The Portland Mercury, September 27, 2012 (Vol. 13, No. 19)
Portland's Most Awesome Weekly Newspaper. Covering Portland news, politics, music, film, and arts; plus movie times, club calendars, restaurant listings, forums and blogs.
FREE EVERY THURSDAY / VOL � 13 NO � 19 / SEPTEMBER 27 - OCTOBER 3, 2012 / Y'ALL JUST FUCKED WITH THE RIGHT NEWSPAPER. NEWS ENT P R ES I D he Watch t THE DARK SIDE OF CHARLIE S E T A B DE ry! Mercu with the .5 P IAL HALES P. 6 GAMES THIS WEEK: THE RETRO GAMING EXPO! P. 43 TV THE HORROR OF MAC & CHEESE PIZZA! P. 49 E E V O D D E M R A W m o r F t c e p x E n s i a s i C r n C o e g t e a r m O i l t C g n Wha P . 13 i m o C the H T A R for a full schedule visiT WWW.miKeThrasherpresenTs.com folloW us online aT: faceBooK.com/miKeThrasherpresenTs TWiTTer.com/miKeThrasherpdX � WWW.mYspace.com/miKeThrasherpresenTs William Elliott H A W T H O R N E T H E A T E R & CROWN pOiNT This gO RADiO Whitmore SAMANTHA CRAiN & RYAN SOLLEE of The Builders and The BuTchers 21 AND OvER SHOW! fRi fRi SEp 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id 28 SuN SEp 7:00pm doors 21 and over 30 D A N T E S This fRi SEp 8:00pm doors 21 and over 28 fRi AMBASSADORS & THE CRY SAT OCT 8:00pm doors 21 and over SuN This 13 C R Y S T A L B A L L R O O M switchfoot & pApER ROuTE THu OCT 18 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id WED WED OCT This 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id 3 & gRAvE R O S E L A N D SAT T OCT H E A fOR ALL THOSE SLEEpiNg T Skip THE fOREpLAY E upON THiS DAWNiNg pALiSADES R 6:30pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id & MOLDY CASTLE 1 Sw 3rd Avenue 855-CAS-TIXX X2 DiARRHEA pLANET Tell all Your friends 10Th anniversarY Tour BAYSiDE & MAN OvERBOARD 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id & ABSOLuTE MONARCHS BROADWAY CALLS THu OCT 11 fRi OCT 19 WERMACHT RENDERED uSELESS & guiLLOTiNE 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id 13 fRi OCT 12 JukEBOx THE HOMEBOY SANDMAN DJ SOSA gHOST & THE REMiNDERS MotioN citY soUNDtRAcK 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id & SCARS ON BROADWAY 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id fRi OCT 12 fRiENDS & ST. LuCiA 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id & NOW NOW SuN OCT SAT OCT 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id 20 21 25 SuN OCT 21 TuE OCT 6:30pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id 23 HEigHT WiTH fRiENDS THu OCT 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id SuN OCT vAMpiRES EvERYWHERE! gLAMOuR Of THE kiLL & ALL HuMAN iN fEAR AND fAiTH CHESTER ENDERSBY gWAzDA & ALAN RESNiCk on sale 10:00am 855-CAS-TIXX X2 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id 28 MON OCT 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id 15 & MRS. SkANNOTTO & pARACHuTE fRi OCT 1 5 0 7 S e 3 9 T H A v e n u e 8:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id 26 fRi SAT OCT 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id 27 7:00pm doors 21 and over SAT NOv 3 & MiLLiONYOuNg 855-CAS-TIXX X2 W O N D E R B A L L R O O M & OBERHOfER CAT POWER 8:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id SuN NOv 4 8 nw SIXTH Avenue 503-224-TIXX 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id THu OCT 11 7:00pm doors all aGes Bar W/proper id fRi OCT 12 i SEE STARS LETLivE & MATT TOkA 128 ne ruSSeLL ST TOuCHE AMORE BALANCE AND COMpOSuRE & O'BROTHER 877.4.FLY.TIX A S H S T S A L O O N iNquiSiTiON & ANONYMiA fRi OCT 6:00pm doors 21 and over 26 1332 w BurnSIde ST & JONNY fRiTz CORNDAWg fRi NOv 9 13 nw SIXTH Avenue 855-CAS-TIXX X2 855-CAS-TIXX X2 COMiNg SOON: seT in sTone � aWolnaTion (sold ouT!) � KinGdom under fire � nemesis � imperaTive reacTion � The Goddamn GalloWs � medicine for The people � epica con Bro chill � omar rodriGuez-lopez Group � all Time loW � hopsin � TiTle fiGhT � TillY and The Wall � The ap Tour � GWar � nachTmYsTium � halesTorm municipal WasTe / napalm deaTh � sTreeTliGhT manifesTo � The BirThdaY massacre � lindseY sTirlinG � minus The Bear � i fiGhT draGons � pierce The veil www.MIKEthrashErprEsEnts.coM for complete details and info on how to get your tickets early go to 2 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 email@example.com LETTERS MAY BE EDITED FOR SPACE NOTES SUZETTE SMITH Mission TheaTer 1624 N.W. Glisan St. � Portland � 503-223-4527 9/28 THE VISITOR RE: "Be Ashamed" [Letters, Sept 20], in which "yearly visitor" Brian writes in to express outrage at Portland's number of homeless people. BRIAN--The amount of people begging for dimes and food here in Portland actually stands as explicit testament to the quality of our weather this summer, but more so unto the very generosity of the hard-working and compassionate folk scattered unsparingly about our fine city, that those who are asking may find enough here to live well enough to ask another day, another week, another year. Many of those whom you reference are chronic rather than acute cases, seasonal at that, as someone who resides here permanently can attest to, Brian, my serially visiting fellow human. Nicolas fri A WHISPER FROM BEHIND BARS RE: "The Fall of Romneyville" [Feature, Sept 7], a report from the Republican National Convention. DEAR EDITOR--Loved Andrew R Tonry's piece. It seems like you have the talent to become an important little paper if you wanted to by including more feature-length articles. I, for example, really wish you'd start doing a little poking around in the Oregon Department of Corrections. If only you knew what goes on here. DL STRIPPERS FOR IAN RE: "Portland as Fuck" [Feature, Sept 20], in which comedian and writer Ian Karmel sizes up Voodoo Doughnut and Portland strip clubs, declaring the latter "just fucking fun!" "Built For Comfort" Tour From Curb Your Enthusiasm jeff garlin bobby long 9/29 sat DIRTY THREE 10/3 & 4 wED & thur TWO SHOWS! 10/3 Centers 10/4 Scout Niblett THE CRYSTAL HOTEL & BALLROOM sat sept 29 $6 � 9 p.m. � 21 & over � lola's room The strippers of Portland would like to thank Ian Karmel for his refreshingly positive shoutout to us in his recent guest article "Portland as Fuck." Dude, you totally rule! The Strippers of Portland like my friends there either (1) felt sorry for (via Rocket, co-producer of the Strippies) me or (2) thought I was a loser for appreciating the time off. Back visiting friends in Portland, though, not a single person looked BONA FIDES RE: Up & Coming [Sept 20], in which au- askance at my unemployment-by-choice. The thor Morgan Troper unfavorably previews problem with the way we think about calculating un(der)employment is that we work a Matisyahu concert. from the baseline assumption that working MORGAN--Your hostile preview of Mati- 40-plus hours a week is everyone's ideal. syahu's recent show in Portland is both ob- Instead of the baseline being "works 40 noxious and offensive. Are you aware that hours/week," the baseline should be "works Matisyahu is actually an observant and hum- as much as s/he wants to work." If the city ble Jew living a private family life (when not is able to provide the range of jobs that the touring) in a religious enclave of Brooklyn? community demands, then that should be our You may not like him or what he stands for, mark of economic success. If Portland can figor you may be like most of the writers for ure out how to provide for and embrace both the Mercury, supporting punk, metal, and these types of people--and if it can control the melancholy indie scene, which is fine. gentrification and promote socio-economic But don't take your aggression and possibly diversity in the inner city--then I think it'll anti-Semitism out on Matisyahu, even if you be in good shape. At the very least, it's got the right attitude already. don't like his music. posted by Linn Davis Ezf ODD JOBS RE: "Portland: The Place Where Young People Are Underemployed" [Blogtown, Sept 21], regarding a study showing that, contrary to popular saying, young Portlanders are more likely to be underemployed than unemployed. For more on the subject, see News, pg. 9. This is an awesome piece, and I could not be more appreciative of Sarah [Mirk's] recognition that a 40-hour workweek isn't everyone's idea of utopia. I remember a couple of years ago when I was temporarily unemployed and living in New York City, and I felt portlandmercury.com EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Wm. Steven Humphrey MANAGING EDITOR Marjorie Skinner NEWS Denis C. Theriault, Sarah Mirk SENIOR EDITOR Erik Henriksen MUSIC Ned Lannamann ARTS/WEB EDITOR Alison Hallett FOOD Chris Onstad COPY CHIEF Courtney Ferguson CALENDAR Bobby Roberts PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Davis SENIOR DESIGNER Nick Olmstead AD DESIGNER Nami Bigos ART DIRECTOR Justin "Scrappers" Morrison CRYSTAL BALLROOM fri sept 28 all ages AbstrAct EArth prEsEnts AlAddin TheATer presenTs Shpongle wed oct 3 all ages The LosT BroThers Glen Hansard thur oct 4 all ages Phutureprimitive wed oct 10 all ages SPEAKING OF ATTITUDE, Linn, we like yours. We don't know if you're right, but we applaud positive thinking. That's why you win this week's Mercury letter of the week, and two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, where the underemployed enjoy recent films at competitive prices. COVER ART: tue oct 30 all ages Magic Mouth � Bonnie MontgoMery happy hour w/ jonah lukE-ringlErs 9/28 80s vDa-lolas 9/30 citizEn copE 10/2 nightwish 10/5 calobo 10/7 alanis MorissEttE 10/8 youngblooD hawkEyE 10/11 MacklEMorE 10/14 March fourth Marching banD: "fEstival of positivity" 10/16 joshua raDin & a finE frEnzy 10/18 switchfoot 10/21 two Door cinEMa club 10/22 MayEr hawthornE 10/23 wolfgang gartnEr 10/26 80s vDa hallowEEn party 10/28 all-aMErican rEjEcts 11/1 orquEsta aragon 11/2 MEnoMEna 11/4 cat powEr 11/9 thE DEvil MakEs 3 11/11 branDi carlilE 11/18 bEn gibbarD 11/21 walk thE Moon 11/23 typhoon 12/27 & 28 bEats antiquE 12/29-31 railroaD Earth 9/22 The Reverend Benny Bob etsy.com/people/ Reverendbennybob danceonair.com 115 SW Ash St., Suite 600 Portland, OR 97204 � 503-294-0840 � firstname.lastname@example.org AL'S DEn HOTEL at CRYSTAL FREE LIVE MUSIC nIghtLy � 7 PM INTERNS Lex Chase, Kathleen Marie-Barnett DIRECTOR OF CIRCULATION Jay Williams SALES DIRECTOR Rob Thompson SALES COORDINATOR Autumn Webring DIGITAL SALES MANAGER James Deeley ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Sarah Elliott, Katie Peifer, Marissa Sullivan ALTPERKS OPERATIONS MANAGER Michelle David OFFICE MANAGER Noah Dunham GENERAL MANAGER Katie Lake PUBLISHER Rob Crocker saM cooPer CASCADE TICKETS 9/27-29 woody Pines 9/30-10/6 Ballroom: 1332 W. Burnside � (503) 225-0047 � Hotel: 303 S.W. 12th Ave � (503) 972-2670 mcmenamins.com cascadetickets.com 1-855-CAS-TIXX outlEts: crystal ballrooM box officE, bagDaD thEatEr, EDgEfiElD, East 19th st. caf� (EugEnE) September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 3 CALL 877�78�JOFFE OR VISIT WWW.JOFFE.COM Act by Oct 31 FREE LASIK EYE EXAM $ 495 LASIK The Jo e Di erence Excellent LASIK Care & A ordability, because you deserve both. B P EST RIC E UA R ANT See for yourself why Jo e is the Smart Choice for LASIK 20/20 Dr. Howard Straub Medical Director Custom technology to treat nearsightedness, farsightedness,and astigmatism. Personalized follow-up care and free enhancements, because we care. You could get life changing results without spending your life savings. Flexible financing plans and Best Price Guarantee to make LASIK more a ordable than ever. CALL 877�78�JOFFE OR VISIT WWW.JOFFE.COM to schedule your Free LASIK Eye Exam O er ends Oct 31st, 2012. Some restrictions apply. See center for details. Follow us online! OVER 20,000 PROCEDURES PERSONALLY PERFORMED Jo e Portland | 16037 SW Upper Boones Ferry Rd. Tigard, OR 97224 Creative services donated by Leopold Ketel & Partners. V i s i t O re g o n H u m a n e . o r g t o f i n d yo u r s . 4 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 EE G ONE DAY AT A TIME KRISTIAN DONALDSON THE WEEK IN REVIEW by Ann Romano it while the spinning class watched in horror. LINDSAY? IT'S OFFICIAL: YOU HAVE SOME COMPETITION. WATCH THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES WITH THE MERCURY ! s the 2012 presidential election draws near, it's time to make the most important decision of your life: WHERE WILL YOU WATCH THE DEBATES? Naturally, you're going to watch them with the Portland Mercury (and our pals the Bus Project and McMenamins)--because we offer a BIG SCREEN, SMART PEOPLE, FOOD, and LOTS O' BOOZE. Join us on the following dates! THIS WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 3: The first debate in which President Obama and Mitt Romney will answer questions about domestic policy. (Mitt will only get 47 percent of these correct.) Back Stage Bar, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 6 pm, 21+ THURSDAY, OCTOBER 11: It's Vice President "Crazy" Joe Biden vs. Congressman Paul "I Lie a Lot!" Ryan in an ultimately irrelevant fight to the finish! (Though it's sure to be entertaining.) Back Stage Bar, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 6 pm, 21+ TUESDAY, OCTOBER 16: Obama and Romney are back at it again--this time in a laughably uncomfortable "town hall" format. Both will take questions from the audience, and Romney will be awkward. Surprise! Back Stage Bar, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 6 pm, 21+ MONDAY, OCTOBER 22: The final We have but one solace: that all the utterly gross couples in Hollyweird--though they may be "happy" at the moment--will ultimately crash and burn like a damaged F-16 skidding upside down on the deck of an aircraft carrier. Here are three such couples. Cheating "trampire" Kristen Stewart has reportedly snuggled back into the spind ly, lu m i ne scent arms of cuckolded Robert Pattinson! According to multiple sources, the two have engaged in at least two secret rendezvous, and according to a source gabbing to the New York Daily News, "K risten poured CHEATERS PROSPER her heart out to Robert and told him that [her sleazy alleged oralsex romp with older director Rupert Sanders] was a one-off and a mistake." The source goes on to say, "After a lot of long tearful talks, they've worked it out." Take it from us, RPat-- taking back a cheating partner is like picking up a free couch on the roadside. Steam-clean it fi rst. MEANWHILE... The romance between king of all douchebags Ashton Kutcher and formerly respected Mila Kunis continues to boil over. The pair were spotted today brusquely massaging each other's tonsils in NYC's Central Park, and Ashton was even heard saying, "I love you" over a cozy cup of coffee at a local bistro, and NO THAT'S NOT ROMANTIC. It's disgusting, and Mila should have her tonsils steam-cleaned. MEANWHILE... The clearly bamboozled Kanye West continues to have feelings other than revulsion for Kim "Tarantula Vagina" Kardashian. For her upcoming 32nd birthday, he's planning an insanely expensive blowout on a private island in the West Indies, catered by a five-star chef, and gifts including new hand-picked designer clothes, a personalized Prada bag, a pink diamond bracelet, a couture Chanel dress, AND a white Persian kitten--allegedly named "Mercy." Ironic, because that's what the rest of us are crying for!! Look out, Lindsay Lohan! Though her star may not shine as bright, former child actress Amanda Bynes is nipping at your batty-as-abedbug heels! After having her car impounded this past weekend and being warned by a judge that he will not tolerate any more intoxicated, car-driving shenanigans, AmBy was spotted exhibiting two different types of "crazy" today. CRAZY #1: Amanda was seen shopping in a trendy West Hollywood boutique, where she took a couple of things into the dressing room, and remained there for nearly TWO HOURS. Employees claim they would hear weird banging sounds coming from inside, though she refused their offers of help, repeatedly saying, "I need more time." Eventually she came out and purchased some stilettos, a pair of sunglasses, and a bathing suit top that she had forgotten was still underneath her shirt. CRAZY #2: After exhibiting bizarre behavior at her gym last week, Amanda was kicked out of her spinning class for (a) wandering aimlessly around the studio, (b) removing her shirt to reveal a " tiny black strapless push-up bra... not a sports bra" according to a witness, and (c) reaching into her Louis Vuitton bag, fi nding her makeup, and spending the next 25 minutes applying MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 And Lindsay Lohan immediately strikes back! Obviously infuriated that Amanda Bynes is cutting into her "insane young starlet" niche, LiLo has one-upped AmBy by allegedly sideswiping a pedestrian, and getting arrested for leaving the scene of the crime. Lindsay was on her way to the trendy Dream club in New York's Chelsea district, at which point 34-year-old Jose Rodriguez claims the starlet bumped him with her car, injuring his knee. He also claimed that she reeked of booze. Lindsay was arrested by police on her way out of the club, but appeared sober and was not given a Breathalyzer test. Lohan rep Steve Honig calls the incident "much ado about nothing," and Slash (yes, that Slash formerly of Guns N' Roses) swears up and down on his Twatter machine that "the situation last night w/Lindsay was a lame paparazzi stunt. She didn't do anything. it's being blown *HIC!* out of proportion." Lindsay was backstage at Slash's concert before the incident--though she might not want to use him as a character witness. How about Amanda Bynes instead? She's much crazier in comparison. (Though it's not a competition. Yes, it is.) WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19 A debate! The topic is "foreign policy," in which Romney will try to convince us his knowledge about foreign affairs extends beyond his secret bank accounts in the Cayman Islands, and Obama will once again remind everyone who killed Osama bin Laden. (Hint: Him.) Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, 6 pm (Note change of venue!), all ages The Mercury Presidential Debates Viewing Parties: Get there early, get boozed up, and get informed! According to InStyle magazine, worst person in the world (other than Kim Kardashian) Gwyneth Paltrow only lets her children watch TV if it's in "French or Spanish." Because she's the worst person in the world (other than, of course, Kim Kardashian). THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 got a special note from his accountants that summarized his returns from 1990-2009. "Tax law experts say the release[s]... will do little to silence questions about Mr. Romney's past tax liability," the BBC observes, "including the source of a $100 million retirement account and the tax advantages of his offshore investments." Nice try, Mittens. WARNINGS, EARTHLINGS, OR PERISH IN TERROR." TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 Today the Paul Thomas Anderson fi lm The Master --based loosely on the early days of Scientology and its leader, L. Ron Hubbard -- opened across the country, where it received a lot of critical attention and--"Make sure to go out to the movies this weekend!" bellowed Emperor Klaktu of Rigel VII, the Official Spokesalien for Scientology. "There are a number of fantastic fi lms playing, like... um... Dredd 3D! And... ah... Finding Nemo 3D! Everyone loves that cute l'il Nemo! And... uh... I heard Moonrise Kingdom was alright? Yeah, I think I heard that. So, uh, if you want to see a movie this weekend, remember there are tons to choose from! JUST DO NOT SEE THE MASTER, OR I SHALL INCINERATE YOUR HUMANOID CRANIUM WITH THE BLISTERING HEAT OF 1,000 PLASMID SUNS. CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED." MEANWHILE... Mitt Romney, in an apparent effort to distract people from his spectacular face plant earlier this week (when a secretly shot video captured Romney telling rich donors that 47 percent of Americans "pay no income tax" and "are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing ") fi nally released his tax returns! Well... sort of. Romney released his 2011 returns, and then he FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 Today at the Bronx Zoo, 25-year-old David Villalobos leapt from a train and into the enclosure of Bashuta, a male Siberian tiger--where he stayed for about 10 minutes, sustaining " bites and punctures on his arms, legs, shoulders, and back, and a broken arm and a leg." According to the Associated Press, New York Police Department spokesman Paul Browne reported Villalobos' "leap was defi nitely not a suicide atNICE KITTY tempt, but a desire to be one with the tiger," adding Villalobos bragged to police "he was able to pet the tiger before zookeepers came to his rescue." IN RELATED NEWS... "That's a grrrreat idea! Maybe you could go to the zoo this weekend! Hooray, the zoo! Who wants to sit inside a dark, stuffy movie theater when there are Tranxaian beetletargs to pet?" Emperor Klaktu helpfully suggested. "What's that, Ann? Your Earth zoos `don't have' Tranxaian beetletargs? Ugh. Your dumb planet is so crappy. Still! Even a crappy Earth zoo is better than that Master trash! HEED MY SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22 "It depends on the quality of the tape, the length, the lighting, the sex. But something like this could go for a couple of million dollars." That's Vivid Video founder/pornography scholar Steve Hirsch, discussing a--brace yourselves, dears-- Kanye West sex tape that's been making the rounds. (Thank heaven for small favors: The tape reportedly features West with one of his exes, not the mentally deficient soul-succubus Kim Kardashian. Phew.) West's lawyers were quick to send out grumpy letters to any and all websites mentioning the tape, threatening, "We hereby demand that you immediately cease and desist from posting, advertising, marketing, displaying, and dissemin--" "Yo, lawyers, I'm really happy for you, Imma let you fi nish, but I have two sex tapes!" proclaims Kanye! Well, okay, he didn't say that exactly, but TMZ's still reporting there's a second Kanye West sex tape. "Both tapes are impressively long--the fi rst is roughly 20 minutes," TMZ says, "and the second is more than 40. And we're talking constant action. Seriously, the guy takes no breaks. It's incredible. Almost Sting-like." It's days like these, dear readers, that we question the decisions we've made in life, and wonder whether we want to continue writing One Day at a Ti--"A Kanye West skin flick? Hey, there's something else you could watch instead of The Master!" Emperor Klaktu interrupted, before being interrupted by Hubby Kip. "So this is just an idea," he mused, thoughtfully stroking his chin, "but I think a pret- ty good name for a sex tape would be Imma Let You Finish." Annd we're done. See you next week, dears. Probably. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23 PORTLANDMERCURY .COM THIS WEEK ON WIN TIX TO HOT WATER MUSIC HALF-OFF TIX TO THE PORTLAND HUMP! SUBMISSIONS END HITS THURSDAY! PLAYHOUSE! MERCPERKS.COM DUE IN ONE WEEK! GAHH! Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 5 NEWS It Is Totally Worth It STUNG, BUT NOT SURPRISED, by a state board's order that he reinstate the cop who fatally shot the unarmed and distraught Aaron Campbell in 2010, Mayor Sam Adams stood alone in Portland City Hall this week and asked his fellow commissioners to back a costly court appeal with an uncertain chance of victory. Adams, his voice crackling with emotion, issued his plea at a press conference on Monday, September 24. It came mere hours after the Oregon Employment Relations Board (ERB) published a ruling that said the city had no right to ignore a state arbitrator's decision clearing Ron Frashour of misconduct when he shot Campbell in the back. "It is the city council, it is the police commissioner, it is the chief of police, that manage the bureau," Adams said. "Not the labor unions and their connected institutions." The mayor had refused to honor the arbitrator's decision this spring, arguing that Frashour's reinstatement after a history of questionable calls using deadly force would violate "public policy." And he cited a little-tested 17-year-old state labor law to make his case. The Portland Police Association (PPA), which has lobbed increasingly ugly broadsides at Adams over his defiance, appealed the mayor's refusal to the ERB. But whether Adams will persuade at least two of his colleagues to join him in a challenge to the Oregon Court of Appeals remains very uncertain. Most city commissioners said they hadn't yet di- Adams Challenges Council to Back Court Fight in Frashour Case by Denis C. Theriault the questionable integrity that he's had all during his tenure." "Really, Mr. Turner?" Leonard asked in an outraged statement. "How do you characterize the integrity of your members' actions that led to a complete breakdown of all the training the Portland Police Bureau provides officers to avoid tragedies such as the indefensible killing of Aaron Campbell?" The question Adams is asking his colleagues boils down to this: Shouldn't the mayor be able to fire a Portland cop for the improper use of deadly force? But the ERB tossed that question aside. It relied entirely on the arbitrator's decision, seizing on a key distinction raised by the PPA: It wasn't that Frashour made a mistake and was punished too severely, it was that he didn't do anyMERCURY STAFF thing wrong at all. "There is no need for any further firmly lined up behind the mayor: Randy Leonard, Adams' political BFF. analysis by this board once the arbitraLeonard's support, announced Tuesday, tor determines that the grievant did not September 25, came at the end of a sec- engage in misconduct," the ruling said. City Attorney James Van Dyke plainond highly emotional day that included a vocal protest by accountability groups ly said he thought the ERB's fundamenon the steps of city hall and another tal approach to the case was wrong and round of anti-Adams attacks by PPA said a court challenge on those grounds would be a first in Oregon. President Daryl Turner. So far, the city has spent close to $1 Ironically, it was Turner and his latest jabs that pushed a skeptical Leon- million on in-house and outside lawyers ard off the fence--where he found keeping Frashour out of uniform--a himself immediately following the rul- cost some critics, including the PPA, ing--and into Adams' corner. Turner, have decried during a time of budget at a press conference filmed by the cuts. Adams said it's an investment. "It is totally worth it, and PortlandOregonian, accused the mayor of waging a "personal vendetta" and "showing ers expect us to do this." gested the ERB's ruling or had time to huddle with the city attorney--and circumspection is running high. Nick Fish, for one, said he wants to ensure the city has a "plausible legal strategy." Adams is giving them up to 30 days--the window ERB gave the city to reinstate Frashour, with back pay--before holding a public vote. So far, only one commissioner has every mile a business sits from a lowtraffic, bike-friendly street, the number of its biking customers decreases by 5.5 percent. One thing that's not clear from the numbers is why cyclists spend more. "Is it the choice to cycle or the characteristic of the cyclist that explains spending?" asks Clifton. The study points out a bunch of factors that influence how much money the average Portlander spends at specific businesses. For every minute you spend in a bar, for example, you spend about 20 cents more. If you have children at home, you're likely to spend about $3 less at the same bar. It could be that cyclists often line up with the factors that make people likely to shell out cash--like having higher incomes. Interestingly, when researchers factored out income, which affects how much people spend, pedestrians were the most likely to part with their cash. It could be just that cyclists have more disposable income, spending gas and car insurance money on delicious beer and tacos instead. NEWS You Won't Like Me When I'm Angry by Denis C. Theriault HOW MANY TIMES have we heard this year's mayoral race framed as the following: Charlie Hales, the cerebral, details-obsessed wonk vs. Jefferson Smith, the hot-headed crotch-puncher who specializes in the big picture? It's neat. It's pat and easily digestible. It's also incorrect. Because despite prominent coverage of Smith's obvious irascibility--cursing at hecklers during Cameron Whitten's hunger strike rally and his scuffles playing sports--Smith isn't the only candidate who sometimes lets his passion get the better of him when he ought to know better. At least three times, the Mercury has learned, a peeved and punchy Hales has aimed either "rude," "less than professional," or "fairly aggressive" text messages and calls at members of influential groups who decided not to throw their endorsement his way. The rebukes were irksome enough that leaders of two of the groups, the Portland Firefighters Association (PFFA) and the Oregon League of Conservation Voters (OLCV), wondered aloud whether they could salvage a good relationship with Hales if he manages to beat Smith in the November runoff. That suggests the stakes for Hales' outbursts might be just a bit higher than Smith's, even though Smith's have caught the public's fancy. Hall Monitor JON SPERRY Bike Business NEWS Portland Study Shows Cyclists Make Good Customers by Sarah Mirk BUSINESSES SOMETIMES line up against bike projects because they worry building out bike lanes will hinder their customers who arrive by car. But a Portland State University study finds that cyclists are often more valuable customers: People who arrive at bars, restaurants, and convenience stores by bike spend more money than people who come by car, by transit, or on foot. Civil engineering professor Kelly Clifton and her research team spent the summer interviewing drinkers, eaters, and shoppers around Portland. Over the course of a month, Clifton's team found, cyclists spent the most per person at convenience stores and bars, and tied transit riders when it comes to dining at restaurants. That's because while people who drive to convenience stores, bars, and restaurants tend to spend more on each visit, they make significantly fewer 6 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 visits than those who arrive by bike, bus, or foot. Those findings come with some caveats: People who drive to the supermarket still spend significantly more than people who arrive by any other mode--which makes sense, given that hauling groceries home is more convenient by car. And most businesses don't make most of their money from people who bike; most customers arrived at the surveyed businesses by driving. But the minority of customers who do arrive by bike spend more money over time. The study, funded by the city, PSU, Metro, Travel Oregon, and nonprofit Bikes Belong, is significant in collecting hard numbers that suggest building bike and pedestrian infrastructure could be good for business. Clifton notes that installing a bike corral increases the number of biking customers by more than six percent. For "You let bygones be bygones," said Doug Moore, executive director of OLCV and a longtime hand on Capitol Hill. "This makes it harder for him to do that going forward. It does not portend well." The PFFA's Jim Forquer contrasted Hales' response with Eileen Brady's after his union backed Smith in the primary. Brady, he said, took pains to say she had a "tremendous amount of respect" for firefighters' work. Not Hales. Hales, Forquer said, called and sharply asked why he was "driving my team off a cliff." "Is there a chance for a relationship?" Forquer asks. "I'm not sure." Gwen Sullivan, president of the Portland Association of Teachers, was the most reserved in her comments about Hales--precisely because she wants to have a relationship with whoever winds up mayor. Sullivan confirmed receiving "rude" texts and said Hales was "extremely" disappointed, but she declined to share them or comment further. Hales, at least, copped to reports of his temper. He said OLCV's complaints about calls amounted more to a he-said-he-said, but he didn't deny bluntly expressing his disappointment with the firefighters and teachers. He also said he'd put the campaign behind him and start listening if elected. "I've never said anything to hurt someone, but I'm certainly blunt," he said when we sat down. "I've not mastered the art of saying nothing." Then again, neither has Smith. Which means irritability is a problem both candidates suffer from. Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com doubletee.com / roselandpdx.com Orbital LIVE! ToniTe! WITH SpecIal gueSTS Showbox Presents FRIDaY NITe! TYpHOON IN CONCERT Screaming Females Fri Sept 28th � cuthbert amphitheater � all ageS New album "Not Your Kind Of People" Available Now � garbage.com Double Tee ConCerTs & Hip Hop Junkies presenT: September 27th � 8pm roSeland � 21+ FRI SEPT 28Th � RoSEland � 9Pm � 21+ FRiDAY niTe! STEPHEN MARLEY neXT WeeK! neW Venue! noW All AGes! Spragga Benz Jo Mersa oct 2nd � roSeland � 8pm � all ageS Double Tee, Suave & Dead Nation Presents The Electric Highway Tour Mark Battles Easy McCoy � Juma Blaq � Covae october 1St � peter'S room@roSeland � 8pm � all ageS Sat october 6th � roSeland � 8pm 21+ Purchase tickets at 1-800-745-3000 or at ticketmaster.com plays oct 30th � roSeland � 8pm � all ageS Trevor hall alcyon Massive FRI ocT 26Th � wondER ballRoom � 8Pm � 21+ John Brown's Body ial very spec guests noV 14Th � RoSEland � 8Pm � all agES TRUST ROBERT DELONG ON saLE NOW! SaT ocT 20Th � RoSEland � 9Pm � all agES noV 1 � RoSEland � 8Pm � all agES Disco Donne & Mistah Fab MUMbLs With spEciaL gUEsts Sat december 1St � roSeland � 8pm � all ageS noV 1St � peter'S room@roSeland � 8pm � all ageS & DaviD DaLLas noV 8Th � RoSEland � 8Pm � all agES adVance ticketS through all ticketSWeSt locationS, SafeWay, muSic millennium. to charge by phone pleaSe call 503.224.8499 September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 7 8 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 The Real Portlandia Research Shows We're Not "Retired," We're Underpaid by Sarah Mirk NEWS THE VERDICT is in: Portland is not the place where young people go to retire. We're the place where young people go to be underpaid and marginally employed. Two Portland State University professors spent their summer digging into the "Portlandia hypothesis"--the TV show's relentlessly repeated joke that Portland is the place where young people go to retire-- and found, instead, a moderately bleak portrait of employment for the young, collegeeducated people of our fair city. "Equating financial success with ambitiousness is not a safe thing to do." -Professor Greg Schrock Portlanders 25 to 39 years old with college degrees are working or looking for work just as much as their peers elsewhere in the country, according to the study, but the group has the highest underemployment rate of any major city in the country: 20.2 percent work fewer than 35 hours a week. Even when working full time, year round, young, collegeeducated people here are paid on average $4,400 less than the national norm. "There were a lot of people citing anecdotal evidence of the Portlandia adage, a lot of people suggesting that there's a lack of productivity among young people here," says study co-author professor Jason Jurjevich. "We say no, that's not what's happening." "It's not just about people taking shitty jobs," adds professor Greg Schrock, bluntly. "It's about people taking shitty pay for the same jobs.... Equating financial success with ambitiousness is not a safe thing to do." People are paid less here for several reasons. Those include the lower cost of living in Portland compared to other West Coast cities, and that when the economy tanks-- Portland's economy declined steeper, but recovered faster, than the rest of the country's--employers axe full-time gigs in favor of benefit-free part-time jobs. But one of the biggest reasons we're paid less here is no surprise: Young people just keep coming. While other cities like Austin and Denver saw booms and busts of young migrants, Portland has been one of the top 10 most popular destinations for young college graduates in every census survey since 1980. With a lot of smart people competing for entry-level jobs, employers can offer lower wages. And though good jobs are difficult to come by, those migrants aren't moving away very quickly. "The out migration just isn't happening. People here may not necessarily be happy to be paid less, but they're content," says Schrock. People stick around because the city is relatively cheap--you can hack it here on a part-time job--and because, well, they like Portland's culture, environment, and lifestyle. College-educated young Portlanders are essentially sacrificing a bit of their paycheck to live here. The flipside of our underemployment rate is that Portlanders are extremely entrepreneurial. Whether by choice or because of a lack of jobs, Portland has one of the highest self-employment rates in the country. We can poke fun at food carts and DIY culture, but economic data shows almost 12 percent of the city makes a living by making their own job. Of the 13,481 Portland-based companies that report their number of employees, a whopping 12,137 have 10 or fewer employees. And that's where the city is focusing its job-creating efforts, says Peter Parisot, the mayor's director of economic development. "It's incredibly difficult to recruit a Fortune 500 company to move to your downtown. What we look at is growing the companies that are already here," says Parisot. The city credits its development efforts with creating or retaining 4,247 jobs during the recession, only 898 of which came from recruiting new businesses. Young Portlanders' willingness to work fewer on-the-clock hours for less money than their peers is fine. But if the trend continues, Portland could become a self-selecting monoculture, a place where only people who can afford a pay cut will choose to live. DAVID ANTONIO PEREZCASSAR BIG ENOUGH TO SHARE. Scorpion Bowl Cocktails 3267 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Open Everyday 2pm-2:30am HOW ARE WE WORKING? Labor stats for college-educated Portlanders, ages 25-39 Working or looking for work: 89.5 percent National average: 89.2 percent Unemployed: 5.4 percent National average: 4.2 percent Employed part time: 20.2 percent National average: 14.8 percent Self-employed: 8.9 percent National average: 6.2 percent Average income: $42,659 National average: $50,485 September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 9 FALL SALE Sept 29 th to Oct 8 th Training Kitchen Ninjas TM JOIN US. Starts at 8 am at the Jantzen Beach Store Demo/Rental Sale and Parking Lot swap Sep. 29 th Program information at oregonculinaryinstitute.com Gerding Theater at the Armory 128 NW Eleventh Avenue 503.445.3700 pcs.org The Mercury Music Blog Diana Gerding Now Playing at endhits.portlandmercury.com 10 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 Oasis in a Food Desert IN A DOWNTOWN where food cart pods are commonplace enough to be ignored, the new cart that opened on Monday, September 24, at NW Couch and Broadway--in an area known more for social services facilities and nightclubs--could easily be missed. But despite its familiar fa�ade, this wasn't another niche cart looking to lure tourists or foodies. It's a food truck called My Street Grocery, aimed at Portlanders whose food choices place function and frugality over flair: those facing homelessness, struggling with poverty, or simply wanting a healthy meal on the cheap. "It's a good option for me, especially because I eat this kind of food already," said Ray Thompson, a Central City Concern (CCC) clinic patient among the first customers in line on Monday. "But a lot of folks down here don't. This could change their mind." My Street Grocery, which already makes 12 other stops around Portland, joined with CCC this month to expand to Old TownChinatown, a neighborhood teeming with social services that's not a food desert by federal standards, but where low-income people feel a lack of reasonably priced, healthy food. The cart is scheduled to visit every Monday from 1:30 to 2:20 pm. "It's either Whole Foods in the Pearl, or fried food from the convenience stores," says Adrienne Karecki, director of business enterprises at CCC. "The cart's food will provide tasty, fresh, and cheap options for people in the area who need it most." Alongside traditional convenience store wares (like milk, eggs, and bread), My Street Grocery offers an array of in-season local produce at a reasonable rate. A sixounce container of local blackberries costs $2, compared to $3.49 at Safeway, while a loaf of Franz bread goes for $2.50, about what it costs at the Franz Bakery Outlet. The truck also offers preassembled meal kits, averaging $3 a serving. Anyone can shop at the cart, regardless of income. "Our mission is expanding fresh food access to all," says Amelia Pape, co-founder of My Street Grocery. "The demographics Old Town Truck Serves Low-Income People by Alex Zielinski NEWS LOG IN. NEIGHBOR UP. ALEX ZIELINSKI "It's either Whole Foods in the Pearl, or fried food from the convenience stores...The cart's food will provide tasty, fresh, and cheap options." -Adrienne Karecki, director of business enterprises at CCC of this neighborhood are exactly who we're trying to reach." While My Street Grocery has been delivering to grocery-isolated neighborhoods, senior residences, and other lower-income areas since May, its operators waited to move to Old Town until they could work out the logistics to accept food stamps. To help the truck's Old Town experiment succeed, CCC has scheduled its weekly nutrition class so it coincides with the truck's visit. If, after a month, the weekly service draws enough customers, CCC says it will consider funding a portion of the program. "Some people may not be accustomed to fresh produce or cooking their own food," says Pape. "It's definitely going to require a bit of a behavior change for some." All the news and talk from your neighborhood. Finally in one place. Create a free account today at everyblock.com. Be a better neighbor. Get used to seeing this phone number on Portland-area bridges and billboards and other high-profile places: 503-972-3456. Last Wednesday, September 19, city and police officials joined suicide-response nonprofit Lines for Life in unveiling a new suicide hotline for Portland. City council handed Lines for Life $150,000 last month to add extra call-takers, part of an ongoing push to keep cops and 911 dispatchers out of the suicide response business. The first hotline sign is going up on the Vista Bridge. Other bridges will follow in the coming weeks, along with a word-of mouth campaign relying on ministers and leaders in the queer community. Anyone in crisis--or anyone just worried about someone else in crisis--can call. DENIS C. THERIAULT Last month, the city's rank-and-file police union, the Portland Police Association (PPA), quietly agreed to settle a labor In Other News by Mercury staff grievance meant to shut down the region's computer-assisted public-safety dispatch system, which is now more than a year old. The union had loudly complained last year about the dangers of the new system's technical difficulties (flaws that were largely fixed soon after rollout). The issue was big enough that State Representative Mary Nolan, endorsed by the PPA, used it to bludgeon City Commissioner Amanda Fritz, who oversaw the system, in their primary race this spring. So what changed? Not much, according to settlement documents obtained by the Mercury. The PPA agreed the city was working hard to fix problems. And the city told the PPA it wouldn't punish officers if the system's new GPS tracker showed cops in places they weren't supposed to be. That might be of some comfort for Fritz, who could face renewed attacks over the 911 system this fall. DCT September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 11 NEWS D RTLAN O P AL GIN Y STYLE I R O ENCH FR AC RE^ P 12 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 ER IE .le www MON -T H UR 5P NOW M-M SE 101 1 NW �5 USA E V HA 16T AR ND B A T N URA A T 6.1258 03.22 RES AT 5PM-1:30AM FRI/ S HT � CKTAILS G I IDN ING CO RV happy.com A Cheat Sheet to Our Coming Climate Catastrophe by Nathan Gilles hot summer temperatures wane into the wet autumn lows, it's easy to forget our world is changing--but it is. Increased levels of carbon dioxide (CO2) and other greenhouse gases farting out the backside of human industry are accelerating our planet's metamorphosis from a stable and cool climate, to an increasingly erratic and much hotter one. And this summer we caught a glimpse of our future. This year, the United States experienced the warmest July ever recorded. All told it was the third hottest summer on record in the lower 48 states. Next in line was last year, then 1936, the hottest year ever recorded, when the Dust Bowl ravaged the Great Plains. The dog days of 2012 were no Dust Bowl, but they weren't a picnic either. Midwesterners lived through the worst drought since 1956, while Coloradoans experienced some of the most devastating fires in their state's history. And Arctic ice defied the experts, proving it could melt much faster than anyone ever expected. As an Oregonian and a Portlander, you probably didn't feel the misery of smoke, drought, and heat. But your good fortune won't last. By 2100, the Northwest will be anywhere from 3-10 degrees Fahrenheit hotter than it is today, and this will have real consequences. Imagine an Oregon with narrow, vanishing beaches. Imagine an Oregon where ski resorts close because it now rains instead of snows; an Oregon more and more dependant on irrigated agriculture, where pathogenladen mosquitoes proliferate in ditches surrounding our fields; an Oregon where shellfish dissolve in acidic waters, water that is too low in oxygen for fish to breathe; an Oregon where scorching heat conspires with air pollution, forest fires, and higher pollen counts to make folks gasp for breath. Imagine an Oregon that, despite all this, is an Eden compared to the rest of the US and world, and for this reason is inundated by desperate climate refugees. Picture all this and you've got a pretty good idea of our region's bleak future. Consider what follows to be your--by no means exhaustive--cheat sheet to Oregon's climate-changed future, a guidebook to possibilities that range from bad to biblical. DEATH WARMED OVER AS THE DRY, NOW LATER Infographs by Bethany Ng mette River flow now comes from Cascade winter snow melt. That's water for thirsty cities and thirsty agriculture--all of which need to be satiated. In the future we won't be able to depend on this water. We're getting hotter, and that, says Eric Sproles, a researcher at the Environmental Protection Agency, is more important than any extra moisture the Earth's new erratic weather might award us. That's because we currently have no good way to store extra water. Up until now, we humans have let nature stockpile our future water in the form of mountain snowpack. Think of this as a water savings account set aside for those hot, rainless summers. To date, our snow savings has been pretty dependable. In the future it won't be. And this will have serious consequences for the Willamette Valley, which is not only one of the state's more fertile and productive regions, it's also one of the state's more populous. What's more, the region is projected to add an additional 350,000 people to the 1.1 million already there. That's nearly a half million more thirsty mouths competing with parched crops for water. And agriculture will be thirsty. With just a 1.8 degree rise in temperature, farmers are expected to need 10 percent more water than now-- and it will get a lot hotter than that. By mid-century, the Cascades are expected to have less than half of their existing snowpack, and as time passes and the thermostat rises, melting will increase. Currently the Cascades have dependable snowpack at around 4,600 feet above sea level. Below that is the less-than-dependable mark, which drops to about 2,600 feet. At that zone, precipitation either falls as snow or rain depending on the temperature. That means even minuscule increases in winter temps will produce rain Continued on pg. 15 The Basics W e burn fossil fuels to power our cars, homes, and businesses. The end result of this is CO2, which accumulates in the atmosphere, trapping the sun's heat and producing global warming. You know that much. You might also know that human-caused global warming has been happening since the first cave people burned wood to ward off those frigid Ice Age nights--but it was the Industrial Revolution with its lung-choking smokestacks that gave the process a real shot in the arm. In the past 150 years, atmospheric CO2 has gone up 37 percent. Records for the past 100 years show the Earth's temperature has risen by nearly 1.5 degrees. And we'll be seeing the repercussions, even here. doo, and Mt. Hood Skibowl struggling because of a lack of snow on their slopes. More importantly, a hotter Oregon with less snow means water scarcity, especially during the summer months when somewhere from 60 to 80 percent of Willa- HUMAN-CAUSED GLOBAL WARMING has been happening since the rst cave people burned wood to ward off those frigid Ice Age nights. 210 0: Water 7% 25 E OF CO2 LEVELS EAS CR IN PR C limatologists can't decide if Oregon's getting wetter or drier. But the general consensus is this: If we're moving into a wetter world, future precipitation will most likely fall in the winter, while our summers will be drier. And more crucial still, what precipitation we do get is more likely to descend as rain-- not snow. That tiny factoid could lead to water scarcities even if we get wetter. It could also mean Oregonians will fight over our sparse water. If you live to see mid-century, you could see low-elevation Cascade mountain ski resorts like Willamette Pass Resort, Hoo- EI N DU STR IA L CO 2 L EVEL S September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 13 12_pdot.pdf 1 3/8/12 1934 NE Alberta, 971.255.1793 NEVER stop doing what you like; ALWAYS take it to the HILT. 5:04 PM Happy Hour Specials Everyday Free Pool on Sundays � 92'' t.v � Total Sports Package Serving $2 breakfast from 7am-2pm & 10pm - 2am Kitchen hours (7am-2am) � Bar hours (7am-2:30am) 14 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 Continued from pg. 13 instead of snow. That translates into more frequent and more extreme winter and springtime floods and an even less reliable snow savings account. If that weren't bad enough, these moisture zones are climbing ever higher year by year. As a general rule of thumb, for every 2 degree rise, expect the zones to gain another 500 feet in elevation. And while climatologists are reluctant to make estimates past 2100, our water problems won't stop at that calendar date. A group called Willamette Water 2100 is currently trying to figure out just how many people might be affected and what the potential economic impacts will be. Solutions discussed by the group include rationing water and discouraging consumption by upping its price tag. The group is also examining possible storage solutions. Despite this, Willamette Water 2100's Roy Haggerty warns we should expect legal fights over water--especially between farmers and city dwellers. But fear not, Portlander, your water already comes mostly from rainwater. The city also uses an aquifer that's replenished by rain and the Columbia River. Just don't be shocked if your neighbors envy you. Things will be way crummier in the Willamette Valley and worse still east of the Cascades. 7,100 FT , 5 All this wheezing, sneezing, heat exhaustion, and various disease vectors are expected to cost the state a lot of money. The numbers broken down by Climate Leadership Initiative and ECONorthwest look like this: Under a high-emissions scenario, health care costs attributed to global warming are expected to rise by $1.3 billion by 2040, and $2.6 billion by 2080. There go your savings. The Ocean y the end of the century, Oregon will weather more thunderstorms, hail, and even tornados than ever before. And the land will look different. By then, plants more common in Southern Oregon--including Ponderosa pines and deciduous trees--will have endured their slow trudge northward. The Douglas firs will still be there, but in the mountains overlooking the valley, the sub-alpine firs will have vanished with the snow. But the biggest changes by far will happen on the coast. In fact they're happening already. In July 2002, the Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife received a deluge of reports from Oregon crabbers that their traps were coming up full of dead crabs. Researchers at Oregon State University (OSU) later concluded the sea critters were suffocating to death because there wasn't enough oxygen in their coastal waters. Called hypoxia, this choking sea-life phenomenon isn't just an issue in Oregon, it's global. While most hypoxia originates when fertilizer runoff feeds algae blooms (which in turn suck up water's dissolved oxygen, thereby suffocating fish and producing "dead zones"), Oregon's hypoxia, says OSU researcher Jack Barth, appears to be overwhelmingly climate-change driven, and, he says, we're not the only ones dealing with this problem. Rising global temperatures are keeping the world's oceans from collecting oxygen. Basically, our oceans are full of currents going this way and that, and rising temperatures are decelerating their natural circulation. Seawater that reaches Oregon today is taking longer to get here than ever before. On its slow journey it loses oxygen. The water's also less oxygenated because it's warmer, and warmer water holds less oxygen. As a consequence, hypoxic dead zones have started appearing off the world's coasts, including our own. "The more we study this, the more we see consistent change across the globe," says Barth, "the more it lends itself to a climate-change scenario." What this means for Oregon's fisheries is still unknown. Fish seem to flee the oxygendeprived waters when they can, while the less mobile invertebrates are considerably less lucky. Barth says he and others haven't quite pinned hypoxia on humancaused climate change--yet. But a closely related phenomenon has our fingerprints all over it. Atmospheric CO2 is now wandering into our oceans, and in the process, Oregon's coastal waters are becoming more acidic. The phenomenon was first noticed here several years ago when a Tillamook shellfish hatchery experienced a massive decline in its larval oyster populations. It Continued on pg. 17 4,600 B known to trigger asthma attacks especially among children. But because ozone is heat sensitive, says Portland State University researcher Kelley Barsanti, unless we do everything right and outlaw cars and even some ozone-enabling vegetation from Portland, a warmer future still equals more ozone. CLIMATOLOGISTS CAN'T DECIDE if Oregon's getting wetter or drier. If we're moving into a wetter world, future precipitation will most likely fall in the winter, while our summers will be drier. And more crucial still, what precipitation we do get is more likely to descend as rain--not snow. That tiny factoid could lead to water scarcities even if we get wetter. It could also mean Oregonians will ght over our sparse water. Health I f you're an average Portlander--median age 36--chances are you'll live to see many of these changes. So consider yourself at the halfway point between what is and what will be. By mid-century, if you're doing well, you'll be retired or thinking about retiring. You'll also be the right age to suffer in our brave new world. As agriculture becomes more dependent on irrigation, expect more insectborne diseases like West Nile to lurk in the state's ditches. Rising temperatures also mean increased chances of heat stroke, which you, as an old fogey, will be particularly susceptible to. By midcentury--and, end of century should you live so long--expect the air quality to be much worse. The rise in atmospheric CO2 will make the region's plants more productive and that means more pollen blowing about. Molds will also be on the rise, and there will be smoke. By mid-century, the Pacific Northwest should expect 78 percent more of its forests burned in fires. By the end of the century, the scenario is bleaker with the total incinerated area jumping 500 percent from today's levels. As the infernos spread, expect potential damage to watersheds, which will muck up your drinking water. And as mentioned, fires will worsen the state's air quality. But if you think you can avoid the poor air by staying out of the allergen-packed valley and the smoldering hills, think again. The reason is ground-level ozone, the main ingredient in urban smog. This "bad" ozone (as opposed to the good ozone in the stratosphere) forms when sunlight cooks volatile organic compounds from human--mostly tailpipe-- exhaust, and natural sources with nitrogen oxides. The resulting ozone gas is 2100 :500% MORE 2050: 78% 2012 MORE September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 15 16 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 Continued from pg. 15 Cocaine Use Problems? Are you addicted to cocaine and have you used opiates in the past year? A voluntary research study is offering 8 weeks of no-cost treatment. Participation may last up to six months. Compensation up to $765. (OHSU eIRB#7431) CODA Research For more information: 503-239-8400 ext. 254 2100 5ft 1.5ft 1 was later concluded the oysters' water had a pH level that was way too corrosive for them to form shells. After looking into the case of the dissolving shells, researchers initially concluded prospects for Oregon's oyster fisheries were dire. Currently, scientists are trying to determine exactly how acidic is too acidic, and whether adding calcium carbonate (the active ingredient in antacids) at the hatcheries will be enough to save the industry. But wild-born oysters won't be so lucky. The situation gets still worse when you factor in hypoxia. The place normally held by oxygen in the ocean's waters is increasingly being occupied by CO2--this means as our seas lose oxygen, they're turning acidic. Of course, without our coastal cities none of this will matter. F EET the entire coastline from Northern California to British Columbia. This will plummet the coastline an additional 3 to 6 feet. Sunday, September 30th Doors open at 7pm One Moment, My Robot Lung, and TOL. Eastside Speed Machine *FREE* It Won't Stop and They Will Come I The Coastline f do we nothing to slow down our CO2 emissions we can expect our oceans to continue rising for at least the