THE MAGAZINE FOR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
22 WINTER 2010/2011
Camila Batmanghelidjh Kids Company
Jørgen Rasmussen Provocative Hypnosis
Mirrors of Appreciation Engaging Volunteers The
Relationship Dance Transforming
your Critical Voices
Debate returns
Compete or Collaborate? AVAILABLE BY SUBSCRIPTION £3.50 WHERE SOLD
Certification Spiral Dynamics Dynamics®® CertificationininGravesian GravesianTheory Theory and and Spiral Chris Cowan Chris Cowan&&Natasha NatashaTodorovic Todorovic SD1: 2323- 26 March2011 2011 SD1: - 26February February&&SD2: SD2: 28 28 February February - 22 March
Join us for a day of improvisation, fun and serious learning with the gifted Neil Mullarkey. Neil co-founded the Comedy Store Players, Europe’s top Improv group and for a decade has been bringing his work and the power of improvisation to major UK and international organisations. He will stretch your mind, re-shape your thinking and make you laugh as he present tools and practices of improvisation and creativity. Improv is a discipline which celebrates the idea that more options are open to us through collaboration than through “trying harder” on our own. “Neil took a class of 108 Cambridge MBA’s - hard-nosed, rational and highly sceptical about their individual ability to create - and
Through various activities and practices we will work with the body and mind in the process of learning about our habitual patterns of behaving and thinking and exploring ways to respond to the incoming pressures of life from a place of “centre” rather than from our judgements and fears. Paul is co-founder of The Beyond Partnership and has been exploring this field of work for many years. The workshop will draw upon martial arts, mindfulness practice, conscious embodiment, NLP and more.
Led by the co-developer of Spiral Dynamics, Chris Cowan and his partner Natasha Todorovic this comprehensive qualifying training programme is with the foremost authorities on Gravesian Theory (from which Spiral Dynamics was derived) and the essentials of Spiral Dynamics. Spiral Dynamics has broad applications with previous participants having included business owners, directors and senior managers, coaches, consultants, sales specialists, branding experts and educationalists. “The breadth and depth of the material is impressive…Chris and Natasha’s style of delivery is excellent”. JA, Senior Manager, Financial Services. Spiral Dynamics® is a registered trademark and is used here with permission.
Beyond Beyond Events Events
LedLed by by thethe co-developer and his his partner partnerNatasha NatashaTodorovic Todorovic this comprehensive co-developerofofSpiral SpiralDynamics, Dynamics,Chris Chris Cowan Cowan and this comprehensive qualifying training programme on Gravesian GravesianTheory Theory(from (fromwhich which Spiral Dynamics qualifying training programmeisiswith withthe theforemost foremost authorities authorities on Spiral Dynamics derived) essentials SpiralDynamics. Dynamics. Spiral SpiralDynamics Dynamics has broad broad applications having waswas derived) andand thethe essentials of of Spiral applicationswith withprevious previousparticipants participants having included business owners, directors andsenior seniormanagers, managers,coaches, coaches, consultants, consultants, sales and included business owners, directors and salesspecialists, specialists,branding brandingexperts experts and educationalists. “The breadth and depthofofthe thematerial materialisisimpressive…Chris impressive…Chris and JA,JA, Senior educationalists. “The breadth and depth and Natasha’s Natasha’sstyle styleofofdelivery deliveryis isexcellent”. excellent”. Senior Manager, Financial Services. Spiral Dynamics® is a registered trademark and is used here with permission. Manager, Financial Services. Spiral Dynamics® is a registered trademark and is used here with permission.
Certification in Gravesian Theory and Spiral Dynamics® Chris Cowan & Natasha Todorovic SD1: 23 - 26 February & SD2: 28 February - 2 March 2011
SomaticIntelligence Intelligence Paul PaulKing King -- 12/13 12/13 March Somatic March 2011 2011
Improv-Ability Neil Mullarkey - 25 March 2011 Improv-Ability Neil Mullarkey - 25 March 2011
Improv-Ability Neil Mullarkey - 25 March 2011
Somatic Intelligence Paul King - 12/13 March 2011
Through various activities and practices we will work with the body and mind in the process of learning about our Through various activities and practices we will work with the body and mind in the process of learning about our habitual patterns of behaving and thinking and exploring ways to respond to the incoming pressures of life from habitual patterns of behaving and thinking and exploring ways to respond to the incoming pressures of life from a place of “centre” rather than from our judgements and fears. Paul is co-founder of The Beyond Partnership a place of “centre” rather than from our judgements and fears. Paul is co-founder of The Beyond Partnership and has been exploring this field of work for many years. The workshop will draw upon martial arts, mindfulness and has been exploring this field of work for many years. The workshop will draw upon martial arts, mindfulness practice, conscious embodiment, NLP and more. practice, conscious embodiment, NLP and more.
Beyond Events
Join us for a day of improvisation, fun and serious learning with the gifted Neil Mullarkey. Neil co-founded the Join us for aStore day of improvisation, serious the gifted Neil bringing Mullarkey. co-founded the Comedy Players, Europe’s fun top and Improv grouplearning and for awith decade has been hisNeil work and the power Comedy Store Players, Europe’s top Improv group and for a decade has been bringing his work and the power of improvisation to major UK and international organisations. He will stretch your mind, re-shape your thinking of improvisation major and international organisations. He will stretch your mind, re-shape your thinking and make youto laugh as UK he present tools and practices of improvisation and creativity. Improv is a discipline which andcelebrates make youthe laugh present tools and practices of improvisation and creativity. a discipline idea as thathemore options are open to us through collaboration than throughImprov “trying is harder” on our which own. celebrates the idea that more options arerational open to ushighly through collaboration thanindividual through ability “tryingtoharder” our own. “Neil took a class of 108 Cambridge MBA’s - hard-nosed, and sceptical about their create -on and them.” Richard Hytner,MBA’s Deputy- hard-nosed, Chairman, Saatchi & Saatchi Worldwide. “Neiltransformed took a class of 108 Cambridge rational and highly sceptical about their individual ability to create - and transformed them.” Richard Hytner, Deputy Chairman, Saatchi & Saatchi Worldwide.
The Art of Acceptance David Richo - 3 August 2011 The Art oftoAcceptance David- Richo - 3 August Daring Trust David Richo 6/7 August 2011 2011
Daring to Trust Richo 6/7 2011 and wise author and teacher about our David Richo, although David not that well known- in the August UK, is an extraordinary
human condition. Dave a significant our own thinking recommend David Richo, although not has thatbeen well known in theinfluence UK, is anonextraordinary andand wisepractice author and and we teacher about our him highly. One person on his last workshop for us said, “I’ve had so many insights since the weekend with Dave human condition. Dave has been a significant influence on our own thinking and practice and we recommend I’m not sure I can keep up with the learning.” His books include; How to be an Adult in Relationships, The Five him highly. One person on his last workshop for us said, “I’ve had so many insights since the weekend with Dave Things We Cannot Change and The Power of Coincidence. I’m not sure I can keep up with the learning.” His books include; How to be an Adult in Relationships, The Five Things We Cannot Change and The Power of Coincidence. Our NLP Programmes:
AnNLP Introduction to NLP - 11 January 2011 • Practitioner - starts 9 March 2011 Our Programmes: Practitioner - starts 19 January 2011 • Trainer Training - starts 13 September 2011 AnMaster Introduction to NLP - 11 January 2011 • Practitioner - starts 9 March 2011 Master Practitioner - starts 19 January 2011 • Trainer Training - starts 13 September 2011 Masterclass Series for NLP Master Practitioners 2011:
Working from a Transpersonal Perspective - Edna Murdoch - 3 March 2011 Masterclass Series for NLP Master Practitioners 2011: Everyday Trance - Richard Tyler - 23 June 2011 Working from a Transpersonal Perspective - Edna Murdoch - 3 March 2011 Creating Your Own Models - Marie Faire - 22 September 2011 Everyday Trance Richard Tyler- -Nancy 23 June 2011 A Time To Think- Masterclass Kline - 15 December 2011 Creating Your Own Models - Marie Faire - 22 September 2011 A Time ToTraining Think Masterclass - Nancy Kline - 15 December 2011 Coach Programme for NLP Master Practitioners Marie Faire & Christina Bush - starts 24/25 November 2011 Coach Training Programme for NLP Master Practitioners Other Events: Marie Faire & Christina Bush - starts 24/25 November 2011 Leadership Lessons from Horse Whispering - Marie Faire & Hilary Miles - 20/21 September 2011 Other Events: Firewalk Evening - Marie Faire & the Beyond Team - 23 September 2011 LeadershipLeadership Lessons from HorseChange Whispering - Marie -Faire & Hilary Miles -Supervision 20/21 September 2011 - Culture - Innovation Coaching - Coach Firewalk Evening - Marie Faire & the Beyond Team - 23 September 2011 For more information please contact Leadership - Culture Change - Innovation - Coaching - Coach Supervision paul@thebeyondpartnership.co.uk • 01380 859106 • www.thebeyondpartnership.co.uk
For more information please contact
Contents INSIDE ISSUE 22
4 Debate Compete or collaborate 8 Basic NLP Overcoming obstacles 9 Professional Development
Everyone is an expert
10 NLP
Jørgen Rasmussen
12 ANLP News 14 NLP & Relationships
The relationship dance
18 Lifestyle
Complementing NLP
20 Education Dyslexia
22 International Beirut
24 Celebrity
Camila Batmanghelidjh
26 Coaching Coaching for business success
28 Health
Cover Stories
WINTER 2010/2011
36
32 NLP
Transforming your critical voices
36 NLP The intervention design
24
question
38 Business Mirrors of appreciation 40 Research
The first NLP in higher education symposium
48
18
42 Trainings & Workshops The NLP conference
44 Diary 47 Book Reviews 48 Author Interview
Robbie Steinhouse
50 ANLP
20
Acuity
52 Regional Groups 54 Endnote
What does it mean to have an open mind?
Weight loss winners
28 Welcome to the Winter issue of Rapport. Even before we went to print, we have had our fair share of cold weather this Winter, so I am hoping that this issue of Rapport does reach you through the snow and ice! I have to start this issue by saying how much I admire inspirational and committed entrepreneur, Camila Batmanghelidgh (p24). The work that she has done and continues to do with Kids Company is incredible, and testament to a woman who understands the bigger picture and is prepared to act on it. Andy addresses ‘big picture’ questions in the return of the debate “Compete or Collaborate” on p4. Do let us know if you have any burning topics that you would like to see debated in future issues of Rapport. I very much appreciate Kris Hallbom’s tips for transforming critical voices (p32) – I think mine work overtime at Christmas as I attempt to please all of the people all of the time and run myself ragged!
Publisher - Karen Moxom
Of course, with Christmas now done and dusted for another year, and Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we have two topical features this issue. Eve explores successful strategies for weight loss (p28). Thankfully, these involve
Editorial Team: Caitlin Collins, Andy Coote, Eve Menezes Cunningham Judy Rees admin@anlp.org, 020 3051 6740 Art Editor: Enzo Zanelli Advertising: Nicola Andrews advertising@anlp.org, 020 3384 3217
more mind related strategies than feasting on lettuce leaves for a month, so I’ll be working on those in the New Year! Joe and Melody Cheal start a series of articles exploring relationships in more detail, this time using the metaphor of dance (p14). I look forward to their next article in the Spring. Talking about relationships, as a volunteer myself, I read Faith’s article on engaging volunteers (p38) with great interest. Faith has some simple, and yet important observations to make and I would like to grab this opportunity to publicly thank those who do support ANLP in a voluntary capacity, and help us, as a social enterprise, to make a difference to the NLP Community. These voluntary roles are important, and include those who sit on our Advisory Board and Complaints Panel, the editors of both Acuity and the Research Journal, contributors to Rapport magazine, Acuity and the Research Journal, and of course, those who sit on the Research Conference committee. Thank you all for the valuable contribution you make to ANLP. Wishing you all the very best for 2011. Until next time...
Membership, subscriptions and back issues: members@anlp.org, 020 3051 6740 Publisher: Karen Moxom vision@anlp.org 020 3051 6740 Company Reg No. 05390486 Phoenix Publishing Ltd Room 11, Apsley Mills Cottage, Stationers Place, Hemel Hempstead, Herts, HP3 9RH
Karen
Rapport published by Phoenix Publishing on behalf of ANLP. www.anlp.org Design: Square Eye Design
DISCLAIMER The views within this magazine are not necessarily those of the publisher, nor does the publisher endorse the products or services promoted in the magazine. Articles are for information only and intent is to inform. Readers should seek professional advice before adopting any suggestions or purchasing any products herein.
DEBATE
Compete or
Collaborate For the return of the Debate in Rapport, we turn our attention to the difficult question of compete or collaborate. In any given situation, we always have choice. The choice we make determines what happens next. So do we work together or against each other? How does this question affect the NLP community now and in the future? Andy Coote talks to four key players on the UK NLP scene.
W
e often associate competition with denigrating others, but competition is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact it is essential. Michael Beale, for example, suggests, “I’m much more doing my own thing based on the basics of attitude, modelling, helping people and exploring. I’m happy to be judged on my results.” Karen Moxom uses the example of reality TV show ‘The Apprentice’ to highlight the parallel need for collaboration. “Everyone is out for themselves, but unless the team wins, everybody is at risk of losing.” Sue Knight recognises that a level of cooperation, if not collaboration, is needed.
4 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
“Competing with parts of your industry may be competing with yourself”, she tells me. Sue does feel that sometimes she needs to “respond to things that I don't agree with. When I do, I’ll write a reasoned response but I don’t invest a lot of time or energy in that. I don’t want to place time and energy in endless acrimonious debate when I can invest time, energy and thinking in the important things to me, based on my values and what I can do well.” Michael Beale highlights a paradox, “To some, it does seem easier to destroy in the short term rather than to build for the longer term but they may damage the market when
they do.” Both Michael Beale and Sue Knight admit to being selective with their collaborations. Michael chooses to “collaborate on a valuesbased level” and Sue operates some clear criteria for collaborating. “I collaborate with people like Penny Tompkins and James Lawley who to me epitomise the spirit of NLP having modelled David Grove and captured the essence of his work. I also work with Frank Farrelly, applying his Provocative Therapy work to business. When I’m looking for partners in new countries, I like to work with people who can reach a wide range of people and are able to take the work on their own
DEBATE
Competing with parts of your industry may be competing with yourself initiative.” Sue also has a long term, symbiotic relationship with The Academy for Chief Executives in the UK. Nick Kemp highlights some examples of collaboration in the NLP world including the Research and Recognition Project, which is a substantive project to get proper recognition for NLP so that it can access US Government funding and IASH (The Institute for the Advanced Studies of Health). He also mentions the Advanced Mastery Training in Boulder, Colorado. “Steve and Connierae Andreas who run it are true collaborators, they are genuinely interested in investigation and figuring things out. In all these cases, it is not who trained you that matters but what you can do for others.” Karen Moxom cites the ANLP Advisory Board as an example of good collaboration. “Members come from a wide variety of
backgrounds but they engage with each other and out of their discussions has come a revised ANLP accreditation scheme (see last issue) which we intend to use to support the recognition of NLP by a wider audience.” In the early days of NLP, collaboration was an important feature. One source suggests that Gregory Bateson introduced Richard Bandler to John Grinder and both of them to Milton Erickson. L. Michael Hall (in an interview to be published in Rapport in 2011) highlights the links between members of the Human Potential Movement – including Virginia Satir, Bateson, Fritz Perls as well as Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow – and their role as key influences in NLP thinking in the early days. Is that spirit of collaboration still alive? Nick Kemp believes that “NLP was more academic then. It was all about enquiry and discovery. The arrival of a commercial motive changed things and brought with it more competition.” When we turn our attention to the potential for more collaboration in the NLP Community, Michael Beale asks “is there such a thing as an NLP Community? And is
NLP the right thing around which to build a community? We are about developing useful outcomes for people by exploring what works so with collaboration would there be merit in getting to one community? I think that that's daft and sounds a bit too totalitarian.” Nick Kemp also questions the community aspect, “The dictionary definition is of a group of people with common interests and in my opinion there isn't a unified interest amongst people practising NLP.” Michael Beale adds, “NLP is mainly an attitude about curiosity and understanding how things work, to be able to replicate useful stuff and make it something we can repeat and use.” Karen Moxom suggests looking at it from the client’s point of view, “We need to remember that a client doesn’t 'need an NLP' and certainly doesn’t buy one - they'll want to stop smoking, deal with phobias, perform better or help others and there are other methods available to do that. We need to get NLP recognised as a way to deal with those requirements rather than focusing on the technical side of NLP. The market is huge and could provide more business for all. In my view, it is worth putting in the effort to define and sell the NLP idea.” Sue Knight agrees, “A better reputation for NLP benefits everybody”, she suggests. There are some big issues to be tackled, not least, the reputation that NLP has in some quarters. Nick Kemp asked for some feedback on how NLP appears to outsiders and responses raised concerns such as incongruence, too much use of jargon and, in some cases, an apparent arrogance. “Some seemed to suggest that, with a few days training, they know more than medical or education professionals. The whole ‘get rich quick’ approach doesn’t seem to be in keeping with NLP, either. There is a happy clappy element to NLP which, I think, oversells the benefits.” He also dislikes the “fan worship that is encouraged by some and the tribal warfare that it seems to engender. It’s like watching the behaviour of Leeds United and Manchester United football fans. The internet has made it possible for NLP to become more akin to entertainment and soap opera and we are paying the price.” There is some agreement that NLP is at a crossroads. As well as seeing benefits from collaboration, Karen Moxom also sees dangers if the NLP world doesn’t resolve issues of standards and ethics. “Other similar sectors have been moving towards regulation. It would be the worst of all
rapport - Winter 2010/2011
| 5
DEBATE worlds if regulation was imposed on the NLP community. We need to work together to avoid that.” Karen’s efforts to collaborate with other NLP bodies are beginning to make some progress but more could be done at that level. “We need a Coalition of NLP,” she told the London NLP Conference in November. “If NLP were a garden, then there is room for many different types of plant – flowers, trees, shrubs, all have their place and everyone can see how to find them and know how best to use them.” Dr Jane Mathison of Surrey University, at the First International NLP Research Conference in July 2008, asked the question, “in 10 years will NLP be an historical oddity or a mainstream therapy?” Two years have passed since then. There are many areas for a coalition to address if we are to avoid becoming an ‘oddity’. Nick Kemp cites the confusing qualifications that are awarded, often by the training organisation itself, and the escalation of titles, especially ‘master’. “As Frank Farrelly says, how can anyone be a master of anything in 2 or 3 weeks?”
Participants Sue Knight - www.sueknight.co.uk Nick Kemp - www.nickkemp.com Michael Beale - www.ppimk.com/NLP/michael-beale.html Karen Moxom - www.anlp.org
6 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
So what is to be done? There is some agreement that all of the interested parties first need to be engaged in a conversation. Michael Beale suggests, “To increase market share for everybody, we need to work together at least on some norms of approach. If we give value, it will grow.” Sue Knight agrees, with a caveat, “Accreditation is a good thing but it must not operate to a fixed agenda - the field moves and accreditation must move with it.” Once a conversation is established, says Karen Moxom, “we can build a recognisable market, one that will be obvious to end users. We can then compete within that market.” Michael Beale supports that, “What will help is for healthy competition to grow. If you emphasise what's good about what you do, rather than trying to downplay others, the market will grow. In my view, ‘knocking’ marketing not what NLP is about.” To which
Collaborate on a values-based level
Nick Kemp adds, “To get the market to a critical mass, we need to reduce the hype and replace promises with delivery.” In order to move towards this coalition, those who support the approach will need to be very clear in their communication, Karen Moxom tells me, “If individuals decide to act against the interests of the coalition, there are no sanctions anyone can use. Our only leverage in this campaign is persuasion and the first need is to get enough people around the table and engaging in conversation.” Sue Knight calls on a higher purpose to put NLP into context. “As part of my work in India, I spoke with a Hindu monk and explained what we teach in NLP. He said to me that what we are teaching is what they have been saying for centuries. Learning to value difference is a two-way street and there is learning for both sides. Maybe learning from each other, even within the NLP community, is the ultimate in collaboration.” Successful industry or interesting oddity? We will decide – all of us. And all of us are better than any one of us.
