Allergies
Hitting Home
Certain things just make my nose run
By Dale niXon
T
oday, one out of every five people suffers from some form of allergy. People are allergic to everything from dust to peanuts. I have a few allergies myself. But I don’t need to take a skin test or give a sample of blood to know what they are. There are some things you just know. I’m allergic to people who try to talk to me before I’ve had my first cup of coffee in the morning. I’m allergic to women who require no makeup. I’m allergic to people who have no children but tell me how to raise mine. I’m allergic to weather broadcasters who predict snow or snow flurries on the six o’clock news, making me scurry to the nearest grocery store to buy milk and bread. Guys, keep it to yourself until you see the white stuff falling from the sky. I’m allergic to rudeness. It takes only a minute to be polite. It’s the Southern way. It’s the only way. I’m allergic to merchants who display Christmas lights before Halloween. I’m allergic to men who play golf in the rain and then complain about getting wet. I’m allergic to “new” country music. I’m allergic to “new” beach music. I’m allergic to slimy stewed okra, root beer and anchovies. I’m allergic to zircons. A diamond is a girl’s best friend. I’m allergic to anyone who believes wrestling is fake.
The Art & Soul of Greensboro
I’m allergic to garments that read, “Hand wash only.” I’m allergic to men who smell better than I do. I’m allergic to doctors (or nurses, or receptionists) who leave me sitting in a waiting room for more than an hour for an appointment. I’m allergic to teenagers who sleep until noon. I’m allergic to people who are constantly on a diet and repeatedly refuse my dessert. I’m allergic to reruns of Three’s Company. It was bad enough the first time around. I’m allergic to Perrier, gourmet popcorn and pâté. Let’s face it: No matter how you say it, water is water, popcorn is popcorn and liver is liver. I’m allergic to MTV, Hoarders, Toddlers and Tiaras and The Bachelor. I’m allergic to the young ladies vying for the hand of The Bachelor. I’m allergic to Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Jersey Shore’s Snooki and the Kardashian sisters — Kim, Khloe and Kourtney. Who cares? I’m especially allergic to the mother of the Kardashian sisters — Kris. Who cares? As I told you, I don’t need to take a skin test or give a sample of blood to know what my allergies are. Just writing this column has made me reach for a tissue to dab at my runny nose. I would go to a doctor for treatment, but . . . see item about being allergic to waiting rooms. There are some things you just know and some things you just have to stay away from. OH Columnist Dale Nixon resides in Concord. You may contact her by email at dalenixon@carolina.rr.com. April/May 2012
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