’cause
parenting is a trip!
BACKto SCHOOL
Survival Kit
Where to go to make the most of it before school starts 25
GOT A RUDE KID? RESOURCES TO HELP
Because nobody’s got time for that attitude 27
A LOCAL MOM’S MUSTLISTEN PODCAST Meet Marlo Mack of How to Be A Girl 30
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JEWISH EDUCATION AT
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Well-Child Appointments July 15 through September 15, 2018 2Î?HU JRRG IRU FKLOGUHQ XQGHU ΖQFOXGHV IUHH SHGLDWULF YLWDPLQV ZKLOH VXSSOLHV ODVW .
Is your child eating, sleeping, learning, growing and playing well? Learn More: BastyrCenter.org/WellChild 206.834.4100 | 3670 Stone Way N. Located near UW in Seattle’s Fremont/Wallingford neighborhood
Two Campuses: Capitol Hill & Bellevue
Jennifer Rosen Meade Preschool with Full & Part-Time Birth—Pre-K Options Bridge Family Religion School featuring K—12 Judaic Studies & Hebrew
1441 16th Ave, Seattle, WA 3850 156th Ave SE, Bellevue, WA 206.323.8486 templedehirschsinai.org
4 • August 2018 • parentmap.com
Programming for Families with Young Children
inside
The Back-to-School Issue
,cause parenting is a trip!
AUGUST 2018
Feature
Your Back-to-School Survival Kit (Because Yes, It’s Almost Time)
18
25
Parenting
6 NEWS AROUND TOWN
8 DEAR READER
A note from our publisher
10 TEENS TAKE ACTION
Local teens make change happen
12 CRIB NOTES
Ready for baby?
Expectant and new parents, this is for you
27
27 AGES + STAGES: 0–18
When They’re Just Really Rude To You How to stay calm in the face of rudeness
30 SOMEONE YOU
SHOULD KNOW Meet Marlo Mack
The Seattle mom on her awardwinning podcast ‘How to Be a Girl’
Three parenting experts answer our top questions regarding kindergarten through college
Out + About
16 A UGUST CALENDAR
What to do around the Sound
25 1 9 THINGS TO DO BEFORE
SUMMER ENDS
Ready for the back-to-school madness? Neither are we
Advertising Sections
21 24 27 28–31
P ediatric Dentistry C amps, Arts + Activites N WAIS S chools + Preschools
CORRECTION In ParentMap’s 2018 Golden Teddy issue, ParentMap mistakenly said Community Nature Programs was affiliated with Seattle Parks & Rec and misidentified where the programs take place. ParentMap apologizes for these errors. Learn more about Community Nature Programs at communitynatureprograms.com
parentmap.com • August 2018 • 5
news
PHOTO COURTESY OF KEXP
News Around Town
Free Friday night concerts at Seattle Center
Catch a movie at Crossroads
Two local students design Pierce County Library System’s new library cards Congratulations are in order for Jasmyn Uribe
Every Friday in August, you and the fam can
of Harbor Heights Elementary and Denae Folen
What’s better than a free movie? A free movie
catch a free concert at Seattle Center. Thank
of Goodman Middle School, both of Gig Harbor.
under the stars. Head over to Crossroads Park
local radio station KEXP 90.3 and Seattle
Their designs won the Pierce County Library
for free movies every Thursday this month. (Also
Center, the hosts of the annual Concerts at
System’s Card Design Contest. Nearly 900 Pierce
free: the popcorn!) The movies begin at dusk
the Mural series. The event is family-friendly;
County students submitted entries to the contest
(around 9 p.m.) and are shown on a 40-foot
you’ll spot many a young music lover toddling
with almost 18,000 votes cast to select the
inflatable screen. Come early (around 7:30 p.m.)
around between picnic blankets. There’s also a
winners. Starting this fall, people may choose
for family activities (also free). See what’s playing
fenced off beer garden and food carts typically
from the two new student-designed cards. See
at parks. bellevuewa.gov/special-events
show up. Find the line-up at kexp.org
the designs at cardcontest. pcls.us
Giving Together 2018 Please join us each month as we promote, support and learn about an extraordinary local organization. We will highlight the good works of organizations that strive to improve the lives of families and invite you to join us in giving precious time or money.
6 • August 2018 • parentmap.com
THE NONPROFIT Ladybug House
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
Ladybug House will be Washington state’s first palliative care home for children (and only the third in the country). The organization will offer free end-of-life care to children and young adults as well as resources for families caring for very ill children. The goal: Deliver 24/7 quality respite and hospice care PHOTO COURTESY OF FAMILIES OF LADYBUG HOUSE
Support: Ladybug House is currently fundraising to build their home. To learn more, visit ladybughouse.org/ get-involved
Join us for a summer of science under the arches. Visit today!
pacsci.org
Skagit County
Museum Passport
Get your passport to adventure! Museums provide a unique opportunity to learn, explore, time-travel, and with the dozen museums in Skagit County, there are ample opportunities to travel from the shore to the foothills! Visitors to Skagit Valley can pick up their passport at any of the museum locations, the City of Burlington Visitor Center/Chamber of Commerce, area visitor centers & The Historic Lincoln Theatre.
The Museum Passport Program is coordinated by the Children’s Museum of Skagit County. To learn more visit SkagitChildrensMuseum.net
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Anacortes Museum :: WT Preston Sternwheel :: Maritime Heritage Center :: Children’s Museum of Skagit County :: Clear Lake Historical Association :: Concrete Heritage Museum :: Heritage Flight Funding Museum :: Museum of Northwest Art :: provided by City of Pacific Northwest Quilt & Fiber Arts Burlington Museum :: Padilla Bay National & Skagit County Estuarine Research Reserve :: Lodging Tax Grants Sedro Woolley Museum :: Skagit County Historical Museum Eat, Sleep, Play!
VisitSkagitValley.com
VisitBurlingtonWA.com
parentmap.com • August 2018 • 7 6/14/18 9:33 PM
note
Loving the Summer, Ready for Fall
I
#ArmMeWithBooks 84.88% of those surveyed in a recent ParentMap poll say they are adamantly opposed to arming educators. Most parents, educators, and kids agree:
Guns don’t belong in the classroom.
parentmap.com/never-again supports common sense gun reform. Follow us on
to join in our fight to end gun violence NOW.
8 • August 2018 • parentmap.com
feel like the little girl on the cover this month: silly and playful during these glorious summer days while simultaneously ready to pull my hair out. Let’s start with the fact that we’re in the most gorgeous phase of summer while the anxiety and stress of the school year is simultaneously blowin’ in the wind. To help, breeze into this month’s feature (p. 18) for your back-to-school survival guide. Get guidance from three parenting pros on what to do if your child is feeling left out, doesn’t want to do homework or struggling with college. Personally, I’m freaking out that this fall, my baby, Maya, is entering senior year. She not only absolutely wants to go to college, but plot the farthest distance from Seattle on a map and you’ll likely hit her dream school location. So here’s how I’m beating the trauma of being an empty nester: I’ve ordered up a grandbaby for a late October delivery from my eldest daughter and son-in-law. The reality of becoming a Bubbie means I’m closely reading our section for expectant and new parents, Crib Notes (p.12). I’m doing my best to My two daughters: one in college app process, the other to motherhood guide the parents-to-be in my life. That includes making sure that they’re not buying an overwhelmingly amount of baby gear (though it is hard not to get sucked into all the adorableness). Instead, new parents, I recommend that you buy judiciously, love your baby up and save money for great chocolate and even better coffee. You’ll need both. Finally, a word about our Someone You Should Know: Marlo Mack (p. 30). She’s the local mom behind the Peabody Award-winning podcast How to Be a Girl. When her 3-year-old explained that something was “wrong in her tummy that caused her to be born as a boy instead of a girl,” Mack started learning, listening, blogging and podcasting to help people best understand how such a young person knows themselves best and why it’s so important the parents listen. That’s parenting advice we all should remember. So, with that, I wish you a happy end to summer and a productive, not crazy, start to school.
