teen
Vision Discipline. Empowerment. Success.
TRAGIC
TALE OF TEEN DATING VIOLENCE
PLUS... Relationship tips for teens WINTER 2010
Get the skinny on hot holiday looks ... Miami Style
Send check to: ReCapturing the Vision 9780 E. Indigo Street, Suite 301 Miami, FL 33157
contents
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departments 4
Eight Great Dates for Teens
Best of the Web Building relationship skills ... virtually.
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For Your Health Abstinence, or not having sexual contact with another person, is the only foolproof way to prevent STDs.
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Values Valores Learn why it’s great to wait from someone whose been there.
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Impress Yourself What do your reactions say about you?
10 Shoulders, Ears & Hearts When you need advice from someone who’s been there, Shoulders, Ears, and Hearts is the place to turn.
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28 Keeping It Real
Holiday Heat
The downside to “hooking up”
features
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Hot Topics
5 For Your Health
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Spiked How a night out with the wrong people ended one girl’s life.
11 Hot Topics Students get the dish on sex, love, and marriage at RTV’s Healthy Relationship Summit.
13 Eight Great Dates for Teens How to have a great date for cheap. On our Cover: ReMiche Murray
16 Tragic Tale of Teen Dating Violence Are you vulnerable to an abusive relationship?
20 Holiday Heat Forget snow and mistletoe—Christmas in Miami never looked this cool.
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editor’s letter
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Vision Winter 2010 Crew
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inter is a season of reflection. As you gather with friends and families for the holidays I want you to reflect on something the old folks used to say: “everything has a time and a season.” Today, youth are receiving conflicting messages about the right sequence for sex, relationships, children, and marriage. As a result, too many teens are having sex before they are ready, putting themselves at risk of STDs, getting pregnant, and perpetuating generational cycles of poverty, fatherlessness, and failure. In ReCapturing the Vision classes we spend a lot of time talking about relationship skills and teaching teens the importance of compatibility, communication, and good decision-making. Yes, we’re talking about romance, but “relationship” can also refer to the connection you have with your family, your school, your community, your workplace and your friends. What are the connections you’re making? Are the people you’re around upgrading you or are they taking you down the wrong path? Are the relationship decisions you’re making today going to get you where you want to be in the future? In this issue, we reflect on some of these questions. We explore the tragic story of one Detroit teen who lost her life as a result of the people she was hanging around; we let you know about a fun website where you can hone your relationship skills without the heartbreak; and we educate you about a crisis in the Congo that involves us all. An interesting thought recurs as you read the issue. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship but in these times of crisis is often when you’ll find the greatest opportunity. Our feature story exploring the experience of black males in America drives this point home. The teen years should be about getting to know yourself. You should be exploring activities and subjects you are interested in and finding out what makes you tick. If you aren’t happy with the relationship decisions you’ve made so far, now is the time to upgrade. With the New Year comes the chance for a new beginning, and it’s never too late to strive to be better than you were the day before. Wishing you well,
Dr. Jacqueline Del Rosario
Publisher
ReCapturing the Vision, International
Editor-in-Chief
Dr. Jacqueline Del Rosario President, ReCapturing the Vision, Int.
Managing Editor
Adrinda Kelly
Graphic Designer
Tiffany N. Castillo
Photography
Amanda Langford
Photoshoot Director
Amanda Langford
Stylist
Jenna Waskman
Fashion Spread Makeup
East Cost Makeup by Sandy Maranesi
Wardrobe
Jenna’s Closet
Contributors
Aaron Alexander abcnews.com Holly Ashworth Adrinda Kelly Dr. Lorie Johnson Barbara Oldham Nadia Vascianna
Special Thanks
Jenna’s Closet Hear Congo! Campaign for Black Male Achievement
Models:
Harold T. Early A.J. Burrichter ReMiche Murray Noelle Victoria Susana Obanaga
ReCapturing the Vision, International
Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families. Grant No. 90FEXXXX. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.
