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02.10.10-02.16.10

THE BOHEMIAN

Performances

.. .. .. .. .. ..

Enrich. Educate. Entertain.

Your Community Non-Profit Arts Center for 28 years

General Member’s on-sale now! General Public on-sale Friday at noon

General Member’s on-sale now! General Public on-sale Friday at noon

For tickets call 707.546.3600 (noon-6pm Tue-Sat) Online wellsfargocenterarts.org Highway 101 to River Road, Santa Rosa • Connecting our Community through the Arts Wells Fargo Center for the Arts gratefully acknowledges generous support from

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02.10.10-02.16.10

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THE BOHEMIAN

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The Wells Fargo Center for the Performing Arts blew it (â&#x20AC;&#x153;Allâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Not Well at Wells,â&#x20AC;? Feb. 3). Letting Rick Batalini go was a self-destructive move. Rick brought the entertainers to Santa Rosa, and his personality sold out their shows. My husband and I traveled to San Francisco, Oakland, San Jose, Mountain View, Concord and finally were able to stay in our own backyard to hear amazing concerts! Why on earth would Wells Fargo send Rick walking and destroy a much-needed venue and a valuable connection for this small community? If Wells Fargo Center has a clue they will beg him to return, apologize to the community and give him a raise!

At long last the Supreme Court has made a decision that real Americans can get solidly behind and ended second-class citizenship for longoppressed corporations. Restricted for decades, their freedom of speech curtailed and stif led, corporations could only spend limited amounts on election campaigns, a disgraceful defiling of their First Amendment rights. Not since their greatest hourâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;preventing Al Gore from becoming presidentâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;has the court so triumphed in the cause of free-market democracy. Finally corporations, their tiny voices choked by the campaign-financereform fanatics, can be heard throughout the land. Their long-overdue full personhood has been established, and they are now free to speak their minds and support with their heard-earned fortunes the righteous and deserving.

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Bite on that, liberal Democratic (redundant?) surrender-monkeys. Only trouble is that the court didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t go far enough. Everyone knows corporations are persons and deserving of individual rightsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;so why canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t they vote, run for office or get married if they want? Why are corporations left out in the cold, excluded from the warm inner sanctum of full citizenship? This was a glaring oversight in jurisprudence, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s only a matter of time. Rejoice, fellow real Americans, and imagine the incredible mess weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be in now if Gore had become president. One shudders to think. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d all be forced to marry trees and put clothing on animals.

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This incessant rain is getting too many of us down. Could one of you birthers please write a letter to the Bohemian claiming that President Obama wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t born in the USA and is a Muslim? Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been too long, and laughter, after all, is the best medicine. It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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06

02.10.10-02.16.10

THE BOHEMIAN



news for Sonoma, Marin & Napa Counties

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Official Newspaper of Henrietta Lacksâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Immortal Cellsâ&#x20AC;?

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;0=3>5B>AA>F The California Public Employeesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Retirement System has invested in such prohibited places as Sudan, banned for its treatment of the Darfur people.

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CalPERS bucks the state Legislature by profiting off Iran and Sudan By Dave Maass

8

n defiance of state laws, Californiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s public-employee pension fund has tens of millions of dollars invested in companies whose operations support the governments of Sudan and Iran. In 2006, the California Legislature passed a law banning the California Public Employeesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Retirement System (CalPERS) from investing in companies, particularly those in the energy industry, that collaborate with and fund the Sudanese government, which is accused of perpetrating an ongoing genocide of the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa peoples of the Darfur region. In 2007, the Legislature prohibited CalPERS from investments in companies conducting business with Iran, citing the countryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s alleged sponsorship of terrorism and its nuclear ambitions.

The laws also lay out procedures for negotiating with these corporations to improve their humanitarian efforts. CalPERS, which holds $200 billion in global assets, is required to divest all of its holdings in corporations that refuse to respond. At least one corporation in CalPERSâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; portfolio, China Petroleum & Chemical Corporation, is restricted by both laws. Also known as Sinopec Corp., the company is a publicly traded subsidiary of the Chinesegovernment-owned Sinopec Group, one of the largest oilfield-services providers in Sudan. Sinopec Corp. also holds energy exploration contracts in Iran and is applying for further engineering work. CalPERS holds 620,000 shares in Sinopec Corp. stock, worth an estimated $49 million. Prior to the Sudan legislationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s passage, CalPERS issued a policy statement barring

investment in nine Sudan-linked corporations. Sinopec was the second on the list. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There is no place for these companies in our investment portfolio until the atrocities and human-rights violations end,â&#x20AC;? CalPERS board of administration president Rob Feckner said in a press statement in May 2006. At the time, CalPERS wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t invested in any of those corporations. Now California has more money tied to Sudan and Iran than it did before the legislation was enacted to curtail these investments. CalPERS began buying stock in Sinopec in the summer of 2007 and currently holds shares in two other companies on the initial list: Bharat Heavy Electricals Ltd., an Indian corporation, and Petrochina Co., through its subsidiary CNPC Hong Kong, which also operates in Iran. Asked why these corporations now have a place in CalPERSâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; portfolio, %-

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THE BOHEMIAN

02.10.10-02.16.10

07

Fine Dining For Wild Birds

71 Brookwood Ave., Santa Rosa 707.576.0861 Mon-Sat 10am-6pm, Sun 11am-4pm â&#x20AC;˘ www.wbu.com

Birdseed . Feeders . Birdbaths . Optics . Nature Gifts . Books

                

 

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08

02.10.10-02.16.10

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Feckner deferred to CalPERSâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; spokesperson Brad Pacheco. When the legislation passed without an indemnification provision protecting CalPERS from financial loss, Pacheco says, the policy â&#x20AC;&#x153;statement was essentially a moot point.â&#x20AC;? Los Angeles city councilmember Paul Koretz, who sponsored the Sudandivestment initiative while in the state assembly, calls CalPERSâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; recent investments â&#x20AC;&#x153;absolutely outrageous.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no question that Sinopec is definitely a bad actor,â&#x20AC;? Koretz says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was identified as a bad actor back in 2006.â&#x20AC;? Each year, CalPERS must send the Legislature comprehensive reports on its holdings in companies covered by the Sudan and Iran divestment laws. In its Dec. 31, 2009, report, CalPERS relied on information from the investment analysis firm RiskMetrics Group to declare Sinopec a â&#x20AC;&#x153;newly identifiedâ&#x20AC;? holding. This contradicts a RiskMetrics subsidiaryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 2004 finding that Sinopec is complicit with the Sudanese government, in addition to CalPERSâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; 2006 policy statement and the fact it has been a shareholder for more than two years. In its report, CalPERS listed which holdings met the lawsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; criteria but did not disclose the amounts. The pension board also omitted mention of a policy it passed in February 2009 banning divestment across the board in response to legislative initiatives. Instead, CalPERS told the Legislature that the board had decided only to not liquidate its holdings â&#x20AC;&#x153;at that stage.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m shocked that CalPERS adopted a policy prohibiting divestment when the state passed laws that direct otherwise,â&#x20AC;? Koretz says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;They should absolutely get their act together and go after this company, which is one of the clear violators propping up the Sudan governmentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s genocide.â&#x20AC;? Koretz is a Democrat, but divestment is an issue embraced by both parties. His bill, AB 2941, passed with more than three-quarters of the legislators in both the assembly and the senate voting yes and was a subject of the 2007 documentary Darfur Now. The Iran divestment law, AB 221, the first legislation of its kind, passed unanimously in both houses. Assemblyman Joel Anderson, a Republican representing El Cajon, sponsored AB 221 as a freshman in the Legislature. Last summer, Anderson and 19 other legislators wrote to CalPERS demanding an update on its implementation of the act. Anderson says the Assembly Committee on Public Employees, Retirement and Social Security will hold a hearing on the matter on Feb. 24. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I believe they have a lot to disclose,â&#x20AC;? Anderson says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What many of my colleagues and I are concerned about is this general nose-thumbing theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re giving to everybody in the world. They feel theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re above the law, and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m eager to have them come into committee and go on the record.â&#x20AC;? CalPERS invokes clauses that allow it to withhold action if it believes selling the stock would undermine its â&#x20AC;&#x153;fiduciary duty,â&#x20AC;? its responsibility to make the best possible investment decisions for the pension fundâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s beneficiaries. Anderson counters that CalPERS can find other investments with similar returns. Plus, he says, investing in Iran puts the pension fund at risk. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There are alternatives we can participate

in so we have balance in our portfolio and, at the same time, obey the law,â&#x20AC;? Anderson says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;If Obama gets tough on [Iran], they may have to confiscate those assets. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not prepared to explain to my constituents that I thought it was a good idea to invest in the Islamic Republic of Iran with their pensions.â&#x20AC;? CalPERS complies with portions of the laws that require the fund to engage these corporations in negotiations. This often takes the form of letters to executive officers. Currently, CalPERS is communicating with 24 companies doing business in Iran and 11 working in Sudan, many of which overlap. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s about to begin engagements with five more companies, including Sinopec and Bharat. CalPERS argues that divestment is ineffective since severing ties also means abandoning its leverage. Pacheco said CalPERS purchased $3.7 million worth of shares in Bharat in order to form a connection that would allow for engagement. But CalPERS isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t considered a leader in this area, compared with the California State Teachersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Retirement System (CalSTRS), which is subject to the same divestment laws. CalSTRS is a founding member of the Conflict Risk Network (CRN), a pool of investors that use a combined $700 billion in managed assets to pressure companies tied to Sudan. CalPERS is not a member. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve always believed divestment is the prerogative of every investor, but we believe engagement can be effective,â&#x20AC;? CRN director Melany Grout says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think divestment was built in to be teeth in some of the legislation. And in some of our engagement work, there were instances where the threat of divestment brought some companies to the table.â&#x20AC;? Since 2008, CalSTRS has not held shares of Sinopec, which it acknowledges is prohibited by both state laws. According to CRN, Sinopec has been unresponsive since the very beginning. A recent move in the private-pension industry confirms Sinopecâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s unwillingness to respond to humanitarian crises. In March 2009, the $402 billion TIAA-Cref pension fund threatened to pull its investments from Sudan-linked corporations if they refused to â&#x20AC;&#x153;acknowledge the genocide and engage in a productive dialogue about how to confront it.â&#x20AC;? As of Dec. 31, TIAA-Cref had unloaded $60 million in holdings in four corporations, including Sinopec, citing â&#x20AC;&#x153;insufficient progress.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;The more we shine a light on this, the more ridiculous [CalPERS] policy looks,â&#x20AC;? Anderson says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You walk down the street, and this is one of the issues that everyone gets.â&#x20AC;? Using investments to influence social change has been part of California pension policy since 1985, when the state passed a law banning investments in South Africa. The restrictions were lifted in 1994 following the end of apartheid. In 2000, CalPERS voluntarily sold its investments in tobacco companies, and current law requires the state pension funds to monitor companies in Northern Ireland for workplace discrimination and to report on companies accused of slave labor during World War II. Currently, a proPalestinian activist is collecting signatures to put an initiative on the ballot requiring CalPERS and CalSTRS to drop investments linked to Israel. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Divestiture is a peaceful means to a political end,â&#x20AC;? says Chris Yatooma, the IraqiAmerican behind the ballot proposal. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It worked in South Africa, and it raised consciousness around the world.â&#x20AC;?

<=2; :60

B^]^\P2^a^]P In full-bodied shout-out for what Sonoma Countyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s done right

By Michael â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Bugâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Deakin

1

e proud, Sonoma County! You, the resident voters of this county, have just helped add an emerald gem in the string of crown jewels that make up the green corona of Sonoma. Sonoma Land Trust has acquired the Jenner Headlands. These 5,630 acres of spectacular coastal property embrace the Pacific Ocean just north of the Russian River. Included are 1,500 acres of coastal prairie, 3,100 acres of redwood and Douglas fir forest and three spawning streams for steelhead trout. The area is a haven for rare species, including northern spotted owls and California red-legged frogs. Peregrine falcons, hawks and ospreys ride the wind over the prairie, and mountain lions, cougars, coyotes and badgers call this piece of earthly delight home. There are more than eight miles of pristine streams gurgling through the Russian and Jenner gulches. I spent a Sunday with Brook Edwards, project manager for Jenner Headlands, touring this dramatic property and identifying the reusable materials to be gleaned from the first round of cleanup. Heritage Salvage wants to help the agency prepare the property for public access. I talked story with our environmentalist champion, Bill Kortum, on my Monday morning â&#x20AC;&#x153;Green Sceneâ&#x20AC;? KRSH 95.9-FM segment. Bill has held positions as county supervisor, chairman of California Coastal Alliance and founder of Sonoma County Conservation Action, to name a few. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Expressing the votersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; green mandate,â&#x20AC;? he said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;the Sonoma County electorate has used the ballot box to protect its coast, take control of land use in our community separators, establish voter control over urban growth boundaries around most of the cities, fund SMART rail, express concern for agriculture and our beautiful scenery by creating and twice financing the Open Space District, and establish the scenic corridor and its rules below Petaluma. Sonoma County is receiving growing statewide recognition for what the votersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; green mandate has accomplished.â&#x20AC;? In the early â&#x20AC;&#x2122;70s, I was fortunate enough to spend some rambling afternoons and evenings with Chief Dan George. As the chief shared with me the wisdom of his First Nation Peoplesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what we call our indigenous people in my native Canadaâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;there was a common thread among his teachings. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We did not inherit this land from our ancestors,â&#x20AC;? he reminded. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We are caretaking it for our children.â&#x20AC;?

Well, Sonoma County, we have voted for that very sentiment, and so far, the county supervisors have been diligent in carrying out our wishes, our green legacy, if you will. We do have a sticky wicket in Petaluma, where the voters chose to designate a scenic corridor along Highway 101 the entrance to Sonoma County. Now there has been a thrash of wrangling and posturing to put Dutraâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s asphalt plant in that protected scenic corridor. That would take five zoning changes, and even though we voted by a supermajorityâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;more than two-thirdsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;to protect that corridor, the supervisors are still considering it. The asphalt plantâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s EIR says that we already have three times more asphalt production than is needed in Sonoma County. Kortum states that, in essence, the only jobs it would generate would be those taken away from the other asphalt companies already present. Santa Rosa and Petaluma voters can repeat their voter mandate in 2010 when urban growth boundaries will be on the ballot for renewal. Let us keep Sonoma County on the map as the greenest, largest open space, best-protected habitat and most careful growth area of this nation. And maybe, just maybe, we can figure out how to make jobs while we caretake these jewels in our midst. As the economic stimulus funds make their way around the nation, while CEOs still wheedle golden parachutes from companies that we taxpayers bought, and with state parks closing because the government has difficulty running their company, maybe we can figure out how to make those gems in our midst pay for themselves. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m working on it. Any suggestions? Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your open space! To inquire or be updated regarding guided hikes to the headlands, email jennerheadlands@sonomalandtrust.org. To support the ongoing maintenance, please visit the Land Trust website at www.sonomalandtrust. org or call 707.526.6930, ext. 108. To learn more about the Dutra project, go to www.saveschollenbergerpark.com.

Maybe we can figure out how to make jobs while we caretake these jewels in our midst.

Lowest Price in Town!

Brazilian Waxing 35

Michael â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Bugâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Deakin is the proprietor of Heritage Salvage, purveyor of patinaed treasures, promoter of environmental and social justice, and a practitioner of sustainable enthusiasm. www.heritagesalvage.com.

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Open Mic is a weekly feature in the Bohemian. We welcome your contribution. To have your topical essay of 700 words considered for publication, write openmic@bohemian.com.

