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TABLE of CONTENTS

whine line - TOM TOMORROW - INSIDER - AUSTIN RHODES metro - AUGUSTA TEK - RUFFIN’ IT - NEWS OF THE WEIRD are you not entertained - CALENDAR - SIGHTINGS the8 - FREE WILL ASTROLOGY - NY TIMES CROSSWORD slab - CONCERT REVIEW - IN MUSIC - EARDRUM - BALL - AMY ALKON: ADVICE GODDESS - JENNY IS WRIGHT

04 04 06 08 09 12 15 16 20 21 32 34 37 38 39 43 45 46 48 49 50

Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? 706.496.2535 or 706.373.3636 AmyChristian|production director amy@themetrospirit.com

JoeWhite|publisher-sales manager joe@themetrospirit.com

GabrielVega|lead designer gabe@themetrospirit.com

BrendaCarter| account executive brenda@themetrospirit.com

EricJohnson|writer eric@themetrospirit.com

JedCapuy|account executive jed@themetrospirit.com

JenniferPoole|publisher’s assisstant jennifer@themetrospirit.com

LigéHaab|account executive lige@themetrospirit.com MichaelJohnson|sightings

JordanWhite|design intern AmyPerkins|editorial intern

ErinGarrett|photography intern

Contributors Amy Alkon|Brian Allen|James Allen|Greg Baker|Rob Brezsny|Sam Eifling|Brandi Freeman|Anna Caroline Harris|Matt Lane|Austin Rhodes|Josh Ruffin|Chuck Shepherd|Matt Stone|Tom Tomorrow|

COVER DESIGN | KRUHU.COM

Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

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METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

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WHINELINE Are you guys trying to make the cover worse every week? This might be the worst one yet.

An 11-year-old takes part in armed robbery. A 10-year-old pulls out a gun on Halloween. What next?

at airport security: Say, very loudly, “Excuse me supervisor, can I get patted down by the gay guy?”

I was reading the whine line this week and noticed somebody talking about a new band that played downtown. Be more specific and dont make readers guess what people are saying about local bands. That’s why augusta doesnt have a music scene,too many 2 faced people and cliques.

So long, Fred! Don’t burn yourself your first time tanning in sunny Florida.

Venues, you have got to promote bands more. Put ads on radio, posters, and internet. It’s your bottom line so why aren’t you more involved in bringing people through the door? Bands, just making some noise on Facebook isn’t good enough. You can all complain about people not coming out to shows but be honest with yourselves about the amount of effort you put into making that happen.

You’re surprised that Beda Johnson resigned? She was against the CCCVB when it began and spent her entire employment steering them in the wrong direction - something that the recent surveys have proven. She should have resigned years ago. Congrats to Austin on his hit piece regarding a local community watchdog group (Augusta Today). I’ve never seen anyone bury the lead so completely. Heck, I think he killed it, actually. Someone tip off the GBI! Re: Jeremy Mayfield NASCAR Driver Arrested for Possession of Methamphetimine, I Guess Ol’ Jeremy Really Felt “The Need for Speed”! Yesterday I sent in a whine linking to Jenny Wright’s column on a lice problem. I used the phrase “95 percent of people in the CSRA”. On second thought, because I was implying that most GOP pols and media figures, including most regular citizens here are louses, and because not everyone is a GOP right winger, I would like that phrase to read instead “about 80 percent of people in the CSRA”. Thanks! Where can we recycle old athletic shoes?

4

METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

Please help me! I just heard a radio commercial that said they were locally owned and operated, the customer was number one, they appreciated my business and LOOKED FORWARD TO SEEING ME SOON! I can’t remember the business name, but that is one place I want to go! Why is it that most of the time when I go to the drive through at the bank the teller gives me a hassle telling me that she cant give me my withdrawal because my signature doesnt exactly match with the one they have on file? Then they tell me Im going to have to come into the bank when Im in a hurry. Thats the purpose of a drive through. Why should I have to go into the bank? I give them all the necessary I.D. needed. Ive been a customer for 30 years and everytime I pull up there’s always someone new waiting on me. Rush Limbaugh and his conservative companions have taken over 95 Rock!! Is this legal? I wasn’t aware of the switch, so when I tuned in, I was amazed to find conservative talk radio had replaced Augusta’s only fledgling bit’o’life radio station. The personality of Augusta depends on 95 Rock returning to their rightful place on the dial. If you want Rush, go back to 580 on the AM. After wa-a-a-y too many martinis and shots of tequila, my girlfriends and I made a pact of what we’re going to do if we’re subjected to a TSA

Please listen closely because our options have changed? No they have not! And when...when will cell phone voice mail get rid of the directions to the caller? WE GOT IT! Only Austin could see nothing wrong with a Conservative trading a $48K

piece of taxpayer property for a property worth well over $100K. It kinda reminds me of the sweet deal Billy made for the multi-million dollar hanger we taxpayers built for his personal use. P.S. Austin didn’t seem to see anything wrong with that deal either. Tremendouse tribute to Deputy J.D. Paugh. Oh wait, except for Austin’s column you totalliy ignored this. Are you kidding me? I think I am in love with a girl I have never met. I am referring to the redheaded Riverwatch beauty I get the privilege of seeing three nights a week on my way home. I am unsure if it is the way you are always smiling or dancing in your car but you are breathtaking. You are my entertainment for a brief moment on my miserable drive through traffic, which by the way is bound to get worse now that Costco has made it’s

up THUMBS

Gesturing to women the height of your wife.

down THUMBS

Doing so while married to a woman who is crotch high.

V. 22 | NO. 63

WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

way into town. So thank you ms thang for being so remarkable without doing a thing. Tax payers footed the bill for a 105 MILLION dollar park and the county can not even turn the water on in the bathroom facilities. This is percisely the level of DISRESPECT BY OUR SO CALLED COMMUNITY “LEADERS” TAX PAYER ARE FED UP WITH!!! During peak usage when families are bringing their children to play and county workers are walking the park on their lunch breaks THE TOILETS, WASH BASINS AND DRINKING FOUNTAINS SHOULD BE TURNED ON. lets spend

another 250,000 dollars OF TAX PAYERS MONEY on A STUDY REGARDING “HOW TO TURN THE WATER MAIN ON”.   I have exacly 42 days left to live in this nasty state and I can honestly say I would not recommend anyone living in GA MOST CERTAINLY NOT COLUMBIA COUNTY.. BY THE WAY FOLKS, COLUMBIA COUNTY IS ONE OF THE WEALTHEST COUNTIES IN THE STATE BUT IT STILL TREATS IS TAX PAYERS LIKE GARBAGE.

Pandora comedy channels. From Richard Pryor to Aziz Ansari, Pandora has them all. With no bleeps! Create a Steve Martin radio channel and you’re going to get five minutes from “Let’s Get Small.” Cheech and Chong gets you “Dave’s Not Here.” Richard gets you “Have Your Ass Home by 11:00.” How is this free?!

WERECOMMEND

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August 17, 2006 The Metro Spirit publishes the “sponsorship” contract between the Augusta Chronicle and Tom Clark of the Rockin’ Rib and Music Fest, a fundraiser for the Jenny Clark Scholarship Fund and the National Network to End Domestic Violence. Line 1: “Not to purchase advertising OR use complimentary (free) advertising for this event in any other newspaper or print publication in this market.” (Side note: Martina McBride was cancelled due to poor ticket sales and the event bombed.) Fast forward to 2011. The Augusta Chronicle’s “sponsorship” package of today. Line 2: “Not to purchase advertising OR use complimentary (free) advertising space for this event in any other newspaper or print publication in this market. Editorial coverage-a reporter’s story or photo of the event before or after-is permitted in any print publication and is never discouraged.” Wow. After all the misery we went through for publishing the contract, exposing the heavy handed business practices of the daily, the only difference we made was now the Morris lawyers have stuck in the second line, most assuredly to protect them from a tortious interference claim. (Acts to prevent the plaintiff from successfully establishing or maintaining business relationships.) This clause might as well be called the No Metro clause. This paper has been publishing since 1989, so no disrespect to the other print outlets in town not owned by Morris (Buzz on Biz, Jail Report, Urban Pro Weekly, Medical Examiner, et.al.) but they aren’t the same animal we are. And how very kind of them to allow their customers to accept editorial coverage of their event. We have heard stories from many of you that are downright disgraceful. One business owner had to tell a local monthly magazine that they could not be featured (editorially-free of charge) due to the Chronicle’s contract. Successful events begin promoting on average six weeks out. A weekly newspaper cannot write editorially about an event a month and a half away. Anything other than the week of and you are alienating your audience. Our readers want to know what is going on NOW. So the result is the same. Festivals, charitable events, seasonal attractions, etc., they all get the short end of the stick. The daily limits the opportunity of the Metro Spirit to generate revenue and good will. The only one benefiting from this is the Augusta Chronicle. And as one owner shared with us a few weeks ago, the exclusivity only goes one way. Not only could she not purchase advertising from us because of the contract, the Chronicle had partnered with two other very similar seasonal operations. The media landscape has certainly changed since August 17, 2006, when we first revealed their entitled practices. For instance, everyone 13 and older with a valid email address could now have this thing called Facebook (opened on September 26, 2006… it now has over 800 million users). The Augusta Chronicle’s distribution has been spiraling (know anyone who “gets the paper” under 50?). While they do put on a good website, there is only so much exposure you can receive when the average user is checking the metro news and taking off. Since the Metro Spirit was brought back to local ownership, it is stronger and more relevant than ever. Our distribution is on the rise. We are investing heavily in our product and we think it shows. We can’t blame the daily for trying to get away with anything they can to survive. But it takes two to tango. So to all the people who have complained to us about the “sponsorship” agreement and how they wished it would go away, I ask you this: Why do you sign it? — Joe White, publisher

INSIDER LETTER TO THE EDITOR Insider

Red Kettle Season Is Almost Here To the Metro Spirit In his column this week, Austin Rhodes again chooses to ignore the big story for the chance to discredit the messenger. Why he would harp for days on the radio, in the paper, and on Facebook that the group Augusta Tomorrow and the alternative news website citystink.net are not worth paying attention to is curious, especially since the story we’ve opened up and Mr. Rhodes keeps sidestepping has been picked up by most other news outlets in town. The big story is that Augusta just built a parking deck on land we were told would be donated but was not and is not owned by the city. Other juicy questions we ask and Rhodes ignores include: why did the city administrator tell the commission before voting that the land would be donated but fail to inform them when it wasn’t, why did the city work to acquire a tiny bit of land but not the bulk of it, what does it mean for us that the bulk of land is owned by a corporation headed by the same guy who heads the corporation assured a no-bid contract to operate the deck, why is the mayor annoyed at people looking at minutes from commission meetings where the deal was discussed, and how did no one in the “real” media catch this. When former Spirit editor Tom Grant assigned me to commission meetings, I saw the craziness of the politics and the lame predictability of its coverage. I soon discovered the freeze out that comes from being politically incorrect when I wrote the story “Facebook Mayor” which looked at the mayor’s weekly scheduled calls with Ripken Baseball to the exclusion of much else. I’m sure Mr. Rhodes didn’t intend it, but I’ve felt intimidated for speaking out on things of public interest. In fact, one of Mr. Rhodes’s comments was so startling that I received from him what I’d call a cease and desist Facebook message to never repeat the comment again, seemingly regardless of accuracy and completeness of the quote and its context. When Mr. Rhodes teases me about no visible means of support, I worry that some may infer I’m involved in some impropriety. He claims I see Billy Morris as the Anti-Christ but misses my gratitude to Mr. Morris for bringing world-class artist Tom Nakashima to ASU and the fact that I was happily chosen as one of Morris’ Young Artists. I went to the Spirit hoping to be arts editor. Instead I’ve ended up spending this time I had set aside to paint (after working since the age of 13) trying to save the city from falling into yet another stupid money pit. I’ll never know if I made the right choice, but I’m glad to be “working” with the people at City Stink. Jill Peterson Augusta

IF YOU’RE GONNA USE ME, AT LEAST USE ME RIGHT! Reservations appreciated (not required| free of charge)

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METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

IdRatherBeFireside.com V. 22 | NO. 63

INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Pass the Kidney Stone Already Augusta loses ground

Apparently at the end of his rope, a riled up Bill Lockett requested a forensic audit be done on “the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker” this week. A kidney stone would be easier to pass. Something Lockett already knows. It is a telling sign of the state of Augusta government today. A forensic audit a) takes forever 2) is time consuming C) is expensive as all get out and 4) is a fishing expedition on the scope of a Bill Clinton deposition. For a while there it looked like the city had made a turn. The mayor attended more prayer breakfasts in his first term and even to this day he gives a long speech to his family before eggs in the morning. But those days are long, long, long gone. It’s racial lines all over again, with no leader and nothing but suspicion on all the commissioner’s minds. Suspicion and contempt. With this type of governing, what on earth is sliding through the cracks? What shady deals are being conducted while the commission swordfights one another? Trust us — a lot. But unfortunately, only time will bring them to the surface, and by then these guys will be golfing and greeting at Walmart.

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METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

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AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

Where Is President Polk When You Need Him? construction workers who used to make a good living in Columbia County until the great invasion of 2007 hit. That is when the real pain of hundreds of illegals being put to work in the local construction business really started being felt. These people have come into our country and sidestep the tax system, the back-breaking red tape American bureaucracy has thrust upon us, and every safety and occupational rule set down by OSHA, the EPA, the EPD, the FDA, DHEC, DFACS and Major League Baseball. The local case involving construction mogul Hugo Diaz is maddening, not only for the damage that his operation has done to local builders and their families, but the bizarre and hideous way that he was in the face of the entire community while doing it. He and his wife were out and about living their lives and having a grand old time doing it. Their teenage kids drive nicer, more expensive vehicles than most honest citizens are able to afford until they are middle aged. They lived in a

better home than most honest doctors, lawyers and, yes, politicians, are ever able to afford. They were able to do all that because, prosecutors say, they were willing to lie and cheat the system at every turn and in every possible way. Hugo Diaz is one of millions. If guilty, he is not just a criminal, he is a soldier at war with America. He and those like him need to be fought the same way we fought the Germans and Japanese during World War II. We must fight them until they surrender, we must use all the technology at our disposal to do it and we must do it without fear of being called xenophobic or racist in any way. I want an America that is built by Americans of every color in the rainbow and every ethnicity on the planet. But it should be built by people who respect our laws, protect our way of life and consider the burden their “shortcuts” put on the rest of us. As far as Diaz goes... adios amigo... and take your subversive com padres with you as you go.

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in America, already present such documentation on the average of three times a day. Thanks to cell phones, online social networks and debit cards, most Americans leave a trail of breadcrumbs so thick that Inspector Clouseau could track their movements with a 14-year-old computer without leaving the comfort of his fashionable French apartment. Ah, but these geniuses from South of the Border (Mexico, not the South Carolina tourist trap) have found a way around all that. Disposable cell phones, free internet access and cash solve a multitude of problems. Citizenship? They don’t need no stinkin’ citizenship! Combine today’s technology and the greed of their workplace accomplices, turncoat Americans who would rather count their money than fight, and you get a problem with illegal aliens that is something akin to an invading swarm of fire ants. Even if you squish a thousand a day, there are a million more behind them coming at you fast. What harm do these people do? Ask the

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The Mexican-American War came to an official end in 1848 with the signing of The Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo under the direction of U. S. President James K. Polk Unofficially, a state of war apparently still exists between many Mexican citizens and the government and people of the United States, and, this just in, the gringos are getting their traseros handed to them. We have no treaty under consideration, and President Polk is dead. These crafty Mexicans are using our own freedoms and way of life to beat the ever-loving hell out of us, like a hungry fat kid on a pinata.  We Yankees so love our customs and traditions that the very thought of requiring all people to produce identification when we conduct real estate transactions, bank business, receive medical treatment or enroll in public schools is simply too intrusive to imagine. You know, Big Brother, and all that. Even though most of us, like 99 percent of all working, legal adults

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V. 22 | NO. 63

METRONEWS

ERICJOHNSON

Nothing Makes Sense None of the David Fry stories add up

With TEE Center construction in high gear and the TEE Center parking deck now operational, it’s more than a little ironic that David Fry should be back in the news.

to be put into the $160 million SPLOST package for a trade and exhibition center. SPLOST passed, but by 2007 a racially divided commission was fighting over where the TEE Center should go and who should operate it. Ultimately, a deal was reached involving a new $1-a-night hotel feel that would fund TEE Center operations and move $37.5 million over 50 years toward redeveloping the Laney-Walker and Bethlehem neighborhoods. By 2008, however, the price of the TEE Center had skyrocketed to $38 million, causing black commissioners to balk about the price and to once again question the location. It was during this prolonged gridlock that David Fry reportedly approached Mason and Johnson, hoping to persuade them to vote in favor of the TEE Center. Though so much surrounding the alleged bribe is murky, the actual timeline has been laid out fairly clearly.

