SNAP! Magazine Issue 5
ISSUE 5! Check it out!
SNAP! HIBERNATION Winter Survival Guide Short Fiction Special Bradley Thomas Moore SEX & LOVE Special Creative Couples DIY JANUARY/FEBRUARY ARts + LiFEstYLE FREE pistolsatdawn.com.au 28 PHOtO BY DANA NEiLsON 25 52 20/ Hannah Byrne interviews Bradley thomas Moore 22/ A winter playlist by Max aka DJ Bruce Wayne 46/ Ralph Alerte Desamours creates a Valentine’s Day Menu for 2 26/ 28/ 35/ 37/ 40/ 64/ 52/ 56/ 54/ 58/ ON THE COVER Our SNAP! Winter Survival Section Poker 101 Board Games Guide Colour-in pages short Fiction special: the Wellenplatz by Joseph shragge A skinny Girl With Blue toes by Julien Gregoire SNAP! ‘Sex Love and Other Stuff’ Survey Ray and Charles Eames: design’s greatest duo the Creative Couple: an interview the Muse by Keith Deimer Pet Parenting: A shoot by Adrien Baudet POINT OF VIEW 18/ Videogame Page 31/ Movie Column 86/ travel FASHION & BEAUTY 72/ Un Après-Midi Au Lit by Gregory Lee Lynch 79/ Winter Bloom by stephanie Fraser and Pascale Georgiev 82/ Look of the issue: Only in Dreams 83/ Manscaping: Quick tips for guy grooming INSIDE 09/ Contributors 10/ the Editor’s Letter 15/ James Gartler introduces P-Brane: A graphic novel 6/ 17 35 ART & DESIGN 13/ 14/ 17/ 70/ 26 MUsE OF tHE issUE We met Pascale Georgiev in the summer after a friend suggested she style one of our shoots. Already well known on the Montréal circuit, this 23 year old girl-wonder recently packed up and headed off for NYC, where she swiftly landed a much-coveted position at Nylon magazine. While doing her thing in the photo department Pascale stumbled upon stephanie Fraser, her Glaswegian soul-mate, and soon after the two started collaborating on projects that show off their quirky style and fresh aesthetic. Pascale and stephanie took on the meaty task of styling and directing two fashion editorials for this issue and did such a brilliant job modeling we put Pascale on our cover. Check out more images starting on page 72. What is Art Matters? street Art by siraj Chew-Bose Found Art: Kent Rogowski Morning Light: A photographic project by Mikhail Wassmer 88/ Anathema by Wes this issue was put together over the joyous (and chaotic) holiday season and as a result the majority of our regular writers took a rest, drank spiked egg nog and ventured to far off places. Keep an eye out for their triumphant return in future issues. Until then, we hope you enjoy some work from a few first-time contributors, including zoe Renaud, siraj Chew-Bose, sam Windholz and James Gartler. We are super happy to have them join us! ALL CONtENts OF tHis MAGAziNE ARE COPYRiGHtED ©2009 sNAP iNC. 1/4064 st. LAURENt, MONtRéAL, QC, H2W 1Y8 OR tHiRD PARtY-PARtY CONtENt PROViDERs. sNAP iNC. AssUMEs NO REsPONsiBiLitY FOR CONtENt OF ADVERtisEMENt. REPRODUCtiON OF EDitORiAL is stRiCtLY PROHiBitED WitHOUt PRiOR PERMissiON OF sNAP iNC. sNAP! WiLL NOt HOLD itsELF REsPONsiBLE FOR UNsOLiCitED CONtRiBUtiONs. Contributors INDEPENDENT PUBLISHER AND EDITOR sHAYL PRisK FOUNDERS HANNAH BYRNE AND sHAYL PRisK ART DIRECTION AND DESIGN VANDA DAFtARi VISUALS HANNAH BYRNE, CEDRiC tAiLLON HttP://KAttYMAUREY.COM WRITING sHAYL PRisK, HANNAH BYRNE, siRAJ CHEW-BOsE, sAM WiNDHOLz, JAMEs GARtLER, JEAN-MAxiME PAPADOPOULOs, CEDRiC tAiLLON, PiERRE-ADRiEN MARCHAND, A.J. LittLE, JOsEPH sHRAGGE, JULiEN GREGOiRE, zOE RENAUD, tANiA DOs sANtOs, ROBBY REis, KEitH DEiMER, KAtiE KOtLER, ROBERtO CiALDELLA, CYNtHiA CiALDELLA, KAtE REDDiNGtON ARTWORk EMMA NOVOtNY, CAPUCiNE LABARtHE, KAttY MAUREY, CEDRiC tAiLLON, WEs FURLOttE PHOTOGRAPHY GREGORY LEE LYNCH, EMMA NOVOtNY, siRAJ CHEW-BOsE, xAViER tOLENtiNO, DANA NEiLsON, JEssiCA PEtUNiA, DAN POPA, CEDRiC tAiLLON, ADRiEN BAUDEt, MiKHAiL WAssMER, KAtE REDDiNGtON, KAttY MAUREY, VANDA DAFtARi STYLING PAsCALE GEORGiEV, stEPHANiE FRAsER MARkETING AND COMMUNICATIONS HANNAH BYRNE WEB EDITOR HANNAH BYRNE WEB DIRECTOR JEFF tRAYNOR SNAP! TV DIRECTORS ALExANDRE LEBLANC AND JULiEN GREGOiRE GALLERY ARiANE GREGOiRE, ARMANCE BRANDENBURG PRINTERS MARQUis BOOK PRiNtiNG ADVERTISING INFORMATION 514 576 7867 OFFICES 4064 st LAURENt BLVD, sUitE 1, MONtRéAL QC H2W 1Y8 WWW.SNAPME.CA INFO@SNAPME.CA 9/ Editor’s Letter The crunching sound as your boots press down against snow; the light huff-puff of your breathing as you walk briskly to your destination; the way you lower your head and tuck your hands in your pockets, weary from the wind. Winter is a sensory overload and at certain times every one of us just has to hole up in our respective apartments and hibernate. What do you do to beat cabin fever? You play board games and poker, you watch endless hours of films, construct random munchies, sleep, have sex, rummage around in closets and get lost on the internet… This is a time to do all the little chores you never got around to until now; this is a chance to get lost in a novel or to watch an entire season of Prison Break- just ‘cos you can. In this issue we walk around in our pajamas, eat homemade caramel popcorn, talk about sex, play loads of poker and get into DIY. We also read a bit of fiction and take a look at love, a few local couples and an artist’s muse. Winter in this city is ridiculous, long and grueling, but if you adjust to life indoors it can be a pretty fun time. We hope this issue is a good companion for the long days ahead. See you on the other side of it! SP #05 PHOtOGRAPHs BY EMMA NOVOtNY WWW.FLiCKR.COM/PHOtOs/ENOVOtNY What did you think? Let us know. email@example.com ART MATTERS What is it? WORDs AND ARt BY tHE ARt MAttERs tEAM · Art Matters is Canada’s largest student Where does it happen? Galleries throughout the city such as art mur, les territoires in the Belgo building, a big machine shop in st- Henri, snow piles, crack dens, tree houses, old boots, mom’s house, EVERYwHERE! run art festival and in-land lobster feast. · A Concordia University student run mul- tidisciplinary art festival including gallery shows, art talks, panel discussions, and various special projects. How does it work? curators are chosen through a blind game of darts, facial proximity determines venue assignment. curatorial applications begin in the fall and themes and shows are decided by the co-producers of the festival in time for winter. January brings artist applications and curatorial decisions are made. Events begin in February. Regularly updated with upcoming events, check the website: ARTMATTERS.CONCORDIA.CA ** ALL OF tHE ABOVE iNFORMAtiON is EitHER ENtiRELY tRUE OR COMPLEtELY FALsE. When is it? · February 27th through march 15th, every year until whatever happens to humanity in 2012. · opening party on February 27th including the critically acclaimed Red mass collective, demon’s claws + others @ Bain mathieu, a cool old pool where bands play in the deep end. formances and installations in collaboration with les territoires and studio 303 in the Belgo building (372 ste.catherine w.). · February 28th nuit Blanche will bring per- Why does it Happen? to show off some of our great stuff, yo! In the year 2000... five Concordia Fine arts students saw the need for students to exhibit their work to their peers and the public. the result was art matters: two weeks of student art in professional venues and galleries throughout montréal. now in it’s ninth year, art matters has become a renowned festival that showcases the incredible emerging talent of concordia students. the biggest student run art festival in canada, past venues have included the world Beat music centre, musee d’art contemporain, art mur, the sat, the corona theatre, art en majuscule, the darling Foundry and others. in 2005 the festival received Best art Exhibit in the montréal mirror’s annual “Best of montréal” readers poll and has consistently ranked in the top 5 since then. 13/ STREET ART WORDs AND PHOtOs BY siRAJ CHEW BOsE How do you write anything about something that's written pointlessly? How do you make a point about something that is inherently pointless and ephemeral? with a bit of spit and polish or a bucket of primer, some of the most interesting thoughts to grace a public washroom can be effortlessly wiped out forever. if it's erased faster than the time it takes to think it up and write it down, is it worth even thinking about? Knowing this, why would someone go to such minimal lengths to post the ubiquitous 'Kilroy was here'. is it some instinctive desire to mark ones territory while urinating? would one feel embarrassed to later stumble across their drunken declarations of love for someone they no longer remember? my fa- vourites tend to be the clever puns, the simple bold in your face 'fuck you's' and the random people trying to make an intelligent remark while misspelling words. municipalities accept the inevitability of graffiti and hire the culprits to paint beautiful murals. Bar owners might look into the idea of building upon the unavoidable scrawls in their washrooms. why plaster the walls with ads? would it kill us to write something more profound than 'Judy is a whore', 'looking for a good time call 1-800-fuck' etc. why not take a poll? are people not at their most honest when inebriated? Blondes, brunettes or redheads? peanuts or popcorn? let's get to the bottom of this. 14/ The Green Team – BY JAMEs GARtLER How A Montreal Director Got A Graphic Novel Off The Ground The tagline read “Are you the next genetically enhanced Super-Human?” It was, without question, the strangest job posting I’d ever seen on Craigslist…so naturally, I had to check it out. Apparently, some independent publisher was shooting actors against a green screen and using the photos to illustrate a graphic novel. An intriguing notion, certainly, until I flashed back to two of Hollywood’s recent green-screen flicks, 'Sin City' and 'Sky Captain'. The former had fans cheering while the latter left people scratching their heads. If the verdict is still out on whether that kind of hybrid aesthetic is welcome in theatres, why would anyone risk making a comic that way? “to differentiate yourself from everybody else out there” reasons Jesse Heffring, montreal filmmaker and art director for the graphic novel in question. during a break from writing and filming suspense films ('Coil' in 2001 and 'sigma' in 2005), Heffring came across an original 160 page story called p-Brane:the Green man and decided to bring it to a wider audience. “i knew it was a solid story and had potential for those people who love scifi, specifically.” When it came to discussing how to treat the text visually, though, he was somewhat hesitant to embrace author chris Ring’s photo-realistic ambitions. “i said ‘nah, i don’t think it’s going to work,’ “ Heffring recalls, in spite of himself. as it turned out, putting his reservations aside and taking the unconventional approach only fueled his creativity. P-Brane, his first foray into the world of comics, is an ambitious 221 page graphic novel with stark black-and-white visuals and an epic plot. The film-noir-meets-sci-fi tale follows an amnesiac green-skinned vigilante with inexplicably developed fighting abilities and a mysterious growth on his neck. By the time he realizes his purpose is to rectify mankind’s moral failings on Earth, an alien entity has decided humanity is beyond saving and tar- gets the planet for destruction, forcing him and his followers to take drastic action. Heffring openly acknowledges the use of classic genre