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THE REPORTER
APRIL 11, 2011
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FORUM
15
// FORUM Mark Pulaski, Interim Forum Editor //
T (305) 237-1254
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B mark.pulaski001@mymdc.net
STUDENT JOBS
The Horrors of Retail
QUICKFIRE The Reporter is the free biweekly student newspaper at Miami Dade College. All content is produced by MDC students. The opinions in this newspaper do not necessarily represent those of the administration, faculty, or the student body.
Columnist explains how being on the other side of the cash register will change you forever.
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Assange’s Full Dance Disclosure
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GRAPHIC BY MANUEL PALOU
By Andrea Orellana andrea.orellana001@mymdc.net THEY SAY THAT the time you spend in college molds the person you become as a full-fledged adult. What they never say is where most of your information will come from: not from that professor with the argyle sweater and fake British accent, but from the characters in your day that aren’t trying to teach you about life. In most cases, those characters will be composed mostly of friends and family. For me, it took getting a part-time job to uncover some of the more useful lessons in my arsenal. Earlier this year, I earned the coveted posit ion of “sa les associate” at a retail store. I won’t tell you where but I will say it’s like The Sharper Image, except it rhymes with “crookstone” and it’s not as bankrupt. Name-dropping aside, I will say the experience has irrefutably altered the way I go about my day. (Although I can see why anyone would think otherwise —oh, a college student w it h a pa r t-t ime job, what a n undeniably unique thing to be, I know.) Firstly, I don’t trust anything anyone has to say to me anymore,
not if they can benefit from it. It used to be just men that I mistrusted, following the universal girl guidelines and all. But now it’s ever yone. Men and women alike, professions be damned; you can’t throw a rock without hitting someone who’s just pimping their own cause. No lying necessar y, sales associates will take any detail their beady eyes can catch and use it as a jumping-off point; anything that can convince your hand to migrate to your wallet (or money clip if you’re stylish and/or Tony Soprano) and have you offering the green stacks of paper we trust have retained some value despite our modern-day interpretation of The Grapes of Wrath. I notice you’re wearing a wedding band, sir. Here, try this automatic jewelry cleaner. Married, eh? You must be stressed; check out this massaging neck wrap— it comes in blue! (or pink if you’re against designated gender roles). You probably have k ids: here, we’ve got the best line of super durable Made-in-China indoor helicopters – they never crash! And if they do, it’ll be often, and more than likely you’ll end up getting a plastic rotor in your eye. By the way, they only use 6 A A batteries (I always stick with the “alkaline” part– it makes them sound fancier). The other thing working in retail has taught me is to be mindnumbingly anal-retentive. Every product in its place and a place for ever y product, they always
say. At this point, I’d be happy to kill myself before I go anywhere near a Ross, where organization of the store f loor takes a backseat to pretty much everything. I think that’s their motto, actually. Customers, when given the chance, will be children. Infants complete w it h a ver y l i m ited knowledge of common courtesy and a w ide variet y of angered and confused facial expressions. And they will nine times out of 10, if you’re not keeping an eye on them, practice sick childhood tendencies to destroy their environments without remorse like angr y k indergart ners on t heir last day of daycare. Have you ever grabbed an item in a store and t hen decided at the last minute that you weren’t going to buy it? What did you do next? Put it back in its place? If your answer is any thing other than “abandoning it wherever my limb had the pleasure of reaching first” then you’re lying. You’re a liar and you’ve made the life of one of my fel low sa lespeople just a little more difficult. I hope you’re proud of yourself. Aside from t he fact t hat I’ve lost all respect for drug dealers and vending machines, whom, let’s face it, have it too easy, for all their work consists of nothing but waiting for the customers to come to them I’ve learned a great deal from my co-workers at “Crookstone.” It never hurts to learn how to manipulate people and communicate in t he on ly language universal to all: money.
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AFTER THE YEAR Julian Assange had—revealing the dirty laundry and corruption of the world’s political and private sectors—the editor-in-chief of WikiLeaks has had his own file dump of sorts. A video released in March revealed a grey-haired, carefree Assange dancing at a club in Iceland. (I use dancing loosely as his moves on the floor are more reminiscent to a 16-year-old teenager on ecstasy.) Assange’s spaghetti-like moves labeled “Dancegate” by some, is a perfect example that karma applies to everyone. Think about it, what’s worse, being expedited to another country where you’re being tried for the sexual assault of two women, or helping enforce the racial stereotype that white men and in this case, information-seeking, social-changing, whistle-blowing Australian’s can’t dance? If I were him, I’d take the jail time and practice my dance moves in the slammer (which sounds like the plot to a cheesy, 90’s inspirational flick to me.) —Gregory Castillo
North Campus Bureau B 11380 NW 27th Ave. Room 4209 Miami, FL 33167 T (305) 237-1254 ————————————————— Kendall Campus Bureau B 11011 SW 104th St. Room M239 Miami, FL 33176 T (305) 237-2157 ————————————————— Wolfson Campus Bureau B 300 NE Second Ave. Suite 1610 Miami, FL 33132 T (305) 237-3368
Editorial Board ——————————— Monique O. Madan Editor-in-Chief
Alexandra de Armas North Campus Bureau Chief Gregory Castillo Kendall Campus Bureau Chief Lazaro Gamio Interim Wolfson Campus Bureau Chief Monica Suarez Briefing Editor Mark Pulaski A&E Editor, Interim Forum Editor Hector Gonzalez Sports Editor Anna Carabeo Multimedia Editor
Art Department ——————————— Lazaro Gamio Art Director
Akeem Brunson Multimedia Producer
Dispensing Nothing But Troubles
Manuel Palou Deputy Art Director
I WAS ON MY WAY TO CLASS and I needed some sugar to pick me up, so I stopped by the vending machines. When I put my dollar in the machine, it made a strange clicking noise like the Predator on a snack binge. The machine refused to give me my food. When I looked down to press the button that returns the change, it was missing. Then I went to the bursars office and after speaking to a somewhat recalcitrant accountant, found out that they wouldn’t have anymore refund coupons for the next “couple” days. What if I don’t want a freaking coupon? What if I just want my dollar back? I would really appreciate it if MDC could upgrade their decades-old vending machines. I’ve spoken to alumni from the 80s and 90s who tell me that some of the machines at school are the same ones they dealt with when they were here. This whole process of running back and forth from the bursars office to the vending machine is getting old, just give me my money so I can get to class.
Melissa Adan, Isabelle Anadon, Alain Bichotte, Carolina del Busto, Elias Cruz, Alexandra Dalpe, Brittany Esquijerosa, Jessica Ferralls, Saeli Gutierrez, Jessica Medina, Paula Omana, Andrea Orellana, Marvin Pineda, Richard Pizzaro, Monica Sharon, Crizalida Suero, Rafael Tur
—Elias Cruz
Issue Staff ———————————
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