Links Penny Tompkins/James Lawley - www.cleanlanguage.co.uk / Frank Farrelly - www.provocativetherapy.com NLP Research and Recognition Project - www.nlprandr.org / IASH - www.nlpiash.org Advanced Mastery Training - www.toolsfortransforming.com/2010-advanced-mastery-training/program International NLP Research Conferences - www.nlpresearchconference.com
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BASIC NLP
INTRODUCING NLP Outcomes 10:
Overcoming obstacles By Caitlin Collins
W
hile exploring the theme of setting outcomes, this series is introducing some basic NLP concepts and techniques. In this issue we're raising the question: If you've established your goal, time has passed, and still you've not achieved it, what's been stopping you? Notice the phrasing. We could have asked: What's stopping you? That's a good question too. But by putting the question in the past, we're beginning the process of putting our obstacles behind us. However we ask it, this question puts us on the spot as we strive to come up with grown-up versions of 'The dog ate my homework'! While we may initially blame delays on outer
(Past) Causes
circumstances (the economy, politics, time constraints, and our family – quite possibly including the dog), our biggest obstacles are likely to be internal. I'm no longer surprised by how many people, including apparently highpowered achievement-oriented exemplars of
What's been stopping you? success, admit to being beset by self-doubts, rampaging inner critics, and destructive voices from the past. Thus demoralised, we can perceive even minor circumstantial challenges as insurmountable problems, and even if we do attain our goals we won't fully enjoy
our success if we're habituated to finding a downside to dwell on. This is not all bad news of course: it means there's always work for coaches and therapists! It also means that most of us could benefit from learning how to coach ourselves effectively. The extremely comprehensive SCORE model created by Robert Dilts and Todd Epstein is very helpful for identifying blocks and problems and indicating solutions. The following simple practical exercise is based on that SCORE model. It works best if you actually do it physically, as moving about can generate insights and bring about shifts more effectively than the armchair approach!
(Present) Symptoms
(Future) Outcome
Effects
Resources
1. Write these five labels on pieces of paper and put them on the floor in the same layout, the right distance apart to allow you to step from one label to another. 2. Stand on Symptoms, facing the future. What are the conscious aspects of your present situation regarding the problems you're experiencing in attempting to achieve your outcome? Describe what's going on – or maybe not going on, as the case may be! 3. Move to Outcome. Describe the goal you would like to achieve. 4. Move to Effects, the results of achieving the outcome. Consider the consequences of achieving the outcome, including implications for yourself and for others.
Caitlin Collins: www.naturalmindmagic.com
8 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
5. Move to Causes. Ask yourself, 'What's been causing the symptoms? What's been stopping me from achieving my outcome?' 6. Step over to Resources. What inner and outer resources do you need in order to achieve your outcome? Imagine having all those resources now. 7. Taking the resources with you, return to Causes. Notice what changes for you as you stand at Causes with your resources. 8. Taking these changes with you, return to Symptoms. Notice what has changed. 9. Now that you're free to achieve your goal, step into Outcome. Experience what it's like to achieve your goal. How does it feel? How does it look? How does it sound?
10. Move to Effects. Experience what it's like to enjoy the benefits of achieving your goal. 11. Step off the system and record what you've learned. What practical measures do you need to take to acquire or gain access to the resources you need? Identify your first step and put it in your diary now! Whether streamlined like this or in a more sophisticated version, the SCORE model is great for self-coaching and for working with clients. It points us in the direction we need to go for help in order to clear obstructions, whether it's seeking financial backing, improving timemanagement, enlisting family support, hiring a coach, choosing an NLP process to deal with inner demons – or any of the other adult equivalents of keeping our homework safe from the dog!
PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT
Everyone is an Expert So What Does that Make YOU? By Mindy Gibbins-Klein
T
hese days, everyone seems to be an expert or a guru of some kind. This may be due, in part, to pressure applied by the media and branding coaches and consultants. The idea is that if you are the best in your industry, you will stand out and have an edge over the competition. If this idea sounds familiar, it may be because I have blogged and spoken extensively on this subject over the past few years. It has been one of the key themes running through this column, as well as my book 24 Carat BOLD. The issue is that there are now many good people out there, people with good-looking and smart-sounding brands, straplines, books and other products, and web and social media presence. The bar has certainly been raised, and all business owners are now faced with a choice: 1) to speed up the pace of differentiation and try to be more and more clever; or 2) to win clients over in another way. I believe that in addition to any branding, marketing and differentiation you may be engaging in, you also want to remember that your best USP (unique selling proposition) is in fact… you. One thing is certain: you definitely need to be great at what you do. Clients and customers have become more discerning and there are more and more excellent coaches and NLP practitioners in the market every day. Excellence is not just an illusion or perception. Once people get past fancy branding or sexy packaging, they want real solutions to real problems. Knowing your stuff and providing real substance and value is ‘table stakes’ – the minimum you need to play the game. Are clients even looking for experts? This is a big area, and one which may not be easy to nail down. For example, people may say they don’t care, when in fact they are impressed by great books, blogs and articles and feel more comfortable choosing someone with a high profile. However, too many people are simply self-proclaimed experts. I have seen people calling themselves ‘expert’, ‘guru’ and ‘thought
Do your best and present your authentic self in the best possible way. I call this ‘being yourself, only bolder' leader’ on their LinkedIn and Twitter profiles. That makes me cringe because I know the person wrote the profile himself. If others bestow that kind of label on you, great. Just think twice before calling yourself one. I know it is competitive out there. Luckily the market for your services has also grown, and there is enough business for everyone. You could think of yourself as competing just against yourself. So, instead of focusing on the other coaches out there and what they do compared to what you do, who is first, better, faster, more innovative or more creative, you simply do your best and present your authentic self in the best possible way. I call this ‘being yourself, only bolder’. In other words, you are your niche; it’s a niche of one. To take advantage of this, you need to present a full technicolour version of you and your brand. Many people hide behind clever straplines while shying away from engaging fully on a personal level.
Sharing personal stories which show your vulnerability can capture someone’s interest much better than slick marketing. People still buy from people, and no one can ever be a better you than you. At The Book Midwife, we find ourselves saying this repeatedly to our clients; it’s almost as if they don’t trust that being themselves is enough. And yet, the most popular books are those written in a conversational and personal style. If you are writing, publishing and speaking, then you are giving people opportunities to get to know you through different media, rather than just relying on more common forms of marketing and networking. When you present the real you, it also becomes much easier to collaborate with others. People know what you stand for, and can see what you are like. Other professionals can then decide to work with you to provide added value to clients. I have started to see a lot of coaches working with associates or ad hoc arrangements to give the client even more. Sticking to what you are good at and what you are known for allows others to know where the boundaries are. Having a micro-niche is good for everyone because they know exactly what you can provide. It may be hard to avoid the scope creep or the temptation to stray into other areas, especially when there is a business opportunity. Having the discipline to say ‘I don’t actually provide that but I have a colleague who would be perfect for you’ will impress the client much more than your attempts to satisfy that requirement yourself. So, you probably won’t or can’t be an expert in everything. Releasing yourself from the pressure to be even more of an expert than the next person frees you up to shine in your own way. If you are a true expert in your field, niche or micro-niche, people will soon see that and pay for that, and others will want to collaborate with you. Especially if that niche is a niche of one.
Mindy Gibbins-Klein is the UK’s leading writing and publishing strategist, best known as founder of The Book Midwife and co-founder/director of Ecademy Press business publishing. Her mission is to create thousands of real thought leaders who will change business and society with their ideas. An international speaker, trainer and consultant with 20 years in marketing, training and coaching, and over 300 clients who have written and published excellent books and articles quickly using the Book Midwife methodology, Mindy writes and speaks to thousands of executives, business leaders and entrepreneurs each year about how to become a thought leader and turning expertise into enhanced credibility and more business. mindy@bookmidwife.com
rapport - Winter 2010/2011
| 9
NLP
Provocative Hypnosis Judy Rees talks to Jørgen Rasmussen
J
ohn Grinder, co-founder of NLP, describes Jørgen Rasmussen as “fearless” and his book, Provocative Hypnosis, as “the stuff of genius”. But the book itself has certainly been provocative! In it, Jørgen describes how he has worked with “impossible” clients in outrageous ways, using ordeals, strong language, and real-life scenes with actors to shock them into change. He offers to write a suicide note for a depressed client, forces a client with a fear of crowds into a busy store by announcing loudly that he’s gay, and gets a waiter to feed a giant steak to an anorexic. He has a rape survivor relive the assault repeatedly, in a physical role-play at the scene of the crime. He instructs another fearful client to invite all his colleagues to an “entertainment” at which they can laugh at him shaking uncontrollably. All true stories, Jørgen says. And the text itself doesn’t pull any punches. For example, in his introduction Jørgen writes: “A couple of people who went over the manuscript for this book suggested that I change my ‘tone’ a bit, so that you, the reader, wouldn’t be led to believe that I have contempt for some of my clients. The only problem is that I did feel contempt, disgust, and wanted to beat the snot out of some of these clients as if they were a red-headed stepchild.” The book, self-published in Jørgen’s native Norway in 2008, hit the NLP big time at the beginning of 2010 when it was endorsed by Speed Seduction guru Ross Jeffries. Jeffries said: “Jørgen has written one of the most brilliant, useable, clear-headed books on NLP – both the methodology and the applications – that I have read in my two decades of studying the subject. This guy doesn’t just show you the techniques – he explains the way of thinking that leaves the trail of techniques.” But not everyone responded so warmly. Steve Andreas, for example, “hated it” and criticised Jørgen for his evident lack of empathy and compassion for his clients.
Jørgen freely admits that he’s had clients get angry, even try to punch him. One of them took a swing at him after he threw a glass of water in her face! So, where does he get the nerve? “It’s not that I’ve never felt fear. Sometimes I have my heart in my throat and sweaty palms and asking, ‘What am I doing here?’ It’s just that I don’t make avoiding that discomfort the most important thing,” he explains. He says that when he’s working with a client, he is fully present in the moment, and any initial surge of fear simply goes away. There is no internal chatter, no awareness of “self”, and so no fear. Martial arts enthusiast Jørgen describes how in a fight, being fully present in the moment not only reduces the chance of getting hit – it also acts as a natural anaesthetic. The more present you are, the better you fight and the better you feel, and so being fully present becomes a habit. The absence of fear is a useful by-product. And so he applies this habit when working with a client. There’s a state of responsiveness, of flow, a rhythmic dance between them. I believe he’s being totally honest when he says fear simply isn’t present – it isn’t a part of his game. He does sometimes experience fear before doing a particularly outrageous stunt with a client. It’s then he makes sure that fear is not the most important thing. One of the things that is important for Jørgen is providing a model for screwing up, and learning from that and moving on. That’s effectively what provoked him into writing the book – he was fed up with only seeing and reading accounts of NLP technique demonstrations that worked perfectly first time, when real life wasn’t like that. On his NLP training in California, the demonstration clients all
He is fully present in the moment, and any initial surge of fear simply goes away
10 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
NLP
seemed to have the ability to visualise in consciousness, to have strong access to feelings, to express their emotions easily. Then he went home to Norway, where his clients were analytical, rational engineers and responded to the techniques very differently. He wanted an NLP troubleshooting guide – “What to do when things don’t work” – and he couldn’t find one, so he wrote one. He explains: “I’ve done some childish immature things with clients – perhaps I give the reader permission to not have a perfectionist mindset, which I think is one of the most destructive things to have come out of the NLP environments. “Like, ‘I always succeed, get everything you want. Before NLP, my life was a mess, now it’s 100 per cent in all the categories, all of the time!’ It’s obviously not true, it’s glib, it’s superficial and I don’t think it’s a healthy ideal, either.” Within the book he notes that, in order to solve their problems, clients are usually going to have to leave their comfort zones, their tried-and-tested ways of living, and step into an unfamiliar world where screw-ups are inevitable. In order to learn how to do it, and even to believe it’s possible, they may need a model – an example of someone doing this in real life. And who better to demonstrate it than their therapist? On the other hand, he says the book was almost called: “Acts of Desperation”! When he began working as a therapist, Jørgen advertised his work on a “no cure, no pay” basis - which initially kept him hungry! It also kept him motivated to experiment in each case, using new approaches until he discovered a way of helping the person to overcome their problems – or gave up after failing to do so. As the eventual title of the book implies, Jørgen’s approach is influenced by Frank Farrelly’s work – more particularly by his 1974 book, ‘Provocative Therapy’, than his more recent DVDs. But he draws on many additional sources. He points out that Milton Erickson was often very provocative, too, regularly sending his clients to perform tricky ordeals in pursuit of positive change. And Jørgen has been in correspondence with John Grinder for several years, as an enthusiast for Grinder’s New Code NLP approaches. “The way I think of ‘provocative’ is just getting behind the façade, getting behind the lies people usually present, the distractors they present to hide their vulnerabilities and their symptoms.,” he says. And he dismisses critics who say that his stories indicate that he’s not in rapport with his clients. “I think you can have excellent rapport with someone and at the same time they might hate your guts. Sometimes two people can have a strong attraction and they seemingly don’t like each other – but they are highly responsive to each other. “Rapport is not necessarily about attraction, it’s about responsiveness. You could say that two guys or girls getting into a fight, you could say they have excellent rapport, based on
responsiveness. They really have each other engaged. “If someone comes into my office I want them to be responsive towards me, I want to be able to really activate them. There’s a rapport in terms of me saying or doing something that actually resonates with them.” What drives him, he says, is a curiosity about what’s possible. His disarming honesty about this, he says, is one of the reasons his clients tend not to get offended by his more outrageous approaches. “If you said to my clients, ‘Are you deeply offended and hurt by the way he has acted?’ my hunch would be that the vast majority of them would say ‘Not at all’. I think they sense that it’s real. I think they sense that I genuinely do want to help them and a lot of the time I have been able to hit home with them, what I’ve been saying actually hits the spot. “I’ve always been honest with them about my egotistical motivation – I’ll say do enjoy helping people, it does give me a good feeling, primarily do this not to be a nice guy but because of my intellectual curiosity about what’s possible. I am using them for selfish purposes – and I do care, I do want them to have some changes, and it’s primarily selfish. “A lot of people have asked me that and it seems to me that there’s some kind of liberation for them, going ‘Yeah, that’s probably true’. If change workers say they are totally about helping people, totally selfless, at a deeper level a lot of people don’t quite buy into that.”
Jørgen freely admits that he’s had clients get angry, even try to punch him
Jørgen Rasmussen will be training in the UK during 2011. He can be contacted at www.provocativehypnosis.com Judy Rees can be contacted at www.intelligentinfluence.com
rapport - Winter 2010/2011
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ANLP NEWS Acuity: The new anthology of shared findings and learnings
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fter the successful launch of Acuity Vol1 No1, we are inviting contributions to Vol2 No1. The deadline for articles for the next journal is 31st January 2011. Please note that articles will be reviewed around five key factors: 1. Readability: Does the article read well? Is grammar and
spelling reasonable? 2. Coherence: Does it hang together? Does it do what it says it does on the tin? Does it stay on topic? 3. Objectivity: Is the article factual or opinion based? If opinions are stated are they backed up by solid argument
and/or references? Are claims substantiated? 4. Originality: Does it add anything to the field? If it does not have new material, is it old material presented in a new way? 5. Referencing: Are references in place and are they correct?
The NLP Research and Recognition Project
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he NLP Research and Recognition Fundraising Committee has recently launched an ambitious and exciting fundraising campaign. They are contacting NLP Institutes world-wide asking for small monthly donations from their members and NLP practitioners. The NLP Research and Recognition Project has made impressive inroads and significant accomplishments in the past few years, and these warrant strong Foundation support. Foundations however, require the NLP Community to show funding contributions before they will open their purses. Until their infrastructure is funded, the NLP R&R
ANLP PROMOTION
remains vulnerable. They are now well beyond what a completely volunteer organisation can sustain. How Can You Help? By making a small monthly donation, as little as $5 a month, you can make a difference! Small donations from NLP Practitioners around the world can, and will be, reflected hundredfold in Foundation contributions. Only you, the NLP Community, know the gifts these NLP materials will deliver to the world. Let’s join in this and make our dreams of this a reality. Donate now by visiting the Research and Recognition website at: http://nlprandr.org/
STOP!
For a contributors guide or to submit an article, please contact the Editor, Joe Cheal by email on joe@gwiztraining.com Remember that Acuity is available to purchase online at www.anlp.org/rapport_magazine. asp
Winner of the (ANLP Survey) NLP Conference Competition
NEWS FLASH
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ongratulations to Kate Banbrook, who won the Sony Ebook reader in our recent postcard competition at the NLP Conference.
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12 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
GWIZ EVENTS IN BEDFORDSHIRE 2011
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NLP & RELATIONSHIPS
The Relationship
Dance By Joe & Melody Cheal
“Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?� Lewis Carroll (Alice in Wonderland)
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n many ways, a love relationship is like a dance. When a relationship is healthy, we stand in the middle of the dance-floor and with permission we step forwards and backwards in harmony with one another, often returning to the middle. As a couple we flow, in balance, sometimes leading and sometimes following. Balance Point
A Healthy Relationship However, when a relationship is less than healthy, there becomes an imbalance. Sometimes only one person leads, either pushing or pulling a partner who doesn't necessarily want to go where they are being led. Alternatively, as one partner advances, the other retreats, so the first advances more and the second retreats more. They end up off the dance floor, perhaps with the retreating dancer pinned up against the wall. But all this may seem better than sitting alone by the side of the dance-floor Balance Point
An Unhealthy Relationship 14 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
In NLP, we talk about the metaprogram of towards and away, i.e. we are motivated towards outcomes/pleasure and away from problems/pain. In relationships there is a related metaprogram which we (the authors)
As a couple we flow, in balance, sometimes leading and sometimes following have called the advancing/retreating energy. When people are advancing energies, they do so because they need connection; they want to be with their partner, to see them, to talk with them and to sit right up close to them. When people are retreating energies, they need their own space; they want to be able to breathe. Some couples flip back and forth between these energies and so a harmony is maintained. However, the issue arises when the two become permanently out of balance. The retreating energy finds the advancing energy smothering, threatening and perhaps suffocating; they want to step back and escape. The advancing energy feels abandoned and unloved; they want to step forward and fill the gap. In real terms, the advancing can happen physically (wanting to hold hands, touch
and hug), mentally (talking at and sharing their views, opinions, thoughts and ideas) and emotionally (expressing joy, upset, anger etc.). Retreating can also be physical, mental and emotional. Indeed it is possible for someone to be, for example, a retreating emotional energy but simultaneously an advancing mental energy. Like other metaprograms, the advancing/retreating energy can be context specific. Where do we learn to dance and how do we choose a partner? It is likely that we learn the relationship dance at a very early age from our parents and other significant caregivers. If the template we see and learn is healthy, we will probably have a better chance of finding and creating balanced relationships later on. If our parents are our main role models early in life, we are likely to model our same-sex parent and hence form a partnertemplate based on our opposite-sex parent. Now before you get squeamish and accuse us of being overly Freudian, remember we are generalising here. Some people find attractiveness in the same-sex template and others either form a counter template or do not work from the parent template at all. However, consider your relationships past and present. Think about the physical characteristics of people you find attractive
NLP & RELATIONSHIPS
It is likely that we learn the relationship dance at a very early age from our parents and other significant caregivers (e.g. height, hair colour and eye colour) or their 'personality' (e.g. warm, cool, friendly, aloof etc.) Notice any connections? The likelihood is we will be attracted unconsciously to someone with the opposite energy to us. For example, if we are balanced, it is likely we will find a balanced energy. If we are advancing, it makes sense to choose a retreating energy. If we are retreating, we will probably seek out an advancing energy. Of course, many couples stay together for life as extreme advancing and retreating energies. They fit each other's pathologies and so they 'fit'. However, although this may 'feel right' on some level, it may be less than rewarding on others. Consider the couples that stay unhappily married simply because they ‘fit’ one another. Does this mean two advancing energies couldn't relate to one another? They can, although they may find themselves in competition with one another and bumping against each other. And two retreating energies might live quite single lives whilst being married. Both cases might work, but what if a couple want to create a balanced dance? How do we dance with love, balance and grace? The first step is to return to the balance point. If Balance Point
An Unhealthy Relationship
rapport - Winter 2010/2011
| 15
NLP & RELATIONSHIPS
you are an advancing energy, step back and give your partner space. If you are a withdrawing energy, step forward and embrace your partner. Balance Point
forward, the advancing may take a while to step back. This can be challenging for both parties. The partner who wants balance could do some pacing and leading, taking it one small step at a time rather than dashing back to the centre of the floor. It also helps if the partner who wants balance communicates how they feel and what they want: “This is where I'm at in our relationship and I'd like us to...”
An Unhealthy Relationship The interesting thing is that it only takes one person to change the dynamic. If you return to the centre of the floor, your partner will need to return back in order to continue dancing. Of course this is sometimes easier said than done. To go against our template and conditioning may feel less than comfortable, or perhaps even a little scary. For some, it may feel like too much of a risk. What if my partner doesn't step forward, fill the space and return to the balance point? What if I step forward and embrace my partner, only to find they embrace me back and won't let go? If the advancing steps back, it may take a while for the retreating to trust and step forward. Likewise, if the retreating steps
What if our partner isn't prepared to change step? Now we have the tough bit. If one partner desires change but the other partner absolutely doesn't, then the first person has options like: return to how it was before or change partner. If the relationship is working in every other way, is the ‘partner-desiringchange’ prepared to live with things as they are? Unless someone is in a highly destructive relationship, we might encourage them to try out a range of different moves before leaving the dance altogether. However, if the other partner is simply not prepared to change and all other options have been exhausted, it may be time to move on. There is an important dance lesson here though. Before finding another partner, it is beneficial to learn to balance one self.
