IN THE QUARTERS” every Saturday at Redcliffe Plantation on Beech Island. Program star ts at 2 p.m. with a guided tour through the plantation’s slave quar ters and stories about 19th century Christmas rituals. On Dec. 20, Kit ty Wilson-Evans will share stories, songs and games. Fee is $4 for adults and $3 for children. Call (803) 827-1473 for information.

M E T R O

“A CHRISTMAS CAROL” will be presented through Dec. 28 on the Alliance Stage in Atlanta as part of the Alliance Theatre Company’s Family Series. For ticket information, visit www.alliancetheatre.org or call (404) 733-4600.

HISTORIC COLUMBIA HOUSE MUSEUM GUIDED TOURS through Jan. 4. Guided holiday tours are available every hour on the hour 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday and 14 p.m. Sunday. Admission is $5 per house for adults and $3 per house for children ages 6-17. Children under 6 and members of Historic Columbia admitted free. Combination ticket for all four houses is $18 on Saturday and Sunday. (803) 252-1770, ext. 24.

“DIGISTAR LASER FANTASY” program Dec. 19-20, 26-27 and Jan. 2-3 at the Dupont Planetarium in Aiken. Shows begin at 9 p.m. and ticket prices are $5.50 adults, $4.50 senior citizens and $3.50 students K-12. Call (803) 641-3769 or (803) 641-3654.

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ATHENS INSTITUTE OF CONTEMPORARY ART in Athens, Ga., welcomes submissions of Web site projects to be featured in ATHICA’s Virtual Art Gallery. Deadline is Dec. 21. Forward URL address of artist project, statement and art-based resume to Didi Dunphy, didi@athica.org. Call (706) 208-1613 for information.

D E C

The Raven’s Hoard Jewelry Gallery

CORNER OF 12TH AND JONES | DOWNTOWN AUGUSTA | 724-3830

Happy Holidays!

“EDWARD HOPPER AND URBAN REALISM” will be on display at the Columbia Museum of Art in Columbia, S.C., through Jan. 18. (803) 799-2810. “A SALUTE TO 25 YEARS OF THE GEORGIA MUSIC HALL OF FAME AWARDS” runs through Jan. 18 at the Georgia Music Hall of Fame in Macon, Ga. Exhibits, programs and events honoring the 25th anniversary of the Georgia Music Hall of Fame awards. Call 1-888GA-ROCKS for info. AT THE HIGH MUSEUM OF ART in Atlanta: “The Undiscovered Richard Meier: The Architect as Designer and Ar tist” through April 4; “Af ter Whistler: The Ar tist and His Influence on American Painting” through Feb. 8; and “Verrocchio’s David Restored: A Renaissance Bronze From the National Museum of the Bargello, Florence” through Feb. 8. Call (404) 733-HIGH or visit www.high.org for information.

Benefits • Large private courtyard with fountain accessible from main room

JAMES BROWN ENTERPRISES TOY GIVEAWAY Dec. 22 at the Imperial Theatre. Star ting at 10 a.m., James Brown Enterprises will be giving toys to needy children. Donations may be lef t at WKIM Radio, 1802 Killingswor th Rd. prior to the event or brought to the Imperial Theatre the day of the event. For more info, contact Elif Hogan, 738-1971.

• Centrally located in historic downtown Augusta • On site catering by Roux’s Gourmet Catering

“SHOW SOMEONE YOU CARE; GIVE A BEAR” BLOOD DRIVE 7 a.m.-7 p.m. Dec. 18 at the American Red Cross facility, 106 Pleasant Home Rd. Blood donors may attach holiday notes to teddy bears provided by the Red Cross and distributed to patients at local hospitals, rehabilitation centers and nursing homes. Call 1-800-GIVE-LIFE for more information or to schedule an appointment.

• Reception capacity - 300 people • We handle all the details!

BLACK AND WHITE MASKED BALL fundraiser for the Aiken Community Playhouse Dec. 31. Tickets are $100 per person and are available by calling (803) 648-1438.

• Please call for more information

“MAKE A DIFFERENCE NIGHT” at the Augusta Lynx game Dec. 20, 7:35 p.m. Walton Rehabilitation Hospital will sell $10 fundraiser tickets to benefit Camp TBI for children who have suffered traumatic head injuries. Also, toys will be collected at the game for the “Walton Rehabilitation Center Lynx to the Children Toy Drive.” Collected toys will be given to children spending the holidays in Walton Rehabilitation Hospital. For ticket information, contact Judie Thompson, 823-8691, or James W. Helm, 724-4423.

• Augusta’s most unique gathering place

AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL is in need of dog and cat food, cat lit ter and other pet items, as well as monetary donations to help pay for vaccinations. Donations accepted during regular business hours, Tues.-Sun., 1-5 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Call 790-6836 for information.

• Open to all licensed caterers

Professionally managed by

Roux's Gourmet Catering

1244 Jones Street Downtown Augusta 724-2218

1257 Broad St. 724-1250

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Specialty Meats for the Holidays Black Forest Ham Bratwurst German Groceries & Candies

Brueckner’s Specialty Meats 101 Shartom Drive • Augusta Business Center Behind Applebee’s

868-0830

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Biltmore Estate in Asheville, N.C., celebrates the holidays with “The Holly and the Ivy” displays and activities through Jan. 4. SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER BLOOD DRIVES in various locations around the CSRA this month. For detailed information on locations and times to donate, visit www.shepeardblood.org. You may also call Susan Edwards at (803) 643-7996 for information on Aiken locations and Nancy Szocinski at 737-4551 for information on all other locations. AMERICAN RED CROSS BLOOD DRIVES at the Aiken Red Cross Blood Center on Millbrook Drive and the Augusta Red Cross Blood Center on Pleasant Home Road. The bloodmobile will also stop at various area locations this week. For a complete list, call the Aiken Blood Center at (803) 642-5180 or the Augusta Blood Center at 868-8800.

Learning USC-AIKEN CONTINUING EDUCATION offers Italian, Ar t for Beginners, Debt-Free Living, Financial Strategies, Taming the Wild Child, Paralegal Cer tificate Course and more. Travelearn learning vacations for adults and Education to Go online courses also available. For info, phone (803) 641-3563. AUGUSTA STATE UNIVERSITY CONTINUING EDUCATION is now offering the following classes: QuarkXPress, A Prosperous Retirement, Intermediate Investing, All Things Dutch, Origami and more. Also, ASU offers online courses. For more information, call 737-1636 or visit www.ced.aug.edu. AIKEN TECH CONTINUING EDUCATION offers the following courses: Microsof t Cer tified System Administrator courses, health care courses, Defensive Driving and more. Aiken Tech also offers Education to Go classes online. For more information or to register, call (803) 593-9231, ex t. 1230.

Health AUGUSTA BRAIN INJURY SUPPORT GROUP meets the second Thursday of every month, 6 p.m., at Walton West TLC. Brain injury survivors and their family members and caregivers are invited to at tend. 737-9300. FORE THE HEALTH OF IT ADAPTIVE GOLF CLINICS held the first Tuesday of every month at First Tee of Augusta. Physical and occupational therapists from Walton Rehabilitation Hospital will guide the course. Call 823-8691. CHRONIC PAIN SUPPORT GROUP meets the first Thursday of every month, 10:30-11:30 a.m. at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital. 823-5294. STROKE SUPPORT GROUP meets the last Wednesday of the month, 1-2 p.m., in the outpatient classroom at Walton Rehabilitation Hospital. 823-5213. WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL AMPUTEE CLINIC for new and experienced prosthetic users meets the third Thursday of each month, 1-3 p.m. 722-1244. WALTON REHABILITATION HOSPITAL offers a number of health programs, including Fibromyalgia Aquatics, Water Aerobics, Wheelchair and Equipment Clinics, Theraputic Massage, Yoga, Acupuncture, Children’s Medical Services Clinic, Special Needs Safety Seat Loaner Program, Focus on Healing exercise class for breast cancer survivors and more. Call 823-5294 for information. THE MCG BREAST CANCER SUPPORT GROUP meets the first Thursday of every month at 7 p.m. and provides education and suppor t for those with breast cancer. For information, call 721-1467.

PROJECT LINK COMMUNITY LECTURE SERIES is held the first Tuesday of every month and is sponsored by the MCG Children’s Medical Center. Project Link provides educational resources and guidance for families who have children with developmental delays, disabilities and other specialized health concerns. Free and open to the public; takes place from 6:30-8 p.m. in the main conference room at the Children’s Medical Center. Call 721-6838 for information. UNIVERSITY HEALTH CARE SYSTEM COMMUNITY EDUCATION holds workshops, seminars and classes on a variety of topics: weight and nutrition, women’s health, cancer, diabetes, seniors’ health and more. Suppor t groups and health screenings are also offered. Call 736-0847 for details.

Kids CHRISTMAS CAMP 9 a.m.-noon Dec. 29-31 at Harrison-Caver Park in Clearwater. Call (803) 5934698 for info. HOLIDAY CAMPS at Riverview Park activites center in Nor th Augusta Dec. 29-31. Camps are from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. and open to children ages 6-12. Registration required. Cost is $25 per day, with discounts available to activity center members. For more information, call (803) 441-4311. PARENTS’ DAY OUT Dec. 20, 9 a.m.-4 p.m. at the Aiken County Recreation Center in Graniteville. Christmas craf ts, carols and gif t-making will keep kids busy so moms and dads get a chance to shop or wrap presents. (803) 663-6142. SMITH-HAZEL CHRISTMAS CAMP 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Dec. 22-31 (no camp Dec. 24-25) at the Smith-Hazel Recreation Center in Aiken. Open to children 4-11 years of age. Cost is $50 per child and non-resident fees apply. Call (803) 642-7635. FAMILY Y HOLIDAY CAMPS held 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Dec. 19, 22-24, 26, 29-30 and Jan. 2. Early drop-of f and late pick-up available. On Dec. 24 and 31, camp hours are from 9 a.m.-noon only. Call 738-6678.

BREAKFAST WITH SANTA Dec. 20, 8:30 a.m., at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Af ter break fast, children will be able to make a holiday craf t to take home. Admission fee is $1 per child. (803) 642-7631. FORT DISCOVERY HOLIDAY CAMP Dec. 22-23 and 2930. For information, visit www.nationalsciencecenter.org. STORYTIME WITH SANTA IN WINTER WONDERLAND Dec. 20 at Headquar ters Library. Stories, craf ts and family por traits from 10:30-11:30 a.m. Call 821-2623.

FREE CAR SEAT EDUCATION CLASSES for parents and other caregivers the third Monday of every month from 911 a.m. at MCG Children’s Medical Center. Registration is required; those who are Medicaid or Peachcare eligible should indicate status during registration and bring a card or proof of income to class in order to receive a free car seat. 721-KIDS. GIRLS INCORPORATED OF THE CSRA AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAM runs through May 21. Open to girls currently enrolled in kindergar ten through high school. In addition to offering specialized programs, Girls Incorporated offers van pick-up at select schools, neighborhood drop-off, homework room and a hot evening meal. For information, call 733-2512. WEEKLY STORY SESSIONS at all branch libraries. Visit www.ecgrl.public.lib.ga.us for more information. FIRST SATURDAY STORYTELLING at the Lucy Craf t Laney Museum. In addition, there is a tour of the museum. Held 10 a.m.-noon the first Saturday of the month. Call 724-3576.

Seniors HOME-BASED CARE available for low- to mid-income families seeking alternatives to nursing home placement. To participate, individuals must be aged 60 or up or must have disability status as defined by Social Security Administration guidelines. Applicants must also meet program income guidelines. For more information, contact the CSRA Area Agency on Aging at 210-2018 or 1-888-922-4464.

“BEHOLD THE STAR” concer t with Creative Impressions Dec. 20, 6:30 p.m., at the Bell Auditorium. Ticket price is $50 and includes dinner and per formance. Proceeds benefit the Creative Impressions 2004 scholarship awards program. Black tie at tire is requested. To order tickets, call 722-3521 or visit www.ticketmaster.com. “A VIENNESE CHRISTMAS” with the New Sigmund Romberg Orchestra 3 and 8 p.m. Dec. 19 at the Newberry Opera House in Newberry, S.C. (803) 276-6264. “MESSIAH AND MORE” with the Augusta Choral Society, Creative Impressions and

members of the Augusta Symphony Dec. 18, 8 p.m., at Sacred Hear t Cultural Center. Tickets are $20 adults, $16 seniors and students and $5 children under 12. Call 826-4713. “EILEEN IVERS CELTIC CHRISTMAS” 8 p.m. Dec. 20 at the Newberry Opera House in Newberry, S.C. Call (803) 2766264 for details. CHRISTMAS CONCERT WITH SELAH 7 p.m. Dec. 18 at First Baptist Church in Nor th Augusta. Augusta Dance Theatre and Jill Phillips will also per form. Tickets are $12 in advance, $15 at the door and $20 ar tist circle. Charge by phone at 1800-965-9324 or buy on the Web at www.itickets.com. HOLLY DAYS CONCERT SERIES Dec. 21 in downtown Aiken. For more information, call (803) 649-2221.

Design Your Own

Holiday Cheer.

Voted Best Steak In Augusta For 15 Years

31 M E T R O S P I R I T

1987-2002

AIKEN COUNTY PONY CLUB meets weekly. Open to children of all ages who par ticipate or are interested in equestrian spor ts. For more information, contact Lisa Smith at (803) 649-3399.

Holiday Concerts “ACOUSTIC CHRISTMAS” with Josh Kelley and Lillix Dec. 19 at the Imperial Theatre. All-ages show benefits the Toys for Tots campaign; admission is a new, unwrapped toy. Doors open at 6 p.m. and the show begins at 7 p.m. For more information, call the Imperial Theatre box of fice at 722-8341.

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Glass Beads • Swarovski Crystals • Vintage Glass Semi-Precious Stones • Classes “Augusta’s only full service bead store.”

2856 Washington Rd. 73-STEAK 1654 Gordon Hwy. 796-1875

YaYa Beads Beading Supplies Behind Applebee's on Washington Rd. 651-1147 • www.yayabeads.com Tues-Fri 10am-6pm • Sat 10am-5pm

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DIET COUNSELING CLASSES for diabetics and those with high cholesterol at CSRA Par tners in Health, 1220 Augusta West Parkway. Free. Call 860-3001 for class schedule.

Join us New Year’s Eve Full Menu Available or Choose Dinner for 2 $6495 Includes Appetizer, Salad, Entree, Dessert, Complimentary Glass of Wine or Champagne.

CHOW Downtown

Reservations welcome but not required.

LUNCH Mon-Fri DINNER Thur-Sat

1032 Broad St 706-303-CHOW

Presents the

Georgia Golf Hall of Fame

2004 Induction Banquet Saturday January 10, 2004 6:30 p.m. Radisson Riverfront Hotel Augusta, Georgia

es: nducte lp I 4 0 0 2 O obbins Janet D reenbaum Jerry G Stulb Eileen Open Seating $90 Per Person, Special Offer: Reserved Tables of Ten $800 Payment Guarantees Reservation Business Attire

706-724-4443 For More Information and Directions Visit www.gghf.org or Contact Dianne@gghf.org

D E C 1 8 2 0 0 3

REHABILITATION HOSPITAL offers Ar thritis 32 WALTON Aquatics and People With Ar thritis Can Exercise. Call 823-

year. For more information, contact Tracy Klemens, (678) 358-5890.

and production crew. Call 556-9134 or e-mail act@theatermail.net.

M E T SENIOR VOLUNTEERS NEEDED FOR THE NEW VISIR TOR CENTER AT PHINIZY SWAMP NATURE PARK to O greet visitors, hand out literature and sell merchan-

VOLUNTEERS NEEDED FOR SALVATION ARMY CHRISTMAS DISTRIBUTION Dec. 18-19, 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. Volunteers will assist in distributing toys, coats, groceries and gifts. For more information, call 826-7933.

I R I AIKEN PARKS AND RECREATION offers a multitude of proT grams for senior adults, including bridge clubs, fitness

AARP TAX-AIDE is looking for volunteers to dedicate four or more hours per week from Feb. 1-April 15 assisting senior ta xpayers. Five-day free training course for Ta x-Aide volunteers begins in January. For more information, contact William J. Kozel at 2103048.

