QNotes Jan. 7-21, 2011

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

qnotes

qnotes

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

inside Jan. 8-21, 2011 Vol 25 No 18

10

news & features 6 News Notes: Regional Briefs 8 James touts bigotry 8 Shed a happy tear

a&e/life&style 10 Sexual safety first 12 A better you, a better community 12 Choosing you benefits everyone 13 Carry a ‘helper’s high’ 14 Out in the Stars

21

15 Tell Trinity 19 Q events calendar

opinions & views 4 Editor’s Note 4 Guest Commentary 5 General Gayety

13 connect goqnotes.com

twitter.com/qnotescarolinas facebook.com/qnotescarolinas Sign up for our weekly email newsletter at goqnotes.com.

5 QPoll 11 T-Notes

contributors this issue

Robbi Cohn, Matt Comer, Tyler DeVere, Darryl Hall, Charlene Lichtenstein, Lainey Millen, Leslie Robinson, David Stout, Trinity

front page

Graphic Design by Lainey Millen & Matt Comer Photo Credit: lululemonathletica via Flickr

Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc. P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222, ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Editor: Matt Comer, x202 editor@goqnotes.com Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Assoc. Ed.: David Stout, x210 editor2@goqnotes.com Sales: x206 adsales@goqnotes.com Production: Lainey Millen, x209 production@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, 212.242.6863 Printed on recycled paper.

Material in qnotes is copyrighted by Pride Publishing & Typesetting © 2011 and may not be reproduced in any manner without written consent of the editor or publisher. Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction. Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff. The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return.

Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

qnotes

VIEWS

editor’s note by matt comer matt@goqnotes.com

So, when I heard Burr had voted for DADT repeal, I was floored.

“This is, I think, a policy that generationally is right,” Burr told reporters after the vote. “A majority of Americans have grown up at a time that they don’t think exclusion is the right thing for the United States to do. It is not accepted practice anywhere else in our society and it only makes sense.”

Like DADT repeal generally, Burr’s single vote is historic in its own right. It marks the first time a Southern Republican has voted for pro-equality legislation, according to advocates with Equality North Carolina.

“His vote marks a significant first for our state and our region, and we hope it will encourage other fair-minded Republicans to stand up for fairness as well,” Equality North Carolina Executive Director Ian Palmquist said in a message to supporters.

I don’t know if Burr’s sudden change on DADT will extend to other matters, like employment non-discrimination or marriage, but I can hope. Burr’s December vote on DADT, along with those of seven other Republicans, should be seen as a sign of progress and it certainly made me proud to be a North Carolinian.

There are positive changes taking place all around us and all the time, even among people we might not generally perceive as supportive. Let this serve as a lesson to me, to keep hope alive even in the face of uncertainty.

P.S. — On a slightly related note, let me add because I just can’t help myself: I think it is quite ironic our usually-conservative, anti-gay, Republican U.S. senator is more progressive on LGBT issues than Charlotte’s entire Democratic city council. One votes to repeal a massive piece of legislation that discriminates against tens of thousands of U.S. citizens. The others can’t even bring themselves to vote on simple policy changes meant to protect LGBT employees. Wow. And, I’ll leave that at that. : :

SUBSCRIBE!

visit goqnotes.com/to/blog for daily insights, rants, raves and news tidbits from qnotes staff and local and national voices from around the web.

These rates only cover a portion of our true cost, however, our goal is to serve our community Mailed 1st class from Charlotte, NC, in sealed envelope.

Subscription Rates: ☐ 1 yr - 26 issues = $48 ☐ 1/2 yr - 13 issues = $34

______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ name:

______________________________________________________ address:

state: zip: ______________________________________________________ city:

☐ mastercard ☐ visa ☐ discover ☐ american express ______________________________________________________ credit card – check one:

exp. date: ______________________________________________________ card #: signature:

qnotes

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

by Darryl Hall

A call for reason, not blind faith

‘Don’t Ask’ vote makes for surprising sea changes

In December, I — in my sometimes, though not usual, Negative Nancy outlook on life — penned a blog post for the Center for American Progress’ CampusProgress.org in which I said the last-minute, lame duck push to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) might have been too little, too late.

“There’s certainly a lesson for students in all this mess: Procrastination never results in a positive outcome,” I wrote.

In this instance, luckily, procrastination didn’t give way to defeat. The Senate voted 65-31 to repeal DADT on Dec. 18 — the first time our federal legislature has seen fit to say LGBT Americans are equal and as deserving as their heterosexual counterparts. Perhaps, I was just a bit bitter, after years of watching political games ruin progress on LGBT equality. Fortunately, I was wrong.

Watching the vote, I was surprised to learn eight Republicans voted to repeal the discriminatory 1993 law. Among them was my own senator, Richard Burr.

See, Burr and I have a long history together (whether he knows it or not). Both of us are natives of Winston-Salem, N.C. I was just a kid in elementary school when I first met Burr, then a member of the U.S. House. I was all decked out in my Cub Scout uniform attending an older boy’s Eagle Scout ceremony. Burr was there to help bestow the honors.

As I got older and more politically aware, I’d often write Burr. I visited his WinstonSalem office a few times. I eventually attended and graduated from the same high school he did. I’m a member of Wake Forest Baptist Church, which still meets on the campus of his alma mater.

Though we had all these things in common, I was always infuriated with Burr’s lack of vision on LGBTQ equality. As a member of the House and Senate, Burr often voted for anti-LGBTQ initiatives like a federal constitutional amendment banning marriage for same-sex couples or a gay adoption ban in Washington, D.C. (Fortunately, both failed.)

guest commentary After reading Dr. Michael Brown’s guest commentary, “Setting the record straight” (Dec. 25, 2010), it is not surprising he still clings to the notions of “lifestyles” when espousing his convictions and judgments against the LGBT. He does deny comparing homosexuality to pedophiles, but goes on to justify this comparison. Just as I wouldn’t compare someone who uses fire to cook or heat with an arsonist, we shouldn’t compare homosexuals to pedophiles. Using an extreme to enable criticism of a group is not only being unfairly judgmental, but denies fundamental facts of humanity that show Dr. Brown’s doctorate is definitely not in biology.

Biologists who study sex, sexuality and gender, have found variations in many animals, not just humans. Evolution teaches us we should expect such diversity. As to pedophiles and other personality disorders, these may well have physical traits as well as external factors that encourage this unacceptable behavior or action, but as a society we continue to try to find answers to these problems. We should not be tying together disorders that are harmful to general society with physical traits that are natural and a part of biology. Unfortunately, the biggest problem with this debate by Dr. Brown is his religion.

It is religion, over the centuries, which has given excuse for slavery, racism, sexism and now the current scapegoat of some religions, people who identify as part of the LGBT. Even though I was brought up in a fundamentalist church, I have realized that it is all myth and legend developed by a superstitious people in a primitive time. One only need study the surrounding religions to see the influences on the stories and legends that became part of the Bible, or better yet, read the Bible, void of preconceptions and blind faith, but rather with a critical eye, or as Benjamin Franklin called it, “the eye of reason.” The contradictions, errors and false prophecies are so abundant as to be impossible to list in such a short response. With studies in geology, biology and paleontology providing a picture of how the earth began and evolved, we are shown the true mythic proportions of the creation story and detrimental to most religions the fallacy of original sin.

As to the main character of protestant religions, Jesus, at best, was an apocalyptic Jewish preacher. The four gospels based on timeline should be Mark, Matthew, Luke and John and the original Mark ended at the empty tomb. Also, consider the 10-year discrepancy in Jesus’ birth year, the conflicting family tree and the conflicts in the most important element of all — the crucifixion story. None of the gospels agree on the details for the crucifixion and subsequent events. As the miracles associated with Jesus became more grandeur and supernatural from the writings of Mark to the later writings of John, this shows not a historical series of events, but rather the creation of a legend. Historically, no reliable documents of that time period have any mention of the events associated with Jesus as described in the Bible. The few sentences in Josephus’ writings that mention Jesus have been shown to be later additions of some copyist.

But, let’s step back from the particulars of the issue and consider the big picture. Do we really think a god who supposedly can defy time and space itself and is supposedly all powerful and all knowing would require a human sacrifice or the primitive rituals of a submissive worship? Christians can not even agree as to the character of this god, for even the Bible is contradictory. Is he merciful and loving or is he judgmental doling out eternal punishments of immoral cruelty for minor violations? Can we really believe a perfect god would create a world where his first two humans were failures? The failure as I see it is in not recognizing how manmade our religions are and how they divide us, allowing us to demonize others and give support to some of our most base prejudices. History is full of religious wars and abuses in the name of God. The Inquisitions, Martin Luther’s bigoted writings against the Jews and Hitler’s subsequent following of those writings in his holocaust against them are a few examples.

So, Dr. Brown, I can understand how you can hold such beliefs, but in the 21st century it is still shocking how primitive and irrational humans can be, especially in living with blind faith. It is time we look to reason and understand the diversity that is us humans and learn to live a good life without prejudice. : :

qnotes strives to provide the community with an open forum for discussion and commentary.