conventions in the plot, saying “it’s a very conscious thing” that feels,”for some reason, new in its own way.” much of that freshness can be attributed to the artwork, a high contrast blend of actors, landscape photography, 3d images and textures. Following the relatively painless threeweek shooting period, Heffring admits “a lot of things weren’t coming naturally” in post- there were fewer options regarding the issue of distribution. after publishing the title under their own Graviton banner, they mailed a copy to diamond, the industry’s main distribution company, in the hopes they’d carry the book. several weeks later, “a checklist sheet with a hundred little boxes” arrived, Heffring explains, amused. “two boxes were checked: one said ‘text heavy’, one said ‘layout’ ”. undeterred, he took p-Brane out on the road himself, touring montreal, toronto and even new York’s convention scenes, introducing fans and industry professionals to the book and giving them all a chance to be a part of the action. those who dropped by the pBrane booth at last year’s nY con were photographed and used as extras in one of chapter 22’s massive crowd scenes. the way the artist sees it, “they’re probably going to remember the name of the comic they’re in.” in addition to this clever marketing plan, Heffring has also been drawing potential readers to the project using the p-Brane website, where participants can view “affected” photos of themselves and vote on which they like best. all this time at conventions, though, has also provided the director with a clear view of the challenges facing up-and-coming artists looking to break into the industry. “when you go to a comic convention and 50% of the floor space is taken up by warner Bros and mGm, and the panel is Robert downey Jr talking about iron man…you’re losing something, something that should be there.” still, Heffring feels his expectations for the book will be met. “we’re not looking at needing to sell a hundred thousand copies and be the next big thing. this is about selling 2 500 copies and making number two. that’s a very achievable goal and we’re well on our way.” with the second volume of p-Brane scheduled to begin production in the summer, Heffring is busying himself with screenplays, documentaries and a play for the Fringe Festival. looking back on the feedback p-Brane has received thus far, one comment has proved especially gratifying. “one guy was saying ‘Finally the film industry is giving back to the comics industry as opposed to taking from it.’ “ stranger things have happened. FOR MORE iNFORMAtiON AND tO PURCHAsE A COPY OF PBRANE, Visit WWW.PBRANEWORLD.COM tO ListEN tO ExCERPts FROM OUR iNtERViEW WitH JEssE HEFFRiNG, Visit WWW.sNAPME.CA production. chapter seventeen, for instance, required a complete overhaul. “originally it was a ten page long fight sequence in a forest.” when early tests showed the characters getting lost amidst thousands of tiny, highcontrast leaves, the sequence was moved to the top of a sky-scraper. a crouching tigerstyle forest fight became a true lies-type midtown freefall, complete with rogue helicopter attack, through the reuse of photos and magic of photoshop. 16/ FOUND ART WORDs BY sHAYL PRisK Contemporary artist Kent Rogowski is coming up in conversations all over the place due in part to his traveling exhibit ‘Bears.’ The show, which features 15 Avedon-style photographs of patched and disfigured teddy bears, presents the end result of Rogowski’s painstaking work disassembling, restuffing and reconstructing his own childhood playthings. the surprising and disturbing process behind the work could well have been sparked by a bit of cabin fever- when suddenly the familiar or mundane will stand out and show us some potential to be new again. Rogowski also took on the traditional household object, the jigsaw puzzle. Here, the still life images and pastoral scenes that characterize typical puzzle subjects are made unexpectedly expressive and playful. By using pieces from several different puzzle sets and splicing them together, Rogowski’s process becomes painterly and gives a finished product far more alive than any puzzle box cover. Rogowski explores and interprets the generic or familiar in genius ways which is none too inspiring for the days you find yourself staring at one patch of wallpaper for so long that it becomes a face, or when you decide to build a fort out of your recycling boxes and some tape. check out Rogowski’s take on the snow globe for another brilliant bit of inspiration. HttP://WWW.KENtROGOWsKi.COM/ VIDEO GAMES BY sAM WiNDHOLz United we stand, divided one of us (repeatedly) falls: How co-op gaming can save the world, or at least the universe. Interpersonal relationships often revolve around conflict, through which emerge growth, change, and evolution. From the first home videogame, Pong (Atari, 1975), the stage was set for competitive gaming. With two paddles, you and a friend could attempt to beat one another into submission. as games advanced, a more sophisticated type of relationship emerged – cooperative (co-op) gaming. what better way to get through cabin-fever? when gazing over at your roommate or partner and imagining slow-cooking them over a fire is one option, instead you could put aside your differences and work together. 'mario Bros.' (nintendo, 1983) was one of the first games that two could play at once against the computer – yet your score was tracked individually. the game encouraged a healthy dose of “Fuck you, buddy” (John nash, 1950), one player often stealing the coin reward earned by their partner’s toil in the savage, turtle-infested mines below. By the same token, games like 'EverQuest' (sony, 1999) and 'world of warcraft' (Blizzard, 2004) are not true co-op games. while you do team up in groups to go out adventuring, the game engenders a similar drive for individual gain and advancement, occasionally to the detriment of your so-called “allies”. By contrast, 'Final Fantasy: crystal chronicles' (square, 2004) had a lacklustre singleplayer mode, but is revered as a cult classic for its co-op gameplay. Four Game Boy advances connected to a single Gamecube allowed an adventuring “party” to truly earn its name. after moving to handheld for its ds sequel, 'Ring of Fates' (square Enix, 2008), the developers made the unfortunate choice of hamstringing what had arguably been the first game’s strongest point in favour of shoring up the solitary “main game”. Having fully realized the first successful online console network in Xbox live, microsoft ushered in two of the best co-op games to date, 'Gears of war' 1 and 2 (Epic Games, 2006 and 2008). if played alone, this third-person action shooter is a fairly straightforward slog with little in the way of variety. add a friend, and every area is an opportunity for strategy. at times forced to split up and carry out complementary functions (such as sniping from a walkway to cover your teammate in the courtyard below), your fates here are truly tied – for if one falls, you both lose. next on the horizon is 'Resident Evil 5' (capcom, 2009). developed from the ground up as a co-op experience, this departure from the solitary and creepy tone of the series to date has been met with much scepticism from fans and critics alike. if their risky venture succeeds, and they are able to transform our instinctual self-preservation into empathy, then co-op gaming may yet save us all. 18/ Get barefoot and have a great time! www.barefootwine.com Bradley Thomas Moore. iNtERViEW BY HANNAH BYRNE PHOtO xAViER tOLENtiNO Victorian musician Bradley Thomas Moore was kind enough to give us some of his time. Photographer Xavier Tolentino and I met him at his Mile End studio apartment for a few quick questions. SNAP! thanks for meeting with us. My housemate and i are big fans of your music and we spent some time this morning listening to your Myspace. Bradley thanks! and thanks for interviewing me – i’m pretty excited. SNAP! Do your parents like your music? Bradley they say they do! Every time i get something recorded, i drop them a copy. they play it for everyone who comes over to the house and keep up to date with what i’m doing. SNAP! Cool. so what is your first music memory? Bradley Growing up, my parents took us to the 20/ Vancouver Folk Festival every year. i was more interested in the fire breathers and jugglers but my first music memory is being outdoors with folk music and hippy parents. SNAP! Did their music influence you? Bradley subconsciously something probably seeped in. my parents had all the old dylan, neil Young and taj mahal records which i listened to a lot. SNAP! When did you first start playing? Bradley not until i was 18. i started playing in a couple of bands and toured with one across canada to montréal. the last 2 years i’ve been playing more steadily and now focus more on my solo folksier / acoustic music. . SNAP! What happened when you were 18? Bradley I finished high school and had the op- portunity to go across to England. i went and taught in a boarding school in the north. there was nothing to do at night but there was a music room. i spent hours in there – a fun way to kill cold and stormy nights. SNAP! Have you played many shows in Montréal? Bradley Yeah, i’ve played at most venues. i pre- fer smaller places like casa (del popolo) and cagibi. i think smaller venues work better with my style of music. it’s a more intimate environment – it feels more like a 1:1. SNAP! What did you teach? Bradley Greek and Roman mythology to 5-6 years olds. i also taught cricket and rugby even though i had never really played. i kind of bullshitted my way through everything but did pretty well and had a lot of fun! SNAP! What is your craziest live music experience? Bradley playing at the crescent street pub, SNAP! How does the Montréal music scene compare to Victoria? Bradley there’s like an exchange program be- above Brutopia. we were in the middle of our set and a crazy Jamaican guy, sweating profusely, came and was shaking his cane in my face as i played the piano. Eventually we let him up on the stage and he took the mic for a while and started this crazy rasta rant. it was pretty funny. tween Victoria and montréal. tons of people from Victoria are playing here. i meet more Quebecois in Bc than here. there is some intangible essence that makes the places interchangeable. SNAP! Do you have a pre-show ritual? Bradley Grab a water and a beer as well. make sure my set list is setup. i take off my ring as it rattles or falls off when i pick. SNAP! Where are you at with your music at the moment? Bradley i’ve just recorded a cd. SNAP! An album? Bradley well it is album length and the songs SNAP! What is your morning routine? Bradley put on my robe and put on some cof- fee. i turn on my computer and listen to cBc 1. i eat yogurt and granola for breakfast – a good healthy start to the day. are album-like so i guess it’s an album. i hope to launch it in January or February. i want to ship it around, play some shows and see the reaction. SNAP! Where would you like to be in 5 years? Bradley ideally, it would be nice to be able to release albums and then tour with them. so i’d like to have made 5 albums and toured on each one of them. SNAP! Will you also ship it to some record labels? Bradley i think the best way to get attention is to play a lot and get a bit of a reputation. labels receive so many albums but if they’ve heard about you, it’s a better way to get your name out there. SNAP! thanks for your time Bradley. Bradley thanks to you! SNAP! i’ll send you this so you’re ok with what we write. My note taking skills are only so good. i need to get a Dictaphone. Bradley or use an i-pod. SNAP! it was stolen. Bradley that’s too bad. SNAP! Did you record it yourself? Bradley i play all the instruments. my old housemate had a studio setup – enough equipment to record it all. DIY PLAYLISTA WORDs BY MAx PAPADOPOULOs At a recent SNAP! event we enlisted Max, a.k.a Bruce Wayne, for some last minute DJing. A local who spins casually but came highly recommended from friends, Max totally saved our hides with a set so smooth and harmonic the whole party buzzed. We wondered idly what it would be like to kick around at home with Max and listen to some tracks he plays on his down time. We asked, and he answered: i decided to go with an oldies but goodies jazz playlist. in front of a crowd, i don’t play as much jazz, so it’s a great way to share some music that i would rarely spin for you live. i’m gonna start it off with a couple of instrumentals from jazz legends that i dig. 6/ See Line Woman, from the man who can play the blues on the oboe, the multi-instrumentalist, Yusef Lateef. You can find this one on the complete Yusef lateef album, recorded in 1967 with a nice touch of soul jazz. strumental, taken from one of his greatest albums of the 60’s: another Voyage. 