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Numina Center for Spirituality & the Arts

FWPcF^d[S 0Tb^_3^.

2010 Special Events

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Unlisted Creatures,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; the further adventures of Sally Smart, cub reporter

Event Details, Times & Tickets:

www.numinacenter.org By Juliane Poirier

FEBRUARY 27 & 28 The Soulâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Flame:

Âş

A Musical Journey from Danteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Divine Comedy Art Lecture & Concert with Kayleen Asbo, Shira Kammen, Devi Mathieu, Anita Barrows, Michelle Levy, Vox Flora & Vox Terra ./4%THIN3ANTA2OSAsTHIN!LBANY

APRIL 2 Good Friday Concert: Stabat Mater, D.383 by Schubert Carol Menke, Kevin Baum Tom Hart, The St. Cecilia Choir & Cantiamo Sonoma with the Incarnation Orchestra Guest Conductor: Nick Xenelis

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Animals disappear every minute. We need a big story, a real heart-thumper.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;

JUNE 20, JULY 18 & AUGUST 15 Summer Chamber Concerts Sunday Afternoons w/Carol Menke & Friends

JULY 30 The Hidden Gospel: Hearing Jesus With Aramaic Ears Dr. Neil Douglas-Klotz

2010 Ongoing Events MONDAY EVENINGS Through the Ear to the Heart Sing the Music of Hildegard von Bingen as Contemplative Practice NOTE: See web site for meeting dates.

TAIZE CARITAS FOURTH FRIDAYS Slideshow & Lecture with Kayleen Asbo followed by a Candlelit Service of Taize Chant & Healing

FEBRUARY 26 Contemplating Love & Death: Rodinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Gates of Hell MARCH 26 The Annunciation in Art & Poetry

Numina Center at the Episcopal Church of the Incarnation 550 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa

707.324.6021 10

02.10.10-02.16.10

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B

ally! Will you come in here for a second?â&#x20AC;? Sally Smart gave a startled twitch and looked up from her keyboard. Her hot-headed boss stood in his doorway, arms crossed and frowning. Bill Boiled, editor of The Weekly Planet newspaper, was never a cheerful guy. He honored the notion that editors must speak in gravelly voices and act very grave, as they did in last-century comic books and in old paperback novels about mysterious crimes. Nobody messed with Boiled. Years ago when a flippant cub reporter laughingly told Bill to lighten up, the news room had gone silent; the culprit was called into the editorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s office for a meeting with the door closed. The more experienced reporters had gleefully told Sally this tale, knowing sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d blanche when they told her the kid never came back to work. Getting called into Billâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s office was a terrifying thing, Sally knew. She stood and pushed her chair under the desk, wiping sweaty palms into the chair upholstery. A few other cubicle inhabitants gave her sympathetic looks as she passed from the newsroom into the office. The door closed behind her. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Yes, Mr. Boiled?â&#x20AC;? Sally tried to act composed. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sit down,â&#x20AC;? he ordered, waving a hand at the only free chair. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And quit calling me Mr. Boiled. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve worked here longer than a month, my name is Bill.â&#x20AC;? Sally sat. The bossâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s office was a shrine to the pastâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;a battered Nikon camera rested on a black Royal typewriter with a five-and-a-half-inch floppy disk stuck among the keys. In the hatband of a gray fedora was tucked a sheet of notes, the kind reporters used to take in small notebooks. Sally expected to see a trenchcoat, and was not disappointed; she spied one hanging on a coat rack with a tattered copy of Captain Marvel sticking out of the pocket. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sally, what the hell is this?â&#x20AC;? Bill pointed at his computer screen where her trip to the Southwest borderlands was outlined on a travel request form. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Who the hell is out in the

desert and what are you digging for out there when you should be covering the green beat?â&#x20AC;? Sally twisted a strand of blond hair as she spoke. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh, Mr. Boiledâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;I mean Bill. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not a person. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s two species. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going to investigate the white-sided jackrabbit and the Sonoran desert tortoise. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re endangered and need federal protection.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sally, this is marginal news,â&#x20AC;? Bill said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Animals disappear every minute. We need a big story, a real heart-thumper.â&#x20AC;? Sallyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s face paled. She drew herself up in her chair, unable to stop herself. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Mr. Boiled,â&#x20AC;? she said, voice quavering, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I mean, Bill. This is a big story. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s . . .â&#x20AC;? She glanced at the rolled copy of Captain Marvel. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a planned affront to justice, a crime about to happen!â&#x20AC;? Boiled sat up straight. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Did you say â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;crimeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;?â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Yes,â&#x20AC;? Sally said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Animals donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to disappear forever. Over 99 percent of all species ever listed under the Environmental Species Act are still here. So if we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t list them, we may be guilty of condemning them to certain death. Did you know that people are prejudiced against ugly animals, and the only way anything gets listed anymore is if it gets a nominal make-over or gets smuggled in with a good-looking animal?â&#x20AC;? Sallyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s voice rose. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the Bambi syndrome. But itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a hard, cold fact, Mr.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;uh, Bill. My article might inspire the Fish and Wildlife Service to list and save the tortoise and the hare, which might lead to saving the less attractive but just as valuable species who share the borderlands.â&#x20AC;? Sally was so worked up her face was red. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Boss, I know I must write this story because I asked myself, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;What would Aesop do?â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? She took a calming breath and looked him in the eye, knowing her job was on the line. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Now,â&#x20AC;? Sally said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I am asking you, Bill: What would Captain Marvel do?â&#x20AC;? The editor of the Weekly Planet looked away from her and gestured toward the door. In his gruffest voice, Bill Boiled said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Go on. I want the copy on my desktop Monday morning.â&#x20AC;?



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;Tcžb6Tc8c>]cWTBc^eT Can food really replace sex? By Rose McMackin

4

ven if Western medicine has discredited almonds and rhinoceros horn as possessing no more aphrodisiac potency than a placebo, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s little doubt that food has a tremendous impact on the way we approach sex. The sensual textures of avocado or mango speak for themselves, and a perfect wine is more of a love potion than anything an apothecary ever cooked up. The choice of restaurant can even determine the future success of a date. My friend Joanna once told me, â&#x20AC;&#x153;No one ever says, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;We went out for bean burritos and then went home to have the best sex of our lives.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? Anyone whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s read one of Anthony Bourdainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s racy kitchen memoirs or lusted over a sinfully delicious slice of chocolate cake knows that the line dividing sexual enjoyment from the delights of taste is already very thin. After all, Eveâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s original sin was an act of food, not sex. But what if, rather than merely being a precursor to the act, food is becoming the act itself ? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe in sublimation,â&#x20AC;? declares former New York Times food critic Gael Greene. â&#x20AC;&#x153;In 18,783 meals as a restaurant critic, give or take two or 300, I have never eaten anything that was better than good sex. I read other critics insisting some extraordinary hand-churned chocolate ice cream is â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;better than sex.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; I wonder if their sex is that perfunctory.â&#x20AC;? A. V. Flox, editor of the internet site â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sex and

the 405,â&#x20AC;? blames the recession for a rampant sexual repression that eventually turned her into a foodie. It wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t long after the market dropped that she opted for a divorce and started cooking. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Everything is carefully inspected, selected, purchased, put away, then taken out, washed, cut up, mixed, put to the flame . . . Sex to a lot of us has lost its focus on the details. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lost its sensuality. The kitchen brings that careful attention to the senses right back. It resurrects eroticism,â&#x20AC;? she writes. Food-preparation classes are reintroducing a new generation to primal hunting and gathering skills that have been collectively forgotten. If preceding generations considered it a luxury to be able to pay someone else to prepare their food for eating, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s suddenly a luxury to be able to bake oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own bread and grow oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own tomatoes in an ironic twist of food fate. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I love that earthy old-school arts like butchery are becoming fetishized in the food world,â&#x20AC;? says â&#x20AC;&#x153;Biteclubâ&#x20AC;? food blogger Heather Irwin. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Becoming that intimate with your meat is such a visceral experience. Touching, squeezing and feeling meat and bone, watching fat and muscle peel away like butter with a razor-sharp knife, then cooking and eating the animal is so primal.â&#x20AC;? So if food and the act of tenderly preparing and eating it are the new sex, then cooking shows are the new porn, chefs the new porn stars. With decadent close-ups, â&#x20AC;&#x153;food pornâ&#x20AC;? tempts viewers to reach into the image for a bite. And much like the feats of performance in pornography, which

the average person would not attempt, food porn usually features exotic ingredients and complex recipes. â&#x20AC;&#x153;People talk about the objectification of womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bodies, or what I consider to be the objectification of sex itself, in porn, and you see that with food,â&#x20AC;? says Michele Anna Jordan, cookbook author and food columnist who firmly believes that the pleasures of the table and the pleasures of the bed are inextricably linked. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Especially in shows like Iron Chef and Chef Smackdown, where youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re watching it, sitting in your home and thinking, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Other people can do it better than I can.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s passivity and indulgence. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s food as passive entertainment rather than food as one portion of daily life. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s less about enjoying food together with the people we loveâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;maybe one, maybe moreâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;in the home everyday.â&#x20AC;? Perhaps Americans are bored with sex and are merely ready for another way to get in touch with their sensual side. In the wake of the sexual revolution, people are more concerned with risks like HIV and the taboos surrounding sexuality. If the gratifications of the kitchen exceed those of the bedroom, why not simply run with it? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I am willing to believe that sex may not be all that powerful or even accessible for everyone,â&#x20AC;? Greene says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And in that case, anyone who thinks melting chocolate cake is better than bad sex or no sex, I say, go for it. I definitely believe in pursuing pleasure.â&#x20AC;? THE BOHEMIAN

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THE BOHEMIAN

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A Romantic Italian Evening for your Valentine LoCocoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s is everything an Italian restaurant should beâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;boisterous, busy, fun, with excellent authentic food of the best quality. Fresh seafood, meats and pasta. Service is friendly and fast. Try the pappardelle with wild boar sausage and forest mushrooms; or the veal chop valdostana with fontina and prosciutto. Chicken under a brick is the best anywhere, including Italy. All desserts homemade. â&#x20AC;&#x153;4 star cannoliâ&#x20AC;? - Jeff Cox, Press Democrat

Voted Best Italian Restaurant of the North Bay

â&#x20AC;&#x201D;North Bay Bohemian

Tues-Fri 11:30-2:30, Tues-Sun 5-10pm, closed Mondays 117 4th Street | Santa Rosa | 707.523.2227

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THE BOHEMIAN



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50C>;8E4B oing good for others just got tastier, as Sausalitoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bastion of linecaught fresh wild seafood, Fish Restaurant, hosts a Fat Tuesday beneďŹ t dinner for Haiti relief, Doctors Without Borders and area ďŹ sherman who practice sustainable practices. Set right on a working harbor in the less glamorous northern stretches of Sausalito, Fish is acclaimed both for the quality of the food it serves and the efforts it makes to ensure that the oceans continue to provide a bounty. They ďŹ rst started beneďŹ t dinners in order to help the people of New Orleans after the Katrina disaster.

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This year honors the Big Easy with zydeco music and Creole dishes, but is focused on helping those in Hispaniola. Over the past four years, the restaurant has raised some $50,000 and in addition to beneďŹ tting Katrina victims, has given to the local salmon ďŹ&#x201A;eet, to the SalmonAid nonproďŹ t and to area crabbers following the Cosco Busan oil spill. Auction items will abound and dancing is encouraged on Tuesday, Feb. 16, from 6pm to 9pm at Fish Restaurant, 350 Harbor Drive, Sausalito. $99. 408.416.8880. In Sebastopol, GTOâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Seafood House also celebrates Fat Tuesday with Creole food, the Canal Street Jazz Band, a costume contest and the King Cake for a mere $5 cover. Happy hour with specialty drinks begins at 4:30pm and the music, at 6pm. 234 S. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.824.9922. The enamored can show olive their love at Jacuzzi Family Vineyards Feb. 13â&#x20AC;&#x201C;14 as the winery hosts Olea europaea expert Don Landis and lots of home curers in a two-day celebration of oil from the Olive Press and UC Davis pomology professor Louise Ferguson stands by ready to answer growing, pruning and processing questions. On Saturday, radio host Gene Burns will broadcast live from the event and Dr. Judith Taylor will discuss her new book The Olive in California: History of an Immigrant Tree. The weekend is free and events run 10am to 4pm. 24724 Arnold Drive, Sonoma. 707.931.7551. Olive celebrations pair up with wine and food at Vinolivo, an evening of good eats and great drinks on Feb. 12 at the the Lodge at Sonoma. Boutique and larger wineries pour while all manner of Sonoma Valley restaurants serve at this walk-around event that focuses on olives and oils, ports, sparkling wines and yes, pommes frites. General admission ticket sales close on Feb. 11 at 10pm and only a few tickets will be available at the door. 1325 Broadway (at Leveroni), Sonoma. 7pm to 10pm. $65. 707.935.0803.

Gretchen Giles

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Back by popular demand: $45 locals 3 course prix fixe Now, through the end of March. Our incredible Thurs. Night Winemaker Dinner Series Hosted by Farmhouse Master Sommelier, Geoff Kruth Feb 4 Arnot-Roberts, Feb 18 Windgap, Mar 4 Scherrer Hot Hotel Deal, as featured in Travel & Leisure 2 nights & dinner in our Michelin starred restaurant.$512

Join us on Facebook

7871 River Road, Forestville For Reservations Call

707-887-3300

www.farmhouseinn.com

Drink Local

Uncorking Centuries of Artisan Excellence

Festival Valentino Di Newpoli Fri, Feb 19th, 6-9pm Barrel Tasting of Sangiovese & Moscato di Fresco Dancing to to Italian Folk Ensemble

COMPLIMENTARY CHOCOLATES WITH WINE TASTING FEB 14TH UÊ11am to 5pmÊÊU

707.280.4658

D’ARGENZIO WINERY 1301 CLEVELAND AVE., SANTA ROSA, CA 95401 [corner of cleveland ave. and ridgeway ave.]

www.dargenziowine.com THE BOHEMIAN

02.10.10-02.16.10

17

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THE BOHEMIAN

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Bring your Sweetheart for a Romantic Evening with

THE BAGUETTE QUARTETTE Celebrate Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day

at Rancho Nicasio



SPECIAL VALENTINEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S DAY MENU ENTRĂ&#x2030;ES Flame Broiled Filet Mignon served with a mushroom marsala sauce and potatoes au gratin

Garlic & Rosemary Rack of Lamb served with roasted fingerling potatoes, butternut squash, and greens

Lobster Ravioli with Dungeness Crab Alfredo sauce

Fresh Seafood Paella with mussels, clams, prawns, scallops, cod and saffron rice

On the Town Square

Nicasio, California

Baked Salmon en CroĂťte

415-662-2219

with champagne sauce and creamy polenta

www.ranchonicasio.com

20

Prime Rib of Beef au Jus with a baked potato and Yorkshire pudding

02.10.10-02.16.10

Dungeness Crab Louie Salad

THE BOHEMIAN



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9E8=4H0A3B F8=4AH ust saying â&#x20AC;&#x153;mouth amuserâ&#x20AC;? makes one smile. This translation of amuse-bouche, the term for a bite-sized, whimsical appetizer, could just as handily describe the effects of sparkling wine: a wet and tingly, alcoholfueled but welcome surprise, like a slightly sauced smooch, and lately I just canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get enough of itâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the ďŹ zz, that is. Even long after New Yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, sparkling wine is nice anytime, thank you. Save the sit-down, three-course food and wine pairing in J Vineyardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bubble Room for a special occasion, an occasion like . . . hey, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sunday.