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best on the web
The Power of Two Building relationship skills ... virtually
by PowerOfTwo.org
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hat makes relationships work? Two things, basically. Number one: You must make good choices about the people in your life. Number two: you must develop the skills needed to hold up your end of a healthy relationship. No matter how healthy the relationship is, there’s something you should know: conflict is inevitable. It’s natural for people to disagree at times because we all have different interests, values, goals and needs. Other times we don’t understand other people and what they really mean. PowerOfTwo.org is a website developed specifically to help people deal with conflict in the relationship by developing good communication skills. Good communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. But it can be hard to communicate your point-of-view in the midst of a heated disagreement. PowerOfTwo.org helps you practice doing just that through online relationship games. Now most of the games on the website are targeted at married couples, or people who have been dating or engaged. But there’s a special section just for teens that you should check out. If you go to http://www.poweroftwo. org/games_library.php you will see an Activity Library on the left-hand side of the page. Just scroll down to get to the section for teens. Five games developed just for teens give you the chance to help your avatars, Jeff and Katie, learn basic communication and decision-making skills. You’ll get to practice what you learned in fun virtual settings like the lunchroom, and cheerleading practice. Our personal faves are the time-travel activities like Titanic, where you get to save the day ... or not. No matter how you fare, Jeff and Katie will keep you laughing the whole time. All good relationships, whether they are romantic, platonic, or professional share are characterized by trust, openness, and mutual respect and acceptance. They all
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require the ability to communicate and manage conflict effectively. PowerOfTwo.org is a great place where you can start building those skills early and start practicing good relationship skills in your everyday contacts with parents, friends and classmates. Then, if and when the time comes for a more serious kind of relationship, you will have the confidence, security and skills to help make sure it is a healthy and drama-free. tv RTV does not endorse the websites listed in this article.
Sexually
for your health
Transmitted Diseases Abstinence, or not having sexual contact with another person, is the only foolproof way to prevent STDs
by Dr. Lorie Johnson
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exually transmitted diseases (STDs) are bacterial, viral, and parasitic infections that are spread by sexual activity. Sexually transmitted diseases may or may not produce symptoms, but they can have severe consequences. Some sexually transmitted diseases are curable. Others are not and may result in infertility or even death. The United States has the highest rate of STDs in the industrialized world and sexually active youths have the highest rate of STDs than any other age group in the United States. Find out if you’re at risk. Am I at Risk? STDs are spread from an infected person to another person during oral, vaginal, or anal sexual contact. If you are sexually active, then you are at risk of contracting an STD. Here’s what you need to know:
The highest incidence of STDs occurs in people that are between the ages of 15 and 24. Women experience a higher rate of STDs than men. People of minority groups have higher rates of STDs. The rates are the highest among African-Americans and Mexican-Americans. Sexual activity at a young age is associated with an increased risk for getting STDs. People that have sexual contact with many different partners have an increased risk for contracting a STD. Having unprotected sex, sex without condoms, increases the risk of getting a STD. You are at risk for contracting a STD if you do not know if your partner has one or not. Some people may have a STD and may not know it because they may not have symptoms; however, they may still transmit the disease. Participating in anal intercourse increases your risk for getting a STD. Your risk for STD is greater if your partner is an IV drug user. If you have a STD, you may be more vulnerable to infection with other types of STDs. Using drugs or alcohol in a situation where sex might occur increases the risk of participating in high-risk sex and increases your chance of contracting a STD.
been in a monogamous relationship, but learn that your partner has had sexual contact with another person. The type of treatment that you receive depends on the type of STD that you have. Overall, viral STDs, such as herpes and HIV can be treated, but there is no cure for viral STDs. Bacterial STDs, such as gonorrhea and Chlamydia can be cured, and early treatment is important to reduce complications and transmission to others. Prevention A word to the wise: abstinence, or not having sexual contact with another person, is the only foolproof way to prevent STDs. If you have a STD, let your potential sexual partner know. You should also know your partner’s sexual, STD, and IV drug use history. By doing so, you can help stop the spread of STDs. tv To get more information about Sexually Transmitted Diseases, visit the Youth Corner at www.rtv.org.
Having unprotected sex increases the risk of getting a STD.
Treatment You should contact your doctor if you suspect that you may have been exposed to STDs. You should be tested for STDs even if you have teen vision magazine 5
values valores
Waiting
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Learn why it’s great to wait from someone whose been there
by Barbara Oldham
y father always taught me that “your girlfriends will get you pregnant quicker than your boyfriend.” Even though I wasn’t fully aware of what he was saying, it scared me into listening and I’m glad I did. I was always “one of the boys” and most of my friends were boys. I grew up seeing how they would treat “easy” girls and how they thought it was funny to get them drunk, use them, and then laugh about it and even show pictures/videos of the acts. I always knew they were dirtbags for doing what they did and even though I would I would point out the wrong they were doing, it seemed like most of the girls were more than willing to stand in line to be the next one used. I think being in this unique situation of seeing things from the guy’s point of view, made me realize that as a woman, I deserved better than to be laughed at and made fun of and just used and tossed away like so many girls before– so I never gave them the satisfaction. I decided to wait until sex was on my terms – when I was ready and when I decided it was time to finally try it – not because my boyfriend pressured me (he never did and because of that we were able to focus on our friendship more than our relationship and were inseparable) and not because my friends thought it was time for me to try. In fact, 6 teen vision magazine
it was a closely guarded secret of mine because it’s really no one’s business when you decide to take a step that is so supremely big in your life and so incredibly personal. I waited until I was 24 to try sex for the first time. And even then, it was an experience that made me feel nervous and vulnerable, and it complicated my relationship with my boyfriend. As an adult, I found this hard to deal with. I can’t imagine having to wrestle with those emotions as a teenager. Having sex for the first time is a decision that each individual needs to make on their own – but feeling ready and being ready are two different things. No matter how much in love you may be with the boy or girl in your life, I hope that you decide to take control and wait, like I did. tv
impress yourself
Put Yourself in Another Person’s Shoes What do your reactions say about you?