7/ Ramsey Lewis with Bold & Black, a funky in- the tracks eight and nine are from two groups known for their psych-rock repertoire but their take on jazz is very laid back. they both have vocals, track eight is more mellow and the other one, more obscure. 8/ Archie Whitewater’s Cross Country (1969). 1/ Parisian Sketches (1960) from the late bebop pioneer, Max Roach. It’s a five part suite of hard bop, written by Roach himself. it’s seventeen minutes long, but since you’re not going anywhere in this weather… the title track of the first jazz album I ever bought. I remember hearing that flute melody for the first time in a record store, like it was calling me. it’s a treat for the ears. it on a best of album, but once you hear it, you’ll ask yourself: why !? with his version of cry me a River (1965). 2/ Blue Spirits (1964) from Freddie Hubbard. it’s that’s a song you can wake up to everyday. the album, which the track is featured on, might be hard to find though. I got it from a cd compiled by casbah 73, but i always listen to it on J Rocc’s syndromes 2 mix cd. if you don’t know who J Rocc is, you’ve been sleeping on the best dJ out there (look for his 1stlp coming out this year on stones throw Records). (1969). 9/ The Battered Ornaments’ late into the night i guess you can put the next four tracks in a world jazz category. 3/ John Coltrane’s Tunji (1962). You won’t find 4/ Brother Jack McDuff , the Hammond king, 5/ Hobo Ho from Charles Mingus, on the bass of course, in a 17 man orchestra. my favorite track on charles favorite album: let my children Hear music (1971). You gotta be patient with this one, it’s worth it. 10/ Ene Alantchi Alnorem : Ethiopian jazz from Girma Hadgu. i’m not sure if mulatu astatqé arranged this piece, but i know he’s on the keyboards. a soothing instrumental reissued on vol.4 of the Ethiopiques series. er: Bajka. this song might not be a classic yet but it sounds like it came out 40 years ago (just try to imagine what Erykah Badu would sound like if she was singing in the 60’s). it’s the B side of her 7” single the only Religion that i Believe. 11/ A Vision (2005), from the poet turned sing- 22/ 12/ What Is Wrong With Groovin’ from Letta Mbulu, recorded in the late 60’s and produced by fellow south african, Hugh masekela. it has a nice lounge feel to it and lots of soul. one of her Brazilian protest songs of the early sixties, opinião. 13/ Some bossa jazz from Zelia Barbosa singing and to complete this playlist, a more crowd friendly selection. 14/ Free Will: the title track of Gill scott-Heron’s third album (1972). 15/ Billy Brooks‘s classic, 40 Days. Revisited in 2005 by madlib’s one-man band: sound directions. hop, this one will sound familiar. 16/ Rene Costy’s Scrabble, if you know your hip 17/ Nuclear War , the title track of sun Ra arkestra’s 1982 album. a catchy tune with some funny lyrics. 18/ let’s finish it off with something crazy from The Art Ensemble of Chicago. a song taken from the soundtrack to les stance a sophie (1970): theme de Yo Yo. iamdavidmartel.com BONUS MOVIE SUGGESTIONS WITH A GREAT JAZZ SOUNDTRACk 1/ Ascenseur pour l’échafaud (1958): directed by louis malle, music by miles davis 2/ The Long Goodbye (1973): directed by Robert altman, music composed by John williams HIBERNATION SPECIAL Beat cabin fever, SNAP! style 26/ POkER 101 28/ BOARD GAMIN' 31/ MOVIE COLUMN 32/ POPCORN RECIPE 35/ COLOUR-IN PAGE 37/ FICTION SECTION PHOtO BY DANA NEiLsON 25/ DIY POkER 101 BY PiERRE-ADRiEN MARCHAND AND CEDRiC tAiLLON ARt BY EMMA NOVOtNY My name is Pierre. It’s 2004, I’m on top of the Rockies and I’m bored as hell. I’ve broken my wrist snowboarding and I swear I’ll puke if I drink another hot cocoa. Some dudes are starting a card game at a table across the lounge and they want me to join in. I have no clue what “Texas Holdem” is but a 10 bucks buy-in seems a good amount to lose if it’s going to save me from total boredom! 26/ Fast-forward to today; I now live from playing that same card game. Texas Holdem poker is my passion. It’s not really what I had in mind when I came to Canada chasing the “American Dream” but I believe poker’s like anything else, if you really want it and you work hard at it, you can make a good living doing what you love. I really believe anybody can get good at poker. The following is a basic intro to some basic concepts if you’re looking to up your game. know your role! Don’t luck out! The first thing that should be clear about Texas Holdem poker is that it is not a game of luck. it’s a sport that involves skills and aptitudes. For the world’s greatest poker players, luck is as irrelevant to them as it is to tiger woods. luck is just another variable in the game. position is one of the key elements of the game. whether you speak before or after other players gives you tremendous advantages when played appropriately. the “button” (dealer) is usually the best spot to be in because you speak after everybody else. therefore you can gauge the pot odds better than everyone when placing your bet and minimize your risk of getting raised by a better hand. the earlier you are to speak the better your hand has to be if you are to play it. Math is a must! the laws of probability govern the strength of your hand, especially when coupled with what lands on the table. You can’t be making real gains without having at least an idea of what your odds are. You need to train your brain to associate a percentage to the strength of your hand and know how many cards can make it a better one. these cards are called “outs”. the number of outs you have for a hand will determine how many chips you’ll pay to catch the cards you need. odds also play a factor in figuring out the right amount to bet into a pot. “pot odds” are simple: the amount i need to invest vs. the amount i stand to gain. if you’re asking me to call a 100 into a pot of 1500, it doesn’t matter much what cards i hold, 15 to 1 is too good of a ratio to pass! Read don’t be read! play the player, not the cards. there is a whole science to reading people through their attitudes, body language and betting habits. tricks of the trade are to wait before you look at your cards when you get them – that way you can check out other player’s reactions to theirs. another odd tip: press your tongue hard against your pallet when you need to hide emotion -supposedly it helps! Cash vs. Tournament cash games should be handled very differently from tournament play. in a tournament it’s all about survival. the longer you last the closer you are to getting paid. You have to play a tighter game because once you’ve gambled your stack and lost, you’re out! in the cash game you have to own your skills and faith in the system and, most importantly, you need balls of steel! the major rule to follow, if you think you have the stomach for cash games, is to never buy into a game for more than 1/40 of your bankroll. that means if you have a bill in your account, you play no higher than $2.50 buy-in tables. and always think long-term; the laws of probability don’t disappoint but you’ll definitely have some dry-spells! with all that in mind and after checking out this useful link, you should have no problem making some loot at your friendly tuesday night game… Good luck! Patience fool! You can’t play every hand; in fact most respectable poker players play under 15% of their hands. why spend money on your cards when they have a low win percentage to start off with? Just sit on it, take a sip of beer and wait for that monster one to hit you. which hands are good to play all depends on how many people are playing. with nine players around the table, you need to select your playing hand wisely. when you need to beat out a lot of other players, go in with mediumhigh pocket pairs, high aces, suited face cards etc. the fewer the players the more hands become playable. a couple of low suited connectors will put a smile on my face when i’m in the final three at a tournament! Check out HTTP://FORUMSERVER.TWOPLUSTWO.COM DIY Bored Gamin' Hannah Byrne gives us a lesson in board games. The days are short, the skies dark and there's a meter of snow outside my window. Sometimes I'm tempted to sell it all in and get myself a one way ticket to Lisbon. I've never been but I hear it's great. I sat down with an Excel spreadsheet and gave my Lisbon plan a closer look. It didn't take long to realize that me 'selling it all in' would reap a couple of dollars, a few mismatched buttons, a fluffy white cat and a one-way ticket to Quebec City. Necessity is the mother of all invention so I cast my thoughts further afield. It became apparent that gaming is the answer to my winter woes! What better way to kill a frosty night than with a couple of hands of Rummy, a few rounds of Monopoly or a bit of good old fashioned Snakes and Ladders. Throw in a few margaritas and you won't even realize that you never left. So sit back, start shuffling and enjoy our Winter Gaming Guide. GAMES there is a plethora out there but here are a few house favourites: CRANIUM the perfect mix between the crowd pleasing pictionary and charades. played best with alcohol and senior co-workers. SCRABBLE usually reserved for older more ma- ture players. my grandmother delighted in winning so i did all i could to beat her right back. i was about 10 at the time and spent half of every game riffling through the dictionary for words. i spent the other half whispering to my dad “is r-a-s-q-e-t a word? what about t-e-s-q-r-a?” needless to say, i lost. RUMMY there’s nothing funnier than getting the relatives tanked and whipping out a deck of cards for some well-placed Rummy. TWISTER perfect for cozy nights in when you’re angling for a carefully placed paw on the cute neighbour from upstairs. BLACkJACk practice your card counting skills and the game is yours. 