J

On a recent visit, a bigger and rowdier crowd might have applauded the kitchen staff as they walked each Lilliputian-sized course down the length of the room on large platters. Jâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bubble Room program, designed by executive chef Mark Caldwell, is about a year old and changes every six weeks to feature produce in season. Looking out of ďŹ&#x201A;oor-to-ceiling windows from the comfort of a double-L sofa, we can see that J is as popular as ever with young adults who stream across a moat to the business park-style concrete-and-glass building to crowd around the distinctive bar. But for extra attention, extra wine andâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;for some of usâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;a rare forkful of the fare of the epicure, Jâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s well-run weekend program offers three deceptively wee courses that magnify their diverse and intense ďŹ&#x201A;avors like a loupe. Our amuse-bouche, an intricately detailed dollop of edamame-hummus on a wonton spoon, arrived shortly after a welcome ďŹ&#x201A;ute of 1999 Vintage Brut ($40). Five years on the yeast rounded out this creamy sparkler, still light and alive with citrus zip and aromas of fresh linens. Paired with a demitasse of roasted cauliďŹ&#x201A;ower soup with watercress purĂŠe, the ample-bodied 2007 Russian River Valley Chardonnay ($28) showed aromas of roasted almond with caramel-taffy ďŹ nish; crab cakes brought out its more exotic ďŹ&#x201A;avors. The 2005 Pinot Noir, Nicoleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Vineyard, Block 4 ($50) was reminiscent of potpourri, spices, dried cherries and orange peel, and, while ďŹ nishing dry, perfectly juiced up the dryness of the pink pork medallions, plated with rutabaga and roasted Brussels sprouts. The vegetarian alternative to softly splintering, braised veal cheeks was a sticky beet risotto, but upon being also served by some accident the foie gras, our vegetarian took the plunge. Paired with light pink, salmon-tinged Brut RosĂŠ RRV ($30), foie gras on toastettes melted just like butterâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;tasted blind, one would guess, from a happy cow. Laden with rich, golden pear and honey ďŹ&#x201A;avors, the 1998 RRV Late-Disgorged Brut ($65) was spiced with nutmeg, while a ďŹ ne, creamy mousse struggled against its weight. After ďŹ nishing off the gras with a dollop of triple cream Brie on walnut cake, all while waving ďŹ&#x201A;utes of ďŹ zzy wine about, I looked towards the mirrors for a glimpse of some glutton of pre-revolution Versailles. By the time the nectarlike â&#x20AC;&#x153;RataďŹ aâ&#x20AC;? ($42), a cognac-infused dessert wine, arrived with J Pear Liqueur ďŹ&#x201A;oated on a pool of cooked cream over a little crock of chocolate pudding, I could no longer honestly say I hadnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t gotten enough. J Vineyards and Winery, 11447 Old Redwood Hwy., Healdsburg. Open daily 11am to 5pm for tasting ďŹ&#x201A;ights, $20. Bubble Room, Fridayâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;Sunday only, 11amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;3pm. $60. 888.594.6326.

James Knight

@2E' 32.AB?2

2D33;4<4=>C The author and her buddy Skye in their matching glow-in-the-dark footie jammies.

4;8I014C7B4F0A3

6a^d_6a^_T The â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;cuddle partyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; phenomenon leaves our writer alone in a crowd By Dani Burlison

8

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donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know if they have Valium at Target, but I will check,â&#x20AC;? read the text message. My friend Skye was at the store in search of a matching set of footie pajamas for us. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is it,â&#x20AC;? I thought to myself as beads of sweat formed across my forehead. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We are actually going to a fucking cuddle party.â&#x20AC;? I first heard of cuddle parties from a friend who planned one as her divorce steadily approached finalization. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Apparently, it is a safe place to explore nonsexual touch,â&#x20AC;? she told me optimistically. I found myself both intrigued and curiously disgusted as she explained the concept: a group of strangers come together in a safe space to give and receive affection. Perhaps this could be the next step in my life as an armchair anthropologist, a practice in furthering my experience in field research and an opportunity to test my own boundaries and practice saying no.

But stepping into an environment so far out of my comfort zone that I might as well be visiting Pluto was also a little horrifying. I needed some reassurance. The information on the front page of the CuddleParty.com website is straightforward and nonthreatening. Yet I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t erase the visions in my mind of middle-aged pony-tailed dudes cruising for young, pretty, affirmation-thumping New Age women. As I poked around the internet, however, photos of past parties, revealing bare arms intertwining indistinguishably in a sea of flannel-pajama bottoms and overstuffed pillows, tapped into a deep fear inside of me. Thoughts of germs and cold, clammy hands running lightly across my back while moaning and sighing mixed with enchanted dolphin music invoked visions of what I imagined would be not unlike an unwilling visit to a coupleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s tantra retreat. My blood pressure rose. I laughed nervously. I decided that I needed to go and see for myself.

Head to Toe As we drove the streets of San Francisco, Skye already sporting his completely awesome glow-inthe-dark footie pajamas, I prayed that we would be lost for so long that they would not admit our late arrival. Being one of the most grounded and open-minded of my friends, Skye was there to calm my nerves and talk me down from the extreme anxiety I was experiencing. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I bet you 20 bucks that there are silk scarves and batik sarongs on the ceiling,â&#x20AC;? I giggled to him as we arrived at our destination. We climbed the stairs and I took one last deep breath before marching up to introduce ourselves in the futon-filled room and pay the $30 per-person entrance fee. I looked up. Scarves and sarongs draped the ceiling. As I slinked down the dark hallway to change into my pajamas, a tall, lanky man dressed in a purple satin wrap-around '' THE BOHEMIAN

02.10.10-02.16.10

21

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2D33;4?0ACH

blouse, white short-shorts and purple opaque tights approached me. He stood against my slight frame with his hand on his hip and asked if this was my first cuddle party. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Do you get an edge from this kind of thing?â&#x20AC;? he asked. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I mean, like, do you really get an edge from this?â&#x20AC;? I replied that it was my first cuddle party, embarrassed to admit that I had no idea what â&#x20AC;&#x153;edgeâ&#x20AC;? meant. We chatted for a few minutes, and I decided that this guy, who was flamboyantly gay and presumably not interested in women and therefore nonthreatening, would be my new pal, my Safe Buddy, so to speak. A sigh of relief escaped while imagining my new friend and I sitting back and chatting about the silliness of the whole situation. I slipped into the bathroom and emerged a new womanâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Dani, champion of the cuddle party��&#x20AC;&#x201D;dressed quite literally from head to toe in a set of boyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dark-blue footie pajamas, decorated with rocket ships and glow-in-the-dark stars. Skye and I matched perfectly, and as we entered the cuddle room, we were happily greeted by 20 other guests who were sitting haphazardly in a circle on a makeshift, pillow-laden bed.

Magical Cows We began with introductions and a brief history of cuddle parties, before continuing on to rules. Despite my original assumption that cuddle parties arose from a West Coast commune after residents ingested one too many psychedelic mushroom caps, the parties actually originated on the East Coast. Founded in 2004 in New York by relationship coaches Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski as a place for people of all genders and walks of life to explore touch in a safe, sober and structured environment, cuddle parties have gained popularity around the globe. There are several rules which include keeping clothing on at all times, being completely alcohol- and drug-free and only making physical contact after receiving a verbal yes to a specific and clear request to touch. There are also â&#x20AC;&#x153;cuddle lifeguards,â&#x20AC;? who are trained co-facilitators placed onsite to ensure that everyone is comfortable and safe. After Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d recovered from the shock of discovering that kissing, groping and erections were all acceptable at the party, we quickly moved on to boundary-setting exercises, which revived my confidence and led me to practice giving an abundance of verbal noâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. I proceeded to glide back and forth through the crowded room in my celestial jammies, repeating â&#x20AC;&#x153;Noâ&#x20AC;? over and over to nearly everyone in the room and their requests to touch, kiss or otherwise fondle me. I felt empowered, like I was sporting an invisible cape and shield to detour any unwanted advances with pride and dignity. This empowerment came to a screeching halt when, after a man in his late 50s excitedly shared that he had no touch boundaries and liked to be touched â&#x20AC;&#x153;in any

22

02.10.10-02.16.10

THE BOHEMIAN



way, by any one, at any time,â&#x20AC;? the facilitators asked the attendees to drop to all fours and begin crawling around the room like â&#x20AC;&#x153;magical cows in a mystical forest.â&#x20AC;? As if things werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t awkward enough with a bunch of adults sitting around some random living room in pajamas, completely stone cold sober on a Sunday afternoon, now we had to act like cows, crawling around and mooing like idiots. I understood this to be an ice-breaking exercise to lead us into the next stage of the three-and-a-halfhour-long touch-fest, but all I wanted to break were my legs so Skye could quickly rush me out of the room and to the nearest hospital before anyone could touch me. But before I could crawl through the crowd to make a break for it, the cows had tipped to their sides and begun to cuddle.

Cuddle Puddle I have had my fair share of physical and emotional intimacy. I have stumbled into intriguing and boundary-testing situations in places like Burning Man, yoga retreats, cocktail parties and even once at a Super Bowl party in my own living room. I have been strewn across a mattress in the â&#x20AC;&#x153;chill roomâ&#x20AC;? of a 1990s rave with complete strangers massaging my every muscle while I puffed away on menthol cigarettes. What sets these incidents apart from the format of a cuddle party is the lack of expectation, formal structure and, of course, the buffer of controlled substances. Entirely sober and surrounded by strangers, I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t read their minds and had no way of knowing if the generous offers of hand-holding held deeper intentions. I made for the bathroom, tripping over a penis pillow on the way and rummaging through my bag for the last time in hopes of discovering one last overlooked Xanax before I sucked it up, accepted my fate and returned to poor, dear Skye, who had managed to cram his body, in full fetal position, into the smallest corner of the room. If my body language was saying â&#x20AC;&#x153;Please donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t touch me,â&#x20AC;? Skyeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s read more like a serial killer ready to pull a chainsaw on the first person to even look at him. His open mind seemed to have gone on strike. I squeezed into the corner with him, observing the active and diverse scene. Young polyamorous couples took turns caressing the hair of those next to them. A middle-aged, six-foot-tall transgendered woman tangled herself up in the arms of a young, attractive South Asian immigrant man whose hands were groping the breasts of a thirty-something yoga instructor. And just when I grew comfortable enough to accept an offer of a foot rub from a married cuddle-party frequenter, I noticed my Safe Buddy, Mr. Purple Pants, groping and grinding a woman while they twisted their tongues in a fit of exhibitionist passion. (Apparently, I missed the â&#x20AC;&#x153;ruleâ&#x20AC;? stating that kissing, dry-humping and rubbing genitals are not sexual touch.) One of the rules did mention that attendees could get up and walk out at any time, but I was honestly too worried about calling attention to myself. I suddenly felt old-fashioned, boring and old. I just

couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t let go of my inhibitions like everyone else in the room. I felt an almost palpable wall building itself up around me as the partygoers continued to push their boundaries by allowing strangerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hands to wander and rub and caress in the most interesting ways. I was freaked and continued to nervously laugh and chat with anyone in the room who looked as horrified as I until an announcement came that the party was winding down. The facilitator invited everyone to join in for one last hurrah by piling up into a giant â&#x20AC;&#x153;cuddle puddleâ&#x20AC;? for the remaining 20 minutes of the party. As Skye stood, paralyzed by the scene that played out before him, I made one last ditch effort to open my mind. I crawled around the circle and was invited to lay my head on the shoulder of the young South Asian man in the gender-bending three-way. I accepted and placed my head on his shoulder with my entire body on the outside of the circle, cold and constricted like an armadillo under attack. I attempted to relax into the moment. Relaxation never came.

I placed my head on his shoulder with my entire body on the outside of the circle, cold and constricted like an armadillo under attack.

0

s we laughed and recapped the experience on our drive home, I realized that I had learned something fairly valuable during that party. While cuddle parties certainly provide the benefits of physical touch for those who may not regularly have access to affection for various reasons, I felt that this particular party was no more a practice in intimacy than the husband who refuses to be affectionate or sexual with his wife, yet forks over cash for sex or is otherwise promiscuous with strangers. The experience also confirmed in me that when it comes to affection and intimacy, I am indeed old-fashioned. I desire that sense of safety and closeness that comes from sustained relationships built on trust. And I will certainly never be attending a cuddle party againâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;at least, not without some hand-sanitizer and Valium on hand. The next North Bay cuddle party is planned for Feb. 20 in Sebastopol. To learn more, go to www.cuddleparty.com.

@2E

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2D1B2>DC A cougar finds herself romanced on the dance floor.

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Observing the cougar mystique in action By Jessica Lussenhop

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n the eve of the first-ever National Cougar Convention, Richard Gosse, CEO of the San Rafaelâ&#x20AC;&#x201C; based Single Professionals Society, was feeling a little tense. The event had sold out days prior, meaning an estimated 300 cougarsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;women 40 and older who prefer to date younger menâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and cubs, the aforementioned younger men, were due to arrive in a mere 20 minutes. A sold-out party almost never happens, he told me, wolfing down a plate of food near the long greeting table at the entrance to the bar at Dinahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Garden Hotel in Palo Alto. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m working like a dog,â&#x20AC;? he mumbled between forkfuls. Gosse, a self-described â&#x20AC;&#x153;singles advocate,â&#x20AC;? says that ordinarily the single is a more elusive creature, one who never commits until the last second to attending mixers.