SERVICE CORPS OF RETIRED EXECUTIVES (SCORE) provides counseling and mentoring to businesspeople star ting up a new business or expanding an ongoing business. Services are provided free of charge. For more information, call the Augusta of fice at 793-9998.

5294 for information.

dise. Volunteers are asked to commit one Saturday or S Sunday per month, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. or 1-5 p.m. Call P 828-2109 for information.

classes, canasta clubs, line dancing, racquetball, ar ts and D craf ts, tennis and excursions. For more information, call E (803) 642-7631. C

THE ACADEMY FOR LIFELONG LEARNING offers lectures,

1 8 courses, field trips, discussion groups and community infor-

mation seminars on a variety of topics to mature adults. For 2 more information, contact the USC-Aiken Office of 0 Continuing Education at (803) 641-3288. 0 3 THE SENIOR CITIZENS COUNCIL OF GREATER AUGUSTA

AND THE CSRA offers a variety of classes, including ballroom dance, aerobics, quilting, tai chi, Spanish, line dancing, bowling, bridge, computers, drama club/readers theatre and pinochle. For dates and times, phone 826-4480. SENIORNET provides adults age 50 and over education for and access to computer technology. Many different courses are offered. Contact the USC-Aiken Continuing Education Office at (803) 641-3563.

Sports THE AUGUSTA FLASH FAST-PITCH TR AVEL TEAM is looking for players for the 2004 season. Players must be at least 15 years of age as of Jan. 1, 2004. For tryout information, contact Jef f Towe, 868-8485, or Vicki Parker, 854-7711. THE AUGUSTA VOLLEYBALL ASSOCIATION is looking for new members. For more information, visit www.augustavolleyball.com. AUGUSTA LYNX HOME GAMES Dec. 19-20, 28 and 31. For tickets, call 724-4423 or visit www.augustalynx.com.

THE EARNED INCOME TAX CREDIT COALITION is looking for volunteers with basic computer skills to prepare ta x returns for individuals with low and limited income, individuals with disabilities, non-English speaking persons and elderly ta xpayers. Volunteers receive free training and instruction materials from the IRS and will serve at VITA sites throughout the community. For more information, contact Sheryl Silva, 826-4480, ex t. 341. AUGUSTA/CSR A HABITAT FOR HUMANITY needs volunteers at ReStore, Walton Way and Tenth Street, to assist with receiving donations of new and used building and home improvement materials and warehousing them for sale to the public. The store is open Thursday-Saturday year round. If you can commit eight or more hours per month, contact Steve Buck, 364-7637. MENTORS AND VOLUNTEERS needed to provide suppor t for MACH Academy at the May Park Communtiy Center and the Fleming Tennis Center. Education, tutoring and technology sessions held Monday-Thursday, 3-6 p.m. at each location. Tennis instruction and fitness activities held Monday-Thursday, 6-7 p.m. at May Park and Monday-Tuesday, 6-8 p.m., Friday, 6-8 p.m. and Saturday, 2-5 p.m. at the Fleming Center. 796-5046. FOSTER PARENTS NEEDED for children and teenagers in Richmond County. For information, contact Luera Lewis, 721-3718.

THE AUGUSTA RUGBY CLUB is always looking for new members. Teams available for women and men; no experience necessary. Practice is Tuesday and Thursday nights, 79 p.m. at Richmond Academy. For more information, call Don Zuehlke, 495-2043, or e-mail augustar fc@yahoo.com. You may also visit www.augustarugby.org.

PHINIZY SWAMP NATURE PARK VISITOR CENTER is in need of volunteers to greet visitors, hand out literature and sell merchandise. Volunteers must commit to one Saturday or Sunday each month, from either 9 a.m.-1 p.m. or 1-5 p.m. 828-2109.

Volunteer

UNITED HOSPICE OF AUGUSTA is in need of volunteers to suppor t terminally ill patients. Scheduling and training times are flexible. Call Donna Harrell at 650-1522 for information.

FORTE INTERNATIONAL EXCHANGE ASSOCIATION is in need of local host families for high school international exchange students for the 2004-2005 school

THE ARTISTS’ CONSERVATORY THEATRE OF THE CSR A is looking for volunteer board members, actors

SOUTHERNCARE HOSPICE SERVICE is currently seeking volunteers to per form a variety of tasks, including relieving caregivers, reading to patients and running errands. Training is included. For additional information, contact Lisa Simpson, (803) 463-9888 or 869-0205. COURT APPOINTED SPECIAL ADVOCATE PROGR AM VOLUNTEER TR AINING: The CASA program is looking for volunteers 21 years of age and older to advocate for abused and neglected children in the juvenile cour t system. Volunteers need no experience and will be provided with specialized training. Call 737-4631. CSRA HUMANE SOCIETY NEW VOLUNTEER ORIENTATION PROGRAM the third Saturday of every month at the Pet Center, 425 Wood St. Orientation starts at 11 a.m. Volunteers under 18 years of age must have a parent or guardian present during orientation and while volunteering. Call 261-PETS for information. THE KITTY ORTIZ DE LEON FOUNDATION needs volunteers to help promote organ donor awareness. For more information, please contact Cassandra Reed or Espy De Leon at 394-0838 or kodfoundation@aol.com. GOLDEN HARVEST FOOD BANK needs volunteers during the day, from 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. Monday-Friday, to help sor t donated products and assist in their agency shopping area. Help is needed year-round. If you are able to lift 25 pounds, can commit to at least 3-4 hours per month and would like to help fight hunger in the Augusta area, contact Laurie Roper at 736-1199, ex t. 208. AUGUSTA-RICHMOND COUNTY ANIMAL CONTROL: New volunteer orientation is scheduled the first Saturday of each month at 1 p.m. at the shelter, 4164 Mack Lane. Schedule subject to change; call 790-6836 to verify dates and times. SHEPEARD COMMUNITY BLOOD CENTER is seeking donors to prevent a blood supply shor tage. To donate call 737-4551, 854-1880 or (803) 643-7996.

Meetings THE GEM AND MINERAL SOCIETY OF AUGUSTA meets the third Friday of the month, 7:30 p.m., at the Georgia Military College Building. Contact Jean Parker, 650-2956, or Connie Barrow, 547-0178.

THE CANOE AND KAYAK CLUB OF AUGUSTA meets the four th Tuesday of each month, 7 p.m., at the Warren Road Community Center. New members are always welcome. Contact Jim Mashburn at 860-5432. THE CSRA LINUX USERS GROUP meets the fourth Tuesday of the month at Borders Books and Music at 6 p.m. to discuss Linux, computers, the Internet and related issues. Call 790-8439 for more information. THE JOHN BIRCH SOCIETY OF AUGUSTA holds a civic advocacy meeting every third Saturday of the month from 10 a.m.noon at the Friedman Branch Library. For more information, contact Tonio, 373-3772. BEGINNER LEVEL VIDEO-MAKER CLUB meets the third Thursday of each month, 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Library. Contact Louise Coe, 592-6464.

Weekly

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS meets every Sunday night, 7:30 p.m., at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church in Nor th Augusta. For more information, call 278-5156. NAR-ANON FAMILY GROUP for relatives and friends of drug abusers. No dues or fees. The group meets Mondays at 7 p.m. Call for location. For information, contact Josie, 414-5576, or Lionel, 860-0302. GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS meets Thursdays, 7:30 p.m., in the basement of Fairview Presbyterian Church. 1-800-313-0170. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: For more information and a meeting schedule, call 860-8331. NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS: If you want to stop using any drugs, there is a way out. Help is available at no cost. Call the Narcotics Anonymous help line for information and meeting schedules at 855-2419. SEXAHOLICS ANONYMOUS, a 12-step program of recovery from addiction to obsessive/compulsive sexual thoughts and behaviors, meets Wednesdays at 8 p.m. at Christ Church Unity, 2301 Central Ave. Call 339-1204 and leave first name and phone number; a confidential reply is assured. GUIDELINES: Public service announcements are listed in this section without charge at the discretion of the editor. Announcements must be received by Monday at noon and will be included as space permits. Send to Events, Metro Spirit, P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA 30914 or fax (706) 733-6663. You may also e-mail listings to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com. Listings cannot be taken over the phone.

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Celebrate the Season

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Happy holidays from the staff of barberitos

Poinsettias (all colors & sizes) Live Wreaths & Garlands Beautiful Garden Accessories

33 M E T R O S P I R I T D E C

Thanks for your

1 8

support during

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our opening... we look forward to seeing you in

See us for your Holiday Home Decorating

2004

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Washington Road to Woodbine Drive at St. Mark UMC, turn at second left Redbird, left at second stop sign - Bedford, right at next street Oleander

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Life is hectic. Weekends shouldn't have to be. Join Scott Simon for Weekend Edition every Saturday at 8:00 AM on WACG, 90.7 FM. Reclaim your Saturday and hear weekend news, views, and commentary. From gardening tips and film reviews to in-depth news analysis, Peabody Award-winning host Scott Simon eases you into the weekend with a fresh

denise miles linder fury’s ferry station • 706-868-0770 corner of fury’s ferry rd & riverwatch pkwy

Photo of Scott Simon by Lisa Berg

perspective.

Call us at (800) 654-3038 or visit us at www.gpb.org for more information about our programming.

34 M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 1 8 2 0 0 3

Arts: Visual

Will Fahnoe: A Work in Progress

By Rhonda Jones

D

uring lunch one afternoon, local artist Will Fahnoe cast a glance over at the mural he was working on for the Skyline Café, a montage of famous American structures like the Statue of Liberty and the Golden Gate Bridge. At that moment, it was simply a large line drawing stretching across the restaurant’s long wall. “My mother used to spank me for drawing on the walls,” he said. Well, some things never change. But these days, Fahnoe doesn’t get spanked for drawing on the walls; he gets paid for it. “I’ve been interested in art since I was a child,” he said. “I was supported in that intent with classes outside of school.” He attended the Art Institute of Chicago in Evanston, Ill., he said, and the University of Miami in Florida. He also attended a summer program at Yale and studied at the Art Students League in New York City. But he hasn’t let school get in the way of his education: Fahnoe has been globetrotting for a long time.” “I’ve been gong to Europe since I was young, probably 10 or 11, hanging out in museums in Chicago and New York, all over the place.” “I’m trying to plan a trip now to paint in Prague,” he added. His professional career has taken him to Miami, where he worked 10 years before moving to Augusta, where he has been for many years. He has taught all over town, including in the Department of Continuing Education at Augusta State University and at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art. “Now it’s pretty much just in my own studio,” he said. That is, when he’s not working on location. Behind him are two smaller murals, already completed — colorful representations of South Beach and Chicago. It would not be long until the montage would be complete, and then he would move on to his next project. The following week, he said, he was scheduled to start a piece for HarleyDavidson. And, he added, PetLand had already had him paint a mural of tropical fish. “The fish are looking at you.” he said. “You’re, like, in the aquarium.” In addition to that, Fahnoe invites students into his work space on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 8:30 a.m. to 10:30 p.m., teaching private students and groups in the small, painting-filled studio, home to nudes, portraits, plants, various artistic implements and even a snoozing boa. That schedule, Fahnoe said, leaves the rest of his time open for his own projects. “The fine art end of it right now … I’m doing a bunch of low-country stuff, from Charleston,” he said. “I’m really focusing on the fragility of the ecosystem there and how it’s been used, conserved, exploited.” One piece of which he is particularly fond is a painting of the sprawling Angel Oak of John’s Island. “It’s the largest oak tree east of the Mississippi,” he said. “It is something else.” According to online sources, the oak is around 1,400 years old. Photos show the tree in its enormity, its colossal arms dragging the ground with their own weight, as big around as large trees themselves. It is said, also, that seven people would have to touch fingertips around the tree’s trunk in order to stretch all the way around it. Fahnoe’s rendition of the Angel Oak, as well as several other pieces from that particular series, are currently on sale at Schweitzer Art Glass Studio, Inc., on Broad Street, a fitting spot for Fahnoe as downtown has been his artistic home for quite some time. Once upon a time, he kept a gallery on

Left: Will Fahnoe poses with his painting of Charleston’s Angel Oak. Below: On a trip to France about three years ago, Fahnoe became fascinated by the possiblities presented by windows and doors.

Artists’ Row, in fact, but for the past few years has worked in a studio at the old Johnson Building at 8th and Broad. I asked if ecology was a special interest of his. He agreed that it was. “Ecology and conservation of both the natural world and our own history,” he said. “I hate this tearing down of our historical sites to put up Wal-Marts. It’s just appalling to me.” He also agreed that interest in history accounted for his setting up shop at the Johnson Building, an atmospheric structure reminiscent of old pulp crime novels, where one could imagine a scrappy P.I. manning his lone telephone in a dim office. “Absolutely,” Fahnoe said. “Absolutely.” “You know, our society is in constant change,” he added. “Which is good, but we all need to be caretakers and conscientious of our history. Our historical buildings are irreplaceable. Nobody could build them like that again.” Speaking of change, he pointed out one of his many nude drawings hanging at the shop. He had made this particular piece with chalk on brown paper. “This is a new way I’ve been working,” he said. In addition to the murals he does for local businesses, portraiture and ecological paintings, he also travels out of the country from time to time and comes back with pieces of the places he visits. On a trip to France a few years ago, he painted more architectural pieces — windows and doors especially. Asked how important those trips — to Japan, France, the Netherlands – are to him both as a person and as an artist, he said, “Oh very much so. They completely rejuvenate me. Visual stimulation is very important.” He agreed, also, that it was a bit silly to allude to “the person” as opposed to “the artist.” “It’s all so entwined that there really isn’t a separation for it,” he said. “You’re constantly getting inspiration from all sorts of visual sources.”

For instance, he said, he notices the difference in the way light falls along Broad Street during various times of year. “The same scene is constantly changing daily, monthly,” he said. “I’m always in the middle of it.” And change is necessary, he said, for people as well. As for himself, Fahnoe feels it is important to remain open to new knowledge, to always be in the process of growing. “As a teacher I try to pass those things on and every student is different,” he said. “The list of possibilities is enormous.” He does, however, recognize certain recurring themes, certain subjects that keep popping up in his own work. “One is the figure, both through portraits and drawings. Another is ecological conservation.” Asked what his inspiration is, he replied, “Everything.” He agreed, however, that that can become overwhelming at times. “I try to focus on a specific theme, a subject, until I can explore it, before moving on to the next one,” he said. That can get a little difficult for someone like himself, Fahnoe admits. He says he has about two hours of concentration time on any one thing before he has to move on to something else, and copes by working on several different projects at once. He laughed. “Sometimes I think I’m a poster child for adult ADD.” The artist may be reached at his studio at (706) 724-0094.