28/ MAGIC, THE GATHERING guys hunched around a table with cards tightly clenched in sweaty mitts. Expect wizard hats, staffs, cloaks, daggers and other paraphernalia. i’ve never actually seen a game but please don’t shatter this image in my mind. SNAkES AND LADDERS going up ladders i get, but CARDS purchased from the dollar store, stolen from the neighbours or made by your 10-year old nephew. BETTING CHIPS improvise with matchsticks, loose going down snakes? snakes? seriously? for a quiet afternoon in the park. CHESS the thinking man’s game, best reserved RISk involves patience and strategy. Expect change, buttons, kidney beans, grains of rice, cinnamon sticks, dry cat/dog food, any style of pasta, grains of sugar (which are slightly larger than grains of salt, also useable), tea bags … prowl around the house and you’ll come up with something. BOARD GAMES any game can be re-produced games to drag on for days. Expect blood to be shed. TExAS HOLDEM always a hit and a great way to make enemies. with a little imagination, some colourful markers, scissors, several reams of butchers paper, glue and hallucinogenic drugs (just kidding …). FRIENDS the rowdier the better! if your gaming nights are a little lacklustre, place some ads around town and boost your social circle. we’ve started a weekly poker night to raise some extra funds for the landlords. if you want to get in on this, email us at info@ snapme.ca for details. ALCOHOL a.k.a. ‘the social lubricant,’ alcohol turns any tame night into a lurid twist of animated faces grimacing around a table. if you’re a little poor, charge a 1 beer fee to everyone enjoying the facilities of your house. FILMS ROUNDERS a must see for any wannabe fanat- ic grooming themselves for the world series of poker ‘09. THE BREAkUP quite possibly the worst Vince Vaughn film ever made; please never watch it or ask why we watched it. the couple has a weekly games night – i like this idea! set up a regular get together of gaming minds - preferably at your place to avoid snowy boots and the possibility of being ‘white-washed’ on the way home. JUMANJI any movie that involves jungle ani- mals, children, and magical board games gets a 10 from me. money changes everything from friendship to sex and gaming is no exception. money makes things more exciting so add some real stakes and watch your friends transform. MY TIP Here’s a little something that i’ve picked up when gaming, especially when money is involved. choose players who are easily rattled and who lack patience. aim to get them restless, frustrated, annoyed or bored. Emotional players make rash and uncalculated moves. work with this. so sit back for the winter months and amuse yourself with some quality gaming. i wasn’t joking about getting in on our weekly poker session - the more the merrier! we’ll just start more tables, so email us! DIY if you’re feeling the pinch after the festive season of give-give-give, opt for a little diY. Here are some handy money saving tips to get you going. FILMY RESIDUE WORDs BY A.J. LittLE iLLUstRAtiON KAttY MAUREY We lived without heat. We made our home in an indoor Arctic Archipelago: sleeping in jackets, sleeping in gloves, sleeping in hats. The apartment was so cold we had to break the ice apart in the toilet each morning. We seldom went outside; we seldom left our beds. It was a forced hibernation. I spent a winter under scores of blankets watching and re-watching the Marx Brothers movie 'Duck Soup'. the marx Brothers were at their comedic bests in 'duck soup'. despite throwing away the requisite harp solo and chico’s odd piano dexterity they managed to craft something that was very much in the realm of prime marx Brothers. at one point there is a classic exchange of hats while chico and Harpo antagonize a lemonade vendor. Forcing his customers away, chico and Harpo besiege him on either side, steal his hat and then burn it. 'duck soup' follows the story of a bankrupt sovereignty that comes to be led by Groucho. Groucho runs afoul of the neighbouring state and it’s ambassador trentino. trentino then hires chico and Harpo as spies to tail the Grouch character, but they continually switch sides, becoming agents for both in very random capacities. Groucho and trentino face off in a battle of name-calling leading to a diplomatic incident. war is declared with many an 31/ innuendo, ‘who’s afraid of the big bad wolf’ on harp and clumsy italian accents. when put in league with the receipts of the marx Brothers’ previous fare, it seems to be a minor disappointment. The film opened to mixed reviews with many critics denouncing its political send-ups in such a time of political strife. Benito mussolini was so incensed by the picture that he banned it in italy. this left many italians with no chance to laugh at the famous mirror scene, which was a leo mccrarey touch. Harpo would later rework this scene into an episode of i love lucy. notably, 'Duck Soup' was also the final appearance of Zeppo marx. 'duck soup' is a winter standard. the days where going outside are unbearable become unofficial odes to absurd political satire, aptly disguised as fluff. Allegedly, Goddard, when asked of his politics, replied “i am a marxist of the Grouch variety.” i am inclined to feel the same sort of party affiliation. At the end of the film, Grouch can be seen in a variety of different costumes ranging from a Boy scout uniform to a coonskin cap with a bevy of militaristic combinations in-between. i would laugh so hard my lungs seized up from the influx of cold air. 'duck soup' was an old English slang term meaning something that was easy to do, thus precluding montréal winters. the apartment i have now has heat. no longer are we living like expensive vagrants. no longer do we have to stay in bed for fear of freezing to death in our living room tundra. But still seldom do i get out of bed if the weather looks inhospitable. in such cases i simply watch duck soup. sometimes i put my hand on my companion’s side just to feel her laugh at a better mans jokes. winter is bearable then. DIY CARAMEL POPCORN It’s super easy to make caramel popcorn at home, and pleases like no store-bought stuff possibly can. Best served warm, and is good for 2-4 people. 1 1/2 cups unpopped corn 1 cup butter or margarine 2 cups brown sugar 1/2 cup corn syrup 1/2 tsp baking soda 1 tsp vanilla · pop the corn in the microwave or in an electric air popper. · melt the butter, sugar and syrup in a small pot. · Boil gently for about five minutes, stirring occasionally to prevent burning. · take the syrup/sugar mixture off the heat and carefully add the vanilla and soda. · watch as the alcohol in the vanilla boils off rapidly and the soda reacts with the syrup to make a caramel coloured froth about the consistency of sticky shaving foam. · mix this sauce into the popped corn. You need lots of stirring here and after it cools a bit you can use your hands. · Bake this in the oven on low heat (120 c) stirring every 15 minutes for 30-60 minutes. it will be crispier if you bake it longer. cool briefly before serving. 32/ iLLUstRAtiONs BY CAPUCiNE LABARtHE A COLOURING PAGE FOR YOUR PLEASURE DIY PARtiCULARLY PROUD OF YOUR COLOURiN sKiLLs? sEND Us A sCAN BY EMAiL OR POP YOUR PAGE iN tHE MAiL AND YOU COULD WiN A PRizE PACK FOR YOUR EFFORts. PRizEs iNCLUDE NOtEBOOKs, sOCKs, JEWELRY, BOxER sHORts AND DRAWN AND QUARtERLY PUBLiCAtiONs. iNFO@sNAPME.CA 1/4064 st LAURENt BLVD, MONtREAL QC H2W 1Y8 SNAP! Winter Fiction Special HTTP://WWW.FLICkR.COM/PHOTOS/JESSICAPETUNIA The Wellenplatz ExCERPt BY JOsEPH sHRAGGE PHOtO BY JEssiCA PEtUNiA “why do they keep all the lights off?” He asked alice, who was a few paces ahead of him. she stopped and waited a moment until the others were out of ear shot. “only thomas and his father cestal live here. thomas was in Europe for the winter, but he’s back for the summer. imagine, we could live together in this one room. look at the balcony—how high do you think the ceiling is?” “i’m not really good at guessing space…” she rushed forward. lazare caught up to the group, but alice had disappeared at the head of the procession that was now descending a long staircase. lodge lingered behind, waiting for lazare. “i noticed no one offered you a drink. do you drink whisky? they have the real stuff; might as well take advantage.” they followed the group into a basement corridor. “do you like having a younger girlfriend?” lodge asked. “she’s not really my—” “i’m a year and a half older than paul.” they passed a section of the house with three empty white rooms. “cestal had a break-down a few years ago,” she continued, “so he built a bunch of rooms that are identical. paul told me every little flaw is the same. He goes from room to room and just sits. a real lunatic. it’s weird, because once when he wasn’t home thomas made paul try it, and you can’t keep track of which room you’re in.” “is his father an artist?” “no, urban planner. He designed one of the big complexes downtown.” “the paville nouveax-Brute de Quebec?” lazare said, purposely slurring the words he wasn’t sure how to pronounce. “i don’t remember.” they reached a room with a bar and plush chairs. a large painting hung on the wall be 37/ hind the bar. modeled after caravaggio’s “sick Bacchus” was a portrait of thomas. in the picture thomas sat naked in front of a gloomy city background, holding a flesh mask of his own face and staring out at the viewer. Blood ran from the mask down to a piece of paper, blank save for the word “dearest” written in the top corner. lazare watched thomas and alice closely, but was distracted when lodge, who was now standing at the bar, shrieked as the top of the bottle and the bottle-opener blew off, spraying the painting behind the bar with a diagonal splatter of violet liquid. “lodge!” paul yelled. “it wasn’t my fault.” lazare stood up and accidentally knocked over paul’s glass. in the midst of what felt to him like a commotion, he saw thomas take alice by the hand and leave the room with her. He collapsed back into his chair. Black with rage and humiliation he decided he would leave the house altogether. He stood up again, but instead of leaving, got paul another glass. paul said thank you, then passed the empty glass back to lazare and asked for more gin. thomas re-entered the room with alice trailing behind him. “i hate this painting anyway,” thomas said, picking up the foaming bottle and emptying it onto the dripping canvas. “what are you doing? i love that painting.” alice said. “it’s my worst. cestal hung it up to humiliate me.” lazare slowly began circling the room towards alice, but was interrupted by paul who had forgotten to mention that his brother sent his regards. By the time paul stopped talking everyone but lazare had left the room. lazare followed paul to a fountain in a chartreuse enclave of the hallway where Joss was sitting and smoking. lazare looked up and down the hallway but didn’t see either thomas or alice. in an empty room, quite still, sat cestal wearing a tattered green bathrobe. “who are you?” He called out without turning his head. “i’m just a friend.” “a guest? oh, you’re impressed, the imp has a palace. it is a palace, and i’m in the servant’s quarters. You love him, don’t you?!” “i don’t know him. i’ve never been here—” “But you’ve passed it before and wondered who lives there? a famous person? do i look famous? what