David Fry is something of a mystery,... In August of 2009 Fry was arrested for trying to bribe commissioners Alvin Mason and Corey Johnson into supporting the TEE Center, and last week his attorney Pete Theodocion could not come to an agreement with the assistant district attorney involving the terms of a plea agreement, meaning that instead of receiving a probated sentence, Fry, a former retired attorney, will have to stand trial on two counts of bribery. The legal wrangling is simply the latest twist in the long and troubled saga of the TEE Center. In 2005, the Augusta Convention and Visitors Bureau requested $27 million V. 22 | NO. 63

According to reports, Fry called Mason and Johnson on Friday, August 21, and set up a meeting at his home on Indian Cove Road in West Augusta. There, Fry explained his plan, which allegedly offered Mason and Johnson a cut of the management contract for the TEE Center parking deck in exchange for voting in favor of the TEE Center. Commissioner Jerry Brigham was also contacted by Fry and told about a plan involving a parking deck management company. Fry told him he was meeting with Mason and Johnson. On Sunday, August 23, Mason and Johnson met with Brigham in the parking lot of Longhorn Steakhouse on Washington Road. They wanted to know where he stood. Brigham told them he thought it was a bad idea. “I don’t understand why Al and Corey even thought there was anything to it,” he says. “This didn’t make any sense to me. I don’t know why it would make any sense to anyone else.”

Monday morning, Mason and Johnson contacted attorney Freddie Sanders, who then accompanied them to the sheriff’s office. Later, the FBI was brought in. “We made contact with the FBI basically because we were conducting an investigation involving public officials,” says Sheriff Ronnie Strength. “We talked to them, but they were not triggered to come.” Though the FBI helped conduct interviews, Strength says the Justice Department did not take the case. “We did interviews together,” he says. “Our people were there and their people were there on the interviews.” Strength confirms all commissioners and the mayor were interviewed, but declines to say whether the interviews extended beyond the commission. As for whether Fry was cooperative, Strength would only say that he was interviewed. For being at the center of such a sprawling story, David Fry is something of a mystery, albeit a mystery that has METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

9

shady. He was that calculating, they say. That sharp. His fortunes changed somewhat with the opening of Marlowe’s, a so-called private club that was investigated in 1984 by the Richmond County Human Relations Commission after several complaints from blacks as well as a discrimination lawsuit. “I sort of shifted gears then,” Fry says. “I attended Mercer University Law School where I graduated cum laude — top five of my class.” While at Mercer, he says he won several awards, including the top real estate award and moot court competition, client interview competitions and the American Jurisprudence Award for Ethics and Professionalism. He was 37 when he graduated from law school and later he started his own practice in Macon, where he met his wife, Sharon. He worked at the Macon practice for eight years, doing domestic relations law, criminal law and corporate law. Then, in 2004, his parents became ill and he moved back to Augusta.

been under everyone’s nose for quite some time. Considered a go-getter by those who knew him at Richmond Academy, Fry opened D.W. Fry’s only a few years after his 1970 high school graduation. Located at the corner of Wrightsboro Road and Highland Avenue, it was instantly the place to be. “It was the only show in town,” one friend remembers. “It was hopping five or six nights a week. You’d have to park at Aquinas and walk over it was so busy.” It was Augusta’s first real nightclub, and was also the birthplace of nightclub culture — a culture as seductive as it was glamorous. Women, drugs — D.W. Fry’s had it all. And though some remember Fry getting tripped up by the lifestyle he helped create, few who knew him back then have anything bad to say about him, which is unusual for someone that successful in the entertainment business. Friends from that era consistently describe him as being one of those guys who’s always thinking three steps ahead, a guy too smart to allow himself to be caught on tape doing something

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“I moved back to Augusta and saw that our local government was in shambles,” he says. “I almost cried when I saw the situation the commission was in. I tried to do my best to straighten out some of the things that I thought were wrong with the government, and that’s how I became involved locally.” Ultimately, he ended up representing the Citizens Action Committee, Woody Merry’s government reform group that, among other things, tried to change the voting structure of the county’s government. During this period, Fry was part of lawsuits against the Augusta procurement department, something that could have some bearing on the disposition of his case, since documents show these lawsuits involved Judge Carl Brown, who is currently handling his bribery case. That’s all just part of the sideshow, however. The question at hand — why an obviously intelligent man would broker an illicit deal he had no authority to make — has been noticeably unasked for the last two years, given the troubling implications surrounding it. It just doesn’t make sense. Anyway you look at it, it doesn’t make any sense. That’s not to say people haven’t had fun speculating. Most scenarios either have Fry as an intelligent fall guy or an incompetent armchair quarterback who tried to sneak into the game when he thought nobody was looking. But how can these two separate people in exist in one man? “That’s the part I think will be reconciled,” Fry says. “I think that’s probably going to come out in the end and the people who know me know the truth. They know I wouldn’t even conceive of doing anything like that. It’ll be reconciled, I can assure you.” Some have speculated that Fry was a brilliant deceiver, offering something that wasn’t his to offer (thereby making sure his own hands were clean, as were those of whoever he might have been working for) to either push through the TEE Center, incriminate Mason and Johnson or simply achieve the ability to leverage them in the future. After all, many very powerful people wanted to see the stalemate over the TEE Center end, not the least of which were Augusta Riverfront Development LLC and Billy Morris. Though there was no evidence that Fry

logic in the plan. After all, how better to make sure your project succeeds — and you stay out of trouble — than to get someone to offer nothing but an idea in exchange for giving you the leverage you need to influence a vote in your favor. “We’ll just keep this between us as long as you give us what we want” sort of thing.

far removed from the blight and need of Laney Walker. His appointment by Jerry Brigham to the Public Facilities Board the March before the alleged bribe took place has raised a few eyebrows, but given the relative obscurity of the board, most feel that was simply an offhand appointment. “I knew him on the periphery,” Brigham says. “I appoint a lot of people to a lot of things, especially people that act like they tend to want to be involved. The board I appointed him to wasn’t a board that did much of anything.” But a city attorney did tell a TV outlet that there were discussions about giving

were not involved in the case until after being alerted by Mason and Johnson, which raises some interesting questions about the possible scope of the investigation. Another possible theory is that the written document obtained by law enforcement officials was simply a blueprint of how commissioners might profit from the management of the parking deck, not an offer as much as a sketch of how such chicanery would look. If that was the case, though, was Fry after Mason and Johnson or were they after him? Nothing makes sense.

Others have said he was motivated by a benevolent desire to make sure the money slated to go to the Laney Walker and Bethlehem neighborhoods actually made it there, something at one point before the arrest Commissioner Joe Bowles called him in to investigate. Fry looked at the deal and agreed with City Attorney Chiquita Johnson that, without the TEE Center, the money could not legally be distributed to Laney Walker-Bethlehem. However, such a deep devotion for inner-city Augusta so soon after returning seems out of character for someone with an exclusionary private club in his past, not to mention incongruous with the insulated, pastoral elegance of his longtime home on Indian Cove Road, so

that board the authority to decide who would manage the TEE Center parking deck, so even that apparently benign tidbit won’t wither away and die. Conceivably, it could also have been nothing but an attempt to catch Mason and Johnson in a bribe, claiming two TEE Center “no” votes in the process and further discrediting Augusta’s black leadership, which was still working to overcome the loss of Mayor Ed McIntire, Augusta’s first and only black mayor, who was convicted of extortion in the mid-1980s. The answer might actually be the recorded evidence. Though Strength is mum on the contents and timing of the recordings, he does acknowledge that the sheriff’s office did tape some conversations. He also says that they

Hapless pawn, overzealous dreamer, calculating tactician — whatever theory you choose, there’s something about it that just doesn’t make sense. What’s clear, however, is that none of the scenarios are particularly flattering to a government many already consider ethically challenged. And until the facts are revealed — until Fry explains himself or the tape recordings are played — the doubts about the people maneuvering at the upper reaches of the Augusta power structure will continue to run rampant. And if the court system manages to somehow allow this case to fall through the cracks, everyone will be elegantly let off the hook

had any connection to Morris, Augusta Riverfront or any of the other parking deck/TEE Center players, including the CVB or the DDA, that doesn’t stop many from seeing a certain possible

...always thinking three steps ahead...

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METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 11

GREGBAKER

The Better Half

Greg’s wife Kari highjacks his column

12 METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

to Facebook users in an attempt to obtain personal data. A research group from Canada created a 102-member Socialbot Network (SbN) to measure users’ behavior in response to socialbot attack. Their findings show that about 20 percent of users will accept the friend request from a socialbot. Once accepted, the socialbot will send friend requests to their mutual friends and will be accepted with a rate nearing 60 percent. You’d think that a computergenerated Facebook user sending friend requests at random would be fairly easy to spot. However, the researchers were able to implement online services to break CAPTCHAs and populate their profile pictures with images from hotornot.com. Status updates were generated using the API to iheartquotes.com. The Facebook Immune System (FIS), Facebook’s giant cybersecurity system, apparently was unable to detect the bogus accounts. Over an eight-week period, this collection of socialbots friended 3,000 users, collected 46,500 email addresses, 14,500 physical addresses and over 250 gigabytes of other personal data. The researchers also warned of a larger danger. A single user with a socialbot army could shape opinion by spreading misinformation and propaganda. The best defense against a socialbot onslaught is to follow standard Facebook best practice: Only connect with and friend people that you actually know. Also, users should report suspicious behavior that is observed on Facebook or any other social network. Another piece of advice I’d like to pass along is, unless you’re the type that can’t live without constant humiliation, I would not recommend posting your picture on hotornot. (I mean, yes, I’m not in my twenties anymore, but a 4.6? Really?) Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet. Tweet me @gregory_a_baker. L8R.

AUGUSTATEK

Oh… hi! How’s everybody doing today? Sorry, Greg is running a little bit late today. I’m his wife, Kari. It’s good to meet all of you. Greg talks about you so much. You are one of the highlights of his week. I’m so happy to finally get to meet you in person. Before Greg gets here, there a couple of secrets I’d like to share about him. First of all, it is great to live with a technophile! We always have all the coolest gadgets and computers and everything “wired together.” Also, I volunteer with the Junior League, and it’s awesome to know we can always call him for a quick fix or explanation of what’s going on with our machines. BTW — The JL Holiday Market is November 18-20 at the Marriott. You need to be there… it’s such a great event! Now, of course, being married to technophile has its downsides as well. For example, he will install something on our computer, like a 2TB NAS appliance or something to backup the one million pictures of our girls. Then he’ll decide that it isn’t good enough and get something else. Translation: I now have to spend weeks figuring out how the heck to make it work. Another example: Last week I needed to print out an attachment for a meeting. I sit down at our computer, and my desktop is nowhere to be found! It’s like I’ve been teleported through a hole in the space-time continuum! After a couple of quick texts, I learn that Greg installed Linux (?) on our computer to test some cloud computing something or another. So much for the quick reply to that email marked Urgent! Well, it looks like Greg is here. It was so much fun to get to talk with all of you. I can’t wait until we get together again! Bye! Thanks, Kari. Sorry I’m late, folks, but I’m happy you got to meet my wife. Isn’t she wonderful? Let me also share a secret about Kari. Despite her affinity for reality shows like “Say Yes to the Dress,” she loves a good space alien movie as much as the next über-geek. I was late today because I was catching up on a topic that is new to me: socialbots. Socialbots are computer programs that mimic the actions of a typical user on Facebook or some other social network. A socialbot will randomly post status updates and send friend requests

Gregory A. Baker, Ph.D., is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. V. 22 | NO. 63

V. 22 | NO. 63

METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 13

Commissioner Points Finger Bill Lockett’s call for a forensic audit alleges misconduct

– c a r e e r

e d u c a t i o n –

HELP OTHERS

At Monday’s committee meetings, Commissioner Bill Lockett upped the ante on his colleagues and the county’s administration by requesting a forensic audit of Augusta’s government. In the motion, brought before the Financial Services Committee, Lockett singled out several recent sticking points, including the TEE Center parking garage and land acquisition, the Utilities Department’s water rates for golf courses, retroactive raises, the privatization of the Municipal Golf Course and SPLOST projects. “I placed this on the agenda for the simple reason that it appears as if we’re giving away the taxpayers’ money,” he said. He took particular issue with the TEE Center parking deck’s land acquisition process.

from a sitting commissioner, and Commissioner Wayne Guilfoyle didn’t wait long to comment. “When you do a forensic audit, you’re actually looking for information to be held in court,” he said. “But if there’s any information that any of us has about things that are criminal, we need to just get straight in contact with the FBI and not waste taxpayers’ dollars, because some of us won’t even be on the commission when the audit comes back.” Commissioner Joe Bowles was more succinct. “I have yet to figure out how we can audit the privatization of a golf course that doesn’t take effect until January 1, 2012,” he said. After the meeting, Committee Chair Jerry Brigham was critical of what he

“Some of the commissioners in this body were led to believe that the property where the deck is now built was to be donated to this government… and now we find out that’s not correct, that we’ve got the air rights,” he said. “We have too many things that are going on and we have too many citizens who are asking questions that we haven’t been able to find the answers to.” Therefore, he said, it was in the county’s best interest to conduct a forensic audit, and just to make sure everyone understood, he explained exactly what he was talking about. “The difference between a forensic audit and an internal audit is that the forensic audit is looking to see if there’s any criminal activity,” he said. “I hope not, but at this juncture I would not be willing to put any money on it.” Those are pretty strong words

called Lockett’s grandstanding. “That’s all it is,” he said. “So we let him grandstand a little bit and then we’ll send it on to the commission and hopefully it’ll get killed there.” To Brigham it’s mainly an issue of money. “We can’t afford a forensic audit,” he said. “We’ve already paid for an external audit and they didn’t find any fraud. And to do a forensic audit of SPLOST? That would be a 30-year audit. Come on.” As for the TEE Center, Brigham sees little point in land donation-air rights debate. “They told us every step of the way what they were doing,” he said of Administrator Fred Russell and his staff. “Some people down there have some very convenient memories. They’ve been told all along what’s been going on.”

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JOSHRUFFIN

Binging and Purging Legitimizing and debunking class warfare

V. 22 | NO. 63

the widening chasm between the wealthiest 1 percent and the rest of us (the average Japanese CEO makes between 10-14 times as much as the average laborer; the average American CEO makes about 475 times as much) has been ongoing for some time now, fed continuously by government bailouts for national banks, Wall Street/Washington alliances, and outright cronyism. It is the reason that Occupy protests

are currently in full swing in more than 90 cities and 80 countries. In a nutshell, economic inequality has finally bred a noticeable level of social unrest, though citizens worldwide have been living and dealing with the consequences for decades. Right-wingers, on the other hand, invoke the imaginary war only when their bottom line is endangered. Case in point: in a September 19 speech, President Obama summed up his proposal — predicated on increasing tax rates for corporations and the wealthiest 1 percent — by saying “It’s not class warfare, it’s math.” Republicans predictably cried foul, positing that the plan would in effect “tax success,” which is so far away from the actual truth that, once Bill O’Reilly said it, rhetoricians across the country lost control of their bowels. Rich people, meet me down in the next paragraph. Hi. I’m one of the 99 percent. I have degrees in philosophy/literary theory and creative writing, and I’m so far below the poverty line that the tooth fairy will still be leaving food stamps

RUFFIN’IT

This past Thursday, I sat by the floor-to-ceiling front windows of Blackbird Coffee, conducting one-onone conferences with my freshman composition students regarding their final research papers. I was just finishing up my everything bagel when my 10:50, Jenny, walked in and sat down. She has an aloof, intelligent demeanor, stringy brown hair and is punk-rock pretty, with a beauty mark piercing on her right upper cheek. She unraveled her scarf and took the lid off her tea, a whirl of peppermint steam gushing from the cup. I asked her what she wants to write about, what she’s passionate about. Jenny told me wants to work with women’s rights groups when she graduates in three and half years and that, while researching an article we read for class called “A Secret Society of the Starving” (Udovitch), which explores the development of online pro-anorexia communities, she happened upon some data on a sort of ongoing ideological war between the pro-anorexia and pro-bulimia crowds. It’s a prime opportunity to dissect a heretofore under-researched aspect of the ballooning pro-eating-disorder phenomenon, and I encouraged her, trying to appear as professorial as possible with a hole in my jeans, to pursue it. She would come back the next day, her mind changed, saying that she couldn’t find enough peer-evaluated research to wring 10 pages out of it. That’s probably bulls**t, but never mind. Jenny was interested in the topic’s darkly humorous irony, but what has stayed with me these past few days is not only that, but how even that level of absurdity cannot succeed in surpassing certain inherent contradictions in the very real class war being fought less quietly by the day in this country. Because, let’s be clear: There is a difference between the one that’s actually happening and the one that exists only in the minds of rightwing ideologues and their Borg-like collective. Interestingly enough, however, the two are irrevocably intertwined. The real one — involving

under my pillow when I have dentures. Look, we’re not going to storm your estates and condos, pillage the entirety of your possessions and run trains on your trophy wives. I promise. We didn’t declare war on you; all we’re doing is asking questions, only now we’re doing it in the streets, the town halls, the banquet rooms, and we’re doing it loudly. And though we may be doing it at your front door, I promise we’re not going to kick the thing in. When you decided, however, that capitalism was an end instead of a means to an end, you made s**t real. Herman Cain recently said of the situation, “If you’re not rich, blame yourself.” Herman Cain is a tool, and not even a useful one; he’s, like, a grommet press or something. Some of us don’t necessarily want to be rich, you leathery bag of pepperoni farts, but everyone wants to at least achieve self-sufficiency, with maybe a little bit left over for beer and black metal, and damn it, I’m trying. And though my girlfriend and I have been saddled with some costly, unforeseen medical bills, we’ve been fortunate enough to pull through thanks to a combination of health insurance and generous, loving family members. Others — like a close friend’s coal miner father who developed black lung, can’t work and can’t afford privatized health insurance — aren’t so lucky. Richies, we’re not here to make your lives difficult because we’re bored, lazy or driven by some misplaced sense of entitlement. We’re here because you refuse to help, because you categorically deny the part you played in creating this mess in the first place. We’re here because the war effort you crow is as ideologically contrived as the one between the pro-anorexia and pro-bulimia crowds. The 99 percent are wasting away through little to no fault of our own. You, however, continue to binge, to willfully purge.