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RED CARPET EVENTS Call NOW To Book Your Reservations

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Couples Package w/Food & Hotel-$138 After 9pm Cover Charge -$15 INCLUDES: Heavy Hors d’oeuvres 7-9pm provided by Mint Julep

Live Dance Band-Preston & Weston (formerly the Word of Mouth Cafe house band)

Party Favors Champagne at Midnight

724 Broad Street, formerly Word of Mouth Cafe

Now taking a Limited Number of Reservations for New Year’s Eve

Roasted Pork Tenderloin with a Cranberry Glaze Low Country Boil Shrimp with Beefy Summer Sausage Margarita Chicken Kabobs Seasonal Fruit Marinated with Malibu Rum Romano Bruschetta Lightly Browned Stuffed Mushrooms with Parmesan Cheese and Cream Cheese Mini Eggrolls with a Tangy Sweet and Sour Sauce Holiday Sweet Tray Coffee & Tea

M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 1 8 2 0 0 3

36 M E T R O S P I R I T

Arts: Entertainment

Christmas in the Slave Quarters

By Rhonda Jones

D E C 1 8 2 0 0 3

A

nyone who has ever been out to Redcliffe Plantation in Beech Island must wonder why it’s such a wellkept secret. It could be because people may think it’s pretty hard to go “all the way out there,” and so the ones who know about it have been putting it off forever. But it isn’t a difficult trip; in fact it’s hardly a trip of any description. And here’s the way, short and simple. Head downtown by any street you normally head down and go to the end of it. Broad Street or Greene will do nicely. Once you run out of street, make a left and you will be on East Boundary. If you’ve never been and that makes you feel as though you’ve reached the edge of something, you have. Not quite civilization as you know it, but you are about to enter a part of Augusta that travels a bit faster and gets you into that travel headspace — long roads with destinations. Make an almost immediate right onto Sand Bar Ferry Road, which is a truck route. When the road splits a few miles later, stay on the left fork. That’s 278 and will take you to Hammond Road, where you will take a right. Soon after, you will take another right onto Redcliffe Road. Immersion has begun. The road nestled between two fields, is a red dirt road that leads you into a growth of trees. Follow the sign and turn right, where you will see the posted hours of the park: Grounds from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m.; mansion tours 1 p.m., 2 p.m. and 3 p.m.; closed Tuesday and Wednesday. Passing through the gate, you will notice that the fields have become more pristine and inviting, the driveway lined with hefty magnolias. The place itself is pretty explanatory: Don’t pass the Do Not Enter signs. Park next to the ropes by the bulletin board with all the visitor information on it, and head for the house. You won’t be able to miss it. It’s huge and mansion-shaped. If a tour is what you’re after (or in my case, if you need someone who knows more than you to lead you around and explain things), then looking for Interpretive Ranger Joy Raintree will probably be your best option. I went out one Friday afternoon when the place was quiet. The house, she said, was built in Greek Revival style, with expansive halls on the first and second floors, each surrounded by four rooms. Adjoining rooms on the first floor, she said, have adjoining doorways. One of the favorite stops of the tour, she said, is the library, with 2,300 books representing the tastes of four generations of Hammonds from the years 1859 to 1975. It is quite an inviting place. “It’s hard giving a 45-minute tour with this being the second room,” Raintree said.

“Because everyone wants to stay here.” It is difficult to take in the vast amount of information at one time. No matter what piece draws your attention, chances are Raintree will have something to tell you about it. I asked if she has lots of repeat customers for that very reason, and she mentioned a woman who comes every time she has out-of-town visitors. “She’s brought hoardes of people,” she said. Then it was time to visit the slave quarters, the centerpiece of a Christmas program that got its start last year when a large chunk of plaster fell from one of the mansion’s ceilings. This year, they decided to continue the program. The kids, as well as the adults, like the hands-on nature of the experience, as they get to hold replicas of the pipes and tobacco that Hammond gave his slaves for Christmas. Here’s how it works. Visitors will go out to one of the two standing slave buildings — a bare wood shack separated into two halves by a central fireplace. Those were shared by two families, Raintree said.

Interpretive Ranger Joy Raintree (left) will take visitors into the slave quarters (above) to learn about how the slaves of Redcliffe Plantation spent their holiday. While visitors explore the world of the exactly free time in the way we get time away slaves, Raintree said, she will give a talk cenfrom work. Sometimes, though, slaves would tered around the different aspects of their life, be given passes to travel to one of Hammond’s particularly how those aspects were handled neighboring plantations to visit relatives. It during the holidays — food, “free” time, was a time of feasting, dancing and drinking. gifts, religion and visiting. But it was also a time of marriage and divorce The parts of the lecture are all based on the among the slaves. Such bonds were not recogdiary of James Henry Hammond, the master nized by law, Raintree said, but Hammond of the plantation during much of the 19th cen- recognized them on his plantation. He granted tury, who died in 1864. divorces as well. Here is his entry for Dec. 26, “Here at Redcliffe, he had 21 house slaves 1840: “Fine Day. Had a trial of Divorce & living here,” Raintree said. Adultery cases. Flogged Joe Goodwyn & According to Raintree’s lecture, December ordered him to go back to his wife. Ditto was the time of hog butchering, and some of Gabriel & Molly & ordered them to come the meat was shared with the slaves to supple- together again. Separated Moses and Anny ment their weekly allowance of cornmeal. His finally — And flogged Tom Kollock. He had Dec. 4, 1861 entry was a tally for the butcher- never been flogged before — Gave him 30 ing, with 129 hogs killed, yielding 16,654 lashes with my own hand [for] interfering with pounds of meat. His entry for Dec. 25, 1839 Maggy Campbell, Sullivan’s wife…” reads, “Christmas Day. Gave the people sugar, So Christmas was often quite an eventful coffee, tobacco & each of them a cape of pilot time all ‘round. cloth. Also a barbeque.” If you would like to experience “Christmas His entry marked 1840 to 1848 reads as fol- in the Slave Quarters” out at Redcliffe lows (pardon the language): “Every Negro Plantation, it will be held every Saturday this must come in person for the meal allowance season. The program starts at 2 p.m. with a and in clean clothes. Sweet potatoes may be guided tour through the Redcliffe Plantation given in the winter after Christmas, in part for slave quarters and stories about the Christmas meal, where preferred at the rates of one rituals practiced on the plantation in the bushel of potatoes for one peck of meal. 1800s. Then, on Dec. 20, a special treat will There must be a watch kept that they do not come in the form of Kitty Wilson-Evans, who sell the potatoes.” will tell stories, and share songs and games. The slaves’ holiday lasted around three or The cost is $4 general admission and $3 for four days, according to records, and was not kids. For info, call (803) 827-1473.

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M E T R O S P I R I T D E C

Cinema

“Stuck on You”

Movie Listings

1 8 2 0 0 3

Bad Santa (R) — For very jaded kids and adults already sick of the holiday season but needing a cup of bile nog. If that is you, there is amusing alienation from Billy Bob Thornton as an alcoholic thief and cranky depar tment store Santa, Tony Cox as his rancid "elf" and Bernie Mac, Cloris Leachman and the late John Rit ter, directed with zip plot but a jingle of crass flippancy by Terry "Crumb" Zwigof f. Running time: 1 hr., 33 mins. (Elliot t) ★★1/2 Brother Bear (G) — Latest Disney animated of fering about a young man, Kenai, who is transformed by The Great Spirits into a bear. On a quest to gain back his human form, Kenai befriends a bear cub, Koda, and evades his human brother, who, not realizing Kenai has been turned into a bear, is on Kenai’s trail on a revenge mission.Cast: Jeremy Suarez, Joaquin Phoenix, Rick Moranis, Dave Thomas. Bruce Almighty (PG-13) — Jim Carrey is Bruce, the goofy features repor ter on a TV station in Buf falo. He aspires to become a "serious" anchor, but af ter blowing his cool on the air, loses his job and has a rif t with his sweet, please-marry-me girlfriend (Jennifer Aniston). There cometh unto Buf falo the Almighty (Morgan Freeman). The Lord loans his powers to Bruce. Time for some payback, some wild stunts, some sexual dazzling of Aniston, some nudges of satire. Like Mel Brooks as Moses in "History of the World, Par t I," Carrey has climbed the comical Mount Sinai and, like Brooks, he has dropped a tablet on the way down. One of the pieces is "Bruce Almighty." Cast: Jim Carrey, Morgan Freeman, Jennifer Aniston, Philip Baker Hall, Catherine Bell. Running time: 1 hr., 45 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Cabin Fever (R) — Paul (Rider Strong) hopes that while on a week-long getaway in the woods, he and Karen (Jordan Ladd) will grow closer. Going along for the ride is self-centered Jef f (Joey Kern), par ty girl Marcy (Cerina Vincent) and boozer-jock Ber t (James DeBello). The five arrive at a time a mysterious plague is sweeping the forest. When a hermit (Arie Verveen) stumbles to their cabin looking for help, the five kill him by accident. He lands face-first into the town

reservoir, contaminating the water supply. Af ter Karen is struck with the flesh-eating virus, friends become enemies as the group struggles to survive. Cast: Rider Strong, Jordan Ladd, Joey Kern, Cerina Vincent and James DeBello. Running time: 1 hr., 34 mins. (McCormick) ★ The Cat in the Hat (PG) — This bulldozing movie has about as much to do with Dr. Seuss’ wit ty and impressively drawn kids' books as Adam Sandler has with Molière. It's a brash defilement of Geisel's most famous work, yet so compulsively cheery that people might try to ignore the obvious. Mike Myers plays the Cat in a big hat and costume of fake fur that stifles his amusing features. He's supposed to be the spirit of wild, impish fun, helping lif t the depressed scamp Conrad (pudgy, likable Spencer Breslin) and his control-freak sister, Sally (Dakota Fanning), a dwar fish total woman who star ts of f each day by making a list. Director Bo Welch's technique is to just keep hurling (both senses of the word apply). His tireless approach is astoundingly tiresome. Cast: Mike Myers, Dakota Fanning, Alec Baldwin, Spencer Breslin, Kelly Preston. Running time: 1 hr., 32 mins. (Elliot t) ★ Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) — Tom Baker, head of a household numbering 14, is of fered a job coaching football at Nor thwestern University. The move to Chicago proves to be a big change for Baker and his wife, as well as their 12 children ranging in age from preschool-age to 22 years old. Cast: Steve Mar tin, Bonnie Hunt, Hilary Duf f, Missy Elliot, Piper Perabo, Alyson Stoner. Elf (PG) — Years ago, a human boy was adopted by one of Santa’s elves af ter sneaking a ride back to the Nor th Pole in Santa’s bag of presents. Now he’s fully grown, his height and clumsy nature impeding his duties in the workshop. He decides it’s time to travel to the human world and search for his family. Taking a job as a depar tment store elf, he inspires humans to believe in Santa Claus. Cast: Will Ferrell, James Caan, Zooey Deschanel, Bob Newhar t, Mary Steenburgen. The Fighting Temptations (PG-13) — Cuba Gooding Jr. plays Darrin, a junior adver tising exec with

“Bad Santa”

20th Century Fox

38

secrets. He's nearly broke and he lied on his resume to get his job. Then the worst-case scenario happens: His deception is discovered af ter he helps land a major account for the company. Then he learns that his Aunt Sally has passed away and he's expected to at tend her funeral as her last surviving relative. Darrin learns that he'll gain a huge inheritance if he whips the church choir into shape in time for a gospel contest. This is where "The Fighting Temptations" falls into the pit of stupidity. What saves the movie from being a total stinker is the music. As for Gooding, he seems to have confused charm and enthusiasm for acting. Cast: Cuba Gooding Jr., Beyonce Knowles, Mike Epps, Melba Moore, Angie Stone, The O'Jays, Montell Jordan and Rue McClanahan. Running time: 1 hr., 28 mins. (McCormick) ★★ Freaky Friday (PG) — It’s the updated version of

Dimension Films

the ‘70s film, starring Jamie Lee Cur tis as a frazzled mom and Lindsay Lohan as her rebellious teen-age daughter. The two are constantly arguing and both wish they could be someone else. When their wish comes true and the two end up switching bodies, they have to find a way back to their normal selves – before Mom walks down the aisle again. Cast: Jamie Lee Cur tis, Lindsay Lohan, Mark Harmon, Christina Vidal. The Haunted Mansion (PG) — Another movie based on a ride at Disneyland, again featuring cheesy, story-altering references to the rides, as well as plots about ghosts and curses. Eddie Murphy is a workaholic real estate agent and a smooth-talking sleazebag. A promising real-estate deal turns out to be more than he bargains for, and his eagerness to scope out a house on the way to a family vacation leaves his entire family stranded at a creepy, cobweb-ridden Louisiana mansion with a curse. The result is a movie that, while consistently amusing, plays like a hackneyed ef for t to

RATINGS

★★★★ — Excellent.

★★★— Worthy.

★★ — Mixed.

★ — Poor.

stretch a few minutes of ride into a coherent, hourand-a-half story. Running time: 1 hr., 39 mins. (Fu) ★★ Honey (PG-13) — Like having the fluids drained out of your system and replaced by a sugar-loaded, mixed-drink concoction of a color not found in nature. Honey Daniels (Jessica Alba) bar tends, dances and teaches hip-hop dance at a youth center. Discovered, she makes a fast splash as a music-video dancer and choreographer. There are jolts of energy from occasional moments of hip-hop frenzy, but the editing is so rapid-fire that what appears on the screen looks more like a video game than dance. Will Honey remember her old pals in the 'hood? Why, yes. First "Radio," now this; uplif t has never seemed so enervating. Running time: 1 hr., 28 mins. (Salm) ★1/2 The Last Samurai (R) — Tom Cruise stars as Nathan Algren, a heroic Civil War veteran and then embit tered cavalry man, reduced to heavy drinking and shilling for a gun company. Algren goes to Japan, paid to train the new imperial army in modern ways and weapons. But he finds himself drawn to the insurgent cause and almost idyllic life in the hills of samurai leader Katsumoto (Watanabe), who fights for the old ways and hopes to win over the adolescent emperor from greedy modernists. Having come to teach, Algren stays to learn. He is captured af ter impressing Katsumoto with his fighting spirit; the "barbarian" has a tiger within. "The Last Samurai" bides its time, has a predictable plot, but gives pleasure of a sustained kind. Cast: Tom Cruise, Ken Watanabe, Tony Goldwyn, Timothy Spall, Koyuki. Running time: 2 hrs., 24 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the

0— Not worthy.

continued on page 39

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“Elf”

“Mona Lisa Smile”

M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 1 8

New Line Cinema

Columbia Pictures

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continued from page 38 King (PG-13) — The last film in director Peter Jackson’s trilogy features the final confrontation between good and evil forces struggling for control of Middle Ear th. Cast: Elijah Wood, Sir Ian McKellen, Sean Astin Sala Baker, Cate Blanchet t, Orlando Bloom, Billy Boyd, Viggo Mor tensen, Liv Tyler. Love Don’t Cost a Thing (PG-13) — “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” is a remake of the 1987 teen comedy “Can’t Buy Me Love.” An unpopular geek blackmails a cheerleader into posing as his girlfriend in an at tempt to improve his reputation. Cast: Nick Cannon, Christina Milian, Vanessa Bell Calloway, Kal Penn, Steve Harvey, Kenan Thompson. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (PG-13) — The best film yet about men

fighting at sea under sail. Two of Patrick O'Brian's books have been beautifully transposed into a cogent and moving tale of the Napoleonic Wars. Capt. Aubrey (Russell Crowe) and his friend Dr. Maturin (Paul Bet tany) bond tightly despite amusing frictions and lead through storm and shot a stout crew against a French ship larger and bet ter built. It all fits and works like good seamanship, under Peter Weir's direction, manly without fakery. Running time: 2 hr., 19 min. (Elliot t) ★★★★ Mona Lisa Smile (PG-13) — A 1953 Berkeley graduate (Julia Rober ts) takes a job as a teacher at Wellesley. Her students’ abilities initially impress her, then frustrate her as she realizes the girls are striving for the per fect man instead of pursuing careers. Cast: Julia Rober ts, Kirsten Dunst, Julia Stiles, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Topher Grace, Marcia Gay Harden. Out of Time (PG-13) — John Billingsley stars as Chae, a drunken wiseguy and pathologist who trades corkers with Police Chief Mat t Whitlock (Denzel Washington), who sloshes through his latest case. The chief is suddenly the big suspect in a double murder caused by arson, af ter his incriminating, illicit af fair with past girlfriend Anne (Sanaa Lathan). Whitlock hustles through a hot day covering up the clues that point to him, while the main detective sleuthing his trail is his vampy, almost ex-wife, Alex (Eva Mendes). Dynamic, but obsessively remote from reality, "Out of

Time" is like a drive-in movie for a car junkyard. Cast: Denzel Washington, Sanaa Lathan, Dean Cain, Eva Mendes. Running time: 1 hr., 54 mins. (Elliot t) ★1/2

