Marriage tips for couples of special needs children By Bryan Hatcher
When a child is diagnosed with a medical or development issue that may be long term, or even lifelong, the stress placed on the marriage can seem unmanageable at times. The introduction of a child into a marriage is generally a time of great joy and celebration, a time of hopes and dreams. It also quickly becomes a time of lost sleep, lost personal time and lost relational time for the couple. For any parents, and particularly the parents of a child with special needs, the goal of maintaining a healthy and satisfying marriage can be more easily achieved with these relational tips: ■ Be intentional about spending time together. You were a couple before you were parents, and the strength of being a family will be supported by maintaining the strong relationship of the couple. ■ Be intentional about communicating. The mundane conversations of scheduling, carpooling, homework, after-school activities are important and vital, and so are the in-depth conversations of feelings, relational connection, grieving lost hopes and dreams, and re-orienting to new realities.
■ Re-set your goals — for yourself, for your family and for your child. Trying to force old dreams into new realities will only serve to frustrate and disappoint. Allowing yourself to dream again in the new truth can open possibilities not yet imagined. ■ Seek support — for yourself and for your marriage. When we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory, we do well to seek out professionals who can help us understand what is going on and others who have been in a similar place. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it can be a great starting place when you find yourself in a difficult parenting situation. Bryan Hatcher is director of Center Development and Education for CareNet Counseling of Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center. He is also a spouse for 17 years, the proud parent of an incredible 15-year-old and “Uncle Big Cool Bryan” to seven nieces and nephews. piedmontparent.com
| 2013 exceptional child
11