For those who are normally the advancing energy, they will need to find ways of being self sufficient and happy in their own company. For those who are normally the retreating energy, they will need to be open to intimacy and prepared to share their space. Without personal balance, a person may well find themselves with a new partner who has the same old dance moves as all their previous partners. Where else does this apply? The advancing /retreating energy metaprogram has applications beyond love relationships. You can just as easily play out the dance in the workplace. A ‘micro manager’ who wants to know the details of everything you are doing can feel like an advancing energy. The manager who is hard to get hold of may feel like they are retreating. As well as your love relationship, consider some of the other relationships you have. What is the dynamic you play out with friends, with family and with people at work? When, where and how might you benefit by returning to a balance point? Enjoy the dance, for without the dance, there is nothing.
We are motivated towards outcomes/ pleasure and away from problems/pain
Joe and Melody Cheal have been working with NLP since 1993 and married since 1994. As well as being Master Trainers of NLP, they are also partners in the GWiz Learning Partnership www.gwiztraining.com , transforming people and businesses through the fields of personal, professional, leadership and organisational development. Joe holds an MSc in Organisational Development and Neuro-linguistic Technologies and a degree in Philosophy and Psychology. He is also the editor of Acuity. Melody holds an MSc in Applied Positive Psychology and a degree in Psychology.
16 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
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Complementing NLP LIFESTYLE
By Eve Menezes Cunningham
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The body and mind are one system and it is frequently easiest to use one to affect the other - Keith
efore I trained in NLP, I’d been a complementary therapist and then coach for years. I developed Crystal Coaching as a way to enable clients to work with crystals for additional emotional and spiritual support while also helping them take the practical steps necessary to reach their goals. The crystals work as natural anchors, reminding clients (whether they keep them in a prominent place in their home, office, car or even their bag or coat pocket) to take those necessary practical steps between sessions. The stones also work energetically and help clients tune into their inner wisdom as they learn to choose and work with them. Whether meditating with the crystals while focusing on their goal or simply noticing the stone between sessions, they often get additional insights into their next steps and overcoming potential obstacles which they might otherwise miss. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) also works really well with NLP as using the clients’ own phrases and expressions while tapping can build rapport much faster and helps them shift the energy around their issues from the beginning. There are points where you break the state and many times, clients will feel such a shift in energy, they suddenly forget what they’re doing and that their issue ever felt like a big deal (this is why it’s important to monitor it by grading issues on a scale of 0-10). Please visit www.applecoaching.com for more information about my coaching, NLP, crystal coaching and EFT coaching services. Keith Grant is a Yoga Elder within the Independent Yoga Network and an NLP Master Practitioner. “Working with a Well Formed Outcome approach allows us both to have a direction to move in,” says Keith. “It lets clients set realistic expectations which are then more achievable. I am a great fan of the convincer fill so a new client is subtly bombarded with convincing, enabling and empowering language which I have found greatly speeds up the whole process as they themselves become highly self-motivated yoga students and more quickly experience the benefits of that approach. “NLP language helps me to communicate my yogic teaching to students with different learning styles and in enabling language. Milton language helps to take people to a receptive 'meditative' trance state earlier on than may otherwise be the case. This allows me to go further and embed suggestions which are in line with the client's goals even as we are apparently simply moving through a range of postures. “I frequently encourage the anchoring of powerful positive states reached during the sessions as well as the future pacing of these into the client's actual life. With many years’ experience of working with the body and the breath, I find that moving to break state can really help in working to move away from initial/low level depression or anxiety. Awareness of the significance of postural language and differing breath ratios also help in calibrating the client's state.
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“I often work with movement/floor plans during interventions and encourage the embodiment of the client's experiences in posture, movement and gesture. This is of course very similar to the 'Clean' approach of Symbolic Modelling and I have found it aids in the retention of learnings gleaned during the session. “Overall, a knowledge of the body in movement and therapeutically (I am also a Yoga Therapist) gives me confidence in working with people as I know I can fall back on some very simple yet highly effective methods for a distressed client to quickly regain a more resourceful state. “The body and mind are one system and it is frequently easiest to use one to affect the other. I plan to integrate many of the principles and practices of NLP with those of the yogic approach. They are so closely linked as it is. I pass this approach on to my own trainee yoga teachers.” Keith runs yoga holidays, as well as teacher training accreditation. He is also available for day long workshops or week long courses with a flexible content (www.yogaco.net). While Priya Sher isn’t qualified in NLP, reading some books made her realise that she was automatically incorporating some NLP techniques into her Feng Shui, astrology and face reading consultations. Building rapport with all sorts of people is an essential skill. “I have done consultations for clients ranging from 18 to 80,” says Priya. “Clients’ ethnic backgrounds range from African, Arab, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Spanish to Italian, French (almost all Europeans) and Russian. Some are very affluent celebrities, industrialists and banks. Others are struggling financially or have just lost their job.
LIFESTYLE
“My parents and my Feng Shui Master taught me that when you enter someone's home you have to treat it with the highest respect whether they are living in a palace or a tiny flat. Never criticise anyone's personal items and taste (especially their cultural figures). In feng shui, you can easily adapt to a person’s culture. For example, if the property needs strengthening, a Ganesh God can be used in a Hindu home, a cross can be used in a Christian home, Guru Nanak can be used in a Sikh home and a Buddha can be used in a Buddhist home.” As with anything, setting a well formed outcome helps. “When I walk into someone's home, I spend about 20-40 minutes talking to them about what has been going on in their life and what they are looking to improve,” says Priya. “By talking to them, I gauge exactly what they need. Even if they don't tell me in words, their undertones tell me about their feelings. Recently, a client invited me to help with her husband’s career. When she started talking to me, even though she didn't tell me in words, she kept hinting that she really wanted children. When I asked her if she wanted me to work on activating her children's area within the home, she was very surprised that I knew what she wanted without her asking me. This has happened many times for different aspects. “Before I meet the client, I take a brief look at their astrology. The feng shui of the property needs to be aligned with the occupants of the home so that they are able to maximise their potential for success in every area of their life. So I know a certain amount about their nature and personality before I even meet them. “This helps me communicate with them at a level that they are comfortable with. Face reading helps me to further communicate with them. I know instantly if someone is stubborn and they are going to find it difficult to accept what I am telling them.” Looking at environment is the first stage when doing logical levels work and in feng shui, hugely important. “The outside of the property has 70% affect and the inside has 30% affect,” says Priya. “Every direction and every part of the property and plot represents a member of the family, an organ in the body and an aspect of our life. “Without even looking at the feng shui of the property, imagine a stagnant, smelly muddy pool of water outside your window. How would that make you feel? Now imagine the stagnant pool was replaced by a beautiful clean flowing fountain. How would that make you feel? Now imagine you painted your bedroom all black - how would that make you feel? Would you not feel more fresh and clean if your room was a light neutral shade? Imagine your house is full of boxes and clutter and to find anything you need to lift and shift the boxes. How would that make you feel? Imagine your front door had all ivy growing all over it and to enter you had to fight your way through it. How would that make you feel?” One of the most important things in NLP is being flexible if the feedback is showing that you’re not on track for your well formed outcome. Sometimes, Priya helps clients choose a home but a lot of
the time, they’ve already moved so she has to work with a space that may not be ideal and show them how to implement “cures”. “Some of my clients ask me to select a home for them but most are already well settled in their home with no intention of moving out. They have invited me into maximise the potential of their home. I have done over 1000 consultations and have only ever advised two clients to move when any change would not have had a good enough affect (both these clients were already thinking of moving). With all the other properties, I have worked at maximising them and have managed to do that.” When Priya came to my new home, she pointed out that the close proximity to the railway meant that the energy was going through too fast. This, combined with the unusual shape of my flat meant I needed to slow the energy down to be nourished by it. Priya suggested changing from the bright colours I’d painted to more neutral shades to help slow this energy and make it a calmer, more peaceful space. “The location of a property has a significant effect on the lives of the occupants,” says Priya. “Looking at it on a very basic level, when the property is located in a quiet residential village, then the occupants often lead a slower pace of life. However, if your home is located within a bustling and active town then it is reflected in your life, making it more active and sometimes stressful. If the external energy is too fast you need to balance it by keeping the internal energy calm.” Priya is available for Feng Shui consultations in London and she also travels internationally. Find out more at www.fengshuisolutions.com
By talking to them, I gauge exactly what they need. Even if they don't tell me in words - Priya
www.applecoaching.com
www.yogaco.net
www.fengshuisolutions.com
rapport - Winter 2010/2011
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EDUCATION
Dear NLPers: Would you like to help others improve poor literacy and numeracy and reduce Dyslexia? By Olive Hickmott of Empowering Learning
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here are millions of young people who are underachieving and who at the same time are exceptionally talented creative individuals. Do you recognise this type of youngster? Many youngsters today have very highlydeveloped visual skills, that may in some cases be far more developed than their parents’ or teachers’. They have been brought up with fast moving colour TVs and computer games etc. They can easily recall pictures, movies and games in great detail. This skill used to be called 'a photographic memory’ and many youngsters have developed the skill even further; allowing them to move videos around in their imagination at a rate of about 32 frames per second and maybe faster for those good at computer games. This is ideal for 3D activities such as jigsaw puzzles, Lego, shape sorters etc and for jobs such as carpentry, graphic design and architecture. The trouble is, this skill is completely inappropriate for words and numbers that are 2D, it is simply the wrong strategy!
The Challenge Research shows that 10-15% of people in English speaking countries (and other non-phonetic languages) have Dyslexia and many more have poor literacy and numeracy, which are the No1 and No2 issues affecting employability of school and college leavers. There are millions of young people who are underachieving and who at the same time are exceptionally talented creative individuals. By just reading this article and asking people about their experience, you can start to help adults and children alike, get unstuck from the unhelpful beliefs that: Dyslexia is genetic There is no cure People are lazy and stupid To help your understanding try this little exercise: Can you spell and read well? If you can, can you ‘see’ words in your mind’s eye? Try imagining the word ‘giraffe’. If this is easy try the word ‘conscientious’ and try remembering your car number plate. If you are good at spelling and reading, this simple exercise will be easy and you will now be
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aware that you do ‘see’ words in your mind’s eye. Just imagine, for a moment, spelling and reading without the skill to visualise words. This is what many youngsters are experiencing. If you are Dyslexic, the letters are probably running around having a party! The news I have for you is that of the 1000s I have taught, including teachers, only about 50% have developed this skill naturally, almost no-one was ever taught it and they can’t imagine managing without it. The other 50% generally don’t know what you are talking about and find literacy difficult. NLP coaches are ideal for helping people understand how to find literacy and numeracy much easier. Seeing someone change in front of your eyes is one of the most rewarding jobs on the planet.
NLP coaches are ideal for helping people understand how to find literacy and numeracy much easier
The world as seen by youngsters – told by these who struggle to spell and read “Nobody told me that all good spellers and readers can ‘see’ words in their imagination (mind’s eye). Maybe it is such a habit for them, they don’t even think to tell us” “When I was born, I lived in a world of 3D objects, where I was excellent at turning things around, like bricks and shapes, to make them fit and be successful. I built things all from my imagination, without having instructions. I was never told that letters, words and numbers are 2D and you simply get confused if you keep moving them. Even my toy bricks had letters and numbers on them, which just encouraged me to turn them around.” “I have exciting videos running in my brain all day, I don’t seem to have any control over them, sometimes I have lots of screens with different channels, so I can be watching last night’s TV, my mum telling my brothers off and my favourite film all at one time. I can’t stop them or turn them off and sometimes they move so fast
they are just a blur, like the TV when you first switch it on. They are often only a few inches from my face, which can be very distracting and it’s too busy to pay attention to the Maths lesson. How does anyone focus when all this is happening?” “Some words seem to be easier to remember, I think they are the ones with objects attached. So when I spell ‘football’ I think of the Arsenal Football sign, but silly little words like ‘is’, ‘on’, ‘was’ just don’t mean anything to me. Do they mean anything to you when they aren’t in a sentence?” “I have been taught these phonics, but nobody asks me what I can hear. The way my Hindu teacher says them, isn’t the same as my Irish mum or my English dad. And there are those words like ‘to’, ‘too’ and ‘two’ that sound just the same to me, but seem to have different meanings and are spelt differently.
EDUCATION
This is so confusing.” “When the words start moving on the page, I start to feel dizzy and then feel like passing out. I have tried to put this out of my head, but every day when I come to school I hope that this will be the day that school starts to make sense. But I just get confused again and I am so tired when I get home, I feel frustrated, angry and sometimes can be really horrible to mum and dad. Nothing in school makes sense to me.” Does this sound like some of our youngsters or adults? Image what it would be like if more than 99% of the population could find literacy and numeracy easy. People are not held back by a lack of intelligence or laziness, it’s a major confusion. And it’s so easy to change when you know “how to.” The world as seen by teachers A very common thread for these youngsters, when in primary school is to turn letters and words around. 'Was' becomes 'saw', 'b' becomes 'd', 'no' becomes 'on’ and numbers are written the wrong way around – this will resonate with many teachers. This is a classic sign of a very well-developed imagination or mind’s eye that can easily turn around objects. By the time pupils get to senior school, whole sentences can start to move off the page, turn around or simply shake so youngsters just don’t want to even look at the
written page. All of this is going on in their subconscious, out of conscious awareness, so they don’t realise what is happening. Pupils may be getting very frustrated as poor literacy makes them feel stupid and often very sick – this frustration can generate bad behaviour. The Solution The National Curriculum, in the UK, calls for multi-sensory teaching and learning. But teachers have had little or no education in how children learn visually. There is a great difference between showing a child what one particular dragon looks like and reading a story about dragons where the child can make up their own pictures. Youngsters naturally visualise pictures and can just as easily learn to visualise words and keep the letters still. Every primary school teacher can learn how to teach the whole class in minutes, and it is invaluable Continuous Professional Development (CPD) for every subject in school. Our aim is to reach as many teachers and pupils as possible and share with them the “how to’s” that make teaching and learning to spell easy. We have a simple protocol, using
visualisation, based on the NLP spelling strategy, extended for Dyslexia and Dyscalculia. Our process includes whole family learning and is structured in a way that is easily reproducible, with simple steps to teach at any age and in any language. The methodology is tried and tested and works in both school and home settings. We also help parents of the under 7s stop their children ever getting confused by words and numbers and developing Dyslexia. This confusion can so quickly develop into a strong identity through labelling and the low self-esteem. If you recognise pupils from this article and want to use your NLP and coaching skills to make a real difference please take a look at www.dyslexiainschools.co.uk where you will find a free audio introduction and a note to headteachers about making spelling and reading easy. Youngsters can learn to see words in less than an hour – the younger they get the habit, the more successful they are. With all the benefits of an excellent visual memory, youngsters have a really great opportunity of success, once taught how to control their visual pictures, making the best use of their untapped gifts.
Replicable research Having successfully used the methodology over several years with individuals, schools, families and in business, we have started projects to replicate this work for formal research worldwide. The objective is to measure the success of the approach in both the short and long term, using the standard measures available in school and adult education. The project will ensure that the skills can be taught to staff who will be carrying out independent research in their own particular community. This will also be replicated in adult education and separate work carried out to measure the success of our preventative strategies amongst the under 7s. If teaching visualisation has a positive and lasting impact, the objective is to move from intervention to normal practice in classrooms worldwide, teaching the skills during teacher, support staff and specialist staff training. If you are interested in contributing to this work please get in touch with olive@tiahl.org.
My credentials When I first found out about visual spelling I would have been classified as dyslexic myself, my mind’s eye moved very fast and although I could visualise numbers, I had never considered the concept of visualising words, until a few years ago. Since then I have learnt much about my own internal experience that has enabled me to dramatically improve my spelling and reading. With curiosity I have helped 100s of people to understand their own experience and with simple tools achieve their goals. I have trained over 1000 people
in UK, Europe, Singapore and the USA to be able to pass literacy on, through visualisation. Together we have reached 10,000s of people who struggle with spelling, reading, maths, dyslexia and dyscalculia.
people who are struggling with any learning difficulties. I am a health, wellness and energy coach, qualified as a Master Practitioner in NLP, Energetic NLP, Thought Pattern Management and Professional Coaching.
Empowering Learning, has extended and simplified my work published in Seeing Spells Achieving and a CD, entitled Pass Literacy On,is now available. It is a behaviour that you can simply learn. As founder of www.empoweringlearning. co.uk I have a passion for helping
The web-site has many stories of individuals who have successfully overcome learning difficulties, inspiring others to repeat their successes. We have developed other simple techniques to help those with ADD/ADHD, Dyspraxia and other learning difficulties. I am a
founder member of the International Association for Health and Learning (www.tiahl.org) and the Institute for the advanced studies in health (www.nlpiash.org) . I run professional training for coaches, teachers, trainers and breakthrough workshops with youngsters and their families. “In just 90 minutes everyone can change their experience with words.” Do help me to “Pass Literacy On” to every children and adult, giving them choice over their own experience.
Please contact me through olive@empoweringlearning.co.uk or on 07970-854388
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INTERNATIONAL
Don’t blame me; I learned everything I know from my dad
NLP in Beirut By David Molden
I
n 2011 it will be our third year working in Beirut, delivering our brand of Business NLP training and coaching through our partner in the region “trace – training and coaching executives. Joelle El Helou and Wael El Helou are the directors of “trace and both share Quadrant 1 International’s values of delivering the very best quality and value for clients, measured by business and personal results. On a recent trip to Beirut I met up with a Lebanese friend and his young son who was wearing a T-shirt with the slogan ‘Don’t blame me; I learned everything I know from my dad’. How true this usually is, especially in Lebanon, a vibrant and dynamic centre of the Levant region, where just about all businesses are family owned. Even the biggest companies are likely to have a patriarch as chairman with sons, brothers, sisters and cousins as presidents and VP’s. The exceptions are 1st generation entrepreneurs and small outposts of international companies. What we do in Beirut We run Business NLP Practitioner courses with participants from the Levant, Gulf and Africa including Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, Kuwait, UAE, Ghana and Sri Lanka, and a range of shorter NLP business courses with an increasing number of in-company assignments, plus executive coaching. As I write we are in the midst of a culture change programme for a bank, having delivered 12 days for senior managers and special ‘tune-up’ sessions for the board (including the owner, his brother, sister and cousin plus an ex-minister). Training an executive team made up of family and non-family brings its challenges, but as soon as we have ‘stepped into’ their map of the world they have proved to be terrific learners and keen to put new insights to practical use. The Culture In a country of 4 million people and over 22 sects there is much diversity. It is easy to see how it became known as the Paris of the Middle East with plenty of high fashion in the streets, a mindblowing choice of superb food and restaurants, and a cosmopolitan
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atmosphere with first class entertainment. People of all ages like to go out and enjoy themselves, and amongst the bustling night-life you can sense a driving ambition to succeed and be the best, whatever the endeavour. Why Beirut? I am inspired by the ambition, resilience, creativity and persistence of the Lebanese people. One of our course participants had set up a radio station to transmit to Armenia and in the war of 2006 his business was totally destroyed. The next morning he borrowed a transmitter and the backroom of a friends shop and started all over again. There are many stories like this. In Beirut you don’t rely on the government for your wellbeing. When you have lived through a war or two and need to earn a certain amount to provide basic energy, water, transport and education, resources we take for granted in the UK, there is an inner drive to achieve regardless of the circumstances. Lebanon is a country of proud entrepreneurs and business builders who are embracing NLP and using it to achieve even more business success.
