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Taylor Hammond Gazaway July 29, 1993 - May 26, 2011

At the beginning of the year when I met Taylor I told him that we would become best friends. He looked at me and said nuh-uh. He didn't believe me. lol. We always made up dances and sang along to "What's My Name" by Rihanna and Drake. Taylor taught me one thing that I will carry throughout my life: Live life to the utmost fullest. Taylor was always full of joy and so much life, it was unbelievable. When I move in a couple of days (to Germany), he will always be on my mind and I will show him the beautiful castles and pubs, because he is with me in spirit. Love Always, Jana <3. When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. -Addie Lamb

â&#x20AC;&#x153;What moves through us is a silence, a quiet sadness, a longing for one more day, one more word, one more touch, we may not understand why you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say good-bye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you died, but that you lived. And that your life gave us memories too beautiful to forget.â&#x20AC;? Cindy, Jennifer,Jarrett, Logan, Matt, Jenny and Baby Mason "Aye shawty I like yo shirt, real talk"-Taylor We will always love you and keep you in our hearts. - Alexander Duggan, Lauren Gertler, Milinda Brown, Alicia Charette and Gregory Martin

Taylor Gazaway, what a goon, i just wish i could see you one more time i know i will when my time is right and when GOD wants me home. You still have a place in all of our hearts and in the GOONSQUAD. You will never be forgotten and will ALWAYS be remembered. You impacted our community and everyone in it in many ways. You were an awesome guy and would do anything for anyone , from making someone smile with your jokes to helping anyone in need. You were like a loving brother to me this is just a loss no one would ever imagine. i know you are reppin' GOONSQUAD and partying with GOD above us. i feel like you are everywhere i go I know it is really you being my guardian angel. once a GOON always a GOON....see you soon buddy...R.I.P. love you, manLove Cameron May and ALL of the other GOONS. Taylor, you are an amazing guy who, no matter what, could make anyone laugh. You brightned Mrs. Spires room everyday during yearbook class :). You are a remarkable person and will be missed dearly. Designed by Jordan White <3

table of contents Bringing Hollywood Home! insider

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whine line

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- tom tomorrow

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- we recommend

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- thumbs up, thumbs down

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metro

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- news of the weird

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- turn of the century

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- feature

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- sightings

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- jenny is wright

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Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our Production Director paper appear views from across the Amy Christian political and social spectrum. The amy@themetrospirit.com views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us Lead Designer at metrospirit.com.漏 15 House, Gabriel Vega LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. gabe@themetrospirit.com Reproduction or use without c o v e r d e s i g n permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

Writer Eric Johnson eric@themetrospirit.com

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METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 3

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INSI ER INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

No Parking, But Can We Interest You in a New Stadium?

The grumbling continues amongst lawyers and litigants alike with regard to the lack of adequate parking at the new Richmond County John H. Ruffin, Jr. Judicial Center. Courthouse visitors have been parking street side and in vacant lots surrounding the courthouse property, most prominently on property owned by Atlanta Gas Light Company. How long the utility will allow this to continue remains to be seen, but it’s reasonable to consider that fear of premises liability lawsuits will lead the gas company to fence the property. Private parking lots across Walton Way on land owned by local legal connections have been rumored. Perhaps the most ardent complaints come from the many attorneys who purchased buildings in proximity to the former courthouse on Greene Street. They can’t walk to the new courthouse and can’t find parking when they drive there. Only time will tell how

the property values of the Old Towne neighborhood will fare if lawyers no longer find the properties desirable due to courthouse relocation. Then there’s the controversy over Clarence Thomas’ selection as dedication speaker at a building named for a noted civil rights attorney. The selection of Thomas, a Georgia native and Supreme Court justice, would seem to have been a good choice, but his record and stance on affirmative action and civil rights have led to criticism of his invitation from black and white Augustans alike. Thomas’ appearance was a major hit with those who have an exceptional appreciation of irony.

Hmmmm... This time last year there was a great discussion of locating the GreenJackets ballpark on the downtown riverfront, which would move it farther away from

many of the patrons from west Richmond County and Columbia County. Thirsty Thursday presently resembles a Lakeside High School reunion and DUIs will only increase if Thursday night patrons have to drive any further to get home after the game. Lake Olmstead Stadium is already paid for, anyway. If Augusta can’t afford to build parking for the new courthouse, how can city fathers consider dispensing with a perfectly good ballpark? Public dollars will be, at least partially, called upon to finance stadium construction. Plus, Lake Olmstead has all of that available free parking. Then again, it would be hard to locate a ballpark on the riverfront if the river went away. If the Corp of Engineers were to dismantle the New Savannah Bluff Lock and Dam, “Lake Augusta”’s 13-mile pool would disappear. Having a dock at a riverfront home in Hammond’s Ferry would lose all its appeal if the dock were 50 feet from the water. The many

events held on the river and the tourism dollars they represent would be history. The latest comment from federal officials on the matter comes from the National Marine Fisheries Service, which would like to remove the dam to aid sturgeon migration as opposed to relying on a proposed $7 million fish ladder funded as part of the environmental mitigation for the Jasper, S.C., port downstream. On the topic of dams, an inflatable dam is being constructed on the Augusta Canal’s third stage (near downtown and the new courthouse) at the expense of $400,000 sales tax dollars. The purpose is to increase water flow and depth in the canal in the affected section for better aesthetics. Thank goodness no one decided to waste that kind of money on something like adequate courthouse parking.

METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 5

whineLINE Typical business as usual in Augusta. The town of “NO”. Augusta has no future with the current leadership. The mayor is clueless and the council is full of morons. Happiness is Augusta in your rearview mirror! Re story on Bill Lockett, commissioner: Did that city lawyer McKenzie really try to put in the other items in that first main vote about changing the location of the commission meetings? If so, he should be ashamed because now he gives Lockett and other commissioners excuses to delay things until every little thing is read and every detail hashed out. Is that Grady Smith the commissioner on a radio commercial for a heating and air company? He is to diction what Denny’s Grand Slam is to weight loss.

who isn’t like you. Don’t fight it! We humans have been doing this too long for that nonsense. In short everyone needs to quit pointing fingers because you all are horrible people. Let me help you see the light. Just give me some money and a position of authority and I’ll say things that you agree/disagree with that make you feel better about your unimportant existence by giving you something to talk/argue about during the meaningless passing of time that you call your life. VOTE ALABAMA MAN! WE CAN HATE STUFF TOGETHER FOR THE BETTER!!!

whineline@themetrospirit.com

up THUMBS

This week notwithstanding, the National Weather Service is predicting “moderate” summer temperatures for the state of Georgia for the next three months.

down THUMBS

Unfortunately, the more moderate temperatures are going to be caused by a more “active” hurricane season. Wasn’t 2010’s the third most active hurricane season ever recorded?

This is a rant to all the movie theater talkers. Shut up! Knuckle Sandwiches! Are you out of the ring already?? Would love to try your famous PBRBBQ sandwich, but you’re never open! Every Day’s a Blessing When did women become so horrible; oh wait they always have been; it’s why Hemingway shot himself; along with the realization that all people suck and are boring(which is why women decide to be horrible). Yes even you suck downtowners, you are just like the losers you hate who wear sunglasses around their necks at night and pay too much for drinks somewhere in Augusta. You all band together and persecute anyone

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Batman has again been in contact with the Metro Spirit but, this time, the Caped Crusader had a purpose: to fill our “We Recommend” section with a few websites sure to make readers rise up against The Man. “There’s nothing I enjoy more than placing a well-deserved KaPow! smack-dab to the mandible of unsuspecting sycophants that result in their life-long acquisition of tintinnabulation!” he wrote. By far the most scandalous is Tel-Evangelist Lifestyles. “If you are suspicious, uh, make that, very

suspicious of religion and its veil covering the buckets of tax-free money it acquires masquerading as ‘giving your tithe,’” he continued, “well, check out inplainsite.org/html/tele-evangelist_lifestyles. html.” The website, which chronicles the lifestyles of those who preach the so-called “prosperity doctrine,” delves into the backgrounds of preachers including Paul and Jan Crouch, Joel Osteen and Creflo Dollar. And it’s enough to make any rational person sick. Thanks, Batman!

BATMAN RECOMMENDS

metro Eric Johnson

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Repeat Success

Local children’s consignment sale has become an important event to many area moms

It’s easy to overlook Wee-Peats children’s consignment sale because, with the exception of a couple of weeks a year, there’s nothing to see. It doesn’t exist, at least not in a brick-and-mortar kind of way. But for those in the know, it seems to hold a pretty important piece of psychic real estate during the 50 or so weeks it’s incognito. “I don’t just mark it on the calendar,” says Renee Austin, a Wee-Peats shopper since the spring sale of 2008. “I have people who ask me to let them know when the next sale is coming around.”

Amber Ramp

The buzz surrounding the two sales — one in the spring, one in the fall — is enough to bring in consigners in from as far away as Charleston who want to make a little money off their children’s outgrown or unused clothes and toys… or to find that perfect item priced to move. While there’s nothing particularly sexy about consignment sales, Amber Ramp has taken the frumpy concept, dressed it in running shorts and let it loose on the community, complete with jogging stroller. And the results have been eyepopping.

“My first sale, I was very pregnant and I had an eight-month-old in the backseat and I was literally hopping out of the car putting flyers on houses,” she says. “The first sale I started with 4,000 flyers and we didn’t have the budget to do radio.” Now she prints 10,000 to 15,000 flyers, which she distributes mainly at daycares, and she advertises on the radio, though she says word of mouth, especially as it’s currently amplified by Facebook, is the most effective form of advertising. “It’s not just a sale, it’s an event,” she says. “I’ve got moms planning and saving for months for us.”

What makes a Wee-Peats consignment sale different than a typical consignment sale, she says, is the attention to detail and a think-big-or-go-home mentality not often seen in the world of used merchandise sales. But it’s tough to argue with the numbers when you see them. “Our minimum is 20 items,” she explains. “I have some people who bring me 20 and I also have some people who bring 2,000. When you think about moms and you think about four children per mom and when you think that I have over 300 moms… that’s a lot of items.” The recent average, she says, has been between 50,000 and 60,000 items per sale. While it seems to be clicking away like a well-oiled machine, the business wasn’t perfectly designed from the beginning. The first years she offered a 70 percent return for her consigners, which proved too much, so she went back to the drawing board with two things in mind — the need to make more money and the need for more help. Figuring out how to jump those two hurdles gave Ramp the successful formula she’s using today. Now, she gives consigners a 60 percent return along with incentives if they volunteer four hours during the sale. Not only can volunteers earn that extra 10 percent back, they can also earn an additional five percent if they recruit two other consigners for that sale. For most, however, the biggest advantage of volunteering is getting first crack at the items during a private sale that occurs before the general public or even the consigners themselves are allowed in. “I have people who just volunteer and don’t even consign,” she says. “They just want to be here at the beginning of the sale.” Consigners who don’t volunteer get their own sale day right before the first sale day for the general public. “The first day we’re open to the public and there’s a line, I think about METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 7

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how we first started and think, ‘We’ve done it,’” Ramp says. “I know it sounds dumb, but it just puts a smile on your face because these people are here for this. They’re not here because it’s Walmart and it’s Black Friday, they’re here for this.” Austin values the convenience of the system almost as much as she values the economics of the sale. “She has a great system that she’s developed over the years where it’s so simple to get online,” she says. “When my son is asleep, I’ll spend 20 or 30 minutes just tagging things and putting the information on the computer. You just input the information and you turn around and print the tag. They show you how they want it tagged, so it makes it easy to shop.” Ramp says she sets up her stores, which have grown considerably over the years, with herself in mind. “It’s all about the shopper,” she says. “Because I’m that frustrated shopper with two kids who are whining and crying, I know how it should be. Kids don’t give you much time of peace, especially if you’re pushing a stroller. And my aisles are twice as big as anyone else’s because of those strollers.” Though people sometimes assume that because it’s a consignment sale, the 30 percent to 40 percent goes to

charity, Ramp is quick to point out that Wee-Peats was always intended as a way to keep her from going back to the transportation company she worked at before, where she put in 60 or 70 hours a week. “It is supporting my family,” she says. “Of course, my husband has a job and he pays our bills, but this has definitely allowed me not to go back to work. This is that second income that every family needs.” Wee-Peats consignment sales take place in a rented space on Bobby Jones Expressway between Walmart and Sams. For more information on the next sale, visit weepeatsconsignment.net.

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The Youngest Guy in the Room Commissioner Trey Allen is young, but not like that other guy Trey Allen

Because he’s young and the rest of the Columbia County Commission is fairly well seasoned, District 2 Commissioner Trey Allen has spent most of his time on the commission being lumped in with Scott Dean, the goldenish-haired young commissioner from District 4. Such company has not always been advantageous. “Actually, I was always the youngest, even though Scott Dean looked like he was in his 20s,” Allen says. Allen turns a mature 40 this year, and while some, like Chairman Ron Cross, have said Dean’s immaturity was damaging to him independent of the damning personal allegations against him, Allen insists that Dean never became too much of a distraction. “It’s unfortunate that his district was not represented for awhile, but I think we were a strong enough body that we could persevere, and we did. We kept right on with the meeting schedule.” While the commission received plenty of flack for not condemning Dean’s behavior, that was by no means the only criticism leveled against them. Though Columbia County’s five manage to avoid the kind of headlines Augusta’s 10 are so good at cranking out, they’ve still fielded their fair share, including last year’s $13,000 trip to meet with the bond rating agencies, where all commissioners and eight staff

members — a total of 13 — flew to New York for three days. The trip resulted in the increased bond rating they desired, but it created a backlash with some who felt the trip was excessive and representative of a government out of touch with the little people. In a strongly worded letter to the Columbia County News-Times, Allen defended the trip in part by pointing out that if the bond rating agencies felt they were traveling extravagantly, they wouldn’t have rewarded them with the rating increase. Most recently, however, Allen found himself in the middle of the battle between Augusta Prep and the Springlakes neighborhood over the stadium lights Augusta Prep wanted to install for its football field. Allen not only represents Springlakes, he lives there. “Several of the commissioners told me this was by far the most difficult issue we’ve had because there are no bad guys,” he says. “No one’s wrong. As Bill Morris said, when you’re dealing with children and people’s houses, that’s pretty much as close to home as it gets.” After tabling the issue to give both sides the chance to work things out, the commission overruled the Planning Commission recommendation by voting against the lights. The move was seen by many as giving in to the

loudest voice in the room, though Allen explains his role as one of listening to his constituents and remembering what he swore to do. “In such a case, I always default to my oath of office, which is to protect the citizens and the property of Columbia County,” he says. “Although this would have been a nice asset to Augusta Prep, I don’t really believe their property was threatened, whereas the people that I represent did feel like it was a threat. Whether I even agree with that interpretation doesn’t really matter. I look at it is my job to represent them without prejudice.” Allen grew up as an active member of the Richmond County Republican Party, where life was simple because the divide was external — you always knew who the enemy was. Being a Republican enclave, Columbia County’s divide has been internal since he moved to the county 10 years ago. It’s an atmosphere, he says, that has lead to a culture of petulance and infighting. “My belief is that the party is supposed to be the support group for the candidates and the elected officials who represent them,” he says. “Certainly not a rubber stamp, but the anonymity of attacks and complaints bothers me. I respect people’s right to disagree, but I would like the opportunity to discuss it with you and find out what’s bothering you and who

you are that’s being bothered. It’s hard to defend yourself against shadows.” A Davidson grad who overcame a speech impediment to perform with the Augusta Players, something he says he’d still do if he had the time, Allen sold the HandyLand truck stops and convenience stores he ran with his father and now owns Learning Express Toys with his wife, Suzy. What lessons can he take to the commission from selling toys? “That you can learn from anything,” he says with a smile. “Everything we sell is an education tool, even if it’s a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car — there’s something educational about it. And I think that there’s a lot of education that can be taken away from what we do as commissioners.” He’s a pragmatist with a small business management consulting degree, which puts him a little at odds with himself, but he says it gives him an unusual view of the management of the county’s current growth. “There’s a lot of expertise and a lot of advice out there that’s free,” he says, poking fun at Augusta’s reputation for funding big “doorstop” studies. “Global Spectrum talked to us about [Evans Town Center Park amphitheater]. They volunteered all their information for the opportunity that when this thing is built they might have a chance to manage it.” Free is a lot cheaper, not to mention METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 9

a lot more practical, than a six-figure study, and he says there’s nothing underhanded about it. In fact, the same practice is already at work at the Gateway.