ASU and Metro Spirit alum Josh Ruffin is a published journalist and poet, who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 15

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

Saddam Hussein Back in the News: (1) Mohamed Bishr, an Egyptian man bearing a remarkable resemblance to the late Iraqi dictator, claimed in October that he had been briefly kidnapped after spurning an offer to portray Saddam in a porn video. Bishr’s adult sons told the al-Ahram newspaper in Alexandria that their father had been offered the equivalent of $330,000. (In 2002, according to a 2010 Washington Post report, the CIA briefly contemplated using a Saddam impersonator in a porn video as a tool to publicly embarrass Saddam into relinquishing power prior to the U.S. invasion.) (2) In October, former British soldier Nigel Ely offered at auction in Derby, England, a twofoot-square piece of metal that he said came from the iconic Baghdad statue of Saddam toppled by U.S. Marines in April 2003. Ely said he had grabbed the piece indiscriminately, but remembers that it was a portion of Saddam’s buttocks.

Can’t Possibly Be True

Apparently, officials at the Chattanooga Metropolitan Airport felt the need for professional guidance on rebranding their facility to (as one put it) “carry it into the modern era,” and so hired the creative talents of Big Communications of Birmingham, Ala., to help. Big’s suggested name for the airport, announced to great fanfare in September: “Chattanooga Airport.” Elsie Pawlow, a senior citizen of Edmonton, Alberta, filed a $100,000 lawsuit in September against Kraft Canada Inc., parent company of the makers of Stride Gum, which brags that it is “ridiculously long-lasting.” Pawlow complained that she had to scrub down her dentures after using Stride, to “dig out” specks of gum — a condition that caused her to experience “depression for approximately 10 minutes.” The British recreation firm UK Paintball announced in August that a female customer had been injured after a paintball shot hit her in the chest, causing her silicone breast implant to “explode.” The company recommended that paintball facilities supply better chest protection for women with implants.

Ultimate Catfighting

In Charlotte, N.C., in October, a female motorist was arrested for ramming another woman’s car after that woman said “Good morning” to the motorist’s boyfriend as the women dropped kids off at school. In Arbutus, Md., in October, a woman was arrested for throwing bleach and disinfectant at another woman in a Walmart (an incident in which at least 19 bystanders sought medical assistance). Police learned that the arrestee’s child’s father had become the boyfriend of the bleach-targeted woman.

Unclear on the Concept

The North Koreans called it a “cruise ship” and tried to establish a business model to attract wealthy tourists from China, but to the New York Times reporter on board in September, the 40-year-old boat was more like a “tramp steamer” on which “vacationers” paid the equivalent of $470 to “enjoy” five days and nights at sea. More than 200 people boarded the “dim” and “musty” vessel, “sometimes eight to a room with floor mattresses” and iffy bathrooms. The onboard “entertainment” consisted not of shuffleboard but of “decks of cards” and karaoke. Dinner “resembled a mess hall at an American Army base,” but with leftovers thrown overboard (even though some of it was blown back on deck). The trip was capped, wrote the Times, by the boat’s crashing into the pier as it docked, knocking a corner of the structure “into a pile of rubble.” Sally Stricker was angry that the Nebraska troopers patrolling the state fair grounds in September had told her that she had an “illegal” message on her T-shirt and that if she wished to remain at the fair, she would have to either change shirts or wear hers inside out. The “message” was a marijuana leaf with the slogan “Don’t panic, It’s organic.” Stricker was at the fair to attend the night’s live concert — starring (marijuana-friendly) Willie Nelson.

16 METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

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AMYCHRISTIAN

Coming Home

After an accident that almost forced him to give up painting and music, David Swanagin finds himself on the road to recovery One minute, David Swanagin was in a tour bus, on his way to Oklahoma to play drums with up-and-coming country music singer-songwriter Amber Hayes. The next, he found himself in an ambulance, wondering if he’d ever play — or paint, for that matter — again. “For 45 minutes I was strapped in this thing and I felt like my brain was exploding,” Swanagin said. “And I was just lying there thinking about everything. Is this it? Am I done painting? Am I done drumming?” What happened? Swanagin, an Augusta native who began painting when he was 12 and played drums with several well-known local bands when he was younger, said it all started simply enough. The tour bus made a stop near Fort Smith, Arkansas, and all the musicians piled out of it. Walking absentmindedly, staring down at his cell phone, Swanagin attempted to hop on a nearby wall where he thought he’d sit while talking on the phone. “So I jumped up and turned around to sit on this wall and ended up falling over the wall and landing on my head,” he said. “So here I am on the other side of this wall, where nobody could see me, and I’m paralyzed for a few minutes. And I’m thinking, what am I going to do?” If this was a movie, the tour bus would have pulled out of the parking lot without him. Instead, Swanagin pulled himself together enough to make it back to the others. “I got it together and walked back to the band members, who started asking me what had happened,” he said. “So I put my hand to my head and looked at it and it was covered in blood. I started losing consciousness and they called an ambulance.” Despite the holes in the back of his head and a torn rotator cuff, the band was quickly back on the road, headed to Hayes’ shows at a casino in Oklahoma. And though doctors had bandaged up his head, Swanagin removed the bandages to play the two shows a night he needed to play. To say that it was unpleasant was an understatement. “The casino was spinning the whole time and I was thinking, please just don’t fall off the drum stool,” he said. “I had to get through these shows to get paid. What else am I going to do? I’m self-employed.” V. 22 | NO. 63

First Snow Swanagin said he may have made it through those shows, but upon his return to Nashville — where he had moved from Augusta eight years prior — the funk brought about from the

pain of the constant headaches, not to mention the awkwardness of trying to hold a paintbrush with a torn rotator cuff, almost forced him to give up. “I was done,” he admitted. “I was

like, this is it. I’m done drumming. The vacation is over. When you get a little older, it’s harder to rebound. And in Nashville, you have to stay in the loop constantly. If you take time off, it METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 17

takes some time to rebound because your name goes farther and farther down on the list.” Credit for his perseverance goes to one person, Swanagin said: his girlfriend, artist Cindy Day. “She’s kind of changed my life,” he said. “I met her about a year before this happened when she was trying to find a place in Nashville, and she’s truly been inspirational in getting me through this. She kept me super, super positive throughout the whole thing.” The couple now lives in Knoxville, and Swanagin commutes to Nashville when recording calls for his presence. He also makes regular trips back to Augusta to care for his ailing mother. His trip back this week will not only be a family visit, it will be to attend the opening of a showing of his latest artwork, along with that of another former Augustan, Mike C. Berry. It was in Augusta that Swanagin’s family landed after moving from Beaufort, S.C., where Swanagin was born on the marine base there, to Camp Pendleton, Calif. The son of a drill sergeant, Swanagin’s mother was a painter, as was his grandfather, who was also a musician. As a boy, he inherited a love of both pursuits. As an adult, Swanagin played in bands such as Horsepower with Grady

akery.com

Nickel and Snapdragon with Tara Scheyer. He even sat in for a song with Snapdragon at their recent reunion concert at Arts in the Heart. Despite playing with several bands, however, he thought he might give up music as he was preparing to move to Nashville in 2002. “Right before I moved, I thought I was going to hang up the drums because art was taking over,” he said. “But it’s just been incredible. You think you’re going to hang something up, and then I wake up in Nashville and take it to a whole other level. I’ve been on stage with people who I never thought I’d be on stage with and that I was so excited to meet.” The first artist he played with upon moving to Nashville was Billy Joe Royal. “He’s a Georgia guy who was big in the ’60s and ’70s. He’s still around,” Swanagin said. “I played tons of casinos with him and that led to numerous up-and-coming or established country artists. Probably 20-something country artists, both male and female. And I did some rock stuff, too.” And while his career as a musician was taking off, Swanagin also found a way to combine his love of music with his love of art by hand-painting

TONIGHT 1929!

drumheads for the likes of Jewel, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Brad Paisley and more. The work he did for Paisley was showcased when the country artist played on David Letterman’s show, but the drumhead he’s most proud of is the one he created for Mike Wolfe, one of the hosts of the History Channel’s “American Pickers” and the owner of the Nashville store Antique Archaeology. “I found an antique drum, painted their logo on it and made it look all scratched up,” Swanagin said. “They have it on their website now and I’ve done a couple more for him.” Swanagin found that demand for his drumheads was booming and, because of his travels across the country, he found more and more venues were willing to showcase his art. “It opened up a lot of other doors,” he said. “That’s how I got a gallery rep that got me in galleries in Chicago and England. I kind of almost started feeling like art was consuming most of my time. It’s hard to do both, is what I’m saying.” He may have had a difficult time balancing art and music before his accident last May, but afterwards he could barely do either. Debilitating headaches, a lack in range of motion

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in his arm and numbness in his hand were just a few of the physical problems he experienced after the fall. And it might seem like Swanagin recovered quickly, but for a long time it seemed to him like things were moving very slowly. “For, like, the first eight weeks after the accident, I had to prop my arm up to paint, and I could only work 10 or 15 minutes at a time,” he said. “There are some strokes in these pieces where my arm definitely did it’s own thing. They’re a little looser. I’m not going to say uncontrollable strokes, but they’re definitely a little looser.” The accident had a decided effect on what Swanagin was physically able to put on canvas, but he said the changes go even deeper than that. “You know what’s funny? My work has been gravitating toward the more atmospheric even before the accident,” he said. “But the fall and the struggle, working through the pain to do these pieces, I think it affected them in some way. I think it’s even caused some of them. I really love this body of work I did, even though it’s been a real, real struggle.” And while no artist is ever perfectly satisfied with his or her work, Swanagin said showing in his hometown makes him look even more

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Harry Jacobs Chamber Music Society presents

Inaugural Concert Vola Jacobs Memorial Piano Series

David Swanagin circa1998, painteng in his rented home where the Kroc Center is now located.

Mr. Plano will be performing on the marvelous Hamburg Steinway previously owned by Mrs. Vola Jacobs

Winner, 2001 Cleveland International Piano Competition Finalist, 2005 Van Cliburn Competition

Regular Admission - $25 High School or Younger - $7

3:00 PM | Sunday, November 13 Reid Memorial Presbyterian Church | 2261 Walton Way

Concert Pianist

Roberto Plano

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closely at what he presents. “It’s always kind of a homecoming for me because it’s friends, family, people who’ve collected my work. I kind of stress over it a little bit,” he laughed. “Normally, in a 50-piece show, there are 10 or 15 pieces that I’m 75 percent happy with. If I do a show here, I have to be 100 percent happy with them.” That’s a lot for an artist to ask from himself under normal circumstances, never mind from someone who, six months ago, didn’t know if he’d ever paint again. Remarkably, Swanagin said he’s happier with his present work V. 22 | NO. 63

David Swangin and Mike C. Berry Exhibit Opening Reception Sacred Heart Cultural Center Thursday, November 10 5-8 p.m. Free Exhibit remains on display until December 31 706-826-4700 sacredheartaugusta.org

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ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED

What does is mean to be American? That’s the issue the citizens of Shelbyville, Tenn., grapple with in 2008, shortly before the election that would seat the country’s first AfricanAmerican president. In this Bible Belt town, however, black and white residents are still trying to live in harmony together, and growing Latino and Somali refugee populations, as well as a scarcity in jobs as the economy begins to nosedive, only adds to the tension. How will it play out? Find out at the Morris Museum of Art when “Welcome to Shelbyville” shows as part of the Southern Circuit of Independent Film series. Stick around afterwards for a question and answer session with director and producer Kim Snyder. “Welcome to Shelbyville” Morris Museum of Art Wednesday, November 16 6 p.m. Free for museum members; $3 for non-members 706-724-7501 themorris.org

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ENTERTAINMENT Music

Just Desserts, an Augusta Children’s Chorale annual concert, is Thursday, November 10, at 7 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. The concert will be followed by a dessert reception. $10. Call 706-826-4718 or visit augustachildrenschorale.org. AUS Jazz Ensemble performs Thursday, November 10, at 7:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Theatre. $5; free for ASU students, faculty and staff. Call 706-6674100 or visit aug.edu. Bailey Jerusalem Sounds, a New Orleans style brass band playing gospel tunes, performs at 2 p.m. Sunday, November 13, at the Morris Museum of Art. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Pianist Roberto Plano performs at Reid Memorial Presbyterian Church on Sunday, November 13, at 3 p.m. as part of the Harry Jacobs Chamber Music Society’s Vola Jacobs Memorial Concert. $7-$25. Call 706-790-9274 or visit hjcms.org.

Get some “Local Color” at a new photography exhibition, opening Saturday, November 12, at the Morris Museum of Art that includes works like Williams Eggleston’s “Untitled (Coca-Cola sign atop roof).” The show remains at the museum until January 29. For more information, call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Arts

Art After Dark, the Artists’ Guild of Columbia County’s annual art show, is Saturday, November 12, from 7-10 p.m. at the Church of the Holy Comforter in Martinez. It features work in a variety of mediums for sale and silent auction, a celebrity art auction, live jazz, food and wine. $5. Call 706-814-3549 or visit artistguildcc.org. Sunday Sketch is Sunday, November 13, from 2-3:30 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. During this free event, participants are invited to sketch in the galleries with materials supplied by the museum. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. End of Semester Pottery Sale, hosted by ASU’s Mad Potters, is November 16-18 from 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m. under the white tend at the university’s front entrance. Visit aug.edu.

Exhibitions

David Swanagin and Mike C. Berry Exhibit Opening Reception is Thursday, November 10, from 5-8 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. Exhibit will be on display through V. 22 | NO. 63

December 31. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. “Local Color: Photography in the South” is an exhibition that opens Saturday, November 12, at the Morris Museum of Art and includes photographers Dave Anderson, John Baeder, William Christenberry, William Eggleston, Meryl Truett and more. It will show until January 29, 2012. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Bea Kuhlke and Elizabeth Moretz-Britt Art Show Opening is Thursday, November 17, from 6-8 p.m. at the Aiken Center for the Arts. The show will run until December 30. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. Making Something Ancient of the New, sculpture by Kath Girdler Engler, shows at the Morris Museum of Art through January 8, 2012. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Local Legends is a new permanent exhibition at the Augusta Museum of History that focuses on area-wide

entertainers, musicians, singers, authors, athletes, journalists and other notable personalities. Call 706-722x8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. The Annual Quilt Exhibition shows through December 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. William Willis: Paintings and Drawings shows at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art through December 13. Call 706722-5495 or visit ghia.org. Americana Tugs at Your Heart, an exhibition by artists Anne Rauton Smith and Judy Adamick, shows during the month of November at the Aiken Artist Guild Gallery at the Aiken Center for the Arts. Call 803-278-0709 or visit aikenartistguild.org. Marcia Bergtholdt Art Exhibit shows during November at Hitchcock Health Center in Aiken. Call 803-278-0709 or visit aikenartistguild.org.

Evensong will be sung on Sunday, November 13, at 6 p.m. at Saint Paul’s Episcopal Church. A reception will be held following the service. Call 706-7242485 or visit saintpauls.org. Three Kosher Singers, including Irvin Bell, David Sirull and Bertram Kieffer, perform at the Imperial Theatre on Sunday, November 13, at 7 p.m. $10-$60. Call 706-722-8341 or visit imperialtheatre.com. ASU Piano Class Recital: Liszt is Monday, November 14, at 7:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre. Free. Call 706-667-4100 or visit aug.edu. ASU Choirs perform at Reid Memorial Presbyterian Church on Tuesday, November 15, at 7:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-1453 or visit aug.edu. ASU Orchestra performs Thursday, November 17, at 7:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre. $5; free for ASU students, faculty and staff with ID. Call 706-667-4100 or visit aug.edu. An Evening of Traditional Irish Music featuring Turlach Boylan and Davey Mathias is Thursday, November 17, at 7:30 p.m. at the Knights of Columbus Meeting Hall on Monte Sane. $15. Call 706-267-5416. The John Brown Jazz Orchestra performs on Thursday and Friday, November 17-18, at METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 21

8 p.m. at the URS Center for the Performing Arts in Aiken. Call 803-643-4774.

Poetry Matters is accepting entries through March 23 for their annual

The Salvation Army School of the Performing Arts holds classes each Tuesday. Included is instruction in piano, drums, guitar, voice and brass. Call 706364-4069 or visit krocaugusta.org.

“Patriotic Voices,” a show in which actor Bob Rollins portrays historic characters in a Veterans Day benefit for St. Stephens Ministry, is Friday, November 11, at 7:30 p.m. at St. Paul’s River Room. Event also features solo singers, hors d’oeuvres and a cash bar. $25; $20 for seniors and veterans. Call 706-722-7092.

Bill Baab, author of “Augusta on Glass,” will sign copies of his book on Sunday, November 13, from 2-4 p.m. at the Augusta History Museum. The book is $25. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Brown Bag Book Discussion meets Thursday, November 17, at 11:30 a.m. at the Columbia County Library to discuss “Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie” by Allen Bradley, as well as October’s book. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Harlem Book Discussion Group meets Thursday, November 17, at 4 p.m. to discuss “Suzanne’s Diary of Nicholas.” Call 706-556-9795 or visit ecgrl.org.

“Children of Eden” auditions are Monday and Tuesday, November 14-15, at 7 p.m. at the Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre for the musical that shows February 24-March 10. For more information on the roles available, call 706-793-8552 or email steven.r.walpert.naf@mail.mil.