As we have ‘stepped into’ their map of the world they have proved to be terrific learners
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CELEBRITY
Camila Batmanghelidjh By Eve Menezes Cunningham
C
I was seeing stabbings and shootings long before the general public were aware. Kids were using firearms, knives and dogs as weapons
amila Batmanghelidjh founded Kids Company in 1996. They provide 14,000 London children with a safe space. Many of them not only deal with violence in their homes but are forced into prostitution or working as drug couriers - with a safe space. First they provide practical support to stabilise the children. Then, once they feel safe enough, Camila and her colleagues help them handle their feelings and emotions. They also see the children’s potential and help them achieve. Before founding Kids Company, Camila set up the school-based counselling and psychotherapy service, ThePlace2Be. “I set that up because there was a seven year old trying to kill herself when I met her,” she says. “She disclosed that she’d been sexually abused by three men when she was five. She was going through horrific experiences with no one to talk to so I decided to set up a model based on children self-referring. The provision was available in school. I wrote the manual so they could replicate it all over the country which they have.” An inspiration to so many, I wondered who had been her biggest role models. “Ongoing, the people who really inspire me are the kids,” she says. “And the reason I’m so inspired by them is once you get to know them you realise how much courage and dignity they have and what they’ve coped with. Their ability to carry the burden is extraordinary and transformatory.” When she was a child, Camila was inspired by her grandfather. “He was a paediatrician in Iran and people would queue up in the streets to see him. My other grandfather was an entrepreneur. He was a very competent person and had made first million by the age of 21 but I admired my paediatrician grandfather more. He had a glow about him.” I think Camila has a glow, too. She laughs, “I’m ‘cursed with empathy’ as Ruby Wax says.” I wondered how she protected herself from the pain that must come from seeing children dealing with the after effects of
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abuse and neglect each day while being stigmatised by so much of society rather than protected. “I don’t defend against any of it,” she says. “Instead, I try to aspire to excellence in what we deliver. When you do a job well, you get replenished with energy. What depletes you is when you can’t speak the truth or do something well. I get charged with energy very quickly. When I feel sad with the children, I feel sad. When I cry with them, I cry. It’s not a cold institution.” While Camila is well-known now, regularly being honoured for her work, it wasn’t always that way. “It took a long time, a good ten years, before people in the outside world really realised the scale of the problem. I was seeing stabbings and shootings long before the general public were aware. Kids were using firearms, knives and dogs as weapons. I was saying all this five years before public consciousness caught up. That made them think, ‘maybe she’s not madly eccentric’.” She sees their efforts to “make the problem visible” as a first step: “The next stage is to make the solution visible. There are 1.5m children in the UK who don’t have a functioning parent in their lives. Consequently, 1.5m children are being abused or neglected. Because resources are so low, Child Protection only takes 32,000 or 33,000 a year. And they deregister about 31,000 a year to keep costs low. “We need to strengthen, supplement or substitute parenting. Brain research shows that the greatest healer for children is a good quality human relationship. We can’t take 1.5m children into care so let’s create street level centres. It’s so fundamental, it has an impact on the structure and neuro chemical function of the brain. “Why don’t we, knowing this, provide quality human relationships for these children? The model of providing them with one worker is not a good model. The worker gets exhausted or has to leave. But at a centre with numerous staff, children can narrow down to one while they can build attachment to others.” This way, if a member of staff leaves, at least the children aren’t left bereft. “My vision is to have centres like this in very poor neighbourhoods throughout England, for it not to be delivered just by therapists but as corridor therapy, on the go. “Seeing the individual successes of children is still my highlight. I have lots of honourary degrees and awards but what the children achieve is the biggest gift. And their artwork that they send me.”
CELEBRITY
There are 1.5m children in the UK who don’t have a functioning parent in their lives. Consequently, 1.5m children are being abused or neglected
Do something amazing yourself It’s easy to feel insignificant when reading about people doing extraordinary things but Camila believes that everyone can make a difference. “Thinking they can’t make a difference is narcisism gone wrong,” she says. “You imagine that only great people can do things but that’s not true. All people are just as significant as one another. Everyone is capable of doing something amazing on their own patch, in their own way with their own resources. It doesn’t have to be setting up a big organisation. Don’t be impressed by what I’ve done.” This reminds me of Miep Gies, the woman who helped hide Anne Frank’s family, telling schoolchildren that she wasn’t heroic and that it’s the responsibility of all of us to do the right thing. Take a few moments to sit quietly and think about the issues that you feel most passionate about. Children? The elderly? A health issue? Fitness? Peace? Equality? The environment? Poverty? What always gets you fired up and wishing you could do more? Allow yourself time to consider how you could use your talents, contacts and other resources to actually do something. Are there others who feel similarly strongly about this issue? Find like minded souls in your community, online and through organisations. You don’t always have to reinvent the wheel.
Brain research shows that the greatest healer for children is a good quality human relationship
Donate to Kids Company
Keep an eye out. Maybe a colleague or neighbour is doing something amazing that you could help with. Even in your community, there will be people who need help and who you can help. Stop psyching yourself out by thinking of all the world’s problems and getting overwhelmed. Focus on the little things you can do to make a difference. It’s like the story about the little girl on the beach picking up starfish from the sand and throwing them back into the water. When an adult saw her and the thousands of starfish she hadn’t yet reached, he asked if she felt disheartened about not being able to help them all. She confidently replied that she was making a difference to this one. Do something.
“The biggest challenge is fundraising. I work 18 hours a day, everyday,” says Camila. If you’d like to donate to Kids Company or want to find out more about how you might be able to get involved, please visit www.kidsco.org.uk
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COACHING
Coaching
for business success using NLP By Bev James
L
ife progression is about more than waiting for fate to play its hand – it is about creating your own chances. One of the aspects of NLP that first appealed to me was its use as a powerful tool for personal change and development. This article tells the story of how NLP enabled my own progression as a business owner – and shares my personal top three NLP tools for working with entrepreneurs. As an entrepreneur’s coach and MD of The Coaching Academy, I have seen how incredibly powerful NLP becomes on a professional level when combined with, and underpinned by, the principles and structure of the coaching process. From delegate to MD in 1000 days The Coaching Academy (TCA) is the largest coach training provider for professional coaches in the UK. In 2005 I attended one of their training courses to support a friend. I was curious, but had no burning desire to train as a coach – as I was already an NLP Master Practitioner, to be honest, I thought I already was one! Once there however, I was so impressed by the trainers' passion for coaching that I was hooked. Having found out that there was more to coaching than I had previously realised, by lunchtime I knew that gaining a professional coaching qualification was something that I wanted to do I remember standing at the front of their empty training room and imagining I was a trainer for TCA. Deep in thought, I stood by the projector and looked around as if the room was full of delegates and I was taking the session. I was jolted back to reality when a fellow delegate asked me what on earth I
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Life progression is about more than waiting for fate to play its hand – it is about creating your own chances was doing. I said “I am going to be a trainer for The Coaching Academy and I am going to be standing right here.” She laughed and suggested that I had better sit down before the real trainer came in. Within 6 months I had completed my Coaching Academy training, set up a successful coaching business and had paying clients. Keep on asking questions – you can never know too much The power of coaching lies in the questions. Asking the right question at the right time unlocks jewels of self-awareness and future potential - and that is where NLP becomes so powerful. As a tool on its own, NLP it is extremely powerful – but within a coaching framework it becomes a force for directive change and a tool that enables people to make immense progress very fast. Even after qualifying as a coach, I was still hungry to learn more and I was so impressed by what I had experienced with TCA, I offered to help out for free as a tutor assistant at future events, supporting the trainers and delegates. Then on one Sunday after a TCA event, I had the opportunity to speak with Jonathan Jay, the former owner. I told him how the Academy had inspired me and gave me the belief and training to launch my own business. I also told him (rather
cheekily) of my goal to become a TCA trainer. Jonathan witnessed my genuine passion for and belief in coaching and TCA and he asked if I would like to present the closing session at the next event: 'Turning your Passion into your Profession'. With my heart in my mouth and my kneecaps jumping I said a very confident 'yes', trying to ignore the butterflies that appeared in my stomach. The truth was, I had delivered smallscale training programmes and was fairly experienced and confident in front of groups of 30 or so, but at that time I had a limiting belief about standing in front of 100-plus people, which was the size the group was likely to be. The week leading up to the event was interesting to say the least as I battled with and defeated my own limiting beliefs. It is often said that your first coaching client will probably be yourself! I wasn’t my first client but I was perhaps my most challenging one. The great day came and I stood proudly at the front of the room. I was a Coaching Academy trainer. I really enjoyed delivering the session. I was so full of excitement about my own coaching journey that I could sense some of that energy was being projected onto the delegates in my sessions.
COACHING
I am going to be a trainer for The Coaching Academy and I am going to be standing right here
Not everything we do needs to have a price attached to it. Sometimes the greater value lies in the knowledge learned and the experience gained. Over time, I became more and more involved in TCA and as a trainer I developed to present part of the Small Business diploma in addition to courses on NLP and the coaching certificate weekend courses. 1,000 days on from being on the initial course with my friend, I became the Managing Director. Fortunately for me, the team I had been supporting some years earlier, was delighted to now be supporting me. I’m pleased to say that as a result of a lot of hard work from the team, TCA has gone from strength to strength and continues to grow its reputation as the largest coach training provider in the world. In addition to that immense business project I’ve also been fortunate enough to partner with BBC TV’s favourite ‘Dragon’ James Caan to set up The Entrepreneurs’ Business Academy (EBA), an organisation which draws upon James’ vast business experience to offer a range of programmes specifically aimed at small business owners. Bev's three favourite NLP techniques for working with Entrepreneurs:
THE DISNEY STRATEGY Walt Disney was famously one of the most commercially successful dreamers and innovators in the world. Robert Dilts adapted his approach as a three stage NLP technique, incorporating the Dreamer, Realist and Critic stages of thinking. These are invaluable for helping entrepreneurs go through a creative process to develop and evaluate each new business concept. The process works best as an ongoing cycle of development that is repeated until each idea has been fully evaluated and you have formulated a solid plan. My approach to learning how to be a coach and envisaging my future within the corporation was the Disney Strategy in action. I use the approach so naturally that I am barely aware that I am using it. Many wouldbe entrepreneurs who are energised by new ideas benefit from the rigour of this approach. CHUNKING Chunking works well on its own or as a part of the Critic stage of the Disney Strategy. Many business people speak globally in Big Picture language, whereas others focus on the detail of the specifics. Being stuck in either mode will limit overall progress. Most of the entrepreneurs I coach communicate in big picture generalisations, so helping them to
communicate their goals in smaller chunks makes huge projects become achievable - one planned step at a time. Chunking is integral to the approach of TCA. The goal of becoming a coach is broken down into affordable modules that are designed to help people to make progress in a supportive environment PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS Being able to see things from another person’s view point is an essential leadership skill. I have coached many entrepreneurs who are driven, fast paced, determined and have laser-sharp focus. Working with personality styles different to their own can propose a challenge – for them and for the other person. Adopting the other person's perspective can help leaders to appreciate other people's points of view and to modify their approach accordingly. So in true coaching style, permit me to finish by asking YOU some questions… 1. In what way(s) are you currently using your NLP skills to good effect? 2. How can you build on this? 3. What are you doing as part of your continual professional development? 4. How can you make your next 1000 days your best yet?
Bev James is the Managing Director of The Coaching Academy. See their website www.the-coaching-academy.com or call 02084399440 for more information.
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HEALTH
Weight Loss
Winners By Eve Menezes Cunningham
P
eople who manage to keep weight off do so because they change their whole lifestyles. Huge changes don’t work if you only manage to implement them for a short amount of time before continuing with unhealthy habits that led you to the initial weight gain. Instead, look at your whole life and make sure all changes are sustainable. “Weight loss probably has more to do with personal psychology than diet,” says registered nutritionist, Ani Kowal. Ani also trained as an Eating Disorders and Obesity Master Practitioner with the National Centre for Eating Disorders. “The National Weight Control Registry in the USA looked at 15,000 individuals who had successfully maintained their weight loss for over two years (which is rare) having lost over 10% of their initial starting weight. The average weight loss for the group was 66lb. They lost weight in a variety of ways but the skills they used to maintain their weight loss were consistent [see next page].” Rosemary Conley lost 2 ½ stone when she started eating a low fat diet in the mid ‘80s. She has been helping people get fit, active and healthy ever since. “Don’t go back to the habits that made you overweight in the first place,” she says. “Cut back on alcohol, watch your portions and become more active. As I’ve got older, my appetite has reduced so I find it reasonably easy to maintain my weight.” “Think of maintaining in the same way as losing, just with slightly more allowed calories,” says Richard. He lost more than 4 stone with Nutracheck. co.uk. “If you have changed your eating habits from those that caused you to put on weight in the first place, it will be simple to increase your portion sizes without risking slipping into old fat-increasing habits. “When changing from a fat loss regime to maintenance, do not panic if the figure you see on your scales increases slightly. It will. This is just due to an increase of food volume and associated
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Weight loss probably has more to do with personal psychology than diet - Ani Kowal
water. Your weight should stabilise quite quickly as your body adjusts to the new levels of food it is processing. “Set yourself an upper (and lower) weight figure on your scales, half a stone either side of a weight you are happy with. Stick with maintenance until either of these figures are breached, and then review your eating regime. If you are sure that your weight change is not due to gaining (or losing) muscle mass, adjust your calorie intake appropriately, up or down.” Cheryl’s 9 stone 3 lb weight loss after battling cervical cancer led to her training in a new career as an exercise instructor. Overweight from childhood, bullying encouraged more comfort eating. “Anytime I felt low or worried, I’d graze and binge on food but never really felt full,” says Cheryl. The cancer diagnosis made her take stock. “If my life was going to be shortened, I wanted to make sure I spent the rest of it healthy, fit, slim and happy, rather than unhealthy, unfit, fat and miserable.” After getting the all clear health-wise, she went from a size 28/30 to a 10/12 with the help of Rosemary Conley Diet and Fitness Clubs. “Everyone at the class was so friendly – we were all there for the same reason. I made new friends and, week by week as my weight went
HEALTH
“Don’t go back to the habits that made you overweight in the first place - Rosemary Conley Strategies that work for weight loss (and maintenance) The National Weight Control Registry in the USA recommends, “Planning, problem solving, small changes, Having no specific weight goal, breakfast, lifestyle / exercise and high nutrients”: Planning – Use your NLP to help you create a well formed outcome. Why do you want this? You know yourself best. What will motivate you? How will you know you’re on track? What might get you off track? Problem solving – Future pace it. What problems might you come up against? By thinking about potential obstacles in advance, when they do crop up, you’ll already be better equipped to handle them. Small changes – Making small changes into long term habits is far more effective than going too fast, overwhelming yourself and giving up. Having NO specific weight goal – Forget some mythical magic number. Instead, check in with how you feel (naked and in clothes). Notice your increased fitness and the way that favourite pair of jeans now fits better.
Ani suggests tracking changes in your blood pressure or even monitoring how long it takes to walk a certain distance. Breakfast – Studies consistently show that eating breakfast aids weight loss and maintenance. If you’re really not a morning person, make it easy on yourself by doing what you can to prepare it the night before. Lifestyle/exercise – Schedule in exercise sessions as you would other important meetings. And get more active every day. Walk or cycle where possible. Walk up that escalator. Arrange to walk with a friend instead of sitting in a coffee shop or pub. By making changes fun, you’re more likely to stick with your new lifestyle. High nutrition – “Aim for a nutrient dense diet and minimise empty calories from refined foods,” says Ani. “It’s important to balance blood sugar levels since this impacts mood and cravings. A healthful diet is rich in a variety of vegetables, fruits, wholegrains, unprocessed protein (with every meal) and healthy fats.”
down, my mood went up. I began to feel in charge of my body for the very first time.” Her reflection still surprises her. “I’m a whole new woman.” “I used to be 16 and a half stone, 42 inch waist, until, aged 25, I took up weight training and sensible eating,” says Michael. He blames, “Several years at university, and then living on my own. I used to eat out because I couldn't cook. When I say ‘eat out’ I mean takeaways and similar junk food. I also used to down about six pints of lager a night, which didn't do my figure much good. “I went to my usual kebab house one night to pick up a doner and a soft drink. The guy behind
the counter suggested I take a Diet Coke, rather than the usual, because he reckoned I was looking a bit porky. “I had a personal trainer who was also a very good dietician. So as well as taking me through the weight training routines, she gave me a diet sheet which she insisted that I adhere to. Perhaps unsurprisingly, pork pies, doner kebabs, fish and chips, and burgers didn't figure heavily on it. Fish and leans meats did, however. She also included recipes, which meant that I had to start cooking for myself and seeking out the healthier ingredients in the supermarkets.”
Soon, Michael was “going to the gym at least three times a week, religiously, switching from lager to wine, and buying decent (and, therefore, comparatively expensive) clothes. When I got down to a 32 inch waist, which I still am, the thought of having to fork out more money for larger sizes were I ever to put on weight again was a major disincentive to do so. “Forget about weighing yourself regularly. It just makes you depressed because weight fluctuates naturally over any given period of time, anyway, due to water retention and other factors. In any case, when you start any form of exercise, initially,
rapport - Winter 2010/2011
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HEALTH
A mind shift is needed. It's about believing that you are changing your eating habits to be kinder to your body - it's a lifestyle change - Rachel Hartley Rachel’s tips for maintaining a healthy weight holiday and eating a bit more, then add in some extra exercise each day, say a lovely walk.
It’s quite normal that your weight will fluctuate. A great rule for maintenance is to set yourself a 'ceiling weight' that you don’t exceed - usually 3 - 4lbs above your goal weight. Once you hit this upper limit, it's an immediate trigger to take extra care. If you watch the pounds, the stones will take care of themselves. The odd treat, glass of wine or takeaway is perfectly okay, but remember it’s all about balance. Think of it as ‘off-setting’ the calorific with something not calorific. For example, if you fancy a special coffee with cream, skip the cake. If you’d love a cake, have it but choose a simple filter coffee instead. If you're going out for a meal in the evening, choose a lighter breakfast and lunch. If you're on
you'll actually put on weight because lean tissue weighs more than fat. The best thing to do is to study not your weight, but your shape in the mirror. Also, if you can, invest in one those bathroom scales, such as those by Tanita, that measure your fat percentage. It gives a fairly accurate digital readout of the main thing you're trying to get off: the fat. But don't get obsessive about it. And don't try to take things too quickly. If it took you several years to look like Orson Welles, it's going to take you some time to achieve a more slimline look. It isn't a diet you're embarking on, it's an entire lifestyle change.” “I heard this guy on Radio 4 who had nearly 20 stone to lose. I thought I’d got fat,” says Sadie. “It felt like a huge mountain. He said, ‘I just aimed at 1lb a week, that’s 52lbs a year.’ I told the radio, scornfully, ‘Well that’s nothing. Anyone can do that.’ Then I thought, well if anyone can do it, do it yourself. So I did.” Sadie is ready to start exercising again now but www.rosemaryconley.com
30 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
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has lost the weight so far just by changing the way she eats: “I cut out bread completely. I’d been told that lots of people have a yeast intolerance which sends the brain messages about hunger even when their stomachs have food in them. I know if I have a slice of toast in the morning, I end up grazing all day but if I start with beans, veggie sausages or egg, I’m OK. “Apart from that, the only change I’ve made is no longer eating rubbish. But I went to a dinner party last night and there were eight desserts. I tried four of them. If you tell yourself you can’t have something, you want it more. “It’s changed my whole way of eating. It’s not a ‘diet’. I just lose 1lb a week. Some weeks I lose 1 ½ lbs and others, I lose ½ lb.” “You would only be looking to lose weight at a rate of 1 - 2lbs per week - this is safe and sustainable,” agrees Rachel Hartley from www.nutracheck.co.uk. “As our medical advisor, Dr Ian Campbell says, ‘All diets work while you're www.anikowal.com
For special times of year still stick to the rule of balance. If you overdo it one day, make a point to actively cut back the next. Our bodies will try and tell us if we listen. Notice how you feel after a day of indulgence. Not as hungry as usual? Then don’t be a slave to meal times. Your body will naturally regulate how much energy it needs, so if it says “go easy”, listen to your stomach and opt for something light and healthy. Try our service. There's a free trial so no commitment or credit card is needed. See if this method could work for you. Members have even said it doesn't actually feel like a diet as you can still eat food you like.
doing them’. If you are eating substantially less than you were - even if it's just cabbage soup - you're going to lose weight. The key is how long you can realistically keep it going for. “You have to break the thought process about 'going on a diet' because that implies you'll be coming off it at some point and returning to eating 'normally' which is what lead to the weight gain in the first place. A mind shift is needed. It's about believing that you are changing your eating habits to be kinder to your body - it's a lifestyle change. “Our food and exercise diary system shows members the simple maths behind weight loss (calorie deficit needed to lose) and then explains how to balance food intake with more activity to lose weight and then maintain it. People who are successful in losing weight really 'get this'. They see how calorie choices impact on what their body needs - and how balancing this means you can eat anything, just in moderation (smaller portions and not every day).”