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (PG-13) — The movie will be a

shocker for anyone expecting watery gruel ex tracted from a Disneyland-ride base. This "Pirates of the Caribbean" is an original, with clever plot ting, some rapierlike dialogue and a scurvy crew of first-rate second bananas. When the Black Pearl, the invincible pirate ship commanded by the dread Capt. Barbossa (Geof frey Rush) storms Por t Royal and kidnaps Elizabeth (Keira Knightly), the governor's beautiful daughter, what can her secret admirer, the lowly blacksmith Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), do but go af ter her? He's forced to team up with the immensely unreliable Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). The movie lies becalmed when Depp/Sparrow is absent; when he's on screen, it's a rousing good time. Since he's on screen a good par t of the time, that makes "Pirates of the Caribbean" a rousing good movie. Arrrrr! Cast: Johnny Depp, Geof frey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightly, Jonathan Pryce. Running time: 2 hrs., 14 mins. (Salm) ★★★ Radio (PG) — Ed Harris is Harold Jones, the coach of the high school football team in a small South Carolina town. Coach Jones takes pity on James (Cuba Gooding Jr.), a mentally handicapped young man who mutely pushes his shopping car t past the practice field every day, and makes him a kind of team, then school, mascot. Nicknamed Radio, he melts the hear t of almost everyone he encounters. A few antagonists enter and exit periodically. The schmaltz-intolerant would be wise simply to Fed-Ex seven bucks and a vial of tears directly to Columbia Pictures. Cast: Cuba Gooding Jr. Ed Harris, Brent Sex ton, Riley Smith. Running time: 1 hr., 46 mins. (Salm) ★1/2 The Rundown (PG-13) — The Rock stars as Beck, a sor t of bounty hunter. He goes to South America to bag the fugitive son of an L.A. thug. The grown kid is Travis (Seann William Scot t). Travis is the wiseof f in an Amazonian town, a hellhole, slave pit

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and diamond mine ruled by Hatcher (Christopher Walken). Rosario Dawson, her flesh like a sweat mirage, is Mariana, "barmaid by day, rebel leader by night." Sor t of an Indiana Jones jungle par ty for wrestling fans, "The Rundown" does have the Rock, who radiates benign composure — pure nice guy until pushed too far. Briefly we hear the late Johnny Cash: "Don't take your gun to town." Of course, every gun does come to town. Cast: The Rock, Seann William Scot t, Rosario Dawson, Christopher Walken. Running time: 1 hr., 36 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ The School of Rock (PG-13) — Jack Black, having learned a few things about rocking from singing and playing guitar in his band, Tenacious D, is a wannabe rock star named Dewey Finn who stumbles into a substitute teaching job. In between his outbursts of hair-metal singing and energetic dancing, he teaches his class of private school fif th graders the importance of self-confidence and "sticking it to the man," while he, in turn, learns what it means to be a team player. At times, the film comes close to comedic mediocrity but, like its characters, is saved by rock 'n' roll. Cast: Jack Black, Joan Cusack, Mike White, Sarah Silverman. Running time: 1 hr., 48 mins. (Fu) ★★★ Something’s Gotta Give (PG-13) — Jack Nicholson plays with his cruising wolf image and his age (66), spor ting with them as compulsive single Harry Langer. Harry's latest find for a fling is svelte Marin (Amanda Peet), an auctioneer who treats him like a lusty antique. They go to her divorced parents' beach house. But when he meets mother Erica (Keaton), a playwright, the awkward moments quiver. Harry has a sudden hear t crisis. He ends up stuck for a night with Erica. What happens is silly, knowing, wit ty, touching and abet ted def tly by a terrific score. When someone says of Erica's new play, "It's sweet, it's smar t, it's funny," that serves as a review of the movie. Critics should be pleased to echo it. Cast: Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton, Keanu Reeves, Frances McDormand, Amanda Peet. Running time: 1 hr., 47 mins. (Elliot t) ★★★★ Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (PG) — Now the boyish Juni Cor tez (Daryl Sabara) is a private investigator, the rest of his family away spying, and Juni is

pulled into the evil video game empire of the Toymaker (Sylvester Stallone). He must rise through levels, liberate sister Carmen (Alexa Vega) and prove himself as the Guy. Mostly he must sur f through gaudy storms of computerized ef fects, of ten in 3-D (yes, you wear glasses). There are robots and blue-tongued monsters and frantic chases. For a while, leathery grandpa Ricardo Montalban is liberated by animation from a wheelchair to clank around in a huge metal suit. Montalban is always a kick, but the movie is about as Hispanic as a pinata made in Taiwan. Cast: Daryl Sabara, Alexa Vega, Sylvester Stallone, Ricardo Montalban, Salma Hayek. Running time: 1 hr., 32 mins. (Elliot t) ★1/2 Stuck on You (PG-13) — The movie is like a Pez machine dispensing pellets of gags about being "conjoined twins," as they fear and hate the term Siamese twins: "We're not Siamese!" No, they're the dif ferent-looking, but joined, Bob (Mat t Damon), the quiet one, and Walt (Greg Kinnear), the "on" one. United by gut flab and a shared liver, they work in a burger joint. But Walt has giddy acting aspirations. So they go to Hollywood. Kinnear has rumpled lightness as this show guy who just happens to have a 160pound brother to haul around like a talking tumor, while Damon sulks and frets, perhaps pondering why his other half isn't Ben Af fleck. None of this is awful — it has a brisk spirit of whimsy — but it all runs in a very narrow groove. Cast: Mat t Damon, Greg Kinnear, Eva Mendes, Cher, Wen Yann Shih, Seymour Cassel, Meryl Streep. Running time: 1 hr., 45 mins. (Elliot t) ★★ Tupac: Resurrection (R) — “Tupac: Resurrection” is the first authorized documentary on the life and death of influential rap ar tist Tupac Shakur and is produced by his mother. The documentary features rare video footage, concer t footage, unreleased songs, home movies, family photos and excerpts from Tupac Shakur’s poetry, journals and private let ters. Cast: Tupac Shakur. —Capsules compiled from movie reviews written by David Elliott, film critic for The San Diego Union-Tribune and other staff writers.

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Cinema: Review

Jackson Brings the Tolkien Trilogy to a Satisfying End By Rachel Deahl

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he sensation that something is “more of the same” is usually a negative one when it comes to film. Walking out of the theater with the feeling that you’ve seen something before is almost always a bad thing; of course there are exceptions. Peter Jackson’s final installment in his “Lord of the Rings” trilogy is one such exception. “The Return of the King” delivers the same awe-inspiring visuals as Jackson’s two previous films, without ever coming off like it’s simply “more of the same.” In the press notes, Jackson says that he spent the last seven years of his life making these films, years which were long, difficult and taxing. Nonetheless, he goes on to say, they were years he would not have wanted to spend doing anything else. That dedication and love has come alive more fully with each installment in the series. In “The Return of the King” Jackson manages perhaps the most difficult task of all: He ties up Tolkien’s expansive trilogy in a cogent and deeply satisfying manner. Like the second film in the series, “The Two Towers,” “The Return of the King” is driven by wonderfully elaborate battle scenes. As the allencompassing war for Middle-earth nears, the Orc army grows in numbers as Sauron sends them to attack the stronghold of Gondor, Minas Tirith, which is ruled by an acting king, Denethor (John Noble). Splintered into a variety of storylines, like the other films, “The Return of the King” focuses on three basic yarns. Frodo (Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean Astin), guided by the tortured and deceptive Gollum, are trying to make their way to Mount

Doom to destroy the ring. Gandalf (Ian McKellen) is holding post at the first point of the Orc attack, Minis Tirith, trying to hold off the Orc army and deal with Denethor, who has slipped into insanity over the death of his eldest son, Boromir (who died in the first film). As the army of men from the neighboring land of Gondor prepare to enter the fray at Minis Tirith, Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) is given the power to rally the army of the dead, the only hope the human forces have against the Orcs. For those who aren’t devoted fans of Tolkien’s novels, the convoluted plot is ultimately, and thankfully, unimportant. And, to Jackson’s great credit, he once again manages to create a film that appeals and appeases both factions. Although one of the more engaging human dramas in the film is marginalized — the paternal battle between Denethor and Faramir, his younger son, is rife with the grandeur of Shakespearean drama — the real joy in the film springs from the elaborate sets and brilliantly staged battles. Once again Jackson manages to meld his computer graphics seamlessly with the live action to make the epic clashes on the battlefield look both otherworldly and yet, somehow, very real. Jackson also fills the picture with wonderful detail, something which has made all three of the films stand out. From the archaic but effective modes of communication — each principality in the kingdom communicates by lighting strategically placed wood stacks, high up on the mountains — to the detailed sets (Hobbiton is wonderful), Jackson’s final film is a worthy end note to a landmark cinematic event.

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Cinema: Review

Buying & Selling U.S. Coins, Currency & Confederate

By David Elliott

T

pedestal the gifts of our most appealing male star, and the gags have often landed rather heavily. The Oscar Nicholson won for “As Good As It Gets” (1997) might have been reserved for this part, because this is as good as late-vintage Nicholson (brilliantly joshing his image) gets; Meyers’ lines bloom in his butterscotch baritone (real butter there, and real Scotch). Keaton just about trumps him. As Erica, a perky playwright who treats post-married life as a busy, dutiful project, Keaton uses her age (57) with charm and guts and has never been quite so engagingly sexy and vulnerable. Her timing has superb assurance, and her crying jag pulls laughs from heartbreak. This is her best work since “Annie Hall.” Meyers is a commercial talent, so a Viagra gag verges on sitcom and a cute butt joke does not exactly work. But there is real charm of construction and finesse of delivery, the scene of Harry and Erica in the kitchen at night is a gem of mood and intonation, and support roles slip in smooth as silk (McDormand, Peet, Jon Favreau, Paul Michael Glaser and Keanu Reeves, freed from “Matrix” stupor as a very appealing doctor). This unexpectedly tender comedy earns the right to Eartha Kitt’s “C’est Si Bon,” and when someone says of Erica’s new play, “It’s sweet, it’s smart, it’s funny,” that serves as a review of the movie. Critics should be pleased to echo it.

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Keaton and Nicholson Are a Perfect Match in “Something’s Gotta Give” wo great movie careers find a comic capstone in “Something’s Gotta Give.” Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton show how romantic chemistry can make champagne. Middle-age romance is clearly a theme dear to the heart of writer and director Nancy Meyers, who turned 54 Monday. But it’s also close to her sharp mind, and as a comedy writer, Meyers goes beyond her craft in “Private Benjamin” and “Father of the Bride” — with these two stars, she nudges close to the best terrain of the Tracy-Hepburn vehicles. Nicholson plays with his cruising wolf image and his age (66), sporting with them as compulsive single Harry Langer. He has dated younger women, now much younger, “for over 40 years.” Harry’s latest find for a fling is svelte Marin (Amanda Peet), an auctioneer who treats him like a lusty antique. They go to her divorced parents’ beach house — great place, filmed in warm, creamy light by Michael Ballhaus — and Harry is in clover. But then he meets mother Erica (Keaton), the awkward moments quiver, and for extra frisson there is Erica’s sister Zoe (Frances McDormand, so briskly funny you might itch for Harry to go off with her). Harry has a sudden heart crisis, which has a romantic double edge, sort of like Cyrano’s nose. He ends up stuck for a night with Erica. What happens is silly, knowing, witty, touching and abetted deftly by a terrific score (at one moment, perfectly, “La Vie en Rose”). Nicholson’s recent comedies have tended to

41

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42

MOVIE CLOCK

M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 1 8 2 0 0 3

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REGAL AUGUSTA EXCHANGE 20 Movies Good 12/19 - 12/24 Mona Lisa Smile (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 11:00, 11:30, 1:45, 2:15, 4:55, 7:15, 7:45, 10:00, 10:30, 12:40; Sun-Tues: 11:00, 11:30, 1:45, 2:15, 4:55, 7:15, 7:45, 10:00, 10:30; Wed: 11:00, 11:30, 1:45, 2:15, 4:55, 7:15, 7:45 Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) Sun: 4:00 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG13) Fri-Sat: 10:20, 10:50, 11:20, 11:50, 2:40 3:10, 3:40, 4:10, 7:00, 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, 11:20; Sun-Tues: 10:20, 10:50, 11:20, 11:50, 2:40 3:10, 3:40, 4:10, 7:00, 7:30, 8:00, 8:30; Wed: 10:20, 10:50, 11:20, 11:50, 2:40 3:10, 3:40, 4:10, 7:00, 7:30, 8:00 Stuck on You (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 10:30, 12:20, 1:10, 3:35, 4:05, 6:50, 7:20, 9:30, 10:00, 12:15, 12:45; Sun-Tues: 10:30, 12:20, 1:10, 3:35, 4:05, 6:50, 7:20, 9:30, 10:00; Wed: 10:30, 12:20, 1:10, 3:35, 4:05, 6:50, 7:20 Something’s Gotta Give (PG-13) Fri-Tues: 10:40, 12:40, 1:40, 3:45, 4:45, 6:55, 7:40, 9:50, 10:45; Wed: 10:40, 12:40, 1:40, 3:45, 4:45, 6:55, 7:40 Love Don’t Cost a Thing (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 10:25, 12:00, 12:55, 2:35, 4:20, 5:10, 7:10, 7:55, 9:40, 10:15, 12:10; Sun-Tues: 10:25, 12:00, 12:55, 2:35, 4:20, 5:10, 7:10, 7:55, 9:40, 10:15; Wed: 10:25, 12:00, 12:55, 2:35, 4:20, 5:10, 7:10, 7:55 The Last Samurai (R) Fri-Tues: 11:55, 3:30, 7:00, 10:15; Wed: 11:55, 3:30, 7:00 Honey (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 10:30, 12:50, 3:05, 5:25, 8:05, 10:25, 12:40; Sun-Tues: 10:30, 12:50, 3:05, 5:25, 8:05, 10:25; Wed: 10:30, 12:50, 3:05, 5:25, 8:05 Haunted Mansion (PG) Fri-Sat: 11:45, 2:15, 4:40, 7:15, 9:25, 11:55; Sun-Tues: 11:45, 2:15, 4:40, 7:15, 9:25; Wed: 11:45, 2:15, 4:40, 7:15 Bad Santa (R) Fri-Sat: 12:10, 2:35, 5:05, 7:45, 10:05, 12:20; Sun-Tues: 12:10, 2:35, 5:05, 7:45, 10:05; Wed: 12:10, 2:35, 5:05, 7:45 Gothika (R) Fri-Tues: 12:15, 2:50, 5:30, 8:10, 10:35; Wed: 12:15, 2:50, 5:30, 8:10 The Cat in the Hat (PG) Fri-Sat: 10:05, 12:05, 2:20, 4:30, 7:05, 9:20, 11:30; Sun-Tues: 10:05, 12:05, 2:20, 4:30, 7:05, 9:20; Wed: 10:05, 12:05, 2:20, 4:30, 7:05 Master and Commander (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 12:25, 3:35, 6:45, 10:00; Sun: 12:25, 10:00; MonTues: 12:25, 3:35, 6:45, 10:00; Wed: 12:25, 3:35, 6:45 Elf (PG) Fri-Sat: 10:00, 12:30, 2:55, 5:15, 7:50, 10:10, 12:30; Sun-Thur: 10:00, 12:30, 2:55, 5:15, 7:50, 10:10; Wed: 10:00, 12:30, 2:55, 5:15, 7:50 EVANS 14 CINEMAS Movies Good 12/19 - 12/25 Mona Lisa Smile (PG-13) Fri-Tues: 1:00, 4:00, 7:00, 9:45; Wed: 1:00, 4:00, 7:00; Thur: 4:00, 7:00, 9:45 Cheaper by the Dozen (PG) Sun: 4:00 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG13) Fri-Tues: 11:30, 12:30, 1:30, 3:30, 4:30, 5:30, 7:30, 8:30, 9:30; Wed: 11:30, 12:30, 1:30, 3:30, 4:30, 5:30, 7:30; Thur: 3:30, 4:30, 5:30, 7:30, 8:30, 9:30

