Sucky Sex Syndrome
sex & relationships
It can be easy to convince yourself that being unsatisfied in bed isn’t a big deal. But, it is. By Emma Burnitt In the beginning for Sarah and Tony, little got in the way of lust, and when something did, it just added to the excitement. Work problems? A laundry full of washing? No food in the fridge? Who cares? But, time has passed and the initial excitement has worn off. Now he wants it. She doesn’t. She wants it. He doesn’t. The phone rings. The footy’s on TV. Her hormones are messed up. Sarah’s finding it’s harder to get in the mood. Orgasm? Too much work. Sex makes Tony happy and being held feels good, but for her own sexual release, she’d prefer to just take care of herself. Tony tells Sarah that he’s frustrated at how soon the nights of passion have come to an end. She misses too, but when the initial thrill is over, what can you expect? Sound familiar? You’re not alone. You’re partner makes you happy in many ways, so it can be easy to convince yourself that being unsatisfied in bed isn’t a big deal. But, it is. “In a relationship, you need to have that sexual component to maintain intimacy and a connection,” says psychiatrist Gail Saltz, author of The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life.
When love is new there’s no problem. Nothing gets in the way of being together. There’s always time for love. He has deadlines, exams and poker night, and he’s still at your door. In the mood? Of course. You’re all over each other before the door closes. No matter how hot the passion is in the beginning, at some point the excitement wears off. Those exciting new things you did together are now things you’ve done dozens of times. You find yourself having sex in the same old way, saying and doing the same old things and usually in the same old place too. It’s now time to just do it, in the mood or not. Forget spontaneity. Forget waiting for your partner to turn you on. Forget waiting around for that spark to happen and getting upset when it doesn’t. What’s making you cranky isn’t that he isn’t turning you on. It’s that you haven’t taken care of yourself. Get your own needs met. It’s not his responsibility to get you into sex. It’s your responsibility to fulfil your own needs by getting into his intimacy when you are least into it.