The views of guest commentators do not necessarily represent the official views or positions of qnotes, its editorial staff or publisher.

VIEWS

general gayety by leslie robinson :: qnotes contributor

Hopes for the New Year As 2010 drew to a close, I’m was looking ahead. Here are some of my hopes for the LGBT community in 2011, along with a few predictions.

I hope next year the Pope will reveal a new attitude toward gays. I predict he won’t.

Now for a bolder prediction concerning Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, who has the grinding task of holding together the worldwide Anglican Communion as it convulses over the gay issue — I think poor Rowan will chuck it all. He’ll become a pagan and, periodically, be seen frolicking at Stonehenge wearing nothing but a whimsical smile and un-strategically placed flowers.

Turning to another part of the planet, it is my fond hope that the murderous anti-gay bill still pending in Uganda’s parliament will be quietly withdrawn. Or, loudly withdrawn — I’m not particular.

Now that the frothing homophobe Yuri

qpoll

connect to goqnotes.com

What are your New Year’s resolutions this year?

See the options and vote: goqnotes.com/to/qpoll

Luzhkov has lost his job as mayor of Moscow, let’s hope that city can finally have an open, legal Pride. Russian LGBT folks need an infusion of freedom. Luzhkov, married to a billionaire, needs a soul, but he’ll probably settle for a Piaget watch.

Turning to these shores, I don’t want 2011 to bring on a case of As Maine goes, so goes New Hampshire. You know that in 2009 Maine voters shot down the state’s same-sex marriage law. Now conservative legislators in New Hampshire are gearing up to repeal gay marriage in the Granite State.

Repeal would be a dagger in the heart of every LGBT person in the state. Plus it could mess with my plans. My partner and I have been considering getting hitched in New Hampshire, my home state. If the legislators kill same-sex marriage, the state will miss out on all the money we planned to spend — on a six-pack and a bag of cheese popcorn.

Regarding the Prop 8 litigation, experts tell us that whatever the outcome in the appellate court, the case won’t really be decided until it reaches the U. S. Supreme Court. I’ll, nonetheless, hope for an appellate court victory. I’m not against being bathed in validation.

With DADT on its official way out of Dodge, what can we expect in 2011 from Sen. John McCain, the Obstructer-in-Chief? After fighting with such baffling intensity to keep DADT, McCain’s passion, or bile, over the

issue of gays in the military will continue. Look for him to chain himself to the Pentagon or to Defense Secretary Robert Gates, causing interesting rumors about the two of them.

By the way, if Adm. Mike Mullen, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, is still peeved with Gen. James Amos, head of the Marines Corps, for his public opposition to DADT repeal, I can guess whom Mullen will choose to replace him: Lady Gaga.

If she can wear raw meat from head to toe, she has the stomach for it.

Turning to other performers, country singer Chely Wright and Christian music artist Jennifer Knapp came out in 2010. Since both hail from genres traditionally unfriendly to gays, I want this fine trend to continue this year. Hey 2011, bring us a reggae artist.

Each year I hope a male pro athlete who’s still playing will come out, but so far nobody has obliged me. I hope 2011 will be the year a football, baseball or basketball player does the deed. But, I’ll happily settle for a hockey player. With or without teeth.

Finally, I hope that next spring I don’t have to write another column about a gay teen’s fight to attend his or her prom with the appropriate date. If Constance McMillen could triumph in 2010 in small-town Mississippi, no place is safe from prom equality. : : info:

LesRobinson@aol.com . generalgayety.com

daily news, blog posts and lgbt community event listings Sign up for our weekly e-newsletter: goqnotes.com/subs

Facebook facebook.com/ qnotescarolinas

Twitter twitter.com/ qnotescarolinas

MySpace myspace.com/ qnotescarolinas

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

qnotes

BRIEFS

news notes: from the carolinas, nation and world compiled by Lainey Millen :: lainey@goqnotes.com | David Stout :: david@goqnotes.com | Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

Charlotte Center receives feedback

CHARLOTTE — Members of the Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Charlotte Board of Trustees held a special community roundtable on Dec. 28 to hear community members’ concerns, suggestions, feedback and other items of interest.

The event, the first of its kind since 2007, was billed as an opportunity for the center’s board and staff to “[reach] out to the LGBT Community to learn of the Community’s needs and concerns so The Center can better address and provide them.”

Among the many topics addressed at the meeting was fundraising, the center’s physical location, the annual Pride Charlotte festival’s location, outreach to youth and communities of color and visibility and civic engagement.

Center chair John Stotler and board members Devlin McNeil and Roberta Dunn moderated. Board member Bert Woodard and other center-affiliated community leaders also attended the event.

Center board members have invited members of the community to attend their monthly programming committee meetings to share ideas and thoughts. Those meetings are held every third Wednesday of each month.

The center’s work can’t be done without the support of the community. Contributions are always welcome to help sustain the many activities it provides.

For more information, visit gaycharlotte.com.

— M.C.

Golden anniversary planed for UUA

CHARLOTTE — The Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) will hold its 50th anniversary celebration during its 2011 General Assembly opening ceremonies which begins on June 22 and will be held in Charlotte.

The actual date of the anniversary is May 15, when the consolidation of the Universalist Church of America and the American Unitarian Association began.

The church has a ministry that addresses justice and diversity. It is a welcoming congregational body that supports full LGBT rights.

A specially commissioned hymn has been created for the festivities. During the general assembly, Rev. Debra W. Haffner will present “Fifty Years of Sexual Justice.” Haffner is the director of the Religious Institute.

For more information, visit uua.org.

— L.M.

Join the ‘Sissies’

CHARLOTTE — Queen City Theatre will present the regional premiere of a Del Shores’ production of “Southern Baptist Sissies” from Jan. 20-Feb. 5 at 8 p.m. at the Duke Energy Theatre at Spirit Square, 345 N. College St. A special matinee will take place on Jan. 30 at 3 p.m.

This award-winning comedy follows the journey of four gay boys in the Baptist church.

It is directed by Glenn T. Griffin.

A percentage of the proceeds from ticket sales will go to The Trevor Project, with an

qnotes

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

initial fundraising goal of $3,500.

Tickets are: general admission, $20-24; students and seniors, $14-16. A special discounted performance on Jan. 26 at 8 p.m. costs $12 is available for purchase online only.

For more information or to purchase tickets, visit queencitytheatre.com.

— L.M.

Mancini awards local orgs

CHARLOTTE — A local foundation formed to support programming for the LGBT community announced on Dec. 28 its 2010 grant recipients.

The Wesley Mancini Foundation will disperse a total of $5,000 to programs meant to students, youth and freedom of speech.

The University of North Carolina at Charlotte’s Women’s and Gender Studies Program will receive $2,500 toward support of the university’s OUTspoken speakers series. The university’s Multicultural Resource Center will receive $1,000 for its Transgender Committee and their “Transgender Inclusion in Charlotte Institutions of Higher Education” program.

The Charlotte-based national organization Campus Pride and Charlotte youth services group Time Out Youth will jointly receive $1,500 toward the groups’ joint “Believe in Youth” program.

The foundation, named after its founder Wesley Mancini, is one of a few United States foundations dedicated solely to supporting the LGBT community. Mancini, a longtime LGBT philanthropist both nationally and locally, established the foundation in 2000 in response to heavy censorship in Charlotte by funding resources, as well as the pervasive attitude among major Charlotte benefactors that gay and lesbian programs were too risky to undertake or underwrite. Since its inception a decade ago, the Wesley Mancini Foundation has awarded grants to 21 organizations.

— M.C.

Youth group needs help

CHARLOTTE — In the wake of the 2010 youth suicides, Time Out Youth’s work is more critical now than ever. Bullying has caused an outcry for help across the nation. And, that is no different in the Queen City.

LGBT youth require the assistance of organizations to provide the support they need as they move through the challenges of coming out, living their lives from day-to-day, as well as dealing with less-than-supportive family and friends.

Loneliness and abandonment stand at the top of the heap of issues that youth must encounter. With that, their very survival is tested.

The staff of Time Out Youth are always looking for volunteers who can share their time helping their charges. They are also in need of the financial means by which to provide this necessary work.

For information about Time Out Youth and how to contribute to them, visit timeoutyouth.org.

— L.M.

Studios merge

CHARLOTTE — On Dec. 19, AEBN, the world’s largest adult VIdeo On Demand (VOD) provider, announced the acquisition of Falcon

Studios and its merger with Raging Stallion Studios. They, along with Naked Sword and the Gunzblazing Affiliate Program, will be part of AEBN’s gay division.

According to AVN Media Network, Raging Stallion chief Chris Ward will head up the combined studio. James Hansen, current Falcon Studios president, will stay on as chief financial officer. A single staff responsible for the production of nearly 60 new titles per year and more than 40 compilation titles, will be comprised of employees of both studios.

The current Falcon Studios membership site will remain in the Next Door Entertainment network, while the current Raging Stallion sites will remain part of Gunzblazing. DVD distribution channels for both companies will remain the same. All titles from both studios are available for viewing at Nakedsword.com, AVN reported.