ParentMap August 2018, Vol. 16, No. 8 PUBLISHER/EDITOR Alayne Sulkin
EDITORIAL MANAGING EDITOR Elisabeth Kramer OUT + ABOUT EDITOR Nancy Chaney DIGITAL CONTENT EDITOR Vicky McDonald PUBLISHING ASSISTANT Nicole Persun CALENDAR ASSISTANT Dora Heideman COPY EDITOR Sunny Parsons CONTRIBUTORS
Nancy Schatz Alton, Will Austin, JiaYing Grygiel, Laura S. Kastner, Ph.D., Rachael Mitchell Okerlund, Nikole D. Shvartsur
DIGITAL MARKETING DIGITAL MARKETING MANAGER
Lindsey Carter
SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGIST
Diana Cherry
ADVERTISING SALES + PARTNERSHIPS MANAGER, ADVERTISING SALES AND PARTNERSHIPS
Ben Demar, Ida Wicklund
AD OPERATIONS MANAGER Elisa Taylor ADVERTISING CLIENT SERVICES SPECIALIST
Jessica Collet
MARKETING/EVENTS EVENT OPERATIONS Tara Buchan EVENT + MARKETING COORDINATOR
Mallory Dehbod
ART + PRODUCTION DESIGN + PRODUCTION, PRINT MAGAZINE
Emily Johnson
PRODUCTION DESIGN Amy Chinn
ADMINISTRATION FINANCE MANAGER Sonja Hanson BUSINESS ANALYST Carolyn Brendel ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT + DISTRIBUTION
Angela Goodwin
PARENTMAP EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD Benjamin Danielson, M.D. ODESSA BROWN CHILDREN’S CLINIC
Joan Duffell COMMITTEE FOR CHILDREN John Gottman, Ph.D. THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE PROFESSOR EMERITUS, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON
Laura Kastner, Ph.D. PSYCHIATRY + BEHAVIORAL SCIENCES, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON
Bea Kelleigh VICE PRESIDENT AT DOVETAILING, LLC
Yaffa Maritz, M.A. LISTENING MOTHERS + COMMUNITY OF MINDFUL PARENTS
Ron Rabin THE KIRLIN FOUNDATION Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, MINDSIGHT INSTITUTE ADVERTISING INFORMATION
206-709-9026 or advertising@parentmap.com Fax 206-709-9031 CALENDAR SUBMISSIONS
calendar@parentmap.com EDITORIAL SUBMISSIONS
editor@parentmap.com DISTRIBUTION distribution@parentmap.com SUBSCRIPTIONS subscriptions@parentmap.com
ParentMap is published monthly PMB #190, 7683 SE 27th St. Mercer Island, WA 98040 ADMINISTRATION 206-709-9026, parentmap.com SUBSCRIPTION RATES 1 year: $24; 2 years: $40
All rights reserved; reproduction in whole or part without permission prohibited ©ParentMap 2018 • Printed in Oregon
parentmap.com • August 2018 • 9
teens take action
Meet Deborah Sepulveda
How local teens can make change happen By Elisabeth Kramer
I
n her nearly seven years at the Gates Foundation, Deborah Sepulveda has worked with some pretty inspiring people. As the manager of public programs, she manages all youth and public programs at the Discovery Center where she interacts with both Gates employees and the public to develop programs on a variety of topics ranging from family homelessness in the Northwest to malaria in Africa. Among other projects, Sepulveda oversees the year-long Youth Ambassadors Program (YAP). The service learning program brings high school students together to discuss how they can best make a difference in their communities. The goal: Empower youth to educate, motivate and inspire global awareness and action. We’ve highlighted several YAP members in recent installments of our ongoing series, Teens Take Action; this month, we talked to Sepulveda herself about her recommendations for young people, their families and our world.
PHOTO COURTESY OF THE GATES FOUNDATION
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.
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WEEKEND WORKSHOP FOR COUPLES
Deborah Sepulveda (front center) with students at the Teen Action Fair.
Why is it important for teens to volunteer?
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For young people, volunteering can develop connections with people and communities that are working hard to make an impact on local and global issues. These experiences can open their minds to new ideas, perspectives and views. It also connects youth to organizations doing great work in our community and empower them to see themselves as participants in solving problems. Volunteering can also help youth take new risks, challenge their biases and assumptions and help build their confidence. As one YAP student said: ‘Stepping outside of my comfort zone unleashed so many different interests and opportunities. It made me want to make the most of what I can do as a person.’
FREE
What do you recommend for parents who are interested in getting their teen to volunteer more? How should they start that conversation? We live in an amazing city for getting involved. Seek out opportunities in your community that focus on the issues you care about or you want to learn more about. The Discovery Center has great resources on how to find places to volunteer and our free guided tours focus on ways to take action. Look for resources in your school; maybe consider a club or group that you might want to help or start your own. Everyone can help make a difference and there are so many ways to get involved. At Gates, we host an annual program at the Discovery Center called the Teen Action Fair where we give youth a platform to tell their story on how youth are making a difference. It’s a great program for youth and families to learn more about where they might volunteer or get involved.
What have you learned in your work with teens?
“ Stepping outside of my comfort zone unleashed so many different interests and opportunities.”
Youth want to be involved, taken seriously and deserve to be heard. Young people have led the charge on some of the biggest shifts in social change and justice throughout history and we continue to learn from their ideas to change the world. In many ways, I think youth are way ahead of adults in their ability to be inclusive, think empathically and have honest and courageous conversations. Take the time to listen to their questions, ideas and feedback and we will definitely have a better world. n Elisabeth Kramer is managing editor at ParentMap.
Sponsored by:
RIOU
At the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, we believe all lives have
E CU ARRIV
IRED.
E INSP V A E L . S
equal value. We are impatient optimists working to reduce inequity. Explore interactive exhibits and find ways you can take action at the Gates Foundation Discovery Center, discovergates.org
TUESDAY–SATURDAY, 10AM–6PM NEXT TO SEATTLE CENTER | 440 FIFTH AVENUE NORTH DISCOVERGATES.ORG | @DISCOVERGATES
parentmap.com • August 2018 • 11
all about baby Find Your Village Being a new parent can be really isolating, but baby, we’ve got your back. ALLI ARNOLD
Notes
Sign up for our weekly eNews for the best in outings and advice ’cause parenting is a trip!
h
parentmap.com/enews
From Recent Research to Gaga Gear
Have You Heard? Good news for parents: Your baby really does love to be touched and may even appreciate you giving your partner a foot rub, too. New research from the University of Washington (UW) suggests that even tiny babies understand the importance of touch and human connection.