next millennium. So you can kiss the nation's coastal cities goodbye. For Oregon, the overall estimates for sea-level rise by the end of the century range from 1.5 feet to not quite 5 feet. The span here depends on just how swiftly the polar ice caps melt and how much CO2 we continue to dump into the sky. If a 5-foot swell doesn't sound too horrifying, consider this. According to OSU researcher Peter Ruggiero, a mere 1.5-foot increase in sea level means the ocean will inundate the land by anywhere from 150 to 300 feet. For the higher estimates it's more like 300 to 600 feet of lost shoreline. Ruggiero also studies maritime storms and waves, which have grown in size and intensity in recent decades. It's not clear whether the storms' ferocity will continue... but should they, and should El Ni�os also intensify--they are known to further raise sea level--then our coastal cities are in for serious erosion and flooding. And another thing: Because of the region's plate tectonics, much of Oregon is now rising, or uplifting. Several uplifted regions have actually outpaced sea level rise, but this won't last forever. Not only will the sea eventually catch up, scientists say we're due for a massive earthquake that'll jostle I f all of this seems bad... it is. But keep in mind it'll get worse. Climate scientists are reluctant to make predictions beyond the century mark. However, assuming nature doesn't slam on the brakes for human chronology, things will only get worse by next century. The good news: You'll be dead before the demise of our ecosystem. The bad news: That apocalyptic experience might still belong to your children or grandchildren. Climate scientists also talk about what's called the "climate penalty"--that's shorthand, meaning that even if we're suddenly good little boys and girls and stop using our atmosphere as our collective toilet, we'll nonetheless still see temperature gains. In Oregon that means our forests will continue burning, and our snow will vanish even while our crops and our people demand more and more water. It also means our sea levels will soldier on in their relentless conquest of dry land, perhaps for centuries. No matter how much we change, we'll still be performing penance for our past sins. That's the penalty: climate purgatory. But if the most recent heat waves that tortured the rest of the country show us anything, it's that Oregon and Portland are relatively blessed in terms of climate changes. This has led many researchers to speculate that refugees and migrants fleeing more disastrous environs will flock here in droves. How this influx will affect the region is the big unknown. It leaves us to question whether we'll accept these climate refugees--our Dust Bowl Joads, our climate Okies--with open arms, or whether we'll slam the door in their faces. Still, that choice might not be ours to make. Scientists now admit many of their earlier predictions were probably low-balling just how bad it'll be. In which case, all bets are off. Portland Mercury & Ninkasi Brewing Company Proudly Support OREGON Non-Profit Organizations NINKASIBREWING.COM/BEERISLOVE For more information, please visit: September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 17 MAGICAL ELECTRO-POP FROM AWARD-WINNING CANADIAN TRIO A CO-HEADLINE AFFAIR OF SCORCHING SO-CAL ROCK DRAGONETTE THURSDAY! SCOTT PEMBERTON FRIDAY! +ELDRIDGE GRAVY +THE KNOCKS TICKETS GOING FAST $15 ADVANCE ADVANCE $15 & THE COURT SUPREME FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 28 � $10 ADVANCE THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 27 � ROLLING ATMOSPHERICS FROM SF BASED ELECTRICIAN MIKE WATT & THE MISSINGMEN SATURDAY! SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 29 � +DIVERS $15 ADVANCE AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH LEGENDARY BASS SLAYER TYCHO MAKE IT A NIGHT Present that night's show ticket and get $3 off any entree Sun - Thur in the dining room 830 E BURNSIDE � 503-231-WOOD � www.dougfirlounge.com TUESDAY OCTOBER 2 +DJ HEATHERED PEARLS � $15 ADVANCE FIREWATER WORLD-INSPIRED INDIE-PUNK MASTERY FROM LONGTIME ROCK DOUG FIR RESTAURANT + BAR OPEN 7AM�LATE EVERYDAY SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER, LATE-NIGHT. HAPPY HOUR 3-6 PM EVERYDAY, COVERED SMOKING PATIO, FIREPLACE ROOM, LOTS OF LOG. LIVE SHOWS IN THE LOUNGE... SEAN HAYES THE RETURN OF BELOVED BAY AREA SINGER/SONGWRITER WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 3 +CHERVONA $12 ADVANCE +BIRDS OF CHICAGO � $18 ADVANCE SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 30 � THEESATISFACTION FUNK-PSYCHEDELIC FEMINISTA SCI-FI HIP-HOP FROM SEATTLESTALWARTS EXTRAORDINARILY PROLIFIC EXPERIMENTAL NEW-FOLK IN MUSIC WE TRUST PRESENTS SIX ORGANS OF ADMITTANCE THURSDAY OCTOBER 4 LOW HUMS +COLOSSAL YES Fri & Sat 9/28 & 29 Official Furthur Afterparty 9:30 p.m. Garcia Birthday Band thursday, september 27 5:30 p.m. is "eagle time" � $12 ADVANCE CHICHARONES MONDAY OCTOBER 1 +PICTORIALS WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 10 +KINGDOM CRUMBS +KINGDOM CRUMBS AN EARLY FALL EVENING WITH TWO PNW POWERHOUSES brOthers OF the hOuNd 8:30 p.m. � $12 ADVANCE The MALDIVES � $8 ADVANCE the Lesser baNGs aNdreW's aVe. FrIday, september 28 5:30 p.m. is "eagle time" � $5 AT THE DOOR HIP-SHAKIN' BOOGIE ROCK FROM SASKATOON ANGULAR, INTRICATE, AND INTELLIGENT INDIE POP FROM NYC HOSPITALITY TEEN +MINDEN $12 ADVANCE THE SHEEPDOGS FRIDAY OCTOBER 5 CELILO +SARA JACKSON-HOLMAN reVerb brOthers saturday, september 29 WOLF GANG +BLACK BOX REVELATION EXPANSIVE INDIE-ROCK FROM UK BUZZ BUILDERS the studeNt LOaN 4:30 p.m. is "eagle time" THURSDAY OCTOBER 11 � SATURDAY OCTOBER 13 � featuring portland's finest talent 6:30 p.m. sign-up; 7 p.m. music OpeN mIc/sINGer sONGWrIter shOWcase mONday, OctOber 1 suNday, september 30 $12 ADVANCE LYDIA LOVELESS COUNTRY CLASSICISM MIXED WITH PUNK ROCK FROM MIDWESTERN FIRECRACKER A SPECIAL EVENING WITH BELOVED TEXAS SONGWRITER RADNEY FOSTER SATURDAY OCTOBER 6 THE ROYAL CONCEPT +FRANK + DEROL � $11 ADVANCE LeO eLLe ZamOra NO haWK yet 8:30 p.m. tuesday, OctOber 2 bOttLecap bOys 8:30 p.m. THE DROWNING MEN +HARRISON HUDSON WedNesday, OctOber 3 the NutmeGGers 8:30 p.m. FRIDAY OCTOBER 12 +KASEY ANDERSON & STAR ANNA � $10 ADVANCE SUNDAY OCTOBER 14 � $16 ADVANCE SUNDAY OCTOBER 7 � upcoming ticketed shows: $14 ADVANCE 10/4 VISUALLY-STUNNING ELECTRO-POP FROM BUZZ-WORTHY QUEBECOIS GRIMES � six60 BeisBol the spring standards welfare evan way Broken soviet north head Brownish Black radio giants mexican gunfight rule of the Bone TWO, NO HOLDS BARRED, EVENINGS WITH ELITE GYMNASTICS MONDAY OCTOBER 15 +MYTHS TIX AT THE DOOR Sun Airway / Pure Bathing Culture 10/18 Dr. Theopolis 10/31 Onuinu 11/15 - on sale 9/28 Cold Specks 11/20 How To Dress Well 12/7 - on sale 9/28 Cave Singers 12/6 All of these shows on sale at Ticketfly.com THEE OH SEES +SIC ALPS 10/5 (of the parson red heads) 10/6 MONDAY OCTOBER 8 (all ages matinee) $13 ADVANCE TUESDAY OCTOBER 9 � 10/12 10/13 AARON FREEMAN 10/16 � CROCODILES 10/17 � POI DOG PONDERING 10/19 � FREELANCE WHALES 10/20 (late) NEIL HALSTEAD 10/20 (early) � LOST IN THE TREES 10/21 � LORD HURON 10/22 � HUSKY (AU) 10/26 � BOWERBIRDS 10/27 BALMORHEA 10/28 � NNEKA 10/30 � DR. THEOPOLIS 10/31 � SERA CAHOONE 11/1 � SEA WOLF 11/3 � THE SEA & CAKE 11/4 ADVANCE TICKETS AT TICKETFLY - www.tickfly.com and at JACKPOT RECORDS � SUBJECT TO SERVICE CHARGE &/OR USER FEE ALL SHOWS: 8PM DOORS / 9PM SHOW � 21+ UNLESS NOTED � BOX OFFICE OPENS 1/2 HOUR BEFORE DOORS � ROOM PACKAGES AVAILABLE AT www.jupiterhotel.com 10/19 18 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 MY , WHAT A BUSY WEEK! OUR ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT PICKS FOR THE WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 27-OCTOBER 3 THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 27 TRASH DAY--In the pantheon of female icons, I'd say Shirley Manson ranks somewhere below Nico, Edie Sedgwick, and Karen O, but only because Garbage took a wee break in the 2000s. The band's bigger and poppier than ever with stylish ice queen Manson & Co. touring on their new album Not Your Kind of People. CF w/Screaming Females; Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 8 pm, $30-45, 21+ TELEGRAPH AVENUE--Pulitzer Prize winner Michael Chabon (The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, Wonder Boys ) is back with a new novel, Telegraph Avenue--a dizzying, funny, earnest tale of two families, one white and one black, in a downtrodden neighborhood between Oakland and Berkeley. It's great. Chabon's reading probably will be, too. EH Powell's Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills, Beaverton, 7 pm, FREE FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 28 YEEEEE-TO-THE-HAW! --Our favorite oldtimer bar in Northeast Portland (that's the Spare Room, neophyte) is hosting a shit-kicking night of awesome hillbilly fun with the Caleb Klauder Country Band--an outfit that spits out classic dance-worthy country music that could easily be mistaken for the real deal. WSH w/Dave Stuckey & the Rhythm Gang; Spare Room, 4830 NE 42nd, 9 pm, $10 BIG TIME--Stand-up Jeff Garlin is best known for his roles on Curb Your Enthusiasm and Arrested Development, but he also recently authored My Footprint: Carrying the Weight of the World, about reducing both his carbon footprint and his own girth. Get ready for self-deprecation, Hollywood jokes, and that crazy, crazy laugh. MS Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, 9 pm, $28-30, 21+ SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 29 PINKY--Quintessential Angeleno Ariel Pink breezes his distinctive and eclectic mashup of '60s pop, '70s AM radio, and sunny California lovin' into our dreary little corner of the world. Let's welcome his surprisingly warm, diaphanous sound and wrap that crazy patchwork quilt around our ears in preparation for the cold months ahead. CF w/Dam Funk, Bodyguard; Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 9 pm, $15-17, 21+ OLD SCHOOL--The annual Portland Retro Gaming Expo is a one-stop shop for hard-to-find videogames and long-forgotten consoles, plus panels, speakers, tournaments, and even videogame-themed sexiness from Critical Hit Burlesque. Yes! Okay! EH Oregon Convention Center, 777 NE MLK, Sat 10 am-midnight, Sun 10 am-5 pm, $15-25 SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 30 I'M MELLLTING --Ice cream, meet your arch nemesis: hot sauce. The Goodfoot hosts a Churn and Burn taste-off between the city's most beloved hot sauces (mmm, Secret Aardvark), followed by a palatesoothing array of delicious local ice creams (like Salt & Straw). Vote on the best, but it sounds like an everyone's-a-winner kind of afternoon. SM Goodfoot, 2845 SE Stark, 2 pm, $15 SAY YES--Please tell me you've heard about the Yes Men--the notorious prankster duo that mercilessly fucks with evil global corporations and government agencies. They're awesome. And a bunch of local unions have invited one half of the team, Mike Bonanno, to dish on the life of a media guerrilla. DCT w/DJ Short Change, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison; 7:30 pm, FREE MONDAY, OCTOBER 1 WAKE-UP CALL--Portlander Matthew Dickman is a poet for people who think they don't like poetry--his award-winning debut All-American Poem was energetic, clever (in the good way), and darkly hilarious. His new collection Mayakovsky's Revolver promises more of the same. If you've been sleeping on this guy, wake up already. AH Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE TIME'S UP--Writer/director Rian Johnson has made two phenomenal movies: Brick and The Brothers Bloom. No, make that three phenomenal movies, because his latest--the time-travel flick Looper, starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis--is fucking awesome. That's all you need to know. Go. EH Various theaters, see Movie Times on pg. 47 for showtimes TUESDAY, OCTOBER 2 BEST NUKE BAND --There's nothing exceptional about tonight's Radiation City show. It's just a great local band performing in a great local venue. The comfortable confines of Mississippi Studios are the perfect place to experience the band's upbeat, ethereal tunes. So simple, so nice. No shtick, no glitz--satisfaction guaranteed. SM w/Maus Haus, the Ocean Floor; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $10 LAMAS ALERT! --Tonight the B-Movie Bingo series features the cheese-tastic Gladiator Cop (1995), featuring Lorenzo Lamas (SQUEEEE!) as a beefcake detective who discovers he's Alexander the Great reincarnated. (What?!) Anyway, that means there will be lots of sword fighting, semi-nudity, male ponytails, and tons of competitive bingo fun! WSH Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $7 WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 3 FRENCH CLASS--Delicately and delightfully surreal French sci-fi cartoons Fantastic Planet and Light Years (AKA Gandahar) make up the double feature at Holocene's Fin de Cinema. Both are stunning, mesmerizing, and thought provoking. (Even if you aren't stoned!) And local acts Jeffrey Jerusalem, Hosannas, Onuinu, and WL will be accompanying the films with a live score. DCT Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 8:30 pm, $6 CIRCUS CAGE--Inspired by composer John Cage and choreographer Merce Cunningham, tonight's avant garde "circus" promises to fill PNCA's halls with 16 dancers, 10 musicians, and a single poet, all brought together for the first time to commemorate Cage's 100th birthday. AH PNCA, 1241 NW Johnson, 7 pm, FREE September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 19 modern american favorites with a global flair SE Ankeny at 24th � 503-236-4997 � slideinnpdx.com Happy hours: 5:30-7 pm nightly and 9 pm until close Monday & Tuesday all night happy hour 3 Locations Open 24HRS!!! 20 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 MUSIC Living and Breathing Foghorn Stringband Strum Authenticity by Ned Lannamann FOGHORN STRINGBAND'S Outshine over a decade, Outshine the Sun is the the Sun certainly isn't the fi rst album to fi rst recording from the newly solidified quartet. Klauder and foundbe recorded in a Portland living room. But as fol- Foghorn Stringband ing fiddler Sammy Lind were Thurs Sept 27 left holding the Foghorn lowers of the Northwest's Velo Cult torch when three other memroots music scene know 1969 NE 42nd bers quit some years back; well, Foghorn is no contemporary bedroom pop act or garage band. they persevered as Foghorn Duo, and Rather, the quartet is among the finest then, with guitarist Nadine Landry, they practitioners of American old-time music also performed as Foghorn Trio--deson the globe, a string band whose faithful ignations which confused some longtime renditions of songs from bygone decades fans. With the addition of guitarist/singer are no less than living, breathing history. Reeb Willms (Landry has shifted to upThat's not to say they play museum pieces; right bass), Foghorn Stringband is once Foghorn's remarkable achievement is in again a full ensemble. The new album contains 21 tunes from making these careworn tunes sound vital, present, and fully relevant. In a town assorted pockets of American history: that's riddled with whimsical throwbacks There are songs from both rural and urto old-timey fetishes, Foghorn Stringband ban settings; songs from the intersections remain absolutely authentic and without of black and white music; songs of God, and songs about the devil; songs to dance discernible gimmick. Mandolinist/singer Caleb Klauder to, and songs that are far too fast to dance says, "That's been one of the neat things to. "Foghorn, I think, kind of crisscrosses about Foghorn all along, that we tend to back and forth," says Klauder, referring to bring out old traditional songs that are the difference between the bluegrass style part of a big, huge community across the and the old-time traditional style--as he country, of this traditional genre. And it's explains, bluegrass was based around precrazy how deep the well is. There are so sentation, flash, and progression, whereas many recordings, so many renditions-- old-time music "was still retaining a tradithe same songs have been done in differ- tion and working with maintaining things, ent variations. Even if we change it a little rather than trying to outdo itself. "A lot of the songs are old and tradibit, we're adding a new version of the song tional and we've even learned them from into the pot." While Foghorn has been around for the source," Klauder continues. "And we'll change them in the sense that we might play it faster or in a different key, but the arrangements are probably pretty similar--because the arrangements are nice, and we like to keep them that way." Outshine the Sun's release will be celebrated with a square dance at the Velo Cult bike shop and bar--a stone's throw from the Moon and Sixpence, where Foghorn regularly plays informal Sunday night sessions. The album was laid to tape with a similar approach of simplicity, as the band performed around a burning wood stove and a handful of mics. "It is that same vibe," says Klauder. "We're all playing really close together, we're not spread out in different rooms, we're not wearing headphones. We're playing it so that we're all hearing it in real time. There's bleed, and that's part of the sound. We are trying to get the best sound we can get without compromising our energy together." FOGHORN STRINGBAND Not pictured: Foghorn Leghorn. He plays the dubstep machine! MIKE MELNYK What's Going On? Down the Rabbits Hole by Ryan J. Prado MUSIC FOR A BAND that's been called schizo- experimental, even humorous whims. Despite their ferocious reputation, phrenic, skuzzy, even unpleasant, Rabbits are a surprisingly relaxed, jovial this is a band that released a limited run of their live cassette Fur sewn band. That their collective linRabbits into the fluffy tummies of stuffed eage spans not just genres but Fri Sept 28 toy rabbits. They're also the same also the peaks and valleys of Slabtown Portland's heavy music scene 1033 NW 16th three who revel not only in the positive reviews of their band, over the past two decades is reason enough for their repose. But during a but also the negative, linking to just two-hour long palaver at Southeast dive about everything that's ever been written My Father's Place, the easygoing disposi- about them on their website, in homage tion of guitarists Josh Hughes and Seth to the Velvet Underground's desire not to sidestep the harsher realities of being in Montfort is unexpected. This is probably because Rabbits' mu- the spotlight. "We try not to curate what people say sic is the exact opposite of easygoing, to put it delicately (read on for the indeli- about us too much," says Hughes. "It's like cate descriptors). The band's second full- a No-Spin Zone. We're aware that it's rilength--Bites Rites, just released on Se- diculous for near-40-year-old men to be up attle's Good to Die Records--is nothing if on stage doing what we do. I think we're not a study of the patently uncompromis- all pretty content with our lives; we're happy people." ing subduction zone of noise rock. This all sounds cheery enough, but Rabbits' 2011 full-length debut, Lower Forms, showcased a seasoned hardcore make no mistake: Bites Rites cuts like thrash from Hughes (formerly of the VSS a rusty bone saw through nine songs of and Pleasure Forever), Montfort, and noisy bedlam, gut-clutching shrieks, and drummer Kevin Garrison. Before that, pulverizing drums. It's an abrasive, eyeRabbits' run of 7-inch releases on local wincing kind of album, replete with cavlabels Eolian and Powerblaster, among alier pissiness and brazen slabs of feedother self-releases, told the tale of a much back. Things get especially cumbersome deeper commitment to DIY practices and on the 55-second-long "Move Her Body," a track that writhes in its own cacophonic juices. With patience (and hopefully with earplugs) you're rewarded with Bites doomiest tune, "Meth Valley 99" one song later. Rabbits' inclusion of two cover songs-- Spacemen 3's "2:35" and H�sker D�'s "What's Going On"--emerged from the band's devotion to the rituals of the old punk guard of releasing whatever you wanted. But it was also due to a last-minute cancellation of a European tour, which was to have commenced in October with a new EP. With the tour gone, the band and the label knew they needed a more substantial record. Rabbits revved up their practice regimen, which led to a more varied, if short, fi nal product. "When Europe was canceled, we had to have this record in the bag in like two months," says Montfort. "So it was woodshed time." "We're really into just doing a couple songs at a time--Lower Forms was the fi rst time we had a whole album," says Hughes. "For our kind of music, too, it's kind of tedious to listen to 40 minutes of what we do. I get it." JAMES REXROAD RABBITS Just three sketchy dudes in a dark parking lot. What. Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 21 Alberta Rose Theatre Thursday, September 27th TAO! V3 Friday, September 28th CD RELEASE WITH THE DON OF DIVISION STREET W/RUSTMINE W/BROKEN $INTAX SEPT 28 THE MY OH MY'S AND WIRE FACES Saturday, September 29th Live Wire COMAS GUESTS INCLUDE WILLY PORTER, DAN SMITH, & ISSA RAE Tuesday, October 2nd OCT 5 RETURN FLIGHT +COLLEEN RANEY Thursday, October 4th (70'S & 80'S R&B/FUNK DANCE) + JERAD FINCK & JOSH PUTNAM Saturday, October 6th ARTICHOKE MUSIC PRESENTS ARTICHOKE NIGHTS VOL. 2 CD RELEASE CONCERT Sunday, October 7th RON POPE MECHANISM CHARACTER ASSASSINS W/ DEAR ASSASSIN OCT 19 (ROBERT ROBETSON'S B-DAY BASH) W/ SHE'S NOT DEAD OCT 12 METAL MANIA W/ (SEA), RAR DAVID CHOI WITH CLARA C Coming Soon 10.10 - JERRY JOSEPH & WALTER SALAS-HUMARA 10.11 - NELLIE MCKAY 10.13 - KELLY JOE PHELPS 10.14 - JOHN MCCUTCHEON NOV 2 - COLLECTED SOULS W/ HEART BEAT NOV 9 - OPENFATE W/ EQUAL OF KINGS W/PARADOX NOV 16 - AFTER HRS. live rock music every friday nite find us and like us on Facebook (503) 764-4131 3000 NE Alberta AlbertaRoseTheatre.com 22 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 Unnatural Selection Celebrate 15 Years of Yep roC MUSIC Unnatural Helpers Go the Distance by Mark Lore "I HAVE TO BE pretty self-motivated," best moments for last on album closer says Unnatural Helpers drummer/frontman "Julie Jewel," which rides two chords for days, picking up tension and Dean Whitmore. "Otherwise I'd sit around and drink beer Unnatural Helpers noise along the way before disSat Sept 29 integrating in a wash of horns. and just play shows." The Know It's easy to pick up on the For the past 11 years 2026 NE Alberta fact that Unnatural HelpWhitmore has kept his Seattle rock unit forging ahead while weathering ers carry the tradition of the punk and lineup changes and releasing a paper trail classic rock-influenced music that unexof 7-inches. Unnatural Helpers' excellent pectedly put Seattle on the map in 1991 2010 LP on Hardly Art, Cracked Love and (you have to wonder if there's a smirk atOther Drugs, didn't necessarily break new tached to Whitmore's snarl). It's kind of ground, but it sure as hell kept rock alive, comforting. But Land Grab goes beyond recalling the good-time punk of early the pesky nostalgia neurotransmitters Replacements. Not much has changed on shooting through our bodies. Rock 'n' their latest, Land Grab, a record that ef- roll in the right hands is timeless. And if Whitmore has anything to say about it, fectively gets in, gets down, and gets out. Unnatural Helpers recorded the album Unnatural Helpers will become the dinoin two batches--the fi rst at Seattle's Egg saurs they deserve to be. "When I'm 74 Studios with producer Kurt Bloch, the sec- that will be awesome. I'm sure by then ond with Eric Randall at home. The ses- [Unnatural Helpers] will still be some sions were meant to create a little sonic sort of weird band." tension within those sugary hooks. "I love the Sebadoh records that have the studio and boombox stuff," says Whitmore. "I defi nitely had intentions of it being way poppier and way gnarlier, but I don't think I accomplished that." Whitmore doesn't bemoan the outcome, however. While Land Grab may not contain the jarring production he was looking for, the songs shake, rattle, and roll just fi ne on their own. Among the twominute jams is the seething punk anthem "Hate Your PATRICK WRIGHT Teachers," while he saves the UNNATURAL HELPERS Some sort of weird band. O C t O b E R 1 0 - 1 3 � C a R R b O R 0 , N C � C at ' s C R a D L E NICK LOWE FOuNtaINs OF WayNE RObyN hItChCOCK D a v E a Lv I N J O h N D O E s L O a N J u K E b O x t h E g h O s t t I F t M E R R I t t L O s s t R a I tJ a C K E t s t h E s a D I E s JOsh ROusE ChuCK pROphEt thE MINus FIvE LIaM FINN aND MaNy MORE! *hOstED by JOhN WEsLEy haRDINg TickeTs On sale nOw! yr15.cOm #Yr15 Build Yourself a Myth MUSIC Beach House Goes Deeper by Maranda Bish SINCE THEIR ORIGINS in Baltimore is their deliberate loyalty to creative dein 2004, Beach House have seen the ad- sign and process. "When we say this record is vent of the digital music era, Beach House intended to be listened to as an and in traveling the changing Sun Sept 30 album, it's in case people don't musical landscape, the duo of Roseland know what we've done in the Victoria Legrand and Alex 8 NW 6th past, or how long we've been in Scally have developed a vision for how their work is made and how they the band, or the kind of artists we are, or wish for it to be experienced: the long- how long it takes to do this stuff--how much of ourselves we put into it," says format album. A record "is like a fi lm," Legrand says Legrand. "It's for the people who don't over the phone. "You listen to it from be- know and who should know, because I ginning to end, and from the fi rst note that think this is a classic format that should you hear to the last note that you hear, it not be lost." The beautiful collection of songs has all been carefully placed." The band's intention and effort comes that make up Bloom take on cosmic diacross with stunning effect, and their mensions, delving into existential areas four albums have immediately and ir- that arc from the specific to the universal, reversibly enamored listeners. Beach and all the places in between where living House's gravitating, atmospheric music things connect, ignite, and are altered. employs distinct elements: ticking syn- The transformative possibilities of the althetic drums, Scally's bittersweet guitar bum are owed to Legrand and Scally's vitones, the hypnotic organ melodies and sion and effort. "It's both simple and complex, I guess, vocals of Legrand, who sings in an otherworldly timbre. In the wake of the spring because that's what making albums are," release of Bloom , their second LP for Legrand says. "It takes a lot of time, Sub Pop, it's clear that a defining attri- it's a lot of intensity, a lot of work, a lot bute of their remarkably gorgeous work of passion." TifT MerriTT Traveling alone CD/LP YoUNG fresH feLLoWs TiemPo De lUJo CD/LP jUkeBoX THe GHosT SaFe TravelS CD/LP varioUs arTisTs i am whaT i am CD/LP September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 23 LiveMusic, Music,Cabaret, Cabaret,Burlesque Burlesque& &Rock-n-Roll Rock-n-Roll Live LiveMusic, Music,Cabaret, Cabaret,Burlesque Burlesque& &Rock-n-Roll Rock-n-Roll Live The Newly Restored Histori c UP&COMING The Newly Restored Histori c THIS WEEK'S MUSIC PREVIEWS 503-226-6630 � Open Daily 11am-2:30am � w w w. da n tes l i ve . c o m SEPT 26 WEDNESDAY SHOWCASE! OBJECTS IN SPACE SPIRIT LAKE NO COVER - DANTE'S FREE ROCK SEPT 27 THURSDAY $10 ADV 9PM JUCIFER DirtClodFight & NINJA EE CHARMING BIRDS FSR HOW WEDNESDAY THU & FRI SEPT27&28 SEPTOBJECTS 27 & 28 IN SPACE THU&FRI SEPT 26 $20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT NO COVER - DANTE'S FREE ROCK 9PM SHOWTIME .d aant t sol ri tv .c w w ww . Sw t aw rT he ee rP le an d .o cm om EE CHARMING BIRDS FSR HOW SPIRIT LAKE 503-226-6630 � Open Daily 11am-2:30am � THURSDAY 9/27 THU & FRI SEPT27&28 SEPT 27 & 28 THU&FRI GARBAGE, w w w . S t aSCREAMING r T h e a t e r FEMALES Portland.com (Roseland, 8 NW 6th) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 19. $20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT FOGHORN STRINGBAND, CAROLINE OAKLEY 9PM SHOWTIME SHOWCASE! SEPT 27 THURSDAY $10 ADV 9PM FRIDAY SEPT 28 $13 ADV 9:30PM MIKE THRASHER PRESENTS FRIDAY SEPT 28 $13 ADV 9:30PM DR AMBASSADORS & THE CRY SATURDAY SEPT 29 $10 ADV 9:30PM WORLD'S GREATEST G'N'R TRIBUTE J-FELL PRESENTS WITH SHOOT TO THRILL APPETITE FOR DECEPTION MONDAY OCT 1 So You Wanna Be A ROCK STAR? SATURDAY SEPT 29 $10 ADV 9:30PM SUNDAY SEPT 30 "The Best Show Burlesque, Firedancers In Town!" DJs, Magic & Debauchery! From From SATURDAY SEPT 29 Karaoke SATURDAY SEPT 29 Karaoke From HelHel l l SATURDAYSEPT29 Karaoke From HelHel l l SATURDAYSEPT29 SINFERNO Karaoke SINFERNO cabaret 9PM - WALKING PAPERS KARAOKE WITH A LIVE BAND FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS ! $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 7:30PM & 11PM SHOWTIMES SUNDAY SEPT 30 N N O O S S R R E E T T A THE WN PATT P & & THE TOWN O APPETITE FOR T DOWN LERS DOWN LERS D D RUMB HOODECEPTION HOO RUMB AMBASSADORS & THE CRY NGER LEAD SI DirtClodFight & NINJA OF THE ERS K C U R T Y IVE-B MIKE THRASHER PRESENTS JUCIFER (Velo Cult, 1969 NE 42nd) See Music, pg. 21. COLLEEN GREEN, PLATEAUS, STILL CAVES (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) Colleen