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“They’re not asking us to give them tax breaks or a bunch of stuff like that,” he says. “They say when you’re building it we would recommend that you do this and, if you do it, then the

conditions would be right for us or people like us to come in.” It just takes knowing what questions to ask.

The VIP Treatment

When places like Applebee’s go to the trouble of remodeling and redesigning their restaurants, they want people to know about it, so they send out emails inviting local media to private VIP events with free food and drinks. It’s a simple but effective strategy because it’s tough out there and journalists don’t always know where their next meal is coming from. It might be circus peanuts in the car or a couple of Krystal Chiks in front of the computer. And then there are those days when it’s just impossible to eat healthy. All of which makes one of these VIP events a circle-on-your-calendar kind of thing. Purists and recent J-School grads frown on such arrangements, but since they tend to know where their next meal is coming from, they don’t really have much of a say in the matter. Throw in a complimentary name tag

and a beer, and you’ve got yourself some media coverage. Though General Manager Paige Faglier, an attractive, well-dressed woman with a killer southern accent, was hosting the event at her Evans location, the other two area Applebee’s were represented, too. All are part of the AmRest franchise, the second largest Applebee’s franchise in the U.S. “They’ve got patio envy,” she joked about the other two managers, though the fact of the matter is, she was probably right. Though each of the three Augusta area restaurants has a little bit different layout — Craig Brown’s Windsor Springs location has a stone front, for example, and Charvone Heard’s Washington Road restaurant is a different shape — the Evans location is one of the few in the nation to offer outside seating. Faglier expects it to be a hit with the

post-movie crowd coming over from the Evans Stadium Cinema. Besides the addition of the patio, she said the restaurant had gone through a significant redesign that will be noticed immediately by anyone familiar with the old restaurant. “We took out the gaudy artwork that we had on the walls and murals were made to depict the CSRA,” she said, pointing toward the bold and colorful disc golf mural at the back of the section. “They sent me a questionnaire probably three or four months ago that asked me to explain what I’d like to see, and I told them I’d like to see a little Masters, but not covered in Masters. I told them to put some stuff about Clarks Hill because we get a lot of people who have lake homes.” The wallpaper company took that information and created their own vision, which gave Faglier one of the pleasant

surprises of the process: a big, prominent mural of Steed’s Dairy. Owner Jim Steed had submitted a few photos of the family dairy, which has evolved into an agri-tourism destination popular with families and schoolchildren, thinking it would be made into a photo for the restaurant, not a massive decoration. Steed was so moved when he showed up at the VIP event that he made reservations to come back with his family later in the evening for dinner. The VIP area was well stocked with Champagne and sangria, though a bottle of Mud Slinger beer seemed like a more appropriate beverage for a media-type. It washed down the fajitas — and the principles — quite nicely.

METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 11

TURN of the

CENTURY A look back at the news the Metro Spirit was covering at the turn of the century.

June 1, 2000

In the feature, Brian Neill profiles Senator Charles Walker.

12 METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11

Arts and Entertainment writer Donnie Fetter also broke the sad news that the Comedy House Theatre, the only Augusta nightclub to feature

standup comedy and an Augusta attraction since 1992, was closing its doors. “Unfortunately, the days that carried demand for a club that offered a full week of comedy in this area may have passed,” said Aubry Pippin, president of the company that operated the club.

“I am not sure that this market can support an establishment that offers live comedy as its sole form of attraction.”

ughgusta

FAILS

Call him what you want, and many people do. Without a doubt, Senator Charles Walker is the most revered, despised, trusted, mistrusted, listened-to, ignored politician that Augusta — heck, maybe even the state of Georgia — has to offer. He’s been seen to personify everything from the individual who single-handedly brought more state money to our fair city than anyone in history, to a self-serving fat cat, lining his pockets with gruel from the public trough. But there’s no denying, when the senate majority leader enters a room full of politicians, black or white (he’s the former), Republican or Democrat (he’s the latter), they listen. Later in the feature, Neill lists Walker Quotes of Note. On the predictions by some politicians that the Republicans will soon gain control of the Georgia General Assembly: “The Republicans will not gain control of the Georgia General Assembly, not now, not in the next 25 years. The money’s just not there. The demographics will not allow it.” Yet somehow it happened. Perhaps the most ironic part of the story is the quote that served as the story’s title. “Now, I am a reasonable man,

so I will only attempt to do reasonable things. But I am no longer in the box. I’m out of the box, if you know what I mean.” That all might have been true, but Walker won’t be getting out of his current box for another four years or so. Neill also took a look at the $250,000 study on whether or not Augusta could support an aquarium. At the time, Charleston had just opened its $69 million aquarium on the banks of Charleston harbor and Atlanta was moving toward one of its own, which of course has earned an international reputation. Last year, the Charleston Aquarium nearly topped 2005’s attendance record while bringing in $8.7 million in revenue and a yearly profit of $1.7 million. The Georgia Aquarium, the world’s largest, continues to adjust to market forces by starting a new program offering visitors the chance to wade with the beluga whales. At the time, one of the ideas was to tie it to Fort Discovery, though Augusta Mayor Bob Young didn’t seem too enthused about Walker’s suggestion that the aquarium cut into the river so that fish could be seen in their natural habitat. “Personally, I think the river is so dirty you couldn’t see anything go by,” Young said.

The Mudbugabeaux-N-Brew is a mouthful, alright… a tasty one. Like just about anything good, Augusta’s Mudbugabeaux-N-Brew crawfish boil and craft beer festival has been years in the making. Back in 1992, Jim Beck took in a crawfish festival down in New Orleans and got the idea of putting on a crawfish festival of his own. “In New Orleans, they do it all the time, whether it be on a large scale, a neighborhood or a family,” Beck says. He went back two years later, filed away some mental notes and never stopped thinking about putting on his own.

As festival food goes, a crawfish boil is about as hassle-free as it gets. But instead of jumping at the impulse and losing his shirt from all the things he didn’t know, Beck continued to learn more about the food business by working with his brother and father in Atlanta. Eventually, he exchanged Atlanta for Augusta, where he eventually ended up owning French Market Grille West. Through all those years he continued to plan his crawfish festival, but it wasn’t until February of 2009 that he started the pot boiling, so to speak. This year marks the third year of the

Mudbugabeaux-N-Brew, and he says all that thinking paid off. “I’d go for months without thinking about it and then something would spark me to thinking about it again,” he says. “It’s actually just exactly like I wanted it.” This year’s event will be at the Augusta Common from 3-9 p.m. on Saturday, June 4. Though he’d much rather have the festival in March, Beck says he’s limited by the crawfish season, which runs from late January through Labor Day, and by the Augusta entertainment calendar,

which is pretty well booked most weekends. You know, with stuff like the Masters. “This was the only weekend that nothing was going on,” he says. Though the festival will also serve hot dogs, corn dogs, jambalaya and muffalettas, Beck says the crawfish are definitely the main course. “It’s an easy item to carry, cook and handle,” he says. “The first year I had 1,400 pounds and I sold 1,200.” He expected the next year, last year, to be better, so he ordered 2,000 pounds, but because of the hot weather, he only METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 13

sold a thousand pounds, though the crawfish didn’t go to waste — he cooked the rest there at the festival and froze them for the restaurant. Though Augusta is a long way from Louisiana, which is where nearly all the nation’s crawfish originate from, Beck says Augustans have developed a taste for the little mudbugs. He sells a fair amount at French Market Grille West, though when they run out, they run out. He says it’s not worth it to him to subject his customers to the inconsistency of outof-season crawfish. At the Mudbugabeaux-N-Brew, Beck cooks the crawdads in a spicy boil and sells them by the pound. “They’re easy to eat, once you learn how to do it,” he says. “But it takes a bunch of them to make a good meal.” He says it’s not uncommon to sell someone two or three pounds at a time, though some will eat as many as 10 or 12 pounds once they get going. Complementing the crawfish — some would call it a necessity — is beer. Lots and lots of beer. But not just any beer. Over a dozen craft beers will be on sale, ranging from Fat Tire, Magic Hat and Shock Top to Fire Rock Pale Ale, Southern Tier and Hop Sun. Hop Sun, a summer wheat beer, recently received a B+ by Beer Advocate. Given last year’s heat, which convinced him to start it later in the day when it’s cooler and people have their weekend

14 METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11

errands taken care of, Beck is adding another large tent to give patrons the chance to cool off and spend a little time out of the sun. Of course, it could rain, too, but Beck says he’s not all that worried about the rain. “It hasn’t been raining that much this time of year,” he says. “And I’ve been keeping track. Besides, it’s not going to rain six hours straight.” Like all good festivals, the Mudbugabeaux-N-Brew will also live music on stage, thanks to its association with 95Rock and Kicks99. Local bands Me and Josh, Old Man Crazy and Back to Good will lead into Pat Blanchard, who will lead into widely-acclaimed new country artist Kip Moore, who will perform his hit single, “Mary Was the Marrying Kind,” which

was recently featured on GAC’s Top 20 Countdown. Moore is a singer-songwriter from Tifton who got to Nashville by way of Valdosta State and Hawaii. With so much going on, plus a climbing wall and rides for the kids, a few vendors and a crawfish eating contest, Beck says there should be something for everyone. But unlike the recent Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Que Bluegrass Festival, which started off huge, Beck is moving forward cautiously because he’s seen too many festivals fail before him. “You can make it too big off the front and get your butt kicked and never do it again,” he says. “So we’re starting slow. But if we ever get it built big enough, I’d like to see us go to the Boathouse where they have A Day in the County and get some big names coming in.”

Given the fact he’s serving up kid’s meals on commemorative Frisbees, giving away free T-shirts to the first 1,000 people and selling crawfish by the pound — and did we mention the $3 craft beer? — it’s easy to see him getting there. “There’s no way somebody could come down here, pay $5 to get in, eat and drink and then be pissed off when they leave,” he says. “There’s no way. You’ve just got a bad outlook on life if that happens.” The Third Annual Mudbugabeaux-N-Brew The Augusta Common Saturday, June 4 3-9 p.m. $5

Christy Dickens Beckham Friday night, around 7:45 p.m. I always end up getting super attached to the cooking teams and excited for the ones that win. This year we added the kids cook-off and Greig at Fireside took the load of organizing, bringing out the Big Green Eggs and supplying the meat for our kids cooking teams. We wanted to have a diverse group of children there and open up a new opportunity for the kids that may not get to experience this kind of thing. We had all KCBS certified judges judge the contest. When I was handed the winners, I had no idea which team was which. When I got to Greig, I asked him secretly who the winners were by their team name. The winning team was from Heritage Academy and they had never used a Big Green Egg before. They even beat Greig’s own children, but it didn’t matter because we were both so excited for these kids. I teared up and got chill bumps like I do when I hear the National Anthem, we were so proud! Joe Stevenson Friday night’s rain storm caused us to start music about 40 minutes late. Crosstie Walkers and Sibling String had their sets shortened a bit, but played them in full. The Whiskey Gentry, however, had a lightning storm land on them 20 minutes into their set. We weren’t able to get them back on stage the rest of the night. I hate that for a band that traveled for the show. I was extremely proud of our local band Sibling String, who offered to split their Saturday set with The Whiskey Gentry. The grace Jacob Beltz and the entire band showed was amazing — the true spirit of a bluegrass festival. Christy Dickens Beckham Friday night around 10 p.m., I was having a conversation with Tuffy Stone (a cooker from the pit master’s show on TLC) and Tuffy tells me

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Greig McCully At about 6 p.m. on Friday, one of the parent team members was sweating profusely working her butt off to help her kid get ready for the hamburger cookoff and looked at me and said, “This is about as good as it gets: friends, kids, music and food.” That is the best moment I’ve had since I opened Fireside. I love this event.

that this crazy looking man (Mo) was a three-time world champion clogger and was the talent agent for the show “Hee-Haw.” I was totally confused and totally impressed at the same time. Chris Rucker Friday night. My friend from Atlanta realized during the John Popper set, he and the guitarist knew each other from high school, which landed us on the tour bus. John Popper proceeds to talk about road trips, pop music, the bass player’s alter ego and “rock star lifestyle” — Mr. Popper signed and jammed out on a harp he tossed to my daughter during the show as well. Top that off with Emily tracking down a mound of barbecue on the fly for the band at 12:30 a.m. A true and surreal rockstar moment.

Emily Carder Stevenson Thinking Killer B’s BBQ was so kind to hook me up with tons of pulled pork at heaven knows what time on Friday night/Saturday morning so that I could get it to John Poppers’s bus.

Chris Rucker Saturday Morning around 10ish, I had a wonderful encounter with Charlie Parr. As I was helping set up the merch tent, he strolls over and asks if I knew where he could unload his guitar. Of course, being a Parr fan, I’m pretty sure I jumped clear across the table to walk him over to the backstage. On the way over he explained how he was camping at Clark’s Hill for the weekend (stupid awesome), and how he and the Black Twig Pickers had not played together since a brief tour in Scotland a few months back. Later that morning, I hopped in the backstage tent for a water, and they were all huddled in the back jammin and swapping stories with Little Roy. Pure gold as I watched those guys from Missouri make a new friend and learn a trick or two from a legend. I swear the best hootenannys happen backstage. Jef fery R. Thomas Saturday at approximately 10:45 a.m., I met a group that travelled all the way from Ohio because they were not only big Charlie Parr fans, but were really impressed about the entire lineup. One of that troupe was drinking a Budweiser and Clamato Chelada for breakfast.

METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 15

Amanda DeLauder Saturday, 3:30 p.m. A big thanks to the total starnger who cared enough to come and spray me with sunscreen in the spot on my back that I couldn’t reach. I’m sure you saved me from blisters. Thank you! Shane Thompson Saturday around 4. The guy who made his own instruments showed me a banjo made from a cookie tin. I proceeded to ask him what support system was inside of the cookie tin? He popped the back of to show me a wooden dowel and a little red pair of jogging pants. I asked if the jogging pants stuffed in there really helped the sound. He said that his little daughter had an accident in her pants a long time ago at a show so he stuff the pants in the banjo — and it actually sounded a lot better.

