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Rebate debit card takes up to wks. exp. n 12 mos. All company names, trademarks, ogos and copyrights not the property of Verizon Wireless are the property of their respective owners. n CA: Net work details & coverage maps at vz w.com. Limited-time of fers. While supplies llast. Rebate debit card takes up to 6 wk s. & exp. iin 12 mos. All company names, trademark s, llogos and copyrights not the proper t y of Verizon Wireless are the proper t y of their respec tive owners. IIn CA: Sales tax based on full retail price of phone. 2009 Verizon Wireless. 93063 Sales tax based on full retail price of phone. � 2009 Verizon Wireless. 93063 02 09.02.09-09.08.09 THE BOHEMIAN Performances09 Enrich. Educate. Entertain. Your Community Non-Profit Arts Center for 28 years ...... ...... ...... ...... october 2 Neil Berg's 101 years of Broadway October 3 at 8pm Jeremy Camp with Natalie Grant & Bebo Norman November 17 Complexions Contemporary Ballet October 21 at 8pm Lisa Lampanelli November 20 Spanish Harlem Orchestra October 27 at 8pm Larry the Cable Guy December 8 and 9 Of Mice and Men by Barter Theatre October 29 at 8pm A Johnny Mathis Christmas December 10 For full schedule visit us online at wellsfargocenterarts.org For tickets call 707.546.3600 (noon-6pm Tue-Sat) Online wellsfargocenterarts.org Highway 101 to River Road, Santa Rosa � Connecting our Community through the Arts Wells Fargo Center for the Arts gratefully acknowledges generous support from WFCA_BOH_FULL_090209.indd 1 THE BOHEMIAN 8/25/2009 09.02.09-09.08.09 4:18:17 PM 03 SONOMA COUNTY'S BUSINESS BANK... then and now Member FDIC W hen come to your business, hen it comes to your business, es where you where you bank really does really matter. As Sonoma County's oldest and matter. As Sonoma County's oldest and largest community bank, Exchange largest community bank, Exchange Bank has the expe ience, service and er experience, service stability you need to help your busid to stability you your business grow. Find out the difference ffe grow. Find out difference that local expertis can make for you se o that expertise for you � Exchange Bank, Sonoma County's Exchange Bank, Sonoma County's business bank since 1890. since Visit any of our 19 convenient local 9 convenient Visit any branches or call 7 707.524.3000. branches www.exchangebank.com www.exchangebank.com 04 09.02.09-09.08.09 THE BOHEMIAN THE BOHEMIAN 09.02.09-09.08.09 05 I loved this issue of the Bohemian ("Degree of Panic," Aug. 19). I read it and laughed so hard and realized that I had it really good going to college. Thank you Santa Rosa Junior College and Dominican University. The article written by Jackie Johansen, "A `Useless' Degree" had me laughing so hard since I know how she felt. The line "I could make sure that money is never a problem. However, I would rather live humbly, have the time to dip a Madeleine into lime blossom tea and let the taste of it urge my own version of Combray to bubble up from the depths of my being" is really for some what college is about. I, like Jackie, went to college to study what I am passionate about, creative writing and humanities. When I attended Dominican University, I was taught a new, independent way to think and view the world. This recession is teaching a lot of people who are able to go to college just how lucky they really are. A college education is worth the price since it is not about what one learns in the classroom but what one takes away from it for life. Thank you for publishing one of the best Marine Life Protection Act articles I have seen to date ("Coastal Conundrum," Aug. 26). The unethical political maneuvering that it took to ensure the 2XA loss has left me quite disgusted with the process. There was open and transparent negotiation until the end when the Blue Ribbon Task Force felt the need to give the high-dollar eco side more of what they were paying for. Then, when it looked like 2XA could still win, the governor's office had to get involved in a bullshit move to invalidate the whole process (but ensure a win for the side that paid for the process). I consider myself an environmentalist first and a fisherman second, but what happened was just wrong. Letter-writer Michael Zebulon is dead wrong (Letters, Aug. 26). No "very deep resentment" of Obama has been building "almost since Inauguration Day," except for the sore losers who voted for McCain. Obama has said repeatedly that if you like your current insurance, you should be able to keep it. If you don't, there should be a "public option." That's a medical insurance plan offered by the federal government, like Medicare, that you can choose as your insurance coverage. The private plans would be required to compete with the federal plan for quality and cost. