cover story
Caregivers come in many forms and inspire many By Elise Oberliesen
S
ome people might describe Judy Hefren as that rare person who takes caregiving and compassion to new levels. While she finishes her Ph.D. in social work, Judy teaches at Florida State University and works part time at Big Bend Hospice, in a grief program for children and teens—yet makes time to check on her 82-year-old-mother Joan, every day. “I’ve encouraged her to use her cell phone. If I try her home and cell phone repeatedly and don’t get a response, I will go by the house and make sure she’s OK,” Judy says. While working at the hospice, Judy extends her heart and hand to grieving parents struggling to comfort their children who desperately want to bring a sibling or parent or grandparent back. “I work with the parents, because their children are grieving and so the idea is to help the parents be supportive of their children while they’re dealing with their own grief,” she says. “If a child doesn’t want to talk about it, that needs to be OK too. Parents need to honor the child’s choices.” 16
YOUR HEALTH December 2012
Kids deal with death much differently than adults, says Judy. Emotions like anger, sadness and guilt may cause some kids to act out with unruly temper tantrums while others, perhaps teens, withdraw as they struggle to express feelings. With her adept sense of compassion, Judy helps families make sense of the grieving process while letting them know she understands their pain. Learning how to move on after losing a loved one is something few of us ever prepare for. But that’s just what Judy faced when her only son, Christopher, died in a tragic car crash in 2007, at age 17. In the mid-90s, Judy adopted Christopher. Christopher inspired her to pursue her true calling in social work and forgo a successful career in accounting. Since his death, she wears many hats— child advocate, caregiver, teacher, and confidant. Even as our little ones grow up, Judy believes, they still need TLC, even the college-aged ones. “Something I take very seriously is the caregiving aspect of teaching,” Hefren says. “Parents have