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NLP
Transforming By Kris Hallbom
Your Critical Voices and Limiting Beliefs
I
worked with a talented 32-year old man, to help him release an unconscious critical voice that was holding him back in his life. Oscar had an inner critical voice that traveled everywhere with him, and in his mind, he constantly heard the words, “You better not be wrong, or else you'll lose everything and then you'll be all alone”. Now take a moment and try on Oscar’s critical voice, by saying the above statement and notice how it makes you feel… Most people experience a sense of dread when they say the above statement, which is exactly what Oscar felt all of the time. Hence, Oscar’s biggest problem was that he was always stressed out and worried about saying or doing the wrong thing, and he could never relax. Interestingly, it was also this same voice that motivated Oscar to do well in life. Because he was so afraid of doing the wrong thing, he tried to do everything right. From an outsider’s perspective, Oscar appeared to have a charmingly perfect life. However, on the inside he felt tightly wound up like a ball of rope, and he felt helpless and all alone. What is an Unconscious Critical Voice? An unconscious critical voice is an inner voice that was heard at some point in a person’s childhood, and stays with the person throughout his or her life. Whenever you ask someone if they have an inner critic or a critical voice that follows them around, most people will emphatically say, “Yes!” What’s even more interesting is if you ask the person to point to the location of their critical voice, they’ll typically know right where it is! And more often than not, the critical voice will be located either behind their head or it’ll be located on the left or right side of their head. In Oscar’s case, the critical voice was located behind his left ear. Your Critical Voices Are Directly Connected with Your Limiting Beliefs Another interesting aspect about critical voices are not only do they say damaging things like, “You’re stupid” or “That was a dumb thing to say”… they can also serve as a limiting belief. In Oscar’s case, it turned out that his critical voice was a limiting belief that came from violent events in his childhood. Oscar and his parents immigrated to the United States from El Salvador when he was a small boy, due to the onset of the Salvadoran War. Several of their friends and neighbours had been tortured and killed for saying or doing the “wrong” thing, which is why they left the county. As a child, Oscar parent’s often told him that it was important to
32 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
It was also this same voice that motivated Oscar to do well in life
NLP
From an outsider’s perspective, Oscar appeared to have a charmingly perfect life
work really hard in life and to never make any mistakes. This belief was drilled into Oscar from an early age, because his parents had seen so many of their friends executed during the war for doing and saying the wrong thing. Oscar then generalized this belief to include his work life, his personal life and his overall safety. As a result, he had a huge fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. So, Oscar kept repeating statements in his mind like, “You better not be wrong, or you’ll lose everything, and then you'll be all alone.” And over the years, this belief transformed into an unconscious critical voice that followed him everywhere. Of course, the positive intent of the critical voice was literally to protect him and keep him safe by doing and saying the "right" thing. Moreover, this unconscious critical voice represented all of the heinous and violent crimes that happened in El Salvador during the Civil War. So in a sense, it was what I call a Cultural Limiting Belief… Cultural Limiting Beliefs and How to Change Them My husband Tim Hallbom and I have identified a lot of cultural limiting beliefs in the private work that we do, especially with clients who have parents or grandparents that immigrated from other violent and war infested countries. Whenever I work with someone on their most core issues, I ask them a lot of questions about the history of their family– because more often than not, a person’s core issue will go back a couple of generations. 1 When I first started working with Oscar, he told me that “he had this critical voice going on all the time” and it really stressed him out. I asked him where the critical voice was located, and he pointed to the left side of his head. I then asked him to literally pull the voice away from him– and place it about six feet in front of him, so that he could see it floating in space. I asked Oscar, “Whose voice is it, and what do you see in the space where you placed the voice?” “This is really strange,” he replied. “I see a man’s index finger pointing at me and it’s telling me that I better not get it wrong!”
I asked Oscar who the “mysterious finger” belonged to, and he immediately said that it was his grandfather’s finger! I then asked him if there was anything else located behind his grandfather, and he replied, “Yes, I can see a whole ocean of people standing behind him, and they're all of the people who were killed during the Salvadoran Civil War.” The Healing Power of Positive Intention It became clear to Oscar in that moment that the positive intent of his inner critic was all about keeping him safe. It was literally to avoid getting killed. Oscar got emotional at this point during the session, because he realized that not only was the voice trying to keep him safe and protect him, but it was also helping him to stay connected with his family and his Salvadorian roots. I asked Oscar to honor and acknowledge all the feelings of love and connection that he had for his family and the Salvadorian culture, as a whole. Afterwards, he told me how incredibly good it felt to do that, because his parents had taught him to forget where he came from, and to only think of himself as an American. And now he felt more connected to his cultural roots. The next thing I did was to ask Oscar to fill the space behind his left ear (where the critical voice had been) with golden light, so that the space would no longer be empty. In his pioneering work with critical voices, my husband Tim has found that it’s not ecological to leave a void when you remove a person’s critical voice, because sometimes another voice will take its place. Keep in mind that the critical voice has occupied its location in space for a number of years, and habit alone can prompt the unconscious mind to refill the space with another critical voice. Dynamic Spin Release and the Energy of the Mind I then asked Oscar to think about all the stress and anxiety that he felt whenever he thought about the critical voice and the cultural limiting belief– and to notice where he felt all of the negative feelings in his body that were associated with those things.
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NLP
The positive intent of the critical voice was literally to protect him and keep him safe “Whenever I think about that critical voice and belief, I get a tight feeling in my throat,” he said. I then told him to imagine pulling the tight feeling out of his throat and to place it out front of him so he could see it floating in space. As soon as he could see the image of the tight feeling in his throat, I asked him what it looked like. Oscar replied, “I see an image of a gooey black blob with pointed edges around it, and it’s turning clockwise.” I told him that is was great that he could see which way it was turning, and I continued to say, “Now, go ahead and spin the image of the black blob counterclockwise as fast as you can, until it explodes into a bunch of little particles floating in space. As soon as this happens, you’ll see a big cosmic vacuum come in and suck away all the particles… and then a symbolic gift will instantly appear where the particles were. Now tell me, what kind of a gift do you see in front of you?” 2 Oscar told me that he saw a golden pocket watch with his minds eye, and that it was floating in front of him. "What does the pocket watch mean to you, and what is the healing message it has brought for you?” I asked. “The pocket watch means that it is my time to have the life I want, which means being able to finally relax and enjoy all the success that comes my way,” he said in a relaxed voice tone. “I also feel like the pocket watch belongs to my grandfather, and seeing it makes me feel more loving and connected with him,” he added. I then told him, “Good, that is a nice metaphorical gift for you right now in your life… Now, go ahead and send the golden pocket watch out on a mission to the outer rims of the universe to collect all of the healing energy and wisdom throughout the universe, and throughout all of space and time,” I continued in a hypnotic voice tone. “When the pocket watch returns, it will bring you back another gift or it will transform into another healing metaphor that is special to you. Remember that time is simultaneous, and these gifts come back very quickly. So, look in front of you right now, and tell me what your new gift is?” I asked. “Well the pocket watch came back with a bright shining star,” he said with a smile on his face and a look of surprise. “Ahhhh, a bright shining star, what a great gift!” I said in a confirming tone. “What is the meaning of your gift,” I asked, and Oscar emphatically replied, “It means that I can shine now and I’m safe to be who I am! It’s my time to shine, and I can relax and enjoy my success!” In that moment, I noticed the muscle tonus in Oscar’s face soften Special Thanks: I would like to thank Tim Hallbom for his pioneering work in the exploration of critical voices and limiting beliefs.
up and his whole body completely relaxed. Which was way different from the tightly wound posture that I had seen at the beginning of the session. “Now go ahead and reach your hands out in front of you,” I said to Oscar, “and imagine the pocket watch and the bright shining star floating back into your hands. As soon as they’re in your hands, you can bring them back into your body, letting the healing essence of those metaphorical gifts float throughout every cell in your body– throughout your DNA, and throughout the energetic essence of who you are.” As I was saying this, he pulled his hands towards his chest and imagined bringing all of it in. He then fell into a deep trance– and I continued to do a hypnotic induction with him, in which I tied together all of the healing metaphors from his gifts with his overall goal of being able to completely relax and enjoy all the success that he had achieved at such a young age. 3 When he came out of his trance, he looked really different from when he first walked into my office. His body posture was more relaxed and he seemed totally comfortable in his body. A few weeks later I received an email from Oscar, and he told me that his life had totally changed as a result of the work we did that day. End Note: Some of the details in this article were altered to protect the privacy of the client.
Kristine Hallbom is the co-founder of NLP Institute of California, as well as the co-developer of the Dynamic Spin Release™ transformational approach. She has been active in the fields of NLP and Systems Thinking since 1987, and holds a degree in Psychology and Languages. Her website address is: www.nlpca.com
Footnotes: 1. Dynamic Spin Release Training Manual by Tim and Kris Hallbom, NLP California (Burlingame, CA 2010). 2. Dynamic Spin Release and the Energy of Your Mind by Kris Hallbom, NLP California (Burlingame, CA 2008). 3. Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson, M.D. (Volume I) by Richard Bandler and John Grinder (Meta Publications, 1975).
34 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
Rapport Acuity Research Journal
Do you enjoy keeping up to date with NLP THE T HE MA M AG GAZIN A ZINE FFOR OR P PERS ERSONAL DEVE ELOP PMENT news and views? THE MAGAZINE FOR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
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www.anlp.org I’ve always wondered when the rest of the world would catch up to NLP, and I think we are on the verge of that happening!! And of course, your incredible magazine, Rapport, is playing a role in making that happen. Kris Hallbom The NLP Institute of California
To buy or subscribe visit www.anlp.org or call 020 3051 6740
NLP
The
Intervention Design Question
How should Who manage (lead, coach, teach ....) Whom to do What When? Paul King of the Beyond Partnership gives an overview of Spiral Dynamics.
I
n this short article I offer a brief introduction to the Value Systems work of Clare Graves and the branded version of his work, Spiral Dynamics® that was later developed by Chris Cowan and Don Beck. The framework created by Clare Graves sits very well alongside NLP. Gravesian Theory and Spiral Dynamics offer a wonderfully rich map of the complex human landscape we now inhabit. It presents an embracing framework for understanding and working with the different value systems that influence and drive human behaviour and the dynamics by which these value systems change. NLP for its part offers practical and effective tools, techniques and attitudes for skilfully moving oneself and others through this landscape. The point to emphasise at the very beginning is that the focus of Graves and Spiral Dynamics is value systems not values. It is not what we are thinking about (content) but how we are thinking about that content that is key to this model. In this regard it presents a meta-level framework of the deep structure thinking patterns, belief and value systems upon which we are making choices and decisions. Graves asked – “is there a pattern to human nature?” Thirty years of research led him to a model that, for most people, intuitively makes sense when they see it. A model that applies at the individual, interpersonal, group, organisational and cultural level and across a wide range of contexts including coaching, leadership and management practices, strategy and policy design, change initiatives, education, marketing and branding. The following table offers a much abbreviated description of the Gravesian levels. The levels are created by the dynamic interplay between the Life Conditions (context/environment) and what Graves called the Mind Capacities (thinking patterns). Graves gave these levels letter pairings to reflect the dynamic, the first letter of the pairing representing the Life Conditions and the second letter the Mind Capacities; Spiral Dynamics collapses this interaction within the colours metaphor. In reality people are more usually at a transition point on the continuum and while one colour will tend to shine most brightly within a human system, the system, (individual, group, culture), will act from a range of colours depending on the context (life conditions). For an individual this may change between work and home, for example. Each level focuses on particular problems of existence and has a particular way of thinking and behaving to solve those problems. Each values system emphasises and rewards certain ways of thinking and behaving, has a preferred learning style, responds best to a certain management system and has particular motivational hot buttons. A new level emerges as the problems of existence being experienced are no longer satisfactorily answered by the associated coping systems.
36 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
Life Conditions - Worldview
Mind Capacities - People
The world is a state of nature
Beige AN ‘I’
People behave instinctively much like other animals according to biological urges and drives
The world is mysterious and frightening and full of spirits
Purple BO ‘We’
People placate spirits and join together for safety; follow tribal traditions, ancestors ways
The world is tough and hard like a jungle; it’s eat or be eaten
Red CP ‘I’
People must fight to survive and dominate others without guilt and so as to avoid shame. Egocentric. Raw power.
The world is guided by a Higher Power, with a distinct right and wrong according to a plan
Blue DQ ‘We’
People obey rightful higher authority and find meaning and purpose in sacrifice for later reward. Absolutistic, guilt.
The world is full of viable options and plenty of choices to make things better and bring prosperity
Orange ER ‘I’
People tend to test options for greater autonomy and compete for success and influence. Pragmatic to achieve results.
The world is the habitat for all humanity to share together and find common purpose
Green FS ‘We’
People join in communication to experience growth for self and others for collective benefits. Relativistic, consensual, situational
The world is at some risk of collapse because of human excess, chaotic, uncertainty is an acceptable state of being
Yellow GT ‘I’
People seek to learn and discover what it is to be human without doing harm to others or the environment. Systemic, functional, integrative, questioning, accepting
The world is a delicately balanced system of interlocking forces and in jeopardy.
Turquoise HU ‘We’
People concerned with the holistic, transpersonal, collective consciousness, collaboration, interconnections
The Spiral oscillates between the individual “I” (with a focus on expressing self in the world) and the collective “we” (with a focus on working within a greater system, however that may be perceived). Please note; the levels represent systems in people not types of people. Turning Spiral Dynamics into a typology misses the point. People can and do move down as well as up the Spiral, depending on how life conditions alter. Large-scale examples might be the events in the Balkans or Iraq, smaller scale examples might be found at a football match. It is of course not inevitable that an individual, organisation or culture will shift its coping systems in response to changing life conditions. When the thinking patterns of an individual (or a society) are appropriate for the life conditions there is a sense of balance. However
NLP
A new level emerges as the problems of existence being experienced are no longer satisfactorily answered by the associated coping system if the problems of existence outpace that individual there will be high stress; similarly if the individual is ahead of the problems of existence then they will be stressed, bored, frustrated. The vision of new solutions and the dissonance with current thinking patterns and value systems create the dynamic for change. Those who do not experience that dissonance do not experience a need for change. Much of our own work involves identifying and highlighting the fundamental patterns being played out by our clients to help them identify what is really going on so as to better define what they want, where they are now and how to get from here to there. Spiral Dynamics helps us with that. Spiral Dynamics has been likened to scaffolding within which many other theories and approaches can fit. It provides the high level map that points towards best fit of other theories, practices and processes to the situation at hand, providing a structure to answer the question, "How is it best for who to manage (coach or teach or lead) whom, to do what, when?� The answer is dependent on where the individual, team, organisation is currently sitting within the Spiral and what their next step is. Somebody may be great at managing from a DQ frame and struggle with an ER frame or be great at facilitating a DQ to ER transition but not an ER to FS transition reflecting of course their own profile and also their behavioural flexibility. As a coach, consultant or leader, are our interventions at the appropriate level? What are our preferences? Where is our best fit? If necessary can we be flexible and shift our thinking and coping systems to fit different life conditions or perhaps in such circumstances we need to recruit someone else who is a better fit. Different organisations occupy different positions on the Spiral and need to develop managerial/governance strategies that match their people, their visions of the future, and the jobs they perform today. For example, Green/FS level solutions do not work well in a Red/CP context. When designing strategy, does it fit a limited set of circumstances or is it adaptable to the positional changes on the Spiral, which may occur? Has it taken into consideration that certain thinking styles might be better suited to certain problems in a particular space/time; appropriately tailored to the organisation? At the individual, team and organizational level the mirror of Spiral Dynamics is held up in such a way that people learn to value what they are not and the thinking patterns with which they have most difficulty. Using this model with boards and senior management teams we profile the individual team members, their relation to each other
It presents an embracing framework for understanding and working with the different value systems
and the team as a whole. These may then be mapped against the profile of other stakeholders and the organisation. This information then points the way to how they can best match-pace-lead others and the organisation. Here, as in all examples of Spiral Dynamics in practice, accurate identification of the levels at play is vital in selecting the appropriate models and approaches. It is in the diagnosis that mistakes are often made. Many people need to be managed quite differently today because they have moved on the Spiral even further and faster than most of their bosses, teachers, and parents. Business and marketing strategies often fail because the designers use their "own mirrors" and assume the people they are attempting to reach share the same values systems they do. What value systems are you knowingly or unknowingly marketing to? The question is not "how do you motivate people?" but how do you relate what you are doing to their natural motivational flows. Spiral Dynamics is an open ended, dynamic and widely applicable framework to add around your existing knowledge and skill base and in our opinion is something worth knowing both professionally and personally. There is much more that could be said of course. Our certification programme with Chris Cowan in Spiral Dynamics and the work of Clare Graves takes 7 days and qualifies participants to use the profiling questionnaires. More than ten years on and we are still learning.
For information on our Introductory Days and our Certification Programme please contact paul@thebeyondpartnership.co.uk or 01380 859106 (Spiral DynamicsÂŽ is a registered trademark of the National Values Centre and is used here with permission).
rapport - Winter 2010/2011
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BUSINESS
Mirrors of appreciation: engaging volunteers By Faith Tait
W
hen people are in rapport, they naturally and unconsciously adopt aspects of each other's behaviour, reflecting some of each other's body language and tone and even sharing words and phrases. We are usually unaware of this 'dance' of matching and mirroring. Consciously bringing it in to play is one of the first items in NLP trainings. To bring out its power we have people deliberately mismatching their partner in conversations - looking away, fidgeting when speaker is still etc. The meaning of communication is the response it elicits, and the speaker's response ranges from unease to wanting to punch their partner on the jaw. Rapport creates trust and goodwill. Mismatching is not absence of matching; it is behaviour that disallows rapport. No trust, no goodwill. Please bear this potent phenomenon in mind while contemplating these short research findings about volunteering and
The meaning of communication is the response it elicits volunteers - those people who do work to help others, unpaid. People on whom many services increasingly depend. The chances are much better than fifty-fifty that at some time you have done such work: that you have shaken a tin, helped organise the school fete, raised money for hospital equipment, staffed a charity shop, or walked an elderly neighbour's dog, and so on. You were probably pleased to be doing someone some good, felt the thrill on hearing a thank-you, seeing smiles, or even getting a big hug. You probably didn't do it for thanks, but nevertheless this highly pleasant mindbody experience of positive evaluation - of making a difference and feeling valued - can convince you it's worth repeating. Conversely if the recipient of your
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kindness is grumpy or ignores you, joy tends to evaporate and you are unlikely to want to repeat it. You may quit. Over sixty-five percent of people in England and Wales alone engaged in voluntary work in 2008-2009 and I'm sure they are as broad a mix as would be any group of millions. To narrow my field, I followed the NLP way of finding three volunteers who exemplify desirable traits that anyone involved in delivering a service would welcome. Then I explored what motivates these exemplars about their work and how they know it's worth it, focusing through the NLP perceptual filters of motivation and evaluation. I equally wanted to understand what demotivates a volunteer, to the point of quitting, from within a service they have chosen to support. Why? Because it happens a great deal and involves bad feeling, because it's odd that services can put off people they
need, and because it's the unasked question in the surveys I have read. Gathering people and information I asked three managers of volunteers to describe valuable attributes and three appeared in all lists: understanding or being willing to understand the service - what it is trying to do, believing in it, and reliability/ continuity for at least two years. I then found three volunteers who met these criteria. None knew each other, and all were spoken to singly. Seven others completed an online questionnaire. As it transpired, all ten have those valued qualities. Two are in sensitive situations, so I have changed all their names. The central questions: What made you choose to support this particular organisation? (values, possible prior experience) What's important about your voluntary work to you? (motivation direction primarily towards something or away from a situation such as boredom?) In your voluntary work, how do you know when you've done a good job? (reference point for evaluation: inside themselves, or something 'out there'?) In your voluntary work, have you ever felt demotivated? If so, please describe.
BUSINESS
Rapport creates trust and goodwill Exemplary volunteer thumbnails All are primarily motivated towards enjoyably making a difference to the service users. “I wanted to help people feel better,” says Alan, twenty-five years a hospital radio broadcaster. “I help clients recognise their resources and make positive decisions,” says Kim, working for over two years in addiction psychotherapy. All sense having done a good job in volunteering by reference to something outside themselves: changes for the better or something good being maintained. This sensing has what I would describe as intensity. Kim, for example, opened her eyes wider, her cheeks flushed, she folded her hands in her lap, her spine centralised and her body relaxed as she quietly described the changes she sees and hears in her clients, and then she sat in a little silence. All have given precious service continuity, having been with the service for more than two years. Some like Kim work face to face with the people who are assisted by the service. She also feels appreciated by the service staff in that they recognise and greet her, give her what she needs to do the work and give occasional thanks. Others work mostly remotely from the service's beneficiaries, for example reading for Talking Newspapers. Margaret: “We know we are helping because listeners tell us at our meetings. And we get complaints if we miss someone out. That's a sure sign we're doing some good.” 'I wanted to give back...' “People enter voluntary work in the best of spirits, with the best of intentions,” says Alan, who managed voluntary helpers in his Faith Tait has a private practice for personal development and hypnotherapy in Sherborne, Dorset, out of which she continues her consulting and corporate training work. She has a BA Hons degree in Social Philosophy, is a Master Practitioner and Accredited Trainer of NLP, and is qualified in hypnotherapy, kinesiology and nutrition. She continuously expends her own learning, and will never stop.
career in youth work. “The knack is to care for that spirit.” Giving them appreciation is the key. Oddly, receiving it is not a primary motivation but if it's not there, they will disengage and maybe leave. It's that matter of rapport and here's how it works. When I asked “What made you choose this service for your voluntary work?” all revealed a specific closeness to it. Melanie: “I enjoy doing voluntary work associated with my children and the environment.” Janet: “I have a link through my son, so to indirectly support my family as well as the local community.” Robert: “It's my religious organisation.” Anita: “I wanted to give back to the organisations that support my children and to use the skills that I have from business in a slightly different environment.” Alan: “I can empathise with people in hospital who don't have many visitors, and wanted to help them feel better.” And so it goes on. The difference that makes a difference specifically in volunteering is that these exemplars are motivated by appreciation for or gratitude to the service, as well as the desire to help. They bring it in through the door. And we can safely extend this: surveys* show that there's a tendency for volunteers to choose to support services they already value and have experienced directly or indirectly. They, or one of their loved ones, has benefited from it, or they wish they could have. This appreciation is often intense. Colin, helping sight impaired people to use computers: “I used to know someone who went blind, and it was traumatic to watch.