“Combining the iconic libraries of both studios will offer consumers one of the largest and highest quality catalogs to choose from. Putting the two companies’ incredibly talented staffs together will bring tremendous creativity and even higher production standards,” Hansen said.

The combined company will become the largest all-male erotic producer, with 12 major DVD lines, each of which will maintain its own branding. The main brands are Falcon, Raging Stallion, Naked Sword’s Golden Gate, Mustang, Jocks, Monster Bang, Twinks.com, Fisting Central, Fetishforce and Hairyboyz.

In addition, Hard Friction, Stag Homme and Edger Nine are affiliated brands released via Raging Stallion.

“Our intent is to keep each of the important Falcon and Raging Stallion brands as individual entities, each with their own look and feel,” commented Ward.

— L.M.

Coastal Safe place meeting slated

WILMINGTON — Wilmington Pride Youth Meetings are scheduled for Jan. 21, Feb. 18, March 18 and April 15, 2011, 5:30-7:30 p.m. at Buena Space, 27th N. Front St. Join other LGBT youth in a safe, confidential environment. Parents are welcome.

For more information, email youth@out wilmington.com or visit outwilmington.com.

— L.M.

Triad B-I-N-G-O time

GREENSBORO — The Guilford Green Foundation will host “Once Upon a Bingo!” on Jan. 21 at 6 p.m. at the Empire Room, 203 S. Elm St. On board will be the Dancing Queens and a raffle for various goodies.

Funds raised go to support local LGBT initiatives in the Triad community.

Sponsors are The Q, Custom Jewelers Gallery, Triad Boot Camp/Heart In Sol, Lincoln Green and Goodwill.

Tickets are $15/adults, $10/students and $10/military.

To secure a spot, visit ggfnc.org/bingo.

— L.M.

Triangle Gay man elected prez

RALEIGH — Retired IBM executive Stan Kimer (pictured), has recently been elected as the president of the North Carolina Council of Churches. He is the first openly gay person to do so in the south, The (Raleigh) News & Observer reported.

As a lay leader within the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) fellowship, the Dec. 2010 vote was not one that was political, but rather about who he was as an individual. He is only the second nationally to have been elected by one of the 33 other similar councils as an openly gay person. The state council is a coalition of eight individual churches and 17 Christian denominations that address social issues.

His election breaks ground in the conservative south where there has been few instances of overwhelming support of the LGBT community. MCC joined the council 20 years ago. Soon after MCC’s inclusion, Kimer stepped up to serve as a board representative of St. John’s MCC where he serves as the stewardship ministry chair and a lay delegate.

In recent years, mainline Protestant church groups have become more accepting, however, ones such as the Southern Baptist Convention has not. In fact, it is not a member of the council. Churches may be more open to its LGBT members, but they may not be with regard to sexuality, the News & Observer stated. It also added that some friction may arise. However, since the council’s objectives only require that members have a belief in Jesus Christ. They do not require “theological agreement.”

“As much as he wants his tenure to be devoted to the issues raised by the council, though, Kimer said he’s aware he’ll be looked at as a representative of gays in general,” the Raleigh newspaper said. Kimer says he wants to be a good LGBT community representative.

Former Methodist minister Jimmy Creech told the News & Observer that “Stan’s getting elected president is not a referendum on gay individuals.…It’s about Stan’s leadership.”

They also reported that the council’s executive director, Rev. George Reed, stated that Kimer being a gay man “was not a disqualifying factor.” Member denominations have “internal battles” with LGBT issues, but that did not prevent Kimer’s election for a one-year term.

— L.M.

Center seeks renewed support

RALEIGH — The LGBT Center of Raleigh has announced that it had a successful 2010 year serving the community.

Strides were made. it opened its offices in

downtown, as well as expanded its programs and services.

A wide range of expanded program and services offered to the community, includes LGBT Helpline; A Safer Place Youth Network (ASPYN); M Club; First Friday events; Healthworks; Raleigh NightFest; Raleigh is Coming Out; OutRaleigh; Q-Nights; Gay’n’Gray; youth leadership organizations; and confidential HIV testing.

To sustain itself in 2011 and beyond, they are diligently searching to obtain corporate sponsorships and grants, but donations from individuals are the financial backbone of the Center.

On-going needs for funding to pay for rent, hardware and software, printed materials, electricity, water, telephone, internet, etc., stay on the front burner.

Join the monthly recurring donation program. Here are some samples of how it can be used: $10 will cover one month’s telephone and internet charges; $25 will pay for about three months of printed materials; $100 will help cover the cost of one month’s rent, hardware, software for the office.

Not able to provide financial support? Then how about volunteering time and talent instead.

To make a tax-deductible contribution or to lend a hand, send checks to 316 W. Cabarrus St., Raleigh, NC 27601 or visit lgbtcenterofraleigh.com.

— L.M.

Members wanted

RALEIGH — He wants a few good people to join him. He’s sent out a “straight-forward pitch for you to become a member.” He’s Gaston Williams, president, and he is looking to add to the roster of members of the Raleigh Business & Professional Network.

The Network holds two monthly events — a dinner meeting on the second Wednesday of the month and a casual mid-monthly social on the fourth Wednesday.

The group’s website includes an online business directory and easy registration and payment options for its events.

To join, visit raleighnetwork.org.

— L.M.

Western ALFA successes continue

HICKORY — With the help of its volunteers, board of directors and staff of ALFA, 2010 saw several milestones for the two-decades-plus organization whose mission it is to serve an eight-county area for HIV/AIDS support.

It received a $47,000 grant from NC Care Branch, providing the resources required to train 10 volunteer HIV testers.

ALFA’s medical case management program added new services to increase availability of support in the northwestern NC mountains.

Two special awareness and fundraising events, Hike for Hope and Not Your Mama’s Bingo, were added. Combined dollars raised was $150,000.

To learn about more ways to contribute or for more information, call Rodney Tucker, executive director, at 828-322-1447 ext. 244, email alfadirect@alfainfo.org or visit alfainfo.org.

— L.M.

National Task force tackles LGBT suicides

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention has added three new task forces to address

suicide prevention efforts within high-risk populations: LGBT youth; American Indians/ Alaska Natives (AI/AN); and military service members and veterans. This brings to six the number of task forces formed by the Action Alliance, the public-private partnership forged in September to advance the National Strategy for Suicide Prevention.

In the U.S., suicide claims over 34,000 lives annually — the equivalent of 94 suicides per day, or one suicide every 15 minutes. Studies show that LGBT youth are from 1.5 to seven times more likely to report having attempted suicide than their non-LGBT peers.

Co-leading the LGBT Youth Task Force are Kevin Jennings, assistant deputy secretary, Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools, U.S. Department of Education, and Charles Robbins, executive director of The Trevor Project, the leading national organization focused on crisis and suicide prevention efforts among LGBT youth.

“This task force will bring together the best minds in the country to combat suicide and make sure that every LGBT youth has the opportunity to grow up in a supportive, accepting community and to enter adulthood safely,” Robbins said.

For more information, visit actionalliance forsuicideprevention.org.

— D.S.

Meeting Date: Program: Time: Cost: To Reserve:

Tuesday, January 18, 2010 ASC President Scott Provancher Crowne Plaza, 201 S. McDowell St. Cash Bar Social/Heavy Hor d’oeuvres @ 5:30 pm Program starts @ 6:45 pm $20 Call 704.565.5075 by 12 pm Friday, January 14, 2010 or email businessguild@yahoo.com to request tickets for this event

www.charlottebusinessguild.org

HRC criticized for ‘Milk’ money

SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. — The Human Rights Campaign has drawn fire for their plan to set up a store selling HRC-branded gifts and merchandise in the Castro St. camera shop originally owned by assassinated gay rights icon Harvey Milk.

Dustin Lance Black, Oscar-winning screenwriter of the biopic “Milk,” said, “Harvey Milk spent the last years of his life fighting not only for rights for gays and lesbians across the nation, but also against the idea that the only way to achieve those rights is to lobby the government and financially support so-called ‘straight allies’. Harvey believed the best way to secure our rights was through grassroots action, coalition building and the election of LGBT people to office at all levels of government. He encouraged people to come out of the closet and be vocal about who they were and why they deserved full equality, not partial equality or crumbs. For the HRC leadership, which still advocates a piecemeal, wait-and-see approach to try and co-opt and profit from Harvey’s legacy is an outrage.”

“HRC has proven time and again that its main goal is not to advance rights for LGBT Americans but to raise funds amongst the LGBT community for Democratic candidates,” stated Log Cabin Republicans President Dan Brown. “If HRC, as the largest LGBT rights organization by funding, took a page from Harvey’s book rather than relying on empty promises from elected officials that rarely materialize, then we would be much closer to full equality than we currently are.”

— D.S.