started as the wellenplatz complex with the stairs, plastic, tubes and glass, a germ in the imagination, was soon to be the great import. You probably side stepped the glass and the tubes and the plastic: the major innovation! we decided the foundation of creativity lies in identification. so what happens, we asked, when you don’t know stairs are stairs walls are walls, the function of a space. to renew itself art must be its own metaphor, a lesson in what it was and what it should always be. But, was it ever that? do you know?” lazare didn’t answer him. He walked through a door and emerged into another room which was identical. cestal appeared behind him. “I’m just trying to find my way out. It’s late and i need to leave,” lazare said. “what does that prove?” “i’m not interested in architecture.” lazare saw another door and ran through it. again he found himself in the same room, and cestal popped up behind him. “You think you’re not, but you walk in space and that space—” “please,” lazare pleaded seeing that cestal was blocking the last door. dejected, he sat down on the floor. “You walked through the platz in the glass and the tubes and the stairs and the inflated lung of the building, the kidney of the block in the heart of the city. You take for granted division of street, sidewalk, block, avenue. when a street in the city is blocked off, pedestrians still stay on the sidewalk thinking their dalliances are care free. care free! we know more about a culture through its architecture than any other art. “why is your city so important? Because of your memory—without it, word-salad. But our mistake, our…our—what preserves us is our blindness to increment. like some narcissist who daily looks for changes in his face, but finds none, nevertheless knows he’s aged, but by looking too much has made it impossible to see. urban planner! as if—when you look around, or even at yourself, you think, or, at least notice a possibility that what you are observing or experiencing is a design. once this enters your mind your next thought should be, ‘ but i could be wrong.’ Finally, pragmatically, you decide, but always with the knowledge that either way you may be wrong. we believed we can re-create this feeling, or thought, or series of thoughts, with a simple system. as if we could plan to create the question, ‘was this planned?’ urban planning is the century’s greatest failure! why did we think of this? i’m one of the most successful of us; my works have been among the most spectacular failures! “so now they’re tearing it down, tubes, heart, kidneys and everything. one more for the anals. Ha-ha-ha. what’ll be left, years later? You think you’re lost…we planned it.” His rickety frame began to shake furiously with laughter, and a coughing fit seized him. crippled by laughter, cestal leaned against the wall for support leaving the door unguarded. lazare sprung to his feet and charged out the door. He ran through the two other rooms, each time feeling like he was set back a frame in a movie, and escaped. He ran up a flight of stairs, then, unexpectedly stumbled into the living room. in front of a fireplace, alice, thomas, paul and lodge sat on two couches that faced each other. it looked like the night had reached its denouement; the group lay sprawled in a silent tableau. paul was passed out over one of the arms of the couch. across from them thomas and alice sat close together with Joss at the corner staring out the window. “i told you he was okay,” Joss said, standing to greet lazare. He shook lazare’s hand. lazare sat down next to alice. she also grabbed his hand. “i was looking for you.” “where’s cyclone?” thomas called. “let the dog sleep,” paul said, groggily. “i want cyclone,” he said, then took a poker from the fire. “Cyclone. Cyclone.” lodge got up and walked behind the couch by the giant window. she began to dance. “come dance.” Her body twisted and turned silhouetted by the view. “where were you?” alice continued. laza- re looked at her. “Just walking around.” she took him by the hand to a bar in the corner. “i really can’t,” he said, looking down at the bottles on the small table. “we didn’t even talk tonight.” lazare felt his expression soften looking at her face. “there’s something i should tell you, but i don’t know.” she said. “You can tell me,” he said, feeling a surge of blood through his body. “But, i’m…” “what difference could it possibly make?” at that moment cestal emerged from the hallway. “what are you doing? You know my rules,” he said, trying to straighten his sloping back. “You know them. i was interrupted. You know it’s a rule. You’re all too bloody old, you’re too old!” “You kept my painting! You wanted to humiliate me,” thomas yelped. “it’s your worst, yet! You interrupted my rooming. all of you must leave.” “You have half the house.” “all of you get out.” “i’ll strike you,” thomas said, coolly, the poker still in his hand. He took a step towards him, but paul grabbed his arm. “would you poke me without my robe,” he said, then dropped his bathrobe. stunned, thomas grabbed his face. the poker clanged several times against the wood floor. “How could you! what’s wrong with us?” with his face buried in his hands, he hadn’t noticed that everyone had already constellated by the door. “let’s just go—” “now!” cestal bellowed, then rushed towards them. “Get out! Get out! Get out!” ··· “it’s just attrition. and just when you think you’ve gotten over it, you’ve probably only gotten worse.” He was so absorbed in trying to figure out what he was trying to say, that he didn’t notice her raise her hands to her eyes. “it’s like…” she began to sob. seized with terror, he tried to back-pedal. “But, that’s not always the case; i don’t know what i’m saying.” SNAP! Winter Fiction Special “no,” she sobbed, “that was the case. and when he kissed me i knew.” “But he kissed you.” “only because i brought you.” “why do you put up with this? His father is...” He stopped himself. “when i was your age...” disgusted by the false tone in his voice he fell silent. they walked down some stairs and onto the street where the houses were smaller. He felt relieved to be outside of the wealthy neighbourhood. “You still like me,” she said with a bit more assurance than he would have liked. “Yes.” He wasn’t sure if this was true, but decided if what he had felt for her only hours before had been only the smallest bit authentic, then he must feel, about the same. they continued on through a different neighbourhood passing all the new and old houses where people were beginning to wake up, eat, and leave for work. it was a warm morning, the first of the season. after dropping her off, where she gave him two quick kisses on his cheeks and described in detail what she was going to eat for breakfast, he continued home. He passed the wellenplatz complex. the glass corridors were clouded over with dust and some of the buildings which made up the network of the complex were barred off or ensconced behind wood panels. soon it’ll be gone. as he walked further he saw giant billboards illustrating plans for a new complex. they hung next to steel girders, newly raised skeletons of new buildings, and half demolished old ones. He hadn’t noticed just how many had popped up right under his nose. He deviated from his usual route to see all the projects. He looked closely at the new plans and wondered what the final outcome would be like. He was already long past the usual landmarks that allowed him to walk home without thinking about where he was going, so he stopped, and tried to re-orient himself. A Skinny Girl With Blue Toes WORDs BY JULiEN GREGOiRE PHOtO BY EMMA NOVOtNY it was december and just past the middle of the afternoon you could already feel the days turning into nights. she was a friend of a friend, we talked for a while during a dinner party. she was cute and lively, laughing all the time, and at the end of the evening she asked for my phone number with enthusiasm. she called me once but i didn’t know what she wanted and was busy so nothing happened. she called again, a few days later, on a cold night a couple of days before christmas. she was freezing and not feeling so good, she said she really wanted to see someone, whoever and whatever for. The first snow had fallen a few days before, and then it was raining and cold. things couldn’t have been worse so i didn’t really want to go outside but she sounded so desperate that i said yes. it’s not that often that people really want to see you, i thought. i went out and walked to her place, it was freezing, the sidewalks were soaked with rain and melted snow and she lived quite far. i didn’t look that good when i arrived. i rang the bell but she didn’t answer, so i went in. she lived by herself in a little empty apartment. it was cold and humid inside, she had heating problems, was waiting for her landlord to do something. i found her lying on the couch, dressed as if she was going outside, wearing mittens, a scarf and two pairs of socks. when she saw me, she smiled and said i was the nicest person alive and told me to come and hold and warm her. she was cold, couldn’t stop shivering, couldn’t get herself to do anything. she was the skinniest girl i ever knew. she had long, tiny arms and legs. she showed me her hands and her feet; the skin was red turning blue. she said she had blood circulation problems, that it always happened in winter. she asked me to rub her feet. it seemed to do her a lot of good and finally, I spent the night there. she slept with her hat, mittens and scarf and was holding me as tight as she could but she was still shivering and waking up every few hours because she was too cold. in the morning i had to go to work, and when i got out of the bed she curled up and moaned and then went back to sleep. 