A18 November 14, 2012 The Richmond News
Community
Spare their feelings, be honest
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“It’s discouraging to think friend if you can’t be honhow many people are shocked est. Truth is the foundation by honesty and how few by of trust, so without it how deceit.” — Noël Coward will you ever know what to I’ve written about the topic believe or who you can really of honesty before. This time depend on? I’m not going to focus on If someone prefers to liars. I’m going to focus on avoid conflict and would rathFAMILY FUNC TION people who avoid telling the er be phoney so they appear truth. They are the bystandnice, their relationships will ers who feel the same way as the person who always be superficial and fake. spoke the truth, but they would never say Most people want their friend to agree anything because they are afraid of conflict. with them without making any suggestions or They let the truth sayer take the fall. recommendations. I don’t want friends who The fact that they even think being hononly tell me what they think I want to hear, est is mean is disappointing. Honesty among and I don’t want friends who only say how friends should never be considered mean, they really feel behind my back. rude, or in poor taste. Sure, how the truth is If a friend thinks I’m wrong about somepresented is important and sometimes it’s not thing or that I could change something about done with enough tact. what I’m doing to make a problematic situaRegardless how it is said and how much tion better, I want them to tell me. I might not it stings to hear it, if it’s honest, you should think they’re right at first, but once it sinks always appreciate it because it means they in, I’ll likely consider it because I trust their care enough about you to tell you the truth. opinion. You could ask anyone what quality they If you lie to spare someone’s feelings or to appreciate in a friend or a partner and one of avoid conflict, either the truth will come out the top answers will be honesty. Our society or you’ll have to live with being disingenuis always teaching such things as, honesty is ous. If you tell the truth from the beginning, the best policy, and the truth will set you free, you will only be dealing with the hurt of the but the truth is very few people actually want truth. I can get over the sting of being told to hear the truth. something that was hard to hear, but I don’t I can agree that there are some situations think I’ve ever gotten over being lied to by where telling a falsehood does no harm and someone I wanted to trust. does spare someone else from being embar“Whoever is careless with the truth in rassed. It’s a slippery slope into full lies small matters cannot be trusted with importhough. We start with an ingenuous complitant matters.” ment, then next thing we know we are telling — Albert Einstein doozies that are designed to protect ourselves “Nothing in this world is harder than from taking accountability for a mistake. speaking the truth, nothing easier than flatThe reason very few people tell the truth tery.” even when they think they should is because — Fyodor Dostoyevsky it’s hard. People get mad at you when you’re “I meant what I said and I said what I honest about something they don’t want meant.” to know. Thomas Sowell said, “There are — Dr. Seuss, Horton Hatches the Egg. only two ways of telling the complete truth Danielle Aldcorn, BSW, MA, is a regis— anonymously and posthumously.” tered clinical counsellor at Satori Integrative I don’t see how you can call yourself a Health Centre. Follow her @drgrahambooks.
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