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why the private health insurers, the American Medical Association, and the big pharmaceutical companies, are spending millions and millions, and are spreading lies, to defeat this healthcare reform bill. The rabble are roused by hearing such lies as the creation of a "death panel" in the reform bill. The insurers have agreed to accept that part of the plan that would require them to take everyone who applies. The trade-off, however, according to the companies, would be that Obama would sign off on an "individual mandate." That means everyone would be required to buy insurance--quite a bonanza for the insurers. This can only work if we have an affordable and adequate public option, which the insurers are trying so desperately to kill. No review of Oliver at the Sixth Street Playhouse? We could expect that much from the PD, but the Bohemian? Are we to assume that the production is so bad, your reviewer, David Templeton, thought it best not to embarrass the theater and cast? Any comments from the esteemed Mr. Templeton? David Templeton responds: I do not review shows directed by Holly Vinson, because, as an occasional actor, I have been directed by her in past and hope to be again, I consider her a friend and mentor, and even if I could be objective about her work, reviewing it would open me to negative speculation and accusations of conflict of interest. I do look forward to seeing Oliver, though, as a fan of Ms. Vinson's work. 06 09.02.09-09.08.09 THE BOHEMIAN Locally owned and operated since 1949 Fri, Sat, Sun & Mon 9/4�9/7 4 Days Only This weekend you do not have to wait for any government stimulus packages for TeeVax has gone to our manufactures and negotiated many more great offers than we have space to show in this ad. Great products, service and selection just like we have been doing since 1949 when Ruth & Monty Montague started TeeVax on the front porch of their house on Santa Rosa Ave. TeeVax is your local family owned Sonoma County Home Town Brand Source Dealer. 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Billion Dollar Buying Power 707-486-5037 PeoplesHomes.net Home Appliance & Kitchen Center We build customer relationships that last for years because we put our customer's desires before our own. We strive to offer the best service and products so our customers feel good about referring TeeVax to their family and friends. Mon-Fri, 8:30 to 6:00, Sat 9:00 to 5:00, Sun 11:00 to 4:00 707-545-1195 In Historic Railroad Square � 422 Wilson Street � Santa Rosa � teevax.com THE BOHEMIAN 09.02.09-09.08.09 07 08 09.02.09-09.08.09 THE BOHEMIAN Locals Spa Pass Locals receive 20% off must bring in this coupon The Hyatt Vinyard Creek Hotel & Spa 170 Railroad Street, Santa Rosa Reservation: 707.636.7300 Hotel: 707.636.7100 www.vinyardcreek.hyatt.com in the Spa Feel at Home with Your Dentist! ! Full Service Dentistry ! 21 Years in Practice ! Cosmetic Dentistry ! Warm environment with knowledgable staff ! All ages welcome! Rose Lucchese DDS 568 Petaluma Ave Sebastopol 707-829-0692 THE BOHEMIAN 09.02.09-09.08.09 09 napawineandcraftsfair.com ONE-OF-A-KIND Art & Handcrafted Goods PRESENTED BY THE ARTISTS Local Merchants Napa & Sonoma Valley Wines Artisanal Foods / Microbrewed Beers Children's Events & Creative Activities PRODUCED PRODUCED BY THE NAPA DOWNTOWN ASSOCIATION NAPA DOWNTOWN ASSOCIATION AT 10 09.02.09-09.08.09 THE BOHEMIAN news for Sonoma, Marin & Napa Counties "Official Newspaper of White Shoes" y y A new proposal aims to fix the floor for gas prices at $3.50 a gallon. Yow. Can a tax at the pump rescue California? By Jessica Lussenhop hen 27th District Assemblymember Bill Monning hosted a town hall meeting last month with the Campaign for Sensible Transportation, the table seemed set for a conversation on planes, trains and automobiles and the budget cuts to public transportation. But when Fred Keeley showed up, it became clear that the dialogue on the Golden State's abysmal budget deal has already left the station. After a budget session that gutted not just public transportation but every service imaginable, the two seemed to be trying to channel frustration into a call for major tax reform. "We have to have a tax system which will be able to be passed by the Legislature before the end of this year," Keeley told a sizable crowd. Keeley, a member of the Commission on the 21st Century Economy, gave a brief outline of the package likely to come from the commission, much of which, such as f lattening the income tax, he acknowledges is regressive in nature. But, he said, "it will have the capacity going forward to be able to bake a bigger