40/ she called me again a few days later, asking where i had been. she wanted me to come again and to bring some bread, milk, beer, everything i could get, and so i did. she was really happy to see me and to have some things to eat and drink. she told me she couldn’t go out because of the weather and because her toes and fingers would freeze. She was starving and started eating some bread and drinking milk directly from the box. it was really cold in her apartment, the heating had stopped completely and her landlord hadn’t called back. i didn’t understand how she could live there. she told me to come to bed with her and just as i was under the covers, she asked me to make love to her. she laid there, smiling and moaning and after a while she screamed and then it was over. she closed her eyes, clung to me really tightly. “thanks”, she said after a while. then she showed me her hands and her feet and they were not red and blue anymore, but just as normal skin. she said: “it’s the only thing that makes me warm, it gets the blood flowing”. she fell asleep soon after. she was smiling and didn’t shiver anymore in the morning, before i went to work, she asked me to do it again, and so i did. she was still asleep i think, but she seemed to like it anyways. “thanks” she said again, when it was over and I looked at her fingers and they were warm and normal. Then for five days I didn’t hear from her. I tried to call but she wouldn’t answer. then one day she called, she sounded nervous and confused. “where were you?” she cried. i didn’t know what to say. “Home…” “You have to come, you HaVE to come!” “But i called you, there was no answer” “i was sleeping” she said. she had been sleeping for five days, waking up just for a couple of minutes at a time. she hoped i would be there soon, but i never was and it got her mad. it was almost midnight and cold like hell outside but i remembered the last time and so i went even though i didn’t want to get dressed and go outside. i brought some food, some juice, and i walked in the night, sleepy and cold. she was in her bed when i arrived, sleeping deeply. Her place was dark and freezing. now the electricity was off too, the only light came from a street lamp outside. in the fridge, the milk had turned to ice, there was a glass of water on the kitchen table, hard as rock, the bread, cans, everything was completely frozen. the windows were frosted, the pipes were jammed, i tried every tap in the apartment but nothing came out, everything was silent and cold and sad and nothing was working normally anymore. i didn’t know what to do so i went to see her. the bed was warm enough but her feet were blue, almost dead, even with the two pairs of socks she had on. “make love to me!” she said, in a sleepy voice. and so i did, and when it was over, her feet were normal again. she said “oh, it feels so good!” but i didn’t know what felt good, the making love part or the having normal feet part. “ You have to get out of here” i said. “not now… later. make love to me again… after we’ll go”. it was harder this time but i did it anyway. and after, i wrapped her in everything i could find, covers and clothes, took her in my arms, got a cab and brought her to my place. i poured a warm bath, undressed her and got her in. It was the first time I saw her naked. she was only skin and bones, her toes were dark blue and up to her ankle, her skin was red and purple and dry and it was the same with her hands and forearms. she layed there without knowing, her eyes closed, halfdead half-asleep. i told her she was beautiful but she didn’t really understand. i rubbed her feet, took her hands in mine, and poured some more hot water in. she stayed almost an hour and at the end everything was normal again, her skin was white, nearly transparent. she dressed up and went to bed happy to be in a warm place, falling asleep really fast, waking only in the middle of the night to ask me to make love to her again. she stayed in my bed the whole winter and i think she never stopped sleeping. i would come home from work and find her in bed. she would say “make love to me” and i would. i would stay there with her until i had to go back to work in the morning. on weekends i would sleep with her all day, waking up only at the end of the afternoon. we would make love and go back to sleep. we would eat bread and some fruits. we never turned the tV on or listened to the radio. the phone rang a couple of times, but i never answered. we didn’t go out, she would not hear of it. she liked beer so some days i would bring some, we would drink a bit, get really sleepy and horny, make love just a bit more and sleep just as much. and then it was the end of march and there was still snow everywhere but on really good days, when the sun was out, it felt even better then the best days of august. one of those warm and beautiful days, when i came home from work, she wasn’t there anymore. i waited all night, hoping she’d be back, but when the sun got up in the morning and i had to go, she still wasn’t there. i tried to call her a couple of times, but she never answered. and then it was the end of april and no one was red and blue anymore and everyone was normal again and going on as if nothing had ever happened; going out in the streets smiling and laughing and dressing very lightly. i chose to stay at home in bed. i knew she would not come, but i still hoped she would. one saturday afternoon in June i called her and she answered. she seemed really glad to hear from me. “Hey! so nice of you to call!” she screamed and laughed. We talked a bit and I finally said, “well if you want to come by anytime, i’m always home, waiting for you…!” she said: “oh, that’s so sweet! maybe i will, maybe i will!” and then it was summer and i stayed home and i waited. i waited but she never came. i guess some girls they really like to wait for you but they don’t care as much about you waiting for them. and then it was september and fall again, and even if i really didn’t want to be waiting anymore, and knew there was no hope, i was still waiting and hoping anyway. PHOtO BY DANA NEiLsON SNAPME.CA MACHINE WASH COLD TUMBLE DRY LOW SNapmE.Ca BEEF FILET MIGNON chopped up in tiny cubes (Brunoised) approximately 100g SRIRACHA Asian Hot Sauce, paste made of chili peppers and garlic 1 table spoon when choosing your meat, its preferable to get your piece of meat from the butcher, and ask for a fresh and lean piece. DIJON MUSTARD 1 table spoon CHIVES chopped finely 2 table spoons WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE 1 table spoon PLEUROTTE MUSHROOMS sauté in butter, salt and pepper (to drain excess water from the mushrooms) (but let cool before you mix it with meat) FRENCH SHALLOT chopped finely one large, or two small 46/ chopped finely 1 cup TRUFFLE OIL 2 table spoons SALT AND PEPPER to taste VALENTINE'S DAY MENU TARE TARE FOR TWO Beef filet mignon 100g chopped up in tiny cubes Chives 2 tbsp chopped finely French shallot one large chopped finely Truffle oil 2 tbsp Sriracha 1 tbsp Dijon mustard 1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce 1 tbsp Pleurotte mushrooms 1 cup chopped finely and sautéed in butter, salt and pepper; let cool before mixing with the meat Salt and pepper to taste · Mix all the ingredients in a bowl, leaving the truffle oil for the end. TIP Keep your ingredients in the fridge so they are cool when you mix and serve. When choosing your meat, it's preferable to buy from a quality butcher. PHOtOs BY DAN POPA FENNEL BULB SALAD Fennel bulb 1 bulb cut in paper thin slices Red pepper 1/2 pepper julienned Sesame seeds 2 tsp Rice vinegar 1 tbsp Truffle oil 1 tbsp Salt and pepper to taste · Mix all the ingredients in a bowl, leaving the truffle oil for the end. TIP the fennel bulb picks up the mushroom and truffle oil taste from the taretare, and gives a crunchy, fresh texture. HOME MADE FRIES Idaho potato 1 large chopped with skin Salt and pepper to taste Vegetable oil · First, blanche potato at 120 °F (fry in vegetable oil) for 7 minutes. · Drain and let sit for 20 minutes. · Fry again at 380 °F, until golden brown. · season with salt and pepper, to taste. DIY ar resto b tapas atin Quarhef at Sous-csion in the L esamours Confu lph Alerte Denu for two ter, Ra cted this m alentine’s concon time for V ate w hen just i r f or a ny dess. day o ant to impr you w TIRAMISU MARTINI · Chill your martini glasses by filling with ice while you prepare your drinks. · throw all your ingredients- less the coffee beans- in your shaker and fill it up with ice. · Crush 6 of your coffee grains and throw in your mix. · shake it until frothy. · Empty glasses of ice. · Pour your martinis. · Garnish with three whole beans per drink. TIP Prepare this in front of your date. impress! show off your skills! Enjoy them right away: this isn't the kinda drink you prepare in advance. CONFUsiON tAPAs REstO BAR is LOCAtED At 1635-7 st. DENis, JUst sOUtH OF DE MAisONNEUVE. 48/ Same day delivery. Matt yathon 514 699 2366 VÉLOCOURRIER Service de messagerie à vélo BIKE MESSENGER SERVICES every node matters. websites / print design / digital archives www.archinodes.com SNAP! Winter Fiction Special Coupledom Special 91% READERS IN LOVE BEFORE. HAVE BEEN OF OUR 48% ARE IN LOVE RIGHT NOW. SNAP! takes a look at SEX, SINGLES, COUPLES, LOVE and a bunch of other fun stuff in our 19 page COUPLEDOM special. 51/ A WHOPPING the story of Ray and Charles Eames: Design’s Greatest Duo R+C SENSE AND SENSIBILITY WORDs BY zOé RENAUD PHOtO BY VANDA DAFtARi Genius work is rarely done alone; it is even more rare in architecture and design because of the complex and material nature of the profession. Ideas will go back and forth between creators and various collaborators to complete a project. Couples who decide to have a business together in this field share everything; the ordeals and successes. The Eames were not the first as far as design power couples go, but they are the most recognized and influential. They left behind an incredible heritage for the built world and product culture. Ray and Charles both contributed, each in a unique way, to building the Eames legacy. They found in the familiarity of each other’s mind a successful work relationship. Their closeness freed the creative partnership of any politics that could hold back a critical approach, thus enhancing its dynamism. charles ormond Eames Jr. and Ray Bernice alexandra Kaiser met while working on a side project. a teacher at cranbrook academy of art in michigan, charles and fellow architect Eero saarinen developed designs for the competition “organic design in Home Furnishings” thrown by the moma in 1940. as a student at cranbrook, Ray also submitted some of her work. in may 1941, charles divorced his first wife only to marry Ray the following month. the fast pace of the events makes one wonder if they instantly recognized a creative partner in one another. charles’ strengths were the technological concerns. the organization of elements and answer to purpose were characteristics of his architectural background. a builder in every sense of the term, he challenged the limits of technology and expanded its possibilities. in the furniture they produced, the Eames innovated with fabrication techniques. they invented new ways of moulding plywood during the second world war, revolutionizing emergency aid kits. a lot of their architectural projects explored building with standard industrial materials. His curiosity applied to a wide array of subjects such as miniature trains, bread, ornaments of india, computers (in 1957), spinning tops or Jefferson. as an architect of knowledge, he generated several documentary films and major exhibitions in the 60’s and 70’s. Ray’s sensitivity for colour and texture came from her background in abstract painting. Her passion for formal details completed the shape of things built by charles. it made his practical objects desirable pieces. she experimented with the “Kazam! machine” developed by charles to make moulded plywood splints. Her sculptures became the formal studies for several pieces of furniture. she designed several upholstery patterns. it’s in a context of machismo-driven modernism that Ray Eames had the unique opportunity to apply her feminine concerns to their work. Her attention to detail was reminiscent of the delicateness and patience needed to produce objects like weaving or pottery, more acceptable branches of design for women. such abilities were applied to a completely new ground of work. she understood and participated in technical development of projects. He had artistic sensibility. one could resolve one aspect of the project while the other was exploring another angle. their dynamic process brought to the material world such unique answers. They each identified specific needs and dealt with the constraints in their own way. they brought to shape the cultural and structural