THE ANCHOR-Diocese of Fall River-Fri., June 6, 1997
15
Our Rock anti Role Stressed Out? Try This By Charlie Martin
SUNNY CAME HOME Sunny came home To her favorite room SunrlY sat down In the kitchen She opened a book And a box of tools SunrlY came home With a mission Refrain: She says days go by I'm hypnotized I'm \'IlOlklng on a wire I close my eyes And fly out of my mind Into the fire SunrlY came home With a list of names She didn't believe In transcendence It's time for a few Small repairs she said SunrlY came home With a vengeance (Repeat refrain) Get ÂŤhe kids, Arid bring a sweater Dry Is good And wind Is better Count th~ years, You always knew It Strike a match, Go on and do It (Repeat refrain) Light the sky And hold on tight The world Is burning down She's out there on her own, And she's all right Sunny came home Sunny came home Written by Shawn Colvin/John Leventhal, sung by Shawn Colvin, (c) 1996 by Sony Music Entertainment Inc. SHAWN Colvin's "Sunny home." But her purpose is unclear. We are told that she arCame Home" zoomed to the top of the pop stations' countrives "with a mission" and a downs. Her music reminds me "vengeance." She says that ofR.E.M. She presents interest"days go by I'm hypnotized, I'm ing images and metaphors, but walking on a wire." She doesn't it's difficult to know what she's "believe in transcendence," but. really trying to say. she realizes that "it's time for a As the title says, "Sunny came few small repairs."
I'm not so sure. I suspect her life needs a major overhaul! At the least, Sunny appears stressed out. If so, most of us have been there. "Walking on a wire" or the sense that "the world is burning down" describe something of what this feels like. Teens often face pressure and stress. You may feel that there is just not enough time to do all that you need to accomplish or enough energy to meet everyone's expectations. When any of us experiences these kinds of pressure, we need a time-out. We have lost our perspective. Our lives have become more drudgery than joy. A time-out still means being responsible about school and' work, but as for the rest of life, we need space for an evaluation. Ask yourself: 1. What do I genuinely value and want in lifd 2. How would I rank these values and wants? Remember, there can only be one No. I! 3. What changes do I need to make so that I am working only toward my top priorities? It can be helpful to seek the support of a trusted adult as you pause to review these questions. This person can listen as you think through the issues and reflect back what he or she hears. The individual might also bring up related points for your consideration. . Ultimately though, you must look within to recognize the priorities you want to guide your life. Doing this will not take away stress, but it will provide a new sense of direction. Ask God to help you. God's presence will assist you as you recreate a more meaningful and enjoyable life. Your comments are always welcome. Please address: Charlie Martin, 7125W 200S, Rockport, IN 47635.
VIPS ENJOY a firsthand look at the new computer system given to the Taunton Catholic Middle School teachers by the parents ofthe schoolchildren. From left to right, front row, are: Jeanne Crombie, Deborah Braga, Carolyn deSousa and Kathleen Simpson, principal. Back row: Armand and Patricia Brandao, and Annalee Nystrom.
Coming of
Age FOR YOUTH
•
By Christopher Carstens Dinner was one of those tense episodes where nobody talks and the kids eat as fast as they can, hoping to get out of the room before things turn really ugly. Mom and dad were so mad that you got a stomach ache just being in the same room with them. Mattie escaped to her bedroom. It wasn't long before the shouting started, and pretty soon mom was screaming, "If that's what you want, just go," and there was a crash when something hit the wall . and a lot of doors being slammed, and then the screech of tires as dad roared down the driveway and out into the traffic. Silence. Finally. Mattie hated fight nights. As far back as she could remember, these explosions had gone off in the house once or twice a month. Nobody had ever gotten physically hurt - yet - and so far, dad had come back every time. Sometimes Mattie felt angry because the arguments made so much of her life miserable. Sometimes a little thing she did or said would spark a blowup, and she'd think the fighting was her fault. But mostly Mattie felt sad because her mom and dad couldn't seem to find any peace in their lives. There are a lot of young people in Mattie's shoes. I have three pieces of advice for teens whose parents fight. None of these suggestions will turn your parents into the Cosbys. Still, they might help you keep your sanity in the midst of an insane situation. First, and most important, keep reminding yourself that you didn't cause the problem in your parents' marriage, and you can't fix it. If you get an A in every subject, they will still fight. If you never ask THE NEW student council at Bishop Stang High School, No. Dartmouth, was recently for extra money, they will still elected for the 1997-98 academic year. From left to right are: Don San Juan, president; Reagan fight. If you always take care of your little brother, even when it Barrett, secretary; Joel Maxwell, treasurer, and Tim Whitehead, vice president.
ABOUT YOUTH means missing out on activities with your friends, and you never complain, they will still fight. Grownups fight for reasons of their own. The problems they fight about are between the grownups. They need to solve those problems for themselves. Second, don't take sides, ever. Once you take sides you're in the fight. Often a parent will want your sympathy and understanding. Just keep repeating these words. "Mom (or dad), I know this is really tough for you, but I can't take sides." Finally -- and maybe this is the most important advice - talk with somebody about what's going on. When your parents are doing crazy things, it's really important to share your experiences with somebody who isn't living on the battleground. Family conflict and secrecy go together -- and families where there is a lot of fighting, or somebody with a drug or,alcohol problem, almost always enforce the "Silence Rule": "Don't tell anybody." By keeping silence, you support the family belief that the fighting is normal, that everybody lives that way. Your emotional health depends on breaking that rule. Who you talk with is less important than the fact that you actually have the conversations. It can be with a friend, a pastor or a professional counselor. Our experience as children sets us up to repeat our parents' mistakes. Your mom and dad may never solve their problems, but you can avoid reproducing their lives if you marry one day. Talking with people you trust is the best way to learn and grow -and escape the cycle of anger that marks your parents' lives. Your comments are welcome. Please address: Dr. Christopher Carstens, c/o Catholic News Service, 3211 Fourth St., N.E., Washington, C.C. 20017.