The Portland Mercury, September 20, 2012 (Vol. 13, No. 18)
Portland's Most Awesome Weekly Newspaper. Covering Portland news, politics, music, film, and arts; plus movie times, club calendars, restaurant listings, forums and blogs.
FREE EVERY THURSDAY / VOL � 13 NO � 18 / SEPTEMBER BER 2020 2 0 0- 26, 2012 / Remember Rem me emb mber All the Things You and I Did First? Fir And Now You're Doing Them With Her? COMEDIAN IAN KARMEL ON PORTLAND'S MOST PORTLANDY THINGS P. 11 PORTLAND AS FUCK! (See Inside!) FEDS SLAM PORTLAND POLICE P.6 THE MASTER: NOT ABOUT SCIENTOLOGY, OKAY?!? P.39 ONUINU... SOUND IT OUT P.17 NEWS FILM MUSIC for a fuLL scheduLe vIsIT WWW.mIKeThrasherpresenTs.com foLLoW us onLIne aT: faceBooK.com/mIKeThrasherpresenTs TWITTer.com/mIKeThrasherpdX � WWW.myspace.com/mIKeThrasherpresenTs H A W 21 AND T OVER SHOW! H O fRi ThIs R SEp fRi N E MELODY'S ECHO CHAMBER T & THE UpSiDEDOWN H E SUN A SEp T E R 7:00pm doors 21 and over 21 SAT ThIs THE SiNDiCATE & THE LONgSHOTS TUE SEp THROUgH THE ROOTS SAT SEp 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id 22 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id 23 7:00pm doors 21 and over 25 a nIGhT of sLeaze... R O S E L A N D T H E A T E R THU SEpT 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id 20 THe MASTerMInd BeHInd SYSTeM OF A dOwn C R Y S T A L B A L L R O O M ThIs 21 AND OVER SHOW! ONE-EYED DOLL & SEpARATiON Of SANiTY BUTCHER BABiES TONiTE BLACk pUSSY & WOLfpUSSY & 30 pOUND TEST VizA TUES TUE SEp 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id 25 SUN ThIs TUES ThIs William Elliott & CROWN pOiNT fRi SEp gO RADiO Whitmore SAMANTHA CRAiN & RYAN SOLLEE of The BuILders and The BuTchers 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id 28 SUN SEp 7:00pm doors 21 and over 30 21 AND OVER SHOW! SUN SUN SEpT ThIs BROADWAY CALLS & ABSOLUTE MONARCHS 21 AND OVER SHOW! 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id 23 & WEHRMACHT 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id SWALLOW THE SUN 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id WED OCT 3 TUES OCT 7:00pm doors 21 and over 9 odd future wolf gang kill them all TUE OCT 2 LUDOViCO TECHNiqUE EVERYTHiNg gOES COLD & THE WiTCH WAS RigHT & gRAVE 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id fRi OCT 12 WED WED SEpT ThIs switchfoot & pApER ROUTE THU OCT 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id THU OCT 11 WERMACHT RENDERED USELESS & gUiLLOTiNE 18 1 5 0 7 S e 3 9 T H A v e n u e 6:30pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id SAT OCT 13 THE gHOST & NOW NOW 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id MotioN citY soUNDtRAcK JUkEBOx SUN OCT 8:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id 26 Skip THE fOREpLAY UpON THiS DAWNiNg � pALiSADES fOR ALL THOSE SLEEpiNg 21 855-CAS-TIXX X2 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id fRi OCT W O N D E R B A L L R O O M 12 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id THU OCT 11 LETLiVE & MATT TOkA 128 ne ruSSeLL ST i SEE STARS 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id fRi OCT 12 & SCARS ON BROADWAY fRi OCT BALANCE AND COMpOSURE & O'BROTHER 877.4.FLY.TIX TOUCHE AMORE & MAN OVERBOARD 1332 w BurnSIde ST 855-CAS-TIXX X2 BAYSiDE 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id 19 D A N T E S fRi SEp 8:00pm doors 21 and over 28 SAT OCT 8:00pm doors 21 and over 13 AMBASSADORS & THE CRY 1 Sw 3rd Avenue & MOLDY CASTLE 855-CAS-TIXX X2 DiARRHEA pLANET MON OCT 7:00pm doors aLL aGes Bar W/proper Id 15 & MRS. SkANNOTTO 503-224-TIXX 8 nw SIXTH Avenue S T A R T H E A T E R SAT OCT 8:00pm doors 21 and over 20 & CRYpTS 13 nw SIXTH Avenue 855-CAS-TIXX X2 COMiNg SOON: anImaL coLLecTIve (soLd ouT!) � m. Ward (soLd ouT!) � seT In sTone � aWoLnaTIon (soLd ouT!) � KInGdom under fIre � nemesIs � medIcIne for The peopLe con Bro chILL � BroTher aLI WITh BLanK Tape BeLoved � TWo door cInema cLuB � aLesana � dan deacon � conquerors of The WorLd � aLL TIme LoW � GWar The asTeroIds GaLaXy Tour � maTT & KIm � hopsIn � Boys LIKe GIrLs / The aLL-amerIcan rejecTs � caT poWer � TITLe fIGhT � TILLy & The WaLL � The ap Tour www.mikethrasherpresents.com for complete details and info on how to get your tickets early go to 2 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 email@example.com LETTERS MAY BE EDITED FOR SPACE NOTES is that we have finally elected a leader that is smart enough to know that he should spend his last four years in office preparing us for what may be the most difficult century the world has faced yet. George BE ASHAMED DEAR MERCURY--As a yearly visitor over the last 14 years, I think Portland should be ashamed of itself. Seeing the amount of homeless people begging for dimes and food on street junctions is an absolute disgrace. This is a fine city, progressive in lots of ways, if only the powers that be could and sort out this problem. Portland should show the rest of the USA what can and should be done to help and sort out people's lives. How long before the city (to quote Bruce Springsteen) takes care of its own? Brian THE PROS AND CONS OF ANTHRAX RE: Up & Coming [Music, Sept 13], in which Anthrax's performance at the Roseland Theater is previewed with tepid positivity. DEAR MARK LORE--Cons: They are partly to blame for horrible, horrible nu-metal. Anthrax side project S.O.D. is better. Pros: They are totally not responsible for the domestic terrorism incident of late 2001. Last year's album was really good. Isaac Hudson YOU WIN, JOHN. YOU WIN. RE: Up & Coming [Music, Sept 6], in which Willie Nelson's performance at the Sleep Country Amphitheater is previewed with a list of heroic factoids about the musical icon, including that he once hid his guitar, "Trigger," when the IRS tried to "repossess his shit." Mission TheaTer 1624 N.W. Glisan St. � Portland � 503-223-4527 McMenamins and kboo present The Shook Twins fri 9/28 fri Luz Mendoza of Y La Bamba "Built For Comfort" Tour 9/21 From Curb Your Enthusiasm jeff garlin SUZETTE SMITH TURBULENT INDEED RE: "Keith Hennessy/Circo Zero: Turbulence" [TBA Blog, Sept 12], a rather appalled response to one of the most controversial performances in this year's Time-Based Art Festival. DEAR MERCURY--Totally agree with your review of Turbulence (A Dance About the Economy). The entire performance was riddled from beginning to end with art-school clich�s, such as: dramatically taking all your clothes off; running laps around the audience; speaking in tongues; pretending to be hippies; wrestling; screaming, "I'm Zazu!"; telling the audience, "Well, whenever you want to leave is okay." Who is validating this middle school-grade "art"? Halfway through the night, during a group discussion period about debt and the economy, someone in the audience yelled out, "I want to hear a woman talk!" Julie Phelps then made a tasteless joke in which she lifted up her dress, pointed to her vulva, and said on the mic, "Well, I'm talking and I'm a woman." Guess what, Julie? In Portland we don't define gender by genitals! This regurgitation of Burning Man missed the mark. Joni Renee THE CRYSTAL HOTEL & BALLROOM CRYSTAL BALLROOM Mike Thrasher presenTs 80s VIDEO DANCE ATTACK FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 8 PM $6 21+OVER ColleCtive thur sept 20 all ages AnimAl WITH VJ KITTYROX CRYSTAL BALLROOM Matisyahu Dirty Heads Pacific Dub sat sept 22 all ages Aladdin Theater presents Chevelle tue sept 25 21 & over Mike Thrasher presenTs sat sept 29 $6 � 9 p.m. � 21 & over � lola's room TO THE MERCURY VIA VOICEMAIL--Hi Erik, my name is John Neff, and I have a studio over here at Sonic Media Studios. I got a kick out of your write-up on Willie NelUNCHANGED son, but one point was wrong, in that his guiRE: "Hope No More" [Feature, Sept 13], in tar "Trigger" was in fact seized by the IRS. which author Andrew R Tonry attends and re- I know that because I had a studio in Maui flects on the Democratic National Convention. with Walter Becker at the time, and Willie came up to record there, and I loaned him HI--I appreciated Obama's message in his two of my guitars for about six months, one convention speech. He did lose US Con- of which he signed in payment. gress to the Republicans, not because of any fault of his own, but rather because WOW, JOHN, you already have the best America has developed a tendency to make prize of all, but we offer you two tickets a scapegoat of our leaders, and as soon as to the Laurelhurst Theater anyway out a new one assumes power we tend to swing of respect for your bragging rights. Use away from that administration. The public 'em before the IRS can get their mitts generally cannot be trusted to make deci- on them! sions for itself because we desire instant gratification over gradual progress. In COVER ART: Obama's case, I don't think he is stupid Phyllis Galembo enough to disregard these facts. Only time galembo.com will tell, but Obama seems to be smart enough to know that America needs to face This photo and many some hardships in the immediate future if more at Blue Sky we are going to adapt to what is appearing Gallery (122 NW 8th) to be a global economic meltdown. My hope this month. portlandmercury.com EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Wm. Steven Humphrey MANAGING EDITOR Marjorie Skinner NEWS Denis C. Theriault, Sarah Mirk SENIOR EDITOR Erik Henriksen MUSIC Ned Lannamann ARTS/WEB EDITOR Alison Hallett FOOD Chris Onstad COPY CHIEF Courtney Ferguson CALENDAR Bobby Roberts PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Davis SENIOR DESIGNER Nick Olmstead AD DESIGNER Nami Bigos ART DIRECTOR Justin "Scrappers" Morrison 115 SW Ash St., Suite 600 Portland, OR 97204 � 503-294-0840 � firstname.lastname@example.org Shpongle wed oct 3 all ages AbstrAct EArth prEsEnts Phutureprimitive AlAddin TheATer presenTs wed oct 10 all ages The LosT BroThers thur oct 4 all ages Glen hansard 9/22 happy hour w/ jonah lukE-ringlErs 9/28 joss stonE 9/30 citizEn copE 10/2 nightwish 10/5 calobo 10/7 alanis MorissEttE 10/8 youngblood hawkEyE 10/11 MacklEMorE 10/14 March fourth Marching band: "fEstival of positivity" 10/16 joshua radin & a finE frEnzy 10/18 switchfoot 10/21 two door cinEMa club 10/22 MayEr hawthornE 10/23 wolfgang gartnEr 10/26 80s vda hallowEEn party 10/28 all-aMErican rEjEcts 10/30 thE toadiEs/hElMEt 11/1 orquEsta aragon 11/2 MEnoMEna 11/4 cat powEr 11/9 thE dEvil MakEs 3 11/11 brandi carlilE 11/18 bEn gibbard 11/21 walk thE Moon 11/23 typhoon 12/27 & 28 bEats antiquE 12/29-31 railroad Earth danceonair.com AL'S DEn HOTEL at CRYSTAL FREE LIVE MUSIC nIghtLy � 7 PM star anna 9/20-22 INTERNS Nathan Gilles, Fiona Smith, Toby Robboy DIRECTOR OF CIRCULATION Jay Williams SALES DIRECTOR Rob Thompson SALES COORDINATOR Autumn Webring DIGITAL SALES MANAGER James Deeley ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Sarah Elliott, Katie Peifer, Marissa Sullivan ALTPERKS OPERATIONS MANAGER Michelle David OFFICE MANAGER Noah Dunham GENERAL MANAGER Katie Lake PUBLISHER Rob Crocker saM cooPer 9/23-29 Ballroom: 1332 W. Burnside � (503) 225-0047 � Hotel: 303 S.W. 12th Ave � (503) 972-2670 mcmenamins.com CASCADE TICKETS cascadetickets.com 1-855-CAS-TIXX outlEts: crystal ballrooM box officE, bagdad thEatEr, EdgEfiEld, East 19th st. caf� (EugEnE) September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 3 PORTLAND'S ALTERNATIVE OUTDOOR STORE store hours: m-f 10-7, sat 10-6, sun 11-5 � 503-233-0706 � nextadventure.net STREET CAR CELEBRATION! Take a trip on the new streetcar this weekend and hop off at our shop! BRING IN YOUR TICKET STUB AND RECEIVE 20% OFF YOUR PURCHASE This Saturday and Sunday only. Valid in store only at 426 SE Grand Ave. LOG IN. NEIGHBOR UP. All the news and talk from your neighborhood. Finally in one place. Create a free account today at everyblock.com. Be a better neighbor. 4 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 ONE DAY AT A TIME KRISTIAN DONALDSON NE W COLUMN! THE WEEK IN REVIEW by Ann Romano station worker," he lied. "I didn't work on it, I know nothing about it. They need to blame someone." At least he's telling the truth on that last point. While radical Islamists rarely need a reason to senselessly attack and murder-- apparently this ridiculous parody will do until something better comes along. Late today Islamist militants --such nice people!--attacked an American diplomatic mission in Libya, killing US Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens and three members of his staff. According to reports, the furious rocket-fi ring mob was inspired to launch the attack because of an American-made video depicting the Prophet Muhammad as a buffoonish child molester. This same video has reportedly sparked similar attacks and protests throughout the region, and could possibly incite a holy war. So what's up with this video? Titled Innocence of Muslims, the ridiculously amateurish, racist, and worst of all, not-funny-in-the-least minifi lm is the brainchild of fi lmmaker Sam Bacile (real name Nakoula Basseley Nakoula), who fi rst identified himself as an "Israeli-born realestate developer"--except that Israel has no record of him, and no one with that name holds a real estate license in California. As it turns out, according to Wired, Nakoula is a scam artist who's used at least 14 pseudonyms (including "Kritbag Difrat," "Ahmed Hamdy," and " PJ Tobacco") and went to prison on charges of bank fraud, for opening accounts with false names and using stolen Social Security numbers. The unfortunate actors involved with Innocence claim that they were only given a few lines at a time to perform, and upon seeing the video, discovered their voices had been overdubbed with more provocative, insulting language. Backing from the fi lm came from evangelical organizations (surprise!) including the anti-Islamic group Courageous Christians United that also runs a paramilitary militia (surprise!) out of a church in California. When contacted by the AP, Nakoula denied having anything to do with the fi lm. "I'm a gas TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 11 bridge whilst on holiday and the publication of those photographs in breach of their privacy" a spokesperson said, making sure to use "whilst" when she didn't really need to. But oi! That's a right lot of bullocks, says Closer 's lawyer, Delphine Pando! According to the BBC, Pando "said that topless photographs were no longer considered shocking in modern society." "Wait, what!" Hubby Kip shouted when he saw we were writing about Kate Middleton's breasts. "Google image search it, Annie! Google image search it!" Here, dear. Knock yourself out. We need a martini break before we have to write about what happened on Sunday, anyway. After a week as wacky as hers, what other shenanigans could Amanda Bynes possibly be up to? Let's check in and see--oh. Oh, dear. "TMZ has spoken with a number of people who have had repeated contact with Bynes over the last few months, and the stories are consistent and disturbing," the site reports, adding that people from Bynes' West Hollywood gym, Equinox, have noticed the "dazed" starlet displaying " increasingly alarming signs of delusional behavior." When she's on the elliptical, according to one source, she's been " laughing hysterically for no reason," while someone who lives in Bynes' condominium complex claims to have seen her "having long conversations with inanimate objects." Oh, to be a flowerpot in Amanda Bynes' condominium complex! The secrets it must know. MEANWHILE... Across the pond, the duke and duchess of Cambridge-- better known to uncouth yanks as Prince William and Kate Middleton--are suing French magazine Closer for publishing topless photos of Kate! "The complaint concerns the taking of photographs of the duke and duchess of Cam- FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14 Today in Music NewsTM, the new judges for American Idol have been announced! Diva Mariah Carey, hiphop star Nicki Minaj, and country singer Keith Urban w ill join boring ol' Randy Jackson this season, and we can't wait to see how this lineup... how it... and... ugh. We couldn't even bring ourselves to finish that sentence, dears. MEANWHILE... In other Music NewsTM, professiona l jerk Chris Brown got a new neck tattoo... of something that looks quite a bit JUDGE MARIAH like the horrifying photos of Rihanna that leaked after Brown brutally beat her. "His tattoo is a sugar skull (associated with the Mexican celebration Day of the Dead) and a MAC cosmetics design he saw," Brown's spokesperson, who surely has no problems sleeping at night, told TMZ, totally not thinking about how ashamed their parents must be of them. "It is not Rihanna or SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 15 PORTLANDMERCURY .COM THIS WEEK ON WATCH THE MERCURY 'S MAYORAL HALF-OFF FLOWER DEBATE! ON BLOGTOWN! BOUQUETS! MERCPERKS.COM Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com Answer key: 1. A; 2. B; 3. A; 4. B; 5. A; 6. B; 7. C; 8. B. Where is it... where is it... where... oh! Hello, dears. Just looking for our nausea medication, and--ah! Here it is. Okay, all ready. Let's begin. Today's top headline from TMZ: "Kanye West Watched Kim K Sex Tape While Banging Other Chicks." Wow. Okay, we're going to need to take some more medicine. Continuing. According to this stomach- churning article, before Kanye began dating the grotesque slithering monstrosity known as Kim Kardashian, he would watch the sex tape she made with then-boytoy Ray J in order to "get him in the mood"-- while havBLARFF! ing sex with other women. We just... we just don't... BLARFF!! (There's not enough Dramamine in the world to make us continue this story!) MEANWHILE... In junior varsity Lindsay Lohan news, former teen actress Amanda Bynes --star of the cancelled Nickelodeon show All That, and heiress apparent to the LiLo throne--was photographed parked in front of a San Fernando Valley Baja Fresh restaurant, allegedly toking on a marijuana one-hitter and "chowing down on tacos." The New York Daily News reports the star was then seen driving erratically, stopping for a three-hour spa treatment, and then toking up again in the parking lot of a Home Depot. In response, Lindsay Lohan said, "I like the form and the follow-through... but next time I'd like to see a crack pipe and a guest appearance from Taco Bell." MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 W H AT D O T H E Y B E LI E V E ? The 2012 election is heating up, and here's a chance to test your knowledge before we're thrown into the fire! Below is a series of statements, each one of which can be attributed to: The 2012 Presidential Candidates: EEEEEEEEEEE!!! Is it finally true?? According to London tabloid The Sun, hunky man o' our dreams George Clooney has unceremoniously DUMPED ugly string bean former wrestler Stacy Keibler, and... goddammit. "IT'S NOT TRUE," says a Clooney rep. "The story is a total fabrication designed to sell newspapers." :( Sniff. We hate publicists so much right now. WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 12 Barack Obama A. A. Mitt Romney B. B. C. Neither N + Good Go luck! 1. I believe God impregnated a virgin with His seed and produced His only son, whom God then allowed to be crucified to teach people a lesson. 2. I believe Jesus was seen walking around in North America in the 1800s. 3. I believe women are entitled to equality, on earth and in the afterlife. 4. I believe not even the most righteous woman can enter the kingdom of heaven without her husband, who must physically pull her through the veil of life into the Celestial Kingdom. 5. I believe a Botoxed old man with a habit of saying dumb and/or boring things is a perfect choice for vice president. 6. I believe Satan is more powerful in water. 7. I believe Allah called me to overthrow the filthy US government for the glory of Islam. 8. I believe truth is something you invent with your mouth. Ohhhhh-kay, there's a distinct possibility we're going to need that nausea medicine again. Here's the headline from azcentral.com: "Lindsay Lohan Films Sex Scene with Charlie Sheen." Oh... god. Perhaps the details will make us feel better! Against Hollyweird's better judgment, they're letting LiLo act in another fi lm--this one being Scary Movie 5, which also co-stars former tiger-blood enthusiast Charlie Sheen-- but of course it hasn't been going well. According to the New York Post , Lindsay did not appreciate the script's biting humor (which poked fun at her less-than-stellar reputation), and actually tried to get out of the movie by blowing off script revision meetings, table read i ng s , and wardrobe fittings. And when that didn't work? She even allegedly tried to get a docSHEEN SEX tor to write a note saying she had walking pneumonia. Unsurprisingly, Lindsay's publicist denies these reports (uh-huh... surrrrrrre) but they must have worked something out, because today our fave fucked-up starlet was back on the set and having fake on-camera sex with Charlie Sheen. BLARFFF!! (Omigod. Worst anti-nausea medication... EVER.) THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 13 an abused woman." Regardless: Stay classy, Chris, you prick. MEANWHILE... In even more Music NewsTM, protesters have been sneaking into London music stores to covertly put a sticker on Brown's new album, Fortune. The stickers? " WARNING: DO NOT BUY THIS ALBUM! THIS MAN BEATS WOMEN." Good on you, Brits! That's the first non-idiotic bit of Music NewsTM we've heard whilst writing this whole column. " These girls just don't like each other," someone close to the American Idol production has blabbed to TMZ, which claims that during today's Idol taping, whenever "Nicki started critiquing a contestant, Mariah would interrupt --not once, but many times. Each time Mariah interrupted, Nicki fought back by loudly talking over Mariah." "Wait, what?" Hubby Kip shouted. "Lemme see that! Is there a catfight? Meow! Hiss! Lemme see, babe! Lemme see--oh. Lame. That's not even a good catfi ght." And that's what makes it so appropriate for American Idol, dear. Now give us back our laptop. MEANWHILE... Apparently Lindsay Lohan has decided to talk smack about... Amanda Bynes? "Why did I get put in jail and a nickelodeon star has had NO punishment(s) so far? +" LiLo whined to her 4,297,326 followers before getting passive aggressive: "There are moments that I appreciate my life experiences, living without regrets and Disney for supporting me as an actress- night all*" "Wait, what?" Hubby Kip shouted, running back into the room and ripping our laptop from our hands. " Starlet catfight? Meow! Hiss! Lemme see, babe! Lemme see! Maybe they'll wrestle and pull each other's hair and...." Sigh. It's all yours, dear. Actually, come to think of it... maybe someone who enjoys talking to inanimate objects would be perfect for you. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 16 HUMP! SUBMISSIONS ARE DUE OCT. 5! ACCK!! September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 5 NEWS Saving Us from Ourselves We Asked, Feds Spoke: Our Cops Rough up the Mentally Ill by Denis C. Theriault and Sarah Mirk IN THE END, there was nothing else to do. investigators, police are more afraid of people For years, the tally of mentally ill Port- with mental illnesses than police in other citlanders beaten, gratuitously Tasered, or ies. They're also derogatory, routinely refershot dead by police officers has only grown. ring to people as "mentals." Reports filled with recommendations on how to stem that tide and rebuild community trust have piled up to no avail. Police union leadership balked at taking any responsibility, even marching en masse in defense of Chris Humphreys, the officer who shot a 12-year-old girl with a beanbag gun. And police brass only nibbled at change, rightly blaming the incidents on the collapse of funding for mental health care but remaining unwilling--even in recent years--to commit to common-sense reforms like specialized crisis-incident training and tightened Taser policies. Finally, last Thursday, September 13, the WILDER SCHMALTZ US Department of Justice (DOJ) told everyone to knock it off. After a nearly 15-month investigation, the feds ruled that Portland cops routinely use excessive force against the mentally ill--a pattern that's unconstitutional and must change. That finding came with -Department of Justice letter to Mayor Sam many of the same reforms that community groups and advocates � Officers can get away with using exhave long demanded. cessive force. Investigators found shoddy The difference, this time? A federal court oversight of use-of-force incidents, including can make sure the police bureau, and its union officers not taking reports from witnesses leaders, are listening. (including the person against whom the force "There have been lots of recommen- was used), not taking pictures of injuries, sudations, and there has been a lot of push- pervising officers approving their own use of back--for years," says Mayor Sam Adams, force, and not resolving differences between who joined Commissioner Dan Saltzman officers' and witnesses' stories. Out of a rein formally asking the feds to step in more view of hundreds of use-of-force cases, inthan two years ago--bowing to community vestigators found that--surprise!