RELATIONSHIPS
Advice Goddess THE FASTIDIOUS AND THE FURIOUS
My boyfriend of nine years is extremely messy, while I prefer things tidy and clean. Cajoling, asking, and flat-out begging him for consideration and help on this hasn’t worked, nor have tactics like establishing certain areas for clutter. He contends I’m too picky about how he cleans. He says this started when we moved in together, eight years ago, and I rewashed dishes he’d washed. He says he then stopped trying to do much AMY ALKON cleaning up and hoped I’d tire of doing everything myself and learn a lesson. I was shocked and hurt by this attitude, especially since he’s otherwise a good and loving man who does many sweet things for me. Neither of us wants kids, and I love him dearly, so I’m contemplating something you’ve written about, being in a relationship but living separately. Could this possibly work after living together for so long? —Worried You just have different styles of mess management. You can’t sleep if there’s an unwashed glass in the sink. He likes to let housecleaning wait until it’s a tossup between tidying the place and trying to get away with arson. Animals get it. The bunny does not shack up with the thing that tears small furry creatures apart with its teeth. And here we humans are, all top-of-the-foodchain snobby about our ability to reason. Yet no sooner do we fall in love than we start looking to sign a lease together, bright and optimistic about the dreamy home life the neat freak will have with the guy whose idea of housecleaning is picking up a 3-year-old magazine off the floor so he’ll have a “plate” for his pizza. Because you happen to care about what we generally value — order over chaos — you made the assumption that a devotion to neatitude is The One True Path and should be as important to him as it is to you. It just isn’t. (Chances are, he doesn’t even notice the messes.) Your distress at his passive-aggressive withdrawing of effort is understandable — as is his feeling that if he can’t tidy up right, why bother tidying up at all? The thing is, people will often support their partner in goals they find meaningless or even dopey, but not when their ego is under attack — verbally or in the form of dish-rewashing. When a person realizes their partner doesn’t respect them, they tend to take one of two paths: chasing that person’s approval or retiring from seeking it. Still, in the moments you aren’t running after your boyfriend with a wheelbarrow and a broom, you love the guy and he loves you, and you seem to have something together. You do need to repair the hard feelings between you, starting by admitting that you were both expecting the impossible in trying to live together. Next, pledge to discuss things that bother each of you instead of silently seething about them — for, oh, eight years. And yes, probably the best way for you to stay together is to live apart. After years of living together, it’s easy to see this as a failure. It’s actually anything but. You’re just making your relationship love-centered by removing all the subjects that cause perpetual disagreement — like why anyone would waste time cleaning until whatever’s growing on the coffee table starts hissing at you when you reach for the remote.
BETTER SHERLOCK HOLMES AND GARDENS
I had to leave town when prospective buyers were coming to see a used water pump I was selling. My wonderful wife cheerfully agreed to sell it for me. I showed her exactly the parts that went with it. A guy bought the pump, but I saw that an extra box of parts, worth about $100, was also gone. Do I ask my wife where it went? Can I forgive her without an apology? —Annoyed Prepare to get laughed out of marriage counseling after you grumble to the therapist that what’s missing from your marriage is $100 worth of junk from the garage. Tempting as it must be to spend the weekend waterboarding your wife for answers, a wiser approach when somebody tries to do something nice for you is to reward their intentions, even when the outcome is less than ideal. Your wife’s intention — to help you by standing in for you — tells you she’s a loving partner. The outcome — an extra box of parts apparently growing legs and sneaking off into the buyer’s car — tells you she may not be the shrewdest salesperson and maybe takes too kindly a view of human nature. Sadly, all relationships come with trade-offs. You have a decision to make — whether to settle for cheery wonderfulness or dump your wife for a woman who can help you open a used-car lot or get rich swindling the elderly by telephone. n ©2014, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)
