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September, 2014
Texas Twister
“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” –Mark Twain
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A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair dyed so she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, “Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!” She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?” The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.” The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. “If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?” ***** I heard this from my uncle John Herbert. You can’t offend anyone with it. A telephone sales person makes a call to an unknown prospect and a very small, very soft, very quiet, and obviously young person answers the phone. Sales person: Hello, may I speak to the man of the house please? Youngster: (whispering) No, he’s busy. Sales person: Well then, can I please speak to your mother? Youngster: (in a whisper) She’s busy too. Sales person: I see, how about your brother? Can I speak to him? Youngster: (whispering) No. He’s busy too. Sales person: (losing patience) Is your sister there? Can I talk to her? Youngster: (in a whisper) She’s busy too. Sales person: ( by now quite exasperated) What are all these people doing that keeps them so busy?!!! Youngster: (still whispering) Looking for me.
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September, 2014
The ‘Daredevil’ Gene
By Ginger Lane
I don’t have one…. I heard somewhere that we all do, but I’m sure mine is being well imprisoned by my survival gene. In other words, yes, I have a daredevil gene but it is the barely visible with a microscope and my survival gene is the size of King Kong. And, I’m just fine with that. I was thinking about this after watching a real life video. It showed a man who witnessed a really bad car accident. The car burst into flames and the video shows the man rushing into the blaze; saving a mother and child. There were others that came to their rescue as well, and I was in awe of them all. I’d like to envision myself as one of those heroes, however, I can’t imagine that I would do anything but make sure I was far enough away in case of an explosion. I was reading about Annie Taylor, the first person to survive a trip over Niagara Falls in 1901. At 63 years old, this ‘adverturer’ climbed into a barrel made of oak and iron with a mattress for cushion and was tossed into the water to literally ride the falls. She survived. There’s the Human Spiderman who climbs skyscrapers with no harnesses, Evil Knievel, Harry Houdini and so many more. The one’s I admire the most are the people who serve in our military, our police force and firefighters. I’m pretty sure if someone was in danger, they’d be praying, “Dear God, please let anyone in the world be close enough to save me except Ginger Lane!” And, I’d be praying the same thing! I’m a chicken. I see danger and head the other direction. Even as I write this, I’m wondering at what point the daredevil gene takes over and runs rampant. I’ve lived my life on the safe side, ducking and dodging anything that could cause me physical pain. I also believe if I had been Eve in the garden with the forbidden fruit, we’d have a whole different thing going on today. I don’t mean I’m better than Eve, just that I’d have been too afraid to bite that apple! But, I will always wonder, “Do daredevils really have more fun?”
Texas Twister
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September, 2014
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!” ***** Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.” ***** Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she charged. “You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.” The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. “What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded. “Counting your ribs,” said Eve.
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September, 2014
Texas Twister
Kenneth Max Lane
By Ginger Lane
This is my grandson, Max. He’s posed in one of his favorite ‘Grammy spots’, between me and my work. I’ve tried to keep working when he is perched on my desk, but it’s not an easy thing to do. He doesn’t just sit there quietly. When I peer to one side to see the computer screen, he just leans in the same direction. Max is a typical boy. Got a crayon? Where’s the nearest wall? And, that couch or recliner? Just ask him how easily they can be turned into a trampoline? All of this was so much fun for Max until I sat him down one day and had ‘the talk’. I explained to him that when he grew up and got married that I was going to come to his house and mark on his walls and jump on his furniture. You cannot imagine how upsetting this was for him. He told me, “NO! You are not!” When I asked why it was ok for him to mark on my walls and jump on my furniture, he had a whole new outlook. He no longer marks on walls and has cut way down on the jumping. Honestly, I believe he just thinks that would be very hard to explain to his wife about his 90 year old grandmother jumping on the furniture!
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September, 2014
CHRISTIAN ONE LINERS Don’t let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited Until you try to sit in their pews. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Many folks want to serve God, But only as advisers. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* It is easier to preach ten sermons Than it is to live one. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, But mosquitoes come close. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* When you get to your wit’s end, You’ll find God lives there. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* People are funny; they want the front of the bus, Middle of the road, And back of the church. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Opportunity may knock once, But temptation bangs on the front door forever. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Quit griping about your church; If it was perfect, you couldn’t belong. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* If a church wants a better pastor, It only needs to pray for the one it has.