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Wayne Cargile Saturday around 5:45. Lizzy and Little Roy were standing in the beating-down sun waiting for their set to start on the side stage. They may be local, but these two are my favorites. She mentioned her lack of sunglasses so I gave her my Raybans to wear. She looked great. Emily Carder Stevenson Saturday, around 6 p.m. I had the pleasure of escorting Ketch from Old Crow Medicine Show on a taste testing tour of the Banjo-B-Q cookers. Ketch wanted to do a little sampling and the wonderful folks in BBQ World were more than happy for one of the Old Crow guys to taste their cooking. Ketch was so friendly and spoke to each chef we met for a good while, inquiring about their success at the event, the way they served their meat to the judges and details about

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their sauces. He took pictures with some folks and chatted with everyone, graciously thanking them for the food and letting them know what time they could see he and his band on stage. There’s nothing quite so nice as seeing people who have achieved a great deal of success not let it go to their head! Joe Stevenson With Doc Watson and David Holt on stage, the colors were presented and Jaycie Ward sang the National Anthem. In a few spots during the anthem, Doc even picked along for a few notes on his guitar. Another cool moment Saturday night during Old Crow’s set was seeing so many of the bands that had perform that day sitting on the side of the stage watching in awe. Wayne Cargile 9:40 Saturday night. During the fireworks, a little yappy dog was going nonstop. As thousands of people stood watching, someone, at a completely quiet moment, yelled “Somebody shut that dog up!” Chris Rucker Sunday morning around midnight-1 a.m. Across from my RV, Cory Younts of Old Crow Medicine Show (mandolin, vocals) was hanging with a cooker who placed 50 something, eating barbecue, blasting bluegrass Pandora and having a ball! Todd and I decided to join the action, and ended up eating our weight in barbecue/ brisket and discussing the underworld culture of the catering and cookoff world. Though he did not place well, he was still there and extremely excited to have been a part of the BJBQ2011.

The Inked and the Curious The Augusta Tattoo Convention offers something for everyone

Promoter and tattoo artist Chris Earl encourages the inked and the curious to come by the James Brown Arena on Saturday and Sunday to check out the fifth annual Augusta Tattoo Convention. Featuring some of the top tattoo artists in the nation, the convention will be open from 11 a.m.-11 p.m. on Saturday, June 4, and noon-8 p.m. on Sunday, June 5. “There’s going to be custom bikes, live music and tattoo contests,” Earl says. “We’ve got Permanent Mark again this year and Babba from Vintage Tattoo in Los Angeles. This year especially we’ve got a bunch of people on the West Coast — Nevada, California, Arizona — who have been trying to come out for a few years and also a few from New York and Rhode Island who are coming out because of the stories they’ve heard from friends telling them how nice it is.” Though names like Permanent Mark and Babba don’t mean a lot to people outside the tattoo world (Permanent Mark had a TV show on Spike TV and Babba is a respected west coast artist), everyone can understand the importance of word of mouth. And for Earl, who promotes the Augusta Tattoo Convention as well as a convention in Fresno, it’s critical to keeping the attendance up, especially among the artists. “Word of mouth from artist to artist is really important,” he says. “If they tell their friends that they had a great time, then their friends might think about coming out next year, but if you go back and say it blew — nobody’s going to want to come.” While the Augusta Tattoo Convention has been growing over the last five years, Earl admits the idea of bringing in a bunch of outside talent wasn’t initially well received by all of the talent that was already here. “At first, a couple of the shops were kind of against it, but most of the shops embraced it,” he says. “The guys at First Amendment really helped us out because they’re from there and one of my partners was partners at the time with Fro at First Amendment, and it really helped us having those guys there.” In the end, he says, it was just a

matter of convincing the local artists that they weren’t rolling in trying to elbow them out of their own territory. “We extended the invitation to a lot of the shops in town, and a lot of them took it — First Amendment, of course, and Americana, Eddie Peace, Aces & Eights, Gunslingers — but there were a few that weren’t really into it. But we had some come last year, so they came around to it.” A good thing that is easy to overlook, he says, is that a big event brings notoriety to those working in the area who really want to get their name out. “You get 2,000 people going through and that’s 2,000 people who looked at your book,” he says. “They might not get a tattoo right then, but they might pick up your card and come in a week or a month or in six months.” Over the last few years, tattoos have exploded in popularity and acceptance, which is something Earl says has good points as well as bad. On one hand, you’ve got the customer, who can be just about anyone these days. “You can’t just target the 18-30 year old guys, because they’re not the only ones getting tattooed,” he says. “Now, you’ve got 45-year-old businessman, you’ve got women in their late 30s or early 40s. We’ve even had ladies in their 80s come in and get tattooed.” While all that extra business certainly increases the traffic, the TV shows have done a lot to increase the number of people giving tattoos… and not in a good way. “Now, you’ve got supply companies who’ll sell tattoo machines to anybody,” he says. “You’ve got head shops in California that also sell tattoo supplies, and they’ll sell to anybody who walks in off the street.” The industry, he says, is a victim of its own popularity. “There are so many people doing tattoos that have never actually gone through the apprenticeship,” he says. “Their mom or someone tells them they can draw good and that they should try it, so they go down to the store and buy a machine and start going to work.” Listening to someone like Earl talk shop can be fascinating, and one of the benefits of a convention like this is that just about everyone is accessible —

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even more so when there’s alcohol is involved. The Loft is the official bar of the convention, and they’ll be hosting a meet and greet on Friday night and a Tattoo Beauty Queen contest after the convention on Saturday. One problem, though — alcohol and anything permanent don’t always go together, as Earl witnessed after the convention a couple of years back. “It was a Sunday night some people got together and had a few drinks and started to tattoo each other — kind of a little keepsake tattoo,” he says, chuckling. “I got a peach to signify Georgia and a buddy got a peach that looked like a disco ball to signify the Discotheque. And it said Augusta above it… only he left out the first ‘u.’” Earl pauses to allow the visualization of the word — Agusta — before he finishes the story. “So, what they did — they put a red arrow between the ‘a’ and the ‘g’ and put a red ‘u’ above it just like a teacher would.”

A simple solution to a ticklish problem. The Fifth Annual Augusta Tattoo Convention James Brown Arena Saturday, June 4, 11 a.m.-11 p.m. Sunday, June 5, noon-8 p.m. $15 McGrath

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ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED

Celebrate this First Friday with a Classic Car and Hotrod Cruise-In at French Market Grille Westâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s parking lot on Friday, June 3, from 6-9 p.m. The event includes food, music and cars and is free to those who participate. In addition, participating car owners will receive a 15 percent discount at the restaurant that night. Call 706-825-4526 or visit frenchmarketwest.com. Need even more hot rods? Then sign up for Figure Drawing I at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art, a six-Tuesday class that meets from 6:30-8:30 p.m. beginning June 7. Because you know the live nude model will be a dude. $94.50 for members; $105 for non-members. Pre-registration required. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org.

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calendar Arts

NorthAugustaArtistsGuildShow and Sale, a sidewalk art show and sale featuring 21 local artists, is at the Beveled Edge Art and Frame Gallery on Georgia Avenue Saturday, June 4, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Visit naartscouncil.org. First Saturday, hosted by the Center for Arts and Heritage, is Saturday, June 4, from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. Free with admission to the Arts and Heritage Center. Art supplies included with admission. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com. Sunday Sketch at the Morris Museum of Art, in which participants are invited to sketch in the galleries, is Sunday, June 5, from 2-3:30 p.m. Supplies provided. Free. Call 706-7247501 or visit themorris.org. Call for Entries for A Sense of Place, a juried fine art competition at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art, is going on now for U.S. artists ages 18 and older. Entry deadline is June 3 and a prospectus can be found at the organization’s website. Call 706-7225495 or visit ghia.org. Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Exhibitions

Library until July 8. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. ASU/NYC Art Exhibition shows through Sunday, June 19, at the Morris Museum of Art. It includes approximately 40 pieces of art from 15 art students who participated in ASU’s Study Away Tour of New York City last December. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. The Charleston Renaissance: Works on Paper, an exhibition of more than two dozen watercolors and etchings by Ellen Day Hale, Alfred Hutty, Alice Ravenel, Huger Smith, Anna Heyward Taylor and Elizabeth O’Neill Verner, shows at the Morris Museum of Art through June 26. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Art Greene Photography Exhibit is at Sacred Heart Cultural Center through June 30. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org.

Music

Music in the Park Concert Series, featuring jazz band Flashback, is Thursday, June 2, at 7 p.m. in the verandah at Maude Edenfield Park in North Augusta. Call 706-737-1444 or visit naartscouncil.org. Scott Scheetz Organ Recital is Saturday, June 4, at 7:30 p.m at St. John United Methodist Church. Free and open to the public. Children are encouraged to attend and will have reserved seating near the organ. Call 803-640-7865.

Philip Juras Exhibition Opening Reception and Lecture at the Morris Museum of Art will be Thursday, June 2, at 6 p.m. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Appleby Concert Series presents Hotlanta Dixieland Jazz on Tuesday, June 7, at 8 p.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org.

Philip Juras: The Southern Frontier, landscapes inspired by Bartram’s travels, shows at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

Literary

The Eclectic Works of Joe Rob is an exhibition that shows on the third floor of the Headquarters Branch

20 METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11

NOOK Tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a NOOKcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Theater

“The Dixie Swim Club,” a

Want a piece of chef Rocco Dispirito? How about a taste of one of his recipes? It’s not quite the same, but you’ll just have to make do at the June meeting of the Potluck Book Club at the Columbia County Library on June 6 at 6 p.m. The topic is “Rocco’s Real Life Recipes,” and participants should bring one recipe from the cookbook to share. Call 706-863-1946 or visit columbiacountyga.gov.

southern comedy by Jesse Jones, Nicholas Hope and Jamie Wooten, will be Saturday, June 4, at 8 p.m. and Sunday, June 5, at 3 p.m. at the Joanna T. Rainsford Discovery Center. Call 803-637-3833 or visit edgefieldcountytheatre.com.

Dance

Salsa Dancing for Beginners is Tuesday, June 7, at 10:30 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Friday Dance is every Friday night from 8:30-11 p.m. at The Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. $5. Call 706854-8888 or visit thebdc.us. Christian Singles Dance, for ages 18 and over, is every Saturday night at The Ballroom Dance Center in Evans from 7-11 p.m. $8-$10. Call 706-8548888 or visit thebdc.us.

Flix

“Foxes of Harrow” (1947), part of the Films on Friday series, shows at the Morris Museum of Art on Thursday, June 2, at noon. After the movie,

museum director Kevin Grogan will lead a discussion. Participants are invited to bring a lunch. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. “Megamind” shows Friday, June 3, at 7 p.m. as part of the Movies Under the Stars Series at the Columbia County Ampitheatre presented by MCGHealth Children’s Medical Center. Visit mcghealth.org. “Toy Story 3” shows Tuesday, June 7, at 2:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. “Eat, Pray, Love” shows Thursday, June 9, at 2:30 p.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Call 706-7932020 or visit ecgrl.org. “Le Reine Margot,” a French film directed by Patrice Chereau, shows Thursday, June 9, at 6:30 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library as part of the Thursday Night Foreign Film Series. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. “Vanishing Georgia” shows throughout June at the Augusta Museum

Michael Witt, shown above, was one of 15 ASU art students who participated in the school’s Study Away Tour of New York City last December. See the approximately 40 pieces of artwork that tour inspired during the ASU/NYC Art Exhibition, showing through June 19 at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

of History as part of the museum’s History Theater Film Series. Free with admission. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Special Events

The Strikes for Success BowlA-Thon, to benefit Junior Achievement, is Friday and Saturday, June 3 and 4, at Brunswick National Lanes. There will be bowling, trivia and prizes. Call Laurie Cook at 706-736-3070 or e-mail lcook@ georgia.ja.org. First Friday, on Broad Street’s Artist’s Row, is Friday, June 3, from 5-9 p.m. and features special events in galleries, arts and crafts vendors, live music, food and more. Call 706-8264702 or visit augustaarts.com. First Friday Classic Car and Hotrod Cruise-In in the French Market West Grille parking lot is Friday, June 3, from 6-9 p.m. and includes food, music and cars. Free to participate. All car owners that participate will receive a 15 percent discount and French Market Grille West good for that night only. Call 706-825-4526 or visit frenchmarketwest.com. Mudbugabeaux N Brew is an event on Saturday, June 4, at the Augusta Common from 3-9 p.m. at features craft beers, a crawfish eating contest, Cajun food, kids meals served in commemorative frisbees and live music. Call 706-855-5511 or visit frenchmarketwest.com.

Greater Augusta Arts Council Annual Meeting and Awards Party, celebrating the achievements of 2011’s award winners, will be Thursday, June 9, at 6:30 p.m. at the Sacred Heart Cultural Center. Tickets are $20. RSVP by June 6. Call 706-826-4702 or visit augustaarts.com. Brick Yard Market is each Friday from 6-9 p.m. at Hammond’s Ferry in North Augusta and features fresh produce and goods, as well as live music in front of Manuel’s Bread Cafe. Call 803-380-1323 or visit hammondsferry.com. Saturday Market at the River, located at 8th Street Plaza, downtown Augusta, is each Saturday, April 16Oct. 29, from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. Visit theaugustamarket.com.

substation on Wednesday, June 8, by appointment. Call 706-721-7606 or visit mcghealth.org.

Saturday, June 4, at 1:30 p.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

Weight Loss Class, part of the Keeping Our Communities Healthy and Informed (KOCHI) series, is

Darkness to Light: Stewards for Children, a child sexual abuse prevention program, is on Thursday, June

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Health

Cribs for Kids, a program to teach caregivers how to provide safe sleep environment for babies, is Thursday, June 2, from 5:45-8 p.m. at MCGHealth Building 1010C. Those who can demonstrate a financial need will receive a portable crib, fitted sheet, sleep sac and pacifier for $10. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit mcghealth.org. Free Child Safety Seat Inspections, providing information on using a car seat properly, are at MCGHealth on Friday, June 3, and at the Columbia County Sheriff’s

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9, from 9 a.m.-noon at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call Dan Hillman or Meredith Howard at 706-737-4631. Car Seat Class will be held Thursday, June 9, from 5:45-8 p.m. in MCGHealth Building 1010C. $10. Preregistration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit mcghealth.org. Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease Aquatics Class, sponsored by the CSRA Parkinson Support Group and The Family Y, is a group class designed specifically for ambulatory participants affected by Multiple Sclerosis and Parkinson Disease. Held each Friday at noon at the Wilson Family Y indoor pool. Call Claudia Collins 706-922-9664 or visit thefamilyy.org. Joint Efforts, an informational class about knee and hip pain causes and treatments sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday at 11 a.m. at Augusta Orthopaedic Clinic. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Support

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Huntington Disease Support Group is Thursday, June 2, at 6:30 p.m. at MCGHealth’s Marks Building. Call 706-721-4895 or visit mcghealth.org. Parents Healing Together, for parents, families and friends who have lost infants, meets Monday, June 6, at 7 p.m. in the University Hospital Dining Room 2. Call 706-774-2751 or visit universityhealth.org. Pink Ribbonettes, American Cancer Society’s breast cancer self-help group for women, meets Tuesday, June 7, from 10:30 a.m.-noon at Millbrook Baptist Church. Pre-registration required. Call Peggy at 803-648-1911 or Dianne at 803-644-3902 or visit aikenregional.com. A-Team Autism Spectrum Disorder Support Group, providing education and support for families of children with autism, meets Tuesday, June 7, from 6-7 p.m. in MCGHealth’s Children’s Medical Center. Call 706-7215160 or visit mcghealth.org. Bariatric Support Group meets Wednesday, June 8, from 6-7 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Center’s bariatric services on the second floor, room 209. Pre-registration required. Call 803-641-5751 or visit aikenregional.com.