revenue pie so we can claw our way back" from the hole the state's in. One initially startling component is something called a "pollution tax" or "gasoline surcharge tax," and it could be headed for a pump near you. It would establish a f loor of $3.50 per gallon for gas in California. Whether the real cost was $2 or $3 a gallon, the price would never fall below $3.50. The difference would f low to state coffers. As the commission prepares to hand off its final set of recommendations to the governor and legislature this month, Keeley says a pollution tax is all but certain to be included. "[Senate President Pro Tem] Darrell Steinberg essentially told me a pollution tax has to be part of the package," he says. "This is not a righty / lefty thing. This is a broadly supported concept." The idea comes from Severin Borenstein, director of the University of California Energy Institute and a professor at UC Berkeley who proposed the idea in a white paper last December. "This would take a small step in moving people away from the Ford Expedition and toward y THE BOHEMIAN 09.02.09-09.08.09 11 Don't let the reign of error on healthcare continue! By R. W. Goatlips, Esq. 've thoroughly read President Obama's proposed healthcare plan. And by "read" I mean I've heard what other commentators on AM talk radio have had to say about the various versions floating through Congress. And in these versions there are a lot of devils in the details. Bad devils who look like John Carradine, with curly mustaches and opera capes. All of them from a place called "Hell." Chief among these details is the so-called public option. Not only does this "public option" need to be taken off the table, the table itself should be chopped up into little pieces and burnt. In fact, it's not a table, it's a board--a "death board" to decide whether or not you're healthy enough to live. Federally funded doctors, some of them from Muslim countries, will decide to send old people off on an iceberg. Now at last we can see why Democrats and other liberals are concerned about socalled global warming. They need those icebergs for their euthanasia schemes! Former governess Sarah Palin knows of these icebergs--she could see them from her window. And as an Alaskan, she knows the special horror of watching the old, the unfit or even just slow learners made to "ride the snow-cone," "go visit Frosty" or even "take the Polar Express." Having patriotically refused to ever visit a foreign country, I know perfectly well, perhaps better than anyone alive, what goes on in foreign public clinics. Don't get me started about Michael Moore and his visit to Cuba in Sicko, because once I start, I can't stop for hours. He's really very fat, you know. Cuba, an example? A slave nation that treats brain tumors with banana leaf poultices and Santeria rituals? How much better it is in Honduras, the Switzerland of Central America, where for a few hundred dollars, doctors will perform any medical procedure from a tummy tuck to a leg transplant. Thanks to the unregulated free market, one Tegucigalpa hospital has developed an innovative surgery. Here, a live Chihuahua is implanted to take the place of a diseased kidney, preventing dialysis and also giving the patient a loyal and friendly animal companion. Bloviate.com has an important essay on the situation in countries that have made the mistake of installing government healthcare. Take Australia, a country of shut-ins. From Perth to Brisbane, nothing but coughing, unwell physical ruins. After a few decades of public health, these trembling Antipodeans are now so weak they are routinely thrashed by the kangaroos they once easily defeated in boxing matches. The Outback is now overrun with futuristic, leather-clad punks on motorcycles. They know the injuries they sustain from wrist-mounted crossbows and razor boomerangs will be patched up by the long-suffering Australian taxpayer. Take Canada, please! The reason why British Columbia advertises vacation all the time is because everyone in the nation is too ill to take one themselves. Rosy-cheeked from consumption or something, these sufferers overindulge in skiing, tobaggoning and mountain climbing in hopes of retrieving enough strength to make it to the hospice. Mounties and lumberjacks lean on one another like cripples, trying to stagger to the U.S. border in hope of treatment. Fortunately, the Canadian government is doing its best to underfund hospitals to prove the error of this single-payer system. Sadly, this reign of error continues: Norway, packed with diseased wretches; Sweden, "the sick man of Scandinavia"; Finland, a land of stunted men and women barely taller than concrete garden trolls . . . I could go on, but everyone else in the