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September, 2014 Unwritten Texas Rules 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a “gravel road.” I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 3. They are cattle and feed lots. That’s what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-20 goes east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one. 4. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $150,000 wheat combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year. 5. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept, you whiney elitest. 6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of Dove are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time. 7. Yeah, we eat catfish and calf fries. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop. 8. The “Opener” refers to the first day of dove season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of September. 9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age. We say thank you and please. We say Ma’am. It is a sign of respect NOT age. 10. No, there’s no “vegetarian special” on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey. 11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce. Oh, yeah.... We don’t care what you folks in Malibu call that stuff you eat... It AINT REAL CHILI!! Real chili never met ground turkey! 12. You bring “coke” into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring “Mary Jane” into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. 13. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
Texas Twister
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September, 2014
Two men, Robert and James, applied for an engineering position. Both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the exam both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Robert and said, “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give James the job.” Robert replied, “Why? We both correctly answered nine questions. I believe I should get this job, especially since I’ve grown up in this town and James just moved here.” The manager said, “We made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.” “How could one incorrect answer be better than the other?,” asked Robert. “Simple,” said the manager. “James put down on question #5, ‘I don’t know’, and you put down, ‘Neither do I.’”
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September, 2014 Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, “I’m tired, and it’s getting late. I think I’ll go to bed.” She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day’s lunches, rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes into the dryer, put a load of clothes into the wash, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the newspapers strewn on the floor, picked up the game pieces left on the table and put the telephone book back into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a textbook out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face, put on moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and trimmed her nails. Hubby called, “I thought you were going to bed.” “I’m on my way,” she said. She put some water into the dog’s dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out a bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks in the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In the bedroom, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her list of things to do for tomorrow. About that time, hubby turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular “I’m going to bed,” and he did.
Texas Twister
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September, 2014
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. “How are you, darling?” she said. “What kind of a day are you having?” “Oh, mother,” said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, “I’ve had such a bad day. The baby won’t eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven’t had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I’ve just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I’m supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight.” The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. “Oh, darling,” she said, “sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I’ll be over in half an hour. I’ll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I’ll feed the baby and I’ll call a repairman I know who’ll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I’ll do everything. In fact, I’ll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once.” “George?” said the housewife. “Who’s George?” “Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374? “No, this is 223-1375.” “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I have the wrong number.” There was a short pause and the housewife said, “Does this mean you’re not coming over?”
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September, 2014
Texas Twister
On vacation, a man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a snack at the restaurant, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed... just then, a train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. But just a few minutes later a train again shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager who says he’ll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. “Look... lie here on the bed -- you’ll be thrown right to the floor!” So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in. He takes one look at the manager lying in bed with his wife and yells, “Hey! What are you doing in here!?” The manager calmly replies, “Would you believe I’m waiting for a train?” ***** Cora, an elderly woman walked into her local St Michael’s Church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps, ‘Where would you like to sit?’ he asked politely. ‘The front row please,’ Cora answered amiably. ‘You really don’t want to do that,’ the usher said, ‘This vicar is really boring.’ ‘Sonny, do you happen to know who I am?’ Cora inquired, looking directly at him. ‘No.’ he rejoined. ‘I’m the vicar’s mother,’ Cora announced indignantly. ‘Do you know who I am?’ he asked. ‘No.’ she said. ‘Good,’ he answered and disappeared.
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Answers on Page 21
Answers on Page 21
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September, 2014 The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, “Oh, Crap!” Only the deep South was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, “Hey Y’all, watch this!” ***** A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear--everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie - the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola, and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?” One eye opened. The wife said, “You idiot, I meant my dress size!” The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.