That night, however, something very different was about to happenâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;tickets gone, international guests f lying in, media descending from as far away as New York City. â&#x20AC;&#x153;People are going to be trying to bust in here,â&#x20AC;? he predicted. I decided to attend in part because I love the concept of a convention, a place where a single aspect of life is revealed in all its subtleties and nuances for a brief moment, like an exotic f lower that blooms for only one day. But what was so interesting about the cougar herself ? It felt sort of like a subculture at first. A whiff of sexual deviancy hung around the concept, and I, a mere millennial, intended to find out all its dirty little secrets. Once the cougars began to circulate aimlessly between the tiki-themed bar and the display booths for American Laser Centers and Cardeaux Cosmetics (maker of the â&#x20AC;&#x153;cougar kitâ&#x20AC;?), no one was quite ready to

talk seriously on the topic, least of all Leslie Lang. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a standup comic,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I came here for material.â&#x20AC;? Her friends were a little more serious. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I want someone who doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to go to bed at 10 oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;clock,â&#x20AC;? said Edith Espinola. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Men have been doing this for years. I think now itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s our turn. They leave us no choice.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I like it,â&#x20AC;? said their friend Amelia Wong, with deep sincerity. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Very passionate.â&#x20AC;? On the cub side, it was hard to pry out an answer that went beyond â&#x20AC;&#x153;They know what they wantâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;They donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t play games,â&#x20AC;? as if someone had given them cue cards on the way in. A smartly dressed Stanford student gave a very high-concept and barely understandable response. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I tend toward condescension and deference. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a really nice combination,â&#x20AC;? he said, and then went into some kind of carrot-peeling metaphor. He lost me after that. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Maybe the girls my age arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t taking care of their men the way they should,â&#x20AC;? a stewed twenty-something told me a tad accusatorily. Between comments like his, which implied that all women in their 20s are â&#x20AC;&#x153;game players,â&#x20AC;? and the idea that the husbands of these women had left them for someone in my age group, I was starting to feel like the enemy. The notion that I was part of an enemy camp increased once I began to gather how many suspect motivations were gathered in the room. In addition to the band from L.A. filming a reality TV installment for their website and the gaggle of students filming with palm-sized digital cameras for a â&#x20AC;&#x153;school project,â&#x20AC;? there were oodles of mediaâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the Associated Press, Details magazine, the San Francisco Chronicle and . . . me. When Lang grabbed the collar of a passing cub to lick his face or when a blonde whipped her black skirt too high up her leg, camera f lashes popped paparazzi-style. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s probably when things started to get a little weird. I was beginning to come up with a notso-nice answer to my original question: Why are we so interested in the cougar? From reading the accounts by my fellow journalists that came out afterward, the answer seems to be that we want to laugh at them. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Are you kidding me? Enter shudder, shake of head and look of pity and embarrassment for those participating women here,â&#x20AC;? wrote one reporter for Examiner.com. â&#x20AC;&#x153;If Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m trying to get some 23-year-old mamaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s boy to go ice skating with me, please put me out of my misery,â&#x20AC;? blogged a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle. The comments posted under a photo spread of the cougars are not reprintable, just vicious. Nevertheless, I did notice something at the crowning of Miss Cougar America. Each cub had been given a token to bestow upon his favorite cougar, but the vote tabulation process had the chaos of a livestock auction, with only three or four cougars able to hear above the din that it was time to cash in the tokens theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d collected from cubs. A 42year-old named Gloria Navarro ultimately took the title with 13 tokens, and was fairly shoved from the stage into an adjacent hallway for the ensuing media blitz. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Diane, I won!â&#x20AC;? she hollered to a friend. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m taking my friend Diane,â&#x20AC;? she said of the single cougar cruise sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d won along with her new title. â&#x20AC;&#x153;She hung in there with

me through my divorce. I was a soccer mom and now Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a cougar!â&#x20AC;? And sure, she looked a little silly jumping up and down to Michael Jacksonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;P.Y.T.â&#x20AC;? while party-crashing teens leapt in to have their photo taken with her. But she seemed to be having a really great time.

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Maybe the girls my age arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t taking care of their men the way they shouldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; It reminded me of the conversation Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d had earlier with Birgita Cameron and Rita Sangha, ambassador cougars from London whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d come in part to promote Sanghaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cougar life-coaching business. â&#x20AC;&#x153;My longtime partner and I were together for 20 years. We had two children,â&#x20AC;? Cameron said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I broke it off and I lost my home. He also wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t let me see my children, and all sorts of things like that. It was really hard being on my own.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;A lot of these women, their husbands left them in their 30s, 40s and 50s,â&#x20AC;? Sangha added. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It can really knock your confidence.â&#x20AC;? So maybe thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s some peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s definition of desperate. But watching these cougarsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;yes, behaving like girls; yes, with a serious amount of cleavage showingâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; made the case for taking public action in the face of a host of forces telling you to just fade away. Staying home alone seemed like a more private and perhaps more dignified but ultimately sadder way to pass a Friday evening. Gosse told me at one point, â&#x20AC;&#x153;There are a lot of hot cougars out there. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve known this for decades.â&#x20AC;? Since he wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t say how old he is, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not entirely sure how far back the information-gathering goes, but the point is that ever since the invention of birth control, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve managed to turn our reproductive urges on their heads, so women in the sunset of their reproductive years should be able to party as long as they like. Even after being rolled in past relationships and marriages, cougars are still game to meet someone new. The sooner we get used to it, the sooner a cougar convention or a night at home with a quart of Häagen-Dazs might cease to be the only two options. At the tail end of the evening, I ran into Espinola again, now a little tipsy but clearly having a lovely time. Though the cubs and party crashers were making the scene increasingly ugly, Espinola at least made me feel a great deal better about the presence of the press. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I met this great guy, his name is Chris, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a reporter covering the story,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We exchanged numbers both ways. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll probably call him on Monday or Tuesday.â&#x20AC;? The first-ever Sonoma County Cougar Party is slated for Thursday, Feb. 25, at the Last Day Saloon. 120 Fifth St., Santa Rosa. 7pmâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;9pm. $10. 415.407.9962.

THE BOHEMIAN

02.10.10-02.16.10

23

@2E

?[dVVX]V8]

Three different approaches to online loving By Curtis Cartier, Morgan Carvajal, and Daniel Hirsch

A Good, Honest Affair When it comes to the business of cheating, Noel Biderman is boss. His website AshleyMadison.comâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;named, he says, after the two most popular monikers for baby girlsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;functions like any other dating site, with profiles, searches, messages and photos. But at Bidermanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s site, the dating pool comes with baggage: namely girlfriends, boyfriends, wives and husbands. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We offer a good, honest affair. Guaranteed,â&#x20AC;? says site president and founder Biderman, a husband of seven years and father of two. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re no eHarmony, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s for sure.â&#x20AC;? AshleyMadison, Biderman says, is a place where people can go to fulfill needs that arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t being met at home, a human buffet line where all the dishes know theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll never be the main course. Users and fans say itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a website that makes open whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s happening in secret on dating sites already. Critics say itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an online cesspool that breeds infidelity, a 24/7 computerized home-wrecking service that should be shut down for good. Biderman says they just wish theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d thought of it first. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We looked at data that showed 30 percent of the people on other dating sites were cheating or looking to cheat,â&#x20AC;? Biderman says, speaking from his New York office. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We thought to ourselves that all these people posing as single is risky. Why not come to a community where people can confess that theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking to cheat? Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re creating an honest community for cheating.â&#x20AC;? Bidermanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;honest communityâ&#x20AC;? was launched in 2001 and now boasts more than 5.2 million users. A media-savvy seeker of controversy, the well-dressed, balding 38-yearold has braved booing from audiences on The View and The Tyra Banks Show to plug his site and preach his â&#x20AC;&#x153;itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s only sexâ&#x20AC;? spiel. The cavalier gentlemenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s-club approach translates to the online dynamic. On the site, women play mostly for free. Guys buy â&#x20AC;&#x153;creditsâ&#x20AC;? that are used for sending digital â&#x20AC;&#x153;giftsâ&#x20AC;? to other users and accessing private data. Everyone creates a profile that lists a photo, some stats on appearance and a list of things theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re into: spanking, threesomes, schoolgirl outfits or Polynesian albinos in football pads. A juicier collection of pics and stats are available when a user sends someone a â&#x20AC;&#x153;keyâ&#x20AC;? that provides access to his or her â&#x20AC;&#x153;private showcase.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Brie,â&#x20AC;? a 32-year-old wife of five years, says she joined because things just werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t working out at home. â&#x20AC;&#x153;To me, it was either this or get a divorce. And getting a divorce is more drastic,â&#x20AC;? says the woman, who asked that her real name not be used. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wanted an alpha male, someone who really gets it done. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think my husband suspects.â&#x20AC;?

24

02.10.10-02.16.10

>7HD2: Noel Biderman sure knows how to treat the ladies.

Brie says she met her current fling six months ago. Before that, her dalliances amounted to â&#x20AC;&#x153;kissing a few guys, but thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s it.â&#x20AC;? The man, she says, is older and married as well. Their dates typically consist of dinner and drinks followed by a motel-room pit stop, then a long, occasionally guilt-ridden ride home to their spouses. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t go on forever,â&#x20AC;? she admits. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fun while it lasts, though.â&#x20AC;? Biderman insists that cheating can be a sort of marriage therapy and that American culture puts too much importance on monogamy, which he maintains is â&#x20AC;&#x153;against our DNA.â&#x20AC;? As lovers nationwide stock up on chocolates and flowers for Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day, adulterers on AshleyMadison will be stocking up on motel reservations and alibis for the day prior, one Biderman heralds as â&#x20AC;&#x153;Mistress Day.â&#x20AC;? Of course, philandering men and scandalous women have been around a lot longer than Biderman and AshleyMadison.com. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There are millions of people that are suffering through a sexless marriage,â&#x20AC;? Biderman says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I say, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t go visit a prostitute, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t lie to someone else about whether youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re married or not. If you need that sexual element, come to AshleyMadison, and you can get it.â&#x20AC;?â&#x20AC;&#x201D;C.C.

Private & Social A site thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s horny but high in spirit, BlackboxRepublic.com is built on an idea that todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s single men and women are always changing sexually and looking for something new. Blackboxâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s goal is to help people find other members who want the same things they doâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and right now. Marketing to sex-positive people, this alternative social networking site is striving to develop a successful dating reputation. Based in Portland, Ore., the site came online about a month ago. Blackbox is a private social networking site, where names and personal information are not shared with other users. Luring what are called â&#x20AC;&#x153;followersâ&#x20AC;? is how site members get to know

THE BOHEMIAN



each other without exposing their personal information. Potential members have to be â&#x20AC;&#x153;vouched forâ&#x20AC;? by another user in order to gain full access to the siteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s functions and other memberâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s profiles, or personas. Blackbox wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t release its exact membership count, but they claim to be well over a thousand and growing. Their heaviest member areas are Portland, Seattle and the Bay Area. Blackbox allows members to talk freely about sex and lust in ways that other social networking sites, like Facebook, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t. A sliding bar allows users to make moment-to-moment updates on changing preferences, which makes for a freeing sense of unfastening your sexuality. Site founders label Blackbox as a second Facebook, and are open to criticism of its content. The site is so fresh that founders are looking for feedback to set it apart from other networking sites. The set-up and navigation are very similar to Facebook, but I found the content and social acceptance offered is very different. Logging in meant poking around for a few hours on strangerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sites and reading public conversations about Avatar and Lady Gaga. One user pointed out her ability to use the word â&#x20AC;&#x153;cockâ&#x20AC;? freely, but admitted her dismay at not being able to connect locally for off-line dating purposes. Moreover, Blackbox doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t serve those looking for a committed relationship; its edgy and racy content instead is all about people who just want to get naked online. The site is still trying to figure out whether it will water the seed of sexually over-explicit content, or flirt with a sexually conservative user. Being in a committed relationship made me an unlikely person to join Blackbox, or so I thought. I soon found that the temptation to discover more about the site was irresistible, and I met some interesting and entertaining people in my few weeks of registration. Because the site really canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t generate meetups, it is easy to share fantasies here without the threat of being tracked down. Blackbox provides a personalized corkboard is an original way to help describe â&#x20AC;&#x153;you.â&#x20AC;? My corkboard says that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a colorful hippie with a love for such natural lakes as Tahoe. The lollipop image on my corkboard, which I meant as a girly detail of my personality, was mistaken by site members as a phallic symbol, and provoked some tainted interpretations. An image could truly lead to anything on this erotic site.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;M.C.

Love in the Time of Robots Did you know that women are nearly twice as likely to respond positively to an unsmiling man as a smiling one? That a greater percentage of people in California would date someone just for sex than in South Carolina? That nonwhite men are around 8 percent more likely to respond to a womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s advances than white men? If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re an avid reader of OkTrends, the math geek blog from the programmers of the online dating website OkCupid.com, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be able to rattle off these statistics and more. But can understanding these numbers and statistics actually lead to love? As a new member to OKCupid, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m still sorting that question out. Since 2006, OkCupid has been one of the fastest growing dating websites around. Today it has over 1 million members in the United States and abroad. Part of the siteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s appeal may be that, unlike eHarmony.com

or Match.com, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a completely free service. Furthermore, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a playful irreverence in OkCupidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s operation, making it marginally amusing for online dating newbies like me. Rather than relying on the professional personality assessment tests of other online dating sites, OkCupid takes a casual approach with personality quizzes that you might find in the back of Seventeen, stuff like â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Nerd, Geek or Dork Testâ&#x20AC;? or the â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Which Character of True Blood Are You Test.â&#x20AC;? Matches are based on how you respond to these various quizzes and how important you rate the desired response from an ideal match. The whole process of finding a date through OkCupid involves lots and lots of math. Through a complex statistical process using membersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; answers to these quizzes site recommends potential matches. On the site, OkCupid includes an article called â&#x20AC;&#x153;Frequently Asked for Answers About Questionsâ&#x20AC;? that details the algorithms it uses. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a statement of operations that would make any statistics professor clutch his chalk in excitement. In its recently inaugurated OkTrends blog, the siteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s programmers revel in the massive amounts of data theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve gathered. A recent post examined the facial expressions of 500,000 OkCupid members and analyzed their relative rate of receiving messages from other members. Turns out women who use the quintessentially cheesy â&#x20AC;&#x153;MySpace shotâ&#x20AC;? for their profile pictureâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the one with the arm outstretched holding the camera above the face with pouting lips and out-thrust chestâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;get much more new messages from men then women pictured holding pets, having fun with friends or lying in bed. As if to underline the insistent presence of math and stats in its match-making, OkCupid features a gray mechanized mascot with a patch of little red pixels where a heart should be, aptly named Staff Robot. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re like me, the idea of outsourcing your romantic endeavors to a robot sounds vaguely dystopian. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve always been someone who worries about how we give too much power to machines and systems and not enough to chance and human intuition. But over the last year, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve had more and more friends say theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve had positive experiences using OkCupid. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve gone on dates, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve had great sex, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been in longterm, meaningful relationships. Keep in mind, these are young, attractive, socially well-adjusted people in their 20s. Online dating isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t just for perverts anymore. As more of our lives go online, it suddenly doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t seem that weird to have our romantic lives there as well. Given that so many of my friends had given themselves over to the OkCupidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bots, I decided to try it out, more out of curiosity than anything else. In my few months on, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve messaged and been messaged. Staff Robot has suggested some good-looking matches and some less good-looking ones. For the past week, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been in an exchange with a girl who seems an excellent match, according to both OkCupidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and my own judgment. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve even had some half-decent online repartee. Have we met in person? Though we have tentative plans to maybe make plans to make plans, nothing has materialized yet. Though the robots might offer good tips for flirting and suggest potential matches, it seems like it still takes human effort to seal the deal. At least, until they invent a machine to do that for us.â&#x20AC;&#x201D;D.H.

@A.42

UPCOMING CONCERTS AT THE

Narrow Way are giving the show its North Bay premiere. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t wait to share this show with as many people as we can,â&#x20AC;? says McCloud, who plays the role of Sharky, an ex-con whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s returned home seeking a measure of redemption, only to find himself pitted against the devil in the form of Mr. Lockhart, who once won Sharkyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s soul in a card game and has finally arrived to collect.

C74;03B From left: Keith Baker, Matt Withauss, Ed McCloud, Neil Thollander and Freddy Lambert.

