The Portland Mercury, August 9, 2012 (Vol. 13, No. 12)
Portland's Most Awesome Weekly Newspaper. Covering Portland news, politics, music, film, and arts; plus movie times, club calendars, restaurant listings, forums and blogs.
FREE EVERY THURSDAY / VOL � 13 NO � 12 / AUGUST 9 - 15, 2012 / MAJOR FUNDING FOR THIS PUBLICATION WAS PROVIDED BY JORTS-A-MILLION CAT CIRCUS! CATS! RIDING SKATEBOARDS!? P. 38 e M i r T YOU'LL NE A DE T A K O V E R LO S E L A T E U TR t Terror! of AD NT O O C C RA HE S AGA Y A W AM E IN P. 11 MUSIC ENCHANTED FOREST! P.19 LET'S GO TO THE JESUS HATE CHURCH WHY PORTLANDERS P.8 FILM MATT DAMON? P.45 WAIT... WHERE'S for A fuLL scHEduLE vIsIt WWW.mIKEtHrAsHErprEsEnts.com foLLoW us onLInE At: fAcEBooK.com/mIKEtHrAsHErprEsEnts tWIttEr.com/mIKEtHrAsHErpdX � WWW.myspAcE.com/mIKEtHrAsHErprEsEnts H A W T H O R N E T H E A T E R AUSTIN LUCAS 21 AND OVER SHOW! fRi Aug 8:30pm doors 21 And ovEr In tHE LounGE 10 THE BLOODTYpES & guANTANAMO BAYWATCH 21 AND OVER SHOW! pRiMA DONNA fRi Aug tHIs fRi 8:00pm doors 21 And ovEr 10 tHIs fRi THu Aug 7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id 16 21 AND OVER SHOW! Robinsons 21 AND OVER SHOW! 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THe mASTeRmInd beHInd SySTem oF A down ASTEROiD M & WizARD ATTACk TuE Aug FISHBONE THE SENTiMENTS THE LONgSHOTS & THE SiNDiCATE 21 AND OVER SHOW! 7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id 28 THu Aug 7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id 30 SuN SEp NEMESiS SEpARATiON Of SANiTY & guiLLOTiNE WiTCHBuRN 7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id 9 POWERMAN 5000 AMERAkiN OVERDOSE STONECREEp & DEATH RiDE 2000 MON SEp SAT SEpT 7:00pm doors 21 And ovEr 1 TOxiC zOMBiE 6:30pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id 10 SAT SEpT 6:30pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id MOONSORROW TYR � METSATOLL & ANONYMiA 15 THu SEpT 7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id 20 WHEN THEY iNVADE ABOVE THE BROkEN 7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id TuE SEpT 11 WED SEp 7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id 12 & DAVEY SuiCiDE THE BROWNiNg 7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id SuN SEp 16 6:30pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id fRi NOV 9 21 AND OVER SHOW! 1 5 0 7 S e 3 9 T H A v e n u e THE SuMMER SET THE DOWNTOWN fiCTiON HiT THE LigHTS on sALE 10:00Am 855-CAS-TIXX X2 MELODY'S ECHO CHAMBER fRi SEp 7:00pm doors 21 And ovEr on sALE 10:00Am fRi & WEHRMACHT SuN SEpT 7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id SWALLOW THE SuN SOLD OuT sEcond sHoW AddEd! fIrst sHoW 21 fRi SAT OCT 6:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id 27 855-CAS-TIXX X2 855-CAS-TIXX X2 23 7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id 503-224-TIXX THu OCT 4 iMAgiNE DRAgONS & zEALE 8 nw SIXTH Avenue C R Y S T A L B A L L R O O M PeRFoRmIng THeIR FIRST Album Tell All youR FRIendS In ITS enTIReTy THe Ten yeAR AnnIveRSARy TouR 7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id fRi OCT 19 on sALE 10:00Am 855-CAS-TIXX X2 fRi on sALE & DAugHN giBSON 1332 w buRnSIde ST fRi Aug 7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id 31 10:00Am 855-CAS-TIXX X2 fRi W O N D E R B A L L R O O M on sALE 10:00Am TuE SEp 7:00pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id 25 fRi & MAN OVERBOARD 855-CAS-TIXX X2 BAYSiDE 877.4.Fly.TIX 7:30pm doors ALL AGEs BAr W/propEr Id TuE SEp 18 128 ne RuSSell ST 877.4.Fly.TIX COMiNg SOON: smodcAst LIvE: fEAturInG KEvIn smItH & scott mosIEr � BIson BIson � tHE trEAtmEnt � KooL Ad of dAs rAcIst � fun. � my cHILdrEn my BrIdE � rEHAB my mornInG JAcKEt � my LIfE WItH tHE tHrILL KILL KuLt � AnImAL coLLEctIvE � otEp � tomorroW's BAd sEEds � fAstEr pussycAt � odd futurE � LocAL H sAfEtysuIt � WILLIAm ELLIott WHItmorE � nIGHtWIsH � Hot WAtEr musIc � morBId AnGEL � cIrcA survIvE � drI � sWItcHfoot � BrotHEr ALI � ALEsAnA www.MIKEthrashErprEsEnts.coM for complete details and info on how to get your tickets early go to 2 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 firstname.lastname@example.org LETTERS MAY BE EDITED FOR SPACE NOTES private and people were sharing them out of goodness, not to be trashed. I saw people leave their diapers on rocks in the middle of the river. Posted by roseofportland FEMALE PRISON PEN PALS: LAST CHANCE! RE: Our summer Female Prison Pen Pals series comes to a close at long last with this final group missive, the last one in our stack. All these inmates can be reached at 15 N 2nd E, Rexburg, ID 83440. TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN--We would like our ads added into your newsletter. 1) Single, locked up, and sexy. My name is Gloria Hernandez. I'm a 34-year-old Latina, 5'3', 125 lbs, long black hair. 2) Single 25-year-old looking for a pen pal. My name is Tarah Gilliland, I'm locked up, 5'1", red auburn hair, hazel eyes. You can look me up on Facebook. 3) Single, 23 years old, Asian, 5'8", 132 lbs, long black hair, brown eyes. 4) Locked up and lonely! My name is Samantha Lynch, I'm African American. 5) My name is Denise Hilton, I'm 5'2", brown hair, blue eyes. Looking for a mature man to write me. FEMALE PRISON PEN PALS: THE CONTROVERSY! RE: Letters [Aug 2], where commenter BokChoy has been posting the convictions, release dates, and other publicly available information about the ladies in our summer series, Female Prison Pen Pals. THE CRYSTAL HOTEL & BALLROOM sat aug 11 $6 � 9 p.m. � 21 & over � lola's room CRYSTAL BALLROOM 80s VIDEO DANCE ATTACK FRIDAY, AUGUST 10 8 PM $6 21+OVER WITH VJ KITTYROX SUZETTE SMITH LADY? GET A CLUE. VIA VOICEMAIL: "Hello, my name's Georgine, and I'm fairly new to town. All in all, I think the Mercury's great... your coverage of things is very lively. But I'm having trouble with the little music write-ups? The person who writes them keeps saying, `Anyone who knows anything feels this way,' or `If you don't know this, you need to get a clue,' and maybe that's fun among people who know each other well, but I find it very offensive! Obviously not everyone in the world is going to like things the same way, and it makes me feel like you're not giving me a clue of anything worth considering about this band. Everything is just, `the best, the best, THE BEST' and I know you know what I'm talking about, so good luck and goodbye!" CRYSTAL BALLROOM Felix Cartal Matzerath Bais Haus curated by Dim Mak Records wed aug 15 21 & over lola's room mon aug 13 18 & over wed aug 22 all ages 7 p.m. show $8 adv $10 day of Positive Vibrations w/ Dos Sorella "LoVe SongS for LamPS" Calvin Johnson And many more! With K Records presents a Believer Magazine Event Broken Water � Happy Noose Conor Oberst's 2001 rock project reunites for a limited US run... WHO'S THREATENING WHOM? RE: "Fear of A Black Bloc Planet" [News, Bokchoy, give it a rest, will ya? No one Aug 2], regarding the Joint Terrorism Task cares. You're starting to look crazy. Force's recent raids on homes of Portland Posted by DamosA anarchist activists. To me personally, the FBI seems to act like the real terrorists: They try to instill fear in people that are unhappy with the current establishment. Check your home for bugs if you ever get raided by the FBI/ JTTF. Fucking fascists! Posted by chicostix DOUBLE TAKE RE: "Future Shock" [Film, Aug 2], reviewing the new Total Recall movie. I thought the world was well fleshed out, and the story was explained clearly. Am I the only one who thinks those two main actresses [Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel, who don't really look that much alike] look exactly alike? Posted by ROM THE DUMPS RE: "Start Packing," [I, Anonymous, Aug 2], in which an anonymous author complains about people leaving garbage in nature. We lost half the spots I had access to growing up on the Washougal because of asshats like that. Why? Because most of them were portlandmercury.com EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Wm. Steven Humphrey MANAGING EDITOR Marjorie Skinner NEWS Denis C. Theriault, Sarah Mirk SENIOR EDITOR Erik Henriksen MUSIC Ned Lannamann ARTS/WEB EDITOR Alison Hallett FOOD Chris Onstad COPY CHIEF Courtney Ferguson CALENDAR Bobby Roberts PRODUCTION MANAGER Joe Davis SENIOR DESIGNER Nick Olmstead AD DESIGNER Nami Bigos ART DIRECTOR Justin "Scrappers" Morrison hot august night 40th anniversary DesapareciDos Virgin islands sat aug 25 21 & over The ultimate Neil Diamond tribute band! Actually, BokChoy is doing a service alerting readers (and potential future victims) to the records of these incarcerated would-be pen pals. And the Portland Mercury is doing a disservice (and one with potentially serious, even fatal consequences) by treating as a continuing joke linking felons with unsuspecting suckers. Posted by MikeWB OMFG! You mean people in prison are there because they were convicted of a crime? Weird. My pen pal told me she was there as part of an AmWay job training program. Posted by stukasoverpdx STUKASOVERPDX nailed it: People who are in prison are almost always criminals. Please pen pal responsibly, always wear a condom, never drink and drive, and wipe front to back, okay? Okay. Stukas wins two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater. COVER ART: sun aug 26 all ages The Parson Red Heads wed aug 29 all ages Ana T ijoux Tope sun sept 2 21 & over lola's room Chilean rapper Remember! Tickets are available for online purchase up to one hour after show time. Buy from your mobile and pick up at will call! 8/17 8/31 James Jirat Patradoon jiratpatradoon.com couvapalooza-lola's 8/24 husky 8/27 the royal concept 8/28 atlas genius 8/30 superfest 4 yeasayer 9/5-6 MfnW: passion pit 9/7 MfnW: the helio sequence 9/8 MfnW: the tallest Man on earth 9/13 hot chip 9/14 buckethead 9/20 aniMal collective 9/22 Matisyahu 9/30 citizen cope 10/2 nightWish 10/3 shpongle 10/4 glen hansard 10/5 calobo 10/10 gossip 10/11 MackleMore 10/16 joshua radin & a fine frenzy 10/18 sWitchfoot 10/21 tWo door cineMa club 10/23 Wolfgang gartner 10/28 all-aMerican rejects 10/30 toadies 11/1 orquesta aragon danceonair.com AL'S DEn HOTEL at CRYSTAL FREE LIVE MUSIC nIghtLy � 8 PM 115 SW Ash St., Suite 600 Portland, OR 97204 � 503-294-0840 � email@example.com The eD forMan MIKe Show Brown 8/10 DJ Miss Martini � 8/11 DJ Lord Smithingham 8/9-11 8/12-18 INTERNS Nathan Gilles, Zibby Pillote, Nate Miller DIRECTOR OF CIRCULATION Jay Williams SALES DIRECTOR Rob Thompson SALES COORDINATOR Tonya Ray DIGITAL SALES MANAGER James Deeley ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Sarah Elliott, Katie Peifer, Marissa Sullivan ALTPERKS OPERATIONS MANAGER Michelle David OFFICE MANAGER Noah Dunham GENERAL MANAGER Katie Lake PUBLISHER Rob Crocker DJ'S Ballroom: 1332 W. Burnside � (503) 225-0047 � Hotel: 303 S.W. 12th Ave � (503) 972-2670 mcmenamins.com CASCADE TICKETS cascadetickets.com 1-855-CAS-TIXX outlets: crystal ballrooM box office, bagdad theater, edgefield, east 19th st. caf� (eugene) August 9, 2012 Portland Mercury 3 Discover Goddard FREE INFO SESSIONS � August 14 in Everett, WA � August 15 in Seattle, WA � August 16 in Olympia, WA For locations and times visit: www.goddard.edu/info New This Fall Low-residency bachelor's degrees. � BA in Sustainability � BA in Health Arts and Sciences � BA in Individualized Studies � Study at home in a community that will shape your learning. Scholarships available! � Connect with students, faculty and staff during an 8 day residency. PLAINFIELD, VERMONT | PORT TOWNSEND & SEATTLE, WA � Design your degree with individualized guidance from faculty advisors. More info at 800.906.8312 or www.goddard.edu CALL 877�78�JOFFE OR VISIT WWW.JOFFE.COM Act by Aug 31 FREE LASIK EYE EXAM $ 495 LASIK The Jo e Di erence Excellent LASIK Care & A ordability, because you deserve both. B P EST RIC E UA R ANT See for yourself why Jo e is the Smart Choice for LASIK CALL 877�78�JOFFE OR VISIT WWW.JOFFE.COM to schedule your Free LASIK Eye Exam O er ends August 31st, 2012. Some restrictions apply. See center for details. Dr. Howard Straub Medical Director OVER 20,000 PROCEDURES PERSONALLY PERFORMED Custom technology to treat nearsightedness, farsightedness,and astigmatism. Personalized follow-up care and free enhancements, because we care. A ordable LASIK means life changing results without spending your life savings Flexible financing plans and Best Price Guarantee to make LASIK more a ordable than ever. Follow us online! Jo e Portland | 16037 SW Upper Boones Ferry Rd. Tigard, OR 97224 4 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 EE G ONE DAY AT A TIME KRISTIAN DONALDSON PAID ADVERTISEMENT Portland Street People Theater Presents... THE WEEK IN REVIEW by Ann Romano 100 percent less ridiculous than anything involving Scientology.) If we ever decide to leave our Hubby Kip --at which point he'll probably be killed in an avalanche of discarded Cheetos bags and videogame cartridges--we hope we do it the way Twilight star Robert Pattinson dumped lip biter/home wrecker Kristen Stewart: with cruel, but hilarious verve. As you undoubtedly remember, KStew was stone cold busted tongue wrestling (and perhaps oral sexing) her Snow White and the Huntsman director/icky Limey Rupert Sanders. After issuing a deliciously humiliating public apolog y, K r i st en wa s u nceremon iLOVIN' IT ously booted from Robert's mansion--but for some reason neglected to take her car. No worries! According to the Superficial gossip site, Rob had her car towed out of his driveway and parked across the street from a McDonald's. Yessssssssss. We are indeed "lovin' it." MEANWHILE... While Kristen bites her lip and pines away-- we don't care where, because she's a lip-biting tramp--wherefore art the jilted Robert Pattinson? According to Us Weekly, Rob is hiding out at Reese Witherspoon's vacation house! Upon hearing of his woes, Rob's Water for Elephants co-star offered him a private getaway at her sprawling Ojai, California, ranch that sits on seven acres and sports a barn, a swimming pool, and a guest house originally built for Reese's chin. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) MEANWHILE... Across the ocean, England's Telegraph is reporting that Liberty Ross --the spurned wifey of Kristen Stewart-licking director Rupert Sanders --has already forgiven her hubby for his "momentary indiscretion." (Aren't Brits the BEST?!) Rupert's father, 76-year-old Michael Sanders, pish-toshed the infidelity in a wonderfully British way: "This girl's a pretty young thing and if you've been gadding around for five months, or what have you, you're bound to get a bit friendly." GADDING ABOUT? Ohhhh, that's the best term ever for oral sex. ("Tuppence for the birds" = Rim jobs.) MONDAY, JULY 30 by Dougie Mulbane ure, it's a "Portland institution" or whatever... but aren't you and your brats sick of the crowds and heat at Trek in the Park ? Who wants to see a bunch of asthmatic four-eyed nerds reenacting episodes from Star Wars? You want something new! You want... Shrek in the Park ! It's like Trek in the Park, but instead of Captain Spock it's got a green monster that farts. KIDS LOVE FARTS! Plus the farting monster rides a donkey, has adventures, and if he's lucky, scores some poon. Otherwise, it's just like Trek in the Park. Except it ain't in a park. It's in that nice, cool, dark alley by SW 4th and Ash. Don't worry, though! Everything is perfectly safe.* We gonna sweep up the needles real good so your brats can sit on the asphalt and cheer when the monster kicks his donkey and farts. We got us a good cast, too! Check out this shit: SHREK: We got Fat Pete playin' Shrek 'cause he found that old can of green paint behind the True Value. He's big, too! Murdered a guy once. PRINCESS FIONA: Jillian the Whore is out of rehab and ready to make her triumphant return to the stage. Previous credits include Ibsen's Peer Gynt, the CHIERS drunk wagon, and the cover of Busted magazine. DONKEY: I dunno. We're gonna find a goat or somethin'. Should be a real treat or whatever. Fuck it. And yep, refreshments will be provided--if you get my drift. If you don't, I'm talkin' Olde English and PCP. Still too hot for ya? Relax on Fat Pete's urine soaked mattress--that is, when we're not using it during sex scenes. Hey, I'll even throw in a couple of needles--gratis. Them pansy Trek Jedis sure as fuck don't do that. So we'll see YOU at Shrek in the Park--a play or whatever about a goat, a whore, and a fartin' green monster. (Oh, bring cash. You'll need plenty of cash.) Shrek in the Park , Sat-Sun 11:30 pm, through August 25, that alley by SW 4th and Ash, FREE *Note: Shrek in the Park uses strobe lights, fog machines, and actual guns, and includes scenes depicting drug use, graphic violence, and extreme sexual content. On August 18, the role of "Donkey" will be played by a threelegged syphilitic dog. In continually distressing news, hottie Mila Kunis and creepy, still-not-divorced Ashton Kutcher have tiptoed off to a "Bali love nest," says the New York Post --a five-star Indonesian resort which features romantic four-post beds, sunken indoor bathtubs, and "ultra-private pools" where the two are most certainly "gadding about." (In other words, dump in some extra chlorine.) MEANWHILE... Scandal at the Olympics! Eight Chinese badminton players were expelled today after it was discovered they just weren't trying very hard. The champion shuttlecock bashers were apparently throwing matches to get "a more favorable draw going forward" according to the Los Angeles Times. The players allegedly dumped serves, and refused to put forth much effort, infuriating the crowd as well as top-ranked badminton player Hans-Kristian Vittinghus of Denmark, who dramatically twattered the following: "Hard to see the sport I love like this! What a disgrace! Disastrous day for badminton." (One Day at a Time Factoid: Yes, badminton is actually a sport, and people other than children actually play it.) WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 1 In case you haven't heard, Lindsay Lohan is desperately trying to rehab her life and career--and her latest move involves a new role in the Paul Schrader fl ick The Canyons, costarring porn star James Deen. However, it sounds like LiLo is doing some acting behind the scenes as well, because according to TMZ, Linds was "EXTREMELY hesitant" to shoot a topless sex scene -- even though she happily went boob-loose in Robert Rodriguez' Machete, as well as her recent and terrible Playboy spread. Luckily for all, Lindsay eventually agreed to once again set her twins free... after the crew agreed to also strip down to their underpants. (We bet that exact scenario happens all the time at your office, right?) MEANWHILE... In Snoop Dogg news: Snoop Dogg is no longer called "Snoop Dogg." According to the New York Times, Snoop recently underwent a "spiritual rebirth" while in Jamaica -- you see where this story is going? Anyway, long gossip short, Snoop has converted to Rastafari, and has been renamed "Snoop Lion" by Rastafarian priests. So call him "Snoop Lion" now. (Laugh if you want, but this is still TUESDAY, JULY 31 New couple alert! After gadding about, marrying, and then divorcing Limey non-comedian Russell Brand, jiggling pop star Katy Perry has been spotted gadding about with musician / know n gadabout John Mayer. The pair were spotted on a romantic dinner date at the posh Chateau Marmont where, a c c or d ing to Us Weekly, John and Katy were " holding hands across the table, sneaking LOOKIN' FOR LOVE kisses, and laughing." Now for those with short memories, John Mayer is best known for unceremoniously dropping and shit-talking Jennifer Aniston, dilly-dallying and dumping country singer Taylor Swift , and in his famous Playboy interview, comparing gal pal Jessica Simpson to "sexual napalm." So in other words... still a big leap up from Russell Brand. Good luck, you crazy kids! You have our blessings. THURSDAY, AUGUST 2 "Fresh off Tom Cruise's split from Katie Holmes, the actor took his daughter, Suri, 6, to the Magic Kingdom," reports People. "Suri looked like she was in heaven," elderly Tampa resident Marianne Cohen happily gushed. " She was walking around like she owned the place, having the time of her life." "That's because she does own the place!" Emperor Klaktu of Rigel VII bellowed when informed of Tom and Suri's vacay. "Marianne Cohen of Tampa! I decree that when the Great Thetan Schism of 2016 splits your meager planet asunder, your screams of geriatric anguish will echo to the Baxtilian Quadrant! Queen Suri shall drink your tears, vomit upon your soul, and... and.... Oh. I'm sorry, Marianne. I got a little carried away. I'm just feeling... I don't know. Left out, I guess? Was this like a `Daddy Daughter Day ' or something? Because Tom knows I've always wanted to ride Space FRIDAY, AUGUST 3 Mountain." MEANWHILE... The Olympics continued to meander on, interesting absolutely no one... except Samuel L. Jackson, who's been bombarding the world with thousands of giddy, rabidly patriotic tweets! A sampling: " DREAM REALISED!!!!! US Gymnastic GOLD!! Strong performances! Pressure makes DIAMONDS!!! Go USA!" " Heeeeeere We Goooooo! Women's Gymnastics! I BELIEVE!!!! Go USA!!!" " BUTTAFUQQINFLY WORLD RECORD!!!! Dayummmm! Go USA!" He also saw fit to comment on other nations' competitors: "Okay, that was Drunk Lady Staggering Flip dismount! Made famous by many girls missing the top step in da club!" "Can't imagine what kinda Fuckin' up musta been goin' on for Russia to win Silver! Gotta be Ass Busting' worthy of our amusement!!" Let it hereby be known: Should we unexpectedly perish in USA! USA! USA! a Manolo Blahnik incident, please have Samuel L. Jackson take over as the writer of One Day at a Time. We trust him, and only him, with our legacy. ten, honey, we've been there. But take it from someone who knows: Nonstop sobbing and gallons of Cherry Garcia usually aren't the best ways to get your man back. Three weeks after 12 died and 58 were injured in a mass shooting in Aurora, Colorado, 40-year-old Army veteran and white supremacist Wade M. Page entered the Sikh Temple of Wisconsin in the quiet Milwaukee suburb of Oak Creek. Using a legally purchased 9mm handgun, he shot and killed five men, aged 39 to 84, and a 41-year-old woman, all of whom were preparing for religious services. Wade then injured three more, including the first officer at the scene, whom Page shot "eight to nine times," according to Oak Creek Police Chief John Edwards. "All of us recognize that these kinds of terrible, tragic events are happening with too much regularity for us not to do some soul searching," President Barack Obama said. Then, as is the custom of every American elected official, he proceeded to do absolutely nothing to prevent any more of these terrible, tragic events. MEANWHILE... If the shootings in Colorado and Wisconsin are horrific reminders of the things we're capable of, today NASA gave us a glimpse of... well, the other things we're capable of. Despite a meager budget and an increasingly ambivalent public, NASA landed a car-sized, plutonium-powered rover on Mars-- a stunningly ambitious and complex maneuver that involved 350 million miles of space travel, a pinpoint landing in Mars' Gale Crater, and a hovering, jet-powered "sky crane" that used cables to lower the one-ton rover Curiosity to the planet. Within minutes, Curiosity had sent back its first picture. "Today, the wheels of Curiosity have begun to blaze the trail for human footprints on Mars," NASA Administrator Charles Bolden promised. Here's hoping that by the time that happens, we've got shit figured out on Earth. SUNDAY, AUGUST 5 Things are touch slow today so let's check in on... oh. Oh god. Kristen Stewart is not doing well, dears. " Kristen is acting like a heartbroken teenager," a source tells RadarOnline. "She is crying her eyes out nonstop and does not want to communicate with anyone." "The devastated star is said to be so upset that she has not showered in several days and is gorging on ice cream," adds the Daily Mail. Kris- SATURDAY, AUGUST 4 PORTLANDMERCURY .COM THIS WEEK ON WIN TIX TO POLI�A! HALF OFF YUMMY STEAKS AT ENTER THE HUMP! DIRTY FILM FEST! END HITS THURSDAY! STARKY'S MERCPERKS.COM PORTLANDMERCURY.COM/HUMP Comment on this story at portlandmercury.com August 9, 2012 Portland Mercury 5 doubletee.com / roselandpdx.com STG PreSenTS Sinferno featuring Michael dean daMron Kyle turley Band sundAY nite! free entry to Sinferno w/StuB GLORY HAND � MuRDeR Of CROws auguSt 20th � roSeland � 8pm � 21+ auguSt 12th � dante'S � 8pm � 21+ New album "Not Your Kind Of People" Available Now � garbage.com September 27th � 8pm roSeland � 21+ IN CONCERT Screaming Females Alt-J FRi Sept 14 � ROSeLAND 9pM � ALL AgeS AvAilABle NoW September 16th � roSeland � 8pm � all ageS SepteMBeR 25th � 8pM � ROSeLAND � ALL AgeS on sALe FridAY! grouplovemusic.com STEPHEN MARLEY on sALe FridAY! With Sept 26th � WONDeR BALLROOM � 7:30pM � ALL AgeS and special guests hatebreed.com � whitechapelband.com � allshallperish.com all shall perish � deez nuts auguSt � roSeland � 8pm � 21+ageS oCt 2nd20th � roSeland � 8pm � all on sale now! outdoors in eugene! oCt 30th � roSeland � 8pm � all ageS double tee, KeSey & Showbox preSent: Trombone Shorty & Orleans Avenue outdoors in eugene! EMANCIPATOR miChaelfranti.Com OutdOOrs in eugene! traVis pOrter � Yg PAUL BASIC auguSt 23rd � 6:30pm � all ageS Cuthbert amphitheater 6 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 Sept 13th � CuthBeRt AMphitheAteR � 6pM � ALL AgeS ALL pRetty LightS MuSiC AvAiLABLe FOR FRee DOWNLOAD � pRettyLightS.COM ADvANCe tiCketS thROugh ALL tiCketSWeSt LOCAtiONS, SAFeWAy, MuSiC