Green wants you to know that if it weren't for early American punk rock, she may never have started making music. Her debut LP, Milo Goes to Compton, is a less-than-subtle reference to the Descendents' first album, and the first song is a cover of their "Good Good Things." But lest you think her punkophilia is limited to the West Coast, "I Wanna Be Degraded" extols the Ramones and S&M. I like Green because she doesn't sound like she lives in LA (which she does), and because I suspect that she is so much more than the pastiche she has made herself out to be. To me, her psychedelic girl-group interpretations of her favorite genre hint at untapped wells of creativity. Green will follow California punk-poppers Plateaus, but theR most ME genuine punk of the night will come ENSUM of seatDcourtesy L O G A FOR REBECCA WILSON of-their-pants locals Still OPECaves. DR NGER LEAD SI OF THE KE C U R T Y IVE-B RS tal dance, performance art, music, and more. For over 20 years, CMG has curated exciting installments like the Outset Series at North Portland's Revival Drum Shop, which provides a venue for completely improvised live music. Similarly cutting edge are the annual Improvisation Summit of Portland and the Visiting Artist Series. This year's benefit features an engaging collective of improvisational dancers, interspersed with improv musical performances by Neal Morgan, Parenthetical Girls' Zac Pennington, Wet Wool, and more. Half of the money raised will be used specifically to pay local creative musicians, dancers, and other performance acts through the 2012-2013 season, so leaning on the steeper side of the $8-800 sliding scale would be a huge help. RJP JULIANNA BARWICK, MARIA MINERVA, FATHER FINGER, DJ VS. NATURE (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) Both Maria Minerva and Julianna Barwick are transplants that made rather drastic moves to pursue their art--Minerva moved to London from Estonia, Barwick to Brooklyn from Louisiana. They both make otherworldly sounds that orbit around their most important instruments: their voices. But even they can be hard to pin down, as both women manipulate their vocals to the point where they're not what they seem. There are plenty of differences between their arty constructions, but Minerva and Barwick both make hypnotic pop that's epic enough to reach arena rafters, and at the same time intimate enough for a dark, unkempt bedroom. Here's to finding out what tonight's performances at Holocene will look and sound like. MARK LORE WORLD'S GREATEST G'N'R TRIBUTE J-FELL PRESENTS "The Best Show Burlesque, Firedancers In Town!" DJs, Magic & Debauchery! R WITH SHOOT TO THRILL UMME F + HOPE ENS AGOLD ORMONDAY OCT 1 +H cabaret CRITICAL HIT BURLESQUE PRESENTS TWO SHOWS AT 7:30PM & 11PM Be A ROCK STAR? So You Wanna PATTERSON HOOD AND THE DOWNTOWN CRITICAL HIT BURLESQUE PRESENTS TWO RUMBLERS, HOPE FOR AGOLDENSUMMER SHOWS AT 9PM - WALKING PAPERS KARAOKE WITH A LIVE BAND FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS ! SEPT 30 SUNDAY $10 ADV 9PM PLUS MEMBERS OF SCREAMING TREES, MAD SEASON & MISSIONARY POSITION WITH DUFF MCKAGAN FROM GUNS'N'ROSES WALKING PAPERS FOLLOWED BY SINFERNO CABARET AT 11PM SQUARE PEG CONCERTS PRESENTS SUNDAY SEPT 30 OCT 5 FRIDAY OCT5 PLUS MEMBERS OF SCREAMING TREES, MAD SEASON & MISSIONARY POSITION WITH DUFF MCKAGAN FROM GUNS'N'ROSES $10 ADV $13 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME 9PM OCT 6 SATURDAY $20 ADV 9:30PM SATURDAY OCT 13 $12 ADV 9:30PM HOUSE FLOYD OF JEFF THE BROTHERHOOD OCT 20 MIKE THRASHER PRESENTS DIARRHEA PLANT & MOLDY CASTLE 9/26 Objects In Space 9/27 Jucifer 9/28 Local H 9/29 Appetite For Deception 9/30 Walking Papers & Sinferno Cabaret 10/3 Super Desu + Mad Moniker 10/5 American Bastard 10/6 House Of Floyd 10/12 Soulfire Bellydance 10/13 Jeff The Brotherhood 10/14 Sinferno + Voodoo Organist 10/17 Rosie Flores & Marti Brom 10/18 The Hyde & Cheap Time 10/19 Three Bad Jacks 10/20 Hell's Belles 10/21 Miss Kennedy's Cabaret & Sinferno Cabaret 10/25 Army Navy 10/26 Zombie Rockfest 10/27 Heaven & Hell Ball 10/31 Lukas Nelson 11/2 Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band 11/3 Cash'd Out 11/10 Two Cow Garage 11/14 Rebirth Brass Band 11/15 Spittin' Cobras 12/1 Cherry Poppin' Daddies 12/2 Mickey Avalon 12/8 Hillstomp 12/13 Corrosion of Conformity 12/15 High On Fire TICKETS AVAILABLE @ DANTE'S, STAR THEATER AND WWW.DANTESLIVE.COM COMING SOON SATURDAY WEDNESDAY OCT 10 WEDNESDAYOCT10 OCT 6 SQUARE PEG CONCERTS PRESENTS $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME WAX WALKING PAPERS TAILOR FOLLOWED BY SINFERNO CABARET AT 11PM 5 FRIDAY OCT OCT5 THURSDAY OCT 11 THURSDAYOCT11 HOUSE IO ECHO 12 RITCHIE FRIDAY OCT OCT12 FLOYD SPICE SATURDAY OCT 17 WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAYOCT17 JEFFOCT THE 19 FRIDAY OCT19 $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME SATURDAY $12 ADV 9:30PM SATURDAY OCT 20 SATURDAYOCT20 OCT 20 $12 ADV 9:30PM 9/26 Objects In Space 9/27 Jucifer $20 ADV MIXTAPES 9/28 Local H 9:30PM CITIZEN WED 9/29 Appetite For Deception 9/30 Walking Papers & Sinferno Cabaret 10/3 Super Desu + Mad Moniker $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME 10/5 American Bastard 10/6 House Of Floyd 10/12 Soulfire Bellydance 10/13 Jeff The Brotherhood OF 10/14 Sinferno + Voodoo Organist 10/17 Rosie Flores & Marti Brom 10/18 The Hyde & Cheap Time $20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME 10/19 Three Bad Jacks BAMBU STATION INNA VISION 10/20 Hell's Belles 10/21 Miss Kennedy's Cabaret & Sinferno Cabaret 10/25 Army Navy OCT 13 10/26 Zombie Rockfest $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME 10/27 Heaven & Hell Ball $12 ADV 10/31 Lukas Nelson 9:30PM 11/2 Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band MIKE THRASHER + DJ 11/3 Cash'd Out PRESENTS BEYONDA 11/10 Two Cow Garage 11/14 Rebirth Brass Band 11/15 Spittin' Cobras 12/1 Cherry Poppin' Daddies 12/2 Mickey Avalon $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME 12/8 Hillstomp 12/13 Corrosion of Conformity 12/15 High On Fire DIARRHEA PLANT & MOLDY CASTLE COMING SOON AFICIANADO WEDNESDAY OCT 10 WEDNESDAYOCT10 THURSDAY OCT 11 THURSDAYOCT11 OCT 12 RITCHIE FRIDAY OCT12 PUSSY RIOT BENEFIT SHOW: $20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME 7:30PM & 11PM $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 7:30PM 11PM SHOWTIMES (Star Theater, 13 &NW 6th) Drive-By Truckers are on the road pretty much constantly, which means that the band is cooped up on a bus for the majority of any given year. With all that free time, vocalist Patterson Hood began to take a stab at a novel centered around a recently musician in his late 20s (wonder who $13 ADVANCE divorced TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME that was...) whose car is stolen, and whose band's van is stripped before he leaves his hometown for good to live in Memphis. Hood's story was to be accompanied by a soundtrack, which he was also penning during $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME the same time. But when the story stalled, Hood erred MIXTAPES towardCITIZEN his more accomplished talents, completing his WED third solo album under the novel's working title, Heat Lightning Rumbles in the Distance. Along with backing band the Downtown $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME Rumblers, Hood explores a more melodic, vocally assured Americana that's as much memoir as music. RYAN J. PRADO WAX TAILOR AMANDA PALMER AND THE GRAND THEFT ORCHESTRA (Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) Naming your band the Grand Theft Orchestra is just asking for trouble-- particularly when you ask musicians to volunteer their services for free. That's what Amanda Palmer did for this current tour; she sought to recruit local string, brass, and wind players to play just for the fun of it (and some beer, too) at shows on her current tour, in support of her just-released Theatre Is Evil. The problem? Palmer had already raised 1.2 million dollars from her fans via Kickstarter to support and promote the album, which lent her recruitment of gratis musicians a particularly stinky taste of shit in everyone's mouth. (Local musician Amy Vaillancourt-Sals of Classical Revolution PDX wrote a very well-thought-out indictment of Palmer's blunder on her blog, to which Palmer responded directly.) Steve Albini got involved, Palmer changed her tune, and all the musicians are now going to be paid. Fans of Palmer's dramatic flair should be satisfied, and the rest of us can happily go back to ignoring Palmer's insufferably arty, look-at-me pretense-rock. NL AFICIANADO IO ECHO SISTAFIST, HAVIANA WHAAL BAMBUFOREVER, STATION WEDNESDAY OCT 17 WEDNESDAYOCT17 NICK WATERHOUSE & THE ALLAH-LAS TRIBUTE TO HERBIE BROTHERHOOD JOEY PORTER'S HANCOCK PRESENTS 19 FRIDAY OCT OCT19 TICKETS AVAILABLE @ DANTE'S, MIKE STAR THEATER AND THRASHERWWW.DANTESLIVE.COM SATURDAY OMAR RODRIGUEZ-LOPEZ GROUP WE GOT THE MEAT & NINJA SATURDAY OCT 20 SATURDAYOCT20 INNA3100 VISION (Tonic Lounge, NE Sandy) Of all the human rights taken for granted in 20th century America, is there any greater than that of free speech? Many are rightly out$10 ADVANCE that TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME raged three young women from the band Pussy Riot are facing four-year jail sentences for staging a performance of public protest against the Russian gov+ DJ ernment BEYONDA than canonize & and Orthodox Church. Rather these individuals for their riotous act, people around the world are heeding their call to awareness and activism by staging events of their own. Tonight's Portland $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME version features female prowess across a spectrum of performers, from avant-rap troupe Sistafist--who promise the solidaritous use of masks, inverted crosses, and MIKE nudity--to a stand-up set from THRASHER the viciously self-aware PRESENTS will benefi t the $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT 9PM SHOWTIME and hilarious Kristine Levine. Proceeds families of the incarcerated. MARANDA BISH SPICE NICK WATERHOUSE THE ALLAH-LAS TRIBUTE TO HERBIE JOEY PORTER'S HANCOCK SATURDAY 9/29 ARIEL PINK'S HAUNTED GRAFFITI, DAM FUNK, BODYGUARD (Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 19. OMAR RODRIGUEZ-LOPEZ GROUP UNNATURAL HELPERS, DEFECT DEFECT, RAT PARTY (The Know, 2026 NE Alberta) See Music, pg. 23. NOV 2 FRIDAY $10 ADV 9:30PM REV. PEYTONS WE GOT THE MEAT & NINJA WEDNESDAY NOV 14 $17 ADV 9PM BIG DAMN BAND 26 FRIDAY OCT OCT26 FRIDAY REV. PEYTONS NOV 2 $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME DEC 2 SUNDAY $20 ADV 8PM THURSDAY DEC 13 $18 ADV 9PM MICKEY AVALON HIGH ON FIRE REBIRTH BRASS BAND WEDNESDAY NOV 14 SHOWS MORE $17 ADV 9PM PUTINA RAS PUTINA RASPUTINA RASPUTINA RAS REBIRTH $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME KIMBRA, THE STEPKIDS OCT 26 FRIDAY OCT26 (Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) Kimbra is best known for her counterpoint vocal in "Somebody That I Used to Know"--I'm sorry for bringing it up, just when you got it out of your head for the first time in months -- but it's not a stretch to think that Kimbra's star will soon WITH FAUN FABLES outshine Gotye's. The New Zealand-born singer has a fine album of adventurous pop, Vows, AT plus a remarkTICKETS AVAILABLE DANTE'S AND able stage presence and STAR that THEATER, prodigious voice. MeanWWW.STARTHEATERPORTLAND.COM SEPT 27 - PATTERSON HOOD & THEsticky DOWNTOWN RUMBLERS while, the Stepkids make vintage soul that's SEPT 28 - PATTERSON HOOD & THE DOWNTOWN RUMBLERS SEPT 29 - good; GEEKLESQUE: UP 2 uncannily last POWERS year's self-titled debut is nothing SEPT 30 - EASTSIDE SPEED MACHINE & ONE MOMENT OCT of 4 -a BARFLY PRESENTS soul ELVIS' 50TH BIRTHDAYand BASH short 21st-century masterpiece, the ConOCT 5 - WAX TAILOR OCT 10 - AFICIANADO + MIXTAPES + CITIZEN WED is bound to necticut trio's formidable musicianship OCT 11 - IO ECHO OCT future 12 - RITCHIE SPICE send efforts off into many ambitious directions. OCT 17 - NICK WATERHOUSE & THE ALLAH-LAS + BEYONDA OCTLANNAMANN 18 - ROCKY HORROR PASTIE SHOW NED OCT 19 - JOEY PORTER'S HERBIE HANCOCK TRIBUTE OCT 20 - OMAR RODRIGUEZ-LOPEZ GROUP OCT 21 - DILANA OCT 25 - 8PM EARLY SHOW - JUDGEMENT DAY OCT 25 - 10PM LATE SHOW - PORTLAND FAMOUS OCT 26 - RASPUTINA & FAUN FABLES OCT 27 - MOULIN ROUGE SING-A-LONG OCT 31 - VAGABOND OPERA'S TRANSYLVANIAN VOODOO BALL CALEB KLAUDER COUNTRY BAND, NOV 3 - MR. GNOME NOV 6 - 8MM DAVE AND THE RHYTHM NOV 9STUCKY - MARK EITZEL OF AMERICAN MUSIC CLUB GANG NOV 10 - EARLY SHOW 7PM - BEN SOLLEE NOV 16 - ROSEHIP REVUE (Spare Room, 4830 NE 42nd) See My, What a Busy NOV 23 - NICHOLE COOPER & THE JAM CD RELEASE NOV 28 - DICK DALE Week!, pg. 19. DEC 6 - WORLD/INFERNO FRIENDSHIP SOCIETY + O'DEATH DEC 7 - FRUITION & POLECAT DEC 8 - GIGGLE & BLUSH PEEPSHOW DEC 13 - TY SEGALL & NIGHT BEATS RABBITS, DIESTO, HOT VICTORY, TOWERS CARRION SPRING, OUR FIRST BRAINS, CROOKS (Backspace, 115 NW 5th) I'm hesitant to refer to Carrion Spring as screamo for a few reasons; the first being that I'm terrified of potential backlash from Tumblr-core pedants insisting that it's an inaccurate delineation of the group's music, and the second is that I genuinely feel like there's more to this band than that. I guess the third is that I just find that term inexplicably repulsing, so I'll just go ahead and say they're a "rock band." The group's semi-new LP, A Short History of Decay (which has been remixed and re-released on vinyl), rocks indeed, and suggests a breadth of influences--the title track and the series of "Selah" interludes, in particular--that extend beyond the typical touchstones of hardcore. Sycophantic, flavor-of-the-week phoniness this is not. These dudes know their shit and play from the balls. MORGAN TROPER $10 ADV 9:30PM BIG DAMN BAND DEC 2 SUNDAY SAVIOURS YOB & THURSDAY DEC 13 DEC 15 DEC 15 SATURDAY $16 ADV 9:30PM SATURDAY GOATWHORE & LO PAN SEPT 27 - PATTERSON HOOD & THE DOWNTOWN RUMBLERS SEPT 28 - PATTERSON HOOD & THE DOWNTOWN RUMBLERS SEPT 29 - GEEKLESQUE: POWERS UP 2 SEPT 30 - EASTSIDE SPEED MACHINE & ONE MOMENT OCT 4 - BARFLY PRESENTS ELVIS' 50TH BIRTHDAY BASH OCT 5 - WAX TAILOR OCT 10 - AFICIANADO + MIXTAPES + CITIZEN WED OCT 11 - IO ECHO $20 ADV OCT 12 - RITCHIE 8PM SPICE OCT 17 - NICK WATERHOUSE & THE ALLAH-LAS + BEYONDA OCT 18 - ROCKY HORROR PASTIE SHOW OCT 19 - JOEY PORTER'S HERBIE HANCOCK TRIBUTE OCT 20 - OMAR RODRIGUEZ-LOPEZ GROUP OCT 21 - DILANA OCT 25 - 8PM EARLY SHOW - JUDGEMENT DAY OCT 25 - 10PM LATE SHOW - PORTLAND FAMOUS OCT 26 - RASPUTINA & FAUN FABLES OCT 27 - MOULIN ROUGE SING-A-LONG $18 ADV 9PM OPERA'S TRANSYLVANIAN VOODOO BALL OCT 31 - VAGABOND NOV 3 - MR. GNOME NOV 6 - 8MM NOV 9 - MARK EITZEL OF AMERICAN MUSIC CLUB NOV 10 - EARLY SHOW 7PM - BEN SOLLEE NOV 16 - ROSEHIP REVUE NOV 23 - NICHOLE COOPER & THE JAM CD RELEASE NOV 28 - DICK DALE $16 ADV FRIENDSHIP SOCIETY + O'DEATH DEC 6 - WORLD/INFERNO 9:30PM DEC 7 - FRUITION & POLECAT DEC 8 - GIGGLE & BLUSH PEEPSHOW GOATWHORE & LO PAN DEC 13 - TY SEGALL & NIGHT BEATS MICKEY AVALON HIGH ON FIRE BRASS BAND WITH FAUN FABLES TICKETS AVAILABLE AT STAR THEATER, DANTE'S AND WWW.STARTHEATERPORTLAND.COM MORE SHOWS SAVIOURS YOB & FRIDAY 9/28 DEERHOOF, BUKE AND GASE, RALEIGH MONCRIEF (Branx, 320 SE 2nd) Deerhoof has made a name for itself by keeping listeners off-balance over the course of 11 albums. The San Francisco four-piece's Breakup Song is another jittery, sharp, left-right U-turn for the band, filled with massive, arty instrumentation and production shoehorned into three-minute bubblegum pop songs. It's J-pop meets ADHD meets dystopian Los Angeles. Basically, there's enough ear candy here to give you a bellyache, but damn it if it doesn't taste good. And for a band that seems to morph with every release, Deerhoof has remained pretty consistent. But no matter your drug of choice, tonight's performance will likely be a long, strange trip. ML (Bamboo Grove Salon, 134 SE Taylor) Portland's creative class has long been privy to the importance of the nonprofit Creative Music Guild, a bastion for experimenTHIRD &BURNSIDE DOWNTOWN PORTLAND � 503-226-4666 FOR PICK-UP ORDERS THIRD &BURNSIDE DOWNTOWN PORTLAND � 503-226-4666 FOR PICK-UP ORDERS 24 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 D IL A N A D IL A N A DILANA DILANA $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT 9PM SHOWTIME SUNDAY OCT 21 STAR THEATER (Slabtown, 1033 NW 16th) See Music, pg. 21. PATTERSON HOOD AND THE DOWNTOWN RUMBLERS, HOPE FOR AGOLDENSUMMER (Star Theater, 13 NW 6th) See Thursday's 9PM listing. SHOWTIME $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT SUNDAY OCT 21 STAR THEATER UNTOWARD: A BENEFIT FOR THE CMG UP&COMING THIS WEEK'S MUSIC PREVIEWS MIKE WATT AND THE MISSINGMEN, DIVERS (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Bassist Mike Watt needs little introduction--when your references include the Minutemen, fIREHOSE, the Stooges, and more, your CV speaks for itself. Watt's newest record, 2011's Hyphenated-Man, is a collection of 30 short blasts of dizzy rock-jazz weirdness inspired by Hieronymous Bosch. So no, it's not meat and potatoes rock, although parts of it do assuredly rock. For more traditional, stomach-lining rock 'n' roll, look to openers Divers, who are steadily plowing their way to Portland's head of the class. Although they only have a (marvelous) 7-inch recorded so far, Divers are in full command of a repertoire of tough, heartfelt, sing-along-'til-you're-hoarse punk anthems. Rising from the ashes of brothers Harrison and Seth Rapp's former band Drunken Boat, Divers have become one of the absolute must-see bands in town. NL right?) She's funny! Listen to her on the Comedy Bang! Bang! podcast. (I'm going to do my best NOT to think about her cleaning-lady turn on Portlandia.) But honestly, I can't imagine having to resort to any of this mindtrickery to enjoy the talented musician, creator of one of the world's most perfect albums, 2000's Bachelor No. 2. COURTNEY FERGUSON TYCHO, DJ HEATHERED PEARLS (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Every four years or so, Tycho puts out an album perfectly calculated for chilledout circumspection. Without a doubt, the best of these is last year's Dive --which is fortunate, since we'll likely be waiting a while for its follow-up. Will Dive change your life, bring tears to your eyes, and catalyze a superdeep epiphany? No, thank god. But it will make your bad days better and your good days seem a couple notches cooler. Tycho is the alter ego of a San Francisco-based graphic designer named Scott Hansen, and it's probably not a coincidence that his ambient electronic tunes sound more designed than they do composed. It's easy to like richly textured, decadently layered synth music, but Tycho opts instead for elegant minimalism--lovely melodies over meditative beats. Nothing extra, nothing missing, Dive is an island of selfassured calm amid the chaos. RW TENDER LOVING EMPIRE'S FIFTH ANNIVERSARY: FINN RIGGINS, AAN, BODY PARTS, THE SHIVAS, HUSTLE & DRONE, THE MORALS (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) The time has come to celebrate the fifth anniversary of local record label and craft proprietor Tender Loving Empire. Although tender and loving indeed in their aesthetic and ceaseless propagation of their art, the stake the label claims on heartfelt indie rock in the Pacific Northwest is nothing less than imperial. For proof, look no further than the 37-track compilation of TLE-affiliated artists being released tonight, and to the performers. Finn Riggins are a prime example of all the label works to put into the world: exuberant, thoughtful, and innovative art, being created nightly on unique stages as energy interchanges between audience and performers. MB WEDNESDAY 10/3 FIN DE CINEMA (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 19. HOT WATER MUSIC, BROADWAY CALLS, ABSOLUTE MONARCHS (Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th) The rift left behind from Hot Water Music's prolonged, intermittent hiatus/disbandment since 2004's The New What Next has been only partially fi lled by a dizzying array of side projects. Chris Wollard's moonlighting, Cro(w)s, made great artistic headway, as did HWM offshoot the Draft. Still, none of those projects touched the immediacy of Chuck Ragan's rootsy solo records. For now, all of that squabbling sidework can be shelved, as Gainesville, Florida's favorite fuzzy punks embark on their fi rst substantial US tour since their 2008 reformation. In May, the group released their eighth studio LP, Exister, to ravenous praise by the band's loyal fanbase. The sweet-andsour vocal combo of Wollard and Ragan is omnipresent, best used on the album's experimental high-water mark "Boy, You're Gonna Hurt Someone." Exister solidifi es the band's relevancy even now, in a punk landscape far different from the one they left. RJP SUNDAY 9/30 BEACH HOUSE, DUSTIN WONG WILLIAM ELLIOTT WHITMORE, SAMANTHA CRAIN (Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th) William Elliott Whitmore is the classic old soul--he's a 34-year-old in modern Facebook America who sounds more like he's 60 and caught in the Dust Bowl. There aren't many others that pull it off with the sincerity of Whitmore, who spins yarns with the aid of only his banjo and the vocal rasp of a lifelong smoker. Whether he's waxing political, as he did on 2009's Animals in the Dark, or on the salvation of hard work on last year's Field Hymns, Whitmore's voice cuts to the bone. Perhaps it should come as no surprise that he was reared in the hardcore scene of Lee County, Iowa-- Whitmore's songs have the punch of an early-'80s punk band, and far more raw power. ML (Roseland, 8 NW 6th) See Music, pg. 23. DIRTY THREE, CENTERS (Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan) Australian instrumental-rock trio Dirty Three keep on truckin' in their own lane, changing little over the last 20 years while maintaining high quality. They have two songs that I think tower over all of their others: "Indian Love Song" and "Furnace Skies." The former is a gorgeous, ragged waltz marked by Warren Ellis' relentless, melismatic violin motifs and Mick Turner's excoriating guitar flares. The latter, from their latest album, Toward the Low Sun, roils and rumbles like a free-jazz storm inside of a gypsy-music lament, augmented by Turner's madly cyclical bass riff and a surging, Alice Coltrane-esque organ. Of course, Dirty Three have many more fine songs, but these two lift them into the pantheon. Go for the riveting music, stay for Ellis' absurdist between-song banter (assuming he still does this...). DAVE SEGAL MONDAY 10/1 PICTORIALS, LOS CHICHARONES, A HAPPY DEATH (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Like sunny fall days that grow dark too soon, Pictorials' debut EP, Learning, is glorious and then it's done. At just four songs long, it's the best possible advertisement for the album they damn well better be hard at work making right now. The songwriting is beautiful and the lyrics sound as if they really mean something, but Pictorials are a rock band, and the guitar is the most important part. Guitarist/vocalist Morgan Nicholson sounds a little something like Julian Casablancas, but that may just be a coincidence, because as new as this band is, Pictorials seem to have a fully developed sense of themselves. Pictorials come at the head of a surprising lineup, which features those upbeat multinational rappers the Chicharones and A Happy Death, whose dark, psychedelic stories have cemented them in place as one of my favorite Portland bands. RW MONO, CHRIS BROKAW, SWAHILI (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) In the past few years, the term "post rock" has been popping up everywhere, with bands such as Pelican, Explosions in the Sky, and Red Sparowes gaining worldwide success for their slightly ambient yet driving brands of soundtrack-esque gorgeousness. If said bands are your bag, make sure you don't sleep on this show, as Japanese instrumental post-rock quartet Mono put on a soaring, killer live show that displays their beautifully constructed, jaw-droppingly epic soundscapes perfectly. Seattle underground superstar Chris Brokaw (of Codeine) will open the show, sharing his distinctive brand of stripped-down singer/songwriter awesomeness. KEVIN DIERS TUESDAY 10/2 RADIATION CITY, MAUS HAUS, THE OCEAN FLOOR (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 19. AIMEE MANN, FIELD REPORT (Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie) I've heard rumors that Aimee Mann might be a boring show to attend. I, however, refuse to accept these vicious whisperings. WHO IS TELLING LIES ABOUT AIMEE?! This is the gal who made the film Magnolia a fucking wonder to behold and watch over and over with her incredible soundtrack. So I suppose in the unlikely event I get antsy watching this singer/songwriter, I'll think about the following relevant points in a dreamy manner: She is a beautiful six-foot-tall Amazon, an improbable 52 years old, with a long-awaited new album, Charmer. Girl likes lingonberry pancakes. (The movies don't lie, REIGNWOLF (Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water) The days of "wolf" bands are not over. (And the best one of them all, UK's Wolf People, has yet to tour the States.) Actually, Seattle's Reignwolf isn't a band, exactly; it's the one-man outfit of Jordan Cook, who plays a guitar powered through heavy stacks and kicks on a bass drum. It's nothing you haven't heard before--white dudes have been trying to simulate Hendrix's dilated-pupil version of Chicago blues for damn near 50 years--but Cook's got chops for shredding, and the kind of howl-y voice that should reassure fans of classic rock radio. NL September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 25 26 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 27 503.360.1066 1703 NE Alberta Street Shop@NoLimitsPDX.com TOMORROW NIGHT! SEPTEMBER 28 8PM DOORS � 21+ Mon - Fri 2pm -2:30am Sat / Sun noon 2:30am 2 - 7pm Mon - Fri & 3 - 7pm Sat / Sun 1033 NW 16TH 971-229-1455 HOURS HAPPY HOUR Thurs. Sept. 27 Sir Coyler The Hooded Hags Bubble Cats DJ Marcel Da Chump Fri. Sept. 28 9pm ORBITAL ROSELAND THEATER 8 NW 6TH AVENUE Tickets and information at showboxonline.com, roselandpdx.com or ticketswest.com. Advance Tickets at all Safeway locations or charge by phone 503-224-TIXX. Rabbits Record Release Rabbits Diesto Hot Victory Towers Sat. Sept. 29 8pm Megaton Leviathan , Hungers Sangre De Muerdago Disemballerina Sun. OCt.3 9pm 9pm David Everett Fisher's Birthday 28 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 LIVE MUSIC BEACH HOUSE Roseland, 9/30 LIZ FLYNTZ LIZ FLYNTZ THURSDAY 9/27 AL'S DEN--Sam Cooper, Matt Harmon, Kali Giaritta, 8 pm, free ANDINA--Borikuas, 7 pm ARTICHOKE MUSIC--Songwriter Roundup, 7 pm, $5 ASH STREET SALOON--Idletap, Better Days, King Ghidora, 9:30 pm, $5 BACKSPACE--Pink Slip, Rotties, Black Pussy, 9 pm, $6, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW'S--Shells, 9 pm BLUE DIAMOND--Ben Jones, 9 pm BLUE MONK--Alan Jones, 8 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE--John Butler, Al Criado, 5:30 pm BUFFALO GAP--Mike Gibbons, Chris Margolin, Will Coca, 9 pm, free BUNK BAR--He's My Brother She's My Sister, Shaky Graves, 10 pm, $10 CAMELLIA LOUNGE--The Wishermen, 8 pm, $3 CORKSCREW WINE BAR--Infinitia Art Ensemble, 8 pm DANTE'S--Jucifer, 9 pm, $8 DOUG FIR--Dragonette, The Knocks, 9 pm, $15 DUFF'S GARAGE--Tough Love Pyle, 6 pm, $2; Kim Archer, 9 pm EAST END--No Sweat: Gun Party, Thee Four Teens, Di Di Mau, Kaleido Skull, 9 pm EAT: AN OYSTER BAR--Steve Cheseborough, 7 pm EDGEFIELD--Furthur, 6 pm, $60, all ages; Pete Kartsounes, 7 pm, free THE ELIXIR LAB--Johnny D's Community Jam, 7 pm ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB--Solomon's Hollow, Montclaire, Siren & the Sea, Bevelers, 9 pm, $5 GRAND CAFE/ANDREA'S CHA CHA CLUB--Pilon d'Azucar Salsa Band, 9:30 pm HALIBUT'S--Terry Robb, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE--Rabid Wombat, 6 pm, free HEATHMAN--Johnny Martin, 7 pm HOLOCENE--Event 3.: Regular Music, Ryan McAlpin, Devin Gallagher, Eric Phipps, 8:30 pm, $5 IVORIES--Laura Cunard, 5:30 pm, free JADE LOUNGE--Nexus: Jason Simpson, 7 pm JIMMY MAK'S--Mel Brown B3 Organ Band, 8 pm, $5 KELLS--Cronin Tierney, 9 pm KELLY'S OLYMPIAN--Pinehurst Kids, The Choices, Lydian Gray, 9 pm, $5 KENNEDY SCHOOL--Rich West Blatt, Whistlepunk, 7 pm, free, all ages KENTON CLUB--Valkyrie Rodeo, 9 pm, free LANDMARK SALOON--The Pick Ups, 8:30 pm, free LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--Lewi Longmire Band, 6 pm; Tin Silver, Gabriel Trees, 9:30 pm THE LOVECRAFT--Waldteufel, River, Ironwood, 9 pm LV'S--Soulmates, 8:30 pm MIRACLE THEATRE (TEATRO MILAGRO)--New Music from an Old Friend: Edna Vazquez, 8 pm, $15-18 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB--Green Girls: Belinda Underwood, Rachael Rice, 6 pm; Christine Havrilla, Rachel Rice, Heather Combs, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS--Colleen Green, Plateaus, Still Caves, 9 pm, $8-10 MT. TABOR THEATER--Giraffe Dodgers, Allie Kral, Mimi Naja, Jay Cobb Anderson, Brad Parsons, 9 pm, $10 MUDDY RUDDER--Adlai Alexander, 8 pm THE PRESS CLUB--The Brazillionaires, 8 pm QUIMBY'S AT 19TH--Chris Baum Project, 9 pm, free RADIO ROOM--The Keplers, 6 pm RECORD ROOM--Busy Scissors, Tender Age, 8 pm, free RED ROOM--Town & The