by Adrinda Kelly
I
had a teacher in the eighth grade who I will call “Ms. B.” Ms. B. is white and I am black. Ms. B taught an arts class at my school. The thing I liked best about Ms. B’s class was the group projects. The week that we were working on clay sculpturing, I was paired with a boy I had a crush on. I flirted and giggled with him throughout the lesson. We whispered jokes about Ms. B’s bad haircut, old lady clothes, and annoying voice. Annoyed by our lack of attention and constant whispering, Ms. B turned to us and said: “You people should have never been allowed in this school.” I responded by calling her the B-word. That’s when she kicked me out of her class. That was the one of the first moments in my life when I felt I was being discriminated against because of my race. I was an eighthgrader in 1994. The Rodney King riots had just happened, Nelson Mandela had just been released from prison, and OJ Simpson was about to go on trial for murder. So there was a lot of racial tension in the air and it was natural for me to view Ms. B’s comments from the perspective of race. But if I try to put myself in Ms. B’s shoes, a different perspective emerges. Ms. B was in her late forties/early fifties at the time. She was
not a popular teacher, and probably knew that many of her students only took her course because they viewed it as an “easy A.” Perhaps she was trying to strike out on her own and become an artist and only used teaching to supplement her income. Perhaps she even heard us joking about her appearance. Perhaps this woman, frustrated in her personal aspirations to become an artist and turned off by her students’ lack of interest in the subject matter she was trying to teach lashed out at us in the way she did—not only because she was a racist—but also because race was the only defense she felt she had now that her authority had come under attack. Did she have other options? For that matter, did I? Why did I resort to calling her the “b-word,” a very disrespectful term for women? The experience I had in Mrs. B’s classroom was life-changing for me. I walked away deeply hurt. But I also understand that as ugly as her comment was, my reaction was ugly too. Sometimes you have no idea what may be going on in another person’s life to cause them to act in a certain way. So the next time you feel like going off on somebody because they said or did something to offend you, try putting yourself in their shoes. It might just open your eyes. tv teen vision magazine
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SPIKED How a night out with the wrong people ended one girl’s life by Nadia Vascianna
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t the age of fifteen, a little girl’s life would be taken away in a split second. Samantha Reid never knew January 17, 1999 would bring the must traumatic experience in her life, one which cost her life. Though difficult, it’s more understanding when a loved one is terminally ill and family has time to prepare to say goodbye. But Samantha’s family never had that chance. A single drink on what was supposed to be a harmless night out left Samantha dead. Deadly Company It was a wintry January evening in Detroit, Michigan when Samantha made plans to hang out with her friends Melanie and Jessica, and three male friends at a friend’s apartment. Enjoying the casual get-together, one of the boys decide to offer everyone a drink. Jessica, Samantha’s friend, asked for a Screwdriver
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(vodka mixed with orange juice). The other two girls simply requested a Mountain Dew. To make the gathering more interesting, the young men added Gamma-hydroxbutyic acid to each drink. Gamma-hydroxybutyrate (GHB) has effects that are very similar to those of alcohol. According to the Drug Enforcement Administration, “Victims may not be aware that they ingested a drug at all. GHB is invisible when dissolved in water, and odorless. They are indiscernible when dissolved in beverages such as soft drinks, liquor, or beer.” The young men administered the GHB, believing that the only harm it would do is put the girls to sleep. But suddenly, the hours of enjoyment became dim and minutes turned into seconds of horror as one of the girl’s veins and arteries constricted, cutting off her life supply, and another developed severe complications. The young men eventually
drove the girls to the hospital after Jessica complained of trouble breathing. Each girl was placed on life support, but unfortunately, Samantha Reid did not survive. The three young men who poisoned her were found guilty of poisoning and involuntary manslaughter, while the older man who owned the apartment was found guilty of an accessory charge, and possession of GHB. They were sentenced to 5–15 years in prison. On the Rise Samantha Reid’s story is a cautionary tale for what is colloquially known as the “date rape drug,” though most experts prefer the term “drug-facilitated sexual assault.” Although the Samantha Reid’s case did not lead to sexual assault, GHB is one of the most commonly used drugs for date rape. Out of the Samantha Reid case the Date Rape Drug Prohibition Act 2000 was