--the force pressure and realizing that real change in was rarely deemed out of line, even when it Portland would never come from within. was clearly excessive. For example, trainers "The reason I asked for this is because at were using Officer Chris Humphreys' controthe end of the process, what [the DOJ] de- versial 2009 beanbag shooting of a 12-yearcides becomes what [Portland police lead- old girl as a good case of using force. ers] have to do," Adams said. � The police accountability system is The Mercury talked to local advocates "self-defeating." The feds really rip into and national experts to look not only at the the police bureau's insanely complex proproblems and fixes found by the feds, but cess for reviewing complaints about use of also the political and financial realities that force, calling the multi-step process "byzcould still get in their way. antine" and making fun of the spider web of a flowchart that's supposed to explain THE PROBLEMS the system. Complaints against officers go � The police lack training. Right now, the through so many layers of bureaucracy that police bureau gives every cop only 40 hours it undercuts the efficiency and accountabiliof mental health training, while they're still ty of the force overall. The Independent Poin the police academy. That was supposed lice Review Division dismisses two-thirds to be a response to the 2006 beating death of all complaints (66 percent) without even of James Chasse Jr., a man suffering from a cursory internal affairs investigation. paranoid schizophrenia. But this assumes ofTHE SOLUTIONS ficers are all created equal when it comes to dealing with people in crisis. They're not. For � Inject the system with expertise. The example, investigators talked with one officer feds want the police to create a specially who said his job is to "put people in jail, not trained volunteer team to deal with people provide social services." The report notes: in acute crisis--kind of like a SWAT team "This officer would not be the appropriate of- for mental crises. Portland used to have a ficer to conduct a welfare check on a person unit like that, but it was considered a punwith mental illness." The feds also criticized ishment for officers, not a prize, like the the current training for not including any in- city's tough-guy tactical team. Further, teractions with real-life Portlanders in recov- the bureau has been told to grow its Projery, and for failing to open up the training to ect Respond experiment--which currently advocates. Because of this lack of contact, say pairs a cop with a clinician, but only down6 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 Hall Monitor Fritz Gnashes Her Teeth by Denis C. Theriault NEWS "It's not surprising... that officers are using Tasers excessively and inappropriately, given the state of confusion among those responsible for reviewing uses of force." town during the day shift--into a 24-hour, citywide operation. Underlying everything is the demand for a full-time triage center where cops can drop off people in crisis. The county has just opened a treatment facility of its own, but several cops "ironically--and tragically" told investigators they didn't even know the place's phone number. � Prize de-escalation over brute force. Report after report in recent years has urged the cops to stop using beanbag pellets and Tasers--50,000-volt stun guns that, the feds note, can kill someone--on people who merely display the "intent" to resist an officer ["Juicing the Debate," News, March 15], whatever that means. The feds have joined those reports, and they've also told our cops to stop cycling their Tasers over and over when they shock someone, without making sure the first one or two cycles did the job. � Simplify the complaint process! The feds are clear on this: "Complaints of excessive force should always be subject to investigation and a finding." That means no more early disAdams missals. And by shrinking a timeline for investigations that can take years, the bureau would send a more immediate message to officers about unacceptable conduct. THE REALITY Adams, in wholeheartedly accepting the feds' findings, is working to turn what should be a shameful moment for the city into another marketing opportunity. He wants to position Portland as a national laboratory for devising the best ways of managing cops' interactions with the mentally ill. But soon he'll be passing off the job to another mayor, who may have different ideas on who should run the police bureau (as in, not Mike Reese). The police union, the Portland Police Association (PPA), has endorsed one of the two mayoral candidates, Jefferson Smith. And experts warn that, even with a federal court ordering deep reforms, coming up with the money to fully fund them remains a challenge. The cost may add up to millions Portland doesn't have. Big issues include how to pay for a new triage center--and how much the city will have to spend buying off the PPA during next year's contract talks. Almost immediately after the press conference, the PPA adopted a "pay me" stance. Adams says he hopes to ride federal and state health care reform and that he's insisted on joining meetings in Salem on the issue. He also hopes voters wake up and understand just how "cash-starved" our mental health system is. But he's still working on how to pay for what emerges. All the same, Jo Ann Hardesty, who sits on the steering committee of one of the groups that first pleaded for a federal probe, the Albina Ministerial Alliance Coalition for Justice and Police Reform (AMA), had one word to describe how she felt about the report: "giddy." CITY COMMISSIONER Amanda Fritz has been on my mind over the past week, ever since she almost broke down into tears during her heartfelt, well-reasoned--and clearly agonizing--decision in favor of fluoridating Portland's water supply. She said yes, making the decision surprisingly unanimous, despite serious beefs with the rushed public process propelling the fluoride push. In the end, while Fritz acknowledged the concerns raised by fluoride opponents, she said she had no choice but to honor the community groups and people of color who told her that refusing fluoride would be a blow to her cherished mantra of "equity." By all accounts, it was one of the most political decisions she's made in her nearly four years on the council. But this time, she had no choice. Fritz is in a tight runoff against Mary Nolan, the much-better-funded state representative who came out very early in favor of fluoride. The starkest question for Fritz was which stance would cost her the most votes. Saying yes to fluoride, something she did with as much nuance and decency as possible, has already lost Fritz some of the supporters who helped her squeak ahead of Nolan in May, political observers note. The speech justifying her stance was exactly the kind you'd want an elected official to give--whether you agreed or not. But some of Portland's most die-hard fluoride opponents have told Fritz they're compelled to send a message to the only city commissioner up for reelection. Nothing personal. They won't vote for Nolan; they'll just sit the race out. But as costly as her yes vote may have been, Fritz seemed to figure out that saying no to fluoride in favor of a public vote (which I get the sense she might have done if the decision were purely personal) would have been much worse. She would have betrayed the trust of groups like the Urban League of Portland, and also given Nolan an extremely large club to wield in what promises to be another blitz of campaign ads this fall. The whole thing was unseemly for Fritz, who (in)famously loathes relying on the brutal calculus of politics when making up her mind. I can't help but wonder if that's part of what Randy Leonard, fluoride's chief backer, had in mind. Leonard is a client of Mark Wiener, the political consultant who's also advising the fluoride push. Mary Nolan is also a client. I asked Leonard about that long before the vote. He scoffed. Fritz "should be thanking me," he said, for the chance to vote in favor of something so beneficial to our kids. Maybe she would, if she'd won outright in the spring. But not now. Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com We employed the distinct flavor of Nelson Sauvin hops to bring American pale ale and American lager together in this crisp and congratulatory Shift. So clock out and crack open a Shift Pale Lager to reward your work. Or play. Or, if you're like us, combine the two and surround yourself with drinking buddies. shift pale lager is brewed by new belgium brewing fort collins co September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 7 8 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 SEXUAL POLITICS IT'S NOT A PISSING CONTEST BY SARAH MIRK OregonHumane.org I WAS at Floyd's Coffee Shop on NW Couch last week, glumly fulfilling my daily bagel-consumption quota, when something excellent happened. A customer flagged down the barista and politely asked to speak to a manager. He came over quickly and the customer quietly questioned whether Floyd's could change its two single-stall male and female bathrooms into gender-neutral bathrooms. The manager's reply? "Awesome idea! Thanks for suggesting it!" He seemed sincerely stoked that someone had raised the issue. His swift enthusiasm for the idea is rare, and it made me reflect on how stupidly squeamish I can be about unisex bathrooms. Whether we take a piss behind a door that says "male," "female," or "whatever" seems like such a small thing. We think of bedrooms as contested gender territory, not bathrooms. But it's a big deal for a lot of people. And even in the progressive frontier of Portland, we get a little delicate about the idea. Both Reed College and Portland State University moved forward on creating public gender-neutral bathrooms in a major way just last spring, when both institutions staged their first gender-neutral conversions of multi-stall, non-dorm bathrooms. A couple days after the Floyd's incident, I was surprised to find how awkward I felt using the all-gender bathrooms at Time-Based Art, the contemporary arts fest that wrapped up its performance blitz at the old Washington High School last weekend. TBA is all about pushing boundaries. Previously that night, I had paid $30 to witness the bare ass of a German man dancing on a table while another performer made out onstage with a stranger she'd selected from the audience. But it was peeing in private in the general vicinity of male artgoers that gave me pause. More proof that human prudishness doesn't color between rational lines; we get weird about weird things. I've gone the other way before, too, jumping to the conclusion that bathrooms are unisex when they're not. My first time at Holocene's queer dance night Gaycation, I was trying to figure out which bathroom to use and thought it was clever that the bar had marked their restroom doors with shapes resembling R E ST R O OM SCRAPPERS ink blots. How forward thinking! Your gender is a Rorschach test! Genius! Or: Drunk! Clearly drunk, because hidden in the ink-blot-like door splotch was the letter B, as in Boy, which I only figured out after embarrassing some definitely male-identified dude at the urinal. I was mortified, too. The point here is we--as people, as a city--should have become cool with unisex bathrooms a long time ago. Hell, we all grew up with unisex bathrooms in our homes. In public places, they're way more efficient that divided-gender restrooms and they're friendly for the thousands of Portlanders who don't think of themselves as either male or female. The vague sense of unease I (and certainly others) feel about mixed restrooms is clearly outweighed by the needs of genderqueer people to not feel constantly alienated every time they try to take a piss. It's a small thing to want, really. Creating more gender-neutral bathrooms in regular places has become a major campaign for transgender allies. The San Francisco-based "Bathroom Liberation Front" runs a rad website, safe2pee.org, that maps genderneutral bathrooms in pretty much every city in America. Portland has an extensive user-created map of "gender-free" bathrooms, including the recently installed Portland Loos and that one in the SE Hawthorne Powell's that has the best graffiti in town. As for Floyd's, its SE Portland location is on the list and its NW Couch caf� might soon be, too. Floyd's owner Jack Inglis says via email that he made the bathrooms gender specific because he thought it was required under county health code. "I would like to know if we could fix this, as I have always wanted to make them [unisex]," he writes. Good news: The county health department says there's nothing in the code requiring gendered bathrooms. Unisex away, everyone! "Viva Las Portland!" claims a satirical political action committee (PAC) supposedly composed of gamblers who support November ballot measures 82 and 83, which would allow the construction of a non-Indian casino between Portland and Troutdale. The casino sponsors have downplayed the casino aspect of their planned development, opting to focus ads on the hotel, water slide, and movie theater that will accompany the project. "These measures will create desperately needed opportunities for Portland's struggling pawn shops, bankruptcy attorneys, and repo men," jokes Viva Las Portland spokesman Noah Heller, in its first (and potentially only) press release. SARAH MIRK Happy birthday, Occupy! Portlanders traveled to New York and also staged an anniversary rally on Portland's Eastside to celebrate one year since the first Occupy In Other News by Mercury staff NEWS Wall Street protest in New York. Occupy has quieted down in Portland over the past few months, holding meetings and planning events from its headquarters in Southeast Portland's Saint Francis Church that are more low-key than last winter's frequent marches and rallies. SM Commissioner Randy Leonard is about as far from the image of "marijuana advocate" as one could imagine, but last week the about-to-retire politician came out in favor of Measure 80, the pot legalization measure headed to the November ballot. Leonard argues that prosecuting marijuana crimes eats up money that could be used for more important services, like having police focus on more dangerous drugs. "I don't smoke marijuana," said Leonard. "But in all seriousness, it's always struck me, why is it that alcohol is okay and marijuana is not?" DENIS C. THERIAULT Creative services donated by Leopold Ketel & Partners. September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 9 ON SEPTEMBER 22nd, LOUIE PROVES HE'S A MAN WHO'S NOT AFRAID OF COMMITMENT. Louie's Shoes for Men has gone all-in this year with a massive expansion and a store all its own. And, as with anything new and awesome, we're blowing the doors down with a giant party. WHIFFIES PIES , live music from JUST LIONS , giveaways, raffles and more. Best part: YOU'RE INVITED. Pa rty st a rts at 5 . Next door to 3426 SE Hawthorne � S h o p o n l i n e a t I m e l d a s And Louies . c o m C E L E B R AT I N G P O R T L A N D ' S N E W E S T S T E P F O R W A R D I N M E N ' S FA S H I O N W I T H : 10 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 T R O P A L D N s a Photo by Nicolle Clemetson Are Portland's Favorite Institutions Actually "Portlandy"? Or Not "Portlandy" Enough? GREW UP in Beaverton. Don't you fucking judge me, I was a child. Actually, don't judge anyone from Beaverton, why the fuck do you care? WHAT'S WRONG, GIRL, YOU DON'T LIKE SHOPPING AT TARGET? When I was of proper education, I attended Portland State University on a handsomeness scholarship  and have lived in Southeast Portland since completing my degree. I know what you're thinking: "Who cares? Get to the point. All of these American Apparel ads kind of look like evidence in a high-profile sexy murder case." I only bring it up to say this: I've lived in and around Portland, Oregon, almost my entire life. When you live somewhere long enough, the charms become banal, the eccentricities become obnoxious, and even the best ideas seem to turn into hackneyed degenerations of their once-glorious selves. For example, the first time you see a naked bike ride, it's an invigorating display of the vitality of your dynamic bohemian city. The second time you see a naked bike ride, it's still pretty cool, but less romantic. You notice I an Expos� by Ian Karmel more boob/wangs, and reflect on how it's probably a pretty good day for homeless dude boners. The third time you see a naked bike ride, you want to plow into it with your car because these jolly naked fucks don't seem to give a flopping cock about stop signs. I'M LATE FOR WORK BUT YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND THAT BECAUSE YOU BUY COKE WITH YOUR PARENTS' MONEY AND FUCK OTHER PEOPLE WHO BUY COKE WITH THEIR PARENTS' MONEY. YOU'RE ALL HAVING CAREFREE SEX WITHOUT ME. You know how we all have that exact same emotional response, right? Look, all I'm saying is at some point you stop being sad that the Velveteria closed and start being stoked that a decent Hawaiian restaurant opened in its place. The problem is, the more you favor the utilitarianism of Spam musubi, the more your city slips through your fingers like so many delicious, tender slices of Kalua pork. It is with this in mind that I embark on a quest to appreciate anew two Portland institutions I have long taken for granted: Voodoo Doughnut and strip clubs. DOUGHNUTS ARE SO PORTLAND AS FUCK I'm not a big fan of doughnuts, and I'm more of a "naked on the internet for free" kind of person--but anytime I talk to someone about Portland, they bring up these two clich�d Portland institutions. I never think about them, they just exist. They're... well, they're exactly the kind of thing I was talking about in the previous paragraphs... that's why I wrote them. There are no accidents. Watch Loose Change, dude. To examine these stalwarts, I'm going to experience them anew, taking special care to be aware of everything going on around me, and asking myself three questions: Did I have fun? How "Portlandy" is this place, really? Should we be proud of it? The first question is self-explanatory. The second seeks to address how much this icon of our city truly reflects our city. What does "Portlandy" mean? I don't know, but I know it when I see it. Mapplethorpe's penis is "Portlandy," his haircut isn't. Thirdly, should we be proud of these institutions? Do they speak to our successes as a community or our failures? Do these things make us happy that we're not Cincinnati, or not? That's the rubric I'm using--if you don't like it, craft your own stand-up comedy career and write a tour diary for the Portland Mercury that allows you to eventually pursue different story ideas. Here goes! VOODOO DOUGHNUT Did I have fun? Well, I waited in line for half an hour. Ahead of me in line were two hella-brahs in Affliction T-shirts (like, literally wearing Affliction T-shirts, not metaphorically. Metaphorically, too, Continued on pg. 13 September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 11 USED GEAR THURSDAY, SEPT. 20, 2012 SUNDAY, SEPT. 23, 2012 � THRU � TRADING EXPO BUY, SELL OR TRADE USED AND VINTAGE GEAR GUITAR CENTER WILL EVALUATE YOUR GEAR AND MAKE OFFERS ON QUALIFYING ITEMS GET PAID CASH ON THE SPOT WITH OUR SAME-DAY, NO-HASSLE PAYMENT GUARANTEE AND Cocaine Use Problems? Are you addicted to cocaine and have you used opiates in the past year? A voluntary research study is offering 8 weeks of no-cost treatment. Participation may last up to six months. Compensation up to $765. (OHSU eIRB#7431) GET 15% OFF WITH QUALIFYING TRADE-INS * CODA Research For more information: 503-239-8400 ext. 254 A SINGLE NEW ITEM VegFest Portland Free Samples! Hundreds of delicious vegetarian foods Northwest VEG presents the 8th Annual Guitar North Portland 1147 Hayden Meadows Dr. 503.286.6327 9575 S.W. 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Chefs including Christy Morgan The `Blissful Chef' Quick Protein Packed Snacks 100+ Exhibitors Family & Teen Activities Restaurants, Films Sponsored by To volunteer contact email@example.com Platinum Print Sponsor www.PortlandVegFest.org 9/12/12 3:08 PM 12 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 GC_0912_USED-GEAR - PORTLAND MERCURY.indd 1 M2 Continued from pg. 11 though). This is the Voodoo Doughnut lament, isn't it? The line is too long, and it's full of a bunch of fucking people from Beaverton (that's OUR word). Well, it's like the old adage goes, when life gives you bros, make bromethazine syrup. Look, you're reading the Portland Mercury, right now. You probably aren't all that tuned in to the day-to-day operations of dudes with Affliction T-shirts. Expand your worldview! You can have a lot of your questions answered just by eavesdropping! Q: What's up with Brit? A: Shit's like, whatever man. Q: Did you see the fucking Oregon game? A: Fucking... Keith got fired so I had to pick up a bunch of shifts, I watched the replay though. So sick. Q: Are you stoked for Jones Creek? A: So stoked. Now I know what's up with Brit! Also, doughnuts! I know the bacon-maple bar is King Shit when you go to Voodoo Doughnut. It's always on the TV shows, millimeters from the quivering, fluorescent face of some bellowing haircut... but real talk? I don't even like the bacon-maple bar that much. Don't give me that dry-ass bacon. The bacon-maple-bar bacon is present-day Dan Aykroyd. Don't give me that I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry bacon, give me that freshly cooked Spies Like Us bacon. Instead, get Voodoo Doughnut's apple fritter. It's delicious, and it's huge. You can actually live, rent free, inside the apple fritter while you eat it. (Fair warning, the landlord is an incredibly offensive caricature of an Asian man played by Mickey Rooney.) nese tourists and somebody's mom--and they're all standing together in a line that has to zig around some dude on heroin? That's fucking Portland. Should we be proud of it? Yeah, dude. When the inevitable Voodoo backlash comes, just let those hipper-than-fuck hip fucks eat cake. You eat the fritter. STRIP CLUBS Did I have fun? What are you, an idiot? I'm sorry. Of course I had fun. Fun is what Portland strip clubs are all about. Many people like to bring up how our strip clubs are awesome because you can get hammered while looking at boobs and, and this is the important part, vaginas. (Oh, by the way, I'm a straight white male, so this is going to be from my privileged perspective--but please know in your hearts that I have Andrea Dworkin's Wikipedia page open while I write this.) Getting drunk near vaginas is okay, I guess. It's a little weird that it's illegal to have alcohol and vaginas together in other parts of the country... is the cocktail of vaginas and booze too much for hard-working Midwestern penises? Wouldn't booze make the penis less functional, reducing the risk of whatever state governments are afraid might happen? Am I asking too many questions? Why would you be so hurtful? Booze and vagina are not why Portland strip clubs are fun. Portland strip clubs being fun are why Portland strip clubs are fun. They're just fucking fun! Strip clubs aren't usually that fun, they're usually creepy and uncomfortable--most strip clubs feel like a Hooters, but with boobs instead of chicken wings. They're full of bad music and people pretending to be interested in other people as people. In Portland strip clubs I have seen a woman dance to MC Chris and a woman wear a Batman mask. On the trip I took to Sassy's on the occasion of writing this article, I watched a stripper spend significant amounts of her time onstage giving the devil horns to a gaggle of hella burley metal dudes who cheered like proud parents. I had way more fun seeing that than I had looking at a vagina with a beer in my hand. One girl hid onstage and popped out and scared me while I was deep in conversation with some other super drunk person--oh, you're going to combine all the fun of a Jantzen Beach haunted house experience with the adult motif of gazing at your boobs, girl with a Frida Kahlo tattoo? Well, you're the best person in the world, and I'm going to learn sculpting so I can make a statue of you shaking hands with Jesus. How Portlandy is it? The strip clubs in Portland combine our seedy history as a wretched hive of scum and villainy with the current trend of body art inspired by the works of Shel Silverstein. They're "Portlandy," and they're spectacular. Should we be proud of it? I bet there are a few of you who have read this far just so you can completely obliterate me with an internet comment informing me how misogynistic and exploitative I am for enjoying our city's strip clubs, or for calling them "strippers," or because I said, "Hey fellas, get a'load of this broad!" to a bunch of men in old suits and fedoras when I pulled up Andrea Dworkin's Wikipedia page. Well, I'm sorry (lie). The fact is, people associate our beautiful city with strip clubs. Time magazine's website listed strip clubs as one of the 10 things you have to try in Portland! Time magazine! Home of articles about glamping (glam-camping, natch! Luv u!). So yes, I think we should be proud of our strip clubs. Warm your hearts with the fact that, at some point, somebody has probably danced to the Mr. Show theme--and that's only happening here. How Portlandy is this place? There are two Voodoo Doughnuts: Voodoo Doughnut the Place that Sells Doughnuts and Voodoo Doughnut the Scene. (Don't worry, I ALSO want me to die for writing that sentence.) Voodoo Doughnut, the place that sells actual doughnuts, feels like it was pulled out of the LSD-fueled dream of a fat, old hippie named Scrumptious. It's great. I'm glad it's here. It always feels a little bit like I'm walking into San Francisco when I go there--more so now, after the renovation of the downtown space, but even back in the old hole-in-the-wall days. Now, Voodoo Doughnut the "scene"? The Voodoo Doughnut with a line full of drunk girls holding shoes and civil engineers on terrible dates and people who are probably Bon Iver and high-school kids all lit up on being awake and probably Japa- Gett drun ing vagik near is ok nas ay, I gues s. Ian Karmel is your favorite stand-up comedian. He's been on Portlandia, and has performed live at Bumbershoot and Bridgetown Comedy Fest. You can see him at Funny Over Everything on October 4 with Brent Weinbach at the Hollywood Theatre. September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 13 doubletee.com / roselandpdx.com wake up FRIDAY NITE! NEXT WEEK! Alt-J dj craze � lecastlevania � much more! FRI Sept 21 � RoSeland � all ageS � 9pm AvAilABle NoW September 25th � 8pm � roSeland � all ageS grouplovemusic.com STEPHEN MARLEY NEW MUSIC VIDEO FROM LILLA D'MONE With www.youtube.com/kariSmamuSic www.facebook.com/lilla.dmone Spragga Benz Jo Mersa oct 2nd � roSeland � 8pm � all ageS aVailable @ www.cdbaby.com/cd/lilladmone3 Sept 26th � RoSeland � 7:30pm � all ageS double tee concerts & hip hop Junkies present: and special guests hatebreed.com � whitechapelband.com � allshallperish.com all shall perish � deez nuts Orbital LIVE! neW Venue! noW all ages! Showbox Presents IN CONCERT Screaming Females FRI Sept 28th � RoSeland � 9pm � 21+ New album "Not Your Kind Of People" Available Now � garbage.com September 27th � 8pm roSeland � 21+ The Electric Highway Tour Mark Battles Easy McCoy � Juma Blaq � Covae october 1St � peter'S room@roSeland � 8pm � all ageS Double Tee, Suave & Dead Nation Presents plays ial very spec guests ON SALE NOW! noV 14th � roSeland � 8pm � all ageS TRUST JoHn Brown's Body oct 30th � roSeland � 8pm � all ageS FRIday octobeR 26th � 8pm wondeR ballRoom � 21+ Trevor Hall alcyon Massive Sat october 6th � roSeland � 8pm 21+ Purchase tickets at 1-800-745-3000 or at ticketmaster.com adVance ticketS through all ticketSweSt locationS, Safeway, muSic millennium. to charge by phone pleaSe call 503.224.8499 14 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 MY, WHAT A BUSY WEEK! OUR ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT PICKS FOR THE WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 20-26 THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 TREAT YO'SELF--Think festival season is coming to a close? Nope. Bon App�tit 's Feast Portland, a four-day celebration of all things Portland food, is the latest culture binge to join the throng. Get ready to taste everything from sandwiches to wine, take bike rides with chefs, and let food luminaries like How to Cook Everything author Mark Bittman inspire you to eat better than ever. MS Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 7:30 pm, $25, feastportland.com for full schedule for Thurs-Sun GAMEPLAY--Jane McGonigal's ideas are revolutionary: She sees games as a potential force for social change, both online and off. In her book Reality Is Broken, she demonstrates why games are often more engaging than reality, and how we can harness that knowledge to make reality better. AH Concordia University, 2811 NE Holman, 7 pm, $15 SOLD Hustle and Bustle and Equinox by Marjorie Skinner OUT FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 DEMON BARBER--Portland Center Stage opens each season with a blockbuster musical, and this year they're getting bloody with Stephen Sondheim's Victorian gore-fest Sweeney Todd. After two hours with the demon barber of Fleet Street, that Bishops haircut won't look so bad after all. AH Portland Center Stage, 128 NW 11th, opens Fri, Tues-Sun 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun 2 pm, through Oct 21, $39 & up ($20 rush tickets if available), pcs.org CELLULOID -- Digital fi lmmaking and distribution have had massive repercussions for Hollywood and beyond. Side by Side looks at that revolution. Produced and hosted by Keanu Reeves, it boasts interviews with more than a few gods of cinema, including David Lynch, Danny Boyle, Christopher Nolan, Martin Scorsese, David Fincher, Steven Soderbergh, and more. EH Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, Fri 7 pm, Sat 3 pm, 7 pm, Sun 7:05 pm ONE OF PORTLAND'S oldest institutions showcasing locally made goods is about to celebrate a first: Portland Saturday Market is holding its first-ever fashion show, Hustle and Bustle, this week. "My goal is to change the perception of what is at the Market," says Marketing Director Reid Decker. "Most people think of [it] as an event. I want to help people see [it] as a destination. A place to shop for local handmade goods. Within that wide variety of goods is clothing or fashion." To that end, he enlisted Portland Saturday Market members like Rythmatix, Bella Sisters, and Flood Clothing to "help concentrate HAZEL COX SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22 NERD STORIES--We recommend storytelling event Back Fence PDX maybe too often, but tonight's lineup is so good--SO MIND-MELTINGLY GOOD--that it gets six thumbs up. Swoon-worthy writer Matt Fraction, hilarious Lindy West , and equal parts swoonworthy-hilarious-terrifying author Chelsea Cain headline tonight's nerd-themed show. SM Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, 8 pm, $12-15 APOCALLAHAN--He's a slow-burner, but musician Bill Callahan is a bright ember. Director Hanly Banks will be on hand to screen