Theater

Literary

Local Author Discussion Panel is Sunday, November 13, from 2-5 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. The topic is writing and publishing in today’s market. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org.

auditions.shtml.

meets Tuesday nights from 7:30 to 9:30 at the Augusta Ballet Studio on 2941 Walton Way. No partners needed. First visit free. Info: call Tim at 706-399-2477.

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poetry contest. Cash prizes will be given out. Categories are middle and high school, adults, and seniors. Visit poetrymatterscelebration.com.

Dance

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THE DAWGS

“Christmas Belles,” a production of the Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre, as added a Thursday, November 17, show because all their other dates have sold out. Dinner is at 7 p.m., with the show starting at 8 p.m. $25-$40. Call 706-793-8552 or visit fortgordon.com.

“The Children’s Hour,” an ASU senior directing project by John Greene, shows Friday and Saturday, November 11-12, at 7:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre. Free. Call 706-667-4100 or visit aug.edu.

Local authors are invited to submit original scripts for Quickies 2012, the short play festival at Le Chat Noir. Scripts should be 10-15 pages; all styles and subject matters considered. Deadline is December 31. Mail scripts to Quickies, c/o Le Chat Noir, 304 Eighth Street, Augusta, Ga., 30901, or email them to info@lcnaugusta.com.

“Children of a Lesser God,” a production of Aiken Community Playhouse, shows November 11-12 at 8 p.m. at the URS Center for the Performing Arts. Tickets are $17 for adults, $15 for seniors, $12 for students and $6 for children under 12. Call 803-648-1438 or visit acp1011.com.

Flix

“The Long Goodbye” shows Tuesday, November 15, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Free. Call 706-821-2615 or visit ecgrl.org.

“Chicago” auditions, a production of Augusta Players, are on Saturday, November 12, at 1 p.m. Call 706-8264707 or visit augustaplayers.org/

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Following the screening, a Q&A session with the filmmaker will be held. Free for museum members; $3 for non-members. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Movie Night on the Field at the Wilson Family Y is Thursday, November 17, with gates opening at 7:30 p.m. and the family friendly movie beginning at dusk. Free. Call 706-922-9622 or visit thefamilyy.org.

Special Events

The Columbia County Fair is ThursdaySaturday, November 10-13, at the fairgrounds in Grovetown and features rides, games, shows, a petting zoo, nightly entertainment, exhibits and more. $5, with nightly specials available. Visit columbiacountyfair.net. stomp your feet at the lynndale music festival saturday, november 12 in North Augusta. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org. “Welcome to Shelbyville” shows as part of the Southern Circuit Tour of Independent Films on Wednesday, November 16, at 6 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art.

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Kettle Kick-Off, the celebrate the start of the Salvation Army of Augusta’s Red Kettle Season, is Thursday, November 10, from noon-8 p.m. at the Washington Road Kroger. Fans, alumni and boosters of different football teams will man kettles to see which can bring in the most donations. Call 706-826-7933 or visit salvationarmyaugusta.org. Annual Veterans Day Ceremony at the Georgia War Veterans Nursing Home is Friday, November 11, at 9 a.m. with

Regimental Command Sgt. Maj. Ronald S. Pflieger at Fort Gordon as the guest speaker. Call 706-721-2531. 2011 CSRA-Augusta Veterans Day Parade, beginning at Sacred Heart Cultural Center and ending at the All Wars Monument, begins at 10 a.m. on Friday, November 11, and concludes with a ceremony at 11 a.m. Call 706-6507782 or email jim_hussey@chambliss. senate.gov. Christmas Made in the South is Friday, November 11, from 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Saturday, November 12, from 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; and Sunday, November 13, from 11 a.m.-5 p.m. at the James Brown Arena. Admission, good for the entire weekend is $6 for adults; children 12 and under are admitted free. Visit augustaentertainmentcomplex.com. Grove Christian Bookstore Open House at Sanctuary Church is Friday and Saturday, November 11-12, from 10 a.m.-6 p.m. The first 100 customers will receive a free ornament and Santa Carl will be onhand for pictures (bring your own camera) on Saturday from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Call 706-364-8284 or visit mysanctuary.org. Veterans Day Ceremony is Friday,

November 11, at 11 a.m. at ASU’s Douglas Barnard Amphitheatre. It will be followed by the Remembrance Day National Roll Call, recognizing those who have died in serving to their country, from noon-8 p.m. Visit aug.edu. Veterans Day Event, featuring 50 percent off dinner for veterans, a showing of “Casablanca with free popcorn, and raffles, is Friday, November 11, at 5:30 p.m. at Casa Blanca Cafe. The movie begins at 7 p.m. Reservations encouraged. Call 706-504-3431 or visit casablancatime.com. Holiday Wines and Appetizers, a Tasters Guild event, is Friday, November 11, at 7:30 p.m. at the North Augusta Community Center and features 10 different appetizers and five wines. $25, members; $30, non-members. Paid reservations required. Call 803-2799522 or visit wineworldsc.com. Fall Foliage Stroll, an Augusta Canal Discovery Walk, is Saturday, November 12, at 10 a.m. and Sunday, November 13, at 3 p.m. Led by Dr. Judy Gordon. Departments from the lockkeeper’s cottage at Savannah Rapids Park. Free for Canal Keeper members; $2 for nonmembers. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 2, or visit augustacanal.com.

METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 23

Lynndale Music Festival, featuring Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold, is Saturday, November 12, from noon-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. The event will feature live music from local and regional musicians and singersongwriters, dance troupes, visual artists, crafters, vendors, Sconyers barbecue and more. $10. Call 706-738-3395. Rickey Smiley and Friends, along with the band Common Folk, appear at the Bell Auditorium on Saturday, November 12, at 8 p.m. $37-$57. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com. Inshop Tasting is Thursday, November 17, from 5-8 p.m. at Wine World. $5, with a $3 rebate upon purchase of featured wine or beer. Call 803-279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com. Weekly Wine Tastings at Vineyard Wine Market in Evans are each Friday from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and each Saturday from 1-6 p.m. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vine11.com.

Health

Car Seat Class, offered by GHSU’s Children’s Medical Center, is Thursday, November 10, from 5:45-8 p.m. at MCGHealth Building 1010C. $10, with pre-registration required. Call 706-7217606 or visit georgiahealth.org/kids.

The Weight Is Over, a weight loss surgery seminar, is Thursday, November 10, at 6 p.m. at Doctors Hospital’s south tower, classroom 1. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Meet the Doula Tea is Monday, November 14, at Steinle Wellness Center from 7-8:30 p.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-799-9213 or email birthingbychoice@gmail.com.

Surgical Weight-Loss Information Seminar is Thursday, November 10, at 6 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Centers, classrooms A-B on the sixth floor. Pre-registration required. Call 803-6415751 or visit aikenregional.com.

Breastfeeding Class is Tuesday, November 15, from 6-8 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center. $5. Preregistration required. Call 800-3228322 or visit aikenregional.com.

Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, November 10, at 6:30 p.m. in suite 310 of Medical Office Building One at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-6512229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Weight Loss Seminar, hosted by GHSU’s Weight Loss Center is Thursday, November 10, at 7 p.m. at the Columbia County Library in Evans. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706721-2609 or visit georgiahealth.org/ weightloss. Baby Care Basics and Breastfeeding Class, two classes in one, is Saturday, November 12, from 9 a.m.-noon, at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Preregistration required. Call 706-4817727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

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Breastfeeding Class is Tuesday, November 15, from 7-9 p.m. at GHSU Medical Center. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org. Annual GHSU Bone Marrow Drive is Wednesday, November 16, from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. in the lobby of the Health Sciences Building and from noon6 p.m. on the second floor of the Children’s Medical Center. Email bwills@ georgiahealth.edu or amacgregor@ georgiahealth.edu. Bariatrics Seminar on weight loss is Thursday, November 17, at 6 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Free. Call 706-6514343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, November 17, from 7-9 p.m. at Babies

R Us. Sponsored by University Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7742825 or visit universityhealth.org. Infant CPR Class is Thursday, November 17, from 7-8:30 p.m. at University Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7742825 or visit universityhealth.org. Babies, Bumps and Bruises, an infant care and CPR class, is Thursday, November 17, at 7 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Preregistration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Child Safety Seat Inspections, offered by Safe Kids East Central, are available by appointment at either MCGHealth Building 1010C or the Martinez Columbia Fire Rescue Engine Company 3. Call 706-721-7606 for an appointment at MCGHealth or 706-860-7763 in Martinez. Car seat classes are also available by appointment at these two locations, and those interested should call 706-721-7606 for an appointment. Visit georgiahealth.edu. Breast Self-Exam Classes will be held every Tuesday through the end of the month at 5 p.m. at the University Breast Health Center. Registration required. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org.

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By the time Bobbie and Austin Rhodes made their first visit to see Dr. Edouard Servy, they had already tried intrauterine insemination (IUI) five times with Bobbie’s OB-GYN, Dr. George Williams. “We were kind of at the end of our rope,” said Austin Rhodes, radio talk-show host at WGAC. “We had been through several regular inseminations in her regular doctor’s office.” “We knew that we needed help,” Bobbie, a teacher in Columbia County, added, “and he [Dr. Williams] said, you’re going to need to go beyond me. So he sent us to Dr. Servy and we started seeing him in 2007.” After three more unsuccessful IUI rounds, Dr. Servy and the Rhodes decided to try in-vitro fertilization. “Then I did another surgery, laparoscopic surgery, to check for scar tissue and get me ready, to make sure there was nothing standing in the way for the in-vitro,” Bobbie explained. “We started all the in-vitro stuff in May of 2008, so it had been two years of fertility treatments off and on before the in-vitro.” Luckily for the Rhodes, the first round of IVF worked, but Bobbie recalls a nerve-wracking few weeks between the time they started IVF in May and when the couple found out they were pregnant on July 14. First, there was the suppression cycle when Dr. Servy gave Bobbie drugs to help her body store up eggs so there would be as many as possible to harvest during the stimulation cycle. “Dr. Servy joked and called it raiding the chicken house when they did the retrieval,” Bobbie recalled, using a comprehensive scrapbook she made during the process to help her recall details. Seventeen eggs were retrieved on July 25, 2008, Bobbie said, and, of those 17, six were immature and two wouldn’t fertilize. “So we had nine and then one of those fragmented,” she said. “So we ended up with eight the next day.”

Then came what may have been the most anxietyfilled part of the process: the five-day wait to see if any of the fertilized eggs survived and thrived. “And they’re checking in on your every day, telling you how many survived the day,” Bobbie said. “If the eggs are not doing well, they’ll go ahead and transfer them back in on day 3, but you’re hoping for day 5. And we did make it to day 5, and they transferred in two.” Of the two fertilized eggs, one survived and Robert Guillebeau Rhodes was born on St. Patrick’s Day in 2009. Beau is now 2 1/2 years old. Even just looking back through her scrapbook makes Bobbie tear up a little, but she said it is nothing compared to what she and Austin went through when they were trying to get pregnant. “It was so emotional and it was day to day,” she recalled. “So you’re worried that you have invested all this money and, since we have him [Beau] now, it was worth every dime. But if it had not worked, it would have been devastating. If this hadn’t have worked, I don’t know what we would have done. Every step of it was as stressful as could be.” Fortunately, Bobbie said that Dr. Servy and his staff don’t maintain the distant bedside manner so often associated with those in the medical profession. “You really do get very close with Dr. Servy and the nurses there because I was going in there sometimes once a week, sometimes every other day, sometimes every day,” she said. “It’s good that you feel comfortable there because that’s the last thing you want when you go in for retrieval is to feel like you don’t know anybody.” And while Bobbie said she appreciated the emotional support she received from Dr. Servy’s staff, she was sometimes even more thankful for the doctor’s attitude.

“I can’t even imagine what he had to do to himself to stay so professional, but he was very calm, which was what I needed because I was crazy,” Bobbie laughed. “He is straightforward and knowledgeable, but so honest. I do remember that. He would not lie; he would tell you about how difficult it is. At the time it’s startling, but then you’re grateful that you know and that you’re not just living in some fantasyland.” From being straightforward about their odds of conceiving (they were 50-50, Bobbie said) to telling her to stop trying all the crazy ideas she found on the internet, Bobbie said Dr. Servy helped her stay calm during a time when stress, hormones and drugs made her more than a little emotional. To Austin, that’s reason enough for anyone to make the visit to see Dr. Servy. “They probably have more Kleenex in that office than at any other facility in the country,” he laughed. “But there’s nobody who has more empathy for people in very serious pain than he does. There’s a very serious emptiness that a childless couple feels, and he was very intuitive about that.” And many of those childless couples don’t remain that way after visiting the Servy Massey Fertility Institute. “They are like family and we are so grateful to them,” Bobbie said of the institute. “Beau is a miracle. It was hard, but it was definitely worth it.”

Edouard J. Servy, MD Dr. Edouard Servy created the Servy Institute for Reproductive Endocrinology in 1976, almost a decade before the advent of one of the most common fertility treatments. “In 1976 in-vitro fertilization did not exist,” he said. “We were doing other things: medical treatments and surgical treatments. The first baby born as a result of in-vitro fertilization was in 1982. The first IVF baby in Georgia was born in 1986.” Dr. Servy, a native of France, first came to Augusta in 1969, after finishing medical school and a residency in endocrinology and metabolic disease, for a fellowship in reproductive endocrinology under Dr. Robert Greenblatt. “He had the only department of reproductive

endocrinology in the world,” Dr. Servy said. “He was a pioneer in that field and he was smart enough to surround himself with the very best lab.” It was during this time that Dr. Servy met his wife, Cheryl, to whom he has been married for 41 years now. The couple has four children. After Dr. Servy’s fellowship, he returned to France but didn’t stay long. He returned in 1973 for an OB-GYN residency at MCG. Since opening the Servy Institute, Dr. Servy has seen one advance after another when it comes to infertility treatments, and has often been involved in some of the area’s historic advancements. His lab, for instance, was the first to develop intrauterine insemination (artificial insemination, as it is more commonly known) in the world, and that infertility procedure is still one of the most commonly performed. And while his current business partner, Dr. Joe Massey, may have had the first live birth in Georgia resulting from in-vitro fertilization, Dr. Servy had the second. “We lived those changes,” he said. “I’m not going to say that we made them, because we had people everywhere working in the field. But we grew with them. We grew up with them.” Dr. Servy, however, hasn’t confined himself to the practice of medicine. He is one of the founding

members of the rugby club at MCG, a club that would go on to become the Augusta Rugby Club. “I coached them for 15 years,” he said. “I still follow the sport but I don’t play. These days, it’s golf.” Even though he’s 68 years old, Dr. Servy doesn’t anticipate slowing down anytime soon. After all, he and Dr. Massey only began their new venture, providing low-coast IVF treatments, about three months ago and, after his extensive experience treating couples who suffer from infertility, he says it’s worth it. “I know how these young couples suffer from not being able to afford this,” he said. “It’s still expensive, but it’s half the cost. I think it’s going to be good for our lab and our practice, but I also think it’s going to be a good humanitarian project. And it takes two older guys like Joe and me to do something like this. We’re really out of the mainstream. Fortunately, we can afford to do it.” The satisfaction of helping patients attain their goals, he said, makes it all worthwhile. “Obviously, you cannot be fully satisfied until the couple have their child,” he said. “And that is the best feeling, when they come back with the child who is two or three months old. And most of them do come back. We have plenty of pictures.”

become more and more successful. In the 1980s, the success rate was 15 percent and now, patients who are, let’s say, in their mid-30s have a success rate in the mid40 percent range. And many patients are pregnant in two IVF treatments.” The increasing practicality of IVF in the 1980s was the reason Dr. Massey first began to focus on infertility, and it was during that time that he co-founded a clinic in Atlanta called Reproductive Biology Associates, responsible for the first baby born by IVF in Georgia. Dr. Massey spent some time practicing with Dr. Robert Kiltz at CNY Fertility Center in Syracuse, New York, one of the first clinics to offer IVF to patients at a reduced cost. “It’s real IVF, complete IVF,” he explained, saying that some, including himself, had tried to offer IVF without the drugs that go along with the procedure. “It was quickly apparent that it wasn’t cost effective. It was a lower cost, but there was also a lower rate of pregnancy. You can’t get away from the drugs, which are a core part of the process, so we offered complete IVF and just didn’t charge as much.” It was Dr. Massey’s goal of bringing low-cost IVF to the South that brought him back to Georgia.

“Currently in this country, one-third of the people who would like to have IVF or need IVF don’t get it because their insurance doesn’t cover it,” he said. “Insurance companies see IVF as a luxury, like plastic surgery, and it’s not fair.” And collaborating with Dr. Servy seemed like a natural fit. Now operating as the Servy Massey Fertility Institute, the two pioneers in the field offer patients an almost 50 percent discount on IVF. Dr. Servy oversees the Augusta office and laboratory, and Dr. Massey operates a satellite office near Northside Hospital in Atlanta. If it sounds like a lot for someone who has been practicing for close to 35 years, Dr. Massey says he has plenty of time to spend on his hobbies: his six grandchildren, tennis, visual arts and performing arts. But providing help to those who need it is his passion and he says patients seem to be responding. “Our early experience is that people who don’t have insurance, and those who find it difficult to get into the system under the old pricing model, are responding,” he said. “It’s a good service and good pricing, so it’s good for everyone.”