MiLLeNNiuM. tO ChARge By phONe pLeASe CALL 503.224.8499 Sept 25th � CuthBeRt AMphitheAteR � 7pM � ALL AgeS NEWS Block Buster THE CORNER of SW 2nd and Couch buzzes with the sound of saws and hammers. The Rich Block building has stood on the corner for over 100 years--now developers are transforming the historic space into housing units they hope will attract the kind of renter more familiar to the Pearl District than Old Town. The challenge Old Town faces with new development like the Rich Block is whether the neighborhood can develop without excluding low-income people who currently live there. Northwest Portland has been in the process of gentrifying for decades, but Old Town has seen less of a makeover than the Pearl or Nob Hill. The Rich Block could change that. Originally built as a railroad hotel in the early 1900s, the Block was previously occupied by homeless services nonprofit Central City Concern and, last year, the building's empty storefronts were used as a set for fantasy-cop show Grimm (they painted the windows to depict fake shops such as "Mom Jeans"). These days, the low-income blocks around the building are hedged in by the increasingly chic downtown and Pearl. Over a quarter of the 4,400 housing units in the area north of Burnside and east of 12th Avenue are either public housing (like Section 8 and publicly run single residency occupancy hotels) or low-income housing. By the end of summer, though, the Rich Block will change the vibe of the immediate area. In September, the 34-unit Modern Rich Apartments will open above new, real-life retail space. The units will be small (200 to 350 square feet) and marketed to young professionals, with 25 percent The "Rich Block" Aims to Make Old Town More Like the Pearl by Joe Streckert NEWS MERCURY STAFF "We think Old Town has enough very low-income housing. We're interested in helping move Old Town to more of a mixed income situation." --Julie Garver, Developer at market-rate prices and 75 percent reserved for people making 60 percent or less of median income (which is about $50,400 for a single person). Even with construction unfinished, several of the units have already been rented. "We think Old Town has enough very low-income housing. We're interested in helping move Old Town to more of a mixed income situation," says Julie Garver, housing development director for block developer Innovative Housing. "We're going for a chicer, younger demographic; a young, downtown worker who really enjoys the energy of Old Town and the club scene and everything it offers." Garver radiates optimism about the project. "This is definitely going to be an area to watch," she said, "with OCOM [the Oregon College of Oriental Medicine] moving in down the street and businesses transitioning... you're going to get a sort of energy that you wouldn't find in the Lloyd District or the Pearl. I think it's going to be filled with creative people looking for a good value." The new development will contrast greatly with its neighbors. While the area has a strip of pricey nightclubs that attract those young professionals and bachelorettes, census data shows that over 26 percent of the neighborhood's population lives in poverty. "Vacancies are very low right now," said Shelley Marchesi, director of public affairs for Home Forward, which manages Portland's public housing. The trend of turning Old Town into a place that's more like the rest of downtown is part of local developers' larger vision for the area. In a 2007 interview with the Daily Journal of Commerce, Anne Naito-Cambell of the Bill Naito Company summed up the sentiment: "It's a great opportunity for growth, this is the last area really in downtown that is aching for development." "It's bittersweet," says Israel Bayer, the executive director of homeless-focused newspaper Street Roots. "I think that there's no question that we're the last bastion of the downtown core of people who are low income and experiencing poverty. With the development of the Pearl, people experiencing homelessness are squeezed more and more, and don't have places to be, to exist." Nevertheless, Bayer is hopeful that Old Town can rise to the occasion of becoming a genuinely mixed-income area. "There could be a time where different groups are priced out of the neighborhood--but I think overall, there's a feeling that this neighborhood's dedicated, regardless of what happens economically, to being a place where we can serve people experiencing poverty." County, city, Metro, state, neighborhood associations. We're lacking in collaboration," says former Sellwood-Moreland Improvement League board member Dana Beck. Granted, neighbors had a say in the design of the bridge, but Beck says the decisions ultimately lay in the city and county's hands. "They never see what we as a community want, only what they think is best," says Beck, using Sam Adam's recent push for a Sellwood streetcar--an idea many neighbors were against -- as an example. On the other hand, county officials say the time between the appearance of the threatening crack and the end design-- seven years--isn't that long for a project of this size. "It's pretty typical, really," says county spokesperson Mike Pullen, who's been involved with the project since the start. "It's an important process that takes serious planning... not a quick fix but a longterm solution." But would the county have done anything if the threatening cracks hadn't popped up seven years ago? It's hard to say. In 2005, a contractor who evaluated the longevity of the current bridge estimated it wouldn't give out until after 2015. "It probably could have limped along as a disliked bridge for some time," says Pullen. August 9, 2012 Portland Mercury 7 Bridging the Gap Why Has Replacing the Sellwood Bridge Taken So Damn Long? by Alex Zielinski ON JULY 19, the Multnomah County Board of Commissioners approved the much-anticipated design of the new Sellwood Bridge -- closing the books on six years of planning. While the replacement comes as a relief for both commuters and local officials tired of holding their breath as they drive over the infamously dangerous 87-year-old bridge (known for its "two points out of one hundred possible points" safety rating), many are irked that a solution wasn't found until now. Sure, the county only spotted major cracks in the bridge's foundation in 2005, but planners say the county knew it was due for an overhaul years before. So the question remains: Why has it taken so long for the county to replace a bridge that's been on its last legs for over a decade? Like most of the region's massive transit projects, a lot of it comes down to finances. When Multnomah County Commissioner Deborah Kafoury took the reins of the bridge project in 2009, the county only had $11 million in federal funds to work with, and plans for a bridge slated to cost $330 million. "There were a lot of good intentions, but just not enough fuel," says Kafoury. Over the past three years, Kafoury has been behind the scramble to apply for federal grants and regional funds--a process riddled with slow-moving bureaucratic hoops to jump through--that brought the project to this point. But a big part of the problem, says local bridge historian and author Sharon Wortman, is that the county shouldn't be in charge of the Willamette River bridges at all. "What it comes down to is that these bridges are owned by the wrong agency," says Wortman. "It shouldn't be only the county's responsibility. It's like the county is a parent with sole custody of the bridge and no one else is making their support payments." The set-up leads to complicated agreements like Portland and Multnomah County's long-debated Sellwood Bridge deal, where multiple governments have to negotiate because while the county is responsible for the bridge span itself, the city maintains the roads that lead directly onto it. In an ideal situation, Wortman says, Portland would have a organization similar to San Francisco's Golden Gate Transpor- NEWS NATE MILLER tation District, a transit authority independent of the local governments and solely committed to the bridge issues. In 2010, the mayor's office attempted to take over control of the Willamette Bridges from the county. However, County Chair Jeff Cogen put a halt to this move in a terse letter to the mayor, publicly blaming him for dragging the pricey process out. Having multiple governments involved in planning the bridge has some neighbors feeling like the public input process is disjointed. "There are too many fingers in the pie: Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com Why Don't Portlanders Go To Church? PORTLAND'S ALTERNATIVE OUTDOOR STORE NEWS Q&A with a Sociologist Who's Digging Into Portland's Apathy by Sarah Mirk store hours: m-f 10-7, sat 10-6, sun 11-5 � 503-233-0706 � nextadventure.net MIDSUMMER SALE! 2012 APPAREL, BACKPACKS, TENTS, AND SLEEPING BAGS FROM (limited to stock on hand): SAVE 20% OFF OREGON IS RIGHT AT THE TOP of the least religious states in the country-- about 25 percent of people here don't identify with any specific religion. That statistic motivated 31-year-old Lewis & Clark Religious Studies associate professor and author of the forthcoming book Religion and Hip Hop, Monica Miller, to hit the streets with a clipboard and survey Portlanders about how they experience religion and spirituality. Having interviewed 300 people under 30 so far in bars, parks, and coffee shops, Miller and her team have found that while young people don't go to church often, many see a humanistic spirituality as part of their daily lives and politics. SARAH MIRK MERCURY: Why should I care about whether or not young people go to church? MONICA MILLER: That's exactly the question: Do we need to be concerned with church decline? If religion or spirituality or meaning-making are being practiced outside of the "proper" places for these behaviors to take place, that's irrelevant. It was never just happening in institutions. People in the Northwest have been painted as being spiritual but not religious, but really a lot of young people are saying they don't even consider themselves spiritual. For them, meaning happens where social, culture, and political issues lie. They're very focused on the importance of community. Art. Music. People saying, "I believe in feeding the hungry, I believe in sharing." That takes the place of what we would consider religion. The minute you approach young people with a survey about religion, they're immediately turned off, because that grammar doesn't hold meaning for them. Researchers will ask young people, "Do you believe in God?" but they won't ask young people, "What is your idea of God?" So young people here are not so much "religious," but they find meaning in things that happen outside the institutions of religion. MATHEW DIGGES Yes, for them, it's not place based. It doesn't only happen at concerts or in churches. It's part of their everyday world. Like when I interview people at Powell's, and they'll say reading is spiritual, they find this place of meditation through reading, but they won't say Powell's is a spiritual place. Why do you think there are so few traditionally religious people in Portland and Oregon? I feel like the progressive openness we have about cultural issues here in Portland lends itself to critical thinking. In Portland, you can walk around with horns on your head or pink hair, people aren't going to look at you twice. On the East Coast, we have higher levels of diversity, but also higher levels of conformity. We also have places with high levels of violence and income inequality and wherever you find those two variables, you find higher levels of religion. Portland has low rates of both. I've done this work in Chicago, Philadelphia, and New York, and I think it's also important to note the racial and ethnic distinction-- because with black youth, you get a totally different picture. Black youth, even with that sharp decline in religious identity, still participate in religious institutions at high rates. I realize that if I were doing this survey with a group that didn't have a majority of white youth, it would look very different. DISC GOLF PACKAGE Buy 3 or more discs and SAVE 10 - 15% OFF LEDGE TENTS Choose from the 2-PERSON FIBERGLASS POLE TARANTULA $59.99 or THE ALUMINUM POLE VERSION $99.99 3-PERSON ALUMINUM POLE RECLUSE ONLY $119.99 RANDOM PICK OF THE WEEK GET YOUR BLEACHER SEATS HERE! ONLY $19.99 PADDLE SPORTS CENTER DEAL OF THE WEEK! 704 SE Washington St. Package includes kayak, PFD, and paddle for one low price. EMOTION GLIDE PACKAGE $399 8 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 A anti-foreclosure protest on Sunday, August 5, wound up with police arresting one protester on charges of burglary and trespass. Members of Occupy-spinoff group Portland Liberation