“savage love,” continued...
Feb 22 – March 17 93% of college-age men have watched Internet porn at some point. The average age of first exposure is 14.
Tickets: 509-325-2507 www.SpokaneCivicTheatre.com Scan For TickeTS
1020 N. Howard Street TicketsWest: 1-800-325-SEAT Sponsored in part by David & Christina Lynch
— Study published in CyberPsychology & Behavior, 2008
OLIVE TREE ENTERPRISES PRESENTS
JOHNNY SANCHEZ s One of America’ premiere comedians!
FORMER MEMBER CAST OF FOX’s
Following Mr. Sanchez is
The Rhythm Commission
Friday, March 8th at The Lincoln Center 8pm (Doors: 7:30pm) • 1316 N. Lincoln St., Spokane
TICKETS: $55
To purchase, visit TheRhythmCommission.com
- OR -
stop by the Olive Tree Enterprises booth on
FEB. 15TH, 16TH, 22ND OR 23RD in the Atrium at River Park Square and catch a live performance from
THE RHYTHM COMMISSION TRIO
28 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013
Full bar available. 21+ only!
18 minutes: the average length of a sexual encounter in the U.S. 85: the average number of times an American has sex each year. — Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey, 2007
I am a 30-year-old straight man who has always known that he is a poly. The woman I love is not a poly. She is a monogamous person. When we started being sexual, it was a strictly friends-with-benefits arrangement, although a sexually exclusive one, at her insistence, and I agreed to that because neither of us expected anything longterm to come of it. But we fell in love, and now I can’t imagine life without her. She is amazing, and I love her like I’ve never loved any other woman. But she has asked me to betray my sexual identity by remaining sexually exclusive. If I cannot commit to that, she does not want to be with me. I am not asking the same of her: She does not have to sleep with other people to keep me in her life. She is, however, insisting that I not sleep with other people to keep her in my life. Can someone who is poly be happy with someone who isn’t? — Polyamorous Polymath You are not “a poly.” Poly is not a sexual identity, PP, it’s not a sexual orientation. It’s not something you are, it’s something you do. There’s no such thing as a person who is “a poly,” just as there’s no such thing as a person who is “a monogamous.” Polyamorous and monogamous are adjectives, not nouns. There are only people — gay, straight, bi — and some people are in monogamous relationships, some are in open relationships, some are in polyamorous relationships, some are in monogamish relationships, some are in four-star-general relationships. These are relationship models, PP, not sexual identities. So the question isn’t “Can a poly be happy with a monogamous?” The question is can you, despite your clear preference for nonmonogamous relationship models, be happy in this relationship? Do you love your girlfriend so much that you’re willing to pay the price of admission that she’s demanding — you’re willing to behave monogamously (adverb!) — in order to be with her? Yes or no? Since your girlfriend has already indicated that she’s not willing to have a nonmonogamous relationship with you (or anyone else), PP, the choice is yours to make. If you truly can’t live without her, you’ll have to be monogamous. If that’s not something you’re willing or able to do — and “willing” and “able” are two different criteria, and you’ll need to make an honest self-assessment on both counts — then end this relationship and go find someone whose romantic desires more closely align with your own. How long should a person wait to “get back out there” when his wife has been eaten by a zombie? Asking for a friend. — Sheriff Rick Grimes (via Twitter @RickGrimesATL) Not too long — life is short, particularly during a zombie apocalypse, and your friend shouldn’t waste what little time he has left. And remember: During a zombie apocalypse, all relationships are rebound relationships. So your friend should get out there. I recently caught my boyfriend watching porn. We have talked about it before, and he said he didn’t watch it while he was in a relationship. But when I caught him, I lost it. I have never felt so hurt or betrayed. This is my first serious relationship. I can’t get over how sick and sad I feel. It feels like he was cheating on me. Should I be as upset as I am? It was interactive porn — it was like he was cybersexing with one of his ex-girlfriends. What should I do? — Sad And Deceived Was your boyfriend having cybersex with an ex-girlfriend? Or did it only feel like he was? I would make a distinction, SAD, because while all porn constitutes a betrayal of the terms of your relationship, interacting with a stranger and, very likely, a professional online shouldn’t feel quite so threatening. Backing way the hell up: Your boyfriend shouldn’t have lied to you, SAD, but you shouldn’t have been so naive as to believe him. If you can’t bring yourself to forgive him for lying — if you can’t put yourself in his shoes and try to understand why he might lie about this (shame, fear, a desire to spare your feelings) — then this relationship is doomed. End it and find a new boyfriend. But when your next boyfriend tells you he doesn’t watch porn, you’re going to look at him and say, “Suuuuuure, you don’t.” Ask your new boyfriend to be discreet and limit his porn consumption to an extent where you’re unlikely to uncover any evidence of it, as porn upsets you. If your new boyfriend manages to do that for you, SAD, if he’s considerate enough to cover his tracks, you should be considerate enough to turn a blind eye on those rare occasions when you do stumble over evidence that your new boyfriend watches porn — just like your old boyfriend did and all your future boyfriends will. n