Apocalypse: A Bill Callahan Tour Film--a collage of shots from the tour van--but better yet, Callahan closes out the night with one of his trademark mesmerizing sets. CF Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $10 KARMA POLICE--This is inarguable: Radiohead's OK Computer is one of the world's perfect albums. And this: The Portland Cello Project is always entertaining, particularly when doing covers. So... Portland Cello Project performing OK Computer ? Yeah. This will be great. EH Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, 8 pm, $15, all ages SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23 PDX AS F*&K--Head back to Wildwood with Decemberists brigand-turned-YA author Colin Meloy, as he and partner/illustrator Carson Ellis celebrate the second book in their popular YA series. Under Wildwood sees the protagonists of a talking-animal-version of Portland battling new foes of the revolutionary ilk. CF Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 4 pm, $17.99 (includes copy of book) POLISH POWER! --Incredibly underrated, the annual Portland Polish Fest is a fun and delicious delight! Accordions? YES. Polka contests? YES. Polish wares for sale? YES. Polish street dancing? YES. Polish food (like pierogis and kielbasa) and Polish beer? YES and (hic) YES! Trust me, the Polish know how to party! WSH Polish Library, 3900 N Interstate, Sat 11 am10 pm, Sun noon-6 pm, FREE RYTHMATIX MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 24 I'VE BEEN TO VIDAL SASSOON--Roman Polanski's alternately hilarious and creepy Satanic suspense thriller Rosemary's Baby (starring Mia Farrow and John Cassavetes!) is always a spellbindingly good time, but chances are you've never seen it the way it was meant to be experienced: on film. Luckily the Hollywood has scored it on the reels, so queue up to see the tyke. After all, he has his father's eyes. MS Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, Fri-Thurs 9:30 pm, $5-7 JACKPOT ON FILM--The annual Jackpot Records Film and Music Fest is a love letter to music and film. If you can't make 'em all, at least catch Charles Bradley: Soul of America (Wednesday), the fascinating story of a soul singer; Jobriath A.D. (Thursday), a "must-see" doc about the gay "American Bowie"; and of course, Rhino Resurrected (Friday), about the history of the awesome Rhino Records. WSH Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, Mon-Fri, all movies 8 pm, $5 TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 POWER--British band Alt-J 's debut, An Awesome Wave, was just nominated for the UK's prestigious Mercury Prize, but it's making waves all the way across the Atlantic, too. Their hook-filled blocks of pop have resulted in one of the year's most striking debuts. Tonight they open for the relatively meh Grouplove, but Alt-J won't be a supporting act for much longer. NL Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 8 pm, $18.50, all ages ROSCO P. MOTHERFUCKER--You gotta be some kind of grindhouse masterpiece if Quentin Tarantino names a company after you. Rolling Thunder is a super rare revenge classic, starring William Devane, Tommy Lee Jones, and The Dukes of Hazzard 's James Best as a ruthless shitkicker so stone-cold Boss Hogg would piss his pants at the sight of him. BR Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $7 WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26 SHINY SHINS--For a little while there, real life for the Shins was nowhere near as mellifluously perfect as the band's soundtrackfamous music. Longtime members left (read: were fired), and the group went years without releasing a new album. That finally changed this year, and thankfully the band is trotting out its new-look lineup. DCT w/Washed Out; Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay, 8 pm, $40, all ages SEX AND VIOLENCE--The young bucks that make up Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All have been a lightning rod for controversy due to some questionable word choices (take the name of their collective, for starters), but they've also made some of the most vital, interesting hiphop in years. However you feel about Odd Future, tonight's show is bound to be fascinating. NL Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 9 pm, $27.50-32, all ages that niche market." The show will be a mix of "blazers, skirts, dresses, handbags, jewelry, hats, and silks." And as per tradition, the show will close with a wedding gown finale designed by Flood Clothing. Yet somehow I doubt there will be an overwhelming amount of tradition on display. Hustle and Bustle, Bossanova Ballroom, 722 E Burnside, Thurs Sept 20, 8 pm, dance party to follow with DJs, $15-20. Meanwhile, in the wonderfully quirky world of Portland retail, several shops, designers, and makers are banding together to beat the holiday crush of group sale events with Equinox, a joint effort between Palace, Wolf Honey (which literally makes honey), OLO Fragrance, Hazel Cox, Lowell, OKO, Worn Path, and Portland Apothecary. "The idea for an event on the fall equinox was inspired by the concept of harvest," says ringleader and Palace owner Charlotte Reich. "The dedication and thoughtful nurturing one gives to their `field.' Each clearly demonstrates this approach--from OLO Fragrance's scent from memories ago, `Tulare,' to the locally harvested and run Wolf Honey." Equinox, The Stables, 910 SE Taylor, Sat Sept 22, 2-7 pm. September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 15 Training Kitchen Ninjas TM JOIN US. Program information at oregonculinaryinstitute.com For dreamers who do. Apply online by September 30 | Attend an info session: 855.855.1961 | www.peacecorps.gov/apply 16 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 MUSIC A New Kind of Gaze Onuinu's Portland Pop Album by Maranda Bish DORIAN DUVALL is one of those indi- Mirror Gazer were almost never laid to viduals who seem to dwell in a constant tape. "I was at this point where I didn't even really wanna record those state of creativity. The CleveOnuinu songs. I was kinda like, `Man, land native--and the dreamer Thurs Sept 20 I've already made those... I just of Onuinu's unique sounds--is Holocene the product of a musically fertile 1001 SE Morrison want to make a bunch of new songs." Thankfully, a friend gave family and household; he started out making acoustic music before expand- him some sound advice: "`Put it down, and ing his efforts to include electronic tools then move on.' So I was like, all right, I'll and compositional experimentation. Once put them down." Duvall worked with engineer Jeremy he relocated to Portland--a city rife with musicians, though not of the synthetic Sherrer to capture the effects and energy bent--Duvall found himself in hot pursuit that make his music so captivating: atmospheric layers of synths, samples, beats, and of an original sound. With inspiration from genre-bending intriguing vocals, which serve as anchors acts like Flying Lotus and LA's Odd Future, while simultaneously remaining aloof and Duvall describes his penchant for innova- elusive. Among the nine tracks, the different tion, beyond the re-creation of any one style. styles become distinct: Some songs are siz"I'm always working on new stuff," he says. zling, hypnotic, and club friendly ("Forever," "Even if I'm not actually making it, I'm con- "Ice Palace"), while others evoke anthemic ceptualizing what I want to do. That's the hiphop jams ("Always Awkward," "Happy first step in the process: just thinking about Home"), and ambient interludes ("Lost," "A it, and trying to understand what direction Night With..."). The album's aesthetic is united in what you want to go with it." While he began recording and per- Duvall has found to be the undercurrent of forming prolifically, releasing some early music in this time and place: pop. "There's tracks via local label Apes Tapes, Duvall so many pop bands in Portland--I think says his efforts remained on the verge of that's why I made this album," he says. "I actualization. "There's kind of this weird guess I felt like that was what I should come period where you're trying to make what out with, just being in this environment." you're envisioning, then you hit a wall. It's The accessibility and appeal of pop serves as a common thread for Duvall's music in a kind of painful." From this point of limbo, the tracks scene that is often associated with rock 'n' that would be collected on debut album roll archetypes. Still, Onuinu has developed deeper kinship with other local electro-leaning acts like YACHT (for whom he recently opened on nationwide dates, performing as a trio with two other live musicians) and Starfucker, who will be tourmates for an upcoming month of shows. The band stands to reach growing audiences, thanks to some national press this summer, including a blog post recommending the band from Time magazine: "I just woke up one morning and was like, `What the hell is this?'" says Duvall. "The fans grew substantially... I guess people know who we are now." The acclaim has had other positive effects, as well: "I think my parents have a little more faith in my music endeavors, after seeing that." ONUINU In a shocking twist, he's the one gazing at your shoes! Rock of Ages Black Prairie Is as Black Prairie Does by Ryan J. Prado MUSIC REGARDLESS OF HOW or why they and doesn't settle for pigeonholing. "We opened everything up," explains started, referring to Portland's Black Prairie as a side project has now become Funk. "I think we looked at what it meant to be a pure string band--plus disrespectful. Not to the band Black Prairie accordion, in our situation-- members, mind you, but to the Fri Sept 21 and said, `Well, we did that.'" diverse music the five-piece Mississippi Studios Opening everything up group has assembled for its 3939 N Mississippi included utilizing vocals and second full-length, A Tear in the Eye Is a Wound in the Heart. For the drums for the fi rst time. For a band that band, how you choose to categorize their during its inception adhered to a set working status--especially in relation of aesthetic parameters (no vocals, no to the Decemberists, in which three drums, only acoustic instruments), the Black Prairie members are players-- heavier dose of vocalist/fiddler Annalisa Tornfelt's sultry serenades might seem a is negotiable. Black Prairie, however, don't find betrayal--if her vocals weren't so great. themselves feeling like much of a side With such a talented band, it was only a matter of time before they decided to of anything. "When some members are in a more break their own rules. "When we started, we said, `Let's successful band, it gets termed that way," says multi-instrumentalist Chris Funk. make this a strict acoustic folk band,' "You bow down to your more successful which was a reaction to some of us being or longer-standing project. In terms of Decemberists," Funk laughs. "But now I how we cut up our time in the month, it look at our stage inputs for the fall and it's just like the Decemberists." certainly doesn't feel like a side project." Far be it for a group with such worldly A Tear in the Eye is testament to this. With eight of the album's 16 cuts including musical palates, however, to stop at the vocals, and the other eight dallying in mere inclusion of vocals and drums to grow Euro-folk, classic Americana, and ghostly into themselves. A Tear in the Eye marches string sonatas, the collaborative nature out Romani folk in the form of "Taraf," an of Black Prairie doesn't speak in stutters homage of sorts to the Romani catalog of Taraf de Ha�douks; later, "34 Wishes: The Legend Of" espouses a darkly intricate string-and-accordion arrangement that glitters with violin crescendos and lots of lead. Inspiration for this tune came in the form of Funk and guitarist Jon Neufeld lifting Mastodon riffs and reimagining metal songs for acoustic instruments. "Dirty River Stomp," a Joplin-esque ragtime piano piece, was brought in by accordionist Jenny Conlee-Drizos around the time the band was also writing the score for the Oregon Children's Theatre's spring production of The Storm in the Barn. The emotive imagery required for a stage play proved a beneficial distraction for the band. "When Jenny brought us `Dirty River Stomp,' we were neck-deep in the middle of making weirder music for The Storm in the Barn, so that middle section [of A Tear in the Eye] gets pretty out there." Considering their lofty ambitions, the band's next goal shouldn't be all that surprising. "Our next adventure is we want to do a laser light show at OMSI," says Funk. "They already said yes." JASON QUIGLEY BLACK PRAIRIE It's the world's smallest violin that makes Black Prairie so unique. Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 17 BACK TO SCHOOL IN EUGENE Double Tee, Kesey & showbox presenT: OUTDOORS IN EUGENE! TRAVIS PORTER � YG Sept 25th � Cuthbert AmphitheAter � 7pm � All AgeS Autumn Equinox two-DA y PArty Fri & Sat 9/21 & 22 OUTDOORS IN EUEGENE! sepTember 26Th � 7pm � All Ages CuThberT AmphiTheATer Great Wilderness 9:30 p.m. Fri 9/21 � Gallop Sat 9/22 � Shadows on Stars thursday, september 20 5:30 p.m. is "eagle time" brOthers OF the hOuNd a LeaF 8:30 p.m. FrIday, september 21 reverb brOthers saturday, september 22 4:30 p.m. is "eagle time" 5:30 p.m. is "eagle time" Laura IvaNCIe teNNIs prO ed & the red reds shaNNON stepheNs 7 p.m. suNday, september 23 Father FIGure Charts LOG aCrOss the Washer 8:30 p.m. mONday, september 24 W/ "add LOve shOWCase" WILL West, the druthers, the saLe & speCIaL Guests 8:30 p.m. tuesday, september 25 WedNesday, september 26 bItterrOOt 8:30 p.m. WITH SpecIal gueSTS TYpHOON Fri sepT 28Th � CuThberT AmphiTheATer � All Ages 18 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 Charge by phone by Calling (503) 224-4400 or at tiCketmaster.Com AdvAnce tickets through All ticketsWest locAtions, sAfeWAy, Music MillenniuM. to chArge by phone pleAse cAll 503.224.8499 upcoming ticketed shows: 9/28 & 29 oFFiciAL FuRthuR AFteRpARtY w/ gARciA BiRthdAY BAnd 10/4 six60 nAthAnieL tALBot 10/5 the spRing stAndARds weLFARe evAn wAY (oF the pARson Red heAds) From Scratch, Times Ten LiveMusic, Music,Cabaret, Cabaret,Burlesque Burlesque& &Rock-n-Roll Rock-n-Roll Live LiveMusic, Music,Cabaret, Cabaret,Burlesque Burlesque& &Rock-n-Roll Rock-n-Roll Live The Newly Restored Histori c The We Shared Milk's Family Snapshot by Rochelle Hunter MUSIC 503-226-6630 � Open Daily 11am-2:30am � AFTER PLAYING almost weekly for into this washy, reverb-y, weird jam where about a year, the We Shared Milk have he plays saxophone." "Bastard," recorded by finally wrapped their debut full-length. But History of The We Shared Milk Grandparents, is the record's Sat Sept 22 biggest accomplishment. The Voyager & Legend Tripping Mississippi Studios recording somehow manages is more than the band's fi rst 3939 N Mississippi to maintain the We Shared album: It's a snapshot of the Portland music community, and a magnified Milk's original style, yet it sounds entirely example of why locals sometimes refer different from their previous EPs. A few to this scene as incestuous. Each track warm guitar tones also help bring out the on the album was produced by--and depth of Howard's vocals. Listening to bands still in their recorded in the home, practice space, or otherwise DIY recording studio of--a developmental stage sometimes leads different local band, 10 in all: Talkative, one to wonder what could happen if a Grandparents, Hustle and Drone, band went in a particular direction. Support Force, Old Age, Fanno Creek, The ambitious but overall impressively Ray Rude, Charts, And And And, and cohesive History of Voyager & Legend Tripping gives us an album's worth of Log Across the Washer. The band--Boone Howard (vocals/ different answers to that question: a guitar), Eric Ambrosius (drums), and preview of 10 alternate futures for the Travis Leipzig (bass)--came up with We Shared Milk. the concept for the album as a way to push themselves. For the most part, the We Shared Milk came to each recording session with a demo or a few riffs for a song, but there were occasions when they started empty-handed, relying on inspiration from the experience. "The craziest example of recording in someone else's way from scratch," Howard says, "was recording in Alsea, Oregon, with Matt Ulm from Old Age. We did the whole thing on a four-track out on his property and stayed up all night. We didn't have a demo or a song written for that one, and I think it turned out to be my favorite. And the song we did with Tyler Keene of Log Across the Washer probably changed most from the demo. It DANE BRIST was originally this punk song that turned THE WE SHARED MILK Milklicious! w w w. da n tes l i ve . c o m $10 ADV 9PM .d aant t sol ri tv .c w w ww . Sw t aw rT he ee rP le an d .o cm om 503-226-6630 � Open Daily 11am-2:30am � www.S WEDNESDAY SEPT 19 SCOTT H. BIRAM + RESTAVRANT & CICADA OMEGA WEDNESDAY THURSDAY SEPT 20 THURSDAYSEPT20 SEPT 19 $10 ADV 9PM $12 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME DOUBLE TEE PRESENTS 21 FRIDAY SEPT SEPT21 $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME SCOTT H. BIRAM ROSEHIP SINNSAVVY PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS WITH MANIMALHOUSE THURS DOUBLE TEE PRESENTS $12 ADVANCE TICKETB FRIDAY $15 ADVANCE TICKETB + RESTAVRANT FRIDAY SEPT 21 $12.50 ADV 9:30PM ZEPPARELLA "The Best Show Burlesque, Firedancers In Town!" DJs, Magic & Debauchery! ALL-FEMALE, ALL-STAR LED ZEPPELIN TRIBUTE SATURDAY SEPT 22 $15 ADV 9:30PM LED ZEPPELIN TRIBUTE OLYMPIC SEPT 21 SATURDAY SEPT 22 THE SATURDAYSEPT22 EDITION QUEENS OF THE POLE NEW ORLEANS SATURDAY SEPT 22 FROM SATURDAYSEPT22 & THE HBO SERIES EARLY SHOW 8PM - $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT FRIDAY $12.50 ADV 9:30PM REVUE & CICADA OMEGA RO ZEPPARELLA "TREME" "The Best Show ALL-FEMALE, ALL-STAR LATE SHOW 10PM - $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT WITH THE JIM JAMS & GUANTANAMO BAYWATCH SUNDAY SEPT 23 FromHelHel FromHelHel Karaoke From l l PATTERSON Karaoke From l l PAT SINFERNO Karaoke SINFERNO Karaoke cabaret 10pm $3 MONDAY SEPT 24 WITH THE JIM JAMS & GUANTANAMO BAYWATCH THU & FRI SEPT27&28 SEPT 27 & 28 THU&FRI $20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME In Town!" DAVIS ROGAN SEPT 22 $15 ADV 9:30PM SATURDAY SATURD QU SATURD EARLY SHOW 8PM - $1 LATE SHOW 10PM - $10 Burlesque, Firedancers Magic & Debauchery! SUNDAY DJs, MONDAY LEAD SINGER OF THE DRIVE-BY SEPT 23 SEPT 24 TRUCKERS THU & THU&F DA R $20 ADVANCE TICKET LEAD SIN So You Wanna Be A ROCK STAR? 9PM - SALOON ENSEMBLE TUESDAY SEPT 25 8pm Showtime CHUCK'N'BUCK DSL THE KARAOKE WITH A LIVE BAND FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS ! S H O W open mic comedy with hostess dirt starr love CHUCK'N'BUCK SATURDAY SEPT 29 SATURDAYSEPT29 DSL SEPT 25 10pm $3 $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 7:30PM & 11PM SHOWTIMES HOOD TUESDAY cabaret 8pm Showtime 9PM - SALOON ENSEMBLE KARAOKE WITH A LIVE BAND & THE DOWNTOWN FOR ANOTHER 20 YEARS ! RAMBLERS S THE open mic comedy SHOWS AT with hostess dirt 7:30PM & starr 11PM love So You Wanna Be A ROCK STAR? + HOPE FOR AGOLDENSUMMER H O CRITICAL HIT BURLESQUE W PRESENTS TWO HO SATURD $15 ADVANCE TICKET THURSDAY SEPT 27 $10 ADV 9PM JUCIFER DirtClodFight & NINJA $13 ADV 9:30PM FRIDAY SEPT 28 MIKE THRASHER PRESENTS Overnight Bag M. Ward Keeps Time by Raquel Nasser MUSIC AMBASSADORS THE CRY 9/19 Scott H. Biram 9/21 Zepparella 9/22 Los Straitjackets 9/23 Sinferno + Saloon Ensemble 9/24 Karaoke From Hell 9/25 Chuck-n-Buck Show 9/26 Objects In Space 9/27 Jucifer 9/28 Local H 9/29 Appetite For Deception 9/30 Walking Papers & Sinferno Cabaret 10/5 American Bastard 10/6 House Of Floyd 10/12 Soulfire Bellydance 10/13 Jeff The Brotherhood 10/14 Sinferno + Voodoo Organist 10/17 Rosie Flores & Marti Brom 10/18 The Hyde & Cheap Time 10/19 Three Bad Jacks 10/20 Hell's Belles 10/21 Miss Kennedy's Cabaret & Sinferno Cabaret 10/25 Army Navy 10/26 Zombie Rockfest 10/27 Heaven & Hell Ball 10/31 Lukas Nelson 11/2 Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band 11/3 Cash'd Out 11/10 Two Cow Garage 11/14 Rebirth Brass Band 11/15 Mark Sultan 12/1 Cherry Poppin' Daddies 12/2 Mickey Avalon TICKETS AVAILABLE @ DANTE'S, STAR THEATER AND WWW.DANTESLIVE.COM COMING SOON THURSDAY 5 FRIDAY OCT OCT5 $10 ADV 9PM SEPT 27 $13 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME WEDNESDAY OCT 10 WEDNESDAYOCT10 $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME AFICIANADO 12 RITCHIE FRIDAY OCT OCT12 FRIDAY SPICE MIXTAPES CITIZEN WED JUCIFER WITH SHANA HALLIGAN WAX TAILOR DirtClodFight & NINJA $20 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME WEDNESDAY OCT 17 WEDNESDAYOCT17 PRESENTS $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT 9PM SHOWTIME MIKE THRASHER SEPT 28 BAMBU STATION $13 ADV INNA VISION 9:30PM &THE ALLAH-LAS NICK WATERHOUSE 19 FRIDAY OCT OCT19 $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME TRIBUTE TO HERBIE JOEY PORTER'S HANCOCK AMBASSADORS PRESENTS HUMAN BEINGS are constantly subject musical reach--due largely to the nature to the slightest changes in the atmosphere. and success of She & Him, his duo with Perhaps, then, humans should always be actress Zooey Deschanel--Ward has been ready to get up and go at any moment. tossed into the life of a jetsetter. "I typically play about four shows a Somewhere within the confi nes M. Ward month in various places, which of our tidy homes, there should Thurs Sept 20 I guess makes me more of a be an overnight bag, packed Aladdin Theater and waiting. And while we 3017 SE Milwaukie weekend warrior," says Ward. A Wasteland Companion might fear that bag's presence in our life, it should also be something that carefully logs and reenacts the upheaval keeps us going, and keeps us ready. That's of the past three years--perhaps not exthe operative power of M. Ward's seventh plicitly, because Ward is not one for penstudio album, A Wasteland Companion. It ning the most literal folk songs, but in was made in different studios across the the oscillating mood that the album creUS and England, and it documents what ates as a whole. For instance, the openhappens when you travel far enough out- ing song, "Clean Slate" (which is a tribute to Alex Chilton), strolls through crisp side your comfort zone. For whatever reason, Ward has long and calm air, while the following track, been portrayed as an introvert and a Lud- "Primitive Girl," carries a frenetic, imdite. In 2009, when Hold Time was re- pulsive energy; it's the difference from leased, the New York Times profi led him one day to the next. Ward says, "I feel that I'm constantly and painted a vivid picture of a man frozen in time. There was Ward in his creaky trying to find the balance between dark Portland sanitarium, hovering among tan- and light, in the way that a great photogled tape reels, hoarded vintage instru- graph does. My records are a way for me to ments, and record shelves full of music organize and present that balance. So if the that had "weathered storms." However, records are sounding more personal and with the past few years' expansion of his organized, I think that's a good thing." SATURDAY SEPT 29 $10 ADV J-FELL 9:30PM PRESENTS WORLD'S GREATEST G'N'R TRIBUTE THE CRY 20 SATURDAY OCT SATURDAYOCT20 $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME 9/19 Scott H. Biram 9/21 Zepparella 9/22 Los Straitjackets 9/23 Sinferno + Saloon Ensemble 9/24 Karaoke From Hell 9/25 Chuck-n-Buck Show 9/26 Objects In Space 9/27 Jucifer 9/28 Local H 9/29 Appetite For Deception 9/30 Walking Papers & Sinferno Cabaret 10/5 American Bastard 10/6 House Of Floyd 10/12 Soulfire Bellydance 10/13 Jeff The Brotherhood 10/14 Sinferno + Voodoo Organist 10/17 Rosie Flores & Marti Brom 10/18 The Hyde & Cheap Time 10/19 Three Bad Jacks 10/20 Hell's Belles 10/21 Miss Kennedy's Cabaret & Sinferno Cabaret 10/25 Army Navy 10/26 Zombie Rockfest 10/27 Heaven & Hell Ball + DJ BEYONDA 10/31 Lukas Nelson 11/2 Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band 11/3 Cash'd Out 11/10 Two Cow Garage 11/14 Rebirth Brass Band 11/15 Mark Sultan 12/1 Cherry Poppin' Daddies 12/2 Mickey Avalon TICKETS AVAILABLE @ DANTE'S, MIKE STAR THEATER AND THRASHERWWW.DANTESLIVE.COM COMING SOON FRIDAY $13 ADVANCE TICKETB WEDNE $10 ADVANCE TICKETB M CIT FRIDAY $20 ADVANCE TICKETB BAM WEDNE $10 ADVANCE TICKETB 9PM SHOWTIME &T FRIDAY $15 ADVANCE TICKETB JOEY APPETITE FOR SHOOT TO THRILL DECEPTION WITH SUNDAY SEPT 30 $10 ADV 9PM PLUS MEMBERS OF SCREAMING TREES, MAD SEASON & MISSIONARY POSITION WITH DUFF MCKAGAN FROM GUNS'N'ROSES APPETITE FOR SHOOT TO THRILL DECEPTION WITH FRIDAY OCT 26 OCT26 SEPT 29 $10 ADV J-FELL 9:30PM PRESENTS $15 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT - 9PM SHOWTIME SATURDAY OMAR RODRIGUEZ-LOPEZ GROUP SUNDAY SEPT 30 WORLD'S GREATEST G'N'R TRIBUTE SATURD $15 ADVANCE TICKETB OMAR WALKING PAPERS FOLLOWED BY SINFERNO CABARET AT 11PM SATURDAY OCT 13 $12 ADV MIKE 9:30PM THRASHER PRESENTS SATURDAY OCT 20 $12 ADV 9:30PM JEFF THE BROTHERHOOD MIKE THRASHER PRESENTS SATURDAY JEFF THE OCT 13 SHOWS MORE SATURDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY NOV 2 BIG DAMN BAND SUNDAY MICKEY AVALON $10 ADV 9:30PM REV. PEYTONS WE GOT THE MEAT & NINJA DEC 2 $20 ADV 8PM TICKETS AVAILABLE AT STAR THEATER, DANTE'S AND WWW.STARTHEATERPORTLAND.COM $12 ADV MIKE SEPT 20 - ORGONE & MANIMALHOUSE 9:30PM THRASHER PRESENTS SEPT 21 - ROSEHIP REVUE SEPT 22 - EARLY SHOW 8PM - QUEENS OF THE POLE SEPT 22 - LATE SHOW 10PM - DAVIS ROGAN OF "TREME" SEPT 27 - PATTERSON HOOD & THE DOWNTOWN RAMBLERS SEPT 28 - PATTERSON HOOD & THE DOWNTOWN RAMBLERS SEPT OCT29 20- GEEKLESQUE: POWERS UP 2 SEPT 30 - EASTSIDE SPEED MACHINE & ONE MOMENT $12 ADV OCT 4 - BARFLY PRESENTS ELVIS' 50TH BIRTHDAY BASH 9:30PM WE GOT THE MEAT & NINJA OCT 5 - WAX TAILOR & SHANA HALLIGAN OCT 10 - AFICIANADO - MIXTAPES - CITIZEN WED OCT 11 - IO ECHO OCT 12 - RITCHIE SPICE OCT 17 - NICK WATERHOUSE & THE ALLAH-LAS + BEYONDA OCT 18 ROCKY HORROR PASTIE SHOW NOV 2OCT 19 - JOEY PORTER'S HERBIE HANCOCK TRIBUTE $10 ADV OCT 20 - OMAR RODRIGUEZ-LOPEZ GROUP 9:30PM OCT 21 - DILANA OCT 25 - PORTLAND FAMOUS OCT 26 - RASPUTINA & FAUN FABLES OCT 27 - MOULIN ROUGE SING-A-LONG OCT 31 - VAGABOND OPERA HALLOWEEN BALL NOV 32 - MR. GNOME DEC NOV 9 - MARK EITZEL OF AMERICAN MUSIC CLUB $20 ADV NOV 10 - EARLY SHOW 7PM - BEN SOLLEE 8PM DEC 6 - WORLD/INFERNO FRIENDSHIP SOCIETY + O'DEATH DEC 13 - TY SEGALL & NIGHT BEATS PUTINA RA RASPUTINA RA RAS PLUS MEMBERS OF SCREAMING TREES, MAD SEASON & MISSIONARY POSITION WITH DUFF MCKAGAN FROM GUNS'N'ROSES FRIDAY $15 ADVANCE TICKETB $10 ADV 9PM WALKING PAPERS FOLLOWED BY SINFERNO CABARET AT 11PM MIKE THRASHER PRESENTS BROTHERHOOD MORE S BIG DAMN BAND SUNDAY MICKEY AVALON SUNDAY OCT 21 STAR THEATER $10 ADVANCE TICKETBISCUIT 9PM SHOWTIME REV. PEYTONS SEPT 20 - O SEPT 21 - R SEPT 22 - E SEPT 22 - L SEPT 27 - P SEPT 28 - P SEPT 29 - G SEPT 30 - E OCT 4 - BA OCT 5 - WA OCT 10 - AF OCT 11 - IO OCT 12 - RI OCT 17 - NI OCT 18 - R OCT 19 - JO OCT 20 - O OCT 21 - D OCT 25 - P OCT 26 - R OCT 27 - M OCT 31 - VA NOV 3 - MR NOV 9 - MA NOV 10 - EA DEC 6 - W DEC 13 THIRD &BURNSIDE DOWNTOWN PORTLAND � 503-226-4666 FOR PICK-UP ORDERS THIRD &BURNSIDE DOWNTOWN PORTLAND � 503-226-4666 FOR PICK-UP ORDERS D IL A N A D IL A N DILANA DILAN September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 19 4 BaBes Playing the Music of ZePPelin fri This & Grand royale a triBute to the Beastie Boys 1 sW 3rd ave � Portland, or 8:00PM doors � 21 and over tickets at safeWay/ticketsWest charge By Phone 503-224-tixx squarepegconcerts.com friday september 21 dante's Pink floyd triBute saturday october 6 dante's 1 sW 3rd ave � Portland, or 8:30PM doors � 21 and over tickets at safeWay/ticketsWest charge By Phone 503-224-tixx House of Floyd 3017 se MilWaukie ave Portland, or 7:30PM shoW all ages tickets at all ticketMaster locations charge By Phone 1-800-745-3000 sunday october 7 aladdin theatre the next Best thing to Johnny cash Presents tues oct 16 crystal ballroom 1332 W Burnside st � Portland, or 7:30PM shoW � all ages tickets at cascade tickets charge By Phone 855-cas-tixx x2 also at crystal BallrooM Box office saturday november 3 dante's 1 sW 3rd ave � Portland, or 9:00PM doors � 21 and over tickets at safeWay/ticketsWest charge By Phone 503-224-tixx & suGarcane sCrAPPDX.OrG/RCR CAUTION! THIS IS NOT YOUR MAMA'S CRAFT COMPET THURS ITION! 