Senate OKs Feldblum for EEOC

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Senate has confirmed Chai Feldblum to a full term as a commissioner of the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). Republican senators had previously blocked Feldblum’s nomination, leading President Obama to use a recess appointment to make her, temporarily, a commissioner in March 2010. That temporary appointment would have expired at the

see News Notes on 17 Jan. 8-21 . 2011

qnotes

Shed a happy tear qnotes editor Matt Comer reflects on his visit to the president’s ‘Don’t Ask’ repeal signing

by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

the ceremony was to take place. Once we arrived, we balked: the line to get into the ceremony wrapped around the building. Though it was cold, we and everyone else gathered were all smiles.

Inside the auditorium, I noticed a veritable who’s who of the LGBT movement, Congress and federal government. Former servicemembers, who’ve been forced to carry the burden of this unjust law for far too long, were gathered everywhere. Some were dressed in their uniforms, ready to serve their country again: “Sign us up today!” one would later call out as the president signed the bill into law.

As the ceremony began, with a prayer, the Pledge of Allegiance and national anthem, I could feel the tears welling up inside. Oh, happy tears they were! Though I’ve never served in the armed forces, it was once a dream of mine. Military service in my family stretches back generations, all the way back to the Revolutionary War. My grandfather and his brother, former Marines, both served during the tail-end of World War II and in Korea. And, when I signed up for JROTC as a freshman in high school, only one thing stood in the way of my service: “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” It didn’t take me long to learn I’d never have the opportunity to serve my nation. After just one year in JROTC, I dropped it and my dreams for service.

Years later, I’d be among dozens of LGBT young people across the country who would attempt to enlist in the armed forces, though doing so openly, honestly and with integrity. The action, Soulforce’s 2006 Right to Serve Campaign, returned the same results in each of the 30 cities qnotes editor Matt Comer with other LGBT advocates at the ‘Don’t Ask’ repeal signing in Washington, D.C. where young, able-bodied and patriotic Photo Credit: Shannon Cuttle American citizens said, “Sign me up! I will

NEWS

It was as normal a workday as any other — a little cold outside, yes, but full with all the usual expectations and daily to-dos. So, imagine my surprise when I opened my inbox and saw an email from the White House — an invitation to attend President Barack Obama’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal signing ceremony on Dec. 22.

I immediately called my mother. After all, she’s had to listen to my political rants and raves since I was young. My childhood stint in the Boy Scouts only made it worse, instilling a strong sense of patriotism. Years later, I still choke back tears when I hear the national anthem played or watch Independence Day fireworks shows. On top of it all, I’m a history geek. I love it and live it. I studied it in college and the History Channel has kept some of my

serve!” — we were all turned away.

I thought of that moment — the disappointment and sadness and oppression — as President Obama spoke on Dec. 22. This is a speech to remember, I thought to myself as he began.

As the president finished I nearly lost myself: “For we are not a nation that says, ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ We are a nation that says, ‘Out of many, we are one,’” the president said.

“We are a nation that welcomes the service of every patriot. We are a nation that believes that all men and women are created equal.

Those are the ideals that generations have fought for. Those are the ideals that we uphold today. And now, it is my honor to sign this bill into law.”

The opportunity to attend the signing ceremony was a unique one, for sure an historic moment to be treasured and cherished for the rest of my life. Years from now, I can see myself watching the History Channel as a special on civil rights in America comes on and a portion of Obama’s speech at the signing ceremony is broadcast.

“I was there,” I’ll say to myself.

Undoubtedly, I’ll cry. But these tears, I’ll gladly take now and in the future. What a great moment in history we’re in — when some of the final legal hurdles and obstacles blocking the full citizenship and participation of LGBT Americans are being lifted. We should all shed a tear in this moment and keep it in memory of all the heroes — men and women, black and white, slave and free, gay and straight — who, to borrow from Katharine Lee Bates, “more than self their country loved and mercy more than life;” those who lived and died for that most glorious of patriot dreams and gave to their nation their ultimate sacrifice to see that days like this are even possible. : :

Meck commissioner calls gays ‘sexual predators’ in email to colleagues GOP’s Bill James balks at letter on ‘Don’t Ask’ repeal

by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

CHARLOTTE — Anti-gay, Republican Mecklenburg County Commissioner Bill James on Dec. 27 said gays are “sexual predators” in an email to his colleagues on the board.

James’ remarks were made in response to County Commissioner Chair Jennifer Roberts’ request to send a letter thanking some members of the Charlotte-area congressional delegation for their “yes” votes on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) repeal in December 2010. Roberts was to send the letter to U.S. Reps. Larry Kissell and Mel Watt and U.S. Sens. Richard Burr and Kay Hagan. President Barack Obama signed the repeal act into law on Dec. 22.

“Homosexuals are sexual predators,” James wrote in one email from a string of several between county board members, Roberts and County Manager Harry Jones, and provided by James to qnotes. “Allowing homosexuals to serve in the US military with the endorsement of the Mecklenburg County Commission ignores a host of serious problems related to maintaining US military readiness and effectiveness not the least of

favorite TV programming streaming into my home for years.

Luckily, I was able to find some last-minute deals on flights to and from D.C. I left the office, packed my bags and made it to the Charlotte airport just in time. The excitement of this historic moment in time was nearly too much to bear once I finally got to Washington and met up with a friend who was nice enough to lend his couch for the evening. We stayed up half the night waiting on another friend to arrive and when we finally settled down to sleep — at a dangerously late 2:30 a.m. — I knew I’d have only anticipation and adrenaline to keep me awake the next day.

We awoke from our short nap at 6 a.m., hurriedly showered and dressed and made our way to the Department of Interior where

qnotes

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

which is the current Democrat plan to allow homosexuals (male and female) to share showers with those they are attracted to.”

James added, “The US Government would not allow Hetero men and women to share showers and other personal facilities yet the leading homosexual in Congress (Barney Frank) thinks it is OK for homosexuals to do so allowing enlisted men and women to fall prey to higher ranking or more powerful homosexuals who ogle them (or worse).”

Other county commissioners also objected to sending the letter, according to other emails also received by James. In one, Republican Vice Chair Jim Pendergraph says he is against the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and relates a story of his encounter with a gay servicemember following his enlistmen in 1969.

“I don’t think the timing is right for this,” Pendergraph wrote, “and as a 19 year old enlistee from Steele Creek in the U.S. Army in 1969, the first homosexual I ever encountered was in basic training. He was the company clerk. It was a bad scene and this individual

exerted his authority on young impressionable recruits.”

Pendergraph added, “Whatever you send, don’t put my name on it. I don’t see this as anything to be proud of.”

This month’s DADT repeal came after a months-long Pentagon report found there would be minimal unit cohesion or disruption problems resulting from an orderly policy repeal and implementation. Of the thousands of servicemembers surveyed during the Pentagon’s report, 70 percent said DADT repeal would Bill James have no or very little impact on troop morale or readiness.

Roberts, a Democrat, also specifically asked Republicans on the board about their thoughts on the letter, as DADT was not an

issue on the county’s legislative agenda.

Roberts especially sought to thank Burr, the only Republican senator in the Southeast to vote for repeal and the first such senator ever to vote positively on proLGBT legislation.

James said he would not congratulate Burr: “I suspect Richard Burr will pay a high electoral price for his actions but whether it boots him from office next time is unknown,” James wrote. “I know I won’t be supporting him even if he does have an R after his name.”

Fellow GOP Commissioner Karen Bentley also objected to the letter and voiced her opposition to “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal, saying she was “highly disappointed” by Republican Burr’s

see James on 9

James balks at letter continued from page 8

MeckPAC Statement on County Commissioner Bill James’ recent homophobic statements:

MeckPAC commends Commissioner Roberts on her initiative to thank local members of Congress who voted yes on repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” MeckPAC also commends those members themselves, which include Reps. Larry Kissel and Mel Watt, and Sens.

Richard Burr and Kay Hagan. Ending that discriminatory policy was long overdue and is a major step toward equality for LGBT Americans.

Unfortunately, County Commissioner Bill James made comments in an email regarding DADT that homosexuals are “sexual predators.” These remarks are shocking, though not surprising considering his past rhetoric. Near the same time last year, Commissioner James called fellow Commissioner Vilma Leake’s deceased son a “homo.” Commissioner James has also said that black Americans live in a “moral sewer.” Such statements continue to be well over the line of decency and civility, and should be called out as the ignorant bigotry they are.

These personal attacks against fellow American citizens are unacceptable, and Commissioner James should be held accountable for his remarks as a leader. Other County Commissioners should ensure James’ comments are not allowed to appear as the voice of the overall board. It’s time for the Board to take a stand publicly against such speech. The community needs to hear loudly where each board member stands. LGBT and questioning youth — many of whom have been victims of bully suicides encouraged by Commissioner James’ attitude — should know there’s nothing wrong with them and they should not feel ashamed of who they are. LGBT people are of course not sexual predators or anything of the sort, despite the mythology that preaches otherwise. affirmative vote on the issue on Dec. 18.

Burr won’t face another election until 2016.

Commissioner Harold Cogdell, Jr., a Democrat, also opposed the letter though he did so because the matter was not an item on the county’s legislative agenda.