8aXbW B_XaXcb

The devil comes down to Dublin in Narrow Wayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Seafarerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; By David Templeton

8

Âş

n literature and in plays, whenever the devil appears, there is usually something very human about him as a character,â&#x20AC;? observes actor-turned-director Tim McKniffin. â&#x20AC;&#x153;In The Seafarer, I think that is especially true. As written by Conor McPherson, the devil is flawed, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sad, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lonely and heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s weirdly noble. But heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also definitely the villain, and you still want him to lose in the end.â&#x20AC;? Kniffin, best known for his roles in Cinnabar Theaterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Enchanted April, Aurora Theatreâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Best Man, Sixth Street Playhouseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s In the Mood and others, is directing The Seafarer for Narrow Way Stage Company, a fast-rising company whose reputation for smart, funny, obscenity-fueled plays was been built on shows like this one. For his first time directing a full-length production, Kniffin has assembled a cast of Narrow Way regulars (Freddy Lambert, Neil Thollander), up-and-comers (Matt Withauss) and two of the most highly regarded actors in the North Bay: Ed McCloud (True West, Midsummer Nightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Dream) and Keith Baker (The Scene, The Three Musketeers). The play, which premiered in Dublin in 2006, involves a pair of roguish Irish brothers, their unruly band of whiskeyfriendly associates, and one wild all-night poker game on Christmas Eve to which the Devil is accidentally invited. Both epic in scope and intensely intimate, the play is quickly becoming a staple for small regional theater companies around the globe. With its upcoming three-weekend production at Spreckels Performing Arts Center, Kniffin and

The devil is flawed, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sad, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lonely and heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s weirdly noble. â&#x20AC;&#x153;As a performer myself,â&#x20AC;? says McCloud, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t wait to dig into this play with an audience, to go for the ride, to see what we can discover about these characters. The second act, especially, where we play the big poker gameâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a huge challenge to carry off onstage, to sell it and bring to life in a way that the story demands, but I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t wait to see what our audiences do. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s so much fun, so incredibly intense, this whole play.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;It turns out itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not easy to play poker onstage,â&#x20AC;? offers Keith Baker, who plays the part of Lockhart. After playing the devil last year in Sixth Street Playhouseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Possession of Mrs. Jones, this marks Bakerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s second consecutive turn as the Prince of Darkness, and heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been enjoying the opportunity to explore different aspects of the iconic character. â&#x20AC;&#x153;So Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m playing the devil at the same time Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m playing poker, and doing an Irish accent, while everybody else is playing it drunk while playing poker and doing Irish. And in the middle of it all, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re battling me for their souls. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a lot of stuff going on in this show, which is what makes it so much fun.â&#x20AC;? Adds McCloud: â&#x20AC;&#x153;This play isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t as well known as some of McPhersonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s other plays [The Weir, Shining City, Dublin Carol], but there are so many wonderful themes interwoven into this showâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;faith, family, addiction, redemption, living with â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;sinfulâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; deeds of your past, deciding how you are going to face up to your destiny. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all such juicy stuffâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s incredibly funny, because McPherson is such a good writer. I think this play will come to be seen as a masterpiece down the road. I have no doubt about that. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The key to the play, for me,â&#x20AC;? he continues, â&#x20AC;&#x153;is the scene where Lockhart describes what Hell is likeâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;total separation from everyone else, complete isolation. In this play, these crazy drunken Irish guys are able to accomplish the opposite of thatâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;real human connection with each other. We, as humans, can experience what the devil will never have: companionship with each other.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Poor Lucifer,â&#x20AC;? Kniffin laughs. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Poor, poor Lucifer.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Seafarerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; runs Thursdaysâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;Sundays, Feb. 12â&#x20AC;&#x201C;28, at the Spreckels Performing Arts Center, 5409 Snyder Lane in Rohnert Park. 8pm. $10â&#x20AC;&#x201C; $20. 707.588.3400.

SEBASTOPOL COMMUNITY CULTURAL CENTER Sat. Feb. 13th 9:00pm

Dance Concert â&#x20AC;&#x201C; very limited seating $20 advanced / $23 door A Bluegrass interpretation of â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Dark Side of the Moonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; w/ special guest Aaron Redner of Hot Buttered Rum on ďŹ ddle; liquid lights, Wizard of Oz movie, and costumes

RAY WYLIE HUBBARD & MARY GAUTHIER Fri. Feb. 26th 8:00pm

Premium tickets $30; General tickets $25adv / $28 door

A dynamic duo double bill with two incredible singer-songwriters, both raw, witty, edgyâ&#x20AC;Ś

VĂ&#x201E;SEN - Mar. 5th 8:00pm Premium Tickets - $25; General $20 adv/$23 door

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A><? Christopher Plummer and Helen Mirren portray Tolstoy and his wife after 50 years of marriage.

;X^]X]Bd\\Ta â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Last Stationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; tells the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Learâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;-like story of Tolstoyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s final days

By Richard von Busack

>

ne seeks the truth; one cherishes idealism. And yet truth and idealism make uncomfortable bedfellows. The problem of Leo Tolstoyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s end is scoped out in Michael Hoffmanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Last Station, based on Jay Pariniâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 1990 novel. Nominated for two Oscars for supporting actor and lead actress, Station is an interesting, very well cast, visually pleasant yet strangely toneless film about two sets of lovers who find idealism coming between them. Circa 1910 in Moscow, Valentin (James McAvoy, once again playing a callow young person out of his depth) is recruited by one Vladimir Chertkov (Paul Giamatti). Chertkov is the head of the Tolstoy society, dedicated to carrying out the authorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reformist ideas regarding celibacy and manual labor. Valentinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s job will be to live on Tolstoyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s commune, carry a notebook and record the great manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s thoughts. Tolstoy (Christopher Plummer), the most famous writer on earth, is enjoying a sort of Indian summer, watching his small farm bloom and receiving the adulation of the world. But the countâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s countessâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Sofya, his wife of nearly 50 years, played by Helen Mirrenâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;has tired of her husbandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s utopian politics. And as the mother of more than a dozen children, she is terrified by the old manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s desire to give all of his possessions away. Chertkov, very much the curlymustached, perfumed parlor snake, is engineering a deal to put War and Peace in the public domain so that the suffering world may have it for free. Meanwhile, Valentinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s desire to stay pure and virginal is sorely tested by a saucy, experienced woman on the commune, Masha (Kerry Condon).

Outfitted with the requisite beard, Plummer plays Tolstoy with the gusto of a ham-loving actor tackling Fiddler on the Roof. Plummer has a particularly moving scene describing his long-ago courtship with his wife, and there are juicy scenes of the old couple going after one another in bed and out of bed. But what wife can bear hearing her husband described as a saint, a new Jesus? Cameramenâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;paparazzi, before there was such a thingâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;watch the spatting between the Tolstoys and record it all for posterity. This view of Tolstoy, emphasizing the naive sweetness and the common-man heartiness, produces affection but doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fathom the deeper meanings of this story. Hearing of Tolstoyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s renunciation and its consequences, one thinks of Lear. And one wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be the first, either: George Orwell wrote a famous essay comparing Tolstoyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hatred of King Lear to Tolstoyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Lear-like folly in divesting himself of his property before he actually died. Orwellâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pointâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;that some forms of sacrifice disguise a covert power playâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;eludes Hoffman. He gives us Tolstoy as a cracked, principled old grandfather, manipulated by outsiders. We also donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get any sense of why a sensitive man would want his hands clean in the Russia of the day. We hear that the filthy peasants are out there being filthy, but we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see them in their muck or understand who buried them there. The Last Stationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s charming greenery and white birches could be ornamenting some exceptionally gilded-by-hindsight memoir: speak, memory, maybe. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The Last Stationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; opens on Friday, Feb. 12, at the Rialto Cinemas Lakeside, 551 Summerfield Road, Santa Rosa. 707.525.4840.

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E X T E N D E D I N T H E G K H A R D T T H E AT R E

Bargain Tuesday - $7.50 All Shows Bargain $7.00 All Shows Schedule forTuesday Fri, Feb -20th â&#x20AC;&#x201C;- Thu, 26th 12th Feb 18th Schedule for Fri, June 22nd - Thu, June 28th

2 Academy AwardAward Nominations Academy NomineeIncluding Best Foreign Film!Stone Best Actress â&#x20AC;&#x201C;Language Helen Mirren! â&#x20AC;&#x153;Raw and Riveting!â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Rolling

WALTZ WITH BASHIR THE LAST STATION A MIGHTY HEART

(1:00) 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:15 (1:30) 4:15 6:50 9:15 R RR (12:30) 2:45 5:00 7:20 9:45 3 Academy Nominations! 2 Academy AwardAward Noms Including Best Actor! â&#x20AC;&#x153;A Triumph!â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201C; New York Observer CRAZY HEART THE WRESTLER (1:45) 4:30 7:00 9:30 R R (12:20) 5:10 7:30 9:45 LA2:45 VIE EN ROSE (12:45) 3:45Award 6:45 Nominee! 9:45 PG-13 Academy

10 Academy Award Noms Including Best Picture!

A SINGLE MAN SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE â&#x20AC;&#x153;ä&#x2013;&#x;ä&#x2013;&#x;ä&#x2013;&#x;ä&#x2013;&#x; â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Really, Truly, Deeply â&#x20AC;&#x201C; (2:45) 9:40 No 7:20pm (1:15) 4:00 R7:10 9:40 RShow Thu One of7:20 This Yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Best!â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Newsday 3 Academy Award Nominations!

ONCE 8 Academy Award Noms Including THE YOUNG (1:00) 3:10 7:30 R Best Picture, Best5:20 ActorVICTORIA & Best9:40 Director!

(12:20) 5:10 PG No 5:10pm Show Thu

MILK

6 Academy Award Nominations! â&#x20AC;&#x153;Wise, Humble and Effortlessly Funny!â&#x20AC;? (1:30) 4:10 6:45 9:30 R â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Newsweek

ŸCA>D1;43F0C4A½ Love, redemption and faith are tested in this Norwegian film showing Feb. 12 and 14 at the Sonoma Film Institute. See Film, p37.

PRECIOUS WAITRESS (1:20) 6:40 R

Please Note: No 1:30 Show Sat, No 6:45 Show Thu

(1:30) 4:00 7:10 9:30 Best R Picture! 5 Academy Award Noms Including 9 Academy Award Nominations! FROST/NIXON

(2:15) 7:20 R THE HURT LOCKER â&#x20AC;&#x153;Swoonly Romatic, Mysterious, Hilarious!â&#x20AC;? 9:00 R â&#x20AC;&#x201C;(4:00) Slant Magazine

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AN EDUCATION PARIS, JE Tâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;AIME (11:45) 4:45 9:50 R (1:00)(1:15) 7:50 4:15 PG-137:00 No 1pm Show 9:30 R Wed

Kevin Jorgenson presents the California Premiere of

THE IMAGINARIUM OF DR PARNASSUS PURE: A BOULDERING FLICK (3:15) 10:00 PG-13 No 3:15pm Show Wed Michael Mooreâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Thu, Feb 26th at 7:15

HANK IS A SMASH HIT! HI T!

A SERIOUS MAN SICKO MOVIES IN THE MORNING

5:45 R 29th! Starts Fri, June Fri, Sat, Sun & Mon Advance Tickets IN On Sale at Box OfďŹ ce! MOVIES THENow MORNING FROZEN RIVER (12:00) 2:30 5:00 10:009:50 AM Fri, Sat, Sun & Mon7:30 Mornings 10:15 VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA 10:10 AM AM THE YOUNG VICTORIA 10:20 AM CHANGELING BASTERDS (No Show Sat) 10:20 AM INGLOURIOUS Venessa Redgrave Meryl Streep Glenn CloseAM 10:40 RACHEL GETTING MARRIED 10:30 AM THE HURT LOCKER 2009 LIVE ACTION (Fri/Mon Only)) 10:45 EVENING 10:40 AM AM A SERIOUS MAN SHORTS 10:45 2009 ANIMATED SHORTS Only) Starts Fri,(Sun June 29th! 10:45 AM AM UP

3 PERFORMANCES ADDED

FEB 11, 12, 13 AT 8PM ON ST TA AGE NOW

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VVALENTINEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ALENTINEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S DAY DAAY SH SHOW February 14 at 8pm TTix ix i $$14

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THE SHANNON RIDER R IDER BAND B AND

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Music. Dancing. Food. Fun. Fun.

C O M I N G

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Film capsules by Richard von Busack and Eloy Camacho.

FOR NORTH BAY MOVIE TIMES, GO TO www.sonomamovietimes.com www.marinmovietimes.com www.napamovietimes.com

Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Health Specialists confidential compassionate nonjudgmental More Than Just Health Care...

707.537.1171 www.cawhs.org

SStarring tarring LLiziz JJahren ahren (â&#x20AC;&#x153;Louiseâ&#x20AC;? from Always...Patsyy Cline) aass M ae W est FFeb eb 2266 tthru hru M ar 2211 Mae West Mar Thu/Fri/Sat at 8PM, Sat & Sunn at 2PM

.6thstreetplayhousee.com www.6thstreetplayhouse.com www Box Office 707 523-4185 ext 1 52 W6th St Santa Rosa CA 95401 9

THE BOHEMIAN

02.10.10-02.16.10

29

the last day saloon DON’T FORGET…WE SERVE FOOD TOO!

Mc Near’s Dining House Breakfast • Lunch • Dinner BBQ • Pasta • Steak FRI 2/12 • 7:00PM DOORS • $23 ADV/$25 DOS • 18+ SINGER/SONGWRITER

LOUDON WAINWRIGHT III PLUS SOLID AIR

the best place for live music, dancing and dining

♡♡♡ Valentine’s Weekend ♡♡♡

THE BAR AND RESTAURANT OPENS ON ALL SHOW DAYS AT 4 PM

2/11

ALBOROSIE & THE SHENGEN CLAN SAT 2/20 • 7:00PM DOORS • $20 BALCONY/$25 FLOOR • 16+ COMEDY

LOOKING FOR INTELLIGENT LIFE TOUR

GALLAGHER

2/12

CALIFORNIA BAD BOYZ 2/13

+ LUVPLANET + 21 GRAMS

2/16

MARDI GRAS PARTY WITH

RHYTHMTOWN-JIVE FEATURING MIKE RINTA + PARADE AROUND RAILROAD SQUARE

2/18

HALESTORM 2/19

WITH SPECIAL GUEST

STEVE KIMOCK TUE 3/2 • 7:00PM DOORS • $20 • 21+ ACOUSTIC/JAZZ/NU-JAZZ

ACOUSTIC ALCHEMY For All Ages Shows • No Children Under 10 Allowed

30

02.10.10-02.16.10

THE BOHEMIAN

8:30 PM SHOW > $15/18 > BLUES

I-10 MUSIC SERIES PRESENTS "AUSTIN'S GODFATHER OF R&B"

W.C. CLARK + BILL NOTEMAN & THE ROCKETS 2/20

9:30 PM SHOW > $10/12 > REGGAE

Rebel Lion Productions PRESENTS

BAMBU STATION

PLUS GE SMITH

CB-3

8:30 PM SHOW > $10/12 > ROCK

+ ADELITAS WAY + 26 MPH

SUN 2/28 • 8:00PM DOORS • $25 • 21+ JAM BAND

(CHRIS BERRY TRIO)

5:30 PM MARCH > 6:30 PM SHOW $7/10 > NEW ORLEANS R&B FUNK

I-10 MUSIC SERIES PRESENTS

WED 2/24 • 7:00PM DOORS • $25 • 21+ FOLK/BLUES

JORMA KAUKONEN

9:30 PM SHOW > $13/15 > ROCK

FRANK HANNON (LEAD GUITARIST BAND FROM TESLA)

WITH REDEYE EMPIRE

MEDESKI MARTIN AND WOOD

Rancho Debut!