Long before babies acquire spoken language, touch is a crucial channel of communication between caregivers and babies. With the use of new brain imaging techniques, Andrew Meltzoff (UW psychology professor and co-director of The Institute for Learning and Brain Sciences, I-LABS) and his team were able to see how a 7-monthold infant responds to touch. With the help of a magnetoencephalography (MEG) machine, the researchers discovered which parts of the brain lit up when the baby experienced touch. Interestingly, some parts of the brain lit up when the baby watched an adult’s hand or foot being touched too. “Before they have words for the body parts, babies recognize that their hand is like your hand, and their foot is like your foot,” said Meltzoff. It suggests that even very young babies understand touch and have empathy. “Long before babies acquire spoken language, touch is a crucial channel of communication between caregivers and babies,” said Meltzoff. So even though your little one can’t talk yet, it shows how important it is to demonstrate your love to them and to those around you.
12 • August 2018 • parentmap.com
Making Memories With Your Baby When you have a baby, you might think your
Connecting parents to build a loving community of families of color
camping days are behind you, but think again, as camping can be a fun getaway for you and your little one. With a little
JOIN our FOCS Parent Groups, monthly events and resource sharing
planning, the whole family can benefit and enjoy some time in the great
Register and Info at focseattle.org
outdoors. Check out our tips for undertaking a memorable and relaxing camping trip with your new addition at parentmap.com/baby-camping
Brand New Baby Gear A smart pump that feeds directly. A mother and Ph.D. mechanical engineering student at MIT, Katherine Hornbostel found it tough when her twin babies struggled to latch. Her time was spent pumping, storing milk, bottle feeding and cleaning bottles, which was exhausting. Instead of despairing she invented a clever product called Pump2Baby that allowed her to feed her baby as she pumped. Pumping can be soulless endeavor, so this ingenious invention allows you to bond with your baby as you pump.
A clever product for baby naps. There are many benefits to this cozy product called the Snoozer. For one, it’s easy to clean and doesn’t require a cover. The surface is impermeable to fluids and bacteria so that you can clean baby spit up with a quick wipe. It’s cozy and soft and its ergonomic design allows your baby a better view and prevents acid reflux. Lastly, it’s light and portable so you can bring it with you when you and your baby visit friends. A simple baby carrier with lots of benefits. Unlike most baby carriers, the Tushababy has a seat to carry you baby on your hip. The baby seat acts like a saddle and is designed to evenly distribute the baby’s weight and eliminate any back pain for you. It’s also incredibly quick and easy to put on and contains a decent storage pocket that’s ideal for the bare necessities such as a bottle, wipes and your phone. The product is currently available for pre-order on Kickstarter.
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parentmap.com • August 2018 • 13
it Dream big. Plan ahead. Washington College Savings Plans can help you start saving towards a brighter future. Learn more at wastate529.wa.gov
GET and DreamAhead are qualified tuition programs sponsored and distributed by the State of Washington. The Committee on Advanced Tuition Payment and College Savings administers and the Washington Student Achievement Council supports the plans. DreamAhead investment returns are not guaranteed and you could lose money by investing in the plan. If in-state tuition decreases in the future, GET tuition units may lose value.
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FIELD TRIP PACKAGES Storytelling Guided tour
GROUP TOURS HibulbCulturalCenter.org
Hibulb Cultural Center 6410 23rd Ave NE Tulalip, WA 98271 Located less than a mile west of I-5 exit 199.
Outdoor scavenger hunt Listen to traditional stories in the longhouse Canoe Guided tour Gallery scavenger hunt Sand and design your own cedar paddle necklace Weaving Guided tour Weaving scavenger hunt Weave your own cedar mat pendant
Visit our booth at Algona Days on Aug. 4 for your chance to win $100 in gift cards to jumpstart your Back-to-School shopping. Register your team today for the Slick Watts 3-on-3 Basketball Tournament on Aug. 18-19.
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parentmap.com • August 2018 • 15 7/13/18 9:39 AM
august
SUNDAY
160511 Crossroads ParentMap Calendar ad f.pdf
1 5/12/16 3:46 PM MONDAY
TUESDAY
Seafair Weekend, Aug. 3–5
From Hiroshima to Hope, Aug. 6
CHOMP! at Marymoor Park, Aug. 18
CHRISTOPHER NELSON
COURTESY CHOMP! FESTIVAL
MARTHA BRICE
RUSS MCELROY/PIXABAY
PICKS
Global Playground at Seattle Center, Aug. 4, 11 and 18
Pacific NW Chalkfest, Aug. 17–19
16 • August 2018 • parentmap.com
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Jet Blast Bash. Feel the rumble as the Blue Angels take off and land, view classic cars and planes, and enjoy live music and activities. Saturday–Sunday, Aug. 4–5, 10 a.m.–4 p.m. Included with admission. The Museum of Flight, Seattle. museumoflight.org When You Wish Upon a Pizza. This outdoor theater production for families features a fairy tale mash-up and pizza adventure. 5 p.m. FREE; donations accepted. Highland Park Playground, Seattle. the1448projects.org
Toddler Time. Escape from the heat while your tot plays with cars, wagons, bikes, slides and more. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, 8 a.m.–noon through Aug. 31. $2. Ages 0–3 with adult. Issaquah Community Center. ci.issaquah.wa.us ONGOING EVENT From Hiroshima to Hope. This moving lantern-floating ceremony promotes peace and commemorates victims of war. 6–9 p.m. FREE. Green Lake (Northwest shore), Seattle. fromhiroshimatohope.org
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Festival at Mt. Si. Play in the Fun Zone, enter the cherry pie-eating contest and more. Friday–Sunday, Aug. 10–12. FREE. Si View Park, North Bend. festivalatmtsi.org Othello International Festival. Celebrate our community’s diverse cultures with music, art activities, a petting zoo and more. Noon–6 p.m. FREE. Othello Park, Seattle. othellopark.org
Marine Creature Monday. Watch as local divers collect sea life for up-close viewing. Pre-register for 11:30 a.m. or 1 p.m. session. Mondays through Aug. 20. FREE. Boston Harbor Marina, Olympia. streamteam.info Magic Monday. Local magicians perform in the cozy quarters of the bookstore the second Monday of every month, 7–8 p.m. FREE. Third Place Books – Ravenna, Seattle. thirdplacebooks.com ONGOING EVENT
Downtown Movies in the Park. Enjoy free popcorn, pre-show entertainment and the movie “The Greatest Showman” (PG). Pre-movie entertainment 7:30 p.m.; movie shows at dusk. Tuesdays through August 28. Bellevue Downtown Park. bellevue.com ONGOING EVENT Zany Alex Zerbe. Enjoy family-focused fun; today it’s “Kid Hop Don’t Stop!” 1–2 p.m. FREE. Sammamish Commons Plaza at City Hall. sammamish.us