James also said he’d undertaken his own communication to the new Republican leaders of North Carolinas state legislature.

He says he’s asked them to take up a variety of anti-gay social cause, like banning gay adoptions, prohibiting domestic partner benefits and placing on the ballot an anti-LGBT, anti-family marriage amendment to the state constitution.

James’ anti-gay comments following the Christmas holiday are not the first time the public official has spoken out strongly on LGBT issues. He often uses derogatory language or slurs to describe LGBT people in debates or communication with fellow public officials and constituents. During debate last December on domestic partner benefits for county employees, James leaned over to his Democratic colleague, Vilma Leake, and called her son a “homo.” Leake’s son died from AIDS in the 1990s.

James has been in office for nearly two decades and was one of the “Gang of Five” who voted to strip public arts funding in the 1990s during the county’s “Angels in

America” controversy.

The Mecklenburg Gay and Lesbian Political Action Committe (MeckPAC) released a statement condemning James’ remarks, which was followed by rounds of condemnation from LGBT bloggers and organizations like GLAAD. MeckPAC’s statement is reprinted in full above. : : more: For the most up-to-date news and politics, visit goqnotes.com.

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

qnotes

SEXUAL HEALTH

Sexual safety first Having a good time doesn’t have to come at the cost of your or your lover’s health As the New Year rolls in and each of us prepare for the coming warmth of spring, perhaps it’s wise to stop and take a moment to reflect on our sexual health and wellness. After all, with the warmth of spring and summer comes all sorts of sensuous temptations; don’t get caught off-guard when Mr. Right (or Ms. Right Now) comes a knocking.

Prevention As you see yourself through the rest of these cold, wintry days don’t forget to protect yourself and your lovers. It’s easy to hop online, “order in” and have a treat come to your warm and toasty home, and it’s just as easy to keep condoms, lube and other personal items handy.

Most sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) and HIV/AIDS can be prevented with the simple and proper use of condoms, though you’ll still want to be careful when it comes to herpes and syphilis which can be spread through skin-to-skin contact in places where condoms and other latex barriers can’t protect.

For more on safe, effective and proper condom use, visit avert.org/condom.htm.

Testing Make yourself a new ritual and tradition this New Year and keep your sexual, as well as physical health, in check. In January, head to your physician or other healthcare provider and schedule an annual physical. Oftentimes, physicians include STI and HIV/AIDS testing as a part of routine treatment, though if your doctor doesn’t consider asking her to perform these easy tests. If you aren’t able to see a private physician, there are plenty of public and private resources to help you gain access to STI and HIV/AIDS testing. Knowing your HIV status, as well as your status regarding other STIs, is often the most important step in preventing transmission. Check

10

qnotes

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

qnotes’ online QGuide at goqnotes.com/qguide for links and contact information for AIDS service organizations in your area, most of which offer free and confidential STI and HIV/AIDS testing.

Hepatitis vaccination Ah! The wonders of medicine. Among some of the most commonly-transmitted STIs are Hepatitis A and B. In fact, some people might already be infected with either of the virus strains and not even know it. Be sure to ask your doctor about vaccinations for Hep A and B, which are recommended for most young people under 18 and those adults who are most at risk.

Both vaccinations for Hep A and B require some time and effort, though the payoff is well worth it. Hep A vaccinations require a round of two or three doses and adults need a booster dose six months-to-one year after the initial dose. The vaccine is effective for 15-20 years or more and start providing protection as early as two-tofour weeks after the vaccination process is complete.

Hep B vaccinations require three separate injections over a period ranging from six months to one year. Like that for Hep A, this vaccination will protect against Hep B infection for 15 years or longer.

Hep A and B prevention is also easy, and includes commonsense solutions like practicing safer sex, washing hands with soap and warm water following restroom use or before food preparation, never sharing drug use-related items (like needles, straws, etc.) or body-care items like toothbrushes, razors and nail clippers.

Note: There is no vaccine to prevent Hepatitis C. HPV vaccination A few years ago, the gay male community got into a bit of a tizzy when news broke of a new HPV vaccine. Though approved for girls and women, no tests had been done to gauge

Photo Credit: See-ming Lee, via Flickr. Licensed under Creative Commons.

its effectiveness for use in boys and men. Now, men, too, can be protected from HPV transmission.

HPV, which causes genital warts, can also cause cervical cancer in women and anal cancer in men.

Girls and women can choose from two vaccines, Cervarix and Gardisil. Men can be vaccinated with Gardisil, which is recommended for both men and women through 26 years of age.

For more information, visit cdc.gov/hpv/. : : — qnotes staff

t-notes by robbi cohn :: qnotes contributor

What’s going on, North Carolina?

I hate that it’s so easy to get source material exposing the bigotry still alive and well in this state. Within a span of 12 days, three stories made news, right here in North Carolina.

Another appeared on their heels. They’re indicative of how much animus, intolerance and downright hate still exists in this state vis-à-vis trans and LGB issues. I sometimes have to wonder if we’ve made much headway in the court of public opinion. Given that real change is usually a grassroots kind of thing, watching how social mores evolve gives us insights into how tolerance and diversity evolve. Judging by these letters and articles, it would seem that we’re still living in the dark ages.

The first item appeared just before Thanksgiving. Someone living in Davidson County wrote a homophobic letter to The (Lexington, N.C.) Dispatch entitled “Homosexual Threat.”

The letter was chock full of the kind of lies and innuendo we hope to see a new generation of Americans repudiate; you know: predator myths, mental illness allegations, as well as the “it’s a lifestyle” meme. You can respond to this kind of nonsense (we did), but there’s always some wingnut ready to step up.

My letter was followed by the classic “God chastens America.” This one trotted out the “America is a second rate power, thanks to all you perverts and the Anti Christ” diatribe. Just to make sure we comprehend how hateful this writer is, he throws in the following gem “You can be homosexual, bisexual, murderer, rapist or whatever because there’s no moral law against it.” Sheeessshhh!

You can find both letters at The Dispatch’s website, as well as the replies: the-dispatch. com/section/opinion02.

A few days after Thanksgiving, I heard about the G105 incident. If you aren’t familiar with this Raleigh radio station, G105 airs one of those comedy-in-the-morning shows. This one originally aired on Nov. 12, 2010. See this column online to hear the broadcast: goqnotes.com/to/opinion/t-notes.

The gist of the conversation with the caller detailed his experience in a nightclub with a trans-identied woman whom he claims had deceived him. Amongst the banter were copious pronoun mis-pronunications including references to “it” and “she-him.” These were tame compared to the tack the conversation eventually took. After the caller described a kiss, one of the moderators asked how many times he (the caller) had showered after learning, to his disgust, that the person he kissed was trans. But, most heinous and disturbing was the remark to which GLAAD responded.

From the GLAAD blog, “One of the hosts even went as far as to advocate violence against her and likened her to a sexually transmitted infection.”

On Dec. 5, Raleigh’s News and Observer ran a story on an incarcerated trans woman.

Shawn McDaniels has since been released, but the experiences related to us about life in prison for a trans woman are enough to scare the crap out of anyone. As if it weren’t frightening enough to be victimized by other inmates, the heinous stories of alleged sexual abuse at the hands of prison guards are downright alarming. One officer has been charged and is now awaiting trial.

“Penitentiary is a different world,” McDaniels, who was released on parole Oct. 1, told The News & Observer. “A sergeant with three stripes, his word is gold. If I didn’t do as he said, he could have written me up for nothing, had me thrown into the hole. He could have said I hit him and had me arrested.

Nobody’s going to take my word over his.”

This is the kind of dark-ages behavior still being perpetrated against trans individuals.

Lastly, there is the case of Mike Adams, a professor at UNC-Wilmington. Adams is a well-known trans-phobe who writes a column for TownHall.com and other commentary sites.

Recently, Greensboro’s News & Record ran an article, eventually picked up by The Associated Press, about a voice clinic for trans-identified women at UNC-Greensboro. Mike Adams just couldn’t resist. On Dec. 8, he let forth a tirade with the kind of hateful vitriol we have come to expect from this out-and-out bigot.

“According to the AP,” Adams wrote, “’Nicole’ actually spent over $100,000 on an attempted transition from male to female, including flying to, of all places, Thailand, for sexual reassignment surgery. (Please, no dirty Bangkok jokes.) After spending a whopping $20,000 on facial hair removal Nicole still had a problem: His voice still gave him away as a male (because he was and still is a male).”

Adams added, “Despite the deep budget crisis, North Carolina taxpayers pay UNCG speech pathologists to teach transgender people how to speak like the people of the sex they are trying unsuccessfully to become.

Does that make sense? Of course it doesn’t.

We’re talking about UNC-Gomorrah.”

Many have expressed their dismay to UNC-Wilmington, but, to our best knowledge, Adams has been an independent agent and Town Hall has no apparent connection to UNCW. Fair-minded individuals recognize that Adams certainly has a constitutional right to spout obnoxious vitriol; fair-minded individuals can make their voices heard, as well, and let the public know about Adams’ and others’ despicable behavior.

