The Pitch: December 13, 2012
The Pitch, December 13-19, 2012. Kansas City's Alternative Weekly.
DECEMBER 13â€“19, 2012 | FREE | VOL. 32 NO. 24 | PITCH.COM HOBBITS! Returning to Middle Earth | PAGE 15 PLUS! FLASKS! The Pitch GUITARS! New Year's Guide Chilling at the Jacobson | PAGE 16 Science-rocking Union Station | PAGE 20 2 01 3 SEE INSERT! Burgers + Groupon + expansion = an uncertain future. BY Jonathan Bender DECEMBER 13–19, 2012 | VOL. 32 NO. 24 E D I T O R I A L Editor Scott Wilson Managing Editor Justin Kendall Music Editor David Hudnall Staff Writers Charles Ferruzza, Ben Palosaari Editorial Operations Manager Deborah Hirsch Calendar Editor Berry Anderson Clubs Editor Abbie Stutzer Food Blogger, Web Editor Jonathan Bender Proofreader Brent Shepherd Contributing Writers Tracy Abeln, Theresa Bembnister, April Fleming, Dan Savage, Abbie Stutzer Intern Nadia Imafidon A R T Art Director Ashford Stamper Contributing Photographers Angela C. Bond, Chris Mullins, Lauren Phillips, Sabrina Staires, Brooke Vandever Design Intern Chloe George P R O D U C T I O N Production Manager Christina Riddle Multimedia Designer Vu Radley A D V E R T I S I N G Sales Manager Erin Carey Senior Classified Multimedia Specialist Steven Suarez Classified Multimedia Specialist Andrew Disper Multimedia Specialists Michelle Acevedo, Kirin Arnold, Collin Click, Page Olson Director of Marketing & Operations Jason Dockery Digital Marketing Manager Keli Sweetland C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Director Mike Ryan BLANC CHECK The Plaza’s flagship burger: done well or, well, done? B U S I N E S S Accounts Receivable Jodi Waldsmith Publisher Joel Hornbostel BY J O N AT H A N B E N D E R 7 S O U T H C O M M Chief Executive Officer Chris Ferrell Chief Financial Officer Patrick Min Chief Operating Officer Rob Jiranek Chief Marketing Officer Susan Torregrossa Chief Technology Officer Matt Locke Business Manager Eric Norwood Director of Digital Sales & Marketing David Walker Director of Accounting Todd Patton Creative Director Heather Pierce Director of Online Content/Development Patrick Rains N A T I O N A L HIP FLASKS The Jacobson pipes attitude (and the best burger) into the Crossroads. A D V E R T I S I N G BY C H A R L E S F E R R U Z Z A VMG Advertising 888-278-9866, vmgadvertising.com Senior Vice President of Sales Susan Belair Senior Vice President of Sales Operations Joe Larkin 16 B A C K P A G E . C O M Vice President Sales & Marketing Carl Ferrer Business Manager Jess Adams Accountant David Roberts D I S T R I B U T I O N The Pitch distributes 45,000 copies a week and is available free throughout Greater Kansas City, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased for $5 each, payable at The Pitch’s office in advance. The Pitch may be distributed only by The Pitch’s authorized independent contractors or authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of The Pitch, take more than one copy of each week’s issue. Mail subscriptions: $22.50 for six months or $45 per year, payable in advance. Application to mail at second-class postage rates is pending at Kansas City, MO 64108. GEO LO GY 1 01 The Science of Rock ’n’ Roll has arrived at Union Station. BY DAV I D H U D N A L L 20 C O P Y R I G H T The contents of The Pitch are Copyright 2012 by KC Communications, LLC. No portion may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means without the express written permission of the publisher. The Pitch address: 1701 Main, Kansas City, MO 64108 For information or to leave a story tip, call: 816-561-6061 Editorial fax: 816-756-0502 For classifieds, call: 816-218-6759 For retail advertising, call: 816-218-6702 ON T HE COVE R INSERT: THE PITCH NEW YEAR’S GUIDE 3 4 7 11 14 15 16 18 20 24 26 30 QUESTIONNAIRE PLOG FEATURE F I LT E R STAGE FILM CAFÉ FAT CITY MUSIC STREETSIDE NIGHTLIFE SAVAGE LOVE MEANWHI LE AT PI TC H. C O M PHOTOGRAPHY BY MEGAN DEJMAL 2 THE PITCH D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 pitch.com pitch.com THE ROYALS get Shields, give up Myers in blockbuster trade. ANNEDORE’S is giving away a 3-foot-tall chocolate santa. COOPER’S HAWK is open on the Plaza. M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X THE PITCH 2 QUESTIONNAIRE ERIN OLM-SHIPMAN Collection manager, Woman-owned personal protection and self-defense training, services and supplies company. the Collectors Fund ™ Occupation: The Collectors Fund is a local art investment company that also manages the Kansas City Collection, a professionally curated, rotating art program that is displayed in the offices of local partner companies. TRAINING CLASSES AVAILABLE 5725 Nieman Rd • Shawnee, KS Hometown: Good ol’ Stilwell, Kansas 913.248.3288 Current neighborhood: West Plaza S A B R I N A S TA I R E S Who or what is your sidekick? My best friend, Kevin. He once jokingly remarked, “It’s difficult to know where I end and she begins,” but there’s actually a lot of truth to that statement. We speak our own language, which is basically made up of obscure ’80s R&B lyrics and Samuel L. Jackson quotes, spoken in a British accent while dancing. ShesAPistol.com Historic River Market strange fascination with serial killers. tour, etc.). But I’m most proud of our city when I get to show off any and every element of our incredibly vibrant arts scene. What was the last local restaurant you patronized? The Rieger Hotel Grill & Exchange, which Finish this sentence: “Kansas City got it right when …” It started seriously investing in local What career would you choose in an alternate reality? A forensic psychologist. I have a also happens to be my favorite local restaurant. It’s the whole package: great atmosphere, incredible staff, delicious cocktails, and the best damn pork-cheek pie you will ever eat. arts and culture projects. “Kansas City screwed up when it …” Allowed its public school system to fail. Where do you drink? Manifesto when I’m feeling classy, Harling’s or Chez Charlie when I’m being cheap, the beer garden at Westside Local when I want to be outside, Twin City Tavern when I can’t be bothered to leave my neighborhood, and Westport Café when I want a Pimm’s Cup. “Kansas City needs …” A better public transportation system, inclusive of a downtown streetcar. What’s your favorite charity? I really stand “On my day off, I like to …” Do anything that involves a good romp with my big, snuggly Rottweiler, Carl. behind the mission of Heifer International, which is an organization that helps develop sustainable agriculture for impoverished communities around the world. Through charitable donations of anything from honeybees, goats and dairy cows to fruit trees, irrigation pumps and microcredit small-business loans, it’s truly empowering these people and providing them with long-term solutions to hunger and poverty. Favorite place to spend your paycheck: Estate sales. I’ve furnished the majority of my house that way, and I find they’re the best places to pick up unique gifts. What local phenomenon do you think is overrated? Our Chiefs and Royals. Sorry, fans. Where do you like to take out-of-town guests? I try to hit up as many of the fantastic KC eateries as possible, unabashedly using my guests as an excuse for eating out three-plus times a day. When we’re not gorging, I like to show them all the hits, of course (the City Market, NelsonAtkins Museum of Art, Union Station, Liberty Memorial and the World War I Museum, the Jazz Museum, Boulevard Brewing Co. for a “People might be surprised to know that I …” Used to be a radio DJ, for two and a half years when I lived in Massachusetts. “In five years, I’ll be …” Thanking myself for working my tail off five years ago — I hope! What TV show do you make sure you watch? I actually haven’t owned a television in over 10 years, which isn’t to say I don’t find plenty of other ways to waste my time. That being said, I’ve been watching a lot of X-Files on Netflix lately; I just can’t seem to get enough of Scully’s pantsuits. take(s) up a lot of space in my iTunes: 1960s French pop. After Françoise Hardy’s “Le Temps de l’Amour” was featured in Moonrise Kingdom, I became a little obsessed and downloaded hours of her, France Gall, Serge Gainsbourg, Brigitte Bardot — guaranteed to make you want to dance! basket of goodies and a thermos of hot chocolate and goes ice skating at Crown Center. It’s corny, but all good holiday traditions are, in my opinion. Celebrity you’d like to ride the Mamba with at Worlds of Fun: Steve Buscemi, because I imagine that his facial expression as he’s going down that first drop would be hilarious and terrifying at the same time. Come see our fantastic collection of clothing, jewelry, home decor & other gifts created by local artists... 500 Delaware St. #101 • KCMO • 303.408.1406 Person or thing you find really irritating at this moment: Ke$ha. Don’t get me started. Don’t even get me started. What subscription — print, digital, etc. — do you value most? My inner domestic would say Martha Stewart Living. I can’t help it. The woman does wonders with corn husks and glitter! Last book you read: Religion for Atheists by Alain de Botton, an interesting, respectful investigation of multiple religions and some of the positive elements that secular society can glean from their doctrines. Favorite day trip: It’s not really far enough to be considered a day trip, but I’d have to say Lawrence. While it always includes a stop at Free State Brewing and Love Garden Sounds, I also love seeing what’s new at the Spencer Museum and the Lawrence Arts Center. Hiking around Clinton Lake is beautiful, too, especially in the winter when the lake is partially frozen. Describe a recent triumph: As of this month, The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou, always with a Campari on the rocks. the Bread KC project, which I help organize with co-founders Andrew Erdrich and Sean Starowitz, has generated nearly $12,000 in microgrants for local artists and creative organizations. We’re proud, but we couldn’t have done it without the support of everyone who comes out to our events each month! What local tradition do you take part in every year? Every Christmas Eve, my family packs a See breadkc.wordpre s s.com for more information. What movie do you watch at least once a year? A re you looking for a unique gift? pitch.com CE E RX 1X–X 3 - 1X9,, 2 0 102X pitch.com D EM OM N TB H TTHHEE PPIITTCC HH 31 PLOG JAILBREAK The state of Kansas had trouble BY keeping its inmates behind bars in 2012. BE N PA L O S A A R I ight Kansas prisoners escaped the custody of county jails, halfway houses and the Kansas Department of Corrections this year. Among the escapees were a convicted killer, a child molester and other violent criminals. The rash of escapes began in the early hours of April 15, when five inmates left two different facilities. In June, two inmates slipped out of the Winfield Correctional Facility in a food truck. Another inmate walked away from a halfway house in July. A federal inmate absconded from the U.S. Penitentiary in Leavenworth in August. And in October, a child molester being transferred from Virginia to Colorado made a break on the University of Kansas campus, slipping away from Topeka’s Security Transport Services. Eight escapes may seem like a lot, but Kansas Department of Corrections spokesman Jeremy Barclay says it isn’t. “There wasn’t necessarily more this year, but there were higher-profile [escapes],” Barclay says. He adds that the timing of two of the breakouts led to more press. Barclay points to inmate G O L P E R MO INE AT Gar y L. Furthmyer’s walking away from the ONL M / P L O G Lansing Correctional P IT C H .C O Facility the same day that four inmates fought their way out of the Ottawa County Detention Center. (The state had contracted with the county to house the inmates due to prison overcrowding). “I don’t know that he [Furthmyer] would have gotten much notice other than he happened to be number five on a single given day,” Barclay says. There were seven escapes in 2011, plus 10 “unauthorized absences” of work-release inmates. Even if 2012 wasn’t full of anomalies, Barclay says the DOC is making changes. The state canceled its contract with the Ottawa County facility. And the department conducted inspections of two other county jails that the state contracts with to house offenders. “We also instituted more rigorous training standards for the employees of those county jails and enhanced our relationship with those counties,” Barclay says. “Not only was there an increased partnership but there was an increase in the safety of the institutions.” Furthermore, Barclay says, his department’s record of rounding up escapees is almost perfect. Every Kansas DOC escapee from this year has been apprehended. Four from previous years remain at-large, one dating back to the 1970s and another from the 1980s. Jose Alvaro Ibanez, who escaped in March 2007, was the last to elude Kansas authorities. Compared with Missouri, however, Kansas has struggled to keep its inmates in check. Chris Cline, Missouri Department of Corrections spokesman, says the Show-Me State experienced no jailbreaks in 2012. The last 4 THE PITCH D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 pitch.com DANIEL ZENDER E Kansas’ eight prison breakers didn’t stay on the run for long. successful prison break in Missouri came in January 2004. The inmate was found and returned to prison. Here’s a look back at every 2012 prison break in Kansas. April 15: The Lansing Correctional Facility began the day with a manhunt for Gary L. Furthmyer. The 59-year-old, who was convicted of indecent liberties with a child, walked away from his job in the prison’s steam plant around 3 a.m. This wasn’t the first prison break for Furthmyer, who was serving six to 25 years for convictions of molestation and failure to appear. He had previously escaped prison in 1988. Furthmyer eluded authorities for three weeks, the longest of any 2012 escapee, before being apprehended May 9 in Kansas City, Kansas. About two hours after Furthmyer walked off, four inmates used homemade knives to overpower guards and escape from Ottawa County’s jail in Minneapolis, Kansas. Santos Carrera-Morales, Eric James and Drew Wade split up, taking two vehicles and hitting the road. (During one of the carjackings, a man was stabbed in the face.) Each escapee had a history of violence: Carrera-Morales, 22, was convicted in 2008 of two counts of first-degree murder in Sedgwick County; James, 23, was found guilty in 2009 of three counts of burglary and a count of kidnapping in Anderson County; and Wade, 21, was convicted in 2008 of attempted robbery and attempted battery in Shawnee County. Wade, who has “785” tattooed on his neck, drove about 270 miles northwest of Ottawa County to North Platte, Nebraska. April 18, he walked into a Wal-Mart and asked the manager to call the police, turning himself in. James was picked up in Omaha, Nebraska, April 19. A day later, Carrera-Morales was found in Russell, Kansas. June 16: Around 1 p.m., Robert E. Cook and Frank L. Crutchfield escaped from the Winfield Correctional Facility, between Wichita and the Kansas-Oklahoma border, after stealing a truck that was transporting meals from the kitchen to the dining area. This wasn’t the first time that the duo had busted out of prison. In 1983, Cook and Crutchfield were each convicted of aggravated escape in separate incidents. Cook, 52, and Crutchfield, 48, also jacked a work truck from the city of Douglass before splitting up. A tip led to Crutchfield’s capture in Wichita. Cook was picked up in Byers, Kansas, June 25. July 19: Timothy Whittington, who was serving the remainder of his 103-month sentence (for possession of a short-barreled shotgun) at a Leavenworth halfway house, reported to work at a Kansas City, Kansas, convenience store, where he stole $1,500. He didn’t return to the Grossman Community Corrections Center. Whittington was captured July 25. He pleaded guilty in November to the federal charge of escaping custody. August 27: The Federal Bureau of Prisons has not said how 49-year-old Joel Rodriguez broke out of the U.S. Penitentiary in Leavenworth. Rodriguez was serving a 98-month sentence for selling drugs. He has not been found. October 29: Deon Gregory Routt was being transferred from Virginia to Colorado, when a private prison-transport vehicle stopped in Lawrence. Routt, 22, took off running from security guards at the intersection of 23rd Street and Louisiana. Lawrence police officers chased Routt, convicted in 2011 of sexually assaulting a child, but he slipped away. The next day, Routt was apprehended near KU’s Memorial Stadium. E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org pitch.com MONTH pitch.com D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 THE PITCH 5 6 THE PITCH D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 pitch.com MEGAN DEJMAL T Is the Plaza’s agship burger business done well or, well, done? he noon rush has started at Blanc Burgers + Bottles. On this Friday, servers in gray T-shirts carry burgers on square white plates as they swing through a dining room filled with Plaza holiday shoppers. In the restaurant’s entryway, a young man with close-cropped hair nervously fingers the driver’s license in his right hand and asks the hostess for a job application. “I think we have an opening,” she replies. She directs him to a highboy table by the bar and gives him some paperwork to complete, then seats the three parties that arrived after he did. This is the Blanc that Kansas City knows, a bustling burger business where Justin Bieber stopped to eat before his October concert at the Sprint Center. It’s the home of a record-breaking Groupon promotion and the older brother to a restaurant in Leawood’s Mission Farms. “It is a Growing KC Crowd Pleaser,” according to a silver plaque from Leawood Lifestyle magazine, one of nearly a dozen canonized write-ups on the walls in this gleaming white space. Not every crowd has been