Organizing Council (PLOC) spent Sunday attempting to "liberate" an empty duplex in Northeast Portland and turn it into a community center. The duplex was recently built on a lot formerly owned by Alicia Jackson, who lost the property and her home to the bank in August last year. On May Day this year, PLOC and Occupy helped Jackson move back into her foreclosed house, and on Sunday held a block party to celebrate her three-month occupation. During the party, 24-year-old Derek Zika and others entered the new duplex. Responding to reports of a "burglary" by the duplex's owner, at 11:30 pm, Portland In Other News by Mercury staff police entered the building and found a lone squatter, Zika, who they then hauled off. NATHAN GILLES * * * How much do Portlanders love the library? Enough to pony up the price of two hardcovers for a new property tax district? The Multnomah County board voted unanimously last week to send the plan for a library district to the ballot this fall. The idea calls for a new tax that works out to an average $50 annual increase for homeowners and would allow the library to keep all of its branches open seven days a week. The Multnomah County Library system is the second-busiest library system in the country, serving 35,000 people a day--but due to slim budgets, it moved earlier this year to close all branches on Mondays. SARAH MIRK NEWS " Is it possible to jump a recycling bin on a banana seat bike?" (Yes, but next time don't pedal so fast!) Thanks Fat Tire for making recycling and biking so much fun. Frances M. of South Carolina In my wallet is a tattered Fat Tire label which I've had for 11 years. Ever since my first one, I immediately fell in love with this refreshing ale and the company's ecoconscience ways. Amongst friends, this label has led to many discussions such as, A lot of people have discovered the tasty joy bottled and canned in Fat Tire Amber Ale. Join them on newbelgium.com and enjoy the ride! fat tire amber ale is brewed by new belgium brewing fort collins co August 9, 2012 Portland Mercury 9 10 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 M i r T ra T c i l Pub tat r o p ns i age the p Turn e what to se hide ors horr de! insi S E L A T ! r E o U r TR et Ter of G s I n o Ex ! t a re c he W t ep n 't. n s I It Edite H k i r E sen k i r n e d by P UBLIC TRANSPORTATION is fantastic. It's good for the environment, it's good for Portland's infrastructure, and, in these economically catastrophic times, it saves us money on gas, parking, and insurance. There are countless other benefits--fewer shitfaced drivers speeding home from bars! The chance to read a book instead of gripping a steering wheel with inchoate rage! The fact that sometimes cute girls ride the bus! Like that one on the #14! Hi, girl on the #14!--so the last thing the Mercury would ever encourage is people riding TriMet any less. No. We should ride it more. HOWEVER. Sometimes public transportation can be--how shall we put this?--less than pleasant. Sometimes it's frustrating. Sometimes it's awkward. Sometimes it smells bad. Sometimes there are crazy people! Sometimes this one girl on the #14 is all, "Take a picture, freak, it'll last longer," and then your whole day is ruined. When we asked for entries in our first-ever "True Tales of TriMet Terror" contest, we were flooded with submissions from Portland's brave commuters (and some commuters who aren't very brave at all, and some commuters who are whiny little crybabies). Here are the finalists--including the very best one, which scored its writer $300. Hey, that's enough to take a cab! I #9 NO TICKET! t's January 31, and I want to go to the zoo. The bus pulls up to the stop and I flash the February monthly pass I just bought. The bus driver explains to me that it's January. I go home and get 40 cents and return to the bus stop. The bus is 20 minutes late. I take an empty seat in the back. Two stops later, a filthy, boisterous man boards. He chooses the seat next to me. He smells like cigarettes, booze, and urine. He's in the mood for conversation. He begins to tell me a story about his old landlord, the government, maybe the CIA. It's not very cohesive. Spittle is raining down on me, and the other people on the bus think that we are friends. The MAX station is a few stops away so I bid my new acquaintance adieu and get on the train. The MAX stops on the middle of the Steel Bridge and I re- alize I need to take a shit. Badly. Fifteen minutes, and nothing. People are becoming restless. My bowels are becoming restless. I am a grown man. I believe I can hold it until the zoo. Another 20 minutes pass and I am not so sure. I begin to pray. The train starts moving, thank god. I clench until the Washington Park station. As I'm about to disembark, a plainclothes TriMet officer stops me and asks for my ticket. I show him my February pass. "It's January," he explains as he writes me a ticket. There are no functioning bathrooms in sight. I get to the zoo and realize I left my debit card at home. I have no money on me. Defeated and humiliated, I walk to Washington Park and take a shame shit in the bushes. On the ride home I smell like poop and no one sits by me. Please run this story anonymously. --Anonymous ast week when I was riding home on the #19 from downtown to the Eastside, through the music playing on my headphones I heard the unmistakable noise of NAIL CLIPPERS. I turned in the direction of the noise, and to my horror I saw the lady right behind me CLIPPING HER NAILS. ON THE BUS. Usually, I have no problem asking people to cease and desist activities that are horribly inappropriate to do on the bus, but the culprit this time was an elderly Asian woman and I couldn't muster up the courage to throw her anything more than a stink-eye. Her manicure lasted at least five minutes, and I probably still have bits of her nails in my hair. --Camille Continued on page 13 L #8 CLIP CLIP August 9, 2012 Portland Mercury 11 12 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 Illustration by Joseph Harmon #7 #2 #6 #3 #9 #8 #5 #4 #1 Continued from page 11 few years ago, on the #8, I rode with the usual crowd of high school smartasses, older working stiffs, and the elderly, plus a cognitively disabled couple I see regularly. Today, though, they were masturbating one another. The office lady sitting by me was beside herself at the sight of come on the girlfriend's hand, post-handjob. Then the guy started rubbing his big old butt into his girlfriend's crotch in a most rhythmic and dirty way, and the office lady said to her friend, "I must be mistaken. I did not go to the theater and pay $7, and yet I am still witnessing these things." I should have upbraided this fellow, or at least advised him that the bus is not the proper venue in which to spill one's sweet jizzum all over the hand of one's girlfriend, what with the inevitable collateral spillage on seat and floor. A few weeks later, the couple was once more sitting in the back of the bus. Again, the guy was sitting on the girl's lap; at one point, she squirted some lotion from a bottle onto her fingers, then slid her hand down the back of his pants. It looked as though she was lubricating his ass crack and possibly his holy-O with her cooling ointment. Then he started rhythmically jiggling his ass back against her crotch. A woman with a little girl next to her said something to the couple, scooted away a bit, made eye contact with me, and we both laughed nervously. When the bus reached the Lloyd Center, the usual array of high school girls got on. One who sat across from me started laughing hysterically at the couple, declaring repeatedly to her friends, "That's the ones I was telling you about! She puts her fingers up his ass! She puts her fingers up his ass, oh my god, oh my god," falling off her seat from the sheer force of her laughter. --Swag THE ONES I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT A #7 The most awful thing, though, was getting on the #1 Greeley bus while commuting to work in the early '90s. It was quiet in the mornings and there weren't a lot of riders. When I got on, there was a largish, nice-looking man sitting in the very back--just an average guy, maybe on his way to an office job. I nodded hello and sat down a few rows in front of him. Within about five minutes, I saw the driver looking to the back of the bus. He pulled over, turned the bus off, and came back. When I turned around, the man was slumped over to the side. The driver tried to rouse him but couldn't. The driver got us all off the bus and called for help. It was my understanding that the man had, very quietly, died, all alone. When I got to work, I was shaking, and tried to explain to a coworker how badly I felt. He said, "Oh, well, you know. Life, death, the circle of the universe." I've thought about this many times. I've told my friends and family that whatever happens I don't want to die on the bus--drag me off and throw my body in front of the MAX, please! In a just world, someone will read this and write in that this man really didn't die. But in a really just world, I would have taken a sledgehammer and pummeled the crap out of my former coworker for being such a condescending, cold-blooded non-human. --Casey Actually Uplifting TriMet Stories! Every Once in a While, Someone's Nice on the Bus! Independent reporter Michael Andersen prints stories from TriMet every month in his car-free friendly newsmagazine Portland Afoot (portlandafoot.org). Here are two of his favorites from recent issues: I #5 NOT SO TOUGH y very favorite of all time is the Swan Island industrial area. About two years ago, we had these really hot days. The bus is already loaded with dockworkers and then the MAX broke down. So this MAX unloads and tries to get in my bus. These guys with shirts and jackets file on, sweating. They start bitching, because of course there's no air conditioning. And then all of a sudden this one guy who works at the shipping yard stands up. He says, "SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU PEOPLE WORK IN OFFICES ALL DAY. HE'S THE BEST DRIVER WE HAVE. QUIT YOUR BITCHIN'." And all the other Swan Island workers are like, "Yeah! Shut up!" The next day I'm [driving] the #85 again, and I hit a skunk. There was a skunk on Swan Island! Where did they get a skunk? And I called in and I said: "I need another bus." The moment my new bus came around the corner and I saw the model, I was like, Awaaaay we go. I'd finagled a bus with air conditioning. I drive down and I get to the same dock shift from yesterday. I pull up and open the door and I'm like, "All up, boys!" And they all walk into the nice cool bus. M Dan, TriMet Driver, #85 s a non-driving baby boomer, I've been riding buses since '62. There have been many memorable incidents: the 30-minute layover with the fat thug driver who told me women couldn't be bus drivers since the bus would shake up their insides so they couldn't have babies; being spit on, sworn at, and endlessly propositioned (I seem to be a "hot babe" to 75-year-old toothless transients); the suspected murderer molesting my rubber rain poncho. A #6 END OF THE LINE like to think of myself as a seasoned mass transit rider. I learned to ride the bus as a timid middle schooler on the mean streets of Tucson. I've ridden buses and trains on two continents. I've taken the trolley to Tijuana. I've encountered the sights, the smells, the invasions of personal space, the occasional death threat, and deaf people signing crude things about me. I've seen an entire bus co-opted by a pre-school field trip. I've had people on the streetcar want to talk to me about Moby-Dick. Basically, I'm pretty inured to whatever TriMet can throw at me. Except for this one thing a couple weeks ago. I had just hung my bike up on the hook on the MAX and was getting myself settled in. As the train pulled out of the station, I put my hand up to grab the bar overhead. My fingers immediately recoiled at an unexpected sensation. Someone had placed a fresh booger up there. Horror. True horror. And me without my hand sanitizer. --Andrew Coltrin Continued on page 15 here was this woman sitting right across from the bus driver, crying. I don't know how long they'd been carrying on. And the driver says, "After your husband left, did he ever try to get in contact with you again?" So calm, so supportive. I'm thinking, "God, this woman's getting therapy for the price of a bus ticket." And in the middle of this conversation, the bus stops and this guy who's about 6'4", huge, had to be over 250 pounds, comes up with kind of a Frankenstein step. He just said, "My legs aren't working right." So the bus driver says, "I'll kneel the bus." And he says, "No. I've got to do this on my own." The bus driver was so patient. For all I know, she may be a clinical therapist by now. So he