Computers mean so much to blind people.” If the service reciprocates appreciation, then the conditions for goodwill are well and truly laid down. If it's not there..... Anita finally stood down after a period totalling 10 years in voluntary school roles including chair of governors. In all that time she experienced not only absence of thanks but “open rudeness” from key personnel “to all the governors”. She finally stood down and gratitude was not forthcoming even when she left. “I didn't do it for gratitude but we say thanks if someone opens a door for us,'” she said. Anita is now putting her considerable business skills to voluntary work elsewhere. Four out of my ten interviewees had experienced demotivation and two of these had quit, both because of “absence of appreciation”. For volunteers it's an attitude and behaviour that is unappreciative in that it disallows their gift even if they are doing the work, just as mismatching body language disallows any effort on the other's part to establish rapport. For the greater number of volunteers, their support arises out of appreciation, and for goodwill and continued engagement, it's best if they find it smiling back at them, at least occasionally, in the practices of the service they choose to support. The valuable volunteer qualities included herein are by no means a finite list, and I know that appreciation is a huge nominalisation, as are the inclusion, recognition and courtesy that volunteers give as its subcategories. So where to start, to power up the gratitude? What action can gather in all of these and elicit the response of being appreciated? It's done in a breath. "Thank you."
Contact: www.feelhappierlivelonger.co.uk uk.linkedin.com/in/faithtait faith@feelhappierlivelonger.co.uk Reading: Why Kindness is Good For You - David Hamilton Time Line Therapy: Tad James and Wyatt Woodsmall (for more on perceptual filters) *Surveys: www.volunteering.org Citizenship Survey: Volunteering and Charitable Giving www.statistics.gov.uk
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RESEARCH
The First Neuro-Linguistic Programming in Higher Education Symposium By Sharon Beeden Within the challenging educational climate there is an increasing need to enhance the student experience
O
n a bright September day, just before the onset of the new academic year, The First Neuro-Linguistic Programming in Higher Education Symposium took place at Bournemouth University. Its genesis was in my Learning & Teaching Award in 2008 at The Arts University College at Bournemouth, in my role as a Senior Lecturer. The award related to my work using NLP strategies to enhance learning and teaching practice, with subsequent research findings culminating in the paper, (Beeden 2009) ‘Applying Dilts’ Disney creativity strategy within the Higher Education arts, design and media environment.’ Within the challenging educational climate there is an increasing need to enhance the student experience and to meet the requirements of an ever-broadening profile of learner within many Higher Education Institutions (HEI’s). Recognising that many academics from different subject disciplines are using NLP in teaching and student support, I identified a potential opportunity for critical enquiry, evaluation and dissemination of practice, to take place in the form of the first NLP in Higher Education symposium. The symposium would also establish a network of educators, facilitators and researchers to provide support and foster collaborative opportunities. Working in association with my mentor Dr Paul Tosey (National Teaching Fellow, Senior Lecturer at the University of Surrey), I issued an invitation to submit proposals for sessions or workshops (www.nlphesymposium.org.uk), and I was encouraged by the breadth of responses from academics, researchers and student support staff. On the day of the symposium itself, the realisation of my wellformed outcome, there was an air of anticipation and expectancy within the group of approximately thirty delegates. Following the welcome address, we were delighted to introduce Dr Colin Beard, National Teaching Fellow at Sheffield Hallam
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University, as our keynote speaker. Dr Beard’s internationally recognised work on experiential learning has resulted in the recent publication of his second book, (Beard 2010). Dr Beard gave a dynamic and thought-provoking keynote speech entitled, ‘Understanding the Relational Nature of Cognition, Body, and ‘Field’ (space and place).’ As the title suggests, Dr Beard explored the connectivity between the inner and outer worlds by considering six dimensions of learning and sensory intelligence - Belonging, Doing, Sensing, Feeling, Knowing, Becoming and Being. Dr Beard reviewed contexts and applications in which the senses can be employed as conduits for deeper learning, aspects congruent to the NLP model. He also advocated strongly the need for more innovative use of space within HE in order to provide flexible and stimulating learning environments, citing pertinent examples from around the world demonstrating the changing nature and significance of where and how we facilitate study. Following this inspirational address, the six other presenters provided valuable insight to their practice and research findings from their applications of NLP across diverse subject disciplines within the HE sector. It is particularly pertinent to note that these areas included key values for many HEI’s, such as Learning Support, Internationalisation, the First Year Undergraduate Experience and Employability issues. Mike Cunningham, Tutor on the ‘Performance Matters’ Course at The Guildhall School of Music and Drama in London, highlighted how different ways of modelling, including self-modelling, can help performers enhance their state on stage or set. Mike illustrated (and not surprisingly en-acted!) a planning technique to help musicians overcome performance anxiety, whereby the performer imagines they have already given a successful performance, and looks back at how they prepared for it and how they performed on the day. This has applications to other areas of education. Mike remarked, “This is a practical way of utilising the concept that life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forwards!” Jane Scivier, Lecturer in Business Information Management at Nottingham Business School, considered the term ‘learning to learn’. Her current research work in progress explores how NLP approaches, such as behavioural modelling and Dilts’ Neurological levels, can support students’ transitions into and beyond university in respect of ‘scholarship’ and `employability’. Jane commented, “The need to develop individuals’ capacity for ‘life long learning’, enabling them to
RESEARCH
A potential opportunity for critical enquiry, evaluation and dissemination of practice cope better with an ever changing complex world, is an important educational goal”. Dr Val Chapman, National Teaching Fellow, and Director for the Centre for Inclusive Learning Support at University of Worcester, led an interesting workshop entitled, ‘Neurodiversity, NLP and Inclusion’. Val introduced research conducted into dyslexic students’ neurodevelopmental profiles and stressed the importance of multimodal teaching as integral to inclusive learning and teaching. Based on Levine’s model for understanding learning and learning difficulties (2002), which utilises a set of eight integrated neurological functions or ‘constructs’ (including attention, memory, temporal sequential ordering, visual spatial ordering, language, neuromotor function, social cognition and higher order cognition), the aim of Val’s research was to help teaching staff improve their practice through a better understanding of dyslexic students’ individual learning approaches. Key findings were presented, and workshop participants discussed a range of appropriate NLP approaches that would enable students to engage effectively in HE. Blane Savage, Lecturer at The University of West of Scotland, presented a paper entitled, ‘Creative Practice Pedagogy and its relationship to NLP Psychotherapeutic Techniques’. This explored the relationship between creative practice, therapy and the utilisation of transformational strategies adopted within these areas. The paper discussed the early stages of the research project, in which twelve ‘expert’ creative practitioners from music, drama, art, film and literature were interviewed with the aim of identifying types of transformational strategies being embedded within their creative processes and teaching methodologies. Dr Rob Burton, Course Leader of the MSc Health Professional Education at the University of Huddersfield, presented the ways in which he has utilised the results from his research into student nurses’ internal representational systems and learning styles within a pre-registration nursing curriculum. The initial research, conducted using both quantitative and qualitative methodologies, aimed to enhance the learning experiences of student nurses. Subsequent analysis of the data
using the BAGEL framework (Dilts 2000), highlighted that the Visual internal representational system was prevalent. As a result of these findings Rob has promoted, and developed resources to support the use of visual tools as a pedagogical method and as a means of assessment. David Dowdeswell-Allaway, Director of Skills Development and Employability at the Norwich Business School, University of East Anglia, eloquently described his research with the multicultural student body. David’s aim was to develop means to equip students not only to thrive within the educational system, but also to go out in to the world better able to engage cooperatively and constructively within our new ‘global village’. Drawing upon studies in the field of Cultural Intelligence by Earley & Ang, (2003), David adapted Robert Dilts’ Unified Field Model (a combination of Perceptual Positions and Dilts’ levels) to explore individual and group culture and cultural intelligence. Utilising space in an innovative way, a Perceptual Position grid was positioned on the floor whilst the Dilts’ levels were placed on the wall, to create a 3-dimensional grid, as seen within the accompanying photograph. Having engaged with this powerful process myself, there is significant potential for this model to be adapted and applied still further. By the end of the afternoon break, the energy and momentum amongst the presenters and delegates were tangible! Keen to capitalise on this atmosphere, Richard Churches, Principal Consultant of the CfBT Education Trust, and I led a discussion activity, posing the question for delegates, ‘What is our vision for NLP in Higher Education?’ The final session also allowed the opportunity to announce the planned NLP in HE Forum Network, an international online community for educators, researchers and support staff. Judging by the enthusiastic responses to the question about our vision for NLP in HE, and by the highly positive feedback to the symposium, the future of NLP in Higher Education isn’t what it was going to be.
References Beard. C. (2010). The Experiential Learning Toolkit: Blending Practice with Concepts, Kogan Page, London, UK. Beeden, S. (2009). ‘Applying Dilts’ Disney creativity strategy within the Higher Education arts, design and media environment’, Current research in NLP; Volume 1, proceedings of the first international NLP research conference, University of Surrey, 5th July 2008. ANLP International CIC. South Mimms, Hertfordshire, UK. Dilts, R. and DeLozier, J., (2000). Encyclopedia of Systemic NLP and NLP New Coding, NLP University Press, Scotts Valley, California, USA. p.75. Earley, P. C. and Ang, S., (2003). Cultural Intelligence: individual interactions across cultures, Stanford Business Books, Stanford, UK. Levine, M. (2002). A Mind at a Time, Simon and Schuster, London, UK.
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TRAINING & WORKSHOPS
The NLP Conference
reflecting a new maturity in NLP? The Brittania International Hotel in London’s Docklands was the venue on 12th, 13th and 14th November 2010 for the first NLP Conference ‘under new management’. Andy Coote was there for all three days and found the event was better – and buzzier – than ever this year.
I
n February this year it was announced that Anglo American Books would be taking over the major task of organising the NLP Conference in London from Jo Hogg, who had organised it for the previous 25 years and had built it into a prestigious event that attracts major speakers from around the world. David Bowman, MD of Anglo American, became a familiar figure during the three days of the Conference, making sure that the 2010 event was at least as good as previous years. As the final sessions began on Sunday afternoon, I caught up with him to get his assessment of this year’s event and to talk about his biggest challenge for 2011. His objective, he told me was “to do what Jo Hogg did extremely well and to bring some extra pieces to the party that we could add with our contacts as publishers.” He pronounced himself happy with the outcome. “The feedback I’ve had so far is that people felt cared for and appreciated and that there was a good atmosphere and buzz to the whole event.” I can confirm that the feedback I received from speakers, exhibitors and delegates was equally positive. The event began on Friday, with an all-day keynote session from Shelle Rose Charvet. It was my first experience of her presentation style though I’ve encountered her content in many places. She kept 170 delegates, a high proportion of them from major businesses, enthralled with her approach to managing the much more ‘internally focused’ customers of today and what she describes as ‘customer outrage’. “To get people to go somewhere with you, you need to meet them where they are. You need to go to their bus stop. If the customer is angry, you need to get angry on their behalf” In a new initiative, on the Friday in the same location, a parallel conference was taking place called ‘Becoming a highly effective teacher with NLP’. David Bowman explained the origin of this all-day
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To get people to go somewhere with you, you need to meet them where they are conference. “It has been based around two very successful books by Richard Churches and Roger Terry on NLP in teaching. We targeted about 100 delegates and have been highly delighted to have 150 turn up for the event.” As I am (as yet) unable to master the skill of being in two places at the same time (anyone working on this?), I have to depend on feedback from those who did attend and that was universally positive. Many people felt involving NLP with education to be a positive way forward. Saturday began with a morning session full of major presentations. Wyatt Woodsmall from INLPTA, Ian McDermott (ITS), Andrew Austin (Author of The Rainbow Machine) and Sue Knight (Author of NLP at Work) were all in action alongside sessions on healing from Arielle Essex and ‘NLP and Neuroscience’. Some of the 400 delegates (including me) could have used Robbie Steinhouse’s lunch time session, ‘Brilliant Decision Making’ much earlier to aid our choice making. In a late addition to the programme, Frank Pucelik was also presenting in the morning session on Saturday. Frank, who now runs a successful business consultancy in the former Soviet Union (and works out of Odessa) also sponsors five treatment centres in the region supporting drug and alcohol abusers back into useful, addiction-free members of society. Frank, who was once described by John Grinder as the ‘third man in NLP’, was involved with Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the first ‘Meta’ work at UC Santa Cruz and has decided to return to the NLP community with a story to tell. He won many friends at the conference and an interview
with him will be carried in the Spring edition of Rapport. He will return to the UK with the NLP Academy in February, 2011. In all there were 52 speaker sessions this year. David Bowman explained that they had 80 submissions and “some who had spoken in previous years were unable to get a slot. I wanted to make room for some speakers who were new to the conference such as Nick Kemp, Ian McGilchrist, David Hodgson and, of course, Frank Pucelik. Accommodating as many speakers as possible will be our biggest challenge for the 2011 conference.” The Grand Suite, scene of Shelle Rose Charvet’s session on Friday became an exhibition hall, cloakroom, bookshop and refreshment room for Saturday and Sunday, providing a hub that brought delegates together between sessions. Exhibitors included (to those I’ve missed, apologies), International Speakers – Art Giser (Energetic NLP) and L. Michael Hall (Neuro Semantics); UK Training Schools –NLP Academy, Awaken, Lazarus Consultancy, PPD Learning, The Change Corporation; Representative bodies – The Professional Guild of NLP, ANLP and Service Providers like The Book Midwife (publishing), Smart Dreamers (Video) and Hypnoke (Audio Equipment). As well as having a stand at the show, ANLP Managing Director, Karen Moxom was speaking in a lunchtime session on the Saturday on the topic of Coalition NLP and setting out her thoughts on working together to make NLP more accessible and client-friendly. The Grand Suite was also the venue for evening drinks and networking on the Saturday evening. The room was full of animation and conversation as delegates and speakers mingled and shared insights and experiences from the day. Again the buzz was significant. David Bowman explained that the venue management had contributed to that atmosphere, “They have been very flexible,
TRAINING & WORKSHOPS
The NLP Conference is truly a place where the NLP Community in the UK and beyond comes to connect, learn and grow very attentive. They suggested turning down the lighting and putting tea lights on the tables. The guys serving drinks all had big smiles and seemed to be enjoying what they were doing. That also helps.” There was a quieter feel to the day on Sunday but that perception was, for once, not reality. There were plenty of people about, 320 delegates in fact, and plenty of variety for them to experience. There were 23 sessions on Sunday, finishing at 6pm, so no lazy Sunday for the NLP Community! Topics were once again varied and included boundaries, well formed outcomes, Thought Pattern Management, working with fear, New Code NLP, Shakespeare, learning organisations, business leadership and modelling. People I spoke with during the conference were all positive about the event, with Lisa Wake, of Awaken Consulting commenting on how the conference “reflected a new maturity in the NLP Community”. Some of the sessions were enjoyed more than others but on balance, the overall feeling was that the two days had been a worthwhile investment of both time and money, not to mention the intellectual and emotional investment required in the sessions. There were few downsides. The main problem, experienced by several of the delegates I spoke to, was the difficulty of finding the Hotel on foot from the Tube and by car. Docklands can be confusing, especially as the water limits the access between Canary
Wharf and the hotel. Once there, however, the organisation, refreshments (it was a good move to provide a sandwich lunch for all delegates) and the quality of the sessions made up for that. Planning for the 2011 Conference will begin, according to David Bowman, “in about a week. We will be contacting the speakers for their feedback and then starting the process again.” Numbers of speakers and of delegates are not far from the maximum that can be accommodated comfortably. “We could perhaps have 50 more delegates before there is pressure for space in some of the rooms. We’ll also be looking at what we can do to make getting here easier – and staying in the hotel more attractive.” The Education day will also happen again next year. “I can see that could grow into its own two day conference in time”, David told me. Apart from that, the conference will continue with much the same mix of therapy and business focus. In my view, it will also retain its value as the place where you can meet people of like mind and discuss NLP and its related topics, in a relaxed atmosphere, and where you can learn something new (usually several somethings) and where you can also meet the big names in NLP and talk to them over drinks. The NLP Conference is truly a place where the NLP Community in the UK and beyond comes to connect, learn and grow.
