RELATIONSHIPS life after five
Whether it’s the lure of a big city lifestyle,
the commitment of a relationship or the demands of a career, relocating to a new city is an intimidating task. While some welcome the fresh start more than others, nearly everyone grapples with the same challenge—how do you build a new life in a new city with few familiar faces and places? First things first: what will you do there? If you aren’t relocating with a job, you’ll want to start your search before you arrive. The internet makes job searching more convenient than ever, but the long distance does have its drawbacks. Set an arrival date and state it in your cover letters, but have a transition plan in place as well. Working with your current company or contacts through location transfer or finding freelance or contract gigs can buy you time to find the right job. “We always tried to find a way to continue what we were doing,” says 37-year-old Melissa Conner who has moved four times since college with her now-husband. “The only time I didn’t have a job lined up was when we moved to Sacramento [after stints in DC and Los Angeles]. I started sending out resumes before I moved, but the best resource was working with friends.” It took about three months of searching after the move, but she landed a paid internship through a local contact, where she made the connections that led to her current position. Finding that local network can be a challenge in
itself, but the effort is well worth it. The benefits of friendship are tangible, reach far beyond warm fuzzy feelings and can ease the rest of your transition. Author Rachel Bertsche chronicled her own oneyear quest for friends in her book MWF Seeking BFF. “The actual health benefits of friendship are so striking,” says Bertsche, “Everything you can think of is improved by being socially integrated: sleep, immune system, longevity, brainpower.” Meeting people through other friends is often the most successful method, since you’re more likely to have something in common. Start before you move by asking your current network to connect you with anyone they may know in your new city. Once you get settled, look for similar groups or activities to those you participated in back home. The key is to create a routine. While researching for his book Social Animal, David Brooks found that joining a group that meets monthly can boost your happiness roughly the same amount as if you doubled your income. After relocating to Houston from California last year for work, Elizabeth Simas used that same logic by signing up for adult sports leagues upon her arrival—something she had success with back in California—and connecting with her sorority’s young alumni group. But it doesn’t always mean you’ll meet your new best friend. “I’ve learned that friending is much like dating: you don’t hit it off with everyone you meet.”
SUMMER 2012 | mintedmag.com
85