RELATIONSHIPS
Advice Goddess THE GRATING OUTDOORS
AMY ALKON
This great girl I’ve been dating just invited me on a camping trip. Frankly, there is nothing I would like to do less. I hate camping, and I won’t know anyone but her. The trip is three days with 20 of her friends, including her ex-boyfriend, so I worry about asking her to go without me, especially since we aren’t “official” yet. Can I skip this without it being a big deal, or is it a mistake to let her go when we’re right at the monogamy crossroads? —City Boy
The comforts of civilization abound. Even Walmart stocks a heated toilet seat — complete with a handy-dandy nightlight in the bowl — for a rather reasonable $119. Yet — go figure — there are all these people who think it would be supercool to go out for a weekend and squat behind a bush. In other words, I’m right there with you, City Boy. My idea of camping is waiting for our room to be ready in the lobby of a hotel with exposed wood. My favorite hiking safety tip? Avoid hiking. But I understand your problem. It’s a bad idea to stay home when it means she’ll be out there in nature with nothing to block the view of her ex-boyfriend. Unfortunately, you’re being asked on not just a camping trip but a vetting trip (even if she hasn’t put it that plainly to you or even herself). She’ll be looking at how well you fit in with her friends (which will tell her something about how well you’ll fit into her life) and, possibly, evaluating your camping prowess: whether you can start a fire with a single soggy match, put up a tent using only your teeth, and talk geopolitics with a raccoon. But chances are, if she were some hardcore camper looking for the man to play Lewis to her Clark, she wouldn’t even consider dating a guy whose idea of a nature hike is probably cutting across the lawn to get the mail. I shared this thought with a mentally ill friend of mine (translation: one who camps on purpose), and she agreed. She also added that “camping with 20 people is not camping; it’s ‘camping.’ It’s getting drunk beside your car, tripping over your tent stake, and passing out next to your sleeping bag. Even a city boy can do that once.” Let your girlfriend know that camping isn’t your thing but that you’re sure you’ll have a great time with her over the weekend. This sets her up not to expect much more of this outdoorsy business from you while setting you up as a good sport who’s willing to go out of his way to make her happy. If both you and your relationship survive the weekend, maybe you can show her a thing or two about the great indoors — like how, of all the current wonders of nature, one of the most wonderful is how you can sit in your house drinking martinis while watching them on Discovery Channel. And don’t forget my absolute favorite thing about nature — the whoosh it makes as you’re driving past it to get back to your hotel.
FRISKIES SOUR
My best friend, “Rob,” is really into this girl he’s been dating. She is loud, talks constantly about vapid subjects, generally rubs everyone the wrong way, and — I’m not kidding — makes cat “meow” sounds. (For instance: “I’m hungry; let’s get pancakes! Meow.”) Recently, a mutual friend blurted out to Rob, “Dude, seriously, how do you put up with her?” Rob was upset, and I sympathized, but the reality is, we all think that. Shouldn’t he know the truth — that none of us wants to be around him when he’s around her? —Biting Tongue When you’re all out to dinner, you must live for those moments when she and some other woman excuse themselves to go talk about all you guys in the litter box. As hard as it must be for you to hold back, all this guy should know is that you’re his friend. People mistakenly believe that you can criticize somebody into changing. You can’t. What you typically end up doing is criticizing them into clinging even more tenaciously to whatever you were hoping to pry them away from. Because, in relationships, initially adorable idiosyncrasies can turn screechingly annoying, it’s possible your friend will eventually grow allergic to loud, vapid women who make cat sounds. Until then, well, that’s why there’s guys’ night out at the cigar bar. You might also try to curb your annoyance by feeling happy for him. For him to be blind to how irritating she is, she must do some really special things in the bedroom — you know, like marking the bed with urine and killing mice and leaving them on his pillow. n ©2014, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)