lumbers in and takes the opposite seat from the woman getting the therapy. And the therapy goes on with the three of them! Then this guy gets on with a baby on his back and a pet carrier. And he sits and they all start talking. The woman says, "Nice dog!" And he says, "That's not a dog. That's a pet monkey." And she's like, "Yeah!" The expression on his face was, "Why would you assume it's a dog?" T Dick, Rider, #70 August 9, 2012 Portland Mercury 13 BUY LOCAL $ & SAVE BUY LOCAL ON ANY NEW GUITAR PURCHASE OVER $1000 WITH THIS COUPON VALID V VAL ID TILL L 08.01.12 AT AT PORTLAND POR RTLAND AND M MUSIC US SIC CO CO. O. CANNOT C ANN NOT BE CO COMB COMBINED BINE I DO OR R USED E WIT WITH TH AN ANY NY OTH OTHER HER OFFERS O RS OFFE S 100 & SAVE $ ON ANY NEW GUITAR PURCHASE OVER $500 WITH THIS COUPON VALID VA ALID TILL TILL L 08.01.12 08.0 08 01.12 12 A AT TP PORTLAND ORTLAN OR ND MUSIC CO. CANNOT CA ANNO OT B BE E COM COMBINED MB BINED D OR US USED SED WITH TH AN ANY NY OTHER OFFERS 50 GREAT SELECTION TION O ON GREAT PRICES CES GREAT PEOPLE LE 503.226.3719 PORTLAND 531 S.E. M.L.K. BLVD 12334 12 2334 33 34 4 S . DIVISION DIV DIV V SIO VISION SO ON 503.667.4663 503 .667.4 667 466 66 667 46 4663 663 503.228.8437 BEAVERTON 10075 S.W. BEAV.H HWY 503.641.5505 ON BROADWAY 2502 N.E. BROADWAY SINCE NCE 1927 7 portlandmusiccompany.com SHEET MUSIC 503.775.0800 14 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 Continued from page 13 #4 iding the bus home one evening, I feel nauseated from someone's overpowering cologne that smells like industrial cleaning compounds. I try to hold my breath and make it to my stop without vomiting. I slide over to crack the window--only now, someone very large has plopped down next to me in the aisle seat. Something of theirs is poking me painfully. I slide over as far as I can, but they do too, and I'm wedged between the window and my fellow passenger. I decide it's time to move elsewhere. With some effort, I turn to announce my intentions. Next to me is a huge woman holding a baby in blankets--this is what has been poking me, as if it's carved from stone. I'm concerned the baby's head is being crushed, or its neck broken, and I'm still certain I'm going to vomit any moment. I quickly struggle to my feet the best I can, hoping she'll open a route for me to exit. Instead, she shoves the baby onto the seat as I rise, blocking me in even worse. I turn to look at the baby and am horrified to see it's a terrible shade of blue-gray and has been deceased at least a month. Panicked, I dive through a gap that has opened momentarily, race to the back door, and fall in a heap on the pavement to finally vomit. The bus pulls away into the night. --Anonymous R BABY ON BOARD volved. But picking at them with his fingernails didn't do the trick, so he began using his teeth, biting and gnawing hungrily. Then he flung the scab detritus on the floor of the bus. And began eagerly, noisily sucking at the newly reopened wounds. I biked to work the next day. --Ero E #1 NOT THIS AGAIN gentleman with dramatic face tattoos and A Clockwork Orange-type outfit was sitting near me. I thought nothing of it. We're all weirdos, and I'm not one to judge by appearances. But I did notice that he had a lot of open sores on his forearms. Open, sort-of-oozing kinds of sores. Then he started picking at the scabs on his arms. And he seemed to like picking at them, and got very in- A #3 HUNGRY n one particular trip from outer Southeast Portland into downtown, I was awoken at 82nd Avenue by a commotion involving the bus driver and a rider who had taken a seat near me at the back of the bus. Coming out of my daze, I noticed the man was cradling something in his arms. On closer inspection, I realized that the tiny head coming out of the wrapping in this man's arms belonged to a raccoon. As this is not an everyday occurrence on the bus--even in East County--I took a greater interest in the scene. The bus driver was yelling at the man to get off the bus, as apparently traveling with a raccoon is against TriMet's policies. The rider was anxious to remain on the bus, so his initial line of argument for staying onboard was that this particular raccoon was dead, which was meant to reassure the driver and his fellow passengers that there was no problem. The driver dug in his heels, though, and stated that the bus would not be continuing until this gentleman and his (dead) companion got off the bus. In a huff, the man with the raccoon made a goodwill gesture by stuffing the (dead) raccoon into his large suitcase and then throwing up his hands as if to say, "There! Happy now?" This did not have the desired effect, as the driver continued to insist the rider take himself and the (dead) raccoon off the bus. Finally, the rider exited, grabbing his suitcase, now containing the (dead) raccoon, as well as the large stockpot that he was carrying. I can only speculate on what relationship this item had to the (dead) raccoon. --Eric Stoffregen O #2 EAST COUNTY nd the $300 prize goes to Brianna Wheeler for her true tale of TriMet terror in which she was "squeezed out of a woman's ass like a big poop." Congrats and/or condolences, Brianna. Thanks to all of our other contestants, and all of our finalists will go home with some transit-friendly bottles of Purell. A ven the most stoic of transit riders can have their foundations shaken during basketball or soccer season. The cool, clean TriMet trains become claustrophobic death tubes full of pre-game beer farts and hot Frito breath. One such night, I caught a modestly crowded 6:15 pm Blue Line MAX at the Beaverton Central station. By the time we got to the tunnel, the train seemed too full to accept any more passengers. Did that stop people from bullying their way in? Hell no! It was game night, y'all! As bodies shifted to accommodate more bodies, I found myself stuck between a Plexiglas divider and a woman with a seriously substantial, spandex-clad ass. I thought this was merely uncomfortable until, after three stops, the train hiccupped and the momentum pushed me into this woman's butt. I was literally, in between her ass cheeks. All the way in. Her butt just opened up, accepted me into it, and then closed around me. It was everywhere. I wasn't aware that this was physically possible--and yet, here I was, inside of a fat lady's ass. When I "entered" her, I felt her gently sigh, as if to say, "Not this again." I was jammed up there from Goose Hollow to the Rose Quarter, where she finally wiggled me out and pinched me off like a turd. I imagine she was as humiliated by this as I was, much like an uncomfortable sexual experience. We avoided eye contact as she flowed out of the train in a blur of Blazer red. As I regained composure, I raised my eyes to a young man who had been near me for the entire ride. He was red-faced from stifling his laughter having just seeing a grown human being squeezed out of a woman's ass like big poop. --Brianna Wheeler of r e w o the P l e e F king c e h C e re F % apy* DO YOU KASASA? ive Interest s s a M with Find out more at nrfcu.org or call us at 503.220.2592 3.00 On CASH balances up to $15,000 plus link with 0.50 0.05 % apy On entire CASH balance when qualifications are not met kasasa saver % apy to earn & automatically save p lu s Free debit card usage � Free online banking No minimum balance requirements to earn rewards *APY=Annual Percentage Yield. Annual Percentage Yield (APY) accurate as of 04/16/12. Minimum to open account is $25. 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On CASH balances above $15,000 OK, it may not help you leap tall buildings, but it is free checking that pays you massive monthly interest. nationwide * atm fee refunds To earn interest and nationwide ATM fee refunds each month: Each qualification cycle have at least 10 debit card purchases post and clear, have one direct deposit or ACH auto payment post and clear, and receive e-statements. August 9, 2012 Portland Mercury 15 Mission TheaTer 1624 N.W. Glisan St. � Portland � 503-223-4527 Canadian singer-songwriter Josh and Mer Wednesday, August 15 Alexz Johnson Benefiting Presented by Celebrating 40 years of Special Olympics Oregon Presented by Jr. McCargo Care AaronFre senius Medical 45 62 135 32 22 30 40 Premier Sponsors: Major Sponsors: t s e g r a L 's n $ o Oreg ! t Culinary Even En tr y n ow O n ly 5 -1 T 10 GUS U USLy A DELiCiOC P S Water front ark GifTED hEf S fOr Celebrity Chef EnTrEEE argo Jr. S n McC S Aaroad house" $3 Or L 's dy D ig "B ork on food netw EnU TAST y M fair r Kids Large tivities Ac ds DiSCOvEriES Ki e om Awes On ary Clashes! Culin TO P O r E G on Sysco's Oreg WinEriES Chefs Stage -on! AG E Battle ChEf STE ef Oregon Ch on ir S s fEATUr Competition Expanded!k's OrEGOnrEWS Gerry fran B T CrAf Oregon & S D n A Chefs Table B P TO T n E M in ! EnTErTA Adm: 11a-4p y 1/2 Off frida Media Sponsors: 2 Buy advance tickets and receive a "Bonus Bite". See website for details. ccination Soul va da Hornbuckle w/ Lin info: BiteofOregon.com 16 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 Supporting Sponsors: Alpenrose Dairy � Beaverton Foods � Car2Go � Honest Tea � Jones Soda � Miller Paint � Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day � PGE (Green Mountain Energy) Oregon Brewers Guild � ReDirect Guide � Regal Cinemas � Rex Goliath Wines � Sierra Springs � Solar City � Tree Top Apple Juice � Vision Counsel � Women Enjoying Beer MY , WHAT A BUSY WEEK! OUR ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT PICKS FOR THE WEEK OF AUGUST 9-16 THURSDAY, AUGUST 9 WOODS--The ever-hustling documentary crew at Into the Woods coordinates a quarterly series showcasing their favorite artists in town. They're bringing a few cameras to catch the whole thing on film as Aan, Pure Bathing Culture, and WL play. This is where tastes are made. AH w/Shy Girls, DJ Zack, DJ Sister Sister; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 8:30 pm, $5 LET BRUCE BRUCE HIT IT--The phrase "comedian's comedian" usually means that you're gonna laugh, but not as much as the full-fledged comedy nerds in the back of the room. Bruce Bruce is the rare comedian's comedian who makes the audience feel they're in on every joke, even the ones they probably shouldn't be. BR Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Thurs 8 pm, Fri-Sat 7:30 & 10 pm, $25-30 FRIDAY, AUGUST 10 ENCHANTED --The charming amusement park Enchanted Forest is, hands down, the best thing about Oregon--and today, the Great Idea Festival returns with a full day of live music from the likes of the Builders and the Butchers, Quasi, Typhoon, and the Challenge of Mondor! Just kidding! The Challenge of Mondor is one of Enchanted Forest's many amazing rides! EH Enchanted Forest, 8462 Enchanted Way SE, Turner, OR, 2 pm until dark, $22-30 (includes all-day park admission) TIME TO PLAY THE MUSIC--The Muppets are the purest possible distillation of everything that makes childhood wonderful. So when we say, "By attending Muppet History 101 at the Hollywood's four-day Muppets series, you will learn the origins of awesome," the amount of hyperbole is small enough to fit on one of Kermit's floppy fingertips. BR Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 & 9:30 pm, $7 ELIZA SOHN SATURDAY, AUGUST 11 ALBERTA BIG TIME--If you like Last Thursdays on NE Alberta, you will love the Alberta Street Fair, when the whole neighborhood lights up with literally hundreds of vendors, three stages of entertainment (from live music to belly dance), a beer garden, adorable kids' parade, and the warm welcome of all your favorite businesses. MS NE Alberta from 10th to 30th, 11 am-7 pm, $2 suggested donation SUMMER JAM! --Time to traipse through history with your fave guide DJ Cooky Parker (AKA DJ Arthur M). For this steamy dance party, Fifty: A Possible History of Summer Jams, he's playing summer-soaked songs from the last five decades, hopping from the sassy girl groups of the 1960s to the bootyburners of today. CF w/DJs Bobby Dangerous, Hanukkah Miracle; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $5 SUNDAY, AUGUST 12 ZINE MACHINES--This is a city that loves itself some handmade art, and this weekend's Zine Symposium is a low-key, friendly meet-up of makers of all types of DIY reading material. Grab some coffee and spend an hour meandering the narrow paths between tables of comics, side-stapled manifestos, and punk passion projects. SM Refuge, 116 SE Yamhill, Sat 10 am-5 pm, Sun 10 am-4 pm, FREE PLAN 9 PLAN--What's better than watching a finely crafted cinematic masterpiece? Watching Ed Wood's disastrous Plan 9 from Outer Space with a live soundtrack from Filmusik, that's what! With musical accompaniment, foley artists, voice actors, and the abundant beauty of Washington Park and Vampira at your disposal, this oughta be a bundle of fun! CF Washington Park, 