Joe B. Massey, MD The partnership between Augusta’s Dr. Edouard Servy and Atlanta’s Dr. Joe. B. Massey in the Servy Massey Fertility Institute may be fairly recent, but the two are hardly strangers. They met in the mid-1980s when the two teamed up on a research project into ways of improving laboratory procedures. By that time, Dr. Massey had already been a practicing obstetrician for 10 years or so, but had recently begun to move into the area of assisted reproduction. “Before the mid-1980s, there wasn’t much you could do for infertility. Treatment options were limited,” he explained. “But over the past 25 or 28 years, there’s been huge advances, and IVF [in-vitro fertilization] has

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Visiting the Servy Massey Fertility Institute

Advances in Infertility Treatments First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the couple with a baby carriage. That age-old rhyme sums up the natural progression that many couples feel their lives should take. But for many would-be parents, the process isn’t as easy as it is for others. And that’s where the Servy Massey Fertility Institute comes in. It is here, at either the clinic’s Augusta or Atlanta office, that patients will find two doctors who are pioneers in the field of reproductive endocrinology and, combined, have more than 50 years of experience in helping couples have babies when all other methods have failed. Dr. Joe Massey, a practicing obstetrician since the 1970s, heads the institute’s office in Atlanta, but he says the majority of the work is done in Augusta. “In Atlanta, I’m the satellite office,” Dr. Massey explained. “The core practice is in Augusta because the lab is in Augusta. Couples come to Augusta for egg retrieval and go back to have the embryos implanted. They seem to think that’s not so burdensome.” In Augusta, the process is overseen by Dr. Edouard Servy, a French-born “old-fashioned reproductive endocrinologist.” Dr. Servy opened what was then called the Servy Institute for Reproductive Endocrinology in 1976, when in-vitro fertilization (IVF) didn’t even exist. Since then, he has been a leader in the field and his lab, in fact, was the first to do intrauterine insemination (IUI), or artificial insemination, in the world. IUI is still the most commonly performed procedure for couples experiencing fertility problems. “People don’t do IVF to start with,” Dr. Servy said. “It took a while for in-vitro fertilization to be accepted and to be confirmed and to be done as well.” Sensing the promise that IVF offered, Dr. Servy followed the procedure’s progress in the early 1980s and made sure he was prepared to offer it to couples who visited his practice. “I remember we were going to Norfolk two and three

times a year to get prepared to do it here,” he said. “That’s how we got started in 1985. The first test-tube baby was born in 1986.” Interestingly enough, the first IVF baby born in Georgia can be attributed to procedures Dr. Massey performed at his Reproductive Biology Associates practice in Atlanta; credit for the second IVF baby born in Georgia goes to Dr. Servy. The IVF method may have found success, but Dr. Servy continued to pioneer the movement, finding ways to make it even more successful by growing the embryos to day 5 before implanting them in the mother, rather than implanting at day 3. The method, called blastocyst-stage transfer, offers a greater chance for success. “There is a tremendous difference between a day-3 embryo and a day-5 embryo and we were the first one to do that — transfer at the blastocyst stage — in the country,” Dr. Servy explained. “And it is easier to freeze the embryos at that stage as well.” That was in 1989 and, during the early 1990s, Dr. Servy turned his attention from egg to sperm. In 1993, Belgium scientists were looking into ways to ensure sperm fertilized the egg during the process. Before their advances, Dr. Servy said that scientists would join eggs with approximately 100,000 sperm and hope insemination occurred. But intro-cytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) allowed them to pick and choose the best-looking sperm, then help the insemination process along. “It was a big breakthrough,” he admitted. All in all, the changes Dr. Servy has seen and participated in has made it easier and easier for couples who can’t get pregnant the old-fashioned way to achieve their dream of having a child. “When we started, we had a 15 percent success rate,” Dr. Servy said. “Then it went to 30 percent in the late 1980s and the early 1990s. But over the last 10 years, 80 percent of the couples who come in have babies.”

When couples first come to the Servy Massey Fertility Institute, they have often already spent months, if not years, trying to get pregnant on their own or with the help of their OB-GYN. So while they might be expecting to jump right in and begin in-vitro fertilization, what actually happens might surprise them. Dr. Servy explains that the first step is one going backward instead of forward. “We see a lot of couples who have had several miscarriages: two, three or four miscarriages,” he said. “We don’t want them to conceive again until we determine why.” Regardless of the reason, whether couples have conceived and lost babies or have never conceived at all, Dr. Servy and his staff spend a lot of time during the preliminary stages trying to determine the cause of the problem. Both partners are asked to fill out medical histories and submit to tests to accomplish this goal. “We go through everything that they have done,” Dr. Servy said. “We try to be as concise as possible because we don’t want them to spend a fortune.” After pages of forms and batteries of tests, Dr. Servy said that, in most cases, the cause or causes can be pinpointed fairly quickly. “We usually have an idea of the cause within five or six weeks,” he said. “We call them factors and there can be one factor or there can be many factors: they could have blocked fallopian tubes or the sperm count could be too low.” Only when the problem is determined is it time to decide on a course of action. “Once we have an idea of the cause, that’s when we counsel the patients and let them know what their best option is,” he said. “Sometimes they have two or three options and they have to choose what fits their needs and their financial situations. There are a lot of things that aren’t covered by insurance and that’s one of the reasons why we offer the low-cost in-vitro fertilization. Especially now when the economy is so bad. Banks won’t loan anybody any money.” If in-vitro fertilization is the answer, one round can take at least two months and includes weekly (even daily) doctor visits, a multitude medications and several procedures. After a couple discovers they are pregnant, they still see Dr. Servy. Most of the time it’s until the 12-week mark, when they are sent back to their OB-GYN. Even after their babies are born, most patients can’t get enough of the Servy Massey Institute. They visit, send pictures and even communicate with the staff members well into their children’s lives. “I’m friends with Beth [Purvee, Dr. Servy’s assisted reproduction coordinator] on Facebook and we’re always commenting on each other’s children’s pictures,” said Bobbie Rhodes, who began seeing Dr. Servy in 2007 and gave birth to a son in 2009. “When I had Beau on St. Patrick’s Day in 2009, Dr. Servy and Beth and Gwen — their whole office — came to see me at the hospital and I thought that was so nice. I was so excited. They’re like family, they really are.”

The team at Servy Massey Fertility Institute believes that everyone should have the opportunity to build a family, so they have eliminated hidden costs and unnecessary testing. For those who qualify for invitro fertilization, the Servy Massey Fertility Institute provides treatment at a reduced price, almost half the cost offered at most other clinics nationwide.

Continuing to Grow The use of sperm banks in fertility treatments is well known, but women who are having trouble with egg production can also receive help from a donor. “We have a lot of patients who come to see us late in their reproductive lives,” said Dr. Edouard Servy, explaining that the older a woman is, the more problems she may have with her eggs. “So just as a couple who cannot have babies because there is no sperm use a sperm donor, when there is no egg they can use an egg donor.” And the newest egg donor bank is at the Servy Massey Fertility Institute. The process, said the program’s director, is lengthy but rewarding. “What we do is we identify patients who have problems with their own eggs — they can’t conceive — and we recruit young women to donate eggs,” Renee said. “There is a lot of criteria that potential donors have to meet.” Potential donors, she said, must be between 21 and 31 years of age with no genetic, health or reproductive problems and a healthy family medical history. Naturally, no smokers are recruited and those who make it past the first set of criteria must submit to lengthy screenings, both in forms that they fill out on Servy Massey’s website (ivfga.com) and with medical personnel, before they are approved. “Once they fill out the medical information and their medical history looks okay, we try to match them with a recipient,” Renee said, explaining that many recipients want a donor who looks as much like them physically as possible or perhaps have certain talents or backgrounds. “It just depends on what they’re looking for. We try to match as closely as we can.” A donor, Renee said, may be matched with a recipient the same day she is approved or it couple be a while before she hears back. “I’ve had donors matched the same day and sometimes it takes a little longer,” she said. “Just because they don’t get selected initially doesn’t mean they don’t get selected all.” Once they are selected, however, the next two to three months will be filled with more medical testing, lab work, psychological evaluations and personality tests. If everything is deemed normal, the donor’s cycle will be synchronized with the recipient’s, with both women taking drugs: the donor to stimulate the production of eggs and the recipient to prepare her ovaries for the transfer. During this time the donor is monitored closely and, when all the conditions are right, the eggs are retrieved. “The outpatient procedure usually takes about 30 minutes or so and the patient is sedated,” Renee said. “She recovers for a short time, usually 30 minutes or an hour, and then she goes home. There are no incision and she can actually resume her normal activities the next day.” Once the retrieval takes place, the donor’s work is done. And not only does the donor not pay for any medical visits, procedures or medications, the recipient also provides insurance during the process and the donor receives compensation of $4,000 after retrieval has taken place. Renee says most donors find the process rewarding, but adds that they need more donors all the time. “We need donors really badly because we have recipients waiting,” she said. “The demand is definitely there.” For more information about the Servy Massey Egg Donor Program, visit IVFGA.COM. Donors’ identities are kept confidential.

Fresh IVF Cycle Includes bloodwork, ultrasounds, retrieval, transfer, ICSI and assisted hatching First Cycle $6,575 Second Cycle $5,900 Third Cycle $5,200 Reduced Price for Military $5,600 Additional Services Medication $1,800-$3,500 Cryopreservation $400-$600 Embryo Storage $375 per year Prices current as of September 1, 2011. Prices subject to change.

Servy Massey Fertility Institute Advanced fertility science. Exceptionally affordable care. 812 Chafee Avenue Augusta, GA 30904 706-724-0228 993-D Johnson Ferry Road, Suite 360 Atlanta GA 30342 404-250-1518

IVFGA.COM

Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of MCGHealth. Visit georgiahealth.edu.

Support

Cancer Support Group is Thursday, November 10, from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-7214109 or visit georgiahealth.org. Cancer Survivors Support Group meets Thursday, November 10, at 6 p.m. at Augusta Oncology Associates on Wheeler Road. Call 706-651-2283 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Mended Hearts, a support group for those with heart diseases and their family members, meets Friday, November 11, at 10:30 a.m. at USC-Aiken’s Business Conference Center. Call 803642-6897 or visit aikenregional.com. Diabetes Support Group meets Tuesday, November 11, from 3-4 p.m. at the O’Dell Weeks Center in Aiken. Preregistration required. Call 803-2930023 or visit aikenregional.com. Look Good… Feel Better Cancer Support Group for women is Monday, November 14, from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center and includes a free gift. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7210466 or visit georgiahealth.org. Support for People with Oral, Head and Neck Cancers (SPOHNC) meets Tuesday, November 15, from 6-7:30 p.m. in GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-7210550 or visit georgiahealth.org. Trauma Support Group meets Wednesday, November 16, from noon-1 p.m. at GHSU Medical Center’s fourth floor west conference center. Call 706721-4633 or visit georgiahealth.org. Cancer Support Group meets Wednesday, November 16, from 3-4 p.m. at the First Baptist Church of Aiken’s parlor. Call 803641-5389 or visit aikenregional.com. Alzheimer’s Support Group meets Thursday, November 17, at 3 p.m. at Westwood Nursing Facility in Evans. Call 706-863-7514 or visit universityhealth.org. Blood Cancer-Stem Cell Support Group meets Thursday, November 17, from 5:30-7 p.m. at GHSU’s Cancer Center. Call 706-721-9134 or visit georgiahealth.org. Skip to My Lupus meets Thursday, November 17, from 7-9 p.m. at Aiken Regional’s dining room 1. Call 803-2519413 or visit aikenregional.com. V. 22 | NO. 63

Burn Support Group meets each Tuesday at 10:30 a.m. in the Lori Rogers Nursing Library at Doctors Hospital. Call 706651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at MCGHealth Building 1010C. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org.

Education

Preservation for Profit Workshop, hosted by Historic Augusta, is Thursday, November 10, from 9 a.m.-12:15 p.m. at the Joseph R. Lamar Boyhood Home. Free for members; $35 for non-members. Preregistration required. Call 706-724-0436 or visit historicaugusta.org. 2011 Legislative Luncheon, hosted by the Greater Augusta Arts Council, is Thursday, November 10, at 11:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Lunch, catered by Shane’s Rib Shack, is $15 and pre-registration by November 8 is required. Call 706-826-4702, ext. 2, or email grace@augustaarts.com. Creating Business Cards Using Microsoft Word is Thursday, November 10, at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Real Estate Issues, a seminar sponsored by the South Carolina Bar focusing on mortgages, second mortgages and foreclosures, is on Thursday, November 10, at 7 p.m. at the Aiken Library. Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org. Augusta and the Civil War in 1861 is a symposium that begins Friday, November 11, at 6:30 p.m. at the Old Medical College of Georgia with the Edward J. Cashin Memorial Woodrow Wilson Lecture and a reception following. Saturday, November 12, events are from 8:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art and include a bus tour. $15-$25. Pre-registration required. Call 706-828-3867. The African-American Experience, a genealogy workshop, is Saturday, November 12, from 10 a.m.-noon at Redcliffe Plantation State Historic Site on Beech Island. $10 for adults and seniors; $5 for students. Call 803-827-1473 or email redcliffe@scprt.com. Thanksgiving Food Safety is a seminar on Tuesday, November 15, at 2:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. It includes a chance to win a Honey-Baked Ham. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Creating Greeting Cards Using Microsoft Word is a class that meets Tuesday, November 15, at 6 p.m. at the Wallace

Enterprise Mill

Monday - Friday 8am - 4pm

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Continuing Education

Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Open Lab Computer Class is Wednesday, November 16, from 10 a.m.-noon at the Headquarters Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Creating Labels and Envelopes Using Microsoft Word is a class that meets Thursday, November 17, at 6 p.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-7226275 or visit ecgrl.org. Real Estate Issues, a seminar sponsored by the South Carolina Bar focusing on mortgages, second mortgages and foreclosures, is on Thursday, November 10, at 7 p.m. at the Aiken Library. Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Registering NOW for fall classes!

Certificate programs, PLUs for Teachers, MyCAA, Music Lessons & Ensembles, Fitness, ESL, Foreign languages, Test prep, Photography, Drawing and Art history courses. Online courses for everyone.

For more information and to register: 706-737-1636 or www.ced.aug.edu

Benefits

The Augusta Training Shop is taking orders for smoked turkeys until Friday, November 18. The turkeys, $40, will be available for pickup on Wednesday, November 23, between 11 a.m.-2 p.m. at the training shop’s office off Walton Way. To order, call 706-738-1358 or email augtrgshop@aol.com. Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Sports-Outdoors

5K Skedaddle Run-Walk, hosted by USCAiken, is Saturday, November 12, at 9 a.m. at USC Aiken’s Pacer Path. $20; $15 for USC-Aiken students, staff and faculty. Call 803-641-3611 or visit active.com. ‘70s Disco Zumba Fitness Party is Saturday, November 12, from 3-5 p.m. at Liberty Park Community Center in Grovetown. $10 in advance; $15 at the door. Call 706-814-2980. Yoga Class is held each Tuesday at 4 p.m. at the Euchee Creek Branch Library. Call 706556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878.

Kids

Banjo Granny, part of the Toddler Time series, is Thursday, November 10, at 10 a.m. or 11:15 a.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Sarah Martin Busse and Jacqueline Briggs Martin will read from their book and participants will learn 26 METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

about painter Art Rosenbaum and his work. Afterwards, they will make a banjoinspired collage. Free for members; $4 for non-members. Pre-registration required. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Turkey Time Craft Workshop, for ages 3-5, is Thursday, November 10, at 11 a.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7366244 or visit ecgrl.org. Harry Potter Thanksgiving, for ages 6-11, is Thursday, November 10, at 5 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-8631946 or visit ecgrl.org. School Day Out Camp at the Wilson Family Y is Friday, November 11, from 9 a.m.-4 p.m., with early drop-off at 7 a.m. and late pick-up until 6 p.m. available. $25, members; $50, non-members. Call 706-922-9622 or visit thefamilyy.org. Skulls and Skat, a program for kids ages 5 and up in which participants will discuss what animals leave behind, is Friday, November 11, at 4:30 p.m. at Reed Creek Park. Free, members; $2, non-members. Pre-registration required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. You’re a Big Girl Now, a class for girls ages 9-12 and their mothers discussing puberty and adolescence, is Saturday, November 12, from 10 a.m.-noon at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is a children’s program on Saturday, November 12, at 10:30 a.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Celebrate National Gaming Day at the Nancy Carson Library in North Augusta with computer, board and card games. The event is Saturday, November 12, from 11 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Call 803-2795767 or visit abbe-lib.org. “Cars 2” shows on Saturday, November 12, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. “Winnie the Pooh” shows on Saturday, November 12, at 3 p.m. at the Aiken Library. Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org. Parents Night Out at the Marshall, North Augusta and the Thomson Y 130 branches of the Family Y is Saturday, V. 22 | NO. 63

November 12, at 6 p.m. $10, members; $15, non-members. Pre-registration required. Call 706-922-9622 or visit thefamilyy.org.

17, at 10 a.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

Our New Baby Brother or Sister, a class for children that includes a visit to the nursery, is Monday, November 14, from 4-5 p.m. at Trinity Hospital of Augusta. Pre-registration required. Call 706-4817727 or visit trinityofuaugusta.com.

Retro Family Game Night is Thursday, November 17, from 4:30-7:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library and includes board and card games including Monopoly, Scrabble, Life, Checkers, Chess and more. Pre-registration required. Call 706-821-2604 or visit ecgrl.org.