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Sandcastle Contest. Bring your buckets and tools and make your best sand sculpture or just watch others’ creations take shape. 11 a.m.–2:30 p.m. FREE to participate or spectate. Richmond Beach Saltwater Park, Shoreline. richmondbeachwa.org Bicycle Sunday. Practice pedaling as a family safe from traffic; helmets required. 10 a.m.–6 p.m. select Sundays through Sept. 16. FREE. Lake Washington Boulevard, Seattle. seattle.gov
Kids Club Concert. Last show in this series features kindie fave Caspar Babypants. 6:30 p.m. FREE. Allan Yorke Park, Bonney Lake. ci.bonney-lake.wa.us Live Animal Show. Sheruff entertains and educates about sustainability with a cast of animal and human co-stars. Daily, noon and 3:30 p.m. Included with admission. Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium, Tacoma. pdza.org
Summer Movie Express. Last days to catch Regal’s low-priced summer movies. Tuesday–Wednesday, 10 a.m., through Aug. 22. $1. Multiple locations. regmovies.com ONGOING EVENT Caspar Babypants. Head to the beach to play and dance to live music, then go for a swim. 10–11 a.m. FREE. Juanita Beach Park, Kirkland. kirklandsummerconcerts.com
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Arts in Nature Festival. Eclectic music, nature and interactive arts fest features diverse performers and family activities. Saturday–Sunday, Aug. 25–26. $5–$10/day or $16 weekend pass. Camp Long, Seattle. fest.naturec.org Kidz Kraze Children’s Festival. Head to the park for some good old-fashioned field games, inflatable obstacle course and more. Noon–4 p.m. FREE. Ages 3–12. Chambers Creek Regional Park, University Place. co.pierce.wa.us
MiniMOHAI. Last day for this interactive pop-up exploration for preschoolers; dropin program. 10 a.m.–1 p.m. Included with admission. Ages 3–5 with caregiver. MOHAI, Seattle. mohai.org Tacoma Spraygrounds. Beat the heat in one of the many spray parks all over the city. Daily, 10 a.m.–8 p.m., through Sept. 3. FREE. Various locations, Tacoma. metroparkstacoma.org
Kitty Literature. Call and sign up for kids to practice reading shelter cats; 20-minute sessions. Monday–Friday. FREE; preregister. Ages 5–10. See website for schedule. Seattle Humane, Bellevue. seattlehumane.org Adventure Playground. Build in the woods; closed-toe shoes required. Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday, 1–4 p.m., through Aug. 31. Admission by donation. Ages 5 and up; under age 12 with caregiver. Deane’s Children’s Park, Mercer Island. mercergov.org
The Brian Waite Band. Fun and upbeat music designed to educate kids on prejudice, equality and the importance of compromise. 11–11:45 a.m. FREE. Kelsey Creek Park, Bellevue. brianwaite.com Lunchtime Concert Series. Enjoy some comedy magic at this lunchtime entertainment series. Tuesdays through Aug. 14, noon–1 p.m. FREE. Richmond Beach Saltwater Park, Shoreline. shorelinewa.gov
WEDNESDAY 1 Evening Zoo. Experience the wonders of the zoo under the setting summer sun. 6–8:30 p.m. Included with admission. Woodland Park Zoo, Seattle. zoo.org Auburn Kids SummerStage. Marvel at the tricks of Steve the Pretty Good Magician during this Wednesday entertainment series. Noon–1 p.m. through Aug. 15. FREE. Les Gove Park, Auburn. auburnwa.gov
THURSDAY 2 Nordic Stories. Peek inside the new museum and hear stories by Scandinavian authors. 10 a.m. FREE. Ages 3–6. Nordic Museum, Seattle. nordicmuseum.org Kenmore Concert Series. Another great family-friendly summer series; Hawaiian tunes and food trucks tonight. Thursdays through Aug. 16, 6–8 p.m. FREE. Saint Edward State Park, Kenmore. kenmorewa.gov
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
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Umoja Fest. Celebrate with our African American community with a parade, music, culture and kids’ fun. Friday–Sunday, Aug. 3–5. FREE. Judkins Park, Seattle. umojafamilyfest.com Seafair Weekend. Speed and tricks rule during hydro races, the Blue Angels’ air show, wakeboarding competition and more. Friday–Sunday, Aug. 3–5. Lake Washington, Seattle. seafair.com
Global Playground. Join this summertime celebration with interactive performances, games and entertainment at the Artists at Play playground. Aug. 4, 11 and 18; 4–7 p.m. Ages 4–12 with families. $5/person suggested donation. Seattle Center. nwfolklife.org Kite Festival. Head to Chambers Creek Regional Park for high-flying fun including kite demos, kite building, face painting and more. 10 a.m.–3 p.m. FREE. University Place. co.pierce.wa.us
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Picnic Performance. Pack your lunch and groove to some kindie-rock with The NotIts! at this Wednesday series through Aug. 15. Noon. FREE. Town Square Park, Kent. kentwa.gov Jetty Island. Last few weeks to play on this island gem. Daily through Sept. 3. $1–$2 suggested donation for ferry. Port of Everett. everettwa.gov ONGOING EVENT
Pierce County Fair. Celebrate Pierce County’s agricultural roots with livestock, entertainment and more. Thursday–Sunday, Aug. 9–12. $3–$5; ages 5 and under free; kids (ages 6–15) $1 on Thursday. Frontier Park, Graham. piercecountyfair.com Children’s Concert Series. Get your dance on at the beach; today it’s kid-friendly sensation Mister G. Thursdays through Aug. 23, 10 a.m. FREE. Thornton A. Sullivan Park, Everett. everettwa.gov
South Lake Union Block Party. Fabulous live music, food trucks, design and print your own free poster and more. Noon–11 p.m. FREE. Westlake Ave. N. and Denny Way, Seattle. slublockparty.com Summer Sounds & Cinema. Have a family date night with live music followed by a showing of “Raiders of the Lost Ark” (PG) at dusk. 6 p.m. FREE; food for purchase. Les Gove Park, Auburn. auburnwa.gov
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Movies at Marymoor. Watch “Ferdinand” (PG) at this outdoor movie series with trivia and food trucks. Wednesdays, 6:30 p.m. (film at dusk), through Aug. 23. $5–$6; ages 5 and under free. Marymoor Park, Redmond. moviesatmarymoor.com Summer Sounds Concert Series. Last night in this summer concert series; pack a picnic and be ready to dance. 7–8 p.m. FREE. Steel Lake Park, Federal Way. itallhappenshere.com
Summer Boredom Busters! Enjoy different science-themed activities every weekday through Aug. 31, 10 a.m.–4 p.m. FREE. Ages 6–18. WET Science Center, Olympia. wetsciencecenter.org Kids’ Maker Market. A special market that showcases the creative process and entrepreneurial side of kids. 4–7 p.m. (Kids ages 4–18 can apply online to sell their hand-crafted items). Washington State History Museum, Tacoma. washingtonhistory.org
11 AuburnFest. Spray playground, free face painting, pony rides, grand parade (11 a.m.), music and more. 11 a.m.–7 p.m. FREE; some activities have fee. Les Gove Park. auburnwa.gov Kirkland Summerfest. Arts fair with live music, bouncy houses, youth artwork exhibition and more. Friday–Sunday, Aug. 10–12. FREE. Marina Park, Kirkland. kirklandsummerfest.com