Comments from participants The Conference reflected the really amazing thought processes and a new maturity within the NLP Community. I liked having the neuroscience component of NLP present this year. Lisa Wake - Awaken Consulting I’m here more to connect with people. The main room has got a good buzz in it, the exhibitors are connecting with each other. People are very open and exploring ideas not just in the sessions but in the breaks. The conference is highly congruent with NLP, well organised, well structured and with a good mix of people. Michael Carroll - NLP Academy Variety is what brings me here. Shelle is an excellent presenter and had a very short time to cover so much territory. I will take things away and apply them. Maria - Delegate Interesting new approaches are useful in my job and my daily life. Some enhancement and a strong ‘how not to do it’ lesson as well. Becky Maude - Delegate I’m here to gain profile. The room has been very well laid out and a lot of people are passing my desk. Lunch was in this room (Grand Suite) so people had a reason to be here. It is great being around so many likeminded people. Jeremy Lazarus - The Lazarus Consultancy
More at www.nlpconference.co.uk
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DIARY
DIARY OF EVENTS FOR WINTER 2011 January 2011 NLP Intensive Master Practitioner 3/1/11 India - Kerala Sue Knight 01628 604438 sue@sueknight.co.uk NLP Trainer Training in India 3/1/11 India - Kerala Sue Knight 01628 604438 sue@sueknight.co.uk One day Certificate in NLP Birmingham 8/1/11 Jury's Inn Hotel Birmingham Mark Taylor 01216322120 info@opt2xl.co.uk Introduction to NLP and Clean Language 8/1/11 Old Basing- Hampshire Angela Watson +44 (0)7780994289 contactme@angelawatsonnlp.com INLPTA NLP Practitioner 8/1/11 Swindon Mike Dee 01793706862 mike.dee@aapd.co.uk INLPTA Accredited NLP Practitioner 8/1/11 Isbourne Centre- Cheltenham Kim Phillips 01386 861916 kimmphillips@hotmail.com NLP Practitioner Programme 8/1/11 Cedar Farm Galleries- Lancs Mandy Pearson 07931 520101 mandy@harlowhill.com ACCELERATED NLP Practitioner Certification 9/1/11 London Colette White 0800 0433 657 or from outside the UK call +44 (0)207 249 5051 colette@infiniteexcellence.com FREE 2 Day NLP Business Diploma! 12/1/11 Hertfordshire David Key +44 (0)845 434 0149 enquiries@auspicium.co.uk Diploma in Neurolinguistic Psychotherapy 2011/12 13/1/11 North East Susi Strang Wood MRCGP 01287 654175 drsusistrang@aol.com
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Empowering Learning Family Breakthrough 'Pass Literacy On' 15/1/11 Redbourn - Herts Olive Hickmott 07970-854388 olive@empoweringhealth.co.uk
Professional Development & NLP Seminars 23/1/11 Cardiff University Paul Harper 01685 883799 nlp2012@sky.com
Discover NLP 15/1/11 London Helen Drake 0208 995 2864 helen@pointtaken.com
NLP Birmingham - NLP Practitioner Training Course 25/1/11 Birmingham Mark Taylor 01216322120 info@opt2xl.co.uk
Accelerated Certificate in Advanced Coaching Skills 15/1/11 Near Bath Sally Vanson 01225 867285 sally@theperformancesolution. com NLP Practitioner Course 15/1/11 Swindon Mike Dee 01793706862 mike.dee@aapd.co.uk INLPTA Trainers Training 18/1/11 North East Susi Strang Wood MRCGP 01287 654175 drsusistrang@aol.com NLP Practitioner Accredited by ANLP 22/1/11 Chelmsford Essex Denise Collins 01245 476376 Denisecollins100@aol.com NLP Practitioner Course 22/1/11 Brighton Terry Elston 0800 074 6425 terryelston@nlpworld.co.uk NLP Master Practitioner 22/1/11 Aberdeen Rosie O'Hara 01309 676004 info@nlphighland.co.uk INLPTA Accredited NLP Master Practitioner 22/1/11 Isbourne Centre- Cheltenham Kim Phillips 01386 861916 kimmphillips@hotmail.com NLP Master Practitioner 22/1/11 Glenrothes- Fife Rosie O'Hara 01309 676004 info@nlphighland.co.uk
Managing Your Talent 29/1/11 Aberdeen Rosie O'Hara 01309 676004 info@nlphighland.co.uk
NLP Practitioner Course 5/2/11 Swindon Mike Dee 01793706862 mike.dee@aapd.co.uk
NLP Practice Group 29/1/11 London Jeremy Lazarus 020 8349 2929 jeremy@thelazarus.com
LAB Profile Practitioner 5/2/11 Elgin - Moray Rosie O'Hara 01309 676004 info@nlphighland.co.uk
FREE 2 Day NLP Business Diploma! 26/1/11 Hertfordshire David Key +44 (0)845 434 0149 enquiries@auspicium.co.uk
Southsea NLP Practice Group 31/1/11 Southsea- Portsmouth Joe Isaac 02392733920 joebythesea@hotmail.com
NLP Practitioner Programme 12/2/11 Cedar Farm Galleries - Lancs Mandy Pearson 07931 520101 mandy@harlowhill.com
February 2011
Certified Business Diploma in NLP 26/1/11 Manchester Phillippa Mole 01582 621373 info@freshaircoaching.co.uk
Fast-track NLP Master Practitioner 3/2/11 London Jeremy Lazarus 020 8349 2929 jeremy@thelazarus.com
ACCELERATED NLP Practitioner Certification 13/2/11 Nottingham Colette White 0800 043 3657 or from outside the UK +44 207 249 5051 colette@infiniteexcellence.com
NLP Learning Forum- Bradford 27/1/11 Bradford - West Yorkshire Kevin Downsworth 01274 585160 kdownsworth.firstposition@ blueyonder.co.uk
Discover NLP 4/2/11 London Helen Drake 0208 995 2864 helen@pointtaken.com
NLP Taster Regent's CollegeLondon (Worth £125) 27/1/11 Accenture centre- Milton Keynes Michael Beale 01908 506563 michaelbeale@ppimk.com NLP Diploma (NLP Practitioner part 1) 28/1/11 The Cotswold Conference Centre nr. Broadway John Field 01386 725 679 john.field@fieldlearning.co.uk NLP Diploma (INLPTA certified) 28/1/11 Stirling - Scotland Karen Meager 01749 687 102 karen@monkeypuzzletraining. co.uk Business Booster Day ~ £35 per session or £70 for all 3 28/1/11 Bradford/Leeds - West Yorkshire Kevin Downsworth 01274 585160 kdownsworth.firstposition@ blueyonder.co.uk NLSP: Neuro-Linguistic Sports Psychology 28/1/11 Nottingham Ken Way 07973 321039 ken@vsl.co.uk
NLP practitioner 5/2/11 Bedfordshire Melody Cheal 01767 640956 melody@gwiztraining.com INLPTA NLP Practitioner 5/2/11 Swindon Mike Dee 01793706862 mike.dee@aapd.co.uk INLPTA Accredited NLP Practitioner 5/2/11 Isbourne Centre- Cheltenham Kim Phillips 01386 861916 kimmphillips@hotmail.com Nick Kemp : Provocative Change Works™ 5/2/11 UKCPD- Swindon Tony Nutley 0800 612 9189 info@ukcpd.net NLP Taster Day 5/2/11 Regent's College- central London Robbie Steinhouse 44 (0) 207 428 7915 info@nlpschool.com
NLP Foundation (part 1 of practitioner) 14/2/11 Accenture centre- Milton Keynes Michael Beale 01908 506563 michaelbeale@ppimk.com NLP Taster Accenture Centre Milton Keynes (Worth £125) 14/2/11 Accenture centre- Milton Keynes Michael Beale 01908 506563 michaelbeale@ppimk.com Endorsed NLP for Business Diploma 14/2/11 Aberdeen Rosie O'Hara 01309 676004 info@nlphighland.co.uk FREE 2 Day NLP Business Diploma! 16/2/11 Hertfordshire David Key +44 (0)845 434 0149 enquiries@auspicium.co.uk NLP Basics (part 2 of practitioner) 16/2/11 Accenture centre- Milton Keynes Michael Beale 01908 506563 michaelbeale@ppimk.com NLP Trainer Training in India 16/2/11 India - Kerala Sue Knight 01628 604438 sue@sueknight.co.uk
NLP Masterclass/Master Practitioner 16/2/11 India - Kerala Sue Knight 01628 604438 suet@sueknight.co.uk INLPTA NLP Practitioner Training 17/2/11 London Helen Drake 0208 995 2864 helen@pointtaken.com NLP Practitioner (INLPTA certified); Module 1 18/2/11 Bristol Karen Meager 01749 687 102 karen@monkeypuzzletraining. co.uk Fast-track NLP Master Practitioner 18/2/11 London Jeremy Lazarus 020 8349 2929 jeremy@thelazarus.com NLP Practitioner Course- Fife 19/2/11 Thornton- Fife Rosie O'Hara 01309 676004 info@nlphighland.co.uk INLPTA Accredited NLP Master Practitioner 19/2/11 Isbourne Centre- Cheltenham Kim Phillips 01386 861916 kimmphillips@hotmail.com Endorsed NLP Diploma 19/2/11 Thornton. Fife Rosie O'Hara 01309 676004 info@nlphighland.co.uk Professional Development & NLP Seminars 20/2/11 Cardiff University Paul Harper 01685 883799 nlp2012@sky.com INLPTA Master Practitioner 22/2/11 North East Susi Strang Wood MRCGP 01287 654175 drsusistrang@aol.com NLP Business Diploma 23/2/11 London Jeremy Lazarus 020 8349 2929 jeremy@thelazarus.com NLP Fast-track Sports Practitioner 23/2/11 London Jeremy Lazarus 020 8349 2929 jeremy@thelazarus.com
Fast-track NLP Practitioner 23/2/11 London Jeremy Lazarus 020 8349 2929 jeremy@thelazarus.com NLP Birmingham - NLP Coach Practitioner Training Course ABNLP Certified 26/2/11 Birmingham Mark Taylor 01216322120 info@opt2xl.co.uk Southsea NLP Practice Group 28/2/11 Southsea - Portsmouth Joe Isaac 02392733920 joebythesea@hotmail.com
March 2011 NLP Practitioner 1/3/11 North East Susi Strang Wood MRCGP 01287 654175 drsusistrang@aol.com FREE 2 Day NLP Business Diploma! 2/3/11 Hertfordshire David Key +44 (0)845 434 0149 enquiries@auspicium.co.uk NLP Master Practitioner Presenting 2/3/11 Accenture centre- Milton Keynes Michael Beale 01908 506563 michaelbeale@ppimk.com NLP Accreditation (part 3 of practitioner) 2/3/11 Accenture centre- Milton Keynes Michael Beale 01908 506563 michaelbeale@ppimk.com NLSP: Neuro-Linguistic Sports Psychology 2/3/11 Nottingham Ken Way 07973 321039 ken@vsl.co.uk NLP Diploma for the Media and Creative Industries 3/3/11 Harpenden - Hertfordshire Phillippa Mole 01582 621373 info@freshaircoaching.co.uk Fast-track NLP Master Practitioner 4/3/11 London Jeremy Lazarus 020 8349 2929 jeremy@thelazarus.com
INLPTA Accredited NLP Practitioner 5/3/11 Isbourne Centre- Cheltenham Kim Phillips 01386 861916 kimmphillips@hotmail.com NLP Practitioner Course 5/3/11 Swindon Mike Dee 01793706862 mike.dee@aapd.co.uk INLPTA NLP Practitioner 5/3/11 Swindon Mike Dee 01793706862 mike.dee@aapd.co.uk NLP Business Practitioner 7/3/11 Henley on Thames UK Sue Knight 01628 604438 sue@sueknight.co.uk NLP Business Diploma 9/3/11 London Jeremy Lazarus 020 8349 2929 jeremy@thelazarus.com NLP Fast-track Sports Practitioner 9/3/11 London Jeremy Lazarus 020 8349 2929 jeremy@thelazarus.com Fast-track NLP Practitioner 9/3/11 London Jeremy Lazarus 020 8349 2929 jeremy@thelazarus.com INLPTA Full Practitioner Module 1 10/3/11 Gloucestershire Reb Veale +44(0)7790885086 reb@revealsolutions.co.uk Powerful Language ~ Influencing With Integrity 10/3/11 Bradford / Leeds West Yorkshire Kevin Downsworth 01274 585160 kdownsworth.firstposition@ blueyonder.co.uk NLP Certified 13 Day Master Practitioner Training 11/3/11 Hertfordshire David Key +44 (0)845 434 0149 enquiries@auspicium.co.uk NLP Practitioner Programme 12/3/11 Cedar Farm Galleries - Lancs Mandy Pearson 07931 520101 mandy@harlowhill.com
NLP master practitioner 12/3/11 Bedfordshire Melody Cheal 01767 640956 melody@gwiztraining.com NLP Birmingham - Time Line Therapy™ Practitioner Training Course 12/3/11 Birmingham Mark Taylor 01216322120 info@opt2xl.co.uk ACCELERATED NLP Practitioner Certification 13/3/11 London Colette White 0800 043 3657 or from outside the UK +44 207 249 5051 colette@infiniteexcellence.com Fast-track NLP Master Practitioner 16/3/11 London Jeremy Lazarus 020 8349 2929 jeremy@thelazarus.com INLPTA Accredited NLP Master Practitioner 19/3/11 Isbourne Centre - Cheltenham Kim Phillips 01386 861916 kimmphillips@hotmail.com
NLP 7 Day Certified Rapid Practitioner Training 26/3/11 Hertfordshire David Key +44 (0)845 434 0149 enquiries@auspicium.co.uk Southsea NLP Practice Group 28/3/11 Southsea - Portsmouth Joe Isaac 02392733920 joebythesea@hotmail.com Transforming Understanding into Results ~ Values - Beliefs & Outcomes 31/3/11 Bradfrod / Leeds West Yorkshire Kevin Downsworth 01274 585160 kdownsworth.firstposition@ blueyonder.co.uk
NLP Birmingham - Accelerated ABNLP Certified Practitioner training course 19/3/11 Waseley Hills Country ParkBirmingham Mark Taylor 01216322120 info@opt2xl.co.uk Professional Development & NLP Seminars 20/3/11 Cardiff University Paul Harper 01685 883799 nlp2012@sky.com NLP Master Practitioner with Stephen Gilligan & Shelle Rose Charvet (Regent's College) 24/3/11 London Robbie Steinhouse 44 (0) 207 428 7915 info@nlpschool.com Gene Early and Sue Knight - the Structure of Excellence 24/3/11 Henley on Thames UK Sue Knight 01628 604438 support@sueknight.co.uk Attention Shifting Coaching 24/3/11 Bedfordshire Melody Cheal 01767 640956 melody@gwiztraining.com
To get your workshops and events listed in Rapport, log in as a member to www.anlp.org and enter your events into the online diary. Every issue, online events listed for the next 3 months will be included in Rapport. rapport - Winter 2010/2011
| 45
New Titles for Therapists from Crown House Publishing Bi-polar Girl An irreverant look at bipolar disorder Gabrielle Blackman-Sheppard We all have good days and bad days. We all have times when we feel unstoppable and times when we just want to stop and make it all go away. That’s perfectly normal. But what happens when our ‘ups’ are just a little bit too, well, up? When we don’t just feel unstoppable but we feel invincible? In fact we are so ‘up’, we haven’t really noticed that we can’t come down? Until that day when we do. With a crash. To experience the highest highs and lowest lows means there is something more sinister going on in our brains. This is the realm of bipolar disorder. This is what this book is about. Gabrielle Blackman-Sheppard lives with bipolar and whether you are recommending this book because your client is coming to terms with their own illness or searching within it for a better understanding, Gabrielle’s honesty will be of support and provide a valuable insight into bipolar disorder.
ISBN 978-184590446-3 £12.99
Thinking Therapeutically Hypnotic Skills and Strategies Explored Tom Barber and Sandra Westland Thinking Therapeutically provides a rare insight into the world of two experienced therapists as they recall their own enlightening journeys to becoming therapists. Tom Barber and Sandra Westland offer a number of verbatim accounts of their most memorable sessions, along with a personal processing of each session and, more importantly, a critical analysis of each other’s work. Therapists are often provided with a number of theories, approaches and techniques they are told will be therapeutic, but without any guidance as to whether they will help a particular client. This book provides an opportunity to see these ideas in action and gives some essential critique as to what did and what did not work in the sessions described. Tom and Sandra bring their own personal touch to this book, never before seen with this degree of honesty and transparency. In sharing their work they provide both new and experienced therapists with unique insights that often only the seasoned practitioner can.
ISBN 978-184590677-1 £20.00
To order your copies now visit www. anglo-american.co.uk or contact us on 01267 211880
BOOK REVIEWS
RAPPORT BOOK REVIEW Beyond Question Coaching Cards Helen K Emms £12.99, Live It Publishing While you could read Helen Emms’ 195 page “Changing Mindsets & Developing Spirit” cover to cover it would to some degree be missing the point – quite literally. Each of the 15 sections is introduced by a short explanation followed by some key coaching points in bullet point format. The “magic” though is in the insightful verses that offer many interpretations on different levels. For Emms it is fear that is preventing us from leading successful and fulfilled lives and her approach for overcoming it, lies with the spiritual self. Her book and in particular her verses are a key to unlocking that connection.
By making the reader aware of his or her feelings and thoughts she offers the unconscious– perhaps like a “soft” sleight of mouth, the opportunity to change the mindset. While most verses are generalist in their approach, some appear to deal more specifically with sporting experiences and yet, these too, are a metaphor with opportunities to change the mindset and again connect more deeply with the spiritual self. It’s a book to reread again and again, especially if you feel the day didn’t go so well. Timothy Hilgenberg, Book Review Panel
Hitting the wall... and breaking through Carol Talbot £9.99, Ecademy Press This is an easy read and is full of stories to inspire change. Talbot looks at change in three ways: tunnelling, breakthrough and climbing the wall and offers a different perspective on change while incorporating many recognised NLP tools and techniques along the way. Talbot continually asks searching questions and 'ponder points' to encourage reflection and outlines tools which can be applied to assist change. The title offers 'breaking through' and I am not sure
that just working through the tools in this book would be sufficient to really help someone who was 'stuck'. Having said that it could certainly act to inspire them to seek help to make change and the tools would then already be familiar, and they would seek help expecting to be able to change -which is a fantastic position from which to approach a coach or therapist. Suzanne Henwood, Book Review Panel
The Rainbow Machine Andrew Austin £14.99, Real People Press I have to admit that until I was given hold when in such a large institution this book to review I had not really as the NHS. Andrew has demonstrated come across Andrew Austin. Now I NLP in practice for real... and using NLP wish I had done so much earlier. His in mental health settings is uncommon, straightforward, humorous and biting it appears to me... and is refreshing. With insight into how we function and this in mind, a working knowledge of how he uses NLP to enable better NLP helps to see how he is doing what functioning is encapsulated in this he does with the people he sees. It is an book. I laughed out loud and felt extraordinarily different NLP book, and squirmy in turns as I read. Andrews all the better for that, funny but with nursing background resonates with sound NLP practice embedded within my own and I could recognise the it’s pages. situations and limiting beliefs people Lesley Carter, Book Review Panel
To join the Book Review Panel email members@anlp.org rapport - Winter 2010/2011
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AUTHOR INTERVIEW
How to Coach with NLP Robbie Steinhouse talks about synergy, space and his latest book. By Caitlin Collins
A
few months ago I went along to a meeting of a personaldevelopment coaching group in my local town. Having vaguely assumed that coaching and NLP were, if not actually married, at least engaged I was in for a surprise. The group comprised just two NLP practitioners, a large number of coaches apparently indifferent to or ignorant of NLP, and one woman who stated that she disapproved of NLP and then annoyingly clammed up when I asked her to tell me more. Following that experience, I'd like to recommend Robbie Steinhouse's latest book ‘How to Coach with NLP’ as the perfect introduction agent: NLP, meet Coaching; Coaching meet NLP. I'm sure it would be a lasting love match if only they'd get to know each other. I found ‘How to Coach with NLP’ to be a great model of how such a book should be: clearly set out, informative, and full of easyto-follow practical exercises. Comprehensive and cohesive, it spans an impressively wide range of interests and coaching contexts, including business, life, sports and performance, while carefully distinguishing between coaching, mentoring, therapy, consulting, and friendship. The presentation of the coaching relationship, including establishing the client-coach contract and setting up the first session, provides a widely applicable professional structure. I especially liked Robbie's use of analytical models to understand the wide range of possibilities of coaching, such as correlating levels of coaching with Robert Dilts's Logical Levels and coach to awakener model, and with Spiral Dynamics. The field mind and therapeutic space Robbie, who has trained and worked with Robert Dilts, has dedicated the book to Dilts, who wrote the preface. While applying Dilts's Logical Levels and coach to awakener model to coaching provides a great holistic approach, it also gives us a good springboard from which to begin our conversation: heading rapidly beyond the
48 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
The field mind refers to some kind of intelligence beyond the individual further reaches of the Logical Levels, we take off into the field mind... 'I owe a lot to Robert Dilts, and to Stephen Gilligan,' says Robbie. 'Stephen was of course one of the early greats in NLP. I find his model of somatic mind, conscious mind and field mind very useful. The field mind refers to some kind of intelligence beyond the individual: you can find it in the synergy that occurs when two or more people meet. Robert Dilts interprets this field mind as a meditative space: you can clear yourself as a vessel, trusting that guidance will come and
surrendering to that. This fits with coaching: at the cognitive level, you're listening to the client and trying to work out what to do; however if you can let go and relax into that meditative space, trusting that something will come out of that space, then what does come will surprise you! It's about trusting the NLP presupposition that people have the resources they need. The client will come up with something; or you'll come up with something; with two equals in discussion, something will emerge! If you're too strongly operating at the cognitive level, it doesn't happen; somehow you block it.' In his book Robbie puts forward the intriguing suggestion that the field mind could offer us a content-free form of faith. That sounds a helpful idea to me – a common ground – or in this case common space – free from doctrinal disagreements must be
The Rescripting process Part 1: The story Set the mood for story-telling: what's your favourite childhood story? Find a positive character, maybe fictional, maybe in real life, you can identify with. Tell your own story from that hero character's perspective; base your story on your own family story, from your grandparents to the present day. This means that a character you feel wholly positive about takes your role, rather than yourself – who you probably feel ambivalent about, thanks to the family curse! Give the story a title. Part 2: The curse Identify a family curse (some families have many curses – just choose one!) and phrase it as a negative double bind ie If X then Y; if not X then Z – where Y and Z are both 'loser' outcomes (eg If you do what you want you'll let others down; if you don't do what you want you'll let yourself down) Part 3: Distilling the good of the curse into a metaphor. Find the positive intentions behind the curse
(there's always at least one!) and find a metaphor or symbol to represent them. Part 4: The curse buster Continue the story into the future with the curse transformed, bringing the metaphor along with the hero character; the metaphor may either destroy the curse or be a support for the hero that helps them to move forward. Give the new story a title. Part 5: Putting the new show on the road Identify where your past and future appear on a timeline. Point to all occurrences of the curse; if any appear in the future, move them back into the past. If this is difficult, remember that you can keep any positive aspects of the curse; you're only moving the negative aspects. Put the title of the new story onto your future timeline in your own way. Notice how things are now you have made these changes.
AUTHOR INTERVIEW
You can trust the presupposition that people have the resources they need
a good thing. 'That's right,' agrees Robbie, 'and of course, from an NLP point of view, it's extremely useful to recognise that forces beyond the conscious mind can produce outcomes! It ties in with so many things, for example the concept of unconscious competence. You can have the confidence that what you need is in the body, in the muscle, and it will avail itself to you when you need it: if you need an NLP process, you can relax in that space and trust that it will appear! There's also the concept of limbic resonance – there's a lot of research going on in this area, showing the changes that take place when people operate as a team, or somebody is stroking a cat, or with a horse and rider.' So something emerges out of such a connection that is greater than the sum of its parts? 'Exactly: something happens that is greater than just one person, or two people – and that space or field or whatever you want to call it has healing properties.' Robbie emphasises the importance of integrity in coaching. 'I think that sometimes in the NLP world we can see a difference between someone 'on-stage' and 'off-stage'. State-management can be effective and professionally necessary at one level, but it can also mean a lack of authenticity. I believe it's a mistake to underestimate people: you can't fool them – or at least, if you can, they're naive – you'll alienate anyone intelligent! Once you master coaching, you embody it. You can trust that whatever you need will appear out that therapeutic space, and you can use the principles of NLP discreetly – you don't necessarily have to put somebody
through obvious processes; in fact it can alienate someone if you keep pushing them through NLP processes. In the coach to awakener model, you embody the beliefs and values of your client's outcome. And you find that the presenting problem is never the real problem! If a client comes up with outcomes you find unpleasant or strange, probe deeper: there's always something else. Remember the NLP presupposition of a positive intention underlying even an apparently negative behaviour or desire.' Family stories, family curses Out of the many practical exercises in the book, I really liked the Hero's Journey, a process designed by Robert Dilts based on Joseph Campbell's studies of the structure of myths, that 's a great way to set up a positive future. However, when I ask Robbie about his own favourite processes in the book, he answers immediately: 'The Rescripting process. The Hero's Journey is about accepting your calling; it deals with your future. Rescripting helps you to deal with your past, so you can go forward on your journey.' I know it's naughty to boast, and I know that most people can claim the dubious distinction of a more or less dysfunctional family, but since the death of my parents recently some spectacular skeletons have clattered out of my family's closet. So naturally I had, um, overlooked Robbie's chapter on identifying family curses and gaining new perspectives on one's personal history. 'It works at the Logical Levels level of Identity,' explains Robbie. 'The idea that everyone has a script, usually inherited from their family, comes from TA [Transactional Analysis]. With the Hero's Journey, you enter the journey with your script already in place, which can create obstacles on the journey. Your script shapes your destiny, so it's a good idea to identify the destructive elements in it so you can change it. What I've called the
family curse is a double bind that you take on as a child: for example something like "If you succeed you'll be alone and if you don't succeed you'll be unlovable". We're entering the area of therapy here – it can be very useful for coaches to be a bit more grounded in psychology.' It's not like 'The Fly'! What about a last word of advice for coaches? 'You know those science fiction films, where the scientist experiments on himself and swallows the potion – with terrible consequences? Well, it's not like that in coaching! Start with yourself! If you can't coach yourself, you can't expect to coach anyone else! Coaching isn't something you do 'to' someone else; it's 'with' someone else – so you have to do it with yourself, and work through the processes with yourself first.' So this advice fits in with the necessity for authenticity and integrity? 'Yes!' agrees Robbie, adding, 'I can understand the scepticism of the coaching world towards NLP. It's more than just a naivety in failing to credit NLP; it's also about people's negative perceptions of NLP. There's a shadow side to NLP, for example the dubious guru stuff, NLP used for seduction, and no unifying body so lots of myths around. There's also an element of academic snobbery – NLP isn't in the club!' It seems to me that there are 'shadow sides' to many fields of human endeavour; knowing how to spot the valuable and steer clear of the dodgy is a necessary part of our life-learning. So let's hope the scepticism in the coaching world can be transformed into a wise discernment that recognises the genuine contribution to be found in NLP and let's hope they read this book!