2 1+ event OCT SPONSORS: come see Portland's best crafters go head-to-head in the ultimate craft smackdown! AN OFFICIAL EVENT OF 18 2 0 1 2 7 30 PM HOllYwOOd THEATRE 4122 NE SANdY Blvd. 3017 se MilWaukie ave � Portland, or 7:30PM shoW � all ages tickets at all ticketMaster locations charge By Phone 1-800-745-3000 sunday nov 10 aladdin theatre 170 high st se � saleM, or 7:30PM shoW � all ages tickets at safeWay/ticketsWest locations charge By Phone 503-224-tixx thursday nov 15 elsinore theater Straight No Chaser 20 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 tuesday november 27 arlene schnitzer concert hall 1037 sW BroadWay � Portland, or � 8:00PM doors � all ages tickets at all ticketMaster locations � charge By Phone 1-800-745-3000 UP&COMING THIS WEEK'S MUSIC PREVIEWS M. WARD Aladdin, 9/20 CRYSTAL FIGHTERS, Wonder Ballroom, 6/2 AUTUMN DE WILDE THURSDAY 9/20 M. WARD, MIKE COYKENDALL ONUINU, SHY GIRLS, MAGIC FADES, BOBBY DANGEROUS, DJ ZACK (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) See Music, pg. 17. Houndstooth. The band has a new 7-inch out that's worth wrapping your ears around. Okay, last question: So what if this show causes a little d�j� vu? Nostalgia is what we live for. Right? ML (Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie) See Music, pg. 19. FRIDAY 9/21 FATHER JOHN MISTY, JENNY O (Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) I thought I was predisposed to not like Father John Misty given Josh Tillman's previous solo work and his tenure with Fleet Foxes. Sad-sack folk tends to lull me to sleep. Trading in the drab chill of Seattle for the warmer climes of the historically musically rich Laurel Canyon of Los Angeles, Tillman reemerged playing pop songs that capture the spirit of LA excess and depravity that's been glorifi ed for decades. This reinvention from backwoods folkie to '60s pop-cult leader works for Father John Misty. And the music benefi ts greatly, both in the arrangements and the fact that the lyrics are fun and strange. Whether it's sincere or not doesn't even matter--Tillman paints a wonderful picture. MARK LORE BLACK PRAIRIE, SHELLEY SHORT, DARREN HANLON (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) See Music, pg. 17. SALLIE FORD AND THE SOUND OUTSIDE, OLD LIGHT (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Sallie Ford and the Sound Outside have been on the road a lot lately, including a French tour earlier this summer that was largely sold out, and more recently a cross-country tour that brought their juke-joint swing to many an intimate American venue. The band's debut, Dirty Radio, was digitally reissued in late August with two previously unreleased tracks chosen by fan vote. One of those tracks is the smoky, sexy "Like a Drug," which trades Ford's barbs at cultural homogenization (as in opener "I Swear") for a swaggering, slow-jam shuffle and diamond-sharp vocals that Jessica Rabbit would envy. Ford & Co. may still wear their Asheville hearts on their sleeves, but Portland has never beamed brighter for some transplants gone large. See why at this homecoming show. RYAN J. PRADO ANIMAL COLLECTIVE, MICACHU AND THE SHAPES (Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) To their credit, Animal Collective haven't completely shrugged off their foundation of weirdness. Despite garnering a bafflingly big fanbase--due mostly to the sparkling, designer-drug sounds on 2009's Merriweather Post Pavilion--they're still ornamenting their twinkly, simple, rave-ready melodies with sonic curveballs and downright ugly noises. The new Centipede Hz could have been their bid for the mainstream; rather, it's a strange, affable record with some catchy tunes and a thick bath of wretchedsounding digital timbres. It seems that Animal Collective's high-water mark of 2005's Feels won't likely be revisited--that record actually sounded like elemental demigods being awoken from a deep slumber. Merriweather and Centipede, on the other hand, are much closer to the truth, sounding like a group of smart kids fucking around with digital toys. NED LANNAMANN THE RAVEONETTES, MELODY'S ECHO CHAMBER, THE UPSIDEDOWN (Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th) The Raveonettes' latest, Observator, doesn't break far from their established mentholated sound: sweet, dark pop with hat tips to girl-group bouffants, the Velvet Underground's black-turtleneck cool, the Jesus and Mary Chain's overdriven clang, and electric-tape goth glamour. Main songwriter Sune Rose Wagner wrote a very candid account of the record's inception--it involved a trip to LA and a lot of drugs and alcohol. Perhaps due to his difficulties, his emotional state is a little hard to pin down on Observator (bandmate Sharin Foo tackles lead vocals on a number of tracks), but the record contains some of their most heartfelt work, alongside some of their most sleek and misdirectional. Six albums in, the Raveonettes have developed one of the most consistent bodies of work in the past decade, and if critics dismiss them as too repetitive, fans recognize the depth and subtlety of their catalog. Let's hope Wagner's troubles are behind him and there are many more Raveonettes albums to come. NL Full Bar & Menu Until 2:30am! Happy Hour 2�8pm 7days a week 3267 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 503-239-1143 TERRAPLANE SUN, THE MOWGLIS (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Buzz surrounding the LA-based Terraplane Sun consistently and bafflingly references their "raw" and "gritty" aesthetic. To be sure, Ben Rothbard's nimble wail nails the spirit of the westward blues migration of the '60s. And the surprising presence of a trombone and mandolin create unexpected layers. But that's not quite the same thing as down-and-dirty blues rock produced with only a shoestring and enthusiasm. For example, the song "Get Me Golden," off the forthcoming Friends EP, has been featured in one of this year's better blockbusters (21 Jump Street ), as well as one of the worst (What to Expect When You're Expecting ). Also, a Citibank commercial. To me, these big budget spots indicate the real truth: Terraplane Sun is upbeat, easy to like, and has broad appeal. And none of these things are bad! In fact, it's one of the main purposes of making music. And by most accounts, their live show is a force of nature. REBECCA WILSON SATURDAY 9/22 PORTLAND CELLO PROJECT: RADIOHEAD'S OK COMPUTER (Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15. BILL CALLAHAN (Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15. SUNDAZE, THE UPSIDEDOWN, RINGO DEATHSTARR, WL (Slabtown, 1033 NW 16th) Don't let Ringo Deathstarr's ridiculous name frighten you... come back! Please? This Austin four-piece makes blissfully fuzzy pop with a sad-sack bent. Sound familiar? While My Bloody Valentine comparisons are inevitable, RDS do it with aplomb. The band will release their sophomore record, Mauve, this month, which promises more of the same. Joining the shoegaze fun are locals WL (pronounced "Well"), featuring members of Blouse and THE WE SHARED MILK, CHARTS, TALKATIVE, OLD AGE, OPERATION MISSION, LOG ACROSS THE WASHER (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) See Music, pg. 19. THE EVAPORATORS, THE TRANZMITORS, THE BLOODTYPES, YOUTHBITCH, DJ KEN DIRTNAP (The Know, 2026 NE Alberta) Every track I hear from the Tranzmitors--and spread out over various 7-inches and albums, there are a lot ; get thee to their Bandcamp page--sounds like a goddamn classic. The Vancouver, September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 21 TERRAPLANE THURSDAY! A CO-HEADLINE AFFAIR OF SCORCHING SO-CAL ROCK SALLIE FORD & THE SOUND OUTSIDE FRIDAY! +OLD LIGHT TICKETS GOING FAST THE RETURN OF PDX'S FAVORITE ROCK `N ROLL REVIVALISTS SASSPARILLA SATURDAY! AND AND AND +THE JACKALOPE SAINTS AN ALBUM RELEASE CELEBRATION WITH +THE MOWGLI'S THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 20 � $8 ADVANCE FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 21 � $13 ADVANCE SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 22 � $10 ADVANCE EXPERIMENTAL POP FROM NYC SISTER DUO ZAMBRI MAKE IT A NIGHT Present that night's show ticket and get $3 off any entree Sun - Thur in the dining room 830 E BURNSIDE � 503-231-WOOD � www.dougfirlounge.com MAGICAL ELECTRO-POP FROM AWARD-WINNING CANADIAN TRIO K.FLAY WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 26 � +MICHNA $10 ADVANCE BLAZING INDIE HIP-HOP FROM BAY AREA WUNDERKIND TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 25 � $10 ADVANCE DRAGONETTE DOUG FIR RESTAURANT + BAR OPEN 7AM�LATE EVERYDAY SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER, LATE-NIGHT. HAPPY HOUR 3-6 PM EVERYDAY, COVERED SMOKING PATIO, FIREPLACE ROOM, LOTS OF LOG. LIVE SHOWS IN THE LOUNGE... A CO-HEADLINE AFFAIR OF SCORCHING SO-CAL ROCK SCOTT PEMBERTON +THE KNOCKS TICKETS GOING FAST $15ADVANCE ADVANCE $15 +ELDRIDGE GRAVY THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 27 � MIKE WATT & THE MISSINGMEN SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 29 � +DIVERS $15 ADVANCE AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH LEGENDARY BASS SLAYER FIREWATER WORLD-INSPIRED INDIE-PUNK MASTERY FROM LONGTIME ROCK FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 28 & THE COURT SUPREME � $10 ADVANCE IN MUSIC WE TRUST PRESENTS SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 30 � +CHERVONA $12 ADVANCE MONDAY OCTOBER 1 CHICHARONES +PICTORIALS � $5 AT THE DOOR ROLLING ATMOSPHERICS FROM SF BASED ELECTRICIAN TYCHO +DJ HEATHERED PEARLS SEAN HAYES THE RETURN OF BELOVED BAY AREA SINGER/SONGWRITER TUESDAY OCTOBER 2 � $15 ADVANCE AN EARLY FALL EVENING WITH TWO PNW POWERHOUSES EXTRAORDINARILY PROLIFIC EXPERIMENTAL NEW-FOLK WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 3 +BIRDS OF CHICAGO � $18 ADVANCE SIX ORGANS OF ADMITTANCE LOW HUMS +COLOSSAL YES The MALDIVES WOLF GANG THE ROYAL CONCEPT +FRANK + DEROL EXPANSIVE INDIE-ROCK FROM UK BUZZ BUILDERS THURSDAY OCTOBER 4 � $12 ADVANCE FRIDAY OCTOBER 5 CELILO +SARA JACKSON-HOLMAN � $8 ADVANCE TWO, NO HOLDS BARRED, EVENINGS WITH THEE OH SEES SATURDAY OCTOBER 6 � $11 ADVANCE +SIC ALPS SUNDAY OCTOBER 7 � $14 ADVANCE MONDAY OCTOBER 8 & TUESDAY OCTOBER 9 � $13 ADVANCE Sun Airway / Pure Bathing Culture 10/18 Husky 10/26 Clea Partidge / The Mynabirds 11/11 Cold Specks 11/20 - on sale 9/21 Left Coast Country 11/23 Cave Singers 12/6 - on sale 9/21 All of these shows on sale at Ticketfly.com HOSPITALITY 10/11 � LYDIA LOVELESS 10/12 � THE SHEEPDOGS 10/13 � RADNEY FOSTER 10/14 GRIMES 10/15 � AARON FREEMAN 10/16 � CROCODILES 10/17 � POI DOG PONDERING 10/19 � FREELANCE WHALES 10/20 (late) NEIL HALSTEAD 10/20 (early) � LOST IN THE TREES 10/21 � LORD HURON 10/22 � HUSKY (AU) 10/26 � BOWERBIRDS 10/27 ADVANCE TICKETS AT TICKETFLY - www.tickfly.com and at JACKPOT RECORDS � SUBJECT TO SERVICE CHARGE &/OR USER FEE ALL SHOWS: 8PM DOORS / 9PM SHOW � 21+ UNLESS NOTED � BOX OFFICE OPENS 1/2 HOUR BEFORE DOORS � ROOM PACKAGES AVAILABLE AT www.jupiterhotel.com 22 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 UP&COMING THIS WEEK'S MUSIC PREVIEWS BC, band specializes in quick, nervy gems of power pop that are powerful good. The lyrics deal bluntly with that time-honored theme of adolescent angst (in fake British accents, no less); the guitars chime and bang into one another; the drums bash at full throttle as if the band's lives depended on it; an occasional organ or guitar solo is thrown in for good measure. And what great songs! Take your pick: Latest single "Concrete Depression," for example, has echoes of Stiff Little Fingers and the Jam, but also boasts an instrumental break and a key change that turns the track into an ecstatic, controlled frenzy of the very best kind. And B-side "A Little Bit Closer" cross-pollinates Tommy James and the Shondells with the Clash, resulting in marvelous, caffeine-addled new highs. Maybe it's crazy to put the Tranzmitors alongside bands like the Kinks and the Who and Big Star and the Jam, but, yeah. I'm gonna do that. NL both boil over with whiplash-inducing speed bursts and Mille Petrozza's signature snarl. The former has much more flair and dexterity then the latter, but both are good listens. Accept and Kreator are classic metal champions who are tired of experimenting. Thankfully, they still know that what they do best is what their fans want. ARIS WALES MONDAY 9/24 503.288.3895 3939 N. Mississippi firstname.lastname@example.org 8pm doors/ 9pm show 21+ unless otherwise noted BarBar all ages until 9pm Warm, cuddly birthday wishes to Slipknot percussionist 6 (AKA "Clown"). He's the dreamiest! Reptar A co-headline from our favorite of Black Prairie (record release) Americana band celebrating the release of A Tear In The Eye Is A Wound In The Heart by Sugar Hill Records TUESDAY 9/25 GROUPLOVE, ALT-J (Roseland, 8 NW 6th) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15. Rubblebucket indie, art-rock bands Fri, Sept 21 $13 ADv MATISYAHU, DIRTY HEADS, PACIFIC DUB (Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside) Reggae rapper Matisyahu is reliably abysmal. And while I haven't yet fully absorbed his latest LP, Spark Seeker (I'm halfway through my second listen and am experiencing a weird canker sore outbreak--concluding there's some correlation), I feel confi dent in my assumption that it isn't much of a grower. Even more offensive than his music is the fact that his shtick, at its foundation, can always be reduced to mere minstrelsy. This is a safe and ultimately shallow, Fisher-Price representation of Jewish culture that not-so-coincidentally bores the shit out of a ton of real Jews, yet appeals immensely to eager, politically correct gentiles, which is testament to both the artist's beguiling insincerity and the mainstream's gullibility. Don't let those self-conscious, silly Old Testament references fool you, my sons. Seriously, boycott this abhorrent shit. May God have mercy on Matisyahu's soul. MORGAN TROPER ZAMBRI (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) The Zambri sisters, Cristi Jo and Jessica, inhabit a sonically dark house of their own devising, one with stairways to nowhere and a super scary basement. Though they've been making music and performing live for years, their debut album, House of Baasa, was released just this year. It's a fascinating, challenging album, which I guess is a reviewer's way of saying "hard to describe." At times it's thrilling and abundant and exhilarating, at others it's jagged and discordant and hard. Sometimes it's heartbreakingly gorgeous, with swelling, shoegazey lyrics, and other times it falls flat and disappoints. This could be as much a product of living in New York City as it is of extremely personal, freewheeling experimentation. They've added a drummer and multi-instrumentalist to their live lineup, which just might carry them over the hump of accessibility. RW Icky Blossoms Thu, Sept 20 Woodchuck Cider Sweet-n-Local Presents: $15 ADv Shelley Short Dar ren Hanlon School of Rock THE cRoSby, StillS, NaSh & youNg - Charts - Talkative - Old Age - Operation Mission - Log Across The Washer (RECORD RELEASE) WE SHARED MILK Sat, Sept 22 $5 ADv The kids from the School of Rock tackle the celestial harmonies and intricate guitar playing of CSNY Sun, Sept 23 Tue, Sept 25 7:30pm Doors/8:30pm show $18 Adv 12:30pm Doors/1pm show $12 ADv all ages SASSPARILLA, AND AND AND, THE JACKALOPE SAINTS (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Count yourself part of the majority if your fi rst spin of Sassparilla's new LP Magpie was followed by a bout of confusion. The Portland six-piece's typically rootsy basics remain intact, but rather than being whisked into a frothy folk-punk batter, Magpie's tunes tread lightly. Album opener "Threadbare" is about as dangerous as a Barenaked Ladies epic, with "The Mary Celeste" sounding essentially the same. Luckily, "Two Black Hearts," though immersed in a hokey honky-tonk groove, returns to what makes Sassparilla such a great live band: lots of harmonica and heel-kickin' melody. Although their cohesiveness falters here into a hardly recognizable shell of the washboard/resonator guitar/accordion stomp they've come to be known for, Magpie does excel in provoking a somewhat haunted alternate persona--one that's listened to lots of '70s FM radio. Or a lot of Lambchop. RJP WEDNESDAY 9/26 THE SHINS, WASHED OUT (Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15. Mindy Smith Critically lauded Nashville-based singer-songwriter presents songs from her self-titled fifth studio album Woodchuck Cider Sweet-n-Local Presents: Psych pop from a PDX favorite performing new songs genders Paper Brain Wed, Sept 26 $5 Adv Father Figure ODD FUTURE WOLF GANG KILL THEM ALL (Roseland, 8 NW 6th) It's always hilarious to try and watch people--journalists or otherwise--put some allencompassing theory or grand narrative behind Los Angeles' Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All. The fact is they're apathetic as fuck about what any of us think. But that's what stimulates the national appeal. They're so aware of societal entrapment and the irregularities of disillusioned youth that they can't help but incorporate lyrics of dysfunctionality with blaring identity declaration. See their power? Now I'm the product of my initial criticism. Regardless, check out the music video for "Oldie" off their debut album The OF Tape, Vol. 2 : It's 10 minutes of verse from the core members of the group, all tracked over footage that heavily suggests their natural day-to-day. JONATHAN MAGDALENO Also see My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15. Jay Nash A songwriting phenomenon of songs that range from 80s pop goulash to psychedelic drone Green Pynnacles Plateaus Still Caves Thu, Sept 27 $8 Adv Fri, Sept 28 $8 Adv Tender Loving Empires 5th Birthday + CD Compilation Release Party Psychedelic/garage rockers who bring the beat Colleen The Paradise Brothers Of The Last Watch SUNDAY 9/23 THE LOWER 48, SHY GIRLS (Rontoms, 600 E Burnside) The overhanging echo of '80s R&B in the sultry slow jams of Shy Girls is undeniable, but this isn't just a case of a band trying its hardest to ape a style that's cyclically come back into vogue. Rather, the Portland band has mastered the form with a complete appreciation for all its strengths and subtleties; now they're punching new boundaries for it. Their 2011 EP Sex in the City shows a sliver of that promise, finding a weird, magic pocket of swing and soul within its rigid electronic beats--it's that point just before funk gets stiff, where bump 'n' grind feels sexy without becoming pornographic. But for the real Shy Girls experience, get yourself in front of a stage where they are playing. The group is playful but tight, transforming these suggestive mating calls into something much grander. Bring a date, and become a believer: Shy Girls are one of the best live bands in town right now. NL K.FLAY, MICHNA (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Like many of the best rappers, K.Flay's career began in California--albeit in a Stanford University dorm room. But that first silly parody of a genre from which she had always felt alienated evidently hit a spot in her brain. A handful of EPs and mixtapes later, she's become one of the most boundary-pushing voices in hiphop. On her Eyes Shut EP, a free download on her website, K.Flay ranges from aggressive to sunshiny with surprising frequency and agility. It's impossible to tune out her cyclonic lyrics, which are fast and mind-boggling and witty. K.Flay makes her own beats and credits Parliament-Funkadelic as one of her biggest inspirations. This gives her at least a few things in common with the most influential producer in the history of hiphop, Dr. Dre. So I'd be excited to hear her repertoire of thin tracks and squeaky samples expand to include meatier, G-funk-inspired beats. RW Finn Sat, Sept 29 School of Rock V an Halen Riggins Aan, Body Parts The Shivas, Hustle and Drone $8 Adv Young virtuosos rocking the guitar pyrotechnics and thunderous drumming of Van Halen Sun, Sept 30 all ages 1:30pm Doors/2pm show $12 ADv Pop influenced indie rock from Cleveland natives touring in support of their latest album, This is An Adventure Mon, Oct 1 6:30 Doors / 7 Show $5-$10 Mostly Seated DODGE LOGIC, TOMTEN, CONSTELLATION PRIZE (Ella Street Social Club, 714 SW 20th Pl) Fans of the late, lamented the Dutchess and the Duke might find some solace in their Emerald City citymates Tomten. Not that the quartet attempts D&D's dueling boy-girl campfire intimacy. Rather, Tomten shares a similar affinity for the smokiest, most world weary of all the amber-tinted folk-psych-pop made in the '60s: Between the Buttons, Songs of Leonard Cohen, Chelsea Girl. Frontman Brian Noyeswatkins sounds like Mick Jagger at his "Lady Jane"-iest, as the band traffics in lovely, organ-augmented tones that flicker like candlelight. Their album Wednesday's Children makes good on the promise of the Ta Ta Dana EP (whose title track makes a welcome reappearance on the full-length), and Tomten makes clear that they're capable of making great tunes that stand on their own strength, no references to the past required. NL The Lighthouse And The Whaler Sun, Sept 30 KREATOR, ACCEPT, SWALLOW THE SUN, WEHRMACHT (Roseland, 8 NW 6th) At first glance, Accept and Kreator sharing a stage seems a little misguided. Accept's brand of traditional heavy metal rock 'n' roll doesn't seem to play nice with Kreator's lightning-fast, decapitating thrash. But if you read between the lines and look at the two bands' recent track records, the timing for this bill is perfect, because each of them are enjoying a welcomed resurgence. Within the past four years, both German bands have released two albums to virtually unanimous critical acclaim. Accept's Blood of the Nations and Stalingrad sound as good as anything from their golden years, but feature TT Quick's Mark Tornillo replacing Udo Dirkschneider on vocals. Despite some purists' wrinkled noses, Tornillo's gruff and Udo-like range complements the band's tough-as-steel riffs. Kreator's Hordes of Chaos and Phantom Antichrist The Lower 48 $8 ADv "THE INVISIBLE WAR" 10/12: WOODS 10/13: WRECKLESS ERIC & AMY RIGbY (Early) 10/13: MRS (Late) 10/14: TIGER HOuSE 10/15: TIFT MERRITT 10/16: THE SuPPER CLub TOuR WITH JEREMY MESSERSMITH (bar bar Apt.) 10/16: PDX/Rx w/bATTLEME 10/17: KAKI KING 10/18: STEPHEN KELLOGG AND THE SIXERS 10/19: SPIRIT LAKE (Record Release) 10/20: HOWLIN RAIN 10/21: RuSTED ROOT 10/22: WILLIS EARL bEAL 7pm Doors/8pm show Coming Soon... 10/2: RADIATION CITY 10/3: MONO 10/5: FALL INTO DARKNESS FESTIVAL 10/7: FALL INTO DARKNESS FESTIVAL 10/8: GIANT GIANT SAND 10/9: ADMIRAL FALLOW 10/10: THE MILK CARTON KIDS 10/11: STEW AND THE NEGRO PRObLEM mississippistudios.com September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 23 FRI SEP 28 8PM DOORS � 21+ ORBITAL ROSELAND THEATER 8 NW 6TH AVENUE Tickets and information at showboxonline.com, roselandpdx.com or ticketswest.com. Advance Tickets at all Safeway locations or charge by phone 503-224-TIXX. 24 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 LIVE MUSIC THURSDAY 9/20 ALADDIN THEATER--M. Ward, Mike Coykendall, 8 pm, $22 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE--Polarity Taskmasters, Eet AL'S DEN--Star Anna, Mark Pickerel, 7 pm, free ANDINA--Matices, 7 pm ARTICHOKE MUSIC--Acoustic Village, 7 pm, $5 ASH STREET SALOON--The Scree, Vollwrath Eleven, Scheisshosen, 9:30 pm, $5 BACKSPACE--Sanjaya Malakar, Reign the Arcade, Samsel & the Skirt, 9 pm, $6, all ages BLUE DIAMOND--Ben Jones, 9 pm BLUE MONK--Alan Jones, 8 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE--A Tiempo, 5:30 pm BUFFALO GAP--Joliff: Joliff, Poe & Monroe, 9 pm CAMELLIA LOUNGE--The Steppe, 8 pm, free, all ages THE CONQUISTADOR--Greazy Rock Oomph: DJ AM Gold, 10 pm, free CORKSCREW WINE BAR--Tim Ueker, 8 pm CRYSTAL BALLROOM--Animal Collective, Micachu & The Shapes, 8 pm, $26-30, all ages DOUG FIR--Terraplane Sun, The Mowgli's, 9 pm, $8 DUFF'S GARAGE--Tough Love Pyle, 6 pm, $2; Bordertown, 9 pm EAST END--Estocar, The North Wind, 9 pm EAT: AN OYSTER BAR--Steve Cheseborough, 7 pm EDGEFIELD--Kris Deelane Sun Celebration, 7 pm, free THE ELIXIR LAB--Johnny D's Community Jam, 7 pm ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB--XDS, Hume, Fang Moon, 9 pm, $5 FIRKIN TAVERN--Sam Densmore, Audrey McLain, Jim the Hatter, Brave Julius, 8 pm, free GOODFOOT--True Spokes, Huckle, 9 pm GRAND CAFE/ANDREA'S CHA CHA CLUB--Pilon d'Azucar Salsa Band, 9:30 pm HALIBUT'S--Terry Robb, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE--From Here to Eternity, I Reckon, Mosby, Subverse, The Cicada Cycle, Upon a Broken Path, 6:30 pm, $8-10, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE--Beyond Veronica, Constellation Prize, 6 pm, free HEATHMAN--Johnny Martin, 7 pm HOLLYWOOD THEATRE--Filmusik: West of Zanzibar: The Subterranean Howl, 8 pm, $12 HOLOCENE--Onuinu, Shy Girls, Magic Fades, Bobby Dangerous, DJ Zack, 8:30 pm, free IVORIES--Laura Cunard, 5:30 pm, free JADE LOUNGE--Acoustic Oceans: Andrew Brown, Megan Cobb, Travis Beardsly, 7 pm JIMMY MAK'S--Jacqui Naylor, 8 pm, $14; Mel Brown B3 Organ Band, 8 pm, $5 KELLS--Pat Buckley, Through Sept 20, 9 pm KELLY'S OLYMPIAN--John De Conqueroo, 9 pm, $5 KENNEDY SCHOOL--Rose's Pawn Shop, 7 pm, free, all ages KENTON CLUB--The Blast-O-Casters, Susan & the Surftones, 9 pm, free LANDMARK SALOON--The Pick Ups, 8:30 pm, free LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--Lewi Longmire Band, 6 pm; Portland Gumtree Undergrad, 9:30 pm, free MIRACLE THEATRE (TEATRO MILAGRO)--South America in Six Strings: Ricardo Cardenas, 8 pm, $20-23 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB--Counterfeit Cash, 6 pm, free; Swansea, Patti King, Kelly Anne Masigat, 9 pm, $5 MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS--Rubblebucket, Reptar, Icky Blossoms, 9 pm, $15 MOCK CREST TAVERN--Bad Assets, 8:30 pm MUDDY RUDDER--Joe McMurrian, 8 pm MUSIC MILLENNIUM--Ned Evett, 6 pm, free, all ages THE PRESS CLUB--SuS Quartet, 8 pm QUIMBY'S AT 19TH--Chris Baum Project, 9 pm, free RED ROOM--Criminal Mastermind, The Wandering Minds, Boys without Toys, 9 pm, $5 THE REFECTORY--A Blinding Silence, 8 pm ROSELAND--Serj Tankian, Viza, 8 pm, $25-40, all ages ROTTURE--Natural Child, Dude York, 9 pm, $8 THE SECRET SOCIETY--Libertine Belles, 6 pm, all ages; Conjugal Visitors, 9 pm SLABTOWN--Sundaze, The Upsidedown, Ringo Deathstarr, WL, 9 pm SLIM'S--Sockeye Sawtooth, Hank Floyd, 9 pm, free STAR THEATER--Orgone, Manimalhouse, 9 pm, $12 THE TARDIS ROOM--Amy Bleu, 8 pm TED'S--Surfs Drugs, Brother Nature, Bleach Blonde Dudes, 9:30 pm, free TIGER BAR--Karaoke from Hell, 9:30 pm, free TONY STARLIGHT'S--Beacon Street Titans, 7:30 pm, $8 VALENTINE'S--Dibson, Paul Shutz, Art Sorority for Girls, 9:30 pm, $3 WHITE EAGLE--The Brothers of the Hound, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; A Leaf, 8:30 pm, free WILF'S--Greg Goebel Trio, 7:30 pm WONDER BALLROOM--Father John Misty, Jenny O, 8 pm, $15 AL'S DEN--Star Anna, Vacilando, 7 pm, free ARTICHOKE MUSIC--Friday Night Coffeehouse, $5, all ages ASH STREET SALOON--Riverpool, The Hunt, December in Red, 9:30 pm, $5 BACK DOOR THEATER--Michael Hurley, Zeb Dewar, Ripe Mangos, 7:30 pm, all ages BACKSPACE--Chemical Channel, Most Custom, Photon, Hyphix, 9 pm, $6 BIDDY MCGRAW'S--Lynn Conover, 6 pm, all ages; Counterfeit Cash, 9:30 pm BLUE DIAMOND--Pat Stillwell Band, 9 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE--The Djangophiles, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP--Dryland Farmers Band, 9 pm CAMELLIA LOUNGE--Circle 3 Trio, 9 pm, $6 DANTE'S--Zepparella, 8 pm, $12.50-15 DOUG FIR--Sallie Ford & The Sound Outside, Old Light, 9 pm, $13-15 DUFF'S GARAGE--The Hamdogs, 6 pm, $2; Midnight Serenaders, 9 pm EAGLE PORTLAND--Mustache Photobooth: DJ Danimal, 10 pm, $3 EAST BURN--All the Apparatus, 10 pm EAST END--Guantanamo Baywatch, Warm Soda, Youthbitch, Dead Ships, Piss Test, 9 pm EDGEFIELD--McDougall, 7 pm, free ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB--A Happy Death, Lydian Gray, Grrl Friend, Manhattan Murder Mystery, 9 pm, $5 