Stuck on You (PG-13) Fri-Sat: 2:15, 4:40, 7:25, 9:50; Sun: 1:00, 7:25, 9:50; Mon-Tues: 2:15, 4:40, 7:25, 9:50; Wed: 2:15, 4:40, 7:25; Thur: 4:40, 7:25, 9:50 Something’s Gotta Give (PG-13) Fri-Tues: 1:20, 4:20, 7:10, 9:40; Wed: 1:20, 4:20, 7:10; Thur: 4:20, 7:10, 9:40 Love Don’t Cost a Thing (PG-13) Fri-Tues: 1:50, 4:10, 7:40, 10:05; Wed: 1:50, 4:10, 7:40; Thur: 4:10, 7:40, 10:05 The Last Samurai (R) Fri-Tues: 1:45, 4:50, 8:15; Wed: 1:45, 4:50; Thur: 4:50, 8:15 Honey (PG-13) Fri-Tues: 1:25, 3:25, 5:25, 7:25, 9:25; Wed: 1:25, 3:25, 5:25, 7:25; Thur: 3:25, 5:25, 7:25, 9:25 The Haunted Mansion (PG) Fri-Tues: 1:10, 3:30, 5:45, 7:55, 10:00; Wed: 1:10, 3:30, 5:45, 7:55; Thur: 3:30, 5:45, 7:55, 10:00 Bad Santa (R) Fri-Tues: 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 7:05, 9:05; Wed: 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 7:05; Thur: 3:05, 5:05, 7:05, 9:05 Gothika (R) Fri-Tues: 7:50, 9:55; Wed: 7:50; Thur: 7:50, 9:55 The Cat in the Hat (PG) Fri-Tues: 12:50, 3:00, 5:15, 7:15, 9:15; Wed: 12:50, 3:00, 5:15, 7:15; Thur: 3:00, 5:15, 7:15, 9:15 Elf (PG) Fri-Tues: 12:40, 2:50, 5:00, 7:35, 9:45; Wed: 12:40, 2:50, 5:00, 7:35; Thur: 2:55, 5:00, 7:35, 9:45 Brother Bear (G) Fri-Wed: 12:45, 3:15, 5:20; Thur: 3:15, 5:20 MASTERS 7 CINEMAS Movies Good 12/19 - 12/24 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (PG13) 12:00, 4:00, 8:00 Mona Lisa Smile (PG-13) Fri-Wed: 1:00, 3:45, 6:55, 9:30; Thur: 1:00, 3:45, 6:55 Stuck on You (PG-13) Fri-Wed: 12:10, 2:40, 5:05, 7:25, 9:45; Thur: 12:10, 2:40, 5:05, 7:25 Something’s Gotta Give (PG-13) 1:30, 4:15, 7:00, 9:35 Love Don’t Cost a Thing (PG-13) Fri-Wed: 12:30, 2:45, 4:50, 7:10, 9:25; Thur: 12:30, 2:45, 4:50, 7:10 The Last Samurai (R) Fri-Wed: 12:05, 3:05, 6:15, 9:15; Thur: 12:05, 3:05, 6:15 Honey (PG-13) Fri-Wed: 1:15, 3:15, 5:15, 7:30, 9:40; Thur: 1:15, 3:15, 5:15, 7:30 REGAL 12 CINEMAS Movies Good 12/19 - 12/25 Tupac: Resurrection (R) 2:20, 4:35, 7:20, 9:40 School of Rock (PG-13) 1:55, 4:25, 7:20, 9:30 Radio (PG) 1:55, 4:50, 7:15, 9:45 Brother Bear (G) 2:45, 5:05, 7:40, 9:50 Spy Kids 3-D (PG) 2:30, 4:45, 7:10, 9:10 Out of Time (PG-13) 2:15, 4:30, 7:15, 9:20 Freak y Friday (PG) 2:40, 5:00, 7:35, 9:45 The Fighting Temptations (PG-13) 2:05, 4:30, 7:00, 9:35 The Rundown (PG-13) 2:10, 4:20, 7:05, 9:15 Pirates of the Caribbean (PG-13) 2:00, 4:55, 7:45 Cabin Fever (R) 2:35, 4:45, 7:30, 9:40 Bruce Almighty (PG-13) 2:25, 4:40, 7:25, 9:35

Movie listings are subject to change without notice.

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43

Music blink-182 Growing Up? Well, Sort Of

M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 1 8

By Nina Garin

2 0 0 3

I

n a matter of minutes, a rapper from the backwoods of Georgia who goes by the name Bubba Sparxxx is set to entertain a throng of pierced and ferocious punk rock-loving kids. This crowd loves its songs fast and short and loud, which isn’t really Sparxxx’s kind of music. It is, however, the stuff of pop-punk icons blink-182, which is why everyone’s at this show in the first place. “What’s up, brother Bubba,” says blink’s Mark Hoppus to Sparxxx. The musicians are backstage at Chicago’s House of Blues. Sparxxx is ready to start his set but is forced to wait until Hoppus is off the phone. “There’s just one phone back here,” Hoppus, shifting back to his interview voice, explains. “And it’s right behind the stage, so they’re waiting for me to finish this call.” That’s a lot of power for a guy who fronts a goofy rock band. But it’s obvious that on this “DollaBill” tour, blink-182 is calling the shots. Band members Hoppus, Tom DeLonge and Travis Barker set the one-dollar ticket prices for these concerts that showcase songs from their new, self-titled album. And even though they’ve sold out Madison Square Garden, they wanted to book smaller, intimate venues reminiscent of the San Diego clubs in which they got their start. Then there’s the opening act they picked. “It’s been great having different styles of music. It opens people’s ears to different things,” Hoppus, the group’s bassist and vocalist, says. “We love Bubba’s CD, we think he has amazing lyrics. It’s been a lot of fun.” Fun is a word that blink-182 knows well. The international band popularized the modern concert trend of girls throwing their bras on stage. Its six-CD repertoire is full of songs about aliens and masturbation and other unmentionables. And the band makes over-the-top videos starring porn stars or midgets or both. It’s those antics that helped propel the Poway, Calif.-based group into super-stardom and MTV worship. But, as the new, moodier album reveals, poop jokes are not how the group intends to be known anymore. With darker songs about violence and love that don’t follow the simplistic punk-song writing formula, it looks like the big-shorts pranksters are growing up. “I don’t feel like we’re grown-up,” Hoppus says in a media-weary tone that’s pro-

grammed for interviews like these. “I just feel like we’re better songwriters.” But the signs of maturity are all over the place. The band was going to call the album “Use Your Erection,” but later decided against it. And there isn’t a single joke song to be found. “We just didn’t feel like doing any joke songs,” Hoppus says. “Usually on the last day of recording, we do a joke song for the hell of it. Then those songs would make people write off the entire record. We just didn’t feel like doing it. I don’t think that’s a sign of us growing up. It just means we want to be better songwriters.” To help reach that goal, the band enlisted The Cure’s Robert Smith, a man with puffy hair and smeared eye makeup, who practically perfected the art of somber songwriting. The pairing of Southern California kids and Smith, the British singer who is rarely seen smiling, seems unlikely. But the result of their work is a song called “All of This,” that features Smith’s creaky vocals and guitars that dip and flow. “We’re gigantic fans of The Cure,” says Hoppus. “We’ve been listening to them for

years and years. I remember I used to wear black eyeliner to school. Once I wore it to metal shop class, and my teacher was like ‘Mark, what have you done to yourself?’” Hoppus has done plenty for himself. He’s made a living out of writing songs. He’s toured the world. And now he’s become a father, which, in the eyes of many, is another sign of maturity. Still, he’s not quite sure what kind of dad he’ll be to his 15-month-old son. “I know all the ... I tried to pull when I was a kid, so I might be strict,” he says. “But the thing you have to realize is you can’t tell your kids what to do. The only way people learn is by making mistakes. But I just know it’s going to break my heart when my kids don’t think I’m cool.” Now that all the blink members are married or raising kids or both, it’s brought out yet another edge — a humanitarian side — to the group. In August, the band played some shows, including one on an aircraft carrier, for troops in the Middle East. “It was such an educational experience to go over there and see how dedicated and hard

working and professional they are,” he says. “We came back so proud. Whether or not people support the war, they need to know how amazing the troops are.” The band is also helping another cause that’s close to home. They have American Red Cross tables at their “DollaBill” tour stops collecting donations for Southern California fire victims. “Thankfully, my family wasn’t affected, but the fire did come close to my sister’s house,” he says. “I mean, we’re from San Diego, and what happened was such a tragedy. We can’t do nothing, you know?” Like it or not, with it’s nonjokey album, frustrations of fatherhood and do-good projects, blink-182 is by most people’s accounts, mature. Well, kind of. “I’m sitting here throwing a roll of tape in the air and I totally hit myself with it,” Hoppus says. “And I’m still doing it. I live a life of danger.” There’s laughter backstage, most likely from Sparxxx, who is still there, waiting for Hoppus to get off the phone, waiting to start the show.

M E T R O

Cocktail Hour Nightly thurs 18

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sat 20 $5 BACARDI RUMTINI NIGHT

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Bluegrass in Broad Daylight w/ Eryn Eubanks & The Fold

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Monday Night Football Party!! $1 PBR & MILLER HIGH LIFE Chicken Wings during game courtesy of in Daniel Village

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Irish Pub Night! L i v e Celtic Music w/ SIBIN $2.50 GUINNESS & HARP Irish Drink Specials All Night Music Stars @ 8pm*

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SPLASH FOR CASH $1000.00 IN CASH 3 CONTESTANTS EVERY THURSDAY GET TO SPLASH FOR CASH. AND DID WE MENTION WE’RE GIVING THE HOTTUB AWAY JAN 1ST? SPACREST HOT TUB PROVIDED BY SUNSHINE POOL & SPA

MUSIC BY TURNER

A

s we get closer to Christmas, the record labels more or less close down for a few weeks meaning that there’s few new releases to review. However, several top acts have recently announced touring plans for 2004. ROD STEWART visits Philips Arena in Atlanta Feb. 10. Stewart is touring behind his second volume of vintage American standards “As Time Goes By.” The “mod” one will sing his hits in addition to his new, extremely laid-back selections from his last two discs.

METALLICA and GODSMACK are teaming up for an 80-day trek around the States early next year. Metallica fans can look for a documentary in the new year that chronicles the making of their latest disc “St. Anger.” No specific dates have been announced yet. It’ll Be Christmas Again Dept. ROBERT EARL KEEN is coming back! No, not to Augusta but to Greenville’s Handlebar Feb. 11. Locals are still talking about his terrific performance at the Imperial with Augustan RICH BROTHERTON, who produced Keen’s latest “Farm Fresh Onions.” Tix will go fast for this one. The club, long one of Greenville’s best small venues, also has JERRY JEFF “MR. BOJANGLES” WALKER on Feb. 20. Check out Handlebar.com for all the details.

BY

When guitarist TOM SCHOLZ formed BOSTON in the mid-‘70s, it was extremely doubtful that he thought that his band’s debut would sell a million copies. Thanks to the hits “More Than Feeling,” “Long Time” and “Peace of Mind,” the album quickly went gold, thrilling corporate rock fans everywhere. The disc continues to sell as classic rock stations everywhere play cuts from the album every day. The disc recently sold its 17th million copy, making it one of the biggest-selling albums in rock history. Turner’s Quick Notes RUSH will celebrate their 30th year in the biz with a U.S. tour next year. Their latest CD-DVD is “Rush in Rio” … ALICIA KEYS’ “The Diary of Alicia Keys” debuted at the top spot on the album charts, just as her 2001 “Songs in A Minor” did … Vinyl Lives—PEARL JAM issues “Lost Dogs” on LP Jan.17 … NORAH JONES will release her second, yet-to-be-named album in early February … Don’t forget the “12 Bands of Christmas” benefit concert Sunday night Dec. 21 at the Imperial. The music will be great and the kids at MCG will thank you. Turner’s Rock ‘N’ Roll Jeopardy A. Irving Berlin wrote his classic “White Christmas” for this 1942 movie. Q. What is “Holiday Inn”?

44

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45 M E T R O

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Bordertown Music

95 Rock Homegrown

Soul Bar Productions Presents:

The 12 Bands of Christmas Concert THIS SUNDAY benefiting the MCG Children’s Medical Center

BAND SCHEDULE

DEC. 21, 2003 at the Imperial Theatre Doors @ 5pm, Music @ 6pm

Tickets available now at the Imperial Theatre box office or online at www.imperialtheatre.com

The 12 Bands of Christmas CD compilation NOW AVAILABLE! Please visit www.12bandsofchristmas.com for vendor locations.

LIVES OF REILY DAZE OF HAZE JOE STEVENSON LIVINGROOM LEGENDS IMPULSE RIDE SHAUN PIAZZA PATRICK BLANCHARD DEATHSTAR TARA SCHEYER & THE HALF-SHIRT LEROYS TURTLENECK HELLBLINKI SEXTET JEMANI

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S P I R I T

2003

6:00 - 6:20 pm 6:30 - 6:50 pm 7:00 - 7:20 pm 7:30 - 7:50 pm 8:00 - 8:20 pm 8:30 - 8:50 pm 9:00 - 9:20 pm 9:30 - 9:50 pm 10:00 - 10:20 pm

10:30 - 10:50 pm 11:00 - 11:20 pm 11:30 - 11:50 pm

46 M E T R O S P I R I T

j

k

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Open Christmas Eve 11am til 6pm Open Christmas Day 6pm til 2am

j ; l h D E C

h

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• New Year’s Eve-Business as Usual!

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• Still Booking Holiday Parties Call for Details • New Lunch Menu Mon - Fri 11-4 Guaranteed 15 minutes • Make Stool Pigeons Your New Years Bowl Game Party Headquarters

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• Look for Great Drink Specials

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MUSIC MINIS

So We Have To Call Him “Sir” Now? Aging teenager Mick Jagger has been handed top honors by the queen to become Sir Mick Jagger, and his pal Keith Richards is a bit mortified. Sounding like someone took not just some, but all, of his candy, Keith said he was picking up his marbles and going home. Well, that’s the gist of it anyway. His actual words, according to reports, were, “I don’t want to step out on stage with someone wearing a coronet and sporting the old ermine.” To criticism that he was bending over for the same establishment he’d spent his youth thumbing his nose at, Mick reportedly replied, “I don’t really think the establishment as we knew it exists any more.” Now, if he’d just get on it and slay a bleedin’ dragon that’d be cool. Ay, Mick? “He’s Awake and He’s Causing Havoc” Those words were spoken by Sharon Osbourne concerning her husband Ozzy. He’s got a lot of work in front of him,

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what with all the lying around recuperating he’s going to have to do. But in the meantime, he’s proposed to two of his nurses, according to reports. He awoke from his coma a week after damaging himself in an ATV accident to discover his very first No. 1 hit (U.K. singles chart), a single he put out with his daughter, Kelly. It made him cry. Rabid Rocker Attacks Colleague Jack White of the White Stripes may look all cute and fluffy, but don’t go near. You should see the way Jason Stollsteimer of the Von Bondies looks after tangling with him in Detroit Dec. 13. They were both at an event at a night club when something happened. White says he was defending himself after being “throttled” (journalist’s word) “about the face and body” (White’s words). Stollsteimer says that White went nuts because he refused to argue with him about whatever was upsetting him.

COMPILED BY RHONDA JONES Information compiled from online and other music news sources.

Coconuts New Year’s Eve Celebration -

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Night Life

47 M E T R O S P I R I T D E C 1 8 2 0 0 3

The Shaun Piazza Band plays Dec. 20 at the Soul Bar and is also one of the acts on the bill for The 12 Bands of Christmas show at the Imperial Theatre Dec. 21.