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Snoqualmie Railroad Days. Check out a century-old steam engine, watch the parade (Saturday, 11 a.m.), take a free wagon ride and more. Friday–Sunday, Aug. 17–19. FREE. Snoqualmie. railroaddays.com Pacific NW Chalk Fest. Watch famous chalk artists create amazing 3D art on the streets of Redmond. Friday–Sunday, Aug. 17–19. FREE. Redmond Town Center. pnwchalkfest.com
Sammamish Days. A celebration of community with free face painting, bouncy houses and family fun. 10 a.m.–2 p.m. FREE. Sammamish Commons Plaza. sammamish.us CHOMP! Eat and live well in with live music, chef demos, Farmer Village and more. 10 a.m.–6 p.m. FREE. Marymoor Park, Redmond. chomplocal.org Big Day of Play. Sports, music, dancing, performances and fun for all at this community celebration. 11 a.m.–5 p.m. FREE. Rainier Community Center, Seattle. seattle.gov
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Thirsty Summer Nights 5K. Run or walk on the trails of Titlow Park and afterward slurp a root beer or Orange Crush float. 7 p.m. (check-in begins at 5 p.m.). $10–$20. Titlow Park, Tacoma. metroparkstacoma.org Sounds of Summer. Boogie down to the sounds of Hit Explosion on a warm summer night. Last night for this Wednesday concert series. 7–8:30 p.m. (seating opens at 6 p.m.) FREE. University Village, Seattle. uvillage.com
The Evergreen State Fair. Carnival, competitive livestock exhibits and more. Aug. 23–Sept. 3. $10–$14; ages 5 and under free; carnival rides extra. Evergreen State Fairgrounds, Monroe. evergreenfair.org Gas Station Blues. Live musical accompaniment as you stroll around downtown. Thursdays, 7–9 p.m. through Aug. 30. FREE. Historic Shell Station, Issaquah. downtownissaquah.com
Garden Tots. Penultimate chance to visit a lovely garden for exploration and a craft. Fridays, 10 a.m.–1 p.m. through Aug. 31. $10/family. Ages 3–7 with caregiver. Kruckeberg Botanic Garden, Shoreline. kruckeberg.org ONGOING EVENT Family Camp Out. Ease into camping at this supported overnight camping experience; bring your own tent and gear. Friday, 7 p.m.–Saturday, 9 a.m. $50–$100 per tent space; preregister. Owen Beach, Tacoma. metroparkstacoma.org
Kidchella. Kid-faves including Caspar Babypants, Recess Monkey and The Not-Its! perform among carnival games, bouncy houses and more fun. 10 a.m.–2 p.m. $25; ages 17 and under free. Magnuson Park, Seattle. eventbrite.com Cedar River Watershed Family Tour. Explore the pristine spot where local tap water originates. Saturday–Sunday, 2–3 p.m. through Sept. 2. $5. All ages. North Bend. seattle.gov/util
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Colman Pool Public Swim. Take a dip in Seattle’s most scenic outdoor pool. Daily, 1:45–4:45 p.m., through Sept. 3. $3.75–$5.50; $1 extra for slide; under age 1 free. West Seattle. seattle.gov/parks/aquatics ONGOING EVENT U-Fish. Catch a fish at Gold Creek Trout Farm (poles supplied). Wednesday–Sunday, 10 a.m.–5 p.m., through Aug. 31. $10 and under per fish from Area 1. Woodinville. goldcreektroutfarm.com
Shadow Lake Bog Self-guided Walking Tour. Stroll the boardwalk in this fascinating bog preserve for a great tot-length hike. Daily during daylight hours. FREE. Shadow Lake Nature Preserve, Renton. shadowhabitat.org Music at the Marina Concert Series. Sway to Randy Oxford Blues for the final night in this series; get food truck fare for a picnic. 6:30–8:30 p.m. FREE. Port Gardner Landing, Everett. everettwa.gov ONGOING EVENT
Olympia Harbor Days. Tugboats star at this maritime fest with tours and tugboat races, plus historic ships, kids’ activities, food and crafts. Friday–Sunday, Aug. 31– Sept. 2. FREE. Percival Landing, Olympia. harbordays.com Summer Story Time at the Cabin. Last day for pioneer-themed stories and crafts. 11 a.m. By donation. Ages 3–9 with families. Job Carr Cabin Museum, Tacoma. jobcarrmuseum.org
JONDOLAR SCHNURR/PIXABAY
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Kite Festival at Chambers Creek Park, Aug. 4
parentmap.com • August 2018 • 17
feature
18 • August 2018 • parentmap.com
Your Back-to-School Survival Kit (Because Yes, It’s Almost Time)
Three parenting experts answer our top questions regarding kindergarten through college
S
By Nancy Schatz Alton
ome people say parenting is intuitive and that parents are the best experts when it comes to their own kids. Others love to read the latest how-to parent guidebook as soon as it’s available on their smartphones. But wherever you fall on the parenting continuum, we’ve all been there, wide awake at 3 a.m. wondering how our beloved child will fare in the upcoming school year. What would a parenting expert say if you texted them at dawn to ask for advice? Should you tell the kindergarten teacher about your child’s after-school sob fest? Or FaceTime your college freshman because you’ve seen signs that all is not well? Thankfully, we’ve got a few parenting experts on speed dial. We asked them the questions so that you don’t have to. On our roster: Meghan Leahy, a certified parent coach and “Washington Post” columnist; Ross Greene, a clinical psychologist and author of several books, including “Lost at School” and “Raising Human Beings”; and Jessica Lahey, an educator and author of “The Gift of Failure” and the
forthcoming “The Addiction Inoculation.” We sent them our top school-year-related questions for each age group. Here’s what they had to say.
KINDERGARTEN
What should I do when my kid is left out? Meghan Leahy: In day-to-day interactions among kids, this is normal behavior. The stronger the adult leadership in the school, the less this happens. If children are little planets and the adult is the sun, the children orbit around the sun. If the children are outnumbering or the adult is punitive, the children start to orbit each other, and the bossiest child rises to the top. This [last situation] will happen as long as we have schools, simply because children outnumber adults. But [being left out] can be a resilience-creating situation. This is a parenting opportunity for us to help our children parentmap.com • August 2018 • 19
feature Back-to-School Survival Kit continued from page 19
Preschool
Children
By ages 4 - 6
By ages 7 - 10
Adolescents
doses
doses
DTaP/Tdap (Diphtheria, Tetanus, Pertussis) doses doses
doses
+
dose Tdap
Polio doses
doses
doses
doses
doses
Varicella (Chickenpox) doses*
doses*
doses*
* Unless child already had disease.
Talk with your friendly, neighborhood pharmacist today. bartelldrugs.com Source: CDC
20 • August 2018 • parentmap.com
Ross Greene
name and move through emotions. Nine times out of 10, the child just needs to feel heard and seen and know their hurt matters. Don’t downplay or ignore their emotions, but don’t overaccentuate them either. While your angry heart wants to call out those little assholes, that’s a vent you can save for coffee talk with a best friend. Say, “Your feelings are hurt. Oh honey, that’s hard. Your tears are okay with me.” Then decide how to move forward. Of course, you don’t want a situation where your child is chronically being targeted and bullied. If being left out is a regular occurrence, work to create a partnership with the teacher by stating the facts. Say, “I’ve heard this is happening at lunch and I’m sure everyone is involved. Can you please help me?”
