»John Kerrison’s Graphic Content Instant Classics
It seems there are very few things Morrissey can’t do, be it maintaining an audacious quiff for roughly three decades, spouting ill-thought-out tirades about animal rights like someone pulled a PETA string in his back, or creating important works of classic literature. That’s if the publisher Penguin is to be believed, as last month it instantly added Mozza’s autobiography to its famed ‘classics’ range. That means the likes of Bram Stoker, Oscar Wilde and Jane Austen are now kept company by a man who wrote the following line without an ounce of irony: “I vomit profusely when I discover that the album has been pressed in Japan with Sandie Shaw’s version of ‘Hand In Glove’ I am so disgusted by this that I beg people to kill me.” No harm in begging harder. Here are some other celebrity tomes that could make the list... Danny Dyer I haven’t read Danny Dyer’s autobiography, because I like myself, but I’d hazard a guess that if you were to remove all the swear words, cockney rhyming slang, and stories about ‘birds’ you’d probably be left with something more closely resembling a tweet about cocaine than a book. Having said that, it’s a welldocumented and slightly baffling fact that Dyer was close friends with Nobel prize winning playwright Harold Pinter, so there’s probably quite an ominous and claustrophobic chapter about walking like a geezer that makes this an instant classic. Alec Baldwin A Promise To Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood and Divorce, is amongst the lowest-selling autobiographies of all time. You’d think this would be enough to prevent it from becoming a classic work of literature, but bear in mind if you buy the audiobook it’d be like learning all about the trials and tribulations of parental separation from Madagascar’s Makunga. Sold. Justin Bieber In 2010, when Justin was around, what, eight? He released First Step 2 Forever, a horribly numeracied title for what was actually just 200 pages about Lego written in crayon. Probably. However pointless, it’s due to become a classic soon as the majority of Beliebers are rapidly approaching reading age. Coreyography Corey Feldman is Hollywood’s answer to the question ‘What would a less successful Charlie Sheen be like?’ Recently Feldman has turned into something of a cut-price Hugh Hefner, charging people upwards of £500 to attend parties with him and a selection of the sort of scantily clad women who look like they probably have a bulk rate. You can no doubt read all about this and maybe three other things in Feldman’s new autobiography, Coreyography—a title that would be considered clever if he were in fact a dancer at all.
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