400 SW Kingston, dusk, FREE MONDAY, AUGUST 13 BEARS--Environment-focused literary magazine Bear Deluxe hosts four of its prized authors, including Truth Like the Sun author Jim Lynch, one of the finest writers on the I-5 corridor. Bitch Editor in Chief Kjerstin Johnson, Mateo Hoke, and Kristy Athens will also be reading. AH Jack London Bar, 529 SW 4th, 7 pm, FREE, 21+ SHORT-TERM MEMORY LOSS--With bedroom jams, sugar-sweet stoned-out melodies, and filthy lyrics, the Memories are the kind of band that charms your pants off even while they're staring at your boobs. Catch the group-- which shares members with party-'til-you-passout rockers White Fang--as they make some of the loveliest, trashiest sounds around. NL w/K-Tel '79, Coral Stabz; Valentine's, 232 SW Ankeny, 9 pm TUESDAY, AUGUST 14 GROWN-- Drew Grow and the Pastors' Wives preview their to-be-recorded upcoming album over two nights at the super-intimate Ella Street. While their new material may be untested, it's guaranteed to be full of the passion, grit, and heart-wrenching soul that've made DG&PW one of the best bands in town. NL Ella Street Social Club, 714 SW 20th Pl, Tues & Wed, 9 pm, $8 ($5 on Wed with Tues ticket stub) BRAIN WAVES--Last fall, Brainstorm applied their synth-thick multi-instrumental pop to the African stylings of Mdou Moctar. After seeing success in Portland AND in Africa, the band is finally releasing a 7-inch that features two of their covers alongside two Moctar originals. ZP w/Swahili, Sun Angle, DJ Sahelsounds; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $6 WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 15 GIRL POWER--Portland welcomes up-and-coming UK goth pop songstress/badass Charli XCX . Her songs are infectious with heavy bass and sassy lyrics whose topics range from love to lust to ass-kicking. A less-top-40, more-intense version of the Spice Girls, one could say. Good to know girl power lives on! LC Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $10-12 FANTASIZE--A legendary sword, magic, romance, and incest! One way to mitigate the interminable wait until season three of Game of Thrones is to revisit John Boorman's 1981 Excalibur. Especially since its cast is so remarkable, with young versions of Helen Mirren, Gabriel Byrne, Liam Neeson, and Patrick Stewart, who was apparently young once! MS Laurelhurst Theater, 2735 E Burnside, Fri Aug 10-Thurs Aug 16, 9:15 pm, $4 August 9, 2012 Portland Mercury 17 DEATHTRAP IN MUSIC WE TRUST PRESENTS AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH THE LEGENDS OF NEW WAVE SKA A LOG LOVE EVENING OF PDX HONKY-TONK AMERICA FRIDAY! THE TUMBLERS SATURDAY! THURSDAY! LESSER KNOWN CHARACTERS THURSDAY AUGUST 9 � +SNARL $5 AT THE DOOR ED AND THE RED REDS +JAKE RAY +NATALIE WOULDN'T SATURDAY AUGUST 11 � $8 ADVANCE PORTLAND MERCURY, PBR AND STOLI PRESENT FRIDAY AUGUST 10 � $20 ADVANCE LEGENDARY TEXAS ALT-COUNTRY FROM CELEBRATED SINGER/ & NATHAN TRUEB of TANG ALPHA TANGO & SAM COOPER SUNDAY AUGUST 12 BBQ AND DRINK SPECIALS! DAVE DEPPER � ESCOVEDO MAKE IT A NIGHT 3-7PM ALEJANDRO � FREE Present that night's show ticket and get $3 off any menu item Sun - Thur in the dining room 830 E BURNSIDE � 503-231-WOOD � www.dougfirlounge.com MONDAY AUGUST 13 Doors at 7pm, Show at 8pm EARLY SHOW! $20 ADVANCE CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED SYNTH-POP FROM THE UK HAZY NEW WAVE-TINGED POP FROM BROOKLYN SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER, LATE-NIGHT. FOOD SPECIALS 3-6 PM EVERYDAY, COVERED SMOKING PATIO, FIREPLACE ROOM, LOTS OF LOG. LIVE SHOWS IN THE LOUNGE... A LOG LOVE EVENING OF EPIC PDX ROCK! DOUG FIR RESTAURANT + BAR OPEN 7AM�2:30AM EVERYDAY CHARLI XCX +KITTEN WEDNESDAY AUGUST 15 � $10 ADVANCE +POOLSIDE TICKETS GOING FAST $15 ADVANCE TUESDAY AUGUST 14 � OTIS HEAT TANGO ALPHA TANGO +PAPER OR PLASTIC DENVER ALBUM RELEASE JACK DANIELS PRESENTS THE BLACK & BLUE SERIES AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH NASHVILLE-BASED SINGER/SONGWRITER +CALLAGHAN HOUSE � $12 ADVANCE LEGENDARY INDIE ROCK FROM SAN DIEGO GRIFFIN BEAR & MOOSE +BARNA HOWARD $8 ADVANCE FRIDAY AUGUST 17 � SATURDAY AUGUST 18 � $5 ADVANCE THURSDAY AUGUST 16 THREE MILE PILOT PROPHET & THE MISSION EXPRESS +REDWOOD SON CHUCK AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH CELEBRATED BAY AREA SINGER/SONGWRITER BROODING PSYCHE-ROCK FROM THE EMERALD CITY THURSDAY AUGUST 23 � $13 ADVANCE FRIDAY AUGUST 24 NIGHT BEATS � $10 ADVANCE INSANELY CATCHY INDIE-ROCK FROM BUZZ-WORTHY UK TRIO TUESDAY AUGUST 21 � +DRAMADY $15 ADVANCE ANIMAL KINGDOM WOTTA TONY SMILEY (ALBUM RELEASE) +MARV ELLIS MOSLEY A MIDSUMMER'S EVE ALBUM RELEASE CELEBRATION CLARE MONDAY AUGUST 27 � $15 ADVANCE ALEX SUNDAY AUGUST 26 � $10 ADVANCE AMBIENT POST-ROCK FROM TORONTO BASED MULTI-INSTRUMENTALIST PERRI WEDNESDAY AUGUST 29 � $8 ADVANCE SANDRO SATURDAY AUGUST 25 � $8 ADVANCE ALEJANDRO ESCOVEDO 8/13 THE HEAVY 9/2 LEE FIELDS & THE EXPRESSIONS 9/2 MIKE WATT & THE MISSINGMEN 9/29 THE SHEEPDOGS 10/13 SALLIE FORD & THE SOUND OUTSIDE 9/21 THE JON SPENCER BLUES EXPLOSION 11/12 All of these shows on sale at Ticketfly.com MARTY MARQUIS of BLITZEN TRAPPER (Patio) 8/26 � VINTAGE TROUBLE 8/30 � CIVIL TWILIGHT 8/31 � THE HEAVY 9/2 LEE FIELDS & THE EXPRESSIONS 9/3 � SLOAN 9/5 � JOHN MAUS 9/6 � BLACK MOUNTAIN 9/7 � MOONFACE 9/8 GREGORY ALAN ISAKOV 9/10 � ETERNAL SUMMERS 9/11 � ANGUS STONE 9/14 � THE AGGROLITES 9/16 � SAUL WILLIAMS 9/18 ADVANCE TICKETS AT TICKETFLY - www.tickfly.com and at JACKPOT RECORDS � SUBJECT TO SERVICE CHARGE &/OR USER FEE ALL SHOWS: 8PM DOORS / 9PM SHOW � 21+ UNLESS NOTED � BOX OFFICE OPENS 1/2 HOUR BEFORE DOORS � ROOM PACKAGES AVAILABLE AT www.jupiterhotel.com 18 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 MUSIC Great Gobbledigook Some Mostly Made-Up Facts About Sigur R�s by Ned Lannamann � Sigur R�s' newest album is called SIGUR R�S are otherworldly beings. The Icelandic band's lyrics are not in any human Valtari, and it is their dreamiest, most language. We didn't interview them, but if aimless work to date. It is the sound of the we did, we imagine they would respond to beating of a hummingbird's wings, slowed each of our questions with something like, down nearly 40,000 percent. � If you listen to the "Cy y uuuuuuuuuuuuuuooooo." Sigur R�s Valtari track "RembiTheir music is beautiful and Thurs Aug 9 hn�tur" backward, you confusing. Edgefield Sigur R�s is playing the 2126 SW Halsey, Troutdale probably won't notice a difference. Edgefield lawn this week, which � Sigur R�s songs are often sung by will either be a group orgasm of cosmic proportions or a very comfy outdoor nap. rowdy crowds at gl�ma matches--gl�ma To commemorate, here is some mostly being the Icelandic national style of folk wrestling, which is considerably less viomade-up stuff about the band. � Sigur R�s sing in an invented lan- lent than regular wresting. Imagine, if guage called Hopelandic. At band prac- you will, a large group of people singing, tice, they also speak with each other in an "yorrrrruuuuuul hef aftur snorrrri ll e�invented language--not the one they sing jo�jo�����" as two men in singlets stare meaningfully at each other. in, a different one. � Sigur R�s and Sugar Ray were once � The band's drummer, Orri P�ll D�rason, does not speak this language, and is booked to do a package tour together frequently the unwitting butt of jokes at called the SR 4evR Tour. Sigur R�s reband practice. His solo album, T�r M�n portedly backed out at the last minute afEru J�kull Sorg (English translation: My ter a routine reading of kittiwake entrails Tears Are a Glacier of Sadness), has yet to revealed unfavorable omens. � In certain parts of Canada and Greenfind a label. � The New Yorker once described their land, a Sigur R�s album can be exchanged music as "brilliantly inchoate, a thrum- for entire crates of Sleepytime tea. � Forty percent of Sigur R�s' music is ming soundtrack to our modern lives of technological superstimulation." This was inaudible. � Bj�rk and Sigur R�s once started a revision of the original copy, which read, "I don't have the slightest idea what the a neighborhood vigilante league in their fuck these pointy-headed elves are sing- gated community in the Icelandic suburb of Tr�rnn�. It came to an abrupt halt ing about." when, according to press reports, Bj�rk caught a feather on a pricker bush and had to be airlifted by zeppelin to a Reykjavik hospital. � Sigur R�s' record contract explicitly states that all Sigur R�s songs must be at least seven minutes long and contain no fewer than three heart-bursting orchestral swells. If Sigur R�s does not meet these stipulations, the RIAA is permitted to throw a small Icelandic child into the volcano Eyjafjallaj�kull. � Sigur R�s' 2005 album Takk... was recorded without using any conventional recording technology. Rather, the band played their instruments directly into the anus of a tigasus (half tiger, half pegasus), which then shat out individual copies of the record. The smudgy inkwork on the album cover? That's not printed; that's actual, caked-on tigasus feces, and if you lick it, you will grow an Antler of Remembering, which is, like, +7 wisdom or something. � Lead singer J�nsi recorded the soundtrack to Cameron Crowe's movie We Bought a Zoo, which is a terrible, terrible movie. (This one is true.) SIGUR R�S One of these guys realizes how ridiculous the other three look. MAXIMILLA LUKACS Great Ideas Are Made in Oregon An Enchanted Music Festival by Maranda Bish MUSIC YOU'VE POSSIBLY DRIVEN by the soon), Hoffman developed relationships quaint, blue sign on Interstate 5 by Salem with emerging bands as he worked to foster countless times without giving thought to a thriving music scene in a city that is often overshadowed, in public percepthe anomalous presThe Great Idea tion at least, by the vibrant acence of the Enchanted Fri Aug 10 tivity taking place in Portland. Forest, a fantasyEnchanted Forest One such band was Tybased theme park cre- 8462 Enchanted Way SE, Turner phoon, at the time on the cusp of ated and maintained by a local family. If you didn't grow up in the breakthrough of their lush 2010 album, the area and don't have kids of your own, Hunger and Thirst. Another was Derek you might not think you'd ever have occa- Vaslev, grandson of Roger Tofte, the man sion to visit this charming family attrac- who literally built Enchanted Forest from tion. But thanks to a collaboration among the ground up. Some history: Tofte enthe theme park's founding family, music visioned, designed, and constructed the curator Doug Hoffman, and a bevy of local fairy-tale themed park that opened in 1971 bands, you have a very good reason to ex- in an effort to establish a family-friendly perience this uniquely Northwest attrac- attraction near Salem, an area previously devoid of many recreational opportunities. tion: the Great Idea. Now in its third year, the Great Idea His children now manage the park facility, music festival transforms the park from a and family members like Vaslev seek ways seemingly isolated, somewhat dated spec- to help the park and its vision continue to tacle into a vibrant venue for creative ex- thrive. The cross-pollination of connecpression. It's a single day on the calendar, tions made by Hoffman was the impetus but the festival's implications resound. Its for the fi rst Great Idea, an outdoor concert origins lie with Hoffman, a Salem-based across multiple stages that showcased lomusic booker and promoter who's highly cal performers in the unique and inspired committed to bringing music events and ex- environment that is Enchanted Forest. This year's fest builds on past successperiences to local audiences. As proprietor of the Space, a venue operating in Salem es and continues to break new ground. from 2008 to 2010 (and is slated to re-open For one, a beer garden sponsored by lo- cal craft brewery Gilgamesh marks the fi rst time alcohol will be served on the park's grounds in its 41 years of existence. Every performance will be taped for an upcoming documentary. And for the fi rst time Hoffman himself will partake in the music making, as drummer for the reunited lineup of Salem-based the Apheliotropic Orchestra. The multitude of stellar acts include another appearance from the now quite celebrated Typhoon, Northwest legends Quasi, foot-stomping favorites the Builders and the Butchers, and Hustle and Drone, the new electronic project from former Portugal. The Man member Ryan Neighbors. Hoffman mentions that, while attendance from devout local music fans is essential to the festival, one of his favorite aspects of the Great Idea is the audience found in families who have randomly come to enjoy the park that day. "They get to ride rides and stumble across organic performance areas," he says. "If a kid sees that and says, `Dad, I want to do that when I get bigger,' my job is done." TYPHOON THE BUILDERS AND THE BUTCHERS STRANGLED DARLINGS SUCCULENT DISH PECULIAR PRETZELMEN QUASI Comment on these stories at portlandmercury.com August 9, 2012 Portland Mercury 19 Pounce on Portland! See the AMAZING ACRO-CATS live and in purr-son! Watch them perform remarkable feats of agility! Delight in watching the all cat combo, "THE ROCK CATS"! Now appearing at Headwaters Theatre 55 NE Farragut St. Wed, August 1st - Tues, August 14th Tickets Purcha are just $20 per pes.com t se tic kets at www.circusca rson Find Your Perfect Match portlandmercury.com/personals AUGUST 2 PM- 1 0 PM SATURDAY 11 BIKETOBEERFEST.COM BIKES, BANDS, BEER H O P W O R K S OR GA Ni C HOPWORKS URBAN BREWERY 2944 SE POWELL BLVD BIKE-IN OKTOBERFEST PARTY 3:30 5:00 7:30 9:00 FAULT LINES CASEY NEILL & THE NORWAY RATS RAMONA FALLS THE BUILDERS & THE BUTCHERS WORLD'S ONLY r iD E Y O U R B iK E HOPWORKS B I K E T O B E E R F E S T 20 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 2 9 4 4 S E P O W E L L B LV D . Is Everybody Listening? In Defense of Supertramp by Morgan Troper MUSIC MY FATHER is moved and soothed by tion that characterize rock production of classic rock. A generally innocuous butt- that period. So it's easy to see why people associate the 'Tramp with abomirock punt like Styx's "Lady" can elicit an anecdote of near Roger Hodgson nable groups like Kansas--but it's Fri Aug 10 a rookie mistake. These pop gems biblical proportions from his Oregon Zoo are ripe for rediscovery; the lyrreservoirs of sentimentality. 