Texas Twister
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Date August 15 August 22 August 29 September 5 September 12 September 19 September 26 October 3 October 10 October 17 October 24 October 31 November 7
September, 2014
Caddo Mills Foxes Varsity Football 2014
Opponent Cooper Mineola Boles Lone Oak Palmer Community ***Quitman Bye *Life Oak Cliff *Scurry Rosser *Red Oak Life * Sunnyvale **Commerce
Site Cooper Caddo Mills Away Away Caddo Mills Caddo Mills Caddo Mills
Time TBA TBA 7:30 7:30 7:30 7:30 7:30
Away Away Caddo Mills Away Caddo Mills
7:30 7:30 7:30 7:30 7:30
Opponent Cooper Mineola Boles Lone Oak Palmer Community Quitman Bye *Life Oak Cliff *Scurry Rosser *Red Oak Life *Sunnyvale *Commerce
Site Away Caddo Mills Caddo Mills Caddo Mills Away Away Away
Time TBA TBA 6:00 6:00 7:00 7:00 7:00
Caddo Mills Caddo Mills Away Caddo Mills Away
7:00 7:00 7:00 7:00 7:00
* District Game
*District **Parents Night ***Homecoming
Caddo Mills Foxes Middle School Foxes 2014
Opponent Palmer Community Quitman *Commerce *Life Oak Cliff *Scurry Rosser *Red Oak Life *Sunnyvale *Commerce
7th grade games start at 4:30 followed by the 8th Head Football Coach: Steve Sumrow Superintendent: Vicki Payne Middle School Principal: Anne Payne Middle School Phone: 903-527-3161 Middle School Football Office: 903-527-2358 * District Game
Caddo Mills Foxes JV Football 2014
Head Football Coach: Steve Sumrow Superintendent: Vicki Payne High School Principal: Brian McKamy High School Phone: 903-527-3164 Football Office: 903-527-0314
Head Football Coach: Steve Sumrow Superintendent: Vicki Payne High School Principal: Brian McKamy High School Phone: 903-527-3164 Football Office: 903-527-0314
Date September 11 September 18 September 25 October 2 October 9 October 16 October 23 October 30 November 6
Date August 15 August 22 August 28 September 4 September 11 September 18 September 25 October 2 October 9 October 16 October 23 October 30 November 6
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Site Away Away Away Away Caddo Mills Caddo Mills Away Caddo Mills Away
Date Aug. 8 Aug. 9 Time Aug. 12 4:30 Aug. 14-17 4:30 Aug. 19 Aug. 22-23 4:30 Aug. 26 4:30 Aug. 28 & 30 4:30 Aug. 29 4:30 Sept. 2 4:30 Sept 4 & 6 4:30 Sept. 5 4:30 Sept. 9 *Sept. 12 *Sept. 16 *Sept. 19 *Sept. 23 *Sept. 27 (SAT) *#Sept 30 *Oct. 3 *Oct. 7 *Oct. 10 *Oct. 14 *Oct. 18 (SAT) *%Oct. 21 *Oct. 24 *+Oct. 28
Lady Foxes Volleyball 2014
Opponent 9th JV V Scrimmage 10 10 10 Scrimmage 10 10 10 Greenville 5 6 7 Wimberley Tourn TBA Royse City 5:30 5:30 6:30 Wills Point V Tourn TBA Wills Point 5 6 7 Forney V Tourn. TBA Bells 4:30 4:30 5:30 Bonham 5 6 7 Wills Point 9, JV Tourn TBA OPEN Rains 5 6 7 Whitewright 5:30 4:30 4:30 Farmersville 5:30 5:30 6:30 Commerce 5:30 5:30 4:30 Tom Bean 5:30 5:30 6:30 Van Alstyne 3 4 5 Lone Oak 5:30 5:30 6:30 Leonard 5:30 5:30 4:30 Whitewright 5:30 5:30 6:30 Farmersville 5:30 5:30 4:30 Commerce 5:30 5:30 6:30 Van Alstyne 3 4 5 Tom Bean 5:30 5:30 6:30 Lone Oak 5:30 5:30 4:30 Leonard 5:30 5:30 6:30
Location Caddo Mills Wills Point Caddo Mills Wimberley Royse City Wills Point Caddo Mills Forney Caddo Mills Bonham Wills Point Caddo Mills Caddo Mills Farmersville Caddo Mills Tom Bean Van Alstyne Caddo Mills Leonard Whitewright Caddo Mills Commerce Caddo Mills Caddo Mills Lone Oak Caddo Mills
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September, 2014
YOUR SMILE AND YOUR HEALTH By C Gene Hamil DDS Parkway Dental
People want to keep their teeth for a life-
time; they want them to be straight, pretty and white. I hear that every day. The patient is concerned that because their parents lost their teeth in their forties that they are doomed to the same fate.