pleased, though. In just less than five years, the Circle Restaurant Group (Blanc’s parent company) has opened four locations, closed two of them and abandoned plans for a fifth outpost. (It also BY Jonathan Bender operates a concession stand, the Burger Box, at Arrowhead Stadium, and serves burgers in the Field Club at Livestrong Sporting Park.) The upheavals involved in these deals have badly fractured Circle’s original partnership. Of that group, only Ernesto and Jenifer Peralta are still involved in Circle’s daily operations. Over the past year, two lawsuits over nonpayment of services have been settled, and Blanc’s vendors have been shuffled like a one-deck shoe at Harrah’s. All of which has left former employees and partners wondering if Blanc is, well, done. T he thing that breaks my heart is how good Blanc could have been,” says Eddie Crane, one of Blanc’s founders. He’s fiddling with a sandwich at the Filling Station, recalling the day four years ago, in this same coffee shop, when Peralta told him that Blanc was moving forward without him. Crane is out of the restaurant business — he sold his Martini Corner place, the Drop, in October. As he recounts his side of the Blanc saga, he’s just back from a trip to Lawrence to pick up a guitar. He’s focusing now on his band and on being a dad. His 3-year-old daughter is playing with his iPhone in the chair at his left. But disappointment colors his voice as he talks about his former partner and mentor. For Crane, Blanc still stings. There was a time when Crane and Peralta were family to each other, when Peralta was a charismatic, divorced young bartender who loved his regulars on the weekdays and his three kids on the weekend. Drawn to the Plaza from the moment he moved to Kansas City, in 1999, he was a wizard with a Stoli bottle behind the bar at Morton’s. And when the Capital Grille hired him away, he took Crane along. These were the days of $500 tips for opening a bottle of wine, of three-deep crowds of thirsty drinkers. On his Tuesday night off, Peralta would drop by Morton’s for a steak and for conversation with David McMullin, who would become Blanc’s front-of-the-house manager and beverage director. “Ernesto was like a father figure to me,” says Crane, 35. “He taught me how to set up a bar and about life. He moved me from adolescence into young manhood. When we worked together, the thing we always talked about was opening a place together.” The duo went from tending bar to running one in October 2006, when they opened the Drop. Ernesto and his wife, Jenifer (they met while she was working at the Granfalloon on the Plaza), together owned 51 percent of the business, and Crane had the rest. Josh Eans left 40 Sardines, where he’d been a line cook, to join the Drop; his wife, Abbey-Jo, became the pastry chef. With its carefully cultivated wine, beer and cocktail list and Eans’ bruschetta menu, the Drop was an early success. And Peralta began thinking about what might be next. “The Drop was a small space, and while it was fun, I wasn’t making the money I was used to making at the Capital Grille,” says Peralta, 47. Peralta visited a new development under construction in Leawood: Mission Farms. He envisioned a wine bar with small plates, and he picked out a name: Ombra. When financing didn’t materialize, he shelved the project. But it wasn’t long before he struck his next deal. Tatsu’s Café & Wine Bar, a French restaurant at 419 Westport Road, was on its last legs at the end of 2007. Owner Tatsu Arai had exhausted his second concept in three years, having started his five-year lease with a sandwich shop called KC Toaster’s Sandwich Café. Peralta saw in the narrow, rectangular space a new beginning for a partnership that had begun to fray. “Jenifer and Josh came to me and said they couldn’t work with Eddie anymore,” Peralta says. “I was a hothead then,” Crane concedes. The articles of continued on page 8 pitch.com CO EM 1 3 - 1X9,, 22 0 00 1 2X pitch.com D EM N TBHE RX X–X TT HH EE PP II TT CC HH 71 continued from page 7 incorporation for the Circle Restaurant Group were filed on December 26, 2007. Jenifer Price (she took Peralta’s name later), Crane and Eans signed the paperwork. Peralta’s name is absent, a fact he attributes to his wife having put part of the new venture’s financing on a credit card in her name. The Peraltas would own 50 percent of Blanc, with Eans and Crane each maintaining 25-percent ownership stakes. The restaurant opened on March 20, 2008. And whereas the Drop had been steady, Blanc was an instant hit. “I’d walk out onto Westport Road and scream the name of somebody who was next on the list,” says Beth Evans, a former server and assistant manager. “People would wait an hour or two to get a table.” Blanc heralded a wave of craft-beer bars and craft burgers, arriving in KC ahead of the national chains Five Guys and Smashburger (both of which have since opened KC outposts). It made a popular novelty of its house-made ketchup (Eans was vocal about his refusal to stock Heinz), and the fries arrived at tables in miniature metallic shopping carts (an idea that Peralta took from Delux, a burger shop in Phoenix). The fast success allowed a swift adjustment: Three months after Blanc opened, Crane and Peralta agreed to trade the Peraltas’ interest in the Drop for Crane’s percentage of Blanc. The deal was finalized in December 2008. Around the same time, Brian Wilson began working at Blanc as one of its managers, helping prepare for the launch of a new restaurant in Leawood. A month shy of the first anniversary in Westport, Blanc opened a second location, in Mission Farms. David McMullin, who had been managing the Westport operation, moved over to Leawood. He purchased a 10-percent ownership stake in the new space for $10,000. Eans was given approximately 25 percent. The remaining portion belonged to Jenifer and Ernesto Peralta. In October 2009, Ernesto Peralta told The Kansas City Business Journal that he envisioned Blanc locations in Omaha, Des Moines and St. Louis. The business seemed on its way to being the next Smashburger or Five Guys. But first it needed to leave Westport. A t the end of January 2010, Blanc closed the doors at its wildly popular original 8 THE PITCH 2 THE PITCH ANGELA C. BOND Blanc Check location. On February 11, Blanc debuted on the Plaza, taking over the former Pizzeria Uno space. Sources say the refit was hampered by unexpected repair costs, mainly associated with the property’s aging heating and cooling system. Still, the new Blanc was impressive, starting with its size. At 5,400 square feet, it was triple the area of Blanc’s first space. The Westport location maxed out at an occupancy of 75; the Plaza restaurant could hold 175 people, with room for another 40 on the patio. Not that everyone liked the interior’s luminous whitewash. “It looked like somebody murdered Pizzeria Uno and its bleached white bones rose up in the spot,” Crane says. “It was really sterile,” Evans says of the space — and of the Peraltas’ shifting management style, which left some employees longing for Westport’s funkier vibe. “In Westport, it was about being yourself and being self-expressive. At the Plaza, they didn’t want visible tattoos.” “The Plaza gave us a face,” Ernesto Peralta counters. “It gave us exposure. We were alongside the better restaurants in Kansas City.” Dan Lowe, founder of RED Development (now RED Legacy) and an early Blanc booster, agreed that the restaurant was on its way up. He and Peralta began talking about how to export Blanc to other markets. Soon, Blanc’s website announced that a location in Little Rock, Arkansas, was “coming fall 2010.” It was supposed to move into one of RED’s properties, a 2,500-square-foot space in Little Rock’s Promenade at Chenal development. Blanc’s signature white-and-orange color scheme made it onto the walls, but the project stalled. “Going from one store to three stores is probably the trickiest time,” says David Claf- D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 pitch.com M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X pitch.com The Plaza Blanc: a flagship or a last port? lin, a marketing consultant with RED Legacy. “I’m just not sure how well-known Blanc was outside of the Westport community.” A third location did open in April 2010 but closer to home. B:2: A Burger Boutique — The Pitch’s Charles Ferruzza called it Blanc’s “country cousin” — was meant to be a kind of Blanc LongHorn Steakhouse to Blanc’s Capital Grille. It offered 6-ounce patties (instead of Blanc’s 8-ounce) at lunch and stocked only American craft beers (rather than a vast international array of brews). But the white-androyal-blue space at Summit Fair never really found its rhythm. “It just didn’t work out the way we wanted,” Peralta says. “Ernesto was always looking for other opportunities,” Crane says. “And that’s good, but you still have to be able to execute on what you have.” I n the summer of 2010, faced with a large space to fill and a brand identity on the mend, Peralta looked to Groupon to better execute what Blanc already had. But the daily-deal site further taxed the business. “We grew from a small space in 2010 and needed to fill more seats. The best way for us to create a buzz is to create conversation.” That conversation can come with a heavy cost. A recent Rice University study found that 57 percent of businesses make money with Groupon, but 23 percent lose money. Small businesses have sometimes found themselves overwhelmed by a strong response to a coupon that failed to cover their costs. Dyer Price, the owner of Muddy’s coffeehouse in Portland, Oregon, took out a bank loan last summer to cover what she says were $8,000 in losses. Need a Cake bakery in Reading, England, lost an estimated $19,500, according to owner Rachel Brown, after customers bought Groupons for 102,000 cupcakes. And the validity of Groupon’s own business model is under attack, with its stock price dipping below $4 in early December. “Groupon is not a moneymaker,” Peralta says. Blanc offered Groupons in June and September 2010, selling about 8,000 and 14,000, respectively. By that fall, mention of the Little Rock location had vanished from Blanc’s website, though Circle had opened the Burger Box concession stand at Arrowhead Stadium, in time for the Chiefs’ new season. On January 1, 2011, B:2 closed. Within a few days, the guts of B:2 — kitchen equipment, tables, computers — would be repurposed in Nebraska. Blanc in Omaha, with 3,700 square feet of restaurant in the city’s Midtown Crossing development, opened at the end of that month with a chef from the Plaza and a sous chef from the Leawood operation. While the restaurant struggled to find the right vendors — particularly a bakery that could duplicate Farm to Market’s buns — the initial feedback was positive, and the space reportedly was on track to gross almost a million dollars in its first year. “We brought them to Omaha,” says Ken Cook, president of East Campus Realty, the Mutual of Omaha subsidiary that owns Midtown Crossing. “Omaha is a burger town, and this was a different spin on it.” In May 2011, Blanc on the Plaza sold 20,150 coupons at $10 for $20 worth of “gourmet burgers and drinks.” But that increase in Groupon sales led to a dip in staff morale. “Customers came in wanting to argue what the Groupon was about,” says Evans, who was then an assistant manager at the Plaza restaurant. “It was the worst clientele. People would calculate exactly how much they had to spend and then they wouldn’t tip.” A Facebook group popped up, dedicated to registering complaints from Blanc alumni. There was a bigger worry than social-media sniping, though: Agia Properties had filed suit against Circle for nonpayment of rent. The property at issue was an office space in Prairie Village’s Somerset Plaza development. In September 2011, Arkansas fi nally got its upscale burger shop, except it wasn’t a P roblems persisted into the new year. In January, Blanc left Arrowhead Specialty Meats — which had been supplying Blanc with a custom grind of sirloin and beef shoulder since Blanc’s early days in Leawood — for Scavuzzo’s. Arrowhead confirms that the account has been settled but won’t comment further. Peralta says the decision allowed him to save a dollar a pound and sell what he calls “never-frozen, grass-fed, hormone-free, noantibiotics beef from Kansas and Missouri.” But several industry sources familiar with meat pricing in Kansas City tell The Pitch that they doubt Peralta can buy the meat he wants while realizing such a significant cost savings. Also in January, Blanc changed another supply agreement, switching from US Foods to Sysco — and trailing a balance. During an interview with The Pitch in early December, Peralta said Circle had “worked out a payment plan in the last four weeks.” (A representative for US Foods had no comment.) In February, Blanc settled with Agia. According to Ron Kraft, an attorney for Agia, Blanc agreed to pay $700 a month toward $22,500 owed. Kraft says his client was last paid on June 25; he estimates that Blanc has paid $3,600 so far. In June, the Omaha Blanc shuttered after a midweek lunch service. The restaurant still had three and a half years on its lease. “It was working,” Cook says. “It would have been fine but for the strategic issues that Ernesto was facing. It’s bittersweet. I really like Blanc Burgers. I had a lot of time and energy and capital invested in that concept.” Peralta says East Campus Realty approached him about breaking his lease because it had a tenant interested in the property. The Midtown Crossing space sits empty today. On June 23, United Heating & Cooling filed suit against the Circle Restaurant Group for nonpayment of $5,076 worth of maintenance contracts related to the Plaza and Leawood ANGELA C. BOND Blanc. It’s called Big Orange and it’s not part of the Circle group. “It’s our color scheme. It’s our fixtures that we had to leave behind,” Peralta says. “Maybe we were going a little too fast. … Jenifer and I never had the money to get it open.” Blanc’s partnership was falling apart. Eans, Wilson and McMullin all left the company in October 2011. The Peraltas bought back Wilson’s 1-percent share. (Wilson now manages the Rusty Horse Tavern, in Parkville.) Eans and McMullin remain what Peralta calls “economic interest holders”: They have money and ownership stakes in the business but no other connection. All three declined to comment for this story. That same month, Ernesto took over daily operations on the Plaza, and Jenifer began managing the Leawood location. He says he didn’t know until then that his company was struggling. “If you have a pool full of water and the pool is full, you don’t see the cracks,” Ernesto Peralta says. “But all of a sudden, you’re losing water and you start seeing cracks. Sales were not where they were when we opened the business. And we still had the same expenses. It wasn’t until we jumped in that we saw the cracks. We lost money last year.” B:2 before it shuttered in Lee’s Summit. restaurants. And the temperature kept rising for Blanc. A walk-in refrigerator at the Plaza Blanc was failing to keep food at the proper temperature when a Health Department inspector visited the restaurant August 8. It was one of the six critical violations that closed Blanc for several hours that day. A follow-up investigation August 13 found no violations. A judgment in United’s favor was issued August 29 by a Jackson County Circuit Court. Crane says: “That fits a pattern of behavior, a pattern of Ernesto leveraging other people’s financial risk and harvesting all the gain.” Peralta, who won’t disclose his salary, says, “I’ve never gone into my pocket and taken out cash. Every single employee and vendor that has worked with us has been paid.” Some of those former associates remain unhappy — less because of money than because of something lost. “We should have stayed in Westport,” Evans says. “I’ve never found the happiness and family I had at Blanc.” “A lot of people miss Blanc Burgers + Bottles, Cook says of the failed Nebraska restaurant. “It was their favorite place to go.” Blanc’s first address is still a favorite place for a lot of people. The Westport Café & Bar took over 419 Westport Road from Blanc, and today it’s part of a restaurant renaissance that’s again turning empty storefronts into vibrant spaces. It’s a resurgence that Blanc helped start when it opened in a neighborhood whose reputation relied mostly on bars. But Peralta is done with Westport. “I love Westport,” he says, “but we can never go back there because we’re on the Plaza now.” If Peralta can sound defensive about his business, though, he also can’t stop framing Blanc as a success. “I’d love to open up a third restaurant in Kansas City,” he says. (He mentions downtown Overland Park as a potential target.) “I’d love to eventually open up the brand outside Kansas City. But it has to be with the right financial support.” On the Plaza, an early winter lunch crowd has thinned. It’s 1 p.m. on a Friday, and a boy and his mother have the back section to themselves. The child rolls one of the french-fry shopping carts across a white shelf. The place isn’t empty, though. The number of people here would have been a good-sized crowd in the Westport space. “If the Plaza space was half the size,” Peralta says, “we’d be twice as profitable. E-mail email@example.com pitch.com 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 pitch.com D EMCOENMTBHE RX X–X X, 200X THE PITCH THE PITCH 9 3 NEED HOLIDAY CASH? CASH FOR PHONES, TABLETS, IPODS & IPADS WORKING OR NOT, WE’LL TAKE YOUR UNWANTED DEVICE FOR CASH! STREET TEAM Each week, Pitch Street Team cruises around to the hottest clubs, bars and concerts. You name it, we will be there. While we are out, we hand out tons of cool stuff. So look for the Street Team... We will be looking for you! WE ALSO UNLOCK, REPAIR, AND SELL PHONES! 