4001 SW Canyon ics--especially those penned by The radio dial in his truck Hodgson rather than his songwriting partappears firmly stuck on 92.3 FM. The other day, Supertramp's "School," ner, Rick Davies--are often pensive and from their 1974 album Crime of the Centu- evocative. (You could even say that "School" ry, sent him reminiscing in such a way: He and the "The Logical Song" are a little bit told me about the time he and his friends, punk rock!) Recent live footage of Hodgson reveal Gil and David, were on a balcony listening to Supertramp's live record Paris with he's among the fortunate handful of aging the sun beating down on them on a late artists whose voice has hardly withered a spring afternoon. He said it felt as if the glint--and the guy looks pretty damn good, music itself was heralding summer (a doo- too. His (bizarrely mystical) press release bie or two must have been present). "What for this tour ensures performances of all his a great summer," he recalled, and he pro- "hits with Supertramp," in addition to material off of his three solo records. ceeded to tell me all about it. I'm prepared to be the youngest person I more or less checked out. "School"--which was co-written by there who knows all the words to "Dreamer," Roger Hodgson--actually is an exceptional and I'm totally okay with that. song, though. As a matter of fact, despite being a frequent target of anti-album-oriented-rock derision and relegated to record-store 50-cent bins, Supertramp have at least three classic LPs that rank among some of the best pop recordings this side of Paul McCartney's early '70s output. I'd even go as far to say that "The Logical Song" is timeless. The problem is that even Supertramp's best cuts are marred by the tawdry glossiROB SHANAHAN ness and gratuitous instrumenta- ROGER HODGSON Hello, ladies. thursday, august 9 5:30 p.m. is "eagle time" KOry QuINN hIVEMINd 8:30 p.m. FrIday, august 10 rEVErb brOthErs WINdy hILL thE NutMEggErs 9:30 p.m. 5:30 p.m. is "eagle time" saturday, august 11 thE studENt LOaN brad CrEEL aNd thE rEEL dEEL JaMbOX aLLstars 9:30 p.m. 4:30 p.m. is "eagle time" suNday, august 12 thE saLE 7 p.m. MONday, august 13 EarLy hOurs 8:30 p.m. tuEsday, august 14 VitaminWater and mcmenamins present bEIsbOL NO KINd OF rIdEr FOrEIgN OraNgE 8:30 p.m. (aCts tO bE aNNOuNCEd) 8:30 p.m. WEdNEsday, august 15 "uNFILtErEd" shOWCasE! Under the Blunderbuss Jack White's Weird Birds by Ryan J. Prado MUSIC JACK WHITE is in no need of a print boost. vaudevillian plumage of his old-timey deThe guy's been a natural rock star since votions (his enigmatic scarecrow/preachthe White Stripes' color-coordinated blues- er visage is both diva-ish and strangely punk battery burst onto the scene with awesome)--there's no denying his pas2001's White Blood Cells, propelling De- sion and talent for resurrecting the spirit troit's underground garage-rock scene to- of haunted old blues tunes, garage-punk sneer, and experimentalism. ward the international spotlight. Jack White Plainly, the man rocks. Since relocating to Nashville, Wed Aug 15 Blunderbuss debuted atop and following last year's disRose Garden Billboard's Top 100 list and hit bandment of the duo that made 1 Center Ct. number one in the UK and Swithim famous (along with presumed hiatuses from the Raconteurs and zerland as well, reaffi rming his already the Dead Weather), White's Southern sus- colossal following. This was no accident: ceptibilities--be they still mired in a kind Blunderbuss revisits some of the sonic of punk-rock holding pattern--have taken territory of the much-missed Stripes, but strong root, resulting in his fi rst solo al- is given a booster shot by way of big, rhythbum, Blunderbuss, as well as some inter- mic drumming, warm organs, and White's esting collaboration liberties. A rumored signature buzzsaw guitar wrangling. The album's second single, "Sixsession at White's studio this summer with Radiohead yielded much ballyhooing; last teen Saltines," in particular, homes in year's Insane Clown Posse partnership for on White's manic sensibilities, segueing the single "Leck Mich Im Arsch" (trans- nasal-screeched verses into falsetto-andlation: "Lick me in the arse") prompted riff-heavy bridges, showcasing his proven strengths while imbuing the listener with some deadly serious head scratching. Still, say what you may about White's slightly higher levels of pop coating. The only question left is whether White insular recording quirks (his own Third Man Records label is a great producer will summon his all-female group the Peaof exclusive vinyl, and all sorts of other cocks or the all-male Buzzards to back him neato nostalgia), his reported tripwire up for the Portland stop of his tour. Weird temper (remember when he decked birds, or weirder birds? The wagering the singer for the Von Bondies?), or the starts here. August 9, 2012 Portland Mercury 21 22 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 UP&COMING THIS WEEK'S MUSIC PREVIEWS ALEJANDRO ESCOVEDO Doug Fir, 8/13 CRYSTAL FIGHTERS, Wonder Ballroom, 6/2 TODD WOLFSON THURSDAY 8/9 INTO THE WOODS QUARTERLY: AAN, PURE BATHING CULTURE, WL, SHY GIRLS, DJ ZACK, DJ SISTER SISTER (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17. THE ENGLISH BEAT, NATALIE WOULDN'T (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) 2-Tone forebears the English Beat (as they are known as in America, due to a trademark-related oversight on their part) are one of those bands that are so fortunate to not have released more than a few albums. Four, to be exact, including an essential B-sides and assorted curios compilation, What Is Beat?, released after the band's initial breakup. I say fortunate because those albums are all pretty great, and they never got the opportunity to burn the whole legacy to the ground by putting out a bad one, which is so unusual among older bands (and mostly inevitable, as brilliance is finite). So expect only to hear the good stuff tonight ("Tears of a Clown," "Can't Get Used to Losing You," and of course, "Save It for Later"). Frontman Dave Wakeling is also one of the genre's most engaging frontmen, and from the looks of things he hasn't lost an ounce of energy. MT SIGUR R�S, JULIA HOLTER (Edgefield, 2126 SW Halsey, Troutdale) See Music, pg. 19. SHONEN KNIFE, THE MALLARD, OH DARLING (Dante's, 1 SW 3rd) Let's face it: Kurt Cobain was an iconoclast who celebrated the odd and glorified technical incompetence (a lot like Frank Zappa actually, who could be considered Cobain's antecedent in that sense). It's not an exaggeration to say that without him, my generation generally would not know or care about Daniel Johnston or the Raincoats. Among the misfits Cobain revered are the Japanese pop-punk band Shonen Knife, who happen to be my personal favorite of his personal favorites. The band's latest, and 18th, record, Pop Tune, is more of the glorious same: awful musicianship and exceptional pop sensibilities (the title track might be the best--oh Christ, here it comes--pop tune I've heard all summer). If you don't like it, you just don't understand it. MORGAN TROPER FRANZ FERDINAND, CARNIVORES (Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell) By all accounts, Franz Ferdinand are planning a "comeback" this year. And by most accounts this is a good thing. The Scottish quartet hasn't released anything new in over three years (and anything interesting in even longer), leaving dance floors bare and bloggers feeling a little empty inside. But it really is difficult not to like Franz Ferdinand-- the band can make even the squarest white male want to get out and dance, while still satisfying the rock-'n'roller inside who likes angular guitars and pop hooks. They're more fun than anything America has called dance music in the past decade. Maybe "comeback" is the right word after all. MARK LORE ASSEMBLY OF LIGHT CHOIR, THE BODY, BRAVEYOUNG, SIOUX (Plan B, 1305 SE 8th) Loud, abrasive metal has gone and done it again. The Body, a two-piece droney-noisydoomey outfit from Providence who recently relocated to Portland, pushed the boundaries with their art and caught the ears of a few squares at NPR and the New York Times. Their recent release, All The Waters of the Earth Turn To Blood, features the talents of the Assembly of Light, an all-female choir that also hails from Providence. The Body's harsh riffs and panicked, shrill vocals blending with the beautiful belting of more than a dozen ladies is indeed haunting, so it's no wonder it perked some unlikely ears. Heavy music is no stranger to choirs and classical arrangements, but there's never been a collaboration this frightening before. It's a unique, fascinating meld that sends chills up your spine while it punches you in the stomach. ARIS WALES SATURDAY 8/11 FIFTY: DJ ARTHUR M, DJ BOBBY DANGEROUS, DJ HANUKKAH MIRACLE (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17. Full Bar & Menu Until 2:30am! Happy Hour 2�8pm 7days a week 3267 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 503-239-1143 PIERCED ARROWS, SUICIDE NOTES, NO TOMORROW BOYS (Slabtown, 1033 NW 16th) With galloping drums and an opening line of "Let's go, let's go, let's go... to the beach!" the Suicide Notes have their sights set on your summertime. The rest of "Beach Song," the B-side of the Portland group's brand new single, has a similar element of party-hearty menace: By way of three-part girl harmonies, some go-go party vibes, and a thick punk punch, the Suicide Notes are going to make sure that you will have a good time, dammit. "Beach Song" surfs along, obtaining Who-like power chords and an extended power-pop coda along the way, and turns into a veritable epic--a marked contrast to the abbreviated amphetamine rush of A-side "Suicide Note," a breakup song that's about as black as black humor gets. The Suicide Notes celebrate the 7-inch's release tonight with the downright heroic Pierced Arrows, who are utterly incapable of playing a disappointing show. NED LANNAMANN FRIDAY 8/10 THE GREAT IDEA: QUASI, TYPHOON, THE BUILDERS AND THE BUTCHERS & MORE (Enchanted Forest, 8642 Enchanted Way SE, Turner) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17, and Music, pg. 19. ROGER HODGSON (Oregon Zoo, 4001 SW Canyon) See Music, pg. 21. CHAMPAGNE CHAMPAGNE, THE KNUX, CHICHARONES, CLOUDY OCTOBER (Ted's, 231 SW Ankeny) Champagne Champagne are self-described "punk-rap-shoegazers" from Seattle who put just as much effort into partying as they do in creating high-energy hiphop. The Knux are the Hollywood duo of brothers Alvin and Kentrell Lindsey, whose formative years in New Orleans helped influence and shape their sound: namely, a musical gumbo that is unmistakably rap music, but filtered through their love of electro, new wave, and classic rock. Hometown hiphop heroes the Chicharones never fail to deliver an amazing live show, which must truly be seen to be believed. A healthy dose of humor combined with costumes, dance moves, and a tight backing band once led Spin magazine to dub them "the Best Bar Band in America." They also just returned from a five-week nationwide tour promoting their latest release, Swine Flew, so their stage show should be tighter than ever. RYAN FEIGH MURDER BY DEATH, HA HA TONKA, CORY CHISEL AND THE WANDERING SONS (Dante's, 1 SW 3rd) It could be due to the fact that I