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ohn Legend sang about it. Brown Sugar illustrated it. You might have lived it. The novel idea that friends make the best romantic partners never loses its allure in part due to the nature of human interaction and what stands to be gained versus what stands to be lost.
Picture yourself sitting in Vegas at the Blackjack table with a high chip count that you have been working all night to build. You’ve been hot; making great decisions—strategically hitting and staying to win hands. As the night draws to a close though, the opportunity arises to double your money, so you get ready to hit it big. I mean, it makes sense to stay and play; you’ve invested time and valuable experience to learn the environment, tendencies, and had the chance to get comfortable. The dealer deals the first card—a 9. You hit—a 7, giving you 16. What do you do now? On the one hand, you could play it safe, staying at 16 with a high probability of not gaining any more money and hoping you don’t regret it, but on the other hand, there is a lot to be gained and enjoyed if you hit and end up with a winning hand of 19, 20, or 21 doubling your earnings for the night. This situation greatly mirrors that of friends who desire more— friends who mill over the pros and cons of taking the step to cross the line. It has always been my personal philosophy that good friends make the best romantic partners and vice versa. The question is which scenario works best for you. YES! It is possible to find someone where romantic interest precedes an actual friendship, but when the cornerstone of romantic endeavors is already present with physical attraction (because let’s be honest, 99% of us are shallow too) where’s the hesitation?! That you might be perfect for one another? True friends possess a comprehensive understanding of one another. They have experienced each other’s experiences because they have been there for one another. They know what preferences exist, the mistakes of the exes, and most
importantly, how to make their friend happy. It’s like they have the cheat sheet that the exes wish they had to keep the relationship afloat. I realize that you might be thinking, “JGQ, what if it doesn’t work out, and then we can’t be friends anymore?!” And I don’t mean to downplay the common risk of losing the specific dynamic of the friendship, and not being able to “go back”. At the same time, though, we are adults, and as adults we understand that even when probability leans in your favor, sometimes things don’t work out. I have never truly understood the “going back” argument because provided that no malicious acts are performed (i.e. cheating, abuse, etc.), If the genuine friendship is that important to both parties involved, maturity and the common goal of remaining friends should prevail. But that’s if we’re looking at the situation negatively. On the brighter side, your soul mate may have been in your life for years, except you’ve hidden them in the shade. Adjust your light, and shine it on the opportunity for something more with a familiar face.
-Josh McDonald www.JustGQ.com
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