56 INLANDER APRIL 3, 2014
EVENTS | CALENDAR INLAND NW ALZHEIMERS ASSOCIATION GALA The 14th Annual Nancy Rockwell Gala and Auction is a 1950s themed event featuring dinner, live and silent auctions and dancing. April 5, 5:30 pm. $100/person. Davenport Hotel, 10 S. Post St. alz.org/inlandnorthwest (473-3390) TATTOOS FOR PETS The second annual flash tattoo event benefits the Spokane Humane Society. April 5, 12-8 pm. $50$100, cash only. Boar’s Head Tattoo, 406 W. Third. tinyurl.com/mrz9vf2 (838-7638) BULLDOG JOG 2014 The 11th annual 5K fundraiser run/walk benefits Second Harvest Food Bank and is hosted by the Gonzaga business fraternity Alpha Kappa Psi. April 6, 8:30 am. $15. Gonzaga University, 502 E. Boone. 2-harvest. org/bulldogjog (481-0741) SPAGHETTI DINNER BENEFIT Benefits Shon Hartley and his family. Shon is battling acute myeloid leukemia, an aggressive cancer that requires a bone marrow transplant in Seattle. April 6, 7 pm. $7$10, RSVP requested. Opportunity Presbyterian, 202 N. Pines. (922-4570)
COMEDY
GEOFF YOUNG Stand-up comedian. April 4-5 at 8 pm. $12. Uncle D’s Comedy Underground, 2721 N. Market. (483-7300) OPEN MIC COMEDY Live stand-up comedy. Fridays at 8 pm. Free. Red Dragon Chinese, 1406 W. Third. (838-6688) POETS UP! Local poets make up poems on the spot and Blue Door Players perform them. Fridays in April at 8 pm. $7$9. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. bluedoortheatre.com (747-7045) SHORT STACKS The BDT Players & Friends try out new material, rework ideas, and share comedic talents in stand-up, sketch, music, film and more. First Fridays of the month at 10 pm. $5. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. bluedoortheatre.com (747-7045) SAFARI Fast-paced short-form improv games based on audience suggestions. Saturdays at 9 pm. $7. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. (747-7045) YOUTH/TEEN IMPROV WORKSHOPS Workshops on various aspects of improv comedy performance, including mime, storytelling, environment, character development and spontaneity. Held the first Saturday of the month from 11:30 am-2 pm. Pre-registration suggested. Ages 9-18. $25/session. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. bluedoortheatre.com (747-7045) LIVE COMEDY Live stand-up comedy shows. Sundays at 9 pm. Goodtymes, 9214 E. Mission Ave. (928-1070) ALL-AGES COMEDY OPEN MIC Held on the second and fourth Thursday of the month at 6 pm. Free. Boots Bakery & Lounge, 24 W. Main. (703-7223) WHITE TIE IMPROV U of Idaho’s comedy improv troupe performs a benefit show with all proceeds supporting Paul Newman’s Hole in the Wall Gang Camps. April 11, 8 pm. $5. University of Idaho Kiva Theater, 921 Campus Dr. (208-885-7251)
COMMUNITY
CRIME PREVENTION FORUM Learn about Block Watch, current crime trends and neighbor-to-neighbor connectedness to reduce crime rates in your neighborhood. Sponsored by Spokane C.O.P.S. April 3, 6-8 pm. Free. All Saints Lutheran, 314 S. Spruce. spokan-
ecops.org (835-4572) HEART DISEASE: UNDERSTAND YOUR RISKS Presentation by Providence cardiologist Dr. Guy Katz, on what can contribute to heart disease, what to do to lower your risks and when to be concerned. Register at phc.org. In the Providence Auditorium at Sacred Heart. April 3, 6:30-8 pm. Sacred Heart Medical Center, 101 W. Eighth Ave. MEET THE EASTER BUNNY The Easter Bunny visits the atrium at RPS to meet children and their families for photos and more. April 4-19, times vary. River Park Square, 808 W. Main Ave. riverparksquare.com (509-624-3945) FAMILY DANCE & POTLUCK Event offering several types of dance, from circle, line, contra, folk and novelty dances, with live music and a live caller. Family potluck at 6:30 pm, dance at 7 pm. April 4, 6:30 pm. Free. St. John’s Cathedral, 127 E. 12th Ave. (533-9955) EAST COAST SWING DANCING Dance workshop, open to beginners; offering two sessions at 10 am and 1 pm. April 5. $10-$20. Whitworth Cowles Auditorium, 300 W. Hawthorne Rd. (919-9162) STARTUP WEEKEND BOOTCAMP Learn to pitch your business ideas in one minute and other startup information in preparation for Spokane Startup Weekend. April 5, 1 pm. $5. Sixthman Marketing, 542 W. Cataldo. (255-5801) WSU SPOKANE HEALTH FAIR Offering screenings including blood pressure, blood glucose, cholesterol, bone density, hearing, BMI, BIA, waist circumference, grip test, as well as science experiments for kids, program showcases, food trucks, and more. April 5, 10 am. Free. WSU Riverpoint