7224 WORNALL KCMO 64114 816-444-1088 QUESTWIRELESS.NET By Salon Professional Pitch Holiday Par @ Anton’s ty Lamb of God @ Uptown Cafe Racer BECOME A Exceptional Motorcycle & Scooter Service INSIDER See more on the “promotions” link at p Lam b of God @ Uptown Cody Simpson @ Indie Upcoming Events WINTER BIKE STORAGE SIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER INDOORS & INSURED 816-221-0711 1305 UNION AVE. KCMO http://www.pitch.com/kansascity/NewsletterInfoRegistration/Page 12.14 - Oak Ridge Boys @ Uptown 12.14 - Flogging Molly @ Indie 12.14 - Almost Kiss @ Beaumont Club 12.20 - Quasi Quasi Quismas Party @ Quasimodo Over 3000 white gold diamond engagement rings to pick from. Surely we can find a ring at Joslins and often at 1/2 the cost. 9529 Antioch * Overland Park, KS 913. 341.2021 * joslinsjewelry.com 10 THE PITCH D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 pitch.com WEEK OF DECEMBER 13-19 | BY BERRY ANDERSON 14 PAG E STAGE Say yes to the Fishtank’s House. 15 ES WE D N DAY 12.19 PICTURES OF HOME Born and raised in KC, Terry Evans took art classes as a kid at the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art (4525 Oak, 816-751-1278), which honors the nationally recognized photographer with a 100-print retrospective of her career. Heartland: The Photographs of Terry Evans runs through January 20. Think aerial landscapes, Midwestern simplicity, prairie finery and environmental changes. Tickets cost $5–$8 (members are free). See nelson-atkins.org for more information. ns’ ry Eva on Ter e z a r G . raphs photog T E R R Y E VA N S | C O U R T E S Y O F T H E N E L S O N - AT K I N S M U S E U M O F A R T PAG E FILM This Hobbit makes you miss Sauron. 20 PAG E MUSIC “Bison at Maxwell Game Preserve, Roxbury, Kansas” (detail) Union Station takes you to rock school. T H U R S D AY | 1 2 . 1 3 | ENGLISH EXCESS S T H U R S D AY | 12 . 13 | “Oh, Robert …” SECOND-CHANCE BRASS In its fifth year, the Kansas City Symphony’s Tuba Christmas has sold out. But don’t worry, folks — another date has been added for the free lunchtime concert. Feel the low-pitched passion at the Kauffman Center (1601 Broadway, 816-994-7200) when metro tuba, euphonium and sousaphone continued on page 12 eason 3 of PBS’ Downton Abbey ended its U.K. run with an overall average of 9.7 million viewers per episode. Spoilers are online, but the highly successful postEdwardian drama doesn’t premiere in the United States until January 6. Catch up on the hype at the National World War I Museum (100 West 26th Street, 816-888-8100) when KCPT Channel 19 hosts a showing of Season 3’s first hour. Will Mr. Bates break out of the clink? Will Lady Edith finally get a man? What will become of housemaid Ethel and her child? Dress as a character or in period clothing and get some clues this evening at 4 and 7 p.m. Admission is free, but registration is required. See the “events” tab at kcpt.org. pitch.com D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 THE PITCH 11 Holiday Mart at T O W N P AV I L I O N SATUR DAY 1 2 .1 5 ur g at yo Tuggin s g in str Heart Shopping Made Easy! You will find a unique collection of great gifts to please everyone on your holiday list. Located on the 1st Floor of Town Pavilion at 1111 Main, Kansas City, MO on December 7th & 14th from 10am to Open to the general public. 2pm Vendors: Aaliyah Cakes Bead It Up Bongolman Citiscape Spa Cookie Lee Creative Gardens Diane Boone Discovery Toys Global Souls Trade Gold Canyon Candle Impressions by Di Jewels Kat Tracks Lia Sophia Miche Bag Narbeli’s Imports Pampered Chef Party Lite RA Sylvan Sanman Gardens Scentsy Silpada Sister/Sister Designs Tastefully Simple Trinket Treasures Tropical Water Beads Contact Sharon Ko Tupperware 816-701-5038 With Appeal firstname.lastname@example.org continued from page 11 players unite to play a noon concert. The show is free to attend, but reservations are needed. To play, participating musicians must register, which costs $5, and rehearse prior to the show. See kcsymphony.org or call 816-471-0400. F R I D AY | 12 . 1 4 | QUINDARO’S BLUES CHRISTMAS It’s hard to believe that in 1982, a Houstonbased waste-management company planned to put a landfill on KCK’s Quindaro Townsite, an abolitionist settlement (around North 27th Street and the Missouri Pacific Railroad tracks) that linked to the Underground Railroad. Concerned community members got the site listed on the National Register of Historic Places in 2002. Keep supporting the cause tonight when the Old Quindaro Museum & Information Center hosts Christmas and Blues on the Boulevard, featuring Millage Gilbert and the Down Home Blues Band, Bill Carter and the Blues Review, Ron Teamer, and Eugene Smiley and the BWB Band. The show at the Nefertiti Ballroom (1314 Quindaro, 913-321-6677) starts at 8. Tickets cost $25 at the door. For more information, call 913-244-8497. SLEIGH BELLS JING-JING-JINGLING Don’t deny yourself for another winter. Catch a ride in a horse-drawn carriage, on the Country Club Plaza or at Zona Rosa. The Plaza: Nightly rides from Kansas City Carriages are available through January 13, beginning at Pennsylvania Avenue and Nichols Road. Tickets for a private vintage carriage ride for two start at $50 (the base price for the Cinderella carriage is $50). Each additional adult costs $10 (children cost $5). Rides are offered from 5 to 10 p.m. daily and last about 25 minutes. For information and reservations, call 816-531-1999 or see kccarriages.com. Surrey’s Carriage Co. (Nichols Road and Wyandotte) offers a similar tour of the area at the same rates (minus the vintage carriage). Hours are 6 p.m.–midnight weeknights and 2 p.m.–midnight Saturday and Sunday. For reservations, call 816-531-2673 or see surreysontheplaza.biz. Zona Rosa: Sleigh-style horse-drawn carriage rides run throughout the center (8640 North Dixson, North Kansas City) from 5 to 9 p.m. every Saturday in December. Leave from Dilliard’s Plaza (across the street from Topsy’s). Tickets cost $5 per adult and come with a free ticket for a child (12 and under). 12 THE PITCH D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 pitch.com To get tickets through guest services, call 816-587-8180 or see zonarosa.com. — NADIA IMAFIDON HOLIDAY RINGTONES In a bit of underselling that’s refreshing at this time of year, the Kansas City Symphony calls its annual holiday show simply the Christmas Festival. It’s a compact title for a bulging stocking of a bill, full of carols, wintry sounds and talented guests. Under Aram Demirjian’s baton, the symphony and its chorus get assists from the Allegro Children’s Choir, organist Jan Kraybill, touring show-tune chanteuse Whitney Claire Kaufman, and the local ensemble Rezound Handbells — all of whom benefit from Helzberg Hall’s joyous acoustics. Tonight’s is one of six performances at the Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts (1601 Broadway, 816-994-7200); call 816-471-0400 or see kcsymphony.org for times and tickets. — SCOTT WILSON S AT U R D AY | 12 . 15 | HOT-STRING CLASSICS Canadian 12-piece string ensemble Bowfire features a multitude of violins and seamlessly fuses holiday-flavored classics — “Dreydl, Dreydl, Dreydl,” “The Nutcracker Suite” and “Sleigh Ride” — with stepdancing and vocals, in a range of musical styles. The group performs Holiday Heartstrings at 8 p.m. in Yardley Hall at Johnson County Community College (12345 College Boulevard, Overland Park, 913-469-4445). Tickets cost $40, $50 and $80. See jccc.edu/performing-arts-series. — NADIA IMAFIDON SEASON’S JAMMIN’ Noodles for Christmas? For sure, brah! Hook it up with California Voodoo’s sixth annual Christmas Show at the Riot Room (4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179). The local Widespread Panic tribute band is about love, family and friendship, says frontman Scotty McCormick. “We search for the best songs of their catalog to fit the timeless themes of the holidays.” Expect to hear “Papa’s Home” and “Christmas Katie.” The 21-and-older show starts at 8 p.m. Tickets cost $10 at the door. BLEEDING BALLET In A Kansas Nutcracker, a retooled version of The Nutcracker Suite, Clara is still presented with the beloved nutcracker doll, but then historical Kansas figures — politicos James MOND SATURDAYS & SUNDAYS IN DECEMBER! C at eleb Ka ra ns tin as g Cit 25 y M Ye us ars eu m AY 12.17 C at eleb Ka ra ns tin as g Cit 25 y M Ye us ars eu m y holida re for The cu d a o R The cheer: Princess The Fairyndays in December s and Su Saturday .-4 p.m. s: 10 a.m Saturday on- 4 p.m. no m.org Sundays: kansascitymuseu ls: $8 | Detai Princess The Fairyndays in December s and Su Saturday .-4 p.m. s: 10 a.m Saturday on- 4 p.m. no m.org s: Sunday citymuseu ls: kansas $8 | Detai Visit us on Facebook for 25th Anniversary specials. C at eleb Ka ra ns tin as g Cit 25 y M Ye us ars eu m Princess The Fairyndays in December s and Su Saturday .-4 p.m. s: 10 a.m Saturday on- 4 p.m. no m.org s: ay nd Su citymuseu ls: kansas $8 | Detai rincess r e Fairy P be Th Lane, Charles Robinson and Lawrence icon Hugh Cameron — blast into the scene in a Civil War battle that breaks the doll. A cast of more than 130 and the 13-member Free State Liberation Orchestra pay tribute to E.T.A. Hoffman’s original work, setting it in 1861, the first year of Kansas statehood and the Civil War. Clara still dreams of her Nutcracker prince but also of abolition, suffrage and temperance in Kansas. See the show today at the Lawrence Arts Center (940 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-843-2787) at 2 and 7 p.m. (It’s also performed Friday, December 14, at 7 p.m. and Sunday, December 16, at 2 p.m.) Tickets cost $19 ($13 for students). See lawrenceartscenter.org. — NADIA IMAFIDON S U N D AY | 1 2 . 16 | S U N D AY | 12 . 16 | C at eleb Ka ra ns tin as g Cit 25 y M Ye us ars eu m em ays in Dec s and Sund m. p. Saturday .-4 m a. s: 10 Saturday on- 4 p.m. no m.org Sundays: kansascitymuseu ls: ai $8 | Det FREEDOM AND UNITY It doesn’t matter if you’re gay, queer, lesbian or straight. The Mid America Freedom Band is about one thing: unity. Feel the togetherness E MOR and holiday spirit at 3 p.m. during the group’s annual holiday T A E IN ONL .COM show, Visions of SugarPITCH plums, at Unity Temple on the Plaza (707 West 47th Street, 816-561-4466). Admission is free. (VIP seats are available for purchase.) See mafbmusic.org for more information. EVENTS The Fairy Princess tradition began in 1935 at Kline’s Department Store downtown. The Kansas City Museum brought back this holiday tradition in 1987. Saturdays (Dec. 1, 8 & 15) 10 am-4 pm Sundays (Dec. 2, 9 & 16) Noon-4 pm $8 / Includes Princess themed arts & crafts activities and a complimentary photo. kansascitymuseum.org M O N D AY | 12 . 17 | HOLIDAY ROAD ROYAL FAMILY B eing 2012’s Fairy Princess means a lot to Princess Frances. “My grandparents took my mom, her two brothers and two sisters to see the Fairy Princess when she was still at Kline’s Department Store,” Frances says. “My mom could not believe that after all of those years of seeing the Fairy Princess, I was actually going to be one.” This is the 25th year of the Princess granting wishes and taking photos with children at the Kansas City Museum (3218 Gladstone Boulevard, 816-483-8300). It’s $8 per person to visit Her Royal Highness in her big white gown (and get a complimentary photo) from noon to 4 p.m. (or Saturday, December 15, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m). See kansascitymuseum.org for more — NADIA I MAFIDON information. Director John Hillcoat’s 2009 adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s post-apocalyptic novel, The Road, might be the ultimate holiday movie. It’s a father-son tale open to Christian interpretation; it stars Viggo Mortensen at his most Jesus-y; and when it’s over, you’re so goddamn hungry. The library’s “It’s the End of the World as We Know It” film series culminates in today’s 6:30 p.m. screening of this super-dark-ass bummer. See it in the Stanley H. Durwood Film Vault of the Kansas City Central Library (14 West 10th Street, 816-701-3400), then go hug everybody. See kclibrary.org. — SCOTT WILSON T U E S D AY | 12 . 18 | THE ULTIMATE INTERACTIVE MUSIC EXPERIENCE. SPIDER SQUASH Remember the 2011 NCAA Tournament when Brady Morningstar and the KU basketball team dropped a 20-point whupping on the University of Richmond and avenged a 1-point loss in 2004? Real Jayhawks never forget. See what happens at 6 p.m. when Kansas traps the unranked Spiders at Allen Fieldhouse (1651 Naismith Drive, Lawrence, 785-864-3141). General-admission tickets cost $20 at kuathletics.com. ONLY AT UNION STATION TICKETS START AT $8*. BUY TICKETS AT UNIONSTATION.ORG FOLLOW US ON E-mail submissions to Filter editor Berry Anderson at email@example.com. Search our complete listings guide online at pitch.com. *member pitch.com D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 price THE PITCH 13 S TA G E HURRICANE JACKIE BY D E BO R A H HIRS CH A stormy House of Yes stirs the Fishtank. A ll is not well in the house of Pascal. This place, this House of Yes, isn’t the House of Usher — playwright Wendy MacLeod has said she was partly inspired by Edgar Allan Poe — but there’s illness here. The family, Kennedy neighbors in an exclusive McLean, Virginia, neighborhood in the early 1980s, is a crumbling segment of the upper crust, threatened by an approaching hurricane on Thanksgiving Day. And the Moving Target Theatre puts us right in the storm’s path, with a production that closely tethers audience to performers in the small Fishtank Theater. It needn’t play bigger. A raised eyebrow or a glance askance from one of the removed, From left: Jones, Fritz, Speer and insulated Pascals becomes personal in these Schafer Martin before the storm intimate confines. We’re witnessing members of the privileged class revealing themselves the middle class — as apparent now as they were during the Reagan years. and their secrets with the subtlest of tells. The Fishtank’s narrow theater feels amTheir relationships, MacLeod has writple for Sextro’s staging, with credit to Shea ten, contain “that tension between the Noel Coward veneer and the Pinteresque subtext Coffman’s set and Gregory Casparian’s atmospheric lighting design. that makes the play both But it’s the characters — and funny and moving.” UnThe House of Yes the way MacLeod’s story der the direction of Darren Through December 16, at slowly peels away their laySextro, the 90-minute onethe Fishtank Performance act is taut enough to fulfill ers — that pull us in, and Studio, 1715 Wyandotte, that design. We sometimes it’s the crisp performances fishtanktheater.blogspot.com want to look away. We can’t. that keep us there. As coat As the action unfolds, after coat comes off, scene Anthony complains that his sister, Jackie-O, after scene, the history and the truths of these is putting crosses on the windows — mask- troubled House of Yes inhabitants are exposed. ing tape to prepare for the impending storm. “The Kennedys aren’t putting crosses on their E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org windows,” he says, referring to the clan with which his sister is obsessed. Their mother, Mrs. A L S O O N S TA G E Pascal, complains that the goo is going to remain on the glass. But this is the least of the The British Invasion 2012 Central Stanfamily’s problems. There isn’t enough preparadard Theatre hosts international performers tion for the arrival this day of Marty, Jackie-O’s through December 16, at Metropolitan Ensemble beloved — maybe too beloved — twin, who’s Theatre (3614 Main). See cstkc.com for details visiting from New York for the holiday. He’s and tickets. bringing a tempest of his own: his fiancée, A Christmas Carol Through December 26, Lesly, an intruder on this familial dysfunction. at Kansas City Repertory Theatre (4949 Cherry, The actors here delineate their characters 816-235-2700, kcrep.org). in studied and focused portrayals. Christina Christmas in Song Through December 24, Schafer Martin’s charismatic Jackie-O abides at Quality Hill Playhouse (303 West 10th Street, near the edge, newly out of a mental hospital 816-421-1700, qualityhillplayhouse.com). and on meds. Jan Rogge’s Mrs. Pascal may be Inspecting Carol Extended through Decemless clueless than her hands-off tactics sugber 30, at the Unicorn Theatre (3828 Main, gest. (She claims that “cattle are raised,” but 816-531-7529, unicorntheatre.org). children — they just “happen.”) J. Will Fritz’s The Soul Collector A second show at the Anthony, the youngest, is mostly innocent but Unicorn, a new play from Ron Simonian, through also, perhaps, calculating. He has dropped out December 23. of Princeton and fallen into the role of watchJolly Rancher A performance by David ing over his sister. Wayne Reed, 8 p.m. December 14 and 15, and Justin Speer’s Marty is vulnerable, even 6 p.m. December 16, at La Esquina (1000 West desperate, as he falls back to his past while 25th Street). Tickets, $15, at the door or through yearning for a future with Lesly, a waitress Brown Paper Tickets. from the other end of the economic and class A Spectacular Christmas Musical Theater spectrum. She gives him balance and a chance Heritage features classic Christmas songs from at some normalcy. As Lesly, Hailey Jones removies and musicals. Through December 23, at veals the wisdom within a character who only Off-Center Theatre (Crown Center, 2450 Grand, appears simple. The tug of war for Marty hints 816-842-9999, musicaltheaterheritage.com). at the differing ambitions of the affluent and 14 THE PITCH D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 pitch.com THE LAW HAS LIMITS. HE DOES NOT. FILM RING DAMAGE Peter Jackson’s Hobbit: the misfire in the shire. BY BIL GE EBIRI JOIN FOR A SPECIAL ADVANCE SCREENING! FOR YOUR CHANCE TO RECEIVE A PASS FOR TWO, LOG ON TO WWW.GOFOBO.COM/RSVP AND USE THE FOLLOWING CODE: PITCHX4DL JACK REACHER HAS BEEN RATED PG-13 FOR VIOLENCE, LANGUAGE AND SOME DRUG MATERIAL. Please note: Arrive early! Seating is first-come, first-served, except for members of the