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ALS Support Lunch and Learn is Thursday, June 9, from 11 a.m.-1:30 p.m. in MCGHealth Medical Office Building’s fourth floor, room 4306. Lunch is provided. Pre-registration required. Call

706-721-2681 or visit mcghealth.org. Breast Cancer Support Group meets Thursday, June 9, from 5:30-7:30 p.m. in MCGHealth’s Cancer Center’s first floor community room. Call 706721-4109 or visit mcghealth.org. Moms Connection meets every Tuesday from 1-2 p.m. at 1225 Walton Way (the old Fairway Ford dealership), room 1010C. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-9351 or visit mcghealth.org. Weight Loss Surgery Support Group meets each Wednesday at 1:30 p.m. in Suite 110 of Medical Office Building 2, 3624 J. Dewey Gray Circle, on the Doctors Hospital campus. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Education

Operating Systems and Software is a two-session computer class that meets Thursday-Friday, June 2-3, at 10 a.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Basic Resume Writing Class is Saturday, June 4, at 10:30 a.m. at the Friedman Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. “A Petersburg Boat Pilot,” part of the Augusta Museum of History’s Voices of the Past Museum Theater Series character monologues, is Saturday, June 4, at 11:30 a.m., 12:30 p.m. and 1:30 p.m. Free with museum admission. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. Saturday Historic Trolley Tour, every Saturday, begins at the Museum of History and tours historic downtown Augusta from 1-3:15 p.m. Reservations required. All seats are $12. 706-724-4067.

Benefits

Mall Walk for Lupus, presented by Skip to My Lupus, is Saturday, June 4, from 8-11 a.m. on the lower level of the Augusta Mall. Visit skiptomylupus.org. The Second Annual Shine For Scott Benefit Concert: Striking a Chord Against Colon is Saturday, June 4, at 6 p.m. at Sky City. Tickets are $10. Call 706-339-0766 or visit shineforscott.org. Third Annual Camp Sertoma Golf Tournament at Woodside Plantation Country Club is Monday,

June 6, with registration beginning at 10 a.m. and the shotgun start beginning at noon. Email Don Bartelmay at penjuinysu1964@aol.com. Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

Sports-Outdoors

The Augusta GreenJackets play the Charleston RiverDogs Sunday, June 5, at 5:35 p.m. and Monday and Tuesday, June 5-6, at 7:05 p.m at Lake Olmstead Stadium. Tickets are $1-$13. Call 706-922-WINS or visit greenjacketsbaseball.com. Moonlight Music Cruise, featuring entertainment by Jaycie Ward, will be held Friday, June 3, at 7 p.m. $25 per seat. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. Group Run begins each Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. at Nacho Mama’s. Threeand four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@ enduranceconcepts.com. Hockey Skills & Drills is every Thursday from 6-8 p.m. at Augusta Ice Sports Center. $10-$15. Call 706-8630061 or visit augustaicesports.com. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-2158181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Augusta Rugby Football Club is now in Sevens Rugby Seasons with practices each Wednesday from 6:30-8:30 p.m., with tournaments most weekends, at the Julian Smith Casino ballpark. New players are welcome. Email arj6402@ yahoo.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-7246777 or visit andyjordans.com.

Bowl, play trivia and compete for prizes at Brunswick National Lanes on Friday and Saturday, June 3 and 4, during the Strikes for Success Bowl-A-Thon for Junior Achievement. Call 706-736-3070 or email lcook@ georgia.ja.org.

Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or email alsalley@ wrh.org. Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered daily at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturday Sunset Cruises, lasting three hours, are at 5 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com.

Kids

Toddler Time: Made with Shapes is on Thursday, June 2, from 10-11 a.m. or 11 a.m.-12:15 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Participants will learn how artists design pictures using positive and negative shapes as they view the exhibition Will Barnet: Works on Paper. Museum family members, free; nonmembers, $4 per participant. Preregistration required. Call 706-724-7612 or visit themorris.org. Around the World Bookmarks, a craft workshop for those ages 6-12 in which participants design their own 3D bookmarks to use during summer reading, is at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library on Thursday, June 2, at 10 a.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7722432 or visit ecgrl.org.

Break Dance Class, designed to promote dance and culture for individuals ages 13 and older while emphasizing character values, is taught in four-week sessions beginning Friday, June 3, from 7-8:30 p.m. at the Wilson Family Y. Free for Family Y members and $25 per month for non-members. Visit thefamilyy.org. Critters Underground at Reed Creek Nature Park is Friday, June 3, from 4:30-5:30 p.m. For ages 5 and up. Free for members; $2 per child for nonmembers. Pre-registration required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Fly, Butterfly!, a class in which participants will learn about the life cycle of the butterfly, is at Reed Creek Nature Park on Saturday, June 4, from 10-11 a.m. For ages 5 and up. Free for members; $2 per child for nonmembers. Pre-registration required. Call 706-2104027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. In My Backyard shows at USCAiken’s Dupont Planetarium on Saturday, June 4, at 8 p.m. Visitors will learn how they can identify objects in the sky using the naked eye, binoculars and telescopes. Tickets are $4.50 for adults, $3.50 for seniors, $2.50 for 4K-12th grade students and $1 for USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3769 or visit usca. edu/rpsec/planetarium/. Artrageous! Family Sunday:

Okefenokee Joe Swamp Tales is Sunday, June 5, at 2 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art and features singer, storyteller and environmentalist Okefenokee Joe in an afternoon of songs, stories and reptiles. Free. Call 706-724-7612 or visit themorris.org. Out of this World Craft and Movie, featuring “The Fifth Element,” is a teen program at the Headquarters Branch Library on Monday, June 6, from 2-4 p.m. Refreshments will be available. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. African Safari Craft Workshop, for ages 4-8, is Monday, June 6, at 3 p.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-793-2020 or visit ecgrl.org. Stories and Songs with the Headquarters Library Children’s Department is Tuesday, June 7, at 10 a.m. at the Friedman Branch Library. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Chad Crews, The Educational Entertainer, visits the Diamond Lakes Branch Library for an Around the World with a Book program best for ages 4-12. The program is Tuesday, June 7, at 10:30 a.m. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Educational Entertainer Chad Crews visits the Appleby Branch Library for a children’s program on Tuesday, June 7, at 2 p.m. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 23

Magical Storyteller Chad Crews visits the Euche Creek Library on Tuesday, June 7, at 6 p.m. Call 706-5560594 or visit columbiacountyga.gov. Nurturing Nature Walks at Reed Creek Nature Park, for ages 3 to 5, are on Wednesday, June 8, from 10-11 a.m. Free for members and $2 per child for non-members. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Etiquette for Kids, led by Ingrid Tutt, is Wednesday, June 8, at 10 a.m. at the Wallace Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-722-6275 or visit ecgrl.org. Yoga for Kids, led by yoga instructor Jennifer Humphrey, is Wednesday, June 8, at 10 a.m. at the Maxwell Branch Library. Call 706-7932020 or visit ecgrl.org. Songs & Stories with Dr. Karp is a children’s program at the Appleby Branch Library on Wednesday, June 8, at 10:30 a.m. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Fencing Demonstration, featuring Rudy Volkmann from the Augusta Fencers Club, is at 2 p.m. at the Columbia County Library. For ages 10-14. Call 706-863-1946 or visit columbiacountyga.gov. Magical Storyteller Chad Crews visits the Harlem Library on Wednesday, June 8, at 2:30 p.m. Call 706-556-9795 or visit columbiacountyga.gov. Sidewalk Art, a hands-on workshop for kids of all ages, is Thursday, June 9, at 10 a.m. at the Friedman Branch Library. Call 706-7366758 or visit ecgrl.org. Young Adult Film Class, in which participants will learn the basics of scripting and filming, is Thursday, June 9, at 4 p.m. at Diamond Lakes Branch Library. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Magical Storyteller Chad Crews visits the Columbia County Library on Thursday, June 9, at 7 p.m. Call 706-8631946 or visit columbiacountyga.gov. Monday Movie Matinees at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library show at 2 p.m. throughout the summer. Participants may bring their own snacks. Call the library for a list of movies to be shown. No movies are scheduled on June 20 or July 4. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Less Than Two Minutes Film

24 METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11

Contest for Young Adults is going on through Monday, July 18. Movies less than two minutes in length submitted by that deadline will be eligible for prizes and will be shown at the Diamond Lakes Library’s Less Than Two Minutes Film Festival on Monday, July 25, at 6 p.m. Prizes will be awarded for best of show, best of show runner-up, most innovative and fan favorite. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. World Capitals Guessing Game for kids is going on throughout the month of June at the Headquarters Branch Library. Winners will be announced on July 5. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Drawing Jam! Summer Camp at Augusta Preparatory Day School is Monday-Friday, June 6-10, from 12:303:30 p.m. each day. Pre-registration required. Call 706-828-3867 or visit themorris.org. Kids in College summer camp program will get started with a Tennis Camp that will run from 9 a.m.-noon June 6-10 at USC-Aiken’s tennis courts. The camp is for those ages 8-14 and will teach participants the rules and strategies of tennis, allowing them to master basic skills such as net play, serving, forehand and backhand strokes. A tennis racquet is required, and the fee to participate is $95. Pre-registration required. Call 803641-3563 or email lauraa@usca.edu. Registration for Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art Summer Camps, for kids ages 5-11, is going on now. The camps, held at either the GHIA location downtown or at The Quest Church on Washington Road in Martinez, are held in one-week sessions beginning June 6. Afternoon camps at the GHIA’s downtown location, are offered the weeks of June 27, July 11 and July 18. Camps are $60 per week for members and $75 for non-members. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org. Family Y Day Camps, at all area branches, run weekly thoughout the summer beginning May 23. For ages 5-17, pre-registration is required for all camps, and a deposit of $15 per child per week is charged upon initial enrollment in a camp program. Register at any Family Y location or online at thefamilyy.org. Summer Art Camps at the Aiken Center for the Arts, for those ages 4 and up, will be conducted weekly June 20 through July 25 and feature a different theme each week. Half-day and full-day programs available. $117$193.50 for members and $130-$215

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for non-members. Pre-registration is going on now. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. Story Time at Diamond Lakes Branch Library, including books, stories, songs, games and more, is each Tuesday at 10 a.m. Pre-registration required for groups of six or more. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-8540149 or visit augustasoccer.com. Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:3011:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m. and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-7370012 or visit bn.com.

Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803-613-0484.

Seniors

Keyboarding & Mouse Skills for Seniors is a computer class at the Headquarters Branch Library on Tuesday, June 7, at 2:30 p.m. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org. Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday at 9 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m.; and Canasta on Tuesdays and Fridays from 11:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Silversneakers I is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks

Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class is offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10-11 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Yoga I and II is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:30-6:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

meets every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday at 9 a.m. and Sundays from 2-5 p.m. at the society’s Adamson Library, 1109 Broad St. Free. Call 706-722-4073. Georgia-Carolina Toastmasters Meeting, for those who want to brush up on their public speaking skills, is every Wednesday at noon at the Cotton Patch downtown. Free. Call 803-593-6605. French Club meets each Thursday at 7 p.m. at Borders. Free. Call 706-737-6962. If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

Hobbies

Potluck Book Club at the Columbia County Library meets Monday, June 6, at 6 p.m. in the meeting room. The topic of this month’s discussion is “Rocco’s Real Life Recipes,” and participants are asked to bring a dish from the Rocco Dispirito cookbook to share. Call 706-863-1946 or visit columbiacountyga.gov. Augusta Genealogical Society

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AUGUSTA

TEK Augusta loves Facebook. Twitter? Not so much. Greg Baker

Social networking sites are the mainstream of the internet. Recent advances in smartphones and tablets have only increased their utility. Why? We love real-time updates on what’s up with our friends and neighbors, our churches and our government. Social networking sites enable us to increase our social productivity. We can see more, we can hear more and we can stay connected with more people. How do these social networking sites play out in Augusta? As it turns out, we’re not very different from everyone else. Any discussion of social networks has to begin with Facebook. It is the quintessential social site, and it is certainly the No. 1 site in Augusta.

We all know how Facebook started on college campuses, but it didn’t take long to graduate. I joined Facebook in the months leading up to my 20th-year high school class anniversary. Amazingly, it seemed that about half of the Evans High Class of 1986 had the same idea at the same time. Within a couple of months, friends and acquaintances who hadn’t seen each other in years were instantly connected back to each other, time and geography notwithstanding. With new services such as Facebook Places, it gets even better. Do you know who’s donating blood at Shepeard, or who’s at the Lady Antebellum concert, or who’s eating at Chik-fil-A? Well, I do! Yes, a bit a

creepy, I know. But that’s life in the real, virtual world that is Facebook. LinkedIn is rapidly gaining popularity among the business community in Augusta. For those not familiar with LinkedIn, think Facebook for business. How is it used? Pretty much the same way as Facebook, just with an emphasis on building a business and referral networks. Take Carolyn Newsome’s profile, for instance, and you can see how LinkedIn highlights her background and experience in business communication systems. (You could look at mine, but Carolyn’s is better.) Warning! Keep the personal stuff to a minimum on LinkedIn. It’s great to hear about new happenings at your business, but it’s probably not the right place to whine about how many changes of the light it took to get through the Bobby Jones-Washington Road intersection. Stay on FB for that. (Or just keep it to yourself!) Quick social network faux pas. When you request to friend or connect with someone, remember that this is an extension of a relationship

in real life. (Social networks are not video games, and FB is not Frogger.) The other day at a Chamber of Commerce event, I had a gentleman come up to me and introduce himself, apparently not recognizing me even though he sent a friend request the week before. After a couple of minutes, he realized the mistake, and, well, it was a bit awkward. Of the big three social networks, Twitter is the one that hasn’t seemed to catch on in Augusta. That’s disappointing in some respects. If you need to spread the word quickly, you can’t beat Twitter. (For example, tweets about the raid on bin Ladin occurred as the mission was in progress.) The news organizations tweet regularly. But beyond that, Augusta doesn’t seem to be tweet happy. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Tweet your Augusta technology success to @gregory_a_baker, or send me an email at augustatek@ cmaaugusta.com. Until next time, follow me @ gregory_a_baker!

Gregory A. Baker, Ph.D., was raised in Columbia County and is currently the vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. He has been married for 15 years and is the father to twin girls, so he supports 37 Barbies, eight American Girl dolls and innumerable stuffed animals.