Thursday, 18th

Friday, 19th

Adams Lounge - Keith “Fossill” Gregory The Bee’s Knees - Meditate on This! Blind Pig - Broad Street Jams with Pat Blanchard and Friends Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Club Argos - Karaoke Dance Par ty with DJ Daddy Bear Coliseum - Karaoke with Travis, Hi-Energy Dance Continuum - Playa*Listic Thursday Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - 212 D. Timm’s - The Section Finish Line Cafe - DJ Fox’s Lair - Lair Christmas Par ty Greene Streets - Karaoke The Helm - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - John Last Call - Jell-O Wrestling, DJ Rana Locals - Preston and Weston Metro Coffeehouse - Livingroom Legends Michael’s - Mike Swif t Modjeska - The Comedy Zone Playground - Open Mic The Pourhouse - Karaoke with The Pourhouse Friends Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Rusty Serendipity Cafe - Chelsea Logue Shannon’s - Karaoke with Peggy Soul Bar - Park Bench Blues Trio Stillwater Tap Room - New Direction Surrey Tavern - The Soundmen Wheeler Tavern - DJ Dog

Adams Lounge - Tony Williams and the Blues Express Back Roads - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Projections and Selections Blind Pig - Three Six ty Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Club Argos - Argos Christmas Par ty Coconuts - Bikini Contest Coliseum - Shurley Ujest Cotton Patch - John Kolbeck Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - Jingle Bell Rock Benefit for Habitat for Humanity D. Timm’s - The Section El Rodeo - DJ Sontiago Finish Line Cafe - DJ Fox’s Lair - Dennis Hall Greene Streets - Karaoke Imperial Theatre - Acoustic Christmas Toys for Tots Benefit with Josh Kelley, Lillix Jeremy’s Nightclub - Spoken Word, Open Mic, Dance Par ty with DJ Dick Joe’s Underground - Black-Eyed Susan Last Call - Britney Spears Impersonator, DJ Richie Rich, DJ Rana Marlboro Station - Brasia Michael’s - Mike Swif t Modjeska - The Flavour Shoppe with DJ Ty Bess Ms. Carolyn’s - The Horizon Partridge Inn - Kari Gaf fney, Jef f Williams The Pourhouse - A Step Up Red Lion - Lyka Champ, Elohsa Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Rusty The Shack - DJ Chip Shannon’s - Bar t Bell, Allen Black Soul Bar - (r)evolution with DJ Solo

Stillwater Tap Room - Dromedary, Jonathan Byrd Surrey Tavern - Soul Dimension Wheeler Tavern - DJ Dog

Saturday, 20th Back Roads - DJ The Bee’s Knees - Sweet Nuthin’ Blind Pig - Shameless Dave and the Miracle Whips Cafe Du Teau - Bernard Chambers Charlie O’s - Live Band Club Argos - Argos Angels with Claire Storm, Stephanie Ross Coconuts - DJ Tim Coliseum - Brazia Continuum - Day time Video Shoot with Jemani Cotton Patch - Jayson Sabo and Michael Baideme Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band Crossroads - N.E.O., 212 D. Timm’s - The Section Finish Line Cafe - DJ, Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Cabaret Night Greene Streets - Karaoke Jeremy’s Nightclub - Open Mic Joe’s Underground - Black-Eyed Susan Last Call - Britney Spears Impersonator, DJ Richie Rich, DJ Rana Locals - Blind Draw Marlboro Station - Ms. Pride Marla Vega, Mr. Pride Tex, Miss Peg, Lauren Alexander, Nicole Rober ts Metro Coffeehouse - Live Af ternoon Bluegrass with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold

continued on page 48

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T.G.I. Friday’s - Brandon Bower Wheeler Tavern - Karaoke with DJ Dog

M E T R O

Monday, 22nd Coliseum - Q.A.F. Continuum - Monday Madness Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Michael’s - Mike Swif t Surrey Tavern - Redbelly

S P I R I T D E C

Tuesday, 23rd

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Dromedary comes to Stillwater Tap Room Dec. 19.

Wednesday, 24th

continued from page 47 Michael’s - Mike Swif t Modjeska - Bangin’ with Bio Ritmo Partridge Inn - Sandy B. and the All-Stars The Pourhouse - The Authorities Red Lion - A New Radio Empire Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Rusty The Shack - DJ Buckwheat Soul Bar - The Big Mighty, The Shaun Piazza Band Stillwater Tap Room - Malcolm Holcombe, Tyler Surrey Tavern - Soul Dimension Wheeler Tavern - DJ Dog

The Bee’s Knees - 12*Tone Lounge Coliseum - Tournament Tuesday D. Timm’s - The Section Fox’s Lair - Open Mic Greene Streets - Karaoke Joe’s Underground - Keith “Fossill” Gregory Metro Coffeehouse - Irish Night with Sibin Michael’s - Mike Swif t Surrey Tavern - Tuesday Night Jam Session with Pat Blanchard and Friends

Sunday, 21st Adams Lounge - DJ Cafe Du Teau - The Last Bohemian Quar tet Cotton Patch - John Kolbeck Imperial Theatre - The 12 Bands of Christmas Marlboro Station - Claire Storm Orange Moon - Smooth Jazz Sunday with Emery Bennet t Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Rusty Serendipity Cafe - Allison Foster The Shack - Karaoke with DJ Joe Steel, Sasha Shannon’s - Shelly Watkins Somewhere in Augusta - Patrick Blanchard

Coconuts - Karaoke Coliseum - Wet ‘n’ Wild Talent Search Continuum - Open Mic Jam Sessions Coyote’s - The Rhes Reeves Band D. Timm’s - The Section Fox’s Lair - Eggnog Par ty Greene Streets - Karaoke The Helm - Karaoke Michael’s - Mike Swif t Playground - Karaoke The Pourhouse - Mic Fright Therapy Night with Edmond “The Lurch” Kida Robbie’s Sports Bar - DJ Rusty Somewhere in Augusta - Keith “Fossill” Gregory

Upcoming The Goodies - Soul Bar - Dec. 27 Newsong’s All-New Winter Jam - AugustaRichmond County Civic Center - Jan. 8 Willie Nelson - Augusta-Richmond County Civic Center - Feb. 28

Elsewhere Jennifer Daniels - Eddie’s At tic, Atlanta - Dec. 19 Barenaked Ladies - The Arena at Gwinnet t Center, Duluth, Ga. - Dec. 20 Simon and Garfunkel - Philips Arena, Atlanta Dec. 20 Jim Brickman - Macon City Auditorium, Macon, Ga. - Dec. 23 Derek Trucks Band - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - Dec. 26 Sister Hazel - Roxy Theatre, Atlanta - Dec. 26 Dave Matthews Cover Band - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - Dec. 27 Trans-Siberian Orchestra - The Arena at Gwinnet t Center, Duluth, Ga. - Dec. 28 B2K - Atlanta Civic Center, Atlanta - Dec. 28 Widespread Panic - Philips Arena, Atlanta Dec. 30-31 Winterfest - Liber ty University, Lynchburg, Va. - Dec. 30-Jan. 1 Concrete Blonde - Masquerade, Atlanta - Dec. 31 3 Doors Down - Columbus Civic Center, Columbus, Ga. - Dec. 31 Mandorico - Riviera Club, Atlanta - Dec. 31 Drive-By Truckers - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta Dec. 31 Sevendust - The Tabernacle, Atlanta - Jan. 3 Mike Epps - Atlanta Civic Center, Atlanta - Jan. 10 George Strait - The Arena at Gwinet t Center, Duluth, Ga. - Jan. 15 My Morning Jacket - Cotton Club, Atlanta - Jan. 17

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CHRISTMAS DAY

DEC. 25

S P I R I T

Customer Appreciation Day

SPECIAL ON ALL DRINKS

D E C 1 8

MONDAY NIGHT F&B and Military Discount Night Sarah Brightman - The Arena at Gwinnet t Center, Duluth, Ga. - Jan. 19 Penny wise - Masquerade, Atlanta - Jan. 21 Gomez - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - Jan. 24 Bette Midler - Philips Arena, Atlanta - Jan. 25 Henry Rollins Spoken Word - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta - Jan. 25 Ronnie Milsap - Macon City Auditorium, Macon, Ga. - Jan. 30 Pink Floyd Laser Spectacular - Fox Theatre, Atlanta - Jan. 30 moe. - Fox Theatre, Atlanta - Jan. 31 Puddle of Mudd - Roxy Theatre, Atlanta - Feb. 2 Vonda Shepard - Variety Playhouse, Atlanta Feb. 6 Kid Rock - The Arena at Gwinnet t Center, Duluth, Ga. - Feb. 7

2 0 0 3

8pm - Close

Modjeska hosts Bio Ritmo Dec. 20. Rod Stewart - Philips Arena, Atlanta - Feb. 10 Many tickets are available through TicketMaster outlets, by calling 828-7700, or online at w w w.ticketmaster.com. Tickets may also be available through Tix Online by calling 278-4TIX, online at w w w.tixonline.com or at their outlet location in Southgate Plaza. Night Life listings are subject to change without notice. Deadline for inclusion in Night Life calendar is Tuesday at 4 p.m. Contact Rhonda Jones or Lisa Jordan by calling 738-1142, fa xing 736-0443 or e-mailing to rhonda.jones@metrospirit.com or lisa.jordan@metrospirit.com.

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nraged that his computer was virtually disabled by e-mail spam earlier this year, Charles Booher, 44, of Sunnyvale, Calif., allegedly repeatedly threatened employees of the spammer with torture (castration with a power drill and an ice pick) and murder (using a gun and anthrax spores). He was arrested in November and admitted to the Reuters news agency that he had “sort of lost (his) cool” at the bombardment of penis-lengthening ads from DM Contact Management. DM’s president blamed a rival company for stealing DM’s e-mail address and said such companies give a bad name to the penis-enlargement business. Recent Alarming Headlines (1) “Patrol Car Hit by Flying Outhouse” (an October Milwaukee Journal Sentinel story about Wisconsin trooper Rich Vanko’s squad car being smashed when a truck carrying portable toilets lost one along Interstate 90); (2) “Shatner Frozen Horse-Semen Suit Dismissed” (a July Lexington, Ky., Herald-Leader story about William Shatner’s ex-wife’s accusation that she was being denied divorce-settlement-mandated access to a breeding stallion for her own farm). The Truth Is Out There Prof. Jeff Meldrum of Idaho State University said recently that, hoaxes aside, there is enough legitimate evidence of Bigfoot to warrant a comprehensive scientific investigation of his existence, once and for all. (“National Geographic” reported in October that a Texas fingerprint expert, as well as noted chimpanzee researcher Jane Goodall, have said they are certain of Bigfoot’s existence.) And Provo, Utah, explorer Steve Currey is organizing a July 2005 expedition to the North Pole (cost: $21,000 per person) to find the so-called polar “opening” to the hollow center of the Earth, supposedly the kingdom of God where the biblical 10 Lost Tribes reside. The Litigious Society • A scheduled guest on the Dr. Phil TV program filed a lawsuit in November, claiming it was the show’s producers’ fault that she had an anxiety attack in her quarters right before the show and tried to climb out a second-story window. She fell and shattered her leg so badly that it had to be amputated. And “Wheel of Fortune” contestant Will Wright, 38, filed a lawsuit in October against Pat Sajak for hurting Wright’s back by jumping onto and bearhugging him to celebrate Wright’s having just won $48,000 during a 2000 show. • Former Australian inmate Craig Ballard won a settlement of his lawsuit in September for the equivalent of about U.S. $70,000 against the Grafton Correctional Centre in New South Wales for head injuries that occurred when he fell out of a bunk bed. Ballard was in prison for a vicious assault against a woman. • Fear of Lawyers: The Dollywood amusement park in Tennessee announced the end of free

passes for the blind and the crippled after someone complained of discrimination against people with other disabilities, who still had to pay (October). And the town of Mosgiel, New Zealand, barred children from sitting on Santa’s knee this year because of the risk of future molestation complaints. And the Royal British Legion announced it will no longer give out poppy pins to donors on Remembrance Day (for military veterans) because of fear that people might stick themselves and sue. (November). Super-Criminal-Friendly Judges In November, District of Columbia Superior Court Judge Susan Winfield ordered no jail time (just drug treatment and probation) to a 25-yearold man who has 33 burglary arrests and seven convictions, including a gun count, plus previous failed probations and failed drug rehabs. And in Melfort, Saskatchewan, Dean Edmondson, 26, a white man, was sentenced to only house arrest in September after a conviction for sexually assaulting a 12-year-old aboriginal girl, whom Justice Fred Kovach found was perhaps “the aggressor.” Secret Lives In August, residents learned that the county librarian in Concrete, Wash., offered her sparetime services as the S&M dominatrix Lady Jane Grey in nearby Bellingham. Despite her credentials and passion as a librarian, her contract was not renewed in November. And in August, Shannon Williams, 37, a teacher for the Berkeley (Calif.) Unified School District, was arrested for misdemeanor prostitution. Williams, who was previously scheduled to be on a leave of absence this school year, said in September she would challenge the prostitution law as unconstitutional. Recurring Themes Just as the towns of Kennesaw, Ga., and Virgin, Utah, had done, the 50-home village of Geuda Springs, Kan., through its town council, voted in November to require every household to own a working firearm, for “emergency management.” (Later, the mayor vetoed the ordinance, but it will be reconsidered in February.) And for the second time in 12 months, news broke in November that a python had crushed and swallowed a human. (Unlike the devouring of a small boy in Lamontville, South Africa, in 2002, the body of 38-year-old Basanti Tripura, of the Rangaman district in Bangladesh, was downed only to the waist before villagers killed the snake.) Readers’ Choice As part of a hazing ritual for a new Ku Klux Klan member near Johnson City, Tenn., in November, several Klansmen would shoot the man with paintball guns while another simultaneously rapid-fired a nine mm pistol overhead to make the pledge believe he was being shot with a real gun. According to police, one of the bullets, fired straight up in the air by Klansman Gregory Allen Freeman, 45, came down through the skull of Klansman Jeffery S. Murr, 24, who was hospitalized in critical condition. Freeman was arrested. Also, in the Last Month A 19-year-old intoxicated backseat passenger was convicted of drunken driving because he reached to adjust a stereo control and accidentally bumped the idling car’s gearshift into “drive” (with a police officer watching nearby) (Tinn, Norway). — Chuck Shepherd © United Press Syndicate

Brezsny's Free Will Astrology ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Happy Holy Daze, Aries! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What symbolic item might inspire you to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2004? I decided on the book “Marathon Training For Dummies,” by Tere Stouffer Drenth. It’s not because I think you should literally gear up to run a 26-mile race during the coming year. Rather, I’d like to get you in a frame of mind in which you’re always prepping yourself for lengthy projects that will require stamina, resourcefulness and strategic thinking.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

The love song is an endangered species. Lots of modern musicians do sex songs and pain songs and rage songs, but few are inclined to craft tunes in which they declare their passionate affection and describe it in all its nuanced uniqueness. As a result, Taurus, you will most likely be out of sync with the tenor of the times in 2004. Your heart will be stirred as it hasn’t been in many moons. Even if you’re not a professional vocalist, you may often feel longings to express your lush emotions in song. If I were going to get you a holiday gift, it would be a compilation CD filled with the greatest love songs of the last 60 years.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Happy Holy Daze, Gemini! I predict that you’ll dive deeper in 2004. You will cheerily plunge in over your head as you pursue the noble goal of getting to the bottom of things. Exploring murky waters shouldn’t faze you because you’ll have a sixth sense that’s equivalent to being able to see in the dark. In looking around for a holiday gift you could give yourself to encourage these extraordinary predilections, I came across a yellow submarine for sale on the Internet. Amazingly, it’s named the “Gemini.” For more info, see www.subeo.com/inside.htm.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

You think you know what chocolate is all about? You don’t. The tastes you find in M&M’s and Hershey’s

Kisses comprise a tiny percentage of chocolate’s total flavor spectrum. A few vanguard connoisseurs are beginning to awaken to the glorious diversity. New York now boasts several gourmet boutiques that offer the kind of variety characteristic of wine and coffee specialty stores. If I could get you a holiday gift, Cancerian, it would be a sampling of these exotic chocolates. Maybe if you realized what you’ve been missing in this one area, you’d also get more aggressive about pursuing a wider array of other fine pleasures in 2004. And that would be in alignment with the astrological omens.

might help you take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2004? Here’s what I came up with: the film, “Destino,” a collaboration between surrealist painter Salvador Dali and Walt Disney’s team of animators. Though the joint artistic effort began soon after Disney and Dali met in 1945, it wasn’t completed until recently. In that sense alone it should be inspiring, because you, too, will be striving to revive an old dream in the coming months. Your near future will resemble a Disney-Dali creation in another way: There’ll be a convergence of what’s weird and what’s popular, what’s extraordinary and normal, what’s adventurous and cute.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

Happy Holy Daze, Leo! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What would best get you ready for 2004? What symbolic offering might motivate you to take maximum advantage of the astrological opportunities ahead? And the answer is: dirt; to be exact, one cup of good, rich soil from each of the seven places in the world where you feel most at home. With these containers of sacred ground displayed on your altar, you might be inspired to come way down to earth: to be more practical, detail-oriented, skilled at compromise and hard-working than you’ve ever been.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Happy Holy Daze, Virgo! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What symbolic offering might inspire you to be in closest alignment with the cosmic currents in 2004? I decided on a framed photo of a Great White Shark, which is the only sea creature that has no natural enemies. I expect that you will likewise have few adversaries and obstacles in the coming months. The Great White is also at the top of the food chain, and while you may not ascend all the way to the pinnacle of your local hierarchy, you should definitely climb higher.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Happy Holy Daze, Libra! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What symbolic item