FIRKIN TAVERN--Michael the Blind & the Els, Towering Trees, Gresham Transit Center, 9 pm, free FOGGY NOTION--K-Tel `79, Surfs Drugs, Haviana Whaal, 9 pm, $3 FORD FOOD & DRINK--The Low Bones, 5 pm, free, all ages; The Rainbow Sign, 8 pm, free, all ages GEMINI LOUNGE--Big Monti & His Precious Darlings, 8:30 pm, free HALIBUT'S--Kenny Lavite, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE--The Raveonettes, Melody's Echo Chamber, The Upsidedown, 7 pm, $16-18 HOLOCENE--Rockbox: Matt Nelkin, DJ Kez, Dundiggy, 9 pm, $3 ISLAND MANA WINES--David & Goliath, 4 pm; Joe Marquand, 4:30 pm JADE LOUNGE--Regina LaRocca, 8 pm JIMMY MAK'S--The Mike Phillips Project, 8 pm, $20 KATIE O'BRIEN'S--Little Volcano, Slutty Hearts, Old Wars, Delaney & Paris, 9 pm, $4 KELLY'S OLYMPIAN--Frame by Frame, City Faire, Crown Point, Justin Klump, 9 pm, $5 KENTON CLUB--Power of County, Baki, 9 pm, free THE KNOW--Slug Guts, Arctic Flowers, Bellicose Minds, DJ Unruly, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON--Hank Sinatra & the Atomic Cowboys, 6 pm, free; The Portland Playboys, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--Ducky Pig, 6 pm; Minner Bucket Records Family Singers, Stripmall Ballads, Matt Sircely, Shiftless Rounders, 9:30 pm THE LOVECRAFT--Fang Moon, Mechlo, 9 pm LVS--Andy Stokes, 8:30 pm MIRACLE THEATRE (TEATRO MILAGRO)--Music With the Maestro: Efrain Amador, 8 pm, $20-23 MISSION THEATER--Shook Twins, Luz Elena Mendoza, 9 pm, $13-15 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB--Level 2, 6 pm; Melao d'Cuba, 9 pm, $7 MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS--Black Prairie, Shelley Short, Darren Hanlon, 9 pm, $13-15 MOCK CREST TAVERN--Nopo Mojo, 9 pm MT. TABOR THEATER--Melvin Seals, Cats Under the Stars, Twisted Whistle, 9 pm, $15-18 MUDDY RUDDER--Never Strangers, 8 pm MUSIC MILLENNIUM--McFadden Project, 6 pm, free, all ages NEL CENTRO--Mike Pardew, 9:30 pm NEW COPPER PENNY--Lovedrive, Sweet Emotion, 9:30 pm, $7 PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)--Rodeo Rose PORTLAND SPIRIT--Tyler Stenson, 3 pm, $28 THE PRESS CLUB--Veronica Greene, 8 pm RECORD ROOM--Be Helds, Needlecraft, 8 pm, $3-5 RED ROOM--Sickness in September Metal Fest, 1 pm, $10 ROSELAND--Sub Focus, MC ID, DJ Craze, 9 pm, $20, all ages ROTTURE--Ladyhawke, Copy, Pegasus Dream, Lionsden, 9 pm, $12 THE SECRET SOCIETY--Boy & Bean, 6 pm, all ages; Trashcan Joe, 9 pm SHAKER AND VINE--Carrie Clark, Willow & the Embers, 8 pm SLABTOWN--Rat City Ruckus, 9 pm, $3-5 SLIM'S--Womba, 9 pm, free THE SPARE ROOM--Lost & Found, 9 pm, free THE TARDIS ROOM--Gnome Sorcery Federation, 9 pm TIGER BAR--Purple Haze, The Glory Stompers, 9 pm TONIC LOUNGE--The Flu, The Wandering Minds, 9:30 pm TONY STARLIGHT'S--The Tony Starlight Show, 8 pm, $15 TRADER VIC'S--Tribute to Frank Sinatra: John English, 5 pm TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR--Lucky Luther, Meta Mantra, Pure Dad, 9:30 pm VIE DE BOHEME--Taska, 9 pm, $5 September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 25 FRIDAY 9/21 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE--Coyote Grace, Fast Rattler, 8 pm, $12-15 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE--Mikey's Irish Jam Session, 6:30 pm 26 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 LIVE MUSIC WHITE EAGLE--The Reverb Brothers, 5:30 pm, free, all ages; Great Wilderness, Gallop, 9:30 pm, $8 WILF'S--Richard Arnold & The Groove Swingers, 7:30 pm SATURDAY 9/22 ALADDIN THEATER--Portland Cello Project Performs Radiohead's OK Computer: Portland Cello Project, City of Tomorrow, Beaudoin Choir, Adam Shearer, 8 pm, $15 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE--Ladies N Jazz: Ashley Seamster, Saeeda Wright, Tamara Stephens, 9 pm, $25-30 AL'S DEN--Star Anna, Sara Jackson-Holman, 7 pm, free ANDINA--Toshi Onizuka, 8 pm; Damian Erskine, 8 pm, free, all ages ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL--Oregon Symphony, Jon Kimura Parker, 7:30 pm, $21-95 ARTICHOKE MUSIC--Tom May, 8 pm, $15 ASH STREET SALOON--Chloraform, Tinzen, Supervisor, 9 pm, $6 BACKSPACE--In Public View, Stories & Soundtracks, The Toy Gun Conspiracy, Falling in Flight, 8 pm, $7, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW'S--Wayward Vessel, 6 pm, all ages; Jim Boyer, 9:30 pm BLUE DIAMOND--Norman Sylvester, 9 pm BLUE MONK--Trio Subtonic, Blue Cranes, 9 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE--Trashcan Joe, 8 pm BUFFALO GAP--I Digress, 9 pm, free BUNK BAR--Greyday 10th Anniversary Party: Water & Bodies, The Trophy Fire, I Was Totally Destroying It, 9 pm, $10 CAMELLIA LOUNGE--The Wildish, Andrew Goodwin, 8 pm CLINTON STREET THEATER--Memorial Concert for Sean D. Roberts: Team Dresch, Slackjaw, Ralf Youtz, Trevor Solomon, Paul Haines, Ryan Paravecchio, David Blunk, 7 pm CRYSTAL BALLROOM--Matisyahu, Dirty Heads, Pacific Dub, 8 pm, $30-35, all ages DANTE'S--Los Straitjackets, 9 pm, $15 DOUG FIR--Sassparilla, And And And, Jackalope Saints, 9 pm, $10 DUFF'S GARAGE--The Buckles, 9 pm, $8 EAST END--Youthbitch, The No Tomorrow Boys, Wild Mohicans, Defiance, Long Knife, 9 pm EDGEFIELD--Train, Mat Kearney, Andy Grammer, 5 pm, $48-79, all ages ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB--Technicolor Caterpillar, C.C. Swim, The Volt Per Octaves, Indigo Synthesis, 9 pm, $5 FIRKIN TAVERN--The Heevees, The Archelons, Paul Notley, 9 pm, free FOGGY NOTION--P.R.O.B.L.E.M.S., Crag Dweller, Don't, 9 pm, $3 GEMINI LOUNGE--The Lovely Lost, 9 pm, free GOODFOOT--Jujuba, 9 pm, $8 THE GROTTO--Voices of Change: Portland Vocal Consort, 7:30 pm, $10-20 HALIBUT'S--Kevin Selfe, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE HOPHOUSE--Ben Larsen, Austin Moore, 9 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE--Tomorrow's Bad Seeds, Through the Roots, The Sindicate, The Longshots, 7 pm, $12-15, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE--The Thornes, Rat Priest, 8:30 pm, $4 HOLLYWOOD THEATRE--Bill Callahan, 7:30 pm, $10 HOPHOUSE (NE 15TH)--Steve Cheseborough, 8:30 pm, free, all ages IVORIES--Laura Cunard, 5:30 pm, free JADE LOUNGE--The Darlin' Blackbirds, 8 pm JIMMY MAK'S--Soulmates, 8 pm, $10 KATIE O'BRIEN'S--The Dick Solomons, Taint Misbehavin, The Kos, 9 pm, $3 KELLER AUDITORIUM--Big Night: Portland Opera, Vagabond Opera, Rose City Swing, 7:30 pm, $20200, all ages KELLY'S OLYMPIAN--Alabama Black Snake, Dinner for Wolves, 9 pm, $5 KENTON CLUB--Husqvarna, Funeral Pigs, The Flat Cars, Lance Warvette, 9 pm, free THE KNOW--The Evaporators, The Tranzmitors, The Bloodtypes, Youthbitch, DJ Ken Dirtnap, 8 pm, $6 LANDMARK SALOON--Johnny Credit & the Cash Machine, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--Tree Frogs, 6 pm; Night Life: A Tribute to Willie Nelson: Nopo Mojo, David Lipkind, Tracey Fordice, 9:30 pm, $7 MADELEINE PARISH HALL--L'Arche Portland Benefit Concert: Julianne Johnson, Michael Allen Harrison, 7:30 pm, $25-30 MIRACLE THEATRE (TEATRO MILAGRO)--Alma y Azucar, 8 pm, $22-25 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB--The Alphabeticians, 4 pm, all ages; Shores of Astor, Stoneface Honey, 6 pm; Fair Weather Watchers, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS--The We Shared Milk, Charts, Talkative, Old Age, 9 pm, $5 MOCK CREST TAVERN--Blueprints, 9 pm MT. TABOR THEATER--McFadden Project, Jake Blair Band, Lydian Gray, 8:30 pm, $7 MUDDY RUDDER--James Clem, 8 pm MUSIC MILLENNIUM--Aaron Nigel Smith, 3 pm, free, all ages; Los Straitjackets, 4 pm, free, all ages NEL CENTRO--Mike Pardew, Dave Captein, Randy Rollofson, 9:30 pm PLAN B--Courage, The Kerbys, Hit Me Baby, 8 pm PONDEROSA LOUNGE (AT JUBITZ)--The Creek, 9 pm, $2-5 THE PRESS CLUB--Steve Hale Trio, 8 pm RED ROOM--Sickness in September Metal Fest, 1 pm, $10 ROSELAND--Dispatch, 7 pm, $41, all ages THE SECRET SOCIETY--The Martens Combination, 6 pm, all ages; z'Bumba, 9 pm, $7 SLABTOWN--Whales, Old Junior, 9 pm SLIM'S--Ruby Feathers, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE--The Satin Chaps, The Nightcaps, DJ Drew Groove, 9 pm, $7 THE SPARE ROOM--Teri & Larry, 9 pm, free STAR THEATER--Rogan Davis, NOLA, 10:30 pm, $10 THE TARDIS ROOM--Arthur Moore, 8 pm; Erik Anarchy, The Manholes, Violent Majority, Street Metal, Super Desu, Disenchanter, 9 pm TED'S--Public Drunken Sex, Tragedy 503, Beatwalkers, Ek9, K-Dizzy, Reign Pro, Johnny Blaze, Knothead, Craze MC, DJ HazMatt, 8 pm, $5 THIRSTY LION--Audio Syndicate, 9:30 pm TIGER BAR--Witchburn, Wolfpussy, Pinkzilla, 9 pm, $7 TONIC LOUNGE--The Pity Fucks, Muddy River Nightmare Band, Jim Jams, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT'S--Billy & the Rockets, 8 pm, $10 TRADER VIC'S--Xavier Tavera's Chamber Orchestra from Cuba, 8 pm TROUT LAKE COUNTRY INN--Lucy Hammond, 9 pm, $5 TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR--Minty Rosa, Go Ballistic, 9 pm, $5 VIE DE BOHEME--Retta Christie THE VILLAGE BALLROOM--Family Tradition Potluck Benefit: The Lonesome Billies, Don & The Quixotes, Quiet Life, Country Lips THE WAYPOST--David Clemmer, Leo J & the Melee, Jeremiah of the Hill People, 8 pm WHITE EAGLE--The Sale, 4:30 pm, free, all ages; Great Wilderness, Shadows on Stars, 9:30 pm, $8 WILF'S--Tribute to Burt Bacharach: Linda Lee Michelet, 7:30 pm SUNDAY 9/23 AGNES FLANAGAN CHAPEL, LEWIS & CLARK COLLEGE--Celestial Connections: Portland Chamber Orchestra, 3 pm, $5-25 AL'S DEN--Sam Cooper, Ben Meyercord, 8 pm, free ANDINA--Danny Romero, 7 pm ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL--Oregon Symphony, Jon Kimura Parker, 2 pm, $21-95 ASH STREET SALOON--Fontaine Classic, Those Bottom Feeders, Blackout Dates, Invivo, 9:30 pm, $5 AUGUSTANA LUTHERAN CHURCH--Augustana Jazz Quartet, 6 pm, free, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW'S--Felim Egan, 8 pm BLUE MONK--Ben Macy Group, 8 pm BUNK BAR--Stevie Jackson, Darren Hanlon, 9 pm, $10 CLYDE'S PRIME RIB--Ron Steen Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm, free DANTE'S--Sinferno Cabaret, 11 pm DUFF'S GARAGE--Maria Muldaur, 8 pm EAT: AN OYSTER BAR--Reggie Houston's Box of Chocolates, 11 am EDGEFIELD--Oktoberfest at Edgefield: Rose's Pawn Shop, The Wild Yodeler & Polka Queen, Sassparilla, Danny Barnes, McDougall, Underscore Orkestra, Fast Rattler, Chervona, Gypsy Heart Tribal, Julie McCarl, High Five Polka Band, 11 am, free, all ages ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB--Yards, Whorehounds, Lick, Lebron Hubbard Telescope, 9 pm, $5 FIRKIN TAVERN--Open Mic, 8 pm, free FOGGY NOTION--Nasalrod, Ubik, IX, 9 pm, $4 FORD FOOD & DRINK--Tim Roth, Sun, noon, free, all ages HAWTHORNE THEATRE--Otep, Butcher Babies, One Eyed Doll, Veio, Separation of Sanity, 7 pm, $15-18, all ages JADE LOUNGE--Soulful Sunday: Morgan Quin, 7 pm KELLS--Irish Session, 6 pm; Cronin Tierney, 9 pm KELLY'S OLYMPIAN--Miracle Falls, Magic Mirror, Cuchilo, 9 pm, $5 KENTON CLUB--Nacosta, Bottom Dollars, 9 pm, free THE KNOW--Mad Macka, Therapists, Hot LZs, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON--Ian Miller, Jake Ray, 5:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--Dan Haley, Tim Acott, 9:30 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB--Leela Grace, 6 pm; The Get Ahead, 9 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS--Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young Tribute: School of Rock, 1 pm, $12-15, all ages MOON & SIXPENCE--Foghorn Stringband, free MUDDY RUDDER--Irish Music, 4 pm RED ROOM--Sickness in September Metal Fest, 2 pm, $10 ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY--Dojo Toolkit, 9 pm RONTOMS--The Lower 48, Shy Girls, 9 pm, free ROSELAND--Kreator, Accept, Swallow the Sun, Kitty, Blackguard, 8 pm, $25, all ages SLABTOWN--Elliot Tinsley, Val Bauer, 9 pm, $5 New Music For Fall ON SAlE NOW $10.95-cd/$16.95-lp MenoMena Moms $13.95-cd/$17.95-cd dlx The kiLLeRs Battle Born $11.95-cd/$20.95-lp GRizzLy BeaR Shields $11.95-cd $14.95-dlx/$22.95-lp Band of hoRses Mirage Rock Rickie Lee Jones Devil You Know $10.95-cd Sale prices good thru 9/30/12 BRad MehLdau Where Do You Start $14.95-cd used new &s & Vinyl Vd Cds, d DOWNTOWN � 1313 W. Burnside � 503.274.0961 EASTSIDE � 1931 NE Sandy Blvd. � 503.239.7610 BEAVERTON � 3290 SW Cedar Hills Blvd. � 503.350.0907 for any & all used Cds, dVds & Vinyl OPEN EVERYDAY AT 9A.m. | www.EVERYDAYmusic.cOm September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 27 SEPTEMBER 26 - 30, 2012 / SEATTLE, WA INTERNATIONAL FESTIVAL OF ELECTRONIC MUSIC PERFORMANCE VISUAL ART + NEW MEDIA 28 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 LIVE MUSIC THE SPARE ROOM--Angel Bouchet Band, 8 pm, free TONIC LOUNGE--The Woolen Men, Sad Horse, Spookies, Needles & Pizza, 9 pm VALENTINE'S--East Forest, Waver Clamor Bellow, Barry Brusseau, 9 pm, free WHITE EAGLE--Shannon Stephens, Ed & The Red Reds, Tennis Pro, 7 pm, free Alberta Rose Theatre Thursday, September 20th MONDAY 9/24 AL'S DEN--Sam Cooper, Payne & Money, 8 pm, free ANDINA--Pete Krebs, 7 pm ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL--Oregon Symphony, Jon Kimura Parker, 8 pm, $21-95 BACKSPACE--Roach Gigz, Main Attraktionz, A-1, Baby E, Nima Fadavi, 8 pm, $12 BLUE DIAMOND--Tom Grant, 9 pm DANTE'S--Karaoke from Hell, 10 pm EDGEFIELD--Skip vonKuske, Cellotronik, 7 pm, free ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB--Chris Birch, Animal Lover, Jon Benet's Lip Gloss, Joel, 9 pm, $5 GOODFOOT--Sonic Forum Open Mic, 8 pm, $1 ISLAND MANA WINES--David & Goliath, 4 pm JADE LOUNGE--Salon De Musique: Jaime Leopold, 7 pm JIMMY MAK'S--Dan Balmer, 8 pm, free KELLS--Cronin Tierney, Through Sept 29, 9 pm KENTON CLUB--Animal Lover, 9 pm, free LANDMARK SALOON--High Flyer Trio, 9 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--Portland Country Underground, 6 pm, free; Kung Pao Chickens, 9 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB--Mr. Ben, 5 pm, all ages MUDDY RUDDER--Lloyd Jones, 8 pm PINTS BREWING--Mad Planet, 9 pm PLAN B--Bonded by Blood, Weresquatch, Headless Pez, Gladius, 8 pm PUB AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE--Open Mic, 8 pm, free QUIMBY'S AT 19TH--Soul Mates, 7 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY--Mt. Air Studios, 10 pm ROTTURE--Inter Arma, Heathen Shrine, Crawlin, Rolling Through the Universe, 9 pm, $6 TIGER BAR--Metal Machine, 9 pm, $2; PDP, 9 pm, $4 VALENTINE'S--Grrrlfriends, Hauksness, Moon Debris, 9 pm WHITE EAGLE--Father Figure, Charts, Log Across the Washer, 8:30 pm, free SUZETTE--Inspirational Beets, 8 pm TASTE ON 23RD--Brandstson Duo, 6:30 pm, free THIRSTY LION--Eric John Kaiser, 9 pm TONY STARLIGHT'S--Ayars Vocal Showcase: Bo Ayars, Barbara Ayars, 7:30 pm, $7 TWILIGHT CAFE & BAR--Open Mic Night: The Roaming, 8 pm VALENTINE'S--Luke Wyland, 9 pm VINO VIXENS--Arthur Moore's Harmonica Party, 6 pm WHITE EAGLE--Will West, The Druthers, The Sale, 8:30 pm, free POLARITY TASKMASTERS WITH SPECIAL GUESTS WEDNESDAY 9/26 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE--Suck My Open Mic w/Tamara J. Brown, 7:30 pm, free AL'S DEN--Sam Cooper, Mimi Naja, Jay Cobb Anderson, 8 pm, free ANDINA--Jason Okamoto, 7 pm ASH STREET SALOON--Better Beings, CC Swim, Fang Moon, 9:30 pm, $5 BACKSPACE--Ash Borer, Menace Ruine, L'Acephale, Druden, 8 pm, $10, all ages BIDDY MCGRAW'S--Half-Step Shy Happy Hour: David Gerow, 6 pm, all ages BLUE DIAMOND--The Fenix Project, 9 pm BRANX--Odd Future After Party: Trash Talk, Left Brain, 11 pm, $10, all ages BUFFALO GAP--Michele Van Kleef, 7 pm, free BURGERVILLE--Sara Jackson Holman, 6:30 pm, free, all ages CAMELLIA LOUNGE--The Goods Jazz Jam: Errick Lewis & the Regiment House Band, 8:30 pm DEPOKOS PIZZA--Open Mic, 8 pm, all ages DOUG FIR--K. Flay, Michna, 9 pm, $10-12 DUFF'S GARAGE--High Flyers, 6 pm, $2; Suburban Slim's Blues Jam: Suburban Slim, John Neish, Jeff Strawbridge, 9 pm EAST BURN--Irish Music Jam, 7 pm EAST END--The Ocean Floor, Eidolons, 9 pm EDGEFIELD--Henry Hill Kammerer, 7 pm, free; Radical Revolution, 7 pm, free ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB--Tomten, Dodge Logic, Constellation Prize, 9 pm, $5 EUGENIO'S--Open Mic, 6:30 pm FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN--Kory Quinn, 9:30 pm FIRST UNITED METHODIST CHURCH--PCSO Dissected: Portland Columbia Symphony Orchestra, 7 pm, free GOOD NEIGHBOR PIZZERIA--Open Mic GOODFOOT--Conjugal Visitors, Sidestreet Reny, 9 pm HOLLYWOOD THEATRE--Iasos, Prism Band, 7:30 pm, $10 ISLAND MANA WINES--David & Goliath, 4 pm IVORIES--Tom D'Antoni, 4:30 pm JADE LOUNGE--Rob Johnston, 7 pm JIMMY MAK'S--Marti Mendenhall, 6:30 pm; Mel Brown Quartet, 8 pm, $5 KELLER AUDITORIUM--The Shins, Washed Out, 8 pm, $40, all ages KELLS--Cronin Tierney, Through Sept 29, 9 pm KELLY'S OLYMPIAN--Brain Capital, 9 pm, free KENTON CLUB--The Cove, Metapynnacle, Bikethief, 9 pm, free THE KNOW--Gypsyhawk, Avi Dei, Weresquatch, DJ Ken Dirtnap, 8 pm LANDMARK SALOON--Bob Shoemaker, 6 pm; Jake Ray & The Cowdogs, 9:30 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--BBQ Orchestra, 6 pm; Pete Kartsounes, 9 pm, free MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB--Mr. Hoo, noon, all ages; Mark Elmer, 9:30 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS--Genders, Paper Brain, Father Figure, 9 pm, $5 O'CONNORS VAULT--Jon Koonce & One More Mile, 8 pm, free PLAN B--Cut Hands, Thrones, Daniel Menche, Okha, Exquisite Corpse, 8 pm THE PRESS CLUB--Garcia's Gig, 8 pm RED & BLACK CAFE--Music for the Working Class, 7 pm, free RED ROOM--The Sindicate, Simon Tucker, Christopher Carpenter, 7 pm, free; Open Mic, 9 pm ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY--Jordan Harris, 9 pm ROSELAND--Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All, 9 pm, $27.50, all ages ROTTURE--Balam Acab, Tyler Tastemaker, Massacooramaan, Cestladore, 9 pm, $10 SOMEDAY LOUNGE--Cedar Teeth, Mad Moniker, Ramune Rocket 3, Ciara Carruthers, 9 pm, $6 SUNDOWN PUB--SongWrecker Cabaret, 9 pm TRADER VIC'S--Xavier Tavera's Chamber Orchestra from Cuba, 6 pm VALENTINE'S--Communist Daughter, Terrible Buttons, The Lower 48, 9 pm, $3 VIE DE BOHEME--Jen Hauser WHITE EAGLE--Bitterroot, 8:30 pm, free WILF'S--Ron Steen Trio, 7:30 pm, $7 WONDER BALLROOM--Hatebreed, Whitechapel, All Shall Perish, Deez Nutz, 7:30 pm, $20-25, all ages EET Friday, September 21st RELEASE COYOTE GRACE CD + FAST RATTLER Saturday, September 22nd ASHLEY SEAMSTER SAEEDA WRIGHT TAMARA STEPHENS BLACQUE BUTTERFLY Monday, September 24th PORTLAND AREA THEATER ALLIANCE PRESENTS LADIES `N JAZZ FEATURING TUESDAY 9/25 ALBERTA ROSE THEATRE--Paul McKenna Band, Hanz Araki, Kathryn Claire, 8 pm, $10-12 AL'S DEN--Sam Cooper, Paul Laxer, 8 pm, free ANDINA--JB Butler, 7 pm ASH STREET SALOON--Poe & Monroe, The Lovely Lost, Death on the Highway, 9:15 pm, $4 BACKSPACE--Brooklyn Brothers, all ages BLUE DIAMOND--Sportin' Lifers, 9 pm BLUE MONK--Pagan Jug Band, 6:30 pm, free BUNK BAR--Minden, Moon by You, 9 pm, $3 CRYSTAL BALLROOM--Chevelle, 8 pm, $25-28 DOUG FIR--Zambri, 9 pm, $10 DUFF'S GARAGE--Trio Bravo, 6 pm, $2; Dover Weinberg Quartet, 9 pm, $2 EAST END--Autronic Eye, The Killing Floor, The Glazzies, The Choices, 9 pm EDGEFIELD--Caleb Klauder, Sammy Lind, 7 pm, free THE ELIXIR LAB--Johnny D's Community Jam, 7 pm ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB--Ten Million Lights, House of Light, Legendary Black Mark & The Savages, 9 pm, $5 GOODFOOT--Radula, 9 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE--Faster Pussycat, Black Pussy, Wolfpussy, 7 pm, $15-18 HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE--That Much Further West Radio, 4 pm, free; The Wilkinson Blades, 6 pm, free THE HUTCH--Open Mic, 8 pm, free IVORIES--Tom D'Antoni, 4:30 pm; Jazz Jam: Carey Campbell, 7 pm JADE LOUNGE--Colin Johnson, 7 pm JIMMY MAK'S--Mac Potts, 6:30 pm, $3 KELLS--Cronin Tierney, 9 pm THE KNOW--Warcry, Side Effects, Deathcount, Frenzy, 8 pm LAURELTHIRST PUBLIC HOUSE--Wayward Vessel, 6 pm, free; Jackstraw, 6 pm, free LVS--Ron Steen's Jazz Jam, 8:30 pm MISSION THEATER--William Topley, 8 pm, $22-25 MISSISSIPPI PIZZA PUB--Cary & the Skirt, 6 pm MISSISSIPPI STUDIOS--Mindy Smith, Jay Nash, 8:30 pm, $18-20 MT. TABOR THEATER--Open Mic Night: Simon Tucker, 8 pm, free MUSIC MILLENNIUM--Babel Listening Party: Mumford & Sons, 9 am, free, all ages QUIMBY'S AT 19TH--Tom Grant, 8:30 pm, free ROCK BOTTOM BREWERY--Brothers `n' Laws, 9 pm ROSELAND--Grouplove, Alt-J, 8 pm, $18.50, all ages SHAKER AND VINE--Arthur Moore's Harmonica Party, 8 pm SLIM'S--Open Mic, 9 pm, free SOMEDAY LOUNGE--Whiskey Party & Songwriter Showcase, 8 pm, $3 FIGHT NIGHT 2012 Tuesday, September 25th PAUL MCKENNA BAND + HANZ ARAKI & KATHRYN CLAIRE Thursday, September 27th TAO! V3 Friday, September 28th THE DON OF DIVISION STREET CD RELEASE WITH THE MY OH MY'S AND WIRE FACES Coming Soon 9.29 - LIVE WIRE! 10.2 - COMAS � COLLEEN RANEY 10.4 - RON POPE 10.6 - `ARTICHOKE NIGHTS VOL. 2' CD RELEASE (503) 764-4131 3000 NE Alberta AlbertaRoseTheatre.com September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 29 SAT 9/22 - JUJUBA featuring Nojeem Lasisi FRI 9/21 - DJ AQUAMAN'S SOUL STEW THURS 9/20 - TRUE SPOKES, HUCKLE WED 9/19 - GARCIA BIRTHDAY BAND MON - SONIC FORUM - OPEN MIC TUES 9/25 - RADULA - FREE!!! WED 9/26 - CONJUGAL VISITORS, SIDESTREET RENY FRI 9/28 - DJ AQUAMAN'S SOUL STEW SAT 9/29 - McTUFF TUES 10-2 - KORY QUINN, JAY COBB ANDERSON BAND - FREE!!! 503.360.1066 1703 NE Alberta Street Shop@NoLimitsPDX.com ART OPENING THURS 9-27 88 STRONG GOODFOOT irs upsta aily d open :30 2 5 s stair 9 down at open w nights o on sh 88 ideas 88 artists 8x8 art all art is $50 cash and carry 700+ pieces of art 2845 SE STARK * WWW.THEGOODFOOT.COM * 503.239.9292 30 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 DJ LISTINGS THURSDAY 9/20 BEECH ST. PARLOR--DJ Maxamillion BOSSANOVA BALLROOM--Hustle & Bustle: Global Ruckus, Dr. Wu, DJ Icarus, 8 pm, $15-20 CC SLAUGHTERS--Hiphop Heaven: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM--Counter Culture, 10 pm, free DIG A PONY--Marti THE EMBERS AVENUE--Request Night: DJ Jens FEZ--Shadowplay: DJ Horrid, DJ Ghoulunatic, DJ Paradox, 9 pm, free GROUND KONTROL--\Joystick/: DarkCloud, 9 pm JONES--New Jack Swing: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 THE LOVECRAFT--Synthicide: Tom Jones, Erica Jones, Jared White, Luke Buser, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL--DJ Panty Droppa, free MOLOKO PLUS--DJ Maxamillion, 10 pm; King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free NICK'S FAMOUS CONEY ISLAND--Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free PALACE OF INDUSTRY--DJ Eagledog, 7 pm RECORD ROOM--No Jesus, 8 pm SANTA FE TAQUERIA--Salsa Social SOS: DJ Armando, 9 pm SAUCEBOX--Evan Alexander SOMEDAY LOUNGE--Happy Hour: Mr. Romo, DJ Michael Grimes, 4 pm STAR BAR--Greyskull, 10 pm TIGA--DJ Womb Service TUBE--Sethro Tull, 7 pm VAULT--Jams: DJ 60/40 WORKSHOP PUB--Phonographix Video DJs, 9 pm YES AND NO--Pussy Control Prince Night: Black Dog, Nathan Detroit, 10 pm, free GROUND KONTROL--Roxy's Ego Hour: Roxy Epoxy, 9 pm, $2 HOLOCENE--Resident Advisor Horizons: Martyn, Max Cooper, Ben Tactic, Lincolnup, 9 pm, $10 JACK LONDON BAR AT THE RIALTO--Wax it Up: DJ Kryptic, 7:30 pm JONES--INFERNO, 6 pm, $8; `80s & `90s Dance Music, 10 pm, $5 THE LOVECRAFT--DJ Craysinz, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL--DJ Kenoy, free MOLOKO PLUS--King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE--Mr. Mumu PALACE OF INDUSTRY--DJ Chapassaurus, 7 pm STAR BAR--DJ Trim, 10 pm TIGA--Mercedez TRIPLE NICKEL--DJ Stockholmz, 9:30 pm TUBE--Saturdazed: Josh Booze, 7 pm SUNDAY 9/23 AALTO LOUNGE--Whiskey Bitters, 9 pm, free BEULAHLAND--The Original Eye Candy Video Night: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERS--Superstar Divas, DJ Robb, 8 pm, free CRUSH--DJ Mikey, 10 am-2 pm DEVILS POINT--Stripparaoke: KJ Zero, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY--DJ Middle Dean THE EMBERS AVENUE--Noches Latinas: DJ Marco, 9 pm LUCKY DEVIL--Ladies Night: DJ Mani, free PLAN B--Hive: DJ Owen, DJ Brian Backlash, 9 pm STAR BAR--DJ Nate C, 10 pm TUBE--Dark Sundays: DJ Josh Dark, 10 pm FRIDAY 9/21 BEECH ST. PARLOR--Lord Smithingham BLITZ 21--DJ Sovern-T, 9 pm, free CC SLAUGHTERS--Filthy Fridays: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CROWN ROOM--Noise: Dev From Above, 9 pm, $5 DEVILS POINT--DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY--Happy Hour: DJ Nealie Neal; DJ Cooky Parker ELEMENT--Chris Alice, 9 pm THE EMBERS AVENUE--On the Avenue: DJ Jens, 9 pm FEZ--Shut Up & Dance: DJ Gregarious, 10 pm, $5 GOODFOOT--Soul Stew: DJ Aquaman, Every 14 , 9 pm, $5 GROOVE SUITE--Trifecta: Offline, King of Misfits, McCabe Reed, 10 pm, $5 GROUND KONTROL--DJ MT, DJ Raw, 9 pm, $2 HOLOCENE--No Ouais: DJ Nine Inch Nilina, DJ Dangerous Person, 5:30 pm JONES--Back to the Future Fridays: DJ Zimmie, 8 pm, $5 LOCAL LOUNGE--Ruthless: Bruce LaBruiser, Ill Camino, 10 pm, $3 LOLA'S ROOM--'80s Video Dance Attack: VJ Kittyrox, 8 pm, $6 THE LOVECRAFT--Kiss Me Deadly, DJ Volva, 10 pm LUCKY DEVIL--DJ Joe, free MATADOR--Infamous: DJ Rattooth, DJ Makeout, 10 pm, free MOTHERS VELVET LOUNGE CAFE--Mr. Mumu PALACE OF INDUSTRY--DJ Kerouac, 7 pm REFUGE--Shift: Random Rab, Govinda, Nicoluminous, AfroQBen, Melting Pot Soundsystem, 10 pm, $20-25 SOMEDAY LOUNGE--Solid!: Ted & Bill, 9 pm, $6 STAR BAR--Blank Fridays: DJ Paultimore, 10 pm TIGA--DJ RW TRIPLE NICKEL--DJ Stockholmz, 9:30 pm TUBE--Neil Blender, 7 pm VALENTINE'S--Loved Up: DJ Looops, Amy Kasio, 9 pm THE WHISKEY BAR--Fine Results: Richie Stax, Heatesca, 10 pm, $5; B.P.M.: Mason Roberts, DJ Pierre Amador, Kid Logic, DJ Sacrilicious, 10 pm, $5 MONDAY 9/24 BEECH ST. PARLOR--DJ Honeydripper BLUE MONK--Deep Cuts, 8 pm CLUB 21--Witch Throne DIG A PONY--DJ Bad Wizard GROUND KONTROL--Service Industrial: DJ Tibin, 9 pm KELLY'S OLYMPIAN--Eye Candy: VJ Norto, Phantom Hillbilly, 8 pm, free MATADOR--I Don't Like Mondays: DJ Rhienna, DJF, 10 pm, free O'MALLEY'S SALOON & GRILL--Heavy Metal Monday: Bozyk, 9 pm STAR BAR--Metal Mondays: DJ Blackhawk, 10 pm, free TIGA--DJ Pattern & Shape TUBE--DJ Matt Scaphism, 7 pm TUESDAY 9/25 BEECH ST. PARLOR--DJ Doug Ferious CC SLAUGHTERS--DJ Robb, 9 pm, free CLUB 21--DJ Dirty Red CROWN ROOM--See You Next Tuesday: Kellan, DJ Avery, 9 pm, free DEVILS POINT--DJ Kenoy, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY--James & Atkins THE EMBERS AVENUE--Recycle: DJ Tibin, 9 pm, free GROUND KONTROL--Rock Band Tuesdays: MC T. Wrecks, 9 pm, free THE LOVECRAFT--DJ Straylight, 9 pm; Death Club: DJ Entropy, 10 pm MATADOR--DJ Donny Don't, 10 pm, free STAR BAR--DJ Smooth Hopperator, 10 pm, free SWIFT LOUNGE--Boogie Tuesday: Maxx Bass, Gwizski, Mikie Lixx TIGA--DJ Zac Eno TRADER VIC'S--DJ Cabana, 6 pm TUBE--DJ Overcol, 7 pm; Tubesday, 10 pm WEDNESDAY 9/26 AALTO LOUNGE--DJ Maxamillion BEECH ST. PARLOR--DJ Copy CC SLAUGHTERS--Trick: DJ Robb, 9 pm, free THE CONQUISTADOR--Put Your Head Out: DJ 60/40 CRUZROOM--Do You Remember Rock & Roll Radio: Pat Kearns, Mark Brachmann DIG A PONY--Pussy Control: Nathan Detroit, Black Dog THE EMBERS AVENUE--Gothic Industrial: DJ Jens, 9 pm FIRKIN TAVERN--VJ Norto, 9 pm HOLOCENE--13 Months of Sunshine: African Sounds Dance Party: DJ Sahelsounds, DJ Jeffrey Jerusalem, DJ E3, DJ Hanukkah Miracle, DJ Humans, 9 pm, $3 JONES--Spin Sugar: Doc Adam, 10 pm, $5 LADD'S INN--DJ Kutthroat, 9:30 pm, free MOLOKO PLUS--King Tim 33.3, Discus Noir, 10 pm, free SAUCEBOX--DJ Nealie Neal STAR BAR--DJ Overcol, 10 pm TIGA--DJ Ramophone TIGER BAR--Juicy Wednesdays: DJ Detroit Diezel, 9 pm, $2 TUBE--Loyd Depriest, 6 pm; DJ Creepy Crawl, 7 pm THE WHISKEY BAR--Whiskey Wednesdays: American Girls, 10 pm, free SATURDAY 9/22 AURA--Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 BEECH ST. PARLOR--DJ Quincy Hoist BERBATI'S PAN--Music for the Masses: King Fader, 10 pm, free BEULAHLAND--Hey Queen: Bruce LaBruiser, Orographic, Gossip Cat, 10 pm CC SLAUGHTERS--House of Hollywood: DJ Alex Hollywood, 9 pm, free CRUZROOM--Vnylogy DJs DEVILS POINT--DJ Brooks, 9 pm, free DIG A PONY--DJ Freaky Outty THE EMBERS AVENUE--Portland Tonight: DJ Jens, 9 pm FEZ--Twice as Nice: DJ TJ, A Train, Tandem, 10 pm, $10 GOLD DUST MERIDIAN--Clap Trap: DJ Gregarious, 10 pm, free GREELEY AVE. BAR AND GRILL--Eye Candy: VJ Norto, The Phantom Hillbilly, 9 pm, free GROOVE SUITE--After Dark September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 31 CULTURE/ART/PDX VISUAL ART Q&A the Arts, which is one of the few programs in the United States