Additionally, North Carolinians still have no statewide protections against discrimination aimed at LGBT citizens. While 13 states and hundreds of jurisdictions nationwide have enacted laws, only three local jurisdictions in North Carolina have followed suit. And, as noted, the human rights of those who have been incarcerated are tragically in jeopardy.

It is not the case that efforts to educate have been lacking. Many trans individuals have spent countless hours talking, writing and speaking. We are not unaware of the mechanisms that induce change, but where our efforts to inform others regarding discriminatory behavior end, we feel it is incumbent upon citizens who believe in equal rights to pick up the torch and educate themselves, their families, friends and coworkers. The fight for equality belongs to everyone. To paraphrase Martin Luther King, Jr., no one will truly enjoy equal rights until we all have a share in equality. : : — Comments and corrections can be sent to editor@goqnotes.com.

To contact Robbi Cohn, email robbi_cohn108@yahoo.com..

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

qnotes

11

I RESOLVE

A better you, a better community Community members across the Carolinas share their New Year’s resolutions for themselves and their communities

Akil Campbell Co-Chair Shades of Pride/Triangle Black Pride Raleigh Reflecting on 2010 I must say there are a number of things I could have done differently, a few things I could have attempted and a few opportunities that I may have missed. The year also granted me the opportunity to meet a number of great people, to network with community leaders and true representatives and to give back in the little minuscule way that I was able to.

A victim of the recession’s lay offs, I was blessed with the time to get to know the community of which I am a part, to finally meet my neighbors, my LGBTQ sisters and brothers, to realize the value of friendships and the pleasure which comes with servitude.

For 2011, I vow to give more of myself to my community, to better understand its needs and to deliver effective solutions based on this understanding. I must contribute more.

BETTER U

Bruce Converse Executive Producer/Writer/ Weekly Co-host Rainbow Radio-The Real Gay Agenda (WXRY 99.3 FM) Columbia First, for the big picture, I resolve to continue doing whatever it takes to keep the ball rolling forward towards Total Equality everywhere. Whether it is putting my name on email petitions or calling senators and representatives in Washington, D.C., I will pledge to continue to do that. This past year has shown that progress, as painfully slow as it has been for some, continues to happen but only if we all work together towards that goal of Total Equality. If we ever let that ball stop

its forward progress or take too many steps backward, those who are working just as hard to keep LGBT people from ever reaching Total Equality, will never let us ever get that ball rolling ever again.

Personally, I will continue putting together the Rainbow Radio Shows every week. I have been fortunate to have been part of this groundbreaking and history-making program since its inception. Every show we do (I say “we” because it is a group effort, as small as that group is) continues to make LGBT history, not only here in the Midlands of South Carolina but because of the internet, everywhere in the world. For a half hour each week, I want our shows to continue shining the light of truth as to who LGBT people really are, as well as spotlight our straight allies.

Roberta Dunn Board member MeckPAC Lesbian & Gay Community Center Charlotte Let me get the easy one over first: Lose some weight, say 12 pounds. One pound a month or less than 4 ounces a week. That’s less than one potato (I’m Irish) or a few cookies a week. Sounds easy, so why didn’t it work last year? LOL. Now some real things to get done for 2011: I want to continue to work with the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department on training on LGBT issues. I hope this outreach to them will spark someone or something to bring in new information to help solve the murder of Toni Alston. To continue working with MeckPAC to get the City Council to take positive action on LGBT equality in Charlotte this New Year, especially employment nondiscrimination for transgender people. This is long overdue.

Addison Ore Executive Director Triad Health Project Greensboro I’m using the word intentions vs. resolutions as we head into 2011.

I’ll keep my personal ones private (as to only disappoint myself) but for our community at large, I would wish that we all be more intentional in our communications going forward whether that is in person, online or in print. Civility and kindness seem to have been relegated to the “out” list of late.

I will admit to being called “Miss Manners” by a few friends but as we head into a new year of challenging conversations with

folks who may not identify as LGBT friendly, it seems as if a cocktail of civility with a splash of common sense would serve us well.

Now please don’t misunderstand me, I’m still always ready to take my white gloves off in a spirited fight for LGBT rights.

Cheers!

Steven Petrow Author “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners” Chapel Hill A young man posted his New Year’s resolution on my site www.gaymanners.com: “Just to be me no matter what. Always be real no matter who thinks what about me! Love hard, learn to forgive always, and remember that life is short. Live it to the fullest with no regrets!” I couldn’t say it better myself.

Brett Webb-Mitchell qnotes contributor Author “On Being A Gay Parent” Carrboro My New Year’s resolution is to continue to write, speak out, and reveal publicly places, situations, and relationships where LGBTQ parents in particular are treated as second class citizens, and to celebrate where there is a breakthrough in ways that we are related to as equals with non-LGBTQ parents. This resolution is spurred on by being and becoming more tuned in to how the changing of federal and state laws (for good or ill) affects our families; discovering organizations where discrimination against LGBTQ parents is still firmly in place, like the Boy Scouts of America; and being constantly surprised in the moments where a note of grace has sounded in an otherwise acrimonious relationship. : :

How choosing you benefits everyone New Year, New You: Physical fitness

Can putting yourself first be considered an unselfish decision? When it comes to your health, the answer is yes. By putting your health first, you’re not only staying well for you, but also for your loved ones.

One in three women will develop cancer in her lifetime, but about 50 percent of cancer deaths could be prevented if women maintained a healthy weight through diet and regular exercise, avoided tobacco products and got recommended cancer screenings, according to the American Cancer Society. Yet, women are often so busy taking care of others that they struggle to make their own health a priority. In fact, a recent survey by the American Cancer Society showed that while 95 percent of women feel the need to improve their health, approximately three out of five admit they put others’ health before their own.

In the constant struggle between family, work and self, how can you put yourself first? Whether sticking to your New Year’s resolution, preparing for swimsuit season or simply wanting to live a healthier lifestyle, here are six tips to help reach your wellness goals: Eat right. Healthy eating is difficult in today’s busy world.

To help you meet your goals, take time to record your intake in a food journal. A diet that is low in fat, high in fiber, with lots of fruits and vegetables, has been shown to help reduce the risk of developing cancer.

Get active. Exercise often gets neglected, but just 30 minutes of moderate physical activity five days a week can reduce

12

Dan Mauney Takeover Friday Charlotte Looking back over the past year and the past decade of success with Gay Bingo, Takeover Friday, BRIEF! and Step, I want the next decade to be a time of more personal growth with family, friends and to really give more to the charities that matter to me. May Takeover Friday continue to connect our community in ways that we have never been connected making everyone feel a part of the greater picture. May our community unify together to make a bigger difference in the world we live and extend our hand further across the aisle to impact the lives of our straight allies and community. May I personally be a better son, brother and relative to my family who mean the world to me. May I be a better friend to my close friends and acquaintances. May I continue to maintain my sense of humor in life and never let the daily challenges tarnish my light. And, may I hold onto the little hair that I have left on my head or at least wear hats better. Here’s to 2011 and the incredible adventures that lay ahead.

qnotes

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

your risk of cancer, heart disease, even diabetes. If possible, exercise before work or during lunch, so you can spend time with your family or indulge in “me-time” once you get home.

Get recommended health screenings. Prevention and early detection are two of the most powerful tools you have for your health. Make visiting a doctor for preventative care a regular part of your health regimen, and set reminders to schedule important appointments and screenings.

Quit smoking. Smoking causes one in five deaths in the United States, and a myriad of health problems. There are many tools and resources available online that can help distract you from your cravings and show you just how much those packs of cigarettes cost you over time.

Protect your skin. A majority of skin cancer cases diagnosed in the U.S. are considered to be sun-related. When in the sun, wear protective clothing, sunscreen with an SPF rating of 15 or higher and sunglasses that block UV rays.

Choose you. Commit to making healthy living and early detection a priority by making a Choose You Commitment, a movement developed by the American Cancer Society to help women put their health first to help reduce cancer risk. This online program provides

tools and support to enable women to commit to, and achieve their personal health and wellness goals.

For more information on how to make your personal health a priority, visit chooseyou.com. : : — ARAContent

Photo Credit: familymwr, via Flickr. Licensed under Creative Commons.

INSIDE OUT

Carry a ‘helper’s high’ into New Year Doing good deeds, service to others has positive emotional benefits

by Tyler DeVere :: tdevere@goqnotes.com

Research shows that helping others can make us feel enormously better about ourselves. It’s called “helper’s high.” Being there for others in their times of need makes us feel more a part of a community that watches out for its own members.

Photo Credit: kelsey_lovefusionphoto, via Flickr.

Licensed under Creative Commons.

For more than a decade, psychological studies have shown the significance of this phenomenon. It’s been linked to the release of brain chemicals, such as endorphins, that uplift our mood and attitude. Some research has even shown that this can strengthen the immune system or relieve aches and pains in the body.

