HAPPY SPRING TO ALL! Also, Happy May to all and Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers. The city of Seattle celebrated with a May Day parade through downtown Seattle by various protest groups which quickly disintegrated into an orgy of mayhem, vandalism, and window smashing by black-clad, Nike-wearing, masked anarchists (read: homeless youth) who ruined the event, as usual. Smashing windows, as you may or may not know, is a great way to educate America on the evils of capitalism. The anarchists later celebrated their “victory over the Man” by going to McDonalds where they collectively split a Happy Meal. Odd as it may seem, the Seattle police were unable to stop the mayhem, and only Phoenix Jones and his super-hero sidekicks Midnightjack and El Caballero bravely stood up to the evil doers and saved the Federal building from further destruction, gaining national media attention for themselves in the process. I predict an appearance on Good Morning America and The Tonight Show with Jay Leno is in the near future for Phoenix Jones and his costumed crew... stay tuned! The appearance of these “black bloc anarchists” around the world has given rise to numerous conspiracy theories on who the perpetrators really are. A confidential source informs me that they are really police officers in disguise working to discredit the Occupy Wall Street movement. Another source informs me they are rejects from the Ninja Turtles Academy for Wayward Youth, while a third source claims they are a collection of misguided baristas, bicycle messengers and Somalian pirates doing the dirty work for an international Cabal run by Jewish bankers, Chinese gangsters, and former rock stars who have been ripped off by the recording industry. I believe the truth lies elsewhere, but I do love a good conspiracy theory. Yes, I do! On a sad note, Seattle’s ultimate punk rock dive bar, the Funhouse, has officially announced they have been evicted from their current premises to make way for a brand new, Peter Kropotkin: original Communist Anarchist and inventor of the ZZ Top beard. state-of-the-art condominium (which is exactly what Seattle needs more of...NOT!) and will close their doors for good in October of 2012. I am sure the Funhouse will land on its feet and find a sweet new spot (hopefully not in Georgetown) to reopen in, although I will miss that gorgeous view of the Space Needle while sipping an ice cold PBR brewski. On a positive closing note, here’s more super-hero news: Seattle’s own Miss Cleo Petra (hero of burlesque girls everywhere) has published her latest issue of Pin-up Quarterly, Seattle’s Girly Magazine. If you haven’t seen these mags, they are quarterly, full-color, glossy magazines featuring Seattle’s hottest pin-up girls as photographed by world-renowned RJB Photography. The launch party for the latest issue takes place Saturday night, May 12, at Bogart’s. I had the honor of writing the guest column for this issue, so check it out, and I will see you at the release party! That’s it for now... more exciting news, tasty tidbits, and my Bartender of the Year next month! Paul Diamond Blow works as a part time hustler when he’s not writing for the Sinner. His new book “Tales From Outer Space” is available at paulblow.tripod. com. Buy it, you cheap bastards!
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SATURDAY MAY 12th Local Chaos, Seattle Sinner, Splatterhouse Records & Kgrg 89.9fm’s Zorch Radio Present: 8th Annual Seattle Psychobilly Brawl Sawyer Family; James Hunnicutt; Los Gatos Locos; Sawyer Family; Repo Men; James Hunnicutt; Hard Money Saints; Hot Roddin’ Romeos; The Load Levelers; Angie & The Carwrecks; The Mean Street Meanie; Bloody T-Shirt Contest By The Slaughterhouse Slashers! + Psycho Burlesque And Gogo Acts @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N in Seattle 21+, Doors @ 5:30Pm/ Show @ 6pm, $10 Advance Through brownpapertickets.com Or $12 At The Door SUNDAY MAY 13th Sawyer Family; Antique Scream; Hopeless Jack and the Handsome Devil (OR) @ Tony V’s Garage 1712 Hewitt Ave In Everett 21+, 9pm, $5 WEDNESDAY MAY 16th The Misery Jackals (Ohio Bluegrass/ Folk Punk); Rats In The Grass; Ando Ehlers & GG Chaos Death Polka!; Paul Diamond Blow + Guests @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 9pm, $5, $1 Beer Night!!! SUNDAY JUNE 24th Dirty Filthy Mugs (LA); The Aimlows; + Guests @ Tony V’s Garage 1712 Hewitt Ave In Everett 21+, 9pm, $5
MONDAY JUNE 25th GG Chaos’s Birthday Bash Dirty Filthy Mugs (LA); The Last Slice (Tulsa, OK); The A-Oks (Denver, CO) + Guests @ The Funhouse 206 5th Ave N 21+, 9:30pm, $5, $1 Beers All Night! TUESDAY JUNE 26th Psychosomatic (Sacramento Thrash Punk) + Guests @ 2Bit Saloon 4818 17th Avenue NW (Ballard) 21+, 9pm, $5 WEDNESDAY JUNE 27th The Chop Tops (Santa Cruz, CA); Danny B Harvey (Legendary Rockats Guitarist - Austin, TX); The Strikers (San Diego, CA); Radio Threat (Ventura, CA); The Shivering Denizens Plus Judgement Day Playing The Lounge Directly Following The Chop Tops Set! @ El Corazon 109 Eastlake Ave in Seattle ALL AGES/ Bar with ID, 7pm $10 advance or $12 at the door SATURDAY JULY 21st Shell Corporation (From LA w/ Members Of The Fixtures, Veteran Flashbax and A Whilhelm Scream); The Mighty Fine (CA); Dukich; The Loss + Guest @ 2Bit Saloon 4818 17th Avenue Nw (Ballard) 21+, 9pm, $7
Stayed tuned for a lot more tasty shows to be announced soon including SEATTLE SKA FEST, CHAOSPALOOZA and SEATTLE PSYCHOBILLY BRAWL! Thanks for the support. Hope to see you at a show soon. www.facebook.com/local.chaos.greg www.twitter.com/localchaosshows • www.localchaosproductions.com
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