Big concern is bad gums and soft enamel.
The diagnosis of pyorrhea was a terminal infection of the gums and could not be treated, so dentures were the only solution. We don’t see that condition much anymore.
Mostly we see Periodontitis which is treat-
able. Twice as many teeth are lost to gum disease than tooth decay. Soft enamel can be treated but at an early age. Just like a classic auto, our teeth and gums need early continuous care to maintain that smile for a lifetime!
Texas Twister
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September, 2014 LOW CARB PIZZA BITES
Howdy Texas Twister Fans, Well, football season is here and I’m going to give you some great recipes to please that football man of yours. (While they are watching football, why don’t you get out of the kitchen and go spend some of their money shopping, believe me they won’t miss you hahaha). I want to take this time to thank all our service men and women and their family, for all they do for us and the sacrifices they’ve made for us. So, if you see one, past or present, tell them how much you appreciate them and their service to this country.
BUFFALO WINGS Ingredients 12 chicken wing drummettes 2 Tbsp melted diet margarine 2 Tbsp bottled hot sauce ( your choice of brand 1 & 1/2 Tbsp red wine vinegar Directions Cut wings into 2 pieces at the joint. Remove and discard tips. Broil chicken 20 to 25 min Combine butter, hot sauce, and vinegar in saucepan. Add chicken. Toss to coat evenly. Options: You can serve with your choice of sauce, ranch, honey mustard, sweet & sour, etc. Nutritional Facts Servings 3 Calories 178 Cholesterol 68 mg, Sodium 213 mg, Carbohydrate 1 g, Protein 26 g, Fat 8 g, Fiber trace
They’re easy and fun to make – and have only 1g carbohydrates apiece! Ingredients 8 ounces cream cheese 2 eggs 1 tsp. garlic powder 1 tsp. oregano 1/4 cup SF pizza sauce or spaghetti sauce 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese or combination mozzarella & other cheese such as parmesan 1/2 cup finely minced green pepper or any other pizza topping 24 slices pepperoni Directions Poke pepperoni in bottoms of mini muffin pan(I find oiling the pan doesn’t work well. Cream the cream cheese with mixer until smooth and fluffy. Add eggs,garlic powder and oregano, and beat until smooth. Mix rest of ingredients by hand. Fill muffin cups with cheese and egg mixture. Bake 15-18 minutes, or lightly browned on top and set in the center. Remove from oven and cool a few minutes(5-10). Run a knife around top to loosen,( I use a plastic knife for my non-stick pan) Remove to a plate. You can also make it without the pepperoni also. Serves 24 Nutritional Facts Servings 24 Each piece with pepperoni Calories 67 Carbohydrates 1g, Protein 3g, Each piece without pepperoni Calories 47 Carbohydrates 1g, Protein 2g
Texas Twister A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, “I’d give anything to sink this next putt.” A stranger walks up to him and whispers, “Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?” The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, “OK.” And sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, “Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole.” The same stranger moves to his side and says, “Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?” The golfer shrugs and says, “Sure.” And he makes an eagle. Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, “Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?” The golfer says, “Certainly.” And makes the eagle. As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,”You know, I’ve really not been fair with you because you don’t know who I am. I’m the devil and from now on you will have no sex life.” “Nice to meet you,” says the golfer. “My name’s Father O’Malley.” ***** An English professor wrote the words, “A woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
903-883-5263
It’s September and the last of the summer
days are upon us. Well, in Texas, who knows, nice warm weather could last until Thanksgiving. But if you want to use the grill and have left-over’s for lunch during the week this is wonderful…grilled pork chops with grilled pineapple rings. The few rings that were left over got chopped up into a sal-
September, 2014 er cake mixes and ordered it for me. This was my
1/2 tsp garlic powder
first “real” recipe. Surprise muffins. You add your
4-6 pork chops
favorite jelly/jam/fresh fruit in the middle and top
Mix together the pineapple juice (reserved from the
with more muffin mix. They are great if you are
can of pineapple rings), brown sugar, soy sauce, and
hunting for some way to add the yummm factor to
garlic powder together in a gallon-sized re-sealable
your breakfast and breakfast includes getting every-
plastic bag until all the sugar is dissolved. Add the
one off to work and school. It freezes well, and you
pork chops and zip closed. Place in the fridge for 8
can “doctor” it up to suit the different family mem-
to 12 hours. When ready to cook, preheat grill to me-
bers. Bake them with your kids on the weekend
dium-high heat. Remove chops from bag and place
and freeze. The plain ones even go great with roast
on grill. Brush pork chops with marinade while they
or chicken. The last is an easy summer dessert that
are cooking to let the flavor really soak in.