This New Year, improve your health by giving to friends, family or even strangers. There are many things you can do to achieve this “helper’s high” that comes from selfless action.

First, consider showing some poignant gratitude to those who have helped you already. Hand-written thank you notes are much more personal than an email, phone call or a casual “thank you.” A sincere message of thanks is special to the recipient who might deeply appreciate the sentiment. Plus, the good feeling he or she gets from being thanked in a meaningful way will karmatically make you feel good about yourself as

well. This can also make us feel grateful for what we’ve been given, which is important for putting our lives into perspective.

Another great way to attain that warm feeling of altruism is through volunteering with community organizations or projects. Whether it’s political activism, working at a soup kitchen, building for Habitat for Humanity, or any number of other activities, community service is a fulfilling endeavor that will be its own reward. Not only are non-profit organizations often severely under-staffed, meaning infinite appreciation for volunteers, but it’s extremely satisfying to see the tangible results of our efforts given freely to aid our fellow people.

Christmas and birthdays are not the only times of the year we can give each other gifts.

In fact, a random present to a spouse or friend can bring us a wonderful feeling in return.

Keep in mind, gifts come in many different forms and are not always bought at a store. A special night out, a helping hand with regular mundane chores or pursuing someone else’s hobbies or interests can all be terrific demonstrations of love. The faces of our loved ones lit up with joy can be the greatest gift of all.

Just remember that if you want good for yourself, the direct path isn’t always the most effective path. “What goes around comes around.” Giving something of yourself — time, financial contributions, energy, etc. — to those around you can ultimately come back to you in even bigger and better ways. : :

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

qnotes

13

out in the stars by charlene lichtenstein :: qnotes contributor

January 8-21 Personal circumstances can change. Or, maybe, what changes is our perception of them. The way we communicate (Mercury) our love (Venus) gets us certain results (Mars). Will you remain tight lipped or will you open up wide?

CAPRICORN (12.23-01.20) Your world is buzzing with anticipation. Get the gossip mill going full steam and control it from behind the curtain.

Being mysterious pays off for you especially if you can populate the stream with some personal good press. Pink Caps yearn to be admired. Why stop at mere admiration? Work towards making some of this buzz into money, honey.

AQUARIUS (01.21-02.19) Friends support you in any crazy enterprise that you can conjure up. So, aim for the bleachers and swing hard.

Aqueerians have been percolating some great ideas for a while. Now is the time to reveal them and see how the public drinks it up. You will find yourself in the center of all the activity. Meet, greet and see who you can impress…with your ideas not your hands. Unless?

PISCES (02.20-03.20) You impress the higher ups and can get away with almost anything at work.

So, glide on your charm and see what else you can achieve while you are in their good graces.

But, hurry with your professional plots. Soon you will find it more entertaining to dabble in the occult or something spiritual. And, that does not mix with corporate politics. Unless it is voodoo.

ARIES (03.21-04.20) Proud Rams are most effective if they can keep their thoughts on the job, even though they dream of faraway romantic places. You are busy, busy. How can you do what

14

qnotes

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

you want when you want? Try enlisting a group of colleagues to give you a helping hand. If that doesn’t work, maybe you can get bosses to talk to the hand. Of course, you can always just offer the finger.

TAURUS (04.21-05.21) Love is not only in the air, it is all over the darn place. Spread your steam internationally and see who answers your siren call. It will be hard to concentrate on material things. Your heart and mind are wrapped up in the moment. Of course, too much sex and not enough thought behind it can lead to wasted efforts and a dissipated lifestyle. Or, maybe that is the hope?

GEMINI (05.22-06.21) Focus on all different types of relationships from love to office to posse. Pink Twins often relate to people on a very informal level which works well for some but not all.

Here’s my advice: Put a little more salty and sweet oomph in all one-to-ones and see how folks respond. You will have some eating out of your hand. Better wash your hands frequently.

CANCER (06.22-07.23) Gay Crabs seem to really enjoy their jobs. And, why not? You are successfully building bridges with co-workers and even have a few plans to expand your power into new areas of domination. Heh, heh. So take your time and deeply concentrate on anything that requires attention to detail, strategy and stealth. Any loose ends could spell trobble… err…trouble.

LEO (07.24-08.23) Party your pants off and be especially charming and delightful. Proud Lions need a work breather and there is plenty of opportunity to lead you off-track. But, there is a method to this party madness. You do a little work within the boundaries of fun. Bolster your contacts so you can tap them later for important work-related initiatives. Errr, corporate retreats?

VIRGO (08.24-09.23) Home entertaining becomes the be-all and end-all. Gather the troops and plan some festive get-togethers. Queer Virgins also benefit from the exercise derived from home improvement projects whether remodeling or restructuring. Of course, a few able bodied pals should always be made to feel welcome and useful in these circumstances. Why should you buff up alone?

LIBRA (09.24-10.23) Proud Libras know just what to say to make others feel warm and fuzzy. How is this different from usual? This time you may have an ulterior motive to your charm. Certain people can help you re-establish links to lost family members. Why now? Because there is something inside of you that hankers for connection…even if only to satisfy your morbid curiosity.

SCORPIO (10.24-11.22) You feel like treating yourself to something frivolous and decadent. Go for it. Queer Scorps obviously need some spoiling. Perhaps, that is because you have been in the refrigerator too long? Freshen up your dance card by planning some block parties or other ways to bring the neighbors together. Pretty soon they will beat a path to your door. Uh, oh.

SAGITTARIUS (11.23-12.22) The fates work behind the scenes for you. With a little forethought and some astute questioning, gay Archers can make inroads into any sticky and prickly financial issue. Put your mind to it. You can emerge, if not more solvent, at least more stable. Then you can go the next step in any extravagant personal project you like. And, even some that you don’t like. : : © 2011 Madam Lichtenstein, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Entertainment. info: Visit www.TheStarryEye.com for e-greetings, horoscopes and Pride jewelry. My book “HerScopes: A Guide To Astrology For Lesbians” from Simon & Schuster is available at bookstores and major booksites.

tell trinity by trinity :: qnotes contributor

Can love at 40 be like it was at 20?

Hello Trinity, When I was 20 I fell in love so easily.

Now I’m 40 and I have trouble letting myself fall in love. Why is it so hard at 40?

Lost Love, Jacksonville, FL Hello Lost Love, Sure at 20, love meant long make out sessions to Bee Gees albums, but now at 40 love has to compete with long workdays, internet malfunctions and the aging process! So, honey, if you want love at 40, simply make time to find it instead of wasting time complaining about it. Go out more, make more “moves” on people you’re interested in and, lastly, make more dates. Simply make more time to find love and feeling it will follow, I promise.

Hey Trinity, Don’t you think therapy is a waste of time and money? Don’t you think we can get though our problems alone?

Skeptical, Denver, CO Hey Skeptical, Sure, sometimes you’re better off alone, but at other times you really do need more than one mind to get you through traumas,

tragedies and men. Solving your own problems is sweet, sweetie, but often it’s better to hire a trained professional to help me, I mean you, deal with those no-good, lying, cheating men. Now didn’t letting that out feel good? (Get a bit of good counsel from my cartoon.)

Dearest Trinity, I try to work up the courage to talk to guys that I find attractive, but I always say the wrong thing or nothing at all, plus that overwhelming fear of rejection. How can I get past my own shyness to tell someone I like them?

Too Shy For Words, Austin, TX Dearest To Shy For Words,

To get over my shyness, my fear of rejection and my fear of saying the wrong thing, I took acting classes, Insight ® Seminars and pushed myself to just say “Hello.” Start by a) breathing a few times before approaching someone, b) letting your shyness be natural, it’s often more cute than you think, and c) start your night off with a martini. God made martinis for a reason, baby!

Hey Trinity, I frequently go to bars and chat online, but still no bites. What more can I do without spending every day and night looking for a date/mate?

Enough’s Enough, Detroit, MI

Dear, Enough’s Enough It’s not enough to hit the bars or chat online hoping. Pumpkin, dating is work and a commitment to yourself by following: Trinity’s Practical Dating Declarations 1. Practice: I promise to date even if “I think” it won’t work out, simply because it builds my character analysis and intuition.

2. Consistency: I promise to get right back on the dating horse even when I have more than two bad dates in a row.

3. Help: I promise to ask friends, relatives and coworkers to set me up on dates even if it’s blind dates.

4. Packaging: I promise to look and act my best and keep my problems to myself, at least until the fourth date.

5. Timing: I promise to be on time, be clear if I have to be late and be open to changing times if someone has to.

6. Honesty: I promise to be as honest as I can about my feelings even if it means telling someone what they don’t want to hear.

7. Obsessing: I promise not to call more than once a day or leave more than a few text messages in one day’s time!

8. Self-Respect: I promise to date people who treat me with respect and kindness and to do the same to them.

9. Survival: I promise to end all bad, self-destructive and/ordangerous situations even if it means leaving town for a week.