that focuses exclusively on curation. I've curated exhibitions at numerous Bay Area organizations and am currently running an alternative arts space inside Corvallis' Majestic Theatre. Could you be more anecdotal/specific about particular projects? A Universe We Can Believe In [was an] exhibition on science-fiction. This project moved a lot between "truth" and fiction. For example, a work by Trevor Paglen featured actual military unit patches and memorabilia created for top-secret programs, Kara Tanaka created sketches based on designs and prototypes of contemporary space exploration, and Gareth Spor broke down screenshots of the film 2001: A Space Odyssey until nothing was left but abstract landscapes. [For another example], every fourth grader in California has to make a model of one of the California Missions as part of their curriculum. Make a Mission Project assigned this project to local artists and featured all 21 missions. Works included dioramas, film, painting, and installations that dealt with current social issues, something special about the locations (wine in Sonoma, the swallows that live in the walls of San Juan Capistrano) and some tackled the history of colonization the missions represent. Your first exhibition of the season is from Suzy Poling. Could you talk a bit about her and her work? Suzy Poling is one of the top experimental photographers in the Bay Area. Her work combines themes of natural phenomena, mutation, and BBC science-fiction. For Disjecta, Poling has created a series of large-scale photographs and video installations influenced by her work as an experimental musician and performer. What else do you have cooking for Disjecta? While not formally linked, there are some shared themes that connect the major exhibitions that I am organizing for Disjecta. After Suzy Poling, we will present an exhibition of Portland-based artists in conversation with Ursula K. Le Guin's 1971 novel The Lathe of Heaven, followed by a massive installation by Chris Fraser and a group show exploring afro-futurism. BOOK REVIEW Under Wildwood by Colin Meloy (Balzer & Bray) Elemental Forces Suzy Poling Disjecta, 8371 N Interstate, opens Thurs Sept 27, Fri-Sun noon-5 pm, through Oct 28, disjecta.org AST WEEK, Disjecta announced the first exhibition presented by the space's 20122013 curator in residence, Josephine Zarkovich. For this first show of the season, Zarkovich brought in Oakland-based artist Suzy Poling, who, according to the press release, "has created a series of large-scale experimental photographs and video installations that address issues of ecology, materiality, and regeneration" in an exhibition titled Elemental Forces. While Poling is an accomplished mid-career artist, she also makes cinematic drone/noise music under the name Pod Blotz, and the production techniques employed therein resurface in her visual work. Due to this conversation between sonic and visual languages, Zarkovich asked Liz Harris (AKA Grouper) and Pat Maher--two visual artists who also have roots as working musicians--to contribute to the exhibit. Elemental Forces looks to be a promising opener to Disjecta's season. Curious as to where else Zarkovich is planning to take Disjecta's programming over the next 12 months, I hit up the curator with some questions. MATT STANGEL MERCURY: Could you introduce yourself with some words about your past curatorial experiences? JOSEPHINE ZARKOVICH: I am a contemporary art curator who moved to Oregon a year and a half ago from Oakland. I hold an MA in curatorial practice from the California College of Reading w/Colin Meloy and Carson Ellis at Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, Sun Sept 23, 4 pm, $17.99 (includes copy of book) W L COMIC BOOK REVIEW HILE COLIN MELOY'S first foray into YA authorship could've neatly tied up with 2011's Wildwood, the series makes a welcome return in the sequel Under Wildwood. It's an even more enjoyable outing into a fantasy Portland filled with talking animals, vast forests, and armies of avenging fauna. Like its predecessor, Under Wildwood's full of Decemberists vocab lessons (Cockup! Seditious! Slurry!) and precious Portlandese (Pickling! Cork flooring! Terrariums!), but it's got decidedly more zip. The numerous story threads are all stronger and more engaging than the first venture into the Narnia-tinged land. Wildwood is going through a period of severe unrest, with revolutionaries and coups making life difficult for the denizens. As one kid says, "Grown-ups. They've got the run of a magical kingdom and they still manage to always mess things up." Prue, the smarty preteen protagonist, is back in North Portland and missing her best friend, Curtis, who stayed behind as a bandit-in-training. Meanwhile Curtis' two sisters are being fostered at a Dickensian orphanage/factory, where a washedup glamourpuss and her Ricky Gervais-esque boyfriend oversee the grim operation. There's a lot going on in Under Wildwood, but it's all the better for it--where Wildwood got a bit sloggy, Meloy's second book slowly builds momentum that reaches a steady clip. Carson Ellis' lovely illustrations bring life and beauty to the story, particularly crisp when she depicts the former movie star and the adorable mole army, who are outfitted in bottle-cap armor and real-world flotsam. We'll be getting at least one more book in the series to tie up Under Wildwood's loose threads--the sooner the better, I say. COURTNEY FERGUSON The Underwater Welder by Jeff Lemire (Top Shelf) ANADIAN CARTOONIST Jeff Lemire made a name for himself with three graphic novels released by Portland publisher Top Shelf: The brick-sized Essex County trilogy is three interlocking stories of life in one rural Canadian county, full of gruff, hatchet-faced men with difficulty expressing their feelings and awkward boys who hide in fantasies of comic books. And hockey. Lots and lots of hockey. Lemire has since moved on to higher-profile work for DC Comics, as a writer for C Animal Man and Justice League Dark. With The Underwater Welder, Lemire returns to Top Shelf to publish a book that feels more like his Essex County work than anything he's done since. That is to say: It's personal, it's black and white, and all the men have very craggy noses. Jack Joseph works off the coast of Nova Scotia as a welder on an oil rig--his father was a diver, and so Jack became a diver too, though his father was lost at sea when Jack was just a boy. Jack himself is about to have a child, but instead of staying home with his super-pregnant wife, he heads back out to sea, where a diving accident sends Jack searching for clues to his own past. In his intro, Lost executive producer Damon Lindelof compares Welder to a Twilight Zone episode, and there's something to that: The book is pervaded with a nerve-wracking sense of things present but unseen, with each page moving the reader closer and closer to understanding what Jack Joseph is really searching for. The ending is a touch unsatisfying, but overall, it's a work that fans of Essex County should appreciate. (If you're not a fan of Essex County--start there.) ALISON HALLETT Origins, Meaning, Morality, Destiny? ThinkRenaissance.org 32 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 FESTIVAL REVIEWS PAINT & FIRE BY STEVE MATHEWS PHOTO BY ALIN DRAGULIN See tba.portlandmercury.com for a complete recap of the Mercury's TBA coverage S COMEDY PREVIEW OMETIMES PORTLAND'S arts community is downright confounding. I am not talking about putting birds on things, because that joke is stupid, but rather about rampant double-booking of major arts events. The annual overlap between MusicfestNW and PICA's Time-Based Art (TBA) Festival, for example, or the confluence, a few years ago, of the Stump- town Comics Fest and the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. Such overlaps make for a hectic weekend at best--at worst, we give up on art altogether and stay home watching Archer. (Season two is on Netflix Instant!) This year, something magical happened: There was a shuttle. The magic shuttle ran in a loop between TBA, the new XOXO Festival, and OMSI's Maker Faire, all of which took place last weekend in Southeast. Yes: For what felt like the first time ever, Portland arts organizations acknowledged the existence of competing events that audiences might also want to attend. Shuttle-riding audiences caught the last weekend of the 10-day TBA festival, which (under the artistic direction of newcomer Angela Mattox) boasted a higher-than-usual concentration of international artists, including British-German troupe Gob Squad, whose elegant and hilarious riff on Andy Warhol's films was one of the highlights of the festival. Another standout: Congolese dancer Faustin Linyekula, whose Le Cargo was praised for its accessibility and beauty. This year was the fest's last at Washington High School, and as great as that space is, it's time to move on--beer garden chatter had more to say about the weaknesses of the space (the giant auditorium was just too big for some of the latenight acts on the bill) than its strengths. Just blocks away from Washington High, at Yale Union, the Kickstarter-funded arts 'n' tech festival XOXO featured two days of paradigmshifting speakers like Etsy's Chad Dickerson, musician Julia Nunes, Kickstarter co-founder Yancey Strickler, and CASH Music's Maggie Vail and Jesse Von Doom, whose nonprofit helps connect musicians with web technology. The conference focuses on "artists and toolmakers," though there were a lot more toolmakers than artists in attendance--$400 is a deal for a weekend pass to a tech conference, I'm told, though hardly affordable for working artists. That said, it was a remarkably well-run event (particularly for its first year), and even broke artists were encouraged to take advantage of a free lineup of film and music events that included Community creator Dan Harmon presenting his amazing unaired pilot Heat Vision and Jack. It's going to be fascinating to see how XOXO evolves in terms of programming, influence, and accessibility. As for the Maker Faire, well... even with the shuttle, there was just a bit too much going on. ALISON HALLETT tinues, explaining that audience members are encouraged to bring local news headlines to the show for panel members to discuss. If you've spent any time with Marc Maron's WTF podcast, you've maybe gotten the idea that all comedians are bitter, jealous people. And sure, some of 'em are--but Brannon is one of a number of local comedians who are actively trying to help Portland's comedy scene develop (Whitney Streed comes immediately to mind as another example). "I want this show to be a success for the comedians that are a part of it," Brannon says. "I remember what it was like when I was a young comedian, and all of the older comedians that gave me opportunities. They helped me to become the comedian I am today, and if I can do that for someone else, I will." That's well and good for comedians, but what about the audience? Brannon notes that he doesn't want the audience to feel as though they're at a movie, passively watching the screen. "If anything, I'd want them to feel like they're in a movie," he says. "When they leave the club, I want them to feel like they have contributed to the success of the show." All members of the same Hamster Village. ALISON HALLETT ARTCHART OUR PICKS OF THE WEEK SANDY PERAZA SPACE MONKEY CAF� � 5511 SE 72ND � THROUGH OCT 12 Sightlines and Spaces--Eight authors are paired with eight museum locations to creatively consider relationships between works of art and respond with verse. Featuring readings from Kevin Sampsell, Lidia Yuknavitch, Alexis Smith, and others. Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park, Thurs Sept 20, 6:30 pm, $10-15, pam.org Cookbooks!--A group reading from three shakers and movers in Portland's food scene: Ken Forkish with Flour Water Salt Yeast: The Fundamentals of Artisan Bread and Pizza, Diane Morgan's Roots: The Definitive Compendium, and Julie Richardson presents Vintage Cakes. Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, Fri Sept 21, 7:30 pm, powells.com Best of the Best Puppet Slam--Beady Little Eyes presents a night of short-form adult puppetry, hosted by a giant toad and a sassy-ass red dog. Disjecta, 8371 N Interstate, Sat Sept 22, 7 & 9:30 pm, $8 Terry Brooks--One of the best-known writers in the sci-fi/fantasy field, Brooks presents his latest, Wards of Faerie: The Dark Legacy of Shannara. Powell's Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills, Beaverton, Sat Sept 22, 4 pm, powells.com Fight Night--Portland Area Theater Alliance presents an evening of duels (broadly defined) from local theater companies. Basically, it's theater stripped down to the fun parts. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta, Mon Sept 24, 7:30 pm, $15-25, albertarosetheatre.com T The Hamster Village Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Wed Sept 26, 8 pm, $8 HERE'S A STAND-UP comedy showcase in every corner of Portland these days, from Hawthorne Hideaway (second-to-last Thursdays) to the Tonic (Wednesdays) to the Know (last Thursdays). New showcases aren't even news at this point--just another entry in the ever-growing "Comedy/Improv" section of the Mercury's arts section. But when a show comes along that promises to fuck with the showcase formula a bit, and it's hosted and organized by Portland's newly crowned Funniest Person (as determined by a weeks-long comedy contest at Helium)--that's news. Stand-up/very funny Funniest Person Nathan Brannon has just announced a new monthly comedy show called the Hamster Village, which promises to marry a range of comedic approaches with video sketches and panel discussions. "There are many different forms of comedy, and I would like to show how they can work together," explains Brannon. "I want the comedians to show what they can do, not only with stand-up but with sketches and improv. "I called it `the Hamster Village' partly because, depending on what pieces you add, you can control the direction of the tunnels," he con- PO RTLAN D M E RCU RY.CO M HAS A COMPLETE CALENDAR OF ARTS EVENTS Jeff is back at the Sea Tramp! 503.231.9784 skeleton key tattoo 1729 se hawthorne blvd. 503-233-4292 safe, sterile, friendly custom tattoos walk-ins and by appointment WE BUY YOUR CLOTHES No Appointment Needed � Cash on the Spot � Friendly Buyers new location! WOMEN'S & MEN'S � CURRENT STYLES 128 NW 23RD AVE, PORTLAND 503.241.2545 3736 SE HAWTHORNE BLVD, PORTLAND 503.239.8099 www.crossroadstrading.com September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 33 MELISSA DOW Gerding Theater at the Armory 128 NW Eleventh Avenue 503.445.3700 pcs.org 34 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 Gretchen Rumbaugh and Aloysius Gigl in Sweeney Todd. Photo by Patrick Weishampel. MUSIC AND LYRICS BY STEPHEN SONDHEIM � BOOK BY HUGH WHEELER FROM AN ADAPTATION BY CHRISTOPHER BOND � DIRECTED BY CHRIS COLEMAN SEPTEMBER 18�OCTOBER 21 Tasca & Paul Gulick Helen & Jerry Stern READINGS THURSDAY 9/20 YUVI ZALKOW ARTSCALENDAR A STEADY RAIN unless accompanied by adult due to puppet nudity and sexual situations. The Sanctuary at Sandy Plaza, 1785 NE Sandy, Thurs-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Sept 30, $15-35 ND ORTLA P L A GIN Y STYLE I R O ENCH FR A Brilliant Novel in the Works, Zalkow's debut novel, is the story of Yuvi trying to write his debut novel while his life falls apart on such a scale that the story travels from the top of his desk to Uranus and back. Annie Bloom's Books, 7834 SW Capitol Hwy, 246-0053, 7 pm SATURDAY 9/22 UNDER WILDWOOD The launch of the latest children's book by Colin Meloy and Carson Ellis, presented by Marcy Cottrell Houle, author of the Forest Park guidebook One City's Wilderness. St. Johns Booksellers, 8622 N Lombard, 283-0032, 10 am Hellfire productions presents a play by Keith Huff, about two tarnished Chicago beat cops who struggle with the balance between corruption and compromise when they come upon a naked teenage girl in an alley. Shoe Box Theater, 2110 SE 10th, 971-244-3740, Thurs-Fri 7:30 pm and Sun 4 pm, through Oct 7, $20-35 E.L. JAMES A signing from the author of the Fifty Shades trilogy of erotic novels. James will only sign up to three books per person. What a jerk. Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 228-4651, 6 pm COMEDY COMEDY CENTRAL'S COMICS TO WATCH SHOWCASE The mecca of cable comedy gathers together a group of Portland's finest established and up-and-coming standups. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, 888-6438669, Thurs Sept 20, 7:30 pm .lehappy.com www DANIEL SIMPSON A presentation based on Simpson's latest memoir, entitled Why I Quit the New York Times to Join Balkan Gangsters. Red & Black Cafe, 400 SE 12th, 231-3899, 7 pm LISA LAMPANELLI She's fucking gross, and mean as hell, too. Some say she's lovable but that's just something you say to excuse the fact she makes you laugh at heinous shit you have no business laughing at. She's a magician of profanity. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335, Fri Sept 21, 8 pm, $45.25 GOD SAVE THE ZINE A monthly showcase for local zine authors, with live presentations, merch tables, and live music from DJ Bar Hopper. Jack London Bar at the Rialto, 529 SW 4th, 227-5327, 7:30 pm TUESDAY 9/25 NOCHE DE LOS POETAS An open mic featuring works from the canons of poets such as Pablo Neruda and Federico Garcia Lorca, as well as works from local authors. Miracle Theatre (Teatro Milagro), 525 SE Stark, 236-7253, 7 pm, free PAUL REISER Most know him as a sitcom star (Mad About You) or the rat-fuck sonofabitch company man in Aliens, but Paul Reiser got his start as a stand-up. Missing his return to that particular art form? That's a bad call, Ripley. It's a bad call. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, 888-6438669, Fri Sept 21, 7:30 & 10 pm and Sat Sept 22, 7:30 & 10 pm, $25-30 WEDNESDAY 9/26 JOHNNY SHAW A reading and discussion about the latest book from Shaw, Big Maria, a comic caper novel about a mine named Big Maria, and the treasures legend says still reside inside it. Murder by the Book, 3210 SE Hawthorne, 232-9995, Wed 7 pm VISUAL ART ART SPARK A get-together for the creative community, featuring Portland Open Studios, IPRC, Bite Studios, Ethos, and a mystery guest. Ford Food & Drink, 2505 SE 11th #101, 236-3023, Thurs Sept 20, 5 pm, free GREG PALAST A reading from the investigative journalist's latest book, Billionaires & Ballot Bandits - How to Steal an Election in 9 Easy Steps, a collaboration with cartoonist Ted Rall. Ticket price includes a copy of the book. Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899, 7:30 pm, $30 BATTLES WITHOUT HONOR OR HUMANITY Floating World hosts a group exhibit focused on art inspired by yakuza/crime noir films, featuring works by Andrew MacLean, Logan Faerber, Robert Wilson IV, Emma Rios, Ryan Andrews, Hwei Lim, Kris Mukai, and more. Floating World Comics, 400 NW Couch, 241-0227, through Sept 30 THEATER ART Theatre Now presents a performance of Yasmina Reza's Moliere Award-winning play about two friends, one who bought a painting for a ridiculous amount of money, the other who can't understand why the hell he'd want to do that. Victory Gallery, 733 NW Everett. Fri Sept 21, 7:30 pm, Sat Sept 22, 7:30 pm and Sun Sept 23, 4 pm, $15-20. BEAUTY AND WISDOM An exhibition of photography from Robbie Kaye, focused on elderly women continuing to go through the ritual of personally maintaining their beauty regimen. Camerawork Gallery, 2255 NW Northrup, 226-4847, Sat Sept 22, 5:30 pm and Sept 23-Oct 19 DON QUIXOTE AND SANCHO PANZA: HOMELESS IN SEATTLE A staged reading of Rose Cano's adaptation of the classic tale, transporting Don Quixote and Sancho Panza into modern Seattle, and letting them navigate the healthcare system as elderly homeless people. Part of La Luna Nueva, an annual festival of Hispanic arts and culture. Miracle Theatre, 525 SE Stark, 2367253, Sun Sept 23, 5 pm, $7-10 BREAKING BAD An exhibition of paper mache masks and ceramics from artist Cari Vander Yacht, placed atop colorful digital prints as a means of riffing on contemporary consumerism. Nationale, 811 E Burnside, Suite 112, rhrough Sept 30 CYNTHIA E. SMITH A lecture by Cooper-Hewitt curator Cynthia E. Smith, focusing on successful design solutions to rapidly expanding informal urban settlements. In conjunction with Design with the Other 90% exhibit. Museum of Contemporary Craft, 724 NW Davis, 223-2654, Wed Sept 26, 6:30 pm LEGALLY BLONDE The Tony Award-winning musical about a gumptious hayseed who does some good in the world through sheer force of sunny disposition, along with the help of her friends, and her yapping little purse-dog. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 248-4335, opens Sept 22, runs Thurs-Fri 7:30, Sat 2 & 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, through Oct 7, $36-64 THE UNSEEN EYE A collection of photographs curated by W.M. Hunt, centered on the common theme of faces averted, obscured, or closed off to all stimulus. Among the photographers included are Diane Arbus, Richard Avedon, Robert Frank, and Robert Mapplethorpe. Blue Sky Gallery, 122 NW 8th, 225-0210, through Sept 30 AND SO IT GOES... Artist's Repertory begins their 30th Anniversary season with a love letter to the human race by Aaron Posner, adapted from Kurt Vonnegut's short story collection Welcome to the Monkey House. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison, 241-1278. Wed-Sat 7:30 pm and Sun 2 pm, through Oct 7, $20-50. WORLD WITHIN THE WORLD An exhibit of works from local artist Julia Gfrorer, including original comic pages and illustrations. Floating World Comics, 400 NW Couch, 241-0227, through Sept 30 AVENUE Q Triangle Productions presents the Tony Award-winning comedy/musical about racism, homophobia, homelessness, unemployment, and finding the purpose to life, performed with puppets. No children under 17 admitted For a complete calendar of arts events, see portlandmercury.com MON -T H MONDAY 9/24 UR 5P NOW M-M SE Portland Center Stage dips their toe, for the first time ever, into the bloody waters of Sondheim with the musical telling of a psychotic barber's attempts to switch careers to the food service industry. Gerding Theater at the Armory, 128 NW 11th, 445-3700, Tues-Sun 7:30 pm, SatSun 2 pm and Thurs noon, through Oct 21 AC RE^ P SWEENEY TODD ER I AU EST � 503.226.1258 R E A 6TH AR ND B A T RAN 101 1 1 NW US AVE 5PM-1:30AM RI/ S AT T� F IGH COCKTAILS N ID ING RV September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 35 Just down the hill from adidas and overlook neighborhood on swan island in north pdx modern american favorites with a global flair SE Ankeny at 24th � 503-236-4997 � slideinnpdx.com Happy hours: 5:30-7 pm nightly and 9 pm until close Monday & Tuesday all night happy hour 36 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 Pop-Up Psychologist LAST SUPPER Anthony Cafiero's Spin on New Spanish Cuisine by Chris Onstad EAT IT! NOLAN CALISCH ANTHONY CAFIERO is one of a handful of Portland chefs who are attempting to advance avant-garde cooking in a sophisticated market that has, curiously, been less than receptive. Why, in this culinary mecca, have the techniques of "new Spanish," or molecular gastronomy, yet to take hold? Cafiero, 31, is a respected veteran of Paley's Place, Veritable Quandary, Nostrana, Ten 01, and Tabla, some of our city's most noteworthy institutions. More recently he's become a skilled and charming evangelist for this misunderstood and decidedly un-motherly cooking, but despite his immersion circulators and easy way with agar-agar (an inexpensive, fat free, and stable alternative to butter), the fundamental concerns of hospitality, flavor, and pacing are central to his menus. He uses techniques to keep himself intellectually stimulated as much as dazzle the customer, in whom he places faith that a good, challenging product will be appreciated. I sat down with this whippet-thin d'Artagnan recently to discuss the slow uptake of this style of cuisine in an otherwise ambitious city, his hotly anticipated restaurant Raci�n, and how he conceptualizes the perfect dish. MERCURY: Why has Portland, a city of particularly educated and curious diners, not embraced the sort of modernist food you specialize in? ANTHONY CAFIERO: I think the reason we don't have super bad-ass restaurants here is because we don't have tons of international diners frequenting our city every year. Locals also happen to be very good home cooks, resulting in a push for restaurants to raise the bar for good food--only, it happens to be very normal and safe good food. A diner will not go out to a restaurant if (a) they can cook better than the chef at the restaurant, or (b) they don't understand the techniques or cuisine of the particular chef or restaurant. You've said small plates are a trend we will see more of this year (Aviary, Smallwares, Biwa). Why is that dining format popular right now? Small plates are cool in town, I think, because people are over the big entr�e, and they want more of a variety of flavors, smaller portions of each so that they can order three $10 items instead of one $30 item. Also, I think people are looking after their overall consumption these days, and they want the most value for their dollar. I know that one-third of my $30 entr�e is cheap starch. That is why small plates are so interesting: less filler, more imagination, higherquality ingredient. What is the idea behind your upcoming restaurant, Raci�n? What will a meal there entail? My idea for Raci�n changes every day. Right now, it's going to be the best 20 seats in Portland. The pop-up dinners [Cafiero has run a half-dozen pop-up dinners to help dial in his offerings] are a direct reflection of my ideal restaurant. Set menu, eager diners, interaction with the cooks, that kind of thing. It will be fun, but also high end at the same time. I'm thinking dishes being ordered � la carte will range from $10 to $20, and the tasting menu may be available in a five- or seven-course. There will also be small, free extras between some courses, amuses and palate cleansers. I want strong, modern-leaning cocktails that people will want to drink throughout their meal, but also offer a smart wine list, sherry, and dessert wine. I also want to keep the corkage fee at $5, which is unheard of in Portland. What are your key elements in composing a dish? Food has to be built like a perfect dessert. Crunchy, smooth, fatty, clean, saucy, built interestingly, easy to eat. That's how I work modern techniques into dishes. I'm not thinking, "Damn, I really want to stick a foam on this... what should it be?" I'm thinking, "I want horseradish on this pork cheek dish, but I want it to be in the background. I also want some dynamic color and texture in this dish, since a pork cheek is brown and dense. Oh, I know, I'll make a horseradish tea and turn it into a foam, something white and spoonable and light." That's how things evolve. I ask myself where is the crunch, the craveability, the must-have-ness of the dish. Then as I build it, it's very dependent on the plates that I have. How the food looks on a particular plate is super important to me. It's the painter's palette--the delivery vehicle. That's when certain ingredients get chosen for a dish simply because of their color or how they look cut or what happens to them when you pur�e or dry them. At the base of all this, though, is an understanding of classic flavor combinations and traditional ingredients. See more of this interview at portlandmercury.com. BELLA FACCIA PIZZERIA Saturday, September 22 3PM-6PM Eight Portland chefs prepare signature tapas, each paired with a Spanish wine or cider from De Maison Selections. Porron Pour Contest! Txakoli Bar! Sherry Bar! $30 per person (includes a token to each chefs station and wine pairing) FIND RESTAURANTS, BARS, AND READER REVIEWS AT PORTLANDMERCURY .COM Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 37 Portland's Historic non-Profit tHeatre enter taining Por tl and since 1926 4122 NE SaNdy BoulEvard EVENT HOTLINE: (503) 493-1128 now servInG Beer & wIne. All AGes stIll AdmItted! A 35 mm pRINt OF ROMAN pOLANSKI'S ROSEMARY'S BABY metroPolIs FILMUSIK ORGAN GRINDERS PrESENTS