Know the Lingo Rohypnol is also known as: Circles Forget Pill LA Rochas Lunch Money Mexican Valium Mind Erasers Poor Man’s Quaalude R-2 Rib Roach
Roach-2 Roches Roofies Roopies Rope Rophies Ruffies Trip-and-Fall Whiteys
this drug. Teenagers tend to add this drug to create a “high,” especially at parties. It is one of the most prominent drugs used in alcohol to incapacitate potential victims to sexual assault. Unfortunately it is hard to decipher the difference in its appearance because it looks like aspirin. When taken in excess or combined with alcohol the person’s motor skills are altered and their judgment is also impaired. In the case of date rape, the victim is unable to use the proper judgment and subconsciously surrenders his or her will. Gamma hydroxybutyrate (GHB) is a drug also used to assist in drug-facilitated sexual assaults. This drug causes seizures, insomnia, anxiety, nausea, dizziness, loss of peripheral vision, hallucinations, coma, or death. When combined with alcohol it sends the body into a respiratory arrest.
established. However, the implementation of this law has not stopped the increase in date rape drug use. Each year the number of incidents continues to rise. Surprisingly, most people believe only females are drugged by men on a date and victimized sexually. However, in May 2010, NBC news reported that women were spiking men’s drinks in the club. Some of the things that attracted these women were men with money and expensive jewelry. Most Common Date-Rape Drugs Date rape drugs are meant to seduce the potential victim into a state of mind where he or she is vulnerable to sexual assault. The most commonly used drug is alcohol. According to the 2005 SAMHSA National Survey on Drug Use and Health about 10.8 million persons age 12-20 reported drinking alcohol in the past month. Three out of four students (75%) have consumed alcohol by the end of high school. While alcohol is the most commonly used date rape drug it is also the gateway to add pills that will dissolve in the alcohol and once consumed produce a detrimental effect. Some of the most commonly-used substances in drug-assisted sexual assaults are Gamma hydroxybutyrate (GHB) and Rohypnol. As Rohypnol is the least expensive, teenagers are able to purchase large quantities of
How Can I Protect Myself? The next time you go out for a night of pleasure be cognizant that danger might be lurking. Here are some safety signs you should keep in mind:
DDon’t accept drinks from other people DOpen containers yourself DDon’t share drinks DDon’t drink from punch bowl or other common containers DDon’t drink anything that tastes or smells strange DIf you realize you left your drink unattended, pour it out At the end of the day, the most important protective measure you can take is to watch the company you keep. When hanging out, make sure you watch out for your friends and they watch out for you. If you think you may have been drugged or raped, get medical care right away. Call 911 or have a trusted friend take you to a hospital emergency room. Don’t urinate, douche, bathe, brush your teeth, wash your hands, change clothes, or eat or drink before you go. A counselor can help you begin the healing process. Calling a crisis center or a hotline is a good place to start. One national hotline is the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE. tv
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shoulders, ears & hearts
Support, help & guidance
and h t a s alway
Dear Shoulders,
Dear Heart,
I’m going through puberty and it’s causing my face to breakout. I feel like everyone is looking and laughing at me of how ugly I look. —Embarrassed in Miami Heights
I’m really attracted to a good friend of mine and would like to get something going, but I’m afraid to mess up our friendship! —Lovesick in Homestead
Dear Embarrassed, True beauty lies within. Remember this stage of frustration only last for awhile. Everyone goes through changes in their life and aren’t satisfied with the way they look. When all you have going for you is outward beauty, you have a shallow superficial beauty. Inner beauty permeates from the inside and works outward. Let people be captivated by your inward beauty, talents, and personality. Once you realize that there is more to you than your outward frame, the things that once looked ugly to you will be beautiful in your eyes. By the way, to address the breakouts, most pharmacies carry over-the-counter products that are effective treatments for average breakouts. Try a few and I’m sure that your skin wil be on the mend. Your renewed confidence will have you back on top of the world again.
