Fr. John Breck Leads Married Students in Retreat Deacon Joseph and Diaconeasa Irina Lucas
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role. Parents must learn to say “I’m sorry,” humbling themselves before their children when a significant mistake is made. We must treat our children with respect and “infinite compassion” in order to lead them to salvation.
n Saturday, January 30, married students and their wives participated in a daylong marriage retreat led by the Very Reverend John Breck, Th.D. Father John is currently Professor of Biblical Exegesis and Patristics at the St. Sergius Orthodox Theological Institute in Paris, France, and Director of the St. Silouan Retreat Center in South Carolina.
The first portion of the retreat examined factors that contribute to crises in clergy families, especially between spouses. Father John dispelled the common myth that the needs of the priest’s family are necessarily secondary to those of the parish, affirming that a priest’s family members are actually members of the parish as well. The stability of the clergy family is paramount if the priest is to properly minister to his people; thus, it is imperative to strike a balance between family life and parish work. Father John then provided practical suggestions for establishing and preserving this balance.
Another interesting area of discussion was the effect of parish ministry upon the children of the clergy. Usually, these children are struggling to maintain a certain level of normalcy as they relate to their peers. They may view church attendance and participation in parish events as an imposition, and pushing children too hard to become active in the parish may distance them from their parents. In addition, the children see their priest father in a different light than parishioners do – all of his shortcomings and mistakes are revealed in daily family life. Father John reminded the students that the child of a clergy member must have another adult in his or her life who gives a strong example of a living faith; ideally, the godparent or godparents would fulfill this
The second session of the retreat focused upon bioethical issues that face Orthodox Christians. Topics discussed included contraception, abortion, in-vitro fertilization, assisted suicide and stem-cell research. Father John concluded the retreat with an open question-and-answer forum. Fr. John’s matter of fact style and wellresearched insights into these critical issues provided us with beneficial skills for strengthening clergy marriages and families. We are grateful to him for this gift of his time and considerable talents – for us, most certainly it was time well spent.
2009 – 2010 ACADEMIC YEAR
Speaking specifically to the students’ wives, Father John addressed the role of the priest’s wife in both the family and the parish. Unlike her husband, the matushka does not receive extensive, formal training in her aspect of the shared ministry. Often, a year or more into her husband’s priesthood, the matushka realizes that parish life is not what she expected. Thus it is essential, stressed Father John, that she be supported by her husband, family and friends. At the same time, he emphasized that, for the married
priest, all ministry is a “double ministry.” Although the matushka should not be pressured to accept jobs within the parish which infringe upon the needs of her family, she should nevertheless support her husband by providing stability at home. Working as a team, the priest and his wife can learn to attain that balance of parish and family life.
Wrapping up the first segment of the retreat, Father John addressed various crises that afflict clergy families in America. Spouses must be completely open with one another, tackling every problem together, if they hope to preserve stability. When the priest (or his wife) falls, he (or she) needs to ask forgiveness. Father John then dealt with more destructive issues, such as addictions, abuse and psychological conditions. Any problem that affects one family member affects the entire family, and by extension the parish. Through God’s grace, with the full support of the spouse and family, and with professional help where necessary, healing is possible.