world has it wrong and we've got it right. Further examples would just muddy the issue, and reading just makes you effeminate anyway. I'll continue to get the news I need from the airwaves: from people as physically fit as Rush, as mentally healthy as Glenn and as calmly objective as Bill O'Reilly. Now at last we can see why Democrats and other liberals are concerned about so-called global warming. They need those icebergs for their euthanasia schemes! R. W. Goatlips, Esq., is a senior fellow at the Institute for Counterintuitive Studies in Washington, D.C. Open Mic is a weekly feature in the Bohemian. We welcome your contribution. To have your topical essay of 700 words considered for publication, write email@example.com. 12 09.02.09-09.08.09 THE BOHEMIAN Fine Dining For Wild Birds 71 Brookwood Ave., Santa Rosa 707.576.0861 Mon-Sat 10am-5:30pm, Sun 11am-4pm � www.wbu.com Birdseed . Feeders . Birdbaths . Optics . Nature Gifts . Books THE BOHEMIAN 09.02.09-09.08.09 13 Healdsburg WN orth St Plaz Plaza a St e Thriv 101 We Have CO2! Competitive Prices Expert Knowledge Friendly Staff Great Location Highest Quality Nutrients Great Soil Selection Tired of the Drive, Come to Thrive in V t eS Hea urg ldsb Ave nue 70-A W North Street, Healdsburg www.ThriveHydro.com Customer satisfaction guaranteed 14 09.02.09-09.08.09 THE BOHEMIAN 707-433-4068 Now open seven days a week! Call for extended Summer hours the Ford Focus," Borenstein says. The tax will slide along, inversely, with the price of oil. As the price of oil goes up, the pollution tax diminishes, and as gas prices drop, the tax would increase. A severance tax on oil extraction would kick in as the price of oil climbed and the pollution tax amount sank, offsetting volatility. The spoils, calculated back in 2008 to be about $10 billion a year, would go to transportation, says Keeley. Borenstein says he would prefer to see the money go into the general fund. "Any time you start earmarking money, you end up with consequences that box us into bad decisions." 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Max 6 group equip and Max 12 floor classes. 943 Sir Francis Drake Blvd, Kentfield, CA 94904 415-419-5312 6 Petaluma Blvd N, Ste A6, Petaluma, CA 94952 707-765-6922 Marin Studio Downtown Petaluma Studio It's not the only issue that's been raised with the tax. Jean Ross, executive director of the California Budget Project, has testified before the commission that a pollution tax is unfair to lower and middleincome families. "The amount that people drive doesn't vary much on income. Lower income people end up spending a lot more of their income," she says. "And it doesn't grow. The goal is to have people consume less fuel. If they do that, your revenues are going to decline, not increase." Dennis DeCota, executive director of California Service Station and Automotive Repair Association and a gas station owner for 31 years in Marin County, agrees, adding, "What it does is take people looking for work, students and people that are on fixed incomes, and it really punishes them," he says. However, DeCota was pleased, albeit skeptical, by one of the tax commission's other recommendations: elimination of the state sales tax. He says he would gladly trade sales tax for a pollution tax, which is, according to Keeley, how people should view the commission's recommendations. "Taken as a package, most people will pay less taxes," he says. "There's never a constituency for higher taxes, only what taxes purchase. If you would like a cleaner environment and healthier families, what price are you willing to pay to make that happen?" Lowest Price in Town! Brazilian Waxing 35 $ Touchstone Therapies 707.331.0631 "Always Professional, Always Affordable" 882 2nd Street, Santa Rosa | www.touchstonespatherapies.com THE BOHEMIAN 09.02.09-09.08.09 15 Promote Your Green Business in our new section "Going Green" Call Today @ 707.527.1200 and ask for rates, sizes and expert tips! The Bohemian is "Going Green" Every Week! 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Suzanne Wandrei EcoGreen Certified 2006 Sebastopol Realtor of the Year Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage 101 Morris Street - Suite. 100 Sebastopol, CA 95472 3244 Gravenstein Hwy North Sebastopol, CA 3244 Gravenstein Hwy North Sebastopol, CA in or Starting Marc 1st: M 6:00, Sun 8:30 5:00 Starting March 1st: Mon-Sat 7 :30 � 6:00, Sun 8:30 � 5:00 ti March t: Mon-Sat 7:30 6: www.harmonyfarm.com www.harmonyfarm.com 707.823. 