Fri

Feb 12

BAUTISTA

Hot Latin Jazz Fusion Dance Band 8:30pm

TOMMY CASTRO BAND Feb 13 8:30pm Sat

Special Valentine Songs

Sun

Feb 14 MIKE LIPSKIN & DINAH LEE 4:00pm / In the Bar Enjoy a Romantic Evening with

from the Virgin Islands

2/24

8:30 PM SHOW > $10 > BLUES

I-10 MUSIC SERIES PRESENTS

THE INSOMNIACS all shows are 21+ unless noted for reservations: 707.545.5876

23 Petaluma Blvd, Petaluma

707.545.2343

707-765-2121

120 5th street @ davis street santa rosa, ca

www.mcnears.com

lastdaysaloon.com

♡ ♡

♡♡

♡♡

THE BAGUETTE QUARTETTE

SPECIAL VALENTINE’S DAY MENU

7:30pm

BIG BEN AND HIS SNAKEOIL SAVIORS Feb 19 Original Western Swing Fri

8:30pm Special Luau Buffet WILLIE K WITH AVI RONEN & JOE CANO “Hands of Fire” 8:30pm

Sat

Feb 20

COME DANCE AFTER THE SHOW (NO COVER)

G LOVE & SPECIAL SAUCE AN EVENING WITH

9:00 PM SHOW > $15/20 > MALE DANCERS HAVE A GIRLS NIGHT OUT

SUN 2/21 • 7:30PM DOORS • $25 • ALL AGES FUNK/BLUES/HIP HOP

TUE 2/23 • 7:00PM DOORS • $30 ADV/$32 DOS • 18+ JAZZ

EST. 1941

+ BLUESHIFT + DJ DISTRUST

BENEFIT FOR HAITI RELIEF www.restaurantshelpinghaiti.com

THE KINGDOM OF ZION TOUR

9:30 PM SHOW > $6/8 > REGGAE ROCK

PION 2 ZION

DINE, DANCE, DONATE FRI 2/19 • 8:00PM DOORS • $25 ADV/$30 DOS • 21+ REGGAE

20 min from downtown Petaluma, 25 min from everywhere else!

nightclub & restaurant

THE LOST BOYS THURS 2/18 • ALL AGES • FREE ALL STAR JAM + RAFFLE

Reservations advised HAPPY HOUR M–F • 4–6PM

SAT 2/13 • 7:00PM DOORS • $15 • 16+ ROCK

WITH CLOVERLEAF DRIVE

Take a scenic drive for a unique dining experience

Dinner and a Show

Sun

Feb 21

HOUSTON JONES

Sun

High Octane Americana 4:00pm Unplugged!

Sat

8:00pm / In the Bar Dance to

Feb 26 DANNY UZILEVSKY Feb 27 THE 85’S Sun

80’s Party Band! 8:30pm “Redneck Mother” Legend

Feb 28

RAY WYLIE HUBBARD

7:30pm

415.662.2219

On the Town Square, Nicasio www.ranchonicasio.com

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Great Gig in the Sky

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Get Ready for Love

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Amour Cosmopolitan Long drives through the rolling hills of West Marin can be utterly romantic on a clear night, and never more so than after having dinner and dancing to the Baguette Quartette. One of the first hotjazz ensembles to hit the Bay Area, the group has been featured on NPRâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s All Things Considered and Putumayoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s French CafĂŠ compilation for its authentic blowback to the espresso-and-Gauloises music of 1920s Paris. You might have even noticed their music in the smash-hi t animated feature Monsters, Inc. Such exposure doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t come without hard work, and since the early 1990s, the Quartette have been building their vast repertoire and honing their chops with Django Reinhard t tunes, valse musette styles, foxtrots, tangos and more. A special Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day dinner menu from the roadhouseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s acclaimed kitchen will be in effect, and with European melodies in the air, romance should prevail on Sunday, Feb. 14, at Rancho Nicasio. Town Square, Nicasio. 7:30pm. $15. 415.662.2 219.

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THE BOHEMIAN

02.10.10-02.16.10

31

0.92;1.? Wed, Feb 10 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45 Jazzercise 10am-12:15pm Scottish Dance Youth and Family 7:00-10:00pm Singles & Pairs Square Dance Club Thur, Feb 11 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45 Jazzercise 7:25â&#x20AC;&#x201C;10:30pm Circles Nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Squares Square Dance Club Fri, Feb 12 8:45-9:45am Jazzercise 7:30pm California Ballroom presents an Evening pf Ballroom, Latin, Swing & Nightclub Dancing Sat, Feb 13 8:00-9:00am; 9:15-10:15am Jazzercise 10:30-11:45am Salsa Workout with DJ Steve Luther 7:00pm Victoria Strowbridge hosts n HEARTS FOR HAITI BENEFIT with Congolese, West African, Brazilian and Haitian Dance Classes & Performances Sun, Feb 14 8:30-9:30am Jazzercise 10:30amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;12:30pmZumbathon to Benefit Haiti Relief 10 Local Zumba Instructors, hosted by with Anna $10 donation suggested 1:30â&#x20AC;&#x201C;3:30pm Vintage Dance 5:00â&#x20AC;&#x201C;9:30pm DJ Steve Luther Country-Western Lessons & Dancing $10 Mon, Feb 15 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45pm Jazzercise 3:30pm WEIGHTWATCHERS MEETING Weigh in 3:30, Meeting 4:00 7:00-10:00pm Scottish Country Dancing Tues, Feb 16 8:45-9:45am; 5:45-6:45pm Jazzercise 9:30am WEIGHTWATCHERS MEETING Weigh in 9:30, Meeting 10:00 7:15-9:00pm AFRICAN DANCE with Victoria Strowbridge featuring West African & Congolese Dance

Santa Rosaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Social Hall since 1922 1400 W. College Avenue â&#x20AC;˘ Santa Rosa, CA 707.539.5507 â&#x20AC;˘ www.monroe-hall.com

Coyote Den

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Rockin' Blues

Saturday, February 20th â&#x20AC;˘ 8pm

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Memphis Exchange â&#x20AC;˘ Country Saturday, February 27th â&#x20AC;˘ 8pm

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Saturday, March 6th â&#x20AC;˘ 8pm

Thursday Night KARAOKE â&#x20AC;˘ 8:30pm Five $20 Free Play Drawings

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5 miles North of Ukiah, Hwy 101 â&#x20AC;˘ West Road Exit, Ukiah

707-485-0700 â&#x20AC;˘ www.coyotevalleycasino.com

32

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THE BOHEMIAN



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Yeasayerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Odd Bloodâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; is a futuristic dance-pop adventure magine â&#x20AC;&#x2122;80s R&B Miami-bass dance crooner Stevie B. taking a bath with Grizzly Bear while listening to Violator on a battery-powered boom box, and you get an idea of Yeasayerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s groove. Based in hot-spot Brooklyn, Yeasayer embrace dance-pop beats and that yelping, plaintive falsetto style singing Ă  la Depeche Modeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Martin Gore that made me quiver as a teen without the slightest hint of irony. Some might call their style empty. Some might call it something you can bounce to in a slick hipster club. Some might call it something to be dropped into the nearest trashcan, next to scratched singles of Rick Astleyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Never Gonna Give You Up.â&#x20AC;? But if anything, Odd Blood can be held up as a prime specimen of the digital and live instrumentation possibilities enabled by 21st-century technology. OfďŹ cially leaked on the internet last fall, the albumâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s exuberant, electro-pop ďŹ rst single sets the stage for the bubbly, beat-infused energy that informs most of their newer songs. Driven by the soaring yelps of multiinstrumentalist and vocalist Anand Wilder, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ambling Alpsâ&#x20AC;? is anthemic and rousing. Conversely, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Madder Roseâ&#x20AC;? kicks off with a melancholy chorus of voices, rising to the sky, and mixes a nice out-for-blood darkness with shimmering bass lines and electronic bells. Admittedly, Yeasayer can be an acquired taste. The bandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s tagline is â&#x20AC;&#x153;Enya with bounce,â&#x20AC;? and on songs like â&#x20AC;&#x153;I Remember,â&#x20AC;? with baldly sincere lyrics concerned with love and longing and making love on airplanes, their electronic bells backed by watery quavering keyboards do conjure a certain quality similar to the Celtic chanteuse. Even more caution: a boy-band strain runs through songs like â&#x20AC;&#x153;O.N.E.,â&#x20AC;? which boasts a bumping bass groove punctuated by slick synth ďŹ&#x201A;ourishes. Justin Timberlake fans may ďŹ nd themselves ďŹ&#x201A;ashing back to the days of learning to kiss on their â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;N Sync pillows when hearing the lovelorn harmonies of â&#x20AC;&#x153;Love Me Girl,â&#x20AC;? which declares â&#x20AC;&#x153;Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t give up on me / And I wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t give up on you / I gotta wait for the baby,â&#x20AC;? followed by the sampled squawks of jungle birds. In a recent interview on JamBase.com, Wilder explains the name â&#x20AC;&#x153;odd bloodâ&#x20AC;? as a sci-ďŹ term, something futuristic, â&#x20AC;&#x153;not natural blood, but something strange.â&#x20AC;? That diverse strangeness hits the Bay Area when Yeasayer play on Saturday, April 17, at the Fillmore. 1805 Geary Blvd., San Francisco. 9pm. $20. 415.346.6000.

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THE BOHEMIAN

02.10.10-02.16.10

33

:B@60

;8E4<DB82;8E4B Bill Cutting and Gianni Messmer plan to host metal, rock, indie, emo and country bands at their new downtown venue.

;TcCWTaT1TA^RZ

The crazy rhythm of Chrome Lotus, Santa Rosaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s newest nightclub

By Gabe Meline

F

alking through Chrome Lotus, downtown Santa Rosaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s newest nightclub and live music venue, is kind of like eating KFCâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Famous Bowlâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a lot of different elements rolled into one helping of dimly lit comfort. Opened last week by Round Robin coowners Gianni Messmer and Bill Cutting, the buzzed-about spot with the ramped-up Facebook campaign is a mashup experience fusing the highbrow and lowbrow thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sure to be hot on the cherry-red lips of Sonoma Countyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nightlife houndsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;glitterati, metalheads, the salon set, tramp-stamp party girls, hipsters, business-casual drinkers, nononsense lushes, indie rockers, goateed rock bros and see-and-be-seen dancers alike. With such a variegated scope, it could be just what Santa Rosaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been lacking. But will all these elements get along for the sake of a new, promising live music opportunity? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatever we do, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a certain percentage of people that arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t gonna like it,â&#x20AC;? says Messmer, who, with Cutting, opened Chrome Lotus last week. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You can never, ever be 100 percent. So if weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re 51 percent, then weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re doing good. And even if weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re 49 percent, as long as theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re talking about it.â&#x20AC;? When Messmer bought the Round Robin in 2006, he talked about transforming Santa Rosaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s famed dive bar into an edgy, sexy, biker chic joint with hot young beer slingers dancing on the bar. It never came fully to fruition, but that Coyote Uglyâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;like

34

02.10.10-02.16.10

THE BOHEMIAN



atmosphere permeates the front bar at Chrome Lotus. Cleavage galore: check. Jukebox playing AC/DC: check. Drinks with names like â&#x20AC;&#x153;Smack My Beach Up,â&#x20AC;? the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dirty Sanchez Margaritaâ&#x20AC;? and the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Lotus Spreaderâ&#x20AC;?: check. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You know, we just wanted something fun,â&#x20AC;? Messmer says of the cocktailâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s names. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We wanted this place to not be just another bar. Assuming people come in for a bachelorette party, or itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your birthday or a special celebration, you want to do stupid little gimmicks like that.â&#x20AC;? Tucked away from all this down a long hallway in the back is an incredible music room, a brick-walled hamlet thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like walking into a different world than the front area. A separate bar serves a laid-back crowd in front of a modest two-foot-tall stage. A disco ball hangs in the center. The room is just the right sizeâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;breathable and roomy, but still intimateâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and even with just 100 people there, the place is nicely packed. Patrick Malone, local tastemaker whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s done an excellent job booking the Hopmonk Tavern in Sebastopol, is on board to bring in both local and touring bands. (Messmer calls him â&#x20AC;&#x153;a ninja.â&#x20AC;?) But donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t expect the reggaejam-band-folk-soul-bluegrass lineup thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s done so well at Hopmonk. Chrome Lotus will focus on â&#x20AC;&#x153;rock, metal, punk, indie and emo,â&#x20AC;? says Malone, whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hired an assistant to handle the extra load and help book bands with few other local options. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also the Thursday-night live music sponsored by Country 106.3-FM, a radio

station that plays classic Johnny Cash, Loretta Lynn, George Jones and Merle Haggard. Live country music simply hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t had a nightclub home base in Santa Rosa for years, and realisticallyâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;whether or not one wants to admit itâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one of the most popular genres in Sonoma County. While this is a boon, Chrome Lotusâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; ban on hip-hop will disappoint the areaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s legions of rap fans. To Messmer, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a business compromise that unfortunately makes sense. In the Santa Rosa Police Departmentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s eye, hip-hop is basically one big semiautomaticgang-war cocaine-sex-fest rap battle, and Messmer isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t willing to take the chance of being targeted for shutdown by the city attorneyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s office for hosting it. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think hip-hop equals problems,â&#x20AC;? says Messmer, adding that heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s aware of and will support more positive, conscious hip-hop artists. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not into that tough-guy image, smackinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;-my-bitch-up. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not doing that. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want that, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want those people in here, and I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to like this place anyway.â&#x20AC;? Fancier features of Chrome Lotus seem grafted from the â&#x20AC;&#x153;ultraloungeâ&#x20AC;? aesthetic, held over from Messmerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s short-lived founding interest in the former swank downtown hotspot Seven. Two reserved box booths with bottle service hug the walls in the music room. A private room straddling the patio and music area is planned. A coat check greets all entrants before giving way to a bar with plenty of illuminated top-shelf liquor. A trained security team with earpieces checks the guest list at the ropes on the sidewalk and pats down pockets before entry. Finally, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the basic watering-hole aspect. Pool tables and corner couches fill a triangular room behind the bar. A soonto-open pizza spot next door will serve up plenty of pepperoni and cheese for late-night hunger pangs. Sunday features $2 beer deals, and a â&#x20AC;&#x153;Rough Days Happenâ&#x20AC;? special offers 25 cent PBRs to those who bring in a recent divorce certificate, foreclosure document, pink slip or bankruptcy notice. A covered, ventilated outdoor patio that will allow smoking is set for completion soon. Why Chrome Lotusâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; crazy fusion of nightlife mashup works is that the layout is expansive enough to accommodate all stripes without forcibly criss-crossing them. Music fans in the back donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need to tune out catcalls from the meat-market crowd. Pool players donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to navigate their cue sticks around bleach-blonde Jersey Shore girls. Real estate agents catching the Warriors game after work donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to do so with a metal band five feet away. The main thing that everyone can get behind? Already, a handful of local music nights will boast just a $1 door charge. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Our goal is to bring affordable live music to this side of the railroad tracks,â&#x20AC;? Messmer says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;If you havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t noticed, the economyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s crap, and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d rather people be able to come and listen to a good band. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re gonna spend money at the bar either way. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d rather have them keep their $10 in their pocket and buy a few drinks and listen to some good music.â&#x20AC;? This weekend, Chrome Lotus features JD Bauman and the Boot Band on Feb. 11 ($1), Simoom, Trial by Combat and Fear the Fiasco on Feb. 12 ($1), Counterbalance on Feb. 13 ($1) and a â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Love or Lustâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s party with DJs TonyTone and Truthlive on Feb. 14 ($5). 505 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa. www.chromelotussr.com.

