After Loss: Coping with Sentimental Attachments BY GARY JOSEPH LEBLANC
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n unbreakable bond is forged during the years spent caring for a loved one who is seriously ill. Sadly, things will finally come to an end. That’s life. And death. Ultimately the time will come when you must sit yourself down in what was once a familiar house that now feels as if someone or something literally sucked the life right out of it. If your loved one had hospice care involved, weren’t you shocked by how quickly they removed their equipment? I sure was! The very next morning after my dad’s passing, a large hospice truck arrived, two large men got out and, in no time, loaded up whatever equipment was theirs. Then silence! It was eerie the way the spot where his bed once sat seemed to permeate emptiness throughout the whole house. The first thing I did once reality set in was to start working on the
interior of my house. Changes that I had been wanting to make for years were now possible. Before, my hands had been tied as I knew that change would upset my father’s routine. Not only did I feel the house become a home again, I found all of this activity and change to be very therapeutic. Happily, working on the house occupied my mind and left me with the feeling I had accomplished something.
Going through your loved one’s belongings is a difficult task. Try to stay strong. You know what your loved one would wish for you to do.
Somehow his clothes were the hardest part. A good six months had gone by before I finally called my sister and asked if she would come by and empty Dad’s closet and donate his clothing to wherever she felt best. It wasn’t as if I didn’t need the space. I did! And it
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had nothing to do with the fact that my father had died in that room. I never experienced any ill or odd feeling because of that. In fact, I found it to be the complete opposite! I was grateful that my father got to spend his last living days in the comfort of his familiar surroundings. The truth is that I had suddenly developed a sentimental attachment to his belongings. I’m not a hoarder, but I had an urge not to throw anything of his away. If you are left with a whole second house full of possessions, you may want to consider having a professional liquidator come in and help you. The trick is finding a reputable one. Spend the extra time to
thoroughly go through their references. If you find yourself being overcome with depression from being surrounded by the memories, it definitely may be healthier to have someone with you and not go about this project alone. Going through your loved one’s belongings is a difficult task. Try to stay strong. You know what your loved one would wish for you to do. Gary Joseph LeBlanc, is author of the books “Staying Afloat in a Sea of Forgetfulness” and Managing “Alzheimer’s & Dementia Behavior,” and co-author of “While I Still Can.” LeBlanc is also the founder of the Alzheimer’s/Dementia Hospital Wristband Project.