Mom made with fresh fruit. Peaches, plums, apples
Grill until pork chops are browned and no longer
or pears. She got this from Aunt Helen. Thanks,
pink inside (about 6 to 8 minutes per side- depend-
Aunt Helen, it’s as good now as it was when you
ing on thickness of chops). While chops are cook-
shared it with mom.
ing, place pineapple rings on grill; cook until they are warmed through and have slight grill marks on
ad, with some of the pork chops and tomatoes and cucumbers. They were yumm!!!!! When we were small and learning to cook, Mom got me a “My First Cookbook”. She saved box tops from Betty Crock-
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SURPRISE MUFFINS
them. Serve pork chops with grilled pineapple on
1-1/2 cups all purpose flour
top. To add more flavor, use green hickory, pecan,
1 Tbsp baking powder
or apple chips or wood to smoke your grilling meat.
1/4 tsp salt 3 Tbsp sugar
EASY FRUIT CROISSENTS
4 Tbsp vegetable oil
1 Tube croissants
1 large egg, lightly beaten
fresh fruit (peach, pear, apple or pear) cut into quar-
1/2 cup milk
ters
1/2 cup water
Melted butter
And your favorite jelly or jam.
¼ C sugar
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Grease a 12 cup muffin tin. In a medium bowl, combine the flour,
¼ teaspoon Cinnamon 1 can Mt. Dew
baking powder, salt, and sugar. In a small bowl, mix
Heat oven to 350°. Open tube of croissants, sepa-
together the vegetable oil, egg, milk, and water. Add
rate into triangles, brush with melted butter. Peel,
liquid ingredients to the bowl of dry ingredients.
core and quarter your fresh fruit. Place a quarter
Quickly mix the ingredients altogether, making sure
on each triangle, sprinkle with sugar and cinnamon,
not to over mix. Fill each muffin cup ½ full, spoon a
and roll per instructions for croissants. Spray 9 X 13
teaspoon of jelly/jam into the cup and finish off with
baking pan and place each croissant in dish so they
enough batter to ¾ full. Bake for 20 minutes or until
are not touching. Then pour Mountain Dew over the
toothpick in center of muffin comes out clean. And
fruit filled croissants. Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until
it is YUMMM!!!!!
fruit is tender. (to cut cooking time with apples and pears, microwave quarters 20 to 30 seconds on high
GRILLED PINEAPPLE PORK CHOPS
and let cool before wrapping in croissant). And so
20 oz pineapple rings, reserve juice
YUMMMM!!!!!! If you have left-over’s, they are
1/2 cup brown sugar
great for school or work lunches.
1/2 cup soy sauce
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September, 2014
Texas Twister
LAKE TAWAKONI HAS STILL GOT IT GOIN’ ON!