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02.10.10-02.16.10

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SCA offers seduction in the cameraâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s light o often the silver screen creates a paradigm of romance that reality canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t compete with. Sometimes that defeats us, but what better time than Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day to embrace the illusion? On Feb. 13, the Sebastopol Center for the Arts presents â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Lost Art of Seduction,â&#x20AC;? an adults-only look into the most provocative scenes in Hollywood history. Resident film critic Gil Mansergh will delve into key scenes from more than 20 sexy films, ranging from such classics as The King and I and Henry and June to the lesser-known A Walk on the Moon. Proving the ever-evolving acting range of Viggo Mortensen, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s seen post-Amish but pre-Tolkien in Sonoma County screenwriter Pamela Grayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s film portraying a nomadic, free-spirited man who takes Diane Lane on an illicit adventure outside of her otherwise conservative â&#x20AC;&#x2122;60s lifestyle. (The waterfall scenes are not to be missed.) More recent steamy scenes from such films as Brokeback Mountain will also be showcased. While it sounds potentially awkward to be with a group of strangers for an evening of erotic snippets, Mansergh promises an evening of fun, leaving attendees wanting more. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What I want to do is get people to go to Blockbuster or put these in their Netflix queue, after they get a sampler, and watch them at home after. Get the whole experience,â&#x20AC;? Mansergh explains. And who knows? Amidst the wine and chocolate that will flow and benefit the SCA, an opportunity to meet a partnerin-crime for your own steamy movie session might just present itself. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This was started as and really is a chance for people interested in the movie world, in script writing, in film making, to meet others locally who are as well,â&#x20AC;? Mansergh says. After all, serendipity is a cinematic classic. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Lost Art of Seductionâ&#x20AC;? heats up the Sebastopol Center for the Arts on Saturday, Feb. 13. 6780 Depot St., Sebastopol. 7:30pm. $10. 707.849.4797. Kate McFarland

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02.10.10-02.16.10

37

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PETITE BLONDE Educated and attractive, down-to-earth WF would like to meet someone who shares some of my interests like metal music, concerts, learning and more. If you have an open mind, I definitely want to hear from your. 35-50. 314433

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WELL-TRAVELED WRITER Sensitive, compassionate, honest WM, warm, open, considered attractive, wonderful listener, quiet entertaining, likes most kinds of movies, music, travel, more. Seeking WF, 52-71, for possible relationship. 323098



HAPPILY EVER AFTER Single white male, 46, 5â&#x20AC;&#x2122;11â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, 190lbs, brown hair, blue eyes, Aquarius, interested in music, film, literature. Seeking the real deal, the storybook, the fairy tale princess. 323596



NO GAMES OR DRAMA WM, 6â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, 190lbs, brownishgray, hazel, goatee, loves playing pool, the outdoors, football, trying new things. Looking for a lady, 25-55, who wants to meet a nice guy. 323674



BLONDE A PLUS SM, 5â&#x20AC;&#x2122;10â&#x20AC;?, 185lbs, black/ brown, light complexion, looking for a slim WF, 19-29, for dating. 324312



LETâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S CONNECT SM, 6â&#x20AC;&#x2122;2â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, 220lbs, athletic, outgoing, loves the outdoors. Looking for similar SW/AF, 18-55, for fun and friendship. 324795



YOUR XMAS PARTY COMPANION Handsome, athletic, 54, 6â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, 195lbs, respectful gentleman, with good values, whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s educated, N/S, sociable and mischievous. Looking for a classy, friendly SWF, dances, with a beautiful smile and pointed ears. 325406



FRIEND LOVER SOULMATE SWPJM, 56, 5â&#x20AC;&#x2122;10â&#x20AC;?, blue eyes, sandy brown hair, kind, passionate, artistic, sincere, committed and fun, enjoys ocean walks, travel, arts, food, wine and nature. Seeking SF, 5062, kindred spirit, kind, soft, sensuous, for lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s adventures together. 309779



GET TO KOW ME SBM, 53, 6â&#x20AC;&#x2122;1â&#x20AC;?, 190lbs, looking for a fun, loving woman, 2565, with a good personality, who likes having a good time, the beach, horseback riding, movies, walks and more. 314332



LTR AND LOVE IN BOOTS Italian Taurus, SM, 45, 6â&#x20AC;&#x2122;, 218lbs, N/S, N/Drugs, N/D, long hair, educated, published, financially/emotionally secure, respectful, inspiring, tender, great sense of humor, enjoys alternative music, dancing, movies, animals, cooking, conversation, mountains. Seeking thin, dancing SWF, 18-33, in boots for LTR. 315052



ABBREVIATIONS: A-Asian; B-Black; C-Christian; F-Female; G-Gay; H-Hispanic; J-Jewish; M-Male; N/S-Non-Smoker; P-Professional; S-Single; W-White Guidelines:BohemianRomanceisacommunitypublication.ParticipantsintheBohemianRomancemust be 18 years or older. Use of Bohemian Romance for any illegal purpose will be subject to prosecution. Bohemian Romanceisnotliableforthecontentofthepersonalsadvertisementsortheresponsetosuchadvertisements.BohemianRomance encourages readers to take appropriate safeguards when responding to personal and arrangingmeetings.Screenallrespondentscarefully.Meetingswithnew companions should occur in public places and participants should not divulge their addresses. Be smart, not sorry. Notallboxescontainavoicegreeting.

Dial 1.900.287.1222 or 1.800.273.8235

(with credit card or check)

Only $2.29 per minute â&#x20AC;˘ 18 and up â&#x20AC;˘ Or call toll-free 1.800.214.3435 to become a member.

THE BOHEMIAN

0204

02.10.10-02.16.10

38

BOHEMIANROMANCE To become a member, call To listen & respond to ads, call

1 900.287.1222

1.800.214.3435 To listen & respond to ads using a credit card or check, call

1 800.273.8235

Call costs $2.19/min. Must be 18+ Men Seeking Women HOPE TO FIND YOU Sociable, good-hearted, compassionate, healthy gentleman, 63, published writer/ poet, D/D-free, non-drinker, enjoys quiet times, home, sports, simple times. Seeking loving, happy, intelligent woman to share life, love, possible LTR. Bay Area preferred. 224839



LOOK NO FURTHER SWM, 30, 5’4’’, looking for a woman, 30-40, who wants to hang out and get to know each other. 317907



COOKING FOR YOU! SWM, 62, 5’10”, 170lbs, N/S, light drinker, clean shaven, hazel eyes, self-employed, loves cooking, jazz and traveling. Seeking a similar woman, 50-80, race unimportant, for possible LTR. 318883



ONE GOOD MAN LEFT SHM, 32, N/S, likes soccer, running. In search of SA/BF for friendship first possibly leading to more. 319059



JUST MOVED HERE SWM, 5’7’’, 190lbs, brown eyes, wants to meet soulmate in similar SF, 30-55. I love swing dancing, travel, gourmet cooking, animals, nature. 305800



SOMEONE LIKE ME SWM, youthful 51, 5’11’’, 200lbs, dark hair, hazel eyes, looking for a lady, 40-59, who likes to party, is outgoing, adventurous. 319319



EASY ON THE EYES Outgoing, good-looking WM, 6’, 175lbs, salt-n-pepper/blue, good sense of humor, spontaneous, romantic, adventurous, likes weekend getaways, concerts and more. Seeking honest, appreciative woman, 22-65, who has goals in life. 320839



JACK OF HEARTS Handsome dude, 57, good SOH, interesting, spontaneous, fun, adventuresome, looking for attractive woman. I enjoy dancing, concerts, dining out, hiking, beach combing and holding hands also loves animals, dogs, cats and 20 horses. Happy trails! 1639



SOMETIMES MISCHIEVOUS Optimistic, honest, cleancut, caring, outdoorsy man, 50s, likes music, walks, long drives, running, watching tv, museums, dining out. Seeking SF, 50s, for companionship. 313135



KISSING & CUDDLING Single man in Sonoma County, extremely romantic, looking for an equally romantic partner. I love soft kisses, snuggling on the couch, and making you laugh! 315225



LOTTERY WINNER if you respond to this ad you will in effect have won the lottery. I’m a bald 54 year-old, handsome man, well-traveled, love cooking, adventure, exploring. Ready to have a slender, attractive, sexy, happy girlfriend. 325270



FRIENDSHIP FIRST Caring, honest, nurturing SM, 60s, enjoys music, watching tv, walks, camping, coffee shops, hiking and museums. Looking for SF, 30-70, for dating possibly leading to LTR. 313144



LTR AND LOVE IN BOOTS Italian Taurus, SM, 45, 6’, 218lbs, N/S, N/Drugs, N/D, long hair, educated, published, financially/emotionally secure, respectful, inspiring, tender, great sense of humor, enjoys alternative music, dancing, movies, animals, cooking, conversation, mountains. Seeking thin, dancing SWF, 18-33, in boots for LTR. 315055



LET’S MEET FOR COFFEE SM, 20s, bright, artistic, ambitious, optimistic, personable, likes dining, travel, the beach, walking, exercise. Seeking female, 20s, for possible relationship. 318319



COMPASSIONATE SM, 60s, with good values, likes camping, dancing, dining, reading, hiking, walking, biking. Looking for SF, 50s, for LTR. 318320



Men Seeking Men LOOKING FOR LOVE Seeking one man to love and care for completely and forever. Me: SBM, 50ish, affectionate, supportive, genuine, lots to offer. You: just be yourself, imperfect, mature older man, 70-90, with some humor, some laughter. Are you the one? 299175



COMPASSIONATE GUY Hard-working, classy, cleancut, caring, honest male in search of a male, 58-69, who likes night clubs, television, travel, dancing, the beach, taking walks, exercise. 308996



Women Seeking Women LET’S GO OUT WF, 5’2”, 125lbs, would like to meet a BF, 48-59, for fun, romance and possible relationship. Give me a call. 326658



WHERE ARE YOU? You are 35-45, very feminine, dark, mystical, spiritual, with a sense of humor, know what you like, and want to enjoy life, but not alone. I’m trying to find you, where are you? 310085



LOOKING FOR YOU SWF, 41, Santa Rosa area, looking for a SWF, 30-45, to hang out and have fun with. 318644



Alternative Lifestyles

WHATEVER YOU DECIDE! SM, 5’11’’, 170lbs, light brown hair, blue eyes, athletic build, shaved, smooth and sexy, well-endowed, into a wide variety of pleasures. Anything goes; role play, fantasy fulfillment, toys, porn, lingerie. Seeking couples and females to party and play. 316161



COUPLE SEEKS WOMAN Very attractive, middle-aged, married white couple, she’s 5’2”, 125lbs, 34D. He is 5’11”, 172lbs. Both and very sensual and she is multi-orgasmic. We are N/S, light drinkers, healconscious, pleasant, nonpushy. Please be N/S, H/W proportionate, white, Hispanic or Asian, under 55. Bi or bi-curious ok. Discretion assured. Let’s have fun. 314002



TURN THE TABLES Handsome, sane, married WM, 57 is looking for a woman, who knows how to use a strap on, for ongoing, mostly daytime play. I will please you in any way that you want and I take directions well. 318288



GREAT LEGS! Tall, slender cross-dresser, very nice legs, looking for men or a group of men. Give me a call, let’s have some fun! 318996

STRAIGHT COUPLE... seeks straight male for threeway. We’re looking for a man who is straight, or at least good at pretending to be, to help us get extra super snuggly deep down in the covers. 327082



ANYTHING GOES I love to please and be pleased. Looking for a couple for fun times together. 325726

SEEKING COUPLES Good-looking bi male, 50, would like to meet bi man/ woman couples for erotic interlude. 319986





JOIN US White couple looking for a female, 18-25, for fun, discreet times together. Give us a call. 311573



READY FOR FUN? SWM, 30, feminine bottom, looking for a top WM, 20-60, for good times and fun. Let’s see where it goes! 311892



SPANK YOU VERY MUCH Woman, thou shalt be spanked. Gentle or hard, clothed or naked, whatever you deserve, by a sexy man who knows how to do it. 288495



SHE-MALE SEEKS GOOD TIMES Want to spend time with a man or a woman. I am very affectionate, beautiful, and love to be held. Interested? 279657



KEEP IT DISCREET WF, 30s, dark/dark, light complexion, fun-loving, bi-curious, seeks discreet female, 28-55, to have fun and party with. 314779



BD/SM SWM, submissive, wants one or two females or young male for BD/SM, watersports, torture, anal. Never did any of this before, but curious to try now! 319455

SANTA ROSA AREA WM, 41, looking for openminded people who enjoy adult fun. I like adult movies, toys and looking for a couples and females. I can be orally bi depending on the chemistry. 323130



LET’S HAVE FUN SM, 38, 6’2”, 200lbs, looking for a top or couples to get together and share good times with. 324363



DISCREET ENCOUNTER BiHM, 50, 5’6”, 180lbs, nonsmoker, seeking males, females or couples to have some hot fun and more. 324668



BROWN SUGAR SBF, 44, big behind and beautiful breasts, loves to get freaky. Spontaneous and open-minded, searching for well-endowed, spontaneous, open-minded, well-dressed man who appreciates a good lady. 325727



INTIMATE ENCOUNTERS SWM, 47, 6’, blond/blue, very strong, Scorpio, seeks discreet intimate encounters with single, married or divorced ladies in the North Bay. I’m a great masseusse as well. 326306

18+







TRIPLE PLAY Handsome, easygoing, discreet, polite gentleman, 57, enjoys couples. I am a WM, 6’, 190lbs, athletic build, well hung and Bi. I also like dominant women. 232423



LET’S HAVE SOME FUN Male looking for an older gentleman, 35-65, to teach me the ropes. I haven’t been with too many people. I like watching adult movies and trying new things. 321782



I NEED HELP! Married HM, 49, 5’11”, goodlooking, doesn’t get it at home. Looking for a wild woman with a high libido for a discreet sexual encounter. 322196



FREAKY MAN... looking for a freaky, spontaneous, wild, erotic woman, 18-55, to get together and have some fun, adult times together. 322361



JOIN US Bi couple looking for a stud, a muffin or both. Satisfaction guaranteed. 323336



866.689.5312 Get ready to meet someone special.

Missed Connections AMAZON KINDLE Hello, I met you Friday June 27 at the Russian River Brewing Company on Fourth St. in Santa Rosa. She may be a computer programmer from St. Helena Hospital and watched on this day 3 movies back to back in the theater on Fourth St. in the town of Santa Rosa The Love Guru by Mike Meyers, Wall-E and another film. And she sipped a little beer and read from her Amazon kindle. I would like to get in touch with this girl and ask her to edit my book. She is a perfect candidate for my book. Hope to hear from you. Phil. 274972



CORINA IN OLIVER’S Saturday at 4:00PM, You had 15-year-old twins with blacks belts in karate. I have two cute little kids. We talked about children and kale. Lunch? 311695



call 1.800.214.3435

The Bohemian is no longer servicing walk-in ads. Please call 1-800-214-3435 to become a member.

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02.10.10-02.16.10

THE BOHEMIAN

0204

BOHEMIANCLASSIFIEDS

Placing an Ad

Contacting Us

§ By Phone Call the Department at 707.527.1200 Mon.-Fri., 8:30a.m.5:30p.m.