reviewing press. Theatre is overbooked to ensure a full house. Theatre is not responsible for overbooking. Seating is not guaranteed. IN THEATERS DECEMBER 21! JackReacherMovie.com I t’s been well over a decade since director Peter Jackson and company took on the monumental task of creating a film version of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings trilogy, succeeding against some truly impressive odds. Jackson E MOR and co-screenwriters Philippa Boyens and Fran Walsh somehow T A E IN managed to tread a fine ONL .COM PITCH and ever-shifting line, displaying both fidelity to the beloved source material and a willingness to tailor it when necessary — a nip and tuck here, an excised character there, a transported battle scene here, an added love story there. Now, joined by screenwriter (and initial director) Guillermo del Toro, they’ve turned The Hobbit, Tolkien’s earlier, slim, decidedly more lighthearted volume about the original adventures of Bilbo Baggins, into a similarly expansive trilogy. (The fi rst is 169 minutes, and the remaining two are likely to be of roughly equal length.) As such, they’ve taken greater liberties this time around with the events that bring Bilbo into possession of the One Ring, the obscure object of desire that fuels the later, darker trilogy. As a great admirer of Jackson’s work and the Lord of the Rings fi lms, I wish I could tell you that they’ve succeeded again. But The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is a calamitous misfi re. Where to start? Jackson and his writers are deeply versed in the Tolkien universe. FILM They were longtime fans before tackling the Rings fi lms, which, for all their sprawl, were held together by the urgency of the narrative and the unthinkable evil of the chief villain, Sauron. Our heroes were in a race against time from the get-go. Here, there’s little such immediacy. And in trying to create something that matches the scope of the original trilogy, Jackson and his cohorts have larded the narrative with digressions and flashbacks and pit stops into the rest of Middle Earth, borrowing from additional Tolkien writings. The young Bilbo (Martin Freeman, whose usual perplexed demeanor initially suits this character but wears thin after a while) is enlisted by the wizard Gandalf (Ian McKellen) to help a gathering of dwarves. They mean to reclaim their mountain home, which has been taken over by a dragon. Gone are the tense inter-character dynamics of the original series, which maintained interest and helped delineate characters. The scenes with the mini army of dwarves degenerate into a mess of gags and dialogue, with very little to let us tell characters apart or hold our attention. There’s about an hour of this stuff before the journey even gets under way. This is tedious stuff — when it isn’t outright confusing. Adding to the sense of dislocation might be that The Hobbit is being presented in many theaters in a new, 48-frames-persecond, 3-D format. It’s a trippy technology, to be sure — one that makes every onscreen event appear to unfold before your eyes Even Bilbo (Freeman) can't keep all these guys straight. through goggles of hyper-clarity — but it also has the odd effect of diminishing the fantasy. It sacrifices beauty for immersion; you imagine that it’d be great for NFL games, but it’s not an improvement to this experience. But The Hobbit has bigger problems than its fancy-pants technology. The action sequences, when they eventually come, don’t seem to have much at stake. They’re just slightly more technically advanced retreads of beloved battles from the original trilogy, and they leave you feeling a little cheated. It doesn’t help that the story’s chief antagonist — Smaug, the dragon — is seen only very briefly. There’s portent to spare but nothing of any consequence — a problem if you’re setting up a trilogy destined to total nine hours. It was always going to be a challenge to reconcile the tonally more effervescent story of The Hobbit with the dark, vast Rings epic. Sure enough, this lighter, less substantial story can’t support the monumental bombast that Jackson brings to it. As a result, you’re tired before the fi rst fi lm even gets to its halfway point. By the end, you may feel as if you’d made it through Jackson’s entire Rings cycle, and Wagner’s, too. And there’s, like, another six hours to go in this slow-motion catastrophe. Where’s Sauron when you need him? E-mail email@example.com JOIN FOR ONE MOTHER OF A SCREENING! THE PITCH WEDNESDAY 12/12/12 COLOR RM 2.305” x 5.291” ALL.JRC-P.1212.PITCH FOR YOUR CHANCE TO RECEIVE A PASS FOR TWO, VISIT GOFOBO.COM/RSVP AND USE THE FOLLOWING CODE: PITCHN4ZH WHILE SUPPLIES LAST. The Guilt Trip has been rated PG-13 for language and some risqué material. Please note: Arrive early! Seating is first-come, first-served, except for members of the reviewing press. Theatre is overbooked to ensure a full house. Theatre is not responsible for overbooking. Seating is not guaranteed. IN THEATRES DECEMBER 19 GuiltTripMovie.com pitch.com 3 - 1 9, pitch.comD E CMEOMNBTEHR X1 X–X X , 22001 02 X T TH HE E P PI T I TC CH H 151 CAFÉ HIP FLASKS The Jacobson pipes a little attitude (and the best burger in town) into the Crossroads. BY CHARLES FERRUZZA The Jacobson • 2050 Central, 816-423-2888 • Hours: 11 a.m.–10 p.m. Monday–Thursday, 11 a.m.–midnight Friday, 4 p.m.–midnight Saturday, 4–9 p.m. Sunday • Price: $$–$$$ S everal years ago, when Steve Cole was still working as a real-estate broker for restaurant properties, he tried to lease the former plumbing-supply space at 2050 Central to several restaurateurs. “This part of the Crossroads wasn’t nearly as desirable then as a restaurant destination,” says Cole, who is now the chief operating officer for the Missouri Restaurant Association. “No one was interested.” But last year, three local entrepreneurs expressed interest in the 4,200-square-foot raw space in the same building, directly behind Lulu’s Noodle Shop. And so in September, Michael MORE Werner, Michael Thomas Edmondson, and Pat T A Phelan opened the doors E IN ONL .COM to the Jacobson, named PITCH for the original tenant of the building (the A.D. Jacobson Heating and Plumbing Co.). The tastefully designed watering hole seats 100 in the dining room and just as many on its patio (which has one of the most congenial outdoor bars in the city). There’s work by local artists on the walls, and an eerily lifelike portrait of the late William Burroughs greets you near the entrance. Werner and his associates have glammed up the place but left enough of the original architectural details to give off some attitude. If you squint just right, you can see that, yes, this place used to sell toilets. Burroughs would doubtless approve. The Jacobson does for the Crossroads what the original Houlihan’s Old Place did for the stuffy Country Club Plaza back in the 1970s: Provide an attractive, comfortable venue for drinking snazzy cocktails — flask service is the gimmick here, an effective one — and eating tasty, imaginative food. The sandwiches and meals here have real style but aren’t terribly expensive. It’s a sleek urban hangout, brassy and vital but unpretentious. It’s nearly impossible not to like the Jacobson, even if the parking is a headache. (Many of the parking spaces closest to the restaurant are already claimed for Nico’s 320 and Lulu’s patrons.) And the wait for a table on weekends can be substantial. The agreeable serving staff and chef John Smith’s cuisine, however, make up for a lot of petty irritations. Smith, who came to Kansas City to open the upscale 801 Chophouse, has been tinkering with this restaurant’s debut menu a lot in recent weeks, and by this writing, several items have vanished (including a pork-belly banh mi sandwich, country ribs rubbed with espresso and spices, and herbcrusted tuna). Other dishes, such as the buttermilk-marinated Cornish game hen or the garganelli pasta with shrimp, are being retrofitted for the change in seasons. (The spring peas in the pasta, for instance, have left to make way for butternut squash.) 16 THE PITCH ANGELA C. BOND CAFÉ D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 Hot oyster variations: Angels on Horseback (left) are bacon-wrapped oysters; (top) crispy sesame-crusted oyster mushrooms. Smith is a real talent, and I’ve enjoyed made chips. The latter come sprinkled with almost everything I’ve tasted at the Jacob- an oddball collection of spices that fails to son, with only a couple of exceptions. The conquer a predominant cinnamon flavor, which leaves the unfortunate aftertaste of grilled scallops I sampled were so gritty that I think they polished my teeth as I chewed a 1960s breakfast cereal. Meat-avoiding eaters have limited options them. And I’m hoping to make it two out of for now, but Smith has kicked the mushroom three with the stuffed beef-and-pork meatpenne off the menu to try out a promising vegan ball appetizer, which was fork-tender and extraordinary the fi rst time I tasted it but lasagna made with layers of Swiss chard. There’s also a dish of large pasta shells dense as a handball the next. smothered in rich Mornay Much of the remaining sauce and bubbling melted menu is classy and deliThe Jacobson gruyere. A starter of moist cious, though. The JacobCrispy sesame-crusted oyster mushrooms ............ $7 oyster mushrooms, flashson burger is the very best The Jacobson burger .........$10 fried in a sesame-batter in the city right now, a thick Stuffed meatballs................$8 crust, is delicious enough ground-beef patty panGrilled sea scallops .......... $28 to be a meal, though it helps seared with bone-marrow Gulf shrimp and if you like it spicy. The fiery butter, slathered with sucgarganelli pasta................$18 Sriracha aïoli dipping sauce culent short-rib marmalade Dutch Baby ...........................$6 is head-spinningly hot. and then dressed with a I’ ve a l ready n a g ge d jumble of fried onion straws Smith to permanently add a recent speon butter-toasted brioche. It’s savory and sweet, soft and crispy, and deeply satisfying. cial to the Jacobson’s menu, and now I’m taking my plea public. The soothing, aroA variation on the usual grilled cheese wraps a blanket of molten provolone around matic stew of oxtails and fresh vegetables a seared portobello and roasted red pep- that I ate here at the end of November may be, as the chef says, a labor-intensive pers, between grilled sourdough pieces. Like dish, but it’s too good to hold in reserve. the other sandwiches here, it’s offered with several possible sides, including seasonal The smoky, chewy, house-cured bacon beaut i f u l ly complements a dec adent vegetables (the Brussels sprouts are great), fries (not hand-cut, not terrific) and house- truff le-cream sauce (over that garganelli pitch.com pitch.com pasta again). Don’t attempt to fi nish this rich dish if you’re planning to tackle dessert. Lucky for me, there’s only one dessert that absolutely beckons to me at the Jacobson: a puff y, custardy creation called a Dutch Baby that’s part pancake and part bread pudding. It arrives in a white-hot iron skillet, all soft and gorgeous and dripping with melted butter, rum and brown sugar. (Smith recently changed one component of the recipe for the season, replacing the sliced bananas and rum with tart Granny Smith apples and a shot of aged bourbon.) The Jacobson has a different vibe during the lunch hours — mellow and a little cheery — from the evening, when the pace is faster and the noise level is just north of cacophonous. But that’s to be expected at a place that has positioned itself as a magnet for the see-and-be-seen set. (You can imagine what First Friday is like here.) And people do look good as they sip a Capo or an Absinthe Minded and nibble on crispy salt-and-pepper shrimp. For the rest of us schlubs, though, there’s no reason to put on airs or feel self-conscious. I’ll be back just for the good food. Have a suggestion for a restaurant The Pitch should review? E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X THE PITCH 1 •NOW HIRING• JUST SOUTH OF THE SPRINT CENTER 1501 GRAND BLVD KANSAS CITY, MO 64108 WWW.DUKESONGRAND.COM • 816.527.0122 GET WHAT YOU WANT AT DUKE’S • GREAT FOOD AND SERVICE • LOCALLY MADE DUKE’S IPA WE BUY LOCAL AND POUR LOCAL • HAND CRAFTED DRINK MENU WITH FRESH SQUEEZED JUICES • POWER LUNCH SPECIALS MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY 11-2PM • • HAPPY HOUR MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY 4-7 PM • SATURDAY 11PM -1AM • SUNDAY FUN DAY 11AM-1PM • • HOUSE LIQUORS AND DOMESTIC BEERS $2 • • 100% MADE FROM SCRATCH MARGARITA AND FISH TACO TUESDAY • MONDAY NIGHTS BOGO BUY ONE PIZZA GET ONE EQUAL OR LESSER VALUE pitch.com D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 THE PITCH 17 FAT C I T Y A merry little murder! A Christmas Conundrum THE BROADWAY BUTCHER 816-813-9654 www.kcmysterytrain.com L GRAND RE-OPENING 1209 W. 47th Street Kansas City, MO 64112 816.401.4483 facebook.com/JohnnyJosPizza Hours of Operation: 5pm-10pm Mon-Sat Closed Sunday Live Music in the OSP Saloon at 7pm Dec 14th Santa Clause for kids 6-9 Famous Seamous & The Travelbongs Dec. 15th Chill with Phil Dec 20th AJ Gaither One Man Band Dec 21st Tyler Gregory & The Bootleg Band Dec 22nd Scott Duncan Happy Hour 3-5pm Everyday $1 Wells & Domestic Pints Daily Lunch & Dinner Specials NEW LOCATION: K-10 & Woodland 19617 W. 101st Lenexa, Ks 66220 Ph. 913-254-1234 OSP Saloon 61 st & Nieman Rd Shawnee, KS 913-631-5716 Sun-Wed 11am - 10pm | Thur- Sat 11am - 11pm 34th & Gibbs Rd Kansas City, KS 913-677-1844 Sun-Thurs 11am - 9pm | Fri- Sat: 11am - 10pm facebook.com/ShawneePizza Menu & online ordering at ShawneePizza.com 18 THE PITCH D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 JON AT H A N BENDER Greg Madouras brings the meat to midtown. Get your tickets now! The Mystery Train BY pitch.com ean times may be ending for midtowners. Broadway Butcher Shop (3828 Broadway, 816-931-2333) held a soft opening December 5, in the space that temporarily housed Gomer’s during the liquor store’s renovation. “We wanted something that was good for the neighborhood,” says Jim Coley, wine director at the midtown Gomer’s. “I love what Alex [Pope] is doing [at Local Pig], but there isn’t anything like that here.” So Coley and the folks at Gomer’s found themselves a butcher. “We went out and shook the trees, and Greg [Madouras] fell out,” Coley jokes, while standing in the nearly completed shop on a recent Friday. “Butchers don’t grow on trees,” Madouras fires back. “We cut meat.” Growing up in Stanley, Kansas, Madouras started sacking groceries at Jegens United Super. The store’s owner offered to teach him how to butcher by age 18. A number of men in his family had cut meat. His grandfather Harold Madouras was a butcher. His greatuncle Valentine Niebergall worked for Hormel Foods from its inception. Now, 28 years later, Madouras is still in the butchering business. With the Broadway Butcher Shop, he wants to remind people why they need a butcher. “I want to bring back something that was lost,” Madouras says. “I want to educate my customers and have them come back and tell me how everything was. I want to build a relationship with them.” Madouras has been renovating the space since July, remodeling everything except the pressed-tin ceiling. A black and silver deli case for meats and cheeses — including Madouras’ own smoked turkey, which he plans to slice to order — hums near the front door. In the coming months, he expects to add house pastrami, corned beef and rotisserie chicken. (Madouras had previously run a catering business, Greg the Grilling Guy.) Now, he’s teaching his skills to 27-yearold Josh Johnson, a former co-worker at Price Chopper. “Butchers are getting older,” Madouras says. “This is about the next generation. It’s about doing things the right way.” In the back of the butcher shop is a smoker filled with fruitwood or hardwood, depend- Madouras (left) and Johnson cut your meat. ing on what’s being smoked. A counter with a cash register was constructed from reclaimed barn wood and decorated with pieces of Madouras’ family history. His grandfather’s bicycle hangs on the wall behind the counter, and a tabletop radio sits next to a deli case for steaks, lamb, veal and Duroc pork. “Everything we do will be old-school,” Madouras says. “The difference for us will be in service and skill.” Madouras plans to smoke slab bacon, sliced to requested thickness. He also plans to offer maple and jalapeño bacon. A third case is for sausage and ready-made dinners: bacon-wrapped scallops and asparagus, beef pinwheels and chicken roll-ups. “Everybody has brats made with brown sugar and pineapple,” Madouras says. “We just want to do something different.” That means white- and red-wine sausage made with a blend of meats with natural casing. In addition to poultry (pieced and whole chickens, from area Amish farmers, and turkeys), a case along the far wall is ready for fresh seafood. Madouras also has a steamer for preparing shrimp on-site. A stand-alone freezer is prepped for scallops, shrimp and wild game, depending on availability. Madouras plans to stock kangaroo, elk, emu, venison and alligator. In the neighboring retail space, which previously held craft-beer fridges in Gomer’s temporary store, Madouras says he will stock dry goods, charcoal, wood, knives and, potentially, a line of smokers. Madouras also expects to sell his own rubs and marinades. “Nobody has a sharp knife these days,” he says. “And the two things you need when you get married are a pickup truck and a sharp knife.” Broadway Butcher Shop is open 10 a.m.– 7 p.m. Monday–Saturday and 10 a.m.