Writ, Bad Butch, End Notes, 9 pm, $5 THE REFECTORY--Leo Rise, 8 pm ROSELAND--Garbage, Screaming Females, 8 pm, $30-45 ROTTURE--Erik Blood, Pheasant, Friends & Family, Tianamen Bear, 9 pm, $5 THE SECRET SOCIETY--The Longhorn Slammers, 6 pm, all ages; Jeremy Wilson, 9 pm, $5 SLABTOWN--Sir Coyler & his Asthmatic Band, The Hooded Hags, Bubble Cats, 9 pm SLIM'S--Lead & Lace, Trysh Hill Band, Stumptown Duo SOMEDAY LOUNGE--Soriah, Ashkelon Sain, 9 pm, $10 THE SPARE ROOM--Sam Densmore, 9 pm, free STAR THEATER--Patterson Hood & the Downtown Rumblers, 9 pm, $20 TED'S--The Fuck Yeah Party: Ryan Vapes, Good Intentions, Tiger House, The Cry, 9:30 pm, $5 TIGER BAR--Karaoke from Hell, 9:30 pm, free TONIC LOUNGE--Pussy Riot Benefit Show: SistaFist, Forever, Haviana Whaal, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT'S--Tara Williamson, 7:30 pm, $8 TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR--Douglas Fox, 8 pm, $3 VALENTINE'S--Arielle Zamora, Leo, Zak Zerken, 9 pm VELO CULT--Foghorn Stringband, 8 pm, $10 VIE DE BOHEME--Catarina New, 8 pm, $7-10 WHITE EAGLE--The Brothers of the Hound, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; The Lesser Bangs, Andrew's Ave, 8:30 pm, free WILF'S--Anandi, Andrea Niemiec, Kerry Politzer, 7:30 pm WONDER BALLROOM--Kimbra, The Stepkids, 8:30 pm, $17.50-20, all ages FRIDAY 9/28 AGNES FLANAGAN CHAPEL, LEWIS & CLARK COLLEGE--Views from Cascadia: Third Angle, 7:30 pm, $5-35 ALADDIN THEATER--Willy Porter, David Jacobs-Strain, 8 pm, $20-22 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE--Don of Division St., The My Oh Mys, Wire Faces, 8 pm, $10-12 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE--Mikey's Irish Jam Session, 6:30 pm AL'S DEN--Sam Cooper, Omni Omnibus, 8 pm, free ANDINA--Sambafeat, 8 pm ARTICHOKE MUSIC--Friday Night Coffeehouse, $5, all ages ASH STREET SALOON--General Nasty, Roadkill Carnivore, Truth Vibration, Skatterbomb, 9:30 pm, $5 BACKSPACE--Laura Marling, 9 pm, $13, all ages BAMBOO GROVE SALON--Untoward: A Benefit for the CMG: Concern, Interiors X, Medicine Cabinet, Neal Morgan, Allie Hankins & Zac Pennington, Wet Wool, 7 pm, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW'S--Lynn Conover, 6 pm, all ages; Funk Shui, 9:30 pm BLUE DIAMOND--Franco Paletta & the Stingers, 9 pm BRANX--Syx, Twenty Shades of Red, Riven, Kill on Sight, Amerakin Overdose, Karken, 7:30 pm, $10, all ages BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE--Trashcan Joe, 8 pm CAMELLIA LOUNGE--Linda Lee Michelet, 8 pm, $5 CANVAS ART BAR--Open Mic: Steve Huber, 7 pm, free, all ages CRYSTAL BALLROOM--Joss Stone, Vintage Trouble, 9 pm DANTE'S--Local H, 9 pm, $13-15 DOUG FIR--Scott Pemberton, Eldridge Gravy & Court Supreme, 9 pm, $10-12 DUFF'S GARAGE--The Hamdogs, 6 pm, $2; Hank Shreve, 9 pm EAST BURN--Santino Cadiz, 10 pm, free EAST END--The Prids, Helvetia, Silent Numbers EDGEFIELD--Furthur, 6 pm, $60, all ages; Pete Kartsounes, 7 pm, free ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB--Break Up Flowers, Blind Lovejoy, The Ghost Ease, Palo Verde, 9 pm, $5 FIRKIN TAVERN--Dadz, Bubble Cats, 9 pm FORD FOOD & DRINK--Kory Quinn, 5 pm, free, all ages; Ray Ottoboni, 8 pm, free, all ages HALIBUT'S--Steve Kerins, Jim Miller, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE--Safety Suit, Go Radio, Crown Point, 7 pm, $15-18, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE--Of Bombs & Blackberries, Jon Davidson, 5 pm, free HOLOCENE--Julianna Barwick, Maria Minerva, Father Finger, 7 pm, $10 ISLAND MANA WINES--David & Goliath, 4 pm; Joe Marquand, 4:30 pm JADE LOUNGE--Jeff Masterson, Jacob Miller & the Bridge City Crooners, 6 pm JIMMY MAK'S--Martin Zarzar, Toque Libre, 8 pm KELLS--Cronin Tierney, 9 pm; Grafton Street, 9:30 pm KELLY'S OLYMPIAN--Monoplane, The Ax, City Squirrel, 9 pm, $5 KENTON CLUB--Lord Master, Opposition Party, Battlehooch, El Cerdo, 9 pm, free LANDMARK SALOON--Countryside Ride, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--Alice Stuart, 6 pm; Country Trash, Slaughter Daughters, 9:30 pm September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 29 WWW.ASHSTREETSALOON.COM OPEN 11AM�2:30AM � HAPPY HOUR 4�8PM DAILY FOOD SPECIALS 11AM�4PM M�F � SMOKING PATIO SERVING BREAKFAST SAT & SUN 11AM-4PM Sun Sept 30th 225 SW ASH ST � 503.226.0430 Thurs Sept 27th Illusion of Self - San Fran LeMay - L.A., Ca � The Repair - Sacto Open Mic Music at 9:30pm $5 Idletap Better Days � King Ghidora Music at 9:30pm $5 Mon Oct 1st Music at 9:30pm $FREE! If interested in performing email email@example.com or call 503-226-0430 the day-of to sign up! Fri Sept 28th General Nasty � R.K.C. Truth Vibrations � Skatter Bomb Music at 9:30pm $5 Tues Oct 2nd Mentes Ajenas Thistle-Stalk and friends Wed Oct 3rd 2 `fer 1 Tuesdays! Music at 9:15pm $4 Sat Sept 29th Rex Sole - reunite one last time! � Stone the Murder Simple Tricks & Nonsense - with members from Logoseye! Music at 9:30pm $5 Wintermute Sleepy Creek � Taiterd Oats Music at 9:30pm $5 9-27 Idletap/Better Days 9-29 Rex Sole reunion w/ Stone the Murder and Simple Tricks and Nonsense 9-30 Illusion of Self/The Repair 10-6 Ultra Goat/Highwater 10-10 Melissa Ivey 10-13 Joint Venture 10-18 VX 36 10-19 theGoodSons/Hellokopter 10-20 COVEN returns to PDX 10-23 Cornshed 10-26 SepticFlesh 10-27 Ceremonial Castings/Dead Conspiracy 10-31 Pierced Arrows/Pillowfight 11-1 dovehead 11-2 A((WAKE)) 11-3 Rustmine 11-8 Antique Scream 11-18 Witch Mountain/Lord Dying 11-24 Silencer WEDNESDAY SEPT 26 - 8PM FREE! THE SINDICATE � SIMON TUCKER CHRISTOPHER CARPENTER THURSDAY SEPT 27 - 9PM $5 TOWN AND THE WRIT � BAD BUTCH THE END NOTES FRIDAY SEPT 28 - 9PM $7 THE EMBALMING PROCESS KRIMINAL MIZCHIF � PARALLAXX THEE TRUTH � PUBLICDRUNKEN SEX � LOGIK SATURDAY SEPT 29 - 9PM $5 NEMESIS � SET TO BURN � FALLEN THEORY BACK ALLEY BARBERS SUNDAY SEPT 30 - 9PM $3 GO BALLISTIC � ZEBRENA BASTARD AARON BAC MONDAY OCT 1 - FREE METAL SHOW-8PM THEN-COMEDY OPEN MIC 11PM UNRULY INSTINCY ARSENIC ADDICTION(UT) � ECHOIC TUESDAY OCT 2 - 9PM FREE MUSIC OPEN MIC NIGHT WEDNESDAY OCT 3 - 8PM $3 ENDRAH(BRAZIL)� AMERICAN ROULETTE TRUCULENCE � HYBORIAN RAGE WUNDERLAND SYNDROME(CA) 503-256-3399 � 2530 NE 82nd Ave. GET `EM ON SALE mumfOrD & SOnS Babel $11.95-cd $13.95-cd dlx $14.95-lp Laurelthirst PUBLIC HOUSE 2958 NE Glisan � 503-232-1504 LaurelThirst.com Weekend breakfast 9am�3pm Free happy hour music every day! Thursday, September 27th Lewi Longmire Band (6pm) Tin Silver, Gabriel Trees (9:30pm) Friday, September 28th Alice Stuart (6pm) Country Trash, Slaughter Daughters (9:30pm) Saturday, September 29th Tree Frogs (6pm) Ridgerunner Summit: Jim Boyer, Lynn Conover, Dan Haley, Tim Acott (9:30pm) Sunday, September 30 th Freak Mountain Ramblers (6pm) Dan Haley & Tim Acott (free) (9:30pm) Monday, October 1st Portland Country Underground (6pm) Kung Pao Chickens (free) (9pm) Tuesday, October 2nd Jackstraw (6pm) Big Naturals (free) (9pm) Green Day $14.95-cd $16.95-cd dlx $18.95-lp �Uno! DeaDmau5 $11.95-cd Album Title Goes Here Sale prices good thru 10/7/12 No Doubt � John Hiatt � Angie Stone � Preservation Hall � Chino XL Lupe Fiasco � Larry Graham � Yoko Ono � Bettye LaVette � The Bad Plus aLSO OuT THIS WeeK: used new &s & Vinyl Vd Cds, d for any & all used Cds, dVds & Vinyl DOWNTOWN � 1313 W. Burnside � 503.274.0961 EASTSIDE � 1931 NE Sandy Blvd. � 503.239.7610 BEAVERTON � 3290 SW Cedar Hills Blvd. � 503.350.0907 OPEN EVERYDAY AT 9 A.m. | www.EVERYDAYmusic.cOm 30 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 Wednesday, October 3rd Dolorean (6pm) Adan & Kris and friends (free) (9pm) Thursday, October 4th Lewi Longmire Band (6pm) Lone Madrone, McDougall (9:30pm) LIVE MUSIC LV'S--Ben Jones, 8:30 pm MIRACLE THEATRE (TEATRO MILAGRO)--A Night of Tango: Alex Krebs, 8 pm, $25-28 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB--Troy Richmond Dixon, 6 pm, free; Robin Jackson, Mark Growden, 9 pm, $8-12 MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS--The Pynnacles, Paradise, Brothers of the Last Watch, 9 pm, $8-10 MOCK CREST TAVERN--The Adequates, 9 pm MT. TABOR THEATER--Elton Jah, Irie Idea, The Sindicate, Chris Carpenter, 8:30 pm, $6-9 MUDDY RUDDER--The Spodee-O's, 8 pm MUSIC MILLENNIUM--Amanda Palmer, 4 pm, free, all ages; Tim Maia, 7 pm, free, all ages NEL CENTRO--Mike Pardew, 9:30 pm NEW COPPER PENNY--$intax, Rustmine, Broken NORSE HALL--The Pranksters, 7:30 pm, $5-8 PLAN B--Mos Generator, Ancient Warlocks, Tenspeed Warlock, Lamprey, 8 pm PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)--Lock Stock & Barrel, 9 pm, $2-5 PORTLAND SPIRIT--The Ascetic Junkies, 3 pm, $28 THE PRESS CLUB--Robert Richter, 8:30 pm RECORD ROOM--Steelhymen, Tiny Knives, Banh Mi, 8 pm RED ROOM--The Embalming Process, Kriminal Mizchif, Paralaxx, Thee Truth, Public Drunken Sex, Logik, 9 pm REFUGE--FurtherMore Afterparty: Great American Taxi, Fruition, Scott Law, 9 pm ROSELAND--Orbital, 9 pm, $30 THE SECRET SOCIETY--Pete Krebs & His Portland Playboys, 6 pm, all ages; Get Rhythm, 9 pm, $5 SLABTOWN--Rabbits, Hot Victory, Diesto, Towers SLIM'S--Child PM, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE--Soulfeggio: Olive Delsol, Mighty, Chaach, Antique Antics, Gaea, Navae, 9 pm, $6 THE SPARE ROOM--The Caleb Klauder Country Band, Dave Stucky, 9 pm, $10 STAR THEATER--Patterson Hood & the Downtown Rumblers, 9 pm, $20 THE TARDIS ROOM--Class M Planets, 9 pm TED'S--Indubious, Outpost, Higher Reasoning Sound TIGER BAR--Saint Warhead, Iame, Wildcard, Riyit, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT'S--Tony's AM Gold Show: Tony Starlight, 8 pm, $16 TRADER VIC'S--Tribute to Frank Sinatra: John English, 5 pm VIE DE BOHEME--Everything's Jake, 8:30 pm, $5 THE WAYPOST--Jon Ransom, Christopher Albert Gavazza, 8 pm WHITE EAGLE--The Reverb Brothers, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; Garcia Birthday Band, 9:30 pm, $7 WILF'S--Tony Pacini Trio, 7:30 pm WONDER BALLROOM--Amanda Palmer & the Grand Theft Orchestra, 9 pm, $25-38, all ages IVORIES--Laura Cunard, 5:30 pm, free JADE LOUNGE--Olive Delsol, Eden Hana, Jeffrey Martin, Anna & the Underbelly, 5 pm JIMMY MAK'S--Bobby Torres Ensemble, 8 pm, $10 KELLS--Cronin Tierney, 9 pm; Grafton Street, 9:30 pm KELLY'S OLYMPIAN--The Crash Engine, Dkota, Towering Trees, 9 pm, $5 KENTON CLUB--Small Arms, Bonneville Power, New York Rifles, 9 pm, free THE KNOW--Unnatural Helpers, Defect Defect, Rat Party, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON--Rocky Butte Wranglers, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--Tree Frogs, 6 pm; Ridgerunner Summit: Jimmy Boyer, Lynn Conover, Dan Haley, Tim Acott, 9:30 pm, $5 MIRACLE THEATRE (TEATRO MILAGRO)--Alfredo Muro, 8 pm, $20-23 MISSION THEATER--Meiko, Bobby Long, 8 pm, $15 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB--Brad Creel & The Reel Deel, 6 pm, free; Patina, Old Zealand, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS--Tender Loving Empire's Fifth Birthday: Finn Riggins, Aan, Body Parts, The Shivas, Hustle & Drone, The Morals, 8 pm, $8-10 MOCK CREST TAVERN--Hi Fi Mojo, 9 pm MUDDY RUDDER--Maggie & Patrick Lind, 8 pm NEL CENTRO--Mike Pardew, Dave Captein, Randy Rollofson, 9:30 pm THE OLD CHURCH--The Alan Singley Orchestra PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)--Panther Creek, 9 pm, $2-5 PSU LINCOLN PERFORMANCE HALL--Making Waves: Portland Taiko, 8 pm, $15-25, all ages RECORD ROOM--The Gutters, Nucular Aminals, Sad Horse, 8 pm RED ROOM--Set to Burn, Fallen Theory, Nemesis, Back Alley Barbers, 9 pm REFUGE--FurtherMore Afterparty: Monophonics, Polyrhythmics, The Brown Edition, 9 pm RINGLER'S PUB--Jonah Luke, 3 pm, free, all ages THE SECRET SOCIETY--Jaime Leopold & The Short Stories, 6 pm, all ages; Once in a While Sky, Riviera, Jackrabbit, 9 pm, $7 SLABTOWN--Megaton Leviathan, Hungers, Sangre De Muerdago, Disemballerina, 9 pm SLIM'S--Sold Only as Curio, Rubella Graves, 9 pm, free THE SPARE ROOM--The New Iberians, Atomic Gumbo, 9 pm, $8 STAR BAR--Second Anniversary Bash: Pierced Arrows, The Ransom, The Pity Fucks, DJ Kelly H, free TABORSPACE--Alternate Destination, 7 pm TED'S--Let's Get Lost, Pheasant, Gresham Transit Center, 9:30 pm TIGER BAR--Sweet Emotion, Unchained, 9 pm TONIC LOUNGE--Jana Losey, Bear Crossing, 8 pm TONY STARLIGHT'S--Bureau of Standards Big Band, 8 pm, $12 TRADER VIC'S--Xavier Tavera's Chamber Orchestra from Cuba, 8 pm TROUT LAKE COUNTRY INN--The Tumblers, 9 pm, $5 VIE DE BOHEME--Mitzi Zilka, 5:30 pm, free; Ukeladies, 8 pm, $5-10 WHITE EAGLE--The Student Loan, 4:30 pm, free; Garcia Birthday Band, 9:30 pm, $7 WILF'S--Devin Phillips Quartet, 7:30 pm WONDER BALLROOM--Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti, Dam Funk, Bodyguard, 9 pm, $15-17 NEV ER A COV ER! FROM THE WELL PRESENTS THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 27 W/MIKE GIBBONS, SCOTT GALLEGOS & CHRIS MERRILL (SONGWRITER SHOWCASE) 9PM FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 28 PRIVATE EVENT NO MUSIC BEGIN OLIVER (POP ROCK) 9PM SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 29 TREE TOP TRIBE (ROOTS ROCK) 9PM SAVE THE DATE GAPFEST OCT 8-14 WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 3 6835 SW Macadam 503-244-7111 www.thebuffalogap.com SATURDAY 9/29 ALADDIN THEATER--George Thorogood, 8 pm, $49.50-52 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE--Live Wire!: Willy Porter, Finn Riggins, 7:30 pm, $18-20 AL'S DEN--Sam Cooper, Kim DeLacy, The Petite Beat, 8 pm, free ANDINA--Toshi Onizuka, 8 pm ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL--Brahms German Requiem: Oregon Symphony, Dominique Labelle, Richard Zeller, 7:30 pm, $25-95 ARTICHOKE MUSIC--Larry Potts, Donna Lynn, 8 pm, $15 ASH STREET SALOON--Rex Sole, Stone the Murder, Simple Tricks & Nonsense, 9:30 pm, $5 BACKSPACE--Carrion Spring, Our First Brains, Crooks, 9 pm, $5, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW'S--The Barkers, 6 pm, all ages; Shannon Tower, 9:30 pm BLUE DIAMOND--Matt Schiff, 9 pm BLUE MONK--The Planet Jackers, 9 pm BRANX--Deerhoof, Buke & Gase, Raleigh Moncrief, 8 pm, $15, all ages BUFFALO GAP--Begin Oliver, 9 pm, free CAMELLIA LOUNGE--Frank Tribble Trio, 8 pm CATHEDRAL PARK PLACE--Occidental Oktoberfest, noon, free, all ages DANTE'S--Appetite for Deception, 9 pm, $10 DOUG FIR--Mike Watt & The Missingmen, Divers, 9 pm DUFF'S GARAGE--Micki Lee, True Blue, 9 pm, $10 EAST BURN--Bottleneck Blues Band, 10 pm, free EAST END--Fist Fight, Black Pussy, Unicornz, 9 pm EDGEFIELD--Furthur, 6 pm, $60, all ages; Pete Kartsounes, 7 pm, free ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB--The Awful Truth, Levi Fuller & the Library, Fair Weather Watchers, Jesse Carsten & the Half Shadow, 9 pm, $5 THE FIXIN' T0--Bison Bison, Bad Assets, Full Moon Radio, Good Intentions, 6 pm, $4 FOGGY NOTION--Marmits, Battlehooch, Bubble Cats, Wolf in the Dream Catcher, 9 pm, $3 GOODFOOT--Mctuff, Joe Doria, 9 pm, $8 HALIBUT'S--Cool Breeze, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE HOPHOUSE--Steve Cheseborough HAWTHORNE THEATRE--Set in Stone, Ravages of Time, Cellar Door, A(((wake))), Character Assassin, 7 pm, $8, all ages HOPHOUSE (NE 15TH)--Bodacious, 8:30 pm, free, all ages SUNDAY 9/30 ALADDIN THEATER--Patrick Wolf, 8 pm, $20 ALL SAINTS PARISH HALL--Reunion Concert: PSU Chamber Choir, 3:30 pm, $7-12 AL'S DEN--Woody Pines, 7 pm, free ANDINA--Danny Romero, 7 pm ASH STREET SALOON--Illusion of Self, LeMay, The Repair, 9:30 pm, $5 AUGUSTANA LUTHERAN CHURCH--Augustana Jazz Quartet, 6 pm, free, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW'S--Felim Egan, 8 pm BLUE MONK--Andrew Oliver, 8 pm CLYDE'S PRIME RIB--Ron Steen Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm, free CRYSTAL BALLROOM--Citizen Cope, 9 pm, $29-30, all ages DANTE'S--Walking Papers, 9 pm, $10 DOUG FIR--Firewater, Chervona, 9 pm, $12-14 EAST END--Shadows, Nudity, Billions & Billions, Sei Hexe, 9 pm EAT: AN OYSTER BAR--Reggie Houston's Box of Chocolates, 11 am EDGEFIELD--Sonny Hess, 5 pm, free FIRKIN TAVERN--Open Mic, 8 pm, free FORD FOOD & DRINK--Tim Roth, Sun, noon, free, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE--William Elliott Whitmore, Samantha Crain, 7 pm, $12-15 JADE LOUNGE--Clambake, 7 pm KELLS--Irish Session, 6 pm; Bill Tollner, 9 pm THE KNOW--Lunge, Young Dad, Eiger Sanction, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON--Ian Miller, Jake Ray, 5:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--Dan Haley, Tim Acott, 9:30 pm, free LOLA'S ROOM--Rose's Pawn Shop, 7 pm, free September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 31 DADDIES saturday dec 1 dante's 1 SW 3rd ave � PorTland, or 8:30Pm ShoW � 21 & over TickeTS aT SaFeWay/TickeTSWeST charge by Phone 503-224-TiXX Cherry Poppin' Fri 10:00AM On Sale Fri 10:00AM squarepegconcerts.com On Sale 3939 n miSSiSSiPPi ave � PorTland, or � 8:30Pm ShoW � 21 & over TickeTS aT SaFeWay/TickeTSWeST locaTionS charge by Phone 503-224-TiXX saturday december 15 mississippi studios & henry at War saturday october 6 dante's 1 SW 3rd ave � PorTland, or 8:30Pm ShoW � 21 and over TickeTS aT SaFeWay/TickeTSWeST charge by Phone 503-224-TiXX House of Floyd Pink Floyd TribuTe 3017 Se milWaukie ave PorTland, or 7:30Pm ShoW all ageS TickeTS aT all TickeTmaSTer locaTionS charge by Phone 1-800-745-3000 sunday october 7 aladdin theatre tuesday october 16 crystal ballroom 1332 W burnSide ST � PorTland, or 7:30Pm ShoW � all ageS TickeTS aT caScade TickeTS charge by Phone 855-caS-TiXX X2 alSo aT crySTal ballroom boX oFFice Straight No Chaser sunday november 10 aladdin theatre 3017 Se milWaukie ave � PorTland, or 7:30Pm ShoW � all ageS TickeTS aT all TickeTmaSTer locaTionS charge by Phone 1-800-745-3000 1037 SW broadWay � PorTland, or 8:00Pm ShoW � all ageS TickeTS aT all TickeTmaSTer locaTionS charge by Phone 1-800-745-3000 32 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 tuesday november 27 arlene schnitzer concert hall LIVE MUSIC MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB--Caryn Jameson, 6 pm, free; Ataxia Cab, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS--Van Halen Tribute: School of Rock, 2 pm, $12-15, all ages; The Lighthouse & The Whaler, The Lower 48, 8 pm, $8-10 MOON & SIXPENCE--Foghorn Stringband, free MUDDY RUDDER--Irish Music, 4 pm MULTNOMAH COUNTY LIBRARY (NORTHWEST)--Innisfree, 2 pm, free, all ages MUSIC MILLENNIUM--Marti Mendenhall, 4 pm, free, all ages NATIONALE--Lynnae Gryffin, 7 pm, $3 THE OLD CHURCH--Adventures in Harmonica & Guitar: Joe Powers, Yosuke Onuma, 3 pm, $20-25 PSU LINCOLN PERFORMANCE HALL--Making Waves: Portland Taiko, 2 pm, $15-25, all ages RED ROOM--Zebrena Bastard, Go Ballistic, Aaron Baca ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY--Dojo Toolkit, 9 pm RONTOMS--Shadows on Stars, Body Parts, 9 pm, free ROSELAND--Beach House, Dustin Wong, 8 pm, $23, all ages SLABTOWN--Nacosta, Bottom Dollars, 8 pm, $5 THE SPARE ROOM--Angel Bouchet Band, 8 pm, free STAR THEATER--Eastside Speed Machine, One Moment, My Robot Lung, TOL, 7 pm, Free STARKY'S--Stark Raving Queens, 6:45 pm TED'S--Rock for Dogs: Painted Pitbull Project Fundraiser: Dinner for Wolves, P.R.O.B.L.E.M.S., Frank Furter, Shut Your Animal Mouth, Mattachine Social, 9 pm, $5 TONY STARLIGHT'S--Gary Smith's Mardi Gras AllStars, 5 pm, $8 VALENTINE'S--Micrasoft, Minden, 9 pm VIE DE BOHEME--John Dover Big Band, 7 pm, $7 LANDMARK SALOON--Honky Tonk Union, 7 pm, free LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--Jackstraw, 6 pm, free; Big Naturals, 9 pm, Free LV'S--Ron Steen's Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS--Radiation City, Maus Haus, The Ocean Floor, 9 pm, $10 MOCK CREST TAVERN--Johnnie Ward & The Eagle Ridin' Papas, 8:30 pm MT. TABOR THEATER--Open Mic Night: Simon Tucker, 8 pm, free QUIMBY'S AT 19TH--Tom Grant, 8:30 pm, free ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY--Brothers 'n' Laws, 9 pm ROSELAND--Stephen Marley, Spragga Benz, Jo Mersa, 8 pm, $25, all ages SHAKER AND VINE--Arthur Moore's Harmonica Party, 8 pm SLIM'S--Open Mic, 9 pm, free TASTE ON 23RD--Brandstson Duo, 6:30 pm, free THIRSTY LION--Eric John Kaiser, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT'S--Lacey Seibers, 7:30 pm, $7 TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR--Open Mic Night: The Roaming, 8 pm VINO VIXENS--Arthur Moore's Harmonica Party, 6 pm WHITE EAGLE--Bottlecap Boys, Dodgy Mountain Men, 8:30 pm, free SAT 9/29 - McTUFF FRI 9/28 - DJ AQUAMAN'S SOUL STEW THURS 9/27 - FREE!!! KING TIM 33 1/3, SEOUL BRO #1 DJ ROANE WED 9/26 CONJUGAL VISITORS, SIDESTREET RENY MON - SONIC FORUM OPEN MIC TUES 10/2 - FREE!!! KORY QUINN, JAY COBB ANDERSON BAND ART OPENING "88 STRONG" THURS 9/27 88 artists - 88 ideas - 8x8 art - 700+ pieces of art ALL OG ART IS $50 - cash & carry GOODFOOT irs upsta aily d open :30 2 5 s stair 9 down at open w nights o on sh WEDNESDAY 10/3 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE--Suck My Open Mic w/Tamara J. Brown, 7:30 pm, free AL'S DEN--Woody Pines, 7 pm, free ASH STREET SALOON--Wintermute, Sleepy Creek, Taitered Oats, 9:30 pm, $5 BACKSPACE--His Name Shall Breathe, Self Proclaimed Narcissist, Destroy Nate Allen, The Sarcastic Dharma Society, Zoe Boekbinder, 7:30 pm, $6, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW'S--Henry Hill Kammerer, 9 pm BLUE DIAMOND--The Fenix Project, 9 pm BUFFALO GAP--Tree Top Tribe, 9 pm BUNK BAR--Reignwolf, 9 pm, $10 BURGERVILLE--McDougall, 6:30 pm, free, all ages CAMELLIA LOUNGE--The Goods Jazz Jam: Errick Lewis & the Regiment House Band, 8:30 pm CRYSTAL BALLROOM--Shpongle, Phutureprimitive, 9 pm, $22-25, all ages DEPOKOS PIZZA--Open Mic, 8 pm, all ages DOUG FIR--Sean Hayes, Birds of Chicago, 9 pm, $18 DUFF'S GARAGE--High Flyers, 6 pm, $2; Suburban Slim's Blues Jam: Suburban Slim, John Neish, Jeff Strawbridge, 9 pm EAST BURN--Irish Music Jam, 7 pm EDGEFIELD--Crown Point, 7 pm, free EUGENIO'S--Open Mic, 6:30 pm FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN--Kory Quinn, 9:30 pm GOOD NEIGHBOR PIZZERIA--Open Mic GOODFOOT--Henhouse Prowlers, Renegade Stringband, 9 pm HAWTHORNE THEATRE--Hot Water Music, Broadway Calls, Absolute Monarchs, 7 pm, $15-18, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE--Lost City, 6 pm, free HOLOCENE--Fin De Cinema: Fantastic Planet & Light Years: Jeffrey Jerusalem, Hosannas, Onuinu, WL, 8:30 pm, $6 ISLAND MANA WINES--David & Goliath, 4 pm IVORIES--Tom D'Antoni, 4:30 pm JADE LOUNGE--Chris Juhlin, Adria Ivanitsky, 7 pm; Hazel Rickard, 7 pm JIMMY MAK'S--Mel Brown Quartet, 8 pm, $5 THE KNOW--Native Cats, Appendixes, Space Waves, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON--Bob Shoemaker, 6 pm; Jake Ray & The Cowdogs, 9:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--Dolorean, 6 pm, free; Adam & Kris, 9 pm, free MISSION THEATER--Dirty Three, Centers, 8 pm, $25 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB--Mr. Hoo, noon, all ages MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS--Mono, Chris Brokaw, Swahili, 9 pm, $13-15 O'CONNORS VAULT--Jon Koonce & One More Mile, 8 pm, free PALACE OF INDUSTRY--Flat Rock String Band, 7:30 pm, free THE PRESS CLUB--Rabbit Dreams, 8 pm RED ROOM--Endrah, American Roulette, Truculence, Wunderland Syndrome, 7 pm; Open Mic, 9 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY--Jordan Harris, 9 pm ROSELAND--Awolnation, Imagine Dragons, Zeale, 8 pm, $20, all ages SOMEDAY LOUNGE--The Jesse Layne Show: Jesse Layne, Nathan Junior, Haley Keegan, Jayke Webb, 9 pm, $6 SUNDOWN PUB--SongWrecker Cabaret, 9 pm; Noah Peterson, 10 pm, free TED'S--DJ Catalyst, 10 pm, free TIGER BAR--Royal Bliss, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT'S--Mel Kubik, Christopher Woitach, 7:30 pm, $8 TRADER VIC'S--Xavier Tavera's Chamber Orchestra from Cuba, 6 pm VIE DE BOHEME--Hush Hush Smut Club, 7:30 pm, $8 THE WAYPOST--Classical Revolution, 7 pm WHITE EAGLE--The Nutmeggers, 8:30 pm, free WILF'S--Ron Steen Trio, 7:30 pm, $7 MONDAY 10/1 AL'S DEN--Woody Pines, 7 pm, free ANDINA--Pete Krebs, 7 pm BLUE DIAMOND--Tom Grant, 9 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE--Eric John Kaiser, 5:30 pm DANTE'S--Karaoke from Hell, 10 pm DOUG FIR--Pictorials, Los Chicharones, A Happy Death, 9 pm, $5 DUFF'S GARAGE--Lily Wilde Orchestra, 8 pm, $8 EDGEFIELD--Skip vonKuske, 7 pm, free GOODFOOT--Sonic Forum Open Mic, 8 pm, $1 ISLAND MANA WINES--David & Goliath, 4 pm JADE LOUNGE--Elie Charpentier, 6 pm JIMMY MAK'S--Dan Balmer, 8 pm, free LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--Portland Country Underground, 6 pm, free; Kung Pao Chickens, 9 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB--Mr. Ben, 5 pm, all ages MUDDY RUDDER--Lloyd Jones, 8 pm MUSIC MILLENNIUM--Community Day/Songwriters Circle: Greg Georgeson, Elvicious Cash, Jack McMahon, 7 pm, free, all ages O'CONNORS VAULT--Songwriter Circle: Cal Scott, Richard Moore, Jon Koonce, 7 pm, $12-15 PUB AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE--Open Mic QUIMBY'S AT 19TH--Soul Mates, 7 pm RED ROOM--Arsenic Addiction, Unruly Instinct, Echoic, 7 pm, free ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY--Mt. Air Studios, 10 pm STAR THEATER--MC Rockie Fresh, Mark Battles, Easy McCoy, Juma Blaq, Covae, 8 pm, $10 TIGER BAR--AC Lov Ring, 9 pm WHITE EAGLE--Leo, Elle Zamora, No Hawk Yet, 8:30 pm, free WED 10/3 HEN HOUSE PROWLERS, RENEGADE STRING BAND THURS 10/4 PHILLY'S PHUNKESTRA, SOPHISTAFUNK FRI 10/5 - DJ MAGNETO & FRIENDS SAT 10/6 FREAK MOUNTAIN RAMBLERS, JACKSTRAW TUES 10-9 - KORY QUINN, SIMON TUCKER BAND - FREE!!! 2845 SE STARK * WWW.THEGOODFOOT.COM * 503.239.9292 TUESDAY 10/2 ALADDIN THEATER--Aimee Mann, Field Report, 8 pm, $35 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE--The Comas, Colleen Raney, 8 pm, $12-15 AL'S DEN--Woody Pines, 7 pm, free ASH STREET SALOON--Mentes Ajenas, Thistle-Stalk, 9:15 pm, $4 BACKSPACE--False, The Body, Cower, Contempt, 9 pm, $6, all ages BLUE DIAMOND--Sportin' Lifers, 9 pm BLUE MONK--Pagan Jug Band, 6:30 pm, free BUNK BAR--Torches, Ash Reiter, 9 pm, $3 CRYSTAL BALLROOM--Nightwish, Kamelot, 8 pm, $30-35, all ages DOUG FIR--Tycho, DJ Heathered Pearls, 9 pm, $15 DUFF'S GARAGE--Trio Bravo, 6 pm, $2; Dover Weinberg Quartet, 9 pm, $2 EAST END--Daryl Shawn, Brave Julius, The Weather Machine, 8 pm, $5 EDGEFIELD--Caleb Klauder, Sammy Lind, 7 pm, free THE ELIXIR LAB--Johnny D's Community Jam, 7 pm GOODFOOT--Jay Cobb Anderson, Kory Quinn, 9 pm, free; Radula, 9 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE--That Much Further West Radio, 4 pm, free; Josh Smith, 6 pm, free THE HUTCH--Open Mic, 8 pm, free IVORIES--Tom D'Antoni, 4:30 pm; Jazz Jam: Carey Campbell, 7 pm JADE LOUNGE--Colin Johnson, 7 pm JIMMY MAK'S--YamaYama, 6:30 pm THE KNOW--Pagerippers, Slatwall, Ol Doris, 8 pm DOORS @ 9:30PM BELLYDANCE PERFORMANCE BY QUEEN AYOMIDE PRESALE TICKETS SOLD AT BOSSANOVABALLROOM.COM 21+ � ADM: $20 � @DOOR $25 722 E. BURNSIDE PORTLAND, OR September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 33 34 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 DJ LISTINGS THURSDAY 9/27 BEECH ST. PARLOR--Alex John Hall CC SLAUGHTERS--Hiphop Heaven: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CLUB 21--Greyskull CROWN ROOM--Counter Culture, 10 pm, free DIG A PONY--Newrotics THE EMBERS AVENUE--Request Night: DJ Jens FEZ--Shadowplay: DJ Horrid, DJ Ghoulunatic, DJ Paradox, 9 pm, free GOODFOOT--King Tim 33.3, Seoul Bro #1, DJ Roane, Free JONES--New Jack Swing: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 LUCKY DEVIL--DJ Panty Droppa, free MOLOKO PLUS--King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free NICK'S FAMOUS CONEY ISLAND--Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free PALACE OF INDUSTRY--Crucial Andy, 7 pm SANTA FE TAQUERIA--Salsa Social SOS: DJ Armando, 9 pm SAUCEBOX--Evan Alexander SOMEDAY LOUNGE--Happy Hour: Mr. Romo, DJ Michael Grimes, 4 pm STAR BAR--Red Rooster, 10 pm, free TIGA--DJ F TUBE--Sethro Tull, 7 pm VAULT--Jams: DJ 60/40 WORKSHOP PUB--Phonographix Video DJs, 9 pm YES AND NO--No Ouais JONES--'80s & '90s Dance Music, 10 pm, $5 THE LOVECRAFT--Darkness Descends: DJ Maxamillion, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL--DJ Kenoy, free MOLOKO PLUS--King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE--Mr. Mumu PALACE OF INDUSTRY--DJ Pippa Possible, 7 pm SOMEDAY LOUNGE--Curve: Manoj, Solovox, DJ Globalruckus, El Capitan, 9 pm, $5 TIGA--DJ Yard Sale TRIPLE NICKEL--DJ Stockholmz, 9:30 pm TUBE--Saturdazed: Josh Booze, 7 pm VALENTINE'S--DJ Rhienna, 9 pm 503.288.3895 3939 N. Mississippi firstname.lastname@example.org A songwriting phenomenon of songs that range from 80s pop goulash to psychedelic drone 8pm doors/ 9pm show 21+ unless otherwise noted BarBar all ages until 9pm Psychedelic/garage rockers who bring the beat SUNDAY 9/30 AALTO LOUNGE--Whiskey Bitters, 9 pm, free BEULAHLAND--The Original Eye Candy Video Night: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free BOSSANOVA BALLROOM--Double Dutchie: Anthony B, Baijie, Sammy Dread, 8 pm, $20 CC SLAUGHTERS--Superstar Divas, DJ Robb, 8 pm, free CRUSH--DJ Mikey, 10 am-2 pm DEVILS POINT--Stripparaoke: KJ Zero, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY--Two Arm Tom THE EMBERS AVENUE--Noches Latinas: DJ Marco, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL--Ladies Night: DJ Mani, free PLAN B--Hive: DJ Owen, DJ Brian Backlash, 9 pm RADIO ROOM--DJ Nature, DJ Stray, 6 pm STAR BAR--DJ Joey Prude, 10 pm TUBE--Dark Sundays: DJ Josh Dark, 10 pm Green Plateaus Still Caves Thu, Sept 27 Tender Loving Empires 5th Birthday + CD Compilation Release Party Colleen The Pynnacles Paradise