56 INLANDER FEBRUARY 27, 2014
EVENTS | CALENDAR
BENEFIT
BEAUTY & THE VINE Quarterly night of beauty services, networking and wine, benefiting Blessings Under the Bridge, a local nonprofit. Services include massages, paraffin hand dips, brow waxing and more. Some services paid, event is free to attend. Feb. 27, 6-9 pm. Nectar Tasting Room, 120 N. Stevens. (869-1572) TASTE OF LIFE Hospice of Spokane’s 9th annual fundraiser features food paired with Spokane-area wines, beers and spirits. Feb. 28, 5:30-8:30 pm. $75. Spokane Club, 1002 W. Riverside. hospiceofspokane.org (456-0438) TUBIN’ IN TUTUS Annual fundraiser party and auction benefiting Shoshone Pet Rescue. This year the tubin’ aspect moves from the ski slopes to the Silver Rapids Indoor Waterpark. Feb. 28, 6 pm. $15-$30. Silver Mountain, 610 Bunker Ave. silvermt.com (208-783-1542) THE BARTENDERS’ BALL Benefitting Helping Every Little Paw (HELP), with cocktails and appetizers provided by the local restaurants and bars, a silent and live auction, bartender flair competition, prizes and more. March 1, 6 pm. $25-$30. CdA Eagles, 209 Sherman. helpeverylittlepaw.org FC SPOKANE AUCTION DINNER The second annual dinner and auction benefit the club’s soccer scholarship program and to create outreach programs for children of lower social and economic means. March 1, 5 pm. $50/ person. Lincoln Center, 1316 N. Lincoln St. fcspokane.com (953-8844) NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS Boost Collaborative’s 7th annual fundraiser includes a dinner, silent auction and features Brady Murray, founder of RODS Racing, a competitive team of more than 100 Ironman triathletes. March 1, 5:30 pm. $60, pre-registration required. Schweitzer Event Center, 1825 Schweitzer Dr., Pullman. (332-6561) ACADEMY AWARDS LIVE SCREENING See the awards live on the big screen. Event benefits the CDA Summer Theater and Friends of the Bing. March 2, 5 pm. $15. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague. cdasummertheatre.com (208-660-2958) JAM FOR BREAD Fundraiser concert benefiting Crosswalk, featuring Free Whiskey (band), Heather Villa, Brian Flick and members of the Spokane Area Youth Choirs. March 2, 3-5 pm. $8-$12. Westminster Congregational United Church of Christ, 411 S. Washington St. westminsterucc.org (624-1366) RACE FOR A CAUSE This first annual event at Lookout raises funds to benefit 10 charities in Montana, Idaho and Washington through a dual-course open slalom race with 24 gates. Entry offered to individuals or teams of three. Day-of registration at 8 am. $50/individuals, $40 college students with ID; $135/team of three. March 2, 10 am-4 pm. Lookout Pass, Mullan, Idaho. (208-744-1301) SAN OSCAR NIGHT GALA Spokane Aids Network’s 16th annual fundraiser gala raises money to fund vital services to HIV/AIDS clients. March 2, 4:30 pm. $100-$125/person. Northern Quest, 100 N. Hayford. spokaneaids.org (455-8993)
COMEDY
ALL-AGES COMEDY OPEN MIC Held on the second and fourth Thursday of the month at 6 pm. Free. Boots Bakery & Lounge, 24 W. Main Ave. (703-7223)
STAND-UP COMEDY Local comedians, see weekly schedule online. Thursdays at 8 pm. Free. Uncle D’s Comedy Underground, 2721 N. Market St. uncledscomedy.com (483-7300) OPEN MIC COMEDY Live stand-up comedy. Fridays at 8 pm. Free. Red Dragon Chinese, 1406 W. Third Ave. reddragondelivery.com (838-6688) FLUFFY BUNNY IMPROV SHOW Anime-themed comedy hosted by KuroNekoCon and Fluffy Bunny Improv. March 1, 5:30 pm. $7; $5 with a can of food. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. (747-7045) LILAC CITY IMPROV A night of comedy and wine. Reservations recommended. March 1, 6 & 8:30 pm. $20. Nectar Tasting Room, 120 N. Stevens St. nectartastingroom.com (869-1572) SAFARI Fast-paced short-form improv games based on audience suggestions. Saturdays at 9 pm. $7. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. (747-7045)
COMMUNITY