–4 p.m. Sunday. “One of us will always be here until we close,” Madouras says. “I want people to know what it was like to have a neighborhood butcher shop.” E-mail email@example.com The Classic Cookie ...where friends gather Restaurant & Bar | 816.988.7958 11867 8 6 7 SW S W SState t a t e Route R ou outt e 77,, Blue B lue Springs, S pring pringss , M MOO couscous•tagines•kabobs Mon-Wed 11am-12:30am Thur-Sat 11am-1:30am Sun 11am-12am M-TH 11-10PM | F-SAT 11-11PM | SUN 12-9PM 4116 Broadway Street|KCMO|816.753.7520 marrakechcafekc.com Offer expires December 24, 2012. Discounted item must be of equal or lesser value. 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MINUTES FROM DOWNTOWN 816.472.6333|WOODSWEATHER.COM “WE LOVE OUR CUSTOMERS” RE INFO FOR MO TS, VISIT OR TICKE itch.com secure.p pitch.com D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 THE PITCH 19 Stone Foxy! MUSIC WED. DEC. 12 7PM BOB WALKENHORST & FRIENDS 10PM CHARITY ART BATTLE TYSON SCHROEDER VS. STEVEN TULIPANA GEOLOGY 101 The Science of Rock ’n’ Roll comes to Union Station. BY D AV ID HUDN A L L THURS. DEC. 13 7PM TRIVIA CLASH 10PM THE CONQUERORS/ DESERT NOISES/THE INWARDS FRI. DEC. 14 7PM ON THE RECORD 10PM HIDDEN PICTURES/ EMPTY SPACES/DEAD GIRLS SAT. DEC. 15 12PM XMAS RECORD SALE 7PM TROY MEISS/ELAIN MCMILIAN/ SCOTT EASTERDAY 10PM JOHN VELGHE & HIS PRODIGAL SONS/ THE PEDAL JETS/KATY GUILLEN SUN. DEC. 16 STONE FOXES/CHEROKEE ROCK RIFLE MON. DEC. 17 7PM SONIC SPECTRUM MUSIC TRIVIA 10PM REV GUSTO/ZACH JACKSON & THE FUNKY FEW TUES. DEC. 18 7PM ROCK PAPER SCISSORS 10PM KILL NOISE BOYS/ WHAT MADE MILWAUKEE FAMOUS see www.therecordbar.com for our weekly events 1020 westport rd. kcmo 64111*816-753-5207 D inosaurs, King Tut, Leonardo da Vinci — these are the types of traveling exhibitions that museums and science centers tend to book. Informative, sometimes entertaining, but not typically very contemporary. A few years ago, Bryan Reinblatt and Lance Brass — two Canadians working separately in the field of exhibition production — got to talking about the lack of dynamic modern exhibitions. “We just weren’t seeing a lot of fresh content out there,” Reinblatt says. “Nothing very curMORE rent, nothing very handson. And the sense we got was that these venues T A INE were looking for newer ONL .COM PITCH stuf f, more ha nds-on stuff. So we started thinking about ideas that might work.” They started their own company, Elevation Productions. Last month, their first exhibition, The Science of Rock ’n’ Roll, debuted in Kansas City, at Union Station. At the opening-night party, in mid-November, a cover band called, appropriately, Flashback, belted out classic rock — Billy Joel, Steely Dan — as guests feasted on cupcakes and bottles of beer. In the exhibit area, adults waited in long lines to record vocals in soundproof booths and hammer away at silenced drum kits. “There’s been a lot of ‘history of rock and roll’ types of shows,” Brass says. “With this, we wanted to give visitors a sense of how technology and science have inf luenced music over time. The goal is to give a behindthe-scenes look at how rock and roll is made. So the artifacts at the exhibition are mostly tech-based and interactive. We allow guests M US I C 20 THE PITCH D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 pitch.com to have fun. It’s a come-do exhibition, not a come-see exhibition.” “Interactive” is a bit of an overused buzzword, but it applies at The Science of Rock ’n’ Roll. When visitors enter ($15 for adults, $12.50 for children 3–14), they are handed a “Backstage Pass” with a QR code on the back. When they want to try out the various learn-and-play kiosks that span the 10,000-square-foot space, they scan their pass, which also can e-mail the recording and the video of their session. These kiosks have a Guitar Hero–like interface; music plays over headphones, notes and beats f ly down a monitor, and you try to match everything up with your playing. Other interactive components include mixing stations where visitors can play with the tracking of popular songs. One lesson learned: “Space Oddity” sounds funny with David Bowie’s lead vocal dropped out for the backing vocals. Visitors also can watch a video explaining the differences among mono, stereo, quadraphonic and surround sound, and learn about sound pioneers such as Alan Blumlein, Clément Adler and Ray Dolby. And there’s plenty of museum-type memorabilia on display: old jukeboxes, old record cutters, and a Gretsch doubleneck lap steel guitar from the 1950s. The Science of Rock ’n’ Roll will tour nationally — it’s here through May 2013 — but Union Station ties some local angles into the exhibit. The fi rst room that visitors enter is a decade-by-decade glance at Kansas City’s role in rock-and-roll history, with little tidbits about things like the Beatles playing Municipal Stadium. There also are more obscure items: old newspaper ads boast- The music nerds of tomorrow plug in. ing of a new entertainment capital at 135th Street and Holmes in Martin City; records by Riverrock and the Rainmakers; and a looping two-minute trailer for Cowtown Ballroom… Sweet Jesus, Joe Heyen a nd A nt hony Ladesich’s 2009 documentary about the fabled Kansas City venue where Foghat, Frank Zappa and Van Morrison performed back in the day. Deeper into the exhibit, there’s a wall of amplifiers made by Kustom, an electronics company that was based once in Chanute, Kansas. “Those are collectibles at this point,” Brass says. He got them from Midwestern Musical Co., the Crossroads music-equipment store. “The Midwest has some of the best antiques on the planet, and they tend to be cheaper here than elsewhere. So we tried to save on costs by sourcing some of these items from in and around Kansas City.” L ess thorough, less local but cheaper ($8 for adults, $6 for children 5–12) is another recently opened interactive music exhibit: the Grammy Museum Experience, inside the Sprint Center. There are remixing stations; Grammy-related memorabilia (the clothes that Rihanna and Justin Bieber wore at their performances); a Roland live stage, which is like a more collaborative version of Guitar Hero; and a “Billie Jean”–style dance floor. Another lesson learned: Science is cool and all, but it can’t always beat a dance floor with squares that light up when you step on them. E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org pitch.com MONTH pitch.com D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 THE PITCH 21 MUSIC RADAR M U S I C F O R E CAST BY Other shows worth seeing this week. D AV ID HUDN A L L T H U R S D AY, D E C E M B E R 13 Calvary Bible College Orchestra Concert: 7:30 p.m. Calvary Bible College Conference Center/Chapel, 15820 Elmwood, 816-322-0110. The Conquerors, Desert Noises, the Inwards: 9 p.m. RecordBar, 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Grand Marquis: Jazz, 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Goomba Rave, with Team Bear Club: The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483. Overland Park Civic Band Christmas Concert: Bell Cultural Events Center, MidAmerica Nazarene University, 2030 E. College Way, Olathe, 913-782-3750. Sons of Brasil: The Blue Room, 1616 E. 18th St., 816-474-8463. Dweezil Zappa Plays Zappa: VooDoo Lounge, Harrah’s Casino, 1 Riverboat Dr., North Kansas City, 816-472-7777. F R I D AY, D E C E M B E R 1 4 Hidden Pictures, Empty Spaces, the Dead Girls: 9 p.m. RecordBar, 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. The Oak Ridge Boys: Uptown Theater, 3700 Broadway, 816-753-8665. The Prodigal Son Returns: 10:30 p.m. Liberty Hall, 644 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1972. Reckless Kelly, Mickey & the Motorcars, Phil Hamilton: The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. S AT U R D AY, D E C E M B E R 15 Pedaljets Eighties undergrounders the Pedaljets are set to release a new album sometime early next year, which qualifies as pretty big news around these parts. The local vets’ last release was written and recorded in 1990, though the selftitled album was reworked, remastered and released as we know it in 2008. To prime us for it, they’re dropping a single with two new tracks, “Riverview” and “Terra Nova,” their first new songs in 23 years. I haven’t heard it yet, but I’m assuming that it’s got that same Replacements–R.E.M.–Uncle Tupelo mojo I love about their other stuff. With John Velghe & the Prodigal Sons and Katy Guillen. Saturday, December 15, at RecordBar (1020 Westport Road, 816-753-5207) Carrie Underwood Taylor Swift is totally going through an annoying phase right now. It’s like she totally thinks she’s hot shit, and she is, but it’s like, whatever, we’re sick of hearing about your famous boyfriend drama! Amirite, you guys? It’s just like, ugh, OMG, and her voice isn’t even that good. Carrie Underwood has a way better voice, and she’s more mature and way more country, so I am just kinda more into Carrie right now. Maybe when Taylor grows up a little and stops whining about boys, she’ll be cool, but right now I am totally more into Carrie’s new album, Blown Away, than I am Red. OK, txt me, TTYL. Saturday, December 15, at Sprint Center (1407 Grand, 816-949-7000) The Stone Foxes The Stone Foxes are from San Francisco, though their sound is more Savannah, Georgia. The quartet mines a host of Southern sounds: raggedy, Robert Johnson–style acoustic slides; revved-up blues rock a la ZZ Top or the Black Crowes; and occasional altcountry ballads. Their patchy aesthetic most resembles that of the Allman Brothers, an influence apparent on “Reno,” from 2010’s Bears & Bulls, which liberally borrows the (admittedly awesome) stabbing guitar riff from “Whipping Post.” With Cherokee Rock Rifle. Sunday, December 16, at RecordBar (1020 Westport Road, 816-753-5207) The Night the Buzz Stole Christmas As usual, KRBZ 96.5 the Buzz has scheduled a round of holiday shows this year for its loyal audience. Two have already sold out: Saturday night, headlined by stadium folkies Of Monsters and Men, and Sunday night with F O R E C A S T 22 Hey, girl: Keith (left) and Underwood synth-poppers Passion Pit. Tickets are still available for Friday night, though, which features Celtic rock from Flogging Molly, plus openers Dirty Heads, Morning Parade, ZZ Ward, and the local folk-pop group Not a Planet. Friday, December 14, at the Midland (1228 Main, 816-283-9921) Kool Keith When Love and Danger was released earlier this year , part of the narrative that emerged was that its author, the legendary Bronx rapper Kool Keith, was retiring from music. Whether there’s any truth to this is impossible to say. Keith, 49 years old and probably still the craziest living rapper, has never supplied the world with adequate explanations for his ideas. But between his creepy alter egos (Black Elvis, Dr. Octagon) and hilariously lewd lyrics (Touch my private, my thing made of stee/Shooting jism/ She ride like a Geo Prism), he is, if not a national treasure exactly, at least a pretty entertaining Friday night. With locals BluntRap. Friday, December 14, at the Riot Room (4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179) K E Y ...............................................Shamrock Tattoos ..................................................... Explicit Lyrics .....................................................Swingin' Party ....................................................... Cowboy Hats ................................................. Fake Pompadour .................................................. Locally Sourced .................................................Walmart Country ............................................ The Southern Thing .......................................................... Grinch-like ............................................... Parental Advisory .....................................................Guitar Heroics D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 pitch.com S U N D AY, D E C E M B E R 16 Morning Glory, Dead City Riot: Sidecar at the Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. Northland Symphony Orchestra Holiday Pops Concert: 3 & 4:30 p.m. Park Hill South High School, 4500 River Park Dr., Beloit, 816-359-4120. The Pharmacy, W.C. Beck: Jackpot Music Hall, 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085. M O N D AY, D E C E M B E R 17 Mudstomp Mondays: Barnyard Beer, 925 Iowa, Lawrence, 785-393-9696. T U E S D AY, D E C E M B E R 18 What Made Milwaukee Famous, Kill Noise Boys: 9 p.m. RecordBar, 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. W E D N E S D AY, D E C E M B E R 19 Texas Hippie Coalition, Hillbilly Herald, Drek: The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. FUTURECAST JANUARY FRIDAY 18 Jeff Mangum: Liberty Hall, Lawrence FEBRUARY ..................................................Pick of the Week THE PITCH Bloodshot Bill, the Big Iron: Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club, 3402 Main, 816-753-1909. Bowfire: Yardley Hall at JCCC, 12345 College Blvd., Overland Park, 913-469-8500. Gamelan Genta Kasturi Concert, Demo and Workshop: 1 p.m. Town Pavilion, 1111 Main. Heritage Philharmonic Holiday Pops Spectacular: Blue Springs High School, 2000 N.W. Ashton Dr., Blue Springs, 816-229-3459. pitch.com SATURDAY 2 Morrissey: Liberty Hall, Lawrence MONDAY 4 Lady Gaga: Sprint Center SUNDAY 10 Emilie Autumn: The Granada, Lawrence THURSDAY 21 Toro Y Moi, Sinkane: The Granada, Lawrence WEDNESDAY 27 Maroon 5: Sprint Center M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X THE PITCH 1 Now open 7 days a week with drink specials nightly: WEDNESDAY: KANSAS CITY'S BIGGEST $1 HUMPDAY PARTY THURSDAY-SATURDAY: KANSAS CITY'S ORIGINAL DUELING PIANO SHOW SUNDAY: SINGER-SONGWRITER SUNDAY AND KANSAS CITY'S ONLY ADULTS ONLY, DRINK ALONG SPELLING BEE FROM 8-10 Visit www.erniebiggs.com for specials and line up. Like us on Facebook for upcoming promotions and special offers. MONDAY: ZAPPA PLAYS ZAPPA Thursday, December 13, 2012 MAN CAVE MONDAYS - FOOTBALL, GAMES, & CHEAP BEER TUESDAY: PINT NIGHT WITH DJ HIGHNOONE AND ASHTON MARTIN SATuRDAY NighT VibRATioNS WHERE THE BEST MUSICIANS IN THE WORLD PLAY KNUCKLEHEADSVOTED KC’S F re e S h u tt le in S u rr o u n d in g A reth e a NEW! Knuckleheads Radio on www.knuckleheads.com - 24 hours a day Saturday, December 15, 2012 BEST LIVE MUSIC VENUE 6 YEARS RUNNING DEC 12 - Gospel Lounge w/ the Nace Brothers DEC 12 - Scott Moyer Band w/ Justin Andrew Murray Band DEC 13 - Niki Hill R&B, Rockabilly, Vintage Soul DEC 13 - Matt Stell & the Crashers DEC 14 - Nick Moss & The Fliptops, TJ Broscroff, Tater doing a Ray Price Tribute & Brother Bagman DEC 15 - Toys for Tots Night! The Spectromatics, The Blue Boot Healers, Jeff Bergen & The Rumblejetts DEC 18 - Charlie Clay Memorial Celebration DEC 19 - Outlaw Jim & the Whiskey Benders DEC 20 - Shannon McNally & Amy LaVere “Chasing the Ghost Tour” DEC 20 - Sky Smeed, Tyler Gregory & Adam Lee DEC 21 - Jimi Bratcher’s CD Preview Concert & Christmas Show DEC 21 - Dikki Du & Zydeco Krewe DEC 21 - Robin MountJoy DEC 22 - The Nace Brothers DEC 31 STOLEN WINNEBAGOS Saturday, December 29, 2012 NEW YEAR’S EVE Monday, December 31, 2012 UPCOMING SHOWS: 12/28 Kilroy Presents: Sidewise w/Kadanyne 12/21 Kilroy Presents: Mayan Calendar Release Party 12/22 Pure Empire 1-800-745-3000 • VooDooKC.com THE RAINMAKERS THE BELAIRS WATERMELON SLIM BAND TICKETS NOW ON SALE AT knuckleheadsKC.COM 816-483-1456 | 2715 Rochester KCMO Free Shuttle in the Downtown Area Know When To Stop Before You Start.® Gambling Problem? Call 1-888-BETSOFF. Subject to change or cancellation. Phone and online orders are subject to service fees. Must be 21 years or older to gamble, obtain a Total Rewards ® card or enter VooDoo ®. ©2012, Caesars License Company, LLC. pitch.com D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 THE PITCH 23 MON: R THU 12/1URAL GRIT 6PM FRI 12/1 3 MOLLY GE , KARAOKE 10 PM N 4 TRU CKS E, AMY FARR SAT 12/1 DANNY MTCOP HONEYMOO AND G 5 THE N, NAT AW WED 12 COLIN ELMURAL, DAVID B URCHFIE THU 12/2/19 ACLU DOE ORE LD, 0 MIKE SN’T HATE DILLON X M A S FRI 12/2 END OF TH BAND, E 1 MON ARC WORLD PA SAT 12/2 ROOT & STHS, THE CLEM RTY EN E 2 THE KA M, THE S TINES, GRAMM TY GUILLIEN T UMMIT SHOW AR, DRE RIO, AP P W DIRTY E BLACK AND TROPRIATE LECTRIC HE MUSIC | STREETSIDE BROADWAY OR BUST Curtains for the News Room and BY Outabounds; Cooper’s Hawk makes its debut. D AV ID HUDN A L L THE HOME FOR LIVE MUSIC NORTH OF THE RIVER! WED 12/12 OPEN BLUES JAM 7PM THU 12/13 J.D. MICHAEL KING 8PM FRI 12/14 GROOVE PILOTS 8:30PM SAT 12/15 THE MAGNIFICENT BANG BANGS 8:30PM SUN 12/16 OPEN BLUES JAM HOSTED BY K.C. KELSEY HILL 6PM WED 12/19 OPEN BLUES JAM 7PM FRI 12/21 HIDE OUT CHRISTMAS PARTY 6PM SAT 12/22 ALLIED SAINTS 8:30PM SUN 12/23 OPEN JAM HOSTED BY BROTHER BAGMAN 6PM MON 12/24 CHRISTMAS EVE WITH OUTLAW JIM AND THE WHISKEY BENDERS 7PM 6948 N. OAK TRFY, GLADSTONE MO | 816.468.0550 FIND US ON FACEBOOK - THE HIDEOUT BAR AND GRILL daveysuptown.com 3402 Main 753-1909 OPEN TIL’ 3AM WI•FI AMY FARRAND'S WEIRDO WEDNESDAY SUPPER CLUB DON'T MISS THE LAST 3 WEDNESDAYS 12.12, 12.19, 12.26 Thu 12/13 Fri 12/14 Sat 12/15 THE FUTURE KINGS THE ELECTRIC LUNGS ACROSS THE EARTH 8:30PM/$5 INTERSTATE ASTRONAUTS MY OH MY GOODTIME CHARLIE 9PM/$8 GARY CLOUD THE BIG IRON BLOODSHOT BILL SINGER/SONGWRITER SCENE DARK MONDAY RETURNS/ DJ DESMODUS SKY SEEMS RED FORSAKEN FEW Tue 12/18 GROUND ZERO SIBYL SURRENDER THE FALL 8:30PM/$5 ACADIA VANESS PARK OBSIDIAN Thu 12/20 NOVERIA TELL THE OTHERS JHAY B JOSEY MILNER AND GUEST Mon 12/17 6:30PM/$10 ADV / $13 DOS Fri 12/21 Sat 12/22 Fri 12/28 24 COUNTRY FRIED CHRISTMAS DJ LARRDOG PHANTOMS OF THE OPRY LOADED GOAT TINHORN MOLLY ST DALLAS AND THE SINNERS 20,000 STRONG MEN 8PM/$8 THE CAVES THE GRISLY HAND MAD KINGS PLISSKEN THE PITCH D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 F irst, the good news: There’s a new restaurant in midtown called Mr. Good Chicken. It’s at 3605 Broadway, in the old Messy’s space. I will leave it to The Pitch’s esteemed food critic, Charles Ferruzza, to evaluate the cuisine. But for the purposes of this column, let’s just say I have a new favorite restaurant in town. Have I eaten there? Not technically, no. But I like the concept — from what I understand, there is an emphasis on