Love Endures W
hen Daniel came out about his sexual orientation to his dad the summer before his first year of college, he was kicked out of the house that had been his home for 18 years. “He told me I wasn’t his son.” Daniel is quick to say that he knows his father loves him. He is adamant that — except for this — his dad was a great dad. And that he appreciates how much his dad provided for him. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. When Daniel returned for some of his belongings, things escalated. All of this bewildered him. Daniel still can’t understand how one part of him could change all he had always been in his family. “I was Mr. Everything in high school. Partly because I wanted to be involved but partly because I wanted to make my parents proud. I received good grades; I was captain of the wrestling team; I was a lead in the school musical; I showed cattle in my county fair; I was student body president; I was even prom king. People liked me. Why didn’t he? Why did this have to define who I am to him?” Being around family became a roller coaster. Things would be quiet and then they’d get bad — then worse. Daniel tried to make amends. “If I would try and talk about being gay, there would be issues. If I didn’t mention it, things would be quiet.” Daniel’s brothers, his mom and his grandma were very supportive. “My mom is Wonder Woman; my grandma was just as amazing as my mom.” One conversation with his mom changed the game for Daniel. “She reaffirmed how much she loved me and my sense of worth and importance to her and the family.” Daniel decided he wasn’t going to push any more and that time would help things heal. But then the second heartache appeared. Daniel’s grandma was diagnosed with stage four gallbladder and intestinal
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| Ot t e r be i n To w e r s | Fall 2015
cancer. The doctors said she had three months to live. Daniel’s grandma was everything to him. This news — in the midst of so much pain with his dad — was devastating. The night his grandma died, Daniel and his brother, who also attends Otterbein, drove home from school to their rural town together. “My dad barely looked at me. But I went up to him, hugged him and told him I loved him.” Daniel said it was hard to deal with the grief at the same time — losing his grandma and feeling like his dad was lost to him. There were many nights when the school day was done and he was finally still that he would start to think and then he would cry. Sleep just wouldn’t come. “I miss my grandma all the time and still listen to her old voice mails that I saved. She was a woman of God and lit up any room she was in. She loved helping people. She used to tell me — all the time — she loved me ‘all the way to the sky.’”
“As for my dad, it’s going to take a lot of time. I hold onto the hope that one day, he will accept me for me. In the end if he chooses not to, I am completely content with who I am.” Through it all, Daniel said that the outpouring of love and support he has received from his Otterbein community, as a resident assistant, student leader and fraternity brother, has been amazing. “It is remarkable to see and feel how loved I am here.” Daniel returns that support in many ways including sharing his story with incoming freshmen to help them understand that Otterbein — among all its values — cares about diversity and being an inclusive community and that they aren’t alone here. “My heart goes out to kids who don’t have any support. My dad thinks I’m choosing to be gay. I did not choose to be this way. I firmly believe I was born this way and I finally decided to embrace myself. I’ve been through a lot with my family but it’s made me who I am today.”
“I hold onto the hope that one day, he will accept me for me. I’ve been through a lot with my family but it’s made me who i am today.”