125 707 823 91 707.823.9125 cell: 707.292.9414 Please call cell first office direct: 707.824.4260 www.suzannewandrei.com 16 09.02.09-09.08.09 THE BOHEMIAN Glenn Beck Red vs. Van Jones Green By Juliane Poirier bama's green jobs guy, Van Jones, got some free publicity last week in Glenn Beck's conspiracy sermon on Fox News. What I found interesting about Beck's rant was the way in which he used a chalkboard. On it was a diagram with arrows to and from the list of alleged villains, including Jones, assisting with Obama's formerly secret plan: a Marxist takeover of the United States, stamping out capitalism as we know it. Beck could have used a dry-erase board, but curiously he chose the surface used by teachers during the McCarthy years. For those who are new to chalkboards, they are black or green smooth, matte surfaces that accept chalk marks. These teaching-learning tools were ubiquitous in classrooms during the 19th and 20th centuries, until dry-erase boards replaced them about 20 years ago. To work on advanced numeric formulas, some of the world's most brilliant minds have used the chalkboard. Albert Einstein, for example, was many times photographed while working equations on a chalkboard. Beck did not use the chalkboard for thinking anything through, but underlined and drew boxes around names and arrows pre-written on the board. Presumably he couldn't write because he needed both hands to keep grabbing his head in a show of incredulity for those who might not be feeling it enough. Back to chalkboards. Brilliant minds no longer appear to use them. These mostly obsolete tools are used where no better tools exist or when they might serve a psychological advantage--say, if a large portion of a viewing audience grew up in an era of McCarthyinspired conformity, learning their lessons from a chalkboard, including civics lessons about the evils of communism. Some members of the viewing audience, including my parents, might even recall the comic pamphlet issued by an educational arm of the Roman Catholic Church in 1947 whose cover depicted a background of hell-like flames dwarfing the fearful-looking adults being seized by commies (who appear to be strangling a woman) under banners reading, "Is This Tomorrow" [sic] and "America Under Communism!" So I guess the nostalgia factor triggered by an old American classroom chalkboard was an excellent choice for someone who believes that the president of our country is a Marxist. Along with Obama, Jones is thus labeled for wanting to engineer the new green economy to boost the lives of everyone, including the socially disadvantaged. After Beck's conspiracy theory was fully disclosed, humorist David Roberts blogged at the Grist.org website. "Turns out Van Jones, President Obama's green jobs czar, is going to coordinate a vast radical/communist/ black nationalist takeover of our sweet, virginal land of liberty," Roberts wrote in mock horror. "Most diabolical of all, he's going to do it by organizing efforts to train and employ lowincome people in private sector jobs. Don't you understand? They're going to take over from the inside! You know: them." Again I am thinking of the McCarthy years, of rampant blacklisting, and of Edgar Hoover spying on citizens. Does any of this sound familiar? Back then: Belong to a food co-op? A-ha! You're a commie. Now: Black leader devoted to environmental justice? You must be a whitehating commie. In 1956, a bill introduced to improve mental health services in Alaska was rejected by politicians who claimed it was a communist plan to create a brainwashing clinic and United Nations concentration camps in Alaska (very close to where one aspiring leader views Russia from her house). Clearly, mental health was too red for the times. So over half a century later, green jobs must also be too red, at least for the head-grabbing guy in front of the chalkboard. Ever hear Jones talk about environmental justice? He describes the first two waves of environmental activism as those that curbed and regulated pollution, but at the expense of the poor, whose backyards became toxic dump sites. Environmental law favored the affluent. Jones envisions the green economy including legislation protecting the poor and vulnerable. "Let's create this third green wave so that it lifts all boats," Jones said. I'm all for that. And if that makes me a commie, I'm in very good company. The nostalgia factor triggered by an old American classroom chalkboard was an excellent choice for someone who believes that the president of our country is a Marxist. Water Conservation Experts � � � � tankless water heaters high efficiency toilets recirculation general plumbing needs $99 Drain Service Special Free Phone Estimates Friendly, Honest Service Call us for your plumbing needs! 