So…You Live on a Boat and Need a Driver’s License? By Robert Sapp
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es sir, how can I help you today?” the clerk at the tax collector’s office pleasantly asked as I stepped up to the counter when my number was called. “I’d like to update my driver’s license to reflect that I now live on my boat,” I said. “May I see your license, please?” the clerk asked with a frown. Studying it for a moment, she asked, “Is this no longer a good address for you?” “No, we sold that house last December and don’t live there anymore. We live on our boat now,” I replied. The clerk’s frown deepened, “I’m afraid we can’t use your boat as your legal address. You’ll have to provide a physical address.” “We have a Post Office box up the street, can I use that?” “No sir, you have to provide a physical address. You can’t use a Post Office box.” “Well the Post Office gave me a street address to use when I need packages delivered, can I use that?” I asked. It’s a service the Post Office provides and I’ve had success in giving this address in other situations where a PO Box wasn’t acceptable. “And what is that address?” she asked. I gave it to her. “No sir, that’s still the Post Office and that can’t be your physical address.” “Well I don’t have one then. We get our mail at our Post Office box, and we live on our boat. Meanwhile I need to get this license changed since I don’t live at that address anymore.” The clerk thought for a minute. “Where do you keep your boat, sir?” “At the marina down the street,” “Ah, well, you’ll have to list the marina as your address. Have them provide you with a letter on their letterhead stating that you reside there and then we’ll change your license to that address.”
“Why would I want to do that?” I asked. “Excuse me, sir?” she asked, startled. “I don’t live at the marina. I live on my boat. It just happens to be parked at that marina at the moment. I might change marinas tomorrow. Or I might go anchor in Big Lagoon and stay there for a while. And I’m not going to come in here and pay you $32 to change the address on my license every time I decide to move to a different marina.” “Excuse me sir, I need to talk to my supervisor,” she said, and left. Five minutes later, she was back. “If you won’t list the marina as your residence, then you’ll have to use a friend’s or relative’s address—someplace where you can receive mail. That’s what we commonly do for homeless people.” “What’s your address?” I asked with a smile. Unfortunately, she wasn’t amused by my question. “You can’t use my address,” she said sternly. “It will have to be a friend or relative.”
“So if I just give you somebody’s address, you’ll be happy and give me a license?” “No sir, you’ll have to prove that you live there.” “And how would I do that, since I don’t?” “You’ll have to bring in two utility bills or other official mail delivered to you at that address. Then you can sign a self-certification stating that that is your physical address.” “Look, this is ridiculous,” I said. “I’m not going to sign a form that says I live somewhere I don’t. I had no problem changing my voter’s registration,” I added, pulling my voter’s card from my wallet. “They said they see this all the time, and made the county courthouse my address. So how about we use that?” I stated. “Sir, you can’t use the courthouse as your address.” “Why not? The Supervisor of Elections is fine with it.” “Sir, we need a physical address so that if the state of Florida needs to find you, there’s a door they can knock on and the person who answers will know where you are.” I just stared at her for a moment. “Are you serious?” I said. “If I gave you a letter from the marina so that you can check your little box, you’d give me a license. But if I’m off sailing around, I guarantee you if you went knocking on the marina office door looking for me, they wouldn’t have a clue where I was.” Nothing pisses off a bureaucrat more than undermining their petty rules with logic. I could see in her face that I was now the enemy. Turning to her computer, she started typing furiously. “Sir, I’m preparing a letter of instruction stating that you have two options. You can either provide a letSee DRIVER’S LICENSE continued on page 60
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