Campus, 600 N. Riverpoint Blvd. (358-7921) INTRODUCTORY SWING CLASS Dropin style vintage swing classes for Jazz Appreciation Month. For beginning to novice dancers. Mondays in April from 6:30-7:30 pm. Free. Satori, 122 S. Monroe St. (919-9162) MOBIUS SPRING BREAK CAMPS Oneday and two-day camps offered, for ages 4-8. Times and costs vary, see website for camp schedule and descriptions. $20-$50. Mobius Kids, 808 W. Main. mobiusspokane.org (321-7124) FREE TAX PREP SITES Qualified professionals provide free assistance to residents earning less than $51,567 in 2013. Sites remain open until April 15. See site locations and schedules at unitedwayspokane.org. (358-3526) KHQ JOB FAIR Community job fair hosted by KHQ, Worksource and Workforce Development feat. more than 60 employers. Attendees should bring their resume and dress for a possible interview. April 9, 9 am-2 pm. Free. Lincoln Center, 1316 N. Lincoln. (532-3286) “THE HOUSE I LIVE IN” SCREENING & PANEL See the award-winning documentary about the US War on Drugs, followed by a panel of local policy makers, judges and leaders. Hosted by the Spokane Regional Health District, Smart Justice Campaign, Center for Justice, NATIVE Project and others. April 10, 11:30 am-1:30 pm. Free. EWU Riverpoint Campus, 668 N. Riverpoint Blvd. tinyurl.com/kmwk52n (359-2331) COMMUNITY DANCES Community dance night featuring music by local band Variety Pak. Held the second Friday of the month from 7-10 pm. $6-$8. Southside Senior & Community Center, 3151 E. 27th Ave. sssac.org (535-0803)
LET FREEDOM RING GSI’s annual breakfast honoring local men and women serving in the military, featuring a keynote presentation by outgoing GSI president Rich Hadley. April 11, 7 am. $25. Red Lion Hotel at the Park, 201 W. North River Dr. greaterspokane.org (326-8000) STARTUP WEEKEND SPOKANE Competition for entrepreneurs to pitch business ideas and collaborate with developers and designers to create a product within a 54-hour period. April 11-13. $50-$85. SIERR Building at McKinstry Station, 850 E. Spokane Falls Blvd. spokane.startupweekend.org
FILM
50 HOUR FILM SLAM KICKOFF Official kickoff of the 4th annual 50 Hour Slam film festival and competition; rules and secret criteria revealed. Filmmakers have 50 hours to complete a 3-6 minute film, with the top 15 films screened on May 3 at the Bing Crosby Theater. April 4, 6:30-7:30 pm. KSPS Public TV, 3911 S. Regal St. 50HourSlam.com (354-7724) CULTURAL AWARENESS FILM NIGHT Learn about the injustices faced by Asian Americans during the 1980s at a screening of “Vincent Who?,” with a post-film discussion hosted by GU Sociology professors. In the Foley Teleconference Center. April 4, 7 pm. Free. Gonzaga, 502 E. Boone. (313-5836) INTERNATIONAL FLY FISHING FILM FEST Short and feature-length films produced around the world that showcase the passion, lifestyle and culture of fly-fishing. Hosted by Silver Bow Fly Shop. April 4, 7 pm. $15-$18. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague. flyfilmfest. com (227-7404) WRETCHES AND JABBERERS The film chronicles two middle-aged men with severe autism as they leave their Vermont homes and embark on a global quest to educate people about their disability. April 4, 7 pm. Free. The Kenworthy, 508 S. Main, Moscow. (772-538-4404) GREEN FIRE: ALDO LEOPOLD AND A LAND ETHIC FOR OUR TIME Green Fire explores Leopold’s personal journey of observation and understanding. Post-film discussion facilitated by Kirk and Madeline David. Pre-registration requested. April 5, 2 pm. Free. Woman’s Club of Spokane, 1428 W. Ninth. (328-2939) OSCAR-NOMINATED ANIMATED SHORTS Screenings of the 2014 Oscarnominated short films, including animated and live-action films. April 5 and 6 at 5:30 pm (animated) and 8 pm (live action). $6-$10. The Kenworthy, 508 S. Main, Moscow. kenworthy.org (208882-4127) STANDARDIZED LIES, MONEY, & CIVIL RIGHTS Film screening with a panel discussion and Q&A to follow. Hosted by Spokane, WA Against Common Core, the Washington Badass Teachers Association, and Parents Across America Spokane. April 6, 11 am. $5 suggested donation. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague Ave. (227-7404) PALESTINE FILM FESTIVAL “Out of the Shadows” examines life in Palestine through film, including screenings of “Slingshop Hip Hop” on April 9; “al Helm/Martin Luther King in Palestine” on April 16; “Miral” on April 23 and “One Family in Gaza and Children of Ibdaa,” April 30. Locations vary. $10 suggested donation; students free. SCC, 1810 N. Greene St. scc.spokane.edu (838-7870)