Bohemian Classifieds 847 5th Street, Santa Rosa, CA 95404 Monday through Friday, 8:30a.m. to 5:30p.m. ph: 707.527.1200

√ By Fax Fax your ad to the Classified Department at 707.527.1288

Bartenders in Demand

g Employment Jobs

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g For Sale Electronics

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Miscellaneous

Computer Services

g For Sale

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Career Development

Free Advice! We’ll Help You Choose A Program Or Degree To Get Your Career & Your Life On Track. Call Collegebound Network Today! 1-877-892-2642 (AAN CAN)

Family Services Adoptions

Miscellaneous

Pregnant? Hand Blown Glass Art Considering Adoption? Makes a Great Gift Talk with caring agency specializing in matching for Valentines Day Made by Local artists, One of a kind glass art pieces at incredible prices. Only at Tama Rama’s in Downtown Cotati. 8252 Old Redwood Hwy, Cotati (707) 795-1425

Your Personality Determines Your Happiness Know why? Call for your free personality test. Call 1-800-293-6463

g Home Services Remodeling/Repair

ggg Wanted through out Bay Area !! Help qualify California Initiatives. $12-$25 Hourly. Flexible hours. Please call 707-332-9118

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birthmothers with families nationwide. Living expenses paid. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions. 866/413-6293 (AAN CAN)

g Miscellaneous

Professional Services

GAIN NATIONAL EXPOSURE

Reach over 5 million young, educated readers for only Need a quality designer? $995 by advertising in 110 Business cards, brochures, weekly newspapers like this flyers, posters, digital collage, one. Call Jason at 202-289cd covers, photographic 8484. This is not a job offer. restoration, general (AAN CAN) marketing materials. Mark Schaumann 707-795-0924, schaumann1@earthlink.net

Golden Star Grafix

MacAdvantage Macintosh FREE Diagnosis, Friendly In-House Staff Hardware/ Software, DATA Recovery, Internet, Email,Wireless Network Setup & Security, Apple Authorized Business Agent, Tam NguyenChief Tech, M-F 10-6 info@themacadvantage.com 707.664.0400

g Classes & Instruction

Real Estate Services

g

Q UALITY G RAPHIC D ESIGN BUSINESS CARDS • BROCHURES

Homes

ALL AREAS - HOUSES FOR RENT Browse thousands of rental listings with photos and maps. Advertise your rental home for FREE! Visit: www.RealRentals.com (AAN CAN) (AAN CAN)

POSTERS • T-SHIRTS • CD COVERS FLYERS • PHOTOGRAPHIC RESTORATION

general marketing materials

Mark Schaumann 707.795.0924

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schaumann1@earthlink.net

THE PLACE TO MEET HOT

Adult Entertainment

g g Adult Entertainment

Quality and Maturity

Kara, in Marin. Call for photos. Please, no calls from blocked phone numbers. No calls after midnight. 415/233-2769. Adult Massage

**North Bay Beauties** Convenient incall off 101. Ask about website pix. Liza * 707-566-7866 Kayla * 707-843-2271

* FREE TO T RY !

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CALL

SANTA ROSA

18 + *CARRIER CHARGES MAY APPLY

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40

HEALTH&WELL-BEING gg Healing & Bodywork

Massage & Relaxation

Man of Your Dreams

PAIN/STRESS RELIEF

Men, women, couples. TLC, massage, Tantra, nurturing mutual touch. William 707-548-2187

Professional male massage; strong, deep healing work; for men/ women; 1 hr/$50, 1 1/2 hr $65. 707-536-1516 www.CompleteBodyBalance.com

Great Massage

By Joe, CMT. Relaxing hot tub A Safe Place and pool available. Will do To Be Real outcalls. 707-228-6883. Holistic tantric masseuse. Unhurried, private, heartfelt. Strong Thorough Monday thru Saturday. and Intuitive NEW CLIENT DISCOUNT. 30 yrs experience. Excellent 707-793-2232. Rates! 1/2 hour, hour or 90 Deep Relaxing Full mins. Colin, CMT 707-823-2990. Body Massage

Bearhands4u Massage for men, Sebastopol. Mature, strong, professional. 707/291-3804. Days, evenings, weekends $60/hr. Outcalls available.

RELAX! Relaxing massage and bodywork by male massage therapist with 11 yrs experience. 707-542-6856

RELAX Asian Massage Thai • Deep Tissue Swedish • Hot Stone 1 HR/$65 90 MIN/$100 walk-ins or appt

707.528.2540 3401 Cleveland Ave #2 Santa Rosa

Full Body Sensual Massage With a mature, playful CMT. Comfortable incall location near the J.C. in Santa Rosa. Soothing, relaxing, and fun. Visa/MC accepted. Gretchen 707/478-3952.

the way you like it. Swedish and deep tissue techniques. Relaxing and rejuvenating. Flexible schedule for your convenience. Outcalls available. Call James 707-477-4365.

Escape to Pleasure Island! Need a mini-vacation? Let go of your stress as you relax and enjoy the best of sensual massage by a lovely lady with a caring touch. Quality, Class & discretion. Accept Visa/MC Joy C.M.T. 707-477-1766. Santa Rosa.

Guerneville M4M Massage Mitch, CMT. Mature. Professional. Relaxing intuitive touch. Private discrete studio. 707-849-7409

g

Take Care of Yourself

Prof Surrogate/Masseuse

A Provider of Pleasure

Miscellaneous

Holistic, caring, help with all sexual concerns. Tantric and relationship coaching. Supervising Dr available. 707-793-2232

41

Massage • Reflexology Swedish/Shiatsu Open 7 Days: 10am-10pm

1626 4th St. Santa Rosa 707.526.6888

Golden Flower Massage Spa

To total Completion by a mature male $40/hour. Napa Valley location. Roger 707-525-1771.

MEN! Get a Massage

Lily Spa

FLOWER SPA

With a deeply relaxing, pampering, sensual, massage. Winter Special. CMT in Santa Rosa. Call Bliss 415/717-9378.

In a safe, relaxing, comfortable space by a “mature”, compatible, easy-going gentleman! Since 1991 I`ve provided pleasure to women, men, couples. Good virtues. NW Santa Rosa, Jimmy, (C) 707-799-4467 or (L) 707-527-9497.

02.10.10-02.16.10

THE BOHEMIAN

• Swedish & Deep

Tissue Massage • Hot Stone Massage

699 Petaluma Blvd. N

707.765.1879 Open 7 days 9am-10pm

Petaluma Lavender Day Spa

Ayurvedic

Indian Head Massage • relief from tension headaches, eyestrain, and sinusitis

Rocks Clouds and Zendo

• improves mobility in neck and shoulders

Zazenkai One Day Meditation Retreat with the founding teacher of Lotus Fire Sangah. Sunday Feb 28th - 6:00 am to 4:00 pm. Email us with questions lotusfirezendo@gmail.com or call 707-319-2001

• balances energy

Centering Prayer Retreat Day

Margery Smith 707.578.9642

This retreat day will offer a variety of contemplative prayer practices (centering prayer, prayer walk, lectio divina, journaling). Beginners welcome. Cost: $25. Sat, Feb 13, 10am, 5 pm, Journey Center, Santa Rosa, 707-578-2121,www.journeycenter.org.

Opening Specials • FREE Table Shower • Excellent Massage • Relaxing Body Treatments • Large Steam Sauna • Easy & Safe Parking

Walk ins Welcome Open 7 Days 9-10pm

SPIRITUAL CONNECTIONS

707.782.9898

Finding inspiration and connecting with your community

131 Liberty St, Ste. D at Washington behind Wachovia Bank

NOW OPEN Therapeutic Massage Center Boody Massage $55/hr Open 7 days 9-10pm

707.578.3088

Foot Massage $19.99/45 min 2460 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa

Call the Bohemian NOW to advertise! 707.527.1200 sales@bohemian.com

The Journey Center: Christ-centered Spirituality, Healing, & Wholeness Reading room, art gallery, prayer/ meditation gatherings, spiritual journey resources, bodywork, bookstore, free WiFi. 1601 Fourth Street, Santa Rosa. www.journeycenter.org 707.578.2121

Mahakaruna Buddhist Meditation Center Offers ongoing introductory and advanced classes. Weds at noon, Tues & Weds evenings 7:30–8:45pm Prayers for World Peace, Sun, 10:30–11:45am Everyone welcome. 304 Petaluma Blvd., North, Petaluma www.meditationinnorcal.org

Ken McLEod to speak 7pm, Feb 23 Santa Rosa Shambhala Center, 709 Davis Street (enter via 8th Street Parking Lot Northwest door) for information call 529-1561 or visit www.santarosa.shambhala.org

Share your organization’s inspiration with over 95,100 Bohemian Readers monthly!

Phone: 707.527.1200 email: sales@bohemian.com

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This bone good for one free day of doggy care!

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certain conditions apply, offer good thru Feb. 28, 2010

DOGGY D AY C ARE 10 acres of safe country grounds Huge dry barn for rainy days

707-322-3272 www.incrediblecanine.com info@IncredibleCanine.com

Low Cost Vaccination Clinics every Sunday, 9:30-11am

WESTERN FARM CENTER 707.545.0721 21 West 7th St. Santa Rosa

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THE BOHEMIAN

02.10.10-02.16.10

42

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Wednesday ~ March 24, 2010

Bikram Yoga San Rafael

TOUGH TIMES THINKING STAYING POSITIVE IN A NEGATIVE WORLD

 3ECOND ST 3UITE  3AN 2AFAEL s 9/'! s WWWSANRAFAELYOGACOM We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t change because we see the lightâ&#x20AC;Śwe change because we feel the heat. So what are you waiting for? 2010 is your time to change your body, change your life! The Bikram beginning practice is suitable for beginners and advanced yogis appealing to both men and women of all fitness levels.

With local Author & Speaker Steven Campbell 5:30 pm to 8:30 pm Mary Agatha Furth Center, Windsor CA

Bikram Yoga of Santa Rosa  7ILSON 3TREET 3ANTA 2OSA s 9/'! s WWWBIKRAMOFSANTAROSACOM

5:30 pm to 6:00 pm ~ Registration & Light Appetizers 6:00 pm to 8:30 pm ~ Workshop 8:30 pm ~ Q&A and Author book signing

Bikram's Yoga system will reshape and heal your body while it relieves stress and tension. The Bikram Method of Hatha Yoga is a demanding series of 26 postures, done in a heated room and meant to be performed in the given order, to the best of one's ability. A principle of the class is that one can learn to steadily make new demands of oneself, to work harder, deeper, yet calmer.

All proceeds go to the The Drug Abuse Alternatives Center Perinatal Day Treatment Program Helping Mothers Saving Babies Suggested donation ~ $25 per person

(Regular price $75 per person for this Workshop) Sonoma County resident Steven Campbell has spent the past 20+ years studying how the brain works. This past spring, he released his third book, Making Your Mind Magnificent: Flourishing at Any Age. He now leads a series of workshops and presentations throughout California based on the concepts in his book. Stevenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s work can be boiled down to this simple, yet oh-so-hard-to-change idea: The Brain accepts what we tell it without question! Once we learn how to change the way we think (the emphasis of Stevenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s workshop), we will literally change our lives in that very instant! Steven is a volunteer at DAAC, hosting on-going educational programs at the Perinatal and Turning Point Residential Programs TICKETS SOLD AT & SPONSORED BY:

Maverick Media

For more information - http://www.daacinfo.org (Events) or http://anintelligentheart.blogspot.com

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Hot!

Bikram Yoga Petaluma  0ETALUMA "LVD .ORTH 0ETALUMA s  WWW"IKRAM9OGA0ETALUMACOM Want to lose unwanted weight quickly and safely? Bikram yoga's your ticket. Want to get healthy? With Bikram yoga, every muscle group and all five systems of the body are stimulated towards peak performance. The end result is you ROCKâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

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02.10.10-02.16.10

43

BW`SR]T0SW\U2]^SAWQY-

1OZZCa <=E/7B7<5>3@7=2 AO[S2Og2]aW\U <]/^^]W\b[S\b<SQSaaO`g Medical Marijuana Evaluations Local. Independent. Comprehensive. Absolute lowest fee. 10% off for Seniors and Vets. Be legal. Be safe. Call for your confidential appt. 707-528-1829.

Meth and Alcohol Treatment that allows you to keep your day job! Santa Rosa Treatment Program can help.(707) 576-0818.

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SANTA ROSA TREATMENT PROGRAM

1901 CLEVELAND AVE SUITE B, Santa Rosa

Your Personality Determines Your Happiness

Medical Marijuana Certifications

Know why? Call for your free personality test. Call 1-800-293-6463

Donate Your Auto 800.380.5257

$125. Santa Rosa. 707-575-7375.

GET YOUR CAT FIXED FOR FREE! Free spay & neuter surgeries for cats will be provided Sat., Feb. 20 to low-income Sonoma County residents, courtesy of Sonoma County Animal Network and participating veterinarians. Pre-registration is a must. CALL: 707-586-6651.

Santa Rosa Treatment Program

Free Autism Series starts 2/17/10! 7:00 pm. Carlisle Holland DO. Call for info & reservations (707) 824-8764. www.holonomicinstitute.com.

Benefit for Haitian Health Foundation

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Afro/Haitian Dancing & Drumming. Feb 13th, Sat @ 11am-1pm. 264 First Street East, Vintage House Sonoma. $10.00 Donation Requested. Info: Karin Devaney, 707-360-8795 or karindevaney@gmail.com

high

Need a quality designer? Business cards, brochures, flyers, posters, digital collage, cd covers, photographic restoration, general marketing materials. Mark Schaumann 707.795.0924

Organic and Earth friendly foods and supplies Scott Goree - Entertainment coordinator and business manager. 707.795.7358 home, 707.479.5481 cell redgore23@aol.com

life

A Season of Sensational Events!Celebrate Napa Valley`s food, wine, art, agricultural and cultural bounties during the Mustard Season. Jan. 30 to Mar. 27. 707-938-1133. mustardfestival.org

Golden Star Grafix

Green Earth Catering

on not on drugs

Napa Mustard Festival

We do all DMV. Free pick up- running or not (restrictions apply). Live operators- 7 days! Help the Polly Klaas Foundation provide safety information and assist families in bringing kids home safely.

Hand Blown Glass Art Makes a Great Gift for Valentines Day Made by Local artists, One of a kind glass art pieces at incredible prices. Only at Tama Ramaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s in Downtown Cotati. 8252 Old Redwood Hwy, Cotati (707) 795-1425

Green Earth Catering

SUBUTEX/SUBOXONE available for Safe Oxycontin, Vicodin, Other Opiate Withdrawal! Confidential Program. (707) 576 1919

SANTA ROSA TREATMENT PROGRAM 1901 Cleveland Ave Suite B, Santa Rosa 707-576-0818 www.srtp.net Relapse Doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Mean Failure Santa Rosa Treatment Program can help. (707) 576 0818

Love farm animals? Become a VIP and a fan of Compassionate-Carnivores.org on Facebook, advocating for family farms.

â&#x20AC;˘ Heroin/Opiate (Vicodin, Oxycontin) detox and maintenance utilizing Methadone â&#x20AC;˘ Methamphetamine and other stimulant treatment â&#x20AC;˘ Subutex/Suboxone available â&#x20AC;˘ Providing Treatment since 1984

Scott Goree - Entertainment coordinator and business manager 707.795.7358 home, 707.479.5481 cell redgore23@aol.com

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Hot!

ing Open Ver y ! Soon

â&#x20AC;˘ Confidentiality assured

SKIRT CHASER VINTAGE NEW LOCATION! 208 Davis Street., Railroad Square 707546-4021. ALWAYS BUYING!

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Photography by Paul Burke

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707.664.0178 boomburke@hotmail.com

MY 2010 INTENTIONâ&#x20AC;ŚTURN MY LIFE AROUND

DAAC can help with your alcohol or other drug addiction

HOPE HEALING HEALTH CALL TODAY 707.544.3295 or visit www.daacinfo.org

707 775-2400

Turning Point Residential Program â&#x20AC;˘ 30 to 270 days of treatment â&#x20AC;˘ Opiate Treatment Track â&#x20AC;˘ NEW Payment Plan

A F F O R DA B L E â&#x20AC;˘ CO N F I D E N T I A L â&#x20AC;˘ 4 0 Y E A R S O F CO M M U N I T Y N O N - P R O F I T S E RV I C E


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