Brothers Of The Last Watch $8 Adv Fri, Sept 28 $8 Adv FRIDAY 9/28 BEECH ST. PARLOR--Mike Olson, Matt Fargo BERBATI'S PAN--Davis Cleveland, 10 pm, free BEULAHLAND--Listen Lady, 5 pm BLITZ 21--DJ Sovern-T, 9 pm, free BLUE MONK--The Down Stroke: DJ N-Able, DJ Void, 9 pm CC SLAUGHTERS--Filthy Fridays: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM--Noise: DJ TJ, 9 pm, $5 DEVILS POINT--DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY--DJ Maxamillion; Happy Hour: DJ Icarus EAGLE PORTLAND--Pop Rocks: ChiChi LaRue, 10 pm, $5 ELEMENT--Chris Alice, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE--On the Avenue: DJ Jens, 9 pm FEZ--Shut Up & Dance: DJ Gregarious, 10 pm, $5 GOODFOOT--DJ Aquaman's Soul Stew, 9 pm GROUND KONTROL--DJ Notaz, 9 pm HOLOCENE--Snap!: Dr. Adam, Colin Jones, 10 pm, $3 JACK LONDON BAR AT THE RIALTO--Libra Party: DJ Encrypted, 7:30 pm JONES--Back to the Future Fridays: DJ Zimmie, 8 pm, $5 LOLA'S ROOM--'80s Video Dance Attack: VJ Kittyrox, 8 pm, $6 THE LOVECRAFT--Product, 10 pm LUCKY DEVIL--DJ Joe, free MATADOR--Infamous: DJ Rattooth, DJ Makeout, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE--Mr. Mumu PALACE OF INDUSTRY--DJ Holiday, 7 pm STAR BAR--Blank Fridays: DJ Ikon, 10 pm, free TED'S--Guilty Pleasures: P.K. O.Blivion, Hawn Solo, Mistress Birmingham, 9:30 pm, free TIGA--Beacon Sound TRIPLE NICKEL--DJ Stockholmz, 9:30 pm TUBE--Neil Blender, 7 pm VALENTINE'S--Zac Pennington, 9 pm THE WHISKEY BAR--Trance Mission: DJ Zoxy, 10 pm, $5 Aan Body Parts The Shivas Hustle and Drone The Morals Finn School of Rock V an Halen young virtuosos rocking the guitar pyrotechnics and thunderous drumming of Van Halen Riggins $8 Adv MONDAY 10/1 BEECH ST. PARLOR--DJ Cha Cha, Maxx Bass BLUE MONK--Deep Cuts, 8 pm CLUB 21--Witch Throne GROUND KONTROL--Service Industrial: DJ Tibin, 9 pm KELLY'S OLYMPIAN--Eye Candy: VJ Norto, Phantom Hillbilly, 8 pm, free THE KNOW--DJ Just Dave, 8 pm MATADOR--I Don't Like Mondays: DJ Rhienna, DJF, 10 pm, free O'MALLEY'S SALOON & GRILL--Heavy Metal Monday: Bozyk, 9 pm STAR BAR--Metal Mondays: DJ Nefarious, 10 pm, free TED'S--Rock & Roll Mondays: Josh, 9:30 pm, free TIGA--DJ Valkyrie TUBE--DJ Matt Scaphism, 7 pm Sat, Sept 29 / 7pm doors/8pm show Sun, Sept 30 Mon, Oct 1 1:30pm Doors/2pm Show $12 Adv all ages Pop influenced indie rock from Cleveland natives touring in support of their latest album, This is An Adventure 6:30pm Doors / 7pm Show The Lighthouse And The Whaler Sun, Sept 30 Cinebitch Presents: The Lower 48 $8 Adv $5-$10 Seated Show Japanese artists perform transcendent songs from their latest album, For My Parents 7pm Doors/8pm Show Superbly crafted captivating pop TUESDAY 10/2 BEECH ST. PARLOR--DJ Bad Wizard CC SLAUGHTERS--DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CLUB 21--DJ Dirty Red CROWN ROOM--See You Next Tuesday: Kellan, DJ Avery, 9 pm, free DEVILS POINT--DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free THE EMBERS AVENUE--Recycle: DJ Tibin, 9 pm, free GROUND KONTROL--Rock Band Tuesdays: MC T. Wrecks, 9 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT--Tom Waits Night: DJ Full of Bourbon, 8 pm; Death Club: DJ Entropy, 10 pm MATADOR--DJ Donny Don't, 10 pm, free THE SPARE ROOM--Sugar Town: DJ Action Slacks, 9 pm, $5 STAR BAR--DJ Bradly, 10 pm SWIFT LOUNGE--Boogie Tuesday: Maxx Bass, Gwizski, Mikie Lixx TIGA--DJ Kevin Lee TRADER VIC'S--Temptation Tuesday: DJ Cabana, 6 pm TUBE--DJ Overcol, 7 pm; Tubesday, 10 pm Radiation Maus Haus City The Ocean Floor Tue, Oct 2 $10 Adv Nanotear Presents fall Into Darkness 2012: Drawing inspiration from metal, doom, and folk, these bands create a dark genre all their own mono Wed, Oct 3 CHRIS BROKAW (OF CODEINE) SWAHILI $13 Adv WORM OUROBOROS Nanotear Presents fall Into Darkness 2012: Cinematic soundscapes of drone metal, avant prog, and the experimental wolvserpent VHOL BELL WITCH EIGHT BELLS SATURDAY 9/29 AURA--Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 BEECH ST. PARLOR--DJ Yuccan Woman; DJ Shrimp Tempura, DJ Booty Futures BERBATI'S PAN--Music for the Masses: King Fader, 10 pm, free BEULAHLAND--Hip Hop v. New Wave: DJ Just Dave, DJ J-One Ill, 9 pm CC SLAUGHTERS--House of Hollywood: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free DEVILS POINT--DJ Brooks, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY--DJ Maxx Bass EAGLE EYE TAVERN--Dr. Amigo, 9:30 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE--Portland Tonight: DJ Jens, 9 pm FEZ--Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 GOLD DUST MERIDIAN--Clap Trap: DJ Gregarious, 10 pm, free GRAND CAFE/ANDREA'S CHA CHA CLUB--DJ Sonero, Last 9:30 pm GREELEY AVE. BAR AND GRILL--Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free GROOVE SUITE--After Dark HOLOCENE--Jai Ho! Bollywood Retro Costume Dance Party: DJ Prashant, 9 pm, $5-10 Fri, Oct 5 / FREE SHOW! SUBROSA WILD HUNT ARANYA Sun, Oct 7 $10 Adv WEDNESDAY 10/3 BEECH ST. PARLOR--DJ Little Axe CC SLAUGHTERS--Trick: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free THE EMBERS AVENUE--Gothic Industrial: DJ Jens, 9 pm FIRKIN TAVERN--VJ Norto, 9 pm GROOVE SUITE--Dropping Gems: Groundislava, Devonwho, D33J, Ghost Feet, Jeffery Dahmer, 10 pm, $5 JONES--Spin Sugar: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 LADD'S INN--DJ Kutthroat, 9:30 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT--DJ Nealie Neal, DJ Unruly, 9 pm MOLOKO PLUS--King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free THE REFECTORY--Wednesday Eastside Karaoke: KJ RC, 8 pm SAUCEBOX--DJ Nealie Neal STAR BAR--DJ Chris Crusher, 10 pm, free TIGA--Alina Hardin TIGER BAR--Juicy Wednesdays: DJ Detroit Diezel, 9 pm, $2 TUBE--Loyd Depriest, 6 pm; DJ Creepy Crawl, 7 pm THE WHISKEY BAR--Whiskey Wednesdays: American Girls, 10 pm, free The band debuts songs from their latest album, Tucson, an expansive country-rock opera Giant Giant Sand FLASH FLOOD AND THE DIKES Monqui Presents: A Scottish quintet of orchestral-tinged songs with a lauded album, Tree Bursts in Snow Admiral Fallow Young BuFFAlo Mon, Oct 8 7pm Doors/8pm Show Coming Soon... 10/10: THE MILK CARTON KIDS 10/11: STEw & THE NEgRO PRObLEM 10/12: wOODS 10/13: wRECKLESS ERIC & AMy RIgby (Early) 10/13: MRS w/ DJ bEyONDA (Late) 10/14: TIgER HOuSE 10/15: TIfT MERRITT $13 Adv Tue, Oct 9 $10 Adv 10/22: wILLIS EARL bEAL 10/23: THE wHIgS 10/24: ALLEN STONE 10/25: ALLEN STONE 10/26: wEINLAND (Record Release) 10/27: wEINLAND (Record Release) 10/28: AARON NIgEL SMITH (Early) 10/28: PAPER bIRD (Late) 10/30: gARy wAR 10/31: THE MIRACLES CLub 10/16: JEREMy MESSERSMITH (bar bar Apt.) 10/16: PDX/RX w/bATTLEME 10/17: KAKI KINg 10/18: STEPHEN KELLOgg AND THE SIXERS 10/19: SPIRIT LAKE (Record Release) 10/20: HOwLIN RAIN 10/21: RuSTED ROOT mississippistudios.com September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 35 CULTURE/ART/PDX BOOK REVIEW neatly summing up their relationship. "Also my best friend." That friendship is tested in Telegraph Avenue, as are all the other relationships--not the least of which is an awkward, desperate romance between Nat and Aviva's son, Julius, and Titus, a 14-year-old boy who shows up on Telegraph Avenue, with the luck--he's not sure if it's good or bad yet--to be thrust into the life of his heretofore-absent father: Archy Stallings. There's more, but trying to catch everyone is pointless: Telegraph Avenue spins and spins, not about any one person or relationship so much as the inevitable march of progress and heartache for what's gone and what will never be. Set in 2004, the rambling paths of Archy, et al., intersect with those of Barack Obama and Quentin Tarantino, and all of it's held together, appropriately enough, with the few things its main characters have in common: music, movies, and comic books, from Julius' astonishment at first seeing Lady Snowblood to Archy waxing nostalgic about the very existence of records in the '70s--"shipped by the scattered millions to the vanished mom-and-pop record stores of America," with "all those tasty beats and (mostly) tasteful string arrangements marbled together in a final attempt to reclaim jazz as popular music to be danced to and not just an art form to be curated." These are the things that hold Archy and Nat, and Gwen and Aviva, and the smitten Julius and the stoic Titus together--a vast history accidentally cobbled together out of everything from the "smell of grease coming off of Ringo Thielmann's bass line" to Ghostface Killah, his "music so soaked in the world's profanity that it bled like a saturated bandage." Though Chabon's more interested in some characters than others, and though the book's threads wrap up entirely too neatly, Telegraph Avenue is remarkable in its minute-to-minute struggles with love, race, and inevitable failure. Chabon's prose doesn't hurt either; lyrical as ever, here it lands just this side of florid, with a wry, heartfelt melancholy befitting its subjects and place. In any other book, a particular sentence in Telegraph Avenue--the one that's 12 pages long--would be a chunk of overkill. Chabon, though, pulls it off, its magnitude, earnestness, and ambition not becoming evident until it's already made its mark. ERIK HENRIKSEN BOOK REVIEW San Miguel by TC Boyle (Viking) Telegraph Avenue by Michael Chabon (Harper) Reading at Powell's Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills, Beaverton, Thurs Sept 27, 7 pm A RCHY STALLINGS, co-proprietor of Brokeland Records--a vinyl temple on Telegraph Avenue, straddling the space between black Oakland and white Berkeley, with "unlimited supplies of music and bullshit on tap"--is tired. He's "tired of Brokeland, and of black people, and of white people, and of all of their schemes and grudges, their frontings, hustles, and corruptions." Which is too bad, because Archy has to deal with all of those things. And he's not very good at it. If anybody's the main character of Telegraph Avenue, it's probably Archy, though Michael Chabon's novel ensnares just about everybody who's ever known or heard of Archy or Brokeland: There's Gibson Goode, a former quarterback and current entrepreneur who aims to plop down one of his chain megastores mere blocks from the struggling Brokeland. There's Archy's pregnant wife, Gwen, who's sick of Archy's constant cheating and general halfassedness. There's Aviva, Gwen's white partner in a midwifery practice, facing fallout from a home birth gone wrong, and there's Nat, Aviva's prickly husband and the other proprietor of Brokeland. "My partner is a cantankerous pain in the motherfucking ass," Archy tells Goode, STORYTELLING EVENT ISTORICALLY, women have written the lion's share of domestic novels, but erudite author T.C. Boyle (Mr. T. Coraghessan Boyle, if you're nasty) is a goddamned master of the hearth and home. Whether his setting is wild (the Alaska of Drop City) or purely domestic (the fetid mansion in Riven Rock), Boyle sketches rich portraits of intricate family relationships in difficult situations. His H newest, San Miguel, explores his main loves--the islands off Santa Barbara and the pioneer spirit. The story follows the lives of two sheep-ranching families, the only inhabitants of the craggy island of San Miguel: the Waters family, made up of consumptive matriarch Marantha, her Civil War vet husband, and strong-willed daughter Edith, who all move to San Miguel as pioneers in 1888; then later the Lester family, helmed by middle-aged Elise, who happily moves to San Miguel in 1930 with her charmingly manic new husband. Life is not easy on the overgrazed windswept outcropping--supplies must be boated in, the weather is treacherous, and the loneliness is palpable. San Miguel serves as an understated and melancholy timeline of pioneering women--the weak and disappointed Marantha, wild Edith who longs to escape the island, and likeable Elise, a former NYC librarian who has fallen in love with the homesteading life, a lifestyle that Depression-era America romanticizes when the Lesters become celebrities du jour. San Miguel is as beautiful as its setting, lonesome and heartbreaking and full of hardships and stretches of happiness. Animals may die, hunger may encroach, and WWII may threaten, but as Boyle writes, it's a place that "fires the imagination." COURTNEY FERGUSON The Moth's StorySLAM The Secret Society, 116 N E Russell, Mon Oct 1, 8 pm, $8-16, 21+, themoth.org E'RE ALL FAMILIAR with The Moth--the storytelling series, broadcast on public radio and in podcast form, that features real people telling true stories in front of a live audience. It's a show that inspired similar series nationwide, including Portland's own beloved Back Fence PDX. And now, in a stroke of the sort of full-circle logic that might sound contrived if you heard it in a "true" radio story, Back Fence is co-sponsoring a brand-new W Portland outpost of The Moth's StorySLAM. Not to be confused with The Moth's high-profile touring shows, which have played for sold-out Portland crowds at the Schnitz, StorySLAM is an open mic that invites audience volunteers to tell stories on a pre-announced theme. The openingnight theme for the Portland slam is "chemistry"-- wannabe readers are encouraged to prepare a five-minute story about "complex reactions, sparks, explosions... magical solutions. Dynamic rapport and explosive interactions. Opposites that attract or burn like acid," per the publicity materials. Each night's storytellers are chosen at random and judged by the audience, and the winner will go on to compete in a Portland "GrandSLAM." The first show of the new Portland series will be hosted by writer/professional funny dude Dan Kennedy, after which a local host will take over. The Moth's StorySLAM joins a host of other Portland storytelling shows: In addition to Back Fence, Portland Story Theater offers regular workshops and performances, and the Mystery Box Show has recently taken up residence at the Brody, inviting storytellers to share their sexiest sex stories. ALISON HALLETT Truth is knowable? ThinkRenaissance.org 36 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 BOOK REVIEW Mayakovsky's Revolver by Matthew Dickman (WW Norton) Reading at Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, Mon Oct 1, 7:30 pm N THE BACK of Matthew Dickman's newest collection of poems, Mayakovsky's Revolver, Tony Hoagland, one of America's most readable and celebrated living poets, blurbs, "Dickman is big news. He is a lifeboat filled with champagne and asthma inhalers; and his abun- O THEATER REVIEW dant talent and indie-rock spirit are humanizing and reviving American poetry." It's really that word "humanizing" that seems spot-on. While references to punk rock, digital culture, and club drugs help Mayakovsky's Revolver resemble the America that twentysomethings grew up in, Dickman's collection also humanizes these cultural touchstones. The humanization of a place and a time--Portland, right now--is possibly the poet's most clear and present virtue. By locating humanity within this progressive cultural moment, Dickman's work stands in contrast to current trends among young poets--poets who share Dickman's acknowledgement of technology, the ethos of the progressive left, and the less savory vices that people turn to these days. Elsewhere, blog voice, memes-y language, and digital-era modernity can feel questionably mined; a lot of digging without looking up from the hole to see how a person lives in the world. The contemporary autism of the Muumuu House camp of indie writers has spread far and wide, but not to Dickman. Like other poets who've best defined their generations, he doesn't simply name-drop newness, affect popular voice, and situate himself in contemporary environments-- Lemme just get a little more emphasis on there: Sweeney Todd is a musical about a man who kills people, and makes them into pies. Chris Coleman's new production of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street--the first time Portland Center Stage has ever tackled a Sondheim musical--opens with the ensemble milling about onstage, dressed in rags, only to be scattered by two cops in riot gear. The Occupy imagery is deliberate: "With its themes of the division between the `haves' and the `have-nots,' the story is eerily reminiscent of the political debates we are waging in this country today," writes Coleman in his director's notes. That's super debatable, first of all; second, in framing the show as an allegory for US class tensions, Coleman defangs the character of Todd himself. Sure, Todd is a "have-not"--a poor barber, he was exiled by a rich judge who just wanted to bang his wife; upon returning home, Todd learns that in his absence the judge raped his wife, driving her to suicide. At this point in the story, Todd transforms from a mere have-not into a crazy person who kills people, and makes them into pies. They don't call him a "demon barber" for nothing. But this production's Todd (Aloysius Gigl) when Dickman writes, this Portland, with all its progressive bells and whistles, is a window into the human experience. Here, food carts are passed with irreverence and guns are fired at the moon through strip club doors. God is an absent father and Wu-Tang Clan plays in the canopic pyramids of the heart. Butterfly knives are purchased in childhood memories set on 82nd; absence, specifically the absence of a brother Dickman lost to suicide, is a circadian, present force, appearing in the self-digestive light of stars and heights of skateboards mid-ollie. Mayakovsky's Revolver is as much confessional as it is environmental. Memories of killing a sister's goldfish with the help of a brother; snorting pink topographies of codeine; picking on fat kids behind 7-Eleven. Meanwhile, the physicality of the world--the love expressed in it next to hard memories of the past--arrives as "transcendental credit" in the writer's "back pocket." Love seems to be the only light here, the only respite from "two thousand/friends on Facebook you don't know/but stare at every night because you're lonely," from reminders of the inevitable loss of family, from depression and drugs and everything else that tests our willingness to experience the world. MATT STANGEL is kind of a teddy bear: Look no further than a punny song in which Todd and his accomplice (Gretchen Rumsbaugh) discuss how the flesh of different types of man might taste. Todd has just killed a man, and he's embarking on a plan to kill plenty more, but there's nothing particularly deranged or sinister about the scene--the tone is oddly avuncular, just a dorky little pun fest. Todd himself largely lacks menace, with the exceptions of a few scenes where Gigl's powerful voice is allowed to go full throat. Sweeney Todd features gross rich people taking advantage of poor people; the audience doesn't need its nose rubbed in the fact that our current economic system does too. Moreover, explicit parallels with "current political debates" stall quickly--the text just doesn't support much (Sweeney Todd thinks everybody deserves to die, rich and poor alike). In embracing seriousness and "relevance," this show sacrifices fun. Can't we just enjoy a scary, gory show about a crazy dude who kills people and makes them into pies? It's commendable when theater companies try to engage with the world around them--I just wish Portland Center Stage had found a more fitting vehicle to do so. ALISON HALLETT ARTCHART OUR PICKS OF THE WEEK THERE IS NO FINISH LINE DAN GLUIBIZZI AMPERSAND � 2916 NE ALBERTA � OPENS SEPT 26 Chicago Zinesters--A reading from local and Chicago-based zinesters, including Johnny Misfit, Jill Summers, and Alex Wrekk. Portland Button Works, 1322 N Killingsworth, Thurs Sept 27, 8 pm, portlandbuttonworks.com No Joke Summer--The season finale of the Fixin To's stand-up comedy series, featuring performances from Philip Schallberger, Andrew Michaan, and more. The Fixin' To, 8218 N Lombard, Fri Sept 28, 9 pm, free ART--Theatre Now presents a roving performance of Yasmina Reza's play about two friends arguing over the value of art. Fittingly, it's being performed in galleries citywide. Bullseye Gallery, 300 NW 13th, Fri Sept 28-Sat Sept 29, 7:30 pm, Sun Sept 30, 4 pm, through Oct 21, $15-20, theatrenow.net Live Wire! Radio--Portland's own homegrown live variety show, hosted by Courtenay Hameister, with guests Dan Smith, author of Monkey Mind; Chris Butler, writer/director of Paranorman; and others. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta, 719-6055, Sat Sept 29, 7:30 pm, $18-20 PATRICK WEISHAMPEL Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street Portland Center Stage, Gerding Theater at the Armory, 128 NW 11th, 445-3700, Tues-Sun 7:30 pm, plus Sat-Sun 2 pm, through Oct 21, $39 & up, pcs.org If Not for Kidnap--The Portland poetry series moves out of the living room and into Recess with readings from Farrah Field, Dan Magers, and Jared White. Recess, 1127 SE 10th, Tues Oct 2, 7:30 pm S WEENEY TODD is a musical about a man who kills people, and makes them into pies. PO RTLAN D M E RCU RY.CO M HAS A COMPLETE CALENDAR OF ARTS EVENTS THE LATEST NEWS, ENTERTAINMENT, AND GOSSIP! ONLY ON... Jeff is back at the Sea Tramp! 503.231.9784 Presents skeleton key tattoo 1729 se hawthorne blvd. 503-233-4292 safe, sterile, friendly custom tattoos walk-ins and by appointment PORTLANDMERCURY.COM sCrAPPDX.OrG/RCR CAUTION! THIS IS NOT YOUR MAMA'S CRAFT COMPET THURS ITION! 2 1+ event OCT SPONSORS: come see Portland's best crafters go head-to-head in the ultimate craft smackdown! AN OFFICIAL EVENT OF 18 2 0 1 2 7 30 PM HOllYwOOd THEATRE 4122 NE SANdY Blvd. September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 37 MELISSA DOW The Bus Project and McMenamins Present... READINGS THURSDAY 9/27 DANIEL B. SMITH ARTSCALENDAR AND SO IT GOES... Presidential Debate L AL TS EN EV AR E F VIEWING PARTIES! 2012 TUESDAY Watch ALL of the upcoming Presidential debates with the Mercury on the big screen! OCTOBER 3 (3702 SE Hawthorne) at 6 PM at the BACK STAGE BAR WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 11 (3702 SE Hawthorne) at 6 PM at the BACK STAGE BAR THURSDAY OCTOBER 16 (3702 SE Hawthorne) at 6 PM at the BACK STAGE BAR OCTOBER 22 at the MISSION THEATER MONDAY (1624 NW Glisan) at 6 PM Obama vs. Romney on domestic policy! Joe Biden vs. Vice President Obama vs. Romney Paul Ryan! Congressman "town hall-style" in a Obama vs. Romney The grand finale! debate! on foreign policy! R SHERLOCK HOLMES: THE CASE OF THE HANSOM CAB KILLER Baggy Pants Theater and Fuse Entertainment present their take on the well known, well-interpreted literary character, his partner Dr. Watson, and his housekeeper Mrs. Hudson. Theater! Theatre!, 3430 SE Belmont, Fri Sept 28-Sat Sept 29, 7:30 pm, $10-12 E E ! Monkey Mind is a memoir of life with anxiety, traveling through the multiple layers and pointing out the pain and the absurdity contained within. Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm FRIDAY 9/28 SASQUATCH MAGAZINE RELEASE PARTY A preview of Sasquatch magazine, a collaboration between Austin Kowitz, Wayne Bund, and Greg Kerr, tracking and exposing the legend of the Bigfoot in the Pacific Northwest. Cock Gallery, 625 NW Everett #106, 7 pm Artists Repertory begins their 30th anniversary season with a love letter to the human race by Aaron Posner, adapted from Kurt Vonnegut's short story collection Welcome to the Monkey House. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison, 241-1278, Wed-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Oct 7, $20-50 THE DETECTIVE'S WIFE Hellfire Productions presents a play by Keith Huff, about a woman whose life is upended by the murder of her husband and tries to find some respite by hunting for his killer, only to believe her husband is helping her from beyond the grave. Shoe Box Theater, 2110 SE 10th, 971-244-3740, Sat-Sun 7:30 pm, through Oct 7, $20-35 THEM'S FIGHTIN' WORDS The latest in a series of blue-collar literary readings focused on gritty, grimy, crime-y stories. Featuring readings from Matty Byloos and Robert Lashley. Hosted by Johnny No Bueno. St. Johns Booksellers, 8622 N Lombard, 283-0032, 7 pm LEGALLY BLONDE The Tony Award-winning musical about a gumptious hayseed who does some good in the world through sheer force of sunny disposition, along with the help of her friends, and her yapping little purse-dog. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 248-4335, Sat 2 & 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, Fri 7:30 pm and Thurs Oct 4, 7:30 pm, through Oct 7, $36-64 JACK LEVISON The Holy Spirit for an Inspired Life aims to clarify over two millenia of confusion over the concept of the Holy Spirit. Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 2284651, 7:30 pm SATURDAY 9/29 TRIP FANTASTIC A party celebrating the release of giant-sized issues one and two of a story about the world's greatest stuntman, with creators Jason Baxter, Mac Hamilton, and Derek Charm in attendance. Floating World Comics, 400 NW Couch, 241-0227, 6 pm COMEDY COMEDY IS OK One of Portland's longest running comedy showcases hits the Valentine's stage with performances from Ian Karmel and Anthony Lopez, with hosting, videos, and more by Paul Powell and Andrew Michaan. Valentine's, 232 SW Ankeny, 248-1600, Wed Oct 3, 9:30 pm, free SUNDAY 9/30 CAFE BANNED A panel discussion on electronic books, the difficulties libraries face in making them available to patrons, and how Multnomah County plans to provide access to those e-books. Multnomah County Central Library, 801 SW 10th, 988-5123, 1 pm T! FORGE ON'T AND D The sure to be hilariously fun MERCURY PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION NIGHT PARTY at the Doug Fir on MONDAY, NOVEMBER 6! DANA GOULD Married to a president, father of three adopted children, owner of comic observations hyper-detailed and skewed, a wordsmith bearing weapons multi-barbed and nimble. He's produced and written for The Simpsons and The Ben Stiller Show, and is host of his own bi-weekly podcast The Dana Gould Hour. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, 888-643-8669, Thurs Sept 27, 8 pm, Fri Sept 28, 7:30 & 10 pm and Sat Sept 29, 7:30 & 10 pm, $20-25 WILLIAM L. SULLIVAN The case of D.B. Cooper's Parachute tells the story of Portland detective Neil Ferguson, who not only cracks the case of the famous hijacker, but discovers a crazy secret about how he might have pulled off his heist. Powell's Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills, Beaverton, 228-4651, 7 pm NO PUN INTENDO The next level of Ground Kontrol's stand-up showcase series features headliner Kristine Levine, fresh off her Fat Whore series of shows at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Other performers include Spicy News creator Craig May, Xander Deveaux, Sean Connery, Cody McCullar, and Bri Pruett. Ground Kontrol, 511 NW Couch, 796-9364, Thurs Sept 27, 8 pm, $3 AUTHORS IN PUBS Featuring readings from Shawna Reppert, Brian Tashima, Jennifer Willis, and more, with music from the Consort Symbiotic. Jack London Bar at the Rialto, 529 SW 4th, 227-5327, 7:30 pm, free TUESDAY 10/2 TOM MARSH To the Promised Land: A History of Government and Politics in Oregon is the first comprehensive political history of the state, examining the social and economic changes over the last two centuries. Powell's Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills, Beaverton, 228-4651, 7 pm THE WEEKLY RECURRING HUMOR NIGHT Whitney Streed's exquisite comedy showcase becomes Shane Torres' and Phil Schallberger's birthday extravaganza, featuring performances from Ian Karmel, Sean Jordan, Anthony Lopez, Christian Ricketts, Xander Deveaux, Steven Wilbur, and Zac Toscani. Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy, 238-0543, Wed Oct 3, 9:30 pm WALTER STAHR A reading from Seward: Lincoln's Indispensable Man, a biography of the President's right hand man, who many at the time saw as the real power behind the throne. Annie Bloom's Books, 7834 SW Capitol, 246-0053, 7 pm VISUAL ART 88 STRONG A group show featuring 88 artists, asked to pick from 88 pre-chosen themes, to work with eight 8x8 panels. The show is cash and carry, with each piece priced at $50. Goodfoot, 2845 SE Stark, 239-9292, Thurs Sept 27, 5 pm and Sept 28-Oct 22 STEVEN JOHNSON Future Perfect makes the case that a new political worldview is rising that breaks the conventional categorization of issues into conservative and liberal labels. Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 7:30 pm SOFTCORE APPAREL An installation by artist Brittany Powell, transforming the walls of the Vestibule into life-size American Apparel advertisements, commenting on feminism and the use of sex in ads. The Vestibule, 8371 N Interstate, 984-3189, Thurs Sept 27, 6 pm and Sept 28-Oct 28 WEDNESDAY 10/3 ROSEANNE BARR A two-hour long booksigning by maybe the single most well-known female stand-up comic ever, and author of the essay collection Roseannearchy. Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 2 pm GET'TN TO THE ROOTS OF ALL EVILS An exhibit of fake record covers, re-imagining pre-existing titles, and creating musicians and discographies out of thin air, featuring works from Mingering Mike, Sonny Smith, and Thiam Bellou. Portland Museum of Modern Art, 5202 N Albina, 953-0515, Sept 29-Nov 5 THEATER CAMPAIGN 2012 TEN MINUTE PLAY FESTIVAL A seasonal collaborative event from Monkey With a Hat On, featuring a dozen locally written, campaign themed, 10-minute plays. Someday Lounge, 125 NW 5th, 2481030, Sun Sept 30, 7 pm and Sun Oct 7, 7 pm, $5 SKYWALKER/SKYSCRAPER A new body of work utilizing familiar materials cut, spliced, and sewn together to explore new space informed by a cross-country move from Portland to Brooklyn, NY. PDX Contemporary Art, 925 NW Flanders, 222-0063, Oct 2-27 For a complete calendar of arts events, see portlandmercury.com 38 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 Sold Out The Shoe Store by Marjorie Skinner NORTHEAST ALBERTA has a knack for quietly blossoming small business. The stretch, sitting just far enough uphill to feel a bit like a special trip from other neighborhoods, is one of the city's densest in terms of bars, restaurants, and increasingly retail. This despite the fact that little storefronts seem to appear out of the mist, guaranteed an audience by virtue of place. The Shoe Store (1603 NE Alberta, theshoestorepdx.com) did not go long without notice. Opened in April by Allan Fish and Kelly Dorius, it focuses explicitly on sneakers: bright, popping editions from Saucony and Gola, Puma and Keds, plus cutting-edge new lines from companies like Unstitched Utilities, whose recycled Tyvek designs look like artfully wrinkled, waxy paper, and are actually water resistant and vegan as well as tastefully unusual. With roots in the service industry but no particular direct experience in retail or the shoe industry, Fish and Dorius began the shop as a way to explore what was otherwise a hobby after visits to San Francisco and Seattle yielded a variety of cool sneaker specialty stores, which Portland seemed to lack. "We sent out a bunch of emails to different companies," says Dorius, explaining the natural and rather quick trip from concept to opening day. She took a moment from her duties behind the register to talk about the new venture. MERCURY: Is the emphasis on new designers focusing on vegan and ecoconscious materials and production a reflection of what you're seeing in the industry generally, or is it a specific choice that you're making to highlight? KELLY DORIUS: It's a little bit of both. Saucony is one of our bestsellers, and they just happened to have a vegan line, and it's done really well for us. A lot of it is just the area we're in and the demographic we want to reach. Take Unstitched Utilities, the recycled line made out of Tyvek. We feel like our client is someone who would be interested in that sort of thing. And even though [we wondered because] they're pretty unusual looking, they've ended up doing really well for us, too. Another, the People's Movement, are out of Solana Beach, California, and the shoes that we're carrying from them are the first line they've ever released. They do a beach cleanup in Bali, and like a lot of our brands, have a cool backstory. We kind of picked them because of that, too. You keep a tight focus on sneakers, but you have several walls covered in bright, patterned socks (I don't think I saw a single purely solid color). Tell me about your approach to hosiery. We carry two brands right now, one of which is Socksmith, which are just your basic novelty socks out of California. We also carry Stance, which is a skateboarding brand, and their socks have a lot of extra padding from the heel along the bottom of the foot--they're by far the most FASHION ISAAC HERS THE SHOE STORE UNSTITCHED UTILITIES comfortable socks I own. Theirs tend to be more toned-down patterns, like polka dots and stripes rather than pictures. And little did we know, but a lot of people know about Stance, and basically no one else in town carries them. We've had people come in specifically because they heard we have them. Are a lot of your customers involved in skate culture? When we first opened, we were thinking we were going to have this demographic of mid-20s to mid-30s. And a lot of those people do come in, but as actual buyers, they tend to be women over the age of 50. In the area we're in, there are apparently a lot of women who can afford to buy on impulse, and comfortable shoes come in many shapes and sizes. A lot of our customers will say, "I'll be back after my next paycheck," and I think our store definitely caters more to the younger crowd, but I don't feel like anyone can be too old to shop here. You've also got a ton of art on the walls. Are you rotating that and otherwise getting in on the Last Thursday event scene? We rotate it. I think it's a nice way to fill in the store, and we've done DJs on Last Thursdays. Now that they've stopped closing the street, though, it might be time to change it up. September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 39 Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com Just down the hill from adidas and overlook neighborhood on swan island in north pdx 2738 NE Alberta 40 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 al rno Ferruz o F 503-253-6766 Authentic thin crust pizza made in the traditional Sicilian hot oven baking style za Ghosts in the Kitchen LAST SUPPER Stuck in the Past at the Slide Inn by Chris Onstad EAT IT! THE SLIDE INN was formerly the long- is cut too large, and the result is a very exstanding Italian restaurant Il Piatto. It is in pensive, very unpleasant meal that quickly the same location, it has the same owners, congeals into a gluey mass. Other items in need of reworking are and despite reopening four months ago with a new theme and new look, it is the same the two sole mains that represent the new restaurant. It has the same service flaws, Eastern European direction: the pork wiethe same scattered leadership, and the ner schnitzel ($20) and the stroganoff ($20). Schnitzel should be a large, breaded, golden same confused food. The restaurant can't decide if it wants escalope whose surface shows dynamic texto be a nostalgically hip German lodge or a ture from its time in hot oil. This looked and ate like two small, uniform pan-fried noncommittal "modern American" pan-dietary catchall. Curried tofu- The Slide Inn tilapia fillets, and was plated an2348 SE Ankeny tiseptically with a scoop of horsecarrot brown rice "sausage" exists 236-4997 alongside spaetzle and stroganoff; slideinnpdx.com radish mashed potatoes and green beans. While flavor in a stroganoff is vegan spring rolls leave the kitchen on the same tray as wiener schnitzel. About developed by browning and then braising the half of the main courses are pastas from the beef, this version tasted only braised, with monotonous and mushy texture. The meat, old menu, a worrisome detail. At the center of this discord is the hus- chopped pickle, and sauce were then mixed band-and-wife team who ran Il Piatto for 17 with oversized spaetzle, plated without garyears. The wife eats gluten-free and vegan; nish, and sent to the table looking and tastthe husband is a lifelong chef who trained in ing like monochromatic cafeteria food. It is painful to write this because I beEurope for a decade. What slowly emerges is that these are two different and appar- lieve that the owners have the best intenently incompatible restaurant visions: It is tions. It shows in the time they take to chat quite literally too many cooks in the kitch- with guests, the excellent produce they grow en. Instead of a coherent fusion of the two themselves, the effort they expend to cure (tricky, I admit), it is both parties getting their own meats and bake their own breads. their way, while at the same time being un- Their hamburger ($12) is truly good: It's a thick, charred, hand-formed patty enrobed able to let go of the old restaurant. If the food were great, a funky, family- in melted swiss cheese, served with horserun joint with an eclectic variety of special- radish aioli and good house-made bacon, on ties, it could make for a unique neighbor- a dense but tender bun that stands up to the hood entity. Sadly, the chef would rather juicy contents. Their house-made Hungarspend hours online defending the many ian pork sausage ($8) shows promise--it is years he spent cooking just this kind of richly spiced, and with an easily adjusted food, thank you very much, rather than cooking technique (I sense there is steam or taking an objective look at it and conceding par-boiling before grilling, which toughens that it is sorely in need of updating. Let us the casing), it will be a perfect companion examine the microcosm of details that is the to the homemade sauerkraut and red cabspaghetti carbonara ($17) in order to sup- bage. During one visit, they had even made a plum cake with an abundance of fruit a port that point. The definitive aspect of spaghetti car- neighbor had brought in. I would love to see the Slide Inn take bonara is the sauce, which is created with raw egg yolk, parmesan, and a little starchy on a consultant to help shake it free from pasta water. The hot pasta gently cooks the the haunting vestiges of Il Piatto, focus the egg mixture, resulting in a silken sauce to menu, and solve the fundamental service which small morsels of pancetta cling. Yes, issues (seat people with menus, don't allow raw egg is terrifying stuff. Yes, there are front-of-house to wear soiled jeans, don't ofregional variations in all recipes. But not fer my child "milk from the bar next door" even in Graham Kerr's most liquorsome when I ask if there's anything she can drink, moment did he serve his guests spaghetti und so weiter). It's a handsome place in a swimming in a bowl of molten cream, as brilliant location, but it needs a far more sethey do here. The dish has the dated heavi- rious effort at a fresh start. ness of a bygone era when generosity with A variety of draft German beer and happy this saucier's crutch was a sign of luxury, hour specials make this a serviceable but that era ended decades ago. Add to this location for an after-work pint. a house-made pancetta that tastes old and FIND RESTAURANTS, BARS, AND READER REVIEWS AT PORTLANDMERCURY .COM KATIE SWEZEY Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 41 Grendel's Coffee f House Serving organic coffee Never have to start sentences with "I should've..." 8th & East Burnside 503-595-9550 [ Apply online by September 30 ] 855.855.1961 | www.peacecorps.gov/apply Gerding Theater at the Armory 128 NW Eleventh Avenue 503.445.3700 pcs.org 42 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 Gretchen Rumbaugh and Aloysius Gigl in Sweeney Todd. Photo by Patrick Weishampel. MUSIC AND LYRICS BY STEPHEN SONDHEIM � BOOK BY HUGH WHEELER FROM AN ADAPTATION BY CHRISTOPHER BOND � DIRECTED BY CHRIS COLEMAN SEPTEMBER 18�OCTOBER 21 Tasca & Paul Gulick Helen & Jerry Stern FILM The Perks of Being a Fan How Stephen Chbosky Didn't Ruin Your Favorite Book by Elinor Jones I AM NOT THE PERSON you want to able rights for the last 13 years, tinkering the way they did in the book." It would have sit next to during the Harry Potter mov- with the screenplay himself, until he could been an unsatisfactory response, if Chies. Or The Hunger Games. Or any other eventually put out the movie he wanted for bosky hadn't succeeded in doing just that. In addition to some ace adapting by Chthe fans he valued. He directed adaptation of a wildly popular book. I just sit there, jabbing The Perks of Being the film, too. I recently got to bosky, the kids in this movie play a huge a Wallflower speak with Chbosky, and while hand in making it great. Lerman's Charlie the ribs of whoever's unfortudir. Stephen Chbosky part of me wanted to seem cool is as uncomfortable and sweet as I wanted nate enough to sit next to me, Opens Fri Sept 28 and professional, a bigger part him to be. Miller's Patrick took me a few whispering about what's difVarious Theaters of me--the fan part, the part minutes to understand--he was more out ferent. So after I read--and completely fell in love with--The Perks of that won out--just wanted to know why he there than book-Patrick--but eventually I Being a Wallflower, I dreaded seeing the cut the stuff he cut. Chbosky patiently ex- came around. But it was Watson's turn as movie. I didn't think I could stomach any plained, "I think there are certain people Sam that's the most interesting. There was changes to such a sweet, sad, and trium- who loved the book who will see the movie potential for it to be way too distracting phant story. But guess what? This movie who really will wish I'd put in this scene or to see somebody from Hogwarts with an that scene, but I can assure anybody who American accent in early '90s Pittsburgh, totally worked! I still can't believe it. For the uninitiated (WHY ARE YOU loved the book that if anything's left out, but thankfully, she gives Sam a sweet vulUNINITIATED, YOU SHOULD READ it's left out for a reason, and it was my do- nerability that Hermione never had. ChTHIS BOOK), Perks is about a teenage ing. All I wanted was for people at the end bosky told me one of his favorite moments outcast, Charlie (Logan Lerman), in his of the movie to feel that sense of catharsis, from the movie was watching her transfirst year of high school. His only friend has just killed himself, he dearly misses an aunt who died several years before that, and he pours his heart into letters to a person he's never met. Charlie has the great fortune to befriend stepsiblings Sam (Emma Watson) and Patrick (Ezra Miller) and their band of punk-rock theater nerds who help him have fun and deal with some serious shit. Author Stephen Chbosky had the incredible foresight not to option Perks to the Hollywood machine: He sat on those valu- THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER Hardcore wallflowerin'. formation in a scene that takes place in a tunnel. "It was like she entered the tunnel as Emma Watson and she left the tunnel as Sam.... [Watson] never got to be a kid kid," Chbosky said. "And what I saw on her face in that moment was someone who was absolutely free. Who got to be a kid." Yeah. It's pretty great. Fangirling aside, if you haven't read the book, you've been to high school, so you're gonna relate to this film. The cathartic Perks captures the sometimes-awesome/ always-awkward pains and victories of American teenagerdom in a way that few movies do. Get ready for some flashbacks. For our complete interview with Stephen Chbosky, go to portlandmercury.com/film. GEEK OUT CATHODE RAYS OF NOSTALGIA Portland Retro Gaming Expo Sat Sept 29-Sun Sept 30 Oregon Convention Center More info at retrogamingexpo.com FOR THE PAST six years, the Portland Retro Gaming Expo has been a bright spot on the calendar of Portland gamers--a place to pick up old and hard-to-find cartridges and discs, bathe in the cathode rays of nostalgia, weep for long-dead consoles, and check out panels and tournaments that don't happen any other time of the year. For its seventh year, the Expo's taking it up a notch or two, graduating to the Oregon Convention Center and throwing out some pretty serious attractions: The "Mega-Cade" Arcade--Set up with the help of Portland's videogame Mecca, Ground Kontrol, this is 20,000 square feet of arcade cabinets and pinball machines--they're culled from all over the Northwest, and none of them require quarters. The Tetris World Championships (qualifying round begins Sat Sept 29, 10 am4:30 pm)--I talk a lot of shit about how FUCKING AWESOME I am at Tetris, but even I would be out of my depth here: Anyone with 10 bucks can enter, but only the top 32 will have a chance at the $1,000 first-place prize, not to mention the chance to play against the champs featured in the documentary Ecstasy of Order: The Tetris Masters. Geek Trivia: Videogame Edition (Sat Sept 29, 3:30 pm)--Local podcasters Cort Webber and Bobby "Fatboy" Roberts bring the gaming questions to their ridiculously popular trivia event. Fair warning: Roberts works at the Mercury (DISCLAIMER), and he's smarter than everyone else here. Except for me. Also, compared to me, he sucks at Tetris. Atari 2600 Programmer Series (Sat Sept 29, 11 am)--David Crane and Garry Kitchen are on a panel! Okay, they aren't household names, but their works are: Crane co-founded Activision and designed Pitfall! , for chrissakes, while Kitchen's the one who adapted Donkey Kong for the 2600. Interesting? Yes. A chance to thank these dudes for improving your childhood by a factor of one million? Yes. ERIK HENRIKSEN Seeing Double Looper: Time Traveling for Fun and Profit! by Erik Henriksen FILM Hell, on paper, Looper 's premise sounds "THIS TIME-TRAVEL SHIT just fries your brain like an egg," says Looper 's badass: Time travel doesn't exist yet, but schlubby crime boss, Abe (Jeff Daniels), it does in the future. And in the future, one surefi re way for criminals to disand he's right: Time-travel Looper pose of problematic individuals movies usually don't make a dir. Rian Johnson is to send them into the past-- hell of a lot of sense. So here, Opens Fri Sept 28 where an assassin known as a right off the bat, is one of the Various Theaters "looper" is ready and waiting. many great things about Looper: It dispenses with the head-scratching Problematic individual gets zapped into early on, fully aware that paradoxes will the past, the looper shoots 'em and pockbewilder and that space-time is a pretty ets the silver that's taped to their body, iffy playground, but that even so, there's a and--space-time having been thoroughly lot of fun to be had. Looper 's crazy smart, exploited--the looper proceeds to blow his but--unlike, say Inception --you won't silver on cars, drugs, girls. Joe (Joseph spend its runtime trying to glue together Gordon-Levitt) is a looper, and while he's its logic. You'll just be enjoying the mov- arrogant, strung-out, and selfish, he's also ie. Because all you need to know to enjoy pretty content with his crappy life--until Looper is that actions have consequenc- his next victim, Joe (Bruce Willis), zaps into place. The two Joes are the same Joe, es--and Looper is an action movie. But Looper is "just" an action movie the same way Brick was "just" a noir, or The Brothers Bloom was "just" a heist fl ick: All three were written and directed by Rian Johnson, and with each, Johnson appropriates the skeleton of a genre, then fleshes it out in astonishingly clever ways. On paper, there's no way Brick, a grim murder mystery set in a SoCal high school, should've been so gorgeous and heartbreaking; on paper, The Brothers Bloom's heist shouldn't have so easily blossomed into a hilarious, sweet romance. And on paper, Looper 's premise-- LOOPER BUT WHICH ONE IS BRUCE WILLIS?!?! separated by 30 hard years--and Cranky Old Joe has no intention of letting Young Jackass Joe take him out. It's a slick setup, and most fi lmmakers would be content to leave it at that--but Johnson, true to form, blows it out in bigger, weirder directions. Looper riffs on other sci-fi fl icks--most notably The Terminator --but ends up feeling surprising, focused, intense, and original. Looper 's world--with technology that feels tangible, where America's class divide is split even wider, where a vault of blood-splattered silver still can't solve your mommy and/or daddy issues--is, like the lonely football field of Brick or the madcap Europe of The Brothers Bloom, a hell of a place to visit. And if there's one thing most of the people who live there can agree on-- in between their shootouts, anyway--it's that predicting the future is a fool's errand. Which maybe makes me a fool to admit that I'm already excited for Johnson's next movie. But I don't think so. Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 43 8028 SE Stark Street, Portland, OR � 503.261.1180 � www.tubandtan.com portlandmercury.com/hump Photo by Michael J Demeo Tickets go on sale Tuesday October 2 at 6AM! 11/8 -- 11/11 at Cinema 21� 616 NW 21st Ave 44 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 Gaybies, Vampires, or Nerds Succinct Reviews for the Discerning Cinephile Portland Lesbian and Gay Film Festival dirs. Various Fri Sept 28-Sat Oct 6 Cinema 21 More info at plgff.org Th k in B e fo re Yo u T o p. FILM THIS YEAR'S Portland Lesbian and Gay Film Fest opens with Jonathan Lisecki's Gayby, an affable little movie about two best friends--a gay man and a straight woman--who decide to make a baby. It's a sugarcoated take on the redefi nition of the modern family, sure, but it's appealingly stuffed with cute, comicbook-loving gay dudes and sharply written best-friend banter. A bolder offering is I Want Your Love, the super-explicit (exploding penises everywhere!) story of Jesse, an artist pre- ny." Nutshell: Dracula (voiced by Adam Sandler) builds a hotel to give monsters a place to relax without human intervention, as well as protecting his vampire daughter (Selena Gomez) from the outside world. A human hippie comes along (Andy Samberg) pretending to be a monster, but falls in love with the daughter while teaching the other monsters that humans aren't so bad, and--DO YOU SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING? While this CGI fl ick has a pretty good pedigree (directed by The Powerpuff Girls' Genndy Tartakovsky, with a screenplay co-written by SNL's Robert Smigel), Hotel Transylvania inspired yet another kid sitting near me to opine, "I want to go home now." Ah, the wisdom of children. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY ww try es w.c for ityo fvancouver.us/urban Ge t t h e Fa c t s . HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA Adam Sandler's triumphant return to--wait. Never mind. :( paring to pack up his life in San Francisco and move back home to Ohio, where he plans to save some money and hopefully discover an alternative to the San Francisco scene that no longer inspires him. (Cue despondent Googling of "Columbus performance art scene.") Meanwhile, his friends and exes hook up and fall in love-- it feels like a counterpoint to last year's charming gay love story Weekend, which also screened at the fest. Also on the menu: A pair of documentaries--Trans and Sister Paula: The Trans Evangelist, about Portland evangelist/onetime Darcelle's performer Paula Nielsen (ne� Larry)--that serve as a reminder that while the festival's title only name-checks lesbians and gays, its offerings are all inclusive. ALISON HALLETT Liberal Arts dir. Josh Radnor Opens Fri Sept 28 Living Room Theaters Hotel Transylvania dir. Genndy Tartakovsky Opens Fri Sept 28 Various Theaters MY CONVERSATION with a seven-yearold kid after exiting Hotel Transylvania: ME: Soooo... what did you think? KID: It was good. ME: Did you think it was funny? KID: No. And that is the problem with children. Because of their age, they are basically tasteless--despite adages that tout their "innocent wisdom." They like any movie, because any movie is still better than being told to eat boiled asparagus. However, they do know "funny," and Hotel Transylvania isn't anything like "fun- ADULTHOOD AND MATURITY don't necessarily go hand in hand, a point charmingly made in the offbeat new love story Liberal Arts. But don't mistake this for another story of a sad white person who can't grow up--Liberal Arts is lighthearted but thoughtful, a romantic comedy for the bookloving set. Jesse (Josh Radnor) is a grown-ass man choked with nostalgia for his college years, for a life of books and conversation and not worrying about paying rent. When he returns to his prestigious Ohio college to attend a going-away gala for a favorite professor, a chance meeting with 19-year-old Zibby (Elizabeth Olsen) results in an awkward, inappropriate (but legal!) attraction. She's a drama kid who's just learned the "yes rule" in improv class, while 35-year-old Jesse isn't sure he should just-say-yes to banging a girl 16 years his junior. Josh Radnor--who wrote, directed, and stars in the fi lm--is generous with his characters. Zibby is precocious and poised, but she's also 19, which means she really doesn't know anything about anything. Jesse's mixed up and mired in nostalgia, but he's not a bad guy--and two much older professors serve as cautionary tales, as Jesse figures out he doesn't want to be in college anymore after all. Liberal Arts is a disarming, funny little look at nostalgia, aging, and what it means to be an adult. ALISON HALLETT portlandmercury.com Mesmerizing! Striking! - Oregon Public Broadcasting - The Oregonian The New I, Anonymous Blog Read a Rant! Post a Rant! Gloriously creative! -Portland Monthly OCT. 5 to NOV. 4 Excellent! Dazzling! - Willamette Week - Oregon Arts Watch 17 SE 8th IM PROD ST: 503.224.8499, ti ins nudity D E M I . Conta CLA .9581 or TICKETSWE C 5 - $30 A s 1 $ S ts ' e for adult 31 Tick AGO mended : 503.2 IMAGO Recom TURNS E R N O st.com UCTI cketswe September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 45 LOW-COST BANKRUPTCY FREE CONSULTATION Kelly K. Brown Bankruptcy attorney www.kellybrown.com 503�224�4124 Bankruptcy attorney since 1983 evening and weekend appointments We are a debt relief agency. We help people file for bankruptcy under the Bankruptcy Code. 520 SW Yamhill � Suite 420 � Portland 97204 Ukes Lots O' FILM SHORTS PITCH PERFECT B-MOVIE BINGO The Hollywood's series features B-movies, with the audience marking down clich�s on a custom-made bingo card. This time around: Gladiator Cop, in which policeman Lorenzo Lamas "discovers that he is Alexander the Great reincarnated." Hollywood Theatre. piece--but upon viewing, one quickly realizes that Paul Thomas Anderson is reaching for much more. Rather than heaping scorn on a pseudo-faith, Anderson's film is a gorgeously filmed rumination on human need: the need to be self-aware, the need to be accepted, the need to be loved. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY Various Theaters. THE BROOKLYN BROTHERS BEAT THE BEST Alex (writer/director Ryan O'Nan) has a beard and sings depressing acoustic guitar songs for disabled children while dressed in a pink moose suit, until he punches one of them in the face. Should I go on? Okay. Jim (Michael Weston) is a children's-instrument-playing stranger who pulls the old tackle and force bond on Alex and tells him they need to go on tour as a duo. Alex says no, but then says YES and they hit the road in a tiny crouton car! The Brooklyn Brothers Beat the Best is a fine tweech� (Twee + clich�! Proud of that one!) take on a never-believable formula--a Wes Anderson sprinkle here, a Judd Apatow twist there, and the same exact script as Coyote Ugly (without the bartender strippers or John Goodman). EMILY NOKES Hollywood Theatre. THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER See Film, this issue. Various Theaters. PITCH PERFECT Bridesmaids' female-driven raunch trickles down to college in Pitch Perfect, a deeply derivative yet totally enjoyable teen movie about a college a capella group. Essentially Glee with swearing and vagina jokes, this movie has about a billion problems, and I don't care about any of them because SONG BATTLES. Bonus: Anna Kendrick is utterly adorable as an angsty wannabe record producer, and Elizabeth Banks is great as a cheerfully bitter contest announcer. ALISON HALLETT Various Theaters. PORTLAND LESBIAN & GAY FILM FESTIVAL See Film, this issue. Cinema 21. THE COLOR OF POMEGRANATES Sergei Parajanov's biography of Armenian troubadour Sayat Nova, told largely without dialogue or camera movement. Is your attention span man enough to handle it? Clinton Street Theater. RADIO UNNAMEABLE A doc about New York DJ Bob Fass, and the first film in the Northwest Film Center's Voices in Action: Human Rights on Film series. Northwest Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium. THE CROW Shit, man, it's like the Lloyd Center Hot Topic up in here. Laurelhurst Theater. SHADOWS OF FORGOTTEN ANCESTORS Sergei Parajanov 1966 drama, based on the book by Mykhailo "Mikey" Kotsiubynsky. It's like Romeo and Juliet, but set in the Carpathians! Clinton Street Theater. DANGEROUS DESIRES: The Northwest Film Center's noir series. This week's films: Caught, High Wall, 99 River Street, Loophole, and The Naked Alibi. More info: "Unusual Suspects" ( Mercury , Sept 13), nwfilm.org. Northwest Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium. FILM NOIR CLASSICS AN EVENING WITH LAWRENCE JOHNSON Selected short works from Portland filmmaker Lawrence Johnson, as well as a live show from performance art group Thringst. Northwest Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium. HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA See review this issue. Various Theaters. STARS IN SHORTS Stars in Shorts is a collection of short films starring famous actors; it is not about famous people wearing shorts. Still, give it a chance! There are some gems. Not Your Time, with Jason Alexander as a failing musical writer, is hilarious and great. Julia Stiles, who I am mad at because of what I perceive she did to Dexter, is annoyingly fantastic in Sexting. In Friend Request Pending, Judi Dench is all cute and old and British about social networking and even though it was cutesy, it was maybe my favorite. Aside from some weird stuff with kids--it's fun for me to be vague about that--this is an enjoyable batch of stories starring an enjoyable batch of actors. Even if they were all wearing pants. ELINOR JONES Hollywood Theatre. invite you and a guest to a 3d advance screening! KILLER JOE For most people, the term "guilty pleasure" means enjoying something that isn't very good--but I'd rather apply it to a film like William Friedkin's Killer Joe, a scuzzball delight fueled by an uncomfortable morality and an unapologetic sense of its own depravity. There's much in Killer Joe that you shouldn't giggle at, be thrilled by, or do anything but turn away from in revulsion. The fact that Friedkin's expert storytelling makes you reject your own instincts and stick with his desultory crime picture may weigh on your conscience a little, but it's worth the karma points. JAMIE S. RICH Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater. LIBERAL ARTS See review this issue. Living Room Theaters. LOOPER See review this issue. Various Theaters. THE MASTER It's the end of World War II, and ex-sailor Freddie Quell (Joaquin Phoenix) is a goddamn drunk. He's also vengeful, hypersexual, and perhaps (or perhaps not) an involuntary murderer. Something needs to give, and so enters Lancaster Dodd (played by Philip Seymour Hoffman), the "master" of a startup religion/self-help cult called "The Cause" (played by Scientology). For Dodd, Quell is the perfect patient/guinea pig; an "animal" who, once his "ancient trauma" is revealed though tests, study, and psychological torture, will hopefully graduate to a higher order of human... the human we were created to be. One is tempted to gleefully approach The Master as the cinematic counterpart to a juicy Vanity Fair hit TORSE Since the final run of his company in 2011, discussions of the late choreographer Merce Cunningham have been everywhere. Evidence of this is a screening by Cinema Project this week, who begin their year-long residency at the Yale Union with Charles Atlas' Torse. 