The coming year will be a favorable time to double your commitment to rowdy fun. I encourage you to attend more parties than usual and always be on the lookout for how you can energize social occasions with acts of joyous abandon. You’ll also be wise to infuse even your intimate encounters with boisterous amusements. Therefore, Scorpio, please consider doing more handstands on barstools in 2004. Try dancing on tabletops with only some of your clothes on, slurping right out of punch bowls, starting food fights and knocking over lamps while spontaneously making love. If I were going to get you a symbolic holiday gift this year, it might be a chandelier, conveying to you my hope that you will bring back the lost art of swinging on chandeliers.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Happy Holy Daze, Sagittarius! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What would best get you ready for 2004? What might help you take maximum advantage of the astrological opportunities ahead? And the answer is: a $20-million, 30-second ad about you and your services, to be broadcast on TV during the Super Bowl next February. You need a splashy marketing gambit like that to get the word out. It is high time for you to shine in the spotlight at center stage.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Happy Holy Daze, Capricorn! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gifts for you. What symbolic items might inspire you to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2004? I’ve decided on three things: 1. binoculars, which I hope will encourage you to constantly seek closer looks at distant sights; 2. mountain-climbing equipment, which I hope will

encourage you to spend more time outside, get naturally high and look at the world from lofty perspectives; 3. lightweight, quick-drying, antibacterial underwear designed to be washed every night as you travel. I hope they’ll encourage you to leave behind heavy baggage and complicated expectations as you make frequent forays out of your comfort zone.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Your holiday celebrations wouldn’t be much fun if there were no such thing as fungi. One member of the fungus family, yeast, is essential to brewing alcoholic beverages, baking pastries and turning cocoa beans into chocolate. Another type of fungus is crucial to the growth of most Christmas trees. They grow well only because of the symbiotic relationship between their roots and certain mushrooms. Wrapping paper would of course also be scarce without the mushrooms’ assistance. Now that you’ve heard these facts, Aquarius, I hope you’ll decide to make the fungus your good luck charm in 2004. It will remind you to hold in high esteem the hidden forces and unsung people that will be constantly working behind the scenes in your behalf. This will be the Year of Secret Helpers. (Thanks to Tom Volk’s “Fungus of the Month” Web site at http://botit.botany.wisc.edu/toms_fungi/fotm.html.)

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Happy Holy Daze, Pisces! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What would best get you ready for 2004? What might motivate you to take maximum advantage of the astrological opportunities ahead? I’ve decided to give you a small, circumscribed part of the Pacific Ocean. It’s a cubic mile located between longitude 110 and 111 degrees west and between latitude 10 and 11 degrees south. I’m hoping that this manageable, well-defined section of the primal sea will inspire you to create better boundaries as you deal with your own oceanic emotions; to be more judiciously dramatic and less overflowingly melodramatic. — © Rob Brezsny You can call Rob Brezsny, day or night, for your Expanded Weekly Horoscope

1-900-950-7700

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or three months, I dated a girl who was perfect for me. I got scared, and acted like a total jerk, pushing her away without really explaining myself. I think I hurt her. It’s been a year, but I’ve been thinking about her nonstop. I actually called her cell phone last week. When she answered, I asked who it was and hung up like I’d called by mistake. Later, I realized she probably saw it was me on her Caller ID. Should I call her again, or just drop it? — Hung Up Romeo and Juliet. Tristan and Isolde. Ann Coulter and Michael Moore. Clearly, some loves just aren’t meant to be. Oh, fate, black fate. Tragically, the time may have come for you to take your place in the long line of star-crossed lovers who struggled against all odds to be together. Of course, in your case, maybe “struggle” is too strong a word. After all, Romeo died for love. You won’t even dial. OK, OK ... you did make that one hangup call. And surely, you have a plausible explanation for that — like, maybe you tripped, fell into a time warp and woke up back in seventh grade. Should you call her again? Hmm, that’s a toughie. She would be a fantastic addition to the imaginary relationship you’ve been having with her. Still, calling her is going to cost you: one calorie — maybe two — if you’re vigorous in your approach to telephone push buttons. Like bodybuilders who carbo-load before a big contest, you’ll probably have to bulk up on a carrot stick, and maybe a cucumber wedge, before you give it another go. Although she’s probably had your number for quite some time (thanks, in part, to Heartless Twit ID, a standard feature in every woman’s closest girlfriends), all is not lost. See, while women may claim “I love you” is the most beautiful thing a man could say to them; for many, its beauty pales in comparison with the words “I was wrong.” That’s your bottom line. Precede it with a rush of flattering statements about her (always a good disconnect preventative). Then, confess to what she already knows: You were a cowardly jerk, with an itchy dialing finger, and you don’t deserve her. Only if you come completely clean do you have a chance of coming away with her. Explain, in detail, why you cut out, how you’ve learned your lesson and how you plan to keep history from repeating itself, should she extend

you a much-undeserved second chance. An apparent willingness to pull out all the stops to get her back might even lead her to believe you’re sincere. For best results, try to convey a level of “madly, passionately, deeply” beyond the agony you’d experience if you had a paper cut on your dialing finger. _____________________________________ What does it mean when a man says “I’ll call you” at the end of a date? Some guys say it and call; other guys say it and don’t. Why do they say it if they don’t mean it? Do they take perverse pleasure in the idea that we women might be sitting by the phone waiting for a call that never comes? — Wired And Tired Right now, thousands of people are murmuring “pleased to meet you” instead of saying what’s really on their minds, like “You look like you’d be bad in bed,” or “What am I, a docking station for dull people?” Today alone, probably a half-dozen strangers will ask “How are you?” — which is your cue to chirp “Fine!” Of course, they don’t care how you really are any more than you care to tell them: “Actually, I’m debating whether to stick my head in the oven or go out with more of a bang.” Like lettuce under cafeteria Jell-O, all this stuff is conversational garnish. The same goes for “I’ll call you.” Regarding whether guys take “perverse pleasure” in making women sit twitching by the phone; how many guys have you ever met who are that schemingly complex? At the end of the date, a guy’s suddenly confronted with a big block of empty air space, and he realizes that standing around completely mute is an extremely poor exit strategy. The pressure mounts. He has to say something ... anything. Well, anything but “Every moment we spent together was a moment I spent dreaming of never seeing you again.” Right. He’ll “call you.” That’s why the rational response to “I’ll call you” is rapid memory loss. Forget you ever met the guy unless the phone rings and it’s him on the other end. At that point, it’s probably safe to assume “I’ll call you” was a coded message meaning “I’ll call you,” not “After a few years of electroshock therapy, this evening should become a distant memory.”

— © 2003, Amy Alkon

Got A Problem? Write Amy Alkon 171 Pier Ave., Box 280 • Santa Monica, CA 90405 • e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com

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To respond to ads using a WHOLE LOTTA LOVE SBF, 33, would like to share movies, dinners, quiet evenings at home, the usual dating activities, with a great guy. ☎463610 MORE THAN AVERAGE Slender SBF, 53, 5’2”, independent, Aries, smoker, loves music, conversation, laughter. Seeking independent, mature SBM, 48-65, for friendship first. ☎369627 STILL SEARCHING SWF, 47, 5’8”, 148lbs, Sagittarius, smoker, interests vary, seeks SWM, 37-48, for LTR. ☎342017 A LOT TO OFFER SWPF, 39, 5’2”, 155lbs, loves, sports, dining out, cooking, movies, walks in the park, playing pool, travel, dining out. Seeking young man, with similar interests, for friendship and companionship. ☎321666 FIRST TIME AD! Employed SBF, 35, no children, wants to meet a laid-back, spontaneous man, 33-41, race unimportant, to get to know as a friend and maybe progress to more! ☎280007 A GOOD-HEARTED WOMAN Honest SWF, 5’4”, long dark brown/hazel, would like to meet a trustworthy SWM for a good, honest, open relationship. I smoker, so another smoker is preferred. Grovetown. ☎111411 BE MY FRIEND Attractive SWF, 29, 5’7”, 129lbs, brown/brown, N/S, no kids, never married, seeks SWM, 2037, in shape, friendship first, possible LTR. ☎945103

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Monday-Saturday 10am-9pm 2635 Washington Road | Augusta, Georgia 30904 | 706.738.7777 www.windsorjewelers.net DARE YOU TO ENJOY LIFE SWM, 35, 5’10”, with above-average looks, military officer, N/S, loves travel. ISO an exciting, adventurous woman, 22-50, N/S, who likes to have fun. ☎830590 CAPRICORN SWM, 36, 5’10”, average build, smoker, seeks a sweet WF, 28-46, for friendship, possible romance. ☎818386 HIDDEN TREASURE Male, 27, 5’9”, 160lbs, blond/blue, Aries, N/S, seeks WF, 18-30, a straight shooter, who can appreciate an authentic Mr. Nice Guy type. ☎819406 COUNTRY DWELLER DWM, 38, 5’9”, 170lbs, brown hair, with 3 children, body shop collision technician, N/S, likes old cars, tractors, and motorcycles. Seeking country girl, 28-42, for LTR. ☎821552 MAYBE YOU’RE MY LADY Honest, friendly SM, 46, auburn/green, likes scuba diving, motorcycles, travel, Elvis, documentaries. Seeking SF to share happy times, talks, and possible relationship. ☎776373 WITH ME, YOU’RE IMMORTAL SWM, 30, 5’8”, 175lbs, brown/blue, Sagittarius, lasagna lover, smoker, seeks WF, 27-33, for movies, dinner, and dancing. ☎709192 COLLEGE-EDUCATED SWM, 51, 6’1”, 193lbs, with blue eyes and a laid-back attitude, seeks a woman with a spontaneous, creative spirit. ☎434997 DOWN FOR WHATEVER SBM, 18, 5’7”, Scorpio, N/S, student, seeks BF, 18-21, N/S, with a good head on her shoulders. No games. ☎799082 OPEN-MINDED GUY SBM, 5’11”, 20, well-groomed, Capricorn, N/D, N/S, enjoys basketball, friends, dining, music. Seeking nice, real woman, 18-25, for LTR. ☎800701

I’M INTRIGUED... Male, 5’10”, athletic build, 30, Scorpio, N/S, seeks woman, 21-48, with interesting views and something to say. ☎801577 CIRCLE THIS AD SWM, 5’ 10”, Average build, 45, Gemini, smoker, with salt-n-pepper hair, loves cooking. Seeking fun loving WF, 30-45, for friendship, possible romance. ☎762032 LOOKING FOR YOU SBM, 34, 6’2”, 235lbs, N/S, loves cooking, and loves to romance you. Seeking woman, 20-40. If you’re reading this ad, let’s hook up. ☎815532 DO YOU LIKE 2 TRAVEL SM, 59, sociable and fun, enjoys bingo, dining out, movies, travel, more. Seeking sincere, happy, spontaneous lady for possible LTR. ☎774081 STARTING OVER Non-smoking SM, 19, 5’11”, 155lbs, brown/brown, medium build, likes movies, travel, sports, reading, quiet evenings at home. Seeking outgoing, adventurous SF, 18-21, N/S, for LTR. ☎752673 A LOT TO OFFER easygoing SWM, 5’ 11”, Athletic build, 23, Cancer, N/S, seeks woman, 18-35, for friendship, possible romance. ☎761055 DONT PASS ME BY SWM, 41, Sagittarius, smoker, who enjoys cooking. Seeking Attractive WF, 30-50, to date. ☎752123 ACTUAL NICE GUY Independent, professional SBM, 5’ 9”, Average build, 30, Pisces, with a nice smile, N/S, seeks woman, 27-37, N/S, for friendship, possible romance. ☎751873

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OLD-FASHIONED LADY SWCF, 48, 5’3”, 150lbs, blonde/green, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys church, Bible studies, music, dining out. Seeking SWCM, 35-60, N/S, for friendship and more. ☎840939 DREAM GUY SBF, 29, searching for open-minded, outgoing SM, 22-38, military man A+, for friendship, fun nights out, dancing, talks and maybe more. ☎836990 SOMEONE TO LOVE SWF, 48, enjoys a good horror movie, a drama or a comedy. Seeking a man for romance, quiet times at home, or just dancing the night away! ☎832399 COULD THIS BE YOU? SBF, 45, 5’4”, full-figured, Taurus, N/S, enjoys church, dining out, reading, and quiet times at home. ISO BM, 45-65, N/S, for LTR. ☎810309 HIKER HEAVEN SWF, 45, full-figured, N/S, enjoys church, exploring, old movies, auctions, and gym. Seeking WM, 46-56, N/S. Let’s make tracks together. ☎807679 HI! I’m a 49-year-old SWF and I WLTM a onewoman’s man, very lonely person. I WLTM a gentleman who would to be good to me and treat me w/kindness and gentleness. ☎793024 SEARCHING FOR MR RIGHT SBPF, 39, Libra, loves church, traveling, movies, and dining out. Seeking SBPM, 37-60, for possible LTR. ☎421273 LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 37, 5’6”, Scorpio, N/S, enjoys mountains, bowling, the beach and music. Seeking WM, 35-48, N/S, to be a companion, friend. ☎456544 ENVELOPING EMBRACE Kind-hearted SBCF, 52, non-smoker, enjoys dining out, attending church. Seeking loving SBCM, 52-65, with similar interests. ☎287845 LOVES TO BOWL WF, 48, petite, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys Chicano cuisines. Seeking WM, 46-59, N/S, very outgoing, for LTR. ☎806136 ADVENTUROUS MOM SBF, 29, Cancer, N/S, loves beaches, horror movies, and horseback riding. Seeking man, 25-40, N/S, strong-minded, who loves kids. ☎808682 SEEKS SIMILAR SWF, 23, Capricorn, N/S, 5’2”, 190lbs, brown hair, enjoys sports, walks, dining, cuddling. Seeking SWM, 20-33, N/S, for possible relationship. ☎800318 NEVER SAY NEVER SWF, 41, 5’2”, blonde/blue, cuddly, new to area, Kentucky girl, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys cooking, waterfalls, kissing, long walks. Seeking WM, 38-46, for friendship, and who knows? ☎686314 WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? SWF, 48, Cancer, N/S, seeks WM, 40-56, who wants to have a great relationship. Why not give me a call? You never know. ☎511453 LOOKING FOR LOVE SWF, 24, blonde/brown, attractive, compassionate, easygoing, desires SWM, 24-34, honest, open-minded for friendship and companionship. ☎323553 A VERY SERIOUS WOMAN SBPF, 34, mother of 3, nurse, independent and secure, enjoys church, movies, dining. looking for commitment-minded, level-headed, spiritual, spontaneous, respectful man, who truly appreciates a good woman. Sound like you? ☎777612