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THE

8

BOX TOPS

The Wolf Pack tops the Furious Five to give “The Hangover Part II” the win for the long, Memorial Day weekend. RANK TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

1

THE HANGOVER PART II

$86,035,000

$86,035,000

1

-

2

KUNG FU PANDA 2

$47,835,000

$47,835,000

1

-

3

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN $39,592,000

$153,187,000

2

1

4

BRIDESMAIDS

$16,555,000

$85,157,000

3

2

5

THOR

$9,400,000

$159,745,000

4

3

“The Hangover Part II” Sam Eifling Sequels are okay... if they’re funny

The first sign, among dozens, that “The Hangover Part II” is going to forego humor in favor of unvarnished misanthropy comes in the first five minutes. The two semi-sensible returnees from the first bro-romp farce — that would be Ed Helms as Stu and Bradley Cooper as Phil — are parting after Stu, a dentist, has just given his friend a checkup. We’ve just gotten most of the movie’s necessary exposition: Stu is to be wed in a couple of weeks far away in his bride’s ancestral Thailand, and Phil is hacked off that he has to shell out for a plane trip to an Asian paradise rather than just see the knot tied in Vegas. As Phil leaves, Stu calls after him to return the prescription pad he apparently pinched. Phil walks back, pulls the crinkled pad from deep in his underwear and plops it on the counter. Stu tells his friend that stealing the pad is a felony, you know. Phil replies, “F— you.” F— you! Get it? No? Well that’s all the punch line you’re going to find here, so if you don’t like it, see above. That’s more or less the tone to this, the utterly

contrived, wholly unnecessary sequel to the 2009 instant classic that became the highest-earning R-rated comedy ever. There are a few real punch lines in “The Hangover Part II” but more punches; and a few legitimate gags but more gagging. The Zach Galifianakis character, Alan, who turned irritable but earnest loneliness into pure hilarity in “The Hangover” has been melted down to a petty, jealous whiner who’s about as likeable as rug burn. He’s the worst of the lot, but there may not be a single character in the entire movie that you look forward to hearing talk. Aside from the location scouts, who briefly enjoyed the world’s most enviable job, it’s not clear that anyone involved with making the movie had an ounce of fun. There’s nothing new here, and what’s

repeated was made worse. The script (by returning director Todd Phillips plus Craig Mazin and Scot Armstrong) unfurls more like a send-up of the original than a sequel. In the first movie, four friends (the aforementioned trio plus Justin Bartha as Doug, featured sparingly in both) convene in Vegas for bachelor party debauchery too close for comfort to the wedding, and because Alan thinks it would be a hoot to drug everyone, he, Stu and Phil wake up amid hotel room mayhem with no notion of how they acquired a baby and a tiger and lost the groom. This time, Doug hangs back and again, Stu and Phil and Alan come to in a dirtbag Bangkok hotel room after a night of who-knows-what to realize they have

no memories of how they acquired Stu’s face tattoo and a monkey in a Rolling Stones jacket and lost the bride’s teenaged brother, whose finger, Stanford class ring and all, is floating in a bowl of water. And when one of them blurts, “I can’t believe this is happening again,” your heart goes out. That repetition in itself isn’t a dealbreaker; there’s no harm in a movie rhyming with another, if it’s funny. But “The Hangover Part II” simply isn’t, except in unsteady bursts. It is loud, though. Lots of gunfire and people shouting to calm each other down and cars going vroom. It’s also lewd, unless you’re accustomed to seeing transsexual strippers’ genitals jangling free like janitors’ keys. Considering all the grief it visits upon the so-called Wolf Pack, it seems fair to say that this movie hates its characters. It’s appropriate, too, that the most gratifyingly funny moment in the film comes when someone unexpectedly keels over, since the message to audiences couldn’t be plainer: Drop dead.

MOVIE REVIEW 28 METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11

METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 29

THE8ERS

Opening Friday, June 3

Going to the movies this weekend? Here’s what’s playing.

Action “X-Men: First Class,” rated PG-13, starring James MacAvoy, Jennifer Lawrence, Kevin Bacon. This origins story introduces us to two friends who later become enemies Professor X and Magneto. That must have been one hell of a breakup.

The Big Mo thebigmo.com June 3-4 Main Field: X-Men First Class (PG13) and Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (PG-13); Screen 2: Kung Fu Panda 2 (PG) and Thor (PG-13) Screen 3: The Hangover Part II (R) and Bridesmaids (R). Gates open at 7 p.m.; shows begin at 8:30 p.m. (approximately)

Masters 7 Cinemas georgiatheatrecompany.com June 3-4 Water for Elephants (PG-13) 1:20, 4:10, 7, 9:35; Scream 4 (R) 1:10, 4:20, 6:50, 9:30; Hop (PG) 1, 3:15, 5:25, 7:40, 9:55; Source Code (PG-13) 1:50, 4:45, 7:20, 9:45; Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (PG) 12:50, 3, 5:15, 7:30, 9:50; Limitless (PG-13) 1:30, 4, 6:40, 9:25; Rango (PG) 1:40, 4:30, 7:10, 9:40

D N ME

M O EC

IR

“The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia” You can only order this movie through Netflix. A documentary filmed by Johnny Knoxville, who found this family through Jesco White, who is known as the “Dancing Outlaw.” It is not one of my favorites; however, it is a must see! It is quite disturbing. — Courtney Twork

Regal Augusta Exchange regmovies.com June 3-4 X-Men First Class (PG-13) Noon, 12:30, 1, 1:30, 2, 3:30, 4, 4:30, 5, 5:30, 6:30, 7, 7:30, 8, 8:30, 9:30, 10, 10:30, 11, 11:30; The Hangover Part II (R) 12:05, 12:35, 1:05, 2:35, 3:05, 3:35, 4:05, 4:35, 5:05, 5:35, 7:05, 7:35, 8:05, 9:35, 9:50, 10:05, 10:35, 11:35, 12:05; Kung Fu Panda 2 (PG) 12:15, 12:45, 1:15, 1:45, 2:30, 3:30, 4:15, 4:45, 5:15, 5:45, 7:10, 7:40, 8:10, 8:40, 9:25, 9:55, 10:25, 10:55, 11:40; Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides 12:10, 12:40, 1:10, 4, 4:30, 7, 7:35, 8:05, 10, 10:40;

Bridesmaids (R) 12:20, 4:20, 7:45, 10:45; Priest (PG-13) 1:45, 7:15; Jumping the Broom (PG-13) 12:55, 4:40, 7:50, 10:45; Thor (PG-13) 12:50, 4:10, 7:20, 10:10; Fast Five (PG-13) 1:20, 4:25, 7:25, 10:20

Evans Stadium Cinemas georgiatheatrecompany.com June 3 X-Men First Class (PG-13) Noon, 1, 2:45, 4, 5:30, 7, 8:30, 9:50; The Hangover Part II (R) Noon, 12:50, 2:25, 3:50, 4:50, 6:40, 7:25, 9:10, 10; Kung Fu Panda 2 (PG) Noon, 12:45, 2:15, 3, 4:30, 5:15, 6:50, 7:35, 9:05, 9:55; Pirates of the Caribbean:OnStrangerTides(PG-13) 12:30, 1:15, 2, 3:30, 4:15, 5, 6:30, 7:15, 8, 9:35; Bridesmaids (R) 12:35, 3:40, 6:45, 9:40; Jumping the Broom (PG-13) 1:50, 4:40, 7:20, 10; Something Borrowed (PG-13) 1:30, 4:10, 7:05, 9:50; Thor (PG13) 1:40, 4:25, 7:10, 9:55; Fast Five (PG-13) 12:20, 3:30, 6:30, 9:30 June 4 X-Men First Class (PG-13) Noon, 12:50, 1, 2:25, 2:45, 3:50, 4, 4:50, 5:30, 6:40, 7, 7:25, 8:30, 9:10, 9:50, 10; The Hangover Part II (R) Noon, 12:45, 12:50, 2:25, 3, 3:50, 4:50, 5:15, 6:40, 7:25, 7:35, 9:10, 9:55, 10; Kung Fu Panda 2 (PG) Noon, 12:45, 2:15, 3, 4:30, 5:15, 6:50, 7:35, 9:05, 9:55; Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (PG-13) 12:30, 1:15, 2, 3:30, 4:15, 5, 6:30, 7:15, 8, 9:35; Bridesmaids (R) 12:35, 3:40, 6:45, 9:40; Jumping the Broom (PG-13) 1:50, 4:40, 7:20, 10; Something Borrowed (PG-13) 1:30, 4:10, 7:05, 9:50; Thor (PG-13) 1:40, 4:25, 7:10, 9:55; Fast Five (PG-13) 12:20, 3:30, 6:30, 9:30

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IT WORKS! joe@themetrospirit.com or call 706.373.3636 30 METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11

45

Amy Christian

ART Still Shining

It began as a concert for a fallen friend; now its an organization helping others with colon cancer Scott and Jennifer Walden with their two daughters shortly before Scott’s death from colon cancer last year.

Last year at this time, Maggie Pritchard was planning what was to become the first Shine for Scott concert. It was only supposed to be a one-time thing to help her friend and neighbor Scott Walden and his family pay the bills, since Scott had stage IV colon cancer and his insurance was running out. Then family and friends received devestating news: Scott’s doctors could do no more and they were stopping treatment. “For our next day day in a half we were just walking around shocked, crying, and we finally thought, ‘Well, we’ll be damned if we’re going to let this go by,’ and we decided to push through with the concert,” Pritchard remembers. “So we were trying to get dates and get a place

booked, and one of my husband’s best friends, Eric Kershner, who owns Flying Colors, came over and handed us a $300 check. The next day we took it to the bank and opened an account. That was April 26 and the concert was June 25. We literally did it in two months.” The planning time would have been even shorter if Pritchard had had her way, but fate intervened. “The date that we wanted was June 4 or June 5 and I remember Coco [Rubio, owner of Sky City where the benefit was held] said, ‘I’m booked for that night but let me see what I can do,’” she says. “I remember standing in my kitchen, praying. Within minutes Coco responded and said, ‘June 25 is available.’ I went with it, but it wasn’t the date I wanted.

We just had to go with our faith and say, yep, this is the way it’s going to be.” That attitude ended up paying off in an unusual way. “I’m so grateful [that they didn’t get the date they wanted] because Scott passed on June 3 and if we had gotten the date we had wanted, the concert wouldn’t have happened.” Instead, grief-stricken family and friends shelled out $20,000 to help Scott’s widow, Jennifer, and their two daughters, who are now living in Savannah, but hope to move back to the CSRA within the next couple of years. “Last year, people were on an emotional ride,” Pritchard says. “I wouldn’t say it was an emotional high, because it wasn’t pleasant, but people

were led by their emotions.” Not surprising, considering that Scott was a long-time resident of the area who had grown up in Hephzibah. What was surprising is what Jennifer decided to do with a portion of the money the concert raised. “After the concert she said, ‘Only give me this much,’” Pritchard says. “And we took what was left over and started the foundation.” Shine for Scott Inc. is now a nonprofit organization whose goals are to give financial assistance to families affected by colon cancer, as well as fund education, research and screening programs in both the Savannah and Augusta areas. Everyone who works for Shine for Scott does so on a voluntary basis. METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 31

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“We knew we were going to be a working board and we weren’t going to have employees,” Pritchard says. “Everyone was going to have something they were responsible for. We knew we were going to build this foundation from the ground up.” Fate and faith once again came to the fore, helping Pritchard and Walden find people through those who Scott had known, who they had met at the concert or through some other connection. “We went to the people we knew who had talent that could do something she and I couldn’t do together,” Pritchard says. “If I didn’t know somebody personally who could help me, I knew somebody who knew somebody. We just used everybody we knew.” And now that the organization is set up, it’s back to organizing the Second Annual Shine for Scott Concert, which will take place this Saturday at Sky City. Pritchard says that as if the last year hasn’t been crazy enough, the past few months have been even more so. Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold have had to drop out, so they are being replaced with Tom Hicks, a country-blues musician from Virginia who is in his 70s. Pritchard’s father George Croft, who’s in the Georgia Music Hall of Fame as a member of the Pallbearers, will perform with the Vellotones. Other acts include Grady Nickel, Publik Fax with Richard Smith, and Wesley Cook. Pritchard says they’re also hoping to have some special guest appearances. “We may have Patrick Blanchard in town,” she says. “If he’s here, he’s going to come down and be in our show. I’m hoping that he’ll make it. Not that we don’t have enough people playing, but that would be really special. I remember him playing the first time on stage at 13. My dad was the first one to introduce him on stage.” In between the bands, the event will include trivia questions for prizes. Most of the questions will have to do with colon cancer, which might seem unusual given the serious, and often embarrassing

most local singles

subjects those questions might include. “We’re hoping to beak down this stigma that’s attached to this disease,” Pritchard says, holding up a copy of an American Cancer Society brochure on colon cancer prevention. “When you read this... it’s not pleasant. But we’re hoping to make it fun and goofy and silly but to be able to impart some serious information at the same time. Get our age group talking about it.” Regular screening for colon cancer usually begins at age 50; Scott Walden was 38 when he was diagnosed. “So if you’re younger than 50, you really have to pay attention to what your body’s telling you,” she says. “Because if you’re too afraid to talk about it, you get stage 4. And if you get stage 4, you’re gone. You can have polyps growing in you for years and not know it. But if it’s caught early enough in stage 1, the survival rate is 90-something percent. There’s a six percent survival rate if it’s caught at stage 4.” Scott, she says, may have not recognized the symptoms or he may have just been too embarrassed to mention them. Regardless, his loss has already been others’ gain. “He has saved three lives so far. He has saved his baby brother and sister and his cousin,” Prtichard says, all of whom were tested for the hereditary disease and found to have polyps. “They would not have been tested if it hadn’t been for him.” Those involved in Shine for Scott are willing to bet those three aren’t the last to be saved by Scott Walden. Shine for Scott Benefit Concert Sky City Saturday, June 4 Doors, 7 p.m.; music, 8 p.m. $10 skycityaugusta.com.

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JENNY is WRIGHT Virginia is for Livers Picture it. It was the summer of 1988. Two awkward fifth grade graduates were at the pool, their moms becoming fast friends. One was too short and flat chested, not having hit the growth spurt yet. The other had a rainbow leopard bathing suit and a fresh, Fantastic Sams perm. The moms suggested that the two girls talk to each other. Short Girl thought Leopard Perm Girl was a nerd. LPG thought SG was a snob. They were probably both correct. Somehow they reconciled their differences over Trapper Keepers (one hot air balloon, one kitten) at the bus stop on the first day of sixth grade. After almost 25 years of friendship, saying that we’re close is an understatement. She knows me. I know her. We’ll do anything for one another. Isn’t that how friendship works? Ashley has since quit perming her hair and I’m not sure she owns anything with animal print on it. She does still let me make fun of her, which

I think is one of her best qualities. She has some other redeeming attributes as well. She is very organized, thoughtful and diligent. She takes good care of herself. She’s also incredibly close to her family. So when her mom, Martha, who has a liver disease and was in end-stage liver failure, needed a liver transplant, Ashley stepped in. Crazy, right? Even crazier was that Ashley was a perfect match. I was totally flattered when Ashley asked me to go with her for the preop testing and evaluation and then for the surgery. She had to meet with social workers, who wanted to be sure that she was of sound mind (questionable!) and wasn’t being coerced (not even close). She passed all of the tests with flying colors, with physicians even remarking about how it couldn’t be more ideal.

i They were almost giddy about it. One year ago this week, we made the trip to UVA Medical Center. Surgery was scheduled for the morning of June 3, with Ashley going back first and Martha right behind her. The plan was to remove 60 percent of Ashley’s

liver, replacing Martha’s entire diseased one with it. All went accordingly and hours later we got the ahead-of-schedule call that they were stitching Ashley up and that Martha was the proud owner of a new (err, slightly used) liver. Visiting Martha in the hours after surgery was nothing short of amazing. The whites of her eyes, which had yellowed due to jaundice, were already bright white, providing ample evidence of success. There were certainly

sightings Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Kristen Fortin and Sean McLeskey with Mandy and Brandon Hathaway at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Q Bluegrass Festival.

Jackie and Choppy Woodward, Sally Purvis, Meggie Fink and Reid Grove at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Q Bluegrass Festival.

Frank Gulino, Aimee Johnson, Nicole Willgus and Brandon Johnson at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Q Bluegrass Festival.

METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 33

normal post-op bumps in the road but both ladies recovered gracefully. Twelve weeks later, Ashley’s liver was completely regenerated. That brings us to today. Martha continues to thrive, playing tennis each week and she’s even been excused from several of her post-op checkups. Well,

she was painting Ashley’s new condo this week and broke her fifth metatarsal. I’m sure she agrees that’s better than a broken liver. I’m not sure Ashley can help with this one. We often hear reminders to check the organ donor box at the DMV. A victim of a car accident is able to provide

several seriously ill people with viable organs. Living donors aren’t nearly as common but are becoming increasingly so. I’ve seen the effects. Sure, there is surgery recovery and whatnot, but Ashley gave her mom such a great thing. Not only did Martha get a second chance at life, but she is healthy.

Donate, people! Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl). She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis

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Kevin and April Cullum with Andrea Williams at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Q Bluegrass Festival.

34 METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11

Cammie Hayes and Lauren Hollis with Little Roy and Heather Anderson at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Q Bluegrass Festival.

Kim Newman, Jessica Kriz and Eller at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Q Bluegrass Festival.

yanked

S O U T H

Bill Astoria gave up his bachelor ways when he traded in his Wisconsin home for life in rural Augusta with his significant other and her three kids. He’s still coming to terms with his decision.

Bill Astoria

The Big Bite Somewhere back in the mists of time (well, at least as far back as when Saturday morning cartoons actually meant something), I saw a show with a scorpion in it. I’m thinking it was the animated version of “Planet of the Apes,” but I could be wrong. Maybe it was the animated version of “Tarzan.” Either way, something happened involving a scorpion, and ever since I’ve been afraid of them. Deathly afraid. “Are there scorpions in Wisconsin?” I asked my third-grade teacher, who I knew from her frostbite-red nose had been living in Wisconsin longer than I had been alive. It took me about a week to pluck up the nerve to ask the question because… well, what was I going to do if she said yes? So you can imagine my relief when she assured me that no — scorpions couldn’t live that far north. For thirty-some years I had those seven wonderful words to comfort me. “No — scorpions can’t live this far north.” Obviously, I’m not in Wisconsin anymore. To be fair, my significant other did warn me about the scorpions before I moved down to be with her. “Oh, yeah,” she cooed one night, fingers running through my hair. “I suppose I ought to tell you about the scorpions.” How’s that for full disclosure? The ethics of such a maneuver

notwithstanding, I have nobody to blame but myself. I’m a big boy, and if I’m not strong enough to resist motivated fingers running through my hair, then I deserve whatever I get — scorpions included. I’d only been here about a week when I first clapped eyes on the object of my anxiety, and it looked enormous, though, since I had nothing to judge it by, I suppose I really couldn’t have had much of an opinion about it other than it was standing in plain view and it was scary as all hell. Ever since that first TV show, I’d always wondered just how sissy I’d get if exposed to a real live scorpion, and believe me, I’m not blowing my own

Rob Sinke and Danielle Briley with Jennifer and Joshua DeVore at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Q Bluegrass Festival.

horn when I tell you I handled myself quite well. With Teen Girl One and Teen Girl Two in the same room, I had no choice but to be brave. You see, signing on with my significant other and her kids means I’ve pretty much forfeited my right to things like fear. (I’ve forfeited my right to quite a few other things, too, like control over my car stereo and my wallet, but nothing leaves you feeling quite as hollowed out as losing your right to be afraid.) Presented with two choices — casually wandering over and stepping on the wretched thing or turning girly and sending Teen Girls One and Two screaming atop their kitchen chairs

Chelsea Flaum, Lili Croteau, Jayle Flaum and Eryan Steger at Papa Joe’s BanjoB-Q Bluegrass Festival.

— my desire for a shriek-free evening won out. Quietly and confidently, I dispatched that scorpion back to the Forbidden Zone or Tarzan’s jungle or wherever else it came from. If only telemarketers were as easy to overcome.

Banks Tate, Kenneth McKenzie and Matt Lane at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Q Bluegrass Festival.

METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 35

CRISP Welcome to Moe’s! Moe Mondays Make Southwest Grill a Hit

Finding a successful restaurant promotion is not an easy proposition. Coming up with one that works, week in and week out, is rare. Moe’s seems to have hit paydirt with their beginning of the week special. Since Mondays are typically a down day in the restaurant industry, they decided to try and turn a down day into a positive. The Moe Mondays promotion is currently packing the area locations every Monday. says Augusta Manager David Young. “Mondays now inform the rest of the week’s sales,” he says. “If we have a busy Monday, that means we’ll have a busy week. If Monday is slow, we usually have a slow week.” Moe Mondays, in which customers can get a burrito, drink and chips and salsa for $5, is a discount of almost 50 percent. Young says it results in great word-of-mouth advertising. “We do better with the word of mouth, with the extra food cost than if we spent the same amount on radio or TV [advertising],” he explains. “We get more out of it.” The festival atmosphere is contagious, since the restaurant is packed all day. Young says they’ve had to adjust, staffing the restaurant with 60 percent more employees than any other day of the week. And that includes the weekend. “We see lots of the same people every Monday, and we’re busy all day.” The Augusta location isn’t the only

one benefiting from the special. “In Columbia near the USC campus the line is out the door and down the street every Monday from 11 a.m. until 9 p.m. There is actually an employee who stands at the back of the line to let them know where it is.” Young, who has been with Moe’s for

three years, currently lives in Trenton, S.C., with his wife, who homeschools their 10- and 14-year-old children. When he’s not working, he’s usually at his home, a former rental nestled on six and a half acres. “We sort of got used to the elbow room when we lived in Columbia,” he says.

Despite the many advantages to eating at Moe’s, Young says new customers can be reluctant. That’s why Moe Mondays are so great. “The benefit is getting folks in there who wouldn’t usually give Moe’s a shot,” he says.

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Can’t Get This at the Grocery Store Last Tuesday, it was 93 degrees at 1 p.m. Protected by only a yellow umbrella, 78-year-old George Smith doesn’t care much about the heat; he just wants to make some money, an increasingly difficult thing to do selling produce. “You know really what a box of tomatoes cost? I hate to tell you... $28,” Smith says. “Ain’t much more than 28 tomatoes in there. I looked at a box, a bushel box, and you know that was over $47... for peanuts.” Smith, an Edgefield, S.C., resident who picks up produce from the Columbia market and brings it to Fairway Square each day, says gas prices are hurting everyone, including him. “All the money I make I have to put it back in the produce and gas,” he says. “Just swapping money.” It’s the same story he hears from the farmers. “That man tells me watermelons are going on up. I says you can’t go up

&

OBSERVE

REPORT Ill-informed speculation from a perpetually curious sort.

George Smith

Dixie Belle Peaches, Inc. has set up miniature jails up and down Washington Road in an apparent effort to diversify their portfolio. Rumor has it inmates will be housed in the mini-clinks to ease jail overcrowding.

no higher,” Smith says. “He says it’s because of the weather, raining, this that and the other thing or another. It ain’t all what they say it is. They just got it with the prices where a poor man can’t make nothing.” So what’s a produce enterpreneur, trying to turn a profit, to do? Smith doesn’t have a good answer, especially since the people he’s trying to sell to are convinced they can get better prices at the grocery store. “I paid $4 for that watermelon. I’m trying to get $6 That one is $8… weighs about 35 pounds,” he says, pointing

out some of his stock. “And the people say, That’s too much. I’ll go somewhere else.’ They ain’t got them that big at the grocery store for $5.” Smith has been at the same spot for several years now and remembers making a good living up until about two years ago. Since then, however, it’s all gone slowly downhill... or uphill, depending on how you look at it. “It’s all went on up,” he says. “Everything’s done went out of sight.” Everything... including the temperature. METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 37

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Gourmet Relay is a weekly column in which local cooks share a recipe with Metro Spirit readers, then pass the tongs off to another cook of their choosing, who will be featured the following week.

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Amy Hane moved to the Augusta area in 1993 when she married her husband, who was working at SRS. The couple has since had two boys, who are now 13 and 11, and Amy currently works part-time as a home health social worker for NHC Home Health in Aiken County. She is, however, starting her own geriatric care management practice called Long Term Liaisons. Amy says she’s very excited about her new business, which she describes as a bridge between geriatric patients and their families and all the services, programs and options for care that are available in the community for seniors. Amy enjoys exercising regularly, particularly playing tennis, and she loves to work in her yard and socialize with friends. She also volunteers at her kids’ schools, in the community and at church. Amy met Marlee Calloway, last week’s Gourmet Relay chef, more than 11 years ago in a faith sharing group. Both were pregnant with their second child and realized they had a lot in common — specifically, they were both originally from the Midwest. They’ve been great friends ever since. Baked Butternut Squash with Tomatoes and Cheese 2 pounds butternut squash 2 Tbsp. butter 2 Tbsp. oil Salt and freshly ground pepper 8-10 green onions, sliced (include light green portion) 4 tomatoes, peeled, seeded and chopped (I typically use 1 can diced tomatoes) ½ tsp. thyme 4 ounces sharp cheddar cheese grated (1 cup) Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Peel squash. Cut in half and removed seeds and pith. Slice into bite size pieces, about ¼ inch thick. In a heavy skillet, over medium to medium-high heat, sauté squash slices in butter and oil until lightly browned. Salt and pepper to taste, then transfer to a buttered, shallow baking dish (about 8x10-inch). In same skillet, over reduced heat, gently sauté onions until soft, adding a little more butter and oil if necessary. Add a dash more of salt and pepper and spoon over squash. If you choose to use fresh tomatoes, peel tomatoes by immersing in boiling water for 10 seconds or so to loosen skins. Seed and chop. Place in same skillet, seasoning with ½ teaspoon thyme and salt and pepper to taste. Cook briskly over medium-high heat, stirring from time to time, until soft and thickened, with no excess liquid, about 10 minutes. If you use the canned tomatoes, add them to the skillet, heat and then add the thyme and salt and pepper. Spoon tomatoes over onions and squash. Top with cheese. Bake, uncovered, for 30 minutes. Increase heat to 425 degrees and bake another 5 to 10 minutes until cheese just begins to brown. Note: The baking temperatures and times can be easily adjusted as to your menu needs. You may bake it, uncovered, for 15 minutes at 425 degrees, or covered for 30 minutes at 350 degrees, then uncover and brown quickly under broiler.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY! By Bob Klahn / Edited by Will Shortz

131 Indolence 132 Irascible DOWN 1 Bozo 2 Informal talk 3 Stretchy garments 4 Disconnect 5 Hassle 6 Internet option, briefly 7 Vitamin-rich snack 8 Kind of wave 9 Crow 10 Short agreement 11 “Jabberwocky” birds 12 Lyonnaise sauce ingredient 13 & 14 Visually investigate 15 Predecessor of Rabin 16 Caller ID? 17 Sign of the times? 18 Ulna and fibula 19 Cartoon criminal 25 Lachrymose 26 Humble 27 Wales, in medieval times 32 Roman squares 34 Torrent 35 Borneo borderer 36 Besides 39 Bank (on) 40 Hag 42 Pear variety 44 The Hub hub 45 Look on 46 Wonderland cake message 47 Inflamed 48 Hockey goal part 49 Small African antelopes 50 Barnstormers 55 Llullaillaco’s locale 57 Shanghai-to-Beijing dir. 60 Easily handled, as a ship 61 Huzzahs 62 Words of worry 63 Hélène or Geneviève 64 Missile paths 66 You may get them in a bunch 70 Products with earbuds 71 Set straight 72 Melancholy, musically 73 Chart checkers, for short 74 Mandatory recycling, e.g. 75 Andalusian port 81 Andalusian aunt 82 Where “Parks and Recreation” is set 83 High-pH solutions 84 Heyday 86 Alphabetical order? 87 Setting of Johnny Depp’s feature film debut 92 Noah Webster’s alma mater 94 Splits 95 Tilted 96 Dickens’s Mr. Pecksniff 98 Good name for a thief 99 Goggles 100 Goggles 105 Mullah’s edict 106 Honeydew producer 107 Drift 108 They may be high 110 ___ dignitatem 111 Folkie Leonard 112 Show-stopping 113 Bench warmer?

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ACROSS 1 Be bratty 6 Chaplin chapeau 11 Center of emotions 16 Long-range weapon, for short 20 Spa spot 21 It’s got game, often 22 At just the right time 23 Pants, in brief 24 The Library’s rare first-edition printing of “The Star-Spangled Banner” is, to its publisher’s chagrin, ___ 28 Pont Neuf’s locale 29 Tractor-trailer 30 Betty of “Dizzy Dishes” 31 King at Karnak 32 Wingding 33 Unmanned vehicle that found the Titanic 35 “Yankee Doodle Dandy” Oscar winner 37 Piggish 38 Spanish treasure 39 Heavy cart 40 Very 41 Go out 43 Norbert Pearlroth spent 52 years of 60hour weeks in the Library’s Reading Room collecting material for ___ 51 Fabulous writer? 52 “The Creation” composer 53 Ring site 54 Jagged chain 56 Lee, e.g.: Abbr. 58 Big name in country 59 This is not going anywhere 61 Cry of praise 65 Do some grilling 67 Rail org. 68 Amigo 69 The Library’s Special Collections include one of George Washington’s creations, ___ 76 Uganda’s Amin 77 Some chest-pounding, briefly 78 Have something 79 Boxes 80 Progresso offering 85 Take to a higher power 88 Plot thickener 89 Smooth as silk 90 Article used by Einstein 91 Grace in film 93 Fashionable beach resorts 97 The Library’s Periodicals Room was the source of most of the excerpted material in the first issue of ___ 101 Thermal opening? 102 A Lincoln 103 KFC side dish 104 Dye container 105 Hines of jazz 109 Pull-up pullers 112 Fret 113 Tease 114 Pinafores 116 Spot on the staff? 117 Neighbor of Swe. 118 Button ridge 120 The handle of Charles Dickens’s ivory letter opener, in the Library’s collection, is ___ 125 Reddish purple 126 Without digressing 127 John who wrote “The Bastard” 128 Go-between 129 Goes on to say 130 Cartoonist Bil

previous week’s

Note: The New York Public Library turned 100 on May 23.

METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 39

free will Rob Brezsny

a s t r o l o g y freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

In Ilulissat, a town in Greenland, the sun sets for good on Nov. 29 every year and doesn’t rise again until Jan. 13. This year, to the shock of locals, sunlight broke over the horizon on Jan. 11 — two days ahead of schedule. Though a few alarmists theorized that this disturbance in the age-old rhythm was due to a shift in the earth’s axis or rotation, scientists suggested that the cause was global warming: Melting ice has caused the horizon to sink. I expect something equally monumental to make an appearance in your world soon. Can you handle an increased amount of light?

newsletter, they’re asked why they’re leaving. In a recent note, a dissatisfied customer wrote, “You sound like you write these horoscopes while you’re stoned on mushrooms.” For the record, I not only refrain from crack and magic mushrooms while crafting your oracles; I don’t partake of any intoxicants at any other time, either. I’m secretly a bit proud, however, that the irate ex-reader thinks my drug-free mind is so wild. Try an experiment inspired by this scenario: Without losing your mind, see if you can shed some of the habitual restrictions you allow to impinge on the free and creative play of your mind.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

I’m not a big fan of the “No Pain, No Gain” school of thought. Personally, I have drummed up more marvels and wonders through the power of rowdy bliss than I have from hauling thousand-pound burdens across the wasteland. But I do recognize that hardship can sometimes provoke inspiration. I think it may be one of those moments for you. Please accept this medicinal prod from the ancient Roman poet Horace: “Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents that in times of prosperity would have lain dormant.” LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

In his 1934 book “Beyond the Mexican Bay,” British author Aldous Huxley observed that “the natural rhythm of human life is routine punctuated by orgies.” He was using the word “orgies” in its broadest sense — to cathartic eruptions of passion, uninhibited indulgence in revelry and spirited rituals of relief and release. That’s the kind of orgy you’re due for. It’s high time to punctuate your routine. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

“The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do,” wrote the essayist Walter Bagehot. Personally, I don’t think that’s the supreme joy possible to a human being; but it definitely has a provocative appeal. Explore it in the coming weeks. You’re in an excellent position to succeed at an undertaking you’ve been told is unlikely or even impossible for you to accomplish. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

When people unsubscribe from my

40 METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11

The roots of big old trees are your power objects. Visualize them in your mind’s eye for a few minutes each day, maybe even go look at actual trees whose roots are showing above ground. Doing this will strengthen your resolve, increase your patience and help you find the deeper sources of nurturing you need. Another exercise that’s likely to energize you in just the right way is to picture yourself at age 77. See yourself drinking a cup of tea as you gaze out over a verdant valley on a sunny afternoon in June. What are you wearing? What kind of tea is it? What birds do you see? What are your favorite memories of the last 30 years? SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

If you’re a physicist or Wall Street broker, your assignment this week is to read the poetry of Pablo Neruda If you’re a kirtan-chanting yogini or the author of a New Age self-help newsletter, your task is to read up on the scientific method. If you’re white, be black, and vice versa. If you’re a tight-fisted control freak, try being a laid-back connoisseur of the mellowest vibes imaginable — and vice versa. It’s Mix-It-Up Week — a time to play with flipping and flopping your usual perspectives, roles and angles. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Describing muckraking journalist Peter Freyne, Senator Patrick Leahy said, “He knew the difference between healthy skepticism and hollow cynicism.” Mastering that distinction is your next assignment. Can you

distinguish between your tendency to make compulsive negative judgments and your skill at practicing thoughtful and compassionate discernment? You will have a successful week if you do. Not only that: The universe will conspire to bring you blessings you didn’t even realize you needed. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

“There is time for work,” said fashion designer Coco Chanel, “and time for love. That leaves no other time.” I’m going to beg you to make an exception to that in the coming weeks. In addition to getting a healthy quota of work and love, please do your best to carve out a few hours specifically devoted to engaging in unadulterated, unapologetic, unbridled play — the kind of flat-out, free-form, full-tilt fun and games that permanently increases your levels of liberation. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Although I myself have an intimate, ongoing relationship with the Divine Wow, it’s perfectly fine with me if other people don’t. Some of my best friends are atheists and agnostics. But I laughed derisively when I heard that supposed genius Stephen Hawking declared, with the fanatical certainty of a religious fundamentalist, that heaven does not exist. How unscientific of him! The intellectually honest perspective is, of course, that there’s no way to know for sure about that possibility. I bring this up as an example of what not to do. It’s particularly important right now that you not be blinded by your theories about the way things work. If you put the emphasis on your raw experience rather than your

preconceived biases, you will be blessed with as much beauty and truth as you can handle. ARIES (March 21-April 19)

The film “The Men Who Stare at Goats” tells the story of the U.S. Army’s efforts to harness psychic powers for military purposes. There’s substantial evidence that such a program actually existed. As the movie begins, a caption on the screen informs viewers that “More of this is true than you would believe.” There’ll be a comparable situation unfolding in your life in the coming weeks. As you experience a rather unusual departure from your regularly scheduled reality, fact and fiction may be deeply intertwined. Will you be able to tell them apart? TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

I dreamed you were a member of an indigenous tribe in what Westerners call New Guinea. You had recently begun to show unusual behavior that suggested you were developing enhanced cognitive abilities. You’d solved one of the tribe’s long-standing problems, were spontaneously spouting improvised poetry and had been spotted outside late at night having animated conversations with the stars. Some of your friends and relatives were now referring to you by a new name that in your native tongue meant “the one who dances naked with the deities.” How would you interpret my dream? I think it suggests you could be on the verge of growing an intriguing new capacity or two.

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Surrey Tavern - the original neighborhood bar

The Vue - upscale dance club w/ occasional bands Sheehan’s Irish Pub

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Club Argos - LGBT

Crums on Central - live jazz on weekends Helga’s - Med Student heaven

Verandah Grill at the Partridge Inn - Augusta’s best balcony

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The Highlander - real Bristish pub

Frog Hollow Tavern - upscale restaurant & bar / locally sourced Tropicabana - salsa. no chips. Pizza Joint - 40 beers on tap and slices Mellow Mushroom - plus full bar Sky City - large music venue Firehouse - proud downtown dive 1102 - block deep restaurant & bar

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Metro Coffee House - coffee, beer, liquor, people Soultry Sounds - jazz club Soul Bar - pure fink Playground - rock-n-roll

Stillwater Taproom - blugrass before bluegrass was cool Wheels - cool & on the corner The Loft - liquor with attitude Bar on Broad - contemporary South Beach vibe

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Joe’s Underground - live music underneath Broad St. Cotton Patch - eat, drink, be happy

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Club Rehab - upscale sportsbar Casa Blanca

Cafe 209 - soul food & lounge Tipsy McStumbles - confess later Sector 7G laundromat turned landmark Blue Horse Bistro jazz tapas The Sportsman - old school pool hall and burgers Fox’s Lair - coolest bar in America

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The Joker Lounge girls dancing nightly Fantasy Showgirls girls dancing nightly Discoteque girls dancing nightly

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Sidetrack Bar & Grill - by the railroad tracks Carolina Ale House - sports themed restuarant / feat. outdoor covered bar

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Malibu Jacks - beach themed restaurant & bar Rack & Grill true pool hall Cadillacs cozy neighborhood spot

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05 06 07 08

Shannon’s old lounge / new look Allie Katz - good cheap drinks

Wild Wings - live music 7 nights a week Cue & Brew

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Hooters - hooters

Somewhere In Augusta - sports bar & grill Robbie’s Sports Bar - true pool hall Country Club dance hall and saloon

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Thursday, June 2 Live Music Coyote’s The Dixie Pigs French Market Grille West Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground Ruskin Malibu Jack’s Wayne Capps One Hundred Laurens Kenny George Rose Hill Stables Preston & Weston Sky City Andrew Anderson Memorial Concert and Jam Session Wild Wing Greg Knight & The Long Road Home Band The Willcox Four Cats in the Doghouse

Events Cadillac’s Karaoke Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Candy Stripers Cabaret Club Sparx Playlist with Shannon Cocktails Lounge Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Fox’s Lair Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) Karaoke Pizza Joint, Evans DJ Kris Fisher The Playground Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s Karaoke Soul Bar Boom Box Villa Europa Karaoke with Just Ben Wheeler Tavern Karaoke Wooden Barrel ‘80s Night Karaoke

Friday, June 3 Live Music Augusta Canal Jaycie Ward Casa Blanca The Eli Young Band Cotton Patch Alan Thompson Country Club Emma King & the Heartsets Coyote’s Sean Patrick McGraw Doubletree Hotel A Step Up French Market Grille West Doc Easton, Karen Gordon The Loft Tattoo Expo Meet & Greet w/ Atomic Boogie One Hundred Laurens John Kolbeck Rock Bottom Music Gene Avey & the Country Illusions Band All-Ages Show Shannon’s Electric Voodoo Surrey Tavern Yo Mama’s Big Fat Booty Band Wild Wing The Unmentionables The Willcox Kenny George

Events Cadillac’s DJ Doug Club Argos Variety Show Club Rehab DJ C4 Club Sparx DJ Rana and Music Explosion

46 METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11

Cocktails Lounge Grown-Up Fridays with DJ Cork and Bull Pub Karaoke with Libby D. and Palmetto Entertainment Cotton Patch Pajama Party Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill Karaoke Islands Bar & Lounge Caribbean Night with DJ Spud Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke Palmetto Tavern DJ Tim The Place on Broad Rock DJ Rebeck’s Hideaway Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe Karaoke with Steve Chappel Sector 7G Rave Night w/ The Fence Sitters Sky City First Friday ’80s Night and Art Exhibit Soul Bar First Friday DJ Mix Tropicabana Latin Friday

The Playground DJ Fugi Tropicabana Salsa Saturday Wooden Barrel Kamikaze Karaoke

Sunday, June 5 Live Music Crums on Central Jim Perkins Jessye Norman Amphitheatre Candlelight Jazz w/ Reggie Sullivan Trio P.I. Bar and Grill Live Music Wild Wing Brent Lundy

Events Caribbean Soul Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jack’s Karaoke with Peggy Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, June 6

Live Music The Acoustic Coffeehouse Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Blue Horse Bistro Live Music The Cotton Patch Brandon Reeves Country Club Bill Gentry Coyote’s Dove The Firehouse The Independents, Lazaras, Bathory Boys P.I. Bar and Grill Live Music Shannon’s Preston & Weston Sky City Shine for Scott Benefit w/ Wesley Cook, The Vellotones w/ George Croft, Publik Fax w/ Richard Smith, Grady Nickel Somewhere in Augusta Daniel Johnson Band Wild Wing Matt MacKelcan Band

Events Cadillac’s DJ Doug Club Argos Variety Show Club Rehab DJ C4 Club Sparx DJ Wreboot House Party Cocktails Lounge Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge Reggae Night with Island Vybez The Loft DJ C4 Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke One Hundred Laurens DJ Kenny Ray

Events Club Argos Santoni’s Satin Dolls Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Club Sparx Trivia Cocktails Lounge Augusta’s Got Talent The Cotton Patch Trivia and Tunes with Cliff Bennett Laura’s Backyard Tavern Karaoke The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad Jazz DJ The Playground Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern Karaoke with Tom Mitchell Somewhere In Augusta The Comedy Zone w/ Michael Mack and Aaron Washington Wheeler Tavern Trivia

Live Music Soul Bar Metal Monday

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Wild Wing Tiki Barflys The Willcox Hal Shreck

Applebee’s (Evans) Trivia Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Malibu Jack’s Team Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Somewhere In Augusta Karaoke with Charles Wild Wing Trivia and ’80s Karaoke

Tuesday, June 7 Live Music Appleby Library Hotlanta Dixieland Jazz Cocktails Lounge Live Music Wild Wing Jacob & The Good People The Willcox Hal Shreck

Events Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Club Sparx Karaoke with Big Tony Fishbowl Lounge Dart League Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice Malibu Jack’s Karaoke with Denny Somewhere in Augusta Trivia with Charles

Wednesday, June 8 Live Music 209 on the River Smooth Grooves Cadillac’s Live Band Joe’s Underground Sibling String Shannon’s Tony Williams Sky City The Stone Foxes, Lera Lynn

Upcoming Consider the Source, Sinister Mustache, Manray Sky City June 9 Welfare Liners Stillwater Tap Room June 10 Josh Roberts and the Hinges Stillwater Tap Room June 17 Loretta Lynn Bell Auditorium June 18 Papa String Band Stillwater Tap Room July 8 Blair Crimmons and the Hookers Stillwater Tap Room July 15 Temptations Review, Palmetto Groove USC-Aiken Convocation Center June 17 Dave Desmelik Band Stillwater Tap Room July 22 Sugarland James Brown Arena June 23 R Kelly, Keyshia Cole, Marsha Ambrosius James Brown Arena June 28 Merle Haggard Bell Auditorium August 6 Keith Urban James Brown Arena August 13 Casting Crowns USC-Aiken Convocation Center November 25

Elsewhere The Monkees Chastain Park Amphitheater, Atlanta June 3 Miranda Lambert, Josh Kelley, Ashton Shepherd Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Alpharetta June 4 B.B. King, Buddy Guy Chastain Park Amphitheater, Atlanta, June 5 Katy Perry Arena at Gwinnett Center, Duluth June 7 Josh Groban Arena at Gwinnett Center, Duluth June 8 Loretta Lynn Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre, Atlanta June 10 Willie Nelson CoolRay Field, Lawrenceville June 12 Mumford & Sons The Fox Theatre,

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Matt Stone can be heard weekdays from 3-7 p.m. on 95 Rock Raw.

Is He the Smartest Man in the World? When you are looking for a smart and funny podcast, look no further than “The Smartest Man in the World” with comedian/actor Greg Proops. Proops, best known from the television improv show “Whose Line is it Anyway?” does the podcast about twice a month in front of a live audience, many of them from around the world. His last couple have been from Melbourne, Australia, and New Zealand.

Proops is quick and sharp, in humor and in looks. At first, like me, you may even think that he is reading from a prepared speech because of how picky he is with his words. But no, this is all off the top of his head. He knows how to mix comedy with politics, and how to point out flaws without you taking offense to them. In person, Proops is a super snazzy dresser. In his own words, “Men should always wear something with a collar on it.” And in Greg’s case, he takes it all the way to a three-piece suit. He definitely can pull it off. With his black-rimmed glasses, Proops almost looks like he’s from another country, but he’s actually from Phoenix, which is hard to believe. Proops’ voice is, how do we say, not pleasing to the ears. Who would have guessed that a guy who has a voice that can only be compared

Atlanta June 12 Phish Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Alpharetta June 14-15 Uriah Heep Variety Playhouse, Atlanta June 14 Adele The Tabernacle, Atlanta June 17 Jo Dee Messina The Frederick Brown Amphitheater, Peachtree City June 18 Daryl Hall & John Oates Chastain Park Amphitheater, Atlanta June 19 New Kids on the Bloxk, Philips Arena, Atlanta June 22

Chris Isaak Chastain Park Amphitheater, Atlanta June 22 Athfest w/ Futurebirds, Centro-Matic, Guadalcanal Diary, Chickasaw Mudd Puppies and Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit Athens June 22-26 Steve Miller Band Chastain Park Amphitheater, Atlanta June 24 Skid Row Wild Bill’s, Duluth June 25 R. Kelly Philips Arena, Atlanta June 25 Dinosaur Jr. Variety Playhouse, Atlanta June 26

to Bilbo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings would have a podcast where all he does is talk? Proops continues to do voiceover work in a number of television shows and movies. He was even in “Star Wars: The Phantom Menace” — you know the really bad one with Jar Jar Binks. He didn’t have to change his voice at all. But for some reason, even with that voice, he comes off sounding like a college professor with extreme wit, and the

painful nasaly sound doesn’t seem to bother you. Proops is another one of the comedians that enjoys a little marijuana every now and again. And by every now and again, I mean every couple hours. When Doug Benson (“Super High Me,” “The Benson Interruption”) says that you smoke a lot of pot, it says something. Doug even mentioned on his podcast, Doug Loves Movies, that he doesn’t know how someone can be that smart and smoke that much weed. It seems that weed makes Proops more articulate. I was just turned on to this podcast a couple weeks ago, so do like I did; download the “Antipodes” episode where Proops is in Melbourne. It wouldn’t hurt for you have a dictionary with you as well.