just finished watching the 2010 Coen Brothers remake of True Grit, but the vocals on Murder by Death's "White Noise," from 2010's Good Morning, Magpie, sound like what would result from getting a drunk Jeff Bridges to slur cowboy poetry. A low, cobwebbed voice repeatedly asks the listener to meet in a valley while the band beneath pioneers a dark-sky, low-tuned Americana. It's eerie, but interestingly engaging--and ominous enough to soundtrack the rise of some living thing from a bayou at midnight. But I address that song knowing it's only a recent single in their hearty history of releases; their sixth album, Bitter Drink, Bitter Moon, comes out next month. These guys have been working nonstop since August 9, 2012 Portland Mercury 23 tickets at cascade tickets charge By Phone 855-cas-tixx x2 also at crystal BallrooM Box office (aka Ben saMPles) friday sept 14 crystal ballroom samples 4 BaBes Playing the Music of ZePPelin & Grand royale a triBute to the Beastie Boys tickets at safeway/ ticketswest charge By Phone 503-224-tixx friday sept 21 dante's 5932 SE 92nd Ave 503-777-1415 LINE UP FOR THE SUMMER OF ROCK AT THE NEW COPPER PENNY! Pink floyd triBute tickets at safeway/ticketswest � charge By Phone 503-224-tixx saturday october 6 dante's House of Floyd ANGEL STEEL FRIDAY 8/10 sunday october 7 aladdin theatre tickets at all ticketMaster locations charge By Phone 1-800-745-3000 tickets at cascade tickets charge By Phone 855-cas-tixx x2 also at crystal BallrooM Box office tuesday october 16 crystal ballroom the next Best thing to Johnny cash CLASSIC ROCK W/ AN EDGE FRIDAY 8/17 BUDDY HINTON BAND! tickets at safeway/ticketswest � charge By Phone 503-224-tixx saturday november 3 dante's & suGarcane tickets at all ticketMaster locations charge By Phone 1-800-745-3000 sunday nov 10 aladdin theatre MAIDEN N.W. TRIBUTE TO IRON MAIDEN FRIDAY 8/24 thursday nov 15 elsinore theater 170 high st se saleM, or 7:30PM show all ages tickets at safeway/ ticketswest locations charge By Phone 503-224-tixx + LIVE UNDEAD TRIBUTE TO SLAYER squarepegconcerts.com Straight No Chaser tuesday november 27 arlene schnitzer concert hall tickets at all ticketMaster locations charge By Phone 1-800-745-3000 live rock music every friday nite find us and like us on Facebook 24 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 UP&COMING THIS WEEK'S MUSIC PREVIEWS 2000, and have more or less stayed true to the diet folk-punk sound they became known for upon their inception. JONATHAN MAGDALENO FESTIVAL OF AMERICANA: NICK JAINA, THE FEATURES, THE PARSON RED HEADS, THE MOONDOGGIES & MORE (Grand Lodge, 3505 Pacifi c, Forest Grove) In just its second year, McMenamins' Festival of Americana has cornered the market on folks who aren't up to the time commitment, crowds, and expense of Pickathon. Judging by the lineup, these people include aging hippies who want to revisit their festival days alongside their children and grandchildren. The festival kicks off on Friday with Garcia Birthday Band, who interpret (not cover!) the Grateful Dead, also an apparent infl uence on one of the festival's youngest bands, the Moondoggies out of Seattle, who play Saturday. But the psychedelic jams end there. Tennessee funk band the Features augment what is otherwise a Northwest-heavy bill: Nick Jaina, with his heart on his sleeve; the tireless Freak Mountain Ramblers; Sassparilla, at the convergence of folk and punk; the Parson Red Heads, who have a cover of Nick Lowe's "Don't Lose Your Grip on Love" coming out on next month's Lowe Country tribute album; and the Shook Twins, with their close harmonies and loops by way of the Great Depression. REBECCA WILSON half as energized as Alejandro Escovedo does on his latest record, Big Station. (I'm also hoping for robots.) The Texas songwriter, who cheated death last decade by defeating hepatitis after having already written a lifetime's worth of great songs, keeps things simple on Big Station, opting for a blaring, big-party vibe on much of the record. The lovely, strumming "Bottom of the World" is excellent fan bait, but the record's most interesting moments are when Escovedo tests his already spacious boundaries, as on thumping album opener "Man of the World," which would have been a huge hit for John Cougar Mellencamp in 1985, and slinky closer "Sabor a Mi," Escovedo's fi rst song recorded in Spanish. Note that tonight's show starts at 8, an hour earlier than usual for the Doug Fir. NL TORCHE, LOZEN, NORSKA (Rotture, 315 SE 3rd) To these ears, Miami heavy rock four-piece Torche is pure ear candy (as opposed to the pure nose candy associated with Miami's KC and the Sunshine Band). Torche is heavy, and there are hooks aplenty, and the production is as squeaky clean as a goddamn Rihanna single. My 13-year-old self would have prematurely ejaculated upon hearing this band. These current old bones-- only a slight variation of my teenage self--likes them, too. They're what Dave Grohl and his Foo Fighters wish they sounded like: Able to impressively balance melody with metal, pop hooks with punk 'tude, and tongue-in-cheek with heart-on-sleeve--all summed up in the brilliant "Kiss Me Dudely." ML HEAVY KINGDOM WITH WINO AND CONNY OCHS, MIKE SCHEIDT, AERIAL RUIN (Rotture, 315 SE 3rd) Scott "Wino" Weinrich has the Midas touch. He's been cranking out tunes since the '70s, and hasn't missed a step yet. The list of infl uential bands in the stoner/doom genre that he started or belonged to, grows daily. A couple years ago, Wino joined the ranks of other harbingers of heaviness like Scott Kelly and Mike Scheidt, by trading his full stack and pedal board for an acoustic guitar. He released Adrift , a strikingly powerful acoustic record that features his gruff and grizzled style (mostly) unplugged. The acoustic experiment seems to be successful for Wino. So far this year he pumped out Labour of Love and Heavy Kingdom with German singer/songwriter Conny Ochs. Fans of Wino know that he has always had something political or spiritual to say through his music, and with his new acoustic persona, he seems to have found messages important enough to put subtly, instead of blasted into space on a fuzzed out riff. Just because Wino doesn't have a couple thousand watts behind him doesn't mean he can't be heavy. AW TUESDAY 8/14 DREW GROW AND THE PASTORS' WIVES, SAD LITTLE MEN, PICTORIALS (Ella Street Social Club, 714 SW 20th Pl) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17. BRAINSTORM, SWAHILI, SUN ANGLE, DJ SAHELSOUNDS (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17. TWIN SHADOW, POOLSIDE (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Brooklyn's George Lewis Jr. has made one of the most instantly enjoyable albums of 2012, especially if you came of musical age in the 1980s. Twin Shadow's second album, Confess, is composed of 10 perfectly wrought singles, one after the other--all the more impressive because Lewis produced it himself. He may not look like a geek, but he obviously is one. If you're one of those people who hears everything but the lyrics, you'd be forgiven for assuming Confess is a sexually aspirational/inspirational album: the thrilling synth swells, the soulful vocals, the fact that every song is directed toward a "you" who is at least as horny as she is rhetorical. The truth is more akin to a cautionary tale, a confession at its core--about hooking up, fucking people over, wanting to change, not being able to change. Being an asshole never sounded better. RW PATAHA HISS, HEY LOVER, PISS TEST (The Know, 2026 NE Alberta) The bubblegum blitzkrieg bop of Pataha Hiss eschews the most familiar element of garage rock--the guitar--in favor of buzzing organ and earthquake bass. With just a handful of chords and tons of attitude, the trio invokes a veritable sugar buzz on their new four-song 7-inch, Dirrty Love , committing a couple pop gems ("Dear Joey," "Glad to See You Go") to disc along the way. It's a super fun record, bound to add some cheeky sleaze to even the most uptight dance party, and the group plays their long-awaited hometown record release show after touring through California last month. Released by the reliable Hovercraft label, Dirrty Love basically zooms out of the speakers ready for action, and fi ttingly, Pataha Hiss' show tonight is going to be a crushingly good bash. NL WEDNESDAY 8/15 DREW GROW AND THE PASTORS' WIVES, THE DEVIL WHALE, THE ECOLOGY (Ella Street Social Club, 714 SW 20th Pl) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17. CHARLI XCX SUNDAY 8/12 (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17. FILMUSIK: PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE: HEATHER PERKINS, CLASSICAL REVOLUTION STRING QUARTET (Washington Park, SW Park) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17. JACK WHITE, POKEY LAFARGE AND THE SOUTH CITY THREE (Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct) See Music, pg. 21. ONRA, MATTHEWDAVID (Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi) Paris producer Onra (AKA Arnaud Bernard) fuses advanceddegree hiphop with sexy-mofo R&B like only a hot French dude can. Prepare to drop them drawz. LA beatmaker Matthewdavid has won the heart and mind of Brainfeeder Records boss Flying Lotus with cuts that take post-hiphop maneuvers into trippy, hypnotic zones. Cop his aptly titled 2011 album, Outmind. DAVE SEGAL ST. JAMES/HANING/DUROCHE TRIO, THE TENSES AND SOFTCORE GIGGLES (Revival Drum Shop, 1465 NE Prescott) Tim DuRoche, jazz drummer and composer of Portland outfi t Battle Hymns and Gardens, is a is joined for an intimate drum-shop performance by two other important fi gures in the improvisational jazz community: pianist Doug Haning and stand-up bassist Andre St. James--who presents a Mingus-inspired sound where tradition is creative innovation through improvisation. The Tenses is an affi liate of Portland's legendary experimental supergroup Smegma, who have spent decades captivating and/or confusing audiences by using found objects to create scapes where sounds can mingle in an intellectual playground. They're playing with Softcore Giggles, which must be a joint effort of experimental up-and-comers Soft Core Chess (Alieta Train and John Rau) and Giggles (Madelyn Villano and Train, again), which might involve delicate vocals and violin smashed between electronic samples for you to trip on. Recommended if you like: getting weird. ROCHELLE HUNTER MONDAY 8/13 ALEJANDRO ESCOVEDO THE MEMORIES, K-TEL '79, CORAL STABZ (Valentine's, 232 SW Ankeny) See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 17. (Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside) Whatever I'm doing at age 61--it'll be long after the fi nal death throe of print media's ugly, protracted demise--I'm hoping I sound August 9, 2012 Portland Mercury 25 26 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 August 9, 2012 Portland Mercury 27 august 4-5, 11-12, 18-19,and 25-26 at 5:00pm under the st. johns bridge at n pittsburg in n portland all ages--free sponsored by: Cathedral Park--Portland, OR www.trekinthepark.com L AT I T U D E S P D X . C O M 28 Portland Mercury August 9, 2012 LIVE MUSIC TWIN SHADOW Doug Fir, 8/14 THURSDAY 8/9 ALBERTA STREET PUBLIC HOUSE--Dusty Santamaria, Sam Doores & The Tumbleweeds, 9:30 pm ANDINA--Greg Wolfe, 7 pm, free ARTICHOKE MUSIC--Acoustic Village, 7 pm, $5 ASH STREET SALOON--Moisture Farm, The Weather Machine, Kyle Castellani, Matt Brown, 9 pm, $5 BACKSPACE--Wimps, Pinkslime, Little Pilgrims, 9 pm, $5, all ages BEATERVILLE BAR & LUBRITORIUM--Kat Jones BIDDY MCGRAW'S--Vanport Drifters, 9 pm BLUE DIAMOND--Ben Jones, 9 pm BLUE MONK--Alan Jones, 8 pm BRASSERIE MONTMARTRE--John Butler, Al Criado, 5:30 pm BUFFALO GAP--Chris Margolin, 9 pm, free CAMELLIA LOUNGE--Eugetet, 9 pm, free CLYDE'S PRIME RIB--Jim Mesi, Steve Bradley, 7 pm CORKSCREW WINE BAR--Counterfeit Cash, 8 pm COUCH PARK--Bobby Torres, 6:30 pm, free DANTE'S--Shonen Knife, The Mallard, Oh Darling, 9 pm, $12 DOUG FIR--Deathtrap America, Lesser Known Characters, Snarl, 9 pm, $5 DUFF'S GARAGE--Tough Love Pyle, 6 pm, $2; The 44's, 9 pm EAST BURN--Stefan Andrews, 8 pm, free EAT: AN OYSTER BAR--Steve Cheseborough, 7 pm EDGEFIELD--Sigur R�s, Julia Holter, 6:30 pm, $43, all ages; Laurel Brauns, 7 pm, free ELLA STREET SOCIAL CLUB--Bubble Cats, Better Days, The Pyrenees, 9 pm, $5 GOODFOOT--The Dosumov Brothers, Max Ribner Band GRAND CAFE/ANDREA'S CHA CHA CLUB--Pilon d'Azucar Salsa Band, 9:30 pm HALIBUT'S--Terry Robb, 8 pm, free HAWTHORNE THEATRE LOUNGE--The Piedmont Boys, 8:30 pm, $5 HEATHMAN--Kerry Politzer, 7 pm, free HOLOCENE--Into the Woods Quarterly: Pure Bathing Culture, Aan, WL, Shy Girls, DJ Zack, Sister Sister, 8:30 pm, $5 HORNING'S HIDEOUT--Northwest String Summit: Yonder Mountain String Band, Karl Denson's Tiny Universe, 7 Walkers, New Riders of the Purple Sage, Greensky Bluegrass, Jeff Austin,