AQUARIUS SEEKING SWF, 46, 5’6”, smoker, enjoys cuddling, movies, gardening. Seeking honest, handsome SWM, 40-50, with similar interests, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎759515 MY OTHER HALF! SF, 46, 5’9’’, loves art, camping, fishing, animals, just getting away, relaxing. Seeking SM, 40-50, with the same interests. ☎732412 THE LORD, ABOVE ALL SBCF, 38, Pisces, N/S, in the medical field (works private duty), would like to meet SBCM, 38-50, who shares my love of the Lord, for LTR. ☎727626 TRAVEL, ANIMALS... and movies make me happy. SWF, 53, Capricorn, N/S, loves the fall and spring and visiting Gatlinburg, TN. Seeking WM, 55-56, for LTR. ☎728854 FRIEND IN FAITH SBF, 47, Capricorn, N/S, involved with church, very creative, artistic, designs tile and cards. Seeking BCM, 44-58, involved with church, who loves the Lord. ☎707742 SOUND IN MIND SWF, 40, 5’6’’, brown/green, mother, Pisces, N/S, N/Drugs, seeks attractive, good guy, sound in mind, body, and soul, for friendship, dating, possibly more. ☎701180 I LOVE ROSES SBF, 31, likes dining out, movies, travel, sports, music. Seeking SBM, 31-40, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎675623 SOMEONE YOU KNOW? Full-figured SBF, 62, 5’11”, H/W proportionate, brown/brown, loving, likes church, singing, movies. Seeking a good man who knows what he wants. ☎676011 SOUTHERN BELL SBF, 50, with a pretty face, wants to meet a BCM, who loves to dance, shop and needs more fun in life. ☎660334 SINGLE MOM Plus-sized female, 29, 5’3”, brown/hazel, cute, independent, enjoys conversation, movies, dining out. Seeking a man with a life of his own and would like to share mine as well. ☎634069 FIRST TIME AD Attractive SBF, 27, light-complected Pisces, non-smoker, seeks BM, 26-30, non-smoker, who is honest and interested in a long-term relationship. ☎603443 YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO SBF, 39, Leo, N/S, seeks BM, 38-45, down-toearth, very direct and straightforward, to have fun with. ☎582549 I’D LIKE TO HEAR... what you have to say. SBF, 18, 5’5”, darkskinned, pretty, Aries, N/S, enjoys shopping, vacations, and movies. Seeking a man, 20-28. ☎578781 RAINY DAYS AND COOKING... are a few of my delights. DBF, 38, 5’5”, 125lbs, pecan tan complexion, laid-back, down-toearth, Aquarius, smoker, N/D, seeks BM, 3045. ☎569952 JUST BE THERE FOR ME SBF, 23, 5’2”, Pisces, N/S, enjoys traveling. Seeking a romantic WM, 25-31, N/S, for LTR. ☎576613 MAKE YOUR OWN DESTINY Loving, intelligent SBF, 34, seeks SBM, 35-45, for companionship, long walks, movies, dining out and more. ☎550597 SINGLE MOM SEEKING SBF, 20, Gemini, N/S, mother of twins, likes going to the park, spending time with family, going to the mall, movies, seeks compatible SBM, 18-35, N/S. ☎532672 DON’T PASS ME BY SHF, 18, 5’1”, 126lbs, short/brown, would like to meet a guy for bowling, dancing and romance. ☎463061

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M B D F H C LTR

Male Black Divorced Female Hispanic Christian Long-term Relationship

G W A S J P N/D N/S

Gay White Asian Single Jewish Professional Non-Drinker Non-smoker

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HEART OF GOLD SWM, 31, 6’3”, 210lbs, brown/blue, enjoys reading, movies, travel, sports. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎556440 LOOKING FOR MS. RIGHT SWM, 37, 5’9”, 180lbs, enjoys biking, sports, travel, dining out. Seeking outgoing, attractive SF, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎557954

SEEKING SPECIAL GENTLEMAN SBM, 33, 6’2”, 245lbs, Taurus, N/S, likes movies, camping, music, reading, sports. Seeking out GM, 35-48, for friendship, possible romance. ☎824261 SEEKING SOMEONE SINCERE GWM, 42, 5’11”, 175lbs, brown/blue, somewhat masculine, outgoing and friendly, likes dining out, travel, movies and shopping. Looking to meet honest, passionate SBM, with similar interests, for dating, possible LTR. ☎769411 SEEKING FRIENDSHIP SBM, 6’1”, 214lbs, enjoys indoor activities. Seeking masculine SW/BM, honest, sincere, who is looking for new friendships. ☎737679 GREAT PERSONALITY SBM, 18, 6’3”, 220lbs, masculine build, seeking SBM, 18-29, very masculine, energetic, fun-loving, to go out for dinners, walks and more. ☎627150 FRIENDSHIP FIRST GWM, 26, 5’3”, athletic build, N/S, likes sports, working out, travel, reading, swimming. Seeking non-smoking GW/AM, 20-26, with similar interests. ☎764332 HEALTHY AND FIT SBM, 25, 5’5”, 170lbs, masculine, nighttime inventory stocker, Capricorn, N/S, enjoys working out. Seeking energetic, passionate, masculine WM, 20-50, N/S. ☎708544 A LOT TO OOFER Outgoing SWM, 5’ 10”, average build, 44, Capricorn, smoker, seeks WM, 40-50, smoker, to date and enjoy a lifetime companionship. ☎691527 DONT MISS OUT Fun-loving GWM, 24, likes sports, dining out, movies, quiet evenings at home, music. Seeking romantic, affectionate GM, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎675371 SPRINGTIME BLOOM SWM, 33, with an education in business, seeks a man who loves country music, karaoke, springtime, and making a connection with a good person. ☎659296 ROAM IF YOU WANT TO SWM, 42, loves cool weather and the renewal of Spring. Seeking a man who is strong both physically and emotional. ☎661792 SEA OF LOVE SWM, 29, Pisces, smoker, 5’7”, 175lbs, swims like a fish, likes water-skiing, bowling, movies, time at home, seeks compatible SWM, 30-40, for LTR. ☎647347 LOOKING FOR LOVE Outgoing, spontaneous, loving, down-to earth SBM, 24, Sagittarius, non-smoker, seeks man, 19-50, to date and enjoy life. ☎602634 MASCULINE AND FIT SWM, 39, Libra, smoker, 5’8”, brown/brown, masculine, works out, fit, likes movies, riding bikes, camping, cooking, time at home. Seeks SWM, 30-43, with similar interests. ☎545309 RELAXING AT HOME SBM, 35, Virgo, N/S, likes relaxing at home, fun, concerts, trips going to the beach. Seeks fun, spontaneous SBM, 26-37, N/S. ☎532700 A NEW START Retired, fit, outgoing GWM, 44, enjoys walks, movies, sports, reading. Seeking outgoing GM, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎527836

How do you

TAKE A CHANCE GWM, 43, 6’2”, 195lbs, black brown, seeks other GWM, for fun times and maybe something more. ☎493530 LET’S MEET FOR COFFEE Good-looking GWM, 36, 6’, 200lbs, muscular, tan, enjoys working out, yard work, spending time with my dogs. Looking for attractive SM, 32-48, for dating, maybe leading to LTR. ☎436231 ME IN A NUTSHELL WM, 18, brown/blue, medium build, looking for fun, outgoing, energetic guy, 18-30, for movies, hanging out, quiet evenings at home, and more. Friends first, maybe becoming serious. ☎425471 ENJOYS ALL THAT LIFE HAS GWM, 40, shaved head, goatee, Pisces, smoker, seeks very special, attractive, strong, fun-loving GBM, 30-50, for dating, possible LTR. ☎257126 YOU CAN MAKE MY DAY Male, 60, Cancer, N/S, seeks a WM, 49-65, N/S, for casual relationship. Why not call me? ☎927707

THE SWEETEST THING SBF, 26, 5’8”, 145lbs, wants to get out and have fun with a new friend, maybe more with time. ☎832018

1 YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR BiWF, 27, enjoys everything, promises you won’t regret it. If you’re looking for a good time and friendship, I’ll be perfect for you. ☎830500 PLAYS GUITAR, WRITES... poetry, and rollerblades. NativeAmerican/African-American female, 18, 5’5”, 117lbs, very toned, laid-back, a goofball at times, N/S, seeks woman, 18-29. ☎818596 BONEVILLE BABE SWF, 31, 5’5”, 130lbs, brown/green, smoker, enjoys playing golf, movies, and picnics at the lake. Seeking WF, 25-40, for friends, possibly more. ☎818908 DIVA WITH DIMPLES Independent DWF, 23, Gemini, smoker, enjoys hip-hop, R&B, and country music. Seeking WF, 20-30, smoker, for friendship, possible romance. ☎808179 GET TO KNOW ME SBF, 25, Taurus, N/S, enjoys movies, travel. Seeking woman, 21-30, N/S, for friendship, possible romance. ☎803723 WHY WAIT? SWF, 38, 5’6”,140lbs, short brown hair, easygoing, enjoys playing golf, the beach. Seeking feminine female, 20-40, to have fun times and more. ☎448489 OPEN-MINDED CHIC Broken-hearted GWF, 30, Libra, smoker, seeks woman, 20-45, to mend my heart. Let’s not be afraid of who we are. ☎370110 A LOT TO OFFER Non-smoking GBF, 37, N/S, seeks very attractive, unique, romantic, fun, intelligent, feminine GF, 27-37, for friendship, dating, possibly more. ☎749660

A NEW BEGINNING Attractive and outgoing SWF, 5’ 5”, Athletic build, 20, Aquarius, smoker, loves the outdoors, camping and hiking. Seeking WF, 2150, for LTR. ☎751226 JUST THE FACTS SBPF, 41, Libra, N/S, seeks PF, age and race unimportant, who enjoys dining out, quiet times at home, and movies, for LTR. ☎730225 SEEKING STRONG FRIENDSHIP BiWF, 27, 5’8’’, 145lbs, student, enjoys romantic comedies, fall, quiet restaurants. Seeking female for clubbing, shopping, dancing, dining, movies, television. ☎700095 LOOKING FOR A FRIEND GBF, 38, black/brown, medium build, N/S, likes dining out, movies, travel, sports. Seeking kind, sweet, honest GBF, 30-38, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎695904 ENJOYS BOWLING SBF, 32, Gemini, N/S, 5’3”, 145lbs, mother of one, enjoys movies, the mall, dining, going out to eat, bowling, quiet times at home, seeks woman, 21-38, for friendship, possible romance. ☎646271 LOVES CHILDREN Easygoing, nice SF, 32, looking for someone with the same qualities, 29-39, and a people person. ☎388943 BEAUTIFUL AND FEMININE GWF, 32, 5’7”, 135lbs, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports, music, movies. Seeking GWF, 25-39, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎329063 A REFRESHING CHANGE SWF, 30, Libra, smoker, is hoping to find it in a woman, 25-45. Will show a lot of a affection. ☎307177

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© 2003 TPI GROUP

CALL ON MY Active, fun and intellectual SBM, 5’ 11”, Slim build, 20, Sagittarius, smoker, seeks woman, 20-24, smoker, for friendship, possible romance. ☎755250 CAN WE TALK ? Spiritual SWM, 44, Capricorn, smoker, who enjoys the Fall. Seeking AF, 30-50, for LTR. ☎755341 ACTUAL NICE GUY Handsome, outgoing, open-minded SWM, 5’ 11”, Average build, 51, Leo, smoker, enjoys traveling. Seeking woman, 40-50, for LTR. ☎733850 HERE I AM! SM, 43, likes playing golf, the outdoors, nature, country music, some rock-n-roll. Would like to get together with a young lady, 27-45, who likes the same things. ☎703650 COMMITMENT-MINDED SWM, 5’7”, slim build, new to area, enjoys reading, movies, dining out, travel, sports. Seeking SF, 25-47, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎695638 SEEKS WARRIOR QUEEN Warrior SBM, 29, likes movies, horseback riding, travel, romantic evenings. Seeking warrior queen, 18-29, with similar interests. ☎695792 LOOKING FOR YOU SWM, 43, Taurus, smoker, likes funny movies. Seeking WF, 29-35, smoker, for friendship, possible romance. ☎693348 GETTING TO KNOW YOU SWM, 54, Libra, N/S, loves baseball, jogging, and swimming. Seeking WF, 40-55, for friendship, possible romance. ☎685199 A SMILE SAYS IT ALL Easygoing SBM, 32, new to area, enjoys dining, sporting events, quiet times home. Seeking SF who enjoys sports and doesn’t always need to be on the go, for romance, LTR. ☎683984 WELL-ROUNDED MAN Educated SBPM, 41, 5’11”, loves reading, working out, the arts, dining out, travel, quiet times. Would like to meet SWF, 30-45, with similar interests, for fun, friendship, and maybe more. ☎442021 ARE YOU LOOKING 4 LOVE? you’ve found it! Honest, trustworthy SM, 33, enjoys drives, cruises, quiet times at home, time with friends, good conversations. Seeking communicative, outgoing, intelligent lady to share friendship and maybe relationship. ☎681924 HANDY MAN Medium-built, tolerant, clean, financially secure DWM, 48, 5’10”, Aquarius, smoker, with a good sense of humor, enjoys cooking, house work, gardening, reading, music, cuddling. Seeking woman, 35-55, for long-term relationship. ☎607612 PRINCE CHARMING SM, 25, 6’, 180lbs, brown/brown, truck driver, likes movies, reading, dining out, dancing, sports, travel. Seeking mature, outgoing woman who knows what she wants. ☎675675 SINGLE DAD Attractive, outgoing SWM, 27, 5’6”, 160lbs, likes movies, dining out, travel, conversation. Seeking outgoing, caring woman, 18-35, with similar interests, for friendship, possible LTR. ☎677721 WAITING FOR YOU SBM, 19, with a brown complexion, wants to meet a woman who is through with games, for the fun stuff of life. ☎656637 OUT OF THE ORDINARY SWM, 21, smoker, likes Nelly, break dancing, ideal date would be dinner followed by something out of the ordinary, such as time at the shooting range, seeks SBF, for LTR. ☎651750 ALL EARS SBM, 26, Gemini, N/S, very outgoing, loves working out, easygoing, loves to have fun, seeks outgoing woman, 19-31, who likes to have fun. ☎654007 MAKE ME LAUGH SWM, 19, 5’10”, 165lbs, dark features, goodlooking, seeks very outgoing woman who can adapted to most any situation, possible relationship. ☎631029

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Professional Massage By experienced male. Designed for healthy men 18 - 45. A great way to rela x House & Hotel Calls Only 706-589-9139 (12/18#8316)

Scholarships are available for qualified licensed practical nurses to complete an associate’s degree in nursing in one year at Augusta State University. Enroll now for January classes. Second class starting in May. For information, call ASU’s Nursing Dept. at 706-737-1725.

We accept VISA or Mastercard. *And remember ... one person’s trash is another man’s treasure.

Private Investigator RAY WILLIAMSON & ASSOCIATES Private Investigations 17 years experience Domestic Relations and Child Custody Cases Licensed and Bonded in Georgia & Carolina 706-854-9672 or 706-854-9678 fax (12/25#8299)

Mind, Body & Spirit Full Body Massage! Therapeutic tension relief, intense or tender touch, rela xing music, aromatherapy, by appointment only - $49.00/hr. Call Joy - 706-771-9470 or John - 706-868-5598 (12/18#8298)

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Premier Entertainment Complex & High Energy Dance Music Friday, December 19th • Shurley Ujest Saturday, December 20th • Brazia Wednesday, December 31st • Gala New Year’s Eve Party

Drink Specials: WED $9 Wet N' Wild FRI & SAT Famous Beer Bust All You Can Drink $9

Open Mon-Fri 8pm-3am Sat 8pm-2:30am

Fri & Sat. No Cover Before 10 p.m. 1632 Walton Way • Augusta, GA

706-733-2603

Email: ColiseumAugusta@aol.com

SAT DEC 20TH

SCGLPM Presents Mr. & Ms. Pride 2004 Featuring:

Ms. Pride Marla Vega • Mr. Pride Tex Aiken’s own Miss Peg Augusta’s own Lauren Alexander Columbia’s own Nicole Roberts 141 Marlboro Street, N.E. Aiken S.C. • 803-644-6485

OPEN THUR, FRI, SAT & SUN • 8PM-2AM $3 COVER AFTER 10PM 18 to Party • 21 to Drink

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R E A D I N G S

Mrs. Graham, Psychic Reader, Advises on all affairs of life, such as love, marriage, and business. She tells your past, present and future. Mrs. Graham does palm, tarot card, and Chakra balancing. She specializes in relationships and reuniting loved ones.

SPECIAL READINGS WITH CARD

MRS. GRAHAM

**27 VALUABLE TIPS** Free repor t reveals what you should know to get your home sold fast and for top dollar! Free recorded message 1-877-276-7219 ID#1023 Re/Max Masters, Inc. (12/18#8311) Fishing for a good deal on real estate in Columbia County WWW.GAHUD.COM (12/18#8312)

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Religion Metropolitan Community Church of Our Redeemer A Christian Church reaching to all: including Gay, Lesbian, and Transgendered Christians. Meeting at 557 Greene Street, 11 am and 6 pm each Sunday. 722-6454 MCCOurRedeemer@aol.com www.mccoor.com (12/18#8128)

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Metro Spirit 12.18.2003