sePtemBer 27 pm WITH lIvE SCorE By Bent Knee! FrIdAY AUGUst 17 � 8:00 sePtemBer 21 THrougH ROLLING THUNDER tHE MISFItS tIN HOUSE PrESENTS ARtHUR MILLER'S grINdHouSE FIlM FESTIval PrESENTS a 35mm PrINT oF TuESday SEPTEMBEr 25 � 7:30 pmsUndAY AUGUst 19 � 2:00pm WITH adaM BravE BooK SIgNINg! See the Mercury movie section for showtimes, and visit our NEW website w w w .H o l l y w o o d T H e a T r e . org 38 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 FILM Of Men and The Master WHILE DIRECTOR Paul Thomas An- Something needs to give, and so enters derson and his cast continue to stress Lancaster Dodd (played by Philip Seymour Hoffman), the "master" that their new fi lm The MasThe Master of a startup religion/selfter is not about Scientology, dir. Paul Thomas Anderson help cult called "The Cause" of course it's about ScientolOpens Fri Sept 21 (played by Scientology). For ogy. In fact, the repeated Various Theaters Dodd, Quell is the perfect pareferences to Scientology are nearly overwhelming, and about as tient/guinea pig; an "animal" who, once his thinly veiled as a Frederick's of Holly- "ancient trauma" is revealed though tests, study, and psychological torture, will wood negligee. But... they're right. The Master is not hopefully graduate to a higher order of human... the human we were created to be. about Scientology. One is tempted to gleefully approach Deep in its beautiful guts, The Master is about a man trying to better him- The Master as the cinematic counterself--and just about any religion or faith part to a juicy Vanity Fair hit piece-- could've served as the vehicle propelling but upon viewing, one quickly realizes that Anderson is reaching for much this fascinating fi lm. It's the end of World War II, and ex- more. Rather than heaping scorn on a sailor Freddie Quell (Joaquin Phoenix) pseudo-faith, Anderson's The Master is is a goddamn drunk. And not just a gar- a gorgeously filmed rumination on huden-variety alcoholic, but an obliteration man need: the need to be self-aware, boozer who makes his own hooch out of the need to be accepted, the need to be paint thinner and rubbing alcohol. He's loved. As much as drunkard Quell needs also vengeful, hypersexual, and perhaps to make peace with his past, Dodd needs (or perhaps not) an involuntary murderer. to be accepted, respected, and appreci- Paul Thomas Anderson's Love Note to Scientology by Wm. Steven Humphrey ated for what he believes is the rescue of the human species. In the end, what each of these characters receives speaks more about humanity and religion than any one-note Vanity Fair expos� could ever hope to accomplish. As for the nuts and bolts of the film, the acting from all parties--and especially its cinematography--is a thing of sensitive, nuanced beauty. And while there's a certain meandering, elusive quality that may momentarily spawn a twinge of mistrust in Anderson's powers, rest assured each sweeping frame is there for a reason, and The Master is one of those rare fi lms that will have you reflecting on your own selfawareness for days to come. THE MASTER Emperor Klaktu of Rigel VII gives it 23 tentacles up! Film Is Dead Long Live Film! Side by Side and the Digital Revolution by Erik Henriksen "DIGITAL TECHNOLOGY is evolving gest transitions in its history. Side by Side's useful as a history lesto a point that it may very well replace fi lm as the primary means of creating and son too, tracking the rise of digital cameras from consumer-level sharing motion pictures," Side by Side camcorders to Michael Keanu Reeves narrates at dir. Christopher Kenneally Mann's stunning vision of the beginning of Side by Fri Sept 21-Sun Sept 23 Los Angeles in Collateral, Side, speaking over quick Hollywood Theatre making side-trips to highcuts from Sin City, The (also available On Demand) light innovations from the Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Slumdog Millionaire, and Ava- Dogme 95 movement and the revolutiontar --all fi lms shot digitally. Considering ary use of digital color timing in O Broththe state of cinematography and distri- er, Where Art Thou? But more interestbution--with digital cameras and projec- ingly, it digs into human reactions to the tors having all but muscled out traditional shift, with an impressive array of talking 35mm--Reeves probably should've just heads--from directors to editors to spesaid "has replaced" instead of "may very cial effects supervisors--weighing in on well replace." Still, Side by Side shows a how digital fi lmmaking has changed the pretty great cross-section of the fi lm in- way movies are made, watched, and sold. dustry as it grapples with one of the big- There are the usual giddy proponents of FILM digital (James Cameron, George Lucas, Danny Boyle, Steven Soderbergh, Robert Rodriguez, David Fincher), some unexpected proponents (Martin Scorsese), too few young, independent voices (Lena Dunham), and a couple of fi lmmakers who steadfastly oppose digital, personified here largely by an exceedingly g r u mpy Ch r i st o pher Nolan. (That's too bad, considering 35mm still has a swath of talented devotees who don't show up here, like Paul Thomas An- SIDE BY SIDE The Wachowskis: Sad you didn't see Speed Racer. derson, Quentin Tarantino, Rian Johnson, Wes Anderson, and Steven Spielberg.) But for all the talking--and boasting, and hand-wringing--most of the fun of Side by Side comes down to simply hearing accomplished filmmakers geek out. Like when Reeves asks David Lynch if he's truly done with 35mm: "Don't hold me to it, Keanu," Lynch says, in a line I want to be my new ringtone, "but I think I am." Scars vs. Helmets Dredd: A Brilliantly Dumb Homage to Classic Verhoeven by Vince Mancini THE FIRST THING you need to know shockingly good. Shocking not necessarily about Dredd is that Karl Urban never because it's so incredibly good, but because the possibility of it being even takes his helmet off. There's Dredd slightly good seemed so remote. a scene near the end where dir. Pete Travis I mean, imagine someone saying his space pants are pulled up Opens Fri Sept 21 they'd remade Battlefield Earth. so high I could draw a topoVarious Theaters That's what Dredd sounds like to graphical map of his balls from memory, but his eyes and forehead retain most of us aware only of the source material through Sly Stallone slurring "Aayyy yam their mystery. The second thing to know is that all the the law!" in some half-remembered trailer from the '90s. bad guys have scars. Even putting aside the history, usuThe third thing to know about Dredd (note: not in order of importance) is that it's ally when people tell you that a movie is FILM "Dumb but fun!" it means, "It's awful, but I'm a moron!" Dredd is the exception: It succeeds in finding that elusive mix of tongue-in-cheek camp and visceral thrill. Karl Urban's self-aware rendition of KILL BAD GUY/CATCHPHRASE is Arnold for the modern age, with a backing track of Verhoeven-esque ultraviolence. Everyone likes dead bad guys, but usually B-movies screw up by overcomplicating things. (Lockout had 50 confusing MacGuffi ns and plot twists like the director thought he was making Memento.) Dredd is new-brutalism simple (two FUTURECOPS have to make it out of a drug-lordcontrolled, 200-story high-rise, Raidstyle), there are just enough tweaks to the tropes that it doesn't get boring, and the posturing is subtle enough that you don't feel like you're watching a Spike TV sizzle reel. When Dredd tells drug queen Ma-Ma (Lena Headey, AKA Cersei Lannister, AKA Sarah Connor) over the high-rise loudspeaker, "You are not the law. I am the law," it gives Stallone's dopey, apropos-of-nothing catchphrase a believable context. When Dredd throws a bad guy down an elevator shaft, all he does is look down and say, "Yup." That's all it needs. In fact, that's all this review needs. Dredd: Yup. September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 39 Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com "PURE EXHILARATION...TRULY SFX Magazine SPECTACULAR!" I N T H E AT E R S S E P T E M B E R 2 1 ! 40 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 Hello, Operator Testing the Limits of Authority in Compliance by Alison Hallett FILM WHEN A MOVIE is "based on a true is why it's super weird when, a few minstory," what typically results is a gener- utes into a busy Friday night shift, a man ously fictionalized account of a salacious on the telephone identifying himself as news tidbit. Compliance takes a different a police officer has persuaded Sandra to take an employee in the back road: It doesn't speculate about Compliance room, strip her naked, and keep its characters or their motivadir. Craig Zobel tions, and it doesn't flesh out Opens Fri Sept 21 her there for a horrific few hours. Pretty Becky (Dreama Walker) the facts. It simply recounts Cinema 21 has been stealing from customthe improbable events that occurred in Mount Washington, Kentucky, in ers, says the man on the phone, and he'll 2004, when a prank caller to a McDonald's have some officers on the scene soon. In posed as a police officer and convinced the the meantime? Take off her clothes. Take manager to strip search--and worse--a off her underwear. Take a look inside. Compliance is careful to avoid senfemale employee. The fi lm opens in a "Chickwich" park- sationalizing its material--though to be ing lot, where manager Sandra (Ann fair, the material is pretty sensational on Dowd) is signing for a last-minute de- its own. There's a persistent fascination livery, rushed in after an employee left in the way the man on the phone asserts a freezer open and spoiled their stock. his authority over Sandra and the other The delivery driver chews Sandra out for employees he talks to--instructing them mismanagement of her store, and Sandra to call him "sir," alternately threatening takes it, a scene that establishes some of and praising them. Compliance is excruthe power dynamics and social hierar- ciatingly uncomfortable to watch, but it chies that'll be explored to such disturb- pulls off the complicated trick of making the audience understand how so many ing effect later in the fi lm. Sandra seems like a nice lady--hard people could accept a situation that's so working and by the book, but fair. Which patently wrong. COMPLIANCE Those Jerky Boys are at it again! Rounding the Bend Trouble with the Curve Takes It Easy on Clint by Marjorie Skinner FILM AS IF TO PREEMPT the references drops impressively obscure bits of baseto his infamous turn at the Republican ball trivia, shoots perfect games of pool, National Convention, Trouble with the and drinks single malt scotch out of the bottle to demonstrate the Curve begins with Clint Trouble with the Curve acuity she earned travelEastwood, as legendary dir. Robert Lorenz ing through a world of "men Atlanta Braves scout Gus, Opens Fri Sept 21 who cursed, drank, and talking to inanimate obVarious Theaters farted" after her mother's jects--his penis, his coffee table, his half-eaten can of Spam. It's all death. Adams manages to leaven her to demonstrate his grumpy contention character's fetishized ball busting with a with the aging process (Eastwood is 82), natural vulnerability, striking a delicate most troublingly manifested in the form of balance that stands out against the fi lm's macular degeneration that has impaired many blunt strokes. Love interest Johnny his ability to drive--and gauge prospec- (Justin Timberlake), for instance, is little tive major-leaguers on the field. Despite more than an amiable, smitten puppy dog; his efforts to hide it from his employees, the snotty characters are punished, while it seems inevitable Gus will soon be "put the humble are rewarded; and the rapidity out to pasture," and so, at the urging of and ease with which plot points resolve at his best friend Pete (John Goodman), his the fi lm's conclusion are either laughably workaholic attorney daughter Mickey simplistic or intentionally nostalgic. On whole, Trouble wears its mantle just (Amy Adams) joins him on what may be fine. As a perfectly enjoyable, unchallenghis last tour of duty. In what's less a sports movie than a ing, and un-confusing outing that won't dad-and-daughter drama with watered- make you laugh or cry too hard, it's utterly down, non-threatening humor, Mickey efficient and downright unremarkable. September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 41 FILM SHORTS DREDD 17 GIRLS Happy Hour Specials Everyday Free Pool on Sundays � 92'' t.v � Total Sports Package Serving $2 breakfast from 7am-2pm & 10pm - 2am Kitchen hours (7am-2am) � Bar hours (7am-2:30am) A few years ago, news broke that 18 girls in a Massachusetts high school got pregnant during one school year, possibly the result of a pregnancy pact. 17 Girls relocates that provocative premise to a small French town, where the pregnancy of a devastatingly charismatic alpha female prompts over a dozen copycat pregnancies. Slow-paced and stylishly mopey, it's less about individual characters than pretty teenagers en masse, as they leap heedlessly into life-altering decisions, unable to imagine life after age 18 and disbelieving that any adult could possibly lead a life worth living. But while it may be accurate to film teenaged girls as if they're herd animals, the film' disinterest in individual characters gives it a drifting, unmoored quality. ALISON HALLETT Clinton Street Theater. A survey of emerging filmmakers, selected by Filmmaker Magazine. This year's picks include Eugene filmmaker Ian Clark, who will be in attendance. Northwest Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium. between competent and unwatchable. Sound and editing issues abound, but it's fun to see some young ladies make a movie in their own voice. COURTNEY FERGUSON Clinton Street Theater. 25 NEW FACES OF INDEPENDENT FILM THE CAMPAIGN Will Ferrell stars as Cam Brady, a four-term Congressman from North Carolina who is running unopposed for reelection--even when he accidentally leaves a wholesome family a dirty voicemail about rimjobs, he's got no fear of losing. Enter Marty Huggins (Zach Galifianakis), the local director of tourism who gets backed by an evil corporation in order to take Brady's seat. Though it pains me, I will politely refrain from telling you much more about where the story goes, because the jaw-droppingly horrible twists and turns are what make The Campaign so fun. But I will say this--you know that part in the trailer where Will Ferrell punches a baby? He punches something way worse than that later in the movie. Think of something worse to punch than a baby! ELINOR JONES Various Theaters. APOCALYPSE: A BILL CALLAHAN See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15. Hollywood Theatre. COMPLIANCE TOUR DOCUMENTARY See review this issue. Cinema 21. DANGEROUS DESIRES: The Northwest Film Center's noir series. This week's films: The Glass Key, The Blue Dahlia, and The Window. More info: Unusual Suspects (Mercury, Sept 13), nwfilm. org. Northwest Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium. FILM NOIR CLASSICS ARBITRAGE Arbitrage opens on a warm family scene: Dead-eyed Robert (Richard Gere) shares a birthday dinner with his wife and children, reveling in the love of his family and the imminent sale of his company. It's an enviable, candlelit vision of the good life--and its hollowness is quickly revealed when Robert dashes off for a visit with his gap-toothed French mistress. Robert's business dealings are as shady as his personal ones, turns out, and he's eager to sell his company before anyone realizes he's been cooking the books. An accident and a cover-up straight from the pages of Bonfire of the Vanities further undo Robert's good-guy fa�ade. Rich people are the worst. There's not a trace of ambiguity or moral complexity here--yes, Arbitrage functions as a reminder that rich people play by different rules than the rest of us. But so was watching the Republican National Convention, so is reading a newspaper, and so is being a reasonably attentive member of society. ALISON HALLETT Living Room Theaters. THE DARK KNIGHT RISES IMAX If that other, decidedly more candy-colored superflick, The Avengers, was about the importance of teamwork, The Dark Knight Rises delivers the same message on a deeper, much grander scale. Bladders beware: The Dark Knight Rises runs just shy of a bottom-numbing three hours, but you're in competent hands with director Christopher Nolan, who trusts your intelligence enough to delve into the emotional life of these characters while keeping the action hot enough to pull you from scene to scene. There's a finality here assuring you that not an inch of celluloid will be wasted, and Nolan's not going to leave the park without swinging for the fence. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY OMSI Omnimax. DAVID COPPERFIELD The oldest known film adaptation of Dickens' novel, produced by the Thanhouser Film Company in New York in 1911. Introduced by Ned Thanhouser, president of Thanhouser Company Film Preservation. One more time: Thanhouser! Northwest Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium. BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD I'll let you in on a secret: Writing negative reviews is pretty easy. Every doofy plot twist and bungled CG jumpkick pulls you out of the moviegoing experience, allowing you plenty of time to compose elaborately mean puns for your headline. It's harder to review a movie when it succeeds--and I mean really succeeds, in that it draws you in completely. The surreal, fantastic Beasts of the Southern Wild is that kind of movie: You may leave the theater conflicted and even confused, but you won't be thinking about anything else while you're watching it. BEN COLEMAN Hollywood Theatre, Liberty Theatre, Living Room Theaters. THE BIG SLEEP Humphrey Bogart spars with Lauren Bacall in Howard Hawks' 1946 adaptation of Raymond Chandler's book. There's murder, blackmail, intrigue, and innuendo, and despite the convoluted plot (not even Chandler could figure out who killed the chauffeur), Bogie, as Philip Marlowe, does a great job of keeping pace with the audience, tugging on his earlobe in nervous confusion. This is prototypical noir, and a fantastic detective movie; what's more, Marlowe's success with the ladies is obvious inspiration for another famous film dick--you might know him as Bond. Screening introduced by comics writer (and Mercury contributor) Jamie S. Rich, who will discuss how the film influenced his graphic novel You Have Killed Me, illustrated by Jo�lle Jones. NED LANNAMANN Hollywood Theatre. DREDD See review this issue. Various Theaters. HELLO I MUST BE GOING Thirtysomething Amy (Melanie Lynskey) has gone through an unwanted divorce and fled Manhattan to stay at her parents' home in Connecticut. She's depressed, hasn't changed her clothes or left the house in months, and is wallowing in her malaise. At a dinner party for a potentially important client for her father, Amy meets 19-year-old Jeremy (Christopher Abbott): He is vegan, serious, cute, and unhappy. Despite their age difference, they embark on a weird pubescent affair. They understand each other in their being misunderstood by their families; they are directionless people finding each other and being directionless together. The hot sex with a younger guy finally perks Amy up a bit, and through the experience, she discovers that the relationships in her life aren't necessarily what she thought they were. The film is somewhat exasperating and you never really get a sense of who Amy might be if she weren't in these particular circumstances. Soundtrack contributor Laura Veirs will perform after the 7 pm show on Fri Sept 21. GILLIAN ANDERSON Fox Tower 10. BUMPS An avant-garde take on a supposed high school pregnancy plot, Bumps lands comfortably in the sweet spot IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY The latest from animator Don Hertzfeldt, combining three shorts into a feature-length film. Hollywood Theatre. MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. THEATER LOCATIONS ARE ACCURATE FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 21-THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 27, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. FILM TIMES AND SHORTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM. 42 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 FILM SHORTS LOW-COST BANKRUPTCY FREE CONSULTATION Kelly K. Brown Bankruptcy attorney www.kellybrown.com 503�224�4124 Bankruptcy attorney since 1983 evening and weekend appointments TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE JACKPOT FILM FESTIVAL See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15, and jackpotrecords.com. Bagdad Theater. LAWLESS Before strapping on the gimp mask in The Dark Knight Rises, and before terrifying/thrilling everyone in Bronson, British actor Tom Hardy was winning modeling contests and playing Patrick Stewart's shaven, sniveling clone in Star Trek: Nemesis. Not the most auspicious beginning, and one that seems even stranger when watching the confident, beautiful, and violent Lawless, the latest from The Proposition and The Road director John Hillcoat. All but unrecognizable, Hardy shuffles and grunts his way through 1931 Virginia, where he and his brothers Jack (Shia LaBeouf) and Howard (Jason Clarke) run moonshine. Hardy, predictably, is fantastic--taciturn and grim until he's pushed, at which point he becomes all speed and brass knuckles--but Lawless is Jack's story. Like a backwoods The Godfather, we follow Jack as he clumsily tries to impress his tough brothers. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters. THE MASTER See review this issue. Various Theaters. MOONRISE KINGDOM Wes Anderson, god bless him, just keeps making Wes Anderson movies. As expected, Moonrise Kingdom is mannered, precious, nostalgic, and twee--and it's also about as good a movie about childhood as an adult is capable of making. ALISON HALLETT Cinemagic, Fox Tower 10, Hollywood Theatre, St. Johns Twin Cinemas. RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION We are a debt relief agency. We help people file for bankruptcy under the Bankruptcy Code. 520 SW Yamhill � Suite 420 � Portland 97204 The new Resident Evil movie is just like all the other ones. No better, no worse. In other words, it's mindless, goresplattered eye candy. Milla Jovovich shoots monsters while wearing what can best be described as a "battle corset," there are communist zombies on motorcycles, and the movie has not one but two Michelle Rodriguezes. Doesn't that sound fun? It is fun! Yes, liking these movies probably does mean you're a spectacle-driven philistine, but that's okay. Just give yourself over. Enjoy it. Bask in the great pool of guns and blood that is Resident Evil and grin like an idiot. JOE STRECKERT Various Theaters. ROLLING THUNDER See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15. Hollywood Theatre. ROSEMARY'S BABY See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 15. Hollywood Theatre. SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED Until the dark day of I Can Has Cheezburger: The Movie!, Safety Not Guaranteed will stand--as far as I can tell--as the only motion picture inspired by an internet meme. While its origins make Safety Not Guaranteed sound slight and disposable--a few steps above Battleship in Hollywood's "Oh shit, what else can we turn into a movie?!" descent--the difference is that Safety Not Guaranteed is both staunchly independent and very, very good. Sweet and clever, it's a film that transcends its roots to become--and I know we're only halfway through 2012, but fuck it--one of the best films of the year. ERIK HENRIKSEN Bagdad Theater, Laurelhurst Theater. SIDE BY SIDE See review this issue. Hollywood Theatre. SLEEPWALK WITH ME Turn on NPR and you'll hear an example: "Real people" telling "true stories" are everywhere these days. Stand-up comedian Mike Birbiglia is a real person who has a true story about his career in comedy, ending a relationship, and a sleep disorder, and he's gotten pretty good at telling it: First in a one-man show, then a book, and now the gently endearing film Sleepwalk with Me, co-written with storytelling high priest Ira Glass. Describing a story as "true" suggests there's only one way to tell it, but if this mild little comedy has a moral, it's this: Even a true story is changed in the telling. The best we can do is to tell our stories honestly and well. ALISON HALLETT Kiggins Theatre, Living Room Theaters. OPUS DIABOLI A documentary about Swedish black metal band Watain. Review forthcoming at portlandmercury.com. Cinema 21. PARANORMAN Stop me if you've heard this one before: There's this little kid, and he can see dead people. Now, I know what you're thinking: "This kid, he's probably well adjusted and super popular with his peers, am I right? A hit with all the ladies?" No! Believe it or not, he's kind of an outcast! A social pariah, even! Okay, now I don't want to spoil anything, but the twist? This social handicap of his might turn out to save the day. Sounds crazy, right? I know, but it's true! That, unfortunately, is the recyclingbin plot the talented animators at LAIKA have saddled themselves with on ParaNorman. It doesn't get any better in the telling, and probably gets worse, which is a shame, because the animation is so finely crafted and obviously painstaking that not loving it makes you feel like a real poopface. VINCE MANCINI Various Theaters. TOTAL RECALL It lacks the bloody, bug-eyed lunacy of Paul Verhoeven's Total Recall, but this one--directed by Underworld and Live Free or Die Hard's Len Wiseman--is both a lot of fun and a lot better than it needs to be. There are nods to Verhoeven's film, but for the most part, Wiseman and screenwriters Kurt Wimmer and Mark Bomback are content to dole out loads of splashy, spazzy action, craft dizzying, gorgeous futurescapes (Wiseman cleverly blends the visuals of two other loosely-inspired-by-Dick films, Blade Runner and Minority Report), and let Colin Farrell be all Jason Bourne in the Year 2084. ERIK HENRIKSEN Academy Theater, Avalon, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst Theater, Milwaukie Cinemas. PROMETHEUS A prequel to Alien, Ridley Scott's return to science fiction, and, on both counts, a disappointment. ERIK HENRIKSEN Academy Theater. THE QUEEN OF VERSAILLES Documentarian Lauren Greenfield got career-definingly lucky with The Queen of Versailles. When she began making a movie about the construction of the largest house in America--a 90,000-square-foot monstrosity designed by time-share mogul David Siegel and his wife Jackie--Greenfield inadvertently secured herself a frontrow seat to the Siegels' plunge from mindless excess to fiscal uncertainty when the financial crisis wiped out most of David's assets. As head of the world's most successful time-share operation, David made his fortune selling poor people the illusion of wealth, two weeks a year at a time. As his son puts it, "Everyone wants to be rich. If they can't be rich, the next best thing is to feel rich." And the third best thing is to watch tacky rich people lose all their money and have to put their kids in public school. ALISON HALLETT Laurelhurst Theater. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK "Professor of archeology, expert on the occult, and... how does one say it? Obtainer of rare antiquities." Various Theaters. TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE WALK-IN See review this issue. Various Theaters. The Oregon-made Walk-In is more of a promotional video than a movie. To be fair, it looks like a movie, having been made with good cameras and sound equipment, but the acting and dialogue isn't at a professional level, and the plot is an unparsable mashup of spiritual selfhelp. Walk-In's advertising materials claim it's about a cancer patient who gets reincarnated as a puppy, which, to be fair, is a thing that happens. But it's mostly about an angel who wanders around lecturing people and buying oranges. None of it is as fun as it sounds. BEN COLEMAN Laurelhurst Theater. BELLYDANCE PERFORMANCE BY QUEEN AYOMIDE PRESALE TICKETS SOLD AT BOSSANOVABALLROOM.COM 21+ � ADM: $20 � @DOOR $25 MEANS WE RECOMMEND IT. THEATER LOCATIONS ARE ACCURATE FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 21-THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 27, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED. FILM TIMES AND SHORTS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AT PORTLANDMERCURY.COM. 722 E. BURNSIDE PORTLAND, OR September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 43 SAVAGE LOVE csh 4 uzd Double Trouble by Dan Savage Healthy straight male here. The problem is twofold: My girlfriend doesn't like come in her mouth and she feels that doggy-style is objectifying to women. Therefore, we don't do either. She says she wants to get more comfortable and try these things. But they never seem to happen--and when I bring them up, it turns into a touchy discussion. These are #1 and #2, respectively, on my list of favorite things to do in the bedroom, and I'm not okay with not doing them indefinitely. The sex is otherwise great, but I do think there's a double standard at work here. She had an ex who refused to go down on her. When I said, "He needed to man up and take one for the team, even if he didn't like it," she readily agreed with me. So why can't she "take one for the team" and swallow my come? I would feel bad if she were doing something she wasn't comfortable with, but it disappoints me when she takes my dick out of her mouth and points it at my stomach when I start to come. I think she has a double standard. Really Anxious Not Doing Yearnings P.S. We've been dating only about three months, so I understand there is plenty of time for her to get more comfortable. I love being with her, I can't get enough of her, and I can see this becoming a lifelong relationship. But I don't want to have to miss out on my bedroom favorites for the rest of my life. The comparison you're making between your girlfriend and her ex isn't really fair. Your girlfriend's ex-boyfriend refused to go down on her. Not only does your girlfriend go down on you, RANDY, she's getting you off. Her blowjobs may not wrap up the way you'd like--with her swallowing your come--but you are getting blowjobs. Sorry, RANDY, but where you see a double standard on the girlfriend's part, I see only whining on yours. Swallowing is extra credit. It's not a course requirement. I say this as someone who gives and receives blowjobs: If someone sucks your dick until you come, you got your damn blowjob. What a blower does with the blowee's come after the blowjob is over --spit, swallow, spread it on toast--is the blower's call to make. And your girlfriend may have a good reason for not swallowing your come, RANDY. Semen contains prostaglandins--"a group of lipid compounds that are derived enzymatically from fatty acids and have important functions in the animal body," says Wiki--and some people experience explosive diarrhea shortly after ingesting the prostaglandins in semen. It's possible that your girlfriend isn't swallowing because she doesn't want to have to run to the bathroom two minutes later and take a noisy shit while her new boyfriend listens in the next room. Or, hey, maybe your girlfriend just doesn't like the way semen tastes. Or maybe she's had boyfriends in the past who "lost control" and shoved their dicks down her throat as they came. Or maybe swallowing turns her off for the same reason that doggy-style does, i.e., she sees it as objectifying and/or degrading. And maybe if you're patient, RANDY, your girlfriend will come around and your #1 and #2 favorite sex things will enter into regular rotation. Of course, it's possible that your girlfriend is lying to you. People have been known to make vague and insincere promises about all the blowjobs, three-ways, and kinks they'll get into once they "feel more comfortable" with a new partner. Your girlfriend, like so many other girlfriends and boyfriends before her, may be trying to run out the clock. She may hope that by the time you realize she's never going to do your bedroom favorites, you'll be too emotionally invested in the relationship to dump her. I'm a female in my mid-20s who loves to give head. The problem is, I think I'm giving head too soon and guys don't see me as relationship material. I've been in only one relationship that was longer than a casual hookup, and that particular ex was a shecomes-first/worship-the-pussy kinda guy. (I didn't get to touch his dick until we were about a month in!) Most of the straight girls I hang out with believe that a guy needs to earn getting his dick sucked. My gay friends don't see the problem. My straight guy friends chuckle and say "depends" when I ask if I'm blowing a guy too soon. I really enjoy sucking dick, so once I'm horny, it's so hard to resist the impulse. How soon is too soon? Do you think that I would actually benefit by stopping this pattern? Blowing Losers or What? Generally, BLOW, I believe a person should do what she likes--and if you like giving head, give head. And if getting head scares a boy N off, well, he was the wrong boy for TO EW N you. (I'm having a hard time picE JO turing a guy who wouldn't want to date a woman who enjoys giving head--are there many guys like that out there?) But there's a simple way to fi nd out if the guys you're meeting make date/dump distinctions between girls who blow 'em right away and girls who make 'em wait: Stop sucking guys off on the fi rst date and see if they stick around longer. I had to write after reading your response to Wanted Toys Too, the aunt who wanted to buy her niece a dildo. I was once a teenage girl whose older cousin tried to "help me out" this way, and I was mortifi ed. WTT wants to get her niece a sex toy, she said, because WTT experimented with a plastic banana when she was a girl because she didn't want "a penis to be the first thing of substance put in [her] vagina." Guess what? That is exactly what I wanted, so I had no need for a dildo, and I had access to plenty of good sex advice! Advice that I asked for! This aunt is projecting her crap on her niece! She should back off and mind her own business. MYOB About Sex You goofed in your reply to WTT. Instead of getting information from sex-shop owners, why didn't you get information from a mental health expert? We're talking about a 14-year-old who is emotionally fragile as she struggles through the years of defining self and understanding her own sexuality! Here's what you should've told WTT: "Back off. See a therapist. Get a boyfriend. Get a hobby. MYOB, Auntie." EE, LMSW In fairness to WTT, MYOBAS and EELMSW, WTT had her niece's mother's permission to get her daughter a sex toy. My mother encouraged her kids to talk with one of her sisters about any sexual issues we weren't comfortable discussing with our parents, so... it's possible that WTT's niece has expressed an interest in a sex toy of her very own. It's also possible that (1) WTT's niece hasn't expressed an interest in a sex toy and would be mortified by the offer, and (2) my response to WTT was colored by my own relationship with my sex-questionanswering aunt. With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, to say nothing of a fi le full of angry emails, I'll amend my advice to WTT with this: If your niece hasn't asked for help, info, or a sex toy, better to MYOB. Find the Savage Lovecast at thestranger.com/savage. email@example.com @fakedansavage on Twitter gtrz : ) i News. MP3s. sNark. The Mercury Music Blog Now Playing at endhits.portlandmercury.com Th B nk e fo re Yo u To ww G e es w.c for ityo fvancouver.us/urban t t h e Fa c t s. try 44 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 p. Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com ITELEVISION Emmys... of the FUTURE! by Wm.TM Steven Humphrey GUYS! THE EMMY AWARDS are this week (ABC, Sun Sept 23, 8 pm)! But who has the time, am I right? I am one busy super cool horny dude, which is why I don't watch the Emmys--I just predict the Emmys and thereafter accept my predictions as FACT. For example, the winners of this year's Emmy Awards are as follows: Mad Men, Girls, American Horror Story, Louis C.K., Tina Fey, Bryan Cranston, Giancarlo Esposito, Benedict Cumberbatch, Betty White, and the guy who makes the drippy skin sores for The Walking Dead. Done, done, and DONE. HOWEVER! The question still remains about who will win the 2013 Emmy Awards! Luckily for you, I can make similar insanely random predictions for next year's ceremony, that are close to 100 percent accurate*. And interestingly enough, some of the new shows that are debuting this week are going to be Emmy winners in 2013 (again, according to Wm.TM Steven Humphrey, "the most accurate Emmy prognosticator in the world"). Check 'em out! Partners (CBS, Mon Sept 24, 8:30 pm). The winner of the 2013 Emmy for "Most Blatantly Cynical Attempt to Win a GLAAD Award," Partners is a buddy comedy about two business partners (one straight, one gay) who make terrible jokes in front of a laugh-track machine, while marveling about how "alike" they are. It will also win the Emmy for "Best Show Involving a Gay Person That My Grandparents Just Might Accept Because It's on the Same Network That Aired Murder, She Wrote." Ben and Kate (Fox, Tues Sept 25, 8:30 pm). And this one wins the coveted Emmy for "Best Actually Pretty Funny Sitcom with No Bullshit Laugh Track, About a Stuck-Up Sister and Her Layabout Slacker Brother Who Reconnect and Learn to Be Better People and May or May Not Make Me Cry a Little." Why are you looking at me? There's something in my eye. STOP LOOKING AT ME!! The Mindy Project (Fox, Tues Sept TM Portland Salem 503.299.9911 FREE to listen & reply to ads! 503.689.8080 FREE CODE: Portland Mercury For other local numbers call: 1-888-MegaMatesTM 24/7 Customer Care 1(888) 634.2628 18+ �2012 PC LLC 2349 3 Locations Open 24HRS!!! JEREMY EATON 25, 9:30 pm). Created by and starring The Offi ce's Mindy Kaling, this show is probably the funniest sitcom you'll see all year featuring a clumsy gynecologist. And while it will sadly not win an Emmy, it will receive the National Vaginal Exploration Association's coveted Golden Speculum Award. Vegas (CBS, Tues Sept 25, 10 pm). No, it's not a reboot of 1978's awesome Vega$, or the terrible 2003-2008 Las Vegas, but rather a new series, starring Michael Chiklis (The Shield) and Dennis Quaid (Breaking Away), about a mobster and a hillbilly howdy-do cowboy sheriff duking it out in 1960s Las Vegas. It will win the 2013 Emmy for "Best Drama," and-- wait. This just in... sorry. Mad Men is gonna win that. Again. The Neighbors (ABC, Wed Sept 26, 9:30 pm). A family moves into a gated community--and guess what? The neighbors are human-looking extraterrestrials who name their kids after sports stars, dress identically, and cry green goo out of their ears. Oh, and it's supposed to be a "sitcom." You know... maybe my predictive powers are on the fritz, but I don't think they give Emmys for things like this. * Plus or minus 100 percent. Not necessarily factually correct. This Week on Television THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 9:00 NBC THE OFFICE Season premiere! Two new office workers arrive, and... they're just like Jim and Dwight?!? UGGGH! 9:30 NBC PARKS AND RECREATION Season premiere! Leslie and Andy visit Ben and April and Senator John McCain (?!) in Washington, DC. 10:00 HBO TREME Season premiere! The neighborhood is PISSED at a violent cop's response to a funeral procession. MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 24 8:00 ABC DANCING WITH THE STARS Season premiere! It's an "all-star" (HAAAAA!!) edition featuring Kirstie Alley, Drew Lachey, and that nobody Bristol Palin. 8:00 CBS HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER Season premiere! Will wedding bells for Barney and Robin turn into wedding smells? (Sorry about that.) FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 10:00 TLC SECRET PRINCES Debut! Four actual princes look for mates in Atlanta to take back with them to their home countries. CREEPY. TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 8:00 FOX NEW GIRL Season premiere! The triumphant return of the best sitcom on TV that you inexplicably don't like. 9:30 FOX THE MINDY PROJECT Debut! OB/GYN Mindy has quite a mess on her hands. (Not that kind of mess! A personal mess! Jeez, you people.) SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 22 9:00 BBCA DOCTOR WHO Millions of black cubes suddenly start falling from the sky... but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. 11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Musical guests: Mumford & Sons. Host: The increasingly dreamy Joseph Gordon-Levitt. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23 8:00 ABC THE EMMY AWARDS Hosted by Jimmy Kimmel, whom I predict will be funny. (Man, I am so good at this!) WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26 9:00 ABC MODERN FAMILY Season premiere! Jay celebrates another birthday in which he wants to be left alone, and surely won't be. Three-time Emmy winner for "Best Twittering." @WmSteveHumphrey Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 45 I SAW U MOTOCORSA TRACK DAY You: tall, tattooed. I'd say you were aces on your first teaching day. You made me feel better on my first learning day. I can think of more than a few ways I'd like to show you my appreciation. When: Monday, September 17, 2012. Where: PIR. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915141 26CAFE. BACK PATIO. CANADIAN TUXEDO. REDHEAD AT A RED LIGHT You: Supercute redhead girl in a white Subaru wagon Me: Beardo guy in a white truck We had a few mutual smiles in front of Bridgeport Village, but lights turn green...it was 8/20/2012...I bet I could make you smile again When: Monday, August 20, 2012. Where: Bridgeport village. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915106 Didn't want to be rude and interrupt your time. But damn was I floored by your style! I'd love to take you on a date, most certainly, if I could be so honored. Me: grey sweatshirt and glasses & baby-beard. When: Monday, September 10, 2012. Where: 26 cafe. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915128 LUNCHTIME PEARL WALK, HEADPHONES GUY Passed you, cute light-brown-haired guy with headphones, while walking near 17th & Marshall (?) with my ladyposse. Eyes met & after you passed us I checked you out; you were looking too. Please be single? (I'm the bluehaired one) When: Friday, September 7, 2012. Where: NW Portland. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915123 OPENS BOTTLES LIKE A BOSS CURLIE BLOND CUTIE IN PRODUCE You in the blue and red, nonchalant, at peace with the world. Me rushed and confused, I asked you where you found the bags. (What?!) Better questions next time, I promise! When: Sunday, September 16, 2012. Where: Fred Meyer Lombard & Interstate. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915140 At the Whole Foods on Burnside. You were nice enough to open my drink after I had been fighting with it for a good five or ten minutes like an idiot. Hope I see you around. When: Wednesday, August 29, 2012. Where: Whole Foods on Burnside In the Cafe. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915105 WHY WAIT � Hookup TONIGHT! FREE TO TRY UNLIMITED VIP MEMERSHIP $19 FOR 1 WEEK POLAR BEAR'S DAD OUTSIDE CREMA SITTING WITH IPAD MEWING IN THE NIGHT Hey! Sorry about the dog snarling ending. We've met 3x now, Maybe you and Bear would want to come over for a beer? Same hood and I have a fenced in yard. That other dog was totally the culprit! When: Wednesday, August 29, 2012. Where: Alberta Park. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915107 I was staring at you from the shop up the street the moment I saw you sitting in your car, and then again when you sat outside of Crema. You are super hot. When: Sunday, September 2, 2012. Where: Crema. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915121 You said you liked to walk at night but not alone. I like to walk too but not without you. Now we are singing in the rain, singing in the RAIN! Where are you going now? Please one more. ANUSHERWUN! When: Monday, August 27, 2012. Where: walking at night NoPo. You: Transsexual (male to female). Me: Man. #915102 HUNGRY TIGER BARTENDER LUNA LINUS, OH FAIR LINUS 503-222-CHAT VANCOUVER 360-696-5253 EVERETT 425-405-CHAT TACOMA 253-359-CHAT SEATTLE 206-753-CHAT BOISE 208-350-2500 STRAIGHT/GAY/BI Always FREE TO CHAT WITH VIP MEMBERS It wasn't appropriate at the time to ask you out, but here I can. Want to go for a bike ride? We can talk about art and writing and other cool things. I think we could talk for a while. When: Sunday, September 16, 2012. Where: a shop. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915139 You are the blonde (Taylor?) that used to work on Tuesdays. I came in sometimes for tacos and Tecates. You commented on my Battlestar Galactica shirt. You haven't been there in a couple of weeks. What happened to you? When: Monday, September 3, 2012. Where: Hungry Tiger Too. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915120 we were in poetry, you taught me about paper, i liked how you thumbed the corners of sheets and wrote to-do lists. catastrophic beauty in yr glance, weak in the knees, scared the shit out of me. signed, hopeless jerk When: Saturday, October 1, 2011. Where: third floor. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915101 "THE HUNTED"- BLONDE, RED JACKET Saw you at 9/15 NWFC film noir, Portland Art Museum (PAM). You were with 2 younger guys. We briefly smiled at one another as you exited auditorium after Eddie Muller finished. Missed my chance to talk w/ you. Coffee? Lunch? When: Sunday, September 16, 2012. Where: Whitsell Auditorium at Portland Art Museum (PAM) for NWFC film screening. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915137 YOU KENYAN ENGINEER ME VIDEO&DANCE HIGH DIVE PATIO, SUN NIGHT Isaac, I met you at Holocene, you work at Intell. We talked of politics, and street signs that say "you are very cute". I hesitated, but i'd like to see you again. I'm a dancer and a video artist. When: Saturday, September 1, 2012. Where: the Holocene. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915119 11:45pm Sunday - I walked by twice. You were sitting, then standing at bus table. Me: slim white guy, black longsleeve tshirt, jeans, bag, brown hair side-parted. You: slender woman, straight dark hair, cute. Eye contact only. But still... When: Sunday, August 26, 2012. Where: High Dive patio, SE 12th & Madison. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915099 www.LiveMatch.com WHITE SUBARU ON SE 12TH SATURDAY BURNSIDE EYECONTACT ON BUS6 CAPOEIRA IJEXA AT CRUSH FILM & MUSIC FESTIVAL BAGDAD THEATER � 3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd September 24-28, 2012 $5 ADMISSION � MINORS ALLOWED w/ PARENT DOORS AT 7PM � MOVIES START AT 8PM 9th ANNUAL JACKPOT RECORDS I was driving a white subaru on SE 12th. You were riding a bike. I felt weird about rolling my window down and yelling, so instead I just waved like a goofball. Would you like to get a drink sometime? When: Thursday, September 13, 2012. Where: SE. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915135 Me: greaser w lotsa tattoos. You: adorable girl with dark shoulder length hair, tattoos, lookin like marcellas wallaces wife. I wanted to say hi as we walked next to each other but i chickened out. :( lets get a drink! When: Saturday, September 1, 2012. Where: Bus 6 on burnside 9pm. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915117 You were performing and we made eye contact a couple times. I had to leave before I could talk to you. I would've stayed all night just to hear your voice. I can't wait to see you perform again. When: Saturday, August 25, 2012. Where: Crush Brazil Night. You: Woman. Me: Woman. #915098 HOTTIE ON THE DANCE FLOOR BIKING BOY ON HAWTHORNE BREATHTAKING BEAUTY You came behind me to dance at Crown last nite. I liked your bowler hat, but I liked your lips a little more! Lets dance again sometime soon. Me:purple tank and great ass You:bowler hat and dark jacket When: Tuesday, September 11, 2012. Where: Crown room. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915134 Did you post an ad for a red haired girl on July 6th? I was walking, you rode up next to me, asked me to get a beer with you. I was sad to say no. Still out there, somewhere? When: Friday, July 6, 2012. Where: Hawthorne. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915113 You were cashiering at the Whole Foods on Fremont. Longish blonde hair and bangs and beautiful smile. I was only there for a few minutes but it was long enough for me to appreciate how you took my breath away. When: Saturday, August 25, 2012. Where: Whole Foods Fremont. You: Woman. Me: Woman. #915097 BIKE + BURRITO + MANBABE SCRAP! NOT CHRISTOPHER ROBIN Me: Real drunk, short, red lipstick, short hair, studs. You: studs, beautifulfaced tall man who smoked my friends and I out- thanks- I made a failed attempt to get your number- thought it was worth another shot. When: Friday, August 31, 2012. Where: Triple Nickel. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915115 Hawthorne food carts late Sunday night, you got a burrito on your bike and stopped by to say I looked lovely in red. You should have stayed to dine with us. Tacos and tequila sometime? When: Sunday, August 26, 2012. Where: Hawthorne Food Carts. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915111 You saw me and lingered for a bit. You scrapping drawing supplies, and made your way over to the register when I was paying. I was trying to think of something cheeky to say. Lets do something crafty? When: Friday, August 24, 2012. Where: scrap. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915096 TEA CHAI TE 23 LAST THURSDAY, GUARDINO ART GALLERY We flirted about old hammers, cherry pitters, Ikarus and a box of brassknuckles. I kept seeing you down the road. Wanted to introduce myself but didn't want to impose on your group. You: 5'4"? beautiful brunette. Me: 5'7" shorn When: Thursday, August 30, 2012. Where: Guardino Gallery. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915110 GREEN SHIRT, GREEN TIE SCHEDULE CIRCLE JERKS: MY CAREER AS A JERK PORTLAND PREMIERE MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 24TH You're the well-dressed gentleman used to come into my work. The last time you bought a green shirt and tie. I'm not shy but you leave me a bit flustered. Stop by again? This time I won't be so tongue-tied. When: Saturday, August 18, 2012. Where: My work. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915132 adorable girl with beautiful almond eyes and planet tattoo,��s running down back. I asked you a question, tho not the right one. single? tea sometime? When: Thursday, August 23, 2012. Where: Tea Chai Te. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915094 HAIR STYLIST IN THE PEARL DAN SEEKS LORIEN. NOW! I'M NOW: THE STORY OF MUDHONEY Q & A with STEVE TURNER of MUDHONEY TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25TH PRODUCE ROW-YOU OFFERED FRIES CHARLES BRADLEY: SOUL OF AMERICA PORTLAND PREMIERE WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26TH I was waiting for a blind date. We chatted about dramaturgy and what states are awesome. Your name was Steven...I smiled at the way you drank your whiskey. I wish my date had been with you. When: Monday, September 10, 2012. Where: Produce Row. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915131 Airport rendezvous. Rock-ola. I wanna be your boyfriend. You: smoking hot, stunning eyes, tattooed Portlandian. Me: Boner. Pending deportation. Map left to find me. Hold me closer Tony Danza. When: Tuesday, August 28, 2012. Where: In my dreams!. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915109 Every time I bike past, see you working and you smile at me, my heart skips a beat... When: Wednesday, August 22, 2012. Where: the Pearl district. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915092 DREAMY GIRL DO YOU KNOW THE MUSTACHEMAN? Friday afternoon (8/17) you and your friend were packing up to leave, I asked if I could take your spot. You were brunette w/black ball cap, and so ridiculously cute. That is all :) When: Friday, August 17, 2012. Where: washougal river. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915091 THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 27TH Directed by KIERAN TURNER JOBRIATH A.D. SALT AND STRAW PAPER TOWELS You: upset the antique paper towel dispenser in the bathroom didn't work. Me: commiserating but really trying not to go GAAAAAAH! and plop my face into a tub of ice cream, you're that adorable. Us: dinner, more flirting, like that. When: Saturday, September 8, 2012. Where: Alberta Salt And Straw. You: Woman. Me: Man. #915129 RHINO RESURRECTED: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 28TH Q & A with film director KEITH SHAPIRO THE INCREDIBLY STRANGE STORY OF THE WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS RECORD STORE You were the beautiful-Runner#4 at H2C-2012, wearing a ravishing orange Nike-tank, enchanting sun-kissed skin, exquisite combover. You were commonly amongst the "HasselHoffs." I, a VanTramp Runner#1, pinkcompression-socks, regularly using a megaphone. I complimented you on your stache & beauty via-megaphone. When: Friday, August 24, 2012. Where: Hood To Coast 2012. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915108 4PM BOLT BUS Me: Blonde, glasses, sleepy. In the front seat, sitting opposite you. You: Tattoos, glasses, dark hair cut just so. Single, hopefully. I wrote you a note between Tacoma and Seattle, but I lost my nerve on the crosswalk. When: Thursday, August 16, 2012. Where: 4pm Bolt Bus, bound for Seattle.. You: Man. Me: Woman. #915088 more ads online! 46 Portland Mercury September 20, 2012 MAAKIES // TONY MILLIONAIRE Tony Millionaire's work is published by Dark Horse Comics and online at maakies.com DINOSAUR COMICS // RYAN NORTH Ryan North has daily comics available at qwantz.com ILLUSTRATION BY KALAH ALLEN WHEN BABIES GO BOOM Dear Baby Boomer--Please stop endlessly talking about the wonderful plans you have when you retire next month: two or three trips abroad a year, sleeping in, spending time with family, reading all the books on your nightstand, and volunteering. I was happy to congratulate your accomplishment two or three times, but when you start several meetings a week with long retirement diatribes and comments about how the ability to retire is entirely based on "making good choices," that respect turned to malice. Please respect that not all of us Generation X working stiffs will see retirement before our 70th birthday. Many of us also made what we thought were good choices: started working as a young teenager, served in the military, studied hard and begged for scholarships so we could afford higher education, bought a home, and contributed to our retirement funds diligently. Sadly, many of us are getting screwed in ways you can't understand: cost of higher education outpacing Usain Bolt in a 100-meter final, employers contributing less to our retirement every year, paying into Social Security knowing it won't be there for us, and being told "keeping your job is the new raise." If the point is to make me think of you with every paycheck, mission accomplished. I'll think of you spending my donation on brunch in Paris or sunscreen in Hawaii if you'll just shut the fuck up already.--Anonymous Submit your unsigned confessions and accusations of 300 words or less, changing the names of the innocent and guilty, to "I, Anonymous," at firstname.lastname@example.org, or on the new I, Anonymous blog at portlandmercury.com. UNDERWORLD // KAZ Kaz's work is published by Fantagraphics; view his work at kazunderworld.com Submit your photos & art online at flickr.com/groups/portlandmercury Hungryeyeball IDIOT BOX // MATT BORS Matt Bors is a Portland-based political cartoonist; view his work at mattbors.com G C Lee September 20, 2012 Portland Mercury 47 The Portland Mercury BULLETIN BOARD online > > > www.portlandmercury.com/backpage (503) 294-0840 FREE Consultation. PAYMENT PLANS. Scott Hutchinson, Atty. Since 1997. Experienced Debt Relief Agency. CALL (503) 808-9032 www.Hutchinson-Law.com Quick Fix Synthetic Urine now available. Your hookah headquarters. 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