Dear Lovesick, If you are happy with the friendhip and don’t want to chance ruining it for a love interst, there is an old saying that may apply here: “If it ain’t broken dont fix it”. Keep that friendship and avoid trading it on a gamble. Besides, if they are intersted in pursuing a romantic relationship, I am sure that they will express it. Until then, hold on to the great friendhip because as it is often said: a good friend is hard to find. tv Have a problem you need help with? Email us at recap7@aol.com
Dear Ears My friend and I got into an argument and she is on facebook making embarrassing and disrespectful comments about me. I don’t know what to do. —Facebook Frenemies Dear Frenemies, Sometimes when we are mad we do and say things we don’t really mean. This is a great opportunity to be the bigger person in the situation and not retaliate. You can leave kind gestures on her page or let her know in private how you feel. If she is a true friend she will accept and respect your feelings and correct her mistakes. The key to this situation is to maintain your integrity at all times and don’t do or say something you will regret. If you value your relationship with your friend, try to work things out. If you’re ready to walk away, do so without demeaning yourself and stooping to her level.
...Life, Laughter, Learn 10 teen vision magazine
hot topics Students get the dish on sex, love, and marriage at RTV’s Healthy Relationship Summit
love
by The Staff of Teen Vision Magazine
sex
marriage
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eCapturing the Vision’s bi-annual Healthy Relationship Summit was held at the Doubletree Miami Mart Hotel on November 23-24, 2010. One hundred and fifty Miami Northwestern Senior High School Students convened for a candid conversation about love, sex, and marriage with relationship experts from around the Miami/South Florida area. The event kicked off with a presentation by ReCapturing the Vision President and CEO, Dr. Jacqueline Del Rosario who spoke on the topic of compatibility. “You think he’s cute, maybe he’s got the big muscles and the swagger, or you think she’s hot because she’s got a nice body and a cute smile, but let me ask you something–what happens when he loses his hair or she gains weight? What’s keeping you together then?” Dr. Del Rosario challenged students to think about relationships not just in terms of love, but in terms of the foundational traits that would help their relationships stand the test of time. “The truth is, your heart can love almost anyone. You spend enough time with
Hitler, and you can even fall in love with him. That’s why it’s so important to choose carefully those that you spend your time with. Most importantly, you want to make sure that you have similar views when it comes to family, money, childrearing, etc.” For homework, students were asked to write down a list of the top 5 things they must have in a mate. Dr. Del Rosario’s presentation was followed by an eye-opening discussion of domestic violence led by Mr. Travis Harmon. In his workshop, Domestic Violence: The Ugly Truth, Mr. Harmon educated students about the different types of abuse, and gave them concrete tools to get help should they find themselves in an abusive relationship. teen vision magazine
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“The universal law is this: it is NEVER, and I mean NEVER ok to hit a woman.”
“The universal law is this: it is NEVER, and I mean NEVER ok to hit a woman.” To drive the point home, Mr. Harmon brought a female student up to the front to role play how to walk away from a heated argument before it escalates into physical violence. This was followed by a candid testimony from an abusive relationship survivor. Day Two of the event was all about marriage and Dr. Del Rosario again kicked things off with a lively discussion of emotional standoffs. “An emotional standoff is the posture that one assumes when dealing with conflict in a relationship. Emotional standoffs hinder effective communication and the effective resolution of the conflict.” Video clips demonstrating the emotional standoffs in action got students to think about what they would have done in a similar situation. Students were especially loquacious on the subject of outside interference, an emotional standoff in which the couple relies on the opinions of others outside of their marriage. In the outside interference video, the female character compares her husband to a past boyfriend, a scene met with catcalls from the audience.
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“It’s a respect thing,” one male student explained. “My woman is not going to be telling all our business to her friends and then compare me to other guys. That’s just not going to happen. She’ll get the deuces quick,” he concluded referring to Chris Brown’s popular break-up song. Day Two also included a panel discussion from a married couple on what a real marriage looks like, warts and pimples and all. Students go to ask questions covering everything from how they met, to how they resist getting complacent. Giveaways, video presentations, music, and question and answer sessions set the tone for this highly interactive event in which the main goal was to get students thinking, and talking, about marriage and relationships. tv ReCapturing the Vision hosts this event with funds provided from the Office of Family Assistance Healthy Demonstration Grant. If you are interested in participating, contact our office at rtv1comm@gmail.com.
Eight Great Dates for Teens How to have a great date for cheap by Holly Ashworth
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ho says you have to be rich to plan a perfect night out with your crush? The next time you’re on a date, pick from one of these cheap and fun date ideas.