Master Class with Choreographer and Dancer Byron Carter, sponsored by the James Brown Academy for Musik Pupils, is Monday, November 14, from 7-9 p.m. at ASU’s Christenberry Fieldhouse. $35, with pre-registration required. Call 706736-6216. Princess and Pirates Tea Party and Story House is Tuesday, November 15, at 3:30 p.m. at Fort Gordon’s Woodworth Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7912449 or visit fortgordon.com. Green Science Workshop, for ages 12-18, is Tuesday, November 15, at 4 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-8631946 or visit ecgrl.org. Thanksgiving Story Time is Tuesday, November 15, at 4 p.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. For children 8 and under. Call 803-642-7631 or visit aikencountysc.gov.

French Language for Kids is Wednesday, November 16, at 4 p.m. at the Aiken Library. Call 803-642-2020 or visit abbe-lib.org.

DECLASSIFIED

Thanksgiving Story Time and Craft is a kids program on Thursday, November

Toddler Story Time and Preschool Story Time take place every Thursday in

“In My Backyard,” 7 p.m., and “Worlds in Motion,” 8 p.m., show each Saturday in November at the DuPont Planetarium at the USC-Aiken’s Ruth Patrick Science Education Center. Tickets are $4.50 for adults, $3.50 for seniors, $2.50 for students 4K-12th grade and $1 for USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3654 or visit rpsec.usca.edu/ planetarium.

Simple Cooking Class meets each Monday from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-364-5762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

listen to turlach boylan and davey mathias thursday, november 17 September at 10:30 a.m. and at 11:15 a.m. at the North Augusta Library.

Hobbies

Internet Genealogy Class is Thursday, November 10, at 2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-8261511 or visit ecgrl.org.

Kackleberry Farms is open Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sundays 1-5 p.m. Visit kackleberryfarm.com.

Augusta Coin Club Fall Coin Show is Friday and Saturday, November 11-12 at Patriots Park Gymnasium from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Free. Call 706-541-4143 or visit augustacoinclub.org.

Blown Away: The Wild World of Weather will be presented Saturdays in October at 7 and 8 p.m. at the DuPont Planetarium. $1-$4.50. Reservations recommended.

The November meeting of the Augusta Civil War Round Table will meet at T-Bonz on Washington Road on

STYLIST WANTED Experienced or just out of school, must be creative, outgoing & Christian. New salon opening in November 2011 off Washington Road. We look forward to hearing from you! Interested? Please call us at 706-564-3793 or email

caroline@glorifiedcolorspark.com

(actual size) 1.5” x 1.9” Tall $40 per week V. 22 | NO. 63

Tuesday, November 15, with dinner at 6 p.m. and program at 7 p.m. Steve Longcrier, executive director of Civil War Heritage Trails, will give an update on preservation efforts in Georgia, South Carolina and Alabama, as well as Sesquicentennial events in the area. Call Jeanmarie Garber at 706-832-5326. Crafters Night is each Monday from 6-8 p.m. at the Kroc Center. Call 706-3645762 or visit krocaugusta.org.

Disney on Ice shows at the James Brown Arena on Thursday, November 17, at 7 p.m.; Friday, November 18, at 10:30 a.m. and 7 p.m.; Saturday, November 19, at 3 and 7 p.m.; and Sunday, November 20, at 2 p.m. $16-$46. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com.

Steed’s Dairy in Grovetown, a working dairy farm that includes a corn maze, petting zoo, jumping pillow, tube slide, rubber duckie races, preschool pay area, hayrides, a pumpkin patch and more, is open through November 13. Hours are Friday, 5-10 p.m., Saturdays 10 a.m.-10 p.m. and Sundays, 1-6 p.m. $9-$12. Call 706-855-2948 or visit steedsdairy.com.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid Release Party is Tuesday, November 15, at 4:30 p.m. at the Nancy Carson Library in North Augusta. Call 803-279-5767 or visit abbe-lib.org.

Call 803-641-3654 or visit rpsec.usca. edu/planetarium.

The Garden City Chorus, the area’s leading men’s singing group and a member of the Barbershop Harmony Society, is seeking new members. Those interested are welcome to attend Tuesday night rehearsals, held at 7 p.m. at North Augusta Church of Christ on W. Martintown Road. Visit gardencitychorus.org.

Volunteers

Hospice Care of America’s Augusta office needs volunteers to help support staff, visit patients and more. Call 706-4472626 or visit msa-corp.com/companies/ hospicecareofamerica.aspx.

If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

BABYSITTER NEEDED

Babysitter needed to come to my home and take care of our Aspergers child who is 9 years old in the Modoc area. Monday thru Friday 6:45a-5p. Special Needs experience, background check and references required. Call 803.341.1677 and ask for Donna

All declassified ads are Cash in Advance (credit card payment required) and are $40 per week. Visit metrospirit.com to place your ad in minutes. METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 27

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Matthew Moran, Sarah Edwards, Hanna Jacobs and Jason Skoland at the Soul City Sirens bout at Red Wing Rollerway.

SIGHTINGS

Becca Tyler, Lydia Mitchell and Kim Smock at the Soul City Sirens bout at Red Wing Rollerway.

Jenny and Brice Wright with Lisa and Troy Jordan at Pops! at the Bell.

SIGHTINGS

Spence Pool with Laney and Corey Crowder at The County Club.

Mary Joe Sessum with Neil Sedaka and Halie Sessum at Pops! at the Bell.

Aubry Estell, Corbett Jackson and Danna Wagner at Coyote’s.

SIGHTINGS

Denise Linder, Brittany Johnston, Lucinda Eaves and Jennifer Bar tley at SOA’s A Symphony of Wine.

28 METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

Enrique Romero, Lindsey Somos, Jessica Somos and Carole Romero at SOA’s A Symphony of Wine.

Clint Martine with Jacque and Ben Cole at Greubel’s Mixed Martial Arts Smoker Bout.

V. 22 | NO. 63

SIGHTINGS

Brad Royel with Julianne and Luke Williams at Coyote’s.

Susan Hovers, Mussab Aljarrah and Owen Crosland at Helga’s Pub & Grille.

Lewonda Daniels, Gisela Garcia and Teresa Daniels at Bar on Broad.

SIGHTINGS

Coulten Hauser, Allison Dacus, Audrey Reville and Matt Mason at The Country Club.

Katherine Tate, Travis Spears, Deborah Kent and TJ Johnson at Wild Wing Cafe.

SIGHTINGS

Maryanne McCollum, Monica Sims and Diane Leibach at French Market Grille.

Mike and Lori DeLaigle with Henry and Elain Black at The County Club.

Ashlyn Poss, Jeff Riner and Courtney Waltz at Robbie’s Sports Pub.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Teri Hornstein, Lauren Powell, Jacob Fischer and Rachel Moore at the CoCo Wine and Culinary Festival.

WAKE UP CALL We’re growing! HARLEY & MARY LIZ 6AM - 9AM

V. 22 | NO. 63

The Metro Spirit is looking for an experienced media account executive to add to our staff. Must have outside sales experience. College degree preferred but not required. Fast paced, exciting and meaningful work with great earning potential. Guarantee plus benefits transitioning to commission. Please send resume to joe@themetrospirit.com METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 29

THEEIGHT BOX TOPS

So, we’re not surprised Puss could take the stoners, but Eddie Murphy? Good kitty, indeed. RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

1

PUSS IN BOOTS

$33,054,644

$75,527,682

2

1

2

TOWER HEIST

$24,025,190

$24,025,190

1

-

3

A VERY HAROLD & KUMAR 3D CHRISTMAS

$12,954,142

$12,954,142

1

-

4

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3

$8,333,691

$95,116,745

3

2

5

IN TIME

$7,481,592

$23,990,237

2

3

“Tower Heist”

Sam Eifling Murphy? Great. Everything else? Ehhh... not bad. There aren’t many Ben Stiller movies that you would refer to by the director’s name, but in the case of “Tower Heist,” a mildly cathartic, modestly amusing comedy, we find a Ben Stiller movie that is most definitely a Brett Ratner movie. Ratner, the onetime music video wunderkind, is now best known for the “Rush Hour” series plus “Red Dragon” and “X-Men: The Last Stand” and for generally rejecting logic in lieu of spectacle. If you wondered which director would one day (spoiler alert) find a way to dangle Matthew Broderick off the side of a skyscraper, or to have someone drive a delivery truck up through a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade marching band formation, or to (blessedly) wash out family-friendly Eddie Murphy’s mouth with a bar of vulgarity, look no further. The visuals and the music are slicker than your teeth after a trip to the dentist. Some of the jokes are even kind of funny. Sure, the script contains all of two, maybe two-and-a-half surprises, but the audience in the screening I

attended literally clapped at the end, so whaddayagonnado. The ubiquitous trailer is the most thorough of any movie in recent memory, but let’s recap for those who haven’t been to a multiplex release in the past month or so. Stiller is Josh, the manager of New York’s schmanciest high-rise condo tower (itself played by the Trump Tower), where an array of dowagers and Wall Street types pay through the nose for awesome security and ’round-the-clock feting by the staff. The penthouse is owned by a billionaire money manager named Arthur Shaw, acted beautifully as a black-hearted, patronizing fiend by Alan Alda. He and Josh enjoy a rapport, even playing online chess against one another. But when Shaw is busted for having defrauded his clients — the building employees’ pension fund among them — Josh melts down, gets fired from the tower and conspires to steal the tens of millions in cash he figures, going on a tip by FBI agent Téa Leoni, must be secreted in Shaw’s lair, with its massive Warhol Mao on the wall.

What follows is a bit like “Ocean’s Eleven” without the star wattage, the gadgets or the attention to, like, detail. Josh conscripts a Merrill Lynch washout (that would be Broderick, flaccidly), the building concierge (Casey Affleck, likeably) and a recenthire bellhop (Michael Peña) to join him in taking the place down from the inside, sort of. To bolster their felonious cred, he also enlists Murphy’s fast-talking, hard-squinting small-timer Slide out of the clink to offer pointers. Gabourey Sidibe — known to most for her title role in “Precious” — is memorable as a ferocious, lascivious Jamaican housekeeper. Naturally you root for the ragtag band of service workers, so accustomed to being the lickspittles to the financial titans who overlook both Central Park and Times Square while

NFL TICKET ALL DAY HAPPY HOUR ON SUNDAY

30 METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

BAR ONLY | EVERYDAY 4-7 | 9- CLOSE

$5

. Y A D S FRI

Y A W L T’S A

I , E R IN HE

reading their morning Wall Street Journal. But “Tower Heist,” for its fairly talented cast, doesn’t reach much beyond the obvious pathos. The working stiffs are, for the most part, still pretty stiff by the end of the film; save for some manic delivery by Murphy, and one unexpectedly absurdist discourse digression about lesbians, there’s not a great deal of comedy here to recommend. It may be a tad more gratifying to anyone who was bilked by Bernie Madoff, or anyone hoping to enjoy this Occupy Wall Street moment from the comfort of stadium seating, watching a multiculti band of marginal screwups try to chisel eight figures out of a scoundrel. Ratner could certainly do worse than a caper with which 99 percent of the potential audience can identify.

SELECT APPETIZERS AT THE BAR 2800 WASHINGTON ROAD

®

$2 Bottles of Bud and Bud Light $3 Long Island Iced Tea, House Margaritas, & Absolut $4 Glasses of Wine $5 Pitchers of Bud Light, Michelob Ultra, & Yuengling V. 22 | NO. 63

OPENING FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 11

THE8ERS

ACTION

“Immortals,” rated R, starring Mickey Rourke, Freida Pinto, Stephen Dorff, Henry Cavill. The Greek gods and the Titans… oh, hell. Just think “300” with different characters.

DRAMA

“J. Edgar,” rated R, starring, Leonardo DiCaprio, Armie Hammer, Naomi Watts. Directed by Clint Eastwood, which means it could either be really good (“Gran Torino”) or really bad (sorry everyone, but “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil”). The fact that DiCaprio is starring as Hoover, the FBI bigwig about which rumors always circulated about being gay, does stack the deck in Eastwood’s favor, however.

COMEDY

“Jack and Jill,” rated PG, starring Adam Sandler, Katie Holmes, Al Pacino. The most unbelievable part of this movie? Not that Adam Sandler plays both brother and sister. No, that would be that, once again, he stars as a man who has a beautiful wife. We know you’re loaded, Sandler, but have you looked in the mirror, or at this movie poster, lately?

Movie times are subject to change.

The Big Mo

November 11-12 Main Field: Jack and Jill (PG) and Puss in Boots (PG) Screen 2: Immortals (R) and Footloose (PG-13) Screen 3: A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (R) and Paranormal Activity 3 (R) Gates open at 7 p.m.; Movies start at 8:15 p.m. (approximately)

Masters 7 Cinemas

November 11-12 Dream House (PG-13) 1:15, 4:15, 7, 9:25; Killer Elite (R) 1, 4, 7, 9:35; Contagion (PG-13) 1, 4:15, 7:15, 9:55; Warrior (PG-13) 1:30, 4:45, 8:30; Colombiana (PG-13) 12:45, 4:00, 6:45, 9:35; Fright Night (R) 7:30, 9:55; Rise of the Planet of the Apes (PG-13) 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 9:45; The Smurfs (PG) 12:30, 2:50, 5:10

Evans Cinemas

“Lonesome Dove”

WERECOMMEND

November 11 Immortals (R) 4, 4:45, 6:45, 7:30, 9:15, 10; Jack and Jill (PG) 3:05, 5:20, 7:45, 10:05; J. Edgar (R) 4:30, 8; Tower Heist (PG-13) 2:50, 5:10, 7:35, 10:05; A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (R) 2:20, 4:40, 7:05, 9:35; In Time (PG-13) 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; Puss in Boots (PG) 2:40, 3:20, 4:50, 5:30, 7, 7:40, 9:10, 9:55; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 4:20, 6:35, 9:05; Footloose (PG-13) 4:20, 7:15, 9:55; Real Steel (PG-13) 3:50, 6:50, 9:40; Courageous (PG-13) 3:40, 6:40, 9:30; Dolphin Tale (PG) 4:10, 7:10, 9:50

Arguably one of the best westerns of all time, “Lonesome Dove” is actually a four-part miniseries originally broadcast by CBS February 5, 1989. Watched by an estimated 26,000,000 homes, the number is even more astounding considering the western was deader than dead at that time. The movie holds up as well as any Godfather. Now that it gets dark early, rent this DVD and settle in for six hours of beautiful scenery, great acting featuring Robert Duvall and Tommy Lee Jones, and a whole bunch a killin’.

V. 22 | NO. 63

(PG-13) Noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; Puss in Boots (PG) 12:30, 1:10, 2:40, 3:20, 4:50, 5:30, 7, 7:40, 9:10, 9:55; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) Noon, 2:10, 4:20, 6:35, 9:05; Footloose (PG-13) 1:30, 4:20, 7:15, 9:55; Real Steel (PG-13) 12:50, 3:50, 6:50, 9:40; Courageous (PG-13) 12:40, 3:40, 6:40, 9:30; Dolphin Tale (PG) 1:10, 4:10, 7:10, 9:50

Regal Exchange 20

November 11-12 Immortals (R) 12, 12:30, 1, 2:30, 4, 4:30, 5, 7, 7:30, 8, 9:30, 10, 10:30, 12, 12:30; Jack and Jill (PG) 12:10, 12:55, 2:45, 4:15, 5:10, 7:05, 7:40, 9:25, 10:05, 11:50, 12:25; J. Edgar (R) 12:20, 1:20, 3:35, 4:35, 7:05, 7:40, 10:10, 10:45; Tower Heist (PG-13) 12, 1 (CC), 2:35, 4:05, 5:05, 7:05 (CC), 7:35, 9:40, 10:10, 12:15; A Very Harry & Kumar 3D Christmas (R) 12:15, 2:30, 3:45, 4:45, 7, 9:15, 9:50, 11:30, 12:10; In Time (PG-13) 12:40, 4:20, 7:25, 10; Puss in Boots (PG) 12:15, 12:45, 1:15, 1:45, 2:30, 3:05, 4:05, 4:45, 5:25, 7, 7:15, 7:45, 8:15, 9:15, 10:05, 10:35, 11:30, 12:25; The Rum Diary (R) 3:50, 10:25; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 12:30, 2:40, 4:50, 7:10, 9:20, 11:45; Footloose (PG-13) 12:50, 4:30, 7:20, 10; Real Steel (PG-13) 12, 3:40, 7, 9:55; Courageous (PG-13) 12:05, 4:10, 7:10, 10:15; Sarah’s Key (PG-13) 12:35, 7:25

November 12 Immortals (R) 1, 1:45, 4, 4:45, 6:45, 7:30, 9:15, 10; Jack and Jill (PG) 12:45, 3:05, 5:20, 7:45, 10:05; J. Edgar (R) 1:15, 4:30, 8; Tower Heist (PG-13) 12:20, 2:50, 5:10, 7:35, 10:05; A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (R) 12:10, 2:20, 4:40, 7:05, 9:35; In Time

THE WEATHER GUY STEVE SMITH STAFF METEROLOGIST

METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 31

Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre presents

By Jones, Hope and Wooten

November 11, 12, 18, 19 & December 2, 3 Dinner, 7:00 p.m. | Show, 8:00 p.m.