Robbie Steinhouse, How to Coach with NLP, Prentice Hall, 2010 www.nlpschool.com
rapport - Winter 2010/2011
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ANLP NEWS
ACUITY:
The New NLP Journal Is Here! By Joe Cheal
T
here comes a moment of realisation, when a dream manifests in front of your eyes. For Joe Cheal, the editor of Acuity, an NLP journal has been a dream for many years. “I woke up one morning in July 2009 having come to a decision… If I wanted a journal so much, it was time to make it happen!” And with the support and help of some wonderful people, you now have an opportunity to enjoy the outcome of that dream. James Lawley (the coauthor of Metaphors in Mind: Transformation through Symbolic Modelling), has been a great supporter of the journal: “It is with a great sense of ‘at last!’ that I welcome the publication of Acuity. For a good while now there has been a piece missing in the jigsaw that is NLP. Acuity fills the gap, and it does so in many ways. It motivates authors from around the world to write illuminating in-depth articles. It brings together a range of diverse topics thereby giving the reader an opportunity to make unexpected associations. And by publishing high quality reviewed papers it serves to raise the game of the whole field.” Acuity is the new anthology of shared findings and learnings published by the ANLP and it is designed to sit between Rapport magazine and the Current Research in NLP journal. It is a forum where the field can be enhanced and advanced; it is a place where pioneers can share
ideas and like minds can discover developing dimensions around the NLP world. Another great supporter has been L. Michael Hall, the developer of the Meta-States Model. He believes that: “NLP can only thrive when there are journals that provide open, respectful, and professional exchanges by those who lead the way in creating a collaborative community.” In order to create a quality journal, Acuity is peer reviewed by a panel including: Steve Andreas, Robert Dilts, L. Michael Hall, James Lawley, Robert Smith and Lisa Wake (and soon to be joined by John Seymour). Volume One of Acuity includes: NLP Patterns and Principles by Richard Gray “If only God would give us a sign”: The Role of MetaComments by Penny Tompkins & James Lawley The Role of Moods in NLP by Joe Cheal The Four Pillars and Coaching by Angus McLeod 7+2 Keys To Becoming A World-Class Coach by L. Michael Hall The “How” Behind “The Secret” by Richard Bolstad A PDF version of Acuity is free to members of the ANLP and a hard copy is £9.95 for members to buy. For non-members, a PDF is £4.95 to download and £19.95 for hard copy.
Acuity (Online) ISSN 2045-
5402
Enhancing and Ad
vancing
Neuro Linguistic Programming A New Anthology of Shared Findin gs and Learnings Published by the ANLP
November 2010 Vol. 1 / NO. 1
So are you ready to help enhance and advance the field of NLP? Obviously, without contributors a journal is an empty experience. The aim of Acuity is to promote stimulating developments in NLP: new models, techniques, applications, refinements and new perspectives to old themes. We would like to help you share your discoveries with the rest of the NLP community and so we are looking for original, well written and well referenced contributions for publication in the journal. If you have any enquiries or have written an NLP related article that you would like published in Acuity, please email the editor Joe Cheal (joe@gwiztraining.com).
Acuity is published by ANLP and is available online as either a PDF (£4.95) or hard copy (£19.95). Members can download a complimentary PDF copy by logging into the members area of www.anlp.org
50 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
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REGIONAL GROUPS
RAPPORT NETWORKING CONTACT Practice Group of the month: ANLP Practice Group in Hertfordshire Fun, Practical, Energising, Practice‌ We were delighted to be invited to host an ANLP Practice group in Hertfordshire. Only 20 minutes from Kings Cross, Auspicium NLP Academy, led by ANLP, ABNLP & INLPTA Accredited NLP Trainer, David Key, will be running quarterly practice groups at their training venue in Stevenage.
As you can imagine, the team at Auspicium welcome all levels of NLP experience to their group because they know the value in sharing different models of excellence with curious NLPers. The plan for 2011 is to invite different experts to share ideas on how you can continue to grow and make an even bigger difference in 2011 and beyond!
Your investment is only ÂŁ10 which includes, coffee, tea, nibbles and covers the cost of venue hire. Call 0845 434 0149 for more detail, go online to www.auspicium.co.uk or email emma@auspicium.co.uk. We look forward to seeing you in 2011.
David Key - www.auspicium.co.uk - Tel: 0845 434 0149
England - North Harrogate Achievers Club Sonia Marie Saxton Tel: 0845 257 0036 E: smesaxton@saxtonpartners.co.uk Harrogate Practice Group Elizabeth Pritchard T: 01326 212 959 E: elizabeth@zeteticmind.com www.zeteticmind.com Lancs - Nr Clitheroe Dawn Haworth T: 01254 824 504 E: admin@nlpand.co.uk www.nlpand.co.uk Leeds - West Yorkshire Liz Tolchard T: 01943 873 895 M: 07909 911 769 E: liztolchard@live.com Manchester Business NLP and Emotional Intelligence Group Andy Smith T: 0845 83 855 83 E: andy@practicaleq.com www.manchesternlp.co.uk Manchester NLP Group Gary Plunkett T: 08707 570292 E: enrol@high-achievers.co.uk E: nwnlpgroups@aol.com Manchester, Stockport, High Peak Sandie Shaw or Chris Delaney T: 07985 284 914 E: nlppracticegroup@googlemail.com Newcastle Upon Tyne Philip Brown T: 0191 456 3930 M: 0777 228 1035 North Yorkshire Alan Johnson T: 01609 778 543 www.nlpnorthallerton.co.uk North Yorkshire Practice Group Rebecca Wake T: 01642 714702 E: rebecca@awakenconsulting.co.uk www.awakenconsulting.co.uk
52 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
North West & North Wales (Chester) Gary Plunkett T: 08707 570 292 E: enrol@high-achievers.co.uk E: nlp4fun@aol.com Warrington Tiffany Kay T: 0845 833 8831 E: tiffany@go-beyond-nlp.co.uk www.WarringtonNLP.co.uk York Philip Callaghan T: 01904 636 216 E: info@bronze-dragon.com www.bronze-dragon.com/nlp_group.shtml
England - South Bedfordshire Melody and Joe Cheal T: 01767 640956 E: info@gwiztrainig.com www.gwiztraining.com Berkshire NLP Group Balbir Chagger M: 07944 931 437 E: berkshirenlpgroup@googlemail.com www.lifestorytherapeuticcentre.com/NLP. aspx Croydon Michael Carroll T: 020 8686 9952 E: info@realnlp.co.uk www.nlpacademy.co.uk Hants - NLP South Nigel Heath T: 01794 390 651 E: heatherapy@aol.com www.nlp-south.org.uk Hertfordshire - Hemel Hempstead Ross Hammond 07540 371066 ross.hammo@ntlworld.com www.rosshammondcoaching.com Hertfordshire - Letchwoth James Rolph T: 01462 674411 E: james@resource-ecologies.co.uk Kent & East Sussex NLP Group Beverley Hamilton T: 01892 511231 E: beverley.hamilton@uwclub.net
London - Hampstead / Najma Zaman T: 020 8926 1297 m: 07950477318 E: firstpath@btinternet.com
Oxford / Nick King M: 0780 253 4150 E: info@oxfordnlpgroup.org.uk www.oxfordnlpgroup.org.uk
London - Central PPD Learning Judith Lowe T: 0870 7744 321 E: info@ppdlearning.co.uk www.ppdlearning.co.uk/community/ our-practice-group
Sandwich, Kent Lindsey Agness or Zoe Young T: (Lindsey) 01304 621735 M:(Lindsey) 07711 036 192 M: (Zoe) 07932 371 164 E: zoej66@btinternet.com
London - Central (Business) Mark Underwood T: 020 7249 7472
South East London & City Simon Hedley T: 07930 275 223 E: londonpractice@psithinking.co.uk www.psithinking.co.uk/londonnlp practicegroup.htm www.nlpswap.com/
London (Central) Robert Ford T: 08453 962842 M: 07976 715234 E: livinglifenlp@orange.net London - Central/North Practitioners and above only Jeremy Lazarus T: 020 8349 2929 E: Jeremy@thelazarus.com www.thelazarus.com London The Performance Partnership David Shephard T: 020 8992 9523 E: info@performancepartnership.com www.performancepartnership.com London - Ladbroke Grove / Nina Madden 07906 255 529 E: mail@ninamadden.com www.ninamadden.com London NLP & Hypnosis Practice Group Phillip Holt T: 08451 306213 M: 07061 003 003 E: enquiries@nlp-london.com www.nlp-london.com London West - Richmond NLP Group Henrietta Laitt T: 0208 874 8203 M: 07880 614 040 E: henrietta@richmondnlpgroup.org.uk www.richmondnlpgroup.org.uk North London NLP / Tom MacKay T: 07815 879 055 E: tom@mackaysolutions.co.uk www.northlondonnlp.co.uk
Sussex - Brighton Association of NLP Practitioners / Terry Elston T: 0800 074 6425 E: enquiries@nlpworld.co.uk www.nlpworld.co.uk www.nlp-brighton-assoc.org Sussex - Brighton NLP Group Viv Craske M: 07939 134 274 E: mail@brightonnlpgroup.org www.brightonnlpgroup.org Sussex - Chichester Roger and Emily Terry T: 01243 792 122 M: 07810 876 210 E: info@evolutiontraining.co.uk www.evolutiontraining.co.uk Sussex - Worthing E: jim@espconsultancy.co.uk Ware / David Key T: +44 (0)845 434 0149 E: enquiries@auspicium.co.uk www.auspicium.co.uk West Sussex - Chichester Andrew T. Austin E: andrew@23nlpeople.com www.nlpstudygroup.com
England - East Cambridgeshire Phil Jones T: 07711 711 123 E: phil@excitant.co.uk www.cambsnlp.co.uk
Colchester NLP Group Julian Campbell T: 01473 410521 M: 07710 781782 E: nlp@lifechangingtherapies.co.uk www.lifechangingtherapies.co.uk/colnlp. html Essex - Southend Pauline Oliver T: 01702 203465 Norfolk NLP Practice Group Stephen Ferrey T: 01603 211 961 E: info@motivational-coaching.co.uk www.motivational-coaching.co.uk Ipswich Steve Marsden T: 07889 751578 E: steve_marsden@btopenworld.com Redbridge - Ilford Glenda Yearwood T: 0208 708 3876 E: glenda.yearwood@redbridge.gov.uk www.redbridge.gov.uk
England - West Bath NLP North East Somerset Philippe Roy T: 01225 404 050 E: pr@in-focus.org www.bathnlp.co.uk Bath NLP Skills Builder Ben Reeve T: 01823 334 080 E: benjamino_32@hotmail.com www.idevelop.co.uk Bournemouth John Chisholm and Michelle Fischer T: 01202 424250 E:info@creative-leadership.co.uk Bristol David Griffiths T: 01179 423 310 E: david@metamorphosis.me.uk Bristol Karen Meager T: 01749 687 102 E: karen@monkeypuzzletraining.co.uk www.monkeypuzzletraining.co.uk Cornwall Practice Group Elizabeth Pritchard T: 01326 212 959 E: elizabeth@zeteticmind.com www.zeteticmind.com Cornwall (West) Robert Ford T: 08453 962842 M: 07976 715234 E: livinglifenlp@orange.net Devon NLP Practice Group Jane Stubberfield T: 01392 841153 M: 07887 744299 E: jane@jsa-development.co.uk www.jsa-development.co.uk
Devon - South-West (totnes) NLP Support Group Alice Llewellyn & Anna Scott-Heyward T: 01803 866706/01803 323885 Devon - Torquay Chris Williams T: 0781 354 9073 Devon & Cornwall NLP Practice Group Nick Evans T: 01392 811 772 M: 07832 357 208 E: nick@nlp-southwest.co.uk www.nlp-southwest.co.uk/ WordPress/?p=72# more-72 Dorset John Chisholm or Brian Morton T: 01202 42 42 50 E: john@creative-leadership.co.uk E: bmhrd@btinternet.com www.nlpdorset.co.uk Swindon, West Country Tony Nutley T:01793 554834 E: info@ukcpd.net www.ukcpd.net
Northants - Northampton Ron Sheffield T: 01604 812800 E: ron.sheffield@btinternet.com www.nlpgroups.org Nottingham - West Bridgford Karen Shaw T: 01159 818 228 E: karen@innercommunications.com www.innercommunications.com Walsall/Birmingham Richard Pearce T: 07760 175589 E: richard@kochin.co.uk West Midlands - Worcestershire Jennie Barnes T:0886 884 022 E: jennie@barnes1835.fsbusiness.co.uk
Scotland Aberdeen Rosie O’Hara M: 07796 134081 E: info@nlphighland.co.uk www.nlphighland.co.uk
West Somerset Caitlin Collins T: 01643 841310 E: info@naturalmindmagic.com
Bridge of Allan, Stirling John McLachlan T: 07803 127 384 E: john@monkeypuzzletraining.co.uk www.monkeypuzzletraining.co.uk
Wiltshire Clare Smale T: 07977 362787 E:whitehorsenlp@btconnect.com www.whitehorsenlp.com
Edinburgh Centre of Excellence Practice Group Michael Spence T: 0131 664 7854 E: msnlp@btconnect.com
Worcestershire and Gloucestershire Practice Group Kim Phillips T: 01386 861916 E: kimmphillips@hotmail.com
Edinburgh NLP Practice Group Patrick Wheatley & Sheena Wheatley T: 0131 664 4344 M: 07765244030/ E: wheatley.co@btconnect.com E: sheena@changingperceptions.org.uk www.changingperceptions.org.uk
England - Midlands Birmingham Mark Taylor T: 07974 562830 E: info@opt2xl.co.uk www.opt2xl.co.uk Birmingham (flexible locations and to suit members) Mandy Ward T: 0121 625 7193 M: 07740 075669 E: mandy.ward3@virgin.net www.cassykindly.co.uk The Derby NLP Practice Group Karl Walkinshaw T: 07971 654 440 E: karl@k-d-w.co.uk East Midlands NLP Group Rupert Meese T: 0115 8226302 E: rupert.meese@lightmind.co.uk www.lightmind.co.uk/EMNLP
Inverness - (Highland) Rosie O’Hara T: 01309 676004 E: info@nlphighland.co.uk, www.nlphighland.co.uk
Wales Cardiff James Angove E: angove@ntlworld.com www.cardiffnlp.co.uk Shropshire & Mid Wales Practice Group Nick Greer T: 01743 361133 E: nlpgroup@nickgreer.com www.nickgreer.com
International Brussels, Belgium Gerard Murray T: +32 476 417 606 E: gerry.murray@widecircle.eu www.meetup.com/NLP-in-Brussels/ Chicago, USA B Groth T:(312) 751-2600 E: vakog@live.com www.meetup.com/NLP-Chicago India Charles Saldanha T: +91 (0) 9850 685510 E: charles@classnlp.com www.classnlp.com
Forres/Elgin NLP Practice Group (North of Scotland) Rosie O’ Hara T: 01309 676004 E: info@nlphighland.co.uk www.nlphighland.co.uk Glasgow Mina McGuigan T: 01236 610 949 M: 07886859942 E: mina.mcguigan@googlemail.com www.nlpacademyscotland.co.uk Glasgow Centre of Excellence Practice Group Michael Spence T: 01316 647 854 M: 07710 332 841 E: msnlp@btconnect.com Glasgow - NLP in Education Jeff Goodwin T: 0870 060 1549/0141 248 6484 E: jeff@nlpscotland.com www.nlpscotland.com
Practice Groups meet regularly and give you the chance to share experiences with like minded individuals and fellow professionals. They also offer you the opportunity to further your knowledge and add to your Continual Professional Development (CPD) through informed lectures and workshops. For further information on the Practice Groups listed, please log on to our website, www.anlp.org If you would like to add your Practice Group to this list or change existing details, please contact us on 020 3051 6740 or email members@anlp.org rapport - Winter 2010/2011
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ENDNOTE
What does it mean to have an ‘Open Mind’? By Dr. Terri Ann Laws
M
any people say they have an open mind, and many say they only enjoy conversation with people who have an open mind, but what specifically does it mean? Some nominalisations are a lot harder to define than others, so even though all nominalisations have different meanings in different minds, there are at least some similarities, and a brief list of synonyms usually helps people to agree vaguely on the meaning of the word. What I’ve discovered is that when people say they appreciate an open mind, what they really mean is that everyone should allow them their opinions and should agree or appreciate them. They don’t return the favour though. Well of course not. If your opinion is different from theirs then you don’t have an open mind. So does an open mind mean that my mind is open because I’m allowed to believe whatever I like, however controversial, and you must have an open mind and listen with interest as I tell you? Well, let’s try the opposite. What does a closed mind mean?
Isn’t that when a person has very fixed, set beliefs, and anything that doesn’t match or affirm their beliefs is wrong? Well then it gets a bit tricky because everyone has loads of fixed set beliefs they know are true, and many deep rooted convictions too. So who has an open mind? Surely one with an open mind then must be one who knows for certain that every belief he has, and even every conviction he has, could be proved wrong at any instant, and that’s OK. How many people are genuinely like that? Very few I’ll wager. We all know what we know for certain because we have a life time of education and experience to prove it. How many people do you know who can listen with respect, appreciation and even interest while someone explains that the world is actually only twenty thousand years old? What about someone explaining that we came from Mars originally and we killed that planet so we moved here? Better still, that there is a new Jesus, and he’s American, and we must all convert to him or go to hell? If we can’t abide or tolerate beliefs
that are way outside of our box, then can we really say we have an open mind? NLP is all about understanding people’s mind and emotions and how people tick. As human beings we are condemned to being gullible because everything, absolutely everything we know, we heard from someone else. Only the rare few like Einstein and Aldous Huxley went into the beyond with their minds and found us fresh new info that wasn’t already being taught by someone somewhere. Once a person knows something to be a fact (even if the ‘fact’ is that woman are evil or God punishes by sending drought), they defend that ‘truth’ with their emotions, becoming angry or contemptuous at any other opinion. So we’re doomed to believe only what we already assume to be fact. It is sad really. That’s why quantum physics has taken 100 years to become a main stream science. No educated person wants new info if it’s going to contradict something they believe to be true, something someone else told them that
terriannlaws@gmail.com Terri Ann Laws, Int. Master Trainer of NLP, Mind Power, Therapy and Life Coaching
54 | Winter 2010/2011 - rapport
they placed into their beliefs or conviction boxes. So we seem to have these boxes, and they’re all closed. We all have closed minds, well most of us anyway. And it is our emotions that keep them closed until someone with great NLP skills (by any other name)makes us feel so good that his new contrary options we’re able to accept and believe only because they feel ‘right’. Actually, it’s not only feeling good that opens our boxes, it’s any strong emotion led by a speaker. Those who sell Jesus or Allah or other deity for a living fill their listeners with guilt and fear and thereby get into the boxes and profoundly change beliefs at the deepest core level. So it seems then that an open mind means emotional maturity and control over our own emotions. With controlled emotions you could listen to anyone saying anything and allow yourself to be entertained whether you believe it or not, and decide for yourself later if you’d like to subscribe to the ideas without emotions influencing you at all. I think that would be an open mind.
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