ELEMENTARY
MMR (Measles, Mumps, Rubella) doses
Mehgan Leahy
By ages 11 - 18
Hepatitis B doses
Jessica Lahey
Does my kid really need to do homework? Meghan Leahy: The studies are clear that younger kids don’t need to do homework. More and more schools are coming around to this and are only assigning reading time with caregivers, [but] if your school assigns homework for kids in kindergarten through second grade, you can advocate for your kids to not do homework. Think about doing this if homework is causing a rift in the relationship between you and your child, if it makes your kid hate school or [a certain subject] or if it makes them feel stupid. Of course, there are cases where young kids need additional support outside of school, such as if they have learning differences or executive functioning issues … or don’t have books and resources in their homes. I would never say that all kids should not do homework. Still, parents shouldn’t be afraid to advocate to their teachers about having their kids skip the nightly homework during those early years [of kindergarten through second grade]. At the beginning of the [school] year, say really casually, “Hey, we’re going to see how homework goes. I really believe homework is my child’s work, so if it’s not going well for them, I’m not going to push them to do it. I’ll stay
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feature Back-to-School Survival Kit continued from page 20 in contact with you. If you feel like my child is falling behind in reading or math, please let me know.” The goal is to let the teacher know that you care about learning, that you appreciate their support in guiding your child and that you’ll stay in touch about your family’s decision to possibly opt out of homework. But by third, fourth and fifth grade, kids are more mature and able to handle
“Homework shouldn’t be the primary way a kid learns new things.” homework. This work helps prepare them for middle school, and it often involves projects that stretch their mind and creativity. The homework ritual is always a dance, but you can trust yourself when you are sitting with a 5-year-old who is crying over a math worksheet. You can say, “No, you don’t need to do this worksheet tonight.”
In YMCA Youth Sports Leagues, children develop and grow as athletes, challenge themselves through healthy competition, forge new friendships, and learn values that they can use both on and off the field.
22 • August 2018 • parentmap.com
Ross Greene: I tend to be in the camp that believes there is way too much homework. Still, the answer is very individualized. Sure, [your child should do homework] if it’s not onerous and they are having no difficulty doing it. But if your kid is struggling to do homework, we have to ask: What is getting in the kid’s way? Homework shouldn’t be the primary way a kid learns new things [but rather a] means of practicing what has been taught at school. [If homework is hard,] is the material not being taught well? If a kid is having difficulty completing homework that is a replication of what they are learning in school, that’s a warning sign that things are difficult at school, too. If homework is a nightmare, it’s crucial that the folks at school know about it. … It’s also crucial to take a much closer look at the factors that are making homework so difficult. Establish whether similar difficulties are being seen at school. Homework struggles are often symptomatic of general difficulties in attention, processing and learning, and a formal evaluation might be necessary. We also need to take a look at factors that may be competing with homework: Some kids are so tapped out from extracurriculars that they just don’t have any energy left for homework. I find that there’s a tendency to attribute difficulties with homework completion to motivation; I also find that this tendency distracts us from taking a closer look at what’s really getting in the way for a child.
MIDDLE SCHOOL
Jessica Lahey: Middle school is a total setup: We ask kids without a complete frontal lobe to take on more responsibility, including lockers and rotating schedules. We know they can’t do that all perfectly. The expectation is that they will screw up. We — the media, parents and other influencers — make parents feel like the stakes are so high that there is no room for that kind of failure. No. 1: That’s not true. No. 2: Instead of helping your kid [by stepping in when they mess up], you are eradicating the very purpose of a middle school teacher. My job is to walk around and find kids who are flailing and try to help them come up with their own strategies. When the parent dashes in with the forgotten homework, I look at that situation and say that’s too bad. Sure, the child won’t get a zero that day, but so much else is lost. They’re not going to have the opportunity to have the full impact of consequences. When a student feels loved and accepted by a trusted teacher who helps them understand there are consequences, that leads to growth. Now is not the time to rush in and rescue your child. Teachers have three years to prepare them for high school, and the expectation is the kids are going to screw up all over the place. [If parents step back,] teachers are well equipped to help kids.
Believe me: For kids who are in middle to high socioeconomic high schools, there’s no end to the pressure they get to go to college. … It’s important to give kids time to enjoy school and learning before heaping on the pressure about college applications. Kids are going to get this pressure with teachers asking them about gathering fodder for college essays during their freshman and sophomore years. They don’t need pressure from you at home asking about college, too. Instead, ask what they’re loving about school and what they don’t like. Conversations should be about what they are interested in learning about now, instead of how to pad their CV for college applications. Remember: Their college admissions journey is theirs, not yours. You’re the guide: listening, asking the occasional, well-placed, tell-me-more type questions about what they envision after high school. If your child is saying, “No college for me,” listen as they bounce ideas off you about what’s next.
HIGH SCHOOL
College
How much should I step back?
What if my kid doesn’t want to go to college? Jessica Lahey: Not all kids are ready to go to college after high school and not all kids are meant to go to college. … If your kid really wants something else — something that excites them and drives them to learn — your job is to listen to their reasoning.
How much should I hover?
and it doesn’t stop once the kid is in college. So, if your kid is doing fine in college and is living a lifestyle that seems okay, then you have every reason to continue promoting independence. That’s the kid who is saying, “I don’t really need you much anymore, but I’ll let you know if I do.’” If your kid is not doing as well in any realm — social, lifestyle and academic — let them know you’ve noticed and ask them if there is something you can do to help. Acknowledging that we need help often isn’t easy, so the kid may put you off initially. But that doesn’t mean you should drop the issue completely. Just agree to keep an eye on things and come back to it if necessary. If the kid selfcorrects, your observation may have been all that was needed. If self-correction doesn’t occur, raise the issue again and remind your child that help might be useful. Sometimes kids need to struggle for a while before they’ll acknowledge the need for help. Struggling isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Most human growth comes from it. n
Ross Greene: Here’s the deal: Throughout development, the goal is to promote as much independence as possible while making sure that the kid gets the help they need on the things they’re struggling to master. That’s true at very early ages,
When freelance writer and editor (and parent) Nancy Schatz Alton isn’t meeting deadlines, she writes poetry, teaches writing and works on her memoir about her daughter’s learning journey.
parentmap.com • August 2018 • 23
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During a typical day, kids and teens check out YouTube, watch TV, play video games, scroll through social media feeds and listen to music. Overall, they’re passive consumers of the content they love — which is fine. But with a little nudging — and the right tools — they can be using that time to build creative skills while sharing their stories, opinions and ideas.
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Get them excited to create this school year by using tools specifically created to foster their creative talents. For younger kids, encourage them to narrate their activities as they build, climb and pretend by asking questions such as, “What are you building? Who will use it? Tell me about your adventure!” There are also apps that let kids record their stories as they play. With older kids, some will naturally put pencil to paper, but others take a bit more prodding. For those kids, digital book creation can make their writing process feel more grown-up and tangible. Having a real audience also shows kids that their writing can matter, so tweens and teens can use sites and apps where they can share creations, and they can even riff off their obsessions in the form of fan fiction. Get more ideas and suggestions on apps at parentmap.com/creative-kids —Common Sense Media
24 • August 2018 • parentmap.com
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out + about
19 Things to Do Before Summer Ends Ready for the back-to-school madness? Neither are we
By JiaYing Grygiel
I
t seems like those back-to-school ads start sooner and sooner every year. Retailers want you to rev up for fall, but hang on: We still have a few more weeks of freedom. You only get 18 summers with your kids — let’s squeeze in more fun!