“The funniest thing since GREATER TUNA!” The Lake County News, Lake County, CA “The play kept the audience laughing all night with the writers’ witty humor.” Garner News, Garner, NC “This hilarious comedy has been making audiences all over the country merry and bright!” The Malibu Times, CA

MENU Chicken Marsala Pork Medallions with Spiced Pear Sauce London Broil Glazed with Pineapple Salsa Rice Pilaf • Glazed Carrots Squash Casserole Scalloped Potatoes Au Gratin Green Salad with Assorted Dressings Deluxe Dessert Table

TICKETS Civilians: $40 Seniors (65 & over), Retirees, DA Civilians, Active-Duty E7 & above: $38 Active-Duty E6 & below: $30 Show only: $25

FOR RESERVATIONS, CALL 706 793 8552

32 METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

It’s Christmas-time in the small town of Fayro, Texas, and the Futrelle Sisters – Frankie, Twink and Honey Raye – are not exactly in a festive mood. A cranky Frankie is weeks overdue with her second set of twins. Twink, recently jilted and bitter about it, is in jail for inadvertently burning down half the town. And hot-flash-suffering Honey Raye is desperately trying to keep the Tabernacle of the Lamb’s Christmas Program from spiraling into chaos. But things are not looking too promising: Miss Geneva, the ousted director of the previous twenty-seven productions, is ruthless in her attempts to take over the show. The celebrity guest Santa Claus – played by Frankie’s longsuffering husband, Dub – is passing a kidney stone. One of the shepherds refuses to watch over his flock by night without pulling his little red wagon behind him. And the entire cast is dropping like flies due to food poisoning from the Band Boosters’ Pancake Supper. And when Frankie lets slip a family secret that has been carefully guarded for decades, all hope for a successful Christmas pro-gram seems lost, even with an Elvis impersonator at the manger. But in true Futrelle fashion, the feuding sisters find a way to pull together in order to present a Christmas program the citizens of Fayro will never forget. Their hilarious holiday journey through a misadventure-filled Christmas Eve is guaranteed to bring joy to your world!

V. 22 | NO. 63

The Cunnilinguistic Dicktionary defines the newly coined word “mutinyversal” as “rebellion against the whole universe.” I think it would be an excellent time for you to engage in a playful, vivacious version of that approach to life. This is one of those rare times when you have so many unique gifts to offer and so many invigorating insights to unleash that you really should act as if you are mostly right and everyone else is at least halfwrong. Just one caution: As you embark on your crusade to make the world over in your image, do it with as much humility and compassion as you can muster.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

There’s a famous fossil of two dinosaurs locked in mortal combat; a Velociraptor is clawing a Protoceratops, which in turn is biting its enemy’s arm. They’ve been holding that pose now for, oh, 80 million years or so. Withdraw from your old feuds and disputes. Give up any struggle that’s not going to matter 80 million years from now.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

“In your experience, who is the best-smelling actor that you’ve worked with?” TV host Jon Stewart asked his guest Tom Hanks. “Kevin Bacon,” replied Hanks. “He smells like a mix of baby powder and Listerine.” To set yourself up for meaningful experiences that provide you with exactly what you need, follow your nose.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

FREEWILLASTROLOGY

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Even farmers. Even politicians. All of us need to be in touch with a mysterious, tantalizing source of inspiration that teases our sense of wonder and goads us on to life’s next adventures. So I ask you again: What have you and your muse been up to lately? It’s high time for you to infuse your connection with a dose of raw mojo. And if for some sad reason you don’t have a muse, go out in quest of new candidates. (P.S. A muse isn’t necessarily a person; he or she might also be an animal, an ancestor, a spirit or a hero.)

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Funky pagan scientists at Zen State University have found that the regular consumption of Free Will Astrology can be effective in smoothing unsightly wrinkles on your attitude, scouring away stains on your courage, and disposing of old garbage stuck to your karma. Take advantage of such benefits right now. You could really use some healing.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

There is a scene described by English poet Samuel Coleridge that would normally be too outlandish to take seriously, but it’s a possible match for your upcoming adventures. “What if you slept,” he wrote, “and what if in your sleep you dreamed, and what if in your dream you went to heaven and there you plucked a strange and beautiful flower, and what if when you awoke you had the flower in your hand?”

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

You can finally take advantage of a long-standing invitation or opportunity that you have always felt unworthy of or unready for. Congratulations on being so doggedly persistent about ripening the immature parts of yourself. Now here’s an extra bonus: This breakthrough may in turn lead to you finding a lost piece to the puzzle of your identity.

The logo for the Jung Institute in San Francisco, which is dedicated to the study of psychology and psychotherapy, is four snails creeping their way around a center point — a witty acknowledgment of the plodding nature of the human psyche. It’s important for you to give yourself credit for how much you’ve grown since the old days — even if your progress seems intolerably gradual.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

My acquaintance Bob takes a variety of meds for his bipolar disorder. Last time he saw his psychiatrist he told her he wished he could stop taking the complicated brew of drugs and just take a happy pill every day. You are now very close to locating the next best thing to a happy pill. It may require you to at least partially give up your addiction to one of your customary forms of suffering, though.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

The title of this week’s movie is “Uproar of Love,” starring the Fantasy Kid and The Most Feeling Machine in the World. It blends romance and science fiction, with overtones of espionage and undertones of revolution for the hell of it. Comic touches will slip in at unexpected moments. When you’re not up to your jowls in archetypes, you might be able to muster the clarity to gorge yourself on the earthly delights that are spread from here to the edge of the abyss.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

How’s your relationship with your muse? Don’t tell me that you’re not an artist so you don’t have a muse. Even garbage collectors need muses.

It will be a good week to have nice long talks with yourself — the more, the better. The different sub-personalities that dwell within you need to engage in vigorous dialogues that will get all their various viewpoints out in the open. Coax some of those inner voices to manifest themselves outside the confines of your own head — you know, by speaking out loud. If you feel inhibited about giving them full expression where they might be overheard by people, find a private place that will allow them to feel free to be themselves.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

During the reign of President George W. Bush, many Americans viewed France as insufficiently sympathetic with American military might; some conservatives even tried to change the name of French fries to freedom fries. The culminating moment came when Bush told UK’s Prime Minister Tony Blair, “The French don’t even have a word for entrepreneur” — unaware that “entrepreneur” is a word we borrowed from the French. Make sure you know the origins of everyone and everything you engage with, especially as they affect your ability to benefit from entrepreneurial influences.

Rob Brezsny

FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM V. 22 | NO. 63

METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 33

HOLLYWOOD FROM RIGHT TO LEFT By Andrea Carla Michaels & Patrick Blindauer / Edited by Will Shortz

104 Melodic passages 106 Provide a gun for, maybe 108 “Shakespeare in Love” star 111 Anthem contraction 112 Crystal on the dinner table? 114 Bloke 118 Dickens’s Drood 119 Guests at a Hatfield/McCoy marriage ceremony? 123 Appropriate 124 Playground retort 125 Classic Freudian diagnosis 126 Stinger 127 Stonewallers? 128 Looks down on DOWN 1 Single partygoer 2 Classical Italian typeface 3 Christmas party 4 Occurring someday 5 Daughter of Loki 6 Horror film locale: Abbr. 7 Garnered 8 “The Simpsons” teacher Krabappel 9 Letters of surprise, in text messages 10 Classmates, e.g. 11 Lets in 12 City that was the site of three battles in the Seven Years’ War 13 Org. with a sub division 14 Has a beef? 15 Mark Twain and George Sand, e.g. 16 1960s-’70s San Francisco mayor 17 Opera whose second act is called “The Gypsy” 18 Singer Ford 19 Cinco follower 24 Limb perch 30 “Raiders of the Lost Ark” locale 32 College in Beverly, Mass. 34 Fine fiddle 35 Rat-a-tat 37 Orly birds, once 38 “You’re so funny,” sarcastically 39 “Family Ties” son 41 It’s west of 12-Down: Abbr. 43 “You put the ___ in the coconut …” 44 Marcos of the Philippines 45 “Morning Train” singer, 1981 47 Ancient May birthstones 49 Thing that may break people up 53 Rtes.

54 Polar hazard 55 Money-related: Abbr. 61 Automaker since 1974 62 Triangular sails 63 “Shoot!” 65 1997 winner of Wimbledon and the U.S. Open 66 Step down, in a way 67 Union concession 68 Creature whose tail makes up half its body’s length 69 World heavyweight champion who was once an Olympic boxing gold medalist 70 Egg: Prefix 71 Feudal estate 72 “Et voilà!” 73 Geom. figure 78 ___ sci 79 Peeper problems 80 Doing injury to 82 Othello, for one 83 Basic arithmetic 84 Lottery winner’s feeling 86 Easy eats 87 Poorer 89 Word with level or devil 90 Arrow maker 93 Mendes of “Hitch” 97 Charge, in a way 98 Chips away at 99 Given false facts 101 Co-star of Kate and Farrah, in 1970s TV 105 Belted one 107 Ho-hum 108 Celebration 109 Theory 110 Did laps 113 Cries in Cologne 115 One of a pair of towel markings 116 17-Down piece 117 Challenge for jrs. 120 Ballpark fig. 121 Turndowns 122 Jeanne d’Arc, for one: Abbr.

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S B A E A G S T R E T M E S E S T Q U R U S N E I S E M R S A W T I E N E W S P E O T E P O P E B A C E S I S T D W E E T I E A I N G

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62 66

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PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

ACROSS 1“Right back at cha!” 9 Unclear 15 Sandcastle engineering equipment 20 Took one step too many, maybe 21 She was beheaded by Perseus 22 “Dallas” Miss 23 One of St. Peter’s heavenly duties? 25 “The Untouchables” villain 26 “How’s it ___?” 27 Ship part 28 Roast slightly 29 Mujeres con esposos 31 Place for un béret 33 Conquer 36 Kitty, in Segovia 37 Singer Cassidy 40 One side of a quad, maybe 42 “Snakes on a Plane,” e.g.? 46 Brand of tea 48 Term on a tide table 50 Subject of a Magritte painting 51 Doc workers’ org.? 52 What a lazy mover prefers to carry? 56 Projections on some globes: Abbr. 57 Your, in Tours 58 Blues instrument 59 Harsh cry 60 Cheap and flimsy, as metal 62 Big bump 63 Poet Mark 64 “___ Fan Tutte” 65 Bob, for one 67 Workout class on a pleasure cruise? 74 William Morris workers 75 Cousin of an ampule 76 Things rings lack 77 Egg foo ___ 78 Makeshift Frisbee 81 Film special effects, briefly 82 Rangers’ venue, for short 85 Ax 86 Number of X’s in this puzzle’s answer 88 Unbelievable court infraction? 91 Game with 108 cards 92 Mouselike animal 94 Fictional Jane 95 Biblical dancer 96 Cabby’s nonstop patter? 100 Key with four sharps: Abbr. 102 Curt 103 “Family Guy” wife

114 122

A M U P L E N A E N I N D E D G A Y O I D E R I S K E N S S T U A L T L I A A N K A D E M R A S A G O D Z E U R N O E I D S U A S Y

R U N S I N T H E F A M I L Y

E A P S L T R A G O T E S O I M S R M L E Y K E A D I T O S E D U E L Y R R A N S L V I A A I E N S N S E T P O Y P O A S G L U N A C A R O M N A D I M E E A L G A S E E H L E D S T Y X

GOT FUNERAL PLANS?

Elliott Sons Funeral Homes ELLIOTTFUNERALHOME.COM

34 METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

V. 22 | NO. 63

Thursday, November 10

Live Music French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground - Jerod Gay Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock Metro Pub & Coffeehouse - Jim Perkins One Hundred Laurens - Kenny George Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston and Sandra Somewhere in Augusta - Keith Gregory Surrey Tavern - Live Music Wild Wing - Brantley The Willcox - 4 Cats in the Dog House What’s Tonight? Cadillac’s - Karaoke Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Coyote’s - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge - DJ Fred Nice The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke Pizza Joint, Evans - DJ Kris Fisher The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Polo Tavern - DJ Nirvana Shannon’s - Karaoke Sky City - Open Mic Night Villa Europa - Karaoke with Just Ben Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke

Friday, November 11

Live Music Cotton Patch - Jam Sandwich Country Club - Michael Stacey Band Doubletree Hotel - 3 Sides of Jazz Fox’s Lair - Jeff Johnston French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Joe’s Underground - Ruskin Malibu Jack’s - Mike Swift Playground - The Radar Cinema, Jesup Dolly Polo Tavern - Lo Down Brown Sky City - L.i.E., Artemia, Rooftop Harbor Somewhere in Augusta - Ruskin Yeargain Stillwater Tap Room – Sibling String Surrey Tavern - Tony Williams and the Blues Express Wild Wing - Roshambeaux The Willcox - Kenny George What’s Tonight? Cadillac’s - DJ Tim Club Argos - Variety Show V. 22 | NO. 63

METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 35

Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Islands Bar & Lounge - Caribbean Night with DJ Spud Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim Polo Tavern - Robbie Duecy Band Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Soul Bar - ’80s Night Tropicabana - Latin Friday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Saturday, November 12

Live Music The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Bell Auditorium - Rickey Smiley & Friends Blue Sky Kitchen - Joel Cruz and Travis Shaw Cotton Patch - Carey Murdock Country Club - Gary Ray Fox’s Lair - R2D1 Joe’s Underground - Impulse Ride Malibu Jack’s - South Atlantic P.I. Bar and Grill - Not Gaddy Jazz Polo Tavern - Irritating Julie Sky City - Jessica Lea Mayfield, Richie, Carey Murdock Surrey Tavern - Tony Williams and the Blues Express Wild Wing - Radio Cult What’s Tonight? Cadillac’s - DJ Rana Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge - Reggae Night with Island Vybez The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke 36 METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

V. 22 | NO. 63

Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke

Sunday, November 13

Live Music 5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice Casa Blanca Cafe - Augusta’s Young Lions Imperial Theatre - Three Kosher Singers P.I. Bar and Grill - Live Music Wild Wing - Charles DiPietro The Willcox - Mike Frost What’s Tonight? Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke, Salsa Dancing Polo Tavern - Island Grooves w/ DJ Nirvana

Monday, November 14 Live Music Polo Tavern - Bamboo

What’s Tonight? Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Surrey Tavern - Free Video Game Night Wild Wing - Trivia and Karaoke

Tuesday, November 15

Live Music Cocktails Lounge - Live Music The Highlander - Open Mic Night James Brown Arena - Kicks 99 Guitar Pull Joe’s Underground - Live Music Wild Wing - Sabo & Mike The Willcox - Piano Jazz What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League The Highlander - Open Mic Night Islands Bar & Lounge - DJ Fred Nice Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Denny Wednesday, November 16 Live Music 209 on the River - Smooth Grooves Joe’s Underground - Sibling String Malibu Jack’s - Marilyn Adcock Manuel’s Bread Cafe - Haley Dries Wild Wing - Dave and Michael V. 22 | NO. 63

METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 37

What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Club Rehab - Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Talent Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) - Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad - Jazz DJ The Playground - Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta - Comedy w/ Tim Kidd and Dave Waite Surrey Tavern Trivia

Upcoming

Russell More and IIIrd Tyme w/ Nu- Blu Imperial Theatre November 18 Dash Rip Rock - Metro Pub & Coffeehouse November 19 Casting Crowns, Sanctus Real & The Afters, Lindsay McCaul - USC-Aiken Convocation Center November 25 Avenged Sevenfold - James Brown Arena November 26 Black Swan Lane, Romeo Spike - Sky City December 1 Jucifer - Sky City December 8 Zach Deputy - Sky City December 9 Amy Grant and Vince Gill - Bell Auditorium December 10 Jerry Seinfeld - Bell Auditorium January 19 Those Darlins - Sky City February 1 Winter Jam Tour - James Brown Arena February 9

Elsewhere

New Sneakers - Amici Italian Cafe, Athens November 10 Gavin Degraw, David Cook - Carolina Classic Center, Athens November 10 Jim Perkins - Gnat’s Landing, Athens November 11 Duran Duran - Chastain Park, Atlanta November 14 Peter Murphy, She Wants Revenge Masquerade, Atlanta November 14 Michelle Shocked - Eddie’s Attic, Decatur November 15 John Brown Jazz Orchastra - Aiken Performing Arts, Aiken November17 Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Masquerade, Atlanta November 17

38 METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

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MATTSTONE

Everlong

As long as the Foo Fighters keep playing shows like Atlanta’s, rock will never die

Sometimes the perks of a job pay off, and I mean they pay off big time. This past Monday, November 7, a group of friends and I made the trip to Atlanta to see a little band known as the Foo Fighters. Not only were the tickets free, they were 10th row, side stage. I came into the Foo Fighters show knowing that they were good. If you have the Palladia channel, you may have caught their live performance at Wembley Stadium. Ridiculous is the perfect word to describe that show. I didn’t expect Atlanta to reach the level of Wembley, but I can tell you that, when I left

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Monday night, I left after seeing the best concert I’ve ever seen in person. With my job, concerts and events are why you work in radio. It’s not for the money; it’s for the fun and the experiences. When offered tickets from my gracious boss, Chuck Williams, I couldn’t pass it up. So I, along with the host of the 3rd Degree, Sanj and our radio buddies Seany Sean and WB, loaded up and headed due west. After enjoying a few beverages in the parking deck (we wanted to keep it classy), we headed into the Gwinnett Center in Duluth, which, by the way, is awesome, super

nice. The first band that opened up the show was a band called The Joy Formidable. They were high energy and definitely started off the night with some excitement. Next up was Social Distortion. I like Social D, but only in small doses, which meant this was a perfect time to take a bathroom break (No. 1), grab another beer and get ready for the Foo Fighters. Not a minute after we sat back down, the lights go off and the band breaks into “Bridge Burning,” the first track off the new disc, “Wasting Light.” The place erupted. The band rolled right

into the next track “Rope,” their first radio single off of “Wasting Light.” After the band finished up “Rope,” lead singer Dave Grohl addressed the crowd, “You guys are f***ing loud!” Dave went on to sarcastically explain what kind of night he had planned for us. “It’s going to be a long night. We don’t play those little one hour and 45 minute rock concerts. We don’t play those eency weency, two-hour rock concerts. We don’t even do those puny little two hour and 15 minute shows. I hope you don’t have to work tomorrow, because we’re gonna play till we have to barf. That’s it, we play till we puke. YOU GUYS READY FOR THIS!?!?” And that fast, the band breaks into “Learn to Fly.” The show was non-stop hits and Dave turned out to be one of the best showmen I have ever seen. The stage was a basic with killer lights, but the layout did allow Dave the ability to run off stage, through the middle of the crowd, all the way to the other side of the arena, where another mini stage was set up. And he did that run about 30 times on Monday. At the final note of the show, I looked at my watch and the band had played for two hours and 43 minutes. Insane. In the Wembley Stadium performance on Palladia, Dave asked the crowd, “How did this band get this big?” I think Chuck Williams had the best answer for that: “It’s because of shows like last night.” This band gives everything. Sure, they could have played four hours with all the music they have, but they could also have played one hour and 30 minutes. True rock acts like the Foo Fighters are reasons people like me say, “Rock will never die.”