COMMUNITY DANCE Open dancing, including square, round, line and more. Open to singles, couples and families. March 1, 8 pm. Free. Western Dance Center, 1901 N. Sullivan Rd. squaredancespokane.org (979-2607) MOSCOW MARDI GRAS The annual community festival includes a benefit breakfast, parade, kids activities, live music, performances and more. See full schedule of events at the organization’s website. March 1, 8-2 am. $15. moscowmardigras.com (208-596-3145) RED HOT MAMAS AUDITIONS Try out to be a dancer, twirler, wheelchair rider/ pusher, marcher, razor scooter trickster, and more for the 2014 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Must be able to briskly march 2.5 miles All shapes and sizes needed, wear athletic attire. At PEAK Health & Wellness, 940 Ironwood Dr., CdA. March 1-2 at 1 pm. rhmamas. com (208-930-4444) DR. SEUSS BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION Featuring local celebrity readers sharing their favorite books throughout the day, photos with Dr. Seuss characters, kids craft activities, games and more. March 2, 1-5 pm. Free. Spokane Valley Library, 12004 E. Main. (893-8400) SCC INTERCULTURAL WEEK Annual cultural celebration featuring social enrichment activities, presentations, performances, food and more. March 3-7, daily programs held from 9:30 am12:30 pm. Free and open to the public. Spokane Community College, 1810 N. Greene St. scc.spokane.edu (533-3948) CHASE YOUTH AWARDS Each year the Chase Youth Commission honors local outstanding youth, teens and adults making a difference. March 6, 6-8 pm. Free and open to the public. The Fox, 1001 W. Sprague. chaseyouthspokane. org (822-7905)
FILM
OUT OF THE BOX Films and presentations about solar roadways and other energy innovations, hosted by the Idaho Conservation League. Feb. 27, 7 pm. $5 suggested donation. Panida, 300 N. First. idahoconservation.org PHILOMENA Screening of the Oscarnominated drama. Feb. 27-March 1, show times vary. $3-$6. The Kenworthy, 508 S. Main, Moscow. (208-882-4127)
ONLINE REALITY SHOW AUDITIONS Open auditions for “Hope,” a new, web-based singing and dancing reality show. Ages 13+. March 1, 10 am-5 pm. Free. Downtown Library, 906 W. Main. hopethesingingshow.weebly.com HANNA ARENDT One-night screening hosted by Jody Stewart-Strobelt, professor of modern languages and literature at EWU, and Sally Winkle, director of women’s studies. March 4, 6:30 pm. $8 ($5 students). Magic Lantern, 25 W. Main Ave. (209-2383) AS THE PALACES BURN One-night screening of the documentary about metal band Lamb of God, whose lead singer was charged with manslaughter of a young fan in the Czech Republic. March 5, 6:30 & 9:30 pm. $8. Magic Lantern Theatre, 25 W. Main. (209-2383) NW BACH FEST FILM CLASSICS New film series as part of the 36th Northwest Bach Festival. Double feature March 5, featuring “A Matter of Taste: Serving up Paul Liebrandt” at 7 pm, and “Impromtu” at 9 pm. Free. The MAC, 2316 W. First. nwbachfest.com GIRL RISING Documentary screening hosted by the YMCA of Spokane, about injustices toward girls and women in countries around the world, and how education helped them overcome obstacles. March 6, 7 pm. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague Ave. tinyurl. com/girlrisingymca WORDS OF MY PERFECT TEACHER Benefit screening hosted by Lama Lakshey Zangpo Rinpoch, born and educated at a monastery in Eastern Tibet. March 6, 6:30 pm. $20 suggested donation. Magic Lantern Theatre, 25 W. Main Ave. tsintamani.org (235-8063)
FOOD
GIRLS PINT OUT Brewery tours, six 4 oz tasters and appetizers. Feb. 27, 6-9 pm. $15. Trickster’s Brewing Co., 3850 N. Schrieber Way. trickstersbrewing.com BELGIAN BEER EXPERIENCE Tasting class on Belgian styles of beer, including American versions of beer made in this style. Feb. 28, 7 pm. $20, reservations requested. Rocket Market, 726 E. 43rd Ave. (343-2253) WINE TASTING Friday features Syncline Wine Cellars, from 3-6:30 pm ($15). Saturday features Palm Bay Imports, from 2-4:30 pm ($10). Vino!, 222 S. Washington. (838-1229) CRUSH HUNGER Fundraiser benefiting Northwest Harvest, featuring wine tasting, local food truck vendors and more. Featured vendors include Vino!, The Bistro Box, Coupla Chefs and David’s Pizza. March 1, 6:30 pm. $45. Luxe Coffeehouse, 1017 W. First Ave. (624-5514) DATE NIGHT IN TUSCANY A full dinner is prepared in this class led by chef/ owner Kris MclLvenna, focusing on the simplicity of Tuscan cooking. March 1, 3-5 pm. $45. 315 Martinis and Tapas, 315 Wallace Ave. (208-667-9660) LOOSE LEAF TEA BLENDING Sample different types of tea, learn brewing techniques and the health benefits of herbs and spices. Students also create a blend to take home. Pre-registration required. March 1 at 3 pm. $10-$15. Spice Traders Mercantile, 15614 E. Sprague. spicetradersmercantile.com (315-4036) PAELLA MIXTA Chef Lynne Weidemann (Cook with Us!) leads a class on making seafood paella and other dishes. March 2, 2-4 pm. $45. 315 Martinis and Tapas, 315 Wallace Ave. (208-667-9660)