1. Catch a $1 family-friendly flick.
3. Set sail for Seafair. Aug. 3–5 Seafair has been a Seattle summer tradition since 1950. This year’s closing weekend lineup includes hydroplane racing, the Blue Angels, wakeboarding, BMX stunt bikes, plus a kids’ zone with inflatables. Tickets are $10–$30, $40 at the door; kids younger than 6 get in for free.
Ahh … air conditioning. There’s nothing like escaping into a movie theater during the dog days of summer. Score $1 tickets to kids’ movies on Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 10 a.m. at participating Regal Cinemas (at Northgate, and in Redmond, Issaquah, Renton, Everett, Poulsbo and Port Orchard). Titles include “Despicable Me 3,” “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked” and “Paddington 2.”
4. Visit new animals.
2. Visit a museum on First Thursday.
’Tis the season for ice cream! If you haven’t tried Salt & Straw yet, stop by for unlimited samples to see what all the fuss is about. Other don’t-miss spots on your tasting tour: Central District Ice Cream Company, Parfait Ice Cream, Cloud Nine Creamery and, of course, Molly Moon’s. A scoop of artisanal ice cream will set you back about $5, making it a cool mini splurge.
Trying to figure out what to do with antsy kids? Problem solved (at least for one day): Take part in First Thursday, when a whole slew of Seattle-area museums open their doors for free. Check out a museum you’ve never been to before, because the price is right. Participating museums include the Seattle Art Museum, the Museum of History & Industry, the Northwest African American Museum and the Flying Heritage & Combat Armor Museum.
Did you hear? Woodland Park Zoo’s former elephant exhibit reopened as the Assam Rhino Reserve, featuring Taj (“Mr. Friendly”) and Glenn (“Mr. Mellow”). These two young males are the zoo’s first rhinos. Also, don’t miss the playful twin sloth bear brothers, who will turn 1 in December.
5. Scream for ice cream.
6. Get fitted for a free bike helmet. Attention, South Sound families: If music and art
projects aren’t enough, then come to the Covington KidsFest for a free bike helmet on Aug. 11 between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. Join the bike rodeo with your properly fitted protective headgear. Other great places for biking: the new loop trail at Washington Park Arboretum and the bike playground in White Center.
7. Book a beach staycation. Is Maui beyond the budget? We’ve got lots of warm sand right here in the Northwest, thank you very much. Seattle summertime staples include Golden Gardens, in Ballard, and Alki, in West Seattle (try renting a double surrey for $35 per hour). Farther afield, check out Seahurst Park in Burien and Jetty Island in Everett (tip: gather a group of eight to reserve a spot on the free Jetty Island ferry).
8. Build a free wooden object. The Home Depot holds free kids’ workshops on the first Saturday of every month from 9 a.m. to noon. The store provides all the supplies — plus pintsize orange aprons — and kids take home a fully completed project. Your budding Bob the Builder can make bookworm bookends on Aug. 4, and a field goal game on Sept. 1. >> parentmap.com • August 2018 • 25
out + about 19 Things to do Before Summer Ends continued from page 25
9. Head out to the ball game. Nothing says summer like the thwack of a ball on a bat. The Seattle Mariners play 81 games at home every season, and the team goes out of its way to make the stadium kid-friendly. There’s a children’s play area, a free kids’ club, a photo op with the Mariners Moose and tons of appetizing food options. Single-game tickets start at $15, with lots of afternoon games to make easy for young families to attend.
10. Geek out in the Amazon Spheres’ indoor gardens.
JIAYING GRYGIEL
Prepare for sensory overload of the best kind when you visit botanical and architectural marvel that is Amazon’s latest addition to Seattle. The two ballshaped greenhouses are filled with lush rain forest
Community Center includes live music, cultural events and lots of activities for active kids. Take part from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Aug. 18.
12. Make it a summer of learning at the library. A free and easy way to prevent “summer slide” is to sign up for the Seattle Public Library’s summer reading club. This year’s theme is nature and the environment, and library branches across the city have lots of fun events about that topic planned. Bonus: The library’s summer reading program comes with a free pass to the Burke Museum.
11. Check out Big Day of Play. Seattle Parks and Recreation throws a big party every year, and you’re invited! The free event at the Rainier
Before the tech invasion, South Lake Union was a neighborhood of warehouses and boatyards. Hop on for a free Sunday boat ride at the Center for Wooden Boats. You’ll tool by all the houseboats, including the one made famous in “Sleepless in Seattle.” Bring your kite and a picnic basket to Gas Works Park, on the north side of Lake Union, and take in the terrific view of the Seattle skyline.
17. Plan a city getaway.
13. Swim outside. The season for outdoor swimming is super short in the Pacific Northwest, and that season is now! Try Colman Pool in West Seattle’s Lincoln Park for saltwater swimming and a corkscrew water slide. To cool your toes in a lake, try Lake Washington at Madison Park, or Green Lake, which has a sandy beach. Both swimming areas are located next to fantastic playgrounds. Don’t forget the city’s free wading pools, too, which are open when the temperature is 70 degrees or above.
14. Get your hike on.
greenery and are designed to be a place for Amazon employees to go and think during the workweek. On select Saturdays, the building opens to the public. Tickets are free, but they must be reserved in advance. Mark your calendar for 30 days before the public Saturday to snag tickets right when they are released.
16. Explore South Lake Union.
In honor of the National Park Service’s 102nd birthday, visit any Washington state park for free on Aug. 25. Enjoy a beautiful day outdoors without buying a Discover Pass.
15. Build your own playground. Adventure playgrounds are popular in Europe, but there are only a few places in the helicopter-parenting, litigious United States where kids are set loose in the woods with hammers and nails. Try out this type of unstructured play at the Adventure Playground on Mercer Island. (For smaller kids, there’s a big, dragonshaped slide at the adjacent playground.)
Is an urban escape more your speed? The great thing about Seattle is that it’s midway between two fantastic urban destinations, Portland to the south and Vancouver, British Columbia, to the north.
18. Play hometown tourist at Seattle Center. The Space Needle recently underwent a huge renovation. Check it out by buying a City Pass for discounted tickets to the Space Needle and four other tourist attractions. Prefer attractions that are free? Keep the kids happy at Seattle Center with the Artists at Play playground, the International Foundation and the Gates Foundation Discovery Center (open Tuesday–Saturday).
19. Don’t forget summer at SAM. Pick any summer Saturday to visit the Seattle Art Museum’s Olympic Sculpture Park and you’ll be rewarded with lots of art activities and fun. Take a tour of the park starting at 1 p.m. There’s also yoga at 9 and 10:30 a.m., and Zumba at 2 p.m. All activities are free. JiaYing Grygiel, a mama of two boys, is also a freelance photographer and writer.
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When They’re Just Really Rude to You How to stay calm when your teen acts out By Laura S. Kastner, Ph.D. The following is an excerpt from the latest edition of “Getting to Calm: Cool-headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens + Teens.” This latest reprint of the invaluable parenting guide offers up-to-date information and research about how to connect with your teen. Learn more about the book at parentmap.com/parentmap-books.
T
he first thing a parent should do about rudeness is determine where it’s coming from. Is it an overarching pattern born of an issue that needs special attention? Or is it a temporary phase — more a symptom of a teen’s awkward, awakening self, showing itself as irritability and impatience? Remember, parents are privy to just a slice of their teen’s behavior; what we see at home isn’t the whole picture. >>
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2. Shape up. Help your child learn their shapes by tracing common
household items. Turn over a cup to make circles, and trace your cell phone for rectangles. Hunting is part of the fun. Kids may want to decorate their shapes, cut them out and glue them on to larger paper for fancy art projects.