connections they made together. the Eames’ projects wouldn’t have had the impact they had, and still have, without their collaboration. most of their furniture designs are still produced and very successfully sold through Herman miller, their initial client, and have been incorporated in numerous design projects. the pieces always seem to be an appropriate, simple and unique warming touch to an architectural project. they are practical without lacking humanity. though not the most conventional pair, they still ran a household and a company together. the fact that they were a couple designing together became an advertising feature. Herman miller promoted the furniture as designed by both charles and Ray. while trying to sell to american families a modern lifestyle, the company pushed the idea that the goods were conceived by a husband and wife. not all clients were as open, often giving all the credit to charles. still her consistent presence in the media ensured her part of the recognition. For the ten years she survived charles (to the day), Ray assembled the story of their life and work. she organised an impressive archive and established their renowned foundation. those years of dedicated work contributed greatly to the iconic standing of the Eames. as always the guardian of their image, she went on to control the heritage. that task ensured her a share of the acclaim. Defining the information available in the future was deciding how people will remember them as a couple, as designers. the Eames heritage impresses with its importance, diversity and universality. those qualities are the direct result of Ray and charles’ collaboration. in most cases projects in design are shuffled between conception and execution, often making it impossible to decipher who, when, how or what really resolved the project. in their case, what the Eames produced is a reflection of her attention to visual details and his strive for novel technology. 53/ THE MUSE WORDs BY KEitH DEiMER VisUALs BY CEDRiC tAiLLON 54/ a signature of love sealed in linseed. i met lise lafrance at art school about 6 years ago. she was a life drawing model and i was an artist. many of my peers thought it weird to draw my naked girlfriend on stage while i was in the room. For some reason it never bothered me. as for her, i think she loved the attention. it gave her a feeling of immortality to know her beauty would be captured. during the remainder of my college years i fell more and more in love with this girl. my marks at school dropped as my artistic efforts were poured deeply into observing her. drawing after drawing i constantly tried to capture her persona. i discovered it was the subtle changes that drew me in. with every change came a new inspiritation. sometimes i tried to put my own perspective into what i was seeing. But this only complicated things. i realized she was the real creation and i was just the observer; all the information i needed was right in front of me. in time, our relationship grew to a marriage. i continue to record the things i see and feel from her. my work shows the evolution of our lives together. it has helped me to love her more than i ever thought i could. in the future i’ll continue to paint this woman in every way i can. and maybe then, at the end of my life, i’ll have a portrait that i like. WORk & PLAY We asked Tania Dos Santos and Robby Reis to give us a glimpse into the world of creative coupledom. The following is a conversation between the two as they explore who they are, their partnership and their personal projects. We first met in a night school script writing class at dawson college, about 8 years ago. we were drawn to each other creatively because we share similar interests despite our different approaches. pieces that are taken from your minds eye. so by shooting movies and photos you let us see the world as you do.” Robby “Right. it’s going to be a poetic auteur become an actress.” “now i’m narrating your next short film “SUHA”. Tania “You express yourself by creating visual Tania “Guess so, but I also just finished acting in a film that’s going to be released as a web series. it was with phase Four productions and is called Jordan & Bear. i think it’s going to be great. those guys really have something interesting starting there.” where will we be in ten years time? film that chronicles the lifestyle of a female graffiti vandal in Montréal’s currently male dominated graffiti sub-culture. I’m also preparing my first solo gallery show that will open at the Emporium next november. actually, if all goes well, you will be the model for the paintings that i will be exhibiting. does that make this our next collaboration? Ha-ha...” Robby “You express yourself through perfor- Tania ”I think you choose filmmaking because mance… so far mainly acting for the screen. i guess you choose this medium because it’s the only art form that fully quenches your thirst for creativity. You’ve experimented with fashion design, hairdressing, photography & painting but acting seems to be the one medium that keeps you coming back for more.” it allows you to combine all of your passions and interests -photography, montage, storytelling, music, painting & drawing.” Tania “You’ll be living in the woods with me!” Robby “Yes with a hammock…and hopefully some academy awards on the mantle!” what would you like to be better at and why? Robby “i’d like to learn how to act. i think i Robby “well i started by making documenta- Tania “sounds like what you put me through Robby “Was that our first collaboration?” Tania “Yeah. that was last winter and it was when we shot Reminder!” ries and so often i ask actors to portray themselves in my films. This usually makes them very uncomfortable.” Tania “ id like to be better at seeing myself on would be a better director if i knew what it was like to be directed and to see myself on screen.” screen. i feel like i’m not objective enough and too emotional when it comes to critiquing my performance.” would you say that we feed off each other’s creativity, because we are similar or is it because we come with two different perspectives? Robby We chose to collaborate on that film beTania “that, and we were getting to know each Robby “well the result was a fairly introspeccause you had told me a very captivating story that i knew only you could tell. other again after losing contact. so i think you were just looking to hang out more often!” tive documentary film. It made us promise each other we would work together again.” for moment Factory’s minute moment’s film festival.” Robby “Definitely because we have different perspectives. although we do share some similar views, i feel that what draws us to each other creatively and romantically is that we are very different in some ways.” for us creatively and romantically.” Tania “it’s funny that way, but it works so well Tania “You also shot me in the short black and white film “Tell me this is right”. It’s about a young woman struggling with telling her mother that she’s moved away from home to PHOtOs BY ROBBY AND tANiA. YOU CAN LEARN A Bit MORE ABOUt tHEsE tWO ON tHE FOLLOWiNG PAGE. YOU CAN ALsO JOiN tHE Natali Film group ON FACEBOOK AND CHECK OUt ROBBY’s YOUtUBE PAGE At WWW.YOUTUBE. COM/USER/ROBBYREIS. tO sEE sOME tEAsERs FROM JORDAN & BEAR, tAKE A LOOK At WWW.PHASE-FOUR.ORG. 57/ “YOU, ME & THE BABY MAkES THREE” Forget kids, we look at three Montréal couples gettin’ into some pet parenting. PHOtOs BY ADRiEN BEAUDEt HTTP://WWW.M8N4.COM/N4/ Describe Humphrey’s personality in five words: What is his favourite food? He once overdosed on treats, so now it’s tuna. menacing, free, lively, total cassanova. Is he a tough guy or a mummy’s boy? tough guy. 58/ When he grows up, Humphrey will be: a marathon runner. Robby & tania (with Humphrey the cat) Met at night school, together 1 year on Valentine’s Day. What’s the best thing about having Hammy? the sense of having a silly family focused around a hamster. What’s the worst? the constant fear of losing him in a cupboard. Which one does Hammy resemble most? What did you get Hammy for Christmas? a new cage! Barry, of course. they have similar facial expressions and nesting habits. 60/ Barry & Debbie (with Hammy the Hamster) Met through friends at Korova, together for 11 months. What’s Finn’s favourite thing to do? to dance in circles around us. When Finn grows up he wants to be: a Renard, since he looks so much like one. Who is the tough guy when he’s a bad doggy? we both share the responsibility when he’s been bad. Really. What did Finn ask Santa for? 62/ a brother or sister. But that’s in due time. Katie & Phil (with Finn the dog) Met at school and reconnected through the ubiquitous Facebook; together 7 months. 15·18 YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT PERSON NOW % NON EXIS TENT 65% FRIENDS WHEN DID YOU 23% STILL LOSE YOUR VIRGI NITY YOUR STATE OF MIND WHEN YOU LOST IT 5% ONLINE 5% AT WORK 5% OTHER AW KW ARD 47% 41% 9% 06 18 · 21 21·25 SNAP! “SEX, LOVE AND OTHER STUFF” SURVEY BY SHAYL PRISK AND KATIE KOTLER GRAPHS AND ILLUSTRATIONS BY VANDA DAFTARI 9% DRUNK INTO IT 35% 17% DAZED AND CONFUSED 17% ALL OF THE ABOVE 15% NONE OF THE ABOVE We sent out this survey to a large group of our friends, readers and acquaintances. We got a great response and some very interesting results. 57% of our respondents were female, and 43% male. 71% are interested in the opposite sex while 12% are into the same sex. 17% are into both. 10% CAGIBI 11% KOROVA 10% BLIZZARTS 30% THE GREEN ROOM 10% JUPITER ROOM 2% BUONA NOTTE 3% CLUB OPERA 6% TOKYO OTHER 46% People may select more than one checkbox, so percentages may add up to more than 100%. 12% SCHOOL 24% PARTIES THROUGH FRIENDS 40% 2% IN BARS / CLUBS PILL 39% CONDOMS 45% 1% IMPLANT/INJECTION/PATCH 1% DIAPHRAGME 8% OTHER THE BEST SPOTS TO PICK UP THE BEST WAY TO MEET SOMEONE PREFERRED CONTRACEPTION 27% of respondents have called their partner SOMEONE ELSE’S NAME DURING SEX. 64/ 65% of readers say it is very important to be with a good kisser. 25% SAY IT IS ONLY SOMEWHAT IMPORTANT. 32% WHAT IS THE WEIRDEST THING YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT? “SEX IN ZERO GRAVITY.” “Getting jiggy with a boss or a director in the office.” “A threesome with me, a girl and a fucking “My current boyfriend and my ex boyfriend fucking.” “GROUP SEX.” “Older men.” “Having sex when people are watching.” “Sex halfway out a window 10 stories up.” 7% MORE THAN ONCE/DAY 15% ONCE/DAY 40% SEVERAL TIMES/WEEK 12% ONCE/WEEK 23% OCCASIONALLY 7% RARELY 2% NEVER PORN, AR EY O “MUFFDIVING A REDHEAD.” 39% OF GIRLS and 25% OF GUYS say they own a sex toy 3% of respondents have had sex with their babysitter. NTO UI IT? 45% OBVIOUSLY! WHY WA T N? 60% POR ALL OF THE CH ABOVE 27% IT’S JUST NOT MY SCENE SS M, I GUE 31% HM Y D 3 26 % % NO SO SO machine.” U LIKE TO O YO MA OF OUR RESPONTE 71% DENTS HAVE RBA YES! TU BEEN CAUGHT WHILE MASTURBATING S T? 34% DO I OCCAOU SIONALLY 23% FREQUENTLY was good, 6% say bad, and 36% say it was hilarious. 63% of respondents have had phone sex; 58% say it 6% FOR LAUGHS N ATIO SPIR IN 4% TO GE T HOW OFTEN DO RA OF F RE LY NE 30 % 25 % VE R % 14 OUR RESPONDENTS VISUALIZE A HOT DUDE WEARING 07 80 05 08 % % % WHAT TIME OF YEAR DO YOU GO ON THE PRRRRROWL NOTHING! JEANS & T UNIFORM SLEEK SUIT % 49% 2% 49% R ? 