707.528.8228 PURE ORGANIC SEAWEED FACIAL CARE BY SEAFLORA Mermaids Spa 707-823-3535 WWW. MERMAIDSSPA . COM THE BOHEMIAN 09.02.09-09.08.09 17 18 09.02.09-09.08.09 THE BOHEMIAN Searching for bagel photos is excruciatingly boring. Our ( fairly silly) search for perfection in the bageling arts By Saul Isler hen you scarf a bagel virtually every day of your life, it damned well better be a good one. I do such scarfing, and when my beloved Marin Bagel Co. all of a sudden went kaput, I was forced to mount a desperate bagel chase that stretched from Sausalito to the hinterlands of Santa Rosa and sideways to Napa. Allow me to dispel the myth that the best bagels come from New York. That is so very untrue. The best bagels come from Cleveland, as did I some years ago. You may take that with a pound of salt. I am here, however, to discuss a matter of much nearer importance. Where do the best in the North Bay come from? And can they hope to touch Cleveland? Ours come close, but no touching, please. The exogenous bagel was either birthed in Poland, where beygls were first given in 1610 as gifts to women in childbirth, or in Vienna, where a Jewish baker created the delicacy in 1683 as a gift to the ruling king. The Viennese story claims it was shaped like a stirrup (or a horseshoe--tales vary), which in German is beugel. Thus sort of comes the word. (Some say that better than a bagel is a bialy, a smaller, drier, oniony version of its bigger brother, too rare around here to be treated further in this less than scholarly treatise.) These beygl / beugel stories may be apocryphal. What we know, more prosaically, is that the word came from the Yiddish beigl, the familiar torus traditionally made of a yeasted wheat dough, perhaps sweetened with brown sugar, rolled then formed into a ring, boiled in water and baked. And if it ain't done that way, it ain't a bagel. Not a real one, anyhow. Not a real good one, for sure. One selects a bagel first by hefting it as one would a nice book. Since it's unlikely to be available for this purpose, this must be done by eye. Though perhaps small, it should at least look heavy. Lightweight bagels are for lightweightbagel persons. Its size and shape and the curve of its hole, even the lack of a hole, are of little importance. For the seed-seeking bagelophile, seeding on both sides is a definite plus. If you don't believe me, try offering an unseeded bottom to a loved one as you munch the top. But ultimately, the only test that really matters is taste. Healthiness? Must we really talk about that? Well, not without comparing bagels to doughnuts, difficult to do because, with all the varieties of one versus the other, you'd be comparing apples to oranges. Wanting to compare apples only, I chewed only one type of bagel, the sesame, on my searing search for the best, eschewing poppy seed, garlic, onion, rye, everything, salt, cinnamon, raisin, pumpernickel, blueberry, egg (echhh!), sourdough, asiago cheese--I haven't the space or the stomach to list all that are available. The test was not blind, but you should know that no one paid me to eat these bagels except the Bohemian itself. I can't be bought by bagels alone. I preferred, but didn't demand, that the bagelry be a place with "Bagel" in its name, and be artisanal, not a chain like Noah's, not a supermarket, coffee shop or patisserie. Also, whether the bagels are hand-formed or extruded by machine, water must be used in their making. That cakey, fluffy, lightweight, waterless bagel you find in the freezer section at your super? Feh and double feh! Never having speed-dated bagels before, I was surprised to find myself--if underwhelmed by a few--seriously knocked out by several. My choice of the top was not far from the bottom. Translation: while our best are awfully damn good, our worst aren't far off. And geography has nothing to do with it. THE BOHEMIAN 09.02.09-09.08.09 19 But our single best, in one man's highly subjective opinion? The one I'm going to down for the next 364 breakfasts? Barton's, San Anselmo's little storefront bagelier. Barton's bagels are medium-sized, nicely seeded top and bottom, and they're wonderfully dense and chewy for bracketing lox and cream cheese when untoasted, and perfect when they are, giving up the kind of sweet that your mother ascribed to things like potatoes and Brussels sprouts. Almost as good are Sonoma's Homegrown and Sonoma Valley Bagel, Napa's Golden and Sausalito's smaller but delicious offerings from Bridgeway Bagel. All told, our Left Coast Bay-gels roll well with the Right Coast's. Try one. It'll lift your life up a nosh. Eleven yummy bagels in the stomach of just one man First, I froze all the seeded bagels to keep them out-of-the-bin fresh till I could get to them for testing. Then I zapped them for 35 seconds and sliced them, retained their upper half for toasting and schmearing with a little unsalted butter, and tasting their lower half naked (