3. Get dramatic. Put on a play using puppets, dolls or just yourselves! Use a favorite book, classic tale or make up your own story. Find props and costumes and play dress-up with younger children, or put on longer plays with preschoolers. Just act it out and have fun. Find oodles more ideas at parentmap.com/teacher-fun
28 • August 2018 • parentmap.com
SCHOOLS + PRESCHOOLS
ages+ stages
Asia Pacific Language School Academic Success With A Second Language
When They Are Just Really Rude continued from page 27
Check in with teachers, coaches and friends. Often parents hear from others how polite their teen is. Unless you’re hearing about surliness or flippancy from everyone — including Grandma — you can’t call it a pervasive PRE-K – 12th Grade • CHINESE & JAPANESE behavior. Summer Language Camp • High School Credits • Enrichment Classes • Kindergarten & Pre-K During adolescence, rudeness surfaces for so many reasons and out of so Chinese & Japanese computer applications • Small classes & Learning Groups many sources that it seems an inevitable part of the age and stage. It’s what www.apls.org • 425-641-1703 • 425-747-4172 you’ll get if your teen is having a bad day, if you’ve frustrated them, if you’ve reminded them to do something, if you’re imperfect, if they’re stressed or if you’re just you and they’re tired of it! Since “Don’t you dare talk to me that way!” is ultimately ineffective, what’s 0517_asia_pac_lang_school_1-8h.indd 1 the recourse for rudeness? Most families need a bag of tricks from which to pick and choose.
4/20/17 10:14 A
Here are a few possibilities: • Ignore the rudeness. • Address it directly, without threats or emotional flourishes, in clean language, like “Cut it out.” • Don’t give them what they want, but don’t go on a guilt trip. Simply say something like “I don’t feel inspired to take you to Kate’s when you treat me this way.” Stop there, let them have the last word, but don’t take them to Kate’s!
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• Make a preemptive strike. For example, teens often show off in front of friends by being obnoxious to parents, so say something ahead of time like “Yes, you can have Alex over, but I don’t like it when you show off. Now you’re on notice. Be respectful while he’s here, or Alex will be sent home.” With minor slippage, give a subtle warning, but be ready to follow through. • Explain that their rudeness hurts your feelings with a comment like “Play back the tape of what just happened and see what you think. That was over the line and too mean.” Express yourself in one or two sentences in objective language, again without guilt tripping. Don’t do this often. • Humor and wit can work wonders, if your timing is right. Although it wouldn’t work for everyone, one mom made her point by responding to her daughter’s relentless swiping at her younger sister with a convincing lion growl. Whatever the approach, set your sights on what you need to accomplish. Perhaps, for example, you need to restrict media, set up a homework schedule, separate fighting siblings or simply end an exchange that’s spiraling downward. The important thing is to keep your mind on the goal — without being distracted by rudeness or bad manners. n Laura S. Kastner, Ph.D., is co-author of a number of parenting books and a clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Washington. parentmap.com • August 2018 • 29
someone you should know
Marlo Mack
The Seattle mom on her award-winning podcast How to Be a Girl By Rachael Mitchell Okerlund • Photo by Will Austin
W
hen self-described audiophile Marlo Mack began recording her daughter’s infant coos and toddler tantrums, the last thing she ever imagined was sharing these intimate audio mementos with strangers. But in 2014 — a year after her then 3-year-old told her something was wrong in her tummy that caused her to be born as a boy instead of a girl — their story took an unexpected twist, and the Peabody Award–winning “How to Be a Girl” podcast (as well as the pseudonym Marlo Mack) was born. Now, six years after her transition, Mack’s daughter and podcast coproducer is a confident and thriving fourth-grader with a ton of friends (most of them girls) and a love for Legos and manga films. As for Mack, she’s recently quit her day job in public radio to produce the podcast full-time. The two live in Seattle. Mack talked to ParentMap about the origins and future of “How to Be a Girl,” what cisgender people can do to be better allies and her advice for parents of transgender kids.
What was your goal when you started How to Be a Girl? I think my goal was to just let the world know that we exist. When my daughter first told me who she was back in 2012, there was almost nothing in the media about kids like her. Everything I thought I knew about transgender people was salacious and R-rated or worse. It was terrifying and lonely, and I thought the world was ending. So, I started blogging [at gendermom.com] and podcasting because I wanted people to understand how it can be that such a very young child can know such a big thing about herself, and that her mother might not be crazy to listen to her. I wanted people to hear how “normal” we are, how happy my child is and how hard this is sometimes.
Do you feel you’ve achieved your original goal? The really gratifying thing is that I now get emails almost every week from people who say that the podcast has opened their eyes and hearts to the idea of a transgender child. Some of them have kids who sound like mine. Some are teachers or religious leaders. Some of them are transgender adults who hear echoes of their own childhoods in my daughter’s story. And some are just random strangers with no connection to the issue, but who write to me from Boston or Berlin or Bellingham to tell me they have learned from us and they support us.
What can cisgender people do to be better allies to trans kids? Follow the lead of the child and remember that each child is unique, whether they’re transgender or not. 30 • August 2018 • parentmap.com
Rather than trying to put a child into a particular box, the key is to remember that they are an individual, not a label or a category. Get to know them and let them tell you who they are. Respect and honor what they tell you, using the names and pronouns that they need to hear from you. Also, please remember that these kids are vulnerable, and if we disclose their transgender status to others without their permission, we are not only violating their right to privacy but could actually be putting them in danger.
What advice do you have for parents of trans kids, especially those just coming out? Listen. Our children know who they are. Or they will figure it out, if they are given the time and space to explore. Give your child lots of language and examples for ways to describe themselves and define themselves. Providing options won’t “make them trans,” but it will give them the vocabulary they need to tell you who they are. Imagine knowing that you’re different but having no role models for it and no language to describe it to your own parents! Get support. In this area, we’re phenomenally lucky to have one of the strongest and largest communities of families of transgender kids (genderdiversity.org) in the world. You don’t need to do this alone.
You took a bit of a hiatus from the podcast recently. Now that you’re back at it, what can we expect in the future? My daughter and I are actually moving to a new part of town this summer, and she will be starting fifth grade at a new school. We haven’t decided yet if she will disclose her transgender status to our new neighbors and to her classmates. The move presents her with an opportunity to start fresh, if she likes. She’ll have the option of remaining undisclosed and simply blend in like any other girl. On the other hand, living with a “secret” can be a burden and a source of anxiety for trans kids. What if someone finds out and rejects her? What if they tell all the other kids at school? My daughter and I are grappling with this issue in our conversations at home, and I’ll be documenting this move and transition in upcoming episodes. I also plan to produce episodes about other transgender people who have impacted our lives: Some of them are pretty famous; some of them are dear friends. In addition, I’d like to explore the worlds of transgender boys and nonbinary kids, as well as share the stories of transgender people around the world. The variations are pretty striking, as well as sobering: Some countries are embracing kids like mine, while too many are completely ignoring them. n Rachael Mitchell Okerlund is a witchy, desert-dwelling writer and new mom with an affinity for books, tacos and the moon.
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