An institution may enforce its norms by passing laws backed by penalties. The laws may be made and enforced by the state, or they may be made by lower-level institutions and enforced by praise and blame and by those penalties (e.g., denial of privileges, exclusion from membership) that are available to that particular institution. Laws that require parents to take care of their children not only modify the behaviour of potentially delinquent parents, but also reinforce the general belief that parents are responsible for the welfare of their children. The influences mentioned above have both motivational and instructional effect; they not only encourage spouses to bear and rear children but also teach them how to do so by instruction, example, and by honouring those special skills and practices that the wisdom of the culture identifies as appropriate and effective. 3. agape Christian marriage is characterized by spousal agape, which strengthens some of the above-mentioned qualities that orient a marriage towards the good of children and adds others. Having overcome individual egotism, spousal agape doesn’t then create a sort of egotism of the couple. Spousal agape does not close the partners in on themselves. Having learned to love one’s spouse generously one becomes better able to love others. There can be any number of objects of that love of others, but children, who at first are in no position to merit love, are its special beneficiaries. Parents reflect the divine agape in a special way insofar as they not only love existing human beings but also beget new persons. Then they give themselves to their children by sharing life with them in the intimacy of the home.146 The marital bond, characterized by unconditional and permanent147 love between 146
Of course people can share themselves in this latter way also with adopted children, resulting in a sense of belonging between adoptive parents and children much like, and in some cases greater than, that between biological parents and children. 147
This will be discussed further in a later chapter.
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