55% KED ONCE FA OR TWICE 16% SPRING 11% FALL 5% WINTER 13% SUMMER EVERY SEASON 54% TAN MPOR T IS SW WI A O , HAVE YOU E VE RLS GI G?43% WIN DONT O LL CARE EX EM TR Y EL 7% 66/ F WHIND I FIN AT T SO IM D IT IMPO MEPO N RT RT OT AN AN TH T T AT 23 % 27 % GUY S, H 7% N 2 % OFTE 18 QUITE NEVER WHAT’S THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU DURING SEX? “Giving a guy a hand job and somehow I aimed it in such a way that his juice landed right in his own mouth!” ¶ “When I came, something odd happened. A bizarre rush of air flew up my nose, and it combined with my orgasm squeal... The end result was me snorting like a pig while ejaculating.” ¶ “Went soft. Blaming booze. Girl was hot.” ¶ “I cut the tip of my dick on my zipper while grinding a girl. Found out after I took my pants off.” ¶ “Cigarette breath of a one night stand made me puke.” ¶ “Chest fart.” ¶ “Fell off the bed.” ¶ “Fell asleep while getting head.” ¶ “Condom disappeared up there so far I had to google what to do! Pull up a chair, put one leg on it, twist this and that way, reach in and "plop" pull it out!” ¶ “The fart that caused the Tsunami.” ¶ “I puked in her trash and on her floor. She slipped in it, my towel fell off, and her roommate walked in in the middle of all this.” ¶ “Nose bleed.” ¶ “My girlfriend was giving me a great blow job, and as I was getting off I completely relaxed and lost control of my body, so a series of loud farts started coming out. I'm still shocked we kept seeing each other after that.” ¶ “My father heard me.” ¶ “Accidentally hurting my partner i.e. elbow in the face.” TITS & ARSE PARTICULAR PREDILECTION? WHAT IS YOUR H IPS 4 15% OF READERS S LEG JUST CAN’T CHOOSE... MOST EXOTIC PLACE YOU’VE HAD SEX: “On a hill side in Peru next to a herd of llamas... (seriously)” ¶ “In a 3 square-meter shower in the sky loft of the Las Vegas MGM hotel. Not that exotic but swanky seeing as that shower is bigger than the room I currently live in.” ¶ “On a hammock during a tropical rain storm.” ¶ “On a catamaran in Mexico.” ¶ “The last car on the metro.” ¶ “An Albanian churchyard.” ¶ “On a hammock in Mexico....in a marble shower...in Mexico....!” ¶ “Grandparent’s panic room.” ¶ “In a car in a crowded parking lot.” ¶ “On the grounds of St. Joseph’s Oratory. Or at the Westmount look-out.” ¶ “Laundromat.” ¶ “My boyfriend at the time was a high-rise window washer and snuck me up to the top of a skyscraper where we fucked on the scaffolding.” ¶ “Sand dunes during a warm thunder shower.” WOULD YOU EVER GO DOWN ON HER WHEN SHE IS RIDING THE CRIMSON RIVER? YEP, DONE ERR, IT BEFORE NO MAYBE 64% 22% 13% % 11% 15% EXES, HOW D OY EAL? IT D % EUD O PENDS TO 2% FER S 3 PRE RIEND I F STAY 48 ALCOHOL 35% 16% WEED/DRUGS RANDOM HOOK-UPS 36% FRIENDS 63% BU HBY NE E! ED DIS TAN CE HOW DO YOU GET OVER A BREAK-UP? People may select more than one checkbox, so percentages may add up to more than 100%. 9% 11 % WORST THING SINGLE BEST THING ABOUT BEING ABOUT BEING SINGLE 70% OF RESPON- DENTS SAY THEY HAVE HAD ‘EX SEX’. “Hooked-up with his brother.” ‡ “Sent our sex tape to her father.” ‡ “He pissed me off on a road trip to Florida so I put him on a Greyhound back to Ontario.” ‡ “I figured out his password for his email and added a special ‘signature’ that would be attached to all his emails. It read ‘I'm a giant asshole and I love fucking around.’ He was technologically handicapped so he didn't realize it for a while. In the meantime, he wrote emails to his mother, friends and his new fling. It made me feel pretty damn clever.” ‡ “Invited her to my wedding :)” ‡ “Read their emails, post break-up.” ‡ “Wasted years of her life because I knew it would never last; gave her an STI.” ‡ “Lied about who I was sleeping with.” ‡ “Told her I wanted to breakup online instead of face to face.” ‡ “Cheated on him.” ‡ “Cheated on them with their friend.” WHAT IS THE WORST THING YOU HAVE DONE TO AN EX? 02% 22% 22% 51% ONE NIGHT STANDS THE FREEDOM! MORE TIME TO YOURSELF ALL OF THE ABOVE 16% BEING HORNY 19% BEING LONELY 53% BOTH MONOGAMY MARRIAGE OFFSPRING HAVEN’T HAVEN’T HAVEN’T YES DECIDED25 YES DECIDED3NO YES DECIDED 9% NO YET NO YET YET % 22 69% 38 38% 30 % % % % DO YOU BELIEVE IN DO YOU BELIEVE IN DO YOU WANT % 67 IDEAL AGE TO SETTLE DOWN S S S EARLY L A T E EARLY L A T E % % 20 20 30 30 0% 27 47 16 5% S % 77% OF RESPONDENTS THAT ARE INTO GUYS rate intelligence as the most important factor in attraction. 66% OF RESPONDENTS THAT ARE INTO GIRLS rate intelligence as the most important factor in attraction. VALENTINE’S 7% AWESOME DAY IS... 9% DEPRESSING 6% TOO MUCH PRESSURE 23% KIND OF SWEET 35% POINTLESS OTHER 7% 69/ NEVER NEVER NEVER MORNING LIGHT A PHOTOGRAPHIC PROJECT BY MiKHAiL WAssMER 71/ PHOTOS BY GREGORY LEE LYNCH STYLING AND ART DIRECTION BY PS PASCALE GEORGIEV AND STEPHANIE FRASER MODEL PASCALE GEORGIEV HiPstER BRiEFs BY CALViN KLEiN siLK FLOWER tOP, CUstOM MADE BY Ps OVER tHE KNEE sOCKs FROM RRRENtALsNY.COM UN APRÈS-MIDI AU LIT 72/ sAtiN HiGH WAistED BRiEF BY H&M ViNtAGE WHitE KNit tANK stYLists OWN PAtENt LEAtHER BOW. tiGHts BY DKNY sAtiN EYE MAsK FROM RRRENtALsNY.COM stYLists OWN tOP HiGH WAist BRiEF BY ONLY HEARts siLK ROsE HEADBAND FROM URBAN OUttFittERs OVER tHE KNEE sOCKs AND ACCEssORiEs FROM RRRENtALsNY.COM 76/ sAtiN BLOOMERs BY siLENCE AND NOisE At URBAN OUtFittERs EREs BRA stYLists OWN HEADBAND JEWELRY FROM RRRENtALsNY.COM NUDE BODYsUit BY MONDOR MEtALLiC HiGH WAist PANtY BY ONLY HEARts Ps tHANK YOU tO ONLY HEARts WWW.ONLYHEARts.COM ps hearts winter accessories BY stEPHANiE FRAsER AND PAsCALE GEORGiEV WINTER BLOOM 79/ tHANK YOU tO WWW.RRRENtALsNY.COM AND MisCHA LAMPERt WWW.MWLNYC.COM BEAUTY Only In Dreams nothing is more touchable than a mane full of satiny fuzz left flowing or held back loosely with pins. sonia Rykiel’s model line-up for winter 09 resembled a faerie nightscape and many of her dresses could have passed for bed wear. Hair as soft as cotton candy can only get that way when tousled by hours in dreamland. But to capture the ethereal allure of such a sleeping beauty, us mere mortals can rely on backcombing unwashed hair or applying thickening lotion before roughly blow-drying with fingers. How to get that subtle shine factor? a blast of cold air and a drop or two of an anti-humidity serum. we love John Frieda and Redken. Just rolled out of bed hair spiced up several other shows this season, including anna sui, Enrico coveri, Gucci, peter som and Vera wang. sHOWN: MAGDELENA At sONiA RYKiEL WiNtER 09 HTTP://WWW.STARDUSTFASHION.COM Dr. Groomlove Or: how I learned to stop thinking about surgery and be the bomb. WORDs BY ROBERtO AND CYNtHiA CiALDELLA iLLUstRAtiON BY CEDRiC tAiLLON DIY 1/ i used to be called Yellow teeth in elementary school. i quickly avoided future psychological scarring by using bleaching strips. 8/ 2/ i don't care how influential Frida Kahlo is, please tweeze anything in between the eyebrows. too manly for proper skincare products? make sure you at least wash your face daily and change your pillowcase at least once a week. You're less likely to have to steal your sister's concealer for those unexpected buggers called zits. 9/ 3/ Bacteria means bad karma. avoid both by trimming nose and armpit hair & keeping finger and toe nails short. Fashionistas know style is all proportion and symmetry. it's the geek equivalent to the force being with you. oogle the google for more info, it's that easy. 4/ 10/ never ever shave your beard to have it contour your jawline. You're inevitably highlighting your mob ties or double chin. 5/ 6/ 7/ popular kids avoid dairy products and onion rings and swear by mouthwash and gum. If you remember to floss as often as you slap the monkey, you'll never forget to floss. in the Bible samson let delilah cut his hair, lost his strength, was captured by the philistines only to have his eyes poked out. this is obviously a parable about finding the right hairdresser. nothing will make a bigger impact on how you look. Being a metrosexual apparently portends neither to being sexual nor taking the metro. case in point, do what you feel is best for you and worry not about categories. they're useless! How comfortable and confident you are is just as important as good B.o. 83/ 88QueenSt.com NEW SHOP ONLINE! mention SNAP! and get a 15% discount on all purchases over 150$. www.88QueenSt.com | offer valid until 03·01·09 www.88QueenSt.com WHERE I’D RATHER BE... Cambodia WORDs AND PHOtOs BY KAtE REDDiNGtON Bleary eyed, dry mouthed, and complete with several burning assholes, the four of us awoke to the most distressing ear assault. A barnyard rooster, crowing at 53 decibels; sounded as though perched in our very room. 5:45am. a rather inauspicious introduction to cambodia’s capital phnom penh, but an introduction nonetheless. the dirt roads that are home to a number of phnom penh’s riverside guesthouses can be quite the culture shock, especially if you’re coming from the bright lights and the abundant curious foreigners making up thailand’s touristy moon party islands. the most beautiful -sometimes scarred- small creatures scamper the dirt roads, befriending newcomers and spinning their magic. the street children here have learned the precise phrases that will draw you in, make you fall in love and break your heart simultaneouslyin every language imaginable. “my name is Bahara, what is yours?” one of the street urchins asks, straining under the weight of a tray filled with fraudulent copies of popular novels and travel books. “my back is so sore, but i can’t go home until i sell all.” cue the sound of whatever a heart would sound like, breaking into a million little pieces. Visiting tuol sleng and the Killing Fields, used by the Khmer Rouge Regimen for the torture and disposal of cambodia’s people, is not generally the sort of relaxing holiday outing you’d expect to have on vacation. i guess that’s why cambodia differs from many hol- iday destinations. while we enjoyed relaxed tropical nights in lakeside bungalows, we were also witness to a war torn, humbled country. over the course of our stay we gained a greater appreciation of the capital’s history as well as the open hospitality of the locals. our trip north to the ancient ruins of the angkor wat Empire was pretty unforgettable. since visiting, i have been known to claim that i have indeed seen one of the world’s seven wonders. despite not appearing in the official list, it does belong to several other top sevens; siem Reap’s top seven tourist spots; top seven ancient Ruins in siem Reap; and of course, the slightly mighty seven ancient wonders of the world. i’m going to be honest right here and tell you that before i went to cambodia, my knowledge of the country and its history was minimal. one of my partners in crime had listed ‘things we have to do in south East asia.’ this included ‘visiting one of the seven wonders,’ along with ‘meeting the locals,’ ‘river jumping in laos’ and ‘taking illicit drugs in dangerous places’. this list was by no means to be mistaken for an itinerary. cambodia left us uplifted, if not a little torn. looking outside at three feet of snow and facing a treacherous half hour trudge to my ‘real job’ back home, i look at the photos i took there and remember the freedom of having no commitments, friendly faces everywhere and an incredible new country to explore. cambodia is the business. and that is why it’s where i’d Rather Be. 87/