1977's Torse is in part a documentation of a difficult Cunningham dance, but it's also a testament to his iconic style--a bridge between ballet and contemporary dance, with the footwork of the former and the upper body of the latter. Cinema Project will screen a newly restored version of the film in HD, all the better to see all the fine movements in tip-top form. JENNA LECHNER YU Contemporary. WALLS OF SOUND: A LOOK INSIDE THE HOUSE OF RECORDS Monday, October 1 7:00 PM � Tigard For your chance to win a mobile pass good For two admissions, text sParKy and your ziP code to 43549 (ex. sparKy 98109) must enter by 5 p.m. on sunday, september 30! Rated PG for thematic elements, scary images and action. � 2012 Disney Enterprises, Inc. David Dracon's documentary is about Eugene, Oregon's House of Records, but it could be about any one of the struggling mom-and-pop record stores still valiantly carrying the torch after the music industry's spectacular flame-out. Amongst over-crammed shelves and boxes stuffed with moldering records, the store's clerks and customers talk about why the place matters to 'em. (Short version: You can't hug an MP3, or roll a joint on it.) Appealingly lo-fi and unpretentious, Walls of Sound is worthwhile even if it merely spurs a trip to your neighborhood record store. Director in attendance. NED LANNAMANN Clinton Street Theater. WON'T BACK DOWN This is one of those movies about inspirational teachers inspiring their students! We did not send anyone to review it because we got distracted watching the "Gangsta's Paradise" video Coolio did for Dangerous Minds. Various Theaters. No phone calls please. No purchase necessary. Must be 13 years of age or older to enter. Texting services provided by 43KIX and are free. Standard text message rates from your wireless provider may apply. Check your plan. One entry per cell phone #. Late and/or duplicate entries will not be considered. 40 (forty) winners will be chosen at random on or about 11am on Monday, October 1, 2012 and will receive a text good for two admissions. Limit one admit-two pass per person. THEATRE IS OVERBOOKED TO ENSURE A FULL HOUSE. A winning text does NOT guarantee a seat. Seating is on a first-come, first-served basis. Void where prohibited by law. COMING TO LIFE IN 3D OCTOBER 5! Disney.com/Frankenweenie | Facebook.com/FrankenweenieMovie | Twitter.com/DisneyPictures MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. THEATER LOCATIONS ARE ACCURATE FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 28-THURSDAY OCTOBER 4, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. FILM TIMES AND SHORTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM. 46 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 Wednesday, October 3 7:00 PM � Seattle LISTINGS ARE GOOD FRIDAY- THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 28-OCTOBER 4 UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. MOVIE TIMES PORTLANDMERCURY.COM MOVIE TIMES ARE UPDATED DAILY AT Trouble with the Curve Fri-Thurs (12:25, 3:25), 6:10, 8:45 Won't Back Down Fri-Thurs (12:15, 3:15), 6:15, 8:50 Portland's Historic non-Profit tHeatre enter taining Por tl and since 1926 Southeast Academy Theater 7818 SE Stark, 252-0500 Downtown Fifth Avenue Cinema 510 SW Hall, 725-3551 The Avengers Fri-Thurs 1:50, 6:50 The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Fri-Thurs 2, 6:35 Brave Fri 2:40, 4:40, 7:15; Sat-Sun 11:40, 2:40, 4:40, 7:15; Mon-Thurs 2:40, 4:40, 7:15 Ice Age: Continental Drift Fri 4:30; Sat-Sun 12, 4:30; Mon-Thurs 4:30 Killer Joe Fri-Thurs 9:10 Prometheus Fri-Thurs 9:45 Total Recall Fri 4:50, 9:25; Sat-Sun 12:10, 4:50, 9:25; Mon-Thurs 4:50, 9:25 4122 NE SaNdy BoulEvard EVENT HOTLINE: (503) 493-1128 now servInG Beer & wIne. All AGes stIll AdmItted! Adaptation Fri-Sat 7, 9:30; Sun 3 Living Room Theaters 341 SW 10th, 971-222-2005 Avalon 1:10, 3, 7 3451 SE Belmont, 238-1617 Arbitrage Fri-Thurs 11:50, 2:15, 4:40, 7:30, 9:45 Beasts of the Southern Wild Fri-Thurs 12:10, 2:40, 4:50, 7:15, 9:20 Dredd 3D Fri-Tues 12, 2:05, 4:30, 6:45, 9; Wed 12, 2:05, 9; Thurs 12, 2:05, 4:30, 6:45, 9 For A Good Time Call... Fri 10:05; Sat-Thurs 4, 10:05 Liberal Arts Fri-Thurs 12:20, 2:50, 5:10, 7:45, 9:50 ParaNorman 3D Fri 11:40, 6, 8:10; Sat-Tues 11:40, 1:50, 6, 8:10; Wed 11:40, 1:50; Thurs 11:40, 1:50, 6, 8:10 Presidential Debates Wed 6 Sleepwalk with Me Fri-Thurs 12:30, 2:30, 5, 7, 9:10 The Avengers Fri-Thurs 7:30 Brave Fri 1:10, 3, 7; Sat 11:15 am, 1:10, 3, 7; Sun-Thurs Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days Fri-Thurs 5:45 Ice Age: Continental Drift Fri-Thurs 12:30, 2:15, 4 Ted Fri-Thurs 10:05 Total Recall Fri-Thurs 4:50, 8:50 eXotIC world & THE BURLESQUE REVIVAL SaTurday SEpT 29 � 7:30pm NW doCuMENTary SErIES PortlAnd PremIere! +Q&a WITh loCal fIlMMakErS Courtney HermAnn & KerrIBetH ellIot! Back Stage Bar 3702 SE Hawthorne, 236-9234 Presidential Debates Wed 6 Northwest Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium 1219 SW Park, 221-1156 Bagdad Theater 3702 SE Hawthorne, 225-5555 99 River Street Sat 9:15 Caught Fri 7 An Evening with Lawrence Johnson Wed 7 High Wall Sat 7 Loophole Sun 5 The Naked Alibi Sun 7 Radio Unnameable Thurs 7 The Avengers Sun-Tues 8:25 Brave Sat-Sun 2, 6; Mon-Tues 6 Jackpot Film Festival Fri 8 Moulin Rouge Sing-Along Sat 9:30 Reel Rock Film Tour Wed-Thurs 7 THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES IN HeCKlevIsIon your teXts & CommentAry APPeAr on sCreen In reAl-tIme As tHe CAndIdAtes duKe It out! wednesdAy oCtoBer 3 � 6:00 pm See the Mercury movie section for showtimes, and visit our NEW website ThE holly Wood ThEaTrE & dESChuTES BrEWINg prESENT Cinemagic Pioneer Place Stadium 6 340 SW Morrison, 800-326-3264 2021 SE Hawthorne, 231-7919 Moonrise Kingdom Fri-Sat 5:30, 7:35, 9:40; Sun 3:25, 5:30, 7:35; Mon-Thurs 5:30, 7:35 Hotel Transylvania Fri-Sun (1), 4, 7 Hotel Transylvania 3D Fri-Sun 9:30 Won't Back Down Fri-Sun (1:15), 4:15, 7:15, 10 Showtimes incomplete at press time, see portlandmercury.com for updated times Clinton Street Theater 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899 Northeast Hollywood Theatre 4122 NE Sandy, 281-4215 The Color of Pomegranates Fri-Wed 9 Must Come Down Sat 3:30 Rocky Horror Picture Show Sat 11:30 pm Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors Fri-Wed 7 Walls of Sound: A Look Inside the House of Records Thurs 8 (director in attendance) w w w .H o l l y w o o d T H e a T r e . org Regal Division Street 16603 SE Division, 800-326-3264 B-Movie Bingo Tues 7:30 Babe Sat-Sun 2 Beasts of the Southern Wild Fri 7:15, 9:15; Sat 2:30, 7:15; Sun 2:30, 7:15, 9:15; Mon 7:15, 9:15; Tues 7:15; Wed 7:15, 9:15; Thurs 7:15 The Brooklyn Brothers Beat the Best Fri 9; Sat-Sun 5, 9; Mon-Thurs 9 Hecklevision: Presidential Debates Wed 6:30 Moonrise Kingdom Fri 9:30; Sat 5:15, 9:30; Sun 5:15, 7:30, 9:30; Mon 7:30, 9:30; Tues-Wed 9:30; Thurs 7:30, 9:30 Stars in Shorts Fri 7; Sat-Sun 2:15, 4:45, 7; Mon-Thurs 7 Showtimes incomplete at press time, see portlandmercury.com for updated times Milwaukie Cinemas 11011 SE Main, 653-2222 Portland Mercury's Cocktail Compass The Amazing Spider-Man 3D Fri-Thurs 8:55 Brave Fri-Thurs (1:10) Brave 3D Fri (2:50), 7; Sat (11:10 am, 2:50), 7; Sun-Thurs (2:50), 7 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days Fri-Thurs (3:05) Ice Age: Continental Drift Fri 6:45; Sat (11:20 am), 6:45; Sun-Thurs 6:45 Kennedy School 5736 NE 33rd, 249-7474 Brave Fri-Mon 5:30; Tues 2:30; Wed-Thurs 2:30, 5:30 Diary of a Wimpy Kid Sat-Sun 12:30 Ice Age: Continental Drift Fri-Mon 3 Ted Fri-Sat 10:15 Total Recall Fri-Mon 7:45; Wed-Thurs 7:45 Ice Age: Continental Drift 3D Fri-Thurs (1) Madagascar 3 3D Fri-Thurs (4:40) Ted Fri-Thurs (4:45) Total Recall Fri-Thurs 8:30 YU Contemporary Torse Sat-Sun 9 800 SE 10th Ave, 236-7996 Laurelhurst Theater 2735 E Burnside, 232-5511 Northwest Cinema 21 616 NW 21st, 223-4515 The Avengers Fri 3:50, 6:45; Sat-Sun 1, 3:50, 6:45; Mon-Thurs 6:45 The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Fri 6:30; Sat-Sun 1:15, 6:30; Mon-Tues 6:30; Thurs 6:30 Brave Fri 4:30; Sat-Sun 1:30, 4:30 Celeste and Jesse Forever Fri-Thurs 7:30 The Crow Fri-Thurs 9:40 Ice Age: Continental Drift Sat-Sun 1:45 Killer Joe Fri-Thurs 9:30 Safety Not Guaranteed Fri-Sun 4:20, 7:15, 9:15; MonThurs 7:15, 9:15 Total Recall Fri-Sun 4, 9:05; Mon-Thurs 9:05 Portland Lesbian & Gay Film Festival Fri-Thurs See plgff.org for showtimes Mission Theater 1624 NW Glisan, 223-4527 It's like a GPS-- for your liver. Now for both iPhone and Android! The Avengers Sun 2:30, 8; Tues 8 To Rome With Love Sun 5:30; Tues 5:30 Lloyd Mall 8 15 Lloyd Center, 800-326-3264 The Bourne Legacy Fri-Thurs (12:05, 3:05), 6:05, 9:05 The Dark Knight Rises Fri-Thurs (12:05, 3:35), 7 Hotel Transylvania Fri-Thurs (12:10, 12:30, 3, 3:20, 3:30), 6:30, 8:30, 9 Hotel Transylvania 3D Fri-Thurs (12), 6 Lawless Fri-Thurs 6:05, 8:55 The Odd Life of Timothy Green Fri-Thurs (12:20, 3:10) The Possession Fri-Thurs 6:20, 8:40 September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 47 SAVAGE LOVE All's Fair in Love and War by Dan Savage I was wondering what you think about the Folsom Street Fair, the annual gay leather/ fetish/BDSM street fair in San Francisco. Do you think it is still a socially relevant display? Or do you think that in this time when we are fi ghting for civil rights and equality that it does more harm than good? Better Displaying San Francisco I'm pretty sure that the Folsom Street Fair remains socially relevant--and highly so--to folks in the leather/fetish/BDSM scene in San Francisco. It's also relevant to anyone who believes in freedom of sexual expression. (For an idea of what Folsom looks like, and to see the scale of the thing, search for "Folsom Street Fair" on YouTube.) And it's important to emphasize that the Folsom Street Fair, which took place last weekend, isn't exclusively gay. Thousands of straight kinksters attend every year. About the only difference between the straight attendees and the queer ones is that no one claims that the kinky straight people at Folsom make all heterosexuals everywhere look like sex-crazed sadomasochists. (For the record: Sex-crazed sadomasochists are my favorite kind of sadomasochists.) Straight people, of course, aren't fighting for their fundamental civil rights. Kinky straights can marry in all 50 states, after all, and no one is pledging to kick kinky straights out of the armed forces or to write anti-kinky-straight bigotry into the US Constitution. So maybe it's not the same -- maybe it's not as politically risky--when straight people come out in bondage gear, leather chaps, and pony masks. But straight people are a big part of Folsom, too. But you didn't ask about kinky straight people. You wondered if the Folsom Street Fair was harming the struggle for LGBT equality. The Folsom Street Fair has taken place on a Sunday in September in San Francisco every year since 1984. Pride parades have been taking place on a Sunday in June in cities all over the country since the early 1970s. And every year, we hear from concern trolls about the damage that's supposedly being done to the LGBT rights movement by all those drag queens, go-go boys, dykes, and leather guys at Pride or Folsom or International Mr. Leather. But everyone acknowledges--even our enemies--that the gay rights movement has made extraordinary strides in the 43 years since the Stonewall Riots in New York City. We're not all the way there yet, we have yet to secure our full civil equality, but the pace of progress has been unprecedented in the history of social justice movements. The women's suffrage movement, for example, was launched in the United Sates in 1848. It took more than 70 years to pass the 19th Amendment, which extended the vote to women. In 1969, at the time of the Stonewall Riots, gay sex was illegal in 49 states. Gay sex is now legal in every US state, gay marriage is legal in six states and our nation's capital (and in all of Canada), and gays, lesbians, and bisexuals can serve openly in the military. (The armed forces still discriminate against trans people.) And we've made this progress despite fierce opposition from the religious right, a deadly plague that wiped out a generation of gay men, and--gasp--all those leather guys at Folsom and the go-go boys and drag queens at Pride. We couldn't have come so far, so fast if Folsom or Pride parades were harming our movement. And I would argue that leather guys, dykes on bikes, go-go boys, and drag queens have actually helped our movement, BDSF. They demonstrate to all people that our movement isn't just about the freedom to be gay or straight. Our movement is about the freedom to be whatever kind of straight, gay, lesbian, bi, or trans person you want to be. And freedom, as Dick Cheney famously said, means freedom for everyone--from pantsuit-wearing POS sellouts like Mary Cheney and Chris Barron to kinky straight people and hot gay boys in harnesses. I don't think it's a coincidence that cities with big Pride parades and events like Folsom are more tolerant and more accepting of sexual minorities than cities that don't have big gay parades and fetish street fairs. If an event like Folsom were actually counterproductive, BDSF, you would expect San Francisco to be less tolerant and less likely to back equal rights for sexual minorities, not more likely. And fi nally, BDSF, any attempt to shut down the Folsom Street Fair--or to ban drag queens, go-go boys, dykes on bikes, or leather guys from Pride parades--would be so poisonously divisive that it would do more harm to our movement than 1,000 Folsom Street Fairs ever could. I'm a female in a relationship with a male. My boyfriend recently told me that he bought a set of butt plugs for himself. He said he's happy to use them alone if I'm not interested. I don't mind the idea of him using them when we are together, and I would also be more than willing to peg him if he wanted me to, but I hesitate to tell him. I'm worried this will lead to him suggesting we play in my anal territory, and I am really uncomfortable with this idea. I have IBS; my lower digestive tract and I don't get on well. I do not trust my body enough to feel comfortable trying JOE NEWTON that, and I don't think I could look my boyfriend in the eye again if he put a finger up my butt and something terrible happened. I know when it comes to guys wanting anal sex, your stand is that he should take it first if he wants to give it. So if I am unwilling to take it in return, do I forfeit any right to do my boyfriend with a strap-on? I'm Being Selfi sh? Turnabout is fair play and reciprocity is important, yes, but a person can have a legit physical limitation that makes certain sorts of reciprocal turnabouting impossible. Such is the case with you and your butt. You have a perfectly good reason to avoid being on the receiving end of anal play, IBS, and I can't imagine that your boyfriend--who is obviously interested in his end receiving regardless of whether yours does--is going to object to your offer to plug him or peg his ass even if he isn't allowed to plug, peg, or fuck yours. Yes, Dan, there are still plenty of straight guys out there who are put off by women who go "too fast," and oral sex on the first date is typically perceived as too fast. It's part of a misogynist mindset, IMHO, that says women who are too sexually assertive are not "relationship material." Or maybe it's some ancient male fear of the insatiable nympho who will drain his male power by overwhelming him sexually. Or, more generously, maybe these men think going too fast just speaks to poor judgment (although straight men rarely apply that logic to themselves). Whatever the cause, I've experienced it myself, and I found the solution to be to date more sex-positive feminist men who take responsibility for their half of the pacing. I've found that feminist men actually appreciate women who are sexually assertive while many non-feminist men are happy to accept the attentions of sexually assertive women while at the same time harboring contempt for us. The Happy Whore Thanks for sharing, THW. Find the Savage Lovecast at thestranger.com/savage. email@example.com @fakedansavage on Twitter Visit us at www.taboovideo.com for m e specials and events or TABOOVIDEO .COM PORTLAND Open 24/7 2330 SE 82nd Ave 503-777-6033 PORTLAND BROADWAY 311 NW Broadway 503-227-3443 48 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 COUPONS AVAILABLE ONLINE AT: PORTLAND MLK Open 24/7 237 SE MLK Jr. Blvd 503-239-1678 VANCOUVER, WA Open 24/7 4811 NE 94th Ave 360-254-1126 Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com ITELEVISION by Wm.TM Steven Humphrey FOR SOME WEIRD REASON, I've never been invited to moderate a presidential debate. The first of three debates between President Obama and "Golden Mittens" Romney is scheduled for this coming Wednesday, October 3 (6 pm, all major networks), and if I were asked to moderate, I'm purrrr-etty sure I'd have a lot to offer! The way I see it, I'd bring up important subjects that are rarely discussed in the realm of political debate. SUCH AS: (1) What is UP with the new Tony's frozen "Macaroni & Cheese Pizza"? Have you seen this? IT'S A REAL THING. It's a grocery store pizza, except instead of toppings, it's covered with frozen macaroni and cheese. And I think I speak for the rest of the American populace in saying, THAT AIN'T RIGHT. Now, I'm not saying that this Macaroni & Cheese Pizza is worse than the Holocaust--because that would be insulting to Hitler. He'd be like, "DUDE. I admit I hated Jews, Poles, and the gays--but Tony's Pizza hates EVERYBODY. Macaroni & Cheese Pizza? Man. That's ice cold." Therefore, Tony's Macaroni & Cheese Pizza is NOT worse than the Holocaust. (But it is worse than anything that happened in Darfur.) (2) What do you, as the potential next leader of the free world, plan to do about this Tony's Macaroni & Cheese Pizza problem? Do you plan to (a) launch a nuclear strike on the Tony's Pizza factory, (b) increase production of these frozen abominations and airdrop them into Iran, or (c) buy one from your grocer's freezer, take it home, bake it, and eat the shit out of it? OH! Or (d) all of the above? (3) Which of the following new TV shows debuting this week should be poisoned to death by a Tony's Macaroni & Cheese Pizza: (a) Last Resort (ABC, Thurs Sept 27, 8 pm). Homicide: Life on the Street's Andre Braugher is the captain of a US nuclear sub ordered to bomb the poop out of Pakistan--but when he refuses? The government tries to sink him! (Umm... TM Mac & Cheese Pizza? VOTE NO! Portland Salem 503.299.9911 FREE to listen & reply to ads! 503.689.8080 FREE CODE: Portland Mercury For other local numbers call: 1-888-MegaMatesTM 24/7 Customer Care 1(888) 634.2628 18+ �2012 PC LLC 2349 WHY WAIT � Hookup TONIGHT! FREE TO TRY excuse me, but nobody sinks Andre Braugher!!) Obviously, there's nothing else to do except invade a tiny island where Andre Braugher sets up his own benevolent dictatorship, and... OMG, THIS IS THE WEIRDEST IDEA FOR A SHOW EVARRRRRR!! I'm pretty sure its creator ate the newest Tony's frozen pizza (Macaroni & Cheese & Crank). (b) Elementary (CBS, Thurs Sept 27, 10 pm). Not at all based on the success of the extremely awesome British series Sherlock (because why would it be?), Elementary stars Jonny Lee Miller as recovering addict Holmes, and Lucy Liu (Charlie's Angels) as his sober assistant, "Dr. Joan Watson." In a related story, Tony's Macaroni & Cheese Pizza tried to imitate a real pizza--with unfortunate results. (c) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Nickelodeon, Sat Sept 29, 11 am). A reboot of the pretty crappy Ninja Turtle franchise from the struggling kids' network Nickelodeon. In their defense, while the Ninja Turtles love pizza, even they think Tony's Macaroni & Cheese Pizza is a "Cowabungle." (GET IT?!? Oh sweet Jesus, I'm funny!!) Presidential debate committee? I await your invitation. JEREMY EATON UNLIMITED VIP MEMERSHIP $19 FOR 1 WEEK 503-222-CHAT VANCOUVER 360-696-5253 EVERETT 425-405-CHAT TACOMA 253-359-CHAT SEATTLE 206-753-CHAT BOISE 208-350-2500 STRAIGHT/GAY/BI Always FREE TO CHAT WITH VIP MEMBERS www.LiveMatch.com The party doesn't stop when the bars close....... This Week on Television THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 27 10:00 CBS ELEMENTARY Debut! A sad, sure-to-be-disappointing reboot of Sherlock-- --which is going to be so totally different! 10:00 FX LOUIE Season finale! In this season wrap-up, Louie's New Year's Eve celebration goes horribly (and hilariously) awry. 10:00 ABC 666 PARK AVENUE Debut! A Manhattan apartment building is plagued by supernatural forces-- --and no rent control! We party all night until the sun comes up with Portland's hottest dancers. MONDAY, OCTOBER 1 8:00 CW IHEARTRADIO MUSIC FESTIVAL Highlights from the Las Vegas concert featuring Taylor Swift, Usher, Green Day, Rihanna, and a billion more. FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 28 9:00 CBS MADE IN JERSEY Debut! A New Joisey workin' class lawyah proves to dose high-rise fancy pants dat she's got da right stuff, see? (That's my New Jersey accent. You like?) TUESDAY, OCTOBER 2 8:00 FOX RAISING HOPE Season premiere! The Chances meet Sabrina's freaky mom in the return of this verrrry funny sitcom. 9:00 FOX NEW GIRL Old and uncool Jess and Schmidt try to befriend their young and super cool twentysomething neighbors. Located Downtown 324 SW 3rd Ave. 503-274-1900 Open M-F at 2pm & Sat/Sun at 6pm SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 29 11:00 AM NICK TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES Debut! A new version featuring mutated radioactive turtles who know karate or something? That's weird. 9:00 BBCA DOCTOR WHO When statues in New York come to life, the Doctor says, "Screw dis. I'm movin' to Joisey, okay, forgeddaboutit!" WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 3 6:00 ALL NETS PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE It's President Obama vs. Mittens Romney-- -- which is just going to be so delicious and embarrassing, I can't wait!! 9:00 CW SUPERNATURAL Season premiere! Dean gets out of Purgatory and WHOO! He's ready to hunt! Sam? Not so much. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 30 9:00 ABC REVENGE Season premiere! Last season's dishiest, dirtiest nighttime soap returns! JORDAN 18 and over Strip Club September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 49 Ha! HAA!! "Cowabungle." Somebody retweet that! @WmSteveHumphrey Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com things from another world and the portland mercury present: HUMP tickets sell out fast. Too fast! There's a loophole! Every film submitted earns you 2 complimentary tickets to the screening of your choice. Why wouldn't you at least try? a credit is: tr x e 's r a e y is Th sts! � Sweater-ve ! � Lesbian sex nuts! a e p g in k c a P � For more details on HUMP submissions or tickets go to THE CORTANDFATBOY MIDNIGHT MOVIE: POLTERGEIST BAGDAD THEATER � 3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd, Portland OR art by thethomaswilson.com October 5th � doors at 10pm, film at 11pm � $3 admission, 21 & over PORTLANDMERCURY.COM/HUMP 50 Portland Mercury September 27, 2012 MAAKIES // TONY MILLIONAIRE Tony Millionaire's work is published by Dark Horse Comics and online at maakies.com ILLUSTRATION BY KALAH ALLEN DINOSAUR COMICS // RYAN NORTH Ryan North has daily comics available at qwantz.com TRAGEDY UNLEASHED To the guy whose dog got hit by a car today on N. Vancouver: Totally your fault, dickhead. If your dog was on a leash it wouldn't have attempted to run across two lanes of traffic in order to attack me. Or it probably would have, actually, but it would have been on a leash and you would have been able to keep it from its suicide run. Does your little dog hate bicycles or something? I was particularly fond of how you started screaming at me like it was somehow my fault. How the fuck was I supposed to stop your dog from running into traffic? Your dog is dead because you suck at being a responsible pet owner. I feel bad when any pet dies, but you are a stupid motherfucker and I hope you learned at least something because of this.--Anonymous Submit your unsigned confessions and accusations of 300 words or less, changing the names of the innocent and guilty, to "I, Anonymous," at firstname.lastname@example.org, or on the new I, Anonymous blog at portlandmercury.com. UNDERWORLD // KAZ Kaz's work is published by Fantagraphics; view his work at kazunderworld.com Submit your photos & art online at flickr.com/groups/portlandmercury seorsa IDIOT BOX // MATT BORS Matt Bors is a Portland-based political cartoonist; view his work at mattbors.com misterladybug cjdc Kylen Photo September 27, 2012 Portland Mercury 51 The Portland Mercury BULLETIN BOARD online > > > www.portlandmercury.com/backpage (503) 294-0840 FREE Consultation. PAYMENT PLANS. Scott Hutchinson, Atty. Since 1997. Experienced Debt Relief Agency. CALL (503) 808-9032 www.Hutchinson-Law.com Quick Fix Synthetic Urine now available. Your hookah headquarters. Glass pipes, discount tobacco, detox products & vaporizers. BANKRUPTCY - Stop Creditors Revived Cellular & Technology Monday-Friday 10:30 - 7:00, Saturday 11:00 - 5:00 7816 N Interstate Ave - near Fred Meyer 503-286-1527 SELL US YOUR USED CELL PHONES SALVIA AND KRATOM! SMOKE SIGNALS ON SANDY 3554 NE SANDY BLVD. 503-235-0504 KRATOM, VAPORIZERS, PIPES, HOOKAHS GOOGLE TO SEE INSIDE STORE 4071 NE SANDY BLVD 503-327-8276 Vaporizers, hookahs, glass pipes, tobacco, gift items Still Smokin' Tobacco For Less 12302 SE Powell 503-762-4219 7720 SE 82nd Ave Adult Movies, Video Arcade and PIPES! Molly pills, Kratom Detox 503-774-5544 Area 69 TOBACCO FOR LESS INC ** CASH FOR GUITARS ** Amps, Pedals, Synths, Drums Call 503-236-CASH (2274) Don't let collectors drive you into bankruptcy and other desperate acts Get this book for ten bucks and keep it by your phone: Bill-Collector Confidential by ex-bill-collector Steve Katz. Fight back. Here's how. debtsmanship.com, 503-223-0410, email@example.com, Amazon, Kindle. ESCHEW BANKRUPTCY Glass & Cheap Smokes 1971 W Burnside 503-206-7353 Smoke Shop Tokens Most brands accepted. Local pick up. 209-269-0274 Diabetic test strips. Pay up to $22/Box WANTED! CLASSES & EVENTS Improv, Standup at the Brody Learn spontaneous theater, comedy from the specialists. For 15 years, offering qualified instruction, supportive environment. 503-224-2227 www.brodytheater.com Vasectomy * Essure Lovejoy Surgicenter 503-221-1870 Junk Cars Wanted Ask for Jake (503) 936-5923 Quick Cash 1712 E. Burnside Pipes, Detox, Scales, Hookah, Shisha New Shisha Flavors! New Store Hours Mon - Sat 10 am - 9 pm! 503-206-7731 Poppi's Pipes Improv, Stand Up, Sketch Writing. Best comedy training in Portland. Register Now! Classes weekly Sept 11th through October 23rd! www.curiouscomedy.org Learn ground defense skills under black belt instruction Info @ nwfighting.com. 503-740-2666 CURIOUS COMEDY CLASSES! BRAZILIAN JIU JITSU NEW POPPIS PIPES LOCATION Coming soon 36th and SE Division Bodyhair grooming for guys by guy in NoPo. PDXadult.com Help us register voters across the state of Oregon and make sure people's voices are heard! No previous experience required. Full time and part time positions. Great political experience. Call Brandon at 503-342-2391 ACTING/FILMING CLASSES Taught by L.A Actor/Director/Producer www.jessevint.com 360-609-2200 Enhance awareness via moving meditation nwfighing.com or call 503-740-2666 Professional MANSCAPING 503-841-0385 JESSE VINT Enrolling Now REGISTER VOTERS Tai Chi Classes $10 - $12 per hour HOST YOUR EVENT HERE!! BOSSANOVA BALLROOM 722 E Burnside 503 206 7630 Bossanovaballroom.com 4119 SE Hawthorn Hawthorne, , Portland ph: 503-235-PIPE (7473 (7473) www.mellowmood.com ll d 2 nd anniversary!! Fresh hop beers, the mother plucker, and the French cone-ection on tap and going fast. FREE show Pierced Arrows The Ransom Pity Fucks Get in here!! Sat. Sept. 29 832 N. BEECH 503-281-7708 (AT MISSISSIPPI) 639 SE Morrison star-bar-rocks.com