The dependent person will often find a dominant partner, someone who is happy to run someone else’s life, who wants a submissive and agreeable mate. In the early stages of a relationship, even into the early years of marriage, the dominant and the submissive partners may feel that they were made for each other. In time, however, the relationship becomes strained. Dependent people are often ambiguous about their dependence. They find comfort when someone takes care of their needs but resent the fact that often they end up subservient to the arbitrary whims of another. In time, too, dependent people can mature and seek to take control of their own lives, and this upsets the balance of the relationship. There is more at stake here than simply getting one’s way on this or that issue. Our sense of self is closely tied to the exercise of responsibility. If someone else is making all of my major decisions, then I may feel that I am hardly living my own life, and that I am not important. Struggles for power, within marriage or elsewhere, normally have a great deal to do with the protagonists’ sense of self-worth. If partners come to understand what is happening in their relationship they may be able to cope with it. Things do not usually come out in the form of rational discourse, however. The assertion of greater independence can take covert forms - sniping, putdowns, passive aggression. The formerly submissive partner feels oppressed. The dominant partner feels betrayed because the rules have changed; the strength that used to be admired and appreciated is now denigrated. 5.
immaturity
The form of immaturity to be considered here is the inability to follow through on commitments. This makes conjugal life difficult and in some cases impossible. If you are baby sitting a youngster and order him to bed at the assigned time and he informs you that he hates you, it doesn’t mean much. He is expressing the feeling of the moment. A mature person saying such a thing would realise that these words will affect the whole relationship. The youngster will probably not think about it the next time he sees you. He doesn’t live life in such large segments. To take another example, a
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