poultry — and the branding, and damn it, I’m not going to let any of you cynics bring me down from the high I’ve been riding since I saw the Mr. Good Chicken sign. Unfortunately, not all businesses are booming on this stretch of Broadway. Outabounds, the gay sports bar just north (3601 Broadway) of Mr. Good Chicken, has closed. That’s one less place to get drinks before shows at the Uptown. But the real headline last week was the closing of the News Room. Last Friday was its final night of business. According to Bobby Arias, a News Room bartender I spoke with on Friday, and some words scrawled on a piece of paper taped to the front door, it will reopen on New Year’s Eve as the Black and Gold Club. I ran my mouth all weekend about the shuttering of the News Room and was surprised to discover that nobody else thinks it’s a big deal. “Whenever I found myself hanging out at the News Room,” someone told me, “it was always a strong indication that my personal life was not going very well.” Good riddance seemed to be the prevailing reaction. That’s understandable. There were a handful of murders outside the place in the 1990s, back when it was called Kenny’s News Room. In 2008, two degenerates beat a patron there within an inch of his life. There haven’t been any dust-ups of that magnitude since (that I’m aware of), but it remained seedy as hell until last week. Yet, in recent years, it had become a decent venue for punk shows, like the Center of the City Fest back in April. And when it comes down to it, joints like the News Room add character to a city. The neighborhood is probably better off with one less established gathering place for small-time criminals, but it seems indecent to let it disappear without pitch.com at least a parting toast. So, to the News Room: one of the last truly scary midtown dives. C ooper’s Hawk Winery & Restaurant also has a Broadway address: 4686 Broadway. But things are a little ritzier along its Plaza latitude, which was previously home to 810 Zone and, before that, to Canyon Café. On Saturday, the burgeoning, Illinois-based chain (it has opened 10 Midwest locations since 2005) held a VIP, preopening party for — you guessed it — very important people. Like me. I was confused upon entering. There were no tables or TVs, just walls with gift items and a semicircular bar for wine tasting. This would not be so jarring if you were in wine country, but a Plaza bar with a gift shop inside is a new one to me. Not that I’m complaining. I did some nice avoiding of conversations while pretending to look at those gifts. Tucked in the back but sharing the first floor with this area is the sleek bar with the high tables and TVs that I had expected to see. Upstairs is where you eat, and boy, did I eat at this thing. The invitation read, “Cocktails, hors d’oeuvres, and our award-winning wines will be served from seven to nine o’clock.” This is less information than I like to have going into events such as these. How hearty and plentiful will those hors d’oeuvres be? Are we talking about little crackers and spreads? Or perhaps something more substantial — something that, with a bit of persistence, one might scrape a full meal from? Why must invitations always dance around this vital information? Just tell us: Should we eat before coming or not? I took a risk and went in hungry. I waved off a glass of champagne and ascended the stairs in search of some circulating waiters. I quickly hunted down a server tending to one of the many upstairs dining areas. (This place is huge, by the way. Nice, too — a fortune must have gone into de-sportsing it, and it shows.) “What’s this?” I asked him, innocently. “Fart sandwich,” he said. Extra, extra: Shady dive closes, fancy winery opens. No, he didn’t. He said, “Buffalo chicken flatbread.” But nothing he said could have stopped my hand from lunging at the tray he was holding. “I’ll just have one more,” I said, still chewing the first flatbread. A few minutes later, as I was patiently staking out the territory of the waiter with the ahi tuna tacos, I spied a row of tables with white tablecloths and huge silver, covered trays on them. My eyes narrowed and focused — not unlike, say, a hawk. Some chefs and waiters were crowded around the area, but no guests. I stomped over. “What’s going on here?” I asked. “Are these for special guests? Is there food inside those things?” “Go right ahead,” one of them said. “We just brought them out. They’re ready to serve.” And that’s how I became the first person in the world to try the entrées at the VIP preopening party at the Cooper’s Hawk Plaza location in Kansas City. Nobody had even used the scoopers yet! Fresh scoopers to scoop the food! My God, the food: short ribs, mashed potatoes, pork medallions, gnocchi carbonara, some chicken-parmesan thing. I went deep, baby. It got wild. By the time the server came around to the table with a plate of chocolate desserts to choose from, I was almost too full to speak. But I pressed on. “What is that circle thing on the stick?” I asked. My vocabulary was rapidly devolving. The answer was “cheesecake lollipop.” I didn’t even want it. But what kind of person says, “No, I’m not really interested in trying that cheesecake lollipop.” A sick, boring, soulless person, that’s who. “Yeah, that …” I said, and then I just kind of grunted and reached for it and ate the entire thing in about 90 seconds and tried not to look anybody else in the eye the rest of the night. E-mail email@example.com pitch.com MONTH PRESENTED BY HOP ON THE KC STRIP for discounted transportation to the 8th Annual Ugly Sweater Christmas Party at Tower Tavern on Dec. 14th benefiting Operation Breakthrough. Buy tickets and find more details on www.kcsweaterparty.com Angels Rock Bar No Cover on Friday Drunken Fish Late Night Happy Hour-10pm to Close Fran's Restaurant The Only Cigar Shop on the Strip. 10% Off Purchase of Cigars Appetizer get Second of Equal or Lesser Value at 1/2 Price Firefly Brookside $5.99 Premium Breakfast on Fridays, $4 $4 Wells, No Cover All Night with Hickok's $5 Mojito $6 Black Margaritas Brooksider Sports Bar & Grill Bacardi & 360 Vodka Bombs after 10pm, Wristband $3 Draws and Free Queso with 2 Food Open 24 Hours Green Room Burgers and Beer $3 Corona Bottles Howl At The Moon Free Fry with Purchase of an Entrée Purchases, $3 House Margaritas Minsky's Pizza Charlie Hooper's Bar & Grille 2 for 1 cover Gusto $1 off Apps $2.50 Domestic Draws $3 Fridays- $1 Off Boulevard, $2 Yard Beers and $5 Grape Bombs Wells $12 Bucket of Beers and 50 Cents Indie On Main Saturdays $1 off Domestic Bottles $3 Domestics with wristband! Harpo's Restaurant Bar off Martinis Maker’s Mark Bourbon $2 Selected Shots The Blue Line Michael Forbes Grille House & Lounge Reverse Happy 930pm-1am. $2 Blue Line Beers $2 Blue Line Jersey Dog, Hot Dog Cart $5 Maker's Mark Cocktails 2 for 1 Wells $3 Margaritas 2 Jumbo Dogs for $5 and $1 Off Shots $3 Wells McFadden's Sport's Saloon Winslow's BBQ Any Sandwich $4 UV Flavors Cocktails Martini Corner $5 off Lunch or Dinner for Two Jerusalem Cafe Mosaic Lounge Haus $5 off Hooka No Cover Before 11pm Waldo $3 Radaberger Pilsner & Joe's Pizza Buy the Slice PBR Big Sky Bar 75th Street Brewery Agris-Pinot Gris 2 Slices for $5 $5 Jack Daniel’s Drinks $2.50 Wells, Bombs, and Pints! Sol Cantina Kelly's Westport Inn Bobby Baker's Lounge Pizza Bar $4 Trolley Margaritas & $2 Domestic Bottles & $3 Rock Lobster Shots $1 off Cover $3 Boulevard Wheat Pints $2.75 Pacifico Bottle Lew's Grill & Bar McCoy's Public House Shark Bar The Drop $2.50 Bud Light Draws $4.00 McCoy's Pints $4 Malibu Cocktails Quinton's $6 Specialty Martinis & Cocktails Tengo Sed Cantina Missie B's $3 Domestic Draws $3 Wells and a Free Cover Tower Tavern $3 El Jimador Margarita Complimentary Shot with wristband! The Dubliner Riot Room $3.50 Wells and Remedy Food + Drink $3.50 Boulevard Wheat on Fridays and $5 Jameson $3 Wells after Midnight 15% off with Wristband $10 Pizza 7pm-12am Free cover with Wrist Band Tanner's Bar and Grill Tea Drops Velvet DOG Z-Strike Bowling $2.50 Budlight 16 oz. Draws $1.00 Off a Cupcake or Regular Tea $1 off all Skyy Drinks 2 for 1 games, No cover on Fridays The Foundry The Well Bar-Grill and Rooftop Monaco $4.00 McCoy's Pints No Cover Free Spinach Dip w/any Purchase www.thekansascitystrip.com pitch.com RIVER MARKET DOWNTOWN POWER & LIGHT DISTRICT 18th & VINE S lvd st B hwe out W 31 St E 18 St E 19 St E 31 St MARTINI CORNER Rd ort stp We The Paseo Luna special Free Champagne for all Bachelorette Parties, No Cover for Ladies! P&L 5 St Main St 16th & Grand Fri - Sat 9pm-Close $2.50 Domestic Draws $2.75 Wells $4.50 Cuervo Margaritas TROLLEY STOPS WESTPORT Brush Creek Blvd E 63 ST PLAZA de Blvd Uptown Arts Bar Buy One Get One Free Wine or Mixed Drinks (Except Premiums) Figlio $5 off Any Purchase 7-10pm O'Dowds Free Cover & $5 Boru Irish Vodka Tomfooleries Westport Br oo ks OutaBounds Fridays-$2 Wells All Night, Saturdays-$5 Bomb Shots after 9pm Blanc Burgers + Bottles Reverse Happy Tacos,Calimari, and Great Drink Specials! Westport Torre's Pizzeria Beer Kitchen Any Specialty Pizza for $10 & 2 Late Night Happy Hour Friday & Slices for $4 Saturday 11pm-1am Westport Cafe and Bar Buzzard Beach $1.25 Domestic Drafts $2.50 Wells Shot and a Beer for $5 Westport Coffee House Californos 15% Off Any Coffee Drink $5 off $12 purchase Downtown Dark Horse $2 Wells $2 domestic draws $12 Anthony's Power Hours 8pm-10pm Fri & Sat 2 for 1 Any Item from Late Night Menu with Purchase of Two Beverages Dave's Stagecoach Inn John's Big Deck (Upper) $3 Jameson Shots and $2 16oz $3 Wells $4 Bombs and No Cover Cans of PBR Ernie Biggs Dueling Piano Bar River Market 2 for 1 cover Café Al Dente Fidel’s Cigar Shop $3 Mascot Shots, Buy One Wyandotte 36th & Broadway Plaza Wornall Rd 18th & Vine Danny's Big Easy Get Your Wristbands here! i E 63 ST BROOKSIDER WALDO E 75TH Where do I catch the trolley? • River Market - The Blue Line • Downtown - John’s Big Deck • Power & Light - Dubliner • 18th & Vine - Danny’s Big Easy • 36th & Broadway-Uptown Arts Bar • Martini Corner - Velvet Dog • Westport - Dark Horse • 16th & Grand - Luna • Plaza - O’Dowds • Brookside - Brooksider • Waldo - Quinton’s D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 THE PITCH 25 NIGHTLIFE We Deliver! FRANK JAMES SALOON Lunch Buffet, Salad Bar Daily Food & Drink Specials Bloody Mary Bar & Breakfast Pizza Buffet Sundays 11am - 2pm Karaoke Sundays 6-10 • Happy Hour 3-6 12/14 River Rock 12/28 Brother Bagman 10919 NW 45 Hwy (3.5 mi west of I-29) CHECK FACEBOOK FOR UPDATES Parkville, MO 816-505-0800 975 Kansas Ave Kansas City, KS 913.233.0201 FREE MENUDO ON SUN FROM 1 UNTIL IT S GONE Send submissions to Clubs Editor Abbie Stutzer by e-mail (firstname.lastname@example.org), fax (816-756-0502) or phone (816-218-6926). Continuing items must be resubmitted monthly. T H U R S D AY 13 Sherlock’s Underground Coffeehouse & Pub: 858 State Route 291, Liberty, 816-429-5262. Karaoke, ladies’ night. The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. Uptown Heat, 10:30 p.m. The Velvet Dog: 400 E. 31st St., 816-753-9990. Skeeball League. Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-931-1986. Trivia, Wednesdays, 9 p.m. ROCK/POP/INDIE EASY LISTENING Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-753-1909. Across the Earth, the Electric Lungs, the Future Kings. Jackpot Music Hall: 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-8321085. Ask an Adult, Ponyboy, Simple Lines. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. The Conquerors, Desert Noises, the Inwards, 9 p.m. Replay Lounge: 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676. Going to Hell in a Leather Jacket, Sundiver, 10 p.m. The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Showbaby, Vandal? Vandal! Tomfooleries: 612 W. 47th St., 816-753-0555. Gov’t Cheez. VooDoo Lounge: Harrah’s Casino, 1 Riverboat Dr., North Kansas City, 816-472-7777. Dweezil Zappa Plays Zappa. BLUES/FUNK/SOUL ‘ 1515 WESTPORT RD. • 816-931-9417 B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. John Paul’s Flying Circus. The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. J.D. Michael King. Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Grand Marquis. Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1387. Tyler Gregory and the Bootleg Band. The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. Danny McGaw. Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816-2201222. The Paperclips. ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS Kanza Hall: 7300 W. 119th St., Overland Park, 913-451-0444. The Magnificent Bang Bangs. Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Matt Stell, Living Room session, 8:30 p.m. WIFI NOW AVAILABLE! CHECK OUT THE NEW ALL DAY HAPPY HOUR $4.95 DAILY LUNCH SPECIALS • NIGHTLY DINNER & DRINK SPECIALS The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-8415483. Goomba Rave, with Team Bear Club. Dark Horse Tavern: 4112 Pennsylvania, 816-931-3663. Live DJ. Mosaic Lounge: 1331 Walnut, 816-679-0076. Mosaic Thursdays. Saints Pub + Patio: 9720 Quivira, Lenexa, 913-492-3900. DJ Brad Sager. The Blue Room: 1616 E. 18th St., 816-474-8463. The Sons of Brasil. The Majestic Restaurant: 931 Broadway, 816-221-1888. Bram Wijnands, and more, 6 p.m. CLASSICAL Calvary Bible College Conference Center/Chapel: 15820 Elmwood, 816-322-0110. Calvary Bible College Orchestra Concert, 7:30 p.m. COMEDY Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Phil Palisoul. Stanford’s Comedy Club: 1867 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-400-7500. Dan Cummins. BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS Bleachers Bar & Grill: 210 S.W. Greenwich Dr., Lee’s Summit, 816-623-3410. Extreme Bingo. Bulldog: 1715 Main, 816-421-4799. Brodioke. Buzzard Beach: 4110 Pennsylvania, 816-753-4455. Trivia, Ladies’ Night, and DJ HoodNasty. Ernie Biggs Dueling Piano Bar: 4115 Mill, 816-561-2444. “You Sing It” Live Band Karaoke. Fatso’s Public House and Stage: 1016 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-865-4055. Electro Therapy Thursdays. Hamburger Mary’s: 101 Southwest Blvd., 816-842-1919. Charity Bingo with Valerie Versace, 8 p.m., $1 per game. Hurricane Allie’s Bar and Grill: 5541 Merriam Dr., Shawnee, 913-217-7665. Karaoke, 8:30 p.m. J. Murphy’s Irish Pub and Grille: 22730 Midland Dr., Shawnee, 913-825-3880. Ladies’ night. Jake’s Place Bar and Grill: 12001 Johnson Dr., Shawnee, 913-962-5253. Trivia. Johnny’s Tavern: 8262 Mission, Prairie Village, 913-901-0322. Bingo. Mac’s Place: 580 S. Fourth St., Edwardsville. Karaoke. Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. Karaoke on the main floor, 10 p.m. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Trivia Clash, 7 p.m. The Red Balloon: 10325 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-9622330. Karaoke, 8 p.m., free. THE PITCH D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 pitch.com FOLK Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. John Keck’s Devils and Angels. OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Double T’s Roadhouse: 1421 Merriam Ln., Kansas City, Kan., 913-432-5555. Blues Jam hosted by RocknRick’s Boogie Leggin’ Blues Band, 7 p.m. Quasimodo: 12056 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-239-9666. Open jam with the Justin Andrew Murray Band. M E TA L / P U N K The Roxy: 7230 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-236-6211. Arcanium, Hellevate, Bleed the Victim, Rimjob. REGGAE Afrobeat: 9922 Holmes, 816-943-6333. Reggae Rockers, 10 p.m. R O C K A B I L LY Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Nikki Hill, 8 p.m. SINGER-SONGWRITER The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. Molly Gene, Amy Farrand. DJ JAZZ 26 Jerry’s Bait Shop: 13412 Santa Fe Trail Dr., Lenexa, 913-8949676. Interactive Acoustic with Jason Kayne. VA R I E T Y The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. KC Songwriter Forum, 7-9 p.m., free. MidAmerica Nazarene University: 2030 E. College Way, Olathe, 913-782-3750. Overland Park Civic Band Christmas Concert at the Bell Cultural Events Center. F R I D AY 1 4 ROCK/POP/INDIE Bar West: 7174 Renner Rd., Shawnee, 913-248-9378. Travelers Guild. The Beaumont Club: 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. Almost Kiss, Carl Palermo. The Brooksider: 6330 Brookside Plz., 816-363-4070. The Allied Saints, 9 p.m. Chaz on the Plaza: 325 Ward Pkwy., 816-802-2152. Jimmy Dykes & the Blisstonians. Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-421-0300. The E Pornhuskers, Loudmouth, Panties MOR Inferno, 9 p.m. Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-753-1909. INGS Interstate Astronauts, My Oh My. LIST E AT N I Jackpot Music Hall: 943 MassaONL M chusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085. PITCH.CO Instant Empire, the Travel Guide, Squirt. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871. The Outtakes. The Levee: 16 W. 43rd St., 816-561-2821. The Magnetics, 10 p.m. The Midland: 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. The Night the Buzz Stole X-Mas, with Flogging Molly, the Dirty Heads, Morning Parade, ZZ Ward, Not a Planet. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. On the Record, 6 p.m.; Hidden Pictures, Empty Spaces, the Dead Girls, 9 p.m. Replay Lounge: 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676. Books of Bokonon, with Lonnie Fisher and the Lawn Furniture Show, Richard Gintowt, 6 p.m.; the Eastern Sea, 10 p.m. The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. Attic Lights, 10:30 p.m. CLUB BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Roland Allen Band. Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-421-0300. The Return of Dr. Wizard, 6 p.m. Eddie’s Lounge: 3512 S.W. Market, Lee’s Summit, 816-5374148. King G. The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. The Groove Pilots. Icons Restaurant & Lounge: 1108 Grand, 816-472-4266. The Boss Kingz, 8 p.m. Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1387. Blackout Drunk. Llywelyn’s Pub: 6995 W. 151st St., Overland Park, 913-4020333. Crosseyed Cat, 9 p.m. The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. Lonnie Ray Blues Band, 9 p.m. Quasimodo: 12056 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-239-9666. Levee Town, 8 p.m. Take Five Coffee + Bar: 5336 W. 151st St., Overland Park, 913948-5550. Shades of Jade. Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816-2201222. The Bluz Benderz. The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. Truckstop Honeymoon, Danny McGaw. The Granada: 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. Reckless Kelly, Mickey & the Motorcars, Phil Hamilton. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 13412 Santa Fe Trail Dr., Lenexa, 913-8949676. Art Bentley. Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Frank’s Birthday Bash, with Nick Moss & the Fliptops, Tater doing a Ray Price Tribute, Brother Bagman, 8 p.m. Uptown Theater: 3700 Broadway, 816-753-8665. The Oak Ridge Boys. Ernie Biggs Dueling Piano Bar: 4115 Mill, 816-561-2444. KC’s Original Dueling Pianos. Hamburger Mary’s: 101 Southwest Blvd., 816-842-1919. Maryoke with Monique. Helen’s Just Another Dive: 2002 Armour Rd., North Kansas City, 816-471-4567. Trivia Riot with Roland, 7:30 p.m., $5 per person. Hurricane Allie’s Bar and Grill: 5541 Merriam Dr., Shawnee, 913-217-7665. Karaoke, 8:30 p.m. J. Murphy’s Irish Pub and Grille: 22730 Midland Dr., Shawnee, 913-825-3880. Karaoke, 9 p.m. Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. Ab Fab Fridays on the main floor, 9 p.m. The Red Balloon: 10325 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-9622330. Karaoke, 8 p.m., free. Shark Bar: 1340 Grand, 816-442-8140. Merry Christmas *NSyde Out Party. Sharks: 10320 Shawnee Mission Pkwy., Merriam, 913-2684006. Dart tournament, 8 p.m. The Union of Westport: 421 Westport Rd. Help For the Holidays DJ Showcase. Wilde’s Chateau 24: 2412 Iowa, Lawrence, 785-856-1514. Dance Party. DJ FOLK Beer Kitchen: 435 Westport Rd., 816-389-4180. DCal. Club Monaco: 334 E. 31st St., 816-753-5990. DJ Shaun Flo. The Eighth Street Taproom: 801 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-6918. #Cake with DJ G Train, Approach. MiniBar: 3810 Broadway. The Record Machine Party. Mosaic Lounge: 1331 Walnut, 816-679-0076. Mosaic Friday hosted by Luke Rich, with DJ Allen Michael. The Quaff: 1010 Broadway, 816-471-1918. DJ E. Saints Pub + Patio: 9720 Quivira, Lenexa, 913-492-3900. DJ TA. Strikerz Entertainment Center: 18900 E. Valley View Pkwy., Independence, 816-313-5166. DJ night. VooDoo Lounge: Harrah’s Casino, 1 Riverboat Dr., North Kansas City, 816-472-7777. Flirt Friday. Z Strike: 1370 Grand, 816-471-2316. Fabowlous Fridays with DJ Nuveau, 9 p.m. Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. Foes of Folly, Nuthatch-47, 9 p.m. ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS HIP-HOP The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-8415483. The Winner’s Circle Showcase. The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Kool Keith, BluntRap, Vertigone, Sephiroth, 8 p.m. ACOUSTIC Angels Rock Bar: 1323 Walnut, 816-896-3943. David Seitz, happy-hour show. Great Day Café: 7921 Santa Fe Dr., Overland Park, 913-6429090. Scott Stone. Quasimodo: 12056 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-239-9666. Solo acoustic matinee show, 5:30 p.m. JAZZ Accurso’s: 5044 Main, 816-753-0810. Bob Bowman and Joe Lisinicchia. The Majestic Restaurant: 931 Broadway, 816-221-1888. Paul Shinn, 5 p.m.; Bram Wijnands, and more, 7 p.m. The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. Lonnie McFadden, 4:30 p.m. Thai Place: 9359 W. 87th St., Overland Park, 913-649-5420. Jerry Hahn. The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. Jeff Clayton and friends. WORLD Blvd. Nights: 2805 Southwest Blvd., 816-931-6900. Good Fridays: International Party Experience, 10 p.m. AMERICANA Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Billy Ebeling & the Late for Dinner Band. COMEDY Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Phil Palisoul, 7:30 & 9:45 p.m. Liberty Hall: 644 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1972. The Prodigal Son Returns, 10:30 p.m. Skylight Restaurant and Sports Bar: 1867 S.W. State Rt. 7, Blue Springs, 816-988-7958. Mike’s Comedy Club, 8 p.m. Sprint Center: 1407 Grand, 816-283-7300. Katt Williams. Stanford’s Comedy Club: 1867 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-400-7500. Dan Cummins, 7:45 & 9:45 p.m. BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS Bleachers Bar & Grill: 210 S.W. Greenwich Dr., Lee’s Summit, 816-623-3410. Open Juke Box. The Blue Line: 529 Walnut, 816-472-7825. Red Friday. The Brooksider: 6330 Brookside Plz., 816-363-4070. Team trivia. The Chesterfield: 1400 Main, 816-474-4545. Burlesque Downtown Underground, 8 & 10 p.m. Club Rain: 8015 Troost, 816-361-2900. Happy hour, 5 p.m. ComedyCity at Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-842-2744. Major League Improv, 7:30 p.m. S AT U R D AY 15 ROCK/POP/INDIE The Brooksider: 6330 Brookside Plz., 816-363-4070. Teacherz Pet. Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. The Lucky Graves, the Lucky, Standby Anchors, 9 p.m. Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-421-0300. Phil Neal and the Wornalls, Paul Clark, 8 p.m. Eddie’s Lounge: 3512 S.W. Market, Lee’s Summit, 816-537-4148. Rail Dogs. Jackpot Music Hall: 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-8321085. Redrick Sultan, Panda Circus, Karma Vision. Jake’s Place Bar and Grill: 12001 Johnson Dr., Shawnee, 913962-5253. Live music. Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1387. Victor & Penny, BongoTini, 7 p.m. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871. Lights, Paramount, Bad Reputation. The Levee: 16 W. 43rd St., 816-561-2821. The Bob Harvey Band, 5 p.m.; the Magnetics, 10 p.m. The Midland: 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. The Night the Buzz Stole X-Mas, with Grouplove, Of Monsters and Men, the Joy Formidable, Elle King, She’s a Keeper. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Troy Meiss, Elaine McMilian, 6 p.m.; the Pedaljets, John Velghe & the Prodigal Sons, Katy Guillen, 9 p.m. Replay Lounge: 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676. Palace, La Guerre, Hospital Ships. The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. California Voodoo, 8 p.m. The Roxy: 7230 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-236-6211. Caprice Classic. BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Mama Ray Jazz Meets Blues Jam, 2 p.m.; Levee Town, 9 p.m. Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. The Garrett Nordstrom Situation. Jazz: 1859 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-328-0003. Billy Ebeling and the Late for Dinner Band. Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1387. 3 Son Green, 10 p.m. The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. Cold Sweat, 9 p.m. Quasimodo: 12056 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-239-9666. The Coyote Bill Boogie Band, 8 p.m. Sharks: 10320 Shawnee Mission Pkwy., Merriam, 913-2684006. Rock and blues jam, 8 p.m. Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816-2201222. Cadillac Flambe. ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. The Magnificent Bang Bangs. Sprint Center: 1407 Grand, 816-283-7300. Carrie Underwood. DJ Beer Kitchen: 435 Westport Rd., 816-389-4180. DJ Finius. Club Monaco: 334 E. 31st St., 816-753-5990. DJ Pure. The Eighth Street Taproom: 801 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-6918. Gold Label Soul with Hector the Selector. Hotel: 1300 Grand, 816-226-3232. DJ Eric Coomes. Johnny’s Tavern: 6765 W. 119th St., Leawood, 913-451-4542. Live DJ, 9 p.m. The Quaff: 1010 Broadway, 816-471-1918. DJ Chris. Saints Pub + Patio: 9720 Quivira, Lenexa, 913-492-3900. DJ Brad Sager. •A LITTLE SLICE OF IRELAND• IN DOWNTOWN KANSAS CITY Come Shake Your Shamrocks! WED Dec 12: Pat Lentz THUR Dec 13: Casey & Colby Unplugged FRI Dec 14: Lost Wax SAT Dec 15: Sellout New Year’s Eve @ The Dubliner Includes table reservation, champagne at midnight, open premium bar & delicious buffets at all P&L live block bars! DJ C-Mac on the main stage at the Dubliner THE PARTY STARTS AT 9PM! ONLY $95! 170 E. 14TH ST. KCMO IN P&L DISTRICT 816-268-4700 • THEDUBLINERKC.COM FACEBOOK.COM/THEDUBLINERKC The SPOT for The BLUES in Johnson County Wed DEC 12 Rick Bacus Blues Trio 7-10 Thurs DEC 13 Open Jam w/ The Justin Andrew Murray Band 7-10 Fri DEC 14 Derek Jones 5:30-7 Levee Town 8-11 Sat DEC 15 WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 12th The Coyote Bill Boogie Band 8-11 FRIDAY, DECEMBER 14th Tues DEC 18 EVERY THURSDAY Live Reggae with AZ One The Lonnie Ray Blues Band - 7:30pm Open Blues Jam w/ The Dave Hays Band 7-10 The Magnetics - 10pm SATURDAY, DECEMBER 15th The Bob Harvey Band - 5pm The Magnetics -10pm NIGHTLY SPECIALS FOOD AND DRINK PATIO & DECK BANQUET & PRIVATE PARTY FACILITY 135TH ST. & QUIVIRA 12056 W. 135th St. OPKS 913-239-9666 www.quasimodokc.com FLOGGING MOLLY @THEMIDLAND 14 FRIDAY DECEMBER HEAR THEM BEFORE YOU SEE THEM ACOUSTIC Great Day Café: 7921 Santa Fe Dr., Overland Park, 913-6429090. KC Ukesters. //FREE MUSIC PLAYER ON THE MUSIC HOME PAGE OF PITCH.COM pitch.com D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 THE PITCH 27 Need a drink? Check out P Mobile HAPPY HOUR APP Find Happy Hours by: Time, Feature, Name or Location on your IPhone, Blackberry or Android 28 THE PITCH D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 Quasimodo: 12056 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-239-9666. Solo acoustic matinee show, 5:30 p.m. JAZZ Chaz on the Plaza: 325 Ward Pkwy., 816-802-2152. Mistura Fina. The Majestic Restaurant: 931 Broadway, 816-221-1888. Joe DeFio, 5 p.m. Bram Wijnands, and more, 7 p.m. The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. A La Mode, 4:30 p.m. Take Five Coffee + Bar: 5336 W. 151st St., Overland Park, 913948-5550. Snuff Jazz. WORLD Town Pavilion: 1111 Main. Gamelan Genta Kasturi Concert, Demo and Workshop, 1 p.m. AMERICANA The Brickyard Tavern: 1001 S. Weaver, Olathe, 913-780-0266. Crosseyed Cat open blues jam, 3-7 p.m. Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Rich Berry. DJ Hamburger Mary’s: 101 Southwest Blvd., 816-842-1919. Bad Music Sundays with Brett Dietrich, 3:30 p.m. ACOUSTIC Take Five Coffee + Bar: 5336 W. 151st St., Overland Park, 913948-5550. Alex Schwindt Acoustic Holiday Set, 7 p.m. Tomfooleries: 612 W. 47th St., 816-753-0555. Phil and Gary, 9 p.m. JAZZ The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. The Natural, David Burchfield and the Great Stop, Colin Elmore and the Franz Family. Chaz on the Plaza: 325 Ward Pkwy., 816-802-2152. Les Mengel Duo, 5-9 p.m. The Majestic Restaurant: 931 Broadway, 816-221-1888. Rich Hill, 11 a.m.; Mark Lowrey Jazz Trio open jam session, 5 p.m. CLASSICAL CLASSICAL Blue Springs High School: 2000 N.W. Ashton Dr., Blue Springs, 816-229-3459. Heritage Philharmonic Holiday Pops Spectacular. Yardley Hall at JCCC: 12345 College Blvd., Overland Park, 913-469-8500. Bowfire. COMEDY ComedyCity at Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-842-2744. ComedyCity After Dark, 10 p.m. Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Phil Palisoul, 7 & 9:45 p.m. Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. Dirty Dorothy on the main floor, 10 p.m. Stanford’s Comedy Club: 1867 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-400-7500. Dan Cummins, 7:45 & 9:45 p.m. BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS Avalon Ultra Lounge: 5505 N.E. Antioch, 816-452-CLUB. Ladies’ night, no cover for ladies until 10:30 p.m. $2 drink specials, $10. Bleachers Bar & Grill: 210 S.W. Greenwich Dr., Lee’s Summit, 816-623-3410. Live music. ComedyCity at Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-842-2744. Major League Improv, 7:30 p.m. Ernie Biggs Dueling Piano Bar: 4115 Mill, 816-561-2444. KC’s Original Dueling Pianos. Frank’s North Star Tavern: 508 Locust, Lawrence, 785-8565080. Under the Big Tap, 10 p.m. The Granada: 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. Tacky Christmas Party, with the Midday Ramblers. Hamburger Mary’s: 101 Southwest Blvd., 816-842-1919. Charity Bingo, 5 p.m.; Maryoke, 9 p.m. Hotel: 1300 Grand, 816-226-3232. Hotel Saturdays. Hurricane Allie’s Bar and Grill: 5541 Merriam Dr., Shawnee, 913-217-7665. Karaoke, 8:30 p.m. Mosaic Lounge: 1331 Walnut, 816-679-0076. Mosaic Saturdays. The Red Balloon: 10325 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-9622330. Karaoke, 8 p.m., free. Sharks: 10320 Shawnee Mission Pkwy., Merriam, 913-2684006. Pool tournament, 1 p.m. Wallaby’s Grill and Pub: 9562 Lackman, Lenexa, 913-5419255. Karaoke, 9 p.m. Westport Coffee House: 4010 Pennsylvania, 816-756-3222. The Kick Comedy Theatre: the Kick-Off Improv Comedy Show, 8 p.m. R O C K A B I L LY Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-753-1909. Bloodshot Bill, the Big Iron. VA R I E T Y Club 906: 906 W. Liberty Dr., Liberty. First Annual Kill Your TV KC Best of Kansas City Awards, with Grenadina, Wick & the Tricks, Lazy, Jorge Arana Trio, James Christos, and Slum Party, 7 p.m. The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. Vibe Tribe KC presents “the Art of Tease.” S U N D AY 16 ROCK/POP/INDIE Park Hill South High School: 4500 River Park Dr., 816-3594120. Northland Symphony Orchestra Holiday Pops Concert, 3 & 4:30 p.m. COMEDY Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Phil Palisoul. Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. Dirty Dorothy on the main floor, 10 p.m. Stanford’s Comedy Club: 1867 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-400-7500. Dan Cummins. BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS Clarette Club: 5400 Martway, Mission, 913-384-0986. Texas Hold ’em, 7 & 10 p.m. The Fox and Hound: 10428 Metcalf, Overland Park, 913-6491700. Poker, 7 & 10 p.m. Frank James Saloon: 10919 N.W. Hwy. 45, Parkville, 816-5050800. Karaoke, 6-10 p.m. Hamburger Mary’s: 101 Southwest Blvd., 816-842-1919. Mary’s Drag Brunch, 11 a.m. Hurricane Allie’s Bar and Grill: 5541 Merriam Dr., Shawnee, 913-217-7665. Karaoke, 8:30 p.m. Jake’s Place Bar and Grill: 12001 Johnson Dr., Shawnee, 913962-5253. Free pool, 3 p.m. Johnny’s Tavern: 13410 W. 62nd Terr., Shawnee, 913-962-5777. Live music. Johnny’s Tavern - Lawrence: 410 N. Second St., Lawrence, 785-842-0377. Poker. Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. Show Stopper Karaoke, midnight. The Red Balloon: 10325 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-9622330. Karaoke, 8 p.m., free. Saints Pub + Patio: 9720 Quivira, Lenexa, 913-492-3900. Free pool. Wallaby’s Grill and Pub: 9562 Lackman, Lenexa, 913-5419255. Texas Hold ’em, 6 & 9 p.m. Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-931-1986. Texas Hold ’em, 3 & 6 p.m. OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Groove Station: 9916 Holmes, 816-942-1000. KC Blues Jam with Crosseyed Cat, 2-6 p.m. The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. Open blues jam, 7 p.m. Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Open Jam with Levee Town, 2 p.m., free. R.G.’s Lounge: 9100 E. 35th St., Independence, 816-358-5777. Jam Night hosted by Dennis Nickell, Scotty Yates, Rick Eidson, and Jan Lamb, 5 p.m. M E TA L / P U N K Sidecar at the Beaumont Club: 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-5612560. Morning Glory, Dead City Riot. SINGER-SONGWRITER Ernie Biggs Dueling Piano Bar: 4115 Mill, 816-561-2444. Singer-Songwriter Sundays. DJ Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-753-1909. DJ Desmodus, 11 p.m. ACOUSTIC Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871. Colby & Mole. JAZZ Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Jazzbo. The Majestic Restaurant: 931 Broadway, 816-221-1888. Mark Lowrey Trio, 6 p.m. The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. Millie Edwards and Michael Pagan, 7 p.m. COMEDY Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. MANic Monday on the main floor, 10 p.m., free. The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. Late-night comedy, 10 p.m. BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS The All-Star Rock Bar: 7210 N.E. 43rd St., 816-452-2660. Monday Mancave: sports, drink and food specials. The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. Rural Grit Happy Hour, 6 p.m.; Karaoke with Nanci Pants. Bulldog: 1715 Main, 816-421-4799. Trivia, service industry night. Clarette Club: 5400 Martway, Mission, 913-384-0986. Texas Hold ’em, 7 & 10 p.m. Ernie Biggs Dueling Piano Bar: 4115 Mill, 816-561-2444. Mancave Mondays. Green Room Burgers & Beer: 4010 Pennsylvania, Ste. D, 816216-7682. Geeks Who Drink Pub Quiz, 8 p.m. Hamburger Mary’s: 101 Southwest Blvd., 816-842-1919. Maryoke, 8 p.m. The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. Monday Night Football. Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1387. Karaoke Idol with Tanya McNaughty. Nara: 1617 Main, 816-221-6272. Brodioke, 9 p.m. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Sonic Spectrum Music Trivia, 7 p.m., $5. The Red Balloon: 10325 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-9622330. Karaoke, 8 p.m., free. Sherlock’s Underground Coffeehouse & Pub: 858 State Route 291, Liberty, 816-429-5262. Tell a Joke Mondays. The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. Snazzy Cheap-Ass Drinks, all night. Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-931-1986. Texas Hold ’em, 8 p.m. OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. Jonny Green Open Mic and Jam Session, 7:30 p.m. SINGER-SONGWRITER Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-753-1909. Songwriter’s Scene, 7 p.m. VA R I E T Y Californos: 4124 Pennsylvania, 816-531-7878. Opera Supper, 6-9 p.m. T U E S D AY 18 ROCK/POP/INDIE Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-753-1909. Surrender the Fall. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871. Clint Martinez. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Rock Paper Scissors, 6 p.m.; What Made Milwaukee Famous, Kill Noise Boys, 9 p.m. BLUES/FUNK/SOUL Slow Ride Roadhouse: 1350 N. Third St., Lawrence, 785-7492727. Lonnie Ray Blues Band. ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS Jackpot Music Hall: 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-8321085. The Pharmacy, W.C. Beck. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871. Hessler, Invicta. The Midland: 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. The Night the Buzz Stole X-Mas, with Passion Pit, Alt-J, Blondfire, Churchill, Heroes and Villains. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. The Stone Foxes, Cherokee Rock Rifle, 7 p.m. The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Redrick Sultan, Japanese Game Show, Broken Mast, Wire and String, 7 p.m. The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-8415483. Taking Back Mondays. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Rev Gusto, Zach Jackson and the Funky Few, 9 p.m. Tomfooleries: 612 W. 47th St., 816-753-0555. The Goods. Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. DJ Whatshisname, service industry night, 9 p.m. The Gusto Lounge: 504 Westport Rd., 816-974-8786. The Dropout Boogie, 10 p.m., free. BLUES/FUNK/SOUL ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS JAZZ Barnyard Beer: 925 Iowa, Lawrence, 785-393-9696. Mudstomp Mondays. Chaz on the Plaza: 325 Ward Pkwy., 816-802-2152. Matt Hopper, Charles Gatchet. B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Lee McBee and the Confessors. pitch.com M O N D AY 17 ROCK/POP/INDIE Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-421-0300. Elkheart’s Downtown Outlaw Fiasco. DJ pitch.com MONTH BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS Bleachers Bar & Grill: 210 S.W. Greenwich Dr., Lee’s Summit, 816-623-3410. Texas Hold ’em Poker Night, 7 & 9:15 p.m. The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-8415483. Gak Attack. The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. Scrabble Club, 7 p.m. Bulldog: 1715 Main, 816-421-4799. Double-feature movie night. Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. Team Trivia with Teague Hayes, 7 p.m., $5 buy-in. Double Nickel Bar: 189 S. Rogers, Ste. 1614, Olathe, 913-3900363. Poker night. The Drop: 409 E. 31st St., 816-756-3767. Brodioke, 9:30 p.m. Dukes: 1501 Grand, 816-527-0122. Beer pong tournaments, 9 p.m. Flying Saucer: 101 E. 13th St., 816-221-1900. Trivia Bowl, 7:30 & 10 p.m., free. Hamburger Mary’s: 101 Southwest Blvd., 816-842-1919. Boob Tube Tuesdays, 7 p.m. Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Devin Henderson’s Mind Madness. Jackpot Music Hall: 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-8321085. It’s Karaoke Time! Johnny’s Tavern: 13410 W. 62nd Terr., Shawnee, 913-962-5777. Bingo. Johnny’s Tavern: 11316 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-8515165. Texas Hold ’em. MiniBar: 3810 Broadway. Sonic Spectrum Trivia: the Bizarre, Pop Culture and Travel, 7 p.m. Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. Gayme Night upstairs, 7:30-10 p.m.; PHAT Show, 8 p.m.; karaoke on the main floor, 10 p.m. The Red Balloon: 10325 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-9622330. Karaoke, 8 p.m., free. The Roxy: 7230 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-236-6211. Karaoke. Saints Pub + Patio: 9720 Quivira, Lenexa, 913-492-3900. Karaoke, 9 p.m. Sherlock’s Underground Coffeehouse & Pub: 858 State Route 291, Liberty, 816-429-5262. Country and Western Tuesdays. Tower Tavern: 401 E. 31st St., 816-931-9300. Trivia, 8 p.m. The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. Tango night. The Velvet Dog: 400 E. 31st St., 816-753-9990. Beer Pong, team registration starts at 9:30 p.m., tournament starts at 10 p.m. Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-931-1986. Chess Club, 7 p.m. OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS DiCarlo’s Mustard Seed Mexican-Americana Restaurant & Bar: 15015 E. U.S. Hwy. 40, 816-373-4240. Blues, country and classic rock hosted by Rick Eidson and friends. Quasimodo: 12056 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-239-9666. Dave Hays Band Open Jam. Stanford’s Comedy Club: 1867 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-400-7500. Open Mic Night. SINGER-SONGWRITER The All-Star Rock Bar: 7210 N.E. 43rd St., 816-452-2660. Scott Ford Songwriter Showcase, 7 p.m. Californos: 4124 Pennsylvania, 816-531-7878. Songwriter Series with Jonathan Fleig. W E D N E S D AY 19 ROCK/POP/INDIE Angels Rock Bar: 1323 Walnut, 816-896-3943. Cover Me Badd. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871. The Magnetics. Quasimodo: 12056 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-239-9666. Rock Paper Scissors. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Bob Walkenhorst, 7 p.m. The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Conflicts, Enemies Laid to Rest, Heroes and Hypocrites, Doubt, 7 p.m. Tomfooleries: 612 W. 47th St., 816-753-0555. The Mickey Finn Band, 9 p.m. BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Shinetop Jr. Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Billy Ebeling. Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Gospel Lounge with Carl Butler, 7:30 p.m. DJ Avalon Ultra Lounge: 5505 N.E. Antioch, 816-452-CLUB. Flashback Wednesdays. The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-8415483. DJ Kimbarely Legal. Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. Sonic Spectrum with DJ Robert Moore, 10 p.m. Saints Pub + Patio: 9720 Quivira, Lenexa, 913-492-3900. DJ Pure. The Union of Westport: 421 Westport Rd. Random Play Wednesday. HIP-HOP RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Joey Cool, Dom Chronicles, Gee Watts, the Winner’s Circle, 9 p.m. ACOUSTIC Dark Horse Tavern: 4112 Pennsylvania, 816-931-3663. Live acoustic. Fuel: 7300 W. 119th St., Overland Park, 913-451-0444. Colby & Mole. The Uptown Arts Bar: 3611 Broadway. The Accidentals. JAZZ Chaz on the Plaza: 325 Ward Pkwy., 816-802-2152. Max Groove Trio, 6 p.m. The Levee: 16 W. 43rd St., 816-561-2821. The Grand Marquis. The Majestic Restaurant: 931 Broadway, 816-221-1888. Paul Shinn, 6 p.m. COMEDY Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Dwayne Perkins. Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. Dirty Dorothy on the main floor, 10 p.m. Stanford’s Comedy Club: 1867 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-400-7500. James Johann. BAR GAMES/DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS The All-Star Rock Bar: 7210 N.E. 43rd St., 816-452-2660. Karaoke. Beer Kitchen: 435 Westport Rd., 816-389-4180. Brodioke. The Blue Line: 529 Walnut, 816-472-7825. Karaoke. Bulldog: 1715 Main, 816-421-4799. Drink specials. Danny’s Bar and Grill: 13350 College Blvd., Lenexa, 913-3459717. Trivia and karaoke with DJ Smooth, 8 p.m. Ernie Biggs Dueling Piano Bar: 4115 Mill, 816-561-2444. Hump Day Party. 403 Club: 403 N. Fifth St., 913-499-8392. Pinball tournament, cash prize for winner, 8:30 p.m., $5 entry fee. Hamburger Mary’s: 101 Southwest Blvd., 816-842-1919. Charity Bingo with Valerie Versace, 8 p.m., $1 per game. Hurricane Allie’s Bar and Grill: 5541 Merriam Dr., Shawnee, 913-217-7665. Bike night; karaoke, 8:30 p.m. J. Murphy’s Irish Pub and Grille: 22730 Midland Dr., Shawnee, 913-825-3880. Karaoke, 9 p.m. Jake’s Place Bar and Grill: 12001 Johnson Dr., Shawnee, 913962-5253. Karaoke. Johnny’s Tavern: 6765 W. 119th St., Leawood, 913-451-4542. Texas Hold ’em. Johnny’s Tavern - Lawrence: 410 N. Second St., Lawrence, 785-842-0377. Cajun night. Johnny’s Tavern: 10384 S. Ridgeview, Olathe, 913-378-0744. Trivia. Johnny’s Tavern: 8719 W. 95th St., Overland Park, 913-9489500. Trivioke. Nara: 1617 Main, 816-221-6272. Ladies’ Night. Outabounds Sports Bar & Grill: 3601 Broadway, 816-2148732. Karaoke. Qudos Cigar & Cognac Bar: 1116 Grand, 816-474-2270. Red Cup Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m. The Red Balloon: 10325 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-9622330. Karaoke, 8 p.m., free. The Roxy: 7230 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-236-6211. Karaoke. Sherlock’s Underground Coffeehouse & Pub: 858 State Route 291, Liberty, 816-429-5262. Animal House Wednesdays; open jam blues, bike night specials. Strikerz Entertainment Center: 18900 E. Valley View Pkwy., Independence, 816-313-5166. Ladies’ Night, ladies bowl for free in the Spare Room Party Room, DJ, 9 p.m. Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-931-1986. Trivia, 8 p.m. Wilde’s Chateau 24: 2412 Iowa, Lawrence, 785-856-1514. Pride Night, 8 p.m. GIVE THE GIFT OF 5 PARTIES IN 2013! PASSPORTS TO ALL PITCH EVENTS ARE NOW AVAILABLE! HIT EVERY EVENT IN 2013 FIRST 100 PASSPORTS PURCHASED ARE ONLY $45 AT HTTP://SECURE.PITCH.COM/TICKETS/PITCH-PASSPORT-1 TASTE OF KC • MUSIC SHOWCASE • MUSIC AWARDS • SUGAR RUSH •ARTOPIA OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS ‘ Finnigan’s Hall: 503 E. 18th Ave., North Kansas City, 816-2213466. Abel Ramirez Big Band, 6 p.m. Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Rick Bacus and Monique Danielle. The Majestic Restaurant: 931 Broadway, 816-221-1888. Hermon Mehari Trio. The Phoenix: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. Open Jam with Everette DeVan, 7 p.m. Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1387. Tyler Gregory hosts Acoustic Jam Session. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 13412 Santa Fe Trail Dr., Lenexa, 913-8949676. Jam Night, 9 p.m. Tonahill’s 3 of a Kind: 11703 E. 23rd St., Independence, 816833-5021. Blues, country and classic rock hosted by Rick Eidson and friends. s M E TA L / P U N K The Beaumont Club: 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. Texas Hippie Coalition, Hillbilly Herald, Drek. VA R I E T Y Californos: 4124 Pennsylvania, 816-531-7878. The Girlie Show. Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-753-1909. Amy Farrand’s Weirdo Wednesday Social Club, 7 p.m., no cover. WE KNOW TIMES ARE TOUGH SO WE’RE MAKING OUR EVENTS MORE AFFORDABLE FOR YOU! CALL 816.561.6061 FOR MORE INFO pitch.com D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 THE PITCH 29 S AVA G E L O V E ROLLING IN THE DEEP Dear Dan: At a dinner party, a straight man put a question to my boyfriend and me. He assumed that we, being gay men, would have an answer for him. We did not, Dan, and so we turn to you. What happens to one if one has to fart while one is wearing a butt plug? Gays Are Simply Stumped, Yes and Sincerely So Dear GASSYASS: If one is wearing a butt plug (“wear: to carry or to have on the body or about the person as a covering, ornament, or the like”), then one may pass gas, silently or noisily, as one is wont to do, because a butt plug worn as a hat or a brooch or an epaulet — that is, a butt plug worn on the body — presents no impediment. But if one has fully inserted the bulbous end of the butt plug into one’s rectal cavity, and one’s sphincter is gripping the neck of the butt plug, as it is wont to do, thereby ensuring that the bulbous end remains lodged in the rectal cavity while the flared base remains outside of the rectal cavity (one could, if one wished to be pedantic, argue that one wears the flared base of the butt plug against one’s anus), what would then happen if one attempted to pass gas? The force of the gas would either dislodge one’s butt plug, sending it flying across one’s room, or, if one’s butt plug failed to dislodge and take flight, cause one to simply explode. Dear Dan: I had a conversation with a friend who is an emergency-room physician. He told me about removing something — I can’t remember what — from a gentleman’s ass. My immediate response was to ask whether he had the flared-base talk with the gentleman after the fact. His response? “What are you talking about?” I explained that if the gentleman had used a butt toy with a flared base, he wouldn’t have been in the circumstances that brought him to the hospital. He had never thought of that and thanked me for the advice. My partner is a physician and has treated patients with anal “encumbrances.” He gives the flared-base advice to anyone who seems like they might benefit from it — but he tells me that this isn’t something they go over in med school. This shocks me because it seems like a topic where a little education could do a lot of good. You should use your column to bring this to the attention of medical-school administrators. Conscience Cleared Dear CC: I am sharing your letter in the hopes that doctors all over the world read it and promptly incorporate your “flared base” advice into their practice. If they don’t, well, then we will just have to conclude that flaredbase advice isn’t given to patients by doctors — ER or otherwise — because doctors secretly enjoy digging various foreign objects out of the variable rectums of various gentlemen. Dear Dan: I’m a 19-year-old bisexual male. I’ve been in a two-year relationship with a girl who has a low sex drive, so we are in an open 30 THE PITCH D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 pitch.com relationship, and I occasionally have sex with guys. I really liked the last guy I got with and enjoyed having sex with him a lot. The problem was, I couldn’t get hard. Is the problem that I’m still trying to figure out who I am and what I want? Am I not as attracted to guys as I thought I was? Or could it be guilt, even though my girlfriend is OK with it? Bisexually Oriented Nervously Experiencing Reversal Dear BONER: You say you “occasionally have sex with guys,” which means this guy isn’t your first. He’s just the first guy — perhaps the first person — whom you couldn’t get hard with. Let me guess: This has never happened to you before. Of course it hasn’t — you’re 19. But it happens to every guy sooner or later, and you’re much likelier to seek an explanation or attach some deeper meaning to it the first time it happens. (Maybe I’m not bi! Maybe it was guilt!) Don’t waste your time. Sometimes a soft dick is just a soft dick. If it keeps happening, well, then you may have a problem. But if you go on obsessing about an isolated incident — perhaps brought on by nerves (you liked this guy, right?) — you run the risk of creating a problem. Dear Dan: I was on a layover in San Francisco. My attractive, bearish, platonic, straight-male co-worker would like to know if it is weird that a guy complimented his shoes while at the urinal in the SFO bathroom. Rhymes With Larry Craig? Dear RWLC: Yes. Dear Dan: As I was reading the letters in the last Savage Love, it occurred to me that the debate over polyamory as a “sexual orientation” is primarily one of definitions. Some folks who are poly see that as just as “core” to their nature as their gender preference. There- BY D A N S AVA G E fore, I propose the following framework. We all have a sexual identity composed of four components: 1. Our gender identity ranging from cis to trans. 2. Our sexual orientation ranging from homo to hetero. 3. Our sexual exclusivity ranging from purely monogamous to purely polyamorous. 4. Our sexual interest ranging from asexual to highly sexual. In my view, these four components are equal in that they are all things that we are rather than things that we choose. While it is possible to choose a lifestyle that deviates from one’s sexual identity, in all cases doing so entails stress, cognitive dissonance and some degree of self-loathing. Like all conceptual frameworks, this one is not necessarily complete. It fails to include sexual interest in animals, particular age groups, or any of several hundred kinks, all of which are traits that seem to be more identity than choice. That said, I do think there is something unique and universally applicable in the four-component scheme, and I think that we should, as a society, set a goal of acceptance and nondiscrimination surrounding all aspects of sexual identity. Just My Thoughts Dear JMT: I like your model, but it has to be said: At a certain point, endless Tumblrenabled debates about sexual identity, gender identity, sexual orientation and sexual interests take on the fl avor of those howmany-angels-can-dance-on-the-head-of-apin debates that obsessed theologians in the Middle Ages. For the record: Each of us is free — and remains free — to identify however we wish and to apply the labels “identity” and/or “orientation” however we please. If a particular person isn’t trying to take anything away from you, then the fact that the person holds slightly differing views on identity or orientation or on the meanings of those words or just how many angels can dance on the head of a pin — well, it really isn’t an enormous fucking deal, is it? And, in my opinion, those who spend their time debating, classifying, and unpacking sex and identity run a very real risk of disappearing up their own ass in a puff of santorum. Which is my way of saying … No, I won’t be giving a column over to angry letters from butt-sore people who feel that D/s is their sexual orientation, despite being told that I must because last week I suggested that, from my point of view, D/s is a sexual identity, not an orientation, and I gave a column to angry poly folks so it’s only fair and blah blah blah. Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. Have a question for Dan Savage? E-mail him at email@example.com pitch.com MONTH Baccalรก Baccalรก STRIP CLUB 4704 Independence Ave. Kansas City, MO 64108 816.231.3150 pitch.com D E C E M B E R 1 3 - 1 9, 2 0 1 2 THE PITCH 31 LICENSED MASSAGE Asian Massage OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK * FOUR NEW YOUNG GIRLS * 913-888-8855 Swedish • Deep Tissue • Lomilomi • 4-hands Walk-ins Welcome 12104 W 87th St Parkway, Lenexa KS 66215 cash / debit / Visa / Mastercard NOW OPE N! 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