By Kelley Goodson Goody’s Marina & Tackle
Lake Tawakoni still has it going on even with lake levels being extremely low. That didn’t stop the Hot Boat’s from launching out of Goody’s Marina & Tackle for the Regatta that took place the last weekend in July. MORE CHRISTIAN ONE LINERS Don’t put a question mark where God put a period. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Don’t wait for 6 strong men to take you to church. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Forbidden fruits create many jams. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* God grades on the cross, not the curve. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* God loves everyone,
But probably prefers ‘fruits of the spirit’ over ‘religious nuts!’ *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* He who angers you, controls you! *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats! *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Prayer: Don’t give God instructions, just report for duty!
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* We don’t change the message, The message changes us. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* You can tell how big a person is By what it takes to discourage him/her.
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• Have access to a new, innovative STEM lab. • Participate in agricultural and manufacturing competitions. • Have the opportunity to join extensive fine arts programs. • Participate in dual credit college offerings. • Play an integral part in community engagement and growth. • Accepting transfers!
4884 State Highway 276 West Union Valley, Texas (972) 635-2096 Sweetwater Grill is the newest neighborhood restaurant in the Union Valley/Royse City area. It has gotten rave reviews from area residents already. It is also the lifelong dream of owner Chris Young. Chris is a hometown boy who graduated from Ford High School in Quinlan. He brings years of experience in all aspects of the restaurant business. His love of people and good times makes for a perfect match at Sweetwater. At Sweetwater the wait staff strives to make every drink, appetizer, meal and dessert a memorable occasion. Sweetwater offers a great variety of food from the outstanding queso, delicious pinto beans to the amazing burgers and fish tacos. The homemade potato chips with the Sweetwater dipping sauce are a must. They also offer daily specials including their hamburger steak served with loaded mashed potatoes, pinto beans and garlic toast. Don’t forget to try one of the delicious desserts they offer. Sweetwater is a non-smoking family friendly restaurant that has live music every weekend. Don’t forget to drop by to watch your favorite sporting events. They also are a great place to have wedding receptions, baby showers or a family reunion.
Boles ISD 9777 FM 2101 Quinlan, TX 903-883-4464 At Boles ISD, our mission is to provide an educational environment in which all students can learn and acquire the skills to be productive citizens. Among our many achievements, the staff and students of Boles ISD: • Met academic requirements set by the Texas Education Agency in addition to many honorary distinctions. • Provide a small class size with personalized instruction.
Quinlan ISD 401 E Richmond Street Quinlan, TX 903-356-1220 Quinlan ISD…Opening Doors to a World of Opportunities • QISD students have received over 3,000 free dual credit courses. This year, several students will graduate with an associate’s degree for free that they will receive simultaneously with their high school diploma. • Career tech/dual credit offerings at Ford High School include cosmetology, auto tech, construction trades, audio visual productions, animal science, robotics and rocketry, agriculture mechanics and business and finance. • Career certification programs that are offered at Ford High School include: Certified Nursing Assistant, ASE Automotive Service Excellence, NCCER – Carpentry Fundamentals Level One, Veterinarian Assistant Certification, Computer Maintenance and Repair A+, Cosmetology, American Welding Society Certificate and NA3SA (Automotive Skills Assessment). • Expanded marketing/advertising programs have been established for approved businesses to network and build relationships with district staff members and families. • QISD will continually expand upon and upgrade district facilities, technology advancements, safety and security measures, comprehensive curriculum for all grade levels and more. • Elementary and middle school campuses will build upon the Leader in Me program based on the 7 Habits of Highly Successful People. • Development of QISD/City Park is becoming a reality for district families and community members to enjoy.