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earDRUM Doc Watson: Worth the Price of Admission Alone Brian Allen is a local music fan who hosts a weekly podcast, confederationofloudness.com. The outside world sees and recognizes the quality of some of the musical efforts of the talented folks in our little burg occasionally. I’m not just talking about a group like Lady Antebellum who are busy collecting every award known to music. I’ve seen some recent examples of Augustans being recognized for their work in some pretty high-profile places. For example, I point your attention to a greatly informative music blog written by local guitarist and music instructor John Berret at johnberretmusic.blogspot. com. On a pretty regular basis, Berret posts content helpful to musicians such as product reviews, brief music lessons, musician profiles and interviews. The thing about a blog such as John’s is that you just never know exactly who is paying attention. Recently, John did a review of a product made by Pearl drums called a Throne Thumper. Lo and

behold, the review was picked up Pearl and added to their website and Facebook pages. That’s quite an honor and welldeserved. As you can imagine, John’s blog has seen a huge spike in traffic. Big shout out to John on a job well done. If you’re interested in catching John in action on guitar, keep an eye out for his band LaRoxes, who play frequently all over the CSRA. Sometimes recognition comes to the behind-the-scene guys as well. Recently, it came to Rob Boggs. Rob’s sound company, Quest Sound and Productions, has been quietly busy over the past several years making musical productions all over the Southeast come to life. Rarely does a sound guy even have an opportunity for public recognition. But I’ll tell you this: They probably deserve it more than some of the musicians with whom they work. Sound and production is hard work. Generally, they are the first folks to arrive for a show and the last ones to leave. There is a lot of heavy

lifting involved. The reward at the end of the day is a paycheck and a pat on the back, maybe. However, recently Rob was featured on the Renkus-Heinz Inc. website. To be fair, the piece is basically a product testimonial for Renkus-Heinz’ high-end loudspeakers, but Rob’s company was spotlighted as well. You can check out the article at renkus-heinz. com/news/2011/18.html. On an unrelated note, it was a great pleasure to spend most of Memorial Day weekend at Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Que. AB Beverage really put on a first-class event. Perhaps the high point of the whole thing for me was being one of three people escorting 88-year-old Doc Watson to the stage and fearing he might shatter into a million pieces the whole time... and then being amazed as he kept an audience of thousands hanging on his every word for a solid hour. The storytelling between songs was almost as priceless as the songs themselves. As the sun set over North Augusta Saturday and

Doc’s set came to an end, I couldn’t help but think his performance was worth the price of admission alone. What a treat! In a bit of shameless self-promotion, I’d like to invite you all to check out the podcast I co-host weekly with my good friend John “Stoney” Cannon at confederationofloudness.com. This week we sat down with former Horsepower frontman Grady Nickel for hour of nothing but talking music. It’s a fun hang. See y’all at the rock show, Brian Allen

Why Not Play More Local Tunes, Austin? Coco Rubio is one of Augusta’s most wellknown music fans, who also owns the Soul Bar and Sky City downtown. I listen to the Austin Rhodes’ WGAC radio show whenever I’m in the car driving around town between 3-6 p.m. during the week. I’ve done it for years. I like to tune in to check out his take on the local topics of the day even though I don’t always agree with him. I’ve also always enjoyed his intro theme music, especially the quiet acoustic number by Eryn Eubanks of the Family Fold, and the loud rocking one by his “liberal” little brother Bentley Rhodes, who used to play with local jam band In

Like Flynn back in the early ’90s. As an ardent supporter of local music, I’m always trying to think of different ways to promote our hometown musicians. I’m constantly impressed with the talent in our town and often wonder about ways to get their music heard on the actual radio by the general public on a regular basis. Austin has always been a supporter of the local arts and, over the years, has been very helpful in promoting various kinds of cultural events that take place around the CSRA. So, with this in mind, it hit me the other day when I ejected the new CD by local pop rocker John Krueger to listen to Austin: Why doesn’t

Austin Rhodes play all local music during his popular talk-radio show? I mean, why not promote our local musicians in between commercial breaks and after the news going back into his show? He already plays various top-40 songs during these brief segments, but how cool would it be to hear clips of songs by only local bands and/or singersongwriters? We are lucky enough to have a local music scene that is richly diverse in genres and styles. Everything from jazz, rock, hip-hop, folk, country, pop, gospel, classical and soul — we’ve got it all here in Augusta! I can easily get tons of local music (old and new) to Austin for him to

listen to and decide for himself if these songs are radio ready. He already does it with the occasional James Brown tune (which always sounds good) and maybe Lady Antebellum. So, Austin... what do you think? Why not? See ya downtown, Coco

METRO SPIRIT 6.2.11 49

dark AFTER

Brittney James is a local F&B All-Star. She contributes weekly. To protect the guilty, Brittney James is not her real name.

Brittney James

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would not approve. For me, I guess it’s just that. Sin and all. But I do like to have fun, I guess sort of in the extreme. Working in the bar and nightclub industry, you see so much that you become desensitized. It takes more and more extreme behavior to make it interesting. So, my boyfriend shoves some guy who was talking to me and the guy shoves him back and we are all kicked out. (I’m sorry, my ex-boyfriend). We agree the best thing for him to do is to find a way home his own damn self and the whole way back to Augusta I have to hear what a douche he is. Not a bad night. I have a great time with my friends getting buck wild with no one judging me, and I finally ditched that jerk.

So we loaded up the truck and we moved the family... One thing is for sure — strip clubs are fun. Even for us girls. For my birthday we loaded up a limo and went to a pretty well-known one in Columbia, S.C. Not about to go to the ones here — no way. But there, the girls wear G-strings, so it’s not even like they’re naked. So, me and my asshole boyfriend, four lesbians and my best friends from here and there head up. I’m getting lap dances in the limo on the way up and drinking Patron. Right? Sounds good so far. We hit the place and proceed to go crazy. There are a surprising amount of straight girls there. I guess it’s because their mothers most certainly

Ball

Matt Lane is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com.

Matt Lane

Dogs have overcome, both on and of f the diamond

Johnathan Taylor

Rarely is a team that finishes fourth in their final conference standings considered a success. I mean seriously, what would you call a team that has a 31-30 record? Average? Mediocre? Now what if I told you that the fourth-place finish was really just between six total teams — not 12. That’s right. Out of 12 total teams in the conference, the Georgia Bulldogs finished fourth only on their side of the division! Wow. For a state that pumps out elite high school baseball prospects on a perennial basis, it looks as if this season has been quite a disappointment. Until last weekend, when the Dogs won three consecutive do-or-die games in the SEC tournament to punch their ticket to the NCAA Regionals in Corvallas, Ore. Rest assured, while deflating at times earlier in the year, how the Diamond Dogs have finished this season has been nothing short of inspirational. It starts with being in the SEC East division. Georgia shares the same division with the defending National Champion South Carolina Gamecocks — who ended the regular season No. 1 in the land. Their only serious question mark coming into the year was where their quality starts were going to come from. With the departure of their one-two punch — Sam Dyson and innings eater Blake Cooper — the Gamecocks needed Omaha savior Michael Roth (11-3, 1.17 ERA) to transition from situational relief pitcher to solid starter. Which he did swimmingly. In addition to enduring sights and sounds from the title holder on a weekly basis, the Dogs also had Baseball America’s Preseason No. 1 ranked team (Florida), and a team with arguably the best weekend staff in the country (Vanderbilt) in their division. Both teams spent time as king of the mountain at some point during the year as well.

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Then there is the schedule, which just so happened to be the toughest in the nation. “We pride ourselves on playing a touch schedule,” Coach David Perno said. “It probably helped us make this run [in the SECs].” The Bulldogs played 34 games against Top 25 opponents. They also won 16 of those games against the likes of No. 9 LSU, No. 10 UCLA and No. 16 Baylor. Georgia was No. 1 in the nation in both categories. Hey, at least they led the nation in a few things, right? When scrounging up a silver lining for the tough draw of divisional opponents and a demanding non-conference schedule, at least the Dogs knew what they were getting into before the season started. But what happened during the rubber game against Florida State on March 6 cast an ominous shadow on the team very early in the season. In the third inning, there was a soft line drive hit into the left-center gap of the outfield. With not much air under it, left fielder Zach Cone and center fielder Johnathan Taylor both sped after the sinking line drive. Instead of one player calling for it, both players dived and collided into each other. Cone got up with a bleeding head, dazed and disoriented. Taylor had no such luck. The top of Taylor’s head hit Cone’s hip, breaking his neck. He was paralyzed. So now, Taylor, who led his team with a great work ethic and a dynamite smile on the diamond is doing the same and inspiring all with his dogged rehabilitation efforts. He is their rally cry! He is their strength! He is the constant reminder proving, win or lose this weekend, no outcome can dismiss what they did this year. He is the inspirational call to arms in a season that’s been far from average.

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advice goddess Amy Alkon

When You Wish Upon a Ringo Starr I’m 25, a singer in a band and extremely motivated to make a career out of my music. In fact, I’m moving to LA this week for that purpose. I’ve been casually dating — speedily dumping men who’ve gotten attached (not my fault, I make my intentions super-clear). I should be packing now, but I’m a mess. Last week, I got beyond wasted with our drummer and we slept together. He’s a guy I always knew I could fall for, but since relationships aren’t my priority and he had a girlfriend until recently, I never gave him much thought. The morning after, he gave me a quick platonic hug and made it pretty clear he had no interest in anything more. Now, despite my total career focus, I’m having these weird thoughts — like, if he asked me to stay and be with him, I probably would. I don’t even believe in marriage, but if he proposed now, there’s a good chance I’d say yes! Have I lost my mind? — Unnerved It takes a rock off the planet Krypton to disable Superman. For you, it’s five Rolling Rocks and a drunken hookup. Suddenly, you’re dreaming of that “most important day of a girl’s life,” which, just hours before, involved pledging to spend the rest of your next five years wedded to Def Jam. While it must seem like aliens came down and swapped out your brain for

Mrs. Cleaver’s, it’s possible that the culprit is the release, during sex, of oxytocin, a hormone nicknamed “the hug drug” and “the cuddle chemical.” In “Why Women Have Sex,” psychologists Cindy Meston and David Buss explain, “Oxytocin release has been associated with emotional bonding and might explain why some women experience an intense feeling of connectedness with their partners following orgasm.” (“The biochemistry of attachment made me do it!”) This might explain why it’s hard for many women to have casual sex. In men, testosterone slaps down the oxytocin, making it easier for them to roll over and be on to the next. But, in a study by psychologist John Townsend, even women with every intention of humping and dumping some guy tended to end up feeling all cuddlywuddly and vulnerable in the morning. But, wait! That isn’t you. In fact, you’ve left a trail of broken men in your wake. (“Sorry, boys, but they don’t call her Lady Gaga because she was hanging around her hometown making googly eyes at a string of aspiring Sir Gagas.”) How does a cool customer like you go from wanting to hop the fast track to a Grammy to the fast track to becoming somebody’s grammy? Well, for starters, this guy wasn’t some groupie you could flick off like a bug. He was your bandmate, your equal and

a guy you “always knew you could fall for.” And maybe you had fallen for him but shoved your crush behind some amp somewhere because you were leaving and he had a girlfriend. Now, with big scary life changes looming, maybe it’s tempting to find a reason to stay where you are. You need to decide who’s the boss here — your ambition or your feelings. It can’t be a democracy. One of them has to be queen. If making it in music is still what you want, just pull yourself up by your bra straps and be that person you were before you rolled the drummer — probably the last person who’d remix “Go west!” into “Or… maybe I’ll just go nest.” Aisle Be Embarrassing You My best buddy’s about to propose to his girlfriend, and he’s running some pretty crazy ideas by me. Basically, he wants to propose big — do something public and outrageous. Am I wrong that this could be a bad idea? — Crazy Dude’s Bud

There are public people and then there are private people, like my boyfriend, who’d react to a surprise birthday party with the enthusiasm he’d have for a surprise prostate exam. Sometimes, a guy who’s proposing gets so caught up in creating the spectacle of the century that he thinks of everything — everything but how it might go over with his girlfriend. Help your buddy out by asking him some questions — whether his girlfriend’s really the propose-apalooza type and whether they’ve at least had a conversation or two that crept up around the subject of marriage. “Will you marry me?” is one of those questions a guy shouldn’t be asking unless he’s pretty sure he already knows the answer — especially when that answer will come while he’s kneeling in popcorn and beer before his girlfriend and 60,000 people watching on the JumboTron. It will give him something to tell his grandchildren — as soon as they’re old enough to ask, “Grampy, who’s that crying lady who isn’t Grandma who’s running away from you in the YouTube video?”

©2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email adviceamy@aol.com. Also visit advicegoddess.com and read Amy Alkon’s book: “I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society” (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).

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Innocent Until Every Appeal Is Exhausted? Only on rare occasion have I seen a standard policy or practice involving area law enforcement that so concerned me that I was moved to publicly challenge said policy and seriously question the intelligence and integrity of those who ever allowed such indefensible logic to prevail. The strange case of Deputy Charles Harwell, and all it has revealed so far, presents itself as one of those occasions. Harwell was arrested and charged with DUI a few weeks ago while driving home to Hephzibah following a late night “special” security detail for a graduation party in Lincoln County. He had reportedly been driving erratically on the Bobby Jones Expressway (in his LC patrol car), and apparently told witnesses he was under the influence of prescription pain medication. Harwell has worked for the Lincoln County Sheriff’s Office as a road deputy for several years, as well as serving as an officer with the Lincolnton City Police Department,

and as an officer with the Medical College of Georgia Public Safety Department. All of these hires came after he was fired in 2007 from the Richmond County Sheriff’s Office, after what former colleagues of his described to me as a chronic prescription pain medication addiction. Harwell has claimed to others that his back pain comes from injuries suffered in the line of duty while working at the RCSO. There was a 2005 assault that involved Harwell being attacked (while he was off duty) in a neighborhood fight, where he was apparently attempting to intervene. He reported a severe blow to the back, which resulted in the arrest of the assailant. LC Sheriff Gerald Lawson tells me that when Harwell applied at his office, he was an active officer in good standing with both the MCG PSD, and the Lincolnton City PD. During the interview process he told Lawson he had been terminated from Richmond County because of a dispute

concerning a workman’s compensation case. Lawson said he had heard good things about Harwell, and in the process of checking his credentials did verify that he was a certified state peace officer in good standing with the Georgia Professional Officers Standards and Training Council, or POST. POST is the lone state agency that certifies and tracks law enforcement officers across all of Georgia. To be hired by any agency as a police officer, you must be certified and approved by POST. Apparently POST had not yet updated its online database to reflect the reported termination, which was reported due to his prescription drug addiction, a process which can take weeks, or even months. Agency Director Ken Vance blames it on a lack of staff and resources. Vance went on to say that Harwell reportedly kept appealing his POST suspension, and the fact that his attorney in the matter, Sam Cruse, was disbarred recently further complicated the situation. All told, Vance says Lawson did his due diligence to check out Harwell’s certification, but that the gaps in correct information conspired to keep him in the dark. But what about a simple reference check with RCSO officials? Lawson told me he remembered speaking with MCG and Lincolnton City about Harwell, and that he checked out. If Lawson had contacted RC,

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and asked them about Harwell, given the fact that he had been fired over what has been declared by law to be a “physical and mental illness” (addiction), and the deputy reportedly was sent to a rehab facility not once, but twice by the agency, would they have been breaking federal medical privacy laws by revealing his problem? One thing is certain, POST has to adopt an aggressive notification system to inform local agencies when one of their officers comes under scrutiny, and they have to do it now! The current “passive” system (which requires constant monitoring to stay timely) is hideously inefficient. Also, just how long can an officer be allowed to continue on duty after serious charges have been made against him? One such officer apparently has two failed drug tests (positive for cocaine use) that came back mere days after he quit the RCSO with no notice. The officer was instantly hired by Augusta State University’s Public Safety Department, and he remains there (and has for almost a year) while he appeals the tests. Civilians are not given this much leeway while under similar charges. Why in the world would police officials not hold their own people to the same standard? The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.


Metro Spirit 06.02.2011