1. Make Dinner Together If you’ve got time, start this date out at the grocery store. Pick up dinner fixings, then go back to one of your houses to prepare and eat. (Make sure parents are there to chaperone!) Spending time in the kitchen together is a great way to get to know each other - and if the dinner actually turns out good, that’s just icing on the cake.
1. Go for a Bike Ride What’s the point of living in sunny Miami if you’re not going to take advantage of the outdoors? Biking’s a cheap, fun way to get your adrenaline pumping, and it’s great for shy people because there’s no pressure to talk the whole time. Pick a pretty route in a quiet residential area by you. Make sure you’re riding in the daytime and your parents know where you are.
6. Go for a Walk on the Beach Bring some light snacks from home and take a nice, slow-paced walk, enjoying the scenery together. If you want to make it more interesting, bring a camera and see who can take the best pictures, or make it an earth-saving mission and collect trash along the way.
7. Have a Board Game Night Board games bring out the competitive edge in people, and the best board games are made for more than two people, so consider making this one a double date.
8. Go to a Roller Rink Even if you’re only a so-so skater, a roller skate date is almost always a winner. First of all, it’s romantic: hand-holding is totally inevitable, especially if one of you isn’t so hot on your feet. tv
3. Sing Karaoke Once you’ve done karaoke in front of someone, there’s really nothing left to hide. Check to see if there are any karaoke nights in your city that allow teens. If there aren’t, pick up a copy of Karaoke Revolution American Idol - it’ll set you back less than 30 bucks (including microphones) and you can play at home.
4 Go Bowling Bowling’s an underrated sport. You can do it in all kinds of weather, you don’t have to be all that athletic, you barely sweat and if you show up late enough on weekends, there are colored lights and 80’s music.
5. Have a Picnic in the Park Throw some sandwiches, cookies and sodas into a bag, head to the park and lay down a blanket in a shady spot. Don’t forget to bring stuff to do when you’re done eating, like flying a kite, playing frisbee, playing one-on-one basketball or just people-watching. teen vision magazine
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TRAGIC TALE OF TEEN DATING VIOLENCE Are you vulnerable to an abusive relationship? by abcnews.com
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Photos of Ortralla Wilson
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he year: 2003. The city: Austin, Texas. Marcus McTear was a star running back at his local high school. Just 16 years old, he was cute and popular and dreamed of playing football at a Big Ten college until a tragic spring day in March 2003 when all his dreams came to a screeching halt. On that day, Marcus—the popular athlete with all the promise in the world—stabbed his girlfriend, Ortralla Mosley, to death in a school hallway after she tried to break up with him.
HOW COULD SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN? WHAT HAD GONE WRONG? Marcus and Ortralla are part of a disturbing trend of teen dating violence affecting America’s youth. The issue was forcibly brought to the public’s attention after Chris Brown was arrested for viciously assualting his girlfriend, Rihanna. But while Rihanna’s celebrity brought much-needed attention to the issue of dating violence, it was already too late for victims like Ortralla.
wore to not being able to be herself,” she said. The controlling behavior Rae Anne was experiencing is a sign that emotional abuse may escalate, experts warn. For Rae Anne and Marcus, one minute there were tender kisses; the next, angry threats. Rae Anne says the first hint it was escalating to physical abuse came one day at school. “I was standing with like a group of girls. And, like, he came up to me, and, like, I wanted him to stay with me and not go with his brother, and I just remember him turning around and punching me in my arm,” Rae Anne said. “I just stood there, like, and I tried to pretend it didn’t happen.”
females ages 16-24 are more vulnerable to intimate partner violence than any other age group– at a rate almost triple the national average. WRITING ON THE WALL Ortralla wasn’t Marcus’ firt victim. Marcus had a history of teen dating violence a few years before, when he was dating an eighthgrade classmate named Rae Anne Spence. Rae Anne said everything about Marcus appealed to her. “He was very, very sweet to me. We talked to like 3 o’clock in the morning every school night,” she said. At first, Rae Anne seemed happy. She was a cheerleader and her athletic boyfriend poured on the affection with flowers, love notes and constant adoration. Then the sweet relationship took a turn. She said Marcus began telling her what to do, what to wear and demanding that she not attract other boys’ attention. “I couldn’t show a lot of skin. And with the makeup, if I would wear it, like, even a little bit, he would get mad,” Rae Anne said. Marcus was Rae Anne’s first boyfriend, and she said she didn’t know if this was unusual behavior. But Rae Anne’s mother, Elaine, soon noticed her bubbly daughter was becoming withdrawn and less confident. “I watched her go from being this vibrant beautiful girl to a person who never wanted to put on makeup, who worried about everything that she
But Rae Anne kept her fears secret from almost everybody. One of the scariest moments, she says, happened during an argument between classes when she grabbed Marcus’ backpack. “When I got to the top of the stairs, he got behind me, and like grabbed me by my arm and like twirled me around, and told me to never touch him like that again. And he pushed me down the stairs,” she said. Rae Anne told her mom about the incident. At this point, Elaine said she tried to persuade her daughter to end her relationship with Marcus. “I tried to pound it in her head that this boy was no good for her. I mean, if he was going to push her down stairs, what else was he doing that I didn’t know about?” she said. There was a lot she didn’t know. One time, Rae Anne says Marcus bit her cheek. On another occasion, she says, he set her backpack on fire. Rae Anne says other students saw the violence but blamed her for the trouble, not the star athlete. Despite feeling isolated and alone, Rae Anne somehow found a moment of confidence and broke up with Marcus.