10. Lastly, Risk: I promise to give each date a chance even if it means being less: self-righteous, self-loathing or selfindulgent. : : — With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally. info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com Tell Trinity, P.O. Box 23861 . Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33307 Sponsored by: Provincetown Business Guild 800-637-8696 . www.ptown.org

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

qnotes

15

16

qnotes

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

News Notes continued from page 7

end of 2011; Feldblum will now serve through July 2013.

“We commend the Senate for finally setting aside pointless partisanship and confirming this highly qualified candidate for a full term on the EEOC,” said Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese. “Chai Feldblum has spent decades working to protect those most ignored and maligned by our society. The civil rights of all Americans will be in good hands with Chai Feldblum’s continued service on the EEOC.” Prior to her recess appointment, Feldblum served as a professor of law at Georgetown University Law Center. Throughout her career, she has worked to enact protections for some of the most stigmatized populations in America. As legislative counsel for the American Civil Liberties Union in the 1980s, she worked to secure legal protections for

people with AIDS at a time when the disease was vilified and poorly understood. Professor Feldblum also played a leading role in the drafting and negotiation of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990.

— D.S.

Wingers boycott wingers over gays

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Several right-wing groups including two conservative power players say they will boycott the annual Conservative Political Action Conference this year due to the inclusion of a gay Republican group. The high-profile event brings thousands of conservatives to the nation’s capital each February. Many groups are upset that GOProud, a gay group that participated in the conference last year, is being allowed to return. The angered parties argue that allowing a gay group to officially participate violates conservative ideals of faith and family.

The American Principles Project started the flap when it announced its intention to skip CPAC because of GOProud. A number of orga-

nizations followed suit culminating with boycott announcements from both the Family Research Council and Concerned Women for America.

In an interview with Salon.com, GOProud Executive Director Jimmy LaSalvia declined to respond directly to the groups boycotting the conference, saying only that “CPAC is an important event and I hope that all conservatives will join in participating. We’re very proud of our record, and we’ll put our conservative credentials up against anyone.”

— D.S.

Global Israeli gay couples can adopt

A precedent-setting ruling last month in the Jerusalem Family Court has blazed a path for gays to officially adopt their partner’s or spouse’s child, The Jerusalem Post reports. The child in question in the landmark case was born two years go to a man via a surrogate mother in India. About a year ago, the man’s partner initiated action

to adopt the child.

The two men pursued the usual adoption process – including passing a review from a social worker who submitted a positive recommendation to the Jerusalem Family Court.

However, the court was hesitant to rule since there was no precedent for this type of adoption. After an attorney presented the men’s case to the court, the adoption was granted.

“This is a big step for the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community in Israel,” commented lawyer Irit Rosenblum, executive director of New Family, an organization that champions the rights of Israelis to marry and build families outside the traditional system.

“However, there is still a long road to the desired recognition, since each issue pertaining to gay rights is decided by the courts, and not by the legislature.”

— D.S. info: Have news or other information? Send your press releases and updates for inclusion in our News Notes: editor@goqnotes.com.

qomunity qonexions u

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

qnotes

17

18

qnotes

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

Arts & Science Council chief speaks Guild welcomes members, guests

Jan. 18 • Charlotte Guild: Scott Provancher The Charlotte Business Guild hosts Arts & Science Council President Scott Provancher. Crowne Plaza Hotel, 201 S. McDowell St. 5:30-8 p.m. $20. Includes dinner, tea, coffee and dessert. Cash bar available. For reservations call 704-565-5075 or emailbusinessguild@yahoo.com. For more information, visit charlottebusinessguild.org.

Thru Jan. 22 • Charlotte ‘Pageant: The Musical’ Stuart Williams Productions and Theatre650, the twisted little sister of Actor’s Theatre of Charlotte, present “Pageant: The Musical,” a campy musical comedy about the pitfalls of beauty pageants. Performances held Jan. 6-22, various times and prices. For more information or to buy tickets call 704-342-2251, ext.

21, or visit, actorstheatrecharlotte.org.

Jan. 8 • Charlotte Hot Chocolate Social The Charlotte Pride Band will hold a hot chocolate social. Meet members of the band as they kick off the second half of their 2010-11 season.

Enjoy a warm beverage, baked goodies and mix and mingle. Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Charlotte, 820 Hamilton St., Suite B11.

5:30-7 p.m. charlotteprideband.org.

On the horizon March 5 • Charlotte Amazing Race Bar Crawl The Regional AIDS Interfaith Network (RAIN) hosts their annual Amazing Race Bar Crawl. Teams compete through a series of bars to complete the race and race money for RAIN and its services. carolinarain.org.

March 25-27 • Charlotte GayCharlotte Film Festival The Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Charlotte hosts its annual GayCharlotte Film Festival. gaycharlotte.com.

May 7 • Charlotte AIDS Walk RAIN hosts its annual AIDS Walk. aidswalkcharlotte.org.

May 14 • Raleigh OutRaleigh The LGBT Center of Raleigh presents its first OutRaleigh festival at City Plaza and Fayetteville St. lgbtcenterofraleigh.com.

Jan. 8 • Winston-Salem Film screening: ‘Maybe…Maybe Not’ OUT at the Movies, Winston-Salem’s GLBT Film Series, will screen “Maybe…Maybe Not” at the UNC School of the Arts’ ACE Theatre Complex, 1533 S. Main St. 7 p.m. For more information and to see the trailer, visit outatthemovieswinston.org.

Jan. 11 • Durham TGMC open auditions The Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus will hold open auditions for new members. The selection process is relaxed and no prepared pieces are required. Participants must be 18 years old or over. Durham Arts Council, 120 Morris St. 6:45-9:15 p.m. For more information email membership@tgmchorus.org or visit tgmchorus.org.

Jan. 14 • Durham TASA meet and greet TASA will hold its first meet and greet for the Spring 2011 Season. Join in to find out about the league and how you can become part of TASA’s LGBT softball family. The captains and players will be there to talk and answer questions. The league includes co-ed, men’s and women’s divisions; all skill levels are welcome. Club Steel Blue, 711 Rigsbee Ave. 7 p.m. Free. trianglesoftball.com.

Jan. 18 • Charlotte Open auditions: ‘Love Labours’ Open auditions will be held for the world premiere of “Love Labours,” an original romantic comedy written by Edward L. Malone.

Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Charlotte, 820 Hamilton St., Suite B11. 6 p.m. For more information on the auditions process, visit gaycharlotte.com.

Jan. 18 • Durham TGMC open auditions The Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus will hold open auditions for new members. The selection process is relaxed and no prepared pieces are required. Participants must be 18 years

old or over. Durham Arts Council, 120 Morris St. 6:45-9:15 p.m. For more information email membership@tgmchorus.org or visit tgmchorus.org.

Jan. 20-23 • Boone NC Gay Ski Weekend NC Mountain Boys and JustTwirl.com present the 2011 NC Gay Ski Weekend at Blowing Rock’s Crestwood Resort and Spa, including JustTwirl’s SnowBall 2011 with DJ Seth Cooper.

For more information and to register or purchase tickets visitncgayskiweekend.com.

Jan. 21 • Greensboro One Upon a Bingo Join Guilford Green Foundation for their first Green Queen Bingo of 2011. The Empire Room, 203 S. Elm St. Doors open at 6 p.m. Games begin at 7 :30 p.m. $15/general. $1-0/student or military. ggfnc.org.

Jan. 22 • Charlotte TOY community service Time Out Youth hosts a community service volunteer opportunity for youth, staff and volunteers at Second Harvest Food Bank of Metrolina from 9 a.m. to noon. Transportation from the TOY offices will be available at 8:30 a.m. For more information contact Sherika Jackson at sjackson@timeoutyouth.org.

Q

events qnotes goqnotes.com/qguide/events

arts. entertainment. news. views. at 6:30 p.m. Games begin at 7:30 p.m. $20/general. $10/students. equalitywinstonsalem.org.

Feb. 11 • Charlotte Rededication Temple Beth El rededicates their sanctuary during a special Shabbat service. Join the congregation, elected officials, community members and area religious leaders for this special occasion at one of Charlotte’s many LGBT-friendly religious institutions. Temple Beth El, 5101 Providence Rd. 6:50 p.m. beth-el.com.

Feb. 26 • Raleigh HRC Gala The Human Rights Campaign hosts their North Carolina Gala at the Raleigh Convention Center. For more information, including ticket prices, accommodations, advertising and sponsorship opportunities, volunteer sign-up or awards nominations, visit hrccarolina.org.

Jan. 25 • Durham TGMC open auditions The Triangle Gay Men’s Chorus will hold open auditions for new members. The selection process is relaxed and no prepared pieces are required. Participants must be 18 years old or over. Durham Arts Council, 120 Morris St. 6:45-9:15 p.m. For more information email membership@tgmchorus.org or visit tgmchorus.org.

Feb. 4 • Winston-Salem Gay Bingo Equality Winston-Salem presents their first gay bingo, “For the Love of Gay Bingo.”

YWCA-Gateway, 1300 S. Main St. Doors open

Jan. 8-21 . 2011

qnotes

19

20

qnotes

Jan. 8-21 . 2011