Postpartum
Depression Sharing Experiences
By Amy Breese, Bridgette Gallagher and Rosemary Riedhammer
C
hances are if you are a mom or an expecting mom you have heard about the “baby blues”, the feelings that often come along with the joy and happiness a new baby can bring. Sometimes, however, those “baby blues” can be something much more serious. Bridgette had her first moment of realizing she may be experiencing post-partum depression in a gas station bathroom. “My husband and I had just packed up the kids for a trip to Vermont (I thought getting away would help me shake the funk I had been in) and we stopped to use the bathroom. Since I was essentially avoiding mirrors at this point, I was shocked to catch my own reflection. I had a white down jacket on- the only one that fit- and had been wearing it for days. It was filthy. The front had coffee drips, smudges of dirt and small grimy handprints. I was unkempt and ugly, disheveled and gross. And anyone who saw me must have seen the same thing. I erupted into sobs that would not stop. Tears came that I could not control. A wellspring opened and I was slowly sinking. Getting up every day felt something like being underwater. It took everything I could to do to just get myself to work and when I got there I felt kind of numb. Numb, a little lonely and of course tired. The tired part, everyone expects—you’re up with the baby, you never get to nap, you are a non-stop Mom. But, I was also starting to not sleep because I was anxious. I started to feel like I didn’t want to go to work, to day care, to the grocery store. I didn’t want to go anywhere. I went through the motions but I felt a little lost. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was supposed to be happy. I had two small children who were sweet and wonderful. I had a good husband, good friends, great co-workers. I felt like something had changed and no one brought me up to speed. Like I was left out of my own life. You’re supposed to be happy, I kept telling myself.” When a woman gives birth she typically expects to feel excitement, joy and other blissful feelings, when this does not happen it can lead to feelings of shame and embarrassment. New mothers begin to question themselves and wonder if they are
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meant to be mothers. It is important to know that normal symptoms of postpartum emotional stress can include not only depression but anxiety, obsessive compulsive thoughts, PTSD and rarely psychosis. According to the Postpartum International website up to 80% of new moms experience” baby blues” which can include feelings of sadness, crying and emotional ups and downs. Rosemary experienced her first experience with PPD shortly after her son was born. “The very first experience I had with postpartum was a mere twelve hours after my son was born. After 48 sleepless hours I found myself over tired but at the same time overjoyed. Those opposite ends of the emotional spectrum would define my experience with PPD. I was in awe with the life I had just created. Overwhelmed at the responsibilities that came with not just physical but emotional, psychological and physiological aspects of parenting. At balancing my own well being, nurturing my marriage, maintaining friendships, and on and on. It was finding that balance that was troublesome. Ultimately sparking my depression. What little I knew about PPD turned out to be hugely misconceived. My depression stemmed from loss not gain. The loss of me, of my father who passed a month before my son was born, and of the dynamic of my marriage as I had known it. When my son arrived I was not prepared. Not at all. I was not prepared for the extreme highs and lows. Feelings of love, of despair, of yearning for my former responsibility-free life. With that came an extreme amount of guilt. Guilt that comes with also doing things for yourself to maintain a healthy equilibrium. A lot of parenting came as a shock. I continued counseling for about a month after giving birth. I fooled myself into thinking I was fine. My emotions ebbed and flowed. The times I needed someone most was not during my one hour allotted weekly time slot. They were during hour long nursing sessions at 3 am or other periods of prolonged exhaustion. I knew I needed support.” If symptoms get significantly worse or last longer than the first couple of weeks postpartum, they can lead to a condition that will need medical attention.
Mamatoga.com
12/5/12 8:30 AM