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if you are a teenager involved in an abusive relationship, you need to remember that no one deserves to be abused or threatened.
But as in most cases of teen dating violence, it didn’t get better. The breaking point came one day in drama class. Rae Anne says Marcus violently smacked her with a notebook “as hard as he could.” s Extreme jealousy s Shows hypersensitivity “My ear was ringing and then he didn’t stop. s Controlling behavior s Believes in rigid sex roles ... So I got up and I slapped him back,” she said. s Quick involvement s Blames others for his problems “And that was like the worst mistake I could s Unpredictable mood swings or feelings have done, because he put me in a head lock s Alcohol and drug use s Cruel to animals or children and he continued to punch me until the teacher s Explosive Anger s Verbally abusive stopped him.” s Isolates you from friends and family s Abused former partners By now, Rae Anne’s mother was beyond s Uses force during an argument s Threatens violence exasperation. After the incident, the school suspended both Marcus and Rae Anne. But in response to the escalating violence, Rae POTENTIAL FOR ABUSE DOESN’T END WITH BREAKUP Anne’s mother says she felt that the school essentially did nothing Murray says ending a relationship doesn’t mean the danger of to help her daughter. So she took a drastic but, she felt, necessary abuse is gone. “The most vulnerable time for a girl in a domestic step: She moved her family across town to a new school district. violence situation is when she leaves, because they’ve taken their She says felt it was the only way to get her daughter away from power and control back. And an abuser who doesn’t have power and Marcus. control is very frightened,” she said. Despite the physical abuse, Rae Anne says she wasn’t able to end Just days after they split up, Rae Anne says Marcus wrote a her relationship with Marcus. “Because I loved him. … I just felt like heartfelt letter to her, begging for another chance. he needed me,” she said. “He just apologized and said he’d never do it again,” Rae Anne Rae Anne said she was concerned for Marcus, and worried “that said. She gave him another chance, she said, hoping the relationship he’d hurt himself or somebody else.” would get better.
early warning signs that your date may eventually become abusive
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BOYFRIEND MOVES ON, WITH TRAGIC CONSEQUENCES By the fall of 2002, Rae Anne had escaped her rocky relationship with Marcus. The popular football star was now a sophomore, and it didn’t take long for him to move on to a new girl at school. This time he found someone just as popular as himself, an outgoing 15-year-old sophomore — a beautiful, bright dancer named Ortralla Mosley. Her mother, Carolyn Mosley, remembers the first time she met Marcus. He made a good impression. “He was a very good young man. He had his life organized to where he thought he was on the right road. I really thought they would make a very, very, very good couple,” she said. But just as he had with Rae Anne, Marcus soon began to control Ortralla’s life and by the spring of 2003, Ortralla’s mother said her daughter had had enough and was trying to break up with him. On the morning of March 28, 2003, she says Ortralla went to school expecting trouble. Marcus was an emotional wreck, begging Ortralla not to leave him, Mosley says. Ortralla’s English teacher, Vanessa Connor, recalls that Ortralla seemed particularly distressed about Marcus. “I looked at her and she looked like she wasn’t all with me that day, you know. And I said, ‘Baby, you, you all right?’ And she said, ‘Oh, you know how it is, Miss Connor, roller coaster of love. You know how teenagers are.’
And I smiled and said, ‘All right,’” Connor said. But things weren’t all right. At 4 o’clock that afternoon, Marcus snapped. After a violent confrontation, he chased Ortralla to a second-floor hallway, pulled out an 8-inch kitchen knife he’d hidden in his backpack and began stabbing her repeatedly: six times in the head, the neck and the back. Students and teachers heard screaming and came running. Moments later, Ortralla was dead. Marcus was arrested and charged with murder. He pleaded guilty and is now serving a 40year sentence.
