Lifestyles
Cardella
By Tom Cardella Columnist
In the hospital
I
Adam (Ashton Kutcher), left, and Emma (Natalie Portman) unravel the true meaning of friends with benefits in Ivan Reitman’s “No Strings Attached.”
By R. Kurt Osenlund Movie Reviewer
W
owed by Natalie Portman’s Oscar-bound turn in “Black Swan?” Witness a whole new dimension of the megastar’s ever-growing talent in “No Strings Attached,” the rote rom-com Portman not only produced, but hoists from the gutters of the January doldrums with a winning, sharply funny performance. If “Swan” showcased her riveting dramatic skills and physical dedication, then “Strings,” more than anything we’ve seen before, highlights Portman’s genuine gift for comedy. It suggests she can basically handle anything, and it promises a lengthy career packed with intriguing, entertaining and wide-ranging work. Which isn’t to say “Strings” is something you should rush out to see. Rife with the same deadbeat tropes that have derailed far superior forerunners, it’s the sort of movie you watch in its edited form on a lazy Saturday on cable, where it’s sure to wind up. Advice-spouting buddies, convenient montages, mad dashes and unconvincing love are all accounted for in this semi-risqué sexcapade, which sees a doctor (Portman) and a TV producer (Ashton Kutcher) use each other for nookie then struggle with the consequence of romance rushing in. While you’re yawning, know also that the pair’s cool chemistry is often squashed by their underwritten, bodysnatcher hollowness. It’s the accessories that make the ensemble here, with chief credit going to Portman’s instincts and vital support coming from the killer line deliveries of co-stars like Mindy Kaling and Lake Bell. Screenwriter Elizabeth Meriwether has been criticized for the film’s abundant raunch, but it’s a lot less strained or gratuitous than
the dirty bits of “Going the Distance,” just as the frank sexual comfort is much more comfortable than that of “Love & Other Drugs.” The dialogue’s got punch and the brazen rhythm, however uneven, yields a whole lot of laughs. “Strings” is the best thing to come from director Ivan Reitman since 1993’s “Dave,” and that it’s still only worthy of half-hearted recommendation says a thing or two about his output. He owes a big debt of gratitude to Portman, who helps turn this mediocre movie into a mediocre movie with benefits.
No Strings Attached R Two-and-a-half reels out of four Now playing in area theaters
Recommended Rental Monsters R Available Tuesday An inspiring example of artful, expensive-looking filmmaking on a budget, “Monsters” is the sci-fi feature debut of visual effects artist Gareth Edwards, whose subtle showmanship is matched by his aptitude for social allegory. Scoot McNairy and Whitney Able star in this impressive tale of aliens, borders, fear and ignorance — one of the great, rare finds of 2010. SPR Comment and see the trailers for this week’s movies at www.southphillyreview.com/arts-andentertainment/movies.
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Comment at www.southphillyreview.com/opinion/cardella.
Strung in by Portman
SOUTh PHILLY REVIEW I january 27, 2011
took what now appears to be my annual trip to Jefferson Hospital. If you can’t get away to Florida, a week in a hospital where all you are expected to do is lay in bed with the singular goal of getting better isn’t half bad. I became known as the guy with the “nice veins.” I can see that on my headstone: He had nice veins. There have been worse epitaphs. If I were in the cast of “True Blood,” I would be a sex symbol for my veins. Doctors marveled over my CT scans and ultra sounds because they found nothing. There is no better sounding word than “nothing” when your tests are reviewed. I found out I am a big nothing and am proud of it. There is a but that must be inserted here. Some hidden bacteria hides in my body like a Republican at an ACLU meeting. An antibiotic is summoned to do battle with the invader and I envision some climactic confrontation between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. Luckily, it appears the force is still with me. If you spend any time at all in a big-city hospital, you find it is a community in itself. Despite all the horror stories we read about hospitals, I find this one reasonably efficient. This is not to say that everything is perfect. There are still the times when you figure your body will rebel against the numerous vials of blood being drawn from it. Surely, it will flash empty at some point. You must also brace for the nocturnal visits in search of your vital signs. My belief is that so long as they are taking your vital signs, it is a sure sign you still have vital signs. The biggest puzzle is the use of the stethoscope. The use of the stethoscope was and still is the main instrument that you use as a kid to play doctor. In real life, I believe the stethoscope is merely a prop doctors and nurses use to make it appear as if they are doing something. I automatically respond at the sight of it by sitting up and taking deep breaths. Has anyone ever had a doctor actually make a diagnosis by using a stethoscope? It is as much of the medical ritual as the tongue depressor. You see it; you open your mouth and say “aaaah” and everyone seems satisfied. Despite all the miracles of medical technology, the stethoscope and tongue depressor remain as our last link with simpler times when the doctor was the friendly guy down the street who occasionally made house calls and gave out lollipops to the young patients. The hospital food remains hospital food, with all of the negative connotation that
accompanies the phrase. The description of the food on the menu gives one false hope. It is one time when you are actually happy the portions are small. It strikes me as ironic that here I am enjoying the best medical care, free of the worry of how to pay for it, while Republicans are threatening to repeal the new Affordable Care Act because they believe we can’t afford it. Republicans always promise that by cutting the “fat” out of the budget, you can afford the safety net that most of us depend upon to survive. As it turns out, what Republicans consider fat, most of us consider necessary. A good example of that is the newest darling of the Republican Party is New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. It turns out that his version of waste in government is teachers’ salaries, pensions and the elimination of the job-creating tunnel connecting the northern and most populous part of his state to New York. What is not considered fat is just as instructive. While playing Mr. Tough Guy with teachers unions, the governor is a virtual pussycat with the wealthy. He refused to tax those earning more than $400,000 annually. In the ongoing battle over health care in Washington, Republicans continue to call the new law job killing. Yet, no Republican has been able to point to a single instance where jobs lost were lost because of what they derisively call Obamacare. In point of fact, neutral analysis shows the new law will have no such effect. Republicans continue to rant against a government takeover of health care when they know full well that there is no such takeover. This new law they hate so much is much the same law Republican presidential aspirant and former Gov. Mitt Romney brought to Massachusetts. It is much the same law that another Republican, former senator and one-time presidential nominee for Bob Dole sponsored. If Obamacare is essentially the brainchild of Republicans, why are congressional Republicans trying to repeal it? The first reason is the Republicans today have moved far to the right of Romney or Dole. Secondly, Republicans believe by repealing the law, they can rob the president of a significant accomplishment and make him more vulnerable for re-election. Health care is not about you. It is about the future of the Republican Party. It is about the radical right that hates all things when it comes to the federal government, including Medicare and Social Security, which it would destroy by the use of vouchers and privatization. If the Republicans have their way, the next time you need hospitalization, you will have to worry about more than just getting better. You’ll have to worry about how to pay for it. SPR