t o en a i l c l i p p i n g s — c r u n c h y f o r t u nes
TALKING SHOP Profiling music industry professionals
Name? Paula ‘Jonesy’ Jones Who do you work for? I run my own freelance publicity business and look after clients, such as John Butler, Paul Kelly, Karnivool and Midnight Oil. I’ve also been the media manager for the Homebake Festival for the past 10 years. How long have you been in this role? I’ve been in the music industry for 24 years and running my own business for the past 13 years. What are the main responsibilities of your position? Primarily I am the conduit between the artist and the media. I work with artists, management and the media, looking after the overall public perception of the artist.
fortunes
Steve Burrito’s crunchy fortunes
Libra — They say you can’t buy happiness, but you sure can hire it. Much to your amazement this month you’ll develop the ability to talk to dolphins. Unfortunately the dolphins won’t understand a word you’re saying.
Aquarius — In your world silence may be golden, but duct tape will always be silver in mine. While on an allweekend bender you will come to the stunning realisation that you’re just four drinks from turning your brain into potato salad. It’s your shout, Potato Head.
Gemini — Some people are left-handed, some people are right-handed, you’re amphibious. On or near the 27th of the month you will visit a haunted house. Make a nice morning tea with sandwiches and tapas. Ghost love that shit.
Scorpio — In four US states it is still illegal to be consumed by a moose. Half the population of Nebraska punch cattle while riding rabbits that have grown so large that they can be seen by other rabbits. This month buy a parrot and teach it to say “help I’ve been turned into a parrot”.
Pisces — Your poor decisionmaking skills are dangerously rusty, and I put LSD into one of these horoscopes. To make things interesting, I’ve forgotten which one. This month, your lucky thing will be travelling at the speed of smell and taste disturbingly like a bath plug.
Cancer — Have you noticed that whales look like massive tadpoles? You will soon meet a mysterious old stranger who will tell you an important story. You’ll forget it. Beware anyone wearing tartan and smelling of two-stroke and cherry lip gloss.
Sagittarius — You are only two people away from a threesome. Very soon you will embark on a career as a pro wrestler named The Flying Gimp. And while you look great in the white boots, purple cape and green lycra body suit.
Aries — If Mars had earthquakes would they be marsquakes? This month you will consider legally changing your name to the same name, but in a larger font. You idiot. Also, avoid becoming a workaholic, workohol tastes like shit. Run in circles until you feel lucky, then run off.
Leo — Some people dream in black and white and some in colour, this month you’ll dream in Braille. The escape button on your keyboard will also finally carry out its threat. Your lucky smell is mysterious and near the end of the month you’ll meet your doppelganger.
Taurus — Don’t wrestle with your demons this month, snuggle with them. They’re warm. Why is there an animal called a numbat when it isn’t numb or a bat? For accurate career and relationship advice I advise you to get yourself a magic 8 ball. Your lucky object will be wet. That’s lucky.
Virgo — Someone you know will be the first person in Australia to get botox injections in their scrotum. Now their nut sack looks like a weird cross between a melon ball and a piece of hairy plywood. Feel around and find out who it is. Your lucky reptile will be the frillneck lizard.
Capricorn — This month resist shampoo. Insist on real poo. Feel good about that. Your free hugs also now cost a dollar. If you bump into the inventor of the push-up bra, fall to your knees and thank them for those new cleavages.
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How did you get involved in the music industry? I started in record retail in 1987 and was poached to join a record company in a promotions role. I was offered to work with Midnight Oil as their publicist, and in 1998 I started my own business on the release of their Redneck Wonderland album. Proudest moment? Working with Midnight Oil for over ten years. They taught me so much. Is there anyone you would really like to meet (living or dead)? Vincent Lingiari …from ‘Little Things Big Things Grow’. Best live show you’ve been to? Any of the many Midnight Oil shows I have been to - they are the real deal! To whom should we be listening? There’s a myriad of great Australian artists out there at the moment, I’ve always been passionate for our own. What would be on your ultimate rider? Bolly and Stoli of course! Best way to spend a Sunday morning? In the ocean. Advice for people trying to break into the industry? Be willing to start from the bottom. Don’t act like a rock star egos are so unnecessary and respect is of high importance.
reverb magazine issue #064 — November 2011 31