GETTING HELP Ortralla lost her life before she had a chance to get help. Teen dating violence often is hidden because teenagers typically are inexperienced with dating relationships, want independence from parents, and have “romantic” views of love. If you are a teenager involved in an abusive relationship, you need to remember that no one deserves to be abused or threatened. Remember you cannot change your abuser, and in time the violence will get worse. You need to take care of yourself. Talk to a trusted adult or locate a shelter or agency serving victims of domestic abuse in your community. Call the National Teen dating Abuse helpline at 1-866-331-9474. tv
approximately 1 in 5 female high school students report being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.
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Pair a metallic tie with a t-shirt and fedora for a holiday party look that’s sure to stand out.
holiday heat
FORGET SNOW AND MISTLETOE—CHRISTMAS IN MIAMI NEVER LOOKED THIS COOL
PHOTOGRAPHY BY AMANDA LANGFORD 1*Ê 9Ê -/Ê " -/Ê 1*Ê UÊ -/9 Ê 9Ê Ê7 - ÊUÊ "/ -Ê 9Ê ½-Ê "- /
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Christmas in Miami is all about the accessories. Stand out with a bold shoe or statement glasses. From L to R: Fedora, suspenders, tie, from Hot Topic; shoes from Converse; blue suede pumps by Steve Madden; cut-out gloves by Hot Topic; leggings and tunic from Ross Stores; B-Boy glasses from Hot Topic
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Take advantage of Miami’s breezes with a fun and flirty look perfect for New Year’s Eve. Sneakers and dress from Jenna’s Closet
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Miami’s beaches may be serene, but it’s nights are bold. Channel your inner Santa’s Helper with a dramatic red. Sneakers and dress from Jenna’s Closet teen vision magazine 23
Show off your great tan in a statement dress that will keep the Secret Santas coming. Dress from Jenna’s Closet
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Instead of snowboots, throw on a fresh pair of sneakers and a buttondown to keep it crisp on Christmas day. Plaid shirt from Hot Topic teen vision magazine 25
All that Miami sunshine has to be good for something. Usher in the New Year with a little positivity. T-shirt from Hot Topic
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keeping it real
Friends with “Benefits” The downside to “hooking up”
by Aaron Alexander
H
ave you ever dated someone you felt physically attracted to but didn’t really vibe with them on an emotional or mental level? But you just stuck around because you liked to hook up? You know, “friends with benefits”? If this is you, then I’m about to let you in on a little secret: being “friends with benefits” can not only endanger your health–yep-I’m talking about STDs–but it can also ruin you for the love of your life when he/she does finally come on the scene. Let’s start with the health thing. You might think that as long as you’re not doing penetration, you’re protecting yourself from pregnancy and other diseases. But the truth is, any exchange of bodily fluids, whether it’s oral, anal, or genital, can put you at risk. Let me break that down for you: you can catch a throat infection of gonorrhea, HPV, and herpes from oral sex. Researchers have even found that HPV acquired while performing oral sex is a major risk factor for throat cancer. Think you’re off the hook because all you do is french kiss, rub, and bump? Well guess what? Though it’s rare, you can catch HIV from deep kissing, if the infected partner has bleeding gums or sores in the mouth. Though you might think that’s not likely, researchers estimate that 75% of people have gingivitis or gum disease at any given time! And HPV, the virus that causes genital warts, is so contagious that you can get it just by rubbing the body part that is infected. Even if you’re one of the lucky ones and none of this ever happens to you, you might still want to rethink the whole “friends with benefits” thing if you ever plan on being in love and getting married. Friendship is the training ground for relationships. If you make a list of the ten things that you
Friendship is the training ground for relationships. want in a friend and the ten things you want in a spouse, the list is going to be exactly the same except for the sexual joining. Why? Because it’s the same things that you use to choose a good friend that you use to choose a mate. What are they? Similar interests, morals, likes, and dislikes. It’s 28 teen vision magazine
pretty much the same set of items that would make you well-suited to a friend that makes you well-suited to a mate. That means you need to work on your ability to choose good friends. If you learn to have a best friend, you learn how to be intimate, you learn how to trust, and you learn how to share. You learn to bear their burdens. That’s what friendships and marriage are all about. Problems arise when you want to engage in friendships (and marriage) with people with whom you have nothing in common. If you’re starting those bad habits now, they’re going to be hard to break down the line. So ditch the friends with benefits and try concentrating on being a good friend. tv
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