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INMUSIC

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Check It Out

Great bands played downtown during First Friday, which offset the sucky traffic situation

Oh First Friday, how I love you and hate you at the same time. Great bands, but parking sucks. I braved the heavy downtown streets and it was another good weekend of music. I actually made it to a new bar for me, First Round Bar and Lounge, at the corner of 11th and Broad. The bar used to be known as Club Sparxx. I can say this: It’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I am not sure what exactly I was picturing, but it’s a cool little venue for bands. Vox Inertia was playing, another

band that you guys need to check out. First, though, you need to get out of the house and try something new. Motivation from Matt Stone. Feels good. What happens when you kill one of the greatest musicians of all time you ask? The death penalty? Life in prison? Nope, just a couple months of free house and board in a state prison. Michael Jackson murderer, Dr. Conrad Murray, is set to be sentenced on November 29, and more than likely will get off with a slap on the wrist. Next thing you know they’ll be letting out Mark David Chapman. To put it bluntly, the system works: ask Lindsey Lohan. I think I’m going to have to become a fan of the Detroit Lions. Fans are outraged that the band Nickelback has been booked to perform their halftime show during this year’s Thanksgiving matchup with the defending Super Bowl champs the Green Bay Packers. An angry fan has started a petition that now has over

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comes out of North Wales and called The Joy Formidable. Ello Govner! They’re a great band that opened up for the Foo Fighters in Atlanta. Lead singer Ritzy Bryan looks like a crazy baby doll, and she acts like it too. Two thumbs up, out of two thumbs. If you’re reading this on the day the paper hits those beautiful yellow boxes, head out and see the Atlanta-based McNary Band. They’re performing at Surrey Tavern Thursday, November 10, with Augusta favorite Sibling String. Enjoy, my friends. And last in local events, come out and say goodbye to a great band. L.i.E is calling it quits, so check out the event B.y.E. to L.i.E. w/ Artemia and Rooftop Harbor at Sky City, November 11. What shows am I missing? Where should I be going? Email matt@ themetrospirit.com.

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45,000 signatures demanding that they bring in a band more “American.” It seems the fan is angrier about the band being Canadian than their music being horrible. God Bless America. You stay classy Detroit. Thom York decided to stop being a recluse and has finally started to book new tour dates for his band Radiohead. The band will be in Atlanta March 1 at Philips Arena. Oh baby. Famous teenage lesbian pop singer Justin Bieber is caught in the middle of a paternity suit filed by some whack-job. There’s no way this will hold up, and with the support of Ellen and Whoopi, he’ll get through this. Tell Usher I said hello. The sound of this news story will make all the indie girls weep. After two years of marriage, Death Cab For Cutie frontman and singer/actress Zooey Deshanel are calling it quits. No real specified reason. In related news, Death Cab For Cutie’s next album will actually be good. My recommended band of the week

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METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 41

Road Trip leads to a new favorite band Needtobreathe

EARDRUM

A few summers ago I was checking out the different tour pages of my favorite artists and saw where Serena Ryder was going to be opening for the band Needtobreathe. The venue was the Handlebar in Greenville, S.C., so I decided to schedule a road trip and make a weekend of it. Her show happened to be smack dab in the middle of the annual Fall for Greenville Festival and seemed like a perfect time get a bunch of Downstairs Live friends together to share the memory. I sent out a feeler email to our list and was surprised when over 30 people wanted to join us. I contacted Hawthorne Suites; the official hotel used by the Handlebar, and reserved 15 units for our group. We all set aside the October date and made plans for the first Downstairs Live concert road trip. The day of the show we made it to Greenville before noon then headed downtown so we could hang out at the festival and see what the city had to offer. If you’ve never gone, it’s worth the trip… Greenville does it right! We all made plans to do dinner by the hotel pool, so each of us cooked a DiGiorno pizza in our room, iced up the coolers and met up at 7:30 for some good old QT with friends. The weather was beautiful, the company fantastic and the beer was flowing as we told stories and got to know each other a little better beyond the Downstairs Live walls. The show started at 9 p.m., so we all called our cabs and made the short trip down to the venue. Right before Serena made her way onto the stage, I looked around and noticed we were standing in a sea of 500 Needtobreathe fans. The band is from South Carolina so their fan base is huge in that area. We knew of them from the song “More Time” on the “P.S. I Love You” soundtrack, but were only slightly familiar with the rest of their music. The reception for Serena was decent as she took the stage, but nothing compared to what she gets on her home turf. As I stated in an earlier column, Serena Ryder is a Juno Awards winner and huge rock star in Canada, but virtually unknown here in the U.S. The 30 of us from Downstairs Live smiled, screamed and whistled as much as our bodies would allow as we got our much needed Serena Ryder fix. After her set many of us stood at the merch table talking to Serena, enjoying the post-performance feeling we all get after a great concert. About 20 minutes into our talk, Needtobreathe took the stage, so I found a spot in the crowd and gave them a listen. As I watched I was awestruck. Not only did they sound incredible, their music also felt incredible as it shook my body all the way to my bones. I stood there and stared as they blew me away with every beat. Lead singer Bear Rinehart’s voice was as powerful as they come. I came to that concert to see Serena Ryder, one of our all time favorites, and I became entranced on this other band with this amazing sound. I felt like I was cheating on my girlfriend… and I just couldn’t help it. Maybe it was the room, the crowd, or the sound system of the venue. Maybe it was simply the combination of the beer in my veins and the sound of their music. Whatever it was, I became a huge Needtobreathe fan on October 10, 2009. The next night they played The Handlebar again and had Serena come out and perform with them. The song was called “Stones Under Rushing Water” and they recorded that performance live and placed it on iTunes. Buy it! Their CD “The Outsiders” is filled with fantastic music, as is their new one “The Reckoning.” Chuck and his wife run Downstairs Live, a private concert series streamed live from their home. He also dabbles in photography and videography. For more info, go to crwconcepts.com or downstairslive.com.

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ONTHEBALL

Matt Lane is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at Mattlane28.

All This Talk of Destiny

Back in the driver’s seat, the Dawgs get another chance to finish it right George: Lorraine, my density has popped me to you. Lorraine: What? George: Oh, what I meant to say was... Lorraine: Wait a minute, don’t I know you from somewhere? George: Yes. Yes. I’m George, George McFly. I’m your density. I mean... your destiny. George McFly, one of cinema’s most insecure, nerdy wimps, could have about-faced, mumbled some obscenities under his breath and not gathered himself to take another run at the lovely Lorraine Baines in “Back to the Future.” Known to all as the sci-fi geek equipped with a laugh that could clear a room, it’s safe to say McFly would have had better luck with natural selection rather than convincing Baines to date him (much less not explode into laughter anytime she looked at him). And for some reason, when I remember this small exchange, I’m reminded of this year’s edition of the Georgia Bulldogs, and what’s still attainable if only they finally assert themselves like the clumsy McFly did. We compare McFly’s initial fumbled attempt at conversation, which on a scale is somewhere between inaudible and verbal diarrhea, in correlation to the Boise State loss to open the season. The grand stage was set in Atlanta, only to end sloppily against the winningest college program over the past few years. The injury bug also hit UGA during the game, which became a common thread for the season. But it was a game Georgia could lose — the SEC Championship was still in sight. The next shot at serendipity came with the Gamecocks coming to town. This would be Georgia’s toughest SEC opponent of the year, and it also doubled as a rivalry game. Much like McFly gaining his footing in the beginning the second time around, the Dawgs bounced back from their season opening loss to outplay the Gamecocks. But outplay as they might, they did not outscore the home team. You gotta stay focused from start to finish to end with a win, or, in McFly’s case, to construct a comprehensible sentence.

44 METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11

The very second the wrong word came out again, McFly, or Georgia for that matter, knew its safety net had disappeared. And just as the memorable klutz somehow instantaneously fired out the corrected word, somehow these Dawgs persevered through five straight SEC games, climbed over and through suspensions/injuries/ maturity issues/pre-season AllAmerican candidates forgetting how to kick the ball, and landed back in destiny’s driver seat. The courtship for Lorraine was not won in the diner that day, but with a seed of belief that was planted in her heart. For no matter how faulty, square and lame McFly indeed was, he really thought he had a chance with her. That same seed has been growing in these Dawgs since September 10. And whether they were right or wrong at the time to believe that, he made his statement, and they won their games. And sure, there are other scenarios that could play out and still land UGA in Atlanta again on December 3, but I doubt the Dawgs will give up the keys this time.

Games to Watch

No. 10 Virginia Tech @ No. 21 Georgia Tech: Thursday, November 10, 8 p.m. ESPN Great Coastal division matchup with both teams coming off bye weeks No.1 North Carolina vs. Michigan St.: Friday, November 11, 7 p.m. ESPN Basketball on an aircraft carrier. This should be interesting. No. 20 Auburn @ No. 15 Georgia: Saturday, November 12, 3:30 p.m. CBS The Bulldogs now have the keys. Sure hope that car don’t sputter. New Orleans Saints @ Atlanta Falcons: Sunday, November 13, 1 p.m. FOX The Falcons can’t afford to lose this one at home. Rise up!

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ADVICEGODDESS

Psychic Stephanie

Slipping Beauty

I’m in a great relationship of seven months. My boyfriend and I never get sick of each other. We respect each other and are there for each other, and we talk very openly, even when we’re upset. His ex-girlfriend is part of our group of friends. She is thin and very pretty. I know I’m attractive, but I’m struggling to lose these 10 pounds I put on in college. Also, she’s super-sweet, and she and my boyfriend broke up because he cheated on her. He told her right away and felt sick about it for a long time, so I’m not worried that he’d cheat on me. Friends tell me how much he loves me, and he even told me he’d feel “lost” without me. Still, I get nervous when they’re alone or talking a lot. I haven’t said anything about her being around so much, but I know other girls wouldn’t stand for it. — Jealous

You’re the one who’s obsessed with getting in another woman’s pants — being able to wear his ex-girlfriend’s skinny jeans, and not just as arm-warmers. I know, if he’s going to be chummy with his ex, couldn’t she please be one of those women people charitably describe as “pretty once you get to know her”? Instead, it seems her 10-step get-gorgeous routine involves “1. Wake up,” while you probably feel you have to put in a half-hour in the bathroom some mornings just to keep from scaring the dog. And then, some evening when you’re at your glowiest (after a brief struggle to squeeze your muffin-top into steel-belted control-top pantyhose), you need only stand next to her to feel yourself rapidly devolving from arm candy to arm ballast. It would be easier if she fit the stereotype of the gorgeous girl with the tiny lump of coal heart. Unfortunately, she’s sunshine with legs (sickeningly long, slim legs, with no hint of cankles). Making matters worse, they had an indiscretion-driven breakup, not an “I’m sick of you” breakup. Whatever could be stopping him from scampering back to her? Well, it doesn’t sound like you’re exactly a barker, and although men prioritize looks in women, once you’re within the zone of what a guy finds hot/cute/ sexy, other stuff comes into play: Are you kind? Does he feel needed, appreciated, understood? Do you click as a couple — naked and clothed? And okay, you aren’t on the short list to be an Abercrombie model, but is every day more fun because you’re in it? Don’t let on how jealous you feel (it sends a message that you’re not all that), and don’t try to control a man by telling him what to do (it leads to resentment, secretiveness and rebellion). You tell a man what to do by making him happy and by being happy with him. Your relationship may eventually end, but if you accept that, you can enjoy the hell out of it while you have it. For peace of mind, start a conversation about what you appreciate about each other. Listen up and you might get your head around the notion that he’s with you because he’s “lost without you” — and not because he lost his directions to the skinny girl’s house.

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I’m an okay-looking guy, but I look terrible in photos. I am joining an online dating site and don’t know what to do about my picture. I can’t afford a photographer. — Unphotogenic

Some people’s photos look best with some clever cropping. Apparently, yours look best if you crop out your head. Part of your problem is that you probably think of taking “a” picture (or three) instead of doing as professional photographers do — taking maybe 1,000. This basically means staging a photographic accident, meaning in at least one of the 1,000 shots, you should accidentally look like yourself or even better. A novelist friend of mine, Sonya Sones, author of “The Hunchback of Neiman Marcus,” takes some fantastic photos of her various traumatized author friends. She says people look best when the photographer shoots from a little above them and advises against using a flash — ever — because “it makes people look ugly. Period.” She suggests shooting outdoors, in the shade: “In the sun, people get hideous haunted-house shadows under their eyes and noses, which is not a good look unless it happens to be Halloween.” I’ll add that you should experiment initially with different angles to find your best and try some shots in which you’re doing something you enjoy — fishing or grilling or playing poker — so you’ll forget to freeze and look awkward. Put in a little effort and you could soon be posting a picture that’s more NotBadLookingGuy123 than Quasimodo456 (“You had me at ‘Hell no!’”).

THE WEATHER GUY STEVE SMITH STAFF METEROLOGIST

©2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email adviceamy@aol.com. Also visit advicegoddess.com and read Amy Alkon’s book: “I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society” (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).

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METRO SPIRIT 11.10.11 45

Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

15 in 5

No candy for you, and other assorted observations 1. Daylight Savings is only bad because the cold weather is imminent, and it gets dark so early. We trick or treated while it was light outside. Not bad, but definitely odd. 2. If you aren’t wearing a costume, you will likely not get candy from me. We went to a friend’s house on Glenn Avenue and handed out thousands of pieces of candy. One girl came up wearing regular clothes and we said, “We’re just trying to figure out what your costume is.” She replied with a story about how the candy was all for her little tiny baby who just got out of the hospital. Yeah. 3. The Man took The Kids camping this weekend. It’s not that I don’t like camping, but it’s not my first (or second) choice on my list of ways to spend a weekend. When asked if I minded that they were going, I replied, “Babe, you can take them camping every weekend if you’d like.” No complaints here! 4. I got a speeding ticket the other

day. I wasn’t even in a hurry. It was my first ticket in 15 years. I’m driving a rental car and, for some reason, unless you look at the speedometer, it’s hard to tell how fast you’re going. I know I should’ve used cruise control. At least there was a friendly Georgia State Patrol officer with a radar gun nearby. 5. I realize that I’m probably calling out some friends here, but if your kids go to a Walton Way private school and you pick them up on Johns Road, it’s a safety hazard. Not only is it unsafe for the dozens of kids walking to the cars, but those of us waiting to use the light can’t tell if you’re coming or going. Please, either let them walk all the way home or sit in carpool like everyone else. Thanks. 6. Don’t forget about Thanksgiving. After all, it’s got the best food. Christmas may have Jesus and presents, but Thanksgiving has cornbread dressing and giblet gravy. 7. As long as she says yes, one of

my best friends is getting engaged this weekend. No, I’m not spoiling it for her. She lives in Chicago. By the time she reads this online, the proposal will be over, toasts made and champagne consumed. I love knowing a secret. Even more, I love that she is so happy. Andy is a perfect match. 8. Most everyone I play in tennis is really, really nice. We all recognize that this is low-level (3.5) recreational tennis. Unfortunately, there have been a couple of bad eggs. Unfortunately, they all seem to come from the same team. Listen, ladies: I’m not sure about you, but I’m not getting paid to do this. It’s supposed to be fun. It wouldn’t hurt to smile a little and maybe even laugh. 9. I kinda feel like it’s in poor taste to start bad-mouthing your opponents before they’ve even left the room. But hey, that’s just me. 10. Neither of The Kids will eat rice. Is that strange? 11. Please don’t ever ask me to try

“these really good” olives or any other olives. I have tried and tried again and don’t like them. 12. Apparently I grossed people out and made them itch when I wrote about head lice a couple of weeks ago. What can I say? I like to share. 13. I’ll bet you’re itching again. 14. To the photo guy at Walgreens: Sorry if I seemed stunned that you recognized me as Jenny Is Wright. I’m not quite used to that yet. It was nice to meet you, too. 15. Most people think that Augusta is at its prettiest in the springtime around Masters Week. I beg to differ. Have you been on Henry or Fleming streets lately? There are so many bright colors in the trees. The view along the Savannah is picturesque. Don’t believe me? It’s a quick drive. Check it out!

JENNYISWRIGHT

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Metro Spirit 11.10.2011