Farmers Electric Cooperative 2000 East I-30 Greenville, TX 75402 903-455-1715 Farmers Electric Cooperative actually began as two cooperatives. In August 1936, a group met in the school house at Heath, in Rockwall County to discuss creating an R. E.A. project which would be called Rockwall County Electric Company. In September 1936, just about 30 days following the Heath meeting, another group met in Rains County and they voted to create Tri-County Electric Company. Because the two projects were so close in area, the R.E.A. suggested a merger and on September 11, 1937 Farmers Electric Cooperative was born. Setting up a cooperative wasn’t easy. The organizers were ordinary citizens who held meetings in schools, churches and other gathering places to convince people to join the cooperative. The organizers worked for free, they went house to house and the results were not always positive. In 1935 the membership fee of $5 was a lot of money and people were skeptical. After several months of meetings, Farmers Electric Cooperative had enough members to get approval from the REA. The first lines were energized on September 14, 1938. On that day, 101 new Farmers Electric Cooperative members now had electricity for the first time. Farmers Electric Cooperative has come a long way in the last 75 years. We now serve over 49,000 homes and businesses in the fast-growing region spanning Dallas, Collin, Rockwall, Hunt, Kaufman, Rains, Hopkins, Delta, Franklin, Fannin, Van Zandt and Wood counties in Texas. (www.fecelectric.com) Farmers Electric Cooperative is a contributor to communities, youth programs and scholarships charities and much more. Information taken from http://www.fecelectric.com/
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APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER Full Name (first, middle, last) __________________________________ Date of Birth __/___/___ Height_____ Weight_____ IQ_____ GPA______ Social Security #____-____-____ Driver’s License #_________________ Boy Scout Rank________________ Home Address (city, state, zip)________________________________apt. # _______ Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent in the home? (y/n))_____ If no, please explain:____________________________ Do you own: A van? (y/n)____ Truck w/oversized tires? (y/n) _____ Waterbed? (y/n)____ Do you have an earring, nose ring, nipple ring, belly button ring, tattoo? (circle all that apply) In 50 words or less... What does the word “LATE” mean to you?___________ ______________________ In at least 25 words...What do the words, “ Don’t touch my daughter mean to you” ? __________________________ In at least 25 words...What does the word “ABSTINENCE” mean to you? ________ __________________________ Feel free to use back of page or attach additional sheets for above questions. Church you attend:____________________ How often?_________________ When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and priest or other religious education provider?_______________________________________________ Answer the following freely and completely honestly. All Answers are Confidential (that means I will not tell anyone --ever -- really! I promise! ) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is____________________. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my____________. A woman’s place is_______________________________. The “one” thing I hope this application doesn’t ask me about is ____________________ _______________________________________________ When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is_____________.* Note...if the answer to this question begins with T or A , discontinue at this point and leave the premises! Keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised. What do you want to be IF you grow up? I swear that all information supplied above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge, under penalty of death, a severe beating, dismemberment, torture, crucifixion, electrocution. Any penalty will be decided at the whim of the father. Signature _____________t ___________________ Date ________ Witness ________________________________ Date ________ Character Reference ________________________________ Date ________ Notarized ________________________________ Date ________ Note: This application will be considered incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, copy of birth certificate, job history, lineage, and a current medical report from your doctor. Please allow four (4) to six (6) years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not call or write as this will only delay the procedure and possibly cause you undue anxiety, if not a visit from the Terminator. If your application is rejected, you will be notified in person by two well dressed gentlemen with violin cases. Do not turn your back on them. Thank you for your interest! Have a NICE DAY!
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DEAR DIET DIARY
As a Christmas present this year, my daughter, Cresley [what a thoughtful darling] bought for me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in reasonable shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Juan Antonio [ooh what a name] who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. Monday Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Juan Antonio waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god: he has curly hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Yippee! Juan Antonio gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Juan Antonio [call me Tony by now] was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my stomach was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FABULOUS week! My New Year resolutions will be easy. Tuesday
September, 2014 I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out of the door. Tony made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air. Later he put weights on it. My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Tony’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It’s a whole new life for me. Wednesday The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. Tony was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning; and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Tony put me on the stair ‘monster’. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Tony told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other garbage too. Thursday Tony was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. That man then took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent a skinny woman to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine which I sank.
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Friday I hate that man, Toady or whatever his name is, more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. He is a stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little bighead. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Toady wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t had me the flippin’ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on the health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? Saturday That person, that Toady, left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. Sunday I’m having the Church bus collect me up so I can go to services today and thank God that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter Cresley [the cruel, whining creep] will choose a gift for me that is fun: like root canal treatment or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!