I want a divorce
THE LAND, MARCH 23, 2012
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P.O. Box 3169 418 South Second St. Mankato, MN 56002 (800) 657-4665 Vol. XXXI ❖ No. VI 48 pages plus supplement
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Whenever it’s my turn for “Land Minds”, we’ll retain the right to invade and hamseveral thoughts zip through. Most get mer places that threaten us. zapped before I frame a few words around • When our way of life is under assault, them. But this time presidential politics we’ll provide security for your war protesters. quickly got on the front burner, stayed • We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. there and only got hotter. • You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, The continual bashing of this presidenHumanism, political correctness and tial campaign is unprecedented, and at Shirley McClaine. You can also have the times embarrassing. However very rapidly UN, but we will no longer be paying the bill. we’re dashing into an “Entitlement SociLAND MINDS ety” and that’s a major reason why Amer• We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks ica is bankrupt. So when the following and big cars. You can take every Volt and By Dick Hagen “divorce letter” showed up in my e-mail it Leaf you can find. precisely echoed my gut feelings. • You can give everyone healthcare if Dear American liberals, leftists, social you can find any practicing doctors. progressive, socialists, Marxists, etc. • We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury We have stuck together since the late-1950s for the and not a right. sake of the kids, but the current political environment • We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we “The National Anthem.” tolerated each other for many years for the sake of • I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine,” future generations, but sadly, this relationship has “I’d Like to Teach the World to clearly run its course. Sing,” “Kum Ba Ya” or “We Are the Our two ideological sides of World.” America cannot and will not ever We’ll keep capitalism, • We’ll practice trickle-down agree on what is right for us all, so greedy corporations, economics and you can continue let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to Walmart and Wall Street. to give trickle up poverty your best shot. irreconcilable differences and go You can have your lifeour own way. So please consider • Since it often so offends you, long welfare dwellers, this separation agreement. we’ll keep our history, our name homeless, druggies and and our flag. • Our two groups can equiillegal aliens. tably divide up the country by land And so it goes. Our November mass each taking a similar portion. election will clearly indicate the That will prove nothing other than a sense of fairness. winner in the divorce agreement listed above. Unfor• We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep tunately our “entitlement society” continues to suck up like a magnet gone berserk. And within this socithem. ety the voting process becomes very predictable. • You are welcome to the liberal judges and the In 1916, the Rev. William John Henry Boetcker ACLU. wrote: “You cannot help the poor by destroying the • Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our rich. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. the strong. You cannot build character and courage • We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you by taking away people’s initiative and independence. can go with wind and solar. You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for them• You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell. You however, are responsible for finding a selves.” (Editor’s note: This quote is often incorrectly biodiesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them. attributed to Abraham Lincoln, most notably in a speech by Ronald Reagan in 1992.) • We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, WalMeanwhile let’s pray for a recharge of subsoil moismart and Wall Street. ture to positively reignite the rumble in agriculture. • You can have your lifelong welfare dwellers, Thousands of horsepower are about to ignite. Farmhomeless, druggies and illegal aliens. ers, once again it’s soon your ballgame. A few home• We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hol- runs in April would be a great start. lywood. Dick Hagen is staff writer of The Land. He may be reached at dickhagen@mvtvwireless.com. ❖ • You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and
OPINION
INSIDE THIS ISSUE: 9-11 — The Land’s Minnesota Horse Expo preview 19 — $15 trillion debt casts huge
shadows on financials 20 — Jax Café follows steak legacy to beef council honor 22 — Reports: Farmland prices riding a wild flourish